Archive for Jeremy Buck

TNA Victory Road 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Chui

PPV opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Bully Ray comes out for his match.  He calls So Cal Val into the ring to give him a microphone, then bullies her out of the ring because he’s a bully.  He puts over Hogan and Bischoff, then calls out Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer comes out.  Ray talks shit to him, then informs him that their match is Falls Count Anywhere.  I’m sure Dreamer is shaking in his little space boots.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer attacks Bully and kicks his ass to start the match.  Ray lands a clothesline.  Dreamer recovers and throws him out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor.  Dreamer has a fan hold a chair and rams Bubba’s head into it, then spits a fan’s water into Bubba’s face, the hits him with a stuffed minion from that Disney movie, Despicable Me.  I think that’s what it is, anyway.  They brawl in the crowd.  They make their way back to ringside and Bubba gains the advantage.  Bubba swings a Singapore cane at So Cal Val just to be a dick, then takes her chair to attack Dreamer with.  That sentence wasn’t grammatically correct.  Anyway, he fails with the chair.  They throw some plunder into the ring and the Innovator of Violence goes to work.  There’s a blowup doll.  Bubba gets knocked down and 69s with it.  Dreamer interrupts the coupling with a big splash for 2.  Dreamer goes up top.  Bubba cracks him with a trash can lid, then hits a superplex.  Bubba gives the blowup doll an elbow drop and throws it out of the ring.  Dreamer counters the Bubba Bomb and hits the DDT for 2.  Dreamer brings in a table and goes for a piledriver.  Bully back body drops him, then clobbers him with a trash can.  Bubba goes for a Rock Bottom or something, gets countered, and lands a big boot for 2.  Bubba canes Dreamer, then calls for a microphone so he can talk shit while he does it.  He yells “This is for you, Devon!” and sets up a powerbomb.  Devon’s music plays.  Terrence and Terrell come out, one of them in a neck brace.  Brother Devon appears behind Bully.  Devon and Dreamer gives Bully the 3D through the table and Dreamer gets the pin in 10:44.  Fun little garbage match.  I have no complaints.  Dreamer, Devon, and sons celebrate.

Tenay and Taz chat about the main event.

Christy Hemme interviews The Beautiful People and Winter.  Velvet and Winter still aren’t getting long, and Angelina is monkey in the middle.  Velvet’s rack is magnificent tonight.  Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Sarita and Rosita come out.  Sarita cuts a promo out how they’ll win the titles.  She rattles off some Spanish that I can for the most part follow, but makes some gender errors.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. Sarita & Rosita.  Winter comes out in a blindfold for some reason.  Love and Rosita lock up.  Rosita is a seriously tiny woman.  Love knocks her down a bunch and she tags out.  Sarita gets schooled briefly and tags back out.  Love gives her a drop toe hold and tags in Winter.  Winter hits a backbreaker for 2.  Sarita tags in.  Winter hits a Northern Lights suplex hold.  Rosita breaks her bridge to save.  Love tags in.  Sarita tags out and tries to electric chair drop Rosita onto Love, but Love moves.  Love hits Rosita with a World’s Weakest Slam for 2.  Winter tags in.  She avoids a dropkick from Sarita.  Rosita eats it instead.  More quick tags with Love and Winter, who I guess are the babyfaces, dominating.  A brief clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita tries to use one of the title belts, but Love stops her and takes out out of the ring.  Hebner follows them out.  Rosita tries to use the belt, but Velvet Sky appears and takes it away.  Winter gets a reverse cradle on Rosita.  Sarita comes in and turns it over.  After several long seconds, Hebner makes it in and counts the pin on the world’s weakest cradle in 4:58.  Rosita and Sarita win the titles.  Love and Winter are mad at Velvet, who did nothing wrong that I can tell.  This was really meh and the finish was shit.

Footage of Jeff and Karen Jarrett on their honeymoon.  With their kids.  At a theme park.  Karen is not pleased.  They go for pizza.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Morgan.  He cuts a promo on Hernandez.

Morgan/Hernandez hype video.

First Blood Match: Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan rushes and beats up Hernandez.  Morgan knocks Hernandez to the floor and they take turns ramming each others’ heads into the steps.  Back inside, Morgan exposes a turnbuckle.  Hernandez hits a shoulder blood and brings in a stick.  He breaks it in half and chokes Morgan with it, then tries to stab him.  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “WE WANT BLOOD!”  Hernandez tries to gouge Morgan in various ways.  Morgan catches him with a sidewalk slam.  Hernandez hits another shoulder block and starts to put a beating on Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan brings the stick back in.  Hernandez kicks him low and goes up top.  Morgan throws him off like Hernandez is Ric Flair in every match he’s ever had.  A “fan” jumps in the ring.  The referee and security get him out.  Hernandez tries to use a chain.  Morgan takes it away and punches him.  The referee is out on the floor from the scuffle with the fan.  Hernandez squirts fake blood on Morgan.  The referee comes in, sees the fake blood on Morgan, and calls it in 8:34.  The match wasn’t any good, but that finish was hilarious.  You can see now that Hernandez is bleeding from the head.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fuck finish in a first blood match.  Hilarious.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  It’s Max’s birthday.  He claims that Jeremy is going to help him with the X Division title for his birthday.  Jeremy doesn’t seem completely cool with this plan.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, who isn’t sweating his return to Ultimate X.

Earlier today, Cookie screamed at Robbie E. while he was trying to get ice cream.

Ultimate X hype video.

X Factors.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck.  Cookie immediately tries to hump Kazarian’s leg.  GenMe beat up Robbie and throw him out, then go to work on Kazarian.  Kazarian jumps over them to the cables and goes for the belt.  Jeremy pulls him down.  Max accidentally clotheslines Jeremy.  Kazarian drops Max with a dropkick.  Robbie beats up Kazarian while Cookie screams obnoxiously.  Kazarian is sent outside.  Jeremy attacks Robbie while Max goes for the belt.  Robbie stops them and goes for the belt himself.  Kazarian climbs out and kicks him down, then drops down on h im with a leg drop like an idiot instead of taking the belt when he had the perfect chance.  Jeremy comes back in, kicks Kazarian in the head, and hits the springboard face plant.  Jeremy tries to help Max get to the belt.  Robbie gives Jeremy a neckbreaker.  Max falls down.  Gen Me are sent out.  Kazarian and Robbie go at it.  Kazarian back body drops Max out of the ring and he takes a bump on the steps.  Kazarian hits him with a dive.  Max hits Kazarian with a dropkick.  Jeremy hits Kazarian and Robbie with an Asai moonsault.  Max calls for Jeremy to come back and help him even though he’s all alone and can go for it himself.  Kazarian comes back in instead and beats him up.  Max drops Kazarian and goes for the belt while Jeremy holds Kazarian down.  Kazarian fights him off and pulls Max down.  Gen Me double team Kazarian.  Jeremy blocks Kazarian while Max climbs for the belt.  Kazarian kicks Jeremy down, then pulls Max down and catches him with an Ace Crusher.  Robbie pulls Kazarian’s neck across the top rope and goes for the belt.  Max pulls him down and hits him with a very swank reverse blockbuster/diving Diamond Dust type move.  Kazarian sends Max into the corner steel thing.  Jeremy beats up Kazarian.  Robbie, Jeremy, and Kazarian do the tower of doom spot.  Kazarian revives and gives Robbie the Fade To Black.  Jeremy nails Kazarian with an elbow smash and a spin kick.  Jeremy goes up top.  Kazarian hits him with a enzuigiri and hits the MOTHERFUCKING FLUX CAPACITOR!  Kazarian and Robbie both go for the belt.  Gen Me pull Robbie down and give him a double superkick.  They swing Kazarian back and forth until he falls down.  Jeremy goes up top.  Max bitches at him and pulls him off the top rope.  They argue.  Jeremy allows Max to go up, then goes up himself.  They meet int he middle and fight.  Robbie brings in a ladder, breaking the number one rule of Ultimate X.  Jeremy takes a bump off the cables.  Robbie knocks Max down and tries to set up his ladder.  Kazarian climbs the structure and walks the rope to the middle.  Robbie climbs the ladder and they fight over the belt.  Kazarian wins.  The bell doesn’t ring until Kazarian drops to the mat at 14:22, so I guess you have to take a stupid bump to make it official.  Fun match.  Some crazy spots.  Some really stupid logical flaws.

More of Jeff, Karen, and the kids.  Jeff brings more pizza.  Karen is being bitchy.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  They’re perverts, then they cut a promo on Shannon Moore.

Beer Money/Ink Inc. hype video.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. Ink Inc.  Storm and Neal lock up.  Storm lands a shoulder block.  They each block hip tosses and jump around a bit, then trade arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They trade slaps.  Storm hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Neal hits a cross body for 2.  Roode and Moore tag in and lock up.  Roode takes Moore down and they do a bit of chain wrestling.  Moore hits a dropkick for 2.  Roode hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Neal tags in.  Roode avoids the double team and hits a powerslam for 2.  Storm tags in.  Moore cheap shots him.  Neal is like “WTF?” and tags out.  Moore works over Storm.  Neal tags in and keeps the heat going.  Moore comes back in.  Storm avoids him in the corner.  Neal and Roode tag in and brawl.  Roode gets the better of it and runs wild.  Roode hits a spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money do some swank double teaming on Neal.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Moore runs wild on Beer Money.  They kind of botch a moonsault body block.  Moore hits a flipping bulldog on Roode for 2.  Ink Inc. go for their finish, but Roode counters it and drops Neal with a lariat.  Roode and Moore fight on top.  Moore knocks Roode down.  Storm tries to cut him off, but fails.  Moore hits the Halo on Storm.  Roode hits a Rock Bottom on Moore for 2.  Double suplex on Moore.  BEER!  MONEY!  They go for the DWI, but Neal spears Storm.  Neal hits a neckbreaker on Roode.  Moore follows with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Moore gets the chain that his stupid book is on.  Neal tells him “no,” then holds Roode up.  Storm makes the save and hits a Lung Blower on Moore.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Moore and Roode gets the pin in 12:32.  Okay match.  Neal shakes hands with Beer Money.  Moore spits beer in Storms face and runs away.  Ink Inc. argue.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Hardy and Ric Flair.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Ric Flair).  They lock up.  Styles dodges a punch and lands some of his own.  Styles hits a shoulder block, then grabs a front face lock.  They trade hammerlocks.  Styles takes Hardy down with a headlock.  Hardy lands an elbow smash.  Styles does the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Hardy tries to suplex Styles in from the apron.  Styles lands on his feet and knocks Hardy out of the ring.  He hits the ropes for a dive, but Flair grabs his foot.  Hardy clotheslines Styles for 2.  Styles low bridges Hardy out of the ring and hits a moonsault off of the apron.  Hardy sends Styles’s shoulder into the apron, then the post.  Hardy tries to whip Styles into the barricade.  Styles slides under, then comes off the barricade with a forearm.  Back inside now.  They counter each other.  Styles takes a whiplash bump into the turnbuckles.  Hardy throws Styles outside and distracts the referee so Flair can get his cheap shots in.  Hebner and Flair get into it.  Hardy throws Styles back in and hits the Albert decapitator for 2.  Hardy locks in a swank standing butterfly lock.  Styles turns it into a cover for 2, then reaches the ropes to escape the hold.  Hardy chokes Styles with his boot.  Hardy hot shots Styles into the top turnbuckle and hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Flair grabs Styles’ balls behind the referee’s back.  Hardy drops some elbows for 2.  Hardy applies a cravat.  Back up, they double clothesline each other, then Styles lands an enzuigiri.  They trade punches.  Styles hits a fireman’s carry into an over the knee backbreaker for 2.  Styles hits a suplex neckbreaker for 2.  Styles goes up top.  Hardy gets up to cut him off, but Styles jumps over him.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy comes off the top with a diving elbow to the back of the head.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Styles turns it into a backslide for 2.  Hardy hits a discus lariat.  Styles goes for the Style Clash, but Hardy turns into an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles catches Hardy with an elbow smash and botches the Phenomenon, but turns it into a cover that gets 2 when Hebner finishes being distracted by Flair.  Flair pokes Styles in the eye.  Styles knocks Flair off the apron with a Pele kick.  Hardy hits a DDT and a moonsault press for 2.  Styles counters the Twist of Hate again, but eats an elbow.  Hardy is on top.  Styles knocks him down with the Pele kick.  Styles hits the MOTHERFUCKING SPIRAL TAP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS to get the pin in 17:37.  Good match.  SPIRAL TAP~!  Styles gives Flair a retaliatory shot to the balls after the match.  Fun times.

More of Jeff and Karen.  Jeff is enjoying himself, but Karen is pissed.  Jeff says he misses Kurt and he’s going to call for a truce on Thursday.  The kids come up and they all get sprayed with water.  Karen throws a fit.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.

RVD/Anderson hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  They stare at each other.  The mutants start their alternating chant.  They start punching, then counter each other a bunch, then cradle each other for 2.  Stalemate, applause.  There’s been a lot of that in TNA lately.  They trade hammerlocks and headlocks.  Very cool wrestling exchange.  RVD goes for a leap frog and crotches himself on Anderson’s head.  They go back and forth some more.  RVD hits the springboard kick and the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson rolls out of the ring.  RVD hits baseball slide dropkick and a slingshot dive.  RVD goes for the guardrail leg drop, but Anderson moves and RVD leg drops the barricade.  Fucking ouch.  Anderson goes to work on RVD’s leg.  RVD’s leg is so injured that Anderson gets 2 off of a chop block.  RVD holds onto the top rope to avoid the Mic Check.  Anderson avoids the Rolling Thunder.  RVD counters the Lambeau Leap and grabs a headlock.  Anderson turns it into a backdrop suplex.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check again.  RVD counters.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  RVD does a back flip and lands on his feet fine despite the injured leg.  They conk heads.  RVD hits a cross body against the ropes that takes them both out of the ring.  They brawl up the ramp.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on the ramp.  It’s a double count-out in 12:52.  There’s even an alternating chant of “RESTART THE MATCH!” and “NO!”  Fucking iMPACT! Zone mutants.  So… a double count-out.  Lovely.  It was okay match until the schmozz finish.

Pre-taped comments from Jeff Hardy.

Sting/Hardy hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

Introduces and introductions for the World title match.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  He shakes Hardy’s hand, then tries to shake hands with Sting.  Sting, for once, isn’t buying it.  Bischoff makes it a No DQ Match.  Sting decks Bischoff and stomps on him.

No DQ Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Sting (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy teases throwing his shirt to the crowd for a while.  Sting backs him into the corner.  The referee makes him stand back.  Hardy fucks around about his t-shirt some more.  They lock up.  Sting clubbers Hardy a bit, then hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 1:28.  Seriously, that was the whole match.  Apparently Hardy showed up “in no condition to perform” tonight.  The No DQ thing never came into play.  I assume the Bischoff shit was just to kill time.

PPV recap video.

This show was heading to a thumbs very slightly up until the double count-out in the semi main and the 1:28 main event.  That knocked it down a few pegs.


TNA iMPACT! 3/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by Chui

Recap of last week’s happenings.

“The Return of the Icon”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes to the ring.  He thanks the fans for their support.  He puts over Jeff Hardy.  Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out and applaud Sting.  Hogan talks for a while.  Sting responds at length.  Ken Anderson comes out.  He talks for a while.  The short of it is, wants a title shot.  Jeff Hardy comes out.  He also wants a title shot.  Rob Van Dam, who I can only assume also wants a title shot, comes out.  What do ya know?  I was right!  Hogan says he’s the one who calls the shots.  Bischoff books Sting vs. Hardy and RVD vs. Anderson for Victory Road and Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD tonight.

The Beautiful People are in the locker room.  Cookie, Angelina from Jersey Shore, and Sarita come in.  They’re all bitch.  Winter bitches at Angelina for talking shit to the other Angelina.  The heel bitches leave, then Velvet bitches at the other face bitches.  I hate women’s wrestling.

Pope/Joe next.

Samoa Joe (w/ Okato) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope comes out of the crowd and hits Okato with a chain.  Joe chases Pope into the ring, where Pope gets the jump on him.  Joe rallies and beats up Pope.  Pope beats up Joe.  Joe kicks Pope in the face and hits a senton splash.  Joe hits a powerslam for 2.  Pope begs off.  Joe slaps him.  Pope counters the choke and hits a STO for 2.  Pope removes a turnbuckle pad.  The referee sees it and does nothing about it.  Joe hits an Exploder.  Pope grabs his chain .  The referee finally decides to fix the turnbuckle.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Pope KOs him with the chain for the pin in 3:22.  Stupid.

Bully Ray arrives and bullies the camera man, because he’s a bully.  He talks shit about Tommy Dreamer.  He challenges Dreamer to a parking lot fight.

Tonight, horrible women’s match.  Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD.

TNA Knockouts Championship Madison Rayne and Tara come out for a title match.  They show Rayne beating ODB 2 weeks ago.  Rayne is obnoxious.  She issues another open challenge.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ Tara) vs. Roxxi.  Crowd is completely dead for Roxxi.  Rayne goes on the attack.  Roxxi makes her comeback.  Nobody mentions how Rayne beat her and forced her out of the company last year.  Roxxi hits a spinebuster for 2.  Roxxi gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Rayne hits her finish for the pin in 1:33.  Well this was pointless.  Rayne continues beating Roxxi after the match.  Mickie James makes the save.

Tommy Dreamer goes to the parking lot and waits for Bully Ray.

Bully Ray is in another part of the parking lot pretending to look for Dreamer.  Brother Devon attacks him instead and beats the hell out of him.  Ray begs off.  Devon whips him with a chain.  Fucking ouch.  Devon goes after Ray with a sledgehammer.  Tommy Dreamer stops him for  using it and leads him away.  Ray cheap shots a security guard who comes to help him, then whips him with the chain, then throws a guardrail on him.  Bully Ray is an awesome heel.

Sarita (w/ Rosita), Cookie, & Angelina vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter & Velvet Sky.  Angelina wants to start with Velvet.  Typical cat fight bullshit.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Robbie E. runs in and holds Velvet.  There’s some kind of weird clusterfuck.  Winter cleans house on the Jersey traps and bites Robbie’s hand.  Velvet schoolgirls Angelina for the pin in a mercifully short 1:53.  Now let’s never speak of this again.  Sky spanks herself.

Next, Matt Hardy vs. Ric Flair vs. AJ Styles in a three-way Street Fight.

Last week, Kurt Angle put football player Bart Scott in the ankle lock.  Video of Angle discussing the incident.  Ken Anderson also comments on it for some reason.

Ken Anderson is in the office with Hogan, Bischoff, and Hardy.  He’s incredulous about having to team with Hardy tonight.

Flair/Styles video package.

Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, and AJ Styles come out for their street fight, but Flair wants to talk.  Flair and Styles banter for a while.  Hardy talks shit to Styles for a while.  Styles slugs Hardy to start the match.  Insta-commercials.

Three-Way Street Fight: Ric Flair vs. Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles.  The bell never rang as far as I could tell.  Styles beats up Hardy while Flair watches from outside.  Hardy gets the advantage and Flair comes in.  Styles drops him with an enzuigiri, then puts him in the figure-four.  Hardy hits the diving leg drop on Styles for 2.  Flair bails.  Hardy throws Styles out.  Flair pokes  him in the eyes.  Styles rams Flair’s head into the post.  Flair bleeds, of course.  Hardy hits styles from behind with a trash can.  Hardy brings in a ladder and hits Hardy with it.  Styles counters Hardy and throws him into the ladder.  Flair attacks Styles.  Styles pounds Flair’s bloody head.  Hardy comes back in and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy misses an elbow drop.  Styles kicks Flair to avoid a chair shot, then rips Flair’s shirt open and chops him.  Styles drops Hardy with the Pele kick, then goes for the Styles Clash on a chair.  Flair hits Styles in the balls.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate on the chair.  Flair pins Styles in 5:52.  This was a mess.

Sting tries to make amends with RVD.  RVD isn’t buying it.  They’re in a tag match tonight!

House shows!

Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.  TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money come out to do commentary.  Jeremy and Moore do a fast paced exchange.  Jeremy hits the slingshot X Factor.  Max tags himself in and tries to steal the pin, but only gets 2.  Jeremy tags back in and hits a slingshot dropkick for 2.  Max tags himself back in and covers Moore for 2.  What’s up with this shit?  Max clamps on a rear chin lock.  Moore gets a quick cradle for 2.  Moore fights back and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Neal gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neal hits a cross body on Max for 2.  He face plants Jeremy.  Max superkicks Neal.  Jeremy tags in.  Max tries to launch Jeremy to the top rope, but Neal spears him in midair.  Moore throws out Max.  Ink Inc. hit th eir finish on Jeremy and Neal gets the pin in 4:15.  It was okay.  Moore says Ink Inc. will win the titles at Victory Road.  Storm says Beer Money will kick their asses.

Mr. Anderson is getting ready backstage.  Jeff Hardy comes in and stares at him, then asks if Anderson is going to turn on him tonight.  Anderson replies that he’s an asshole.  That wasn’t the whole thing, but it’s all I heard.

Tonight, Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD.

Victory Road hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks backstage.

Video of the shit that went down with Kurt Angle and Jeff & Karen Jarrett last week.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett talk backstage.  They’re going to Orlando for their honeymoon.  So they’re going where they go every week anyway.

Ultimate X hype video.

Tenay and Taz hype Victory Road.

Sting hype video.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting.  Ken Anderson jumps Sting from behind and kicks his ass.  He REALLY wants his title shot.

So Cal Val has taken over as ring announcer, and she’s just awful.

Jeff Hardy & Ken Anderson vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting & Rob Van Dam.  Sting doesn’t come out for the match.  Anderson jumps RVD to start the match.  RVD fights back and hits a springboard kick for 2.  Anderson avoids the monkey flip and slaps Hardy in the back of the head, which constitutes a tag.  RVD beats up Hardy.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Hardy goes to tag out, but Anderson drops off the apron.  RVD gets the leg roll cradle on Hardy for 2.  Hardy throws RVD down and slaps Anderson to tag him in.  Anderson gets knocked off the apron.  Hardy hits RVD with the Twist of Hate for 2, as Anderson stops the referee from making the count.  Hardy wasn’t legal anyway.  Anderson gives Hardy the Mic Check.  The lights go out.  Sting appears in the ring and beats up Anderson.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop.  RVD hits Anderson with the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 4:27.  Well this was dumb.

Garbage.  That was this show.  That is this company.

TNA iMPACT! 2/3/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Chui

Recap of recent goings on and clips from the European tour.

“Expect The Unexpected”

Immortal are in the ring: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff calls out Scott Steiner, who comes out to the ring.  Bischoff blathers for a while.  He says there is no “they” because Nash, Sting, and Booker aren’t coming back.  He invites Steiner to join Immortal.  Steiner offers to stick his foot up Bischoff’s ass and calls him a piece of shit.  Another epic Scott Steiner promo.  He says he’ll break Bischoff’s neck if Bischoff doesn’t call him “sir.”  Kurt Angle and Crimson come out.  Angle agrees that Bischoff is a piece of shit, then says that “they” are indeed here.

Immortal bicker backstage.  Bischoff wonders where Flair is.  Angle, Steiner, and Crimson walk in.  Everybody argues.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ink Inc. vs. Gunner & Murphy.  Gunner and Murphy kick tattooed ass.  Taz: “Hes like 6’6″!  He’s even taller than me!”  Gunner and Murphy work over Neal.  Moore tags in and runs wild on the big dude.  I think it’s Murphy.  Moore hits the Halo.  Gunner saves.  Murphy accidentally boots Gunner.  Ink Inc. hit their finish on Murphy and Moore gets the pin in 3:28.  There ya go.

Kurt Angle gives Scott Steiner and Crimson a pep talk backstage.  Angle’s phone rings.  The plan is a go, apparently.

Tonight, Ken Anderson defends the TNA World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy!  Up next, TNA Cribs with Jeff & Karen Jarrett!

Chrisy Hemme is in front a court house.  This stupid legal thing got a continuance until March 3.

Eric Young shows up at the announce table and spazzes out.  He says he knows who “they” are, but won’t tell who.  He thinks he’s off air.  But he’s functionally retarded.

TNA Cribs with Jeff and Karen Jarrett.  Jeff gets mad at the kids for saying Dixie Carter’s name.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson talks backstage.  He wants to waste TV time in the ring talking to Jeff Hardy later.

Bully Ray and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero are in the ring.  Apparently they’re partners now.  Ray cuts a promo about Devon.  Pope cuts a promo about Samoa Joe.  Joe and Devon hit the ring for a brawl.  Pope runs away from Joe.  Kazuchika Okada appears in the entryway to block his exit.  Pope takes another way out.  Joe gives chase.  Ray tries to punch Devon with the chain, but Devon kicks his ass.  They brawl at ringside.  Geeks come out to break them up.  Ray spits on some fans, who are apparently Devon’s sons, then runs away.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Mickie James in a Taped Fist Match!  Anderson vs. Hardy for the World Championship!

Eliminate The Hate!

Max Buck has joined Tenay and Taz at the table.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Jay Lethal vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Douglas Williams.  They do some shit.  Williams fails a Chaos Theory on Buck, but hits a snap suplex for 2, as Lethal saves.  Jeremy hits Williams with an Asai moonsault.  Lethal hits Jeremy with a tope suicida.  Back inside, Lethal hits Jeremy with a springboard kick.  Jeremy gets a rope break at 2.  Williams comes back and gives Jeremy a side Russian leg sweep as Jeremy DDTs Lethal.  Covers get 2.  Williams tries to set up a backdrop suplex off the top on Jeremy.  Lethal turns it into a tower of doom spot.  Max comes down to do something about Jeremy’s shoe being untied.  Lethal covers Williams for 2.  Williams gets an inside cradle for 2.  Lethal and Williams trade blows.  Max distracts the referee.  Williams hits the Chaos Theory on Lethal.  Jeremy kicks Williams in the balls and covers Lethal for the pin in 4:29.  Good little match.

Bischoff is on the phone trying to find Flair.  Nobody knows where he is.  Bischoff tells Styles to make sure they get the World title back tonight.  Styles assures him that he has things under control.

Sarita talks backstage.  She says her cousin Rosita will be there next week.

Anderson/Hardy hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson comes out and calls of Jeff Hardy.  Hardy comes out and his awful song rapes my eardrums and gives me a headache.  They talk for a while.  I think Hardy agrees to not cheat tonight.

Mickie James talks backstage.

Tonight, Anderson vs. Hardy!  Next, Mickie vs. Sarita in a Taped Fist Match!

House shows!

More of Jeff & Karen at home.

Taped Fist Match: Sarita vs. Mickie James.  Mickie hits a snapmare and whiffs a basement dropkick.  Mickie hits a monkey flip and a dropkick, then punches Sarita.  Sarita hides behind the referee, then tries to get a cheap shot.  Mickie hits some arm drags and a neckbreaker.  Mickie goes up top.  Sarita ducks the dive.  Micke tries to pull Sarita out of the ring, but gets kicked in the head.  Mickie pulls Sarita off the apron, causing a face plant.  Sarita rams Mickie’s hand into the post, then cranks on it, then rams it into the steps.  Back inside, Sarita keeps working on the hand.  Sarita hits a hammerlock slam.  I always pop for that move a little bit.  Sarita cranks on an arm lock.  Mickie fights free.  Sarita hits a swank backdrop suplex.  Mickie rallies and lands a knockout left hand for the KO victory in 6:03.  This was okayish.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne appears in the crowd and cold cocks Mickie with the loaded glove.

Eric Bischoff and Jeff Hardy bicker backstage.  Hardy tells him to make sure there’s no interference tonight.

Jeff Jarrett has a surprise for Karen.

Clips from the European tour.

Back at La Casa de Jarrett.  It’s very stupid.  They’re going to renew their wedding vows on Impact.  Ugh.

Ken Anderson comes out for the main event.  Jeff Hardy jumps him in the aisle during his microphone gimmick.  Hardy beats up Anderson at ringside.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and geeks break them up.  Insta-commercials.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up and tear into each other.  Anderson hits a cross body for 2.  Hardy bails.  Anderson chases.  Hardy slips back in and gets the jump on Anderson.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Hardy hits a clothesline for 2.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson rallies and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Hardy drops him with a clothesline and goes back on the offensive.  Hardy goes to work on Anderson’s leg, then on Anderson’s previously concussed head.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind.  They trade punches.  Anderson makes his comeback.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check.  Anderson lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Hardy hits a front suplex for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy counters and goes for the Twist of Hate.  Anderson counters.  Hardy bumps the ref.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate.  Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy come out and beat up Anderson.  Styles, Beer Money, and Kazarian come out to join.  Matt hits the Side Effect on Anderson.  Styles, Beer Money, and Kazarian throw up the Fortune sign and attack Immortal!  Roode clotheslines Jeff.  Styles gives Jeff the Styles Clash!  Anderson covers Hardy for the pin in 12:12.  Good match, even with the fuck finish.  Styles hands the fugly belt to Anderson.  Insta-commercials.

Fortune and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson are in the ring.  Styles cuts a promo on Bischoff.  He explains that “them” is “us.”  Bischoff comes out and swears at Styles a bunch.  They yell at each other.  Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, and Crimson appear in the ring with Fortune.  The shit talking continues.  Bischoff says on March 3, some shit’s gonna go down.  Styles says he’ll stick his foot so far down Bischoff’s throat, he’ll be pissing shoelaces.  Awesome.

Not too bad of a show, actually.

TNA iMPACT! 1/27/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Chui

Video package of recent goings on.

“Crimson Sees Red”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo about what went on last week.  He talks about how he was supposed to retire, but now he’s back, for the fans, or so he can beat up Jeff Jarrett.  Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Jeff and Karent Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff isn’t buying this shit.  He sends the troops to kick Angle’s ass.  Storm prepares to hit Angle with a beer bottle.  Crimson appears and chases Immortal off with a baseball bat.  Flair cuts a promo on them.  Flair books Angle & Crimson vs. Jarrett, Beer Money, Kazarian, Gunner, Murphy, and Terry for tonight.

Eric Bischoff bitches at Ric Flair in the office.  Flair bitches right back, and he’s Ric Flair, so his bitching is awesome.

Tonight, Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!  Dixie Carter speaks!  Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Hardy!

Entrances for the clusterfuck women’s match.  Winter throws a fit backstage because Angelina is teaming with Velvet tonight.

Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  Everybody brawls.  The match finally starts with Tara beating up Angelina.  Angelina twists Tara’s injured arm.  Rayne tags in and gets hip tossed.  Angelina hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Rayne goes for her finish, but Love counters.  Mickie and Sarita tag in and trade arm locks.  Velvet tags in and renews her war against Sarita.  Sarita counters a headscissors into a backbreaker.  Velvet hits a cross-armed Edge-O-Matic.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita pins Velvet with a schoolgirl in 2:55.  Tara clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Mickie avoids a shot with the loaded glove.  Mickie pins Rayne in 3:47.  Sarita pins Mickie in 3:55.  Love gets Sarita with an inside cradle for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Love drops Sarita with a roundhouse kick for 2.  They make a big deal out of how Madison landed on her own glove leading to her elimination, even though she didn’t really and that doesn’t even make sense.  Velvet has been hurt backstage.  I’m sure Winter did it.  Love counters Sarita’s TKO and hits a Complete Shot Stunner deal.  Tara conks Love with the elbow brace.  Sarita covers for 2.  Tara and Sarita work over Love.  Love rallies and hits Tara with the Botox Injection for the pin (9:12 shown).  Sarita gets a reverse cradle, but Love reverses it for the pin (9:24 shown).  This was crap.  Are you surprised?

Kurt Angle is on the phone.  He tells someone that he needs them here.

Matt Hardy talks backstage.

TNA X Division Champion Kazarian has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  They’re doing some convoluted #1 Contender Series.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Amazing Red vs. Max Buck (w/ Jeremy Buck) vs. Chris Sabin.  Kazarian is pretty funny on commentary.  Brief 3-way clusterfuck.  Red and Sabin do a fast paced exchange to a stalemate.  Max attacks them.  Red gives Max a flying headscissors to send him outside.  Sabin drops Red with a clothesline for 2.  Sabin hits a dive on Max.  Back inside, Max avoids a springboard and pokes Sabin in the eye.  Max sends Red outside and works over Sabin.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Max applies a rear chin lock.  Red comes in and hits both of them with a dropkick.  Red hits Max with a rana and a fancy whirling DDT.  Red tries to springboard, but Sabin catches him with a stalling suplex for 2.  That was cool.  Max hits Sabin with a cool wheelbarrow face plant for 2.  Red hits the Code Red on Sabin.  Jeremy distracts the referee.  Red decks him and goes up top.  Jeremy crotches him on the top rope.  Max hits a DDT OF MURDER on Red for the pin in 5:10.  Fun little spot fest.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett bitch at each other.  “He was on the phone!” Karen yells.

Still to come, Dixie Carter speaks!  Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson!

Jeff Hardy is headed our way!

Velvet Sky yells at Angelina Love about how Winter attacked her.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff Hardy comes out to cut a promo.  He says a bunch of stupid things about how the people don’t care about him, even though he was one of the post popular babyfaces in years.  He talks shit about Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson himself comes out to retort.  He’s an asshole, he’ll keep the title, etc.

Crimson talks backstage.

They show how Crimson killed Abyss with the nail board last week.

Velvet Sky comes out and calls out Winter.  Winter comes out.  They fight, since it’s been a few weeks since we had a knockouts brawl that went way too long.  Winter gets the better of it.  Angelina Love comes out to break it up.  Velvet throws a fit.

Still to come, Hardy vs. Anderson!  Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!

The Pope is headed our way!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to cut a promo.  He says he’s going to confess.  He talks about not being able to stand your wife, or something.  His confession is that he doesn’t like Samoa Joe.  He wants a fan to confess something next week.  This is fucking stupid.

Ric Flair lectures Immortal backstage.  Eric Young is there for some reason.  Flair yells at him for being an idiot.

Dixie Carter speaks NEXT!

Video package of this whole retarded “THEY” angle.

Tenay and Taz talk to Dixie Carter on the phone.  She’s confident that the legal ruling will be in her favor.  Then they talk to Eric Bischoff.

Anderson vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Non-Title: Matt Hardy vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.  They lock up, then brawl.  Hardy goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Hardy drops down and pulls Anderson’s arm over the top rope.  Hardy viciously works Anderson’s arm.  Anderon rallies and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap, but Hardy counters and hits an F-U of all things.  Anderson counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Anderson turns the cover into a crucifix hold for the pin in 4:07.  Not too bad.  Jeff Hardy appears and attacks Anderson.  The Hardys beat down Anderson.  Rob Van Dam runs in to make the save.  Jeff runs away through the crowd.

Kurt Angle tells Crimson that they won’t be alone out there.  It’s NEXT!

Handicap Match: Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Immortal (Jeff Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy) (w/ Ric Flair & AJ Styles).  Jeff Jarrett was supposed to be out here, but he isn’t.  Roode beats up Crimson.  Crimson rallies and runs wild.  He’s actually pretty impressive.  Angle tags in.  Roode cuts him off and tags in Kazarian.  Angle rallies and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Storm tags in.  Angle gives him a belly to belly suplex, then decks everyone on the apron.  Storm hits a Lung Blower.  Flair hops around on the apron.  Angle ducks Storm’s superkick, which nails the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Storm.  6 on 2 clusterfuck ensues.  Now that Angle is in trouble, Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) comes out to join the match.  Angle rallies and drills Jarrett with a German suplex.  Everyone beats on Angle some more.  Jarrett hits the Stroke on Angle.  Another referee comes out to count the pin in 4:24.

Immortal continues the beatdown.  Matt Morgan tries to make the save, but he is overcome too.  The lights go out.  Sirens blare.  SCOTT STEINER appears in the ring with a lead pipe.  Immortal head for the hills.  Steiner’s ready to kick some ass.

This show was only mediocre, which is pretty good for iMPACT!

TNA iMPACT! 12/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2011 by Chui

The usual video package of recent happenings.

“The Con Game?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mick Foley comes out and calls out Ken Anderson.  Anderson comes out.  They talk about visiting wounded soldiers with Miss America.  They bicker about whether or not Anderson should wrestle.  Anderson’s concussion was like 2 months ago.  I’m sure he’s fine now.  He says he’s fine and he’s been cleared.  I’m sure he has.  I wish they’d be done with this stupid story already.  Matt Morgan comes out.  Morgan accuses Anderson  of trying to con him.  I don’t get it.  They bicker.  Anderson wants to fight now.  Foley gets between them.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out.  Apparently he has booking power now, because he announces that Anderson and Morgan will be on opposing sides of a tag match with mystery partners tonight.

Backstage, Eric Young is dressed as Father Time, but he thinks he’s Moses.  Orlando Jordan is Baby New Year.  Jordan still thinks they’re gay and Young still thinks they’re a tag team.  Stupid.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Velvet Sky in Strap Match!  Double J Double M A Challenge!  Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Robert Roode (w/ James Storm) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley).  They lock up and trade arm locks.  That’s always a fine way to start.  Roode grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Sabin hits arm drags and wrenches Roode’s arm.  Sabin sends Roode outside and hits a cross body off the top rope to the floor.  Back inside, Sabin tries to springboard.  Roode counters him and hits a modified Samoan drop for 2.  Roode chokes Sabin with his boot.  Sabin gets a sunset flip for 2.  Roode hits a clothesline that Sabin does a 360 bump for.  Cover gets 2.  Roode applies a rear chin lock.  Sabin escapes and makes his comeback.  Sabin hits a diving rana and a springboard lariat for 2.  Roode gets a sunset flip for 2.  Sabin turns it into a Gedo Clutch like move for 2.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri.  Cover, but Storm grabs the referee’s foot.  Nothing comes of that.  Sabin goes for the springboard tornado DDT, but Roode counters and hits the spinebuster for the pin in 6:04.  Good match.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular.  He’s headed our way.

Eric Young sits on Orlando Jordan’s lap backstage.  He doesn’t understand why he’s doing it.  Shark Boy comes in and begs for TV time.  He drinks beer so he can be sit on Jordan’s lap.  Stupid shit.

Rob Van Dam comes out and bitches about Eric Bischoff.  He has a mystery opponent tonight.  He says it doesn’t matter, he’ll keep going through people until he gets Jeff Hardy.  The Shore tard is his mystery opponent.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Robbie jerks off the air like a retard.  RVD does his thumb pointing gimmick and kicks the idiot in the chest.  RVD beats up the Shore tard.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Cookie grabs his foot.  Robbie gets heat on RVD, which is absurd.  RVD rallies and hits the springboard kick and a Rolling Thunder splash.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 2:14.  At least that tard is getting jobbed out now.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen.  He says he’ll face RVD if RVD beats his chosen mystery opponent at Genesis.  I’m calling Matt Hardy.

Still to come, Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Kazarian and some bimbos are headed our way!

Sarita talks shit about Velvet Sky to the camera.

Kazarian comes out and cuts a promo.  They show clips of the video from a few months ago where Jay Lethal visited his family.  Kazarian talks shit about them being poor.  He makes some borderline racist remarks and talks shit about Lethal’s mother.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to kick Kazarian’s ass.  Kazarian immediately whacks him with an object.  When was the last time they actually tried to promote an X Division title match?

Mick Foley is walking around backstage!

Mick Foley walks into the office to talk to Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair.  He’s still upset about Anderson’s brain and wants to know who the partners are going to be in the mystery tag match.  He says he’ll be at ringside tonight.

Strap Match: Velvet Sky vs. Sarita.  Sarita, having just cut a promo about how she was looking forward to the strap match, doesn’t want to strap up.  The referee makes her.  Sarita bails, but SHE’S TIED TO HER OPPONENT BY THE FUCKING STRAP.  Velvet pulls her back.  Sarita whips her.  They do the usual strap match bullshit.  The strap comes untied from Sarita.  The referee secures it back.  Velvet whips Sarita and chokes her with the strap.  Velvet drags Sarita around and touches 3 corners.  Sarita touches them too.  Sarita throws Velvet over and touches the last corner to win in 2:59.  This was awful.  Sarita attacks Velvet again after the match.  Angelina Love makes the save.

Back to the freak party.  Brian Kendrick has joined Young, Jordan, and Shark Boy.  Young waves a stick around like a moron.  Jordan berates him for “poking other guys with his staff.”  Everyone, even Jordan, wants women to show up.

Still to come, Double J Double M A Challenge!  The mystery partners match!

During the break, Velvet Sky threw a fit and stormed to the back.

Now, Angelina Love attacks Sarita backstage.  I guess it’s time for our weekly long, boring women’s brawl.  Winter saves Love from Sarita, even though Love started it.  Winter consoles Love.

Still to come, the mystery partners match!

2010 year in review/2011 hype video.

Double J Double M A Challenge is NEXT!

Doug Williams is in a tag match tonight, but has no partner.  That’s like a plague in TNA.  Brutus Magnus volunteers to be his partner.  The British Invasion is BACK!

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks to do the MMA thing.  Amazing Red agreed to bring his “baby brother” this week.  Red comes out alone.  Jarrett agrees to stand on his knees and give Red’s brother the first shot.  A big, jacked up, tattooed dude comes out.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red’s Baby Brother (w/ Amazing Red).  Jarrett tries to click.  That fails.  He tries again.  Big Red takes Jarrett down with a Fujiwara armbar, but Jarrett was in the ropes.  Big Red gets a knee lock.  Another rope break.  These people don’t know how MMA works.  Jarrett gets off his ass and beats up Big Red.  He goes for the ankle lock, but Big Red reverses it.  Gunner and Murphy pull Jarrett out of the ring.  Red beats up the little one.  The ref throws it out in 2:03.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Amazing Red takes it from him and smashes it.  Jarrett bails and has Gunner and Murphy pretend to hold him back.  This was retarded.

Still to come, mystery partners tag match.  Next, AJ Styles & Rob Terry against the reunited British Invasion.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Eric Bischoff.  From now on, his fights will be against shorter opponents and they’ll only be exhibitions.  What’s the point of that?  They’re also just now going to start having people sign waivers.  This company is so fucking retarded.

AJ Styles & Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams & Magnus.  Styles grabs Magnus in a side headlock.  Magnus give him a hip toss, then wrenches his arm.  Styles rakes Magnus’ eyes and demands that Williams tag in.  Williams obliges.  Styles immediately tags in Terry.  Terry beats up Williams.  Styles tags in and goes for the Styles Clash, but Williams counters.  Styles immediately tags back out.  Terry beats up Williams some more.  Styles comes in to pick up the scraps again.  Williams avoids Styles in the corner and hits an Exploder.  Magnus gets the tag and runs wild on Styles.  Magnus hits a running powerslam.  Terry saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Styles sends Williams outside.  Styles hits the Chaos Theory on Magnus for the pin in 4:55.  It was okay.

Madison Rayne is DRESSED UP and headed our way.

Generation Me and Tara join the freak party backstage.  Jordan hits on Tara.  A fight breaks out.  Ugh.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out in a gown with some dudes in suits.  I predict that this segment will be pointless and horrible.  She makes So Cal Val hand her a microphone, then talks in her obnoxious, nails on a chalkboard voice.  She talks shit about Mickie James.  Mickie comes out and kicks her ass.  Madison gets her dress ripped off and tries to act like she’s self conscious about being in her underwear.

Mystery partners tag match is next!

“The  Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks to a guy about adopting pit bull puppies for poor children.  Ugh.

Mick Foley comes out to do commentary on the main event.

Ken Anderson & Brother Ray vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Devon and Anderson start.  Devon wants Ray, but Ray pussies out and drops off the apron.  Eric Bischoff comes out and sends Gunner and Murphy after Foley.  Ray jumps Devon from behind in the ring.  Anderson and Devon do some stuff.  Foley decks Gunner and Murphy and puts Mr. Socko on the little one.  End of show.  Awful shit.

TNA ends the year in typical fashion: with a fucking horrible pro wrestling show.

TNA iMPACT! 12/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2010 by Chui

Video package of recent happenings.

“All The Gold Is Worth A Fortune”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come out.  There are scales in the ring because they’re doing a stupid weigh in for the Morgan/Anderson PPV match.  Flair introduces new member Rob Terry.  Bischoff babbles.  They have “doctors” there.  Matt Morgan comes out and talks about how stupid this shit is.  He threatens to stick a boot up someone’s ass.  Mick Foley comes out and talks about concussions.  Flair bitches at Foley for causing backyard garbage wrestling to exist.  The Flair/Foley promo battle is fucking great.  Bischoff screams some retarded bile at Foley.  That is NOT great.  The Flair/Foley stuff was great.  Everything else about this was dumb.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams in an Iron Match!  Finals of the Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament!  A retarded eight-man tag for the tag team championship!  Up next, a Double J Double M A challenge!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan and Jeff Hardy chat in the locker room.  Apparently Morgan’s rank is such that he doesn’t have to dress in a trailer.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  Jarrett challenges Amazing Red.  Jarrett’s cut man puts Vaseline in Red’s eyes.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red.  Jarrett kicks Red’s ass and submits him with an ankle lock in 49 seconds.  Jarrett helps Red up and asks he has any kids in his family that Jarrett can beat up.  Red says he’ll bring his little brother next week.

Madison Rayne and Tara are getting ready in their trailer.

Still to come, some bullshit!  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular backstage.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Kazarian.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to do commentary.  They show Lethal winning the title back from the Shore tard last week.  It’s tag team rules.  Kazarian convinces the Bucks to start against each other.  They just pose instead.  Robbie does that gay retarded jerking off motion.  The Bucks tag him in and kick his ass.  Cookie trips Max so the Jersey Fagtard can get the advantage.  Kazarian stays on the apron except for when he comes in to make the save on every cover.  Bucks beat up Robbie some more.  The video gets weird, either through broadcasting problems or shitty camera work.  Kazarian tags in and hits the Axe Guillotine Driver on Jeremy Buck for the pin in 3:35.  Whatever.

Velvet Sky is looking in the mirror.  Sarita walks into the room.  Commercials.

During the break, Sarita and Velvet Sky brawled backstage for about 6 hours.  Sarita leaves her lying.  Angelina Love finds Velvet, who says she can’t breathe.

Eric Bischoff gives Immortal the usual lecture about belts.

Tonight, eight-man tag for the 2 man tag belts, because that’s TNA!  Next, the women have a shitty match!  Commercials.

Brian Kendrick lectures the caterers.  A woman gives him a cookie to make him go away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Final: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Angelina Love.  Angelina is forced to go it alone.  She schools Madison early.  It’s horrible.  Love hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Tara interferes from the apron, allowing Rayne to get the advantage.  Love gets beaten up for a while.  Winter comes out and gets in the corner.  Love makes the hot tag to her.  Winter shakes Ryane’s head around, then kicks Tara in the gut.  Winter hits a crappy spinning slam on Rayne for the pin in 4:51.  Love & Winter win the titles.  This sucked.  Love is confused, even though she gave Winter the hot tag.  Tara doesn’t know who Winter is, so she doesn’t watch this show and didn’t watch WWE for a few years while she was with the company.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is outside talking on the phone.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up.  Young is a reindeer and Orlando Jordan is dressed as gay Santa.  They give Pope money.

Iron Man Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Douglas Williams (c) vs. AJ Styles.  It’s a 15 minute Iron Man Match.  That’s stupid.  They exchange holds, which is always a good way to start.  Styles finally backs Williams into the corner and cheap shots him with an elbow to the face.  Williams rallies and hits a running knee to the corner.  Commercials.  Styles has Williams in a rear chin lock.  OF COURSE, since this is TNA, there was a fall during the break, as Styles got the pin with the Styles Clash.  Williams lands a European uppercut.  Styles bails.  After fucking about for a bit, Styles pulls Williams out of the ring and rams his head into the steps.  Styles goes into the ring and orders Hebner to count.  Williams immediately comes back in.  Styles works Williams over.  Williams goes for a sunset flip.  Styles holds onto the ropes.  Hebner kicks his hands away like a dick and an interfering referee.  Williams gets some cradles for 2 counts.  Styles lands a forearm smash.  He goes for a springboard, but Williams catches him and hits an Exploder.  Williams makes his comeback.  Styles throws Williams out of the ring.  Williams comes back in and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 14:45.  The time limit expires in 15:09.  They agree to 5 more minutes.  Commercials.  The fuck?  OT is JIP.  Williams hits a DDT for 2.  Styles hit the springboard forearm for 2.  Williams hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  Williams goes for a backdrop suplex off the top rope, but Styles holds on to the Christmas bow around the post.  Williams hits it anyway.  The time limit expires after about 4 minutes.  Styles challenges Williams to a match at Genesis.  Williams says no.  They argue.  Williams says he’ll do it if Styles agrees to leave Fortune if he loses.  Styles refuses.  Eric Bischoff comes out and makes the match with the aforementioned stipulation.  Williams and Styles had a very good match.  This wasn’t it, but they have had one.

Beer Money hype up their team backstage.

Up next, they’ll call Mr. Anderson on the phone!  Commercials.

House shows!

Tenay and Taz talk to Mr. Anderson via satellite.  So Anderson is in “his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin,” but they expected him to come out for a fucking weigh in earlier?  This damn company is so fucking retarded.  Fuck this fucking company.  Anderson gets mad when they ask him for paper work.

The Motor City Machine Guns and Rob Van Dam are hyped up for their match.  Matt Morgan is mad about what Anderson said.

Stupid eight-man thing is next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, Beer Money, & Abyss vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c), Rob Van Dam, & Matt Morgan.  Entrances, commercials.  Match is JIP.  RVD lands some kicks on Storm.  Morgan and Roode tag in.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Roode comes off the top rope, but gets caught.  Morgan gives him a fall away slam.  Sabin tags in and kicks Roode in the gut.  Roode gets a reverse cradle, but Shelley tags in in the process.  Guns double team Roode.  Roode counters the Shiranui.  Storm pulls Shelley into the turnbuckles.  Roode hits a neckbreaker.  The heels take turns working over Shelley for a while.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the “BEER!”  “MONEY!” thing.  Shelley knocks down Storm.  Hardy tags in and cuts him off.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  The show ends.

This was just a meaningless, lame duck show full of TNA bullshit.

TNA iMPACT! 12/16/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Chui

Video of recent happenings.

“Head Games?”

Earlier today, Ken Anderson was backstage.  He threw a light tantrum for no apparent reason.  Matt Morgan showed up to argue with him.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Matt Morgan comes out to cut a promo about saving Mr. Anderson from getting boo boos.  Mr. Anderson comes out to retort.  They banter and doctors’ notes and Christopher Nowinski and such.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out to make fun of them.  Swearing based insults fly.  Some of it is actually funny.  Heel Hardy is fucking horrible.

Tonight, another Double J Double M A Challenge!  Knockouts Tag tournament!  Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal beats up the Shore tard.  Cookie trips Lethal from the outside.  Christy Hemme comes out and kicks her ass.  She handcuffs Cookie to her.  Insta-commercials.  Lethal gets an inside cradle for 2.  Robbie hits a clothesline for 2.  Robbie hits a drop movie thingy for 2.  Cookie screams a bunch.  Hemme punches her in the gut.  Robbie beats on Lethal.  Robbie applies a rear chin lock.  Lethal fights out.  They trade punches.  Lethal hits a suplex.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and the diving elbow drop for 2.  Cookie screams some more.  Robbie goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but the referee catches him.  Robbie goes up top.  Lethal cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Cookie tries to give Robbie the hair spray.  Hemme takes it away and sprays her with it.  Lethal hits the Lethal Injection for the pin (5:54 shown) to regain the title.  Thank God.  I hope they get rid of those Shore tards now.  Lethal kisses Christy.

Eric Bischoff and AJ Styles watch TV backstage.  Styles criticizes Robbie E. for losing the title.  Bischoff bitches at Styles for losing the TV title.  He tells Styles to get the title back.

Doug Williams talks to someone outside the building.  He encounters his old buddy Magnus.  Magnus says Chelsea is gone and Desmond will be back soon.  YAY!  Williams goes into a trailer, which apparently serves for a locker room in TNA.  AJ Styles jumps him and beats him up.  They fight into the womens’ section of the trailer and encounter Tara (in her bra) and Madison Rayne.  Styles hits Williams with a fire extinguisher.  Madison screams in her horrible voice.  Styles yells “Shut up, hooker!”  Okay, THAT was awesome.  Styles finally finishes beating the shit out of Williams.

Orlando Jordan finds Eric Young, who is wearing the World title belt they threw in the trash.  He has some bimbos with him.  Young seeks guidance from Brian Kendrick for his “first title defense.”

Tonight, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian.

Jeff Hardy talks to no one in particular.

Generation Me vs. Eric Young (w/ generic bimbos) & Orlando Jordan.  The girls are from Hooters, so Orlando Jordan comes out dressed like a Hooters girl.  Young decides the match is battle royal for his “title,” so he eliminates the referee.  The referee comes back in to start the match.  Young eliminates Generation Me and Jordan from the “battle royal.”  Generation Me jump Young, then posture for the bimbos.  Jordan comes back in and humps Max Buck.  Jeremy beats up Jordan for queering on his brother.  Bucks work over Jordan.  Jeremy goes outside to hit on the bimbos.  Max goes to straighten him out.  Young hits them both with a dive.  Back inside, Jordan tags himself in and beats up Max.  Jordan applies a neat submission hold (kind of a side Cobra Clutch) for the win in 2:50.  I have to admit, this was pretty funny.

Mickie James asks Eric Bischoff who her tag team partner is.  Bischoff says it’s Miss Tessmacher.  Really?

Madison Rayne and Tara are headed our way.

They show the Beautiful People beating Daffney & Sarita last week.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semifinal: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Mickie James & Miss Tessmacher.  Madison wants to start with Tessmacher.  Tessmacher obliges.  She has huge… arm drags.  She hits some moves.  Madison beats her up.  Madison has on flesh colored panties under a see through skirt.  Madison works the hair, of course.  Madison does her headscissors hump move, then taunts Mickie.  Tessmacher gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Mickie gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Tara hits Mickie with her knee brace.  Madison pins Mickie in 4:31.  There you go.

Kazarian talks to no one backstage.  He runs into Rob Terry, who hasn’t been seen in months.  And he has a match tonight.  And Kazarian wants him to join Fortune.

Still to come, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian.

Some guy hands The Pope some money.

Brother Ray comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’s going to face the biggest, baddest dude in the locker room…

Brother Ray vs. Amazing Red.  Bubba attacks Red with his large body and throws him around.  Ray beats the crap out of Red and heels it up.  Red fights back and hits a missile dropkick.  Red charges Ray in the corner and eats a big boot.  Ray hits the Bubba Bomb for the pin in 3:10.  This was kind of awesome for what it was.  Singles heel Bubba is great.  Ray tries to attack Red with a chair after the match.  Brother Devon comes out to make the save.  The cowardly Bubba runs away through the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett talks backstage.

The Pope gets in his car and leaves.  I don’t understand this angle.

The Hooters bimbos are in the front row now.

Rob Terry vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD takes the mic before the match and talks about wanting a title shot.  They fuck around a bit, then RVD starts throwing punches.  RVD hits a drop toe hold and tries to keep Terry on the ground.  Terry catches a cross body and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry beats up RVD.  RVD hits the rebound kick.  Terry hits a spear.  Insta-commercials.  RVD takes a bump off the apron into the guardrail.  Back inside, Terry covers for 2.  Terry hits a backbreaker and a body slam for 2.  Terry applies a bear hug.  RVD fights out and kicks Terry in the head.  RVD hits a spin kick and the diving kick, then the Rolling Thunder.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin (5:01 shown).  Not a bad little match.

Tonight, Double J Double M A Challenge!

Jeff Jarrett hype video.

Tonight, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian!  Jeff Jarrett’s thing is next!

Jeff Jarrett comes out to his music, but does Kurt Angle’s entrance.  Gunner, Murphy, and a bunch of geeks come out with him.  He has a cut man now!  They do the same shit as last weekend and pick a skinny Puerto Rican named Jose Rios.  Jarrett asks who his favorite wrestler is.  He says “Mickie James!”  Jarrett pie faces him.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Jose Rios.  The kid tries to clinch.  Jarrett gives him a bunch of knee lifts and some punches, then applies a rear naked choke for the win in 52 seconds.  Yeah.

The main event is next.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy & Kazarian vs. Matt Morgan & Ken Anderson.  Hardy flips of Anderson.  They blur it out.  Hardy tags in Kazarian.  Kazarian stumbles around like a retard, which somehow is insulting to Anderson for having a concussion.  Anderson beats him up.  Kazarian lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Anderson beats him up some more.  Kazarian falls on Anderson and the bump heads.  Morgan tags in and kicks Kazarian’s ass.  Anderson is selling being concussed.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  The bad guys get the advantage via heel trickery and get the heat on Morgan.  Kazarian cheap shots Anderson and sends him outside.  Anderson comes back in to save Morgan from being double suplexed.  Kazarian sends Anderson into the ref.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap on Kazarian.  Morgan hits Kazarian with a leg drop.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Morgan hits Hardy with the discus lariat.  Anderson goes up top.  Rob Terry comes out and pushes him off.  Anderson crotches himself on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Terry pulls Morgan’s head across the top rope.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on Morgan for the pin in 6:33.  Fine match.

At least this show wasn’t as bad as Raw was this week.