Archive for Hillbilly Jim

WWF Survivor Series 1988

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

LIVE from the Richfield Coliseum in Richfield, Ohio!  Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  I’m sure that means this is going to be a happening.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

Elimination Match: WWF Intercontinental Champion The Ultimate Warrior, Brutus Beefcake, The Blue Blazer, Sam Houston, & Jim Brunzell vs. The Honky Tonk Man, Danny Davis, Greg Valentine, Ron Bass, & Bad News Brown (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Co-captains Warrior and Beefcake shake the ropes together.  Valentine and Beefcake start.  They trade blows.  Davis tags in and puts the boots to Beefcake.  Beefcake leap frogs him and locks in the sleeper to eliminate Davis in 1:18.  Valentine comes in and hammers Beefcake again.  Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Beefcake kicks him away.  Blazer tags in and does an awesome head scissors takeover.  Brunzell tags in and twists Valentine’s arm.  Brunzell lands a dropkick, but didn’t notice Bad News tag in.  Brown kicks Brunzell’s ass.  Brunzell tries to fight back, but it seems to just piss Bad News off.  Brown hits the Ghetto Blaster to pin Brunzell at 5:12.  Beefcake, followed quickly by Houston, go after Brown.  Brown kicks Houston in the face and hits a leg drop for 2.  Brown beats up Houston some more and tags in Valentine.  Valentine hammers him, then tags Brown back in.  Brown holds Houston for a shot, but Valentine accidentally nails Brown.  They argue.  The rest of the heel time tries to soothe things.  Bad News just leaves and gets counted out in about 7:50.  Houston gets a quick cradle on Valentine for 2.  Valentine blocks a sunset flip attempt, then tags in Bass.  Houston gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Bass boots him in the face, then hits a clothesline for 2.  Houston hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Bass knocks him down and drops an elbow for 2.  Houston fires back, tries a monkey flip, but gets powerslammed by Bass for the pin at 10:11.  Warrior comes in and runs wild on the remaining opponents.  Tag to Blazer.  Rocket launcher by Warrior and Blazer on Bass for 2.  Honky tags in and takes a cross body from The Blazer.  Blazer hits a monkey flip and a dropkick on Honky.  Tag to Valentine.  Awesome.  Blazer hits a gutwrench suplex and a knee drop for 2.  Blazer goes up top, but Honky pushes him off.  Blazer lands on his knees.  Valentine locks the figure-four on Blazer for the submission in 12:22.  Valentine attacks his former tag partner, Beefcake.  Bass tags in and beats up Beefcake.  Honky tags in and gets in on that, too.  Beefcake counters a Shake, Rattle, & Roll attempt.  Honky tags in Bass, who hot shots Beefcake into the ropes and covers, but Beefcake gets a foot on the ropes.  Tag to Honky, who comes off the top and gets caught with a shot to the middle.  Beefcake brawls with Honky, then hits an atomic drop and a clothesline.  Beefcake locks in the sleeper.  They both fall out of the ring.  Beefcake locks in the sleeper again.  They both get counted out in 15:42.  Valentine and Bass beat up Warrior.  Warrior rallies and drops them both with a double clothesline.  Warrior pins Bass with a double axe handle at 17:37.  Valentine meets the same fate in 17:50.  Very fun match.  It was a happening!

Tag Team Elimination Match: WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji), The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan), The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart), The Bolsheviks, & Los Conquistadors vs. The Powers of Pain, The Young Stallions, The Hart Foundation, The Rockers, & The British Bulldogs.  Davey Boy stats with one of the Conquistadors.  Jacques tags in and gets press slammed onto Raymond.  Shawn Michaels, in his PPV debut, gets beaten up by the Bolsheviks.  Jannetty tags in and The Rockers double team Zhukov.  Ax tags in and wails on Jannetty.  Arn Anderson beats up Jannetty, then gets backdropped and dropkicked.  Tully tags in and trades punches with Jannetty.  Jannetty hits an atomic drop, gets punched by the babyfaces, dropkicked, and tags in Jacques.  Jannetty avoids a cross body from Jacques and covers for 2.  Dynamite tags in and hits the snap suplex for 2.  Powers and Raymond tags in, but Davey Boy wasn’t done.  He comes in and gets 2 on Raymond off a Brisco roll.  Powers and Zhukov tag in.  Powers gets beaten up by the heels and tags in Bret Hart.  Hart pins Raymond with an inside cradle at 5:38.  Roma and Volkoff fight.  Sorry, these matches are hard to follow with so many guys and so much going on.  Smash hammers Neidhart, but gets caught with a clothesline.  Barbarian tags in and trades blows with Smash.  A Conquistador tags in and gets his head kicked off by Barbarian.  Warlord tags in and has his way with the Conquistador, then tags in Hart.  The Conquistador makes the tag to Smash.  Tag to Ax.  Demolition beats up Hart.  Tag to Blanchard.  This can’t be fun to read for you guys.  Every freakin’ sentence is “X tags Y” or some such.  The heels take turns beating up Michaels.  Anderson hits him with the spinebuster for 2.  Michaels makes the tag to Jannetty, who runs wild on the Conquistadors.  Volkoff tags in and Jannetty gets a 2 count on him.  Lots of quick tags.  I think we’ve established that, though.  Warlord press slams a Conquistador, who tags in Ax.  Ax and Warlord trade punches.  Smash tags in.  Barbarian tags in.  Tags everywhere!  Barbarian and Smash land some fierce blows on each other.  Barbarian press slams Blanchard into the ropes, then tags in Neidhart, who powerslams Blanchard for 2.  Dynamite tags in and drops Blanchard, then gets thrown out of the ring.  Anderson tags in, puts the boots to Dynamite, and tags a Conquistador.  Zhukov misses a knee drop on Dynamite.  Powers beats up Zhukov.  Powers hits a cross body on Zhukov, but Zhukov rolls through and gets the pin at 15:34.  Michaels hits a diving fist drop on Zhukov for 2.  Barbarian nails Zhukov with a shoulder black.  Blanchard tags in and tip toes over to tag in Volkoff.  Ax clobbers Barbarian with a flurry of fierce blows.  Volkoff comes back in.  Barbarian kicks his head off and tags in Michaels.  Michaels beats him up, then goes with Zhukov.  Jannetty tags in and pins Zhukov with a slingshot sunset flip at 18:20.  Jannetty almost pins one of the Conquistadors with a sunset flip.  The heels take turns beating up Jannetty.  Davey Boy tags in and backdrops a Conquistador, who tags in Blanchard.  Smith and Blanchard trade shots.  Blanchard is an awesome chickenshit heel.  Smash tags in and beats up Davey Boy.  Blanchard taunts the face team before going to the apron.  Conquistadors beat up Davey Boy.  Davey Boy makes the tag to Neidhart.  Harts double team the Conquistador.  Michaels hits a dropkick on the Conquistador.  Marty hits an elbow smash.  The Conquistador ends up in the wrong corner and gets beat up.  Dynamite treats him to a snap suplex and a diving knee drop for 2.  Dynamite hits a backbreaker for 2, then tags in Barbarian.  Barbarian beats the shit out of the Conquistador, who manages to tag out to Blanchard.  Blanchard plays chickenshit and gets the advantage with a cheap shot, then turns Barbarian over to Demolition.  The heel team takes turns beating up Barbarian.  Barbarian kicks the shit out of Arn and makes the tag to Jannetty.  Jannetty hits Arn with an elbow and tags in Neidhart.  Blanchard tags in and hits a cross body for 2.  Neidhart suplexes Blanchard and tags in Hart.  Hart hits a German suplex hold on Blanchard, but Blanchard gets a shoulder up and Hart gets pinned at 27:08.  Dynamite hits a Tombstone on Blanchard for 2.  Bulldogs double team Blanchard.  The Rockers brawl with the Busters and all four are DQ’d at about 29 minutes.  They keep brawling all the way backstage.  Smash beats up Dynamite.  Dynamite fights back.  More quick tags.  Powers of Pain beat up one of the Conquistadors.  Davey Boy hits the vertical suplex on the other Conquistador.  Davey gets a crucifix hold on Ax for 2.  Dynamite shines against Demolition.  Davey Boy press slams a Conquistador again and follows with the running powerslam.  Barbarian and Ax fight.  Smash throws Barbarian out of the ring.  The Conquistadors help beat up Barbarian.  Bulldogs beat up a Conquistador.  Dynamite hits the snap suplex on Smash and goes for the diving headbutt, but misses.  Smash hits Dynamite with a clothesline for the pin in 36:18.  Powers of Pain beat up a Conquistador.  Warlord spears the post.  Ax tags in and beats the shit out of the injured shoulder.  Fuji gets on the apron with his cane for no apparent reason as the heels beat up The Warlord.  He does it again a minute later.  Fuji low bridges Smash, his own man, out of the ring.  Smash gets counted out at 39:48.  Ax bitches at Fuji.  Fuji tells Ax he’s the boss, then whacks him with the cane.  Smash grabs Fuji and throws him to Ax, who slams Fuji at ringside.  The Powers of Pain go outside and help Mr. Fuji up and lead him to their corner.  Fuji trips one of the Conquistadors with the cane, allowing Barbarian to hit a headbutt for the pin in 42:25.  Powers of Pain celebrate with Mr. Fuji.  Demolition comes back out and brawls with the Powers of Pain.  Demolition kicks their asses and runs them off.  There’s your double turn that didn’t really make sense, and I don’t think it really got over.  The match was long and often a clusterfuck, but it was a lot of fun.

Sean Mooney interviews Bad News Brown.  He says his teammates were conspiring against him.  He wants a title shot.  Mooney asks why he deserves it.  Brown says it’s because he’s undefeated.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Mr. Fuji and the Powers of Pain.

Royal Rumble hype.

Gorilla and Jesse hype the matches still to come.

Mean Gene interviews Andre the Giant & Dino Bravo’s team.

Sean Mooney interviews the Mega Powers’ team.

This was all to kill time for intermission.

Elimination Match: Jake Roberts, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan, Tito Santana, Ken Patera, & Scott Casey vs. Andre the Giant, Dino Bravo, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, & Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan & Frenchy Martin).  Rude and Patera start.  Nothing of note happens.  Bravo tags in and wrestles with Patera a bit.  Perfect tags in and Patera drags him into the corner and makes the tag to Roberts.  Roberts has his second, then tags in Santana, who has a nice exchange with Perfect.  Jake and Bravo brawl.  Scott Casey (who?) tags in and tries a monkey flip on Bravo, but gets countered.  Race tags in and works over Casey.  Rude tags in and works over Casey.  Perfect tags in and works over Casey.  Casey realizes he’s boned and tags in Santana, who stays in for about a second before tagging Patera, who stays in for about a second before tagging Duggan.  Duggan takes Perfect’s head off with a clothesline.  Duggan punches Perfect out of the ring, gets into a confrontation with Andre, then tags in Casey.  Casey tries to pick the bones of Perfect, but fails.  Perfect tags Rude, who beats up Casey.  Tito tags in and hits a forearm on Rude for 2.  Duggan tags in and fails at clotheslining Rude, slams him, and fails at elbow drops.  Patera tags in and works over Rude.  Rude manages to hit the Rude Awakening for the pin at 8:21.  Casey, who never learns, tags in and gets his ass kicked.  He manages to get a 2 count on Bravo with a backslide.  Bravo avoids a reverse cradle and hits a side suplex to pin Casey at 9:29.  Tito and Perfect go at it again.  Tito gets an inside cradle for 2.  Duggan tags in.  Perfect catches him with a kick and beats him up.  Duggan Hacksaws up, but gets caught by Andre on the apron.  Andre headbutts Duggan.  Rude tags in and beats up Duggan some more.  Duggan drops Rude with a clothesline.  Race and Tito tag in.  Bravo tags in soon after and Tito hits him with a cross body for 2.  Tito gets a Brisco roll for 2 on Bravo.  Race tags in and hits a piledriver on Tito for 2.  Tito hits the flying jalapeno to pin Race at 13:19.  Andre comes in and ravages Tito.  Tito tries to sunset flip Andre.  Is he retarded?  Andre squashes him for the pin at 14:44.  Duggan comes in and attacks Andre, who gets tied up in the ropes.  Jake comes in and beats up the tied up Andre.  That dick.  Andre gets lose and tags in Rude.  Rude beats up Roberts, then tags in Perfect,who also beats up Roberts.  Andre chokes Roberts behind the referee’s back.  Perfect slaps Jake.  Jake fights back.  Bravo tags in and cuts off Jake from making the tag.  Roberts hits a short range lariat and goes for the DDT, but Rude clotheslines him from the apron.  Rude tags in and beats up Jake.  My video goes wonky because of the ancient VHS source material.  Bravo hits a piledriver on Roberts.  Duggan gets the hot tag and runs wild on Bravo.  Duggan goes for the 3 point clothesline, but Martin trips him from the outside.  Bravo knocks Duggan out of the ring and slams Bravo on the floor.  Duggan hits Bravo with the 2×4 to get DQ’d at 21:24.  Roberts is screwed.  Roberts and Perfect lock up.  Roberts hits a clothesline.  Crowd chants “DDT!”  Roberts and Perfect trade punches.  Roberts hits the knee lift.  Perfect tags out to Bravo.  Bravo over powers Roberts with a knuckle lock.  Bravo avoids a DDT attempt, misses an elbow drop, and tags in Rude.  Roberts bails for a moment, then comes back in.  He tries to stay as close to his corner as he can.  He and Rude brawl.  Bravo decks Rude from the apron.  Rude hits a gutbuster.  Rude works over Roberts.  Rude hits a diving… punch, I guess, then does his gay stripper dance over Roberts.  Rude saunters over to make the tag.  Roberts grabs him and hits the DDT for the pin at 28:47.  Andre tags in and chokes the shit out of Roberts.  Andre gets DQ’d for the choking at 29:40.  Perfect pins Roberts to win it 30:03.  Perfect and Bravo survive.  Finkel, you fucking moron, it’s not the SOLE SURVIVOR if TWO GUYS SURVIVED.  No complaints about the match.  Roberts brings the snake out after the match and scares Andre.

Mean Gene interviews The Big Boss Man and Akeem’s team.

Elimination Match: The Big Boss Man, Akeem, Ted Dibiase, King Haku, & The Red Rooster (w/ Slick, Virgil, & Bobby Heenan) vs. WWF Champion Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth), Hulk Hogan, Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie), Hillbilly Jim, & Hercules.  Savage and Dibiase start.  It’s good.  Dibiase nails Savage with a clothesline.  They reverse Irish whip attempts.  Savage hits a clothesline and tags in Hercules.  Dibiase bails and tags in Rooster.  Poor Terry Taylor.  Rooster goes for what looks like a Scorpion Death Lock of all things, but doesn’t get it.  Koko tags in and eats Rooster’s boot.  Akeem tags in for a second, then tags in Haku.  Haku slams Koko, but Koko avoids a leg drop and tags in Hercules.  Hercules hammers Haku.  Hogan tags in and beats up Haku.  Jim tags in and gets a 2 count after a double big boot.  Akeem tags in and hammers Jim, then quickly tags in Rooster.  Rooster fails at slamming Jim, who slams him instead.  Tag to Koko, who powerslams Rooster for 2.  Koko hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Hogan tags in and beats up Rooster.  Tag to Savage.  Hogan slams Rooster and Savage hits the diving elbow for the pin at 6:12.  Heenan bitches at Rooster.  Haku and Hogan trade blows.  Haku gets the better of it and puts a beating on Hogan.  Hogan reverses a whip into the corner and hits a clothesline, then a slam, then tags Hercules.  Hercules dances and hits an elbow drop for 2.  Herc grabs a headlock, but Haku hits a backdrop suplex and tags Haku.  Herc avoids an elbow and tags in Hillbilly Jim.  Big guy fight.  Akeem hits a clothesline and a big splash for the pin at 9:54.  Koko dropkicks Akeem from behind, gets his licks in, and tags Hogan, who quickly tags Savage.  Savage hits a diving double axe handle, tags Herc.  Herc beats up Akeem.  Nobody can take Akeem down.  Koko tags in.  He’s not gonna pull it off.  He dropkicks Akeem into the corner.  Akeem avoids a Stinger Splash and tags in Boss Man, who hits the sidewalk slam to pin Koko at 11:46.  Hogan comes in and squares off with Boss Man.  Hogan hits an atomic drop.  All of the babyfaces punch Boss Man.  Hogan clotheslines him in the corner.  Hogan hits a big boot, then slams Boss Man.  Boss Man hits a spinebuster, then tags out to Akeem.  Twin Towers double team Hogan.  Tag to Haku, who beats up Hogan some more.  Boss Man beats up Hogan some more.  Dibiase tags in and beats up Hogan too.  Who doesn’t want to beat up Hogan a little bit?  Dibiase lands a few fist drops and covers, but Hogan throws him off at 2.  Hogan hulks up, hits an atomic drop, then tags in Hercules.  Herc beats up Dibiase.  When Herc gets rolling, Virgil provides the distraction that lets Dibase schoolboy Herc for the pin at 16:36.  Savage schoolboys Dibiase for the pin at 16:59.  Haku hammers Savage.  Savage avoids a headbutt and fights back.  Tag to Hogan.  Hogan beats up Haku.  Haku lands a superkick and tags in Boss Man.  Boss Man clobbers Hogan.  Akeem tags in and does the same.  Haku tags in and suplexes Hogan for 2.  Haku slaps a nerve hold on Hogan.  Hogan revives.  Boss Man tags in and hits the sidewalk slam, and doesn’t cover because he’s an idiot.  Boss Man goes for a splash, but of course he crashes and burns.  Hot tag to Savage, who runs wild on everybody.  Slick trips Savage from the outside.  Slick grabs Elizabeth by the arm as Savage is being bear hugged by Boss Man.  Hogan saves Liz, but the Towers jump him in the aisle.  Boss Man handcuffs Hogan to the bottom rope.  Boss Man is counted out at around 23:30.  Since he already lost, be beats the shit out Hogan with the nightstick.  Savage tries to make a comeback on Haku, but Boss Man chokes him with the nightstick.  Akeem is DQ’d at around 25:10.  The Towers leave.  Haku beats up Savage.  Slick taunts Hogan with the keys to the handcuffs.  Slick holds Savage for Haku.  Savage ducks and Slick gets superkicked off the apron.  Hogan nails Heenan.  Liz takes the keys from Slick and unlocks Hogan.  Haku hits a diving splash on Savage for 2.  Hogan gets the hot tag, punches Haku.  Big boot, body slam, and the leg drop for the pin in 29:11.  The Mega Powers survive.  Dammit Howard, THEY’RE NOT SOLE SURVIVORS IF THERE’S TWO OF THEM, YOU FUCKING FUCK.  Like the last match, no complaints, it was just really long.  Hogan and Savage pose to close the show.  I’m not sure if this is relevant to the storyline or not, but I noticed a couple of things about the Mega Powers.  1.) The rest of the team came out together to Savage’s music, but Hogan had to have his own entrance.  2.) Savage wore his Mega Powers trunks on.  Hogan didn’t.

Four very long matches, but it was a fun show.

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WWF WrestleMania IV

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

“The World Wrestling Federation: What The World Is Watching!”  WrestleMania IV!  We are LIVE from the Trump Plaza Hotel & Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey!

Mean Gene Okerlund welcomes us to WrestleMania IV!  He introduces Gladys Knight to sing “America The Beautiful.”

The referees carry a huge ass trophy to the ring.  It will be presented to the winner of the Battle Royal.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  They talk about what’s on tap for tonight.  Bob Uecker is back, too.

Battle Royal featuring The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, The Young Stallions of Paul Roma & Jim Powers, Sika, Danny Davis, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair & Jim Brunzell, Bad News Brown, Sam Houston, The Rougeau Brothers of Jacques & Raymond, Ken Patera, Ron Bass, Junkyard Dog, The Bolsheviks of Nikolai Volkoff & Boris Zhukov, Hillbilly Jim, King Harley Race, and George “The Animal” Steele.  Everybody brawls, except Steele, who is just wandering around at ringside.  Sam Houston gets eliminated, followed quickly by Sika.  Volkoff almost eliminates Brunzell, the one of the Rougeaus almost does too.  Steele keeps fucking with Neidhart, and pulls him out of the ring over the top to eliminate him.  Brunzell got eliminated somewhere in there.  Raymond Rougeau and Brian Blair get eliminated in the same motion.  JYD eliminates Bass.  Zhukov and/or Hart eliminate Hillbilly Jim.  Roma eliminates Davis.  Somebody eliminates Jim Powers.  Race and JYD trade headbutts.  Volkoff, Patera, and Zhukov get eliminated in short order.  Jacques gets eliminated.  JYD eliminates Race.  Brown eliminates Roma.  Hart holds JYD for Brown, but JYD ducks and Hart gets hit.  JYD does his headbutts on the ground.  Hart and Brown double team JYD, then talk strategy.  JYD fights them both, but he’s overcome by superior numbers.  Hart and Brown bundle JYD out.  They act like they’re going to split the win, then Brown drops Hart with a kick, kicks his ass, then throws him out to win it in 9:47.  Hart, pissed that Brown double crossed him, dropkicks him out of the ring and smashes the trophy.

Howard Finkel explains tonight’s tournament for the vacant WWF Championship.  He introduces Robin Leach from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous to read a scroll about it.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan vs. Ted Dibiase (w/ Andre the Giant & Virgil).  They lock up.  Dibiase backs Duggan into the corner and breaks clean.  Repeat, but this time Dibiase tries a cheap shot and Duggan cuts him off.  They trade punches.  Duggan hits an atomic drop and sends Dibiase out of the ring in a hilarious bump.  Dibiase goes on the offensive until Duggan drops him with a clothesline.  Duggan punches Dibiase in the corner, then runs into Dibiase’s boot in the opposite corner.  Dibiase goes to work.  Duggan fights back, but Dibiase rakes his eyes.  Duggan gets a sunset flip for 2.  Dibiase catches Duggan with a knee to the middle, then a fist drop.  Dibiase goes for a suplex, but Duggan reverses it.  Dibiase comes off the middle rope and gets caught with a shot to the gut.  Duggan gets rolling and goes for the three point clothesline, but Andre grabs his leg.  Dibiase hits him from behind, then finishes him with a fist drop in 5:03.  It was a fun little match.

Mean Gene interviews Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.  Gene admires his “package.”

WWE Championship Tournament – Round 1: Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. “The Rock” Don Muraco (w/ “Superstar” Billy Graham).  They lock up, break, lock up again.  Bravo shoves Muraco into the corner and wails on him.  Muraco comes back and hits a half assed Vader Bomb into an elbow drop.  Bravo hits a couple of elbow drops, then a gutwrench suplex.  Muraco fights back and works on Bravo’s leg some.  Muraco works a spinning toe hold.  Bravo kicks Muraco away and Muraco gets hung in the ropes.  Bravo hits a piledriver, takes too long to cover, and only gets 2.  Bravo goes for another one, but Muraco backdrops him.  Double clothesline spot.  Muraco makes a comeback, but accidentally kills the ref in the process.  Bravo hits his side suplex and covers.  The referee taps him on the back three times, so Bravo thinks he won.  The ref was calling for the DQ.  Muraco wins by DQ in 4:54 because Bravo pulled the referee in front of him.  This match was lame and had a lame finish to boot.

Bob Uecker talks about Vanna White, who is around somewhere, then talks to The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.  Honky will be putting the Intercontinental Title against Brutus Beefcake tonight.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (w/ baby Richie Steamboat).  Steamboat carrying his son to the ring will be something they show when Richie debuts on WWE TV in the future, I’m sure.  They lock up, break, repeat.  Lock up again and do some awesome stuff.  Man, Steamboat has the most glorious arm drags ever.  Steamboat moves fast.  Valentine throws him over the top, but Steamboat skins the cat back in, dropkicks him, then fails at a crucifix.  Valentine beats up Steamboat.  Valentine goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands his feet and rams Valentine into the turnbuckles.  Steamboat works on Valentine’s arm.  Valentine hits an inverted atomic drop and a clothesline, then elbows Steamboat in the head.  They show Donald Trump in the front row.  Steamboat goes for a body slam, but Valentine lands on top for 2.  Valentine hits a gut buster, then goes for the figure-four.  Steamboat kicks him into the turnbuckle.  They trade chops.  Valentine finally falls down.  Valentine hits a shoulder breaker for 2.  Valentine goes for the figure-four again, but Steamboat cuts him off, then rams his head into the mat.  Steamboat hits a diving chop, and Valentine takes a great delayed bump.  Cover only gets 2.  Steamboat rams Valentine’s head repeatedly into the turnbuckles, argues with the referee, then goes up top.  Steamboat hits a diving cross body, but Valentine rolls through and gets the pin in 9:11.  Good match.

Mean Gene interviews Koko B. Ware and The British Bulldogs, who have Matilda back after The Islanders and Bobby Heenan kidnapped her.  They say Matilda has been trained to go after weasels.  Heh.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: “The Natural” Butch Reed (w/ Slick) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  Nothing happens, then they do a little bit.  Reed slow beats up Savage.  Savage fights back, but Reed reverses his suplex attempt.  Reed hits an elbow drop for 2.  Reed ponderously beats up Savage some more.  Reed hits Savage with a clothesline, talks at Elizabeth, then goes up top.  He spent too long fucking around.  Savage throws him off the top, then hits the diving elbow for the pin in 4:08.  It was fine when Savage was on offense, but unfortunately that was maybe 30 seconds of the match.

Uecker is backstage, still talking about Vanna White.  He talks to Bobby Heenan, with the Islanders.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: The One Man Gang (w/ Slick) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Oliver Humperdink).  Gang jumps Bigelow and lumbers around, beating him up.  Bigelow hits a cartwheel splash for 2, then a cross body for 2.  Bigelow keeps rolling.  Bigelow hits a headbutt, then Slick low bridges him out of the ring.  Bigelow makes it to the apron, but that really ugly ref counts him out at 3:00.  Stupid.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.  His promo turns very wacky.  “Thank God Donald Trump’s a Hulkamaniac!”  Something about the Trump Plaza falling into the ocean.  I don’t know.

Another shot of Trump in the front row.  They show Slick screwing Bigelow again.

WWF Championship Tournament – Round 1: Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake Roberts.  Rude cuts a promo, saying what’s under his robe is why “the odds are in [his] favorite.”  They lock up as Damien wriggles around in the bag.  Roberts rams Rude’s face into the mat.  Rude slams Roberts, then hammers him.  Repeat.  Roberts slams Rude a couple of times.  Rude ends up the corner with Damien and freaks out.  Roberts cranks on Rude’s arm.  Rude punches Roberts, but Roberts holds onto the wrist lock and grounds him.  Roberts his a knee off the middle rope and goes for the DDT, but Rude bails.  Heenan hugs him.  Back inside, Roberts works on Rude’s arm some more.  The run the ropes.  Roberts slams Rude again and goes for the knee lift, but Rude avoids it and puts the boots to him.  Rude hits a clothesline, swivels his hips, and hits an elbow drop for 2.  Rude works a chin lock.  Heenan distracts the referee to give Rude the chance to choke Roberts.  Roberts finally works his way out of it.  Rude hits a diving chop, then swivels his hips some more.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Rude goes back to the chin lock.  Rude flapjacks Roberts and goes up top to hit a diving punch for 2, covers for another 2, then goes back to the chin lock.  Roberts backdrop suplexes him, but Rude keeps his old on, then covers for 2.  Rude stomps Roberts in the ropes.  I think I hear a “BORING!” chant developing.  Rude works the chin lock again.  This is boring.  Roberts finally breaks out with a jawbreaker, then makes his comeback.  Roberts hits a short range clothesline and goes for the DDT, but Rude runs him into the corner.  Roberts catches a charging Rude with a knee, then hits a gutbuster for 2.  Rude hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Rude gets a 1 count.  Rude goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but the bell rings after 2.  It’s a 15:00 draw at 15:14.  Roberts runs Rude and Heenan off with Damien.  The match was good in the beginning and the end.  The middle part where they were just stalling for time was boring.

Mean Gene and Vanna White are at the big fancy tournament bracket.  Vanna gives her predictions for the second round.

Hercules (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. The Ultimate Warrior.  Hercules tries a shoulder block, to no effect.  Repeat.  They stare at each other, then shove each other.  They lock up and lumber around.  Warrior backs Hercules into the corner.  The ref makes them break and Herc gets a cheap shot in.  They brawl.  It’s bad.  Hercules backdrops Warrior out of the ring.  Warrior pulls Herc out and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, more horrible brawling.  Warrior punches Herc in the corner.  Herc brings him out with an inverted atomic drop.  Herc avoids Warrior in the corner and locks in the full nelson.  Warrior kicks off the turnbuckles, then lifts his shoulder and gets the pin in 4:37.  Herc attacks Warrior after the match, then chokes him with his chain.  Warrior gets the chain and swings it around to run Herc off.  This sucked.  All of it.

Gorilla and Jesse talk, then we get an Andre/Hogan history package.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: Andre the Giant (w/ Ted Dibiase & Virgil) vs. Hulk Hogan.  Andre immediately goes on the attack.  He clobbers Hogan with huge blows.  Hogan fights back with forearms, then chokes DIbiase when he gets on the apron.  Hogan knocks Andre and Dibiase’s heads together.  Hogan chops Andre.  Andre gets tangled up in the ropes.  Hogan rips his shirt off and poses as Virgil and Dibiase free Andre.  Stupid Hogan.  Hogan knocks Andre down and hits 3 elbow drops for 2.  Andre chokes Hogan.  Andre chops Hogan, then clamps on a nerve hold.  Hogan fights back, then signals for the slam.  Virgil distracts the ref while Dibiase sneaks in and hits Hogan with a chair.  Hogan hits Andre with the chair IN FULL VIEW of the referee, who does NOTHING.  Andre hits Hogan with the chair, and the ref calls for the double DQ in 5:22.  This actively sucked.  Hogan chases Dibiase up the aisle.  Dibiase throws Virgil to Hogan.  Hogan suplex Virgil in the aisle.  Hogan comes back to the ring and body slams Andre.  Hogan does his posing routine.

Mean Gene interviews Randy Savage and Elizabeth.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: “The Rock” Don Muraco (w/ “Superstar” Billy Graham) vs. Ted Dibiase.  Dibiase doesn’t want to get in the ring.  Muraco brings him in the hard way.  Muraco hits a powerslam for 2.  Muraco hits a diving fist or chop for 2.  Muraco hits the Throwback, and generally continues beating up Dibiase.  Dibiase finally manages to defensively slingshot Muraco into the turnbuckles, then puts the boots to him.  Dibiase gets the heat on Muraco.  Except this crowd isn’t heated AT ALL.  Muraco avoids a falling elbow drop from the middle rope and makes his comeback.  Dibiase hot shots Muraco into the top rope for the pin in 5:36.  Fine little match.

Bob Uecker talks to Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji).

The One Man Gang and Slick are in the ring for Finkel’s announcement that Gang receives a BYE in this round because of the draw between Rude and Roberts.

WWF Championship Tournament – Quarterfinal: Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  They lock up.  Valentine hammers Savage.  Savage fights back and hits a knee drop for 2.  Valentine beats up Savage some more.  Elbow drop gets 2.  Valentine hits a shoulder breaker for 2.  Valentine throws Savage out of the ring, then hits him with an elbow to the back of the head from the apron.  Valentine hits Savage with some chops.  Valentine continues to beat up Savage.  He goes for the figure-four, but Savage holds into the ropes.  Valentine hits a suplex for 2.  Savage starts fighting back and actually gets a small reaction from the crowd.  Savage slams Valentine, then hits a diving double axe handle.  Hart jumps on the apron to stop the count.  Savage lunges for him.  Valentine gets the offensive on Savage again, but Savage reverses a suplex attempt, then goes up and goes for another axe handle.  Valentine catches him with a blow to the middle.  Hart helps Valentine avoids a charging Savage in the ropes.  Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Savage turns it into an inside cradle for the pin in 6:07.  Good little match.

Mean Gene and Vanna White go over the brackets at the end of the second round.  Vanna still doesn’t know who Uecker is.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Honky Tonk Man (c) (w/ Jimmy Hart & Peggy Sue) vs. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake.  They lock up.  Beefcake catches Honky’s foot, teases a punch, then hits an atomic drop.  Beefcake messes up Honky’s hair, so Honky bails.  Beefcake rams Honky’s head into the turnbuckles repeatedly.  He keeps doing a scissors motion with his fingers, I guess because he wants to cut Honky’s hair.  Beefcake hits a high knee and Honky bails again.  Beefcake pulls him back in and beats him up.  Honky avoids an elbow drop and puts the boots to Brutus.  Honky beats up Brutus.  Hart chokes Beefcake behind the referee’s back.  Honky grabs a front face lock, but decides to beat him up some more instead of going for his move.  Then he actually goes for the Shake, Rattle, & Roll, but Beefcake holds onto the ropes to avoid it and makes his comeback.  Beefcake locks in the sleeper hold.  Jimmy gets on the apron and nails the referee with the megaphone.  Beefcake puts Honky to sleep and thinks he won, then notices the referee is also sleeping.  Beefcake goes for his bag of barber equipment, but Hart gets it and tries to escape under the ring.  Beefcake drags him out and cuts some of Hart’s hair off.  Peggy Sue tries to wake Honky while some more referees try to wake the original referee.  Peggy throws water on Honky to wake him up.  Beefcake comes in with his shears, but referees hold him back.  Beefcake is announces as the winner by DQ in about 9 minutes (no bell).  Fun match.

Bob Uecker talks to Andre the Giant, then gets choked by Andre’s massive hands.

The Islanders & Bobby Heenan vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Matilda) & Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie).  Second missed bell in a row.  Is the time keeper in the toilet or something?  Dynamite schools Tama to start.  Davey Boy and Haku tag in.  Davey Boy hits a cross body for 2, then a body slam for 2.  Davey Boy gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Tama tags in and gets press slammed.  Haku tags in and beats up Smith.  Koko tags in and dropkicks Haku, then does an awesome headlock/leg scissors to the Islanders.  Haku beats up Dynamite, who tags in Heenan, wearing his silly dog proof suit.  Heenan puts the boots to Dynamite.  As soon as Dynamite responds, Heenan tags in Tama.  Tama slams Dynamite and goes for a Vader Bomb, but Dynamite gets his knees up.  Koko tags in and runs wild on the Islanders.  The Islanders get some heat on Koko, then tag in Heenan to get his licks in again.  Whatever letters are on the back of Koko’s tights are blurred out.  I think it’s “WWF.”  Koko whips Heenan into the turnbuckles, then dropkicks him.  The Islanders jump Koko and a clusterfuck ensues.  The Islanders slam Heenan on top of Koko for the pin in about 7 minutes.  Good little match.  Dynamite headbutts the Islanders, which is always a stupid move.  Davey Boy sicks Matilda on Heenan afterwards.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura.  It must have been in Jesse’s contract that he gets to pose at every WrestleMania.

Ted Dibiase is in the ring for Finkel’s announcement that he gets a BYE in the semifinals.  Why do they feel the need to bring the guys out for these announcements?

WWF Championship Tournament – Semifinal: The One Man Gang (w/ Slick) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  They lock up, with Gang overpowering Savage.  Savage grabs Gang by the beard and “clotheslines” him across the top rope.  Gang beats up Savage.  Gang gets a couple of 2 counts.  Gang slams Savage and goes for the splash, but Savage moves, avoids Gang in the corner, and makes a comeback.  Savage knocks Gang out of the ring and hits a diving axe handle to the outside.  Slick helps Gang get back in the ring.  Savage tries to slam Gang, fails, and gets choked.  Slick aggravates Elizabeth.  Savage chokes Slick.  Gang attacks Savage with Slick’s cane to cause the DQ in 4:12.  This was bad.  After the match, Savage hits a diving axe handle that causes Gang to squash Slick.

Flip over disc to continue!  I shall!

Mean Gene and Vanna White and the brackets board again.  Vanna leaves to go to ringside.  Bob Uecker shows up just after she left.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: Strike Force (c) vs. Demolition (w/ Mr. Fuji).  Smash smashes Martel.  My wit amuses me.  Tito comes in to dropkick Martel onto Smash.  Brief clusterfuck ensues.  Strike Force try to work over Smash’s arm.  Ax tags in and promptly gets arm dragged by Tito.  Strike Force tries their arm working strategy on Ax.  Smash tags in and gets his arm punished too.  Smash elevates Tito and Ax nails him.  Demolition gets the heat on Santana.  Martel gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Martel locks Smash in the Boston crab.  Santana stops Ax from interfering.  Mr. Fuji gets on the apron with his cane.  Tito chokes him.  Ax hits Martel with Fuji’s cane behind the referee’s back.  Smash pins Martel to win the titles in 8:02.  Fine match.

Finkel introduces the celebrities for the main event: Robin Leach, who will present the championship belt to the winner and guest ring announcer Bob Uecker, who introduces guest timekeeper Vanna White.

WWF Championship Tournament – Final: Ted Dibiase (w/ Andre the Giant) vs. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth).  They lock up.  Crowd is dead.  Andre trips Savage behind the referee’s back.  They trade hammerlocks.  Savage hits a shoulder block, then Andre trips him again.  Dibiase works over Savage.  Savage blocks a sunset flip attempt and hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase beats up Savage some more.  Savage rallies.  The crowd pops a little bit when he hits a move.  Savage knocks Dibiase out of the ring and goes to the top, but Andre stands over Dibiase to protect him.  Savage confers with Elizabeth, who leaves.  Dibiase attacks Savage from behind and gives him a bunch of fist drops for 2.  Elizabeth comes back out with Hulk Hogan in tow.  Dibiase works a rear chin lock.  He lets go when he sees Hogan.  Hogan gets a chair and sits down in Macho’s corner.  Dibiase continues to beat on Savage.  Andre grabs Savage again and Hogan nails Andre.  Savage tries to fight back against Dibiase, but can’t get rolling.  Dibiase hits a suplex for 2.  Dibiase hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Dibiase goes up top, but Savage throws him off, then goes for the diving elbow drop, but Dibiase moves out of his way.  Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream.  Andre distracts the referee.  Hogan sneaks in and hits Dibiase with the chair.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop for the pin in 9:18.  Okay match, but I’m sure they had a lot of matches that were way better than this.  This was mostly storyline, which is fine, I guess.  Savage, Liz, and Hogan celebrate.

Fun show.  This was one of the few old school tapes that one of my local video stores had when I first became a fan, so it’s a sentimental favorite of mine.

WWF Royal Rumble 1988

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, since this is the Anthology version.  We’re LIVE from Hamilton, Ontario!  Vince McMahon runs down the card for tonight.  Vince and Jesse Ventura are our hosts.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

Rick Rude vs. Ricky Steamboat.  They lock up.  Rude throws punches.  Steamboat responds with chops.  Rude sends Steamboat over the top rope.  Steamboat skins the cat back in, then backdrops Rude out of the ring.  Rude wants a test of strength.  Steamboat obliges and is overpowered, but takes Rude over into an ARMBAR!  Rude escapes it.  Steamboat hits one of his gorgeous arm drags and gets him back in the armbar.  A fan in the front row has a megaphone, and is really annoying.  Rude finally manages to escape, but immediately gets taken back over.  Wow, armbar, that’s refreshing.  Rude’s tired of it too, and beats up Steamboat.  Steamboat goes BACK TO THE FUCKING ARMBAR.  Fuck, Steamer, I LOVE your arm drags, but you don’t have to follow each of them with a 3 minute armbar.  Rude elbows Steamboat in the eye, so he’s as annoyed as I am.  Rude catches Steamboat with a knee to the middle and Steamboat falls out of the ring.  Rude follows him outside and slams him, working over Steamboat’s back.  Rude gets back in the ring and goes his gay hip swiveling.  Steamboat makes it to the apron and Rude suplexes him into the ring for 2.  Rude applies a camel clutch for a while.  Steamboat finally manages to fight out and hit an electric chair drop.  Steamboat goes for a splash, but Rude gets his knees up.  Rude hits an atomic drop that looks botched.  Rude goes back to the camel clutch.  Joy.  Steamboat fights out and launches Rude into the turnbuckles, then rams his head into the top turnbuckle.  They do some wrestling, including the bridge up —> backslide spot I love.  Steamboat gets some quick pinning combinations, including reversing an inside cradle by Rude.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Steamboat counters a suplex attempt into one of his own.  Steamboat comes off the top, but Rude pulls the referee in front of him to take the blow.  Rude locks in a Canadian backbreaker.  The referee wakes up and calls for the bell at 17:40.  Rude leaves, thinking he won, but Finkel announces that Steamboat wins by DQ.  Rude comes back to argue with the referee.  I didn’t enjoy this.  The opening match should be exciting, and this… wasn’t.  Insta-commercials.

Mean Gene Okerlund and Jesse Ventura are out for the weight lifting thing.  Dino Bravo comes out along with manager, Frenchy Martin.  He’s going to attempt to set the world bench press record.  They talk.  Bravo bench presses 415 lbs. as a warm up.  He lifts 505 lbs. next.  This is boring.  Bravo lifts 555 lbs.  I still don’t care.  Bravo lifts 595 lbs. after stalling forever.  655.  Please end.  Next is 715, 10 lbs. more than the world record.  Bravo starts to leave, then comes back.  Jesse helps him lift the weight.  This segment was fucking painful.

2/3 Falls Match for the WWF Women’s Tag Team Championship: The Glamour Girls (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Jumping Bomb Angels.  Ah, the two teams whose members I can’t tell apart.  Angels hit the Glamour Girls with a double dropkick.  Kai works over the angel in pink.  Martin tags in and beats her up too.  Pink bridges out of a cover.  The Angel in red tags in and hits a weird suplex for 1.  Pink tags in.  Jesse asks Vince what the Angels’ names are.  Vince replies that he doesn’t speak Japanese.  Leilani Kai tags in.  Red runs wild on her.  The Angels put the Glamour Girls in stereo figure-four leglocks.  The referee makes the illegal ladies leave the ring.  Red works the leg of Kai.  Pink tags in and works the leg too.  Martin tries to save her, but fails.  Red works the leg as Kai struggles to try to make the tag.  She finally gets the tag.  Martin pulls Red nastily off the turnbuckles.  Red runs the ropes, but Kai catches her with a knee from the apron.  Martin hits an alley oop on the Angel in red to win the first fall in 6:11.  Insta-commercials.  Martin continues working over Red.  Pink tags in and runs wild.  I really wish I knew which one was which.  They do a do si do spot that ends with the Glams clotheslining each other.  Red pins Kai(?) with a botched sunset flip to win fall 2 (8:20 shown).  Replay, insta-commercials.  Angels work over one of the Glams.  Martin tags in and red (Itsuki?) hits something on her that I already forget.  Pink tags in and wrestles with… Martin?  Yes, Martin.  Kai tags in and works over Tateno (I think pink is Tateno and red is Itsuki).  Stuff happens.  Sorry.  Itsuki plants Kai with a weird drop for 2.  Martin and Tateno tag in.  Tateno hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Itsuki tags in and hits a cross body for 2.  Itsuki misses a diving senton.  Noriyo Tateno (or Noreno, as Vince calls her) tags in.  Double missile dropkick to Martin (I think).  Tateno gets the pin (15:21 shown).  Sorry for the clusterfuck review and the lousy timing.  The Angels happily celebrate.  I love these girls.

They show a clip of the Hogan/Andre match from WrestleMania III where Andre almost got the 3 count.  Vince and Jesse talk about it.  Clips of the deal with Ted Dibiase trying to buy the WWF Championship from Hulk Hogan.  Vince and Jesse talk about that.  They show Andre attacking Hogan and choking him out on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  More talking.  They show Andre agreeing to win the title for Dibiase.  Insta-commercials.

Mean Gene Okerlund and WWF President Jack Tunney are in the ring for the contract signing for the Hogan/Andre rematch.  Andre the Giant is in the ring, along with Ted Dibiase and Virgil.  Okerlund introduces the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.  Tunney lays out the contract.  Andre doesn’t want to sit down.  He finally sits down.  Dibiase bitches at Hogan about not taking the money.  Hogan signs the contract.  Andre takes his sweet time, examining the contract.  Dibiase tells Okerlund off.  Andre finally signs.  Dibiase tells Andre to put his “stamp of approval” on it.  Hogan lunches at Dibiase.  Andre rams Hogan’s face into the table.  Andre leaves.  This went on too long.

Jesse and Vince explain how the Royal Rumble Match works.  I should mention that this Rumble only has 20 participants.

Finkel does the ring announcing for the first 2 guys, who are already in the ring.  He does the usual explanation of the rules.  Oh, they only specify that you have to be thrown over the top rope.  It doesn’t matter where your feet hit or how many feet hit yet.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is Bret Hart (w/ Jimmy Hart).  #2 is WWF Tag Team Champion Tito Santana.  They lock up.  Bret beats up Tito.  Tito counters Bret and hammers him in kind.  Bret gets back on the advantage and works over Tito some more and tries to get him out.  #3 is Butch Reed.  Reed beats up Santana and tries to eliminate him.  Tito fights back and knocks Reed and Hart’s heads together.  Santana stomps on Reed’s head.  Hart attacks Tito again.  Hart holds Tito for Reed to come off the middle rope with a double axe handle.  #4 is Jim Neidhart.  Poor Tito.  Tito gets triple teamed by the heels.  They all try to get him over the top.  #5 is Jake “The Snake” Roberts, who immediately eliminates Reed, then runs wild on the Hart Foundation.  Tito get his second wind and helps.  They whip the Harts into each other.  Roberts goes for the DDT on Bret, but Neidhart clotheslines him.  Bret piledrives Tito.  #6 is King Harley Race.  Race helps Neidhart beats up Roberts.  The Hart Foundation double team Tito some more.  Roberts decks Bret, then gets cut off by Race.  #7 is Jim Brunzell.  Brunzell and Tito try to eliminate Bret.  It turns into a struggle involving everyone, but heels save Bret from being eliminated.  Everybody fights.  #8 is Sam Houston, who runs wild on Neidhart.  Santana kicks the shit out of Bret’s head.  Houston beats up Race as Roberts and Neidhart square off.  The Hart Foundation throws Santana out.  #9 is Danny Davis.  He brawls with Sam Houston.  Roberts punches Race, who is tied up in the ropes and keeps bouncing back up.  Roberts hits a backdrop suplex on Davis.  Roberts goes for the DDT, but Davis avoids it.  #10 is Boris Zhukov, who attacks Houston.  Everyone knows Russians hate pretty boys.  Everybody fights.  #11 is Don Muraco.  Nikolai Volkoff comes out too.  He thinks it’s his time.  The referees hold him back.  Zhukov gets eliminated.  Volkoff is overjoyed to finally be let in as #12.  Brunzell narrowly avoids getting eliminated.  Race isn’t so lucky.  He’s very unhappy at being eliminated.  Houston saves Roberts from being eliminated by Hart.  #13 is “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  Race attacks him in the aisle.  Duggan considers going after him, but marches to the ring and gets in the mix.  #14 is Ron Bass.  Volkoff eliminates Brunzell.  #15 is Brian Blair.  He goes after Hart.  Neidhart cuts him off.  Brunzell tries to eliminate Neidhart, but gets cut off by Bret.  Muraco saves him from being double teamed.  Crowd has been chanting “DDT!” intermittently.  #16 is Hillbilly Jim.  He immediately eliminates Neidhart, then beats up Davis.  Bass almost eliminates Blair.  Hey, he did go over the top rope and hit the apron, so under these rules, shouldn’t he be eliminated?  #17 is Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin).  Bass eliminates Sam Houston.  #18 is The Ultimate Warrior.  Muraco eliminates Hart, who was in the match for 25 minutes.  #19 is The One Man Gang.  Gang eliminates Blair and Roberts in short order.  The entrances are getting faster.  They must have been running long.  #20 is Junkyard Dog.  Everyone has entered, and the ring is full.  Duggan eliminates Volkoff.  Gang eliminates Hillbilly Jim.  Duggan tackle clotheslines Davis out of the ring.  Bravo and Gang eliminate Warrior.  Bass eliminates JYD.  Muraco eliminates Bass.  Final four are Muraco, Gang, Bravo, and Duggan.  Muraco evades being double teamed by the heels, dropkicks Gang, dropkicks Martin off the apron, then gets Bravo’s boots put to him.  Bravo holds Muraco for Gang to clothesline out of the ring.  Duggan is alone against 2 heels.  Duggan goes on the attack, but gets double teamed.  They try the same trick the did with Muraco, but Duggan ducks and Gang eliminates Bravo.  Duggan makes his comeback against Gang until Gang clobbers him.  Duggan low bridges a charging Gang out of the ring to win it in 33:27.  The Rumble is always fun.

Replays of the contract signing from earlier.

Craig DeGeorge interviews Hulk Hogan.  Hogan talks about Andre, then does his posing routine.

Main event time!

2/3 Falls Match: The Islanders vs. The Young Stallions.  There’s some convoluted storyline involving Matilda going on.  Tama beats on Powers.  Powers leapfrogs Tama, punches him, and slams him.  Tama bails for a moment.  Tama tauntingly offers a handshake.  Powers hits an atomic drop.  He and Roma punch Tama.  Powers takes a front bump into the turnbuckles.  Haku and Roma tag in and go at it.  Haku hits a nice arm drag.  Roma hits a cross body for 2.  Powers tags in and gets a 2 count on Haku after a double elbow smash.  Tag to Tama, who tosses Powers around.  Powers avoids an elbow drop.  The Islanders make quick tags and work over Powers.  Vince makes a kind of racist comment about Tama’s toes, and Jesse calls him on it.  Match goes on.  Roma gets some offense rolling on Tama.  Tama throws Roma out of the ring to eliminate him from the Royal Rum… nevermind.  Powers gets counted out to give the Islanders the first fall at 7:53.  Insta-commercials.

They show the Hogan/Andre shit again instead of going back to the match.

Craig DeGeorge interviews Andre and Dibiase, with Virgil.

The Stallions head back to the ring, with Roma selling the ribs.  Insta-commercials.  Fuck, this is an oddly structured show.

2/3 Falls Match: The Islanders vs. The Young Stallions, CONTINUED!  Roma is forced to start.  Tama kicks his ass.  Roma gets his knees up to counter a splash.  Haku and Powers tag in.  Powers dominates for a bit and gets a couple of near falls on Haku.  Haku gives Powers a chop to the gut and tags in Tama.  Haku quickly tags back in.  Powers inside cradles him for 2.  Haku hits a backbreaker for 2.  Tama tags in and beats up Powers.  Haku tags in and beats up Powers.  Haku hits a gutwrench suplex for 2, then locks Powers in an abdominal stretch.  Powers continues to take the beating.  Roma tags in and tries to fight, but gets hammered by Haku, who is a fucking beast of a man who I wish was currently on my TV every week.  Tama hits a diving splash on Roma, then Haku locks in a half crab for the pin in about 9 minutes.  They never bothered to ring the bell for the second fall.  The match was fine, but the way they structured the show was fucking stupid.

Vince and Jesse talk about stuff.  Mainly, Jesse helping Bravo lift the weight.  Jesse, awesome heel that he is, vehemently denies it.  They talk about the Hogan/Andre shit.  Of course, they have to replay it for the THIRD TIME.

Interesting show.  Some was bad, like the opener and the structure of the main event, and the bench press shit.  They spent too much time going back to the Hogan/Andre shit, too.  The Rumble was fun and I really enjoyed the Jumping Bomb Angel’s title win.  This was actually a TV special that aired on USA, and not a PPV, but I included it in the rotation anyway just because it’s the first Royal Rumble.

WWF WrestleMania III

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  WrestleMania III!

Vince McMahon is in the ring to welcome us to the Pontiac Silverdome for WrestleMania III.  Then, he introduces Aretha Franklin to sing America the Beautiful.

The announcers, Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura, talk to special guests Mary Hart and Bob Uecker, then throw it to ring announcer, Howard Finkel for the first match.

The Can-Am Connection vs. “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr. & Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji).  Muraco and Martel start.  Man, there are a lot of people in the Pontiac Silverdome.  Zenk tags in and they double team both opponents.  Orton and Zenk go at it.  Zenk slams Orton.  Orton stumbles into the wrong corner and gets decked.  They reverse each others’ full nelsons.  Muraco accidentally decks Orton.  Zenk covers for 2.  Martel tags in and works Orton’s arm.  Zenk and Muraco tag in.  The heels start to get heat on Zenk for a minute.  Martel tags in and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  The Can-Ams whip the heels into each other and Muraco backdrops Orton.  Orton gets sent out of the ring.  Martel hits a cross body on Muraco for the pin in 5:37.  It was fine.

Billy Jack Haynes/Hercules video package.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews Bobby Heenan and Hercules.  Bizarre promo from Hercules.  Heenan cals Haynes “Billy Jerk Haynes.”  How clever.

Billy Jack Haynes vs. Hercules Hernandez (w/ Bobby Heenan).  They’re feuding over who the master of the full nelson is.  They lock up and go at it.  Haynes press slams Hercules.  He goes for the full nelson, but Hercules scampers to the ropes.  Haynes punches Hercules.  Hercules DROPS him with a lariat.  Hercules back body drops Haynes and punishes his back in other ways, such as whipping him into the turnbuckles and suplexing him.  Hercules covers off the suplex, then lets Haynes up.  Haynes fights back, but Hercules clobbers his back.  Hercules continues to punish Haynes’ back.  Hercules goes for the full nelson, but can’t get his fingers locked.  Haynes hulks up and breaks the hold, but Hercules hits him in the back of the head.  Double clothesline spot.  Haynes hits an inverted atomic drop, a clothesline, some more blows, another clothesline, and a leg drop.  Haynes his a diving fist drop.  Haynes locks in the full nelson.  They go out together through the ropes and Haynes locks the full nelson in on the outside.  Double count-out in 7:53.  It was fine.  Heenan cheap shots Haynes.  Haynes chases him around the ring.  Hercules hits Haynes with his chain repeatedly and busts him open, then puts him in the full nelson for good measure.

Mean Gene interviews King Kong Bundy and his midgets.

Bob Uecker has joined Heenan and Ventura for commentary.

Mean Gene interviews Hillbilly Jim and his midgets.

King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo, & Lord Littlebrook vs. Hillbilly Jim, Little Beaver, & The Haiti Kid.  They edit out “Don’t Go Messin’ With A Country Boy,” which is akin to blasphemy.  Haiti and Tokyo start.  Midget wrestling!  All four midgets run the ropes.  The heel midgets collide.  The face midgets do the row the boat bit with their legs.  Beaver smacks Tokyo silly, so Tokyo tags in Littlebrook.  Beaver hits Bundy in the gut, which pisses him off.  Bundy tags in.  Beaver dropkicks him to no effect, then tags in Hillbilly Jim.  Jim clotheslines Bundy, then drops an elbow.  Jim and the midgets cover for 2.  Beaver comes in and smacks Bundy with an object.  Bundy avalanches Jim.  Bundy finally has enough of his shit and body slams Little Beaver, then drops an elbow on him.  The referee DQs Bundy in 4:22.  No fair!  That midget was starting shit.  The four midgets and Jim chase Bundy off.  Poor Bundy.  The midget had it coming.

Mary Hart interviews Miss Elizabeth.  The Intercontinental Champion, Randy Savage interrupts.  Hart didn’t want to talk to him.

Race/JYD video package.

Mean Gene interviews Harley Race, Fabulous Moolah, and Bobby Heenan.

Bob Uecker apparently has a thing for Moolah.

Mean Gene interviews JYD.

Loser Must Bow To The Winner: King Harley Race (w/ Bobby Heenan & WWF Women’s Champion The Fabulous Moolah) vs. Junkyard Dog.  They brawl.  Race throws JYD out of the ring and tries a headbutt off the apron, but JYD avoids it!  JYD beats up Race.  JYD avoids another headbutt.  JYD whips Race into the corner.  Race Flair flips out of the ring.  Heenan distracts JYD, allowing Race to hit a belly to belly suplex for the pin in 3:22.  This sucked.  JYD bows, then hits Race with a chair.  JYD steals Race’s robe.

Vince McMahon interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.  He cuts a bizarre promo.

The Rougeau Brothers are introduces, then we get a Dream Team interview before their entrance.

The Rougeau Brothers vs. The Dream Team (w/ Johnny Valiant & Dino Bravo).  Raymond and Beefcake start.  Atomic drop and a tag to Jacques.  Double dropkick to Beefcake.  Valentine tags in and hammers Jacques.  Tag to Raymond, who hits a cross body for 2.  Jacques gets back in.  Valentine avoids a cross body and hammers him, too.  Tag to Valentine, who drops a knee on Jacques for 2.  Tag to Valentine, and some double teaming by the Dream Team.  Bobby Heenan comes into the broadcast booth.  Valentine locks Jacques in the figure-four leglock.  Valentine goes for a sunset flip, but Jacques punches him and tags in Raymond.  Raymond locks Valentine in a sleeper.  Beefcake tries to save and accidentally hits Valentine.  Rougeaus hit a Doomsday leg lariat on Valentine and Raymond gets a jackknife cradle.  With the referee distracted, Bravo comes in and hits Raymond.  Valentine pins Raymond in 4:04.  It was alright.  Valiant, Valentine, and Bravo leave without Beefcake.

Adonis/Piper video package.

Adonis makes his entrance, then they show a pre-taped interview with Adonis and Jimmy Hart.

Hair vs. Hair, Roddy Piper Retirement Match: Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Roddy Piper.  They brawl.  Piper whips Adonis with his belt, then chokes Jimmy Hart with it.  Adonis hits Piper from behind, then whips Piper with the belt.  Piper whips Adonis into the corner.  Flair flip.  Piper pulls Adonis back in, and Hart along with him.  Piper knocks their heads together, then throws Hart into Adonis and sends them both tumbling out of the ring.  Piper pulls Adonis back in, beats him up, then launches Hart off the top rope into Adonis.  Hart trips Piper behind the referee’s back.  Adonis rakes Piper’s chest.  Ouch.  Adonis uses his amble bulk to knock Piper down, then scrapes at him some more.  They go outside.  Adonis rams Piper into the timekeeper’s table.  Hart hits Piper.  Adonis hammers Piper back in the ring.  Piper fights back.  Hart sprays perfume in Piper’s eyes.  Adonis locks Piper in the sleeper hold.  Adonis lets it go before the referee can check the arm the last time.  Brutus Beefcake comes in and shakes Piper awake.  Piper decks Jimmy Hart, ducks a shot from Adonis with the big shears he brought to the ring, and locks Adonis in the sleeper for the win in 6:55.  It was decent.  Beefcake cuts Adonis’ hair as Piper roughs up Jimmy Hart.  Piper holds up the mirror so Adonis can see himself.  Adonis punches the mirror and runs after Piper, but fails.  So this is Piper’s first retirement, and Beefcake’s face turn and the beginning the Barber gimmick.  A fan runs in and hugs Piper and shakes his hand before security tackles him and takes him away.  Piper rides off into the sunset.

Gorilla talks to Mary Hart and Bob Uecker.  Howard Finkel randomly introduces Jesse Ventura to the live audience.  Random.  Ventura buddies it up with the Hart Foundation.

Pre-taped interview with Mean Gene interviewing Jimmy Hart for the Hart Foundation and Danny Davis.  Davis was a crooked referee who screwed the Bulldogs and Tito Santana.  He was suspended for “life plus 10 years” as a referee.

WWF Tag Team Champions The Hart Foundation & Danny Davis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The British Bulldogs & Tito Santana (w/ Matilda).  Before the match, Santana whips the Harts into each other, then Davey Boy press slams Davis out of the ring and onto them.  Tito starts with Bret Hart.  Ventura carries Matilda to the back.  Davey Boy and Neidhart tag in and have a power match.  Mary Hart clarifies that she has no relation to Jimmy Hart.  Tito tags in and works Neidhart’s arm.  Bret chokes Tito behind the referee’s back.  Tito leapfrogs Neidhart and tags in Davey Boy, who backdrops Anvil.  Hart tags in and goes for an elbow that Davey Boy avoids.  Dynamite Kid tags in and whips Bret frontwards into the turnbuckle.  Dynamite stumbles and hits a headbutt.  Neidhart helps Bret get the advantage on Dynamite.  Dynamite goes for the snap suplex, but Neidhart hits him in the back.  Tito goes after Neidhart every time he interferes.  Neidhart comes in and works over Dynamite.  Harts hits a double team backbreaker/elbow drop on Dynamite.  Davids tags in, puts the boots to Dynamite, and tags in Bret.  Major heat for that one.  Harts work over Dynamite.  “We’re going to have to rename Dynamite “Firecracker” if he doesn’t shape up here.” says Mary Hart.  Davis tags in again and gets his licks in, then tags back out.  Harts slingshot Davis into a splash, but Dynamite gets his knees up.  Hot tag to Tito Santana, who runs wild on Davis, decks the Harts, and beats up Davis some more.  Santana goes for the figure-four, but Neidhart decks him to prevent it.  Davey Boy tags in and beats up Davis.  Davey Boy tombstones Davis, years before it meant anything, then hits the stalling suplex, then the running powerslam.  He covers, but Neidhart saves.  Tito gives him the flying jalapeno.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Davis whacks Davey Boy with Jimmy’s megaphone for the pin in 8:52.  This was kind of excellent.

Mean Gene interviews Andre the Giant and Bobby Heenan.

“The Natural” Butch Reed (w/ Slick) vs. Koko B. Ware (w/ Frankie).  Ventura is back on commentary now.  They fuck off for a while, then lock up.  Reed takes the early advantage.  Ware tries a reverse cradle, fails, but dropkicks Reed out of the ring.  Ware tries to get some offense going, but Reed hits him in the back of his head and rattles his brains.  Frankie tries to peck the camera lens.  Gorilla says Frankie realizes Koko is in trouble.  Ware hip tosses Reed and hits some punches and a dropkick.  Ware gets an inside cradle for 2.  Koko hits a cross body, but Reed rolls through and hooks the tights for the pin in 3:39.  Koko nails Reed.  Slick attacks Koko with his cane.  Tito Santana comes out and rips Slick’s $3 suit off.  Koko and Tito hit a double dropkick on Reed.  Meh.

Savage/Steamboat history package.

Randy Savage cuts a promo, then makes his entrance.  Mean Gene interviews Ricky Steamboat.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Ricky Steamboat (w/ George “The Animal” Steele).  They feel each other out a bit.  Savage bails to lead Elizabeth to another corner because Steele was too close to her.  Steamboat with a pair of his gorgeous arm drags and a double hand lifting choke (think a choke bomb without the bomb).  Savage attacks Steamboat’s arm, then slings him off the ropes and covers for 2.  Steamboat works on Savage’s arm.  Savage elbows Steamboat in the face.  Ouch.  Savage throws Steamboat out of the ring.  Savage pulls Steamboat to the apron  by his hair, then hits him in the throat.  See, that’s how this feud started.  Savage put Steamboat out for a while by hitting him in the throat with the ring bell, I think.  Steamboat fights back.  Savage gets tied up in the ropes.  Steamboat beats on him.  Savage escapes.  Steamboat hits a cross body for 2.  Another gorgeous arm drag, and a shoulder block for 2.  Savage knees Steamboat in the back.  Savage throws Steamboat out, but Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Savage clotheslines Steamboat out of the ring.  Steele tries to help him up, then recoils like a scolded child when the referee admonishes him.  Savage hits Steamboat from behind and sends him over the barricade.  Steele picks Steamboat up and puts him back in the ring.  Savage sends Steamboat out again and hits a double axe handle to the floor.  Back inside, Savage hits another double axe handle for 2.  Savage pulls Steamboat’s throat across the top rope for 2.  Atomic drop for 2.  Vertical suplex gets 2.  Steamboat fights back, but Savage hits a gutwrench suplex for 2.  Steamboat backdrops Savage out of the ring.  Ventura calls for a DQ, but the WWF never had that stupid rule.  Steamboat hits a diving karate chop for what looks like a 3 count, but Savage got his foot on the rope.  Steamboat drops him again in the middle of the ring for 2.  Steamboat gets a sunset flip for 2.  Steamboat gets a schoolboy for 2.  Steamboat gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Steamboat gets an inside cradle for 2.  This is getting awesome.  Steamboat catapults Savage into the corner and sunset flips him again for 2.  Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then Savage reverses it for 2.  Savage sends Steamboat into the referee.  Man, those referees are fragile.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop for a phantom 3 count, but there’s no referee.  Savage takes the ring bell from the timekeeper.  Steele snatches it away from him.  Savage kicks him in the head and goes up top with the bell, but the Steele pushes him off.  Savage picks up Steamboat, but Steamboat gets him with an inside cradle for the pin in about 14:42 (the bell was in the ring, so couldn’t be rung).  One of the most famous matches in WWE history, and while on previous viewings I didn’t think it lived up to the hype, but this time I was really into it and thought it was awesome.

Mean Gene interviews Jake Roberts and Alice Cooper.  They make their entrance, then we get a pre-taped interview with The Honky Tonk Man and Jimmy Hart.

Jake “The Snake” Roberts (w/ Alice Cooper) vs. The Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Roberts jumps Honky before the bell and kicks his ass and rips his jump suit off.  Honky gets the advantage and beats up on Roberts.  Roberts drops him with a short range lariat.  The snow the snake moving around in the bag.  Honky bails for unrelated reasons.  Roberts follows him and gets into into the post, then stumbles into the barricade.  Roberts makes it back to the apron with Cooper’s help, and Honky takes a break from dancing to knock Roberts into the barricade again.  Roberts finally makes it back inside.  Honky slams him and hits a first drop off the second rope.  Honky beats up Roberts.  Honky sets up his finish, but Roberts backdrops him.  Honky punches Roberts in the corner.  Roberts gives him an inverted atomic drop.  Roberts makes his comeback and goes for the DDT, but Hart grabs his leg.  Honky schoolboys Roberts and grabs the ropes for the pin in 7:05.  It was fine.  Roberts swings Honky’s guitar at him.  Honky avoids it.  Roberts smashes the guitar into the post.  Honky runs away.  Jake and Cooper introduce Jimmy Hart to Damien.

Howard Finkel introduces Mean Gene Okerlund, who announces the attendance at 93,173.  The real number is around 78,000, which is plenty impressive, but wrestling promoters are devout liars, especially when it comes to attendance numbers.

The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, and Slick make their way to the ring.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan runs down with his 2×4 to stop Volkoff from singing the Soviet national anthem.

The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Slick) vs. The Killer Bees.  Duggan marches back and forth at ringside.  Volkoff and Sheik Pearl Harbor the Killer Beers to start the match.  There’s a do si do spot, then the Killer Bees get the advantage.  The Bees make quick tags and work over Sheiky.  Volkoff and Sheik work over Brunzell.  Brunzell hits Sheik with a knee and makes the lukewarm tag.  The referee didn’t see it, so it’s a false tag.  Brunzell continues playing face in peril.  Duggan chases Volkoff and Slick around the ring.  Sheik puts Brunzell in the camel clutch.  Hacksaw chases Volkoff into the ring, then whacks Sheik with the 2×4 to cause the DQ in 5:43.  Hacksaw cuts a lame, but patriotic promo, and gets the crowd to chant “USA!”  Whatever.  Replays.  Double whatever.

Mean Gene interviews Andre and Heenan again.

Hogan/Andre video package.  The highlight is Roddy Piper saying “You damn betcha I can!”  I want to start saying that all the time.

Mean Gene interviews Hogan again.  Man, his promos are whack.  Did I just use the word “whack?”  I’ve been watching so much 80s wrestling, my brain is starting to rot.

Howard Finkel introduces Bob Uecker as the guest ring announcer and Mart Hart as the guest timekeeper.

WWF Championship Match: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Epic staredown.  “The irresistible force meeting the immovable object.” says Monsoon.  They shove each other.  Hogan punches Andre and tries to slam him, but fails, as Andre falls on top for 2.  Andre attacks Hogan’s back.  Andre slams Hogan.  Hogan sells it like he’s having the hell beat out of him.  Andre works over Hogan in the corner.  Hogan sneaks out of the corner and makes his comeback with punches, elbows, and chops.  Hogan ramps Andre’s face into the top turnbuckle.  Hogan charges Andre and eats his boot.  Andre bear hugs Hogan.  Hogan FINALLY escapes and tries to get rolling again.  Andre chops him down.  Andre kicks Hogan out of the ring.  Andre accidentally headbutts the post.  Hogan pulls up a section of the floor mats and goes for a piledriver.  Yeah, that’ll happen.  Andre backdrops him out of it.  Back inside, Hogan finally manages to knock Andre down with a shoulder block.  Hogan slams Andre and hits the leg drop for the pin in 12:09.  Not a good wrestling match,  but it doesn’t matter, because this was all spectacle, and one of the most pivotal moments in WWE history.  Hogan does his posing routine.

Monsoon and Ventura talk for a minute, then we get a slide show set to Aretha Franklin’s opening performance to close the show.

And so ends perhaps the most famous show in WWE history.  It’s fun to watch, and much easier to sit through that some of the other older shows I’ve watched recently.  Savage/Steamboat was, of course, match of the night by a huge margin.

WWF WrestleMania II (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/22/09.

On we march, with WrestleMania II!

WWE open, since this is from the Anthology.  WWF: The Recognized Worldwide Leader in Sports.  WrestleMania II: What The World Has Come To.  I should mention now that for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to have WrestleMania II from 3 locations: Uniondale, New York, Chicago (Rosemont), Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

First to New York, where Vince McMahon delivers his famous “Welcome to WrestleMania!” line.  Vince introduces his color commentator for the New York portion, Susan St. James.  I see Howard Finkel is the ring announcer for New York.  Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in Chicago for a minute.

Back in New York, some old fat guy interviews Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton), who will be boxing Mr. T tonight.  Piper cuts a typically great promo, with the awesome line “If Mr. T can knock me out in this fight, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit professional wrestling, I would quit tiddlywinks, I would quit dating girls!”  He then turns to Orton and says “I’d stick with you, though.”

Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff.  After the opening bell, they play pre-taped audio comments from both wrestlers.  That strikes me as dumb.  They lock up.  Orndorff gets the better of it at first.  Orndorff gets Muraco on the mat and applies an arm lock.  Susan St. James is horrible on commentary.  Muraco tries to arm drag his way out of it, but Orndorff keeps it clamped on.  Muraco finally hits a Samoan drop to escape the punishment of his arm.  They go out of the ring and brawl to a double count-out at 4:33.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  It started off good, then went downhill.

Mr. T interviews himself.  During this, Finkel finally makes the announcement that the last match was a double count-out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  A pre-taped interview during Savage’s entrance.  This show is so sloppily produced.  Susan likes Steele.  Savage bails as soon as Steele goes after him.  Savage gets back in the ring.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Steele finally gets hold of Savage and bites his leg.  Steele picks up Savage by the neck, chokes him, then drops him.  Steele gets distracted, looking at Elizabeth.  Savage ties him up in the ropes and puts the boots to him.  Savage with a diving crossbody for 2.  Steele throws Savage out of the ring.  Savage crawls under the ring, comes out the other side, and jumps Steele from behind.  Steele bites Savage’s arm.  Steele clubs Savage until Savage gouges his eyes.  Savage slaps Steele with a bouquet of flowers.  Steele bites him again, then hits him with the flowers.  Steele eats the turnbuckle pad.  He feeds some of the stuffing to Savage.  Savage bails.  Who can blame him?  Steele chases him around the ring.  Steele pleads with Elizabeth.  Savage comes off the top with the diving axe handle to the outside.  Back in the ring,  Savage slams Steele and hits the diving elbow, but Steele kicks out at 1.  Steele grabs Savage’s nose, then throws him into the corner.  The ref admonishes Steele.  Savage trips Steele up and gets the Flair pin in the corner at 7:08.  This sucked.  Steele eats another turnbuckle, then chases the referee to the back.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews two of the participants in the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, Bill Fralic and Big John Studd.  During this, we hear Finkel’s annoucement that Savage was the winner and still the Intercontinental Champion.  Gah.

Vince and Susan talk about snakes.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They trade punches.  Wells with a backdrop.  Snake sends Wells to the outside and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Wells hits a shoulder block.  Wells whips Roberts into the corner, then takes him over with a head scissors.  Wells with a knee lift.  Wells with a powerslam for 2.  Snake gouges the eyes, then begs off and bails.  Wells follows him out and back into the ring.  Roberts gets a cheap shot with the knee lift when Wells is still coming through the ropes, then hits the DDT for the pin at 3:05.  Jake puts the snake on Wells after the match.  The match was fine for what it was.

They show an altercation between Roddy Piper and Mr. T that led to tonight’s match, which I believe took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cut to Los Angeles, where Jesse Ventura interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.

Back to Vince and Susan, then to Finkel in the ring to introduce the celebrities for the New York main event.  The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers.  She introduces the judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy.  The special guest timekeeper is Herb.  I don’t know who any of those people are.  The referee is Jack somebody.

Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton and the old fat guy) vs. Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid).  They box.  It sucks.  I’m not a boxing fan anyway, and I really hate lame, worked boxing matches in wrestling.  The first round ends.  They go to their corners.  Round 2 starts.  They box some more.  It still sucks.  I do like Piper’s plaid boxing trunks.  Round 2 ends.  Piper cheap shots T again anyway.  Orton throws a bucket of water on T to boot.  Round 3 starts.  Guess what?  They box!  T punches Piper out of the ring.  He barely makes it back in.  They’re both getting tired.  Round 3 ends.  Just end this shit already.  Piper throws his stool at Mr. T.  Round 4 starts.  They punch each other.  Piper knocks T’s mouthpiece out.  T knocks Piper’s mouthpiece out.  Piper socks the ref, then body slams Mr. T to cause the DQ at 1:17 of the 4th round.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Man, this sucked.

Now on to the Chicago portion of the show.  Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene hype the battle royal.  Gorilla introduces their color commentator for this portion, Cathy Lee Crosby.  Never heard of her either.  Curse my lack of knowledge of low level celebrities from before I was born.  Chet Coppock is the ring announcer for Chicago.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre.  Moolah jumps McIntyre immediately and kicks her ass.  McIntyre fires back with dropkicks and an elbow smash.  McIntyre with a body slam, then comes off the top with a big splash, but Moolah moves out of the way, then covers McIntyre for the pin at the 59 second mark.  Well that was utterly pointless.

Gorilla, Gene, and Crosby hype the battle royal again.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner.  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  The winner gets to wave his flag. Volkoff goes on the offensive early.  Kirchner fights back.  Kirchner knocks down the referee.  While he’s down, Kirchner catches Blassie’s cane and nails Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:35, so he gets to hold up Old Glory.  Match was nothing.

Mean Gene is in the ring to explain the rules for a battle royal.  The timekeeper is the “where’s the beef” lady.  The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

Battle Royal featuring Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre the Giant.  There’s no opening bell, but everyone just starts fighting.  “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins Gorilla and Crosby at the announce table for whatever reason.  Ah, I guess because he was both a football player and a wrestler.  Tonga and one of the football players eliminate each other.  Holmes gets eliminated, I think by Bruno, or maybe Studd.  Brunzell gets tossed.  Perry eliminates Atlas.  A bunch of guys try to gang up on Andre.  Morales and Marvin eliminate each other.  Arcidi, Jim, and Spivey try to dump Blair, but he slips back in and helps the other guys dump Arcidi.  Sheik dumps Spivey.  Sheik dumps Jim and Blair.  Sheik and Studd dump Fralic.  Sammartino backdrops Sheik out of the ring.  Sammartino beats up Studd.  Harts beat up Perry.  Andre beats up one of the little guys, I think it’s Russ Frances.  Studd eliminates Bruno.  Perry throws the Harts over the top rope, but they both hit the apron and come back in.  Studd dumps Perry.  Perry shakes Studd’s hand, then, poor sport that he is, pulls Studd out of the ring.  It’s down to Andre, the Harts, and Frances.  Andre gets tied up in the ropes.  The Harts dump Frances, then double team Andre.  Andre big boots Hart, then rams Hart and Neidhart’s heads together.  Big boot to Neidhart sends him out of the ring.  Andre press slams Hart out of the ring and onto Neidhart to win it in about 9 minutes.

Cut to New York, where Vince and Susan talk to Roddy Piper.

Back to Chicago, where Jimbo Covert bitches about getting eliminated from behind.  Gene talks to The Iron Sheik.  “Wrestler is better than football player!”  Replays of the battle royal.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Dream Team (c) (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne).  Davey Boy Smith and Greg Valentine start.  Smith shines early.  Valentine hits a hip toss, but Davey Boy avoids an elbow drop.  Tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite kicks Valentine’s ass and snap suplexes him, then tags Davey Boy back in.  Davey Boy hits his stalling suplex for 2.  Valentine bails to take a breather.  Valentine comes back in and hammers Smith, then headbutts him in the groin.  Tag to Beefcake.  Smith with a press slam, then the tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite with an inside cradle for 2.  Tag to Smith, who hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with a clubbing blow to Smith.  Valentine with a suplex for 2.  Tag to Dynamite.  He and Valentine trade blows.  Bulldogs make quick tags to work over Valentine.  Beefcake comes in to club Dynamite, and is sent out by the ref.  Dynamite with a sunset flip on Valentine for 2.  Dynamite with a backbreaker, but Beefcake pulls him off of the cover.  Dynamite continues to wear down Valentine.  Valentine drops Dynamite with a sick piledriver for 2.  He tries to hold Dynamite’s shoulders down and ends up getting kicked in the balls.  Valentine goes up top and gets thrown across the ring by Dynamite.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Smith tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine bails.  Smith tags in and hits the running powerslam on Valentine for a close 2.  Smith with another suplex for 2.  Valentine finally manages to get the advantage on Smith and tags in Beefcake, who puts a beating on Davey Boy.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with another clubbing blow.  Valentine continues working over Davey and drops him with a shoulder breaker, but foolishly picks him up at 2.  Smith throws Valentine into the Bulldog’s corner, where he collides head first with Dynamite.  Smith covers Valentine to get the 3 and capture the tag titles at 12:02.  Finally, a good match!  Ozzy and Captain Lou celebrate while Davey Boy helps up the knocked loopy Dynamite at ringside.  Mean Gene talks to Ozzy and Captain Lou.  He finally manages to talk to Davey Boy.  Replay of the pretty sick finish.

That’s it for Chicago!  Back to Vince and Susan in New York to talk about what’s still to come in the Los Angeles portion of the show.

Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira will host the LA portion of the show.  Lee Marshall is the ring announcer.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Hercules immediately goes on the attack.  Steamboat fires back with a karate chop and a pair of arm drags.  He attacks Hercules’ arm.  Steamboat leap frogs Herc a bunch and nails him with an elbow.  Steamboat with a suplex, then back to the arm.  Herc blasts Steamboat with a clothesline and hits him with some vicious knees.  Herc hot shots Steamboat into the ropes and beats on him some more.  Steamboat tries to fight back, but almost gets pinned.  Elvira is extremely annoying on commentary.  Herc drops Steamboat with an elbow, then drops a couple more elbows on him.  Cover gets 2.  Steamboat chops Herc.  Herc avoids another chop and drops Steamboat with a discus lariat for 2.  Herc with a press slam.  Herc with another press slam.  Herc comes off the top with a dive, but gets caught by Steamboat’s knees.  Steamboat off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 7:33.  It wasn’t bad.

Man, Adrian Adonis sure has changed since we last saw him at The Wrestling Classic.  He was a rough a tough type then… now he’s a cross dresser with bad makeup.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer.  Hart sprays Elmer with perfume, so he chases Hart and Adonis out of the ring, where they hug.  Elmer attacks Adonis we gets back into the ring. No opening bell that I heard. Adonis Flair flips in the corner, then falls out of the ring.  He gets back in and Elmer knocks him out of the ring again.  Elmer rips Adonis’ dress, then knocks him into the ropes where he gets tied up.  When Adonis gets untied, he finally goes on the attack.  He takes off the remains of his dress.  Elmer with the Avalanche in the corner, then he goes for a leg drop, but Adonis avoids it.  Adonis off the top with a headbutt/splash for the pin in about 3 minutes.  This sucked.

Lord Alfred interviews Hogan.

The Funk Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana.  Dory has been given the name “Hoss” for whatever reason.  Terry throws chairs in the ring.  The faces throw them out.  Dory and JYD lock up.  JYD slams both of the Funks, then they bail.  Tito and Terry tag in.  Terry throws some vicious sounding chops.  Tito clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dory jumps in and eats a couple of Tito’s dropkicks, then rolls out himself.  Tag to JYD.  He lands some punches on Terry, then rams his head into the turnbuckle repeatedly.  JYD with a headbutt for 2.  JYD throws Terry out of the ring.  I swear, the Funks have spent more time on the outside of the ring than in it during this match.  Tag to Dory.  Tag to Tito.  Tito with a flying jalapeno for 2, as Terry saves.  Dory and Tito run the ropes, but Terry catches Tito with a knee to the back.  Terry tags in and throws Tito to the floor, where Jimmy puts the boots to him.  JYD runs him off.  Funks put the boots to Tito.  JYD runs Hart off again and helps Tito back into the ring.  Terry with a suplex for 2.  He argues with referee Dave Hebner.  Tito counters another suplex attempt with one of his own.  Terry and Tito knock heads.  Tag to Dory.  Dory with the Texas suplex for 2.  Funks continue to work over Tito.  Hot tag to JYD.  JYD cleans house.  Terry chokes JYD with a rope,  JYD backdrops Terry out of the ring.  JYD kicks their asses on the outside.  JYD decks Jimmy Hart.  JYD with an inside cradle on Terry.  Dory saves.  Tito puts Dory in the figure-four.  The referee makes Tito leave the ring.  Jimmy throws Terry the megaphone.  Terry hits JYD in the head with it for the pin at 11:44.  Okay match.

They set up the cage.  It’s a special reinforced cage so King Kong Bundy won’t go through the side, the famous big blue cage.

They show what led up to Hogan/Bundy in a cage, a brutal attack by Bundy and Don Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  They show Hogan lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim and a doctor, while Gene talks to them about Hogan’s injuries.

Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby Heenan.

Elvira, who is awful, throws it to New York with Vince and Susan, who is almost as awful.  They talk, then back to LA.

Marshall introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Tommy Lasorda.  Lasorda introduces the the guest thimekeeper, Ricky Schroder, and the guest referee, Robert Conrad.  Well, at least I know who Rick Schroder is.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Hogan has taped ribs.  They start brawling.  Hogan chokes Bundy with his own singlet.  Elvira says this match resembles a horror movie.  I agree, but probably for different reasons.  Bundy tires of getting beat up by the walrus and attacks Hogan’s ribs.  Bundy tries to escape through the door.  Hogan stops him, so Bundy picks up Hogan and rams his back into the cage.  Bundy takes the bandage off of Hogan’s ribs and chokes him with it.  He ties Hogan to the bottom rope and tries to leave.  Hogan gets free and chokes Bundy with the tag rope.  Hogan rams Bundy head first into the cage.  Hogan beats up Bundy a bit.  Bundy is bleeding.  Hogan tries to slam Bundy, who falls on top of him.  Hogan chokes Bundy with the bandage from earlier.  Bundy fights back.  Avalanche and a big splash by Bundy.  Bundy tries to escape again.  Hogan stops him.  Hogan avoids another avalanche and slams Bundy, then hits the leg drop.  Bundy tries to stop Hogan, but Hogan kicks him off the ropes and to the floor.  Hogan escapes over the top at 10:20.  Bundy goes out through the door a moment later.  Just to show what a role model he is, Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and beats him up after the match, then celebrates.

So that’s WrestleMania II.  Man, it sucked.  The only redeeming thing is the Bulldogs’ title win over the Dream Team.