Archive for Jillian Hall

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE, open, Raw open, and we are joined by the WWE Champion, Randy Orton!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are on commentary and we are LIVE from Louisville, Kentucky.

Orton says he was about to take out Batista last night when Ric Flair interfered and prevented it.  Actually, Orton ran like a bitch and tried everything he could to get DQ’d or counted out.  He babbles for a while, then Flair comes out to retort.  They go back and forth for a bit, then Flair tells Orton he will be defending the title against Batista in a Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules.  Orton cheap shots Flair and stomps him.  Legacy stalks their way down the ramp, but Batista charges down.  Legacy does the 3 on 1 beatdown until John Cena makes the save.  Commercial.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena, who is now perfectly fine despite the fact that he was hurt going into his match last night and took a vicious beating during said match.  Cena says he’s going for the title after Extreme Rules.  He runs into Vickie Guerrero, who makes tonight’s main event: Legacy vs. Cena & Batista.

Divas Battle Royal:
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendez vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James.  Divas Champion Maryse is at the table with Cole and Lawler.  Mickie dumps Rosa.  Beth dumps one Bella, then the other.  Mickie eliminates Jillian.  Kelly dropkicks Beth out of the ring to elimiate her.  Beth tries to pull Kelly out of the ring and distracts the referee so Maryse can spray perfume in Mickie’s face.  Kelly eliminates Mickie to win it at 2:32.

Tonight, MVP defends the U.S. title against Matt Hardy!  Also, Cena & Batista vs. Legacy!

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Santino confrontation from Judgment Day.  After Miz dropped Santino with a DDT, Chavo Guerrero ran down to frog splash a downed Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo kicks Santino’s ass and makes him look like a joke.  Santino hulks up and decks Chavo, then elbows him down and looks shocked by it.  Santino, heartened by his achievement, runs into Chavo’s feet in the corner.  Santino avoids the frog splash and picks up the win at 3:34.  Chavo tells Santino that Santina has to defend the Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie Guerrero.

Mr. Kennedy returns… soon!

Maryse speaks French to The Miz, who doesn’t understand her.  He tries to come on to her anyway, but she blows him off.  Miz says he has something in store for Cena tonight.

Todd Grisham interviews Matt Hardy.  He cost his brother, Jeff, the World Title last night as revenge for Jeff breaking his hand.

Vickie is mad at Chavo for putting her in a match.  Orton storms in and bitches at her for putting him in a cage match.  Vickie reminds him that she is the boss.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. Brian Kendrick & Goldust.  That’s a delightfully random team.  Speaking of random, exactly WHY did Goldust run out on Superstars to save Hornswoggle from Big Show?  Kendrick repeatedly berates Goldust for not doing his job properly.  Fine little match.  Primo avoids The Kendrick and hits a diving cross body for the win at 2:26.  Kendrick yells at Goldust after the match, but Hornswoggle runs in to save him.  Apparently Goldust and Hornswoggle are friends now.

The Miz is headed our way in Cena apparel.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho this Thursday on Superstars!  I’ll watch that!

The Miz comes out to Cena’s old “Basic Thuganomics” theme.  He does a stupid rap.  He challenges Cena again, then declares himself 5-0 against Cena.  Lawler comes in the ring and explains to Miz that calling someone out who doesn’t come out doesn’t give him a victory.  He evidences this by calling out Batista, then calling out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin for a handicap match.  Lawler tells Miz that if he wants to face Cena, to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Big Show comes out and says despite what Cena thinks, he’s not done with him yet.  Show announces that he’ll face Cena in a submission match at Extreme Rules (because Cena couldn’t put Show in the STF last night).  Miz insults Show and runs away.  Show shoves down Lawler, then kicks his ass just to be a dick.

Last week: MVP & Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy & William Regal after Hardy walked out on his partner.

Jim Ross is at the announce table with Cole now, since Lawler just got destroyed, which they show a replay of.

WWE United States Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  They both for the quick victory with inside cradles.  MVP has the advantage early on.  Matt attacks MVP’s leg with his cast, then continues to work on the leg.  MVP gets mad and attacks the broken arm.  That’s not very babyface-like.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick and the Playmaker to retain the title at 5:16.

Santina vs. Vickie, TONIGHT!  Or is it NEXT?

Replay from the start of the show, then Batista walks into Flair’s locker room.  Flair says he’s going to call out Orton and kick his ass next week.  Batista tells Flair he doesn’t have anything to prove.  Flair gets mad and stomps out.

Chavo tries to teach Vickie how to do a frog splash.  She says the match is off.  Santina comes in and insults her, so the match is back on.

Finlay vs. D.H. Smith tomorrow night on ECW!  I’ll watch that!

Miss WrestleMania Crown Match: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.).  Santina takes the mic and insults Vickie, then gets slapped.  Santina kisses Vickie and is sickened by it.  The match is now No DQ.  The bell rings again, even though the match started like a minute and a half ago.  Chavo beats down Santina.  They roll around and trade punches until Santina backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Santina stalks Vickie, but William Regal runs and hits an Exploder on Santina, allowing Vickie to get the pin and win the crown at 3:01.  Vickie celebrates her big victory.

Legacy is headed our way.  The main event is NEXT!

Handicap Match: Legacy vs. John Cena & Batista.  Orton and Cena start (I think… wasn’t really paying attention).  When Batista tags in, Orton bails, so Batista mauls Dibiase.  Cena and Batista clear the ring.  Commercial!  When we return, Legacy is getting heat on Batista.  Cena finally gets the hot tag and cleans house.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Cody, but doesn’t see him tag out to Orton in mid move.  Orton comes in and attacks Cena.  Now Cena plays face in peril.  Rhodes hits a nice moonsault on Cena for a near fall.  Cena finally makes the hot tag, and now it’s Batista’s turn to come in and clean house.  Big Show comes out, but Cena chases him off with a chair.  Batista is now all alone… but wait, Flair comes out!  This gives Batista the boost he needs to spear Orton for the pin at 14:46.

WWE WrestleMania XXV (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.  I’m not even going to get into that today.  The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania!  “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania.  Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes.  Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match!  Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight.  Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table!  Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane.  Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd.  On TV, anyway.  According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something.  Enough of that, on to the match!  Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls.  Kane and Henry go at it.  Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down.  Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it.  “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole.  The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it.  Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders.  Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again.  Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other.  Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing.  Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out.  Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin.  Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi.  Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys.  “HOLY SHIT” chant.  Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick.  Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile.  The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly.  Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder.  Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in.  Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself.  Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over.  The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically.  Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder.  Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope.  Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb.  MVP climbs, Punk stops him.  Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk.  They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder.  MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant.  Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas.  Finlay and Benjamin both climb.  Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder.  Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin.  Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders.  They climb, but the ladder falls over.  Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again.  Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders.  Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds).  Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him.  Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29.  That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as.  Fucking awesome match.  Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert.  He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott.  During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring.  The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Layla, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendez, Maria, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Eve Torres, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Gail Kim, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Katie Lea, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Joy Giovanni, Torrie Wilson, Alicia Fox, Tiffany Terrell, Victoria, and Santino Marella (in drag).  The bell rings and they start fighting while Roberts introduces the match.  Mae Young is at ringside with Candice Michelle as the guest timekeeper.  Now this clusterfuck is impossible to call live, but from my earlier research, the order of elimination is Layla, Joy, Rosa, Alicia, Sunny, Torrie, Jackie, Maria, Gail, Jillian, Eve, Tiffany, Kelly, Molly, Maryse, Katie Lea, Natalya, Victoria, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Michelle McCool… then the finish is Beth going for the Glam Slam on Melina, but Santino bundles them both out to win the match at 6:10.  Pointless, but at least we got to look at a bunch of hot chicks for a few minutes.  I can say that my ridiculously jealous wife is gone.  Candice comes in the ring to present the Miss WrestleMania crown and sash to the winner.  He introduces himself as “Santina, Santino’s twin sister from Italy.”  The announcers don’t even actually acknowledge that it’s Santino.  Beth looks on, pissed.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke.  They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair).  Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting.  He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes.  Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg.  Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible.  Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME.  Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life.  Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in.  They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect.  Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45.  Thank God.  He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him.  There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second.  Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold.  Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45.  Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall.  Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome.  Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop.  More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it.  Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall.  Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall.  Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet.  Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57.  Snuka was awful.  Piper tried, but wasn’t good.  Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match.  Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker.  Jericho challenges Rourke.  Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring.  They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down.  Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke.  Another pointless waste of time.  The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy.  Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass.  Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.”  Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac.  I was amused.  Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall.  Ouch.  Matt sets up a table on the outside.  Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on.  Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him.  Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch.  Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb.  Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two.  Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier.  Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying.  Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table.  Told ya so.  “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer.  Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope.  Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it.  He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies.  Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15.  Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready.  At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years.  JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect.  Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit.  Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches.  The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle.  He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds.  Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold.  JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big.  He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline.  A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  Here we go.  Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage.  Bell rings.  Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows.  Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle.  Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop.  Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him.  Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down.  Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him.  Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow.  First cover of the match gets a one count.  Taker hits Old School.  Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four.  Taker throws some punches and manages to escape.  Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface.  Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it.  They trade blows.  Michaels hits the forearm and nips up.  Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle.  Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick.  He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata.  Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break.  Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again.  Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it.  Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive.  Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF.  I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck.  It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring.  Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count.  They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT!  They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker.  Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride.  Michaels counters.  Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref!  Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves.  When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope.  Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone!  Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red.  He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall.  Taker’s not done yet, though.  They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters.  Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner.  Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43.  Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd.  The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo.  At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday.  Edge makes his way out, then Show.  Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way.  Then the real Cena comes out.  I guess it’s the real Cena anyway.  In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down.  Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him.  Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena.  Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show.  Edge and Cena end up in the ring.  Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall.  Show makes it back in.  Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles.  Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge.  Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron.  Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time.  Show finally gets out and beats up everyone.  Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch.  Show and Edge fight outside.  Edge spears Show through the guardrail.  Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him.  Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it.  Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring.  Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot.  Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper.  Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster.  Edge falls of and Show takes the move.  Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43.  Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves.  He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt.  He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R.  Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash!  Backlash!  BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage.  He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon.  They exchange nods of the head.  Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Entrances and in-ring introductions here too.  Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover.  Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree.  He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover.  They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in.  Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway.  They end up outside again.  Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area.  Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him.  My DVD starts skipping again.  Must have been a bad burn.  It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall.  The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall.  Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick.  Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside.  Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it.  They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give.  Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in.  Orton punishes him some more.  Ref bump.  Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer.  Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him.  Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches.  The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches.  Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up).  Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WrestleMania highlight video.  Fin.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/30/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Here we are with the go home Raw for WrestleMania 25!

WWE open, then a hearse backs into the arena.  Raw open, then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.  Tonight, something with Undertaker, I wasn’t paying attention, and John Cena vs. The Big Show.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, & Tiffany Terrell vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Jillian Hall, Katie Lea, Nikki Bella, Layla, & Rosa Mendez.  18 woman clusterfuck.  Tiffany pinned Katie Lea with an inside cradle for the win in a couple of minutes.  Santino Marella comes down in a robe.  Santino said he went to WWE President Jack Tunney and found out he was dead.  He still wants to be in the Women’s battle royal at WrestleMania.  He disrobes to reveal some kind of gay outfit and does a gay dance around the ring.  He gets kicked out of the ring and Beth and Rosa pull him away.

Orton/Triple H replay #72,000,000,001.  Tonight: Orton’s address!  Haven’t we already been to his house?  Lawler takes on Chris Jericho NEXT!

Last week: Jericho killed Ric Flair and broke his watch.

Chris Jericho vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Apparently the Jericho vs. old guys WrestleMania match is elimination or gauntlet.  Jericho has to beat all of them, but only one of them has to beat Jericho.  Jericho and Lawler lock up, then shove each other.  King hammers Jericho with punches.  Jericho gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Jericho beats on King for a while.  King makes his comeback and lowers the strap so his man tits can flap freely.  Lawler blisters Jericho with punches.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win at 3:25.  Jericho prepares to beat down Lawler some more, but Lawler lands a punch and Jericho bails.  Jericho takes the microphone and says he beat Lawler so he’s not getting back in the ring.  He says he’ll beat the old guys at WrestleMania, it’s just a matter of how.

12 Rounds hype.  I don’t care, nor will I ever.  Cena takes on Big Show TONIGHT!

Hall of Fame hype.  Commercials!

Toasty Torpedo Takedown… huh?  Cena wrestled Edge a few weeks ago and Big Show interfered.

Todd Grisham interviews John Cena.  Or tries to.  Edge steps in and recommends that he and Cena unite to take out Big Show.  Cena declines.

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. talk to Cole about Randy Orton.  Rhodes has on a new Legacy t-shirt.  Orton’s WrestleMania Address tonight will CHANGE WWE FOREVER!

Some people pull a casket out of the hearse.  Shawn Michaels pops out and mouths something.  Commercial.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield.  Yeah, lots of people are going to buy WrestleMania to see the exact match they just saw on TV.  JBL cuts a promo saying he wants this match for some kind of psychological advantage or something.  Rey tries to use his speed, but JBL overwhelms him with his size.  Commercial!  Back from break, JBL continues to overwhelm Mysterio.  Mysterio takes a fall away slam and roles out of the ring.  JBL goes out and puts the boots to him.  JBL brings him back in the ring and Mysterio makes a comeback.  Bombs Away and an enzuigiri from Mysterio.  JBL avoids a 619 attempt, but Mysterio hits it on the second try and follows with the frog splash for the win at 6:45.  That means JBL is winning at WrestleMania.

Replay of the Cena’s promo from Smackdown.  He’ll face Big Show NEXT!

WrestleMania XI video.

John Cena vs. The Big Show.  I’m not paying much attention, but Show has the advantage in the early minutes.  Big Show does a baseball slide dropkick of all things as we go to commercial.  Back from break, Show has Cena in a Camel Clutch like move.  Cena counters a chokeslam and hits that weird DDT/suplex Show always takes.  Cena goes for the STF, but Show blasts him with an elbow.  Cena goes for the F-U, but his back is hurt.  Show hits the chokeslam for the clean win at 10:37.  Edge shows up and pounds on Cena.

Orton’s WrestleMania address TONIGHT!

Replay of the Undertaker/Michaels stuff from Smackdown.  Michaels leads the pall bearers our way.  Commercial.

WrestleMania Axxess video.  Looks like lots of awesome stuff to do.

Moments ago: Cena/Show.

Shawn Michaels cuts his usual promo on Undertaker in the ring.  The ring is set up to look like a funeral or something.  The lights go out and Taker appears in the ring.  Michaels has disappeared.  Taker throws all the shit in the ring around.  Michaels appears from under the casket and lands the Sweet Chin Music.  Michaels runs away, Taker is mad, same old shit.

12 Rounds hype again.

Moments ago: Michaels/Undertaker stuff.

Hall of Fame hype: The awesome Steve Austin video plays.

WrestleMania hype I think.  I wasn’t paying attention.

Dibiase and Rhodes are with security guards.

Time for another Money In The Bank preview match!  CM Punk and Kane come out.  Commercial break, then Hardy vs. Hardy hype video.  That’s stupid.  Can’t it wait until after the match?

Battle Royal: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Everybody fights.  Henry eliminates Finlay.  Hornswoggle distracts Henry and everyone dumps Henry out.  MVP and Benjamin fight on the apron.  Kane knocks them both to the floor to eliminate them.  Punk (I think) eliminates his former tag team parter Kofi Kingston.  Christian tries to eliminate Punk, but Punk fights back and hits his running knee in the corner.  Christian counters the bulldog and throws Punk out, but Punk holds on.  Kane throws Christian into Punk and they both go to the floor to give Kane the win at 3:38.  I think Punk hit first, if it matters.  Kane climbs the ladder and takes down the briefcase.  The build to this match has been retarded and repetitive.

Dibiase and Rhodes come with security to escort Orton to the ring.  Orton’s WrestleMania address is NEXT!

Randy Orton comes out and talks for a while.  They show Triple H turning on Orton back in 2004, Orton eliminating Triple H to win the Royal Rumble this year, and Orton’s various attacks on the McMahon family.  Orton says the IED was bullshit, which everyone knew.  He threatens the fans to shut up and listen to him talk or else.  They show the beatdown from last week.  He says he talked to Vickie Guerrero and she decreed that Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out and if Triple H brings a sledgehammer to the ring it’s an automatic DQ.  Orton calls for Dibiase and Rhodes to bring the security out.  He calls out Triple H because there’s an empty limo in the parking lot.  Mr. McMahon comes out instead!  Orton looks shocked.  Vince gets ready to fight.  Shane comes out next, followed by Triple H.  The McMahon men kick the shit out of Orton’s security detail, then brawl with Legacy.  Orton and Triple H end up brawling in the ring as the show fades to black.

WrestleMania 25 this Sunday on PPV!

I apologize for this review being so shitty.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, replay of last week’s Cena/Edge/Show/Vickie angle, Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to San Antonio.  Tonight: Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as the special guest referee, an update on the Triple H/Orton situation, and will Ric Flair break his retirement to face Chris Jericho tonight?

The Undertaker & Shawn Michaels vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield & Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov overpowers Michaels to start.  Michaels tags out to Taker, who comes in swinging.  Taker clotheslines Kozlov out of the ring.  Commercial.  Believe it or not, the faces have the advantage when we return.  Taker wrenches JBL’s arm and tags in Michaels, who knocks JBL down and hits the diving elbow.  He sets up for the superkick, but Kozlov distracts him and allows JBL to knock him down with a boot.  Kozlov tags in and goes to work on Michaels.  Bad guys take turns dealing out the punishment to Michaels.  Michaels finally makes the hot tag and Taker comes in to clean house.  Taker goes for the chokeslam on JBL, but Michaels makes the blind tag and superkicks JBL for the win at 9:19.  Michaels bails and Taker chases him up the ramp.  Michaels disappears into the entrance way and Taker’s music hits.  Michaels sneaks back in and lands the superkick to leave Taker laying.  Commercial.

Moments ago: Read above, I’m not going to type it again.

Edge confronts Vickie in her office.  He says he forgives her.  Vickie says Show forced himself on her.  Edge says he blames Cena for the whole thing.  Vickie tells Edge to destroy Cena tonight, and if Cena lays a finger on her, he’s out of the title match at WrestleMania.

Last week: Triple H broke into Orton’s “house” and got “arrested”.  Tonight: Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes.  Right now: Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton (w/ Rhodes and Dibiase).  Orton says he didn’t press charges because he wants to deal with Triple H himself at WrestleMania.

Beth Phoenix, Jillian Hall, & Layla (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly.  Santino joins Cole and Lawler for commentary!  Beth and Mickie start, with Beth getting the better of it.  Mickie tags out to Melina, who hits a really shitty handspring elbow.  Beth fights back and goes for a pin, but Mickie saves.  Santino tries to interfere and gets kicked in the balls by Mickie.  Melina pins Beth with a schoolgirl in about 3 minutes.  Melina, Beth, and Mickie worked the whole match.

Plug for Cena’s movie.  I still don’t care, not will I ever.

Last week: Triple H got arrested!  They’ve shown that like 37 times already.

WrestleMania hype.

Triple H and Cody Rhodes come out for their match.  Rhodes comes out alone, but it soon followed by the rest of Legacy.  Triple H destroys Cody before the bell rings and pulls out his sledgehammer.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and motions upward.  A Steel Cage descends!  The bell finally rings, so we’ve got…

Non-Title, Steel Cage Match: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes (w/ Randy Orton & Ted Dibiase Jr.).  Triple H kicks Cody’s ass, and there’s nothing Legacy can do about it.  Sledgehammer to the face, and Triple H gets the pin at 2:18.

Still to come, Cena vs. Edge with Vickie as referee!  Plus, Jericho vs. Flair… maybe.

ANOTHER plug for Cena’s movie.

Evan Bourne returns to ECW tomorrow night!  Dammit, now I have to watch ECW again.

Earlier tonight, Ric Flair arrived!

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to introduces himself.  Rey doesn’t seem interested, and they lock up.  Rey does some flippy shit.  Cole says that Mysterio has challenged JBL to an IC title match at WrestleMania.  Ziggler gets the advantage and locks in a full nelson, but Rey escapes with a jawbreaker and makes a comeback and hits a rana and his missile splash for the win at 2:16.

Will Flair accept Jericho’s challenge?  It’s next… maybe!

Jericho comes out.  He’s mad about Flair costing him his match last week and a spot on WrestleMania.  He calls out Flair, who comes out not dressed to wrestle.  Flair says he won’t break his retirement, but he’s found some guys who will wrestle Jericho: Jimmy Snuka, Ricky Steamboat, and Roddy Piper.  The legends surround the ring, then step in and surround Jericho.  Jericho tries to bail, but the legends jump on him.  He slithers out of the ring and Flair decks him.  He backs up the ramp and yells at the legends.

WrestleMania video: WrestleMania XV.

This Friday: Smackdown’s 500th Episode!

Grisham interviews an angry Jericho.  Jericho challenges Snuka, Steamboat, and Piper to a match at WrestleMania, and demands that Flair be in their corner.  He says he’s going to buy Mickey Rourke a front row ticket.

CM Punk, MVP, & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin, & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Christian and Finlay are on commentary as Hornswoggle plays with King’s crown.  This a Money In The Bank preview match.  Some stuff happens for a couple of minutes and we go to commercial.  When we come back, Kane is working over Kofi.  Shelton tags in and goes to work on Kofi.  Punk gets the hot tag and hits the Go 2 Sleep on Benjamin for the win at 8:35.

Another plug for Cena’s movie.  WHEN WILL THEY LEARN THAT I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK?

Big Show confronts Vickie in her locker room.  Show says Vickie is the one who came onto him.  Show says Edge doesn’t love Vickie, but Show does.  He says she looks sexy in the referee shirt.  Ick.  Commercial.

Earlier tonight: Shawn superkicked Taker.

Cole and Lawler run down the WrestleMania card.

Grisham tries to interview Triple H, who ignores him and leaves in his hummer with Stephanie!

Lillian Garcia introduces Vickie Guerrero for the main event.  Commercial!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. John Cena (Vickie Guerrero is the Special Guest Referee).  Edge clamps on a headlock.  Cena fights back and gets nailed with a shot.  Cena hits his swinging Fisherman buster and covers, but Vickie doesn’t count.  Cena confronts her and Edge attacks him from behind.  Cena takes a spill outside.  Edge follows and rams his head on the announce table.  Back in the ring, Edge misses a spear and gives Cena the opening for his usual comeback.  He goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Vickie covers Edge.  She gets up and Cena hits it anyway.  He goes for the F-U or whatever it’s called this week, but Vickie pulls Edge off.  Cena locks in the STF and Vickie puts him in a chinlock.  Big Show comes down and brawls with Cena.  Edge and Show double team Cena.  They tie him up in the ropes.  Edge spears him.  Vickie slaps him.  Show slugs him in the gut and hits his knockout punch.  Edge spears Show and celebrates.  Fade to black.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/2/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a video highlighting the Triple H sit-down interview and his backstage horror movie chasing of Legacy last week.  Raw open.

Michael Cole welcomes us LIVE to Boston.  Tonight, Randy Orton decides which champion he’ll challenge at WrestleMania.  Jerry Lawler is in the ring.  He announces that tonight, Edge will defend the World Heavyweight Championship against John Cena.

Roddy Piper’s music hits.  There’s a little Piper’s Pit set on the stage.  The music transitions into Chris Jericho’s music, and he comes out.  He introduces a clip of the legendary Piper’s Pit where Piper hit Jimmy Snuka with a coconut.  Jericho introduces his guest, Jimmy Snuka.  Shock shock.  Jericho has a cut between his eyes.  They show highlights of various Piper/Snuka matches.  Jericho bashes Piper for working indy shows and says all the other shit he says every week.  Of course there’s the tease that Jericho is going to hit him with a coconut.  Snuka grabs the coconut and Jericho runs away.  Snuka celebrates and Jericho pushes the stage down onto him and beats him down.  Commercial.

Moments ago: Chris Jericho beat down Jimmy Snuka!

The announcers dicsuss what happened, then hype the Edge vs. Cena title match TONIGHT!

Before the first match gets underway, let me rant for a moment.  WWE IS SO FUCKING STUPID.  It is SO FUCKING ANNOYING that they keep hyping the upcoming WrestleMania as “The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.”  It’s NOT.  This is worse than the “IC Title Tournament” thing a few months ago.  It’s WrestleMania 25.  It’s the 25th Annual WrestleMania.  Why can’t they just say that?  Why do they go out of their way to be stupid?  Is the day you get married your first anniversary?  NO.  Is WrestleMania I the first anniversary of WrestleMania?  NO.  Shit like this is just stupid and it promotes stupidity of the people watching.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Triple Threat Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mike Knox vs. Kane.  CM Punk qualified last week, beating John Morrison and The Miz in another Triple Threat Match.  Rey gets sent to the outside, then Kane and Knox knock each other down.  Commercial.  When we come back, Knox is punishing Mysterio with a backbreaker hold.  Kane pulls Mysterio out, decks him, and goes in to fight Knox.  Mysterio makes it back in and uses his speed to try to gain the advantage.  Knox kills him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall.  Knox picks him up to go for another move, but Mysterio hits a neat tornado DDT.  Kane breaks the cover.  Mysterio jumps off of Knox and hits the Bombs Away on Kane.  He goes for the 619 on Knox, but Kane catches him and goes for the chokeslam.  Mysterio counters and hits the 619 and the Bombs Away, but Knox breaks the cover.  Knox his his finish on Mysterio, but Kane chokeslams him for the win at 8:45.  Kane chokeslams Mysterio for good measure.

Tonight, Orton makes his decision!

Vladimir Kozlov is backstage warming up for his match with Shawn Michaels tonight.

WrestleMania video highlighting WrestleMania XII.

Todd Grisham interviews Shawn Michaels.  He says he’ll end Kozlov’s undefeated streak tonight, and he’ll end Undertaker’s at WrestleMania.

Mickie James & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez).  Women’s Champion Melina and Divas Champion Maryse join the announcers at ringside.  Beth destroys Kelly.  Jillian tags in and does the same.  Mickie gets the hot tag and hits a diving Thesz press, but Phoenix breaks the cover.  Kelly tags in and pins Jillian with a diving sunset flip at 2:38.  Rosa jumps in and attacks Kelly.  Melina tries to make the save, but Maryse drops her with a DDT outside the ring.

Another replay of the Triple H/Orton angle.  Orton comes out with Legacy, lawyers, and security.  Commercial.  Orton says he’s challenging the winner of tonight’s Cena/Edge match.  He says Triple H isn’t going to WrestleMania, he’s going to jail, because Orton is pressing assault charges.  Triple H comes out.  Long story short, Triple H convinces Orton to accept the match with him at WrestleMania.  Orton agrees with the stipulation that Triple H can’t touch him until WrestleMania unless he’s physically provoked.  Orton tries to provoke Triple H.  Triple H says that the last time they had a match, Triple H broke Orton’s collarbone.  This time, he’ll break Orton’s neck.

Tonight: Edge vs. Cena for the World Heavyweight Championship!

Next: Michaels vs. Kozlov, with the winner facing Undertaker at WrestleMania!

Last week: Michaels beat JBL, then Kozlov attacked Michaels.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Last week on Smackdown, Kozlov beat The Undertaker.  Michaels is flustered early on by Kozlov’s intensity.  I don’t know if that sentence made sense.  I need to read a dictionary.  Michaels manages to lock Kozlov in the figure-four leglock, but Kozlov turns it over.  Kozlov goes for his spinebuster type move, but Michaels bails.  Commercial.  When we come back, Kozlov continues to dominate.  Shawn gets completely massacred for several minutes before countering an attempt at a top rope move from Kozlov and hitting the diving elbow drop.  He follows with the superkick for the clean pin at 10:39.  The match wasn’t awful.  Undertaker comes out to stand on the stage and give the throat slash gesture.  At least we have something on the WrestleMania card worth watching.

Who will join Steve Austin, The Funks, and Ricky Steamboat in the Hall of Fame class of 2009?  We’ll find out NEXT!

Hype for Cena’s new movie.

Bill Watts is going into the Hall of Fame!  He’ll be inducted by Jim Ross.

Todd Grisham interviews Edge.

Tomorrow night on ECW: Kane!

Last Friday on Smackdown: Cena fell victim to Big Show’s killer punch.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. John Cena.  In-ring intros for this one.  They start with a headlock sequence.  Edge charges Cena, but gets lowbridged out of the ring.  Commercial.  Back from break, Edge is wearing down Cena with a rear chinlock.  I imagine that when a match goes to commercial, the entire commercial break is just the heel holding the face in a rear chinlock.  Too bad I’ve never been to a TV taping to see if it’s true.  Cena starts his usual comeback.  Edge gets a near fall with an Oklahoma roll.  Cena gets a near fall with a schoolboy.  Edge gets a near fall with his implant DDT.  They tease an F…Attitude Adjuster off the middle rope, but Edge sends Cena crashing out of the ring.  Cena barely beats the count back in.  Cena makes his comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Edge locks in his leg hold.  The Edgeucator?  Is that what it’s called?  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena locks in the STF.  Edge gets a rope break and hits the spear for a near fall.  Edge brings in the title belt.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Edge hits him with the belt to cause the DQ at 12:19.  Cena wins by DQ, Edge keeps the belt.  Edge makes it up to the stage and sits down.  Big Show comes out, followed by Vickie Guerrero.  Vickie announces that Show is the #1 Contender for WrestleMania.  Edge looks shocked, Cena looks disappointed, Show looks happy, and the crowd doesn’t care.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/9/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  At least Raw isn’t preempted for that stupid dog show anymore.

Lillian Garcia introduces Ric Flair!  WOOOO!  The 16-time World Champion styles and profiles his way to the ring, looking as ONLY he can look, as Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.   We are LIVE! from Oakland, California!  Actually they just talk about Flair, but we are LIVE from Oakland, and I do feel welcome!  Flair talks about wrestling his retirement match against Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania last year, then Chris Jericho interrupts.  Jericho has the guys in the truck show a video clip of Jericho and Flair hugging during Flair’s farwell the night after WrestleMania 24.  He calls Flair a sellout.  Flair says he’ll never sellout because he’ll never break his retirement by wrestling again.  Jericho says Flair still wants to be in the spotlight.  Flair agrees, saying even though he’s retired from the ring, he’ll never leave the business because he loves the fans.  Jericho says Flair will eventually break his retirement, then tells Flair to leave.  Flair says no.  Jericho harrasses Flair some more until Flair punches him.  Jericho bails and Flair struts.

Tonight: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton.  Last week: Shane McMahon announced that he will face Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred Match at No Way Out.  Shane caned Legacy, then later Legacy jumped Shane backstage.  Orton tried to punt Stephanie, but Shane crawled in front and took it in the ribs.  Stephanie made a deal with Kane to get the Undertaker on Raw to kill Orton.

Tonight: Cena, Mysterio, & Kingston vs. Jericho, Kane, & Knox.

Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez) vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina & Kelly Kelly.  Next week, Beth gets her rematch against Melina for the title.  Kelly and Jillian start, then Kelly tags out to Melina.  Beth pulls Melina’s hair from the apron, allowing the heels to get the advantage.  Melina fights back and hits some kicks on Beth.  She pulls Jillian in the ring and slugs her.  Melina hits the ropes and Rosa trips her, leading to Beth hitting the Glam Slam for the win at 2:38.

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania III.

JBL and Shawn Michaels chat backstage.  JBL has scheduled Michaels in a match with Mark Henry tonight, to give Michaels a chance to “tune up” for their No Way Out match.

Legacy comes out and stands on the ramp.  Orton says that all this business with him and the McMahons, everyone but him has forgotten that he won the Royal Rumble and has a title shot at WrestleMania.  Orton says he wasn’t going to punt Stephanie last week.  He wants her to be around to see him take out Shane at No Way Out.  He says Undertaker can’t stop him, and neither can Shane.  Orton then sends Orton and Dibiase to the ring for their match with Cryme Tyme, which is NEXT!

Michaels vs. JBL No Way Out hype video.

Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad is angry at the beating Priceless gave Cryme Tyme last week, so he takes his anger on Rhodes until Dibiase makes a blind tag and jumps Shad from behind.  Dibiase beats up Shad until both guys tag in their partners.  JTG gets the better of Rhodes and hits his corner facebuster for a near fall.  Dibiase low bridges Shad and provides a distraction, allowing Rhodes to hit his move on JTG for the win at 3:26.  Rhodes’ finish is now called the Cross Rhodes.

Tonight: Michaels vs. Henry and the six-man tag involving the guys in the Elimination Chamber Match at No Way Out.

Video package of Cena shilling razor blades.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

Chris Jericho, Kane, & Mike Knox vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena, Rey Mysterio Jr., & Kofi Kingston.  We get five minutes of entrances, then three minutes of commercials.  Watch ECW and see Finlay dance!  The match is joined in progress.  Dammit.  Kane beats up Kofi, but Kofi fights back.  Knox tags in and beats up Kofi.  Cena comes in and takes down Knox.  Cena goes for the F…Attiutude Adjuster, but Kane saves Knox.  Kane tags in briefly to take some shots at Cena, then tags in Jericho.  Jericho counters an Attitude Adjuster attempt into a DDT and tags Kane back in.  Kane beats on Cena and goes for the chokeslam, but Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster out of nowhere.  “Attitude Adjuster” is a lot more letters to type than “F-U.”  Mysterio and Jericho tag in.  I’m currently re-reading Jericho’s book, and there’s a funny story about when he and Mysterio met, with Jericho thinking Mysterio was a child.  Anyway, Jericho doesn’t catch Kofi at all with a mid-air Codebreaker, but gets the pin anyway.

Stephane McMahon talks on the phone.

This week on Smackdown, Jeff Hardy returns to confront Matt!

Last week: JBL and Michaels agreed to a match at No Way Out with a lot on the line!

Shawn Michaels vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  JBL comes out to sit with Cole and Lawler as Michaels jumps Henry before the opening bell.  Michaels uses his speed advantage to stay on top of Henry.  Michaels superkicks a chair into Henry’s face to cause a DQ at 59 seconds.  JBL warns Michaels that if he gets DQ’d or counted out at No Way Out, JBL owns him forever.  He tells Michaels to bring his wife to No Way Out.  He makes a remark about having a place for Michaels’ wife in his company to make Michaels angry.

Orton vs. Taker tonight!  Punk vs. Regal NEXT!

Orton/Shane No Way Out hype video.

WWE Slam of the Week: Regal pinned Punk in a mixed tag match last week.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match:
CM Punk (c) vs. William Regal (w/ Layla).  Regal mauls Punk early on, but Punk fires back with strikes.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep early, but Regal fights out with vicious blows.  Regal does the Bryan Danielson elbows to the face and hits an Exploder.  Regal measures Punk for the knee, but Punk kicks him coming in and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the win at 2:50-ish (missed stoping the watch when the bell rang).  As good a three minute match as you’re going to get here, folks.

WrestleMania hype video: WrestleMania XIII.  Undertaker won the WWE Championship at that show, and tonight he’s facing Randy Orton!

Cole and Lawler put over Mickey Rourke winning awards for his role in The Wrestler.  I watched it last week and it’s a great movie.  If you haven’t seen it, get off your ass.  They replay the Jericho/Flair confrontation from earlier, then hype the No Way Out card: Cena vs. Kingston vs. Kane vs. Mysterio vs. Knox vs. Jericho in the Elimination Chamber for the World Heavyweight Title, Edge vs. Triple H vs. Kozlov vs. Undertaker vs. Big Show vs. Jeff Hardy in the Elimination Chamber for the WWE Title, and Shawn Michaels vs. JBL in an “All or Nothing” Match.  There’s also Shane vs. Orton and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger for the ECW Championship, but they didn’t mention that.

ANOTHER replay of the Legacy/McMahons thing from last week.  Orton vs. Undertaker is NEXT!

Randy Orton vs. The Undertaker.  They go about a minute with Undertaker getting the better of it before the first commercial break of the match.  We come back to Orton holding Undertaker in a headlock.  During the break, Orton hit his DDT off the ropes to get the advantage.  Undertaker fights back and hits a backdrop suplex.  Undertaker fights back with punches and hits the snake eyes, a big boot, and a leg drop.  Taker sets up for the chokeslam, but Orton counters and goes for the RKO, but Taker pushes him away.  Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Dibiase and Rhodes run in to cause the DQ at 8:49.  Okay match while it lasted.  Legacy beats down Taker and Orton sets up for the RKO, but Shane McMahon runs down and attacks Orton.  Undertaker chokeslams Rhodes and Dibiase as Orton bails.  Orton sets up Dibiase in the corner with a trash can and hits the Van Terminator.  Shane stares at Orton was we fade to black.

No Way Out this Sunday!

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/26/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a video package of Orton’s attack on Mr. McMahon last week.

Lillian Garcia introduces the winner of the 2009 Royal Rumble, Randy Orton, who comes out with his Legacy cronies and three guys in suits.  Cole and Lawler welcome us LIVE from Cleveland, Ohio!  Orton blames his assault on Vince on a mental disorder.  The voices in his head made him do it!  Orton threatens to sue if he is fired.  He’ll also sue if they take away his WrestleMania title shot.  Orton says Dibiase and Rhodes will also walk if he is fired.  Orton then reads a prepared apology for Vince.

Stephanie McMahon is watching backstage.  She looks angry.  Commercial.

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Cryme Tyme.  JTG takes the heat, then makes the hot tag to Shad.  Morrison goes the Moonlight Drive, but Shad hits his STO.  Miz breaks the cover.  Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on Shad to retain the titles at 2:56.

No Way Out, with Elimination Chambers, next month!

JBL comes out and announces that tonight, Shawn Michaels will face John Cena, and if Michaels wins, JBL gets a spot in the Elimination Chamber!

Tonight: the world premier of Cena’s movie trailer!

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Kane.  Kane beats up Kofi and sets up for the chokeslam, but Kofi hits a kick.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Kane goozles him instead.  Kofi counters the chokeslam with a sunset flip for the pin at 2:04.  Kofi gets two PPV main events in a row!

Last week: Orton kicked Vince.  Later tonight: Cena vs. Michaels.

Chris Jericho comes out and introduces a trailer for The Wrestler.  Jericho says that Ric Flair has become friends with the star of the movie, Mickey Rourke.  Last night, Rourke said he’s coming to WrestleMania for Jericho!  Jericho says Rourke has offended him, and that’s a bad thing.

JBL and Michaels chat backstage.  Shawn vs. Cena is NEXT!

WrestleMania hype video emphasizing WrestleMania I.

Non-Title, Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match (for JBL): World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels (w/ JBL).  They slug it out to start.  Commercial.  Dammit.  Back from break, Cena reverses a figure-four leglock.  Cena hits a move for a near fall.  He then utilizes the deadly REAR CHIN LOCK!  They do more stuff.  Cena hits some shoulder tackles and his backdrop suplex thingy.  Cena goes to give Michaels the “You Can’t See Me,” but Michaels grabs his arm and pulls him down into the crossface.  Cena gets out and puts Michaels in the STFU.  Er, STF.  Forgot WWE is kid friendly now.  Cena goes for the victory, but Michaels counters and almost gets a near fall with a sunset flip.  Cena does a body slam, then sells his back.  He heads for the elbow drop, but JBL tells him to do the superkick.  Michaels ignores him and goes up anyway.  JBL gets on the apron.  Cena pushes JBL into Michaels, then goes for the victory and wins at 13:09.  A real disappointment, given the great matches they’ve had in the past.  Hell, they had a really good one like 2 weeks ago.  This one wasn’t.

Replay #7 Billion of the Vince/Orton angle from last week, then they show Orton’s statement from the beginning of the show.  Todd Grisham asks Stephanie McMahon if she is going to do anything about Orton tonight.  Stephanie says she’s going to do it publicly, to Orton’s face.

WWE Rewind: Still photos of Melina/Beth Phoenix at the Royal Rumble.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella).  I know I say this every week, but Melina as a babyface just doesn’t work for me.  Santino joins Cole and Lawler for commentary, which justifies this match being on TV.  Nothing interesting happens, then Rosa Mendez runs down and pulls Melina off the apron.  Phoenix hits the Dodon… er, Glam Slam on Kelly for the win at 2:37.

Another WrestleMania hype video, this one emphasizing WrestleMania 21.

Last Week: Rey Mysterio beat Mike Knox by DQ.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Rey Mysterio vs. William Regal (w/ Layla).  Rey hits the Bombs Away early.  Regal retaliates by kicking his ass.  Regal keeps cutting off Rey’s comebacks with various nasty shots and throws.  Rey finally hits the 619 and the top rope splash to win at 3:42.  Good little match.

NEXT: Cena’s movie trailer.

Rosa Mendez tells Santino how angry she is that Beth was robbed of the Women’s Title at the Royal Rumble.  Beth steps in and tells Santino they can keep her.

Cena’s movie trailer.  It looks unappealing.

Jericho vs. Punk in an Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match is NEXT!

Non-Title, Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: WWE Intercontinental Champion CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho.  Punk connects with some kicks, then Jericho works him over briefly.  Punk hits his usual moves.  He gets a two count off of the diving lariat.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Jericho counters with a sunset flip for a near fall.  Neat pinfall reversal sequence.  Punk counters the Walls of Jericho.  They do that Jacknife hold -> Bridge out -> backslide spot, then Jericho hits a botched Codebreaker for the win at 3:26.  Everybody just seems off tonight, even guys who usually work very well together (Cena/Michaels, Jericho/Punk).

Replay #7,000,000,001 of Orton punting Vince.  This one in SLOW-MO!

NEXT: Something with Stephanie and Orton.

Stephanie McMahon hits the ring.  She calls out Orton, who comes to the ring with his cronies and legal team.  Stephanie bitches down one of Orton’s lawyers.  Orton says if he’s fired, he’ll file an injunction to stop WrestleMania.  The roster comes out and stands on the stage.  Orton dares Stephanie to fire him so he can cancel WrestleMania and put the roster out of work.  Stephanie says that would be too easy.  She has bigger plans.  Shane McMahon’s music hits and he makes his way to the ring.  He looks that kind of angry where you’re so angry you want to cry.  He jumps on Orton and fights off Dibiase and Rhodes when they try to hold him.  He throws some incredibly weak looking shots at Rhodes as Dibiase tries to help Orton to the back.  Shane follows them up the ramp and jumps Orton again.  The wrestlers try to hold them back.  Shane decks Kofi and someone else and looks for Orton, but he’s escaped!

What a shitty show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/19/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open then the annual Martin Luther King Day video.

6 months ago: The set fell on Mr. McMahon.  Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Raw LIVE from Chicago!  Technically, Rosemont, but I’m nitpicking.  We’re kicking things off tonight with a Royal Rumble Preview: Six-man Battle Royal!

Battle Royal: Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Kane vs. Santino Marella vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes.  Priceless has had their music remixed.  It sounds awful.  There’s a brief malfunction with the lights.  Kofi and Santino go at it while Legacy goes after Kane.  Dibiase dumps Santino.  Rhodes dumps Kingston.  Kane eliminates Rhodes, then Dibiase.  No, wait, Dibiase hands on!  Kane tries to put Orton out, but Dibiase gets involved and all three go over.  Orton hangs on and prevents his feet from touching the ground at to win at 1:50.

TONIGHT: Cena and JBL sign on the dotted line for the Rumble title match.  Commercial.

Backstage, CM Punk is preparing for yet another Intercontinental Championship match with William Regal tonight.  If they don’t get a proper match this week, I’m going to be pissed.

Non-Title: WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly.  It’s quick and fairly painless, as Beth wins with the Glam Slam in 1:10.

Orton and Dibiase are chatting backstage.  Rhodes comes in and says that Manu and Sim Snuka were in Stephanie McMahon’s office, and the rumor is Stephanie is going to fire Orton tonight.

Cena/JBL Rumble hype, emphasis on Shawn Michaels.

They put over that today is Bush’s last day in office.  Still to come tonight: Mr. McMahon returns and Rey Mysterio faces Mike Knox.

Backstage, Santino informs Beth that he’s hired Rosa Mendez as their new intern.  I see a love triangle coming.

Stephanie is on the phone with her nanny when Orton comes in.  Stephanie says Orton isn’t getting fired, so he can stop sucking up.  They end up arguing.  Stephanie slaps him.  Commercial.

John Cena has a new movie coming out.  Oh dear.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match (No DQ): William Regal (c) (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  Punk is the hometown hero.  Hopefully that means he’s going over.  He also has a spot in the Royal Rumble.  Collar and elbow tie up to start.  Regal grabs a headlock.  Punk breaks away and hits a dropkick.  Punk blasts Regal with kicks.  The fight outside briefly.  Punk works Regal’s arm.  Regal makes it to the ropes as we take a commercial break.  Dammit.  Back from break, Punk has Regal in the Anaconda Vice on the ropes.  It’s No DQ, so he doesn’t have to break.  Layla forces him to break it.  Regal does that nasty “kick Punk’s head into the turnbuckle” bit he did in their match last summer.  Regal hits a drop toehold in the ring and goes for the Regal Stretch, then knees Punk in the head to try to weaken him.  Punk gets out and fires up with kicks.  Punk hits the corner knee and goes the bulldog, but Regal counters with a half-nelson suplex!  Regal blasts Punk with knees to the head.  They fight on the top rope, but Punk kicks Regal away.  Punk is FIRED UP!  He goes for a cross body off the top but Regal ducks.  Regal goes for the knee kick, but Punk dodges and NAILS the Go 2 Sleep to win the title at 9:47!  PUNK WINS!  Punk celebrates hard in front of his adoring hometown fans.

Last week: Cena and Michaels had an awesome match.  Tonight: I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m sure it was the Cena/JBL signing.

Back from commercial, Jerry Lawler is in the ring to moderate the contract signing.  JBL (w/ Michaels) comes out first.  Cena follows to a big pop.  Cena says Shawn isn’t broken, he’s still got it.  JBL talks about Shawn like he’s not even though.  Shawn finally has enough and tells JBL he despises him, but will continue to work for him to provide for his family.  They banter back and forth.  I don’t really pay attention.  It ends, of course, with JBL cheapshotting Cena.  Michaels goes to give Cena a superkick, but Cena ducks and JBL kicks Cena.  JBL lariats Cena and leaves him laying.

WWE Slam of the Week: Last week, Rey Mysterio finally fought back against Mike Knox.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox.  Rey comes out wearing one of those masks he likes to wear over his masks.  Sorry Rey, but no matter how many masks you wear, you will never match the awesomeness of Knox’s beard.  Todd Grisham tries to catch a word with Mike Knox on his way to the ring.  Knox says he doesn’t have anything against Mysterio and doesn’t have a reason for attacking him.  Well, at least they explained it.  Mysterio goes for the 619 early, but Knox catches his leg and does that slingshot move Albert used to do.  Knox attacks Mysterio in the corner and the ref calls for the DQ at 2:30.  Knox gives Rey his finish after the match.

Stephanie McMahon finds Chris Jericho in her office.  He tells her Vince said he can plead his case tonight.

Smackdown Rebound: Edge was happy Jeff Hardy wasn’t hurt in the car accident, but then Jeff’s pyro exploded!  If he had seen Ready To Rumble, he’d know to watch out for the pyro.  Jeff vs. Edge for the WWE Title this Sunday at the Rumble!

World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz are in the ring.  They want to commemorate this Royal Rumble by beating the winner of the very first Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!  Cryme Tyme come out instead and say Duggan is gone on a special assignment, but they have a counter offer.  They want a title shot.  Miz & Morrison say they’re not going to give them a title shot.  Cryme Tyme say they’ll earn their shot.  We have a non-title match!

Non-Title: World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad pins Morrison with a STO-type move at 1:22.  Geeze, 3 matches tonight under 2 minutes, one under 3, and the longest was under 10.

Earlier tonight: Stephanie slapped Randy Orton.

Lawler and Cole hype the Royal Rumble Match.

Cody Rhodes is chatting with Mickie James backstage.  His brother, Goldust, steps in and gives Cody a copy of the Starrcade DVD.  Cody says he doesn’t need it.  He joined with Orton so he wouldn’t waste his talents like Goldust did.  He says when they make a Cody Rhodes DVD, he’ll send his brother and dad a copy.  I’ll buy a copy, then sprinkle some salt on the spots where hell just froze over.

A limo arrives, presumably carrying Mr. McMahon.

Tomorrow night on ECW, a fatal four-way match!

Jillian sings.  Badly.  Again.  They show the beatdown she and Beth gave Melina last week, which leads to…

Jillian Hall vs. Melina.  Santino, Rosa, and Beth come out.  Jillian and Melina botch a sidewalk slam.  Melina wins in 1:23, I think with the Code Red, but I wasn’t paying attention.  Rosa attacks Melina after the match, then Beth gives Melina the Glam Slam.

Dolph Ziggler is backstage talking to Candice Michelle.  Mr. McMahon steps in and introduces himself, but Ziggler is star struck and can’t remember his name.  Heh.

Earlier tonight: Cena/JBL/Michaels stuff.

Mr. McMahon hits the ring!  He calls out Jericho to air his grievances.  He complains about the horrible job Stephanie has done running things.  Vince calls out Stephanie to retort.  Vince tells Jericho he’s not going to reinstate him or fire Stephanie, and that he and Steph will run Raw together.  Stephanie says Jericho can have his job back if he apologizes.  Jericho initially refuses, but then does.  Not good enough, though.  Steph wants him to apologize to the fans.  On his knees.  Jericho drops to his knees and gives a half-hearted apology to the fans.  Stephanie tells Jericho she’ll see him at the Rumble, then tells him to leave.  Vince and Steph hug as Orton’s music hits.  He’s still smarting from the slap.  Orton wants Steph to apologize.  Vince says no.  Orton says he’s worth more than Stephanie.  Stephanie gets angry and Vince tells her to leave.  Vince orders Orton to apologize, or he’s fired.  Orton tells Vince he doesn’t want to do that.  Vince says “YOU’RE…,” then Orton slaps him and kicks him in the head.  Vince is dead.  Stephanie and agents, among them DEAN MALENKO!, check on him.  They put Vince in a neckbrace as the show fades to black.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/12/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

JBL talks to Shawn Michaels about his match with John Cena tonight.

Raw open, then Stephanie McMahon makes her entrance as Cole and Lawler welcome us LIVE to Sioux City, Iowa.  She talks about Vince’s return next week, but Chris Jericho interrupts her.  He thinks Vince will give him JBL’s title shot at the Royal Rumble.  Jericho brings up Stephanie putting Mike Adamle in charge of Raw, and Stephanie blames that one on Shane.  She then makes a crack about Jericho not being World Champion anymore, and says Cena vs. JBL is set in stone.  Stephanie says Jericho has a match tonight.  Jericho says no.  They argue.  Jericho no sells her authority.  Stephanie fires Jericho.  Well Chris, maybe you shouldn’t have called her all those ugly names back in the day.  Jericho looks shocked as the show goes to commercial.

Moments ago: Stephanie fired Jericho.

During the commercial: Security escorted Jericho out of the building.

NOW: Lawler and Cole are at ringside.  Miz’s music hits.

The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio.  The only question here is, will Knox cost Mysterio the match, or wait until afterwards to attack him?  Miz sits on a sunset flip attempt for a near fall.  He goes for the Reality Check, but Mysterio hits an armdrag, then the 619 and a springboard splash for the win at 3:30.  Where’s Knox?  Oh, there he is.  Mysterio actually fights him off this time.

Candice (w/ awful looking hair) tries to talk to CM Punk about Vince’s return.  Punk, however, is focused on his Intercontinental Championship match against William Regal.  It’s NEXT!  WOOO!

They’re putting over Vince’s return big.  They show his evolution from mild mannered announcer to the “Mr. McMahon” character.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match:
William Regal (w/ Layla) (c) vs. CM Punk.  Punk hits a backslide early, but doesn’t get a count.  Punk gets in offense.  Regal can’t maul Punk because he loses the title on a DQ.  Punk gets DQ’d for a low blow at 1:58.  Two weeks in a row, they fuck up a Regal/Punk match.  WWE could fuck up a wet dream.

Mickie (w/ bad hair) talks to Cody Rhodes about the weather.  Sim Snuka and Manu are upset that he stuck with Orton after Orton kicked them to the curb.  Sim and Manu are going after Orton tonight, and they say they have another second generation guy on their side.

Starrcade DVD out tomorrow!  I want!

Todd Grisham asks Regal if he’s satisfied with his victory.  Regal is.  Stephanie books Regal vs. Punk No DQ for next week.  I’m sure that one will end in 1 minute by count-out.

Stone Cold Steve Austin is announced as the first inductee in the Hall of Fame, class of 2009.  They show an awesome video package on him.  It starts off with nice, slow music, the turns into “Cult of Personality.”  Fun fact: that was Punk’s theme during his ROH World Title reign.

JBL tells Michaels he can’t lose tonight with JBL in his corner.  Michaels says he doesn’t need him to win.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox next week!

Kane vs. Randy Orton (w/ Cody Rhodes).  The fight for a minute, then a commercial break, then they fight some more.  Couldn’t that commercial have lasted until the finish?  Kane counters an RKO attempt and goes for the diving clothesline, but Orton catches him with a dropkick and pins him at 8:43.  It looked like Kane’s shoulder was up.  Since when has that mattered in WWE?  That kind of shit happens all the time.  On a replay, Kane’s shoulder was indeed up.  Snuka and Manu come out and want to know were Cody stands.  They reveal their backup: Ted Dibiase Jr.!  Of course, there are no juniors in WWE, so he’s just Ted Dibiase, and the next time his dad is on TV, he’ll be Ted Dibiase Sr.  Anyway, all four surround Orton.  Then Orton, Rhodes, and Dibase jump Snuka and Manu.  Rhodes gives Snuka his finish, then Dibiase gives Manu his.  So Dibiase is ok with Orton punting him in the head a few months ago?

Earlier tonight, again: Stephanie fired Jericho.

Grisham interviews John Cena.

WWE Rewind: Goldust & Melina beat Beth Phoenix & Santino Marella last week.  Rosa Mendez attacked Melina and was banned from WWE arenas.

WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall vs. Melina & Kelly Kelly.  Rosa jumps Melina during her entrance.  Security drags her off and the heels attack the faces in the aisle.  The faces get beat down and the match never happens.

Last year, Vince got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Cole and Lawler run down the Royal Rumble card.

Orton, Dibiase, and Rhodes are talking backstage.

Jamie Noble, Dolph Ziggler, Goldust, and Cryme Tyme are outside Stephanie McMahon’s office hoping for Royal Rumble spots.  Santino comes out and says he’s in.  It sucks that he’s not getting much TV time anymore.

Still another plug for Kennedy’s movie.

Next week: Regal vs. Punk for the IC title, No DQ, and it’s in Punk’s hometown!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. Shawn Michaels (w/ JBL).  They shake hands, then go to commercial.  DAMMIT.  They wait until we come back from break to ring the bell.  That was nice of them.  For those of you who haven’t read the news, Cena’s F-U is now called the Throwback, because WWE is kid friendly now.  When Cena went for the STFU early on, Cole called it the STF, so I guess the U is gone from that too.  They have a good match as always.  At 6 minutes, Michaels locks in a figure-four leglock.  Cena gets out and they fight some more.  Michaels catches Cena coming off the top and locks in the Crippler Crossface.  Cena struggles to get out.  Cena finally gets a rope break.  Commercial.  Back from break, Cena is making his comeback.  During the break, Michaels did the Flair flip out of the ring.  Now Cena is working on Michaels’ back.  Cena does a bearhug.  That’s new.  They do some more stuff.  Michaels powerbombs Cena from the ropes.  Cena kicks out but plays dead.  Michaels misses the diving elbow when Cena moves.  Cena hits the five knuckle shuffle and goes for the F-U, but Michaels counters and hits a DDT.  Cena kicks out.  I should note that the announcers haven’t said “F-U” or “Throwback” once, even though Cena has attempted it like 5 times so far.  Cole just says Cena is “going for the victory.”  Cena ducks the superkick and “goes for the victory” again, but Michaels kicks out of the move which Cena uses when attempting the victory.  Shawn NAILS Cena with a superkick and lays on him for the cover, but Cena kicks out.  Cena goes for the victory again, but Michaels counters with a sunset flip for a near fall.  Cena locks in the STF.  JBL pushes the rope to Michaels, allowing Michaels to get a rope break.  Cena goes for the victory again, but Michaels gets out and hits the superkick for the win at 24:45.  Great match, as always with these two.  Good ending to an otherwise weak show, wrestling-wise.  JBL stands over Cena as the show ends.

Next week, Vince returns to Raw!

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/5/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Originally posted on 1/6/09.

We start with a recap of the Michaels/JBL angle from last week.

The first live shot is Chris Jericho and Randy Orton in the ring.  Jericho whines about Michaels and JBL working together in the four-way last week.  They say they have filed formal complaints and want JBL removed from the Royal Rumble title match.  This is ricockulous.  JBL’s music hits, and Cole and Lawler finally introduce us the show LIVE from New Orleans!  Wait, Michaels is riding in the limo with JBL!  JBL tells them to shut up, because he won the title shot.  Jericho makes a valid point, saying that for months last year he tries to tell everyone that Michaels was a sellout, and it turned out he was right.  Stephanie McMahon finally comes out and upholds the referee’s decision, since Shawn actually didn’t lay down, he got knocked down.  Stephanie tells Jericho and Orton that they are both in the Rumble match.  Jericho says Shawn shouldn’t be allowed in the Rumble.  JBL agrees, and says Shawn’s only job at the Rumble is to support JBL as he goes for the title.  Stephanie books Jericho & Orton vs. Michaels & Cena for tonight.  Shawn plays the pathetic, miserable old guy remarkable well.

CM Punk vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship TONIGHT!

WWE Slam of the Week: the Diva Battle Royal and subsequent Beth/Melina brawl from last week.

Goldust & Melina vs. Santino Marella & WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix.  Melina pins Beth with a jackknife hold at 3:17.  Rosa Mendez jumps the guardrail and attacks Melina before security takes her away.  Melina jumps the guardrail and goes after her again anyway, then comes back to celebrate her win.

Todd Grisham interviews CM Punk.  Punk says he wants to add his name to the list of great Intercontinental Champions such as Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart, and Mr. Perfect.  Punk even mentions that he lost to Regal in the King of the Ring final last year, so he wants revenge for that… even though he beat Regal clean in a non-title match when he was World Champion.  Anyway, it’s next, and it’s gonna rule!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: William Regal (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  This is going to own.  Regal, being an awesome prick, uses Layla as a shield so Punk can’t dive on him.  Regal then does what he does best: beating the fuck out of someone.  Punk fights back with his usual strikes.  Punk gets Regal up for the Go 2 Sleep, but Regal grabs the ref to cause the DQ at 2:56.  FUCK.  RESTART!  Dammit, where’s… oh, there she is.  Dammit, no restart, but close: Stephanie says Punk will have a rematch, and if Regal gets DQ’d, he loses the title.  WHEN?  Dammit.  Oh well, at least they’re keeping the angle going.

JBL tells Michaels how much it will benifit him to help Jericho and Orton destroy Cena tonight.

Randy Orton tells Cody Rhodes and Sim Snuka that they passed phased one, and if they win their matches tonight, they’re in.  Manu walks up and asks for a second chance, citing, correctly, that Orton lost his match last week too.  Orton rips into him and tells him that he will never be part of the group, and that he never wanted to see his face again.

Dolph Ziggler introduces himself to Mickie James as Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston head to the ring for the Tag Team title shot.  It’s NEXT!

This Friday night on Smackdown: Triple H pissed of Vickie, so now he’s gonna get fucked up!

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Kofi Kingston.  What exactly have Mysterio & Kingston done as a team to warrant a tag title shot?  Miz & Morrison cut a promo before the match.  During Rey’s entrance, they show clips from the 10-man tag last week.  In less than a minute, the show goes to commercial.  Back from break, Miz works over Rey, but Rey makes the hot tag and Kofi cleans house.  Morrison pulls Kofi’s leg and makes him fall off the top rope, then Morrison works over Kofi’s leg.  Kofi later does a nip up rana on Morrison.  More than one person in WWE is ripping off AJ Styles!  Kofi finally hot tags Mysterio.  Mysterio hits the 619, but before he can springboard, he has to deal with Miz, and Morrison recovers to catch him coming off the top with his kick to retain the titles at 11:53.  Mike Knox destroys Mysterio after the match… again.

Michaels is getting ready in the locker room.  Cena comes in and wonders what he should expect from HBK tonight.

Buy the Edge DVD, it’s good!

Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall.  Last week, it was revealed that Orton banged Kelly and then wouldn’t return her calls.  Jillian comes out singing “When The Saints Go Marching In.”  Badly.  Because that’s her gimmick.  I can’t sing and I have big boobs.  Can I get a job with WWE?  Jillian gets heat on Kelly, Kelly makes a comeback.  Kelly goes for a victory roll, but Jillian sits on it and almost gets the pin.  Kelly hits a leg drop that was more like a Fameasser for the win at 4:22.  Jillian attacks Kelly after the match, but Kane comes out!  Kane says Kelly now knows it doesn’t feel so good being rejected.  He says next week he’s going to eviscerate Randy Orton.  Huh?

Royal Rumble hype.

More hype for Triple H facing Triple Jeopardy on Smackdown.

Oh, eviscerate means “to take out the entrails of.”

Cody Rhodes & Sim Snuka vs. Cryme Tyme.  This match started while I was consulting a dictionary.  Rhodes and Snuka have to win to stay in Orton’s group.  Good guys get heat on JTG until he makes the hot tag to Shad.  He cleans house, then JTG comes back in.  Rhodes hits the Roll of the Dice (that move Reno did in WCW… I think Test did it too) on JTG for the win at 5:52.

JBL is UP TO SOMETHING!

Tomorrow night on ECW, Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger!  Tomorrow night at night on Sci-Fi!

Plug for Kennedy’s movie.

Orton congratulates Rhodes, then tells Sim he’s out since he didn’t win the fall.

Stephanie tells Santino and Beth that Rosa Mendez is banned.  I think.  Santino says funny things.  They leave.  Jericho walks in and asks Stephanie why JBL was in her office earlier.  Jericho tells Stephanie that Vince McMahon will return to Raw in two weeks.  Stephanie looks worried.

The main event is NEXT!

Chris Jericho & Randy Orton vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena & Shawn Michaels.  Michaels cooperates with Cena a little early.  JBL comes out to watch as the show goes to commercial.  Dammit.  Back from break, Michaels gets away from Orton and tags Cena in.  Cena goes for the F-U and Michaels actually blocks Jericho from stopping it.  Orton rakes Cena’s eyes to get out, then Cena accidentally almost F-U’s Shawn.  I don’t pay attention for a minute, then Jericho is working Cena over.  Cena goes for the F-U, but Jericho counters with a DDT.  Awesome.  Cena plays face in peril.  Cena finally hits the diving Fameasser thing on Jericho.  Cena tries to tag Michaels, but Jericho tags Orton first and Orton stops Cena from making the tag.  Cena makes the tag and Shawn looks undecided about what to do.  Jericho makes the decision for him by attacking him, so Michaels has to defend himself.  Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Shawn gets his knees up.  Shawn does the slam and the diving elbow, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Turnabout is fairplay.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Michaels gets an inside cradle.  Orton breaks the cover.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Cena and goes for the RKO, but Shawn superkicks him, then superkicks Jericho for the pin at 15:55.

Todd Grisham asks JBL and Michaels’ actions.  JBL says he talked to Stephanie McMahon earlier, and next week it’s Michaels (w/ JBL) vs. Cena.