Archive for Jackson Andrews

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Albany, New York.

John Cena comes out to talk.  They show CM Punk attacking Cena with a chair last week.  He thinks Punk is mad because Cena spilled his soda.  They show Punk attacking Cena again on Smackdown.  Cena calls Punk out.  CM Punk does indeed come out to the stage.  Punk says it’s not about the soda, it’s about how Cena kept coming back after he was fired and how he buried Wade Barrett under chairs at the PPV.  The banter.  Punk brings up how Cena ended Batista’s career and how he insults Vickie Guerrero.  Cena says Batista quit of his own accord, then makes fun of Michael Cole and himself.  Punk says Cena’s barbaric behavior will stop.  Cena says it’s not.  He challenges Punk to a match.  Punk declines because he wants to call Cena out instead of vice versa.  He says he has a surprise for Cena tonight.  He wishes everyone a happy new year.  I didn’t get into the promos, but I’m still looking forward to this program.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella (w/ Tamina).  Santino throws some silly kicks.  Dibiase decks him and kicks his ass.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Santino avoids a dropkick and pins Dibiase with a prawn hold in 1:03.  Santino has a Christmas gift for Tamina.  It’s the Cobra.  Dibiase and Maryse jump them from behind.  Santino and Tamina clean house and hit stereo jumping headbutts, then hit them with Cobras.  This was silly and pointless.

WWE Champion The Miz lectures Alex Riley backstage.  Riley is facing John Morrison tonight.  Morrison comes in and proposes the stipulation that if he beats Riley tonight, he gets to pick the time and stipulation for his title match, and promises to forfeit the #1 Contendership if he loses.  Miz agrees.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

John Morrison vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  They lock up.  Morrison grabs a hammerlock and eats an elbow to the face.  They brawl a bit.  Morrison hits a backbreaker and a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Miz distracts Morrison, allowing Riley to get the advantage.  Riley gets his heat going and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out.  Riley hits a lousy backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a clothesline for 2.  Riley applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Morrison fights out and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Miz trips him.  The referee ejects Miz.  Riley gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the running knee for the pin in 4:42.  Fine little match.  Morrison tells Lawler that his title match is going to be next week in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Cole throws a hissy fit.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Orton!  CM Punk vows to call out John Cena!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

WWE Champion The Miz bitches Alex Riley out backstage.

CM Punk lectures a camera man.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan chats with the Bella Twins backstage.  Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews come in.  Tyson says he’ll be the next United States Champion.  He’s facing Mark Henry tonight.

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  Commercials.

Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.

Mark Henry vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews).  Henry mauls Kidd.  Kidd avoids being sat on and hits a basement dropkick.  Kidd clamps on a front face lock.  Henry tosses him away and makes his comeback.  Henry goes for a corner splash, but eats boots.  Kidd comes off the top, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 2:06.  I wasn’t expecting that.  Jackson Andrews goes face to face with Henry.  Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam too.  I wasn’t expecting Tyson and his big dude to be jobbed out right here.

They show Jerry Lawler pinned The Miz in the six-man tag last week after Randy Orton delivered the RKO to Miz.  Miz vs. Lawler TONIGHT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo.  He does the annoying shit where he says the same sentence 39,489 times in a row, but he does call the crowd on that stupid “WHAT?” bullshit.  Seriously, of all the good that Steve Austin contributed to the business, that almost undoes all of it.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  They lock up.  Miz takes Lawler down and walks on his back, then prances around like a retarded fairy.  They lock up again.  Miz hits a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  Miz backs Lawler into the corner.  Lawler ducks the cheap shot and grabs a headlock.  Lawler lands some shoulder blocks.  Miz hides in the ropes.  Miz takes Lawler down and slaps his head.  Miz works Lawler over.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Lawler tries to fight out, but Miz throws him down.  Miz keeps beating on Lawler.  Riley trips Lawler just to be a dick.  Miz puts the boots to Lawler.  Miz tauntingl throws some half assed kicks.  Lawler tries to fight back.  Miz beats him down and taunts him.  Riley gets in his cheap shots when it is convenient.  Miz warms up for the corner clothesline.  John Morrison comes out to distract Miz.  Miz hits the corner clothesline.  Lawler avoids a second one and falls into the ropes.  Lawler avoids a shot and Miz crotches himself.  Lawler makes his comeback.  Lawler hits 3 dropkicks and covers for 2.  Miz slips out of a body slam and slams Lawler into the corner.  Lawler avoids a shot.  Miz pulls Lawler’s head across the top rope and tries to go up top.  Lawler kicks him down and Miz face plants into the steps.  Riley tries to interfere and distracts the referee.  Morrison hits Miz with the knee strike.  Lawler wins by count-out in 9:36.  This was boring.

King Sheamus admires his crown backstage.  CM Punk shows up to chat with him.  He wants Sheamus to watch whatever he does to John Cena tonight.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  Lawler is back on commentary now.  WWE Divas Champion Natalya has joined them at the table.

Melina & Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Fox and Eve do some shit.  Fox gets her knees up on a standing moonsault attempt.  Cover gets 2.  Melina tags in and beats up Eve.  Eve rallies and makes the hot tag to Gail Kim.  Gail runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Melina counters Gail’s move and hits the Sunset Split for the pin in 2:30.  There ya go.  Natalya gets in the ring to discuss matters with Melina.  Melina offers a handshake, then tries to deck Natalya.  Natalya blocks it and decks Melina.  Again, there ya go.

CM Punk lectures the trainers backstage.

Tonight, CM Punk vows to call out John Cena.  Also, King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Zack Ryder.  JIP.  Bryan escapes a side headlock, but Ryder hits a shoulder block.  Bryan does a leap frog and a hip toss.  Ryder gets Bryan down and hits the face wash in the corner for 2.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker for 2.  He goes for another one, but Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (1:11 shown).  That’s all the Bryan we get?  Lame.

Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  While he’s reading it, The Miz appears and jumps Jerry Lawler.  That dick!  Miz beats the hell out of Lawler and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.  Even Cole doesn’t condone this, and he spends every show talking about how good Miz’s cock tastes.  Josh Matthews has rejoined Cole at the table.

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner.  They take turns punching each other in the corner.  Orton hits an Austin-style Lou Thesz press and punches.  Sheamus avoids a knee drop and hits a shoulder block.  Sheamus beats on Orton and and applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out and hits a short lariat for 2.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus kicks Orton in the knee and works him over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus counters and sends Orton to the apron.  Orton low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Orton takes a bump into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Orton in a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out.  Sheamus hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus keeps the heat going on Orton.  Orton sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post, then pulls him up in the top rope and hits a superplex for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton wins the exchange and gets rolling.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton ducks the brogue kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and drops Orton with a blow to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton slips out and hits the 3.0.  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MURDER and goes for the slingshot shoulder block.  Orton catches him midair with the RKO for the pin in 14:26.  Good match.

John Cena is headed our way.  Commercials.

Albany!

Next week, The Miz vs. John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship!

John Cena comes out and rants about “CM Sucks.”  He calls out Punk.  Wasn’t the whole idea that Punk was supposed to call Cena out?  Punk’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out.  Cena says he’ll go find “CM Sucks.”  The Nexus come out, minus Barrett.  David Otunga gets in the ring as Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris stand at ringside.  Otunga says Nexus is under new management.  He offers Cena truce.  Cena doesn’t trust him at all.  Nexus start to leave, then come back and attack Cena.  Everyone gives Cena their finish.  Nexus head up the ramp.  CM Punk comes out and gives Cena the Go 2 Sleep.  He teases hitting Cena with a chair.  Instead he sits in the chair and puts on a Nexus armband.  Punk and Nexus salute each other as the show fades to black.

Okay show.  I don’t really get the point of Punk joining Nexus.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/6/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video of last week’s happenings.

Jerry Lawler and CM Punk open the show.  Punk puts over Lawler’s performance last week.  Michael Cole comes out to explain why he screwed Lawler last week.  He refuses to apologize for being in love with The Miz.  The crowd hates Cole.  I wish they’d riot and take him out.  Lawler and Cole banter.  Lawler decides he wants to kick Cole’s ass.  Give him one for me, King!  Cole gives him pause by blaming Lawler for lack of journalistic integrity, or something stupid like that.  He demands an apology from Lawler.  Lawler finally heads to the ring to kick his ass.  The iBooker dings in.  Punk decides he’ll do the reading this week.  He gets a way better reaction than Cole does for doing that crap.  iBooker promises a firing if there is any physicality between Lawler and Cole.  It orders them to shake hands.  Lawler reluctantly shakes Cole’s hand.  Damn that iBooker to hell!  Lawler holds on to Cole’s hand.  He says there’s someone in the back who wants to say something to Cole.  Randy Orton comes out.  Lawler keeps Cole from leaving.  Orton tells Cole to deliver a message to The Miz.  He doesn’t blame Miz for taking the title the way he did, because he would have done the same thing.  He says the only difference between him and The Miz is that Orton backs up what he says.  Orton says he’ll take back the title TONIGHT!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz says the iBooker told him he doesn’t have to defend the title until the PPV, where he’ll face Orton.  Orton asks which 7 guys Miz is going to get to attack him before the match.  He says Riley doesn’t count as a guy.  Riley challenges Orton to match tonight.  Orton agrees.  Miz says the iBooker left it up to him to determine the gimmick for their PPV match.  Orton says that’s fine, then proves that he’s not too injured.  He gives Cole an RKO!  Yay!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened!  And it was great!  During the break, Cole was helped out of the arena.  Hopefully that means no more Cole tonight.  Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out for a match.

Backstage, Nikki Bella knocks on Daniel Bryan’s locker room door.  He emerges with Brie Bella, who has already volunteered to be his partner.  Nikki wishes them luck, but is pissed.

Ted Dibiase Jr. & Maryse vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella.  Bryan and Dibiase lock up.  Dibiase shoves Bryan away.  Nikki Bella comes out.  Bryan grabs a side headlock.  Bryan hits an arm drag and cranks on Dibiase’s arm.  Dibiase hits a flapjack and tags in Maryse.  Brie hits some dropkicks and a clothesline for 2.  Maryse does something and hurts herself, then yells at everybody.  Brie schoolgirls her.  Dibiase saves.  Bryan gives him a dropkick.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.   Nikki gets Brie with an inside cradle for the pin in 2:08.  It’s a sad day when a Daniel Bryan match is lame.  Dibiase and Maryse bicker.  Maryse does the “talk to the hand” gesture and leaves.

Tonight, a four-way elimination match for the WWE Tag Team Championship!  Next, a Wade Barrett interview!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Louisville!

Video package of last week’s happenings with The Nexus and John Cena.

Live via satellite… is David Otunga.  Since Wade Barrett is at the arena.  Idiots.  Why the fuck isn’t Otunga at work, for that matter?  Room service brings Otunga his food.  There’s free catering at the arena.  Otunga bitches about the food being cold and kicks him out.  There’s another knock. It’s John Cena, who beats the shit out of Otunga.  Husky Harris jumps Cena.  Otunga runs away.  Cena throws Harris into the wall.  Stupid shit.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

David Hart Smith vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ huge jacked up dude).  Jobber entrance for Smith.  Smith beats up Kidd.  Kidd kicks Smith in the face and flips to the apron.  Smith throws him back in.  Kidd beats up Smith.  Smith makes his comeback.  Kidd cuts him off with an elbow smash and goes up top.  Smith cuts him off and hits a STALLING SUPERPLEX!  Cover gets 2.  Smith tries for the running powerslam, but Kidd counters into a reverse cradle and grabs the tights for the pin in 2:12.  Intense little match.  Smith attacks Kidd again, but big jacked up dude kicks Smith’s ass.

WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater whine to Wade Barrett backstage.  David Otunga comes in sucking wind.  Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Barrett assure them that everything is fine, then bitches at Otunga for being a failure.  Otunga warns him of a possible mutiny.  Barrett is unconcerned.  Commercials.

Fatal Four-Way Elimination Match for the WWE Tag Team Championship: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Nexus vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Tamina) vs. Mark Henry & Yoshi Tatsu.  Yoshi and Gabriel trade holds.  Yoshi slides under a big boot and lands some chops.  Yoshi lands a spin kick for 2.  Gabriel lands a kick and tags in Slater.  Yoshi immediately hits a hip toss and an arm drag.  Henry tags in.  Slater scampers away and tags in Jey Uso.  The Usos bail to talk strategy.  Henry throws Jey in the ring the hard way.  Yoshi tags in and hits a diving chop.  The Usos get Yoshi in their corner and work him over.  The announcers argue about mixed tag matches.  Usos double team Yoshi and knock Henry off the apron.  Jey slams Yoshi and hits a headbutt.  Slater blind tags in and hits something to pin Yoshi in 3:02.  Boo!  Jimmy Uso beats up Slater.  Jimmy hits a Samoan drop on Slater, but Gabriel saves.  Slater avoids a headbutt and beats up Jimmy.  Kozlov blind tags in and runs wild on everybody.  Kozlov hits the Iron Curtain on Jimmy for the pin in 4:37.  The Usos leave.  Tamina decides to stay with Santino.  Gabriel works Kozlov’s leg, then fucks up some sort of move horribly.  Nexus get the heat on Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild on Slater.  Seriously.  Slater cuts him off and puts the boots to him.  Gabriel tags in and kicks Santino in the head for 2.  Gabriel cranks on Santino’s neck.  Santino takes him over with a judo throw.  Gabriel hits a spin kick for 2.  Nexus get the heat on Santino.  Commercials.  Nexus are now working over Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild again.  Santino hits a Stunner on Gabriel.  Slater saves.  Kozlov takes him out.  John Cena appears on the apron and distracts Gabriel.  Santino hits the Cobra for the pin in 11:56.  The Tag Team Championship changes hands via the Cobra.  At least it was to Gabriel’s injured neck.  Santino, Kozlov, and Tamina celebrate.  Ugh.

Tonight, Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley.  Up next, Sheamus’ King of the Ring coronation ceremony.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

King Sheamus comes out and cuts a great promo from his throne.  The peasant John Morrison dares to interrupt the King!  They banter.  King Sheamus orders Morrison to bow to him.  Morrison refuses.  Sheamus decks Morrison and orders him to bow.  Morrison kicks his ass.  Morrison throws Sheamus into his throne.  That’s high treason!  Off with his head!

Tonight, Wade Barrett calls out John Cena!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Natalya vs. Melina.  Michelle McCool and Layla are ringside for commentary.  ARGH!  Their voices are TORTURE.  Poor Undertaker.  Natalya and Melina shake hands and go at it.  Natalya does a stall suplex.  The commentary is insufferable.  Cover gets 2.  Melina hits a sunset flip into her knees.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Melina applies a body scissors.  Melina screams.  Natalya hits a clothesline.  Melina hits a dropkick.  Natalya hits a basement dropkick and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:24.  LayCool jump Natalya.  At least I can’t hear them anymore.

Orton vs. Riley is next.  Commercials.

Earlier tonight, Randy Orton RKO’d Michael Cole, and I was happy.

Alex Riley complains to The Miz backstage.  Miz orders him to beat Orton tonight.

Randy Orton comes out.  The match is next.  Commercials.

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  They show how Orton lost the title to Miz 2 weeks ago.  Riley attacks Orton’s injured knee.  Cover gets 2.  More knee torture.  Orton hits an Angle Slam of all things.  Orton beats up Riley.  Orton hits a powerslam.  Riley rolls to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Miz gives Orton the Skull Crushing Finale to cause the DQ in 2:47.  Miz says he’s going to show Orton what kind of match they’re having at the PPV.  He brings in a table.  He tries to deliver his move again, but Orton fights back and tries to powerslam Miz through the table.  Miz escapes and bails.  Orton powerbombs Riley through the table.  2 table bumps in 2 weeks for young Mr. Riley.

Backstage, Wade Barrett tells David Otunga to have the other guys read.  He’s headed our way!  Commercials.

Louisville!

Wade Barrett comes out and bitches about John Cena not keeping his word.  He calls out Cena, who comes out through the crowd.  David Otunga, Husky Harris, Justin Gabriel, and Heath Slater come out.  Barrett says they’ll beat up Cena if he threatens Barrett.  Barrett tells Cena that he will never rehire him.  Cena cuts a promo about how he’s having fun with what he’s doing now.  He makes fun of Gabriel and Slater for losing to the Cobra and makes a crack at Otunga and Harris about room service.  He doesn’t care about being fired.  Barrett asks what Cena would do if he hired him back.  Cena makes a Step Brothers reference and says other funny things.  He promises to keep beating up Barrett.  He says Barrett should rehire him so they can settle it like men.  Barrett says that was a threat.  He orders Nexus to attack, but they refuse and leave, despite Barrett’s orders.  Cena kicks Barrett’s ass.  Cena tries to give Barrett the Attitude Adjustment off of the steps through the announce table.  Barrett escapes a runs away.  Cena’s music plays, so apparently he’s friends with the productions guy too.

Wade Barrett stomps around backstage and yells at The Nexus.  Otunga says either Barrett hires Cena back next week, or Barrett is out of Nexus.  Mutiny!

95% of the wrestling on this show sucked, but I thought the storyline stuff was pretty good.