Archive for Goldust

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/5/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Originally posted on 1/6/09.

We start with a recap of the Michaels/JBL angle from last week.

The first live shot is Chris Jericho and Randy Orton in the ring.  Jericho whines about Michaels and JBL working together in the four-way last week.  They say they have filed formal complaints and want JBL removed from the Royal Rumble title match.  This is ricockulous.  JBL’s music hits, and Cole and Lawler finally introduce us the show LIVE from New Orleans!  Wait, Michaels is riding in the limo with JBL!  JBL tells them to shut up, because he won the title shot.  Jericho makes a valid point, saying that for months last year he tries to tell everyone that Michaels was a sellout, and it turned out he was right.  Stephanie McMahon finally comes out and upholds the referee’s decision, since Shawn actually didn’t lay down, he got knocked down.  Stephanie tells Jericho and Orton that they are both in the Rumble match.  Jericho says Shawn shouldn’t be allowed in the Rumble.  JBL agrees, and says Shawn’s only job at the Rumble is to support JBL as he goes for the title.  Stephanie books Jericho & Orton vs. Michaels & Cena for tonight.  Shawn plays the pathetic, miserable old guy remarkable well.

CM Punk vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship TONIGHT!

WWE Slam of the Week: the Diva Battle Royal and subsequent Beth/Melina brawl from last week.

Goldust & Melina vs. Santino Marella & WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix.  Melina pins Beth with a jackknife hold at 3:17.  Rosa Mendez jumps the guardrail and attacks Melina before security takes her away.  Melina jumps the guardrail and goes after her again anyway, then comes back to celebrate her win.

Todd Grisham interviews CM Punk.  Punk says he wants to add his name to the list of great Intercontinental Champions such as Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart, and Mr. Perfect.  Punk even mentions that he lost to Regal in the King of the Ring final last year, so he wants revenge for that… even though he beat Regal clean in a non-title match when he was World Champion.  Anyway, it’s next, and it’s gonna rule!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: William Regal (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  This is going to own.  Regal, being an awesome prick, uses Layla as a shield so Punk can’t dive on him.  Regal then does what he does best: beating the fuck out of someone.  Punk fights back with his usual strikes.  Punk gets Regal up for the Go 2 Sleep, but Regal grabs the ref to cause the DQ at 2:56.  FUCK.  RESTART!  Dammit, where’s… oh, there she is.  Dammit, no restart, but close: Stephanie says Punk will have a rematch, and if Regal gets DQ’d, he loses the title.  WHEN?  Dammit.  Oh well, at least they’re keeping the angle going.

JBL tells Michaels how much it will benifit him to help Jericho and Orton destroy Cena tonight.

Randy Orton tells Cody Rhodes and Sim Snuka that they passed phased one, and if they win their matches tonight, they’re in.  Manu walks up and asks for a second chance, citing, correctly, that Orton lost his match last week too.  Orton rips into him and tells him that he will never be part of the group, and that he never wanted to see his face again.

Dolph Ziggler introduces himself to Mickie James as Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston head to the ring for the Tag Team title shot.  It’s NEXT!

This Friday night on Smackdown: Triple H pissed of Vickie, so now he’s gonna get fucked up!

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Kofi Kingston.  What exactly have Mysterio & Kingston done as a team to warrant a tag title shot?  Miz & Morrison cut a promo before the match.  During Rey’s entrance, they show clips from the 10-man tag last week.  In less than a minute, the show goes to commercial.  Back from break, Miz works over Rey, but Rey makes the hot tag and Kofi cleans house.  Morrison pulls Kofi’s leg and makes him fall off the top rope, then Morrison works over Kofi’s leg.  Kofi later does a nip up rana on Morrison.  More than one person in WWE is ripping off AJ Styles!  Kofi finally hot tags Mysterio.  Mysterio hits the 619, but before he can springboard, he has to deal with Miz, and Morrison recovers to catch him coming off the top with his kick to retain the titles at 11:53.  Mike Knox destroys Mysterio after the match… again.

Michaels is getting ready in the locker room.  Cena comes in and wonders what he should expect from HBK tonight.

Buy the Edge DVD, it’s good!

Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall.  Last week, it was revealed that Orton banged Kelly and then wouldn’t return her calls.  Jillian comes out singing “When The Saints Go Marching In.”  Badly.  Because that’s her gimmick.  I can’t sing and I have big boobs.  Can I get a job with WWE?  Jillian gets heat on Kelly, Kelly makes a comeback.  Kelly goes for a victory roll, but Jillian sits on it and almost gets the pin.  Kelly hits a leg drop that was more like a Fameasser for the win at 4:22.  Jillian attacks Kelly after the match, but Kane comes out!  Kane says Kelly now knows it doesn’t feel so good being rejected.  He says next week he’s going to eviscerate Randy Orton.  Huh?

Royal Rumble hype.

More hype for Triple H facing Triple Jeopardy on Smackdown.

Oh, eviscerate means “to take out the entrails of.”

Cody Rhodes & Sim Snuka vs. Cryme Tyme.  This match started while I was consulting a dictionary.  Rhodes and Snuka have to win to stay in Orton’s group.  Good guys get heat on JTG until he makes the hot tag to Shad.  He cleans house, then JTG comes back in.  Rhodes hits the Roll of the Dice (that move Reno did in WCW… I think Test did it too) on JTG for the win at 5:52.

JBL is UP TO SOMETHING!

Tomorrow night on ECW, Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger!  Tomorrow night at night on Sci-Fi!

Plug for Kennedy’s movie.

Orton congratulates Rhodes, then tells Sim he’s out since he didn’t win the fall.

Stephanie tells Santino and Beth that Rosa Mendez is banned.  I think.  Santino says funny things.  They leave.  Jericho walks in and asks Stephanie why JBL was in her office earlier.  Jericho tells Stephanie that Vince McMahon will return to Raw in two weeks.  Stephanie looks worried.

The main event is NEXT!

Chris Jericho & Randy Orton vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena & Shawn Michaels.  Michaels cooperates with Cena a little early.  JBL comes out to watch as the show goes to commercial.  Dammit.  Back from break, Michaels gets away from Orton and tags Cena in.  Cena goes for the F-U and Michaels actually blocks Jericho from stopping it.  Orton rakes Cena’s eyes to get out, then Cena accidentally almost F-U’s Shawn.  I don’t pay attention for a minute, then Jericho is working Cena over.  Cena goes for the F-U, but Jericho counters with a DDT.  Awesome.  Cena plays face in peril.  Cena finally hits the diving Fameasser thing on Jericho.  Cena tries to tag Michaels, but Jericho tags Orton first and Orton stops Cena from making the tag.  Cena makes the tag and Shawn looks undecided about what to do.  Jericho makes the decision for him by attacking him, so Michaels has to defend himself.  Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Shawn gets his knees up.  Shawn does the slam and the diving elbow, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Turnabout is fairplay.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Michaels gets an inside cradle.  Orton breaks the cover.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Cena and goes for the RKO, but Shawn superkicks him, then superkicks Jericho for the pin at 15:55.

Todd Grisham asks JBL and Michaels’ actions.  JBL says he talked to Stephanie McMahon earlier, and next week it’s Michaels (w/ JBL) vs. Cena.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are LIVE from Orlando, Florida.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  They talk about John Cena being fired last night.

The Nexus come out: Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett tries to a cut a promo amidst heavy boos from the crowd.  He decides to turn it around and claim that Cena was biased against him last night.  He says an official has never been allowed to put his hands on a competitor.  That is a lie.  He wants another title shot with a neutral referee.  The iBooker 9000 dings in.  Cole reads that the match will happen TONIGHT!  Barrett says that he has allowed John Cena to appear tonight to say his goodbyes.

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!  Also, John Cena WILL be here.  Commercials!

Next week, King of the Ring returns!

The announcers chat.  Cole introduces the newest member of the announce team, CM Punk!  Awesome!

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Sheamus vs. R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres).  Truth is back to using his old music, which Eve doesn’t dance nearly as well to.  Punk says “wrestling,” so I assume he’ll be removed from announcing immediately.  Sheamus wins the lock up and takes Truth over with a side headlock.  Sheamus controls with the headlock.  Truth escapes and dances.  He does the splits and lands a jumping side kick.  Sheamus bails and yells.  Commercials.  Sheamus works Truth’s arm for a while.  Truth escapes a long hold and makes his comeback.  Truth lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Truth goes for a front cradle, but Sheamus squashes it for 2.  Sheamus NAILS Truth with the brogue kick (yes, I’m going to call it that now) and follows with the Razor’s Edge (no, I’m still not calling it the High Cross or Pale Justice or whatever the name of the week for it is) for the pin in 11:04.  Boring match.

They air a clip from the new John Cena DVD, showing him preparing for WrestleMania XXVI.  Tonight, Cena will BE HERE!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Orlando!

Michelle McCool and Layla babble obnoxiously while heading into the building.  The security guy won’t let them in the building because they’re not allowed on Raw since they’re not champs anymore.  Then WHY THE HELL WAS NATALYA ON SMACKDOWN EVERY FUCKING WEEK FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS?  The NEW WWE Divas Champion Natalya walks up and claims to not know them, so they are shut out of the building.  Thank God.  My joy at not having to see LayCool anymore aside, this was retarded.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov are backstage chatting about their loss last night.  Tamina plays Santino a song on a ukulele.  They kiss.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton about the title match tonight.

Up next, Ezekiel Jackson vs. The Miz in a King of the Ring Qualifying Match!  Commercials!

WWE Slam of the Week: Ezekiel Jackson being a BAMF.

Ezekiel Jackson comes out for the match.  Alex Riley comes out and says that Miz had an anxiety attack, so Riley will be wrestling on his behalf.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ezekiel Jackson vs. Alex Riley.  Riley tries a go behind.  Zeke reverses it.  Riley gets a rope break.  Riley avoids Zeke in the corner and hits a Stinger splash, then takes Zeke down with a headlock.  Cover gets 2.  Riley applies a rear chin lock.  Zeke escapes, mauls a bitch, and hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 1:54.  I’m all for a King Zeke reign!

Tonight, Orton vs. Barrett for the title!

John Cena chats with R-Truth and Eve Torres backstage.  Gail Kim, Santino Marella, and Yoshi Tatsu show up to wish him well.  I’m sad that Yoshi never actually gets a match on Raw.  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

John Cena comes out to cut his farewell promo.  He talks for a while about the usual stuff: loving his job, missing his family, etc.  He asks for the women and kids to chant “Let’s go Cena!” while the guys chant “Cena sucks!”  They, being a polite crowd, oblige his request.  Cena warns Wade Barrett to stop taking shortcuts.  He finally finishes up by thanking the fans.  I’m sure they appreciate it and will be happy to see him back next week.  They show some sad looking fans.  Cena walks backstage passing R-Truth, Eve, Goldust, The Bella Twins, Kozlov, Santino, Mark Henry, Primo, Ted Dibiase Jr., Maryse, Naomi, Kaitlyn, AJ, Natalya, Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Daniel Bryan, Gail Kim, Melina, Alicia Fox, Tyson Kidd, referees and assorted backstage geeks.  He shakes hands with and hugs Randy Orton since they’re best friends now.  Cena walks out of the building.  Wade Barrett steps into frame and does the “You can’t see me” gesture at the back of Cena’s head.  Commercials.

The brand new Amway Center!

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Brie Bella).  Brie runs down the ramp to catch up to Bryan.  I’m taking the announcers’ word that it’s Brie, which means there’s a 99% chance it’s Nikki.  Dibiase jumps Bryan and beats him up.  Dibiase gets a couple of near falls, then applies a waist lock on the mat.  Bryan avoids Dibiase in the corner and drills him with a dropkick.  Dibiase hits a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Bryan turns his stupid cover into the LeBell Lock for the win in 1:53.  These two have had a really good match in the last 24 hours.  This wasn’t it.  Nikki Bella comes out to join Brie in celebrating with Bryan.  He has them hug each other for some reason.  Maybe they’re going to start calling him gay on top of everything else.

Orton vs. Barrett TONIGHT!  For the BELT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Divas Champion Natalya vs. Alicia Fox.  Fox holds onto the ropes to avoid a front cradle.  Natalya gives her a monkey flip.  Fox works Natalya’s hair.  She pulls out a tuft of Natalya’s hair, which pisses her off.  Natalya throws Fox down by her hair a bunch, then hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Natalya does a bear hug.  Fox turns it into a cradle.  Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 2:16.  This was crap.

Tonight, Orotn vs. Barrett for the belt!

John Morrison and Melina chat backstage.  Are they still together?  Morrison is in action NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Hart Dynasty vs. Nexus from last week’s Raw, when Tyson Kidd TURNED on David Hart Smith.

King of the Ring Qualifying Match: John Morrison vs. Tyson Kidd.  Kidd has new HEEL music.  They lock up and trade arm locks.  Morrison backs Kidd into the corner.  Kidd stomps Morrison in the corner, slides out of the ring, and drops him across the apron, then delivers a kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kidd applies a side headlock and yells.  Morrison fights back and lands a fancy kick.  Morrison lands a side kick for 2.  Kidd hits a twisting Fisherman buster for 2.  Kidd beats up Morrison a bit.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck.  Kidd tries to cut him off, but fails.  Morrison lands it and follows with the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:17.  It was okay.  Too short, like most things tonight.

Orton vs. Barrett is NEXT!  Commercials.

Hype for next week’s King of the Ring Tournament.

Randy Orton comes out for his title defense, but is jumped in the aisle by The Nexus and ASSAULTED!  Orton’s knee has been injured!  Commercials!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett.  They both make their entrances again, even though they were both out there 5 minutes ago.  Orton is selling the knee injury.  In ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton lands some punches.  Barrett attacks the injured knee.  Barrett rams the knee into the apron.  Cover gets 2.  Barrett works the knee.  Orton catches Barrett with the 3.0.  Across the injured knee.  Idiot.  Barrett hits the Wasteland and covers.  John Cena appears and pulls the referee out of the ring!  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus runs out.  Cena escapes through the crowd.  Orton hits Barrett with the RKO for the pin in 3:50.  Orton retains the title!  The Miz comes out!  He’s cashing in the Money In The Bank contract RIGHT NOW!

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  Miz goes for the knee.  Orton clubbers his back.  Repeat.  Miz kicks Orton’s knee out from under him and sets to work on it.  Miz rams Orton’s knee into the post repeatedly.  Orton kicks him away and into the barricade.  Back inside, Orton makes his comeback.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz counters and takes his knee out.  Orton manages to hit the powerslam and starts humping the mat.  Miz counters the RKO and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 2:44!  THE MIZ IS WWE CHAMPION!  They show kids looking sad and angry in the audience.  Awesome!

This show was crap when it comes to wrestling, but it was still fun, entertaining, and eventful.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 11/12/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video from Raw of Wade Barrett bitching at David Otunga and ordering him to invade Smackdown again and face Edge.  If he loses, he’s out of Nexus.  Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, David Otunga vs. Edge and Big Show vs. Kane!  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Edge comes out to cut a promo.  He says he plans on going into WrestleMania next year as World Champion.  He goes on to say that he’ll send David Otunga to the unemployment line tonight.  The 5 less important members of The Nexus come out and surround Edge.  Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that Teddy Long was detained at customs, so she’s in charge.  She tells Otunga that he’ll lose if any Nexus members interfere get in the ring.  She hypes the matches we’ve already been informed of, adding that the Edge/Otunga match will be a Lumberjack Match.  She orders Edge and Otunga to shake hands “like British gentlemen.”  Edge refuses.  Vickie threatens to take his title shot away.  Edge shakes Otunga’s hand, then spears him off the apron onto Nexus.

Alberto Del Rio arrives in a fancy car.  Apparently he drives to the arena in his gear.  Grisham implies that he drove from Mexico.  I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a joke or not.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Manchester!

Ricardo Rodriguez came all the way to England just to introduce Alberto Del Rio!

Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston.  Del Rio wins the lock up and lightly pats Kofi’s kick.  Kofi kicks his ass in retaliation.  Kofi lands a dropkick for 2.  Del Rio boots Kofi in the face and hits a clothesline.  Del Rio works over Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs Del Rio twice and hits an elbow smash.  Kofi lands corner punches and a European uppercut.  Del Rio bails.  He tries to dash back in, but Kofi dropkicks him and hits him with a tope suicida.  Kofi throws Del Rio back into the ring and covers for 2.  Del Rio backdrops Kofi to the apron and knocks him to the floor with an enzuigiri.  Commercials.  Del Rio works a rear chin lock, then throws Kofi to the mat for 2.  Del Rio beats up Kofi.  Kofi makes his comeback.  Kofi hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits a jumping chop that idiot Grisham always calls a Superman punch.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Del Rio bails to avoid it.  Kofi goes after him like an idiot and gets his arm pulled into the post.  Back inside, Del Rio hits the Minoru Special for the submission win in 11:32.  Decent match.  Rey Mysterio Jr. comes out after the match and gives Del Rio the 619.

The 4 least important members of Nexus discuss the problems they’ve encountered tonight.  David Otunga comes in and pleas for help.  I assume they agree to have his back.  Sorry, I spaced.

Tonight, Big Show vs. Kane!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: Natalya vs. Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla.  They actually do some chain wrestling.  Pimp.  Natalya hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Layla lands some kicks and drops Natalya on the apron.  Cover gets 2.  Layla rams Natalya’s face into the mat and applies a wonky head scissors.  Natalya stands up, rams Layla into the corner, and turns it into something of a backbreaker.  Natalya avoids a leg drop and hits a body slam and a discus lariat.  Natalya hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Layla sends Natalya into the corner.  Natalya counters a kick and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 3:27.  Fine.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane and Paul Bearer are in their weird, creepy area backstage.  Kane talks while weird, creepy music plays in the background.

Otunga vs. Edge in a Lumberjack Match NEXT!  Commercials!

Lumberjack Match: Edge vs. David Otunga (w/ WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris).  The lumberjacks are the aforementioned members of The Nexus, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Drew McIntyre, Goldust, Finlay, WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler, Kaval, Tyson Kidd, Chris Masters, Primo, Tyler Reks, MVP, and Alberto Del Rio.  Yes, there’s at least 3 Raw guys out there besides Nexus.  The other lumberjacks chases Nexus to the stage.  Edge beats up Otunga and sends him outside.  The lumberjacks rough him up a bit and throw him back in.  Otunga realizes he has nowhere to bail to.  Commercials, less than a minute into the match.  Let’s hope there’s less than a minute left when they come back.  Edge throws Otunga outside to get beaten up again.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Edge gets sent outside.  Nobody attacks him until Del Rio trips him on the apron just to be a dick.  Edge’s face smacks the apron.  MVP and Del Rio argue.  Otunga works over Edge for a while, so there goes my interest for a bit.  Edge hits a backdrop suplex and makes his comeback.  Edge gets a schoolboy for 2.  Edge hits a flapjack, then hits Del Rio with a baseball slide dropkick.  That’s the cue for the lumberjacks to start brawling.  Edge hits the Edgecution and sets up for the spear.  Michael McGillicutty comes in and gets spear.  Kane comes in through the crowd and chokeslams Edge behind the referee’s back.  Otunga covers for the pin in 9:51 to keep his job.  Dammit.  Match was lame too.

Tonight, Show vs. Kane!  Next, Dolph Ziggler defends the Intercontinental Championship against MVP!  Commercials.

Last week, MVP beat Drew McIntyre and Cody Rhodes to earn an Intercontinental title shot!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They lock up.  MVP gets a schoolboy for 1, then a jackknife hold for 1, then another schoolboy for 2.  MVP hits a press slam and a sliding Yakuza kick.  Ziggler falls out of the ring.  Commercials less than a minute in.  Ziggler stomps on MVP and lands an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler applies a scissored rear chin lock.  MVP gets a schoolboy for 2.  He goes for the corner Yakuza kick, but Ziggler kicks him in the face and goes for the Flair pin.  MVP kicks out.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler tries to remove a turnbuckle pad.  The referee goes to correct it.  MVP gets an inside cradle, but the referee doesn’t see it in time and Ziggler manages to kick out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler goes back to the scissored chin lock.  MVP fights out, avoids Ziggler in the corner, and eats an elbow smash.  MVP catches Ziggler with a clothesline and makes his comeback.  Knee facebuster gets 2.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow and covers.  Ziggler gets his foot on the bottom rope.  MVP sets up a superplex.  Ziggler fights him off, dives, and eats a Yakuza kick.  Cover gets 2.  Ziggler kicks MVP in the leg and hits a half assed Zig Zag for the pin in 8:34.  Good match, much better than I expected.  Apparently MVP’s foot was on the bottom rope, but the referee didn’t see it.

Stand up for WWE!

Kane finds his weird backstage lair disrupted.  At least his creepy music is still playing.  He finds Paul Bearer’s urn on the ground.  Commercials.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out to cut a promo about British oral hygiene.  They show one of his grooming tips videos where he talks about oral hygiene.

Kane runs around backstage looking for Paul Bearer and assaulting a random pedestrian.

Tale of the Tape for Kane vs. Big Show.  Commercials.

Manchester!

Knucklehead!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Kane vs. The Big Show.  They brawl.  Show hits a shoulder block for 2.  Show beats up Kane.  Kane dropkicks Show’s knee.  Kane beats up Show.  Show drops him with an elbow and HITS A VADER BOMB for 2.  I’ve never seen Show hit that.  Kane recovers from being pancaked.  They goozle each other.  Show wins the goozle contest.  Kane fights out and hits a clothesline that sends them both out of the ring.  We are shown that Paul Bearer is bound and gagged in a wheelchair, watching the match backstage.  Commercials.  Show works Kane’s arm.  Kane comes back and pounds on Show.  Kane hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane applies a rear chin lock.  This is so boring.  It was fun before the commercial.  They should have given this 5 minutes instead of 10+.  Show lands a shoulder block that sends Kane out of the ring.  Kane pulls Show into the top rope to get the advantage, then goes up top.  Show tries to cut him off.  Kane knocks him down and hits the diving lariat for 2.  Kane applies his rear chin lock again.  Show hits a backdrop suplex to escape.  Show makes his comeback.  Kane hits the diving lariat again and signals for the chokeslam.  Edge comes out to the stage with Paul Bearer bound and gagged in the wheelchair.  Edge talks at Kane for a while.  Edge threatens to push Bearer off the stage.  Show chokeslams Kane for the pin in 14:35.  The latter two thirds of this match were horribly boring.  Edge takes Bearer to the back.

This show was pretty shitty aside from one really good match (MVP/Ziggler, which I had incredibly low expectations for).

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are TAPED from Manchester, England.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

John Cena is behind a Nexus podium in the ring.  He reads a scroll introducing Manchester’s own Wade Barrett.  Barrett comes out along with the rest of Nexus: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett thanks Cena for reading the intro that he wrote for him.  He says they’re going to do a preview celebration for his title win at Survivor Series tonight, but first he has business to tend to.  They show video of the Nexus getting beaten up by Edge, Kane, and The Big Show on Smackdown last week.  Barrett bitches at Otunga for failing, then bitches at Cena for his refereeing in the Barrett & Otunga vs. Randy Orton & R-Truth match on Raw last week.  Cena starts babbling about the beginnings of his rapper gimmick.  Barrett asks what happened in the match.  Cena replies “You guys lost.”  Barrett says Cena is free or fired at the PPV.  Cena says either way, he’s going to beat up Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett orders Cena to announce him as the new WWE Champion to practice for Survivor Series.  Wouldn’t that be Justin Roberts’ job?  Cena says “Whatever.”  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out and says he’s still WWE Champion and he’ll beat Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett says he has goons with him.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Couldn’t they have left that thing in the states?  iBooker cancels Barrett’s preview celebration, says the match at Survivor Series can only be won by pinfall or submission (It’s not a No DQ match, it just can’t be won by DQ) and the Nexus geeks will be banned from ringside, and books Nexus vs. Team Orton with Cena as the referee for tonight.  Cena shoves the Nexus podium over, shoves Otunga over, and leaves.

Next, a stupid divas soccer something or other.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Manchester!

Divas Cup Match: Eve Torres & The Bella Twins vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Tamina.  The teams are wearing different color soccer uniforms and both get booed.  Eve and Tamina lock up.  Tamina wins the lock up.  Eve fights back.  Tamina hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Maryse tags in and works over Eve.  Boringly.  Eve fights her off.  Fox and one of the Bellas tag in.  The Bella runs wild, counters a backbreaker attempt, and lands on top for 2.  The Bella gets another 2.  Clusterfuck.  Maryse gives the legal Bella a DDT.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The illegal Bella gets Fox with an inside cradle for the pin in 3:09.  Terrible.

David Otunga gives the Nexus a pep talk in the locker room.  Wade Barrett comes in and tells Otunga that he won’t be in the tag match tonight, but he will face John Cena.  He orders Otunga to give it his all and says he’s going to tell Cena the same thing.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Natalya beat Michelle McCool after miscommunication between LayCool.

The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  Smith beats up Jimmy to start.  Jimmy bails.  Kidd tags in and hits one of the Usos with a DRAGONRANA SUICIDA!  Back inside, Kidd misses a springboard elbow drop.  The Usos get the heat on Kidd.  Jimmy misses a diving splash or a diving headbutt.  Jey and Smith tag in.  Smith runs wild and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Jimmy saves.  Smith throws him out of the ring.  Kidd misses a baseball slide and gets kicked in the face.  Smith knocks Jimmy off the apron.  Jey drops Smith with a kick and hits the Superfly splash for the pin in 3:36.  Okay little match.  Dysfunction between the Harts continues.

Tonight, Santino Marella has invited Sheamus to a tea party… Huh?

Cena vs. Otunga tonight.  Commercials.

Nest Monday, WWE goes old school!  I’m not sure what that means, but I’m mildly excited.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton.  The Miz shows up to tell him that he’s one of the members of Orton’s team tonight.

The announcers talk.

Various chatter goes on in the Nexus locker room.  David Otunga comes in.  The others are mad at him.  He wants them to help him tonight.  Gabriel is scared of doing anything without Barrett’s permission.  Otunga says they don’t need his permission.  The others are skeptical.  Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: The Goldust/Aksana wedding from last week on NXT, after which Aksana turned on Goldust.

Million Dollar Champion Goldust vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Goldust shines and looks awesome.  He clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring, chases him back in, and gets clotheslined.  Dibiase beats up Goldust for a bit.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker for 2.  Maryse retrieves the Million Dollar belt from the ringside belt holding geek.  Goldust makes his comeback and hits a bulldog for 2.  Goldust hits a powerslam for 2.  Aksana comes out and takes the belt from Maryse.  Dibiase Pearl Harbors Goldust.  Goldust gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:24, then chases after his estranged bride.  I have no idea what’s going on here, and the match wasn’t much either.

Tonight, Team Orton vs. Team Barrett!  Commercials!

John Cena vs. David Otunga (w/ Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris).  Nexus come out with Otunga, then leave.  Otunga immediately bails and tries to run away.  Cena catches him on the stage, throws him into the car that’s on the stage, and brings him back in the ring.  Cena kicks Otunga’s ass.  Otunga sends Cena’s shoulder into the post to get the advantage.  Otunga beats up Cena for a while.  Cena avoids an elbow drop and makes his comeback.  Cena hits the AA, then locks in the STF for the win 3:59.  Meh.  Commercials.

David Otunga ices his boo boos backstage.  Wade Barrett lectures him about being a loser and tells him to go wrestle Edge on Smackdown.  If he doesn’t win, he’s done.

Manchester!

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out in British looking suits.  Santino looks JUST LIKE Mr. Fuji in that getup.  Santino talks about movies with silly British characters, then invites Sheamus out for a tea party.  Sheamus comes out and actually shakes hands with Santino.  They sit down.  Santino offers him green tea, ginger tea, or a picture of Mr. T.  Sheamus looks amused.  He calls Santino a village idiot.  Santino misunderstands, then offers him “milky” tea.  This goes on for a while.  At least the crowd is amused.  It’s like a fucking British sitcom.  They can’t remember what their issue is until Kozlov reminds them that Santino beat Sheamus.  Santino accidentally pours tea in Sheamus’ lap.  Sheamus is pissed.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker, which books Sheamus vs. Santino.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella.  Santino takes his fancy shirt off and has his ring gear on under it.  Sheamus goes after him, but he hides in the ropes.  Santino bails.  Sheamus goes after him.  Santino bails into the crowd.  iBooker sends Cole another fucking email.  If Santino doesn’t get back into the ring, he’s suspended.  He does, and after almost 2 1/2 minutes, the first contact of the match is made.  Sheamus kicks Santino’s ass.  Santino begs off, then hits Sheamus in the balls to get DQ’d in 3:01.  Retarded shit.  Santino celebrates losing.  Sheamus kills him with the pump kick and knees him in the head a bunch.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  John Morrison makes the save and hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Is this stupid shit going to go anywhere?

John Cena watches a WrestleMania commercial on TV.  Wade Barrett sneaks up behind him and reminds him that if he doesn’t make Barrett champion at Survivor Series, he won’t experience WrestleMania again.  Yeah, we all believe that.  Commercials.

Manchester!

Stand up for WWE!  This one is actually a cool video with the second and third generation wrestlers talking about their families.

WWE Champion Randy Orton, R-Truth, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry, & The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris of The Nexus.  John Cena is the referee.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Danielson and Gabriel start.  Awesome!  Gabriel tries a leapfrog and gets kicked in midair.  Gabriel gets a shot in and tags in McGillicutty.  Danielson gives him an arm drag and tags in Miz.  Miz Pearl Harbors McGillicutty and works him over.  Orton tags in and continues the work.  Orton demands that Barrett tag in.  Barrett orders Slater to tag in instead.  Orton kicks his ass and tags in Truth.  Truth beats up Slater.  Truth hits his splits kick.  Gabriel saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Team Orton clears the ring.  David Otunga comes out.  Commercials.  Truth and Gabriel lock up.  Truth wins the lock up.  Gabriel cheap shots him coming out of the corner to get the advantage.  Truth fights back.  Gabriel flips over him and drops him with a kick for 2.  Harris tags in and beats up Truth.  Henry tags in.  FAT GUY FIGHT!  Henry slams Harris like he’s nothing and goes for a big splash.  Harris avoids getting squashed and hits a corner clothesline.  McGillicutty tags in and gets clotheslined.  Danielson tags in and blasts McGillicutty with European uppercuts and kicks.  Danielson hits a release German suplex and running dropkick to the corner for 2.  Danielson lands some more kicks.  Harris blind tags in.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock on McGillicutty, but Harris saves.  Harris hits a 360 short range lariat for 2.  Barrett finally tags in and gets the heat on Danielson.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett drives his knee and foot into Danielson’s spine while pulling him back by the arms.  Danielson fights out.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Nexus make quick tags and keep the heat on Danielson.  Danielson drops Slater with a kick.  Barrett tags in.  Orton gets the tag from Danielson and runs wild on Barrett.  DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and hits the 3.0 for 2.  McGillicutty saves.  Truth hits McGillicutty with a front suplex.  Gabriel drops Truth with a kick.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Gabriel.  Harris and Slater bundle Henry out of the ring.  Danielson hits them with a double missile dropkick.  Barrett goes for the Wasteland again.  Orton counters into 3.0 again.  And humps the mat again.  Otunga distracts Cena.  Miz and Riley attack Orton.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton.  Barrett pins Orton in 15:18.  Really good match.

The main event was really good.  The rest of the show was fucking terrible.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to cut a promo.  He says if John Cena is going to screw him at Survivor Series, he wants Cena to tell him to his face.  John Cena comes out and talks about his plight.  Orton says Cena is a PHONY if he screws Orton at Survivor Series.  They bicker for a while and talk shit about Wade Barrett.  The Nexus come out.  They’re back up to 7 members: Cena, Barrett, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Husky Harris, and WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater.  Barrett says Cena will raise his hand as WWE Champion at Survivor Series.  Cena and Barrett banter.  Cena says either way, at Survivor Series, he’s gonna beat the hell out of Barrett.  Orton talks some smack to Barrett as well and challenges him to come to the ring.  Barrett starts walking.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, which books Barrett & a partner of his choice vs. Orton & a partner of his choice with Cena as the referee for TONIGHT!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Slater and Kidd start.  Kidd cranks on his arm.  Smith tags in and continues the arm work.  Smith hits a long stalling suplex for 2.  Gabriel tags in and beats up Smith.  They make quick tags and work over Smith.  Kidd gets the tag and runs wild.  Kidd hits Gabriel with the spinning fisherman suplex for 2.  Slater saves.  Smith throws Slater out and beats him up.  Kidd sends Gabriel outside.  Slater pushes Smith into Gabriel.  Kidd accidentally hits Smith with a dive.  Back inside, Gabriel drops Kidd with a kick and hits the 450 splash for the pin in 3:52.  Fine little match.  This isn’t going to help the dissension between the Harts!

John Cena is sulking in the locker room.  R-Truth comes in to chat with him.  He wants to know what Cena is going to do at Survivor Series.  Cena says he doesn’t know.  Truth is annoyed.  Cena leaves.  Commercials.

Tonight’s guest star is Pee Wee Herman!

Sheamus comes out.  They show him losing in ridiculous fashion to Santino Marella last week.  Sheamus cuts a promo and challenges him to a rematch.  Santino comes out and says he went trick or treating as Sheamus and he can’t wrestle tonight because he ate too much candy.  He introduces his replacement, Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov says “Sheamus, you talk funny!  Now, I crush you!”

Sheamus vs. Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella).  They lock up.  Kozlov takes Sheamus down.  Sheamus fights back and hits a reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Kozlov hits the double underhook headbutts and a big boot.  Cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Sheamus hits the Polish hammer and the pump kick for the pin in 1:44.  Not a bad little >2 minute matches.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Sheamus steps on his hand.  Sheamus stalks Santino.  Santino offers him money, his credit card, and a check.  Sheamus shoves him, then goes for Razor’s Edge on the stage.  John Morrison appears and makes the save.  Santino celebrates still being alive.  Fun segment.

R-Truth tells Randy Orton that he thinks John Cena is going to fuck him.  Orton seems unsurprised.  Truth is an idiot.  Orton invites Truth to be his partner tonight.  Truth agrees.  Commercials.

Mark Henry is on the phone with Pee Wee Herman.  Except they’re standing right next to each other.  Henry is upset about Evan Bourne being out.  Herman is upset about a splinter he got recently.  Henry wants a tag team partner and a hug.  He squeezes Herman to hard.  Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Melina, and Henry play Twister.  Herman rants about something.  Lita randomly appears and knocks over the goofs playing Twister.  The fuck?  Commercials.

WWE loves the troops!

Zack Ryder vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Ryder goes on the attack.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits a press slam.  Ryder tries to fight back.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 42 seconds.  Yay for Zeke squashing geeks!

Tonight, Orton & R-Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee!

Pee Wee Herman is up next!  Commercials.

Pee Wee Herman comes out.  He says the secret word for tonight is “ring.”  When someone says it, a bell will go off.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  I’ve never been so happy to see The Miz.  Miz insults Herman.  Herman makes 1st grade comebacks.  Miz says “ring” and the bell goes off.  Riley explains the secret word.  Miz says “ring” again.  Herman mimicks both of them.  The stupidity continues.  Herman says his “cousin” is here.  Miz tells him to bring it on.  The Big Show comes out dressed as Pee Wee Herman.   Show throws Miz and Riley out of the ring.  Herman says “ring,” so the stupid bell rings again.  iBooker sends an email.  I’ve never been so happy about that.  It books Miz vs. “The Big Pee Wee.”  Show and Herman dance.  Silliness.  Just, silliness.  Commercials.

The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. The Big Show.  Show beats up Miz.  Miz bails.  Miz comes back in.  Show beats him up some more.  Show squashes Miz with an elbow drop for 2.  Miz kicks at Show’s leg and punches him, trying to get him down.  He finally drops Show with a dropkick to the knees.  Cole and Riley miz in their pants over Miz getting the advantage.  Show stands up with Miz on his back, falls back, and squashes him.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb, but Miz moves to avoid certain death.  Miz covers for 1.  Show throws him off.  Miz puts the boots to Show.  Miz hits a diving axe handle smash.  Make that 2.  The third one drops Show.  Cover gets 2.  Show makes his comeback.  Show goes for the Ho Train, but Miz avoids it.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Riley gets on the apron.  Show sends Miz into him.  Miz gets a hold of the Money In The Bank briefcase and hits Show with it to get himself DQ’d in 6:49.  Not a bad little match.

Stand up for WWE!

Wade Barrett orders John Cena to clean his locker room and give him a bath after the match tonight.  That’s just weird.  Barrett leaves.  David Otunga comes in and says he’ll be the one who wins tonight because he’s more talented than everyone.  What’s Otunga’s talent?  It damn sure isn’t pro wrestling.  Commercials.

Goldust and Aksana get hitched tomorrow night on NXT!

Non-Title: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Bryan lands some kicks.  Dibiase catches Bryan with a knee lift and beats him up.  Dibiase whips Bryan hard into the corner.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chants.  Bryan fights back, tries to go up top, and takes a bump to the floor.  Back inside, Dibiase pounds on Bryan.  Dibiase is bringing it with the intensity tonight.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Bryan gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan gets an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Bryan flips over Dibiase in the corner and hits his clothesline.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Dibiase some more.  Dibiase catches him with a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Bryan counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 3:43.  Good little TV match.  Dibiase wines to Maryse about not having his Million Dollar belt.

Orton & Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to make me wish I was deaf.  They say Natalya can have another title shot at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya hits a fireman carry into an armbar.  McCool counters into a body scissors.  Natalya escapes and drops McCool face first.  Natalya goes to the second rope and gets pulled down.  Cover gets 2.  McCool beats up Natalya.  McCool applies a body scissors for about 3 days.  Natalya escapes and fights back.  McCool hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool bails.  Hijinks ensue until LayCool knock into each other.  McCool accidentally kicks Layla in the face.  Natalya schoolgirls McCool for the pin in 3:21.  Meh.

Somewhere in a hospital room, Vince McMahon is on a coma.  Really?  Commercials.

The “doctor” talks to a comatose Vince McMahon.  He mentions that Linda has spent $50 Million on this stupid election, which wakes Vince up from his coma.  Vince says he hates politics, but as long as things are okay in WWE… The doctor tells him Undertaker has been buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, John Cena is a member of Nexus, Paul Bearer is back, Goldust is getting married, and Pee Wee Herman has taken over Raw.  Vince says “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is Daniel Bryan is United States Champion?”  Vince gets up to go to the bathroom and says he might run for president.  He goes to the bathroom and we see he has one of Linda’s opponents’ campaign things on his ass.  Then we see Stephanie McMahon waking up and realizing THAT THE SEGMENT WE JUST SAW WAS HER DREAMING.  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?  THIS IS TNA LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  THIS IS WCW 1999/2000 LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  WHAT THE FUCK?

Long Island.  Fucking retarded WWE.

John Cena comes out in referee garb.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Wade Barrett & David Otunga vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton & R-Truth.  John Cena is the guest referee.  Orton and Otunga lock up.  Otunga stomps Orton in the corner.  Cena gives him the five count.  Orton beats up Otunga.  Barrett tags in and gets caught with a clothesline by Orton.  Orton beats up Barrett.  Orton gives Cena the five count in the corner.  Orton argues with him.  Barett schoolboys Orton for 2.  Orton stupidly goes to argue with Cena again.  Barrett attacks him from behind.  Otunga tags in, gets beaten up, and bails.  Orton follows and beats him up outside.  Otunga reverses Orton into the steps.  Otunga throws Orton back in and covers for 2.  Barrett tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton hits Barrett with a backdrop suplex.  Otunga and Truth tag in.  Truth runs wild on his NXT Season 1 rookie.  Truth hits his dancing kick for 2.  Barrett blind tags himself in and hits Truth with a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Truth avoids it.  Orton gets the hot tag… but Cena was distracted by Otunga!  They argue about whether or not a tag was made while Barrett and Otunga beat up Truth.  Truth continues to play face in peril.  Otunga and Truth cross body each other.  I swear, that’s the new double clothesline spot.  Barrett tags in, but Cena was distracted by Orton!  Orton hits the RKO on Otunga as Cena holds Barrett back.  Truth gets the pin on Otunga in 8:49.  Alright match.  Barrett bitches at Cena.  Cena says he called it right down the middle!  Orton holds the belt and glares at Barrett.

This show was about half decent and half stupid shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, weird Undertaker video package.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane and Paul Bearer are on the stage at the grave site, which they apparently moved from Minneapolis to Milwaukee.  Kane cuts yet another long promo.  The ring is all funeral’d out.  Alberto Del Rio comes out.  I’ve never been so happy to see him.  Del Rio wants a title shot.  Kane screams at him.  Del Rio drops Kane.  Rey Mysterio comes out to run off Del Rio, then gives Paul Bearer the 619.  Kane takes out Mysterio.  Edge runs out and spears Kane.  His music plays, so I guess he won the fight.

Alberto Del Rio bitches at Teddy Long in Spanish.  He wants a title shot.  Long books Del Rio vs. Edge vs. Mysterio in a #1 Contender match for TONIGHT!

Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Ziggler takes Bryan down.  Bryan tries an armbar from the bottom, but fails.  Ziggler stomps on him, then land an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler beats up Bryan.  Dropkick gets 2.  ZIggler applies a rear chin lock.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Bryan fights out of a hold.  They trade shots.  Bryan lands some kicks, flips over Ziggler from the corner, and lands a lariat.  Bryan hits a diving chop.  Ziggler rolls out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Bryan catches Ziggler with another hard kick.  Ziggler avoids a dive and hits the Fameasser for 2.  Bryan gets a backslide for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan counters and hits a corner dropkick.  They counter suplex attempts.  Bryan suplexes Ziggler and they both fall out of the ring.  They both beat the count back in.  They trade shots from their knees and on their feet.  Ziggler boots Bryan in the face.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Ziggler counters and catapults Bryan into the turnbuckles, then locks in the sleeper hold.  Bryan fights out, bumping the ref in the process.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  Vickie counts the pinfall.  The referee isn’t having that crap.  Bryan kicks Ziggler in the head for the pin (9:14 shown).  Another really good match between these two.  Vickie screams at the referee.

Tonight, Edge vs. Mysterio vs. Del Rio!

WWE.com plug.

Josh Matthews interviews Paul Bearer, who is still selling his face.  Kane comes in and looks constipated.

Stand up for WWE!

Kelly Kelly is checking herself out in the mirror.  Cody Rhodes moves in to check himself out.  They babble about whatever.  The Big Show comes in and challenges Rhodes to a match.  Rhodes says he’s a tag team wrestler.  Show says he can find a partner since people actually like him.  Show does a Drew McIntyre impersonation.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Kaval.  Swagger uses his wrestling.  Kaval uses his kicking the crap out of people.  Swagger catches a cross body and hits a World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger applies a bear hug.  Kaval hits a hurricanrana to escape, then hits a running knee to the corner, which gets the dead crowd to pop.  Kaval hits a flying knee to the back for 2.  Kaval lands a koppou kick, counters a German, and hits a double stomp for 2.  Kaval goes up top.  Swagger tries to cut him off, but Kaval jumps over him.  Swagger rams Kaval’s leg into the post, then hits him with an enzui lariat.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 4:02.  Decent little match.

Divas Halloween costume contest NEXT!

WWEShop.com!

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between Kane, Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio, and Edge.  Later tonight, triple threat match between the 3 of those dudes who aren’t Kane!

Teddy Long and Hornwsoggle are in the ring to do the divas costume contest deal.  The Bella Twins are dressed as Batman & Robin.  Alicia Fox is Cleopatra.  Kelly Kelly is Little Bo Peep.  Rosa Mendez is a leprechaun.  Melina is Spider-Woman.  Looks more like The Flash to me.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla are Lady Gaga and Beyonce, respectively.  Of course, it wouldn’t be WWE TV without LayCool being fucking obnoxious and me being forced to listen to McCool’s nail on a chalkboard voice.  Cowboy Hornswoggle keeps order with squirt guns.  Long announces an 8-diva tag match for RIGHT NOW.  Ugh.

Melina, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla, Alicia Fox, & Rosa Mendez.  Batman Bella and Layla start.  Layla dances.  Batman clotheslines her.  McCool tags in.  Batman and Robin hit her with a double clothesline.  Fox tags in.  Robin takes her over and tags in Melina.  Insta-commercials.  Kelly and Rosa do some horrible, clumsy looking shit.  Kelly hits a neckbreaker.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kelly hits the Fameasser for the pin (about 2 1/2 minutes shown).  Crap.

Edge and Rey Mysterio chat backstage.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre come out and cut a promo.  They want a tag title shot.  Aren’t they automatically entitled to one?  They name their team “The Dashing Ones.”

The Dashing Ones vs. The Big Show & Kofi Kingston.  McIntyre and Kingston trade arm locks.  McIntyre grabs a side headlock, then knocks down Kofi.  Kofi hits a monkey flip for 2.  Show tags in and beats up McIntyre.  Kofi tags in and hits a slingshot elbow drop for 2.  Rhodes tags in and beats up Kingston.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  The Dashing Ones get the heat on Kofi, attacking his leg in vicious ways.  Kofi knocks Drew outside.  Rhodes throws him back in.  He rolls right back out anyway.  Show gets the hot tag and destroys Rhodes.  I guess there was a tag.  McIntyre comes back in.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Rhodes saves.  Show chokeslams Rhodes for the pin in 8:13.  Okay match.

Edge vs. Mysterio vs. Del Rio is NEXT!

The Dashing Ones argue backstage.  Aww, they just named their team and they’re breaking up?

WWE encourages kids to read!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The main event is NEXT!  FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Goldust and Aksana get hitched on NXT NEXT WEEK!

Triple Threat World Heavyweight Title #1 Contender Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Edge.  Mysterio attacks Del Rio immediately.  Del Rio drops Mysterio with a clothesline.  Edge drops Del Rio with a spin kick.  Edge puts the boots to Del Rio, then throws Mysterio out of the ring.  Rey slips back in as Edge slips out.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio.  Del Rio throws Mysterio into the post.  Edge schoolboys Del Rio for 2.  Del Rio beats up Edge.  Edge lands a forearm, then clotheslines Del Rio, taking them both out of the ring.  Mysterio hits them both with a diving cross body.  Insta-commercials.  Del Rio stomps and chokes Mysterio in the corner.  Del Rio pulls Mysterio’s armpit into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle, the hits a dropkick to the corner.  Mysterio kicks Edge to keep him out.  Del Rio whips Mysterio into Edge.  Edge sunset flips Del Rio as Del Rio German suplexes Mysterio.  Cool spot.  Edge gets 2 on Del Rio.  Edge sends Mysterio out of the ring and beats on Del Rio.  Del Rio pulls Edge’s head into the top rope.  Mysterio trips Del Rio, who hits his face on the apron.  Mysterio sends Edge into the steps with a headscissors.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a diving splash on Edge for 2.  Mysterio dropkicks Del Rio to keep him outside.  Mysterio goes for the 619 on Edge, but Del Rio trips him and pulls him out of the ring.  Del Rio comes in and gets flapjacked by Edge.  Cover gets 2.  Del Rio counters the Edge-O-Matic with a gorgeous German suplex hold for 2.  Edge hits a clotheslines Del Rio, then goes up top.  Mysterio crotches him and goes for a Frankensteiner.  Edge counters.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special.  Edge hits Del Rio with a diving elbow drop for 2.  Triple clothesline spot.  Del Rio beats up Edge.  Del Rio catapults Mysterio into a seated senton on Edge.  Del Rio goes for a powerbomb, but Mysterio hits a rana and the 619.  Edge spears Mysterio off the apron and covers Del Rio for 2.  Del Rio goes for a move, but Edge turns it into the Edgecution.  Edge goes for the spear, but Rodriguez grabs his foot.  Del Rio hits Edge with the enzuigiri.  Mysterio saves with a diving leg drop and covers Del Rio for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio him up on his shoulders.  Edge spears Del Rio for the pin (12:20 shown).  Really good match.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out, makes his pyro go off, and poses with the belt.  They’ll meet at Survivor Series for the title!

Pretty good show this week!