Archive for Howard Finkel

WWF at Madison Square Garden 4/6/81

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 12, 2015 by Chui

Vince McMahon is commentary. Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Pedro Morales (c) vs. Moondog Rex (w/ Captain Lou Albano). Moondog King failed to unseat Morales last month, so now Rex is taking a shot. Albano is escorted to the back for being crazy or something. Rex holds a headlock for about an hour, then goes to work on the champ’s arm. Vince says that Morales is having more trouble with Rex than he did with King. King beats on Morales for about a week. Morales finally makes a comeback, then gets an inside cradle for the pin in 9:29. 1/2* because it wasn’t completely worthless.

Sergeant Slaughter (w/ The Grand Wizard) vs. Pat Patterson. Patterson is a fiery babyface. He wants some of Slaughter, but Slaughter appears to want none of it. Slaughter sneaks around and tries to jump Patterson from behind, but gets his ass kicked. Patterson fights dirty with chokes, closed fights, and even a bite to Sarge’s hand. Patterson catapults Sarge into the turnbuckles and scores a 2 count. Somebody is blowing a whistle. Is Bill Alfonso around? Patterson applies a crab hold. Back to their feet. Patterson hits a shoulder block and goes for another. Sarge avoids it and sends him crashing to the outside. Slaughter threatens to dive off the top rope to the floor, but thinks better of it and settles for a kick off the apron. Slaughter is trying to win by count out. He covers his ears to drown out the crowd’s boos. Patterson makes it back in and Sarge goes to work on him. Slaughter goes for a diving knee drop, but Patterson avoids it. Patterson locks in a figure-four leglock. Slaughter suffers, but makes the ropes. They brawl outside. Patterson hits Sarge with a chair, which is apparently fine if you’re on the outside. Back inside, Patterson shoves the ref twice. Sarge rakes his eyes. They brawl. Slaughter shoves the ref. Slaughter and Patterson both throw the ref out of the ring. Sarge applies the Cobra Clutch. The ref comes back in and Slaughter immediately kicks him in the groin. Apparently there are rules, as the referee finally calls for the bell. It’s a double DQ in 13:30. Even in 1981, this company hated finishes. Patterson is angry at the ref. Vince assures us that Pat will apologize to the ref once he cools off. **1/2

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Heavyweight Championship: Bob Backlund (c) (w/ Arnold Skaaland) vs. Stan Hansen. Finkel announces that the winner will be the one who successfully runs away. Hansen jumps Backlund immediately, but Backlund throws him into the cage and generally kicks his ass. Back and forth brawl. Backlund hits a piledriver and tries to escape. Hansen hits him the ding ding. Lots of ramming of heads into the cage. Hansen bleeds. Backlund avoids an elbow drop. More brawling. Backlund escapes to win in 8:52. Fun brawl. Hansen is none the worse for wear because a cage match where the objective is to run away is fucking stupid. **1/2

“Pretty Boy” Larry Sharpe & “The Unpredictable” Johnny Rodz vs. Tony Garea & Rick Martel. Martel and Roz start. Both sides tag in and out. The heels, Sharpe & Rodz, cut Martel off and get the heat on him. Garea gets a lukewarm tag. Rodz sucks him and lets him crash into the corner. Now they’re working over Garea. Martel gets a much more lively hot tag and runs wild. Clusterfuck ensues. Martel and Garea send the heels into each other. Martel pins Sharpe with a jackknife hold in 7:05. **1/2

It was way more interesting than the show I watched previously.

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WWWF at Madison Square Garden 6/27/77

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 9, 2014 by Chui

WWE Old School intro.

Announcer Vince McMahon introduces the show.

Howard Finkel, sporting a powder blue suit and a full head of hair, is the ring announcer.

Jan Nelson vs. Jose Gonzalez.  I assume this is the same Jose Gonzalez who would murder Bruiser Brody in a dirty bathroom 11 years later.  He’s a big babyface here in New York.  An “Old School Flashback” in the bottom right corner informs me that Kanye West was born this month, June 1977.  That’s unfortunate for the world.  But I digress.  Gonzalez is the more experienced grappler, while Vince touts Nelson as a future star.  I don’t know that Nelson ever lived up to that.  Gonzalez makes the heel Nelson look foolish, and you can hear Nelson Muntz guffaw in the crowd more than a decade before The Simpsons debuted.  Lots of good ol’ fashioned arm work in this match. as Nelson works an arm lock for several minutes.  Gonzalez fights back with some arm wrangling of his own.  Nelson quickly cuts him off and then beats him  up.  Gonzalez avoids a charge in the corner and makes his comeback.  Gonzalez hits four dropkicks and scores the pin in 9:46.  *3/4

Rocky Tomayo vs. Larry Zbyszko.  Holy crap, Larry is young here.  I’ve never heard of Rocky Tomayo.  More basic, old fashined grappling.  They actually do a bit of chain wrestling, which always makes me giddy.  This is actually kind of fun.  Larry is a fiery young babyface here, very quick to take Tomayo down and grab a hold.  Of course, this is Larry Zbyszko, so there is some stalling.  Tomayo endures a lot of trauma to his hamstrings.  Larry catches Tomayo with an inside cradle for the pin in 7:30.  Man, this referee counts slow.  **1/4

Tony Garea vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  Fiery young babyface Garea is ready to fight, which befuddles the Animal.  Steele stalls a bit, then gets the advantage on Garea by wrestling heelishly.  Garea makes a fiery comeback.  The referee DQ’s Steele in 7:22 for hitting Garea with a foreign object.  Steele continues to lay the beating on.  Garea rallies and runs the big man off.  **

2/3 Falls: Ken Patera & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Captain Lou Albano) vs. Andre the Giant & Chief Jay Strongbow.  The babyfaces run Albano off during the introductions.  This seems to be a grudge match.  Patera stalls a long time before getting in the ring to start the match.  Vince calls Strongbow a “fired up redskin.”  The ’70s were a different time.  Strongbow gets Patera in his own hold, the full nelson.  Patera escapes.  Andre tags in and puts Patera in the full nelson.  Patera manages to make the ropes.  Volkoff tags in.  The heels try to cut off Andre in their corner, but Andre is a giant, so he’s like “fuck that.”  Strongbow comes in.  Volkoff puts a hurting on him briefly.  Andre tags in and bear hugs Volkoff.  Volkoff gets free, but Andre punches him the face.  Strongbow tags back in and gets caught on the wrong side of town.  Andre gets a hot tag at point, but the referee didn’t see it.  Heels continue getting the heat on Strongbow.  Andre finally gets the tag and runs… well, he doesn’t really run wild, but he wrecks shit like a destructive giant briefly.  Clusterfuck breaks out, largely involving Strongbow running into Andre, causing him to shoulder block both heels in the corner.  Andre goes for a big splash on Patera, but Patera avoids certain death and makes the tag.  Strongbow comes in with a big babyface flurry and locks Volkoff in a sleeper hold.  Patera saves, but gets his man DQ’d in 13:46.  My stream turns shitty, which is just lovely.  After I get it straightened out, Volkoff and Patera get into it at ringside.  Presumably, Volkoff is pissed that Patera cost them the fall.  Insta-commercials.  Strongbow and Volkoff start the second fall.  Andre hold Volkoff for Strongbow to hit him, which is illegal.  The heels are still not getting along.  Patera shoves Volkoff.  Volkoff takes a swing at him.  Volkoff goes to leave the ring, but Patera clubber his back from behind.  Patera leaves.  Andre gives Volkoff a big boot and a splash for the pin in a little over two minutes.  Finkel gives the total time as 16:25.  Fun match.  **3/4

Lenny Hurst vs. Stan “The Man” Stasiak.  This is Hurst’s MSG debut.  I wonder if he ever made it back.  Stasiak is a former WWWF Champion, and the father of a guy who would someday run into shit in backstage segments.  Stasiak is from Buzzard Creek, Oregon, which is a great name for a wrestling hometown.  Vince touts the 225 lb Hurst as the lightest wrestler in the WWWF.  I’ll bet he wishes that were still the case today.  Anyway, Stasiak is the ornery old heel, Hurst is the fiery young babyface, and they work the match accordingly.  Hurst delivers a dropkick that sends Stasiak to the apron.  Stasiak comes back in and puts a beating on the young man.  Hursts makes his comeback, then eats a boot to the face.  Stasiak lands the heart punch for the pin in 7:55.  **

Vince interviews WWWF Champion “Superstar” Billy Graham (w/ The Grand Wizard) in the ring prior to his match.  I’m almost certain I’ve seen this interview before.  “I am the man of the hour, the man with the power, the man too sweet to be sour.”

WWWF Heavyweight Championship Match: “Superstar” Billy Graham (c) (w/ The Grand Wizard) vs. Bruno Sammartino (w/ Arnold Skaaland).  Bruno has a mustache and a Jew fro here.  I think this is 2 months after Graham took the title from Bruno in Baltimore.  Graham taunts Bruno with the belt, and by god, Bruno wants that belt back.  The beauty of this is that Graham cheated Bruno out of his belt, so Bruno is PISSED OFF and wants it back.  He does not laugh it off and talk about how championships come and go.  Bruno attacks Graham to jumpstart the match and MSG comes UNGLUED.  Graham manages to subdue Bruno with a full nelson.  Vince notes that this hold is attacking Bruno’s neck, which was broken not all that long ago by Stan Hansen.  Bruno reverses it and almost puts the champ down with it.  Graham manages to avoid having his arm drop the third time and gets to his feet, but Bruno keeps the hold.  Graham finally manages to get free and takes a powder.  Graham comes back and manages to get the advantage, putting pressure on Bruno’s back and arms.  Bruno again reverses Graham’s hold and puts the pressure on him.  Graham manages to get some momentum going and puts the boots to Bruno.  They work a bear hug for a bit.  Bruno takes a spill to the outside, and Graham tries to keep him there.  Bruno gets back in and goes on the attack.  Graham begs off to no avail.  Graham rallies, but knocks down the referee in the process.  The guys brawl and the referee tries to break it up, only to get taken down repeatedly.  The ref finally calls for the bell in 18:15.  It’s a double DQ.  Fun strong guy match.  **3/4

Baron Von Raschke (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Ivan Putski.  Putski’s beer belly is a little bit less prominent here than on the last show I saw.  Raschke is announced as the “European Heavyweight Champion” 20 years before the WWF actually created a European Championship.  These two went to a 20 minute draw previously, so now we’ve got a 30 minute time limit.  Oh dear.  Blassie is taken to the back before the match starts, for some reason.  Raschke has a gimmick in his hand.  Putski informs the referee of such.  Raschke successfully conceals it on his person.  They finally lock up after a lot of stalling.  They also work the lockup for a long time.  This is going to be a long one.  Raschke with some desultory leg work.  Putski with a rear chin lock, then transitions into some kind of wonky head scissors hold.  Putski finally wakes up and shows some babyface fire.  They go back and forth a bit.  It goes to a 30 minute time limit draw in 19:13.  I don’t care if they lied about the time, I missed some editing, or what.  I don’t need to see these two wrestle for another minute ever.  Putski, that son of a bitch, calls for one more minute.  They brawl a bit.  Raschke takes a powder.  Long and boring.  *3/4

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs. “High Chief” Peter Maivia.  Maivia is making his MSG debut.  His now-five year old grandson would later go on to some success in pro wrestling and Hollywood.  Scicluna gets the jump on him.  Maivia quickly rallies and kicks some ass.  Scicluna tries to use an object, but fails.  Maivia avoids Scicluna in the corner and pins him with a prawn hold in 1:08.  It’s announced at 2:09, which is a lie.  DUD

2/3 Falls: Dominic Denucci & Haystacks Calhoun vs. Mr. Fuji & Professor Toru Tanaka.  Calhoun’s kayfabe hometown is Morgan’s Corner, Arkansas, which endears him to me.  I know of all of these guys, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of them wrestle.  Denucci and Tanaka brawl.  Denucci applies a full nelson and allows Calhoun to hit a lackadaisical punch.  Tanaka beats on Denucci a bit.  Denucci fires back with Mongolian chops.  Fuji tags in and hits a “Kamikazi Necktie” (think Sling Blade) for the pin in 3:06.  Denucci makes a comeback as the second fall starts.  Tanaka and Fuji double team Denucci in the corner.  Calhoun comes in to help out, but only distracts the referee.  We’ve got a curfew draw in 1:00 of the second fall!  Calhoun comes in to beat the heels up for a bit, having never actually tagged in to the match.  Fuji & Tanaka win the match, having won the only fall in a 2/3 falls match.  3/4*

And there’s another 1970s WWWF show from the Network.  There’s one more show from the 70s, then we’ll move into the 80s.

WWE WrestleMania XXV (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.  I’m not even going to get into that today.  The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania!  “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania.  Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes.  Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match!  Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight.  Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table!  Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane.  Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd.  On TV, anyway.  According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something.  Enough of that, on to the match!  Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls.  Kane and Henry go at it.  Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down.  Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it.  “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole.  The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it.  Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders.  Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again.  Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other.  Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing.  Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out.  Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin.  Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi.  Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys.  “HOLY SHIT” chant.  Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick.  Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile.  The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly.  Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder.  Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in.  Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself.  Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over.  The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically.  Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder.  Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope.  Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb.  MVP climbs, Punk stops him.  Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk.  They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder.  MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant.  Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas.  Finlay and Benjamin both climb.  Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder.  Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin.  Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders.  They climb, but the ladder falls over.  Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again.  Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders.  Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds).  Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him.  Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29.  That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as.  Fucking awesome match.  Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert.  He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott.  During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring.  The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Layla, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendez, Maria, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Eve Torres, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Gail Kim, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Katie Lea, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Joy Giovanni, Torrie Wilson, Alicia Fox, Tiffany Terrell, Victoria, and Santino Marella (in drag).  The bell rings and they start fighting while Roberts introduces the match.  Mae Young is at ringside with Candice Michelle as the guest timekeeper.  Now this clusterfuck is impossible to call live, but from my earlier research, the order of elimination is Layla, Joy, Rosa, Alicia, Sunny, Torrie, Jackie, Maria, Gail, Jillian, Eve, Tiffany, Kelly, Molly, Maryse, Katie Lea, Natalya, Victoria, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Michelle McCool… then the finish is Beth going for the Glam Slam on Melina, but Santino bundles them both out to win the match at 6:10.  Pointless, but at least we got to look at a bunch of hot chicks for a few minutes.  I can say that my ridiculously jealous wife is gone.  Candice comes in the ring to present the Miss WrestleMania crown and sash to the winner.  He introduces himself as “Santina, Santino’s twin sister from Italy.”  The announcers don’t even actually acknowledge that it’s Santino.  Beth looks on, pissed.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke.  They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair).  Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting.  He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes.  Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg.  Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible.  Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME.  Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life.  Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in.  They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect.  Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45.  Thank God.  He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him.  There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second.  Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold.  Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45.  Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall.  Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome.  Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop.  More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it.  Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall.  Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall.  Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet.  Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57.  Snuka was awful.  Piper tried, but wasn’t good.  Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match.  Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker.  Jericho challenges Rourke.  Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring.  They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down.  Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke.  Another pointless waste of time.  The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy.  Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass.  Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.”  Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac.  I was amused.  Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall.  Ouch.  Matt sets up a table on the outside.  Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on.  Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him.  Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch.  Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb.  Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two.  Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier.  Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying.  Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table.  Told ya so.  “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer.  Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope.  Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it.  He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies.  Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15.  Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready.  At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years.  JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect.  Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit.  Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches.  The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle.  He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds.  Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold.  JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big.  He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline.  A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  Here we go.  Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage.  Bell rings.  Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows.  Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle.  Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop.  Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him.  Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down.  Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him.  Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow.  First cover of the match gets a one count.  Taker hits Old School.  Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four.  Taker throws some punches and manages to escape.  Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface.  Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it.  They trade blows.  Michaels hits the forearm and nips up.  Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle.  Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick.  He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata.  Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break.  Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again.  Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it.  Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive.  Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF.  I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck.  It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring.  Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count.  They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT!  They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker.  Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride.  Michaels counters.  Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref!  Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves.  When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope.  Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone!  Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red.  He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall.  Taker’s not done yet, though.  They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters.  Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner.  Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43.  Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd.  The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo.  At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday.  Edge makes his way out, then Show.  Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way.  Then the real Cena comes out.  I guess it’s the real Cena anyway.  In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down.  Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him.  Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena.  Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show.  Edge and Cena end up in the ring.  Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall.  Show makes it back in.  Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles.  Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge.  Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron.  Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time.  Show finally gets out and beats up everyone.  Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch.  Show and Edge fight outside.  Edge spears Show through the guardrail.  Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him.  Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it.  Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring.  Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot.  Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper.  Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster.  Edge falls of and Show takes the move.  Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43.  Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves.  He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt.  He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R.  Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash!  Backlash!  BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage.  He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon.  They exchange nods of the head.  Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Entrances and in-ring introductions here too.  Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover.  Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree.  He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover.  They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in.  Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway.  They end up outside again.  Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area.  Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him.  My DVD starts skipping again.  Must have been a bad burn.  It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall.  The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall.  Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick.  Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside.  Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it.  They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give.  Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in.  Orton punishes him some more.  Ref bump.  Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer.  Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him.  Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches.  The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches.  Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up).  Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WrestleMania highlight video.  Fin.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Chui

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWF WrestleMania V

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2010 by Chui

WWE open.  The World Wrestling Federation: What the world is watching!  The Mega Powers EXPLODE at WrestleMania V!  We’re at the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey!  Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

WWF Women’s Champion Rockin’ Robin sings the national anthem.  She’s terrible.

King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Hercules.  After pre-match shenanigans, Haku jumps Hercules from behind to get the early advantage.  Hercules slams Haku around and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Hercules suplexes Haku back into the ring and hits a couple of elbow drops.  Hercules goes after Heenan stupidly and gets beaten up by Haku on the outside.  Haku hits a couple of backbreakers for 2.  Haku bear hugs Hercules.  Hercules breaks out and Haku catches him with a chop, then chokes him against the middle rope.  Hercules hits a cross body for 2.  Hercules ducks a rebound cross body from Haku and makes his comeback.  Hercules hits a powerslam for 2.  Hercules comes off the top rope, but Haku catches him with a superkick and goes for a diving headbutt.  Hercules moves out of the way and hits a backdrop suplex hold for the pin in 6:53.  It was okay.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews The Rockers.

The Twin Towers (w/ Slick) vs. The Rockers.  The Rockers go with the brilliant strategy of running away at first.  Michaels and Boss Man lock up.  Boss Man sets Michaels on the top rope and slaps him.  Michaels hits a missile dropkick.  Both Rockers deck Boss Man.  Michaels decks Akeem on the apron.  Akeem tags in and prances around.  Michaels does a moonwalk.  The Rockers make quick tags attacking Akeem’s arm.  Akeem tags in Boss Man.  The Towers sandwich Jannetty between them.  Towers make quick tags and Jannetty plays face in peril.  Jannetty ducks Akeem, who accidentally decks Boss Man.  Michaels gets the hot tag and runs wild on Akeem.  Rockers hit a double diving shoulder block on Akeem for 2.  Akeem NAILS Michaels with a lariat and tags in Boss Man.  Boss Man goes for a diving splash, but Michaels moves and covers for 2.  Michaels jumps on Boss Man like he’s going for a rana.  Rockers do some double teaming and hit a double missile dropkick.  Well, Jannetty hit his anyway.  Akeem saves and sends Jannetty outside.  Michaels comes off the top, but Boss Man catches him and powerbombs him.  Akeem hits a big splash on Michaels for the pin in 8:06.  Fun match.

Tony Schiavone interviews Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).

Dibiase and Virgil shake hands with Donald Trump during their entrance.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil) vs. Brutus Beefcake.  Dibiase shows off his Million Dollar belt.  Beefcake kicks his ass and throws him around.  Dibiase takes a walk outside, then comes back in and beats up Beefcake.  Beefcake slams Dibiase a bunch and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dibiase comes back in and gets beaten up some more.  Virgil grabs Beefcake’s leg from the outside to let Dibiase get the advantage.  Dibiase chokes Beefcake.  Dibiase hits a diving elbow to the head for 2.  This is getting boring.  Beefcake gets an inside cradle for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream.  Beefcake gets a rope break.  Beefcake beats up Dibiase and locks in the sleeper hold.  Virgil gets on the apron.  Beefcake goes after him and gets decked from behind from Dibiase and sent outside.  Virgil beats up Beefcake on the outside.  Beefcake goes after him and gets jumped by Dibiase.  Both guys get counted out in 10:01.  Beefcake sends Dibiase into the post, then chases Virgil, beats him up, and puts him int he sleeper.  Dibiase tries tos ave and gets his ass kicked.  Beefcake tries to cut Dibiase’s hair, but Dibiase bails.  This sucked.

Footage from the WrestleMania brunch with Lord Alfred Hayes and the Bushwhackers.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers.  The Bushwhackers rip Jimmy Hart’s coat off and tear it up.  The Rougeaus jump them.  Rougeaus end up colliding with Hart, then they go outside and hug.  They have a match and it sucks.  Jacques accidentally knee drops Raymond.  They go outside to regroup.  Bushwhackers stomp around the ring.  Rougeaus double team one of the Bushwhackers behind the referee’s back.  Rougeaus work over whichever Rougeau is in the ring.  Bushwhackers hit the battering ram and a double stomach breaker.  One of them pins Jacques in 5:11.  This was the absolute drizzling shits.

Sean Mooney tries to talk to fans, but the Bushwhackers lick him.

Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer.  Hennig vs. Owen Hart?  I’ll have some of that!  Good wrestling to start.  Perfect slaps Blazer.  Blazer responds in kind.  Blazer hits a couple of slams, dropkicks Perfect out of the ring, and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Blazer hits Perfect with some European uppercuts, then throws him back inside and cranks on his arm.  Blazer hits some more moves.  Man, Owen was such an athlete.  Blazer hits a backbreaker for 2.  Blazer slams Perfect and goes for a diving splash, but Perfect gets his knees up.  Perfect beats on Blazer and locks him in a camel clutch.  Blazer fights back and hits a powerslam for 2.  Blazer hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Blazer gets a crucifix hold for a close 2 count.  Perfect nails Blazer with a forearm and hits the Perfect Plex for the pin in 5:49.  Best match of the night so far.  It’s sad that both of them are dead now.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura to the live crowd like at several other WrestleManias.  I have no idea why.

Footage of Lord Alfred Hayes at a 5K run.  Mr. Fuji enters (in a suit and carrying his cane) to show he’s in good shape.  He finishes.  I smell chicanery.

Run-DMC do the WrestleMania Rap.  I fast forward.

They show the Demolition/Powers of Pain double turn at Survivor Series.

Mean Gene interviews the WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition.

Handicap Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: Demolition (c) vs. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji.  Demolition’s music is dubbed over, which should be a capital offense punishable by hanging.  Demolition pummel Warlord to start.  The heels try to cut off Smash, but Barbarian gets pummeled by Demolition too.  Powers of Pain try to cut off Ax, but fail again.  Barbarian drops Ax with a big boot when he goes after Fuji to finally let the heels get some heat going.  Not that there’s any heat because this crowd is dead.  Ax plays face in peril.  Ax avoids a diving leg drop from Fuji.  Fuji tags in Warlord in time for him to cut off Ax from making the tag.  A moment later, Ax makes the hot tag to Smash anyway.  Not that it’s hot in front of this dead crowd.  Smash cleans house.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Fuji tries to throw salt at Smash, but hits Warlord.  Demolition Decapitation on Fuji.  Ax pins Fuji in 8:55.  This also sucked.

Tony Schiavone tries to interview WWF Champion Randy Savage, but Savage won’t talk to him.

After the introductions for the Dino Bravo/Ron Garvin match, Finkel introduces Jimmy Snuka for no apparent reason at the most random moment possible.  Snuka comes out to the ring, poses, and leaves.

Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. Ron Garvin.  Complete shot in the dark guess here: This will suck.  Bravo jumps Garvin from behind and beats him up.  Bravo tries a powerbomb or something, but Garvin punches him down and covers for 2.  Garvin makes his comeback.  Big splash for 1.  Garvin softly pushes Bravo’s head into the top turnbuckle.  Garvin gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Garvin clamps on a sleeper hold.  Garvin goes for a piledriver, but gets backdropped, holds on, and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Bravo hits the side suplex for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked as well.  Garvin decks Bravo after the match, then gives Martin the Garvin Stomp.

The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Strike Force.  Busters beat up Martin in classic awesome Busters fashion.  Martel fights back.  Strike Force send the Busters outside with a double dropkick.  Martel wrestles with Anderson, which is great stuff.  Martel gets Anderson in the crab hold, but Tully thumbs Martel in the eye immediately.  Tully and Tito tag in.  Strike Force put the Busters in stereo figure-four leglocks.  Tully has an awesome exchange with Tito.  Tito inside cradles Tully for 2 after some Busters double teaming.  Tito accidentally hits Martel with a flying forearm.  Busters work over Tito.  Anderson goes up top, but Tito throws him off Flair-style.  Tito goes to make the tag, but Martin refuses.  Martel leaves.  The Busters tear Santana apart.  Tito tries to fight back but gets cut off.  Busters hit a spiked piledriver.  Anderson pins Santana in 9:17.  Really fun little match.  I love all four of these guys.

Mean Gene interviews Rick Martel.  He says he’s tired of carrying Tito.

Gorilla and Ventura discuss Martel’s heel turn.

Finkel introduces Roddy Piper for Piper’s Pit, but Brother Love comes out instead.  He’s wearing a kilt.  He interviews… himself, playing “Rodney Piper.”  Morton Downey Jr. comes out and insults Love a bunch.  Roddy Piper comes out for real.  Piper makes fun of Love while Downey smokes a cigarette and takes his socks off and throws them out of the ring.  WTF?  This is stupid.  Downey throws cigarettes at Piper.  Brother Love finally leaves or something and Piper talks to Downey.  Piper gets annoyed at Downey blowing smoke in his face.  Piper asks Downey to light a cigarette for him, then sprays him with a fire extinguisher.  18 minutes of retarded filler to waste perfectly good PPV time.  Fuck this shit.

No Holds Barred movie trailer.  I saw that movie when I was 12 and was kind of amused by it.

Sean Mooney interviews Donald Trump at ringside.  Man, Mooney was bad here.

Ventura is mad that Hogan is making movies.  Well, his movies are all pretty terrible.

Mega Powers history video.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.

Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  Big John Studd is the special guest referee.  Andre attacks Roberts as soon as he gets in the ring and sends him into an exposed turnbuckle.  How did it get exposed?  Jake fights back and goes for the snake bag, but Andre cuts him off and puts him in a half assed sleeper or something.  Studd warns Andre about driving his ass into Roberts’ crotch in the corner.  Andre chokes Roberts a bunch.  Andre methodically (see: boring) beats up Roberts.  Roberts fights back and Andre does his “tied up in the ropes” bit.  Roberts beats up Andre.  Andre gets free and beats up Roberts some more.  Roberts fights back.  Andre chops Roberts out of the ring.  Andre keeps attacking Roberts to keep him out of the ring.  Studd and Andre argue.  Roberts gets the snake bag.  Andre and Studd shove each other.  Ted Dibiase attacks Roberts from behind and steals the snake.  Roberts follows Dibiase up the aisle, decks him, and takes the snake back.  Andre chokes Studd.  Jake throws the snake in the ring to run Andre off.  Studd DQ’s Andre to give Roberts the win in 9:40.  This was the absolute drizzling shits in a show full of shit.

Sean Mooney talks to some idiot fan in the cheap seats.

Tony Schiavone interviews Sensational Sherri, who vows to take the Women’s title back and trash talks Miss Elizabeth.

The Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation.  Honky & Valentine aren’t yet known as Rhythm & Blues.  Hart and Honky lock up.  I want to take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone and shove it up his ass.  Hart gets a reverse cradle for 2, then hits some atomic drops.  Valentine tags in and gets one too.  Hart dropkicks Valentine.  Hart tags out and slingshots Neidhart into a shoulder block on Valentine.  Hart tags back in and hits a backbreaker and goes for a diving elbow drop, but Valentine avoids it.  Honky tags in and they double team Hart behind the referee’s back.  Jimmy Hart is so fucking obnoxious.  Bret plays face in peril.  Honky hits the Shake, Rattle, & Roll on Bret.  Valentine goes for the figure-four when some kind of leg gimmick, but Bret blocks it.  Valentine cuts him off from making the tag and hits a gut buster for 2.  Bret catches Honky with a cross body for 2.  Neidhart gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neidhart gets some near falls on Valentine, but Honky saves.  Honky tags in and gets beaten up by the Harts.  Bret hits a suplex for 2, as Valentine saves, then knocks Neidhart off the apron.  Neidhart chases Jimmy Hart around the apron.  Jimmy throws the megaphone in, but Bret catches it and hits Honky in the arm.  This somehow allows Bret to pin Honky in 7:40.  Pretty decent match besides the stupid finish.

Footage of the stupid Rick Rude/Ultimate Warrior pose down from the Royal Rumble.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Awesomely, Rude has the title belt airbrushed on his tights.  Rude knees Warrior in the belt and hurts himself.  Warrior pushes him around.  Warrior bear hugs Rude.  Rude also has Warrior’s face airbrushed on the ass of his tights.  Rude hits a missile dropkick for 1.  Warrior slams Rude a couple of times and goes back to the bear hug.  Warrior bites Rude’s head, hits a back body drop, and goes for the big splash, but Rude gets his knees up.  Rude hits a piledriver for 2.  Rude hits a chin crusher and tries to dance, but his back is hurt.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Rude hits a side Russian leg sweep (Monsoon calls it a neckbreaker) for 2.  Rude pulls Warrior’s arms back.  Warrior reaches the ropes and shakes them, then breaks loose.  Warrior hits a shoulder block and a face buster.  Two face busters.  Warrior hits a backbreaker, then stumbles and drops him.  Not sure what that was supposed to be.  Warrior throws Rude around some more.  Rude avoids a Stinger Splash and goes for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior powers out and hits a clothesline.  Warrior takes Rude outside, then right back in, clotheslines him out, and tries to suplex him back in.  Heenan grabs Warrior’s feet and holds on as Rude lands on top and gets the pin in 9:42.  This was pretty bad.  Warrior hits a horribly sloppy press slam on Heenan after the match.  Poor Brain.  Poor anyone who had to work with that fuck Warrior.

Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  Brown goes on the attack immediately and beats up Duggan.  Duggan fights back, so Brown bails.  Brown gets back the apron and Duggan slingshots him back in.  Bad News headbutts Duggan and rams his head into the turnbuckle.  This only strengthens Duggan.  They fight some more.  They go to the floor.  Bad News sends Duggan into the post.  Back inside.  Duggan avoids the Ghetto Blaster and hits the tackle clothesline.  Brown bails and comes back with a chair.  Duggan grabs his 2×4.  They have a sword fight and get double DQ’d in 3:47.  Duggan hits Brown with the 2×4.  I apologize to the Bushwhackers, Rougeaus, Andre, and Jake.  THIS was the absolute fucking drizzling shits.

Mean Gene interviews The Red Rooster.  Seriously.

Bobby Heenan (w/ The Brooklyn Brawler) vs. The Red Rooster.  Heenan begs off.  Rooster rams his head into the turnbuckle.  Rooster beats up Heenan.  Heenan runs into the middle turnbuckle and Rooster gets the pin in 32 seconds.  Not the worst match on the show.  Brawler attacks Rooster after the match.  When Rooster tries to fight back, Brawler and Heenan run away.

Mean Gene interviews Miss Elizabeth.  She’ll be in a neutral corner for the main event.  She’s sad.

Tony Schiavone is in the empty locker room.

Sean Mooney is out amongst the marks.

WWF Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) vs. Hulk Hogan.  Miss Elizabeth is in a neutral corner.  Savage bails before any contact is made.  He throws a Hulkamania finger in the ring for some reason.  They finally lock up.  Hogan shoves Macho away.  Savage hides on the apron briefly, then they lock up again.  Hogan knocks Savage down with a shoulder block and Savage bails again.  They lock up again and Savage finally gets the advantage working a side headlock.  When Hogan tries to fight back, Savage bails again.  Hogan chases Savage around the ring, then hides behind Elizabeth like a dick.  Back inside, Hogan actually does a wrestling takedown and works a side headlock of his own.  Savage hits a backdrop suplex and goes for an elbow drop, but Hogan avoids it and punches him a bunch.  Hogan wrings Savage’s arm.  Savage thumbs Hogan in the eye and hits the diving double axe handle for 2.  Savage works Hogan’s arm.  Hogan escapes it by sending Savage out of the ring.  I love the way Jesse calls the faces out when they cheat and Monsoon acts like it’s okay.  Hogan drops Savage and hits a couple of elbow drops and a boot scrape.  Savage hits a clothesline for 2.  Hogan is bleeding.  Hogan rallies and hits an atomic drop.  He goes for an elbow drop, but Savage avoids it, rams him into the corner, and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Savage beats up Hogan.  Hogan rams Savage’s head into the turnbuckle and punches him a bunch, then clotheslines him in the corner.  Hogan body slams Savage out of the ring.  Liz goes to check on him, but he gets mad at her.  Savage pulls Hogan out of the ring and tries to ram him into stuff, but fails.  One side of the ring skirt has come off.  Hogan rams Savage’s face into the apron, then picks him up to ram him into the post, but Liz won’t let.  Savage rams Hogan into the post, then Liz checks on Hogan.  Make up your mind, woman!  Savage bitches at Liz and threatens her.  The referee makes her leave.  Good.  Savage hits a diving double axe handle to the floor that rams Hogan’s throat into the barricade.  Savage continues to work on the throat.  Savage slams Hogan and hits a knee drop for 2.  Savage chokes Hogan with his wrist tape, then with his hands.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop.  Hogan throws Savage off the cover and Hulks up.  Punches, big boot, and the leg drop for the pin in 17:55.  Pretty good match that somehow kind of feels like a better match than it is from a wrestling standpoint.  Great storytelling, I guess.  Hogan celebrates.  Replay of the finish.

Other than a few passable matches, this show was long and fucking horrible.

WWF Royal Rumble 1989

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2010 by Chui

WWE open, since this is the anthology version.  The World Wrestling Federation: What The World Is Watching!  Old school PPV opening video hyping the Royal Rumble.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are our announcers, LIVE from The Summit in Houston, Texas.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

2/3 Falls Match: Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) & The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation & “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  It’s “International Rules,” whatever that means.  The powerhouses, Bravo and Neidhart, lock up.  They break and lock up again a couple of times, then Bravo grabs a side headlock.  Bravo shoulder blocks Neidhart to no effect.  Twice.  Neidhart ducks a clothesline and hits Bravo with ones.  They both avoid elbow drops.  Hacksaw tags in to a big pop.  Raymond Rougeau tags in to boos.  Hacksaw slams Raymond and hits a knee drop, poses, then tags in Bret.  Bret rings Raymond’s arm.  Bret leapfrogs Raymond and inside cradles him for 2.  Bret with a sunset flip for 2.  Bret with a cross body for 2.  Jacques tags in, hugs Raymond, then clubbers Bret’s back.  Hart drops Jacques with a clothesline for 2.  All six guys end up fighting in the ring.  The babyfaces clean house.  Jacques Irish whips Bret and Raymond low bridges him out of the ring.  Bravo tags in and hits the side suplex, then tags in Raymond.  Raymond pins Bret at 5:25 after a Doomsday-style Bombs Away.  The Rougeaus beat up Bret some more.  Jacques gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Bret takes his chest first hump into the turnbuckles.  Bravo tags in and covers for 2.  Bravo hits an inverted atomic drop for 2.  Raymond tags in and puts the boots to Bret.  The Rougeaus double team Bret some more.  Bravo puts Bret in a bear hug.  Crowd chants “USA!”  Bret is Canadian, morons.  Jesse totally calls them on it.  Bret fights out.  Bravo makes the tag to Raymond.  Bret gets a sunset flip for 2.  Raymond puts the boots to him some more, then locks him in a camel clutch, then transitions to pulling his hair.  Neidhart tries to save, but Raymond goes right back to the camel clutch.  Bravo tags in and beats up Bret some more.  Bravo whiffs him with a clothesline for 2, then tags in Jacques.  Jacques puts Bret in a Boston crab.  Neidhart gets the hot tag, but the ref didn’t see it!  Raymond puts Bret in an abdominal stretch.  Jacques cheats to help him get leverage while Bravo distracts the ref.  The Rougeaus take turns stretching Bret’s abdomen.  Bret manages to hit an atomic drop on one of the Rougeaus and makes the hot tag to Hacksaw.  Hacksaw runs wild on the French Canadians.  He slingshots Neidhart into a splash on Raymond then Bret does the same.  Hacksaw pins Raymond in 13:56 to even it up at 1-1.  After the rest period, Hacksaw beats up Raymond some more.  Since Hacksaw is an idiot, he gets caught in the heel corner and beaten up.  Jesse totally calls him on it.  I love Jesse.  The heels get heat on Hacksaw.  Bret gets the lukewarm tag and runs wild.  Bret hits a backbeaker on Bravo and goes up for the elbow, but a Rougeau pushes him off.  Some shenanigans happen, Hacksaw whacks Bravo with the 2×4, and Bret gets the pin in 18:42.  Really fun match.

We see Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil) drawing his Royal Rumble number.  He looks displeased.  He calls in Slick to talk to him about something.

The Bushwhackers draw their numbers.  They both get numbers they’re happy with, then swap.

The Honky Tonk Man draws his number and looks pissed.

Bad News Brown draws his number and says “It’s good news for Bad News!”

Demolition draw their numbers.  They say they’re gonna have a long night.

Jack Roberts draws his number.  He says something I couldn’t hear.

The Rockers draw and wish each other good luck.

Mean Gene Okerlund is in the ring to conduct a stupid waste of time pose down.  Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) comes out and cuts a promo.  His opponent is the Intercontinental Champion, The Ultimate Warrior.  Warrior does his usual entrance running around and shit.  What, no Warrior rant?  Heenan bitches about something.  They pose.  I fast forward.  Heenan sprays something in Warrior’s eyes, then Rude beats the shit out of him with some kind of workout bar thing.  The heels leave.  Refs and guys in suits come out to check on Warrior.  He beats them up, then runs to the back.  Whatever.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: Rockin’ Robin (c) vs. Judy Martin.  Robin’s music is hilarious.  Sherri Martel challenges the winner, then leaves.  Robin beats up Martin.  Sherri joins the commentators.  She’s terrible.  Robin dominates until Martin catches her in the gut somehow.  Martin beats Robin up for a bit.  Robin tries a cross body, but gets slammed down.  Robin works the legs a bit and puts Martin in a Boston crab.  They Martin turns it into a cradle.  Robin turns it into another cradle.  Martin fucks up an inside cradle for 2.  Robin hits an elbow drop for 2.  Martin holds onto the ropes to avoid a dropkick.  Martin tries a front suplex, but Robin lands on her feet.  Martin holds onto the ropes to avoid a reverse cradle.  Martin hits a clothesline for 2.  Martin beats up Robin some more.  Robin hits a DDT for 2, then misses an elbow drop.  Martin misses an elbow drop.  Robin tries to slam Martin, but Martin slams her for 2.  Martin gets a backslide for 2.  Robin hits a kick to the middle for 2.  Robin gets an inside cradle for 2.  Fuck.  Robin hits a diving cross body for the pin in 6:25.  This was fucking painful.  Robin’s music is still hilarious.

Sean Mooney interviews Slick, with the Twin Towers.  Mooney asks Slick about his dealing with Dibiase.  Slick feigns ignorance.  Mooney shows him the video we saw earlier.  Slick tells Mooney it’s none of his business.

Mean Gene interviews Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan.

Pre-recorded interviews with Mr. Fuji, Miss Elizabeth, and Jimmy Hart.

Jesse Ventura is sitting in a throne and talking.

King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Harley Race.  Race comes out and tips over Haku’s platform that his chair is carried out on, then kicks his ass.  The winner is King and gets Heenan, I think.  Race beats up Haku, then hits a suplex for 2.  Race taps him with another clothesline and knocks him out of the ring.  Haku counters Race and sends him into the post.  Haku hits Race with chops of the Mongolian and knife edged variety.  Heenan cheers whoever is on offense.  They fight in the ring some more.  Haku whips Race into the turnbuckles and Race does the Flair flip out of the ring.  Haku beats up Race some more.  Haku’s strikes are awesome.  They trade headbutts.  I don’t care if you are Harley Fucking Race, you NEVER headbutt a Samoan!  Does Tongan = Samoan?  Is it close enough?  Race hits a piledriver for 2.  Harley takes another bump out of the ring.  Haku suplexes Race back into the ring for 2.  Race avoids an elbow drop and hits a suplex for 2.  Race throws Haku out of the ring.  Race goes for a piledriver on the floor, but gets backdropped.  Haku rams Race’s back into the ring.  Race gets his piledriver on the floor.  Back inside, Race hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Race hits a clothesline and a headbutt for 2.  Haku makes his comeback.  He slams Race and goes for a diving headbutt, but Race avoids it.  Race capitalizes by… missing a diving headbutt.  Haku connects with a thrust kick for the pin in 9:02.  It was kinda good at first, then it kinda fell apart.  Haku is still King, and does in fact come with crown as illustrated.  Nobody will get that joke.

Pre-taped interviews with Brutus Beefcake, Greg Valentine, Mr. Fuji for the Powers of Pain, Big John Studd, Mr. Perfect, and WWF Champion Randy Savage.

Gorilla and Jesse talk, then Mean Gene interviews Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).

Sean Mooney interviews Bobby Heenan, The Brain Busters, and Andre the Giant.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.

Howard Finkel explains the Royal Rumble Match.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is WWF Tag Team Champion Demolition Ax!  #2 is… WWF Tag Team Champion Demolition Smash!  They say “fuck it” and start brawling.  After 2 minutes of them beating the hell out of each other, #3 is Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Heenan immediately leaves because no managers are allowed at ringside.  Demolition double team Andre.  Andre conks their heads together just as #4 comes out.  It’s Mr. Perfect!  Perfect fights everybody.  Andre throws Smash out.  Ax and Perfect try to get Andre over, but no dice, so they just beat him up.  Ax and Perfect start brawling.  Perfect takes the front bump into the turnbuckles.  Andre chokes Ax, then headbutts the crap out of Perfect.  Andre beats up both of them.  #5 is Ron Garvin.  Garvin, Perfect, and Ax all try to get Andre out.  Still no dice, but Andre does his classic “get tied up in the ropes” bit.  Andre fights everybody off.  #6 is Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Valentine joins team everybody in everybody vs. Andre.  Andre throws Garvin out.  Perfect slams Ax, then helps Valentine try to beat up Andre.  Andre chokes Valentine and Perfect goes back to fighting Ax.  Ax clotheslines Perfect and goes for Andre again, but just gets choked for his trouble.  Perfect pulls Andre’s hair.  Andre chokes Perfect.  #7 is Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  He goes straight for Andre, as they’re currently feuding.  Andre chokes Roberts.  Garvin clubbers Andre from the time.  Andre is still beating the world.  #8 is “Outlaw” Ron Bass!  Andre tosses Roberts.  Bass beats up Perfect, then gets beaten up by Ax.  Andre squashes Perfect and Valentine in the corner.  Andre chokes Valentine some more.  #9 is Shawn Michaels, in his first Royal Rumble!  He goes after Bass.  Perfect eliminates Ax.  Perfect tosses Michaels, who debuts his iconic Rumble spot of skinning the cat back in.  Michaels dropkicks Perfect and almost eliminates him.  Andre chokes Bass, then bear hugs him.  Valentine takes more shots at Andre.  #10 is Bushwhacker Butch.  Jake Roberts comes back in and throws the snake in the ring.  Andre eliminates himself to avoid the snake.  Jake takes Damien and leaves.  The five guys still in the ring brawl.  #11 is the Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Honky and Bass beat up Butch, then Perfect beats up Honky and tries to eliminate him.  Bass saves Honkey.  Some heels whip Michaels and Perfect into each other.  Honky and Valentine try to eliminate Michaels.  Michaels escapes his predicament and beats up Valentine.  Perfect tries to eliminate Honky.  #12 is Tito Santana!  Tito goes for Mr. Perfect.  Tito runs wild until Bass cuts him off.  Butch tries to eliminate Honky.  Valentine tries to eliminate Tito.  Bass and Valentine try to eliminate Michaels, but Tito saves him.  #13 is Bad News Brown.  Butch and Tito throw Honky out.  Everybody brawls.  Valentine hits an atomic drop on Michaels and almost sends him out of the ring.  #14 is Marty Jannetty.  He brawls with Bass.  The Rockers double dropkick Bass out of the Rumble.  Tito hits the flying jalapeno on Valentine, then he and Butch try to bundle Valentine out.  Valentine pokes Tito in the eye to escape.  #15 is WWF Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage!  Savage goes right after Bad News, kicking his ass before he even takes his sunglasses off.  Valentine clobbers Savage.  Everybody brawls.  It’s almost 2 AM and I’m getting sleepy.  #16 is Arn Anderson (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Savage eliminates Valentine, who had a hell of a run.  Savage and Anderson double team Michaels out of the Rumble.  Jannetty beats up Anderson.  Butch and Tito try to eliminate Perfect.  Savage tries to eliminate Bad News, who kicks the crap out of him.  Anderson stupidly goes up top.  Marty hits Arn and he crotches himself.  #17 is Tully Blanchard (w/ Bobby Heenan).  The Brain Busters double team Butch.  Bad News and Savage are still going at it.  Butch chokes Arn with his foot in the corner.  Marty beats up Tully.  Perfect and Savage fight.  Anderson hits a spinebuster on Marty!  The Brain Busters beat up Marty and struggle to dump him out.  Butch nails Arn.  Tully manages to eliminate Marty.  #18 is Hulk Hogan  Hogan immediately dumps Perfect, knocks the Busters’ heads together, and beats up Bad News.  Savage and somebody dump Tito.  #19 is Bushwhacker Luke.  Brown eliminates Butch.  Savage and Bad News brawl some more.  Hogan press slams Tully into the top rope, then fights with Luke.  Luke and Tully double team Hogan as Bad News and Arn double team Savage.  Hogan knocks Tully and Luke’s heads together, then hits Arn with a big boot.  #20 is Koko B. Ware.  Bad News tries to eliminate Savage.  Arn and Luke beat up Hogan.  Koko fights Bad News.  Arn goes up top and Hogan throws him off.  Hogan eliminates Koko, then Luke.  #21 is The Warlord (w/ Mr. Fuji).  Hogan eliminates both Brain Busters.  Warlord gets eliminated immediately by a Hogan clothesline.  Brown struggles to eliminate Savage.  Hogan dumps them both out.  Savage comes in and is like “WTF, man?”  Elizabeth comes out and tries to soothe the situation.  They finally shake hands and hug.  #22 is The Big Boss Man (w/ Slick).  He and Hogan are the only two in the ring.  They brawl.  Hogan hits the Axe Bomber and some elbow drops, then shakes Boss Man’s head.  Hogan slams Boss Man.  Boss Man comes back and kicks Hogan’s ass.  Boss Man hits a piledriver.  Hogan avoids a big splash.  #23 is Akeem (w/ Slick).  Hogan, of course, fights them both off.  He slams Akeem.  Boss Man rakes Hogan’s eyes and the Towers manage to get the advantage.  Hogan knocks their heads together and hits a backdrop suplex on Boss Man.  The Towers squash Hogan in the corner, then throw him out.  Hogan pulls Boss Man out of the ring (under the bottom rope) and kicks his ass.  Akeem goes outside to beat up Hogan.  #24 is Brutus Beefcake.  The Towers double team Beefcake.  Ever the poor sport, Hogan low bridges Boss Man out of the ring to eliminate him.  Hogan and Boss Man brawl to the back.  #25 is the Red Rooster.  He and Brutus double team Akeem.  #26 is The Barbarian (w/ Mr. Fuji).  He fights everybody.  Akeem splashes Rooster.  Barbarian beats up Beefcake.  #27 is Big John Studd.  Studd and Akeem go at it.  The other 3 guys fight too.  Brutus chokes Barbarian with the top rope.  #28 is Hercules.  Herc and Brutus double team Barbarian.  Rooster tries to get in the middle of Studd and Akeem and gets shoved down.  Herc tries to get in the middle of Studd and Akeem and gets clubbered by Studd.  #29 is Rick Martel!  Martel tries to get in the middle of Studd and Akeem and gets shoved away.  When we people learn?  Martel goes after Rooster instead.  Beefcake and Hercules work over Barbarian.  #30 is Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).  See, he bought #30!  Dibiase beats up Hercules and Rooster.  Virgil stays at ringside.  Gorilla and Ventura speculate that he’s allowed to stay because he’s a bodyguard instead of a manager.  Dibiase whips Rooster into the turnbuckles and he Flair flips out of the ring.  Dibiase beats up Hercules.  Hercules beats up Dibiase.  Dibiase begs off.  Hercules beats him up some more anyway.  More guys brawl.  Beefcake puts a Hercules in a sleeper.  Dibiase and Barbarian throw them both out.  Barbarian shoulder blocks Martel into an awkward bump.  Barbarian powerslams Martel and hits a diving headbutt.  Martel dodges Barbarian and dropkicks him out of the ring.  Final four are Martel, Dibiase, Studd, and Akeem.  Martel avoids getting squashed by Akeem and hits him with 2 dropkicks, then tries a cross body, but Akeem catches Martel and eliminates him.  Studd fights both Akeem and Dibiase.  Akeem and Dibiase double team Studd.  Dibiase accidentally gets sandwiched between Studd and Akeem.  Studd eliminates Akeem.  Dibiase tries to bribe Studd.  Studd kinda chokeslams Dibiase into the turnbuckles.  Dibiase tries to get some offense rolling, but Studd kicks his ass.  Studd hits a butterfly suplex, a gutwrench suplex, a clothesline, then throws Dibiase out to win it at 1:05:07.  Virgil tries to jump Studd after the match, but gets his ass kicked.  Studd throws Virgil out of the ring for good measure.  Studd wins the 1989 Royal Rumble!  The Rumble match is always fun.

Mean Gene interviews Randy Savage and Elizabeth.  Savage says everything is still cool with him and Hogan.

Gorilla and Jesse wrap things up, then we get a sideshow to close the show.

The middle part of this show sucked, but the opener was good enough and the Rumble Match is always fun.  It was an easy to watch show.  I’ll call it a fun time and be done with it.

WWE WrestleMania XXVI

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 31, 2010 by Chui

WWE open.

Justin Roberts welcomes us to WrestleMania, then Fantasia sings “American The Beautiful.”  After that, we get the usually awesome WrestleMania opening video.

Slim Jim and WWE present WrestleMania!  AWESOME pyro and ballyhoo.  The University of Phoenix Stadium is a big fucking building.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announce team.  Justin Roberts is ring announcer for the first match.  Also, the Spanish announce table is back!  Carlos Cabrera and Hugo Savinovich!

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Former partners Miz and Morrison start.  Morrison lands a big dropkick for 2.  Morrison slams Miz and makes the tag to R-Truth.  Morrison hits a flippy leg drop and Truth hits a diving leg drop for 2.  Truth does his big side kick, then Big Show tags in.  R-Truth tries, but Show hits a big fall away slam.  Show shoves Morrison off the apron and goes for the Vader Bomb on R-Truth.  Morrison springs back up and hits a kick from the apron.  Truth covers for 2.  Morrison and Miz tag and do their thing.  Morrison hits a flap jack.  Miz gets a Brisco Roll out of the corner, but Morrison rolls through and knees Miz in the face.  Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, but misses when Show pulls Miz out of the ring.  Truth dives at Show, but gets caught and posted.  Miz comes back in and covers Morrison for 2.  Miz goes for his finish, but Morrison neatly turns it into a cradle for 2.  Show makes the tag.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck while Show is still on the apron, but Show catches him with the KO punch for the pin in 3:24.  Good little match while it lasted.

Clips of Axxess and other happenings of WrestleMania week.

Triple Threat Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton.  They square off, with Rhodes and Dibiase on the same page.  Orton takes the fight to both of them.  Dibiase cuts him off with a dropkick and they double team him.  Orton fights back, but gets cut off again.  Rhodes lands a knee drop and goes up top for a moonsault.  Dibiase covers Orton behind Rhodes’ back.  Rhodes breaks the cover and throws Dibiase out of the ring, then hits the Alabama Slam on Orton for 2, as Dibiase makes it back it to save.  Dibiase decks Rhodes and they fight.  Orton makes a comeback on both of them.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Rhodes and goes into his mat humping routine.  Dibiase pulls him out of the ring.  Rhodes does a dive, but Orton avoids it and only Dibiase gets hit.  Orton catches them both coming back in and hits a DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat again, preparing to hit the RKO on Rhodes.  He rethinks it and hits the PUNT OF DOOM instead.  Dibiase comes back in and goes for the Dream Street, but Orton counters and hits the RKO for the pin in 9:01.  It had its moments, but it was mostly pretty meh.  There’s this awesome round video screen that lowers to the ring and shows the guy’s logo at various points in the show.

Please, Don’t Try This!

Josh Matthews interviews Vickie Guerrero, with Michelle McCool, Maryse, Layla, and Alicia Fox.  Vickie talks to massive heat.  Jillian Hall steps in and sings horribly.  The other women leave her and Santino Marella steps in.  He bites into a Slim Jim and Jillian turns into Mae Young, who kisses him.  He bites it again and Mae turns into Mean Gene Okerlund.  He bites it again and Gene turns into Melina.  Santino seems satisfied with this.  That was stupid.

Savannah gets on the show as the ring announcer for Money In The Bank.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Evan Bourne vs. Jack Swagger vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Matt Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane vs. Christian.  Everybody brawls.  Somebody throws in a ladder and McIntyre immediately sets it up and climbs.  Hardy knocks it over.  McIntyre takes Bourne’s knees, Hardy’s Twist of Fate, and MVP’s Yakuza kick in short order.  Everybody tries to climb the ladder and everybody cuts everybody else off.  Kane chokeslams Bourne out of the ring onto MVP and Benjamin.  Hardy and Swagger fight on top of the ladder, but Kingston uses another ladder to knock that ladder over.  Christian whips Hardy into Swagger in the corner, throws a ladder against them, and monkey flips Kofi into the ladder.  Christian tries to climb the other ladder, but Ziggler cuts him off with a fucked up Zig Zag off of the ladder.  Ziggler climbs, but MVP cuts him off.  MVP clips, but Kane cuts him off, rams him into the ladder, and goes for a chokeslam, but Kofi hits Kane with a ladder.  Kofi, Shelton, and MVP ram a ladder into Kane.  Kofi runs up it and punches Kane, then takes a bump into the ladder.  MVP Yakuza kicks Kane.  Benjamin hits the Paydirt on MVP.  McIntyre gets hit by somebody/something.  Shelton climbs a ladder, but Swagger hits him with the other ladder, then hits Kane and MVP with the ladder.  Bourne comes off the top with the double knees on Swagger.  Bourne puts the boots to Swagger, then Christian and Hardy ram two ladders into Swagger, who is stuck between the original ladder.  There’s now a crazy ladder platform thing.  Hardy takes a bump off the ladder.  Christian goes for the Killswitch on Bourne off of the horizontal ladder.  Bourne counters him and hits a Shooting Star press!  Bourne goes for the prize, but Hardy cuts him off and hip tosses him off the ladder.  BIG BUMP.  Swagger cuts Hardy off and sends him for another BIG BUMP into the remaining horizontal ladder.  Man, trying to describe these matches is difficult.  MVP and Shelton fight on top of a ladder.  MVP takes a bump, then tries to powerbomb Shelton, but Shelton turns it into a rana that takes them both of the ring.  Kane clotheslines them with a ladder.  Kane climbs the ladder in the ring, but Ziggler climbs over him.  Kane pushes the ladder over, sending Ziggler into the ropes.  Kane throws the ladder at Ziggler, who ducks.  Shelton brings another ladder in.  Kane chokeslams Ziggler onto the ladder.  Fucking OUCH.  Kane sandwiches Ziggler in the ladder and kills him with it, breaking the ladder.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise on Kane.  Instead of getting a functional ladder, Kofi uses the two ladder halves as stilts.  Funny, but stupid.  McIntyre cuts him off and sends him into the top rope and out of the ring.  McIntyre brings in a working ladder and climbs for the prize.  Hardy comes in to cut him off, but McIntyre rams his face into the ladder.  Hardy pushes the ladder over and McIntyre crotches himself on the top rope.  Hardy sets the ladder back up as Kane tries to set up another ladder.  Hardy kicks him away.  Christian climbs Kane’s ladder and rides it over to fight Hardy.  Kane climbs up the other side of the 2 ladders and goozles them both, but they fight him off.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate, but Christian hits the reverse DDT off the top of the ladder.  Christian climbs again, but Swagger cuts him off.  Christian climbs the other ladder, but Swagger climbs up the other side and swings the briefcase into Christian’s face to knock him off.  Swagger takes forever to unhook the briefcase, but eventually does, and wins it in 13:44.  Surprise winner of the night.  The match was the typically fun crazy spotfest.

Extreme Rules, LIVE on PPV April 25!

The announcers talk about the Hall of Fame.  They show clips from last night’s ceremony.

Howard Finkel(!) is out to introduce the Hall of Fame Class of 2010: Stu Hart (represented by the Hart family), Wendi Richter, Mad Dog Vachon (escorted by one of the Bella Twins), Antonio Inoki, Bob Uecker, Gorgeous George (represented by former wife, Betty, who was escorted by the other Bella), and “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase!  Feel good moment.

Plug for the horrible WrestleMania theme.

Triple H/Sheamus video package.

Outside shot of the big ass stadium.  Man, I’d had trying to get out of that parking lot after the show.

Sheamus vs. Triple H.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Triple H into the corner, shoves him, and yells at him.  They lock up again .  Triple H backs Sheamus into the corner and slaps him.  Triple H goes for an early Pedigree, but Sheamus scampers to the relative safety of the corner.  Triple H hits a suplex and a knee drop (prefixed by a crotch chop) for 2.  Sheamus bails.  Triple H follows and sends him into the barricade, then back into the ring.  Triple H clips Sheamus’ leg and locks in a figure-four leglock.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus bails again.  Triple H follows and gets thrown into the steps.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker.  Twice.  Sheamus keeps the heat on Triple H, then poses to get one of the first crowd reactions of the night.  They brawl and the dead crowd livens up a bit.  Sheamus hits a Polish hammer for 2.  Sheamus hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus works Triple H’s shoulder.  Triple H rallies and spikes Sheamus with a DDT.  They trade punches, complete with “BOO, YAY!” from the crowd.  Triple H hits the high knee and the facebuster for 2.  Sheamus counters a Pedigree attempt, but Triple H hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge off the middle rope.  They counter each other’s moves until Sheamus lands the pump kick, but Triple H kicks out.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge again, fails, and Triple H hits the spinebuster for 2.  Sheamus hits the pump kick from the apron.  Sheamus picks up a limp Triple H to go for the Razor’s Edge again, but Triple H springs to life and hits the Pedigree for the pin in 12:09.  Good match.  Triple H celebrates.

Edge’s Slim Jim commercial.

Mysterio/Punk video package.

Tony Chimel makes his first appearance… er, first… speaking role!  …of the night.

CM Punk cuts his usual promo as the Straight Edge Society make their way to the ring.  Mysterio’s music plays, but he takes a while coming out because the elevator thing that was supposed to shoot up for his entrance didn’t work and he had to climb out of the hole in the stage.  He finally makes his way out in a weird looking blue Avatar outfit.

CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio has to join the Straight Edge Society if he loses.  Gallows and Serena distract Mysterio to let Punk jump him for the early advantage.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the bottom turnbuckle, then tries a moonsault, but ends up getting stomped in the tree of woe.  Serena chokes him behind the referee’s back.  Mysterio avoids a baseball slide dropkick and Punk crotches himself on the post.  Outside, Punk wheelbarrows Mysterio into the steps.  Back inside, Punk clamps on a rear chin lock.  Mysterio escapes and fires some kicks and forearms.  Mysterio hits a springboard Bombs Away and tries a springboard cross body, but Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip, but Punk avoids the kick and schoolboys Mysterio for 2.  Punk NAILS Mysterio with a kick to the head for 2.  Punk tries to hold Mysterio on the mat for a series of 2 counts.  Mysterio hits the crazy rope walk DDT that he used to do to Eddie Guerrero for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Punk catches him.  Mysterio counters the Go 2 Sleep twice and goes up top.  He does the Eddie shimmy and goes for the frog splash, but Punk moves.  Punk covers for 2.  Punk hits the knee to the corner, but Mysterio avoids the bulldog.  Mysterio counters a powerbomb and goes for the 619, but Serena covers Punk to save him.  Gallows gets on the apron to distract Mysterio.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep again, but Mysterio ranas him into the ropes and hits the 619 and the diving splash for the pin in 6:30.  Really good match for the time they had.  Another 5-10 minutes they might have stolen the show.

Bret Hart/Vince McMahon video package.

Bret comes out first to a great reaction. Vince comes out and says that Bret deserves a WrestleMania sized screwing.  He shelled out a bunch of money to buy himself some lumberjacks and a guest referee… Bret’s family!  The Hart Dynasty and Bret’s brothers and sisters come out with Vince.  Bruce Hart takes off his jacket to reveal a referee shirt.  Bret says he knows the Harts all got paid up front.  Bret says there’s nothing sweeter than a good double cross.  He tells Vince that the Harts are all together, and tonight will be the night Bret screwed Vince.  Vince realizes that he is, in fact, screwed.

No Holds Barred Lumberjack Match: Bret Hart vs. Vince McMahon.  Bret beats up Vince.  Vince goes outside to get beaten up by some of the ringside Harts.  David Hart Smith, Tyson Kidd, and one of Bret’s brothers beat up Vince.  The Hart Dynasty hold Vince so Natalya can slap him.  The Hart Dynasty hits Vince with a Hart Attack on the outside, then they throw Vince back into the ring, where Bret kills him some more.  Bret attacks Vince’s leg.  Vince grabs a crowbar from under the ring and scares all of the ringside Harts into stepping back.  He tries to attack Bret with it, but Bret kills him some more, gets the crowbar, and kills him with that.  This goes on for a long time.  Bret teases the Sharpshooter, but kicks Vince in the balls a few times instead.  Bret gets tired and sits down in a chair for a bit as Vince tries to make it to his feet.  Bret hits Vince with the chair 18 times.  I counted.  Bret finally locks Vince in the Sharpshooter for the submission victory in 11:09.  This went WAY too long.  They could have accomplished the same thing in 5 minutes.  At least they had the right ending.  The Hart family celebrates.

WrestleMania XXVII will be April 3, 2011 in the Georgia Dome in Atlanta!

Justin Roberts announces the attendance at 72,219.

Edge/Jericho video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Edge.  They lock up and do some basic wrestling.  That’s a good way to start any match.  Edge gets the advantage and pounds Jericho in the corner.  Jericho responds in kind.  Edge hits a flapjack and goes for an early spear, but Jericho bails.  They fight on the outside for a minute.  Jericho makes it back inside first and lands a baseball slide dropkick that knocks Edge off of the apron.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex for 2, then applies a neck/shoulder lock.  Edge fights out and avoids Jericho in the corner, causing Jericho to spear the post.  Edge hits a big kick.  Jericho slingshots Edge into the top rope, then goes for his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Edge avoids it, sends Jericho to the floor, and hits a shoulder block off of the apron.  Back inside, Edge hits a front suplex off the top rope for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Edge avoids it.  Jericho avoids Edge in the corner, but Edge hits a diving cross body.  Jericho rolls through for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho again, but fails again.  Edge hits a diving sunset flip for 2.  Jericho reverses it into a pinning predicament for 2, then kicks Edge in the face.  Edge avoids the Codebreaker and goes for the spear, but Jericho avoids it and schoolboys Edge into the Walls of Jericho.  Edge escapes.  Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Edge avoids it and hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Jericho rocks Edge with an enzuigiri.  Edge rallies and hits the Edgecution for 2.  Jericho boots Edge in the face and comes off of the second rope with a forearm to the back of the head.  Jericho sets up for a spear.  Edge boots him in the face and goes for the spear himself, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker!  Jericho takes too long to cover and only gets 2.  Jericho stomps Edge’s previously injured leg, then locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Edge struggles to reach the ropes, but Jericho pulls him back to the middle and turns it into a half crab on the bad leg.  Edge manages to reach the ropes and surprises Jericho with a front cradle for 2.  Edge clotheslines Jericho and takes them both of the ring.  Jericho grabs the championship belt.  Edge cuts him off and throws him back to the apron.  Edge accidentally bumps the ref.  Jericho hits Edge with the belt for 2.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin 15:47.  REALLY good match, but the finish felt a bit anticlimactic.  Jericho tries to injure Edge’s leg after the match, but Edge goes crazy and kicks his ass.  Edge clears off the announce tables and runs across them, spearing Jericho into the barricade.

They show highlights of the pre-show 26-man Battle Royal, won by Yoshi Tatsu!  He knocked Zack Ryder off of the apron with a head kick to win it.

WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, & Layla vs. Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres.  Vickie pushes into Gail with her bulk.  Beth tags in and beats up Vickie.  Eve, Gail, Mickie, and Kelly each take a turn doing the same.  Vickie screams at Kelly and hits her fucked up Fameasser.  McCool saves Vickie and hits the Styles Clash on Kelly.  Everybody takes turns hitting there moves, half of them botched.  Beth goes for Vickie, but McCool saves her again.  With everybody else out, McCool and Layla help Vickie up top to hit the most horrible looking frog splash ever on Kelly Kelly.  Vickie fucks up her cover and takes 2 tries to pin her, but finally does to end this abortion in 3:24.  Fucking awful.  Vickie does the Eddie shimmy.  I have to believe Eddie Guerrero is turning over in his grave.

Batista/Cena video package.  On first viewing, I HATED this match, but for the most part I’ve liked these matches more on second viewing.  Except for that divas clusterfuck.  Fuck that.

Batista has a lone spotlight for his entrance, while Cena has a bunch of soldier types doing rifle tricks for his.

WWE Championship Match: Batista (c) vs. John Cena.  They fuck around a bit, then Cena works a headlock takedown.  Cena beats up Batista, then gets walloped with a clothesline to the back of the head.  Batista beats up Cena in the corner.  Cena blocks a suplex and hits one of his own.  Batista lands awkwardly on his ass and legs.  Cena hits a bulldog-like facebuster for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Batista spikes him with a botched looking DDT.  Batista locks in a scissored sleeper.  Cena fights out.  They do the “BOO, YAY!” punch exchange, with Cena getting booed.  Batista hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Cena starts his comeback and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Batista catches him with the spinebuster.  He goes for the Batista Bomb, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Batista gets a rope break, then spears Cena for 2.  Batista goes for a superplex, but they end up doing a test of strength on the middle ropes.  Cena fights Batista off and hits a diving Five Knuckle Shuffle, then goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Batista counters and hits the Batista Bomb for 2.  They counter each other’s finishers until Cena manages to hit the Attitude Adjusment for 2.  Cena comes off the top, but Batista catches him mid-air with what I guess was a horribly botched Batista Bomb.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb again, but Cena locks him in the STF for the win in 13:30 to regain the WWE Championship.  Batista hilariously keeps tapping after Cena releases the hold.  I didn’t hate it as much as I did the first time, but I still don’t think it was very good.  Slow, plodding, and they botched a lot of stuff.

Extreme Rules!  NEXT MONTH!

Undertaker/Shawn Michaels video package.

Streak vs. Career Match: The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels.  They start with a staredown.  Michaels does Undertaker’s throat slash gesture.  The bell rings and they go at it.  Michaels hits Undertaker with a bunch of chops.  Taker whips Michaels into the corner, then hits Snake Eyes and the big boot.  Taker clotheslines Shawn in the corner, then goes for Old School.  Michaels fights it, but Taker manages to hit it.  He immediately regrets it, because he injures his knee upon landing.  Michaels avoids the chokeslam and kicks at Taker’s leg.  Undertaker rallies and goes for the Tombstone, but Michaels counters and goes for the crossface.  Taker avoids it and twists Shawn’s arm a bit.  Shawn throws a superkick, but Taker avoids it.  Shawn kicks the shit out of Undertaker’s knee some more.  Taker fires back with his big punches and clotheslines Shawn out of the ring.  Taker thinks about a dive, but Michaels rushes back in and clips the bad leg.  Michaels goes for a figure-four, but Taker kicks him out of the ring.  Taker follows and rams Shawn into the post.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP!  “VINTAGE!”  Back inside, Michaels locks Undertaker in the figure-four leglock.  Taker suffers for a bit, but manages to reverse it, so Michaels releases the hold.  I’ve never understood how that works.  They trade blows.  Michaels realizes how dumb an idea that is and goes back to chopping Taker.  Well, Taker was still punching him, so it’s a moot point.  Michaels hits the flying forearm and nips up, only to get chokeslammed.  Taker covers for 2.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters and locks him in an ankle lock.  Taker fights out.  Michaels clotheslines him, which sends them both out of the ring.  Michaels goes for a springboard cross body, but Undertaker catches him and Tombstones him on the floor!  Trainers come out to check on Michaels, but Taker picks him up, puts him back in the ring, covers, and Shawn kicks out!  Taker goes for the Last Ride, but Michaels turns it into a facebuster for 2.  Michaels goes for the diving elbow drop, but Taker catches him with his knees.  It hurts Michaels, but also worsens Taker’s injured knee.  Taker locks int he Hell’s Gate, but Michaels turns it into a jackknife hold for 2.  Sweet counter.  Michaels NAILS the superkick, covers, and TAKER KICKS OUT!  Michaels tunes up the band.  This time, Taker catches him and DRIVES him to the mat with the last ride.  Cover, but MICHAELS KICKS OUT this time.  Taker throws Michaels out of the ring.  Taker clears off the announce table and goes for the Last Ride again.  Michaels escapes and superkicks Taker onto the table.  Michaels goes to the top rope and hits a MOONSAULT to Taker’s knees THROUGH the announce table!  Michaels takes Undertaker back into the ring as Lawler speculates that Taker’s leg is broken.  Michaels NAILS another superkick, covers, and TAKER KICKS OUT AGAIN!  Michaels goes for another one, but Taker hits a BIG chokeslam.  Taker sells his leg, then picks Michaels up and hits a second Tombstone Piledriver.  1, 2, MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers his straps and begins the throat slash.  He’s got a nasty cut on his arm.  He stops mid-slash and looks down at Michaels, appearing to have some sort of sympathy for this man who has fought him so valiantly.  Michaels struggles to get up.  Taker yells at him to stay down.  Michaels gets to his knees and does the throat slash, then SLAPS Taker.  Taker gets pissed and FUCKING SPIKES Michaels with a JUMPING Tombstone Piledriver for the pin in 24:00.  Fucking amazing match.  It wasn’t quite the match they had last year, but still fucking amazing.  They do a HUGE pyro display on the stage and outside of the stadium as the big screen reads “18-0.”  Undertaker helps Michaels to his feet and they shake hands and hug.  Taker leaves to let Michaels have his farewell moment.  Michaels walks up the ramp, slapping hands with fans.  He yells “I’ll drive my kids nuts in 3 weeks!”  He gets the top of the ramp and does his entrance pose, then goes to the back as we fade to black.

There were some things on this show I thought were terrible, and many more that I thought were good, but deserved more time.  The main event was just… fucking… great.