Archive for I Quit Match

TNA iMPACT! 9/16/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Kurt Angle/Jeff Hardy highlight video.

“One More Time”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle and Jeff Hardy are already in the ring.  Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff puts over Mr. Anderson for making it to the final of the World Title tournament at Bound For Glory.  He puts over the Angle/Hardy match, which apparently everybody but me thought was great.  He says it will be a three-way match for the title at the PPV.  Dixie Carter comes out.  She also verbally fellates them for the match, then says she’s going to override Bischoff’s decision and put Angle and Hardy in a no time limit match tonight.  Her music plays.  Why does this woman deserve music?

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is pissed off.  He says he’s going to talk to Bischoff.  He meets and greets Kevin Nash and Sting.

Somebody asks Tommy Dreamer where EV2.0 goes from here.  He says “maybe home.”  Why do people always bother Dreamer when he’s going to his car?

Kevin Nash (w/ Sting) vs. Samoa Joe (w/ Jeff Jarrett).  Nash beats up Joe.  Joe ducks clotheslines and drops Nash with a big kick, then hits him with a lariat.  Joe kicks the shit out of Nash some more.  Outside, Nash rams Joe’s head into the apron.  Joe fights back.  Sting tries to attack Joe.  Jarrett saves and the 4 of them brawl.  Instead of DQ’ing anyone like a ref with a brain would do, the referee counts them both out in 2:42.  They all brawl some more.  Geeks eventually manage to break them up.  I’m bored with this feud.  They keep brawling through all the geeks.

Lacey Von Erich is in her locker room.  Madison Rayne and Tara come in.  Rayne tells Lacey they have a Tag title match next.  Lacey says she hasn’t decided whose side she’s on, which pisses Rayne off.  Rayne and Tara are mean to her.

Tonight, Angle vs. Hardy!  Next, Williams vs. Lethal for the X Title!

Kevin Nash and Sting talk backstage.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal recently beat Williams in a non-title match on Xplosion, which no one anywhere has ever seen.  They brawl.  Williams hits a slam and a knee drop for 0.  Lethal hits a rebound kick in the corner.  They trade shots.  Williams hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  More brawling.  Williams applies an abdominal stretch.  Williams hits a suplex for 2.  Lethal fights back.  Williams kicks his knee out and locks him a modified bow & arrow lock.  Williams knees Lethal in the back.  Lethal fights out of a waist lock.  Williams comes off the top, but Lethal catches him with a dropkick.  Lethal goes for the handspring elbow.  Williams counts and goes for the Chaos Theory, but Lethal counters and hits the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal goes for the diving elbow drop, but Williams avoids it.  Lethal counters a tornado DDT attempt and hits the Lethal Injection for the pin in 5:16.  New champion!  Confetti falls as Lethal celebrates.  Okay little match.

Abyss drags a body around backstage.  WTF?

Kurt Angle talks about Jeff Hardy.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Taylor Wilde & Hamada (c) vs. Madison Rayne & Lacey Von Erich (w/ Tara).  Wilde schools Lacey and gets some quick cradles for 2.  Rayne yells at Lacey, who manages a hammerlock and a headlock, but gets reversed.  Hamada tags in and hits a diving sunset flip on Lacey for 2.  Rayne tags in and boots Hamada in the face, then tags Lacey back in.  Lacey hits her stupid backflip elbow, then tries it again and misses.  Hamada slams her and hits a moonsault press for 2.  Fuck, it’s not over?  Wilde tags in and hits a diving cross body on Lacey for 2.  Stay down, idiot!  I don’t want to watch you wrestle anymore.  Rayne pulls Wilde’s hair from the apron, then tags in and beats her up.  Rayne hits a crappy clothesline and tags in Lacey.  They hit a double suplex for 2.  Lacey applies a rear chin lock.  Wilde escapes and tags in Hamada, who hits Lacey with running kicks and a headbutt.  Wilde tags in and knocks Rayne off the apron.  Hamada and Wilde hit Lacey with a Samoan drop/neckbreaker combination and Wilde gets the pin in 4:03.  It was okay.  Rayne screams at Lacey.  Lacey tires of her shit and shoves her down.  Tara hits Lacey from behind with the motorcycle helmet.  The Beautiful People (the real ones, Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) come out to run off Rayne and Tara.

Tonight, Angle vs. Hardy!

Tommy Dreamer is head our way!  And he SUITED UP!

Jeff Hardy talks about Kurt Angle.

Tommy Dreamer comes out.  They show highlights from his I Quit Match with AJ Styles at No Surrender.  He calls out Fortune.  TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Ric Flair, Kazarian, Matt Morgan, and Beer Money come out.  Why must all TNA themes have awful rap lyrics?  Dreamer calls a truce and says it’s over.  He talks about how he wants to stay in TNA and talks about the Fortune members’ various histories with WWE and TNA.  He puts over Styles for beating him at the PPV.  Styles puts over Dreamer and they shake hands.  He then bashes Dreamer and cheap shots him.  Fortune commences to kicking the shit out Dreamer, much to the surprise of no one.  Brian Kendrick comes out to try to cover up Dreamer, but gets his ass kicked too.  Security, as usual, waits forever to come out.  Fire those guards and hire some competent ones.  Styles says now Dreamer can have his truce.  Well he won’t want it now!  Fortune leave.  Kendrick challenges any one of them to a fight and says some confusing scientific stuff.  Long, pointless segment.

Brian Kendrick vs. Matt Morgan.  JIP.  Morgan drops Kendrick with a clothesline, then gets around to taking his sunglasses off.  Morgan beats up Kendrick.  Morgan takes off his watch and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan hits a fall away slam for 2, as he pulls Kendrick up to be a dick.  Kendrick surprises Morgan with a dropkick for the pin (2:06 shown).  Alright then.  Morgan says that doesn’t count because he was in a suit.  He’s throwing a fit.

The Pope walks into Bischoff’s office and finds Miss Tessmacher, who says Bischoff is in a meeting.  These fucks sure have their meetings at odd hours.  Pope is annoyed, then hits on Miss Tessmacher.  Ugh.

Tonight, HARDY VS. ANGLE!

Up next, RVD speaks!

House show plugs.

Abyss has 2 victims tied up in his torture room.  He uses a branding iron on one of them.  I hate this fucking company.

Tenay and Taz talk, then call Rob Van Dam on the telephone.  He says he’ll be there next week.

Generation Me come out.  They say that since they injured Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin should forfeit the tag titles to them.  They use way more words than I did.  TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin comes out and immediately attacks them.  He’s quickly overcome by the numbers game.  They give Sabin the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER.  Fine segment.

Hardy vs. Angle is NEXT!

Shore!  I’m afraid to know what the fuck that is.  It’s coming on 10/7.  Joy.

Angle/Hardy highlight video.  Again.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Semifinal Rematch – No Time Limit: Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle.  They went 30 minutes at the PPV, so they’re putting them in a no time limit match with 11 minutes of TV time left.  Brilliant.  They lock up.  Angle pushes Hardy into the corner and gives a clean break.  They lock up again.  Hardy works Angle’s arm.  Angle counters and works Hardy’s arm.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Angle grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown with a shoulder block, then takes Hardy over with another side headlock.  Hardy backs Angle into the corner and doesn’t give a clean break.  He’s a dick.  I can tell by the way his tweets are typed.  Hardy slide dropkicks Angle into the post.  Hardy brings Angle back inside and hits a front suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Angle escapes and they trade blows.  Angle side steps Hardy and sends him to the floor, then hits him with a slingshot dive.  Ken Anderson comes out to join Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Insta-commercials.  Double clothesline spot.  Angle has a flurry of offense.  Hardy boots him in the face.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Of course, the match is secondary to camera shots of Anderson talking.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for 2.  Hardy goes up top, but Angle jumps up.  Hardy avoids him, but Angle hits a moonsault body block for 2.  Angle applies the ankle lock.  Hardy manages to escape and drops Angle with a kick.  Hardy goes up top and goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Angle gets his knees up.  Hardy covers for 2 anyway.  Hardy takes out the ref with the Whisper In The Wind.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Earl Hebner comes in to count 2.  Angle hits the Angle Slam again for 2.  Angle lands some punches on Hardy.  The show ends.  Fuck you, I’m not watching Reaction.  It was good until TNA stupidity set in.

Fuck this show.  Fuck this company.  They will never be successful.  Even if they hire someone competent to run things, too much damage has been done from them to ever be taken seriously.

TNA No Surrender 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 12, 2010 by Grappleholic

Earlier Today: Ken Anderson, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Jeff Hardy, and Kurt Angle all arrived at the building.

Opening video chronicling the various disputes and disagreements between the 4 aforementioned guys.

No Surrender!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Gen Me get the shot because London Brawling couldn’t make the show.  I’m not going to complain about getting to see The Young Bucks instead of Brutus Magnus.  Shelley and Jeremy start with a fine chain wrestling sequence.  Shelley does a sweet wonky cradle for 2.  Max tags in to be the victim of more Shelley awesomeness.  Sabin tags in and has a fast paces exchange with Sabin.  They both throw a dropkick, then get in each others’ face.  Jeremy and Shelley come back in for more goodness.  Jeremy lands an elbow smash and some sweet arm drags.  Bucks make quick tags and double team Shelley.  Jeremy works Shelley’s arm with a series of arm stunners.  Shelley backdrops Jeremy to the apron.  Sabin tags in and the Guns hit a rapid fire double team sequence for 2.  Sabin hits an elbow drop for 2.  Shelley tags in and applies a wonky inverted Boston crab thing.  Max saves.  Sabin tags back in.  Guns try to double team, but Jeremy rallies awesomely and tags in Max.  Max runs wild and plants Sabin with a sweet bulldog for 2.  Max hits Shelley with a baseball slide dropkick, then hits Sabin with a cool jumping DDT for 2.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Shelley blind tags himself in and hits Max with a missile kick for 2.  Max counters the Shiranui, but Shelley drops him with a kick and goes for a springboard.  Jeremy cuts him off and hits a neckbreaker on the apron.  Max covers for 2.  Bucks make quick tags and work over Shelley.  Max grounds Shelley with a rear chin lock.  Shelley fights out, but gets dropped with a kick.  Jeremy tags in and locks Shelley in a full nelson.  Shelley escapes with an arm drag.  Max nails Shelley from the apron, then tags in.  Bucks fuck up a double team allowing Shelley to make the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild on Max.  Sabin hits a springboard jumping DDT, but Jeremy saves.  Sabin throws Jeremy out.  Jeremy comes back in and dropkicks Sabin to the apron.  Shelley clotheslines Jeremy out of the ring, then wipes him out with a dive.  Sabin and Max trade shots.  Max counters a tornado DDT.  Jeremy hits a weird Diamond Dust/Asai DDT thing.  Max covers, but Shelley saves.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Bucks miss the More Bang For Your Buck.  Lots of superkicks happen.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body combo (called the Skull & Bones) on Jeremy and Sabin gets the pin in 12:51.  Awesome match!  Great way to open the PPV.  Generation Me decide to be dicks and jump the Guns after the match.  They were subtle heels throughout the match, and I guess they’re making the heel turn official.  The hit Shelley with a double DDT OF MURDER from the apron to the floor!  The Bucks laugh as Sabin and EMTs check on Shelley.  Shelley has to be helped to the back.

Tenay and Taz talk about the World Title tournament semifinals.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Sabu.  Williams has new music.  Sabu gets a single leg takedown, believe it or not.  They lock up and do some chain wrestling.  Sweet.  I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Sabu chain wrestle before.  Sabu hits a clothesline and a slingshot leg drop, then applies a camel clutch.  Williams gets a rope break and bails.  Sabu hits him with a baseball slide dropkick and a cannonball dive.  Sabu finds a table under the ring and sets it up.  Williams rams Sabu’s head into it and takes him back inside.  Williams hits a diving European uppercut for 2.  Sabu tries to hit a Frankensteiner off the top rope and totally fucks it up.  Sabu brings in a chair.  Earl Hebner makes him put it down.  Sabu uses the chair to hit an ugly Triple Jump Moonsault for 2.  He tries it again, but Williams trips him and Sabu face plants into the chair.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams kicks Sabu in the balls and works him over.  Williams lands another knee drop for 2.  Sabu hits a rebound jumping DDT for 2.  Sabu hits a springboard elbow smash for 2.  Sabu uses the chair as a springboard to kick Williams in the corner.  He tries again, but Williams kicks the chair into his middle.  Williams hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Sabu hits a clothesline and Williams bails.  Sabu tries to use the chair as a springboard again and stupid ass Hebner decides to get in the way.  Sabu hits a dive anyway.  Sabu tries to put Williams through the table, but Williams moves and Sabu crashes through it.  Back inside, Williams picks up the chair.  Hebner takes it away to distract himself, so Williams hits Sabu with the belt for the pin in 11:13.  This was pretty messy.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.

Madison Rayne (w/ Tara) vs. Velvet Sky (w/ TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love).  Tara provides the distraction to let Rayne get the jump on Rayne.  Rayne dances to taunt Love, then screams and chokes Sky.  Rayne applies a camel clutch.  Sky kicks her in the crotch to escape, then lands a slap.  Tara gets on the apron.  The referee goes outside to admonish her.  Sky gets a schoolgirl, but the referee is incompetent.  Rayne beats up love some more and does her stupid head humping shit for 2.  Sky makes her comeback with shitty clotheslines, a shitty spear, and that stupid head pushing into the mat shit I hate.  Tara pulls Sky out of the ring and tries to use the motorcycle helmet, but Love kicks her in the back, which incapacitates her.  Sky hits Rayne with a DDT for the pin in 4:43.  This was brutal.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Rhino vs. Abyss.  Rhino meets Abyss in the aisle and kicks his ass.  He throws Abyss into the ring and throws in some plunder.  Abyss bails and Rhino hits him with a slingshot dive.  They brawl in the crowd and outside the sound stage.  Back through the crowd and back into the ring, Rhino fights back after taking a beating outside.  Abyss whips Rhino into a garbage can that was wedged between the turnbuckles.  The fight over next to the entrance ramp.  Abyss whips Rhino into a barricade for 2.  Rhino throws Abyss through the poorly constructed stage.  They fight under the stage.  Seriously.  The camera man gets knocked down, so Tenay and Taz just talk.  Crowd chants “WE CAN’T SEE!”  Abyss throws Rhino through the other side of the stage for 2.  Abyss beats up Rhino back down to the ring.  Abyss breaks off a section of the guardrail and brings it into the ring.  He sets it up in the corner.  Rhino stops himself from crashing into it and makes his comeback, wailing on Abyss’ head with a cookie sheet.  Rhino hits a belly to belly suplex, then goes for the Gore.  Abyss catches him and chokeslams him on the trashcan for 2.  Abyss brings in Janice.  Rhino hits the Gore for 2.  The crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  They’re lying.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for 2.  Abyss seems bothered by the crowd’s support of Rhino.  Abyss goes for a powerbomb into the barricade, but Rhino counters and hits a short lariat.  Rhino goes for the Gore into the barricade, but Abyss moves.  Rhino eats the barricade, then Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 12:40.  Lame garbage match.  Abyss yells about “them” coming on 10/10/10.

Jarrett & Joe/Sting & Nash video package.

Sting & Kevin Nash vs. Jeff Jarrett & Samoa Joe.  Joe and Sting start, but Sting attacks Jarrett on the apron.  Nash comes in and gets dropped by a running kick from Joe.  Joe runs wild on Sting, then tags in Jarrett.  Jarrett beats up Sting until Nash cheap shots Jarrett from the apron.  Nash tags in and beats up Jarrett.  Jarrett fights back, but is quickly cut off.  Nash hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Sting tags in and beats up Jarrett some more.  Sting hits the Stinger Splash and goes for a Vader Bomb, but Jarrett gets his knees up.  Joe gets the tag, but the referee was fucking around with Nash and didn’t see it.  Sting and Jarrett clothesline each other.  Joe gets the tag and runs wild.  Joe ducks a clothesline from Sting and hits Nash with a tope suicida.  Sting hits a Stun Gun on Jarrett.  Jarrett grabs the bat and clobbers Sting with it while the referee is outside dealing with Nash and Joe.  Joe comes back in and locks Sting in the Coquina Clutch for the referee stop win in 6:12.  Fine little match.  Best thing on the show since the opener.

Dreamer/Styles hype video.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Styles tries to jump Dreamer in the stage, but Dreamer sees him and kicks his ass down to the ring.  Dreamer goes for the Texas Cloverleaf, but fails.  He does succeed in backdropping Styles to the floor.  Dreamer stretches Styles against the ring post, but Styles refuses to quit.  They trade chops on the floor.  Back in the ring, Dreamer applies a full nelson clutch.  Styles escapes and fishhooks Dreamer.  Dreamer backs Styles into the corner.  Styles charges Dreamer in the opposite corner, but Dreamer moves and Styles spears the post.  Dreamer goes for a submission hold, but Styles bails.  Dreamer hits a clothesline off of the apron.  Styles suplexes Dreamer on the ramp.  Styles goes for the figure-four, but Dreamer hits him with a stage light, then chokes him with the cable attached to it.  Styles exposes a section of the floor and goes for the Styles Clash, but Dreamer counters, sends him into the post, and hits a shoulder breaker.  Back in the ring, Dreamer works Styles’ arm.  Dreamer fucks his arm up with a chair.  Styles escapes via eye poke and tries to stab Dreamer with a fork, but Dreamer cuts him off and locks him in a crossface.  Styles bails.  Dreamer follows and rams his arm against the steps and the barricade.  Styles crotches Dreamer on the barricade.  Styles stretches Dreamer’s leg in the guardrail.  Back inside, Styles goes for the figure-four.  Dreamer counters, but Styles immediately takes out his leg and pulls his crotch into the ring post.  Styles locks in the figure-four around the post!  Back inside, Styles hits a shin breaker onto the chair.  Styles locks in the figure-four leglock.  Dreamer turns it over forcing Styles to release the hold.  Dreamer gets Styles in some kind of hold using the chair.  Dreamer gets the fork and tries to use it, but Styles knocks him out of the ring with the Pele kick.  Styles goes for a dive, but Dreamer whacks him mid-air with a Singapore cane.  Dreamer wails on Styles with the cane and hits a pumphandle suplex with it.  Dreamer applies a crossface with the cane until the cane breaks.  Styles stabs Dreamer in the face with another fork.  Styles pushes the fork into Dreamer’s eye area, forcing Dreamer to quit in 16:28.  Really good match here, which kind of surprised me.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Tale of the Tape for Angle/Hardy.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd, because she has to be on TV.  Gunner and Murphy watch over her.  Angle and Hardy lock up.  Angle takes Hardy down with a front face lock.  Hardy gets a rope break and grabs a side headlock.  Hardy scores a knockdown with a shoulder block, then grabs his headlock again.  Angle pushes Hardy into the corner to break, then wails on him with punches.  Hardy hits a front suplex and leg drop the balls, followed by a basement dropkick for 2.  Angle knocks Hardy loopy with an elbow smash, then hits the first powerbomb I ever remember seeing him hit.  Angle works a side headlock and a waist lock.  Hardy escapes and makes a comeback.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Hardy hits a modified Twist of Fate and goes up top.  Angle springs him and hits the arm drag from the top rope for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam.  Hardy counters with an arm drag, but fucks it up.  Hardy hits a move for 2.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Angle avoids it.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, then hits the Rolling Germans instead for 2.  Angle goes for a moonsault, but Hardy avoids it.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They go outside and Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on the floor.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb from the top rope to the floor!  They both barely beat the count back into the ring.  They trade shots.  Angle counters the Twist of Fate and hits a release German suplex.  Angle hits a frog splash for 2.  Angle goes for another powerbomb, but Hardy backdrops him out of it and hits the Twist of Fate for 2.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb for 2.  He hits again, but Angle kicks out again!  Hardy goes for a third Swanton Bomb, but Angle gets his knees up.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Hardy rolls through and sends Angle to the floor.  Hardy hits a clothesline off of the apron.  Back inside, Angle locks the ankle lock in again.  Hardy gets a rope break, but Angle pulls him back to the middle of the ring and locks it again again.  Hardy kicks his way free.  Angle hits a clothesline for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  After like a minute, he finally grapevines the leg.  The 20 minute time limit expires.  THE FUCK?  What kind of fucking moron puts a 20 minute time limit on a World title tournament semifinal match?  The crowd is totally deflated, then they start chanting “FIVE MORE MINUTES!”  Eric Bischoff comes out and confers with Dixie Carter, then says 5 more minutes!  Angle viciously attacks Hardy’s ankle.  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Hardy kicks him to the floor.  Hardy beats up Angle on the outside.  Back inside, Hardy goes up top again.  Angle crotches him on the top rope and hits the Angle Slam off the top.  HARDY FUCKING KICKS OUT.  THIS MATCH WILL NOT END.  Angle charges at Hardy, but gets back body dropped to the floor.  AND NOW THEY HAVE A FUCKING COUNTDOWN CLOCK.  Angle gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Angle covers for 2, then the time limit expires again at 25:04.  FIVE MORE FUCKING MINUTES.  Angle hammers Hardy with tired, weak looking punches.  Angle charges Hardy and spears the post.  Hardy beats up Angle on the outside again.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN.  Hardy locks in a Boston crab, which I don’t think he’s ever done before.  Just for the visual of Angle bleeding onto the mat, I guess.  Angle counters into the ankle lock as the clock counts down again.  The time limit expires yet again in 30:05.  Bischoff gets in the ring and calls for the trainer to come down and check Angle’s bloody head.  Bischoff declares the match a no-contest instead of a time limit draw, because he’s retarded.  Shannon Moore comes out to check on Hardy.  Angle is pissed off.  So am I.  There was nothing mechanically wrong with this match, what ruined it was all of the TNA bullshit.

Christy Hemme interviews the Pope.

Tale of the Tape for Pope/Anderson.

TNA World Heavyweight Title Tournament – Semifinal: Ken Anderson vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up aggressively and wrestle around a bit, then get pissed off at each other and start brawling.  Pope hits an armbreaker, which Taz always calls a flying armbar.  Pope hits a hammerlock backdrop suplex, a move that I always pop for.  Pope works Anderson’s arm.  Pope hits a hammerlock slam for 2.  I love any kind of hammerlock slam or suplex.  Anderson fights back with some clotheslines an elbow smash, then drops Pope with a kick for 2.  Anderson returns the favor from earlier by working Pope’s arm and shoulder.  Anderson keeps the heat on Pope for a while.  Double clothesline spot.  Pope makes his comeback.  Pope goes up top, but Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  They fight over it.  Pope manages to fight Anderson off and crotch him on the top rope.  Anderson falls to the floor.  Pope hits a diving cross body to the floor.  Back inside, Pope covers for 2.  Pope lowers the knee pads goes for the Codebreaker.  Anderson counters and goes for the Mic Check.  Pope counters again.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Pope hits the Codebreaker for 2.  Pope goes for the Mic Check.  Anderson counters and goes for it, but Pope arm drags him.  Anderson hits the Mic Check for 2.  Pope beats up Anderson in the corner.  Anderson avoids the Elijah Express and hits the Mic Check again for the pin in 17:23.  Pretty decent match, but nothing to write home about.  Anderson makes a paper airplane out of one of Pope’s fake dollar and throws it at him.  Anderson announces himself as the winner and says he’s one match away from being the World Champion.

This show was a mixed bag.  There was some very good, some mediocre, and some very bad.  Guns vs. Gen Me and Styles vs. Dreamer were both actively good.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.

Starrcade: The Essential Collection Disc 3 (Repost)

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Originally posted on my old blog on 2/13/09.

I’m finally back with Disc 3.  This is the first review to be written on my brand new awesome computer!

Road Warrior Animal introduces #9.

#9
Starrcade, 12/13/89
Non-Title, Iron Team Tournament Match: The Road Warriors (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. NWA World Tag Team Champions The Steiner Brothers.  The two Jims (Ross and Cornette) are on commentary.  Scott and Hawk start.  Scott goes for Hawk’s leg, then Hawk hits an enzuigiri.  Hawk catches Scott’s leg, and Scott does a nifty flip out of it.  Scott tags in Rick.  Hawk nails a lariat for a two count from referee Nick Patrick.  Animal comes in.  Rick hits the Steiner Line.  Animal takes over briefly, then Rick hits a belly-to-belly suplex.  Tags on both sides.  Hawk hits a press slam and a fist drop, then covers.  Rick saves.  Hawk hits a big boot for another near fall.  Tag to Animal, who misses an elbow drop on Scott.  Scott hits a belly-to-belly.  Scott runs at Animal in the corner and gets caught with a kick or clothesline.  I forgot which in the time it took to type that sentence.  While I was typing those sentences, Hawk and Scott went at it.  Scott hits a belly-to-belly overhead off the turnbuckle on Hawk.  Animal comes in and works over Scott.  Hawk comes in and beats up Scott too.  Animal tags back in.  Hawk beats up Rick for good measure.  Road Warriors hit the Doomsday Device.  Animal has Scott in a backdrop-style bridge.  Both men’s shoulders were on the mat, but Scott lifts his shoulder at the last second to get the pin on Animal at 7:28.  Nifty old school finish.

Dusty Rhodes introduces #8.  It’s a match from Starrcade 2000.  Oh dear.  Oh thank God, it’s the good one.

#8
Starrcade, 12/17/00
Three-Way Ladder Match: 3 Count vs. Jamie Knoble & Evan Karagias vs. The Jung Dragons (w/ Leia Meow).  Tony Schiavone, Scott Hudson, Mark Madden, and Chavo Guerrero Jr. are on commentary.  Whoever gets the contract hanging above the ring gets a shot at Chavo’s Cruiserweight Championship.  Kaz Hayashi and Shannon Moore start.  They do a nifty bit, then a painful looking botch.  Okay, this match is already looking like it’s going to be way to fast to type.  Yang and Helms tease going at it, then everyone races for ladders.  The sneaky boy band grab a ladder from under the ring while everyone else goes for the ladders on the aisle.  The Dragons come in and send them out of the ring.  Yang, who would one day become everyone’s favorite Asian redneck, Jimmy Wang Yang, dropkicks a ladder into Knoble (who would one day drop the K) and Karagias (who after the fall of WCW dropped off the face of the Earth).  Knoble and Karagias end up alone in the ring and argue over who is going to take the contract down.  They shove each other, then Yang dropkicks Knoble into Karagias.  Knoble takes a bump into the ladder.  Yang hits the Yang Time on Moore.  Everyone else does suicide dives as Knoble goes for the prize.  Yang pushes the ladder over and sends him into the pile.  They do some crazy awesome spots that would take way too long to explain.  Helms hits a sick neckbreaker on someone.  Knoble hits a sunset flip powerbomb on Helms off the ladder.  Moore hits a rear chinlock drop on Yang.  Knoble goes for the prize, but Leia Meow comes in and stops him.  Yang hits a cross-arm Iconoclasm off a ladder on Karagias.  The Dragons build a scaffold out of four ladders.  3 Count send them crashing into it.  Knoble drops Moore with a Tombstone Piledriver while Karagias hammers Helms.  Hayashi and Karagias take bumps off the ladder scaffold.  Moore hits an awesome headscissors on Yang to bring him off the ladder scaffold.  Helms sends Knoble off, then both members of 3 Count pull down the contract together at 13:46.  Awesome spotfest with lots of insane bumps.

Dusty introduces #7.

#7
Starrcade, 12/13/89
Non-Title, Iron Man Tournament Match: NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair vs. Sting.  Ross and Terry Funk are on commentary.  Flair wins the tournament on a pinfall, submission, or count-out.  Sting needs a pin or submission to win.  If they draw, Lex Luger wins the tournament.  They lock up, then Sting hits a hiptoss.  Flair puts Sting in a hammerlock, but Sting counters with a drop toe hold.  Flair inexplicably sets Sting on the top turnbuckle, then gives a clean break.  They lock up again and Flair tries to out arm-power Sting, which I find foolish.  Sting, of course, powers Flair down.  Sting gets the better of an exchange and Flair takes a breather.  They go at it again and Sting gets a near fall off of a backslide.  Flair nails Sting with chops.  Sting hiptosses Flair again, then dropkicks him.  Flair throws Sting out of the ring, then chops him and whips him into the guardrail.  Flair suplexes Sting back into the ring.  Flair works over Sting and gets a near falls from a ground cobra twist and an inside cradle.  Sting makes a comeback and kicks Flair’s ass.  Sting puts Flair in the Scorpion Death Lock, but it’s way too close to the ropes and Flair gets a break.  Flair attacks Sting’s leg and locks in the figure-four leglock.  Sting escapes it somehow, but Flair keeps on working Sting’s leg.  Sting gets a near fall with another backslide.  Flair stays after Sting’s leg.  Sting counters the figure-four with an inside cradle for the pin at 15:56, even though the time limit was 15 minutes.  Good match, though.  Ole and Arn Anderson come out and raise Sting’s hands in victory, as they’re all Horsemen at the time.  I’m guessing it was soon after this that the Horsemen kicked Sting out for wanting his title shot at Flair.

Dusty introduces #6.  We’re going way back to the first Starrcade for this one.

#6
Starrcade, 11/24/83.
Non-Title, Dog Collar Match: Roddy Piper vs. NWA United States Heavyweight Champion Greg Valentine.  I should mention that throughout the match, the announcers can’t make up their minds if it’s a title match or not.  It’s not.  Gordon Solie and Bob Caudle are the announcers.  Not much to say here, they just brawl and maim each other with the chain.  They both bleed like crazy.  Piper hooks Valentine’s legs with the chain and pins him at 16:08.  Valentine attacks Piper and chokes him with the chain after the match.  Sorry for the short review, but there’s only so many times in one match I want to type “punch” and “chokes (or whips) with the chain).

Animal introduces #5.  Shit, another Scaffold Match.

#5
Starrcade, 11/27/86
Scaffold Match: The Road Warriors (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette & Big Bubba Rogers).  Tony Schiavone and Rick Stewart (who?) are on commentary.  The Road Warriors wait at the top during the ring intros.  Loverboy Dennis Condrey teases climbing up, but chickens out.  MX finally does come up.  The bell rings and the Road Warriors kick ass.  Condrey throws powder in Hawk’s eyes.  Eaton does the same to Animal.  They fight on top of the scaffold.  That sentence will cover the rest of the match until someone takes a stupid, unnecessary bump.  Condrey falls, then Eaton, to give the Road Warriors the win at 7:08.  Ellering takes Cornette’s tennis racket.  Cornette climbs the scaffold to escape and runs right into Animal.  Cornette falls and blows out his knees.

Jim Ross introduces #4, explaining the build up the epic Sting/Hogan showdown in 1997.  In short, Hogan’s nWo ran roughshod over WCW for a year while Sting watched from the rafters and grew his hair out.

#4
Starrcade, 12/28/97
WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: “Hollywood” Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Sting.  Schiavone, Rhodes, and Tenay are on commentary.  Nick Patrick is the referee.  Hogan throws his bandanna at Sting.  Sting responds by slapping him.  Hogan panders to the crowd, then Sting slugs him.  Hogan panders some more as Sting just stands there.  Okay guys, you’ve built the moment.  Time to wrestle.  Hogan beats up Sting.  Hogan tries to elbow drop Sting three times, but misses every time.  Sting dropkicks Hogan out of the ring.  Hogan comes back in and they work a headlock.  Hogan comes off the ropes but Sting leapfrogs him and sends him out of the ring with a dropkick again.  They go back and forth, but nothing particulary interesting happens.  They fight outside and Sting hits a Stinger Splash on the guardrail.  Back in the ring, Hogan chokes Sting with his boot.  Hogan hits the leg drop and gets the clean pin.  Bret Hart shows up and says he’s not going to see Sting get screwed.  Hart nails Patrick and takes over as referee.  Hogan tries to run away, but Hart throws him back in the ring.  Buff Bagwell and Scott Norton come in to attack Sting, but Sting is not to be denied.  He hits a Stinger Splash and the Scorpion Death Lock for the victory at 12:53.  Luger, The Giant, and a bunch of jobbers come out to celebrate with Sting.  The Hogan pin on Sting was supposedly meant to be a fast count, and rumor is Hogan paid off Patrick to not count slow.  If it’s true, Hogan is a prick, but a brilliant prick.  The match comes off looking like Hogan won fair and square, then got screwed.

Ric Flair introduces #3.

#3
Starrcade, 11/24/83
Steel Cage Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Harley Race (c) vs. Ric Flair.  Former World Champion Gene Kiniski is the guest referee for this match, the main event of the first Starrcade.  Solie and Caudle are the announcers.  It takes about 10 minutes for the entrances, introductions, and all that jazz.  They do a headlock sequence.  Kiniski warns Flair about using closed fists, so Flair nails Race with some elbows.  Race backs Flair into the ropes and doesn’t give a clean break.  Kiniski chastises him.  Flair backs Race into the ropes and responds in kind.  Race nails Flair with a high knee, but misses his falling headbutt.  Flair nails a chop and covers, but no count.  Flair puts Race down to the mat with a headlock.  Very old school match.  Flair holds him on the mat for a little while, but Race eventually powers up and hits a suplex.  He misses the headbutt again.  Flair goes for a move, but Race falls on him and gets a count.  I think it was just one.  Race gets Flair into the ropes and beats on him, but Kiniski pulls him away.  Race hits a piledriver and something else for a near fall.  Actually I can’t tell if the fall was near because Kiniski counts so slow and quietly.  Race hits a neckbreaker for what I did see was a near fall.  Wrestling in 1983 was a lot different than it is in 2009.  Race hits a powerslam-type move for another close one.  Flair tries to fire back, but Race headbutts him to the mat and finally hits his falling headbutt.  Race rams Flair into the cage and beats on him some more.  Flair finally fires back with chops and elbows.  He’s BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair backs Race into the corner but gets headbutted again.  Kiniski is a strict referee.  Flair hits a knee drop and a kick to the head, then a piledriver on his own for a near fall.  Flair hits a suplex for another near fall.  Kiniski is such a shitty referee.  Flair rams Race into the cage, then Race grinds Flair’s face into it.  Kiniski pulls Race away again.  Were referees supposed to be IN THE FUCKING WAY in 1983?  Geeze.  Flair locks in the figure-four leglock.  Race reverses and the roll into the ropes, so Flair has to break it.  Race hits his diving headbutt for a two count.  Race hits a suplex for a two count.  Race beats on Flair in the corner, and Kiniski pulls him away by his hair.  Race goes for a suplex, but Flair reverses it into a suplex of his own.  Ref bump.  They should have knocked him out 20 minutes ago.  Flair hits a cross body off the top rope for the win at 23:49.  The ring fills up with people celebrating with Flair.  This match was probably considered good by 1983 standards, but by my standards it was slow and boring, with a referee who really hindered the match.

Tully Blanchard introduces #2.

#2
Starrcade, 11/28/85
“I Quit” Steel Cage Match for the NWA United States Heavyweight Championship: Tully Blanchard (c) (w/ Baby Doll) vs. Magnum T.A.  I haven’t seen this match in a while.  Hopefully it holds up better today than the previous match did.  Schiavone and Caudle are the announcers.  I don’t think we’ve heard that combination yet.  They lock up.  Tully throws a punch, Magnum throws one of his own, and the crowd pops big.  Man, Magnum was OVER.  The crowd comes to life whenever he throws a punch or does anything else for that matter.  Tully gets heat, Magnum makes a small comeback and pops the crowd, Tully gets heat again.  Rinse, lather, repeat, but it’s good stuff.  Magnum goes head-first into the cage and gets cut.  Either Tully gets color too, or Magnum’s blood gets on him, or both.  Tully tries to make Magnum quit, but Magnum responds with a resounding “HELL NO!”  Magnum fights back, but Tully won’t quit either.  Magnum punches Tully in the corner, but Tully gives him an inverted atomic drop, then beats him in the head with the microphone.  Somebody (Baby Doll I presume) throws a wooden chair over the cage to Tully.  Tully breaks it and tries to use a piece of it to stab Magnum in the eye.  Magnum gets hold of the spike and sticks it into Tully’s head, forcing Tully to quit at 14:48-ish.  Really great match.  It’s an old fashioned bloody, hate-filled brawl that still stands the test of time.

Ric Flair introduces #1!  I’ve been wanting to see this match for a long time.

#1
Starrcade, 12/27/93
WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: Vader (c) (w/ Harley Race) vs. Ric Flair.  Flair has to retire if he loses.  Schiavone and Ventura are the announcers.  Vader gives Flair a shove and Flair takes a big bump off of it.  Vader beats the snot out of Flair.  With Flair’s honker, that’s not an easy job.  Flair throws some chops, but they don’t phase Vader.  Vader continues to kick Flair’s ass.  Flair finally manages to stagger Vader with chops and punches, but Race attacks Flair outside of the ring.  The interference gives Vader the opening to beat on Flair some more.  Flair hits a few jobs, then Vader hammers him and hits a better version of that shitty slam Mark Henry does.  Vader hits a clothesline off the middle rope.  Vader goes airborne again but Flair moves.  Flair hits a flying chop or elbow to the head, then totally misses a second one.  He hits the third attempt, then a knee drop.  Vader clotheslines him.  Vader hits a superplex, but misses a big splash.  Flair bounces off the ropes, then bounces off of Vader.  Vader throws Flair out of the ring, allowing Race to get in another cheap shot or two.  Back in the ring, Vader tries to splash Flair in the corner.  Flair moves and fires back with chops, but Vader splashes him in the other corner.  Flair throws chops and punches like they’re going to be outlawed tomorrow and finally drops the big man.  Flair attacks Vader’s leg with the ringpost and chairs.  Flair is FIRED UP and hammer Vader with the best punches I’ve ever seen him throw.  Flair fights Vader like a man posessed, even biting him!  Flair punishes Vader’s leg some more, then punches him down and goes for the figure-four leglock, but Vader kicks him away.  Vader misses the Vader Bomb and Flair locks in the figure-four.  Race tries to distract the referee.  Vader manages to get a rope break.  Vader goes up for the moonsault, but Flair moves out of the way!  Flair covers for two.  Race comes off the top rope and accidentally headbutts Vader.  The referee ejects Race.  Flair fires up with chops, then runs into the wall that is Vader.  Flair manages to trip Vader and get the pin at 21:10.  Fucking great match here, kids.  Vader plays the big man heel better than anyone I’ve ever seen, and Flair is Flair.  Great way to cap off a fine DVD release from WWE.

WWE Over The Limit 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Over The Limit open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Neat set in the modern world where all sets look pretty much the same.  We’re LIVE from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich are the Spanish announcers!  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

The Intercontinental Championship match is on first.  They show Kofi Kingston winning the championship 2 weeks ago on Smackdown, only to have it taken away and returned to Drew McIntyre.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Drew McIntyre (c) vs. Kofi Kingston.  Kofi is in full “You screwed me and I’m pissed, so I’m gonna kick your ass” mode.  Kofi sends McIntyre to the outside and lands a tope suicida.  McIntyre bails to avoid the Boom Drop and ends up ramming Kofi into the post.  McIntyre beats up Kofi.  Gut buster gets 2.  McIntyre applies a shoulder hold.  Kofi makes a comeback and hits a diving cross body for 2.  McIntyre hits another gut buster for 2.  Kofi sends McIntyre’s shoulder into the post.  Boom Drop in the corner.  Cole gets in his obligatory “Controlled frenzy” line.  McIntyre ducks the Trouble In Paradise and goes for the Future Shock.  Kofi counters and hits the SOS for the pin in 6:23 to win the Intercontinental Championship for real this time.  It was okay, not a lot to it.  McIntyre says he’s stopping the PPV until Teddy Long reverses the decision.  Matt Hardy comes out instead and gives McIntyre the Twist of Fate.

The Straight Edge Society are backstage.  They admire Punk’s hair.

Detroit!

They show the incident that started the issues between R-Truth and Ted Dibiase Jr., where Dibiase wanted R-Truth to be his Virgil and got slapped instead.

R-Truth vs. Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Virgil).  They lock up and trade hammerlocks.  Dibiase hides in the ropes to get heat.  Dibiase slaps Truth.  Truth slaps Dibiase and kicks his ass.  Dibiase hides in the ropes again.  Truth hits his flippy kicks and clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring.  Virgil distracts Truth so Dibiase can get the advantage, and eventually succeeds.  Dibiase beats up Truth and throws him out of the ring.  Back inside, Truth fights back.  Dibiase hits a flapjack for 2.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase slaps on a rear chin lock.  Dibiase comes off the top, but Truth catches him with a shot.  Truth goes for a superplex, but Dibiase pushes him off.  Truth crotches Dibiase on the top.  Truth gets rolling on offense.  Truth hits a Flatliner for 2.  Dibiase avoids the scissors kick and hits an electric chair drop for 2.  Truth tries some wonky leg hold, fails miserably, and Dibiase gets a rope break.  Truth hits a suplex stunner for 2.  Truth hits the Lie Detector for the pin in 7:46.  This match felt way longer than it was.  Second boring-ish match in a row.

Teddy Long talks on the phone.  Drew McIntyre barges in and demands that Long reverses the decision and fires Matt Hardy.  Long says no.  McIntyre throws a temper tantrum and tears stuff up.  Long begs him not to tear up a picture of Martin Luther King Jr.  McIntyre says King is a leader and Long is spineless.  Ya know, because throwing a fit after losing fair and square is so brave and noble.

CM Punk/Rey Mysterio video package.

Straight Edge Society Pledge vs. Hair Match: CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  All outside parties are banned from ringside.  Punk pledges allegiance to himself.  Mysterio raises his hand and Punk goes on the attack.  Back and forth brawling to start.  Punk back body drops Mysterio out of the ring.  Mysterio ranas Punk into the barricade.  Mysterio holdshim against the barber chair at ringside to taunt him.  Punk avoids the 619 and throws Mysterio out of the ring, crashing into the barber chair.  Mysterio took a nasty bump and sails for a bit while the referee checks a cut on Punk’s head.  The doctor comes in to close the wound.  Dammit, it’s the motherfucking professional wrestling, let the man bleed.  Punk gets back into the ring.  The rana into the barricade looks to be what cut Punk open.  Crowd chants “BORING!”  Punk goes back on the attack and throws Mysterio into the barricade a couple of times, then suplexes him on the floor.  Punk hits the Eddie hilo for 2.  Punk applies a figure-four head scissors.  Mysterio fights back and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Punk kills him with a clothesline for 2.  Punk hits a series of fist drops while reciting the pledge.  Lawler and Striker bickering on commentary is annoying.  Mysterio hits the Code Red for 2.  Mysterio hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away and a weird spinning one for 2.  Punk sends Mysterio into the turnbuckles.  Painful looking face bump.  Punk avoids the 619 and hits the Welcome To Chicago, Motherfucker for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Mysterio counters.  Punk counters the counter and powerbombs Mysterio into the corner.  Punk hits a diving clothesline for 2.  Punk hits a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for a springboard moonsault.  Punk catches him and goes for the Go 2 Sleep again.  Mysterio counters and hits the 619.  Punk avoids the springboard splash.  He lays on Mysterio for the cocky cover, but Mysterio turns it into a crucifix hold for the pin in 13:49.  Good match for the most part.  The mystery SES member attacks Mysterio.  Luke Gallows and Serena come down to help.  Gallows has handcuffs.  Kane comes out and makes the save for Mysterio.  Chokeslam to Punk.  Kane brawls with Gallows.  Mysterio handcuffs Punk to the ropes and hits another 619.  Mysterio kicks the crap out of Punk some more and cuts his hair with the clippers.  Mysterio poses with clumps of Punk’s hair.  Crowd chants “SHAVE HIS CHEST!”  Mysterio leaves.  Serena covers up Punk’s fucked up haircut with a towel.  Mysterio comes back, yanks the towel off, and makes Punk look at himself in a mirror.  Punk is hilariously pissed.  Serena and the hooded guy help Mysterio out of the arena.

The announcers announce Fatal 4 Way, June 20th on PPV!

Backstage, Chris Jericho thanks The Big Show for dumping him, because now he and The Miz have realized Show was dead weight.  Miz stares at Show’s back.  Show threatens to knock them both out repeatedly.

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands video game trailer.

Entrances for the Tag title match.  They show the ridiculous travesty of Bret Hart beating The Miz for the United States Championship on Raw.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Hart Dynasty (c) (w/ Natalya) vs. Chris Jericho & The Miz.  Kidd and Miz start.  Kidd lands some kicks and tags in big David Hart Smith.  Smith hits the stalling suplex for 2.  Smith knocks Miz out of the ring, then backdrops Jericho out as well.  Smith press slams Kidd onto Miz and Jericho.  Kidd works over Miz some more.  Jericho tags in and beats up Kidd.  Kidd lands some kicks on Jericho, then tags in Smith.  Smith hits a leg drop for 2.  Jericho hits a missile dropkick, then baseball slide dropkicks Smith out of the ring.  Miz gets in a cheap shot.  Jericho hits a  backdrop suplex for 2.  Smith hits a sidewalk slam on Jericho.  Miz tags in and cuts off Smith from making the tag.  Smith gets worked over.  Kidd gets the lukewarm tag and runs wild.  Jericho locks Kidd in the Walls of Jericho.  Kidd gets a rope break.  Kidd springboards, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker.  He takes too long to cover and only gets 2.  Jericho argues with the referee.  Jericho trash talks Kidd and gets kicked in the head.  Smith tags in and runs wild.  Smith hits a powerslam on Jericho for 2.  Miz trips Smith and Jericho gets an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho and Miz argue with the referee.  Natalya trips Jericho.  Smith hits the running powerslam for 2.  Miz blind tags in and hits a neckbreaker on Smith for 2.  Miz goes for the Sharpshooter, but Smith gets a cradle for 2.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but gets sent into Jericho.  Smith gets a reverse cradle.  Miz reverses it for 2.  Miz hits the corner clothesline, but Smith holds him up and tags in Kidd.  Hart Attack.  Kidd pins Miz in 10:43.  Pretty good match with some really good false finishes.

WWE’s Best PPV Matches 2009-2010 is available now on DVD!

Detroit!

Edge/Randy Orton video package.

Edge vs. Randy Orton.  Striker tries to make it interesting by talking about the difference in finisher distance, but Lawler blows him off.  They do little.  Orton beats up Edge.  Orton hits the bottom rope decapitator.  They end up outside.  Edge sends Orton into the barricade, then front suplexes him onto it.  Back inside, Edge covers for 2.  Orton fights back.  Edge catches him with a knee to the middle, then locks on a body scissors.  He turns it into a scissored sleeper.  Orton fights out.  Edge front suplexes Orton into the ropes.  Edge goes up top.  Orton cuts him off and eventually hits a superplex.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO!”  “YAY!” chants from the crowd.  Orton hits a snap powerslam for 2.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and covers, but Edge gets his leg on the bottom rope.  Edge goes for the spear, but Orton kicks him.  Orton humps the mat and sells his arm.  He’s been selling it since the bump into the barricade.  Edge rolls out of the ring.  Orton goes outside and Edge gives him some week love taps.  He goes for the spear, but Orton moves and he spears the barricade.  Double count-out in 12:49.  Fucking lame.

The announcers talk about Orton’s injury.

Jack Swagger/Big Show video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. The Big Show.  Swagger goes for a takedown and fails.  Repeat.  Show takes Swagger down and covers for 1.  Swagger bails.  He looks bamboozled.  Show does push ups.  Show beats up Swagger.  Show goes for the chokeslam and Swagger bails again.  Show pulls Swagger to the apron and Swagger pulls Show across the top rope.  Swagger spears Show’s knee, then hits a shoulder block.  Swagger hits 2 springboard Vader Bombs for 2.  Show throws Swagger out of the ring on the kick out.  Show beats up Swagger some more.  Show goes for the chokeslam again.  Swagger kicks Show’s knee.  Show pushes Swagger out of the ring.  Swagger gets the title belt and clocks Show with it to get DQ’d in 5:04.  Swagger clocks Show again for good measure, then beats him with a chair, but Show doesn’t want to stay down.  Show recovers and chokeslams Swagger, then chokeslams him again onto the chair.  Show KTFO’s Swagger with the big punch.  Fun match, and the finish works if the feud is going to continue.  Show leaves and Swagger is helped out by the referees.

Axe Hair something or other!

They show Batista’s repeated destruction of Mark Henry.

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Eve Torres (c) vs. Maryse.  They face off, then Maryse cheap shots Eve and goes on the attack.  Maryse applies a camel clutch.  They end up outside and Maryse lands an errant kick to the post.  Back inside, Eve lands some dropkicks.  Maryse slaps her.  Eve throws her down and hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Eve gets a sunset flip for 2.  Maryse drops Eve for 2.  Maryse screams at the referee.  Eve fights back and hits a Flatliner for 2.  Eve goes for a rolling senton, but Maryse gets her knees up.  Maryse goes for the DDT, but Eve counters and hits sort of a reverse Pedigree for the pin in 5:03.  It was fine, I guess.

John Cena/Batista video package.

“I Quit” Match for the WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs. Batista.  Batista says he made Cena say “I Quit” last week after Raw went off the air, so he’s going to give him a chance to take the easy way out.  Cena teases considering it, then hits Batista with the mic.  Outside quickly.  Cena swings a chair, but Batista ducks and that poor post gets it again.  Really intense brawl.  Batista beats on Cena for a while.  Cena makes his standard comeback.  Batista hangs onto the top rope to avoid the Attitude Adjustment, then uses the referee as a shield, then spears Cena.  Batista locks in the Rings of Saturn.  Cena powers his way out and locks in the STF.  Batista passes out, so Cena pours water on him.  Batista isn’t ready to quit.  And why would he?  He hits a big spinebuster and the Batista Bomb.  Cena isn’t quitting yet either.  Batista clears off the announce tables.  Batista sets up the Batista Bomb from one table to the other.  Cena counters and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Batista counters and hits a running powerslam from the English table through the Spanish table.  Now that’s old school!  Cena still won’t quit.  Batista takes Cena into the crowd.  They end up on a balcony or something.  Batista threatens to throw Cena over if he doesn’t quit.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Cena counters and knocks Batista off the balcony on top of some people.  They brawl around the stage area.  Batista hits Cena in the gut and back with a chair.  Cena still won’t quit.  Batista gets into one of the cars of the stage and backs it into where Cena was.  Cena reappears and beats up Batista.  Attitude Adjustment into the hood of the car.  Batista won’t quit.  Cena says “I was really hoping you would say that.”  Cena sets up the Attitude Adjustment from the top of the car.  Batista quits to give Cena the win in 20:31.  Cena delivers the move anyway and Batista crashes through the stage.  Awesome hate filled brawl.  Cena celebrates in the ring.  When he reaches the ramp, Sheamus appears and drops him with the pump kick.

This show was kind of mediocre overall, but there was some good stuff in there.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/10/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

Missed the first minute.

“Last week on Raw…”

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Randy Orton comes out and starts to cut a promo.  Meat Loaf comes out.  Meat Loaf.  He puts Orton over.  Obnoxiously.  He’s plugging his new CD.  He sings a song.  Orton finally RKOs the fucking goof.  Edge comes out.  He says he complained to WWE brass about Orton abusing celebrities.  He says from now on, guest hosts have no authority.  He introduces the new General Manager… Vickie Guerrero.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.  NO NO NO.  PLEASE, FUCKING NO!  She says she’s going to reprimand Orton.  Orton challenges her to reprimand him to his face.  She books Orton in a handicap match against Edge and a partner.  Fuck.

Chris Jericho and The Miz talk backstage.  Jericho is in action next.  Not even that can lift my depression.

Pittsburgh Steelers are in attendance.

Moments ago, Randy Orton RKO’d Meat Loaf.

It’s official, Vickie is the GM.  Damn, this is the one time I would have wanted a swerve.

Justin Roberts announces that if Chris Jericho wins the next match, he and Miz get a tag title shot at Over The Limit.

Chris Jericho vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion David Hart Smith (w/ Natalya).  Smith dominates to start.  Stall suplex.  Jericho avoids a dropkick and commences to beating up Smith.  Smith fights back and hits a powerslam for 2.  Smith locks Jericho in the Sharpshooter.  Jericho escapes and hits the Codebreaker for the pin in 3:06.  Miz looks on approvingly.  This was disappointing, but the PPV match should be good.

Edge talks to Batista backstage.

Tonight, John Cena reveals the gimmick for the Over The Limit match.

Favor Flav is next.  Fuck.

Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk this Friday night on Smackdown!  And on the PPV.  Brilliant, WWE.  Yeah, that’s gonna sell PPVs.  Fucking idiots.

R-Truth and Flavor Flav rap to the ring.  Flavor Flav babbles about whatever bullshit he’s got going on.

R-Truth (w/ Flavor Flav) vs. William Regal.  Regal attacks Truth.  I didn’t even know he was there.  Carlito and Primo attack R-Truth for the DQ in about 30 seconds and beat him down.  At the top of the ramp, Ted Dibiase Jr. gives the Colons envelopes and shakes their hands.

Tonight, Edge & somebody vs. Orton.  I don’t care.

Eve Torres hype video.

Earlier today, Maryse did some jiu-jitsu training, failed, the slapped her trainer and kicked him in the knee.

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  He wants Vickie Guerrero to come to ringside for the match.

Buzz Aldrin will be the guest host for next week’s commercial free Raw.  Mark Henry hit him with a chair.  Stupid.

Cole and Lawler put over that this is the last wrestling event in the Mellon Arena.

Alicia Fox and Gail Kim are ringside again.  Zack Ryder is out to do the gimmick where he tries to impress the chicks.  He cuts a promo.

Zack Ryder vs. Evan Bourne.  Ryder beats up Bourne.  Bourne makes his comeback.  Bourne tries to set up the Shooting Star press.  Ryder cuts him off and hits the Rough Ryder for 2.  Ryder keeps the heat on him.  Bourne avoids a shot in the corner, hits the knees, and goes up top.  Alicia distracts Bourne.  Gail pulls her off the apron.  Bourne hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 2:07.  It looked like he was going to connect on Ryder’s side, but it looked like it turned out okay.  Bourne and Gail leave together.

Last week, John Cena won the Beat The Clock Challenge to earn the right to name the gimmick for the PPV match, then got jumped by Sheamus.  Cena names the gimmick next.

WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  He thanks Sheamus for giving him time to think about the stipulation.  He talks about the wacky finish to the Last Man Standing Match.  He says at Over The Limit, it will be an I Quit Match.  He calls out Sheamus.  Sheamus tries to use the “You’ll get hurt” bitch out ploy, but Cena urges him to come down anyway.  Batista tries to jump Cena from behind.  Cena fights them both, then gets speared by Batista.  Sheamus gives Cena the uranage backbreaker.  Batista rams Cena’s spine into the post, then throws him back in the ring.  Sheamus hits him with the pump kick.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb.  Mark Henry makes the save.  Yes, Mark Henry makes the save for John Cena.  That’s cool, I guess.

Edge tells Vickie he found a partner.  They talk about old times.  Edge wants her to come to ringside.  Vickie says no.  Edge talks her into it.

Night Tales plug for Flavor Flav.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Tyson Kidd (w/ Natalya) vs. WWE United States Champion The Miz.  If Kidd wins, Miz has to defend the title against one of the Harts next week.  Miz the aggressor early.  He kicks Kidd out of the ring.  Kidd comes back in with a swank reverse cradle for the pin in 41 seconds.  David Hart Smith comes out celebrate with Kidd and Natalya.  Miz says he gets to pick his challenger next week, so he’s picking… Bret Hart.  Way to tease a match that isn’t going to happen.  You fuckers.

Josh Matthews tells Batista he’ll face Mark Henry tonight.  He wants to talk about the I Quit Match instead.  Commercials.

The NXT rookies are in a handicap match against 4 Raw guys.

Handicap Match: Daniel Bryan, Wade Barrett, Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, & Darren Young vs. John Morrison, Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, & Santino Marella.  Goldust and Barrett lock up.  Barrett gets the advantage.  Yoshi tags in.  Barrett catches him with a knee and tags in Gabriel.  Gabriel and Yoshi do nice stuff.  Otunga tags himself in and attacks Yoshi.  Morrison and Slater tag in and go at it.  Morrison throws Tarver into Young.  Morrison rolls through a springboard sunset flip and knees Slater in the face.  Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, gets distract by Sheffield, and dives into Slater’s knees.  Danielson tags in and gets backdropped by Morrison.  Santino tags in.  Danielson catches him with an inside cradle for the pin in 3:36.  DANIELSON WON!  DANIELSON WON!  DANIELSON WON!

WWE Classics on Demand hype.

The Smackdown Rebound is back!  This Friday, Christian takes on Kofi Kingston in the finals of the Intercontinental Championship tournament.

The Bella Twins wear clocks and talk to Flavor Flav.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov interrupt, arguing.  Santino still wants to team with Kozlov.  Kozlov says Santino always loses.  William Regal tells Kozlov to pay the fool no mind.  Which fool is he talking about?  Regal tells Flav he has no talent.  It’s true.  They convince Regal to rap.  It’s awesome.  Flav disses him.  I wish Regal would knee him in the face.

Cole and Lawler chat chit.  Yeah, I flipped that shit.  They hype Over The Limit.

Earlier tonight, the Batista/Sheamus/Cena/Henry stuff happened.

Batista comes out and sits in a chair.  He faces Mark Henry next.

They show the stupid Buzz Aldrin thing from earlier.

Mark Henry comes out for the match, which never starts.  Batista jumps Henry as soon as he gets in the ring, then beats him with the chair, then puts him in a cool submission hold and stretches him for a while.

Plug for Meat Loaf’s album.  Earlier tonight, he got RKO’d.  Good.

Pittsburgh!

Next week, John Cena vs. Sheamus and they’re claiming Bret Hart vs. The Miz for the United States Championship has been “confirmed.”

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Edge & Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Dibiase and Orton start.  As soon as Dibiase gets a shot in, Edge tags himself in and Pearl Harbors Orton.  The bad guys who get booed work over the bad guy who gets cheered.  Orton makes a comeback.  He knocks Edge off the apron and into the announce table.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Dibiase, then does his mat humping.  Dibiase counters the RKO, but gets backdropped out of the ring.  R-Truth comes out to distract Dibiase.  Orton hits the RKO for the pin in 4:55.  Orton stalks Vickie Guerrero.  Vickie sits in her chair and screams for Edge.  She warns Orton, goes into hysterics, and resigns.  Orton RKOs Edge.  Vickie runs away.  Orton stands tall.  Replays.

Stupid Buzz Aldrin skit AGAIN.  Finally, end of Show.

This was a fucking horrible show, but Danielson winning and Regal rapping forces me to forgive it.

TNA iMPACT! 4/12/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

Jeff Jarrett comes out.  They show Sting dropping him with the Scorpion Death Drop last week.  Jarrett says he’s going to kick Sting’s ass.  He leaves the ring and goes up into the rafters to look for him.  He jumps Sting up in Sting’s little world above the Impact Zone and they fight.  They fight down into the arena and into the ring.  The lights turn off.  Sting magically acquires his bat and beats Jarrett down with it.  Jeff Hardy, Abyss, and Rob Van Dam run out.  Sting bails.

Jeremy Borash interviews Ric Flair, the World Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They hype tonight’s matches.

Team 3D and Jesse Neal come out.  Brother Ray takes the mic and says it’s going to be a six-man New York City Street Fight.  Commercials!

Lockdown!

New York City Street Fight: Team 3D & Jesse Neal vs. The Band.  JIP.  Everybody fights.  There is lots of plunder.  3D and Neal kick ass for a while.  Neal wears out a Singapore cane on Syxx-Pac.  Syxx-Pac makes a little comeback on Neal as 3D beat up Hall and Nash.  Crowd chants “TABLES!”  Bubba puts a trash can on Nash’s head and whacks it with a cane.  Devon hits Hall with a trash can lid.  Nash falls out of the ring, which is probably dangerous for him.  Bubba kills him with another trash can shot.  Hall gets the WASSUP headbutt.  Devon knocks Syxx-Pac off the apron.  Devon and Neal bring in a table.  Bubba beats up Syxx-Pac, then sets him on a table.  Bubba the Love Sponge runs in to provide the distraction.  Fuck him.  Syxx-Pac hits Bubba in the balls, the hits the X Factor off the top through a table for the pin (about 6 minutes shown).  Total garbage match.  Waltman does push ups over Bubba’s head.  Eric Young makes the save with a hockey stick and challenges Nash to a match at Lockdown.  Nash nods in agreement.  That’s gonna suck.

Christy Hemme interviews Hulk Hogan about how his team has been getting their ass kicked recently.  Hogan eavesdrops on Eric Bischoff talking to Ric Flair.  He questions Bischoff about it.  Bischoff tells him to not jump to conclusions.

Shannon Moore vs. Kazarian.  They lock up aggressively.  Kazarian denies a clean break.  They do some chain wrestling, which is always good to see.  Kazarian works a headlock.  They go back and forth working a hammerlock and do some flippy stuff.  Moore hits a couple of arm drags and cranks on Kazarian’s arm some more.  Moore hits a leg drop for 1.  Moore hits a cross body for 2.  Kazarian low bridges Moore out of the ring and follows him outside.  Kazarian whips Moore into the side of the ring, then throws him back inside and hits his springboard leg drop for 2.  The X Division Champion Douglas Williams comes out to watch the two guys who will challenge him at Lockdown.  Kazarian hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Williams joins the announce team.  Kazarian catches Moore with a gutbuster for 2.  Kazarian hits a move I missed because they keep showing the announcers instead of the match for 2.  Moore fights back and hits what looked like a botched version of Rey Mysterio’s flippy bulldog.  Moore connects with some big blows and sends Kazarian out of the ring.  Kazarian avoids a baseball slide dropkick and elevates Moore to the apron.  Moore hits a diving moonsault body block to the outside.  Back inside, Moore hits a diving rana for 2.  Kazarian hits a swank electric chair suplex hold for 2.  Kazarian tries to set up a super backdrop suplex.  Moore fights him off and hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Kazarian gets a Brisco roll for 2.  They do some cradle reversals.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw at 10:01.  Time limit?  Seriously?  Really good match, though.  Williams makes fun of them after the match.  They chase Williams to the back.

JB interviews Velvet Sky.  She explains that the Knockouts title isn’t on the line tonight because it’s in the line in a tag match at Lockdown.

ShopTNA.com!

Hulk Hogan bitches at Eric Bischoff backstage.  Bischoff said he was trying to gain Flair’s confidence to help Hogan.  Bischoff leaves.  Jay Lethal comes in.  He wants to book the Mega Powers vs. The Band.  Hogan says they’ll do it after Lockdown if he can find his tights.  I hope those tights were burned and buried.

Tenay and Taz talk about Bischoff’s shenanigans.

JB interviews the Knockouts Champion, Angelina Love.  Tara interrupts, mad about the retarded way she lost the title last week.  Tara says “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” which is exactly what Bischoff just said.  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss and The Pope.  Abyss says that Wolfe failed to take him out with a fire extinguisher last week, and suggests next time he brings the whole fire truck, or a bazooka, or a rocket launcher.  I’d be down for that.

The girls come out for the Leather & Lace Match.  Velvet says it’s not going to be a leather & lace match, it’s going to be a match with Love handcuffed.  Well, the deal was any stipulations she wanted.  Commercials!

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Velvet Sky.  Love jumps Sky immediately with kicks and stomps.  Well, she can’t really do anything else.  Sky hits her with the title belt.  I guess it’s no DQ.  Sky says it’s now an I Quite Match.  Sky chokes Love and yells at her to quit.  Love says no, so Sky beats her up some more.  Sky whips her with a riding crop, then yells at her to quit again.  Love still won’t quit.  Fuck.  Sky beats her up some more and threatens to strip her naked.  Sky rips Love’s shirt off.  Love still won’t quit.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run out and beat on Love.  Tara makes the save and runs off the Beautiful People, then unlocks the handcuffs.  It’s a no-contest in about 4 minutes.  Whatever.  Tara and Love have an awkward staredown.  Love offers a handshake, but Tara refuses.

Christy Hemme is outside, where Abyss has been jumped.  Commercials!

Christy Hemme is still outside.  She says Abyss got ran over by a car!

JB interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan.  Morgan says he can handle it himself, but he’s been forced to find a partner.  He’s chosen Amazing Red.  Red looks like a midget next to Morgan.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan (c) & Amazing Red vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Morgan overpowers Shelley to start.  Sabin comes in and gets dropped too.  Morgan does his sidewalk drop and drops Shelley on top of Sabin.  Morgan clears the ring of Machine Guns.  Insta-commercials.  Red and Sabin go at it.  Lots of flippy stuff.  Shelley comes in for another good exchange with Red.  Red falls out of the ring.  Sabin teases a dive, then kicks Red in the face and causes Red to do a complete flip.  Cover gets 2 back inside.  Guns hit the Magic Killer on Red for 2.  Morgan pulls Red to the corner and tags himself in.  Morgan sort of reverse chokeslams Sabin into the turnbuckles.  Guns fight back and get a double cover on Morgan for 2.  Morgan begs off and tags in Red.  Red goes some more flippy stuff.  Guns knock Morgan off of the apron.  Morgan comes in and turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Morgan sets up Sabin for the Hellavator.  Red hits the Code Red on Shelley for the pin (5 minutes shown).  Pretty decent little match.  Morgan and Red celebrate, then Morgan kicks Red in the balls and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan tries to give Red the Carbon Footprint into the post, but the Guns save him.

Christy Hemme hypes a security tape that shows Abyss’ attack.  Commercials.

They show a security tape of Abyss getting hit by a car driven by Desmond Wolfe.

Robert Roode vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up.  Tenay announces that Storm vs. RVD will be the opener at Lockdown, with the winner getting the numbers advantage in Lethal Lockdown.  They do some stuff.  Roode misses a dropkick, the Hardy hits hits leg drop through the legs and a dropkick for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Roode bails and pulls Hardy out of the ring.  Roode throws Hardy into the steps, then back into the ring.  Roode slams Hardy and hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Roode wears down Hardy with a rear chin lock.  Hardy fights out and hits a jawbreaker, then drops Roode with a kick.  My video freezes for a second.  They trade punches.  Hardy hits some clotheslines and a front suplex.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Roode counters the Twist of Fate and hits a spinebuster for 2.  They counter each other and Hardy hits a stunner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb.  James Storm comes out to stop him, but gets kicked away.  Roode tries to cut off Hardy, but Hardy knocks him down and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:20.  Alright little match.  Storm attacks Hardy after the match and blows a fireball in his face.  It was edited out of my video, so I had to watch it on YouTube.  RVD runs out to make the save.  Beer Money gives him the DWI.

JB says the fireball was censored, and to watch it online.  Way ahead of ya, JB.  They show Hardy being tended to backstage.

Tenay and Taz hype the Lockdown card.

Kurt Angle/Mr. Anderson video package.

JB interviews The Pope, who no longer has a partner, but still has a job to do.  Jay Lethal comes in, calls JB “Mean Gene,” calls Pope “Slick,” and says “Tonight, you take care of The Model, and I’ve got Dynamite Kid!”  The Pope seems cool with this.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is in the crowd!

The Pope comes out for the main event.  Jay Lethal’s music plays, then they show him getting destroyed by Beer Money in the back.  Lethal makes a comeback, but Storm hits him in the head with a beer bottle.  Styles comes out and says it’s a handicap match, but Hulk Hogan appears and hits Desmond Wolfe with a chair on the ramp, leaving us with…

Non-Title: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  Pope jumps Styles on the ramp and beats him up on the outside.  I never heard a bell, but I guess it’s a match.  Styles drops Pope with a kick and beats him up.  Pope fights back and goes for the Elijah Express.  Flair gets out of his wheel chair and hits Pope with the belt to cause the DQ in about a minute.  Beer Money comes out to help AJ and Flair beat down The Pope.  Flair whips the Pope with a belt.  Hogan comes back out and stands on the ramp to close the show.

Typical TNA shenanigans aside, I enjoyed this more than I did the very mediocre Raw this week.