Archive for Generation Me

TNA Victory Road 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Chui

PPV opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Bully Ray comes out for his match.  He calls So Cal Val into the ring to give him a microphone, then bullies her out of the ring because he’s a bully.  He puts over Hogan and Bischoff, then calls out Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer comes out.  Ray talks shit to him, then informs him that their match is Falls Count Anywhere.  I’m sure Dreamer is shaking in his little space boots.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer attacks Bully and kicks his ass to start the match.  Ray lands a clothesline.  Dreamer recovers and throws him out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor.  Dreamer has a fan hold a chair and rams Bubba’s head into it, then spits a fan’s water into Bubba’s face, the hits him with a stuffed minion from that Disney movie, Despicable Me.  I think that’s what it is, anyway.  They brawl in the crowd.  They make their way back to ringside and Bubba gains the advantage.  Bubba swings a Singapore cane at So Cal Val just to be a dick, then takes her chair to attack Dreamer with.  That sentence wasn’t grammatically correct.  Anyway, he fails with the chair.  They throw some plunder into the ring and the Innovator of Violence goes to work.  There’s a blowup doll.  Bubba gets knocked down and 69s with it.  Dreamer interrupts the coupling with a big splash for 2.  Dreamer goes up top.  Bubba cracks him with a trash can lid, then hits a superplex.  Bubba gives the blowup doll an elbow drop and throws it out of the ring.  Dreamer counters the Bubba Bomb and hits the DDT for 2.  Dreamer brings in a table and goes for a piledriver.  Bully back body drops him, then clobbers him with a trash can.  Bubba goes for a Rock Bottom or something, gets countered, and lands a big boot for 2.  Bubba canes Dreamer, then calls for a microphone so he can talk shit while he does it.  He yells “This is for you, Devon!” and sets up a powerbomb.  Devon’s music plays.  Terrence and Terrell come out, one of them in a neck brace.  Brother Devon appears behind Bully.  Devon and Dreamer gives Bully the 3D through the table and Dreamer gets the pin in 10:44.  Fun little garbage match.  I have no complaints.  Dreamer, Devon, and sons celebrate.

Tenay and Taz chat about the main event.

Christy Hemme interviews The Beautiful People and Winter.  Velvet and Winter still aren’t getting long, and Angelina is monkey in the middle.  Velvet’s rack is magnificent tonight.  Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Sarita and Rosita come out.  Sarita cuts a promo out how they’ll win the titles.  She rattles off some Spanish that I can for the most part follow, but makes some gender errors.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. Sarita & Rosita.  Winter comes out in a blindfold for some reason.  Love and Rosita lock up.  Rosita is a seriously tiny woman.  Love knocks her down a bunch and she tags out.  Sarita gets schooled briefly and tags back out.  Love gives her a drop toe hold and tags in Winter.  Winter hits a backbreaker for 2.  Sarita tags in.  Winter hits a Northern Lights suplex hold.  Rosita breaks her bridge to save.  Love tags in.  Sarita tags out and tries to electric chair drop Rosita onto Love, but Love moves.  Love hits Rosita with a World’s Weakest Slam for 2.  Winter tags in.  She avoids a dropkick from Sarita.  Rosita eats it instead.  More quick tags with Love and Winter, who I guess are the babyfaces, dominating.  A brief clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita tries to use one of the title belts, but Love stops her and takes out out of the ring.  Hebner follows them out.  Rosita tries to use the belt, but Velvet Sky appears and takes it away.  Winter gets a reverse cradle on Rosita.  Sarita comes in and turns it over.  After several long seconds, Hebner makes it in and counts the pin on the world’s weakest cradle in 4:58.  Rosita and Sarita win the titles.  Love and Winter are mad at Velvet, who did nothing wrong that I can tell.  This was really meh and the finish was shit.

Footage of Jeff and Karen Jarrett on their honeymoon.  With their kids.  At a theme park.  Karen is not pleased.  They go for pizza.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Morgan.  He cuts a promo on Hernandez.

Morgan/Hernandez hype video.

First Blood Match: Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan rushes and beats up Hernandez.  Morgan knocks Hernandez to the floor and they take turns ramming each others’ heads into the steps.  Back inside, Morgan exposes a turnbuckle.  Hernandez hits a shoulder blood and brings in a stick.  He breaks it in half and chokes Morgan with it, then tries to stab him.  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “WE WANT BLOOD!”  Hernandez tries to gouge Morgan in various ways.  Morgan catches him with a sidewalk slam.  Hernandez hits another shoulder block and starts to put a beating on Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan brings the stick back in.  Hernandez kicks him low and goes up top.  Morgan throws him off like Hernandez is Ric Flair in every match he’s ever had.  A “fan” jumps in the ring.  The referee and security get him out.  Hernandez tries to use a chain.  Morgan takes it away and punches him.  The referee is out on the floor from the scuffle with the fan.  Hernandez squirts fake blood on Morgan.  The referee comes in, sees the fake blood on Morgan, and calls it in 8:34.  The match wasn’t any good, but that finish was hilarious.  You can see now that Hernandez is bleeding from the head.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fuck finish in a first blood match.  Hilarious.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  It’s Max’s birthday.  He claims that Jeremy is going to help him with the X Division title for his birthday.  Jeremy doesn’t seem completely cool with this plan.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, who isn’t sweating his return to Ultimate X.

Earlier today, Cookie screamed at Robbie E. while he was trying to get ice cream.

Ultimate X hype video.

X Factors.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck.  Cookie immediately tries to hump Kazarian’s leg.  GenMe beat up Robbie and throw him out, then go to work on Kazarian.  Kazarian jumps over them to the cables and goes for the belt.  Jeremy pulls him down.  Max accidentally clotheslines Jeremy.  Kazarian drops Max with a dropkick.  Robbie beats up Kazarian while Cookie screams obnoxiously.  Kazarian is sent outside.  Jeremy attacks Robbie while Max goes for the belt.  Robbie stops them and goes for the belt himself.  Kazarian climbs out and kicks him down, then drops down on h im with a leg drop like an idiot instead of taking the belt when he had the perfect chance.  Jeremy comes back in, kicks Kazarian in the head, and hits the springboard face plant.  Jeremy tries to help Max get to the belt.  Robbie gives Jeremy a neckbreaker.  Max falls down.  Gen Me are sent out.  Kazarian and Robbie go at it.  Kazarian back body drops Max out of the ring and he takes a bump on the steps.  Kazarian hits him with a dive.  Max hits Kazarian with a dropkick.  Jeremy hits Kazarian and Robbie with an Asai moonsault.  Max calls for Jeremy to come back and help him even though he’s all alone and can go for it himself.  Kazarian comes back in instead and beats him up.  Max drops Kazarian and goes for the belt while Jeremy holds Kazarian down.  Kazarian fights him off and pulls Max down.  Gen Me double team Kazarian.  Jeremy blocks Kazarian while Max climbs for the belt.  Kazarian kicks Jeremy down, then pulls Max down and catches him with an Ace Crusher.  Robbie pulls Kazarian’s neck across the top rope and goes for the belt.  Max pulls him down and hits him with a very swank reverse blockbuster/diving Diamond Dust type move.  Kazarian sends Max into the corner steel thing.  Jeremy beats up Kazarian.  Robbie, Jeremy, and Kazarian do the tower of doom spot.  Kazarian revives and gives Robbie the Fade To Black.  Jeremy nails Kazarian with an elbow smash and a spin kick.  Jeremy goes up top.  Kazarian hits him with a enzuigiri and hits the MOTHERFUCKING FLUX CAPACITOR!  Kazarian and Robbie both go for the belt.  Gen Me pull Robbie down and give him a double superkick.  They swing Kazarian back and forth until he falls down.  Jeremy goes up top.  Max bitches at him and pulls him off the top rope.  They argue.  Jeremy allows Max to go up, then goes up himself.  They meet int he middle and fight.  Robbie brings in a ladder, breaking the number one rule of Ultimate X.  Jeremy takes a bump off the cables.  Robbie knocks Max down and tries to set up his ladder.  Kazarian climbs the structure and walks the rope to the middle.  Robbie climbs the ladder and they fight over the belt.  Kazarian wins.  The bell doesn’t ring until Kazarian drops to the mat at 14:22, so I guess you have to take a stupid bump to make it official.  Fun match.  Some crazy spots.  Some really stupid logical flaws.

More of Jeff, Karen, and the kids.  Jeff brings more pizza.  Karen is being bitchy.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  They’re perverts, then they cut a promo on Shannon Moore.

Beer Money/Ink Inc. hype video.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. Ink Inc.  Storm and Neal lock up.  Storm lands a shoulder block.  They each block hip tosses and jump around a bit, then trade arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They trade slaps.  Storm hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Neal hits a cross body for 2.  Roode and Moore tag in and lock up.  Roode takes Moore down and they do a bit of chain wrestling.  Moore hits a dropkick for 2.  Roode hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Neal tags in.  Roode avoids the double team and hits a powerslam for 2.  Storm tags in.  Moore cheap shots him.  Neal is like “WTF?” and tags out.  Moore works over Storm.  Neal tags in and keeps the heat going.  Moore comes back in.  Storm avoids him in the corner.  Neal and Roode tag in and brawl.  Roode gets the better of it and runs wild.  Roode hits a spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money do some swank double teaming on Neal.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Moore runs wild on Beer Money.  They kind of botch a moonsault body block.  Moore hits a flipping bulldog on Roode for 2.  Ink Inc. go for their finish, but Roode counters it and drops Neal with a lariat.  Roode and Moore fight on top.  Moore knocks Roode down.  Storm tries to cut him off, but fails.  Moore hits the Halo on Storm.  Roode hits a Rock Bottom on Moore for 2.  Double suplex on Moore.  BEER!  MONEY!  They go for the DWI, but Neal spears Storm.  Neal hits a neckbreaker on Roode.  Moore follows with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Moore gets the chain that his stupid book is on.  Neal tells him “no,” then holds Roode up.  Storm makes the save and hits a Lung Blower on Moore.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Moore and Roode gets the pin in 12:32.  Okay match.  Neal shakes hands with Beer Money.  Moore spits beer in Storms face and runs away.  Ink Inc. argue.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Hardy and Ric Flair.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Ric Flair).  They lock up.  Styles dodges a punch and lands some of his own.  Styles hits a shoulder block, then grabs a front face lock.  They trade hammerlocks.  Styles takes Hardy down with a headlock.  Hardy lands an elbow smash.  Styles does the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Hardy tries to suplex Styles in from the apron.  Styles lands on his feet and knocks Hardy out of the ring.  He hits the ropes for a dive, but Flair grabs his foot.  Hardy clotheslines Styles for 2.  Styles low bridges Hardy out of the ring and hits a moonsault off of the apron.  Hardy sends Styles’s shoulder into the apron, then the post.  Hardy tries to whip Styles into the barricade.  Styles slides under, then comes off the barricade with a forearm.  Back inside now.  They counter each other.  Styles takes a whiplash bump into the turnbuckles.  Hardy throws Styles outside and distracts the referee so Flair can get his cheap shots in.  Hebner and Flair get into it.  Hardy throws Styles back in and hits the Albert decapitator for 2.  Hardy locks in a swank standing butterfly lock.  Styles turns it into a cover for 2, then reaches the ropes to escape the hold.  Hardy chokes Styles with his boot.  Hardy hot shots Styles into the top turnbuckle and hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Flair grabs Styles’ balls behind the referee’s back.  Hardy drops some elbows for 2.  Hardy applies a cravat.  Back up, they double clothesline each other, then Styles lands an enzuigiri.  They trade punches.  Styles hits a fireman’s carry into an over the knee backbreaker for 2.  Styles hits a suplex neckbreaker for 2.  Styles goes up top.  Hardy gets up to cut him off, but Styles jumps over him.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy comes off the top with a diving elbow to the back of the head.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Styles turns it into a backslide for 2.  Hardy hits a discus lariat.  Styles goes for the Style Clash, but Hardy turns into an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles catches Hardy with an elbow smash and botches the Phenomenon, but turns it into a cover that gets 2 when Hebner finishes being distracted by Flair.  Flair pokes Styles in the eye.  Styles knocks Flair off the apron with a Pele kick.  Hardy hits a DDT and a moonsault press for 2.  Styles counters the Twist of Hate again, but eats an elbow.  Hardy is on top.  Styles knocks him down with the Pele kick.  Styles hits the MOTHERFUCKING SPIRAL TAP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS to get the pin in 17:37.  Good match.  SPIRAL TAP~!  Styles gives Flair a retaliatory shot to the balls after the match.  Fun times.

More of Jeff and Karen.  Jeff is enjoying himself, but Karen is pissed.  Jeff says he misses Kurt and he’s going to call for a truce on Thursday.  The kids come up and they all get sprayed with water.  Karen throws a fit.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.

RVD/Anderson hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  They stare at each other.  The mutants start their alternating chant.  They start punching, then counter each other a bunch, then cradle each other for 2.  Stalemate, applause.  There’s been a lot of that in TNA lately.  They trade hammerlocks and headlocks.  Very cool wrestling exchange.  RVD goes for a leap frog and crotches himself on Anderson’s head.  They go back and forth some more.  RVD hits the springboard kick and the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson rolls out of the ring.  RVD hits baseball slide dropkick and a slingshot dive.  RVD goes for the guardrail leg drop, but Anderson moves and RVD leg drops the barricade.  Fucking ouch.  Anderson goes to work on RVD’s leg.  RVD’s leg is so injured that Anderson gets 2 off of a chop block.  RVD holds onto the top rope to avoid the Mic Check.  Anderson avoids the Rolling Thunder.  RVD counters the Lambeau Leap and grabs a headlock.  Anderson turns it into a backdrop suplex.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check again.  RVD counters.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  RVD does a back flip and lands on his feet fine despite the injured leg.  They conk heads.  RVD hits a cross body against the ropes that takes them both out of the ring.  They brawl up the ramp.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on the ramp.  It’s a double count-out in 12:52.  There’s even an alternating chant of “RESTART THE MATCH!” and “NO!”  Fucking iMPACT! Zone mutants.  So… a double count-out.  Lovely.  It was okay match until the schmozz finish.

Pre-taped comments from Jeff Hardy.

Sting/Hardy hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

Introduces and introductions for the World title match.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  He shakes Hardy’s hand, then tries to shake hands with Sting.  Sting, for once, isn’t buying it.  Bischoff makes it a No DQ Match.  Sting decks Bischoff and stomps on him.

No DQ Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Sting (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy teases throwing his shirt to the crowd for a while.  Sting backs him into the corner.  The referee makes him stand back.  Hardy fucks around about his t-shirt some more.  They lock up.  Sting clubbers Hardy a bit, then hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 1:28.  Seriously, that was the whole match.  Apparently Hardy showed up “in no condition to perform” tonight.  The No DQ thing never came into play.  I assume the Bischoff shit was just to kill time.

PPV recap video.

This show was heading to a thumbs very slightly up until the double count-out in the semi main and the 1:28 main event.  That knocked it down a few pegs.


TNA iMPACT! 3/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2011 by Chui

Recap of last week’s happenings.

“The Return of the Icon”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes to the ring.  He thanks the fans for their support.  He puts over Jeff Hardy.  Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out and applaud Sting.  Hogan talks for a while.  Sting responds at length.  Ken Anderson comes out.  He talks for a while.  The short of it is, wants a title shot.  Jeff Hardy comes out.  He also wants a title shot.  Rob Van Dam, who I can only assume also wants a title shot, comes out.  What do ya know?  I was right!  Hogan says he’s the one who calls the shots.  Bischoff books Sting vs. Hardy and RVD vs. Anderson for Victory Road and Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD tonight.

The Beautiful People are in the locker room.  Cookie, Angelina from Jersey Shore, and Sarita come in.  They’re all bitch.  Winter bitches at Angelina for talking shit to the other Angelina.  The heel bitches leave, then Velvet bitches at the other face bitches.  I hate women’s wrestling.

Pope/Joe next.

Samoa Joe (w/ Okato) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope comes out of the crowd and hits Okato with a chain.  Joe chases Pope into the ring, where Pope gets the jump on him.  Joe rallies and beats up Pope.  Pope beats up Joe.  Joe kicks Pope in the face and hits a senton splash.  Joe hits a powerslam for 2.  Pope begs off.  Joe slaps him.  Pope counters the choke and hits a STO for 2.  Pope removes a turnbuckle pad.  The referee sees it and does nothing about it.  Joe hits an Exploder.  Pope grabs his chain .  The referee finally decides to fix the turnbuckle.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but Pope KOs him with the chain for the pin in 3:22.  Stupid.

Bully Ray arrives and bullies the camera man, because he’s a bully.  He talks shit about Tommy Dreamer.  He challenges Dreamer to a parking lot fight.

Tonight, horrible women’s match.  Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD.

TNA Knockouts Championship Madison Rayne and Tara come out for a title match.  They show Rayne beating ODB 2 weeks ago.  Rayne is obnoxious.  She issues another open challenge.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) (w/ Tara) vs. Roxxi.  Crowd is completely dead for Roxxi.  Rayne goes on the attack.  Roxxi makes her comeback.  Nobody mentions how Rayne beat her and forced her out of the company last year.  Roxxi hits a spinebuster for 2.  Roxxi gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Rayne hits her finish for the pin in 1:33.  Well this was pointless.  Rayne continues beating Roxxi after the match.  Mickie James makes the save.

Tommy Dreamer goes to the parking lot and waits for Bully Ray.

Bully Ray is in another part of the parking lot pretending to look for Dreamer.  Brother Devon attacks him instead and beats the hell out of him.  Ray begs off.  Devon whips him with a chain.  Fucking ouch.  Devon goes after Ray with a sledgehammer.  Tommy Dreamer stops him for  using it and leads him away.  Ray cheap shots a security guard who comes to help him, then whips him with the chain, then throws a guardrail on him.  Bully Ray is an awesome heel.

Sarita (w/ Rosita), Cookie, & Angelina vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter & Velvet Sky.  Angelina wants to start with Velvet.  Typical cat fight bullshit.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Robbie E. runs in and holds Velvet.  There’s some kind of weird clusterfuck.  Winter cleans house on the Jersey traps and bites Robbie’s hand.  Velvet schoolgirls Angelina for the pin in a mercifully short 1:53.  Now let’s never speak of this again.  Sky spanks herself.

Next, Matt Hardy vs. Ric Flair vs. AJ Styles in a three-way Street Fight.

Last week, Kurt Angle put football player Bart Scott in the ankle lock.  Video of Angle discussing the incident.  Ken Anderson also comments on it for some reason.

Ken Anderson is in the office with Hogan, Bischoff, and Hardy.  He’s incredulous about having to team with Hardy tonight.

Flair/Styles video package.

Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, and AJ Styles come out for their street fight, but Flair wants to talk.  Flair and Styles banter for a while.  Hardy talks shit to Styles for a while.  Styles slugs Hardy to start the match.  Insta-commercials.

Three-Way Street Fight: Ric Flair vs. Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles.  The bell never rang as far as I could tell.  Styles beats up Hardy while Flair watches from outside.  Hardy gets the advantage and Flair comes in.  Styles drops him with an enzuigiri, then puts him in the figure-four.  Hardy hits the diving leg drop on Styles for 2.  Flair bails.  Hardy throws Styles out.  Flair pokes  him in the eyes.  Styles rams Flair’s head into the post.  Flair bleeds, of course.  Hardy hits styles from behind with a trash can.  Hardy brings in a ladder and hits Hardy with it.  Styles counters Hardy and throws him into the ladder.  Flair attacks Styles.  Styles pounds Flair’s bloody head.  Hardy comes back in and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy misses an elbow drop.  Styles kicks Flair to avoid a chair shot, then rips Flair’s shirt open and chops him.  Styles drops Hardy with the Pele kick, then goes for the Styles Clash on a chair.  Flair hits Styles in the balls.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate on the chair.  Flair pins Styles in 5:52.  This was a mess.

Sting tries to make amends with RVD.  RVD isn’t buying it.  They’re in a tag match tonight!

House shows!

Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.  TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money come out to do commentary.  Jeremy and Moore do a fast paced exchange.  Jeremy hits the slingshot X Factor.  Max tags himself in and tries to steal the pin, but only gets 2.  Jeremy tags back in and hits a slingshot dropkick for 2.  Max tags himself back in and covers Moore for 2.  What’s up with this shit?  Max clamps on a rear chin lock.  Moore gets a quick cradle for 2.  Moore fights back and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Neal gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neal hits a cross body on Max for 2.  He face plants Jeremy.  Max superkicks Neal.  Jeremy tags in.  Max tries to launch Jeremy to the top rope, but Neal spears him in midair.  Moore throws out Max.  Ink Inc. hit th eir finish on Jeremy and Neal gets the pin in 4:15.  It was okay.  Moore says Ink Inc. will win the titles at Victory Road.  Storm says Beer Money will kick their asses.

Mr. Anderson is getting ready backstage.  Jeff Hardy comes in and stares at him, then asks if Anderson is going to turn on him tonight.  Anderson replies that he’s an asshole.  That wasn’t the whole thing, but it’s all I heard.

Tonight, Anderson & Hardy vs. Sting & RVD.

Victory Road hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks backstage.

Video of the shit that went down with Kurt Angle and Jeff & Karen Jarrett last week.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett talk backstage.  They’re going to Orlando for their honeymoon.  So they’re going where they go every week anyway.

Ultimate X hype video.

Tenay and Taz hype Victory Road.

Sting hype video.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting.  Ken Anderson jumps Sting from behind and kicks his ass.  He REALLY wants his title shot.

So Cal Val has taken over as ring announcer, and she’s just awful.

Jeff Hardy & Ken Anderson vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting & Rob Van Dam.  Sting doesn’t come out for the match.  Anderson jumps RVD to start the match.  RVD fights back and hits a springboard kick for 2.  Anderson avoids the monkey flip and slaps Hardy in the back of the head, which constitutes a tag.  RVD beats up Hardy.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  Hardy goes to tag out, but Anderson drops off the apron.  RVD gets the leg roll cradle on Hardy for 2.  Hardy throws RVD down and slaps Anderson to tag him in.  Anderson gets knocked off the apron.  Hardy hits RVD with the Twist of Hate for 2, as Anderson stops the referee from making the count.  Hardy wasn’t legal anyway.  Anderson gives Hardy the Mic Check.  The lights go out.  Sting appears in the ring and beats up Anderson.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop.  RVD hits Anderson with the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 4:27.  Well this was dumb.

Garbage.  That was this show.  That is this company.

TNA iMPACT! 12/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2011 by Chui

The usual video package of recent happenings.

“The Con Game?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mick Foley comes out and calls out Ken Anderson.  Anderson comes out.  They talk about visiting wounded soldiers with Miss America.  They bicker about whether or not Anderson should wrestle.  Anderson’s concussion was like 2 months ago.  I’m sure he’s fine now.  He says he’s fine and he’s been cleared.  I’m sure he has.  I wish they’d be done with this stupid story already.  Matt Morgan comes out.  Morgan accuses Anderson  of trying to con him.  I don’t get it.  They bicker.  Anderson wants to fight now.  Foley gets between them.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out.  Apparently he has booking power now, because he announces that Anderson and Morgan will be on opposing sides of a tag match with mystery partners tonight.

Backstage, Eric Young is dressed as Father Time, but he thinks he’s Moses.  Orlando Jordan is Baby New Year.  Jordan still thinks they’re gay and Young still thinks they’re a tag team.  Stupid.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Velvet Sky in Strap Match!  Double J Double M A Challenge!  Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Robert Roode (w/ James Storm) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley).  They lock up and trade arm locks.  That’s always a fine way to start.  Roode grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Sabin hits arm drags and wrenches Roode’s arm.  Sabin sends Roode outside and hits a cross body off the top rope to the floor.  Back inside, Sabin tries to springboard.  Roode counters him and hits a modified Samoan drop for 2.  Roode chokes Sabin with his boot.  Sabin gets a sunset flip for 2.  Roode hits a clothesline that Sabin does a 360 bump for.  Cover gets 2.  Roode applies a rear chin lock.  Sabin escapes and makes his comeback.  Sabin hits a diving rana and a springboard lariat for 2.  Roode gets a sunset flip for 2.  Sabin turns it into a Gedo Clutch like move for 2.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri.  Cover, but Storm grabs the referee’s foot.  Nothing comes of that.  Sabin goes for the springboard tornado DDT, but Roode counters and hits the spinebuster for the pin in 6:04.  Good match.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular.  He’s headed our way.

Eric Young sits on Orlando Jordan’s lap backstage.  He doesn’t understand why he’s doing it.  Shark Boy comes in and begs for TV time.  He drinks beer so he can be sit on Jordan’s lap.  Stupid shit.

Rob Van Dam comes out and bitches about Eric Bischoff.  He has a mystery opponent tonight.  He says it doesn’t matter, he’ll keep going through people until he gets Jeff Hardy.  The Shore tard is his mystery opponent.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Robbie jerks off the air like a retard.  RVD does his thumb pointing gimmick and kicks the idiot in the chest.  RVD beats up the Shore tard.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Cookie grabs his foot.  Robbie gets heat on RVD, which is absurd.  RVD rallies and hits the springboard kick and a Rolling Thunder splash.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 2:14.  At least that tard is getting jobbed out now.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen.  He says he’ll face RVD if RVD beats his chosen mystery opponent at Genesis.  I’m calling Matt Hardy.

Still to come, Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Kazarian and some bimbos are headed our way!

Sarita talks shit about Velvet Sky to the camera.

Kazarian comes out and cuts a promo.  They show clips of the video from a few months ago where Jay Lethal visited his family.  Kazarian talks shit about them being poor.  He makes some borderline racist remarks and talks shit about Lethal’s mother.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to kick Kazarian’s ass.  Kazarian immediately whacks him with an object.  When was the last time they actually tried to promote an X Division title match?

Mick Foley is walking around backstage!

Mick Foley walks into the office to talk to Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair.  He’s still upset about Anderson’s brain and wants to know who the partners are going to be in the mystery tag match.  He says he’ll be at ringside tonight.

Strap Match: Velvet Sky vs. Sarita.  Sarita, having just cut a promo about how she was looking forward to the strap match, doesn’t want to strap up.  The referee makes her.  Sarita bails, but SHE’S TIED TO HER OPPONENT BY THE FUCKING STRAP.  Velvet pulls her back.  Sarita whips her.  They do the usual strap match bullshit.  The strap comes untied from Sarita.  The referee secures it back.  Velvet whips Sarita and chokes her with the strap.  Velvet drags Sarita around and touches 3 corners.  Sarita touches them too.  Sarita throws Velvet over and touches the last corner to win in 2:59.  This was awful.  Sarita attacks Velvet again after the match.  Angelina Love makes the save.

Back to the freak party.  Brian Kendrick has joined Young, Jordan, and Shark Boy.  Young waves a stick around like a moron.  Jordan berates him for “poking other guys with his staff.”  Everyone, even Jordan, wants women to show up.

Still to come, Double J Double M A Challenge!  The mystery partners match!

During the break, Velvet Sky threw a fit and stormed to the back.

Now, Angelina Love attacks Sarita backstage.  I guess it’s time for our weekly long, boring women’s brawl.  Winter saves Love from Sarita, even though Love started it.  Winter consoles Love.

Still to come, the mystery partners match!

2010 year in review/2011 hype video.

Double J Double M A Challenge is NEXT!

Doug Williams is in a tag match tonight, but has no partner.  That’s like a plague in TNA.  Brutus Magnus volunteers to be his partner.  The British Invasion is BACK!

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks to do the MMA thing.  Amazing Red agreed to bring his “baby brother” this week.  Red comes out alone.  Jarrett agrees to stand on his knees and give Red’s brother the first shot.  A big, jacked up, tattooed dude comes out.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red’s Baby Brother (w/ Amazing Red).  Jarrett tries to click.  That fails.  He tries again.  Big Red takes Jarrett down with a Fujiwara armbar, but Jarrett was in the ropes.  Big Red gets a knee lock.  Another rope break.  These people don’t know how MMA works.  Jarrett gets off his ass and beats up Big Red.  He goes for the ankle lock, but Big Red reverses it.  Gunner and Murphy pull Jarrett out of the ring.  Red beats up the little one.  The ref throws it out in 2:03.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Amazing Red takes it from him and smashes it.  Jarrett bails and has Gunner and Murphy pretend to hold him back.  This was retarded.

Still to come, mystery partners tag match.  Next, AJ Styles & Rob Terry against the reunited British Invasion.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Eric Bischoff.  From now on, his fights will be against shorter opponents and they’ll only be exhibitions.  What’s the point of that?  They’re also just now going to start having people sign waivers.  This company is so fucking retarded.

AJ Styles & Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams & Magnus.  Styles grabs Magnus in a side headlock.  Magnus give him a hip toss, then wrenches his arm.  Styles rakes Magnus’ eyes and demands that Williams tag in.  Williams obliges.  Styles immediately tags in Terry.  Terry beats up Williams.  Styles tags in and goes for the Styles Clash, but Williams counters.  Styles immediately tags back out.  Terry beats up Williams some more.  Styles comes in to pick up the scraps again.  Williams avoids Styles in the corner and hits an Exploder.  Magnus gets the tag and runs wild on Styles.  Magnus hits a running powerslam.  Terry saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Styles sends Williams outside.  Styles hits the Chaos Theory on Magnus for the pin in 4:55.  It was okay.

Madison Rayne is DRESSED UP and headed our way.

Generation Me and Tara join the freak party backstage.  Jordan hits on Tara.  A fight breaks out.  Ugh.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out in a gown with some dudes in suits.  I predict that this segment will be pointless and horrible.  She makes So Cal Val hand her a microphone, then talks in her obnoxious, nails on a chalkboard voice.  She talks shit about Mickie James.  Mickie comes out and kicks her ass.  Madison gets her dress ripped off and tries to act like she’s self conscious about being in her underwear.

Mystery partners tag match is next!

“The  Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks to a guy about adopting pit bull puppies for poor children.  Ugh.

Mick Foley comes out to do commentary on the main event.

Ken Anderson & Brother Ray vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Devon and Anderson start.  Devon wants Ray, but Ray pussies out and drops off the apron.  Eric Bischoff comes out and sends Gunner and Murphy after Foley.  Ray jumps Devon from behind in the ring.  Anderson and Devon do some stuff.  Foley decks Gunner and Murphy and puts Mr. Socko on the little one.  End of show.  Awful shit.

TNA ends the year in typical fashion: with a fucking horrible pro wrestling show.

TNA iMPACT! 12/16/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Chui

Video of recent happenings.

“Head Games?”

Earlier today, Ken Anderson was backstage.  He threw a light tantrum for no apparent reason.  Matt Morgan showed up to argue with him.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Matt Morgan comes out to cut a promo about saving Mr. Anderson from getting boo boos.  Mr. Anderson comes out to retort.  They banter and doctors’ notes and Christopher Nowinski and such.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out to make fun of them.  Swearing based insults fly.  Some of it is actually funny.  Heel Hardy is fucking horrible.

Tonight, another Double J Double M A Challenge!  Knockouts Tag tournament!  Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal beats up the Shore tard.  Cookie trips Lethal from the outside.  Christy Hemme comes out and kicks her ass.  She handcuffs Cookie to her.  Insta-commercials.  Lethal gets an inside cradle for 2.  Robbie hits a clothesline for 2.  Robbie hits a drop movie thingy for 2.  Cookie screams a bunch.  Hemme punches her in the gut.  Robbie beats on Lethal.  Robbie applies a rear chin lock.  Lethal fights out.  They trade punches.  Lethal hits a suplex.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and the diving elbow drop for 2.  Cookie screams some more.  Robbie goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but the referee catches him.  Robbie goes up top.  Lethal cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Cookie tries to give Robbie the hair spray.  Hemme takes it away and sprays her with it.  Lethal hits the Lethal Injection for the pin (5:54 shown) to regain the title.  Thank God.  I hope they get rid of those Shore tards now.  Lethal kisses Christy.

Eric Bischoff and AJ Styles watch TV backstage.  Styles criticizes Robbie E. for losing the title.  Bischoff bitches at Styles for losing the TV title.  He tells Styles to get the title back.

Doug Williams talks to someone outside the building.  He encounters his old buddy Magnus.  Magnus says Chelsea is gone and Desmond will be back soon.  YAY!  Williams goes into a trailer, which apparently serves for a locker room in TNA.  AJ Styles jumps him and beats him up.  They fight into the womens’ section of the trailer and encounter Tara (in her bra) and Madison Rayne.  Styles hits Williams with a fire extinguisher.  Madison screams in her horrible voice.  Styles yells “Shut up, hooker!”  Okay, THAT was awesome.  Styles finally finishes beating the shit out of Williams.

Orlando Jordan finds Eric Young, who is wearing the World title belt they threw in the trash.  He has some bimbos with him.  Young seeks guidance from Brian Kendrick for his “first title defense.”

Tonight, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian.

Jeff Hardy talks to no one in particular.

Generation Me vs. Eric Young (w/ generic bimbos) & Orlando Jordan.  The girls are from Hooters, so Orlando Jordan comes out dressed like a Hooters girl.  Young decides the match is battle royal for his “title,” so he eliminates the referee.  The referee comes back in to start the match.  Young eliminates Generation Me and Jordan from the “battle royal.”  Generation Me jump Young, then posture for the bimbos.  Jordan comes back in and humps Max Buck.  Jeremy beats up Jordan for queering on his brother.  Bucks work over Jordan.  Jeremy goes outside to hit on the bimbos.  Max goes to straighten him out.  Young hits them both with a dive.  Back inside, Jordan tags himself in and beats up Max.  Jordan applies a neat submission hold (kind of a side Cobra Clutch) for the win in 2:50.  I have to admit, this was pretty funny.

Mickie James asks Eric Bischoff who her tag team partner is.  Bischoff says it’s Miss Tessmacher.  Really?

Madison Rayne and Tara are headed our way.

They show the Beautiful People beating Daffney & Sarita last week.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semifinal: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Mickie James & Miss Tessmacher.  Madison wants to start with Tessmacher.  Tessmacher obliges.  She has huge… arm drags.  She hits some moves.  Madison beats her up.  Madison has on flesh colored panties under a see through skirt.  Madison works the hair, of course.  Madison does her headscissors hump move, then taunts Mickie.  Tessmacher gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Mickie gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Tara hits Mickie with her knee brace.  Madison pins Mickie in 4:31.  There you go.

Kazarian talks to no one backstage.  He runs into Rob Terry, who hasn’t been seen in months.  And he has a match tonight.  And Kazarian wants him to join Fortune.

Still to come, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian.

Some guy hands The Pope some money.

Brother Ray comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’s going to face the biggest, baddest dude in the locker room…

Brother Ray vs. Amazing Red.  Bubba attacks Red with his large body and throws him around.  Ray beats the crap out of Red and heels it up.  Red fights back and hits a missile dropkick.  Red charges Ray in the corner and eats a big boot.  Ray hits the Bubba Bomb for the pin in 3:10.  This was kind of awesome for what it was.  Singles heel Bubba is great.  Ray tries to attack Red with a chair after the match.  Brother Devon comes out to make the save.  The cowardly Bubba runs away through the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett talks backstage.

The Pope gets in his car and leaves.  I don’t understand this angle.

The Hooters bimbos are in the front row now.

Rob Terry vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD takes the mic before the match and talks about wanting a title shot.  They fuck around a bit, then RVD starts throwing punches.  RVD hits a drop toe hold and tries to keep Terry on the ground.  Terry catches a cross body and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry beats up RVD.  RVD hits the rebound kick.  Terry hits a spear.  Insta-commercials.  RVD takes a bump off the apron into the guardrail.  Back inside, Terry covers for 2.  Terry hits a backbreaker and a body slam for 2.  Terry applies a bear hug.  RVD fights out and kicks Terry in the head.  RVD hits a spin kick and the diving kick, then the Rolling Thunder.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin (5:01 shown).  Not a bad little match.

Tonight, Double J Double M A Challenge!

Jeff Jarrett hype video.

Tonight, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian!  Jeff Jarrett’s thing is next!

Jeff Jarrett comes out to his music, but does Kurt Angle’s entrance.  Gunner, Murphy, and a bunch of geeks come out with him.  He has a cut man now!  They do the same shit as last weekend and pick a skinny Puerto Rican named Jose Rios.  Jarrett asks who his favorite wrestler is.  He says “Mickie James!”  Jarrett pie faces him.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Jose Rios.  The kid tries to clinch.  Jarrett gives him a bunch of knee lifts and some punches, then applies a rear naked choke for the win in 52 seconds.  Yeah.

The main event is next.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy & Kazarian vs. Matt Morgan & Ken Anderson.  Hardy flips of Anderson.  They blur it out.  Hardy tags in Kazarian.  Kazarian stumbles around like a retard, which somehow is insulting to Anderson for having a concussion.  Anderson beats him up.  Kazarian lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Anderson beats him up some more.  Kazarian falls on Anderson and the bump heads.  Morgan tags in and kicks Kazarian’s ass.  Anderson is selling being concussed.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  The bad guys get the advantage via heel trickery and get the heat on Morgan.  Kazarian cheap shots Anderson and sends him outside.  Anderson comes back in to save Morgan from being double suplexed.  Kazarian sends Anderson into the ref.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap on Kazarian.  Morgan hits Kazarian with a leg drop.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Morgan hits Hardy with the discus lariat.  Anderson goes up top.  Rob Terry comes out and pushes him off.  Anderson crotches himself on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Terry pulls Morgan’s head across the top rope.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on Morgan for the pin in 6:33.  Fine match.

At least this show wasn’t as bad as Raw was this week.

TNA iMPACT! 12/9/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2010 by Chui

Video package of recent goings on.

“Immortal Ups The Ante”

Earlier Today: Eric Bischoff bitches at Immortal in the office.  Present are Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, Gunner & Murphy, Jeff Jarrett, and Abyss.  Bischoff demands that they win championships.  He bitches at Styles for losing the TV title at the PPV.  Rhino comes in asking for his new contract.  Bischoff writes “NO!” on a sheet of paper.  Poor Rhino.  He goes after Bischoff, but is jumped by Immortal.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The aforementioned members of Immortal come out to the ring.  Bischoff introduces TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, who comes out to his awful music, carrying his disgustingly ugly belt.  The crowd hates on this shit.  Bischoff gets butt hurt.  He puts over Matt Morgan and asks for him to come out.  Morgan does indeed come out, carrying a lead pipe for backup.  Bischoff promises fair play and kisses Morgan’s ass some more.  He blames Mr. Anderson’s refereeing for Morgan losing the match.  Bischoff books Morgan vs. Anderson in a #1 Contender Match.  Morgan says Anderson still isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Bischoff doesn’t care.  He says if Anderson doesn’t wrestle, he’s gone.

Ken Anderson is watching TV backstage!

iMPACT! open.  15 minutes into the show.

Tonight, Tara performs music.  Jeff Jarrett issues an open MMA challenge.  Doug Williams defends the TV title against Abyss.

Brother Ray cuts a promo to no one in particular backstage.  He has a fake Devon.

They show Taylor Wilde & Hamada beating Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship months ago, then announce that the titles have been vacated because Hamada couldn’t make it into the country.  What really happened is they released her without having her come in to drop the belts, because they’re retarded.  Tonight, a tournament for the vacant title begins, with Sarita & Daffney (random) against the Beautiful People.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The New Team 3D(?) vs. Ink Inc.  “3D” jump Ink Inc. before the bell.  It settles down into Bubba beating up Moore.  “Devon” tags in and continues beating up Moore.  “Devon” hits an elbow smash for 2.  Bubba tags in.  Moore tries a sunset flip.  Bubba tries to sit on him, but Moore avoids certain death.  “Devon” tags in, slams Moore, and goes for a headbutt, per Bubba’s instructions.  Moore avoids it and makes the hot tag to Neal.  Neal runs wild on the fake Devon and decks Bubba for good measure.  Neal hits a face plant thing for 2.  Moore hits a leg drop.  Neal covers, but Bubba saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  “3D” hit the WASSUP headbutt on Neal.  Bubba tells “Devon” to get the tables.  Why do they do that in standard matches when they would be DQ’d?  They set up a table.  Ink Inc. make their comeback and hit the TKO/blockbuster on “Devon.”  Neal gets the pin in 4:40.  Pointless crap.  Bubba attacks “Devon” and set up a powerbomb through the table.  The real Brother Devon runs out to make the save.  Bubba runs away and hides behind So Cal Val again.

Tara sings horribly backstage.  She wants Generation Me to take their shirts off and be her backup dancers.

Matt Morgan asks Christy Hemme where Mr. Anderson is.  She doesn’t know.  Of course.

Tara lip syncs her entrance music while Generation Me dance like gay strippers who don’t know how to dance.  Tara dances like a tard to add to the hilarity.  Mickie James finally appears and attacks her.  GenMe hold her to Tara can hit her.  Eric Young makes the save and runs GenMe off.  Mickie and Tara roll down the ramp.  The music is still playing.  Security geeks  break them up with much difficulty.  Mickie challenges Tara to a Steel Cage Match TONIGHT!  Tara agrees.  Then they try to fight again through the security geeks.  Ugh.

Beer Money give Gunner & Murphy a pep talk backstage.  Roode gives Storm money to buy beer.

Tonight, Williams vs. Abyss!  Next, Gunner & Murphy against the Machine Guns!

Jeff Jarrett talks to no one in particular backstage.

Non-Title: Gunner & Murphy vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Beer Money come out to do commentary.  Gunner and Murphy jump the Guns from behind.  They get the heat on Shelley.  Sabin gets the hot tag and runs wild.  The Guns go for the Skull & Bones on Murphy.  Gunner hits Sabin with a nightstick to cause the DQ in 3:39.  The Guns beat the shit out of Gunner & Murphy with their own nightsticks.

The Beautiful People are doing their makeup.  Of course.  Winter comes in to wish Angelina good luck.  Velvet doesn’t know who she is, because she apparently never watches the TV show.

Sarita & Daffney are headed our way!

Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson chat backstage.  Anderson says he’s going to wrestle.  They argue about concussions.  It goes on for way too long.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Sarita & Daffney vs. The Beautiful People.  Sarita cuts a promo on Velvet before the match.  Velvet spears her to start the match, then does that head push into the mat crap.  Velvet gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Velvet hits a face plant for 2.  Velvet applies a Fujiwara armbar of all things.  Daffney distracts Velvet, allowing Sarita to gain the advantage and talk shit.  Daffney tags in and hits a delayed body slam, then steps on Velvet’s face.  Cover gets 2.  Sarita tags in and taunts Velvet some more.  Velvet fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tags to Angelina and Daffney.  Angelina runs wild and hits the Flatliner for the pin in 3:23.  This sucked.  Sarita talks more about Velvet being unable to beat her.  She’s a horrible promo and her dance is obnoxious.

Some dudes carry a casket around backstage.

Tara/Mickie James video package.  Tonight, they meet in a cage!

Highlights of the Abyss/Pope Casket match at Final Resolution.

The “some dudes” I mentioned earlier carry out a casket.  The casket opens and music plays.  A church choir comes out and dances around the casket.  The Pope speaks from somewhere.  He says he’s had a spiritual awakening.  He babbles about Christmas trees and begs for donations, because he’s pimpin’.  The dancing choir leaves.

AJ Styles gives Abyss a pep talk backstage.

Tonight, Mickie vs. Tara in a cage!  Next, Abyss vs. Williams!

House shows.

Footage from TNA’s visit to Abu Dhabi.

Mickie James talks to no one in particular backstage.  You can hear Eric Bischoff ranting in the background.  I’m pretty sure it’s his opening promo.  So Mickie was cutting a promo about this match before it was booked.  Keep that great continuity going, TNA.

TNA World Television Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Abyss.  They lock up.  Abyss shoves Williams away.  Repeat.  Williams tries to whip Abyss, but fails.  Williams lands a dropkick and some punches in the corner.  Williams applies a cravat.  He lets it go like an idiot and charges into a big boot.  Abyss frightens the referee out of the ring and beats on Williams.  Abyss cranks Williams’ neck.  The referee is back in now.  Williams tries a sunset flip, then avoids getting squashed.  Exactly the same spot somebody did in an earlier match.  Williams makes his comeback and hits a diving European uppercut for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory.  Abyss rips off a turnbuckle pad to avoid it.  Abyss back body drops Williams and charges the corner.  Williams avoids it and Abyss hits the exposed turnbuckle.  Williams gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:40.  I thought the finish was kind of neat.  AJ Styles jumps Williams from behind and gives him the Styles Clash on the ramp.  How dastardly!

Jeff Jarrett is headed our way!

Tara talks to no one in particular backstage.  Generation Me say they want Eric Young & Orlando Jordan next week.  I dread that.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to cut a promo and gets butt hurt by the “YOU SOLD OUT!” chants.  He cuts his promo and issues and issues a “Double J Double M A Challenge” to the audience, for $100,000.  Jeremy Borash selects a jacked looking dude.  Jarrett accuses him of being on the gas.  He also refuses a fat guy.  Jarrett selects a skinny geek.  The guy’s name is Mike, from Brooklyn.  Jarrett makes fun of him and slaps him

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike.  Jarrett lands some knees, then stomps Mike.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO MIKE!”  Jarrett applies a rear naked choke for the win in 41 seconds.  Yeah…

A steel cage is headed our way!  Mickie vs. Tara is NEXT!

Rob Van Dam video package.

Steel Cage Match: Mickie James vs. Tara.  Of course, since it’s a STEEL CAGE MATCH, they start by brawling outside.  They finally get in the cage to start the match.  Insta-commercials 6 seconds in.  Tara hits a fancy spinning rack drop for 2.  THOSE FUCKING MUTANTS ARE DOING ALTERNATING CHANTS AGAIN.  Grr.  Mickie makes a comeback.  Mickie hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Tara sends Mickie into the turnbuckle, then hits a snap suplex into a front face lock.  Mickie fights out.  Tara beats her up.  Mickie goes for a rana, but fails and gets kicked in the face.  Mickie fights back and rams Tara’s head into the turnbuckle.  Mickie hits a half assed rana off the top rope.  Ugly looking bump for both of them.  Tara revives first and beats up Mickie.  Tara tries to escape through the door.  Mickie stops her and beats on her.  The show ends.  Of course.

Typical crap.  I’m glad it’s over.

TNA Final Resolution 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by Chui

Opening video, then the screen goes dark for several seconds, despite there being sound.  Oh, TNA…  We finally get a still screen advertising the PPV.  Finally we get crappy TNA pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Ink Inc. vs. Beer Money.  They show the finish of that clusterfuck four-way tag match on TV last week, where Moore pinned Roode.  Storm attacks Neal, whose mohawk is especially ridiculous tonight.  Neal rallies.  Ink Inc. double team Beer Money, who bail.  Back inside, Moore schoolboys Storm for 2, then hits an arm drag.  Storm accidentally knocks Roode off the apron.  Moore continues to shine.  Roode tries to make a save and accidentally hits Storm.  Ink Inc. double team Storm.  Moore hip tosses Neal into a senton on Storm for 2.  Roode pulls Neal down by his mowhawk.  Storm hits a Codebreaker.  Roode tags in and beats up Neal.  Roode decks Moore on the apron, enticing him to distract the referee so they can double team his partner.  Storm chokes Neal with his wrist tape.  Beer Money double team Neal.  Moore politely distracts the referee for them again.  Neal continues to play face in peril.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Moore hits a flippy bulldog on Moore.  Storm saves.  Neal throws him out, then clotheslines Roode out of the ring.  Roode prevens Moore from hitting an Asai moonsault.  Moore rallies and cleans house on the outside.  Neal hits a slingshot dive on Storm.  Moore connects with his Asai moonsault on Roode, then rides around on Storm’s boozer cruiser.  Back inside, Ink Inc. double team Roode.  They go for the fireman carry/blockbuster combo, but Storm intervenes and sends Moore to the floor.  Neal tries a spear, but runs into Storm’s superkick.  Beer Money hit the DWI and Roode pins Neal in 10:43.  Good match.

Tenay and Taz talk about tonight’s card.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne about a match she’s not in.  Rayne is more concerned with her reflection in the title belt.

Mickie James/Tara hype video.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Tara vs. Mickie James.  Tara wants to start the match outside, so they do.  They brawl at ringside.  Tara gets crotched on the guardrail.  Cover gets 2.  In the ring, Mickie hits a missile dropkick for 2.  A rope break in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Of course.  Tara pounds on Mickie.  I have to admit, this brawl is pretty intense.  Tara rams Mickie into the post, knocking her off the apron.  Mickie goes under the ring and sneaks  up behind Tara, delivering a dropkick that knocks her to the floor.  Mickie hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Mickie gets whipped into the guardrail and falls like a sack of bricks.  It looked painful.  They brawl in the crowd.  Tara gets a near fall after sending Mickie into some chairs.  Mickie whips Tara into a metal something or other.  Mickie chokes the shit out of Tara.  Ouch.  They brawl backstage.  Mickie sprays water on Tara.  Tara chops Mickie on her stomach.  Ouch.  Tara goes for a move, but Mickie back body drops her onto concrete for 2.  They’re brawling outside now.  Mickie gets a schoolgirl on top of a sewer cover for 2.  They’re back in the concession area.  Mickie hits a diving Thesz press off of some crap for 2.  They go into the mens’ bathroom.  There’s ladies in the mens’ bafrooms!  There’s a guy peeing in there!  There’s another guy taking the Browns to the SuperBowl.  They both bail.  Madison Rayne appears out of a stall, sprays Mickie with a fire extinguisher, and hits her with the title belt.  Tara gets the pin in 10:27.  Fun brawl.  Why was Madison waiting in the mens’ room?

Christy Hemme interviews the Shore tards, TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. and Cookie.  Ugh.  Robbie is an idiot.  Cookie is a bitch.  That’s the story.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Cookie is supposed to be placed in a shark cage and lifted above the ring, but she refuses.  Lethal beats up Robbie.  SHARK BOY appears and puts Cookie in the cage!  The match finally starts.  Lethal continues beating up Robbie.  Robbie bails.  Lethal beats him up on the outside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal crotches Robbie on the top rope.  Cookie screams a lot, which is annoying.  Lethal continues kicking ass.  Robbie sends him into the turnbuckles to get the advantage, then pounds on him.  Robbie gets the heat, but wastes time dancing like a tard at Cookie.  Lethal fights back.  Robbie hits a neat move for 2.  Robbie applies a sleeper hold.  Lethal finally manages to escape and fights back.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow and the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal jumps over Robbie a lot, then they collide.  Cookie throws a chain down to Robbie.  The referee catches it.  Cookie throws Robbie the hair spray.  Lethal takes it away, sprays it on Robbie’s face, and hits the Lethal Injection.  Hebner DQs Lethal in 8:09.  Damn!  Okay match.  The fuck finish works in context.  Lethal argues with the referee.  Cookie is released from the cage.  I wish Robbie was in WWE, just because it’d be great if he was one of those guys who everyone beats the shit out of in the Royal Rumble.  Cookie celebrates with the belt.  Shark Boy comes out again.  Cookie slaps him.  Sharkie gives her a Stunner!  Yay Shark Boy!

Christy Hemme interviews Tommy Dreamer about a match he’s not in.

RVD/Rhino hype video.

First Blood Match: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD decks Rhino before the bell, but the camera idiots completely miss the shot.  RVD sends Rhino outside, then poses.  Rhino kicks his ass.  RVD kicks Rhino’s ass in turn.  RVD goes up top, but Rhino cuts him off and beats on him.  RVD knocks Rhino off the apron with a springboard kick, then points his thumbs at himself and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  RVD hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP~!  They brawl at ringside.  They brawl in the ring.  Crowd chants for tables.  Rhino hits a Gore that RVD does an awesome 360 sell for.  Rhino throws in a trash can and 2 lids.  RVD avoids the shot and punches him.  Rhino h its a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino wedges the trash can between the turnbuckles, then hits RVD with a spinebuster.  RVD kicks Rhino in the head.  He goes for the lids, which fall out of the ring for some reason.  RVD hits a twisting leg drop, then brings one of the lids back in.  RVD hits a diving kick and the Five Star Frog Splash.  Why do that in a First Blood match?  RVD tries to use the trash can, but gets hit in the balls.  Rhino hits a DDT.  Rhino goes for a piledriver on the lid, but RVD flips out and hits the Van Daminator with the lid.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the trash can.  Rhino is bleeding, so RVD wins in 12:25.  This was all right.

Christy Hemme interviews Kazarian about a match he’s not in.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Doug Williams.  They lock up.  Styles backs Williams into the ropes, then shoves him.  The crowd chants “USA” even though the American is the heel.  They trade arm locks, then do some great mat wrestling.  Styles gets a sunset flip for 1, then goes for the Styles Clash.  Williams counters out.  There those fucking mutants go with the alternating chants.  That shit is so obnoxious.  I wish I could personally slap everyone who has ever participated in one of those.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Styles counters out and sends Williams to the outside.  Back inside, Williams throws some European uppercuts.  Stuff happens really fast in this match.  Styles is sent to the floor.  Williams hits him with a rolling senton off the apron.  Back inside, Williams kicks AJ in the thigh and hits a short lariat for 1.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and goes up top.  Styles cuts him off and sends him to the floor.  Styles gets the jump on Williams as he’s coming back in and hits moonsault knees to the back of Williams’ head.  Cover gets 2.  Styles does the drop down, leapfrog, dropkick for 2.  Styles applies a rear chin lock.  Williams gets his leg caught in the ropes.  Styles attacks it.  Styles applies a figure-four leglock.  Williams rolls them under the ropes and out of the ring, but ends up with it turned over.  They finally break.  Now Styles’ leg is injured.  Back inside, Styles grabs Williams’ leg.  Williams knees him in the face and makes his comeback.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits a European uppercut for 2.  Styles avoids the Chaos Theory and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes for the figure-four again, but Williams gets an inside cradle for 2.  Styles lands a big punch.  They trade shots.  Styles hits the Pele kick.  Williams rolls out of the ring.  Styles dives, miss, and Williams hits the Chaos Theory on the floor!  They make it back into the ring.  Williams hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 14:49.  That’s not a typo.  Williams used Styles’ own move to beat him.  Really, really good match.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  At least they’re actually in the match she’s asking them about.

Tag Lines.

Full Metal Mayhem Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Guns charge out and they start brawling at ringside.  Jeremy hits the springboard face buster on Sabin in the ring, then immediately hits Shelley with an Asai moonsault outside the ring.  Max pounds on Sabin in the ring.  Bucks double team Sabin, hitting an awesome wheelbarrow DDT thing.  The Guns rally and fight back.  Jeremy makes a one man comeback and stomps Shelley’s hand into a chair.  Guns hits Jeremy in the corner against a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Stuff happens really fast.  There are chair shots.  The Bucks conveniently set a ladder on the apron so the Guns can kick it into their faces.  Sabin hits a tope suicida… right into a chair.  Shelley takes a chair to the knee.  Shelley fights back by himself in the ring.  Max counters the Shiranui and powerbombs Shelley into the ladder.  Jeremy splashes the ladder into Shelley.  Jeremy climbs for the belts.  Shelley hits Max with an inverted atomic drop.  Sabin prevents Jeremy from getting the belts.  Jeremy does some more crazy shit.  Max climbs for the belts, but he placed the ladder poorly.  Shelley cuts him off, but gets hit with a jawbreaker.  Shelley gives him a Dragon screw leg whip through the ladder.  Ouch.  The Guns sandwich Max in the ladder.  Shelley hits a double stomp.  Shelley backdrop suplexes Jeremy into the ladder, then Sabin bulldogs him across it.  Sabin goes for the belts.  The Bucks knock the ladder over.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick with a chair held by Shelley.  Sabin lays a ladder and 2 chairs across the Bucks.  Shelley hits a double stomp onto the pile!  Shelley climbs for the belts, but realizes that ladder isn’t trustworthy any more.  They bring in a couple of fresh ladders and set up a contraption.  Everybody fights at the top of the contraption.  Jeremy falls off, then pushes Shelley off.  They pull their respective remaining opponents down.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns hit an awesome double team on Max, where Sabin holds him in wheelbarrow position and Shelley hits a Codebreaker with a chair.  The Guns bring in a table and put it on top of the ladder contraption.  Jeremy kicks Shelley in the balls and kicks Sabin in the head.  Guns take out Jeremy with double team craziness on the outside.  The Guns set up another table.  I assume they’re going to completely rip off the finish of the WrestleMania 2000 ladder match.  Jeremy comes back in and hits the Guns with a chair.  Max lays out Sabin on the table.  Shelley beats them up and gives Jeremy the Shiranui off the apron through a table.  Sabin and Max climb to the top of the contraption and have a sword fight with chairs.  Sabin wins and Max takes a bump off the contraption through the table.  Yep, WrestleMania 2000 finish.  Sabin takes down the belts to win it in 16:26.  This was awesome.

Abyss/Pope hype video.  Production screws up and throws in a random still from the last match.

Casket Match: Abyss vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They brawl.  Abyss tries to put Pope in the casket at the 30 second mark, but fails.  Oh, how I wish he had succeeded.  They brawl outside.  Back inside, Pope gives Abyss a bulldog headlock, then goes up top.  Abyss throws him off and into the casket, which was unfortunately closed at the time.  That looked like it hurt.  It’s a similar bump to the one that put Shawn Michaels out of action for 4 1/2 years.  Back inside, Abyss beats up Pope.  Fights back and dropkicks Abyss into the casket.  Abyss scrambles out.  Pope headbutts Abyss, who is apparently Samoan, because it hurts Pope more.  Pope jumps on Abyss’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Abyss turns it into a sidewalk slam.  They fight near the casket.  Pope falls in.  Abyss tries to close it, but Pope fights out.  Pope hits a diving shoulder block and makes his comeback.  Pope hits some inverted atomic drops and a diving bulldog headlock.  Pope puts Abyss in the casket.  Abyss goozles him to prevent the lid from closing.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam, then puts Pope in the casket.  Pope puts his arms up to keep the lid from closing.  Pope fights back and hits the Elijah Express.  He puts Abyss in the casket and tries to close the lid.  Abyss punches through the casket and grabs Pope’s balls.  That’s one cheap ass casket.  Pope clotheslines Abyss to the apron and tries to knock him off.  They fight on the apron.  Abyss chokeslams Pope into the casket and closes the lid for the win in 11:58.  Thank God that’s over.

The referee gives Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett instructions for their Submission Match, because they’re pretending it’s MMA.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe and injure hits leg with a nightstick.

Video package of Jeff Hardy’s heelishness.

Awkward cut to a Joe/Jarrett hype video.  Their production sucks tonight.

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe limps out, despite protests from the trainers.  They hug.  I think they were trying to lock up, but it looked way more like a hug to me.  The crowd chants their standard chants.  Joe hits a horrible looking judo throw.  Jarrett goes after the leg.  Joe pulls him into his guard and goes for a cross armbreaker.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe wants to keep the match on the ground.  Why doesn’t the referee stand him up?  Joe takes Jarrett down into the ropes.  Joe lands some punches.  Jarrett grabs Joe’s leg and rams his injured ankle into the post.  Jarrett applies an ankle lock.  Joe gets a rope break.  Jarrett reapplies the hold.  Joe escapes and lands punches and chops, then takes Jarrett down into an ankle lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe hits a senton splash and applies a reverse Kimura type arm lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes again.  This is crap.  Jarrett tries a rana or something.  Joe powerbombs him and locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Taz mentions Dean Malenko.  Yay!  Jarrett slides under the ropes and bails.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch on the floor.  Jarrett taps out, but it doesn’t count.  Joe throws Jarrett back in.  Joe gets a Fujiwara armbar.  Jarrett taps, but his foot is under the ropes.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  I agree completely.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and applies the Coquina Clutch.  Gunner and Murphy come out.  Joe cleans their clocks.  Jarrett locks in the ankle lock.  Joe screams, which the referee considers a submission and awards the match to Jarrett in 9:04.  This was complete, utter shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson about a match he’s the referee in.  Matt Morgan asks him to make it a No DQ Match.  Anderson has booking power now?  Anderson says he’s going to call it right down the middle like an asshole.  That makes no sense.  It’s not even a yes or no.

Hardy/Morgan hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Ken Anderson is the referee.  After intros and Anderson holding up that disgustingly ugly belt, we’re off.  Morgan wins the lock up.  Hardy hides in the ropes.  Morgan beats up Hardy.  Morgan hits an apron leg drop~!  I pop for neat leg drops.  Hardy rallies and beats up Morgan.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Morgan escapes and fights back.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a front slam for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for 2.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint, but injures his knee in the process.  Cover, but Hardy gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Hardy hits another Twist of Hate for 2.  Hardy is shocked and appalled by his lack of immediate victory.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Morgan gets his knees up.  Hardy says “fuck it” and leaves, urging Anderson to count him out.  Anderson refuses to count the 10.  He goes up the ramp and orders Hardy into the ring.  They argue.  Hardy pie faces Anderson twice.  Three times.  Anderson finally kicks his ass and throws him back in the ring.  Morgan schoolboys Hardy for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate again.  Anderson very slowly counts 2, then stops, allowing Morgan to kick out after a long time.  Hardy bails again.  Morgan goes after him.  Hardy hits Morgan in the knee with a chair.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Morgan pushes him into Anderson, knocking him out of the ring.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint.  The crowd counts upwards of 20.  Eric Bischoff brings out that other referee that’s been in all the storylines, then sends Anderson into the post.  The referee counts 2, then Bischoff pulls him out of the ring.  Morgan yells at Bischoff.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam, but Hardy kicks him low and hits the Twist of Hate on a chair for the pin in 12:31.  This was awful.  Anderson is bleeding outside the ring.  Hardy celebrates.  They show highlights of the match.  Such convoluted TNA bullshit.

This PPV started off really strong, then fell off a cliff.  The last 2 matches were fucking horrible.

TNA iMPACT! 12/2/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 by Chui

Video of last week’s happenings.

“Who’s Wearing The Stripes?”

They start the show with a match already in progress.  Are you fucking serious?  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Ric Flair has joined them for this match, with TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles and Kazarian standing behind him.

Non-Title Four-Way Match: TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money vs. Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me.  JIP.  It’s a clusterfuck.  Moore hits a suicide dive on the Bucks, then an Asai moonsault on the Bucks and Guns.  Beer Money beat everybody up.  Beer Money and Ink Inc. do a tower of doom spot in the corner.  Jeremy hits a springboard facebuster on Neal.  There’s too much going on and they keep cutting to the announcers.  The Guns get a ladder from under the ring.  The Guns use it to abuse the Bucks.  The Bucks set up the ladder.  Beer Money and Ink Inc. are apparently asleep in the ring.  Sabin hits a cross body off the ladder onto the Bucks.  Ink Inc. double team Roode.  Storm rams Neal’s head into the steps.  Roode hits a TKO on Moore for 2.  Beer Money work over Moore.  They hit the awesome catapult DDT for 2.  Beer Money argue with the referee that’s been in all the shit lately.  Moore schoolboys Roode for the pin (6:02 shown).  Clusterfuck mess.

Ric Flair orders Fortune to “rough [the referee’s] ass up!”  Roode cuts a promo on the referee.  Storm storm beats him up.  Matt Morgan comes out, puts Flair in a rear chin lock, and orders Fortune to leave the referee alone.  They release the referee.  Morgan says he’ll rip their heads off if they mess with the referee again.  All of this, even though that referee screwed Morgan out of the title at the PPV.  Flair says Morgan is going down tonight.  We’re off to a clusterfuck of a start.

Mickie James talks to no one in particular backstage.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up to her.  Jordan is wearing a dress.  Apparently Mickie’s band is playing tonight.  Young wants to play the cowbell.  This fucking show… Commercials.

Tonight, Matt Morgan reveals the referee for the PPV!  Angelina Love vs. Madison Rayne vs. Sarita!  Jeff Jarrett & Abyss vs. Samoa Joe & The Pope!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mickie James sings her entrance music.  Eric Young comes out in panties and chaps and plays the cowbell.  Tara appears and attacks Mickie from behind, then whacks Eric Young with his cowbell.  Mickie and Tara brawl, because that’s just what they always do.  Security breaks them up.

The referee catches up with Matt Morgan backstage and asks to be the referee.  Even though the referee cost him the title last time.  Morgan refuses, to protect the poor little referee from getting beat up again.  Commercials.

Ric Flair cuts a promo to no one in particular backstage.

Video of Doug Williams turning on Fortune.

Doug Williams cuts a promo on Kazarian backstage.

Douglas Williams vs. Kazarian.  It’s face paced from the get go.  Williams controls at the start, landing some European uppercuts and hitting a suplex for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Kazarian avoids it and hits the slingshot leg drop for 2.  Kazarian hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kazarian drops Williams and taunts him.  Kazarian hits a dropkick for 2.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory again, leading to some cradle reversals.  Kazarian hits something for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Williams counts, then hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 4:52.  Good match that I unfortunately didn’t pay enough attention too.

Mickie James is running around backstage looking angry.  And hot.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan wants to ask Doug Williams for a favor, but they are jumped by Fortune first.  D’Lo Brown, Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and Terry Taylor break it up.

Final Resolution hype.

Brother Devon comes out and calls out Brother Ray.  Brother Ray comes out (this week he’s wearing a Ribera Steak House jacket).  Devon wants him to get in the ring, but Bubba is a big pussy.  Devon puts over Taz.  Bubba bashes Taz.  Taz tells Bubba to stop being a bitch and get in the ring.  Bubba teases getting in the ring, then pusses out again.  Devon says nobody ever liked Bubba and he was the one who carried the team.  It’s true.  Bubba yells about Marty Jannetty.  Devon lunges at him and he flinches like a little bitch.  Devon goes after Bubba, who pulls So Cal Val in front of him and runs away like a scared little girl.  Great segment for establishing that Bubba is a little bitch.

Next, Love vs. Rayne vs. Sarita!  Commercials!

Samoa Joe and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero chat backstage.  They’re tag partners tonight, but they don’t get along at all!  Groundbreaking booking here, folks!  We definitely don’t see that every single week on this show!

Sarita, Angelina Love, and Madison Rayne (w/ Tara) come out for the match.  Mickie attacks Tara and they brawl out of the sound stage.  Rayne knocks Sarita out with the belt.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Sarita vs. Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Love attacks Rayne to finally start the match.  They fight.  It’s terrible.  Sarita stirs on the outside.  Rayne applies a rear chin lock.  Love makes her comeback and knocks Rayne out of the ring.  Rayne clocks Love in the face with the title belt.  Sarita makes it back in, pushes Rayne out of the ring, and pins Love in 2:41.  Utter crap.

Ric Flair talks to someone who is hidden by a door.  Pretty sure it’s Rhino.  Commercials.

Angelina Love throws a temper tantrum backstage.  Winter shows up to console her.  Winter guarantees that Love will never lose again.  Love asks her to explain WTF all this shit means.  They hold hands and go to talk.

Matt Morgan vs. Rhino.  They lock up.  Morgan pushes Rhino away.  Rhino beats up Morgan.  Morgan hits a shoulder block and some strikes.  Morgan hits an enzui leg lariat against the ropes.  They brawl outside.  Rhino sends Morgan into the post, then throws him back into the ring.  Morgan is bleeding.  Rhino works over the bleeding Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam.  Rhino counters.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Rhino hits a belly to belly suplex and goes for the Gore.  Morgan avoids it and hits the Carbon Footprint.  Fortune run in and attack Morgan to cause the DQ in 5:04.  Damn, this was pretty good.

Rob Van Dam runs out to brawl with Rhino.  Fortune continue beating on Morgan.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out with a steel chair.  Fortune hold Morgan so Hardy can concuss him like he did to Mr. Anderson.  Speak of the devil, Mr. Anderson comes out with a lead pipe to run off Fortune.  Anderson’s mic drops down.  Commercials.

Ken Anderson and Matt Morgan are still in the ring.  Anderson thanks Morgan for having his back.  He talks about the unwritten wrestlers’ code.  He talks about his concussion.  Anderson offers to be the referee at the PPV.  Morgan approves.  Anderson says “the bigger man” will win on Sunday.

Mickie James and Tara are now fighting in the parking lot.  Tenay isn’t sure what’s going on because he’s an idiot.  Tara back body drops Mickie into the bed of an old pickup truck.  Commercials.

Jeremy Borash announces a New Jersey Fist Pump Showdown.  WHAT THE FUCK?  TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) and Jay Lethal come out.  I refuse to watch this shit, so I fast forward for a while.  Eventually they start fighting and end up backstage.  Cookie gets into it with Christy Hemme and gets her ass kicked.  Christy locks Cookie in a cage.  Robbie slams the cage door into Lethal.  I fucking hate this show.

Jarrett & Abyss vs. Joe & Pope is next.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Abyss chat backstage.

Final Resolution hype music video.

The main event is next for real this time!  Commercials!

Jeff Jarrett & Abyss of Immortal vs. Samoa Joe & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Jarrett and Pope do silly worked MMA that turns into decent chain wrestling.  Joe tags in.  Jarrett runs away and tags in Abyss.  Joe and Abyss lock up.  Joe rocks Abyss with a Pele kick.  Joe does the face wash.  Pope tags himself in in the process and attacks Abyss.  Joe and Pope argue.  Abyss hits them with a double clothesline.  Abyss splashes Pope in the corner and tags in Jarrett.  Jarrett goes for a cross armbreaker.  Joe tries to prevent it, but fails.  Pope gets a rope break.  Abyss tags in and brawls with Pope.  Jarrett tags in again and applies a rear chin lock.  Pope escapes via backdrop suplex.  The show ends.  The show starts during a match and ends during a match.  Of course.

Fucking horrible show.