Archive for Jewel

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Elimination Chamber highlights, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts.  Shawn Michaels will be here tonight.  Will The Undertaker?  Tonight’s guest hosts are Jewel and Ty Murray.

Justin Roberts introduces the new World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho, who benefited greatly from Shawn Michaels’ Undertaker obsession last night.   Jericho brags that he’s going to WrestleMania.  Edge’s music plays and he appears from behind to spear Jericho.  Edge informs Jericho that Jericho is indeed going to WrestleMania… against him!

John Cena comes out.  He says to add him to the list of people Vince McMahon screwed, because he win the WWE Championship last night, only for Vince to book immediate title defense against Batista.  Cena says he wants his rematch right now.  Vince McMahon comes out and talks about his business deal with Batista.  Cena wants his title shot.  Vince says Batista isn’t defending until WrestleMania.  He says that Sheamus also has a rematch coming.  Vince says that Cena will face Batista tonight, and if he wins, he gets the title shot at Mania, but if he loses, Sheamus gets the title shot.  So Sheamus has no say in the matter?  Shouldn’t it be Sheamus vs. Cena for the title shot tonight?  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Final: Maryse vs. Gail Kim.  FINALLY.  Gail gets a quick cradle for 1.  Gail avoids Maryse in the corner and drops her with a clothesline for 2.  Gail fires some kicks and a European uppercut, then a shoulder block into the corner.  Maryse sends Gail into the top turnbuckle.  Gail goes for her move, but Maryse holds onto the ropes to avoid it.  Maryse hits a kick for 2.  Maryse goes for her DDT, but Gail turns it into a jackknife hold for 2.  Maryse avoids a diving cross body and appears to injure her neck.  They both make it to their feet.  Maryse goes for the DDT again, but Gail inside cradles her for 2.  Gail tries a victory roll, but Maryse hot shots her into the top rope, then hits her DDT for the pin in 2:49.  Very awkward match, but they tried.  At least they finally did the damn match.

Cena vs. Batista tonight!  Will The Undertaker show up to confront Shawn Michaels?  Commercials!

WWE Magazine plug.

There’s a mechanical bull in the arena that the divas are going to ride.

Ty Murray talks to the Bella Twins.  Jewel talks to Eve Torres and Kelly Kelly.  Jewel has an injured her ankle riding a mechanical bull.  Jillian Hall and Alicia Fox interrupt.  Hall tells Jewel she’s a famous singer, then sings horribly.  Jewel sings it decently.  Hall insults her.  Jewel slaps the shit out of her.  Yay!

Cody Rhodes tells Randy Orton that he knew Ted Dibiase Jr. was going to screw Orton last night.  Orton tells him it’s okay, it’s his fault for what happened last night because he taught them too well, but has been a poor leader.  Legacy is in a six-man tag tonight.  Orton says to tell Dibiase he’s sorry.  Orton leaves and Dibiase comes in.  Dibiase asks Orton if they’re sticking to the plan.  Rhodes says “Absolutely.”  Commercials:

Slam of the Week: Ted Dibiase pinning Randy Orton in the Elimination Chamber last night.

Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Legacy.  Dibiase and Yoshi start.  Yoshi hits some kicks and arm drags.  Tag to Bourne.  They double Dibiase for 2.  Rhodes tags in and Bourne kicks the crap out of his legs.  Bourne gets a cradle for 2.  Bourne hits a clothesline and goes up top, but Rhodes gets up to stop him.  Rhodes hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Commercials.  Dibiase turns Bourne inside out with a lariat for 2.  Tag to Kingston, who runs wild on Dibiase.  “Controlled frenzy!”  Orton drops Kofi to prevent the Boom Drop.  Tag to Orton, who punishes Kingston.  Orton hits the 3.0, that “Vintage backbreaker!”  Rhodes tags himself in.  Orton plants him with the DDT OF MURDER to a big pop.  Dibiase screams at Orton.  Orton drops him with the RKO at ringside.  Kingston tags in Yoshi, who has his bit against Rhodes, then tags in Bourne.  Bourne hits the Shooting Star press on Rhodes for the pin in 9:51.  Legacy has finally exploded!

Cena vs. Batista TONIGHT!  Undertaker?!?!?!?!?!?!???  We’ll answer that very short question with far too many punctuation marks NEXT!

They show the recent history between Michaels and The Undertaker, going from Michaels’ challenge for a rematch at the Slammy Awards and ending with Michaels screwing Undertaker out of the World Championship last night.

Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and says he did what he had to do.  He expects a reaction.  Undertaker comes out wearing the bad ass WrestleMania XIV robe thing since his trench coat got caught on fire last night.  Undertaker says Michaels has his attention.  Michaels says he wrestled nearly a perfect match last year.  Michaels wants the rematch.  Taker accepts, on the condition that Michaels puts his career on the line.  Michaels agrees, because “If I can’t beat you at WrestleMania, I have no career!”

Batista vs. Cena TONIGHT!

Christian is headed our way!  It appears he and Yoshi Tatsu have both signed with Raw.  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: The Money In The Bank Ladder Match from WrestleMania 25.

The briefcase is hanging above the ring.  The announcers talk about Michaels vs. Undertaker.

As Christian comes out for his match, they show a promo from Christian’s NXT rookie, Heath Slater.  During Carlito’s entrance, they show a promo from his rookie, Michael Tarver.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Christian vs. Carlito.  Carlito practically runs to the ring.  Carlito hits a DDT on the ring apron (ouch) for 2.  Carlito actually looks like he gives a fuck tonight.  Christian flapjacks Carlito.  Christian does his weird shit with the opponent on the ropes and slips in the process.  Christian hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Carlito avoids a cross body and hits a move.  Christian with the reverse DDT backbreaker thing for 2.  Christian goes up top, but Carlito pulls him down and hits a neckbreaker drop for 2.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Carlito counters and goes for a springboard elbow.  Christian catches him and goes for it again.  Carlito counters again, but Christian sends him into the turnbuckles, then finally hits the Killswitch for the pin in 3:01.  This was kind of a clusterfuck.

Divas Bull Riding is NEXT!

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Jewel and Ty Murray.  They talk, then we have the stupid divas bull riding.  Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, and the Bella Twins ride the bull.  Waste of time.  Thankfully, the Unified Tag Team Champions, Big Show and The Miz, come out.  Jewel yodels.  Murray challenges Big Show to ride the mechanical bull.  Show asks the divas to hold his tag belts.  They refuse, so he calls them rude.  Well, they are.  Show fails at riding the bull, and it’s hilarious.  Miz says it wasn’t fair.  Murray makes fun of him.  The mechanical bull taunts Show.  Show yells at it.  Big Show KO punches the bull.  Jewel calls it “stuffed animal cruelty.”  Hilarious stuff.  Jewel and Murray tell Show Miz they’ll defend the titles against MVP and Mark Henry NEXT!

Batista vs. Cena TONIGHT! plug.  There’s also a miscued graph promising a Bret Hart update NEXT!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  Daniel Bryan is shown watching backstage.  Henry’s shoulder is taped up from the bump he took through the barricade last night.  MVP gets the better of Miz to start.  Tag to Show.  Show spear!  Show rips MVP’s outfit, chops him, and hits the Hog Log.  Tag to Miz.  MVP gets beat up, then forces Miz to eat a Yakuza kick sandwich.  Tags to Show and Henry.  Henry hits headbutts and squashes Show in the corner, which hurts Henry’s shoulder.  Miz dives at Henry, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Show KO punches Henry for the pin in 2:46.  Well this wasn’t much of a match.

The Bret Hart update is, in fact, NEXT!

Elimination Chamber highlight package, followed by commercials.

Cole and Lawler plug Murray’s bull riding competition and Jewel’s new single, which I actually like.

The next Hall of Fame inductee is Wendi Richter!  She’ll be inducted by “Rowdy” Roddy Piper!

The show the Bret Hart injury angle from last week.  Vince McMahon says he had nothing to do with the accident.  He invites Bret to Raw next week to say a proper farewell.

John Cena is headed to the ring!

NXT commercial.

Farewell to Bret Hart, next week!  Next week’s guest hosts are CHEECH AND CHONG!  Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase NEXT WEEK!

Non-Title: John Cena vs. WWE Champion Batista.  Batista stalls and hits in the ropes.  Batista kicks him in the balls for the DQ in 24 seconds.  So Batista WANTS to face Cena at WrestleMania.  Batista beats the shit out of Cena, leaves, sees Cena getting up, so comes back and beats him up some more.  Various nasty things ensue and Batista finishes with a spinebuster into the post.  Batista starts to leave again, then comes back and wears Cena out with a steel chair.

A very bad show wrestling-wise, but it did a great job of setting up the top matches at WrestleMania, so no complaints.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  It’s Presidents’ Day, so they have a color guard and some teenage girl singing the national anthem.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts LIVE from Des Moines, Iowa.  Jerry Springer is the guest host tonight.  Bret Hart will address the fans tonight.  Also, Batista will be in the house to respond to John Cena.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up, fight, stall, lock up, fight.  Sheamus beats up Orton.  Orton avoids the pump kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and bails.  Commercials.  Orton stomps Sheamus.  Legacy comes out.  Sheamus hits a uranage backbreaker.  Sheamus beats up Orton as Legacy looks on from ringside.  Orton fights back.  He stomps Sheamus in the gut.  Ouch.  Orton hits the 3.0 and does the stalking RKO setup.  Sheamus avoids the RKO.  Orton kicks him out of the ring.  Sheamus picks up Orton on the outside but Orton sends him into the post.  Dibase goes after Sheamus, but gets decked.  The ref catches Rhodes attack Sheamus and gives him the DQ win in 8:33.  Legacy argues.  Orton RKOs Rhodes.  Sheamus hits the pump kick on Dibiase.  Orton RKOs Sheamus.

Bret Hart is headed our way!

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

Shot of Des Moines.  There’s more there to see than I expected.

Video of what went down between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon last week.

Justin Roberts introduces Bret Hart.  Bret says he came here to finish things with Vince McMahon, but Vince wasn’t here tonight.  Bret talks about what a scumbag Vince is.  He thanks John Cena for being his friend.  Bret says “goodbye” and leaves.  Backstage, he encounters Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Alicia Fox, Primo (“Say ‘Hi’ to your dad for me.”), Gail Kim, and Evan Bourne, who all show him respect.  He tells Cena there’s nothing left for him to do here (since Vince won’t face him at WrestleMania).  As Bret is getting into his limo, a random blond woman backs her car into the limo door and fucks Bret’s leg up.  Women drivers, I swear.  Bret is taken away in an ambulance.  Commercials.

Moments ago, some bimbo backed her car into Bret Hart’s leg.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  MVP kicks Miz’s ass.  Miz kicks MVP in the face.  MVP flapjacks Miz and Yakuza kicks him out of the ring.  Commercials.  MVP takes a little heat from Miz and tags in Henry.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, but Big Show saves with a leg drop.  Show tags in and brawls with Henry.  Henry squashes Show in the corner and tries to slam him, but Show stops it and DDTs Henry.  Show trips over Henry going to the corner, where he tries a Vader Bomb, but Henry avoids it.  MVP tags in and runs wild on Show.  MVP charges Show in the corner and runs into a boot.  Miz tags and covers MVP.  MVP turns it into a crucifix hold to pin Miz in 6:33.  Meh.

The Jerry Springer Show comes to Raw NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

Jerry Springer comes out to do his bit, “WWE Superstars’ Most Intimate Relationships Revealed.”  Kelly Kelly is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is.  Santino Marella (who thinks Jerry is Maury Povich), Michael Cole, and Jerry Lawler are all possibilities.  The Bella Twins come out next.  Nikki claims that Brie is a man.  They get into a cat fight.  Chris Masters also fucked Kelly on that crazy night.  She can’t resist the pecs.  Eve Torres comes out and gets into with Kelly for fucking her man.  Eve has been cheating on the Masterbate with Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Santino wants to know who the father is.  Jerry has paternity test results.  Santino wants to know how that’s possible since it happened 3 days ago.  Jerry says “I’m Jerry Springer.”  Hornswoggle is the father.  Springer says “Fuck this” and leaves.  Lawler tells Springer that they put on this charade to mess with Jerry.  Lawler “reveals” that Springer is having a relationship with Mae Young, who comes out and kisses on him.  Hilarious stuff.  I couldn’t transcribe the whole thing, but definitely go YouTube this.

They show the parking lot where Batista is expected to show up.  It doesn’t look like the same parking lot Bret got ran over in earlier.  Tonight, Batista is to explain himself to Cena, then Cena takes on Triple H!

Kofi Kingston vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They lock up.  Dibiase is aggressive this week, having gotten his ass handed to him last week by John Cena.  Dibiase gets knocked loopy by a big dropkick.  Kofi hits a big diving chop, two more chops, a dropkick, clothesline, and the Boom Drop.  Dibiase avoids Kofi in the corner and hits the Dream Street for the pin in 2:58.

The next inductee to the Hall of Fame class of 2010: Antonio Inoki!  It’s surreal seeing New Japan footage on WWE TV again.

Replay of Bret’s leg jobbing to a car earlier tonight.  They show security camera footage.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

Jerry Springer’s “Final Thought.”

John Cena is headed our way!

WWE Slam of the Week: That utterly pointless Batista segment from last week’s Smackdown.

John Cena comes out.  They show Batista’s beatdown of him 2 weeks ago.  Cena talks, then calls out Batista.  Batista appears “Live via satellite.”  They banter.  Batista says he’ll be at Raw next week live and in person.  So this was pointless?  Well of course it was.  Anyway, main event time… NEXT!

Next week’s guest hosts are Jewel and Ty Murray.  Who the fuck is Ty Murray?

John Cena vs. Triple H.  Lock up, headlock, trip.  Seriously, they hit the ropes while Cena had the headlock on and Cena tripped.  Up, shoulder block, back to the headlock.  Triple H fights back.  Shoulder blocks to Cena in the corner.  Cena hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Hunter avoids Cena’s bulldog.  Cena blocks Triple H’s knee drop and goes for the STF.  Triple H fights out.  Cena whips Triple H out of the ring.  Cena dives off the apron, but Hunter avoids it and Cena hits the barricade.  Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Cena backdrops him.  Commercials.  Hunter has Cena in a sleeper hold.  Cena makes his comeback.  “VINTAGE CENA!”  Hunter avoids the Attitude Adjustment and hits a clothesline for 2.  Hunter tries for a superplex, but Cena fights him off.  Hunter hits the ropes to make Cena crotch himself.  Hunter tries the superplex again, but Cena uses his power to block it and headbutss Triple H down.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena goes for the STF again, but Triple H counters and locks in a half crab.  Cena counters it and locks in the STF.  Triple H reaches the ropes to break it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Triple H holds onto the ropes to counter it.  Triple H catches Cena with the high knee, then hits the knee to the face and the spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree.  Sheamus runs in and hits the pump kick on Triple H to cause the DQ in 11:49.  Cena avoids the pump kick, goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Sheamus counters it and drops Cena with the pump kick.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge on Triple H.  Man, Sheamus came out of this show looking like a beast.

Pretty lackluster Raw, but it wasn’t actively bad and the Springer stuff was fun.