Archive for Jamie Keyes

WWE Hell In A Cell 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, PPV open.  Paper Jamz presents Hell In A Cell!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel are the ring announcers.

Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match for the WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz.  Miz cuts a promo on the way to the ring bitching about having sand in his vagina or whatever he’s mad about.  He says neither of the opponents would be anything without him.  They try to put each other in holds.  Miz bails.  Morrison and Bryan chase Miz around.  Morrison grabs Miz’s leg and Bryan kicks Miz in the head.  Miz is sent outside again and Morrison and Bryan wrestle.  Bryan locks Morrison in a leg lock and they roll to the floor.  Miz breaks it and rams Morrison into the side of the ring.  Miz throws Bryan into the barricade, then throws Morrison back in the ring and beats him up.  Morrison avoids Miz in the corner and locks him in the Tarantula!  Bryan breaks it with a dropkick and sends Morrison to the floor.  Bryan locks Miz in the Cattle Mutilation~!  That, unfortunately, doesn’t last long.  Bryan proceeds to kick the crap out of Miz and lock him in a leg lock.  Miz tries to reverse it and they kick each other in the head.  Morrison comes back in and hits the Starship Pain on both of them.  Miz is sent outside.  Morrison locks Bryan in a modified Haas of Pain.  Miz saves.  Morrison sends him out of the ring and takes him out with a dive!  Miz backdrops Morrison into the crowd.  Miz and Morrison fight in the crowd.  Miz locks Morrison in a Dragon sleeper against the hand rail.  Bryan shows up and breaks the hold.  Miz beats up Bryan and rams him in to stuff in the crowd.  Bryan goes for a Fujiwara armbar, but Miz avoids it.  Morrison shows up and gets sent into the barricade by Miz.  They end up brawling near the stage.  Miz rams a cart into Morrison.  Miz drops Bryan across the top of the cart and runs it into the ramp.  Morrison jumps over the cart and dropkicks Miz.  Morrison goes for a triangle choke, but Bryan breaks it.  Miz rams Bryan into the barricade, then hits Morrison with the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  On the stage, Miz and Bryan counter each others’ finish, then do a double clothesline spot.  Morrison climbs up the set and hits Miz and Bryan with a dive.  Morrison locks Miz in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Cole mentions Dean Malenko, which makes me happy.  Alex Riley saves and takes out Morrison.  Bryan pushes Riley off the stage into a camera man.  Bryan locks Miz in the LeBell Lock on the ramp for the win in 13:35.  Fun match.

Legendary DVD plug.  Ugh.

Orton/Sheamus hype video.

Hell In A Cell Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Sheamus.  They show Orton taking out Chris Jericho on Raw.  Yeah, just keep rubbing it in!  They lock up and push each other around, then brawl back and forth for a while.  Orton clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Orton tries to ram Sheamus’ head into the cell, but Sheamus blocks it and gets back in the ring.  Orton stomps Sheamus and lands a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to ram Orton’s head into the cell, but Orton blocks it.  They brawl  at ringside.  Sheamus reverses Orton’s whip into the cell, then drops him with a clothesline.  Sheamus throws the steps at Orton, but Orton ducks and sends Sheamus into the post.  Orton rams Sheamus into the cell a couple of times, then hits him in the head with the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus blocks a suplex attempt and front suplexes Orton into the ropes, then shoulder blocks Orton off the ring into the cell.  Inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus stomps Orton in the corner.  Sheamus beats up Orton.  Sheamus lands a knee for 2.  Sheamus exposes the turnbuckle and tries to ram Orton into it, but Orton fights back.  Sheamus lands a Polish hammer to drop Orton.  Outside, Sheamus grinds Orton’s head into the cell.  Why do that shit with no blood?  Why even have a fucking Hell In A Cell match with no blood?  Sheamus front suplexes Orton into the steps.  Sheamus works Orton’s ribs.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus applies a scissored rear chin lock.  Orton fights out and hits a backdrop suplex.  Orton drops Sheamus with a dropkick, then sells his ribs.  They brawl some more.  Orton makes his comeback.  Orton hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Orton hits the 3.0 and humps the mat.  Sheamus counters the RKO and lands a knee to the ribs.  Sheamus brings the steps into the ring.  Orton counters Sheamus and powerslams him on the steps.  Ouch.  Cole calls it a scoop slam because he knows nothing about wrestling despite doing this shit for 12 years.  Cover gets 2.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on the steps, but Sheamus counters.  Orton pulls him across the top rope and hits the DDT OF MURDER from the apron to the floor.  Orton goes for the RKO, but Sheamus pushes him into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker on the steps, which is incredibly stupid since it doesn’t hurt Orton any more but does hurt Sheamus more.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for 2.  Sheamus finds a chair under the ring and pummels Orton with it a bunch for 2.  Orton ducks another chair shot and hits the RKO.  Sheamus rolls out of the ring.  Orton follows outside and goes for the punt, but Sheamus avoids it and drops Orton with the pump kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus tries to set up the Razor’s Edge off the steps, but Orton trips him.  Orton hits the RKO on the steps for the pin in 22:53.  Okay match, but it didn’t light my world on fire.  Orton climbs to the top of the cell to pose with the belt.

Bragging Rights hype.  Coming the night after a Lesnar fight on top of not mattering anyway, nobody is going to buy that PPV.


Josh Matthews interviews the NXT Season 3 divas: Jamie Keyes, Naomi, Maxine, AJ, Kaitlyn, & Aksana.  WHO THE FUCK CARES?  The Nexus show up and run them off.  THANK YOU!  Barrett says John Cena will have to join The Nexus tonight.  They have an “N” armband for him.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio says he wants to make his PPV debut special.  They show a picture of the chihuahua from Smackdown.  He wonders who his next opponent will be.  He trashes various Texans.  He “challenges anyone.”  Edge comes out.  He says he’s in a fight against stupidity and parts of Del Rio are stupid.  Del Rio says he’s going to hurt Edge, then winks.  Edge says the wink and the ring announcer are stupid.  Del Rio takes his coat off like he’s ready to fight.  Jack Swagger comes out, pissed off about these foreigners.  He says Edge will pay for his eagle’s medical bills.  Edge decks Swagger.  Del Rio jumps Edge from behind.  Swagger beats up Edge.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  FUCK!  THIS SHIT IS ON PPV NOW?  The iBooker wants Edge to apologize to it on Raw tomorrow night, and makes Swagger vs. Edge for RIGHT NOW!

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  A referee comes down to start the match.  Swagger beats on Edge.  Edge fights back.  Swagger whips him into the corner.  Swagger works Edge’s leg.  Edge tries to fight back, but Swagger hits a gut buster for 2.  Swagger sets Edge on the top rope.  Edge goes for a tornado DDT, but Swagger counters and drops him with an enzui clothesline for 2.  Swagger rolls Edge around on the mat.  Edge hot shots Swagger into the ropes, then runs at him.  Swagger avoids it and covers for 2.  Swagger either tries a German suplex or butt fucks Edge on the apron.  He locks in an abdominal stretch on the ropes briefly, then slingshots into the ring and gets dropped with a boot.  Edge hits a wonky facebuster for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Edge counters and goes for the Edgecution.  Swagger counters.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Edge gets a rope break.  Edge backdrops Swagger to the floor, when tries to spear him off the apron.  Swagger pulls Edge to the floor and locks him in the ankle lock.  Edge sends Swagger into the steps.  Back inside, Edge goes up top.  Swagger cuts him off.  Edge headbutts Swagger down and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Swagger sends Edge to the floor.  Edge pulls Swagger’s shoulder into the post.  Edge goes up up.  Swagger brings him down with a belly to belly throw from the top for 2.  Swagger hits a backdrop suplex, then goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Edge avoids it and hits the Edgecution, then goes for the spear.  Swagger counters and hits the Doctor Bomb for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Edge goes for an enzuigiri, but ends up getting his knee wrenched.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Edge gets the ropes.  Swagger pulls him back to the middle.  Edge sends Swagger into the ropes, then hits the spear for the pin in 11:31.  Fine match.

Don’t Try This At Home!

The 4 unimportant members of the Nexus chat backstage.  They want to make sure they aren’t forced to disband tonight.  Otunga has a plan to get around the iBooker’s rule that Cena wins if any of them interfere.

Cena/Barrett video.

Nexus Disbands vs. Cena Joins Nexus: Wade Barrett vs. John Cena.  They wrestle a bit.  Cena does a leapfrog and a hip toss, then a dropkick or something for 1.  Barrett pounds on Cena.  Cena pounds on Barrett.  Cole sounds “pound & ground” because he’s a moron.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus run out to distract him.  Barrett nails Cena from behind, then bitches at Nexus for coming out here.  Barrett whips Cena into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Barrett lands a punch for 2.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett puts the boots to Cena in the corner.  Cena fights back, but runs himself into the corner.  Barrett hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Barrett stretches Cena across his knee.  Cena tries to fight out, but gets dropped again.  Barrett catapults Cena into the ropes.  Cena fights back and makes his comeback.  Nexus surround the ring.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  The Big Show comes out and attacks Nexus.  He’s followed by Goldust, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters, Kofi Kingston, MVP, The Hart Dynasty, Evan Bourne, John Morrison, and R-Truth (I think I listed everyone).  The cavalry takes out Nexus.  Cena goes for the STF.  Barrett counters out and kicks Cena in the gut, then hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  Cena hits some sort of suplex for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett counters and hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Cena avoids it.  Cena goes up top.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for a superplex, but Cena overpowers him.  Cena headbutts Barrett down and hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett counters and hits the Wasteland.  CENA KICKS OUT!  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.  BARRETT KICKS OUT!  Cena locks in the STF.  Somebody comes out of the crowd and jumps in the ring.  With the referee distracted, somebody else hits Cena with something.  Barrett gets the pin 17:50.  Really, really good match.  Nexus celebrates.  Looking back at the video, I’m pretty sure the first guy was Michael McGillicutty and the second was Husky Harris.  They do the long, drawn out thing with Cena realizing he’s fucked and walking to the back.

Paper Jamz commercial featuring The Miz.

Josh Matthews walks down a purple hallway.  Paul Bearer comes up behind him.  Matthews asks him why he’s back.  He says he has a master plan and Kane will never be his favorite son.

American Airlines Center!

Wrestlers visiting sick kids for Make A Wish!

Unified WWE Divas Championship Match: Michelle McCool (c) (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya takes McCool down and wrestles her.  McCool gets to the ropes and bails.  Natalya chases her and knocks Layla down.  McCool cheap shots Natalya and sends her into the barricade.  McCool works over Natalya in the ring.  Natalya gets a reverse cradle for 2.  McCool hooks in a body scissors.  Natalya makes her comeback.  Natalya hits a clothesline for 2.  Layla gets on the apron.  Natalya pulls her hair.  McCool accidentally decks Layla.  Natalya schoolgirls girl, but the retarded ref takes too long to count and it only gets 2.  McCool hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  McCool goes for the Styles Clash.  Natalya counters and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool counters into the heel hook.  Natalya counters back into the Sharpshooter.  Awesome.  Layla throws a shoe at Natalya to cause the DQ in 4:53.  Natalya locks Layla in the Sharpshooter.  Shit happens.  LayCool bail.  Nattie wins, but doesn’t win the belt.  Garbage.

They plug the PPV theme song.

Kane/Undertaker video.

Hell In A Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer).  Bearer wants to come into the cell, but Taker won’t let him.  Bearer says “You need me in here!”  Kane jumps Taker and they brawl outside the cell, then inside the cell at ringside.  The bell finally rings.  Taker hits Kane with a chair and rams his head into the steps.  Finally in the ring, Taker hits a couple of running clotheslines to the corner.  Taker hits Snake Eyes and the big boot, then a leg drop for 2.  Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Kane gouges his eyes.  Kane hits Taker with the chair.  They brawl at ringside again.  Taker beats up Kane until Kane reverses an Irish whip and sends Taker into the steps.  Kane attacks Taker’s leg with the chair.  Kane wedges Taker’s leg between the post and the steps and kicks the steps into it.  Kane keeps working the leg.  Taker fights back with big punches.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP and I pop.  Back inside, Kane goes after Taker’s leg again.  Undertaker forearms his way out of a hold and lands some punches.  They trade punches.  Taker hits the jumping clothesline.  Taker goes for Old School, but gets crotched on the top rope.  Kane hits a superplex and the diving lariat.  He goes for the cover, but Taker goes for the Hell’s Gate.  Kane bails out of the ring to escape.  Kane comes back in and they do a double knockdown spot, then both sit up and trade punches.  Taker hits Kane with his running DDT for 2.  Taker hits the chokeslam for 2.  Kane hits the chokeslam for 2.  Kane splashes Taker in the corner a bunch and does some corner punches.  Taker hits the Last Ride out of the corner for 2.  Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Kane reverses it and Tombstones Undertaker.  TAKER KICKS OUT!  Kane is cut on the back of his head.  He punches out the referee, presumably to keep him from stopping the match because that shit pisses him off as much as it does me.  They open the cell door to retrieve the KO’d referee, which allows Paul Bearer to come into the cell.  Kane very slowly chases Bearer into the ring.  Kane yells at Bearer.  Taker sits up and chokeslams Kane.  Taker rolls his eyes back and signals for the Tombstone.  Pyro and lightning go off ont he set as Taker goes for the Tombstone.  Bearer opens the urn and a light comes out, which weakens Taker.  Bearer gives Kane the urn, which I assume contains Undertaker’s power.  Kane clocks Taker with the urn, then hits the chokeslam for the pin in 21:41.  Given that I’ve come to expect and be amused by this cartoony shit, this was fun.  Also, it makes perfect sense for Bearer to turn on Taker since the last time we saw Bearer, Taker buried him in concrete.  Bearer leaves with Kane.

Other than the opener and Barrett/Cena, this show kind of sucked.

WWE Superstars 9/30/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the first announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.

Alicia Fox & Jillian Hall (w/ Maxine) vs. The Bella Twins (w/ Jamie Keyes).  Jillian sings before the match.  It’s awful.  Fox and one of the Bellas lock up.  Bella hits a monkey flip.  The other Bella tags in.  Bellas hit a double flippy leg flip thing for 2.  Jillian tags in.  The Bella hits her with a jawbreaker.  Jillian goes for a cartwheel elbow thing to the corner, but the Bella kicks her.  The Bellas shake their asses at her like they did on Raw.  Fox trips the Bella and pulls her out of the ring.  Jillian throws her back in.  Shit happens.  Fox tags in and works the Bella over.  Jillian and the other Bella tag in.  The Bella runs wild.  A bulldog headlock gets 2.  Jillian hits a Samoan drop for 2.  The Bella goes for a sunset flip.  Clusterfuck ensues.  The illegal Bella gets a sunset flip on Jillian for the pin in 4:05.  This was terrible.

NXT recap.

Next, Orton vs. Jericho from Raw!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho from Raw.  Go read that review.  That killed some time.

Tonight, Jack Swagger takes on Kofi Kingston!

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are now the announcers.  Tony Chimel is now the ring announcer.

Hell In A Cell hype.

Kofi Kingston comes out.  He’ll face Jack Swagger NEXT!

Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger.  They dance around.  Swagger hits a nice arm drag to escape a waist lock.  They fuck around some more.  Kofi lands some leg kicks, then goes for a sunset flip.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but fails.  Kofi hits corner punches.  Swagger kicks him in the knee and drops him with a shoulder block.  Swagger holds onto the ropes to avoid a dropkick and goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi flips around and eventually flips Swagger out of the ring.  Swagger comes back in and gets beaten up by Kofi.  Kofi goes for a cross body, but Swagger catches him with a boot.  Insta-commercials.  Swagger chokes Kofi against the bottom rope, so he’d be fired if anybody watched Superstars.  Swagger front suplexes Kofi into the top rope for 2.  Swagger applies an abdominal stretch.  Swagger works Kofi over.  Swagger backdrops Kofi to the apron and applies an abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Kofi fights out.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi drops him with a kick.  Kofi hits the corner rebound kick and a diving chop.  Grisham calls it a Superman punch again because he’s mentally retarded.  Kofi makes his comeback.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and signals for the Trouble In Paradise.  Swagger avoids it.  Kofi hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Swagger beats on Kofi and goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Kofi gets his legs up, so Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Kofi counters into a pinning predicament for 2.  Kofi counters the Doctor Bomb.  Swagger counters the S.O.S. and locks in the ankle lock.  Kofi gets a rope break.  Swagger refuses to break the hold and gets DQ’d (9;11 shown).  Okay match.  Swagger attacks Kofi after the match and locks in the ankle lock again.

Lame show this week.

WWE NXT 9/28/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on NXT…,” NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Pros Kelly Kelly, Primo, Alicia Fox, and Vickie Guerrero are already on the stage.  Matt Striker introduces the rookies: Aksana, AJ, Kaitlyn, Jamie Keyes, Naomi, and Maxine.  Voting starts tomorrow.  I don’t care.  They have to push a wheelbarrow containing Hornswoggle around the ring.  Kaitlyn wins.  She celebrates with Hornswoggle, who picks her up on his shoulders.  Vickie hugs her.  Commercials.

This Week In WWE History: The 9/20/1997 Raw in Madison Square Garden.

The announcers talk.

AJ hype video.

Tonight, Diss The Diva!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.  Commercials.

Next week, NXT moves to!  And I NEVER HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN!  Praise the lord.

Kaitlyn hype video.

Tonight, Diss The Diva!  Commercials!

Kane/Undertaker/Paul Bearer segment from Smackdown.  Go read that review.

Diss the diva is NEXT!

Diss the Diva happens!  They diss each other.  AJ wins.  Vickie Guerrero comes to the ring to be obnoxious.  She bitches at Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn tells her to shove it and challenges her to a match.  Thank God I won’t be seeing it.  Vickie agrees, then shoves Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn shoves Vickie down and they have a catfight.  The show ends.  Thank God.

I did it!  I survived 4 weeks of this garbage and I never have to watch it again!  I made it my goal to watch every WWE TV show this year, and I’ve done it (save for the first episode of Superstars this year, which I’ll get to eventually). is not TV, so fuck this garbage!

WWE NXT 9/21/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on NXT…,” NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews is alone as the announcer because Michael Cole quit last week.  CM Punk comes out with a blazer over his wrestling gear to do commentary.  Pros Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, Primo, and Kelly Kelly are already on the stage.

Matt Striker introduces the rookie divas: Kaitlyn, Maxine, Aksana, AJ, Naomi, and Jamie.  Striker says the first elimination is in 2 weeks.  They should just eliminate them all.  Vickie Guerrero makes my ears bleed and takes credit for Kaitlyn winning the obstacle course.  She says Kaitlyn will face Jamie tonight.  She brings out Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla because one of the NXT writers reads my blog and wants everyone I hate on this show.  They are obnoxious.  Layla says “deever.”  They obnoxiously bury the rookies.  This is brutal.  Kelly takes offense to LayCool insulting her.  They agree to LayCool & Kaitlyn vs. Kelly, Naomi, & Jamie tonight.  That’s gonna be a barn burner.  Commercials. plug.

They play musical chairs.  I fast forward.  AJ gets a controversial win over Naomi in the final.  I hate this show.

AJ vs. Maxine tonight.  Commercials.

Matthews and Punk banter a bit.

Aksana hype video.

Goldust tells Aksana how awesome that hype video was.  She’s upset.  There are problems with her work visa and she might be deported.  Please, let it happen.  Goldust consoles her and teaches her his breathing technique.

Raw Rebound.

Hell In A Cell hype.

Maxine and Alicia Fox come out.  Maxine vs. AJ is next.  Commercials.

Maxine (w/ Alicia Fox) vs. AJ (w/ Primo).  They show the catfight between them during the joke thing last week.  Punk makes a joke about girl scout cookies.  Maxine slowly shoves AJ down and rams her head against the mat softly.  AJ hits a shoulder block, an arm drag, and fuckes up a kick.  AJ knees Maxine in the face.  Maxine hits a drop toe hold into the ropes, then knees AJ into the ropes.  Maxine applies a rear chin lock.  Shit happens.  Maxine hits a suplex for 2.  AJ boots Maxine in the face and makes her comeback.  Maxine hits a brainbuster, then AJ rolls over and pins her in 2:28.  Seriously.  That was the fucking finish.  Worst match ever.

Michael Cole comes out to be obnoxious.  I thought he quit.  He’s returning.  Joy.

Six diva tag tonight.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Announcers talk.

Striker has the rookies in the ring.  It’s the promo contest.  I don’t care.  AJ is awarded the decision.

Six woman tag is next.  Commercials.

Kelly Kelly, Naomi, & Jamie Keyes vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla and Kaitlyn (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Kelly avoids a kick from Layla, slaps her, and hits a Thesz press.  Jamie tags in.  Layla steals the flower from her hair, gyrates, then throws it at her.  They lock up.  Jamie pushes Layla into the corner, then kicks her leg, then slams her.  Layla tags in Kaitlyn.  Jamie clamps her in a side headlock.  Kaitlyn hits a spear.  The announcers are funny.  Jamie avoids an elbow and wrings her arm, then tags in Naomi.  Kaitlyn carries Naomi to the corner and tags in McCool, who stomps the shit out of “Nadine,” as Punk calls her.  Naomi schoolgirls McCool for 2.  Naomi makes her comeback.  Naomi kicks Layla off of the apron.  McCool whips Naomi.  Layla interferes.  McCool hits a belly to belly suplex and tags in Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn covers, but Naomi reverses the cover for the pin in 3:30.  Yes, that was the finish.  I don’t care enough to get mad.  Kaitlyn shoves McCool, then McCool delivers an Akira Maeda shoot kick to the face.  Vickie yells at Kaitlyn.

This is the worst show I’ve ever seen.  I feel completely brain dead now.

WWE NXT 9/14/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, NXT open.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Vickie Guerrero and Kaitlyn come out so Vickie can open the show by being obnoxious and Cole jizzes in his pants in a way he usually reserves for Miz.  Vickie introduces her man, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  Pros Alicia Fox, Kelly Kelly, Goldust, and The Bella Twins are already on stage.  They show the stupid bullshit from last week.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Primo & AJ.  Ziggler and Primo start.  Ziggler gets dropkicked in the face and tags out.  Kaitlyn and AJ tag in.  They wrestle a bit, and it’s actually not awful.  AJ hits a cross body for 2.  Kaitlyn hits a move and tags in Ziggler.  Ziggler knocks Primo off the apron and stalks AJ.  AJ tries of this shit and slaps the shit out of him, then makes the hot tag to Primo.  Primo runs wild and hits a leg sweep for 2.  Ziggler avoids Primo in the corner and hits the Zig Zag for the pin in 2:48.  Not a bad little TV match, believe it or not.  Kaitlyn was a way better base for AJ than the chick she wrestled last week.  Vickie is upset, even though her team won.

Maxine hype video.

Up next, a JOKE OFF!  Commercials. plug.

Matt Striker is in the ring with AJ and Kaitlyn.  He introduces the other rookies: Aksana, Maxine, Naomi (who won both contests last week), and Jamie Keyes.  It’s time for a JOKE OFF!  All of their jokes are lame.  Maxine doesn’t even try, she just talks shit to AJ, leading to a CATFIGHT!  Kaitlyn slaps AJ for her joke and another CATFIGHT erupts.  Jamie wins.  None of them were funny.

Michael Cole bangs on a gong and throws a fit.

Next, Aksana vs. Jamie.  That’s gonna be a barn burner.  Cole keeps banging his gong.  Commercials.

Jamie Keyes (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Aksana (w/ Goldust).  They’re doing that stupid “people stand on the ring during a singles match,” which I hate.  They trade arm locks.  Aksana scores a knockdown with a shoulder block, then body slams Jamie and misses an elbow drop.  Jamie works Aksana’s arm some more.  They shove each other, then lock up.  Aksana throws Jamie and hits some clotheslines.  Jamie avoids Aksana in the corner and gets a schoolgirl for the pin in 2:03.  Not the worst little match I’ve ever seen.

Naomi hype video.

Tonight, untrained women run the NXT obstacle course!  It’s gonna be legendary!  Commercials.

Undertaker/Kane history video.

Cole and Matthews hype the Night of Champions card.

Earlier tonight, Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn hugged after they won, which pissed off Vickie the warthog.

Dolph and Kaitlyn chat backstage.  Vickie comes in and puts them over, then sends Kaitlyn away and bitching at Dolph.  Vickie assures Dolph that he can rid of her by doing that again.  He should go hug Kaitlyn right now and get rid of that warthog.

Obstacle Course is NXT!  Commercials.

Obstacle Course time!  Kaitlyn is to go first, but Vickie Guerrero comes out to make my ears bleed some more.  She’s going to run the obstacle course to show up Kaitlyn.  OMG.  She does it well enough, which sucks, because I can’t make fun of her.  Haha!  She trips for no reason after clearing most of the obstacles.  I feel better now.  Vickie throws a fit and cries.  Maybe she’ll quit!  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Now it’s time for the other divas to do the Obstacle Course.  Kaitlyn wins.  Vickie comes out to celebrate with her.  Cole bangs his gong again.  He buries the show and quits.  Yay!

I never expected to say this even once this season, but… fun show.

WWE NXT 9/7/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

I fully expect this to be brutal.

WWE open, NXT open (with new music, so Bryan Alvarez is happy), pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Host Matt Striker is in the ring.  He introduces the Pros, who in turn introduce their respective rookies: Kelly Kelly and Naomi Knight, The Bella Twins and Jamie Keyes, Primo and AJ Lee, Alicia Fox and Maxine, and Goldust and Aksana.  The last Pro, Vickie Guerrero, comes out to be obnoxious.  She fired her rookie, the really tall one.  She introduces her new rookie, Kaitlyn.  They got rid of the big one for another generic one.  Brilliant move.  Striker says the fucking show is going to last three months.  That’s WWE raping my brain.  He has them introduce themselves.  Vickie bitches at her rookie for sucking and makes her do it again.  Ugh.  They’re all awful.  Especially Jamie Keyes.  Her voice is nails on a chalkboard.  She should have been Vickie’s rookie.  Striker threatens that a rookie challenge is next.  Commercials.

Striker still has them in the ring.  They’re all forced to dance with Michael Cole, Tony Chimel, or Josh Matthews.  Naomi wins.  This was the worst thing ever.

Kelly & Naomi vs. Alicia & Maxine is next.  Ugh.  Commercials.

Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Alicia Fox & Maxine vs. Kelly Kelly & Naomi.  Kelly and Fox do some shit.  Fox does a headscissors and a Frankensteiner for 2.  Naomi tags in and does a sweet springboard sunset flip for 2.  Naomi lands a dropkick and a butt butt for 2.  Fox hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Maxine and Fox get heat on Knight.  Knight gets Maxine with an inside cradle for the pin in 3:03.  They keep wrestling.  Naomi counters a suplex attempt with one of her own and goes for the pin, but the referee tells her the match was over.  This was awful.  Fucking idiots.

A Capture the Flag race is next.  Commercials.

They do their stupid race.  Naomi wins.

Goldust & Aksana vs. Primo & AJ tonight.  Commercials.

Fucking hype for Cena’s movie.

Cole and Matthews hype the Night of Champions card.

Jamie Keyes hype video.

The “main event” is next.  Commercials.

Goldust & Aksana vs. Primo & AJ.  Goldust and Primo start.  Goldust gets a schoolboy for 2.  The girls tag in.  Aksana hits a leg drop for 2.  Aksana hits a backbreaker for 2.  AJ hits a flippy bulldog for the pin in 1:46.  The girls tried hard, but their movements were really clunky.

Vickie Guerrero brings her rookie Kaitlyn back down to the ring, because we haven’t enough of obnoxious fucking Vickie Guerrero on this show.  She wants her to do her introduction fucking again.  Primo argues with her.  AJ tells her to go away.  YES, THANK YOU AJ.  Vickie tells her rookie to attack AJ, but AJ counters and pushes her into Vickie.  Vickie is pissed.  Maybe she’ll quit.


WWE NXT 8/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Season 2 recap video, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Ashley Valence introduces the Pros: Montel Vontavious Porter, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Mark Henry, and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  That covers the Pros of guys who have been eliminated.  WWE United States Champion The Miz introduces his rookie, Alex Riley.  WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool introduce Kaval.  Kofi Kingston introduces Michael McGillicutty.  The finalists and their Pros are in the ring with Matt Striker.  Striker introduces the previously eliminated rookies: Titus O’Neil, Eli Cottonwood, Lucky Cannon, Percy Watson, and Husky Harris.  Striker says the finalists will meet in a Triple Threat Match NXT!  Miz gets in Kaval’s face.  Kaval shoves him and a brawl breaks out.  Kaval, Kofi, and McGillicutty send Miz and Riley outside.

Next season will be all divas.  Well, I never need to watch this show again.

Season 3 intro: Kelly Kelly is Pro to Naomi Knight.

Triple threat match is NXT!  Commercials.

Triple Threat Match: Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz) vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ Kofi Kingston).  Kaval and McGillicutty knock down Riley and fight each other.  Kaval hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval stomps Riley in the corner.  McGillicutty hits Kaval with a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty hits Riley with a clothesline for 2.  McGillicutty hits Riley with a backbreaker, but Kaval saves.  Kaval drops McGillicutty with a hard stomach kick.  Riley beats up Kaval.  McGillicutty wakes up and beats up Kaval.  McGillicutty suplexes Kaval to the floor.  Riley knocks McGillicutty to the floor.  Commercials.  Riley holds McGillicutty in a chin lock.  Kaval breaks it with a kick.  Riley hits McGillicutty with a clothesline for 2.  Cole high fives Miz.  Riley misses a charge and hits the ropes chest first.  McGillicutty makes a comeback on Riley.  McGillicutty hits a belly to belly suplex, but Kaval saves.  Kaval makes a comeback on McGillicutty and hits the Tidal Wave for 2.  Kaval hits the Tidal Crush on Riley to knock him off of the top rope.  McGillicutty nails Kaval from behind for 2.  Kaval locks McGillicutty in the Bite of the Dragon (Dragon sleeper).  McGillicutty escapes and hits the Perfect Plex(!), but Riley pulls him off.  McGillicutty kicks Riley into the announce table.  Kaval drops McGillicutty with the koppou kick and goes up top, but Riley pushes him to the floor and covers McGillicutty for the pin in 10:25.  Good little match.  Miz and Riley celebrate.

Season 3 intro: Alicia Fox is Pro to Maxine.

The Pros huddle.  The first elimination is NXT!  Commercials. plug.

Season 3 intro: Goldust is Pro to Aksana.

Albany, New York!

Matt Striker asks the previously eliminated rookies who they think should win.  Titus O’Neil and Eli Cottonwood say Riley.  Lucky Cannon says it doesn’t matter because the show went down the toiler when he was eliminated.  Percy Watson and Husky Harris say McGillicutty.  It’s time for the elimination!  Alex Riley is gone.  HAHA!  Riley cuts his farewell promo and says we should still bet the future of WWE on him.

Season 3 intro: The Bella Twins are Pros to Jamie Keyes.  The ring announcer.  Yes, the Bellas are going to teach the horrible ring announcer how to wrestle.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

China clips.

Season 3 intro: Primo is Pro to AJ Lee.

Striker has Kaval and Michael McGillicutty in the ring.  He directs them to cut promos on each other.  McGillicutty cuts a kind of funny promo on Kaval.  Kaval cuts a good promo in response.  Commercials.

Season 3 intro: Vickie Guerrero is Pro to… WAIT A MINUTE.  WHAT THE FUCK?  WHY THE FUCK IS VICKIE GUERRERO A FUCKING PRO?  This show just jumped the shark.  The rookie is a giantess of a woman named Aloisia.

It’s time for the moment of truth.  The winner of NXT season 2 is… wait for it… KAVAL!  Fuckin’ right!  Kaval shows incredible balance will standing on the top rope to celebrate as LayCool rush the ring and shower him with approval.  McGillicutty is shocked and pissed.  “HIM?”  McGillicutty says he’s still the future, he’ll be back, etc. etc.  I just hope he finds a better name.  Kaval starts to cut his victory promo when the 5 previously eliminated rookies jump him.  The babyface Pros hit the ring to try to make the save.  Referees try to break it up.  Husky Harris keeps beating the shit out of Kaval.  Miz, Riley, and McGillicutty come back the ring and join the brawl.  Everybody else does shit outside while Harris, Riley, McGillicutty, and Cannon beat up Kaval.  Cannon hits his modified DVD thingy.  Harris hits his senton.  Riley hits the TKO.  Watson and O’Neil are back in the ring now.  Where the fuck did the Pros go?  O’Neil hits Kaval with a sit-out spinebuster.  Kaval is left laying.

Season 2 highlight video.

Okay show, but the big clusterfuck at the end was confusing.  This concludes season 2.  I have less than no desire to watch season 3, but I’m sure I’ll keep on trucking through.  I’ll dread that more than I dread Impact every week.

WWE NXT 8/24/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on NXT…” video, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Jamie Keyes is the ring announcer.

Jamie Keyes introduces the Pros: Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool, and Montel Vontavious Porter.  Then she introduces the three remaining rookies: Kaval, Alex Riley, and Michael McGillicutty.  Matt Striker asks them how it feels to make it to the finals.  They all cut their promos.  Kaval calls out Cody Rhodes for the shit he started last week.  Kaval and Rhodes banter for a while.  Kaval challenges Rhodes to a match tonight.  Rhodes says no, because he’s a big vagina.  MVP calls him out on it and challenges him to a match tonight.  Rhodes agrees.  So they’ve established that Kaval is scarier to face than MVP.  Striker threatens us with a Trivia contest next.  Commercials.

Shit, they’re actually doing a WWE Trivia contest.  They’re all really easy questions.  Kaval wins with a score of 700 to McGillicutty’s 500 and Riley’s 200.  Kaval gets his head plastered all over for winning.  I wanted to hate it, but it was kind of funny.

Voting opens on tomorrow for next week’s finale!

Tonight, MVP vs. Cody Rhodes!  Commercials.

Raw Rebound.

MVP vs. Rhodes is NXT!  Commercials.

Still photos from the weekend house show in China.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They lock up.  Rhodes grabs a side headlock, then a hammerlock, then clocks MVP on the back of his head.  MVP knocks Rhodes on his ass.  Rhodes bails for a second, then comes back in and yells at the ref.  They lock up again.  MVP pushes Rhodes into the corner and gives a clean break.  Third lock up.  MVP works a side headlock, then lands a shoulder block.  Rhodes hits a drop toe hold, then works the leg.  MVP goes for a punch to the face and Rhodes flinches and falls on his ass again.  MVP hits some clotheslines and a back body drop for 2.  MVP works Rhodes’ shoulder.  MVP hits a snap suplex for 2, then cranks on the shoulder some more.  Nice arm work by MVP.  MVP clotheslines Rhodes to the floor, then takes him out with a slingshot dive.  MVP rams Rhodes’ shoulder into the post, then the ring apron.  They roll back into the ring.  Commercials.  Rhodes whips MVP hard into the corner and stomps on his back.  Rhodes clubbers MVP in the corner.  MVP fights back and hits a clothesline for 2.  MVP goes back to working the arm.  Rhodes hits a jawbreaker, then stomps on MVP.  Rhodes hits a front suplex and a knee drop for 2.  MVP avoids a second knee drop and hits an elbow smash for 2.  Rhodes bails and complains about getting hit in the face.  Rhodes pulls MVP out of the ring and sends him into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Rhodes works a modified headlock.  MVP rolls him into a cradle for 2.  Rhodes transitions into a rear chin lock.  Rhodes beats up MVP some more, then clamps on a guillotine.  MVP rams him into the corner and gets kicked the face.  Rhodes covers for 2.  Rhodes hits his springboard kick, then stomps on MVP some more.  Cover gets 2.  Rhodes applies a crossface.  Commercials.  Really?  MVP and Cody Rhodes get 3 segments?  Rhodes lands a dropkick.  This match has been way too long.  Cover gets 2.  A second cover also gets 2.  Rhodes does some ground and pound.  Rhodes applies a figure-four headscissors.  MVP hits an electric chair drop for 2.  Another cover also gets 2.  Rhodes beats on MVP in the corner.  MVP pushes Rhodes off of the top.  Rhodes cuts MVP off again anyway and hits a superplex for 2.  Rhodes applies a modified surfboard chin lock thing.  MVP headbutts him to escape.  They fuck around, then MVP hits a clothesline and takes a nap.  MVP finally starts making his comeback.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow and goes for the Playmaker, but Rhodes counters and hits the Alabama Slam for 2.  FUCK.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 23:59.  Yes, 24 FUCKING MINUTES FOR MVP VS. CODY RHODES.  It was fine for about 10, after that it got fucking boring and killed an otherwise tolerable show.

NXT week is the season finale!  Vote early, vote often!  For Kaval!

The trivia thing was funny, but I feel violated for being subject to a fucking 24 minute MVP/Cody Rhodes match.

WWE NXT 8/17/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  It’s double elimination night!  NXT open.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Jamie Keyes is the ring announcer.  We’re LIVE from Bakersfield, California!

The horrible Jamie Keyes introduces the reaming rookies: Husky Harris, Kaval, Michael McGillicutty, Alex Riley, and Percy Watson.  Pros Kofi Kingston, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool, Zack Ryder, Montel Vontavious Porter, and Cody Rhodes are already on the stage.  Matt Striker tells the guys to talk about anything they want except for why they shouldn’t be eliminated.  Watson talks about 3D (Desire, Determination, Dedication).  Alex Riley talks about himself and what a dick he is to everyone.  McGillicutty makes fun of the other rookies.  Kaval does some stupid rap and ends with a TNA reference.  Harris talks about cowboy boots.  He says he got his boots from Barry Windham.  Striker says they’re going to do the first elimination RIGHT NOW!  Percy Watson is eliminated!  BULLSHIT!  Watson cuts a farewell promo.  It’s a damn shame.  Someone else will be eliminated later tonight!  Commercials!

Michael McGillicutty (w/ Kofi Kingston) vs. Zack Ryder.  They lock up.  Ryder grabs a side headlock, then knocks McGillicutty down and taunts him.  McGillicutty retaliates with a lariat.  They lock up again and McGillicutty works Ryder’s arm.  McGillicutty does a leapfrog and a dropkick, then clotheslines Ryder to the floor.  Ryder avoids a baseball slide dropkick and lands a boot to the midsection.  Back inside, Ryder goes to work on McGillicutty.  McGillicutty catches Ryder with a boot and sends him into the turnbuckles.  McGillicutty does some clotheslines and stuff, then pounds on Ryder in the corner.  Ryder slips outside and pulls McGillicutty across the top rope, then hits the Rough Ryder for the pin in 3:45.  This was lame.

Cole and Matthews talk about The Undertaker’s return at SummerSlam.  Kane will explain himself this week on Smackdown!

LayCool are obnoxious.  Kaval is wrestling next.  McCool questions Layla about her feelings for Kaval or something.  Layla leaves.  Husky Harris hits on McCool.  Commercials. plug.

Husky Harris (w/ “Dashing” Cody Rhodes) vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool).  They go straight at it.  Harris scores a takedown, then goes for a suplex.  Kaval turns it into a Dragon sleeper.  Harris gets a rope break.  Harris beats up Kaval.  Cover gets 1.  Kaval lands a koppou kick and makes his comeback.  Kaval hits the Tidal Wave for 2.  Harris avoids the double stomp and hits a uranage for 2.  He goes for another one, but Kaval turns it into a DDT.  Kaval hits the Warrior’s Way for the pin in 3:10.  Really fun little match.  Kaval won, so logic dictates he’s going home tonight.

Earlier tonight, Percy Watson was eliminated!  Later tonight, someone else is going to get eliminated too!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Alex Riley vs. Kofi Kingston (w/ Michael McGillicutty).  They show Riley’s big special appearance on Raw last night, which was him not doing much of anything.  They lock up.  Riley avoids a charge in the corner and beats up Kofi.  Kofi makes his comeback.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 1:56.  This was brief.

Earlier tonight, Percy Watson was eliminated!  Later tonight, someone else is going to get eliminated too!  Commercials.

SummerSlam Axxess footage.

Raw Rebound.

Matt Striker interviews Michael Cole and Josh Matthews in the ring.  Cole talks all about Impact, puts over Riley, and buries Kaval, just because Cole is a faggot cocksucker.  Matthews agrees that Riley should win and Kaval should be eliminated.  The fuck?  Kaval WON tonight and Riley got squashed.  These announcers are on crack.

Elimination is NXT.  Commercials.

Striker has the 4 remaining rookies at ringside.  Husky Harris is eliminated.  Cody Rhodes is pissed.  He trashes Ryder and Layla in particular for some reason, then bitches at the fans.  Husky yells at Rhodes for stealing his time.  Rhodes insults the other rookies, then he and Harris jump Kaval!  MVP and Kofi run down to make the save.  Ryder gets involved too.  Clusterfuck brawl.  Kaval comes off the top rope to the floor with a double stomp to Husky’s hands.  McCool and Layla yell at Husky for fucking with their rookie.  Harris and Rhodes are all pissed off.

Simple show.  It was just there for the most part, but the Husky/Kaval match was good and the closing angle was interesting.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers TAPED from San Jose, California.

Vickie Guerrero is in the ring.  Ugh.  She introduces the NEW Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.  They show the finish of the match last week where Ziggler beat Kofi Kingston for the title thanks to a distraction from Vickie.  Vickie puts Ziggler over with a bunch of hyperbole.  Ziggler puts over Vickie.  Vickie trashes the city, as if she needed any more heat.  Vickie wants to go to Tahiti.  I want her to go there and fucking STAY.  Kofi Kingston runs out and kicks Ziggler’s ass.  Teddy Long comes out and announces Ziggler vs. Kingston for the title at SummerSlam and Ziggler vs. Rey Mysterio for TONIGHT!  Vickie books Kofi vs. Kane for tonight.  Long says he’s the GM and he has the power, Vickie is just a consultant.  She’s definitely insulting.  Kofi says he’ll face Kane RIGHT NOW!

Video of this convoluted Kane/Rey Mysterio storyline.

Kofi vs. Kane is NEXT!

Jamie Keyes is the ring announcer.  Ugh.  Where is Tony Chimel this week?

Non-Title: Kofi Kingston vs. World Heavyweight Champion Kane.  Kofi lands some kicks.  Kane lands some heavy punches.  Kofi does the corner punches.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane tries to go up top, but Kofi lands a kick to send him to the floor.  Kofi hits Kane with a tope suicida.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Kane ducks and Kofi connects with the ring post.  Kane goes to work on the injured leg.  Kofi tries to fight back and goes up top, but Kane catches him and chokeslams him down.  Kane hits the Tombstone Piledriver for the pin in 4:53.  Fine little match.  Kane cuts a promo on Rey Mysterio after the match.  Mysterio comes out to retort and accuses Kane of taking out Undertaker.  Same old shit with the promos.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Christian comes out for a match against Cody Rhodes.  Drew McIntyre has a conversation with Rhodes backstage before the match.

Christian vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes beats up Christian and goes after the arm McIntyre fucked up a couple of weeks ago.  Christian backdrops him to the floor and wipes him out with a dive.  Insta-commercials.  Rhodes works on Christian’s bad shoulder.  Rhodes does the old Hardcore Holly kick to the balls, then drops Christian on his shoulder for 2.  Rhodes beats up Christian in the corner.  Christian hits a diving cross body for 2.  Christian throws a lariat with the bad arm, then hits a knee lift.  Christian hits the diving European uppercut.  Christian hits a sunset flip for 2.  Rhodes slams Christian for 2.  Christian punches Rhodes in the face and hits the reverse DDT for 2.  Rhodes covers his face up, then pokes Christian in the eye and throws the bad shoulder into the post.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin (5:30 shown).  Fine little match.

Tonight, Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre #427!  Also, Rey Mysterio vs. Dolph Ziggler!

WWE Smack of the Night: The Straight Edge Society fucking up Big Show’s hand 2 weeks ago.

Handicap Match: The Big Show vs. Derek Werley, Jody Reese, & Fernando Vega.  The Straight Edge Society come out to watch.  Punk has on an “I Broke Big Show’s Hand” shirt!  Show destroys the jobbers, chokeslams 2 of them, then kills the last one with the KO punch for the pin in 1:13, all with the broken hand.  SQUASH.  Luke Gallows starts to cut a promo on Show, then Punk bitches him out for talking and cuts the promo himself.  I get the feeling that soon the SES, or at least Gallows, is going to get sick of Punk and turn on him.

Matt Hardy is headed our way!  Kelly Kelly greets him along the way.  He’ll be in action NEXT!  I pray that’s the end of Kelly Kelly for tonight.

Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre.  McIntyre goes for a big boot immediately.  Hardy avoids it and kicks his ass.  McIntyre kicks Hardy’s ass in return.  Hardy clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring and they brawl outside.  McIntyre sends Hardy into the barricade.  Hardy backdrops McIntyre over the barricade and onto a chair.  Hardy hits the Side Effect at ringside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Hardy cranks on McIntyre’s neck, then hits a reverse drop move for 2.  Hardy goes up top.  McIntyre pulls him down and hits a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  McIntyre lands a blow for 2, then pounds on Hardy and cranks on his shoulder.  Hardy tackles McIntyre and they both go to the floor.  McIntyre sends Hardy into the steps and pounds on him.  McIntyre traps Hardy’s leg in the steps and stomps on it, presumably injuring his ankle.  Hardy takes his boot off and barely makes it back into the ring.  McIntyre hits the Future Shock for the pin in 5:44.  There looks to be blood seeping through Hardy’s sock.  Okay match.  The story of McIntyre injuring people continues.

Raw Rebound.

Tonight, Ziggler vs. Mysterio!

WWE Rewind: The Rey Mysterio/Jack Swagger No DQ Match from 2 weeks ago that ended up in the Gulf of Mexico.

Jack Swagger comes out and cuts a promo.  He trashes the people, then whines about having sand in his vagina or something.  He then talks about his dad having the poops. MVP comes out and rips on him for being a whiny little girl.  They bring up some shit from last year.  MVP reminds Swagger that he beat him at SummerSlam last year.  Swagger attacks MVP with the microphone, then throws him into the barricade.  Insta-commercials.

Jack Swagger vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Swagger beats up MVP.  MVP tries to fight back, but Swagger hits a lariat for 2.  Swagger clamps on an arm lock.  MVP fights out and tries a headscissors, but Swagger face plants him and goes for the ankle lock.  MVP gets the ropes.  Swagger puts the boots to MVP.  Swagger hits a powerslam and goes for the sprinboard Vader Bomb, but MVP gets his knees up.  MVP hits an Exploder and makes his comeback.  MVP goes for the Ballin’ elbow, but Swagger gets up and mows him down with a big boot.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock, but MVP turns it into a front cradle for the pin in 4:05.  It was fine.  I wonder who Swagger pissed off that has him jobbing to MVP.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes gives grooming tips about ear wax.  That’s useful information.

Alberto Del Rio vignette, which is basically a highlight video of all of his vignettes.  He debuts next week!

Grisham and Striker hype the SummerSlam card.

The main event is NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Awesome fast paced wrestling to start, then Ziggler whips Mysterio into the corner hard and kicks the shit out of him.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio hits a headscissors and a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler grounds Mysterio with a rear chin lock.  Mysterio escapes and goes for the 619, but Kane’s pyro goes off to distract him.  Kane comes out pushing a casket.  Insta-commercials.  Ziggler has Mysterio in a rear chin lock.  Kane and his casket are at ringside.  Ziggler hits a stun gun, then rams Mysterio’s head into the apron for 2.  Ziggler hits a bunch of elbow drops for 2.  Ziggler goes back tot he rear chin lock.  Mysterio fights out and tries for a German or something, but settles for sending Ziggler’s shoulder into the post.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away and the rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Ziggler in the face, then hits another seated senton for 2.  Ziggler hits a straight jacket electric chair suplex for 2.  I’m sure there’s a better name for that.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold, but Mysterio avoids it, goes for a quebrada, kind of fucks up, goes for the sleeper himself and fails.  That was a long sentence.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper again, but Mysterio counters and goes for the 619.  Ziggler avoids it, then Mysterio gets a cradle for the pin (9:06 shown).  Kane goes after Mysterio.  They fight, then Mysterio dropkicks Kane into the casket.  Kane gets out and runs away.

Good show for the most part, but I’m really sick of this Kane angle.