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TNA iMPACT! 3/17/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2011 by Grappleholic

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes out with both the puke ugly Jeff Hardy belt and a brand spanking new belt.  He calls out Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff.  Hogan and Bischoff come out.  Sting gives Hogan the puke belt, which Hogan immediately discards.  Sting bitches at Hogan for brainwashing Jeff Hardy.  Hogan says Hardy embarrassed Immortal at Victory Road, then talks for three hours about whatever else.  Something about main eventers supposedly wanting to come into TNA.  Sting asks where they are.  Bully Ray comes out, because you know he’s a world renowned main eventer.  He puts over Hogan and bashes Sting.  He wants to take out Sting.  Hogan starts to reply to him, but Fortune interrupt.  Commercials.

Sting, Hogan, Bischoff, Bully, and Fortune are all in the ring.  Styles says Fortune has Sting’s back, then talks about Bully being a joke as a singles wrestler.  Bully retorts about Styles being Dixie Carter’s child or something and about Styles being a midget.  He wants to talk about his title shot with Hogan.  Styles slaps Bully.  Ken Anderson comes out to join the party.  He still wants his title rematch so badly it’s made him retarded.  Hogan says Anderson doesn’t get a title shot because he didn’t beat RVD.  Anderson replies that RVD didn’t beat him either and calls Hogan a carrot.  Bischoff babbles about the network and books RVD vs. Anderson vs. Bully vs. Styles in a #1 Contender match tonight.  Anderson doesn’t like it, but too bad.  This segment was… um… yeah.

Kurt Angle has a big present for the newlyweds.  Commercials.

AJ Styles chats with Rob Van Dam backstage, trying to form an alliance.  RVD isn’t buying it.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ Tara) vs. Alissa Flash.  Rayne attacks Flash during her entrance to get the early advantage.  In the ring, she immediately hits her finish for the pin in 17 seconds.  And silly me was actually looking forward to Alissa dragging a match out of Rayne.  Madison and Tara go for the beat down, but Mickie James runs her off.  She wants another piece of Rayne.  Rayne points out, correctly, that she’s beaten Mickie time and time again and has no incentive.  She wants Mickie to put her hair up against the title at Lockdown.  Mickie agrees.  At least it’s not her career again.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is backstage with a fake blind guy, a fake fat guy, and a fake wheelchair guy.  He’s going to pretend to be Jesus later.  And they’re showing us ahead of time that he’s full of shit.

Tonight, the four-way match.  Commercials.

Ken Anderson pitches a fit to Hulk Hogan in the office.  They bitch at each other.  Anderson throws out the camera man.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring with his fake disabled and/or obese people.  He pretends to be Jesus and heal them the blind guy and the wheelchair guy, then insults the fake fat lady.  I hate wrestling.  Samoa Joe and Okato come out.  Pope throws the fake blind guy at Joe, then bails.  Pope captures Okato and holds a knife to his throat.  Are you fucking serious?  He kicks Okato and balls and throws him down, then reveals that it’s a fake knife.  Fuck Vince Russo.  Fuck Hulk Hogan.  Fuck Eric Bischoff.  Fuck Jeff Jarrett.  Fuck Dixie Carter.  Fuck everyone else who is responsible for this fucking piece of shit of a fucking wrestling show.

Tonight, a fucking four-way.  Commercials.

Moments ago, THE WORST FUCKING SEGMENT OF ALL TIME HAPPENED, AND THEY’RE SO PROUD OF THEY’RE SHOWING IT AGAIN.

Backstage, I think the Pope is torturing and preparing to rape Okato.  Samoa Joe runs Pope off and saves Okato.  I fucking hate this company.

Rob Van Dam accuses Ken Anderson of joining Immortal.  Anderson accuses RVD of the same thing.  Apparently one of them is turning heel tonight.  Who the fuck cares?

Four-way tonight.  Commercials.

Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, and Winter are bitches to each other backstage.  Angelina was supposed to team with Velvet, but she’s teaming with Winter instead, and no fucking body cares.  Velvet’s tits are still magnificent.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett come out.  Jarrett cuts a promo about how much better than Kurt Angle he is.  He says he’s offering a truce tonight.  He wants Angle to beg for forgiveness.  Angle comes out with his big present.  Angle facetiously puts over Jarrett and offers his gift.  Jarrett opens it to find an American flag guitar.  Angle takes it and breaks it over Jarrett’s head.  Awesome.  Karen hits Angle in the balls, but he pulls out the cup he was wearing and laughs at her.  Angle says he’s sick of this shit.  He wants Jarrett at Lockdown.  Either that or he’ll keep attacking Jarrett at home or something.  Jarrett agrees, with blood in his eye, despite Karen’s protests.  AWESOME segment.  I’m a little less pissed off now.

Eric Bischoff lectures Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy backstage.  He tells them that Abyss has been stripped of the TV title, so tonight the three of them will meet for the title.

Tonight, Matt Morgan, Angelina Love, & Winter vs. Hernandez, Rosita, & Sarita in a Street Fight!  Anderson vs. RVD vs. Styles vs. Bully!  Commercials.

House shows!

Karen Jarrett is on the phone with 911.  Jeff is bleeding.

Terry/Gunner/Murphy hype video.  Are you fucking serious?

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Gunner vs. Murphy vs. Rob Terry.  Gunner and Murphy beat up Terry.  Brooke Hogan and her stepmother are in the front row.  Cops arrive backstage.  Terry hits a Polish Hammer on Gunner for 2.  They lumber around and punch each other.  Terry drops Murphy with a spin kick.  Gunner spears Terry.  Gunner hits an F-5 on Murphy for the pin in 1:46 to win the title.  This was terrible.

AJ Styles talks backstage.  Ric Flair interrupts to talk shit.  Styles decks him.

The four-way TONIGHT!  The Street Fight NEXT!  Commercials.

Karen Jarrett bitches to police.  Jeff yells at her to chill the fuck out and argues with the cops.  Ugh.

Hernandez, Sarita, & Rosita come out.  Hernandez cuts his usual promo.  They’re now called Mexican America.

Street Fight: Mexican America (Hernandez & TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Rosita & Sarita) vs. Matt Morgan, Angelina Love, & Winter.  Everybody brawls.  The women go outside.  Morgan beats up Hernandez in the ring.  Rosita and Sarita jump on Morgan’s back.  He throws them off.  Winter and Angelina attack them.  Winter hits her spinning slam on Rosita for the pin in 1:21.  I’m not going to bitch much about this being over with quickly.  Some guy attacks Morgan.  Morgan hulks up.  Hernandez and the guy run away.  Apparently this guy is the same “fan” who jumped in the ring at Victory Road.

The four-way is next.  Commercials.

RVD/Anderson Victory Road highlight video.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Bully Ray vs. Ken Anderson.  Styles/Bully and RVD/Anderson pair off and brawl.  Styles hits a Frankensteiner on Ray, which is pretty sweet.  He goes for a monkey flip, but Bully pushes him down.  Ray and Anderson brawl.  Bully clotheslines Anderson out of the ring.  RVD and Bully go at it.  RVD hits a spin kick and the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson pulls RVD out of the ring and clotheslines him.  Styles hits a sunset flip on Anderson for 2.  Styles goes the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Ray clotheslines Styles for 2.  Ray hits a sidewalk slam on Styles for 2.  Bully beats up on everyone.  RVD beats up everyone.  He goes for the Five Star Frog Splash on Anderson, but it’s avoided.  Bully hits a Rock Bottom on Anderson for 2.  Styles hits a springboard cross body on Bully for 2.  RVD hits Styles with the flying kick for 1.  Anderson hits RVD with a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Bully avoids a dive from Ray and tries to hit him with a chair, but Hebner takes it away.  Anderson dives RVD a backdrop suplex on the chair and they pin each other in 5:53.  Bully attacks the referee, then attacks Jeremy Borash.  Styles rakes up and brawls with Bully.  Styles gets a chair and Bully begs off on the stage.  Ric Flair appears and hits Styles in the balls.  Ray gives Styles a sit-out powerbomb off the stage through a table.  Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and the geeks appear to check on them.  Commercials.

Bully Ray wakes up and shoves Al Snow and an EMT.  They show replays.  D’Lo Brown, Snow, and Pat Kenney try to get Ray out of there.  Tommy Dreamer and Fortune are out to check on Styles.  Styles gets stretchered out, but this is TNA so I’m sure he’ll be fine next week.  Kazarian goes to call Styles’ wife.  They all head off to the hospital.  They really tried to present this is a big, serious deal, but it’s TNA and it’s impossible to take anything they do seriously.

I liked the Jarrett/Angle stuff before the fucked it up with the cops, and they tried with the Bully/Styles angle, but 95% of this show was TNA 101 and a textbook example of why everyone with a brain hates their show and why they’ll never be successful.

TNA iMPACT! 3/3/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  We are TAPED from Fayetteville, North Carolina.

TNA President Dixie Carter comes out.  She’s very upset.  Apparently she lost the pretend court case.  Immortal: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy come out.  Bischoff gloats.  Flair explains that this is Flair Country and bitches at her for not banging him.  Hulk Hogan comes out to join them.  Joy.  He says he controls 100% of TNA.  He more or less calls Dixie a money mark.  Fortune: AJ Styles, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, and TNA X Division Champion Kazarian come out.  Styles cuts a promo, then leads Dixie out of the ring.  Roode cuts a promo on Hogan.  Roode and Flair banter.  Fortune try to hit the ring to brawl, but security, who is actually competent this segment, hold them back.

Immortal are backstage.  They meet some guy who is apparently a professional athlete.  Matt Hardy leads him off for God knows what.  They encounter Styles, Kazarian, and Dixie.  Dixie runs away.  Hardy and the guy get into a scuffle with Styles and Kazarian.  Jeff and Karen Jarrett show up.

Tonight, a wrestling wedding, which we know always goes perfectly as planned.

Eric Bischoff bitches to Hogan about some network guy forcing Jeff Hardy to defend the title tonight against a mystery opponent.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. Gunner & Murphy.  Gunner and Murphy knock Roode out of the ring and beat on Storm.  Roode gets the tag and runs wild.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Gunner for 2.  Murphy clotheslines Roode.  Gunner accidentally decks Murphy.  Storm superkicks Gunner.  BEER!  MONEY! double suplex on Murphy.  DWI on Gunner.  Roode gets the pin in 3:08.  That didn’t take long.  Ink Inc. come out.  Moore cuts a promo about being in his home state and being a weirdo or whatever weirdo talks about.  Moore challenges them to a title match at Victory Road.  Beer Money accept.

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious backstage.  Eric Young wants to be Jeff’s best man.  Jeff declines.  Young offers to be maid of honor, flower girl, and ring bearer.  Jarrett allows him to be ring bearer, to Karen’s displeasure.

Angelina from Jersey Show is here.  Joy.

Tonight, the wedding!  Jeff Hardy vs. ??? for the World Championship!

Kurt Angle arrives with his kids.

Sarita (w/ Rosita) vs. Velvet Sky (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love).  Sky is fired if she loses, so WAR SARITA~!  Sarita shoves Velvet and turns her back for some reason.  Velvet goes on the attack.  Sarita fails a dropkick.  Velvet hits a fancy lucha arm drag.  Some weird shit happens.  Rosita comes in.  Love spears her and kicks her ass.  Hebner ejects Rosita and Love.  Sarita hits a series of week reverse DDT style backbreakers.  Sarita goes for a Tiger Driver, but Velvet counters and hits a DDT for the pin in 2:02.  Ugh.  Love comes back to celebrate.  Robbie E., Cookie, and Angelina come out.  This segment gets more and more atrocious.  Lots of obnoxious females babbling.  Angelina wants a match with JWoww next week.  I pray to JBL that doesn’t happen.  Angelina kicks Velvet in the ass.  Velvet attacks her.  Sarita joins in the brawl.  The Beautiful People get beaten down.  Love wants to have a six-way next week.  Ugh.  There was nothing good about this segment, and nothing it leads to will be less than horrible.

Speaking of horrible, there’s a wrestling wedding and a Jeff Hardy World Title match tonight.

Ken Anderson talks backstage.  He assumes he’s getting the title shot tonight.

Eric Young tells Orlando Jordan he’s the flower girl tonight.  He accuses Jordan of stealing the ring, but it was in his show.  Stupidity.

Jeff Jarrett and Ric Flair chat in the bathroom.

Kurt Angle explains to his son that his taping his hands while getting dressed for a wedding.  I think he plans to punch someone.

Tonight, World Title match!  Wedding is NEXT!

Hulk Hogan is on the phone complaining to the network.

Wedding time.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan come out looking like idiots.  Jeff Jarrett comes out.  Kurt Angle attacks him in the aisle.  They brawl.  Karen comes out and tries to choke Angle.  She slaps him.  Angle throws her into the wedding cake!  Gotta love wrestling weddings.

Hulk Hogan talks to TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy backstage.  Hardy is fine with defending the title, but justifiably upset about not knowing who his opponent is.

Moments ago, Kurt Angle ruined the wedding.

Jeff and Karen pitch a fit to Bischoff and Flair backstage.  Bischoff assures them that the wedding will happen.  Hogan comes in to complain about the title match situation.  Bischoff tells Flair to “handle this.”

Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner.  Terry jumps Steiner with solid sounding punches.  Steiner hits an Exploder, then clotheslines Terry out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Terry rams Steiner’s back into the post.  Back inside, Terry keeps the beating going.  Terry hits a powerslam for 2.  Steiner hits a belly to belly suplex, then a Complete Shot.  Steiner hits a Steiner Line and an elbow drop, then does pushups.  Steiner hits a Samoan Drop off the top rope, then locks in the Steiner Recliner for the submission in 3:19.  This was awful, but it was fun to see the Steiner Recliner again.

Ric Flair and the New York Jets guy come into Kurt Angle’s locker room.  Flair warns that the sport player will kick Angle’s ass if he interferes in the second wedding.  Bart Scott is his name, apparently.

Bellator Featherweight Champion Joe Warren has joined Tenay and Taz on commentary.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan his the discus lariat and puts the boots to Hernandez.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Hernandez bails and tries to leave.  Morgan kicks his ass back to the ring.  Hernandez begs off.  Morgan kicks him in the face.  Hernandez rakes Morgan’s eyes.  Morgan doesn’t go for the shirt toss and does it to Hernandez instead.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner, then clotheslines Hernandez to the floor.  Hernandez begs off again on the outside, then sends Morgan’s face into the steps.  Repeatedly.  The ref DQs Hernandez in 4:22.  Morgan is bleeding.  Hernandez is pleased.  I am not.

Hogan is on the phone bitching again.  Ken Anderson comes in.  He’s pissed about not getting a title shot.  They bicker for a while.

Tonight, Hardy vs. somebody!  Next, another try at the wedding!

Preview for some new Spike TV show.

Eric Young and Orlando Jordan come out like dorks for the wedding again.  Jeff Jarrett comes out again.  Karen comes out, escorted by Kurt Angle, who has crazy eyes.  Karen still has cake on her face.  The wedding goes on.  They both talk shit about Angle in their vows while Angle just looks on smiling.  They do the rings after Young finds Karen’s in his shoe again.  They make out while Angle looks on creepily.  Angle makes sure they’re done, then pulls out a fucking axe!  He chops up the wedding decorations.  Eric Bischoff sets Bart Scott on Angle.  Scott shoves Angle, then pie faces him.  Angle puts him in the ankle lock.  Hah!

Jeff Hardy talks backstage.

Somebody’s here in a limo!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Sting.  Sting throws a reluctant Hardy into the ring and goes for the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy bails.  He looks scared, but comes back and goes on the attack.  Sting counters a suplex attempt and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy manages to get a rope break and rolls outside.  He tries to leave again, but Sting attacks his leg in the aisle.  Sting rams Hardy into the barricade at ringside.  Hardy avoids a Stinger Splash and Sting hits the barricade.  Back inside, Hardy goes on the offensive.  Sting hulks up and makes his comeback.  Sting his the Scorpion Death Drop for the pi…NO!  Hardy kicks out.  Hardy avoids another Stinger Splash.  Sting crotches Hardy on a Whisper In The Wind attempt and hits him with a Scorpion Death Drop out of the corner.  Sting hits the third Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 6:15.  Sting is the World Champion!  He celebrates with Hardy’s fugly belt.

This show wasn’t good.  In fact, at some points it was horrendous, but it was interesting and did a lot to advance storylines.

TNA iMPACT! 2/24/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 6, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of recent goings on.

“Hot At Teacher.”  Sounds like a porno title.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ken Anderson comes to the ring.  He’s doing a sit down strike until he gets his title rematch.  Rob Van Dam comes out to bitch at Anderson for screwing him over last week.  They brawl.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, D’Lo Brown, and security geeks come out to break them up.  Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Jeff & Karen Jarrett, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff says instead of getting his rematch tonight, Anderson is going to face RVD.  Jarrett whispers on Bischoff’s ear.  Bischoff likes it and books RVD vs. Anderson vs. Angle for tonight.

Tonight Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner in a pose down.  Ugh.  Also, Ric Flair vs. AJ Styles.

Scott Steiner talks backstage.  Eric Young poses behind him.  Steiner yells at him to leave.

Video of Jeff & Karen’s wedding planning.  Ugh.

Kurt Angle talks about the aforementioned stupidity.

TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money come out to do commentary on the next match.

Eric Young & Orlando Jordan vs. Gunner & Murphy.  Jordan humps Murphy’s face.  Young schoolboys him for 2.  Gunner tags in.  He and Young run the ropes for about an hour.  Jordan spanks Gunner.  They run the ropes some more.  Gunner shoves Jordan.  Murphy clotheslines Young behind the referee’s back.  Gunner and Murphy get the heat on Young.  Young takes his shorts off to reveal trunks that look like briefs.  More stupid shit happens.  Gunner pins Young after the Demolition Decapitation in 3:25.  This sucked.

The Beautiful People talk backstage.  Angelina doesn’t think Velvet should put her career on the line against Sarita.

Tonight, Flair vs. Styles and Angle vs. Anderson vs. RVD.

Brother Devon comes out.  He apologizes to his sons for letting them get beaten up by Bully Ray.  Ray appears on the Tron.  He talks shit while stomping on someone.  Ray calls this random black guy “one of [Devon’s] kind,” which is pretty racial, then sets him up for a powerbomb through a table.  Tommy Dreamer appears and brawls with Ray into the arena.  Devon gets a chair and Ray runs away.  Devon accidentally decks Dreamer, thinking he’s one of the security geeks.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and Tara are annoying backstage.  Rayne has issued an open challenge for tonight.  She orders Tara to not interfere.

Tonight, Angle vs. RVD vs. Anderson and Flair vs. Styles.

AJ Styles talks about Ric Flair backstage.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Magnus vs. Crimson.  Magnus talks shit before the match.  Crimson kicks his ass.  Crimson hits an Exploder and a cravat neckbreaker.  Magnus pulls Crimson’s head across the top rope and drops him with a big boot.  Crimson counters Magnus’ TKO and hits a spinning STO thing called the Red Alert for the pin in 1:11.  Crappy squash.

Rob Van Dam talks backstage.

Tonight, the three-way.

Rob Terry is headed our way.

Rob Terry comes out and cuts a promo.  Scott Steiner comes out in a suit and does a typical meandering promo.  Terry attacks Steiner with barbell and chokes him with one of those weight lifting pulley things.  Security geeks come out to break it up, but are afraid of Terry.

Velvet Sky encounters Winter backstage.  Winter mockingly encourages her.  Sky is a bitch in return.

Three-way tonight!  For the love of God, don’t forget about the three-way!  IT’S SO IMPORTANT THEY HAVE TO REMIND IS EVERY 17 SECONDS!

Ric Flair is here!

Jeff and Karen meet with a minister, who is appalled at what douches they are.

Ric Flair comes out and cuts a promo on AJ Styles, calling for Styles to come out and worship him.  Styles comes out.  They bicker.  Styles jumps Flair.  Hernandez runs in and attacks Styles.  Styles sends Hernandez to the floor and goes back to beating on Flair.  Hernandez comes back again and holds Styles for Flair.  Styles breaks free and hits Flair in the falls, then drops Hernandez with the Pele kick.  Styles rips up Flair’s suit.  They brawl at ringside.  Flair bleeds, of course.  Hernandez comes back and attacks Styles yet again, this time dropping him face first across the apron.  Styles rallies again and takes out Hernandez with a dive.  Flair begs off.  Styles pounds on him and rips more of his clothes off.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash.  Hernandez makes the save again.  Flair and Hernandez pound on Styles.  Fortune come out and run off Flair and Hernandez.  Matt Morgan appears and attacks Hernandez.  Fortune pose in the ring.

Ken Anderson talks backstage.

Don’t forget about the three-way!

Video recap of this whole stupid Immortal angle.  Next week, the verdict for the stupid court case.

Madison Rayne comes out to be obnoxious.  Her mystery opponent is the returning ODB!

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne vs. ODB.  ODB goes on the attack and runs wild.  Rayne bails to avoid a bronco buster, then goes on the attack.  Rayne humps ODB’s face into the mat.  Rayne hits a Lung Blower, then waves at the crowd.  She goes for the hump again, but fails.  ODB makes her comeback and finally gets her bronco buster in.  ODB goes for the TKO, but Madison counters and hits her finish for the pin in 3:41.  Yeah, this wasn’t good.

Velvet Sky goes into Sarita & Rosita’s locker room.  She accepts Sarita’s challenge to put her career on the line next week.  Sarita promises there will be no funny business.  After Velvet leaves, Sarita laughs about how she’s going to cheat.

The super important three-way is next.

Matt Morgan talks about Hernandez.

Jeff Jarrett gets fitted for his tux.

They decide to replay JWoww beating up Cookie months ago while the Beautiful People beat up Robbie E.  Why the fuck did I need to be reminded of this horror?  They’re going to bring in some other tramp from that stupid show to call out the original tramp from that stupid show.

Three-Way Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  RVD and Angle double team Anderson for a while.  Angle spears the post and falls to the floor.  RVD continues beating up Anderson.  Angle returns and clotheslines Anderson.  RVD clotheslines Angle and hits the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson beats up RVD.  Anderson hits a neckbreaker.  Angle makes the save and suplexes Anderson.  Angle and Anderson brawl.  Angle sends Anderson outside.  RVD comes back in.  They lock up and go at it.  Anderson low bridges RVD out of the ring.  RVD drops Anderson with a kick for 2.  Angle trips Anderson and pulls him out of the ring.  They brawl at ringside.  RVD hits them with a dive.  Insta-commercials.  Anderson is out on the floor.  RVD hits Angle with a diving kick and a standing moonsault for 2.  RVD sends Angle out of the ring.  Anderson attacks RVD and hits a backdrop suplex.  Anderson hits a knee drop for 2.  Anderson works RVD’s arm.  RVD kicks Anderson in the head and connects with a springboard kick.  Angle comes back in and runs wild with suplexes aplenty.  Angle Slam to Anderson.  RVD superkicks Angle and goes up top.  Angle springs up and arm drags him down.  RVD goes to the floor.  Angle counters the Mic Check and hits an Exploder.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but the Wedding March plays.  Jeff and Karen Jarrett come out all dressed up.  Anderson hits Angle with the Mic Check for the pin (9:19 shown).  This was kind of a mess.

Hype for next week’s iMPACT!, which I’m sure will be an overbooked piece of crap.

They play a video obviously hyping the return of Sting, with the dates 3/3/11, which is clearly a rip off the 2/21/11 campaign WWE did to hype Undertaker’s return.

Horrible show.  Thank God it’s over.

TNA iMPACT! 2/17/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of recent goings on.  Tonight, Rob Van Dam finally gets Jeff Hardy for the World Title!

“The Boy Is Back In Town”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Eric Bischoff, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy of Immortal come out.  Bischoff introduces the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy.  Bischoff starts to blather on.  They show a PIP of Ric Flair arriving backstage.  He talks about RVD/Hardy tonight, then bitches about Flair being AWOL recently.  Flair comes out, helped into the ring by So Cal Val, and bitches at Bischoff for telling him what to do because he’s Ric Flair, dammit!  Flair leaves.

Video of Jeff and Karen Jarrett getting massages and being pretentious assholes.  It lasts way too long.  And we’ll probably get 30 of these tonight.  Commercials.

AJ Styles and Matt Hardy brawl backstage.  Gunner and Murphy jump Styles.  The rest of Fortune make the save.  Rob Terry joins in.  Scott Steiner is there too.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, D’Lo Brown, and geeks try to break it up.

Tenay and Taz talk about Against All Odds.

Hernandez, Sarita, and Rosita make friends backstage.  I understood most of Sarita’s Spanish!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Doug Williams comes out.  Hernandez jumps him in the aisle and destroys him.

Doug Williams vs. Hernandez (w/ Sarita & Rosita).  Hernandez continues destroying Williams.  Velvet Sky runs out to attack Sarita for talking shit.  Rosita beats up Velvet.  Angelina Love makes the save.  Meanwhile, Hernandez chokes Williams with his shirt.  Hernandez hits the Border Toss which drops Williams RIGHT ON HIS FUCKING HEAD for the pin in 1:59.  What a mess.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone trying to get the network to cancel the Hardy/RVD match tonight.  He fails.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring with a roast pig with an apple in its mouth.  He talks for a while.  He calls the pig “Sloppy Joe” and claims to be Jesus.  Samoa Joe comes out to put a stop to this stupidity.  Okato appears on the apron and delivers a kick to Pope.  Joe kicks Pope’s ass and hits the Muscle  Buster through the buffet table.  Thank you, Joe!  Joe puts the apple in Pope’s mouth.  Hah!

Tonight, Jeff Hardy defends the World Championship against RVD!  Commercials!

Robbie E. and Cookie are obnoxious.  Kazarian kisses his wife Traci Brooks backstage before heading to the ring.  Kazarian cuts a promo about bringing back the X Division.  He challenges Robbie to send Cookie to the back and have a straight match with him.  Robbie agrees.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E.  Robbie goes on the attack early.  Kazarian fires back and kicks Robbie in the head.  There’s a random horn honking sound.  Kazarian hits a springboard elbow smash for 2.  Kazarian lands a spin kick and goes for the Fade To Black.  Cookie comes back in and hits Kazarian with a giant purse to cause the DQ in 1:47.  Robbie and Cookie attack Kazarian.  Traci Brooks runs in and kicks Cookie’s ass.  Glad that crap is over.

Ric Flair visits with Fortune.  He’s playing both sides of the Immortal/Fortune game, apparently.  He ices all of them.

Styles vs. Hardy NEXT!  Commercials!

Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles.  They brawl.  Styles throws Hardy out of the ring and hits an awesome suicide dive.  Hardy gets the advantage in a ringside brawl.  Back inside, Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Ric Flair comes out.  Hardy grabs a cravat.  Hardy rakes Styles’ eyes.  Styles gets pissed off and kicks Hardy’s ass.  Hardy counters the Styles Clash.  Styles does the drop down, leap frog, dropkick.  Styles goes for the springboard forearm, but Flair turns and trips him.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 3:23.  Flair and Hardy beat up Styles.  Fortune run off Flair and Hardy.  The match wasn’t much of anything.

Ken Anderson is here and he’s pissed off.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious in a hot tub.

Ken Anderson comes out and calls out Eric Bischoff.  Bischoff comes out.  Anderson bitches about not getting his championship rematch tonight.  Bischoff blames The Network.  Is Cyrus going to show up?  Because that would probably rule.  Anyway, they argue.  Bischoff makes Anderson the guest referee in the main event tonight, with the logic that he’ll help Hardy win to have another chance at Hardy.  Anderson agrees, then gives Bischoff the Mic Check.

Velvet Sky and Winter bicker backstage.  Winter grabs some scissors.  Angelina comes in and tells Winter to chill.  Hehe… Winter chill…

Tonight, Hardy vs. RVD.  Up next, women’s tag match.  Commercials.

House shows!

AJ Styles rants and raves about Flair backstage.  He wants Flair next week.

The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) vs. Sarita & Rosita.  They brawl in the aisle.  They brawl in the ring.  Velvet beats up Sarita.  Love and Rosita tag in.  BP double team Rosita.  Sarita comes in and Love throws her outside.  Rosita tries to rally.  Love gives her the World’s Weakest Slam.  Sarita tags in.  Love hits a wonky move for 2.  Velvet tags in.  Sarita kicks her in the pussy, wiggles her ass, and tags out.  Sky overcomes a double team.  Rosita hits a jawbreaker.  Sarita tags in.  Sky gives her a shitty hip toss into the ring.  Sky goes for a DDT, but Rosita stops her.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Rosita trips Sky from the outside.  Sarita pins Sky with her feet on the ropes in 3:49.  This was fucking atrocious.  Velvet challenges Sarita to a match with no cheating allowed.  Sarita says Velvet is a joke, which is true, and challenges her to put her career on the line.  Sky agrees.  Please win, Sarita!

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious somewhere else.

Kurt Angle is going to where Karen and Jeff are.

Tonight, RVD vs. Hardy with Anderson as ref.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and Tara are obnoxious backstage.  She’s issued an open challenge to anyone in the world.

Scott Steiner talks about having a pose off with Rob Terry next week.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious at dinner.  Kurt Angle shows up.  Jeff and Karen run away.  That was pointless.

Rob Van Dam talks backstage.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Tenay and Taz talk about what happened at the PPV with Bully Ray, Brother Devon, and Devon’s sons.  Bully Ray comes out to be an asshole.  Taz tells him to STFU and GTFO.  They argue.  Ray slaps Tenay in the back of the head just to be a dick.

Ken Anderson comes out and does his intro.  It’s main event time!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Rob Van Dam.  Ken Anderson is the guest referee.  They lock up.  RVD goes into karate mode, then into judo mode.  Hardy hides in the ropes.  RVD drops him crotch-first into the ropes and hits the flying kick.  RVD front suplexes Hardy into the guardrail and hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP~!  Commercials.  RVD hits a slingshot leg drop to the apron, then another one back into the ring for 2.  RVD hits a front slam and goes for the split legged moonsault, but Hardy gets his knees up.  Hardy dropkicks Hardy into the post and out of the ring.  Back inside, Hardy hits a front suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  RVD avoids the Whisper In The Wind and hits a standing moonsault.  RVD makes his comeback and hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  RVD hits his swank leg roll cradle for 2, then kicks Hardy in the face.  RVD goes up top.  Hardy pushes him off into the barricade.  Back inside, Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb for the… RVD kicks out!  Hardy and Anderson argue.  RVD hits a chin crusher and spin kick, then the Five Star Frog Splash.  Hardy gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Hardy accidentally bumps into Anderson.  Anderson glares at him.  Hardy kicks RVD in the balls where Anderson can’t see it, then hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 12:12.  Pretty good match.  Anderson raises Hardy’s hand, then gives him the Mic Check.  RVD and Anderson argue.  Anderson gives RVD the Mic Check too.

Aside from a decent main event, this show was fucking atrocious.  After a run of watchable shows, this was pretty much back to business as usual for iMPACT!

TNA Against All Odds 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2011 by Grappleholic

Very cool opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They talk about what’s going down tonight and announce that Generation Me couldn’t make it due to travel issues, so they’re out of the Three-Way #1 Contender Match with Robbie E.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out.  Robbie blathers like a retard.  Since Gen Me couldn’t make it, he’s #1 Contender by default.  He wants the referee to count them out and raise his hand in victory.  The referee rings the bell and counts them out.  Robbie wins by forfeit.  He’s going to get his title shot tonight, and apparently doesn’t know it.  Kazarian comes out to inform him.  He calls Cookie a filthy garden gnome, so that’s awesome.  Robbie is upset to be getting a title shot for some reason.  Kazarian attacks Robbie and throws him into the ring.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Kazarian beats up Robbie.  Yay!  Cookie tries to trip Kazarian, but he stomps her hand.  Kazarian hits a spin kick for 2.  Kazarian kicks Robbie off the apron and goes up top.  Cookie tries to fuck with him.  Kazarian grabs her.  Robbie drops Kazarian and makes him face plant into the steps.  Robbie ramps Kazarian’s arm into the steps for good measure.  Back inside, Kazarian tries to rally and eats a boot.  Robbie hits a diving fist drop for 2.  Cookie chokes Kazarian behind the referee’s back.  Robbie hits a side Russian leg sweep or something similar for 2.  Robbie ground Kazarian with a rear chin lock.  Kazarian avoids Robbie in the corner and hits a springboard dropkick.  Kazarian makes his comeback and hits a rebound leg drop for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Robbie counters and goes for the neckbreaker.  They trade cradles.  Kazarian hits the Axe Guillotine Driver (which apparently he calls the Fade To Black) for the pin in 7:11.  Okay match.

Christy Hemme interviews Scott Steiner and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Typical Steiner rambling.  He massages Roode’s shoulders and Roode tries to translate what he said into English.

AJ Styles comes out to join Tenay and Taz for commentary.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy of Immortal vs. Scott Steiner & TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Gunner and Murphy finally have wrestling gear.  Steiner and Gunner lock up.  Steiner shoulder blocks him, then chops the shit out of him.  Gunner tries to do something cute and gets overhead suplexed.  Murphy comes in and gets one for himself.  Terry tags in and poses.  Steiner is unimpressed.  Beer Money distracts the referee.  Steiner kicks Terry square in the balls and lands a STEINER LINE~!, then drops an elbow and does some push ups.  Murphy tags and locks up with Steiner.  Storm tags in and beats up Murphy.  Storm hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Murphy tags in.  Storm avoids a kick and hits a knee to the face and a neckbreaker for 1.  Gunner tries to through Storm out of the ring.  Storm skins the cat back in and hits a flurry of offense.  Storm lands corner punches.  The heels cut Storm off and work him over.  Storm hits Terry with a Lung Blower.  Gunner tries to cut Storm off again, but Storm kicks him away and makes the hot tag to Roode.  Roode wins wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Terry accidentally hits Murphy.  BEER!  MONEY! double suplex on Terry.  Gunner decks Storm.  Roode hits the spinebuster on Gunner, then Murphy.  Terry tries to chokeslam Roode, but Roode counters and gives him a spinebuster too.  Gunner goes up top.  Roode cuts him and tags in Steiner.  FRANKENSTEINER OFF THE TOP ROPE!  Steiner pins Gunner in 10:12.  Fun match!

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Devon, who has decided that his sons aren’t going to be in the match.

Pope/Joe video package.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe.  Pope has “Pope’s Gonna Kill You” on the back of his trunks.  He bails because he’s a pussy.  Pope finally kicks Joe in the gut and attacks.  Joe goes for the choke.  Pope escapes and bails again.  Pope tries to leave, but Okato (the former Kazuchika Okada) appears and forces Pope back to ringside.  He has a Kato mask on him.  Joe hits an elbow suicida and throws Pope back into the ring.  Pope rallies, hits a suplex, and poses.  Joe no sells and kicks his ass.  Joe hits the face wash in the corner.  Pope pokes Joe in the eyes to regain the initiative and puts a hurting on Joe.  Joe rallies and makes his comeback.  Senton splash gets 2.  Snap powerslam gets 2.  Pope lands a knee to the face and removes a turnbuckle pad.  Joe avoids having his face rammed into the exposed buckle.  Pope gets a reverse cradle, but Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch.  Pope immediately submits in 8:32.  It was okay.  Pope applauds Joe and offers to shake his hand.  Joe refuses.  Pope cheap shots him, drops Okato, and rams Joe’s head into the exposed turnbuckle.  Pope hits the Elijah Express.  Joe is bleeding and pissed off.  Pope runs away.

Christy Hemme interviews Mickie James.

Mickie James/Madison Rayne hype video.

Last Knockout Standing Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James.  Madison goes for a punch with the loaded glove, which is perfectly legal.  Mickie avoids the shot and beats her up.  They go outside and Madison punches the post.  Mickie hits her head on the steps and makes it up at about 4.  Back inside, they counter each others’ finish.  They fight on the ramp.  Madison clubs Mickie in the back with the loaded glove and goes to work on her back.  Mickie reverses Madison into the post.  Back in the ring, Madison hits her finish.  Mickie recovers and rallies.  They brawl outside.  Madison crawls under the ring.  Mickie follows.  They both come out the other side.  That was utterly pointless.  Mickie accidentally punches the steps.  Mickie kicks her.  Mickie throws Madison back into the ring to break the count, then goes up top.  Madison cuts her off and throws her to the floor.  Mickie makes it up at 9.  Mickie pulls Madison’s arm across the top rope, then hits the diving Thesz press.  Mickie sort of hits the Mick Kick, then takes Madison’s glove and puts it on.  Tara runs in.  Mickie decks her with the loaded glove.  Madison decks Mickie with brass knuckles and goes for the pin.  Idiot.  10 count.  Madison retains in 8:29.  This wasn’t any good.

Jeff Hardy talks backstage, then paints lines on his face.

Matt Morgan comes out and calls out Hernandez.  Hernandez comes out.  Hernandez is the heel now, despite the fact that Morgan is the one who kicked Hernandez’s head into the post last year.  They banter.  Hernandez is turning this into a racial issue.  He kicks Morgan in the balls and gives him an Attitude Adjustment, of all things.  Hernandez also now walks like a retard who thinks he’s a bad ass.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Hardy, whose nickname is now “Cold Blood.”

Matt Hardy vs. Rob Van Dam.  They lock up.  Hardy powers RVD into the corner.  The ref gets between them.  They trade punches.  RVD’s singlet is really cool looking tonight.  Hardy blocks the monkey flip and sends RVD’s face into the turnbuckle, then drops him with a clothesline.  Hardy pounds on RVD in the corner.  RVD lands a jump kick.  Hardy bails.  RVD goes for an Asai moonsault, but Hardy pulls him down and makes his face plant into the apron.  Hardy tries to suplex RVD into the barricade, but RVD turns it into a front suplex, then hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDAIL LEG DROP~!  Back inside, Hardy hits a DDT for 2.  RVD rolls out of the ring.  Hardy sends RVD into the barricade again.  Back inside, Hardy hits an enzui leg drop for 2.  Hardy beats on RVD.  Hardy locks in a rolling butterfly lock.  RVD gets a foot on the rope.  Matt humps RVD.  I don’t know why either.  Hardy hits the bottom rope decapitator for 2.  Hardy applies a full nelson.  RVD fights out.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Stupid alternating chants.  Hardy applies a cravat hold.  He’s breaking out all kinds of new shit tonight.  Hardy drops RVD and goes up top.  RVD catches him midair with a thrust kick.  RVD makes his comeback.  Hardy avoids the Rolling Thunder, but RVD hits a standing moonsault for 2.  RVD kicks Hardy in the face, hits a front slam, and follows with the split-legged moonsault for 2.  Hardy ducks a kick and hits the Side Effect for 2.  RVD counters the Twist of Hate and drops Hardy with a spin kick.  RVD goes up top.  Hardy cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  They fight over it for a while.  Hardy back body drops RVD off the top rope, then goes for a moonsault press.  RVD avoids it and hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 13:20.  Decent match.  The best thing on the show so far, which is kind of sad.

Christy Hemme interviews Bully Ray, who bullies her, then talks shit about Devon’s kids.

Ray/Devon hype video.

Street Fight: Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon.  Ray tries to jump Devon in the aisle with a chain, but Devon kicks his ass all over ringside.  Devon throws Ray into the ring and brings in some plunder.  Devon lights Bully up with a Singapore cane.  Ray begs off, then cheap shots Devon.  Devon canes him in the head.  Awesome.  Devon’s sons come out.  He orders them to the back.  Ray hits Devon in the back with a chair, then spits on his sons again.  Ray beats Devon with weapons and puts his neck in a chair.  The kids attack.  Ray threatens them with the chain.  Devon wakes up and makes his comeback.  Devon hits a back body drop and Bubba audibly says “Oh shit!”  Devon’s son Terrell hits Ray with a trash can.  Terrence and Terrell hold Bubba’s legs open so Devon can hit the Wassup headbutt.  Devon & sons get the table.  Devon sets up the table.  Ray hits him in the balls and handcuffs him to the turnbuckle.  Terrence and Terrell go to help their dad.  Ray cold cocks Terrence.  Terrell kicks Bubba’s ass to a BIG pop.  Bubba clotheslines Terrell to death and pins him in 9:23, which counts for some reason.  Ray spits in Devon’s face and talks shit to him.  He teases hitting Devon with a chair.  Devon calls for useless security.  Ray puts the chair down, then powerbombs Terrence through the table.  Ray leaves.  Devon finally gets cut free so he can check on his kids.  Taz talks in his low, serious voice.  Terrence gets stretchered out while Devon carries Terrell.  Good way to continue the feud.

Jeremy Borash interviews Jeff and Karen Jarrett.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Jarrett/Angle hype video.

Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle pushes Jarrett into the corner.  Referee forces a break.  Angle takes Jarrett down with a side headlock takeover.  Jarrett gets free and grabs a side headlock.  Angle shoves him away, then invites him to reapply the hold.  Jarrett does, and Angle gives him a backdrop suplex.  They go into an awesome chain wrestling sequence.  Angle hits a snap suplex for 2.  Angle pounds on Jarrett and throws him out of the ring.  He invites Karen over to watch him punch Jeff in the face.  Back inside, Angle hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett avoids Angle’s charge in the corner and Angle spears the most, then falls out of the ring.  Jarrett throws Angle’s injured shoulder into the barricade twice, then takes him back inside to work him over.  Jarrett goes up top, but Angle springs up and suplexes him down in classic Angle fashion.  Angle lands some clotheslines and hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle goes for a German, but Jarrett switches around.  Angle rolls through and goes for the ankle lock.  Jarrett escapes.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Jarrett lands an enzuigiri and goes for the Stroke.  Angle counters into the ankle lock.  Jarrett rolls through, then charges and crotches himself on the ropes.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Karen distracts the referee.  Jarrett hits Angle in the balls.  Jarrett hits the Stroke for the pi…NO!  Angle kicks out!  Jarrett goes for the Stroke again.  Angle pushes Jarrett away, bumping the ref in the process.  Jarrett uses a distraction from Karen to Pearl Harbor Angle on the outside and send him repeatedly into the steps.  Back inside, Jarrett tries to use a chair, but Angle takes it away.  The referee wakes up to take the chair from Angle.  Jarrett gets a schoolboy for 2.  Angle hits an Exploder for 2.  Angle goes up top.  Karen distracts him.  Jarrett sort of hits the Stroke off the middle rope for 2.  Angle hits a German suplex and drops the straps.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs Karen’s hands and pulls her into the ring.  Jarrett taps while the referee is busy with Karen.  Jarrett clocks Angle with a chair behind the referee’s back and gets the pi…NO!  Angle kicked out again!  Angle gets an inside cradle for 2.  Jarrett squashes a sunset flip and gets a relatively clean pin in 16:18.  Hell of a match.  Angle is very dejected.  He takes his boots off and leaves them in the ring, which in amateur wrestling signifies retirement.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.

Anderson/Hardy hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Entrances and intros.  Hebner and Bischoff’s kid are both referees.  That may come into play later.  Borash is a nice dude, but he’s a shitty ring announcer.  They talk.  Hardy spits in Anderson’s face.  Anderson kicks his ass.  Hardy bails and goes after his fugly neon ladder.  They brawl at ringside.  Anderson sends Hardy crashing into the ladder, then drives Hardy into the side of the ring with another ladder.  Back inside, Hardy hits a neckbreaker onto a ladder.  Hardy climbs for his fugly belt, but Anderson stops him and hits a neckbreaker.  Anderson climbs for the belt, but Hardy stops him and kicks him into the corner.  Hardy hits a corner dropkick.  Hardy dropkicks a ladder into Anderson’s balls.  Fucking ow.  Anderson hits a side Russian leg sweep onto the ladder.  Ouch again.  Anderson brings in a second ladder and climbs for the belt.  Hardy climbs up the other side.  They fight at the top of the ladder.  Hardy hits a sunset flip powerbomb off the ladder!  Hardy slams Anderson and goes for his trademark “off the top rope, over the ladder leg drop.”  Anderson avoids it.  Hardy back body drops Anderson onto the ladder in the corner.  Ouch.  Hardy sets a ladder upside down for some reason, then beats on Anderson.  They go outside again.  Hardy tries to hit Anderson with the fugly neon ladder, but Anderson avoids it and sends it into Hardy’s face.  Hardy sends Anderson into the steps, injuring his wrist.  Hardy uses the steps to hit the Whisper In The Wind against the barricade.  Back inside, Hardy tries to front suplex Hardy into the upside down ladder.  Anderson counters, suplexes Hardy sort of at the ladder, and knocks the whole mess over.  Anderson climbs for the belt.  Hardy pulls him off and hits the Twist of Hate.  Hardy has the referee hand him his neon ladder.  He tries to do something to Anderson, but Anderson counters with the Lambea Leap onto the ladder.  Anderson goes for the Kenton Bomb, but Hardy avoids it.  Hardy sets up two ladders side by side and climbs.  Anderson follows.  They fight on top of the ladders.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but they both just kind of fall in a big, painful looking mess.  Hardy kicks Anderson out of the ring, climbs the ladder, and takes the belt down to regain the title in 18:16.  Okay if sort of sloppy match.  Match highlights.  Hardy celebrates with his ugly belt and his awful entrance music.

This show was pretty average for the most part, but Angle/Jarrett was really good.

TNA iMPACT! 2/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of recent goings on.

“Don’t Be Roode”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers for a while.  He talks shit about Fortune.  Jeff Jarrett calls out Fortune, who do indeed come out: AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Jarrett challenges them to get in the ring, so they do.  Jarrett talks about how he gave them all the opportunity to be in TNA in the first place.  Roode tells Jarrett to STFU.  He says they took the opportunity Jarrett gave them and built TNA while they kept bringing in overpaid WWE washouts.  He calls Jarrett “slapnuts.”  A brawl breaks out.  Fortune are outnumbered, but Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, and Crimson make the save.

Tonight, Angle and Jarrett sign the contract for Against All Odds!  Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles & Robert Roode!  Ken Anderson defends the World Championship against Matt Morgan!

Winter and Velvet Sky scream at each other backstage.  Angelina Love tells them to chill the fuck out.  She tries to make peace.  It fails.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hernandez backstage.  He’s apparently working for Bischoff now.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Tables Match: Matt Hardy, Bully Ray, & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Rob Van Dam, Samoa Joe, & Brother Devon.  The faces hit the ring and brawl.  Devon takes Bubba out of the ring.  Joe chases Pope out of the arena.  Hardy and Van Dam go at it in the ring.  Hardy goes up top, but RVD kicks him in the head and knocks him to the floor.  Hardy tries to bring in a chair.  RVD hits a baseball slide dropkick and goes for a slingshot dive.  Hardy catches him with the chair.  Devon and Ray come back in the ring with their brawl.  Ray hits Devon in the balls.  He says he’ll get his own table.  He talks shit to Devon’s kids again.  They jump the the rail and grab Bubba’s feet on the apron.  Devon charges and knocks Ray off the apron through the table for the win in 3:11.  Well, there ya go.  Devon celebrates with his sons.

Tonight, Anderson vs. Morgan for the World title!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are obnoxious backstage.  Jarrett has snuck some stupid clause into the contract.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are in the ring with a bunch of security geeks.  Karen babbles about something.  Kurt Angle comes out.  Karen taunts him by talking about their kids.  Jarrett lays out the stupid stipulations.  If Angle wins, he gets custody of his kids.  If Jarrett wins, Angle has to give Karen away at their re-wedding.  Karen is not cool with this, but they sign the contract anyway.

Up next, clusterfuck women’s tag match!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, Sarita, & Rosita vs. Mickie James, TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter, & Velvet Sky.  Sarita and Love start.  Love gets a sunset flip for 2.  Love hits a diving cross body for 2.  Rosita cheap shots Love and tags in.  Sarita and Rosita double team Love.  Love catches Rosita on a cross body and slams her.  Velvet tags in.  Winter slaps her head.  They argue.  Sarita hits a backbreaker on Sky.  Rosita hits Sky with a moonsault press for the pin in 2:56 as Winter blocks her partners from making the save.  This was crap.  Everyone leaves.  Mickie challenges Madison to come fight.  Commercials.

Mickie James and Madison Rayne face off in the ring.  Madison screeches for a while.  That’s all.  This was pointless.

Jeff Hardy talks about Mr. Anderson and Matt Morgan.  He’ll face the winner of their match tonight in a Ladder Match at the PPV.

Still to come, Hardy & Jarrett vs. Styles & Roode!  Anderson vs. Morgan is NEXT!  Commercials.

Kurt Angle talks to AJ Styles and Robert Roode backstage.  He wants them to fuck Jeff Jarrett up tonight.  Roode offers to let Angle take his place tonight.  Angle agrees.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and sits on top of a horribly painted ladder to watch.  They lock up.  Morgan shoves Anderson into the corner.  Anderson grabs a side headlock and hits a shoulder block that fails to knock Morgan down.  Morgan grabs a headlock and hits a shoulder block that does knock Anderson down.  Morgan hits a hip toss.  Anderson takes out Morgan’s leg and hits a sliding lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Anderson ducks a short lariat and gets a schoolboy for 1.  Morgan hits a lariat for 2.  Morgan applies a rear chin lock.  They trade punches.  Anderson gets rolling and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson avoids the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan counters the Lambeau Leap.  Anderson hits a diving lariat for 2.  Morgan charges Anderson, crotches himself on the top rope, and falls out of the ring.  Morgan pulls Anderson’s head across the top rope.  Anderson accidentally bumps the ref.  Hernandez runs in through the crowd and attacks Morgan, ramming his head into the post.  Back inside, Anderson covers for the pin in 5:42.  This was good until the fuck finish.  Hernandez gets in the ring and attacks Anderson.  Hernandez hits a spinebuster.  Hardy delivers the Swanton Bomb to Anderson and poses with his fugly belt.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Bully Ray talks shit about Devon and his kids backstage.  He wants to face all 3 of them in a Street Fight at Against All Odds.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Suicide.  Robbie jumps the returning Suicide while Kendrick meditates in the corner.  Suicide fights back.  I think it’s Christopher Daniels.  Robbie sends Suicide out of the ring.  Kendrick beats up Robbie.  Suicide comes back in and gets decked by both guys.  Suicide comes back and runs wild.  Kendrick lands some kicks on Suicide.  Suicide hits his finish on Kendrick.  Cookie distracts the ref.  Robbie knocks Suicide out of the ring and pins Kendrick in 2:43.  There ya go.

Double Jeffs vs. Styles & Angle NEXT!  Commercials.

Ink Inc. talk about being weirdos.

Against All Odds hype.

Brother Devon (w/ his kids) talks about Bully Ray.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Jeff Hardy & Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle & AJ Styles.  Styles and Jarrett are to start, but Styles tags in Angle.  Jarrett immediately tags out, so Hardy and Angle start.  Angle gives Hardy a wrestling lesson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle sends Hardy into the corner.  Jarrett drops off the apron to avoid being tagged in because he’s a big pussy.  Styles tags in and beats up Hardy.  NOW Jarrett tags in.  He beats up Styles.  Styles grabs an arm lock and tags in Angle.  Jarrett scampers away and tags out.  Hardy and Angle go at it again.  Jarrett trips Angle from the outside.  Hardy hits a clothesline for 2.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  Angle fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Jarrett tags in now that Angle is down and out.  Jarrett beats on Angle while Karen taunts him.  Angle rallies, ducks an enzuigiri, and goes for the ankle lock.  Hardy saves.  Styles comes in.  The referee gets him out.  Jarrett tags Hardy behind the referee’s back, and of course since this is TNA the referee is perfectly fine with it.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Commercials.  Angle fires back on Hardy.  Hardy drops him with a clothesline.  Hardy goes up top.  Angle springs up and brings him down with an arm drag.  Styles and Jarrett tag in.  Styles runs wild.  Styles lands the Pele kick.  Hardy saves and gives Styles a front suplex.  Angle gives Hardy a German suplex.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam on Jarrett.  Jarrett escapes and bails.  Angle chases him back into the ring.  Jarrett gets the jump and tries to keep him out of the ring.  Karen gets in the way.  Styles hits the springboard flying forearm on Jarrett for the pin in 14:19.  Fun match.  Jarrett kicks Angle in the balls and gives Styles the Stroke.  Stroke to Angle as well.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate.  Fortune, Steiner, and Crimson hit the ring.  Immortal hit the ring.  Everybody brawls.  Immortal gets the better of it.  Rob Van Dam runs in and kicks heels in the face.  Matt Hardy takes out RVD’s leg.  Jarrett beats up Roode.  Mr. Anderson runs in and cleans house.  Mic Check to Rob Terry.  Fortune and friends stand tall.

Not a great show, but not the worst TNA show ever by any means.

TNA iMPACT! 2/3/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of recent goings on and clips from the European tour.

“Expect The Unexpected”

Immortal are in the ring: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff calls out Scott Steiner, who comes out to the ring.  Bischoff blathers for a while.  He says there is no “they” because Nash, Sting, and Booker aren’t coming back.  He invites Steiner to join Immortal.  Steiner offers to stick his foot up Bischoff’s ass and calls him a piece of shit.  Another epic Scott Steiner promo.  He says he’ll break Bischoff’s neck if Bischoff doesn’t call him “sir.”  Kurt Angle and Crimson come out.  Angle agrees that Bischoff is a piece of shit, then says that “they” are indeed here.

Immortal bicker backstage.  Bischoff wonders where Flair is.  Angle, Steiner, and Crimson walk in.  Everybody argues.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ink Inc. vs. Gunner & Murphy.  Gunner and Murphy kick tattooed ass.  Taz: “Hes like 6’6″!  He’s even taller than me!”  Gunner and Murphy work over Neal.  Moore tags in and runs wild on the big dude.  I think it’s Murphy.  Moore hits the Halo.  Gunner saves.  Murphy accidentally boots Gunner.  Ink Inc. hit their finish on Murphy and Moore gets the pin in 3:28.  There ya go.

Kurt Angle gives Scott Steiner and Crimson a pep talk backstage.  Angle’s phone rings.  The plan is a go, apparently.

Tonight, Ken Anderson defends the TNA World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy!  Up next, TNA Cribs with Jeff & Karen Jarrett!

Chrisy Hemme is in front a court house.  This stupid legal thing got a continuance until March 3.

Eric Young shows up at the announce table and spazzes out.  He says he knows who “they” are, but won’t tell who.  He thinks he’s off air.  But he’s functionally retarded.

TNA Cribs with Jeff and Karen Jarrett.  Jeff gets mad at the kids for saying Dixie Carter’s name.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson talks backstage.  He wants to waste TV time in the ring talking to Jeff Hardy later.

Bully Ray and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero are in the ring.  Apparently they’re partners now.  Ray cuts a promo about Devon.  Pope cuts a promo about Samoa Joe.  Joe and Devon hit the ring for a brawl.  Pope runs away from Joe.  Kazuchika Okada appears in the entryway to block his exit.  Pope takes another way out.  Joe gives chase.  Ray tries to punch Devon with the chain, but Devon kicks his ass.  They brawl at ringside.  Geeks come out to break them up.  Ray spits on some fans, who are apparently Devon’s sons, then runs away.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Mickie James in a Taped Fist Match!  Anderson vs. Hardy for the World Championship!

Eliminate The Hate!

Max Buck has joined Tenay and Taz at the table.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Jay Lethal vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Douglas Williams.  They do some shit.  Williams fails a Chaos Theory on Buck, but hits a snap suplex for 2, as Lethal saves.  Jeremy hits Williams with an Asai moonsault.  Lethal hits Jeremy with a tope suicida.  Back inside, Lethal hits Jeremy with a springboard kick.  Jeremy gets a rope break at 2.  Williams comes back and gives Jeremy a side Russian leg sweep as Jeremy DDTs Lethal.  Covers get 2.  Williams tries to set up a backdrop suplex off the top on Jeremy.  Lethal turns it into a tower of doom spot.  Max comes down to do something about Jeremy’s shoe being untied.  Lethal covers Williams for 2.  Williams gets an inside cradle for 2.  Lethal and Williams trade blows.  Max distracts the referee.  Williams hits the Chaos Theory on Lethal.  Jeremy kicks Williams in the balls and covers Lethal for the pin in 4:29.  Good little match.

Bischoff is on the phone trying to find Flair.  Nobody knows where he is.  Bischoff tells Styles to make sure they get the World title back tonight.  Styles assures him that he has things under control.

Sarita talks backstage.  She says her cousin Rosita will be there next week.

Anderson/Hardy hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson comes out and calls of Jeff Hardy.  Hardy comes out and his awful song rapes my eardrums and gives me a headache.  They talk for a while.  I think Hardy agrees to not cheat tonight.

Mickie James talks backstage.

Tonight, Anderson vs. Hardy!  Next, Mickie vs. Sarita in a Taped Fist Match!

House shows!

More of Jeff & Karen at home.

Taped Fist Match: Sarita vs. Mickie James.  Mickie hits a snapmare and whiffs a basement dropkick.  Mickie hits a monkey flip and a dropkick, then punches Sarita.  Sarita hides behind the referee, then tries to get a cheap shot.  Mickie hits some arm drags and a neckbreaker.  Mickie goes up top.  Sarita ducks the dive.  Micke tries to pull Sarita out of the ring, but gets kicked in the head.  Mickie pulls Sarita off the apron, causing a face plant.  Sarita rams Mickie’s hand into the post, then cranks on it, then rams it into the steps.  Back inside, Sarita keeps working on the hand.  Sarita hits a hammerlock slam.  I always pop for that move a little bit.  Sarita cranks on an arm lock.  Mickie fights free.  Sarita hits a swank backdrop suplex.  Mickie rallies and lands a knockout left hand for the KO victory in 6:03.  This was okayish.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne appears in the crowd and cold cocks Mickie with the loaded glove.

Eric Bischoff and Jeff Hardy bicker backstage.  Hardy tells him to make sure there’s no interference tonight.

Jeff Jarrett has a surprise for Karen.

Clips from the European tour.

Back at La Casa de Jarrett.  It’s very stupid.  They’re going to renew their wedding vows on Impact.  Ugh.

Ken Anderson comes out for the main event.  Jeff Hardy jumps him in the aisle during his microphone gimmick.  Hardy beats up Anderson at ringside.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and geeks break them up.  Insta-commercials.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  They lock up and tear into each other.  Anderson hits a cross body for 2.  Hardy bails.  Anderson chases.  Hardy slips back in and gets the jump on Anderson.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Hardy hits a clothesline for 2.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson rallies and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Hardy drops him with a clothesline and goes back on the offensive.  Hardy goes to work on Anderson’s leg, then on Anderson’s previously concussed head.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind.  They trade punches.  Anderson makes his comeback.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check.  Anderson lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Hardy hits a front suplex for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy counters and goes for the Twist of Hate.  Anderson counters.  Hardy bumps the ref.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate.  Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy come out and beat up Anderson.  Styles, Beer Money, and Kazarian come out to join.  Matt hits the Side Effect on Anderson.  Styles, Beer Money, and Kazarian throw up the Fortune sign and attack Immortal!  Roode clotheslines Jeff.  Styles gives Jeff the Styles Clash!  Anderson covers Hardy for the pin in 12:12.  Good match, even with the fuck finish.  Styles hands the fugly belt to Anderson.  Insta-commercials.

Fortune and TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson are in the ring.  Styles cuts a promo on Bischoff.  He explains that “them” is “us.”  Bischoff comes out and swears at Styles a bunch.  They yell at each other.  Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, and Crimson appear in the ring with Fortune.  The shit talking continues.  Bischoff says on March 3, some shit’s gonna go down.  Styles says he’ll stick his foot so far down Bischoff’s throat, he’ll be pissing shoelaces.  Awesome.

Not too bad of a show, actually.

TNA iMPACT! 1/27/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Crimson Sees Red”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo about what went on last week.  He talks about how he was supposed to retire, but now he’s back, for the fans, or so he can beat up Jeff Jarrett.  Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Jeff and Karent Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff isn’t buying this shit.  He sends the troops to kick Angle’s ass.  Storm prepares to hit Angle with a beer bottle.  Crimson appears and chases Immortal off with a baseball bat.  Flair cuts a promo on them.  Flair books Angle & Crimson vs. Jarrett, Beer Money, Kazarian, Gunner, Murphy, and Terry for tonight.

Eric Bischoff bitches at Ric Flair in the office.  Flair bitches right back, and he’s Ric Flair, so his bitching is awesome.

Tonight, Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!  Dixie Carter speaks!  Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Hardy!

Entrances for the clusterfuck women’s match.  Winter throws a fit backstage because Angelina is teaming with Velvet tonight.

Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  Everybody brawls.  The match finally starts with Tara beating up Angelina.  Angelina twists Tara’s injured arm.  Rayne tags in and gets hip tossed.  Angelina hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Rayne goes for her finish, but Love counters.  Mickie and Sarita tag in and trade arm locks.  Velvet tags in and renews her war against Sarita.  Sarita counters a headscissors into a backbreaker.  Velvet hits a cross-armed Edge-O-Matic.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita pins Velvet with a schoolgirl in 2:55.  Tara clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Mickie avoids a shot with the loaded glove.  Mickie pins Rayne in 3:47.  Sarita pins Mickie in 3:55.  Love gets Sarita with an inside cradle for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Love drops Sarita with a roundhouse kick for 2.  They make a big deal out of how Madison landed on her own glove leading to her elimination, even though she didn’t really and that doesn’t even make sense.  Velvet has been hurt backstage.  I’m sure Winter did it.  Love counters Sarita’s TKO and hits a Complete Shot Stunner deal.  Tara conks Love with the elbow brace.  Sarita covers for 2.  Tara and Sarita work over Love.  Love rallies and hits Tara with the Botox Injection for the pin (9:12 shown).  Sarita gets a reverse cradle, but Love reverses it for the pin (9:24 shown).  This was crap.  Are you surprised?

Kurt Angle is on the phone.  He tells someone that he needs them here.

Matt Hardy talks backstage.

TNA X Division Champion Kazarian has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  They’re doing some convoluted #1 Contender Series.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Amazing Red vs. Max Buck (w/ Jeremy Buck) vs. Chris Sabin.  Kazarian is pretty funny on commentary.  Brief 3-way clusterfuck.  Red and Sabin do a fast paced exchange to a stalemate.  Max attacks them.  Red gives Max a flying headscissors to send him outside.  Sabin drops Red with a clothesline for 2.  Sabin hits a dive on Max.  Back inside, Max avoids a springboard and pokes Sabin in the eye.  Max sends Red outside and works over Sabin.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Max applies a rear chin lock.  Red comes in and hits both of them with a dropkick.  Red hits Max with a rana and a fancy whirling DDT.  Red tries to springboard, but Sabin catches him with a stalling suplex for 2.  That was cool.  Max hits Sabin with a cool wheelbarrow face plant for 2.  Red hits the Code Red on Sabin.  Jeremy distracts the referee.  Red decks him and goes up top.  Jeremy crotches him on the top rope.  Max hits a DDT OF MURDER on Red for the pin in 5:10.  Fun little spot fest.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett bitch at each other.  “He was on the phone!” Karen yells.

Still to come, Dixie Carter speaks!  Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson!

Jeff Hardy is headed our way!

Velvet Sky yells at Angelina Love about how Winter attacked her.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff Hardy comes out to cut a promo.  He says a bunch of stupid things about how the people don’t care about him, even though he was one of the post popular babyfaces in years.  He talks shit about Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson himself comes out to retort.  He’s an asshole, he’ll keep the title, etc.

Crimson talks backstage.

They show how Crimson killed Abyss with the nail board last week.

Velvet Sky comes out and calls out Winter.  Winter comes out.  They fight, since it’s been a few weeks since we had a knockouts brawl that went way too long.  Winter gets the better of it.  Angelina Love comes out to break it up.  Velvet throws a fit.

Still to come, Hardy vs. Anderson!  Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!

The Pope is headed our way!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to cut a promo.  He says he’s going to confess.  He talks about not being able to stand your wife, or something.  His confession is that he doesn’t like Samoa Joe.  He wants a fan to confess something next week.  This is fucking stupid.

Ric Flair lectures Immortal backstage.  Eric Young is there for some reason.  Flair yells at him for being an idiot.

Dixie Carter speaks NEXT!

Video package of this whole retarded “THEY” angle.

Tenay and Taz talk to Dixie Carter on the phone.  She’s confident that the legal ruling will be in her favor.  Then they talk to Eric Bischoff.

Anderson vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Non-Title: Matt Hardy vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.  They lock up, then brawl.  Hardy goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Hardy drops down and pulls Anderson’s arm over the top rope.  Hardy viciously works Anderson’s arm.  Anderon rallies and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap, but Hardy counters and hits an F-U of all things.  Anderson counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Anderson turns the cover into a crucifix hold for the pin in 4:07.  Not too bad.  Jeff Hardy appears and attacks Anderson.  The Hardys beat down Anderson.  Rob Van Dam runs in to make the save.  Jeff runs away through the crowd.

Kurt Angle tells Crimson that they won’t be alone out there.  It’s NEXT!

Handicap Match: Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Immortal (Jeff Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy) (w/ Ric Flair & AJ Styles).  Jeff Jarrett was supposed to be out here, but he isn’t.  Roode beats up Crimson.  Crimson rallies and runs wild.  He’s actually pretty impressive.  Angle tags in.  Roode cuts him off and tags in Kazarian.  Angle rallies and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Storm tags in.  Angle gives him a belly to belly suplex, then decks everyone on the apron.  Storm hits a Lung Blower.  Flair hops around on the apron.  Angle ducks Storm’s superkick, which nails the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Storm.  6 on 2 clusterfuck ensues.  Now that Angle is in trouble, Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) comes out to join the match.  Angle rallies and drills Jarrett with a German suplex.  Everyone beats on Angle some more.  Jarrett hits the Stroke on Angle.  Another referee comes out to count the pin in 4:24.

Immortal continues the beatdown.  Matt Morgan tries to make the save, but he is overcome too.  The lights go out.  Sirens blare.  SCOTT STEINER appears in the ring with a lead pipe.  Immortal head for the hills.  Steiner’s ready to kick some ass.

This show was only mediocre, which is pretty good for iMPACT!

TNA iMPACT! 1/20/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2011 by Grappleholic

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett/Karen Jarrett video package.

“Dirty Laundry”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle arrives, walks into the building, and orders a production guy to play his music.  Angle walks out to the ring and cuts a promo.  He wants to bury the hatchet with Karen for the sake of his kids.  Jeff Jarrett’s music plays and his geeks come out.  Angle kicks their asses before they can get into the ring and screams for Jarrett to come out.  Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair come out instead.  They send out some rent-a-cops, who escort Angle out of the building.  Okay then…  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett arrive and feign disappointment that Angle has been kicked out.

Non-Title Four-Way Match: Sarita vs. Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Mickie and Velvet argue over who is going to start, because this is TNA so the four-way has stupid tag rules.  They say “fuck it” and attack their respective enemies on the outside.  Mickie beats up Madison in the ring.  Sarita tags in and gets flapjacked by Mickie.  Velvet tags herself in and attacks Sarita bitch-style.  Rayne cheap shots Sky from the apron.  Sky decks her.  Sarita throws Velvet around.  Velvet hits a flying head scissors on Sarita.  Madison knocks Mickie off the apron.  Madison and Sarita try to double team Velvet, but Mickie saves.  Clusterfuck.  Velvet takes out Sarita.  Mickie gives Madison a neckbreaker and goes up top.  The referee it outside with Velvet and Sarita.  Tara appears and clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Sarita and Velvet come back in and conk heads.  Madison clocks Velvet with the loaded glove.  Mickie gets Madison with a reverse cradle for the pin in 4:28.  This wasn’t any good.  Madison throws a fit.

Beer Money chat backstage.  Storm does curls with beer bottles.

Tonight, Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD!

Kurt Angle is walking around backstage.  I thought the rent-a-cops escorted him out?  Commercials.

Samoa Joe talks to Kazuchika Okada, who’s been video taping Pope for him.  Poor Okada…

Ric Flair and Rob Terry come out.  Flair cuts a promo about Terry’s sexual prowess, then calls out Matt Morgan.

“The Freak” Rob Terry (w/ Ric Flair) vs. “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan.  They show Morgan beating Abyss last week, then being jumped by Flair and Terry.  Terry gets instructions from Flair.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the pin in 11 seconds.  Morgan goes after Flair.  Flair throws ineffective punches and chops, then begs off.  Abyss runs in and jumps Morgan.  Morgan rallies and drops him with the discus lariat.  Terry wakes up and immediately gets side slammed.  Morgan goes for Flair, but Abyss jumps him again.  Morgan rallies and takes out Abyss and Terry again.  Terry takes out Morgan’s knee.  The heels finally get the better of Morgan and beat him down.  Abyss and Terry hit a double chokeslam.

Video package of TNA stars at New Japan “Wrestle Kingdom V In Tokyo Dome.”

Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. Tommy Dreamer!  Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD!

AJ Styles gives TNA X Division Champion Kazarian a pep talk backstage.  Kazarian leaves.  Crimson appears and chokes AJ with a wire, then tells him “they’re coming” in 2 weeks.  Commercials.

Kurt Angle is still stalking around backstage.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal slingshots Kazarian into the ring and runs wild on him.  Kazarian bails.  Lethal follows and beats him up at ringside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Injection, but Kazarian counters and finally mounts some offense.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow smash for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination, then goes up top and hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Kazarian rolls to the floor.  Lethal throws Kazarian back into the ring.  Kazarian gouges his eyes.  Lethal goes for a sunset flip.  Kazarian squashes it, grabs the ropes, and gets the pin in 4:33.  Not much of a match, which is sad when you consider how good their PPV match was.

Ken Anderson, Rob Van Dam, and Tommy Dreamer chat backstage.

The Jarretts are headed our way.

Kurt Angle finds a door into the arena.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett come to the ring.  Jeff puts over his wife.  Karen bashes Kurt Angle.  Angle sneaks into the ring and gives Jarrett a German suplex.  Kurt and Karen stare at each other.  Karen slaps him.  Jarrett hits Angle in the balls, then beats him up and leaves him laying.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Kurt Angle beats up trash cans backstage.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy beats up Dreamer.  Dreamer avoids a drop kick and leg drops Hardy’s balls.  Dreamer clotheslines Hardy out of the ring, then hits a clothesline off the apron.  Dreamer beats up Hardy on the outside until Hardy gives him a sort of arm drag off the apron.  Hardy beats up Dreamer back inside.  Hardy hits an innovated dropkick to the balls, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Dreamer makes his comeback.  Hardy tries to rally, but Dreamer avoids the Whisper In The Wind.  Dreamer goes for a dive, but Hardy catches him with a kick.  Dreamer counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Spiccoli Driver.  Hardy gets a foot on the rope.  Hardy gets another low blow and hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 4:21.  This wasn’t very good either.

Kurt Angle is stalking around backstage with a baseball bat.

Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD is NEXT!  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks on the phone backstage.  He wants to use some guy’s computer for his illicit business dealings.  He uses his phone to call the guy, then steals his laptop when the guy walks outside to get service.

AJ Styles tries to tell Ric Flair what happened to him earlier.  Flair “ices” Styles.  Kurt Angle appears and hits Style with his bat.  Flair begs off.  Angle chokes him and tells him to make sure Jarrett comes to the ring to fight him.

Non-Title: TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Roode and RVD brawl.  RVD does his weird leg cradle for 2.  RVD hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Roode counters a monkey flip and sets RVD on the top turnbuckle.  They horrible botch a diving schoolboy.  Anderson tags in and hits a lariat for 2.  Storm tags in and gets schooled by Anderson.  Anderson hits a spinning neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson runs into the turnbuckles, then gets clotheslined by Roode in the apron.  Roode tags in and works over Anderson.  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Beer Money get the heat on Anderson and work over his previously concussed head.  Anderson rallies and spikes Roode with a DDT.  Storm and RVD tag in.  RVD runs wild, back body drops an interfering Roode, and hits Storm with the flying kick.  RVD goes for Rolling Thunder, but Roode trips him.  Storm hits a Lung Blower for 2.  Beer Money go for the double suplex, but Anderson intervenes and takes Roode to the floor.  Roode sends Anderson into the steps.  RVD drops Storm with a kick and goes up top.  Roode tries to intervene, but fails.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Storm.  Jeff Hardy comes out to distract the referee.  Matt Hardy sneaks in and hits RVD the Twist of Hate.  Storm pins RVD in 8:08.  Okayish match, but still not that good.

Brian Kendrick tries to help Bully Ray with his anger management.  Ray shoves him into some lockers instead.  That dick.  Commercials.

Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett yell at each other in the office.  Eric Bischoff tells Jarrett to “trust him” and go to the ring.

Brother Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray.  Ray comes out and challenges Devon to fight him at ringside.  Brian Kendrick comes out and throws Ray in the ring.  Devon beats up Ray.  Ray tries to use a chain, but Devon kicks his ass and takes it.  Security comes out to break it up, so of course Bubba jumps him from behind.  Bubba beats up security, scares So Cal Val, and brings in a chair.  Where the hell did Kendrick go?  Bubba sandwiches Devon’s head in the chair and whips it with his chain.  That dick!

Kurt Angle is headed our way!  Commercials!

Kurt Angle is in the ring.  Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, and Murphy come out.  Jarrett is in his ring gear for some reason, but is reluctant to fight.  He sends Gunner and Murphy instead.  Angle kicks their asses.  They finally get the advantage, so Jarrett joins in on the beatdown.  Angle rallies, throws out Gunner and Murphy, and puts Jarrett in a rear naked choke.  Karen Jarrett comes out to scream at Angle.  Immortal come out and beat down Angle.  Abyss comes out to the stage and falls down.  He has the nail board stuck in his back.  WTF?  Crimson appears and yells that “THEY’RE COMING” on February 3.  Angle takes advantage of the distraction to start kicking ass.  Angle gets Flair in the ankle lock until Immortal pull him to safety.

This show wasn’t good, but I’ve seen far worse.

TNA iMPACT! 1/13/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2011 by Grappleholic

Genesis recap.

“The One That Got Away”

Earlier today, Jeff and Karen Jarrett arrived.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson comes out to cut a promo.  He bitches about WWE for a while, then calls out Matt Morgan.  Morgan comes to the ring.  Anderson thanks him for helping him out when he needed it.  Morgan cuts a passionate promo about wanting the title, then congratulates Anderson and leaves.  Eric Bischoff comes out and bitches at Anderson.  He says that Anderson will face Jeff Hardy in a rematch on the February 3 iMPACT!, then rants about Hulk Hogan.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen and babbles.  Rob Van Dam jumps Hardy backstage.  Matt Hardy attacks RVD.  Anderson runs to the back to make the save.  The rest of Immortal: Beer Money, Abyss, Rob Terry, Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian jump Anderson and RVD and leave them laying.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Tonight, the Hardy Brothers take on Mr. Anderson & RVD!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett chat backstage, then go into the Immortal locker room.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  The match starts with four-way insanity.  Guns clear the ring and hit Beer Money with stereo suicide dives.  Guns double team Storm briefly until Roode trips Sabin while thing where Sabin kicks the dude that Shelley has in the Muta Lock.  Beer Money get the heat on Sabin.  Sabin and Storm do a double cross body spot.  Roode and Shelley tag in.  Shelley runs wild on Beer Money.  Storm counters the Shiranui.  Shelley hits a bulldog/clothesline on Beer Money.  Shelley goes up top.  Storm cuts him off.  Shelley fights him off.  Sabin kicks Storm.  Shelley hits the Ghetto Stomp on Roode for 2.  Guns run wild some more and double team Roode.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones.  Storm pushes Sabin into Shelley to break the cover.  Storm is bleeding.  He hits the DDT OF MURDER on Sabin.  Shelley sets up Roode for a superplex.  Storm cuts him off and goes for the Eight Second Ride.  Shelley counters.  Storm hits a move that I forgot the name of.  Roode hits a diving splash on Shelley for 2.  Shelley counters the DWI.  Sabin low bridges Storm out of the ring.  Guns hit a missile dropkick/Complete Shot combo.  Storm comes back in.  Complications arise.  Shelley accidentally superkicks Sabin.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Shelley and Roode gets the pin in 7:41.  Not as good as their usual matches, but still pretty good.

They show Jeff Jarrett backstage.

Kurt Angle arrives.  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam and Ken Anderson chat backstage and look for weapons to go beat up Immortal.  RVD gets a chair.  Anderson gets a 2×4.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to talk.  He talks about whatever the angle with Samoa Joe is.  He says he forgives Joe, then shows a photo of pigs humping that he says is Joe and his wife.  He shows a video of baby pigs nursing which he says is Joe’s child.  Samoa Joe comes out and runs him out of the ring and calls him a bitch.  Joe says he doesn’t “chase bitches.”  Joe says that when he gets hold of Pope, “Joe is going to kill you.”

Rob Van Dam and Ken Anderson go into the locker room that Beer Money is in.  They close the door and much racket is made.  RVD and Anderson exit and go to look for the Hardys.

Tonight, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Also, something with Kurt Angle and the Jarretts!  Commercials!

Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and AJ Styles chat backstage about how butthurt Hogan is about Hardy losing the title.  They find the beaten up Beer Money.  Flair throws a fit.  Bischoff says “It’s on.”

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett video package.

Moments ago, Jeff Jarrett talked about Kurt Angle while Karen looked at him lovingly.

Kurt Angle is also headed our way.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, Murphy, and the geeks come out.  He talks about his “MMA career,” then introduces Karen.  Kurt Angle comes out instead and runs through the geeks, then gives Gunner and Murphy German suplexes.  Jarrett acts like he’s ready to fight.  Karen comes out and yells at Kurt from the stage.  Jarrett bails.  Karen screams at Kurt in a manner that reminds me of my own ex-wife.  Karen threatens to give her side of the story and says that Kurt should dress up for it.  Huh?

Still to come, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Kurt Angle throws a fit backstage.

Highlights from Madison Rayne/Mickie James from the PPV.  It was awful.

Velvet Sky fuses at Angelina Love backstage.  Winter shows up and drags Angelina away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara.  Angelina and/or Winter has awful new music.  Love and Rayne lock up.  Love gets some quick cradles.  Madison screams.  Love beats her up some more.  Madison distracts the referee.  Tara pulls Angelina down by the hair, then tags in.  The heels beat up Angelina while the referee struggles with Winter.  Madison tries to use the loaded glove.  Mickie James runs out, drags her out of the ring and chases her to the back.  Angelina hits Tara with a brogue kick.  Winter hits a diving lariat on Tara, then pounds on her.  Winter chokes out Tara and the referee calls for a stop in 3:04.  This sucked.

The Hardys cut a promo from behind a fence backstage.

Tonight, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Commercials.

House shows!

Non-Title: TNA World Television Champion Abyss (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan charges the ring because he’s pissed at the world.  He runs wild for a while, then Flair distracts him and Abyss gets the advantage.  Abyss gets the heat for a bit.  Flair gets in a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Morgan makes his comeback.  Abyss goes for the chokeslam.  Morgan fights out and hits the Carbon Footprint.  Flair grabs the referee’s leg.  Hebner gets away and counts the pin anyway in 3:20.  Kind of a fun little brawl.  Flair cheap shots Morgan.  Morgan goes for a top rope chokeslam.  Rob Terry runs out to save Flair.  Flair low blows Morgan.  Abyss, Terry, and Flair beat down Morgan and leave him laying.

Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson NEXT!  Commercials.

During the break, some dude choked Abyss backstage.  I think it’s Amazing Red’s baby brother.  He says his name is Crimson.  He says “they’re coming” on February 3.  Not this shit again.

Abyss goes into the office and tries to tell Bischoff what happened, but Bischoff is busy giving the Hardys a pep talk.  Once that’s done, Abyss tells Bischoff what Crimson said.

The main event is next for real this time!  Commercials!

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam vs. The Hardys.  They brawl in the aisle and at ringside.  RVD beats up Matt in the ring to officially start the match.  Anderson is already bleeding.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  RVD and Anderson take turns beating up Matt.  Hardys cut off Anderson and get the heat on him.  RVD tags in.  Jeff scampers away and tags in Matt.  Matt hits a sleeper drop and goes for a moonsault.  RVD avoids it and goes for the split legged moonsault.  He catches Matt in the face as Jeff tries to pull Matt to safety.  RVD takes out both Hardys with a dive.  Commercials.  RVD beats up Matt some more.  RVD goes to the middle rope.  Matt takes out his leg and sends him crashing to the ground.  Cover gets 2.  Hardys get the heat on RVD.  Anderon tags in.  Stuff happens.  I zoned out.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Jeff.  Matt saves and goes for the Twist of Fate.  There’s a ref bump.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Matt.  RVD beats up Jeff.  Beer Money run in and beat up Anderson and RVD.  Beer Money hit the catapult DDT on Anderson.  Storm superkicks RVD.  The referee is back in.  Matt gives Anderson the Twist of Hate.  Jeff hits the Swanton bomb for the pin in 13:47.  This wasn’t good.

The rest if Immortal come out and beat down Anderson and RVD.  Immortal stand tall as the show closes.

This show wasn’t really good, but it wasn’t as awful as iMPACT! sometimes is, and it at least felt like it went by quickly.