Archive for Jerry Springer

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  It’s Presidents’ Day, so they have a color guard and some teenage girl singing the national anthem.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts LIVE from Des Moines, Iowa.  Jerry Springer is the guest host tonight.  Bret Hart will address the fans tonight.  Also, Batista will be in the house to respond to John Cena.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up, fight, stall, lock up, fight.  Sheamus beats up Orton.  Orton avoids the pump kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and bails.  Commercials.  Orton stomps Sheamus.  Legacy comes out.  Sheamus hits a uranage backbreaker.  Sheamus beats up Orton as Legacy looks on from ringside.  Orton fights back.  He stomps Sheamus in the gut.  Ouch.  Orton hits the 3.0 and does the stalking RKO setup.  Sheamus avoids the RKO.  Orton kicks him out of the ring.  Sheamus picks up Orton on the outside but Orton sends him into the post.  Dibase goes after Sheamus, but gets decked.  The ref catches Rhodes attack Sheamus and gives him the DQ win in 8:33.  Legacy argues.  Orton RKOs Rhodes.  Sheamus hits the pump kick on Dibiase.  Orton RKOs Sheamus.

Bret Hart is headed our way!

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

Shot of Des Moines.  There’s more there to see than I expected.

Video of what went down between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon last week.

Justin Roberts introduces Bret Hart.  Bret says he came here to finish things with Vince McMahon, but Vince wasn’t here tonight.  Bret talks about what a scumbag Vince is.  He thanks John Cena for being his friend.  Bret says “goodbye” and leaves.  Backstage, he encounters Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Alicia Fox, Primo (“Say ‘Hi’ to your dad for me.”), Gail Kim, and Evan Bourne, who all show him respect.  He tells Cena there’s nothing left for him to do here (since Vince won’t face him at WrestleMania).  As Bret is getting into his limo, a random blond woman backs her car into the limo door and fucks Bret’s leg up.  Women drivers, I swear.  Bret is taken away in an ambulance.  Commercials.

Moments ago, some bimbo backed her car into Bret Hart’s leg.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  MVP kicks Miz’s ass.  Miz kicks MVP in the face.  MVP flapjacks Miz and Yakuza kicks him out of the ring.  Commercials.  MVP takes a little heat from Miz and tags in Henry.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, but Big Show saves with a leg drop.  Show tags in and brawls with Henry.  Henry squashes Show in the corner and tries to slam him, but Show stops it and DDTs Henry.  Show trips over Henry going to the corner, where he tries a Vader Bomb, but Henry avoids it.  MVP tags in and runs wild on Show.  MVP charges Show in the corner and runs into a boot.  Miz tags and covers MVP.  MVP turns it into a crucifix hold to pin Miz in 6:33.  Meh.

The Jerry Springer Show comes to Raw NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

Jerry Springer comes out to do his bit, “WWE Superstars’ Most Intimate Relationships Revealed.”  Kelly Kelly is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is.  Santino Marella (who thinks Jerry is Maury Povich), Michael Cole, and Jerry Lawler are all possibilities.  The Bella Twins come out next.  Nikki claims that Brie is a man.  They get into a cat fight.  Chris Masters also fucked Kelly on that crazy night.  She can’t resist the pecs.  Eve Torres comes out and gets into with Kelly for fucking her man.  Eve has been cheating on the Masterbate with Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Santino wants to know who the father is.  Jerry has paternity test results.  Santino wants to know how that’s possible since it happened 3 days ago.  Jerry says “I’m Jerry Springer.”  Hornswoggle is the father.  Springer says “Fuck this” and leaves.  Lawler tells Springer that they put on this charade to mess with Jerry.  Lawler “reveals” that Springer is having a relationship with Mae Young, who comes out and kisses on him.  Hilarious stuff.  I couldn’t transcribe the whole thing, but definitely go YouTube this.

They show the parking lot where Batista is expected to show up.  It doesn’t look like the same parking lot Bret got ran over in earlier.  Tonight, Batista is to explain himself to Cena, then Cena takes on Triple H!

Kofi Kingston vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They lock up.  Dibiase is aggressive this week, having gotten his ass handed to him last week by John Cena.  Dibiase gets knocked loopy by a big dropkick.  Kofi hits a big diving chop, two more chops, a dropkick, clothesline, and the Boom Drop.  Dibiase avoids Kofi in the corner and hits the Dream Street for the pin in 2:58.

The next inductee to the Hall of Fame class of 2010: Antonio Inoki!  It’s surreal seeing New Japan footage on WWE TV again.

Replay of Bret’s leg jobbing to a car earlier tonight.  They show security camera footage.

Elimination Chamber hype video.

Jerry Springer’s “Final Thought.”

John Cena is headed our way!

WWE Slam of the Week: That utterly pointless Batista segment from last week’s Smackdown.

John Cena comes out.  They show Batista’s beatdown of him 2 weeks ago.  Cena talks, then calls out Batista.  Batista appears “Live via satellite.”  They banter.  Batista says he’ll be at Raw next week live and in person.  So this was pointless?  Well of course it was.  Anyway, main event time… NEXT!

Next week’s guest hosts are Jewel and Ty Murray.  Who the fuck is Ty Murray?

John Cena vs. Triple H.  Lock up, headlock, trip.  Seriously, they hit the ropes while Cena had the headlock on and Cena tripped.  Up, shoulder block, back to the headlock.  Triple H fights back.  Shoulder blocks to Cena in the corner.  Cena hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Hunter avoids Cena’s bulldog.  Cena blocks Triple H’s knee drop and goes for the STF.  Triple H fights out.  Cena whips Triple H out of the ring.  Cena dives off the apron, but Hunter avoids it and Cena hits the barricade.  Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Cena backdrops him.  Commercials.  Hunter has Cena in a sleeper hold.  Cena makes his comeback.  “VINTAGE CENA!”  Hunter avoids the Attitude Adjustment and hits a clothesline for 2.  Hunter tries for a superplex, but Cena fights him off.  Hunter hits the ropes to make Cena crotch himself.  Hunter tries the superplex again, but Cena uses his power to block it and headbutss Triple H down.  Cena hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena goes for the STF again, but Triple H counters and locks in a half crab.  Cena counters it and locks in the STF.  Triple H reaches the ropes to break it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Triple H holds onto the ropes to counter it.  Triple H catches Cena with the high knee, then hits the knee to the face and the spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree.  Sheamus runs in and hits the pump kick on Triple H to cause the DQ in 11:49.  Cena avoids the pump kick, goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Sheamus counters it and drops Cena with the pump kick.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge on Triple H.  Man, Sheamus came out of this show looking like a beast.

Pretty lackluster Raw, but it wasn’t actively bad and the Springer stuff was fun.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…,” Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts, LIVE from the Cajundome in Lafayette, Louisiana!  Tonight, we’ll see DX defend the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship against The Miz Show and The Straight Edge Society!  Plus, we’ll see Batista destroy John Cena last week after Raw went off the air!

Tonight’s guest host, NASCAR’s Carl Edwards, does donuts in the parking lot, then drives into the arena.  Wait, it was Hornswoggle in the car.  The fuck?  Kelly Kelly introduces Carl Edwards.  Edwards comes out flanked by the Bella Twins.  He talks a bit, name dropping John Cena.  Sheamus interrupts.  Sheamus wants Edwards to make him the last entrant in the Elimination Chamber.  He threatens Edwards.  ECW Champion Christian makes a surprise appearance on Raw!  Christian schmoozes Edwards.  Sheamus wants to know why Christian is there.  Christian says ECW is about to go off the air, makes fun of Sheamus, and says when ECW ends, all ECW superstars can sign with any brand, so tonight he’s going to test the waters on Raw.  Christian wants a match with Sheamus tonight.  Edwards makes it for right now!

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. ECW Champion Christian.  They lock up.  Sheamus is aggressive early and hits a fall away slam, then clotheslines Christian out of the ring.  Commercials.  Sheamus continues working over Christian.  Christian runs into a shoulder block that drops him, but also makes Sheamus stumble.  Christian low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  Christian takes out Sheamus with a dive to the outside.  Sheamus pulls Christian’s shoulder into the post, then sends him into the barricade.  Sheamus works Christian over back in the ring.  Christian rallies and hits a missile dropkick.  He keeps his comeback going until Sheamus catches him while he’s going for his diving sunset flip.  Christian avoids the pump kick but gets caught with a clothesline.  Christian avoids Sheamus in the corner and hits his weird kick, then a tornado DDT for 2.  Sheamus avoids the Killswitch and throws Christian to the apron.  Sheamus avoids Christian coming off the top and hits the pump kick followed by the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 9:43.  Good match.

Triple H is in the locker room watching a monitor.  Shawn Michaels comes in and says he found the silver lining to his recent woes: maybe DX will finally be a part of WrestleMania.  Triple H says that sounds good in theory, but he’s going to win the WWE Championship in the Elimination Chamber and go to WrestleMania as WWE Champion.  Michaels says “So it’s all about you now?” and leaves.

Next, exclusive footage of Batista destroying John Cena after Raw went off the air last week!

Slam of the Week: Last week, Bret Hart was about to put Vince McMahon in the Sharpshooter when Batista appeared and attacked Bret!

Cole and Lawler talk about what happened AFTER the show.  They show clips.  John Cena ran in for the save, but then Batista jumped Cena, kicked his ass, and powerbombed him onto the ring steps.

Ted Dibiase is backstage.  Cody Rhodes comes in.  He’s jealous that Dibiase qualified for the Elimination Chamber and he didn’t.  They start to bicker.  Randy Orton comes in and tells Dibiase that he’ll be facing John Cena tonight, then bitches at Cody for getting him DQ’d at the Rumble.  Orton tells Rhodes that they’ll be facing off tonight.  Legacy is falling apart.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way for the Tag title match! plug.

Justin Roberts introduces the Unified Tag Team Championship Match!

The Straight Edge Society comes out first.  Smackdown GM Teddy Long is randomly sitting at ringside.  Punk cuts his usual promo.  He tries to recruit Jared Fogle, the Subway guy, who is at ringside, to be his “minister of propaganda.”  Jared says no.  Punk says he’s going to make an example out of him.  Before anything can develop from that, DX comes out.  Miz and Show come out, and everybody brawls.  DX clears the ring and throws Miz out onto the pile.  Commercials, which means the match will be JIP, which pisses me off because I won’t be able to get the match time.

Triple Threat Elimination Match for the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: DX (c) vs. CM Punk & Luke Gallows (w/ Serena) vs. The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz.  The match is indeed JIP.  Punk and Michaels go at it.  Punk hits the knee to the corner and the bulldog for 2.  Show beats up both of them.  They avoid Show in the corner and tag in their respective partners.  Triple H and Gallows double team Show, but that quickly falls apart.  Triple H hits the knee facebuster and goes for the Pedigree, but Show backdrops him out of the ring.  Gallows tags Punk.  More commercials.  Ugh.  Punk, Hunter, and Miz are legal.  Punk covers both guys, but gets no pins.  Punk and Miz both beat on Triple H, but Triple H drops them both, turning Miz inside out with a clothesline in the process.  Punk gets a near fall on Miz.  Miz hits the running clothesline to the corner on Triple H and goes up top, but Serena pulls him down.  Miz goes after Serena, but gets caught by a Triple H spinebuster.  Michaels tags in and runs wild on Punk.  Michaels hits the diving elbow and goes for the superkick, but Gallows kills him with a lariat.  Triple H takes Gallows out of the ring.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Michaels counters and superkicks Punk for the pin.  Well, the guys who should have won just lost.  Show clotheslines DX, then stands over Michaels and gloats.  Michaels gets up and throws chops at Show.  Show headbutts him down.  Miz kicks Michaels in the head behind the referee’s back.  Michaels plays face in peril for a while, then superkicks Show and makes the hot tag.  Triple H runs wild on Miz.  “VINTAGE TRIPLE H!”  Michaels tags himself back in.  Miz shoves Michaels into Hunter, then pins Michaels with a reverse cradle (about 14 minutes shown).  Wow, Miz has 3 belts now.  DX argues.  Michaels leaves.

Cena vs. Dibiase and Orton vs. Rhodes TONIGHT!

Moments ago, all the shit I just wrote about happened.

Josh Matthews interviews the new Tag Team Champions.  Miz likes the name “The Miz Show.”  Show prefers “Show Miz.”  I like Show Miz.

Cole and Lawler hype Elimination Chamber.  Lawler fucks up by saying Cody Rhodes is in the Raw Chamber instead of Dibiase.

Michaels bumps into Carlito and Alicia Fox while looking for Teddy Long.  He finds Teddy and begs him to trade him to Smackdown and put him on the Smackdown Chamber match so he can win it and face Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Teddy says he can’t do it.  Michaels grabs Teddy.  Triple H stops him tries to talk some sense into him.  Michaels says his career is over, then superkicks Teddy and leaves.  I love crazy Shawn Michaels, randomly superkicking people.

WWE Rewind: 2 weeks ago, Gail Kim defeated Alicia Fox to make it to the finals of the Divas Championship Tournament.

Moments ago, Shawn Michaels superkicked Teddy Long, and it was awesome!

Maryse is at ringside to do commentary for…

Gail Kim vs. Jillian Hall.  No intros.  Jillian sends Gail outside, back in, near fall.  Gail avoids Hall in the corner, but gets tripped up.  Gail rallies and hits her finish for the pin in 1:03.  Maryse congratulates Gail, reiterates what she said last week, then speaks French.  They shake hands.

The first inductee into the Hall of Fame Class of 2010, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.

Dibiase’s son will be in action tonight against John Cena.  Next, Cody Rhodes takes on Randy Orton!

Bullshit WWE Fact of the Week.

Carl Edwards and Jared Fogle are backstage.  Santino Marella comes in and tries to sing the 5 Dollar Footlong song.  Jared gives Santino a Subway gift card.  Santino wants revenge on Swagger for keeping him out of the Royal Rumble.  Edwards makes the match for this week’s Superstars.  Kofi Kingston comes in.  Kofi recommends that all Elimination Chamber participants have singles matches next week.  Edwards leaves that for next week’s host: Jerry Springer!  They show a video of Springer with clips from his show.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton.  Orton shoves Rhodes and yells at him.  Rhodes slaps his hand away.  Orton decks him.  Rhodes hits a dropkick for 2.  They lock up and go at it.  Orton gets ready to go for the RKO, but Sheamus comes out and distracts Orton.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 2:47.  Sheamus nails Orton with the pump kick after the match.  Rhodes comes in with a chair to chase off Sheamus.

They show Batista’s post Raw assault on Cena again.  Cena is headed our way!

Josh Matthews interviews Carl Edwards, who announces that next week we’ll see Sheamus vs. Randy Orton, Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Kofi Kingston, and Triple H vs. John Cena.

Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out for the main event.  John Cena comes out and destroys him before the match ever starts and locks him in the STF at ringside.  Cena calls out Batista.  Commercials.  Dante’s Inferno commercial.  Such an awesome game.

John Cena is still in the ring.  He speculates that Batista attacked him because Vince McMahon put a hit on him.  Vince comes out, flanked by security.  Cena says Vince didn’t bring enough security.  He’ll just kick their asses and get angrier.  Vince gets in the ring.  They banter.  Vince says maybe Batista just doesn’t like Cena, because Vince doesn’t like him, or people from Louisiana.  Vince has a point there… Vince says he likes Cena business-wise.  Cena yells at Vince for being all about money, then says Bret Hart wants to wrestle Vince at WrestleMania.  Cena steps out of the ring.  They argue some more.  Vince says he’ll face Bret at WrestleMania.  Cena says he has one person left to tell.  Cena leaves.  Vince addresses Bret Hart.  They show the video from last week again.  Bret appears and kicks Vince’s ass.  Vince bails up the ramp where he’s protected by his security guard.  Vince says he won’t face Bret at WrestleMania and Bret deserved to be screwed.  Vince leaves.  Bret destroys some production equipment and huffs around the ring to end the show.