Archive for Hart Dynasty

WWE ECW 6/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, ECW open, then Matt Striker and Todd Grisham welcome us to Roanoke, Virginia!  Tonight, Tommy Dreamer faces Jack Swagger in a non-title match!

The Hart Dynasty heads to the ring as they show replays of last week’s match against Christian and Swagger.

David Hart Smith (w/ Tyson Kidd & Natalya) vs. Christian.  Lock up.  Smith overpowers Christian to start.  They trade hammerlocks.  Christian grabs a headlock, then comes off the ropes and gets dropped with a shoulder block.  Christian slaps Smith, schoolboys him for a quick 2, then slaps him again.  Smith slams Christian twice and gets 2.  Match goes on.  Smith tries to suplex Christian out of the ring, but Christian slips out and trips him, causing Smith to hit the apron face first.  Christian does a baseball slide or something.  I’m h having trouble keeping up.  Smith drops Christian painfully on the apron with a uranage.  Smith works over Christian in the ring.  Christian fights back and hits a big dive to the outside.  Commercial!  We come back to, shock shock, Smith holding Christian in a rear chin lock.  Smith hits some nasty backbreakers and covers for 2.  Christian fights Smith off and hits a missile dropkick for 2 and mounts his comeback, hitting a nice European uppercut off the turnbuckle.  Christian chases Tyson Kidd halfway around the ring for no reason, then runs back into the ring and into a lariat from Smith for a near fall.  Smith avoids the Killswitch and the tornado DDT, then Christian gets him with a springboard sunset flip for 2.  Smith counters another Killswitch attempt and hits his father’s trademark running powerslam for 2.  Christian goes up top.  Natalya distracts the referee, allowing Kidd to push Christian off the top rope.  Smith hits a backdrop suplex to win at 14:58.  That’s… slightly uncomfortable given recent events.  The Hart Dynasty prepares to beat down Christian, but Finlay runs down and runs them off.  Finlay then, for whatever reason, whacks Christian with the shillelagh.  Match was pretty decent.

Last week: Evan Bourne beat Tony Atlas, then got beat down by Mark Henry.  Henry vs. Bourne is NEXT!

Gregory Helms interviews Finlay.  I missed most of it.  Something about “an eye for an eye.”

Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Evan Bourne.  Henry charges straight ahead, but Bourne side steps him and throws some punches.  This incites Henry to kick his ass.  Bourne avoids a butt drop and tries to mount an offensive, but Henry blasts him with a lariat.  Bourne manages to dropkick Henry down and covers for 2.  Bourne ducks a lariat and tries a crucifix hold, but Henry turns it into the World’s Strongest Slam and squashes him for the victory at 3:39.  Henry delivers another WSM for good measure.  Fair match for what it was.  Henry’s gotten good at big guy selling.

Dreamer vs. Swagger is still to come!

Raw Rebound.

Gregory Helms introduces Jack Swagger, who wants his belt back.  Main event is NEXT!

Non-Title: ECW Champion Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger.  Dreamer is moving like a man possesed tonight.  Announcers put over that Dreamer has been training with Dean Malenko.  I wish Malenko would make a Finlay-esque comback.  Dreamer goes for his cannoball of the apron, but Swagger catches him with a powerslam.  Commercial!  Back from break, Swagger stretches Dreamer’s face in a sick way.  During the break, he hit the springboard Vader Bomb.  Dreamer tries to fight back, but Swagger locks him in an abdominal stretch.  Dreamer escapes and gets a sunset flip for a near fall.  Swagger hits a belly to belly for 2.  Swagger nails a lariat, I think.  I just halfway caught it out of the corner of my eye.  Swagger puts Dreamer in a waistlock, then takes a funny face bump into the turnbuckle.  Dreamer makes his comeback, then Swagger shuts him down again.  Swagger tries to set up a superplex but gets pushed away.  Swagger catches a diving Dreamer and goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Dreamer turns it into a cradle for 2.  Reverse DDT by Dreamer gets 2 as well.  Swagger avoids a frog splash and gets an Oklahome roll for the pin at 11:57.  Okay match I guess.  Finlay runs down and whacks Dreamer with the shillelagh.  Christian runs down and attacks Finlay.  Swagger attacks Christian and tosses him out, then Finlay whacks Swagger with the shillelagh.  I hope this means a return of the fighting Irish bastard Finlay.

Fin.

Advertisements

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/15/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then cut to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler telling us that Mr. McMahon will be here tonight.  Replay of the Legacy beatdown and destruction of Batista’s arm last week, then Triple H’s return and yet another burial of Randy Orton.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina!  Matt Striker and Josh Matthews from ECW and Jim Ross and Todd Grisham from Smackdown are there too.  Justin Roberts introduces the first match, for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Jericho cuts his usual promo before the match.  Mysterio looks pissed.  I hope the belt doesn’t change, because I fucked up starting the timer.  Mysterio owns Jericho to start.  Mysterio crashes on the outside.  Commercials.  Jericho works over Mysterio and hits that swank spinning backbreaker drop from the PPV, then goes for the mask again.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Jericho.  Mysterio hits the flying headscissors, then the Bombs Away for 2.  Jericho gets dropkicked out of the ring, they Rey hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Jericho goes for a superplex, but Mysterio turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for a slow 2 count.  Rey goes for his flip bulldog, but Jericho squashes him and gets 2.  Rey avoids the Walls.  Jericho avoids the 619 and thinks of going for one himself.  Rey catches him with a moonsault for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and goes for the West Coast Pop.  Jericho rips the mask and NAILS the Codebreaker for 3 at about 9 minutes.  Good match, a short, compact version of their recent PPV matches.

Tonight, a Four-Way Match for the vacant WWE Championship!  Mr. McMahon is NEXT!

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  John Cena steps in and takes over the interview.  Cena reminds Orton that he and Big Show are in the Four-Way tonight too, so don’t get too focused on Triple H.

Last week: Vickie Guerrero quit as Raw GM.

Vince McMahon appears on screen.  He says he’s not going to announce a new GM, because he sold Monday Night Raw!  He’ll announce who the new owner is after the WWE Championship match.

Moments ago: What I just wrote.  Cole and Lawler are SHOCKED.

ECW Championship Match: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian.  They start.  Christian hits a swank elbow shot from the middle rope.  Dreamer fires up with punches, then face plants Christian.  Dreamer hits a reverse DDT, then NAILS Christian with a lariat for 2.  Dreamer squashes a sunset flip attempt for 2, then Christian turns the cradle over for 2.  Christian avoids the DDT.  Dreamer avoids the Killswitch and gets an inside cradle for the win at 3:24.

Tonight, CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy and Edge!  Plus, Orton vs. Triple H vs. Cena vs. Show for the WWE Championship is NEXT!

Please, don’t try this at home!

The Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly have some airheaded speculation about who bought Raw.

ANOTHER replay of the shit from last week.  Do we really need to see it again?  Pics of Batista’s surgery.  Gross.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena vs. Triple H.  Entrances, intros, and the going feuds pair off.  40 seconds in, we go to commercial.  Back, Cena and Triple H take out the heels, then go at it themselves.  Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Pedigree counter into an F-U attempt, but Show comes in and clotheslines them both.  Goes back to Cena vs. Show and HHH vs. Orton.  Orton comes in to break a Show’s cover.  Show goes for a double chokeslam on Triple H and Cena, but they suplex him.  Orton tries to put Show, but Show catches his foot, then kicks his ass.  Show dominates for a bit and tosses Orton and HHH from the ring.  Show slams Cena and hits the Vader Bomb, but Orton breaks the cover.  Show tosses Orton out of the ring again.  Show spears the shit out of Triple H for 2.  Triple H avoids the Vader Bomb.  Orton tries to RKO Show, but gets tossed away.  Pedigree to Show.  Attitude Adjustment to Triple H.  Cena covers Triple H, but gets tossed off the cover.  Attutude Adjustment to Show.  Orton brekas the cover and tosses Cean out.  Orton RKOs Show for the win at 11:14.  Lame at first, but the closing stretch was good.  Orton is champ again.  What was the fucking point of Batista winning the belt in the first place?

Mr. McMahon is headed our way!

Tomorrow night on ECW: Evan Bourne vs. Mark Henry!

Vince comes down and announces that Donald Trump is the new owner of Raw.  Trump appears on the big screen and says next week’s Raw will be commercial free, and he’ll be there to oversee it.  Vince says that he’s still in charge tonight, and there will be a 10 man battle royal to determine who will face Randy Orton for the title at The Bash.

World Title match is next!

Replay of what just happened.  Cole and Lawler discuss it.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez.  Beth comes out with Rosa, but Rosa tells her to leave.  The Divas Champion Maryse comes down to watch.  Rosa shows a lot of fire, but Mickie fights back and wins with the DDT at 2:50.  Maryse teases coming in the ring, then bails.

Goldust and Hornswoggle shoot t-shirts out to the crowd.  The Miz in anti-Cena garb, says he’s the new face of Raw, he’ll win the battle royal, speak in a British accent, etc.  He tells Goldust and Hornswoggle to leave.  Goldust tells Miz he doesn’t know how to play mind games, and makes an Ahmed Johnson reference!  Goldust tells Miz his interviews are piss break segments and that he’s a loser.  Miz retorts, then cheapshots Goldust and drops him with a DDT.  He threatens Hornswoggle with the t-shirt bazooka, then shoots him in the balls with it.  Now that’s a heel, folks.  Only a true bad guy would shoot a midget in the balls with a t-shirt gun.

World Title match is NEXT!  Wasn’t it supposed to be like 20 minutes ago?

Stills from the Hardy/Edge/Punk stuff from the PPV.

Josh Matthews interviews the World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.  Punk has “MISAWA” written on his wrist tape.  That’s a nice touch.  Matt Hardy interrupts and tells him he approves of what he did.  Punk tells Matt he’s never been World Champion.

Edge and Hardy enter for the title match.  Commercials!  Next, Donald Trump on a commercial-free Raw!

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy.  Within the first 90 seconds, Punk hits a tope suicida on Edge, then Hardy hits a dive outside onto both of them.  Punk and Jeff go at it in the ring for a minute, then Edge comes in and tosses Jeff out.  Edge sets up a superplex, but Jeff comes in and drops Edge, then tries to deliver it himself.  Edge sets up a Doomsday Device, but Hardy dodges Punk’s dropkick and gets a near fall on Edge with a victory roll.  Triple clothesline spot as we go to break.  Back from break, Punk works over Edge as Jeff is on the outside.  Jeff comes in, so Punk nails them both.  He covers them both after the corner bulldog/something to Jeff spot,  but both kick out.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Jeff, but Edge chop blocks his knee and applies the Sharpshooter.  It gets broken somehow.  Punk leapfrogs a spear and gets a sunset flip on Edge, when Hardy dropkicks Edge in to, then breaks the cover.  Jeff does some stuff and gets 2 on Punk.  Punk nails Hardy with a knee to the face.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but Edge pushes him off and tries to spear Punk.  Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Edge avoids the Go 2 Sleep and pushes Punk into Hardy.  Punk reversed the Twist of Fate into a Go 2 Sleep attempt.  Hardy escapes and leap frogs another spear, so Edge ends up spearing the shit out of Hardy.  Punk gets knocked out of the ring by Edge and injures his knee on the steps.  Officials check on Punk as Edge and Hardy hit a double cross body on each other.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind, but Punk makes it in to break the cover.  Hardy kicks the shit out of Punk’s leg.  Edge gets an inside cradle on Hardy for a close 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but Punk pulls him off the cover.  Punk sends Hardy into the ring steps and covers Edge for the win at 15:40.  Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out and tells Punk he’ll defend the title against Jeff Hardy at the Bash.

Earlier tonight: Orton wins the belt.  Later tonight: a 10 man battle royal!

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. are at ringside to do commentary on this next match.

Non-Title: The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natayla) vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon.  Colons will defend against Legacy at The Bash.  Primo and Smith start.  Primo tries to do a rana and lands on his head.  Ouch.  After a minute, Carlito tags in.  Primo hits a dive to the outside on Tyson Kidd.  Carlito hits the Backstabber on Smith, then Legacy runs in to cause the DQ at 2:23.  Legacy stands tall with their new awful music.  I was expecting a good match here, but it got cut way short.

Triple H is headed our way for the 10-man battle royal!

Replay of the Trump shit again.

Santino Marella seeks assurance from Vince that he and his “sister” will still have their jobs.  Vince tells him Trump will do whatever he wants.  Vince’s cell phone rings.  It’s Donald Trump.  Trump wants to make a big announcement after the battle royal.  Santino pisses off Vince and leaves.  Vince calls him a pervert.

Most of the entries for the battle royal come out.  Break, then they show a graphic for 2 matches for Smackdown, which Ross says is wrong.  FAIL.  The last 2 entrants come out so we can have our match.  Triple H enters to his rarely used King of Kings theme, which is awesome.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship:
Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. The Big Show vs. Triple H vs. John Cena.  Everybody brawls.  Orton comes out to watch.  Show tosses Matt for the first elimination 3 1/2 minutes in.  MVP lands the Yakuza kick on Show, then gets eliminated by him.  Show chokeslams Miz.  Everyone eliminates Show.  Miz is on the outside, but I don’t think he was eliminated.  Break.  Legacy almost dumps Triple H, but fails, thanks to Cena attacking Legacy.  Cena and Triple H ends up going at it.  Legacy stops them briefly, then the double clothesline each other.  Kofi has an impressive run against Legacy, but they eliminate him.  Regal kicks their ass, but they dump him too.  Down to Legacy, Triple H, and Cena.  Cena makes a big comeback against Legacy.  He eliminates Dibiase, then tosses Rhodes, who hangs on.  Triple H eliminates Rhodes.  Triple H Pedigrees Cena.  Legacy runs back in and beat down Triple H until the refs make them leave.  Miz sneaks back and charges them, but gets lowbridged out.  Triple H dumps Cena to win at 17:39.  Fuck, now we get to suffer another Triple H/Orton abortion.

Donald Trump appears on the screen and congratulations Triple H.  He tells him the title match won’t be at the PPV, but on next week’s commercial-free Raw in a Last Man Standing Match.  FUCK.

WWE ECW 6/9/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then highlights of Tommy Dreamer winning the ECW Championship in a Triple Threat Match against Christian and Jack Swagger this past Sunday at Extreme Rules.  ECW open.

Pyro and ballyhoo, then Matt Striker and Josh Matthews welcome us to Biloxi, Mississippi.

Tony Chimel introduces the ECW GM, Tiffany, who in turn introduces the NEW ECW Champion, Tommy Dreamer, who, since he is the champion, gets a new contract.  He says a few kind words, then as he gets ready to sign on the dotted line, Christian comes down with a box of tissue.  Christian is angry that Swagger got pinned, costing Christian his title.  He says that he will regain the title when he gets his rematch, then shakes Dreamer’s hand.  Tommy again tries to put pen to paper, but Jack Swagger interrupts.  He wants Christian to go to the board of directors with him and have Dreamer stripped of the title because he things the one day extension on Dreamer’s contract wasn’t valid.  Christian teases agreeing, then he decks Swagger and he and Dreamer send him out of the ring.  Dreamer finally signs his contract, but as he celebrates, Christian powerbombs him through the table that was set up in the ring.  That was mean.

How will this SHOCKING turn of events affect our main event tonight, in which Dreamer & Christian are scheduled to take on the Hart Dynasty?  Commercials!

This Monday: The 3-For-All!

Tiffany is talking to some guys backstage who knocked some shit over.  Christian shows up and Tiffany tells him he took out Dreamer, so now he has to tag with Swagger.

Tony Atlas (w/ Mark Henry) vs. Evan Bourne.  Atlas is still jacked, but old and immobile.  Bourne bumps for him and practically wrestles himself.  Atlas decides to try a little bit and takes a bump or two.  Bourne wins with the Shooting Star press at 3:14.  Henry jumps Bourne and hits the World’s Strongest Slam after the match.

Striker and Matthews reaffirm that the main even tonight is now Christian & Swagger vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Commercials!, including an awesome Extreme Rules highlights video.

Handicap Match: Vladimir Kozlov vs. Luke Hawx & Chris Lewie.  Kozlov destroys the jobbers with extreme prejudice and pins Lewie at 1:33 with his move.

Christian and Swagger bicker in the locker room.  Commercials!

“Last night on Raw…” segment.  Striker and Matthews then announce that Monday night on Raw, there will be a four-way match between Randy Orton, John Cena, Triple H, and Big Show for the vacant WWE Championship.  Plus, Tommy Dreamer will defend the ECW Championship against Christian.

The Hart Founda…. er, Dynasty, comes out for the main event.  Natalya says her boys will beat the two former ECW Champions.  Commercials!

The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Christian & Jack Swagger.  Harts take turns working over Christian to start.  Christian counters Kidd and tags in Swagger.  Swagger has a brief exchange with Kidd, then shoves Christian to tag him back in.  Christian hits a missile dropkick on Kidd, the Swagger shoves him in a shot from Kidd.  Harts start to work over Christian again as we take our final commercial break!  Back from break, Christian plays face in peril.  I guess he has to, since he’s the only face in the match.  Swagger calls for the tag, but fakes out.  Christian slaps him.  Shouldn’t that count as a tag?  Awesome sequence between Christian and Smith.  Kidd tags in and almost takes the Killswitch, but counters it.  Another great sequence between Christian and Kidd.  Christian gets a near fall with his reverse DDT. then Swagger double crosses him.  Shock shock.  Smith pins Christian after the Hart Attack at 11:26.  Really good match.  Swagger and the Hart Dynasty commence to beat down Christian, but Tommy Dreamer runs down with a Singapore can to make the save, even though Christian powerbombed him through a table earlier in the show.  Dreamer’s music plays, fade to black…

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are LIVE from Orlando, Florida.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  They talk about John Cena being fired last night.

The Nexus come out: Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett tries to a cut a promo amidst heavy boos from the crowd.  He decides to turn it around and claim that Cena was biased against him last night.  He says an official has never been allowed to put his hands on a competitor.  That is a lie.  He wants another title shot with a neutral referee.  The iBooker 9000 dings in.  Cole reads that the match will happen TONIGHT!  Barrett says that he has allowed John Cena to appear tonight to say his goodbyes.

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!  Also, John Cena WILL be here.  Commercials!

Next week, King of the Ring returns!

The announcers chat.  Cole introduces the newest member of the announce team, CM Punk!  Awesome!

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Truth is back to using his old music, which Eve doesn’t dance nearly as well to.  Punk says “wrestling,” so I assume he’ll be removed from announcing immediately.  Sheamus wins the lock up and takes Truth over with a side headlock.  Sheamus controls with the headlock.  Truth escapes and dances.  He does the splits and lands a jumping side kick.  Sheamus bails and yells.  Commercials.  Sheamus works Truth’s arm for a while.  Truth escapes a long hold and makes his comeback.  Truth lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Truth goes for a front cradle, but Sheamus squashes it for 2.  Sheamus NAILS Truth with the brogue kick (yes, I’m going to call it that now) and follows with the Razor’s Edge (no, I’m still not calling it the High Cross or Pale Justice or whatever the name of the week for it is) for the pin in 11:04.  Boring match.

They air a clip from the new John Cena DVD, showing him preparing for WrestleMania XXVI.  Tonight, Cena will BE HERE!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Orlando!

Michelle McCool and Layla babble obnoxiously while heading into the building.  The security guy won’t let them in the building because they’re not allowed on Raw since they’re not champs anymore.  Then WHY THE HELL WAS NATALYA ON SMACKDOWN EVERY FUCKING WEEK FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS?  The NEW WWE Divas Champion Natalya walks up and claims to not know them, so they are shut out of the building.  Thank God.  My joy at not having to see LayCool anymore aside, this was retarded.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are backstage chatting about their loss last night.  Tamina plays Santino a song on a ukulele.  They kiss.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton about the title match tonight.

Up next, Ezekiel Jackson vs. The Miz in a King of the Ring Qualifying Match!  Commercials!

WWE Slam of the Week: Ezekiel Jackson being a BAMF.

Ezekiel Jackson comes out for the match.  Alex Riley comes out and says that Miz had an anxiety attack, so Riley will be wrestling on his behalf.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Alex Riley.  Riley tries a go behind.  Zeke reverses it.  Riley gets a rope break.  Riley avoids Zeke in the corner and hits a Stinger splash, then takes Zeke down with a headlock.  Cover gets 2.  Riley applies a rear chin lock.  Zeke escapes, mauls a bitch, and hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 1:54.  I’m all for a King Zeke reign!

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!

John Cena chats with R-Truth and Eve Torres backstage.  Gail Kim, Santino Marella, and Yoshi Tatsu show up to wish him well.  I’m sad that Yoshi never actually gets a match on Raw.  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

John Cena comes out to cut his farewell promo.  He talks for a while about the usual stuff: loving his job, missing his family, etc.  He asks for the women and kids to chant “Let’s go Cena!” while the guys chant “Cena sucks!”  They, being a polite crowd, oblige his request.  Cena warns Wade Barrett to stop taking shortcuts.  He finally finishes up by thanking the fans.  I’m sure they appreciate it and will be happy to see him back next week.  They show some sad looking fans.  Cena walks backstage passing R-Truth, Eve, Goldust, The Bella Twins, Kozlov, Santino, Mark Henry, Primo, Ted Dibiase Jr., Maryse, Naomi, Kaitlyn, AJ, Natalya, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Daniel Bryan, Gail Kim, Melina, Alicia Fox, Tyson Kidd, referees and assorted backstage geeks.  He shakes hands with and hugs Randy Orton since they’re best friends now.  Cena walks out of the building.  Wade Barrett steps into frame and does the “You can’t see me” gesture at the back of Cena’s head.  Commercials.

The brand new Amway Center!

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Brie Bella).  Brie runs down the ramp to catch up to Bryan.  I’m taking the announcers’ word that it’s Brie, which means there’s a 99% chance it’s Nikki.  Dibiase jumps Bryan and beats him up.  Dibiase gets a couple of near falls, then applies a waist lock on the mat.  Bryan avoids Dibiase in the corner and drills him with a dropkick.  Dibiase hits a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Bryan turns his stupid cover into the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:53.  These two have had a really good match in the last 24 hours.  This wasn’t it.  Nikki Bella comes out to join Brie in celebrating with Bryan.  He has them hug each other for some reason.  Maybe they’re going to start calling him gay on top of everything else.

Orton vs. Barrett TONIGHT!  For the BELT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  Fox holds onto the ropes to avoid a front cradle.  Natalya gives her a monkey flip.  Fox works Natalya’s hair.  She pulls out a tuft of Natalya’s hair, which pisses her off.  Natalya throws Fox down by her hair a bunch, then hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Natalya does a bear hug.  Fox turns it into a cradle.  Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:16.  This was crap.

Tonight, Orotn vs. Barrett for the belt!

John Morrison and Melina chat backstage.  Are they still together?  Morrison is in action NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Hart Dynasty vs. Nexus from last week’s Raw, when Tyson Kidd TURNED on David Hart Smith.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd.  Kidd has new HEEL music.  They lock up and trade arm locks.  Morrison backs Kidd into the corner.  Kidd stomps Morrison in the corner, slides out of the ring, and drops him across the apron, then delivers a kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kidd applies a side headlock and yells.  Morrison fights back and lands a fancy kick.  Morrison lands a side kick for 2.  Kidd hits a twisting Fisherman buster for 2.  Kidd beats up Morrison a bit.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck.  Kidd tries to cut him off, but fails.  Morrison lands it and follows with the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:17.  It was okay.  Too short, like most things tonight.

Orton vs. Barrett is NEXT!  Commercials.

Hype for next week’s King of the Ring Tournament.

Randy Orton comes out for his title defense, but is jumped in the aisle by The Nexus and ASSAULTED!  Orton’s knee has been injured!  Commercials!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett.  They both make their entrances again, even though they were both out there 5 minutes ago.  Orton is selling the knee injury.  In ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton lands some punches.  Barrett attacks the injured knee.  Barrett rams the knee into the apron.  Cover gets 2.  Barrett works the knee.  Orton catches Barrett with the 3.0.  Across the injured knee.  Idiot.  Barrett hits the Wasteland and covers.  John Cena appears and pulls the referee out of the ring!  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus runs out.  Cena escapes through the crowd.  Orton hits Barrett with the RKO for the pin in 3:50.  Orton retains the title!  The Miz comes out!  He’s cashing in the Money In The Bank contract RIGHT NOW!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  Miz goes for the knee.  Orton clubbers his back.  Repeat.  Miz kicks Orton’s knee out from under him and sets to work on it.  Miz rams Orton’s knee into the post repeatedly.  Orton kicks him away and into the barricade.  Back inside, Orton makes his comeback.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz counters and takes his knee out.  Orton manages to hit the powerslam and starts humping the mat.  Miz counters the RKO and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 2:44!  THE MIZ IS WWE CHAMPION!  They show kids looking sad and angry in the audience.  Awesome!

This show was crap when it comes to wrestling, but it was still fun, entertaining, and eventful.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are TAPED from Manchester, England.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

John Cena is behind a Nexus podium in the ring.  He reads a scroll introducing Manchester’s own Wade Barrett.  Barrett comes out along with the rest of Nexus: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett thanks Cena for reading the intro that he wrote for him.  He says they’re going to do a preview celebration for his title win at Survivor Series tonight, but first he has business to tend to.  They show video of the Nexus getting beaten up by Edge, Kane, and The Big Show on Smackdown last week.  Barrett bitches at Otunga for failing, then bitches at Cena for his refereeing in the Barrett & Otunga vs. Randy Orton & R-Truth match on Raw last week.  Cena starts babbling about the beginnings of his rapper gimmick.  Barrett asks what happened in the match.  Cena replies “You guys lost.”  Barrett says Cena is free or fired at the PPV.  Cena says either way, he’s going to beat up Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett orders Cena to announce him as the new WWE Champion to practice for Survivor Series.  Wouldn’t that be Justin Roberts’ job?  Cena says “Whatever.”  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out and says he’s still WWE Champion and he’ll beat Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett says he has goons with him.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Couldn’t they have left that thing in the states?  iBooker cancels Barrett’s preview celebration, says the match at Survivor Series can only be won by pinfall or submission (It’s not a No DQ match, it just can’t be won by DQ) and the Nexus geeks will be banned from ringside, and books Nexus vs. Team Orton with Cena as the referee for tonight.  Cena shoves the Nexus podium over, shoves Otunga over, and leaves.

Next, a stupid divas soccer something or other.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Manchester!

Divas Cup Match: Eve Torres & The Bella Twins vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Tamina.  The teams are wearing different color soccer uniforms and both get booed.  Eve and Tamina lock up.  Tamina wins the lock up.  Eve fights back.  Tamina hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Maryse tags in and works over Eve.  Boringly.  Eve fights her off.  Fox and one of the Bellas tag in.  The Bella runs wild, counters a backbreaker attempt, and lands on top for 2.  The Bella gets another 2.  Clusterfuck.  Maryse gives the legal Bella a DDT.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The illegal Bella gets Fox with an inside cradle for the pin in 3:09.  Terrible.

David Otunga gives the Nexus a pep talk in the locker room.  Wade Barrett comes in and tells Otunga that he won’t be in the tag match tonight, but he will face John Cena.  He orders Otunga to give it his all and says he’s going to tell Cena the same thing.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Natalya beat Michelle McCool after miscommunication between LayCool.

The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  Smith beats up Jimmy to start.  Jimmy bails.  Kidd tags in and hits one of the Usos with a DRAGONRANA SUICIDA!  Back inside, Kidd misses a springboard elbow drop.  The Usos get the heat on Kidd.  Jimmy misses a diving splash or a diving headbutt.  Jey and Smith tag in.  Smith runs wild and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Jimmy saves.  Smith throws him out of the ring.  Kidd misses a baseball slide and gets kicked in the face.  Smith knocks Jimmy off the apron.  Jey drops Smith with a kick and hits the Superfly splash for the pin in 3:36.  Okay little match.  Dysfunction between the Harts continues.

Tonight, Santino Marella has invited Sheamus to a tea party… Huh?

Cena vs. Otunga tonight.  Commercials.

Nest Monday, WWE goes old school!  I’m not sure what that means, but I’m mildly excited.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton.  The Miz shows up to tell him that he’s one of the members of Orton’s team tonight.

The announcers talk.

Various chatter goes on in the Nexus locker room.  David Otunga comes in.  The others are mad at him.  He wants them to help him tonight.  Gabriel is scared of doing anything without Barrett’s permission.  Otunga says they don’t need his permission.  The others are skeptical.  Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: The Goldust/Aksana wedding from last week on NXT, after which Aksana turned on Goldust.

Million Dollar Champion Goldust vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Goldust shines and looks awesome.  He clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring, chases him back in, and gets clotheslined.  Dibiase beats up Goldust for a bit.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker for 2.  Maryse retrieves the Million Dollar belt from the ringside belt holding geek.  Goldust makes his comeback and hits a bulldog for 2.  Goldust hits a powerslam for 2.  Aksana comes out and takes the belt from Maryse.  Dibiase Pearl Harbors Goldust.  Goldust gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:24, then chases after his estranged bride.  I have no idea what’s going on here, and the match wasn’t much either.

Tonight, Team Orton vs. Team Barrett!  Commercials!

John Cena vs. David Otunga (w/ Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris).  Nexus come out with Otunga, then leave.  Otunga immediately bails and tries to run away.  Cena catches him on the stage, throws him into the car that’s on the stage, and brings him back in the ring.  Cena kicks Otunga’s ass.  Otunga sends Cena’s shoulder into the post to get the advantage.  Otunga beats up Cena for a while.  Cena avoids an elbow drop and makes his comeback.  Cena hits the AA, then locks in the STF for the win 3:59.  Meh.  Commercials.

David Otunga ices his boo boos backstage.  Wade Barrett lectures him about being a loser and tells him to go wrestle Edge on Smackdown.  If he doesn’t win, he’s done.

Manchester!

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out in British looking suits.  Santino looks JUST LIKE Mr. Fuji in that getup.  Santino talks about movies with silly British characters, then invites Sheamus out for a tea party.  Sheamus comes out and actually shakes hands with Santino.  They sit down.  Santino offers him green tea, ginger tea, or a picture of Mr. T.  Sheamus looks amused.  He calls Santino a village idiot.  Santino misunderstands, then offers him “milky” tea.  This goes on for a while.  At least the crowd is amused.  It’s like a fucking British sitcom.  They can’t remember what their issue is until Kozlov reminds them that Santino beat Sheamus.  Santino accidentally pours tea in Sheamus’ lap.  Sheamus is pissed.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker, which books Sheamus vs. Santino.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella.  Santino takes his fancy shirt off and has his ring gear on under it.  Sheamus goes after him, but he hides in the ropes.  Santino bails.  Sheamus goes after him.  Santino bails into the crowd.  iBooker sends Cole another fucking email.  If Santino doesn’t get back into the ring, he’s suspended.  He does, and after almost 2 1/2 minutes, the first contact of the match is made.  Sheamus kicks Santino’s ass.  Santino begs off, then hits Sheamus in the balls to get DQ’d in 3:01.  Retarded shit.  Santino celebrates losing.  Sheamus kills him with the pump kick and knees him in the head a bunch.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  John Morrison makes the save and hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Is this stupid shit going to go anywhere?

John Cena watches a WrestleMania commercial on TV.  Wade Barrett sneaks up behind him and reminds him that if he doesn’t make Barrett champion at Survivor Series, he won’t experience WrestleMania again.  Yeah, we all believe that.  Commercials.

Manchester!

Stand up for WWE!  This one is actually a cool video with the second and third generation wrestlers talking about their families.

WWE Champion Randy Orton, R-Truth, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry, & The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris of The Nexus.  John Cena is the referee.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Danielson and Gabriel start.  Awesome!  Gabriel tries a leapfrog and gets kicked in midair.  Gabriel gets a shot in and tags in McGillicutty.  Danielson gives him an arm drag and tags in Miz.  Miz Pearl Harbors McGillicutty and works him over.  Orton tags in and continues the work.  Orton demands that Barrett tag in.  Barrett orders Slater to tag in instead.  Orton kicks his ass and tags in Truth.  Truth beats up Slater.  Truth hits his splits kick.  Gabriel saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Team Orton clears the ring.  David Otunga comes out.  Commercials.  Truth and Gabriel lock up.  Truth wins the lock up.  Gabriel cheap shots him coming out of the corner to get the advantage.  Truth fights back.  Gabriel flips over him and drops him with a kick for 2.  Harris tags in and beats up Truth.  Henry tags in.  FAT GUY FIGHT!  Henry slams Harris like he’s nothing and goes for a big splash.  Harris avoids getting squashed and hits a corner clothesline.  McGillicutty tags in and gets clotheslined.  Danielson tags in and blasts McGillicutty with European uppercuts and kicks.  Danielson hits a release German suplex and running dropkick to the corner for 2.  Danielson lands some more kicks.  Harris blind tags in.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock on McGillicutty, but Harris saves.  Harris hits a 360 short range lariat for 2.  Barrett finally tags in and gets the heat on Danielson.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett drives his knee and foot into Danielson’s spine while pulling him back by the arms.  Danielson fights out.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Nexus make quick tags and keep the heat on Danielson.  Danielson drops Slater with a kick.  Barrett tags in.  Orton gets the tag from Danielson and runs wild on Barrett.  DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and hits the 3.0 for 2.  McGillicutty saves.  Truth hits McGillicutty with a front suplex.  Gabriel drops Truth with a kick.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Gabriel.  Harris and Slater bundle Henry out of the ring.  Danielson hits them with a double missile dropkick.  Barrett goes for the Wasteland again.  Orton counters into 3.0 again.  And humps the mat again.  Otunga distracts Cena.  Miz and Riley attack Orton.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton.  Barrett pins Orton in 15:18.  Really good match.

The main event was really good.  The rest of the show was fucking terrible.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to cut a promo.  He says if John Cena is going to screw him at Survivor Series, he wants Cena to tell him to his face.  John Cena comes out and talks about his plight.  Orton says Cena is a PHONY if he screws Orton at Survivor Series.  They bicker for a while and talk shit about Wade Barrett.  The Nexus come out.  They’re back up to 7 members: Cena, Barrett, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Husky Harris, and WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater.  Barrett says Cena will raise his hand as WWE Champion at Survivor Series.  Cena and Barrett banter.  Cena says either way, at Survivor Series, he’s gonna beat the hell out of Barrett.  Orton talks some smack to Barrett as well and challenges him to come to the ring.  Barrett starts walking.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, which books Barrett & a partner of his choice vs. Orton & a partner of his choice with Cena as the referee for TONIGHT!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Slater and Kidd start.  Kidd cranks on his arm.  Smith tags in and continues the arm work.  Smith hits a long stalling suplex for 2.  Gabriel tags in and beats up Smith.  They make quick tags and work over Smith.  Kidd gets the tag and runs wild.  Kidd hits Gabriel with the spinning fisherman suplex for 2.  Slater saves.  Smith throws Slater out and beats him up.  Kidd sends Gabriel outside.  Slater pushes Smith into Gabriel.  Kidd accidentally hits Smith with a dive.  Back inside, Gabriel drops Kidd with a kick and hits the 450 splash for the pin in 3:52.  Fine little match.  This isn’t going to help the dissension between the Harts!

John Cena is sulking in the locker room.  R-Truth comes in to chat with him.  He wants to know what Cena is going to do at Survivor Series.  Cena says he doesn’t know.  Truth is annoyed.  Cena leaves.  Commercials.

Tonight’s guest star is Pee Wee Herman!

Sheamus comes out.  They show him losing in ridiculous fashion to Santino Marella last week.  Sheamus cuts a promo and challenges him to a rematch.  Santino comes out and says he went trick or treating as Sheamus and he can’t wrestle tonight because he ate too much candy.  He introduces his replacement, Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov says “Sheamus, you talk funny!  Now, I crush you!”

Sheamus vs. Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella).  They lock up.  Kozlov takes Sheamus down.  Sheamus fights back and hits a reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Kozlov hits the double underhook headbutts and a big boot.  Cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Sheamus hits the Polish hammer and the pump kick for the pin in 1:44.  Not a bad little >2 minute matches.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Sheamus steps on his hand.  Sheamus stalks Santino.  Santino offers him money, his credit card, and a check.  Sheamus shoves him, then goes for Razor’s Edge on the stage.  John Morrison appears and makes the save.  Santino celebrates still being alive.  Fun segment.

R-Truth tells Randy Orton that he thinks John Cena is going to fuck him.  Orton seems unsurprised.  Truth is an idiot.  Orton invites Truth to be his partner tonight.  Truth agrees.  Commercials.

Mark Henry is on the phone with Pee Wee Herman.  Except they’re standing right next to each other.  Henry is upset about Evan Bourne being out.  Herman is upset about a splinter he got recently.  Henry wants a tag team partner and a hug.  He squeezes Herman to hard.  Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Melina, and Henry play Twister.  Herman rants about something.  Lita randomly appears and knocks over the goofs playing Twister.  The fuck?  Commercials.

WWE loves the troops!

Zack Ryder vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Ryder goes on the attack.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits a press slam.  Ryder tries to fight back.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 42 seconds.  Yay for Zeke squashing geeks!

Tonight, Orton & R-Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee!

Pee Wee Herman is up next!  Commercials.

Pee Wee Herman comes out.  He says the secret word for tonight is “ring.”  When someone says it, a bell will go off.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  I’ve never been so happy to see The Miz.  Miz insults Herman.  Herman makes 1st grade comebacks.  Miz says “ring” and the bell goes off.  Riley explains the secret word.  Miz says “ring” again.  Herman mimicks both of them.  The stupidity continues.  Herman says his “cousin” is here.  Miz tells him to bring it on.  The Big Show comes out dressed as Pee Wee Herman.   Show throws Miz and Riley out of the ring.  Herman says “ring,” so the stupid bell rings again.  iBooker sends an email.  I’ve never been so happy about that.  It books Miz vs. “The Big Pee Wee.”  Show and Herman dance.  Silliness.  Just, silliness.  Commercials.

The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. The Big Show.  Show beats up Miz.  Miz bails.  Miz comes back in.  Show beats him up some more.  Show squashes Miz with an elbow drop for 2.  Miz kicks at Show’s leg and punches him, trying to get him down.  He finally drops Show with a dropkick to the knees.  Cole and Riley miz in their pants over Miz getting the advantage.  Show stands up with Miz on his back, falls back, and squashes him.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb, but Miz moves to avoid certain death.  Miz covers for 1.  Show throws him off.  Miz puts the boots to Show.  Miz hits a diving axe handle smash.  Make that 2.  The third one drops Show.  Cover gets 2.  Show makes his comeback.  Show goes for the Ho Train, but Miz avoids it.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Riley gets on the apron.  Show sends Miz into him.  Miz gets a hold of the Money In The Bank briefcase and hits Show with it to get himself DQ’d in 6:49.  Not a bad little match.

Stand up for WWE!

Wade Barrett orders John Cena to clean his locker room and give him a bath after the match tonight.  That’s just weird.  Barrett leaves.  David Otunga comes in and says he’ll be the one who wins tonight because he’s more talented than everyone.  What’s Otunga’s talent?  It damn sure isn’t pro wrestling.  Commercials.

Goldust and Aksana get hitched tomorrow night on NXT!

Non-Title: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Bryan lands some kicks.  Dibiase catches Bryan with a knee lift and beats him up.  Dibiase whips Bryan hard into the corner.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chants.  Bryan fights back, tries to go up top, and takes a bump to the floor.  Back inside, Dibiase pounds on Bryan.  Dibiase is bringing it with the intensity tonight.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Bryan gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan gets an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Bryan flips over Dibiase in the corner and hits his clothesline.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Dibiase some more.  Dibiase catches him with a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Bryan counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 3:43.  Good little TV match.  Dibiase wines to Maryse about not having his Million Dollar belt.

Orton & Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to make me wish I was deaf.  They say Natalya can have another title shot at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya hits a fireman carry into an armbar.  McCool counters into a body scissors.  Natalya escapes and drops McCool face first.  Natalya goes to the second rope and gets pulled down.  Cover gets 2.  McCool beats up Natalya.  McCool applies a body scissors for about 3 days.  Natalya escapes and fights back.  McCool hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool bails.  Hijinks ensue until LayCool knock into each other.  McCool accidentally kicks Layla in the face.  Natalya schoolgirls McCool for the pin in 3:21.  Meh.

Somewhere in a hospital room, Vince McMahon is on a coma.  Really?  Commercials.

The “doctor” talks to a comatose Vince McMahon.  He mentions that Linda has spent $50 Million on this stupid election, which wakes Vince up from his coma.  Vince says he hates politics, but as long as things are okay in WWE… The doctor tells him Undertaker has been buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, John Cena is a member of Nexus, Paul Bearer is back, Goldust is getting married, and Pee Wee Herman has taken over Raw.  Vince says “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is Daniel Bryan is United States Champion?”  Vince gets up to go to the bathroom and says he might run for president.  He goes to the bathroom and we see he has one of Linda’s opponents’ campaign things on his ass.  Then we see Stephanie McMahon waking up and realizing THAT THE SEGMENT WE JUST SAW WAS HER DREAMING.  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?  THIS IS TNA LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  THIS IS WCW 1999/2000 LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  WHAT THE FUCK?

Long Island.  Fucking retarded WWE.

John Cena comes out in referee garb.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Wade Barrett & David Otunga vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton & R-Truth.  John Cena is the guest referee.  Orton and Otunga lock up.  Otunga stomps Orton in the corner.  Cena gives him the five count.  Orton beats up Otunga.  Barrett tags in and gets caught with a clothesline by Orton.  Orton beats up Barrett.  Orton gives Cena the five count in the corner.  Orton argues with him.  Barett schoolboys Orton for 2.  Orton stupidly goes to argue with Cena again.  Barrett attacks him from behind.  Otunga tags in, gets beaten up, and bails.  Orton follows and beats him up outside.  Otunga reverses Orton into the steps.  Otunga throws Orton back in and covers for 2.  Barrett tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton hits Barrett with a backdrop suplex.  Otunga and Truth tag in.  Truth runs wild on his NXT Season 1 rookie.  Truth hits his dancing kick for 2.  Barrett blind tags himself in and hits Truth with a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Truth avoids it.  Orton gets the hot tag… but Cena was distracted by Otunga!  They argue about whether or not a tag was made while Barrett and Otunga beat up Truth.  Truth continues to play face in peril.  Otunga and Truth cross body each other.  I swear, that’s the new double clothesline spot.  Barrett tags in, but Cena was distracted by Orton!  Orton hits the RKO on Otunga as Cena holds Barrett back.  Truth gets the pin on Otunga in 8:49.  Alright match.  Barrett bitches at Cena.  Cena says he called it right down the middle!  Orton holds the belt and glares at Barrett.

This show was about half decent and half stupid shit.