Archive for First Blood Match

TNA Victory Road 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Grappleholic

PPV opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Bully Ray comes out for his match.  He calls So Cal Val into the ring to give him a microphone, then bullies her out of the ring because he’s a bully.  He puts over Hogan and Bischoff, then calls out Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer comes out.  Ray talks shit to him, then informs him that their match is Falls Count Anywhere.  I’m sure Dreamer is shaking in his little space boots.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Bully Ray vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Dreamer attacks Bully and kicks his ass to start the match.  Ray lands a clothesline.  Dreamer recovers and throws him out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor.  Dreamer has a fan hold a chair and rams Bubba’s head into it, then spits a fan’s water into Bubba’s face, the hits him with a stuffed minion from that Disney movie, Despicable Me.  I think that’s what it is, anyway.  They brawl in the crowd.  They make their way back to ringside and Bubba gains the advantage.  Bubba swings a Singapore cane at So Cal Val just to be a dick, then takes her chair to attack Dreamer with.  That sentence wasn’t grammatically correct.  Anyway, he fails with the chair.  They throw some plunder into the ring and the Innovator of Violence goes to work.  There’s a blowup doll.  Bubba gets knocked down and 69s with it.  Dreamer interrupts the coupling with a big splash for 2.  Dreamer goes up top.  Bubba cracks him with a trash can lid, then hits a superplex.  Bubba gives the blowup doll an elbow drop and throws it out of the ring.  Dreamer counters the Bubba Bomb and hits the DDT for 2.  Dreamer brings in a table and goes for a piledriver.  Bully back body drops him, then clobbers him with a trash can.  Bubba goes for a Rock Bottom or something, gets countered, and lands a big boot for 2.  Bubba canes Dreamer, then calls for a microphone so he can talk shit while he does it.  He yells “This is for you, Devon!” and sets up a powerbomb.  Devon’s music plays.  Terrence and Terrell come out, one of them in a neck brace.  Brother Devon appears behind Bully.  Devon and Dreamer gives Bully the 3D through the table and Dreamer gets the pin in 10:44.  Fun little garbage match.  I have no complaints.  Dreamer, Devon, and sons celebrate.

Tenay and Taz chat about the main event.

Christy Hemme interviews The Beautiful People and Winter.  Velvet and Winter still aren’t getting long, and Angelina is monkey in the middle.  Velvet’s rack is magnificent tonight.  Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Sarita and Rosita come out.  Sarita cuts a promo out how they’ll win the titles.  She rattles off some Spanish that I can for the most part follow, but makes some gender errors.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. Sarita & Rosita.  Winter comes out in a blindfold for some reason.  Love and Rosita lock up.  Rosita is a seriously tiny woman.  Love knocks her down a bunch and she tags out.  Sarita gets schooled briefly and tags back out.  Love gives her a drop toe hold and tags in Winter.  Winter hits a backbreaker for 2.  Sarita tags in.  Winter hits a Northern Lights suplex hold.  Rosita breaks her bridge to save.  Love tags in.  Sarita tags out and tries to electric chair drop Rosita onto Love, but Love moves.  Love hits Rosita with a World’s Weakest Slam for 2.  Winter tags in.  She avoids a dropkick from Sarita.  Rosita eats it instead.  More quick tags with Love and Winter, who I guess are the babyfaces, dominating.  A brief clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita tries to use one of the title belts, but Love stops her and takes out out of the ring.  Hebner follows them out.  Rosita tries to use the belt, but Velvet Sky appears and takes it away.  Winter gets a reverse cradle on Rosita.  Sarita comes in and turns it over.  After several long seconds, Hebner makes it in and counts the pin on the world’s weakest cradle in 4:58.  Rosita and Sarita win the titles.  Love and Winter are mad at Velvet, who did nothing wrong that I can tell.  This was really meh and the finish was shit.

Footage of Jeff and Karen Jarrett on their honeymoon.  With their kids.  At a theme park.  Karen is not pleased.  They go for pizza.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Morgan.  He cuts a promo on Hernandez.

Morgan/Hernandez hype video.

First Blood Match: Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan rushes and beats up Hernandez.  Morgan knocks Hernandez to the floor and they take turns ramming each others’ heads into the steps.  Back inside, Morgan exposes a turnbuckle.  Hernandez hits a shoulder blood and brings in a stick.  He breaks it in half and chokes Morgan with it, then tries to stab him.  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “WE WANT BLOOD!”  Hernandez tries to gouge Morgan in various ways.  Morgan catches him with a sidewalk slam.  Hernandez hits another shoulder block and starts to put a beating on Morgan.  Morgan hulks up and makes his comeback.  Morgan brings the stick back in.  Hernandez kicks him low and goes up top.  Morgan throws him off like Hernandez is Ric Flair in every match he’s ever had.  A “fan” jumps in the ring.  The referee and security get him out.  Hernandez tries to use a chain.  Morgan takes it away and punches him.  The referee is out on the floor from the scuffle with the fan.  Hernandez squirts fake blood on Morgan.  The referee comes in, sees the fake blood on Morgan, and calls it in 8:34.  The match wasn’t any good, but that finish was hilarious.  You can see now that Hernandez is bleeding from the head.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a fuck finish in a first blood match.  Hilarious.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  It’s Max’s birthday.  He claims that Jeremy is going to help him with the X Division title for his birthday.  Jeremy doesn’t seem completely cool with this plan.

Jeremy Borash interviews TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, who isn’t sweating his return to Ultimate X.

Earlier today, Cookie screamed at Robbie E. while he was trying to get ice cream.

Ultimate X hype video.

X Factors.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck.  Cookie immediately tries to hump Kazarian’s leg.  GenMe beat up Robbie and throw him out, then go to work on Kazarian.  Kazarian jumps over them to the cables and goes for the belt.  Jeremy pulls him down.  Max accidentally clotheslines Jeremy.  Kazarian drops Max with a dropkick.  Robbie beats up Kazarian while Cookie screams obnoxiously.  Kazarian is sent outside.  Jeremy attacks Robbie while Max goes for the belt.  Robbie stops them and goes for the belt himself.  Kazarian climbs out and kicks him down, then drops down on h im with a leg drop like an idiot instead of taking the belt when he had the perfect chance.  Jeremy comes back in, kicks Kazarian in the head, and hits the springboard face plant.  Jeremy tries to help Max get to the belt.  Robbie gives Jeremy a neckbreaker.  Max falls down.  Gen Me are sent out.  Kazarian and Robbie go at it.  Kazarian back body drops Max out of the ring and he takes a bump on the steps.  Kazarian hits him with a dive.  Max hits Kazarian with a dropkick.  Jeremy hits Kazarian and Robbie with an Asai moonsault.  Max calls for Jeremy to come back and help him even though he’s all alone and can go for it himself.  Kazarian comes back in instead and beats him up.  Max drops Kazarian and goes for the belt while Jeremy holds Kazarian down.  Kazarian fights him off and pulls Max down.  Gen Me double team Kazarian.  Jeremy blocks Kazarian while Max climbs for the belt.  Kazarian kicks Jeremy down, then pulls Max down and catches him with an Ace Crusher.  Robbie pulls Kazarian’s neck across the top rope and goes for the belt.  Max pulls him down and hits him with a very swank reverse blockbuster/diving Diamond Dust type move.  Kazarian sends Max into the corner steel thing.  Jeremy beats up Kazarian.  Robbie, Jeremy, and Kazarian do the tower of doom spot.  Kazarian revives and gives Robbie the Fade To Black.  Jeremy nails Kazarian with an elbow smash and a spin kick.  Jeremy goes up top.  Kazarian hits him with a enzuigiri and hits the MOTHERFUCKING FLUX CAPACITOR!  Kazarian and Robbie both go for the belt.  Gen Me pull Robbie down and give him a double superkick.  They swing Kazarian back and forth until he falls down.  Jeremy goes up top.  Max bitches at him and pulls him off the top rope.  They argue.  Jeremy allows Max to go up, then goes up himself.  They meet int he middle and fight.  Robbie brings in a ladder, breaking the number one rule of Ultimate X.  Jeremy takes a bump off the cables.  Robbie knocks Max down and tries to set up his ladder.  Kazarian climbs the structure and walks the rope to the middle.  Robbie climbs the ladder and they fight over the belt.  Kazarian wins.  The bell doesn’t ring until Kazarian drops to the mat at 14:22, so I guess you have to take a stupid bump to make it official.  Fun match.  Some crazy spots.  Some really stupid logical flaws.

More of Jeff, Karen, and the kids.  Jeff brings more pizza.  Karen is being bitchy.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  They’re perverts, then they cut a promo on Shannon Moore.

Beer Money/Ink Inc. hype video.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. Ink Inc.  Storm and Neal lock up.  Storm lands a shoulder block.  They each block hip tosses and jump around a bit, then trade arm drags.  Stalemate, applause.  They trade slaps.  Storm hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Neal hits a cross body for 2.  Roode and Moore tag in and lock up.  Roode takes Moore down and they do a bit of chain wrestling.  Moore hits a dropkick for 2.  Roode hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Neal tags in.  Roode avoids the double team and hits a powerslam for 2.  Storm tags in.  Moore cheap shots him.  Neal is like “WTF?” and tags out.  Moore works over Storm.  Neal tags in and keeps the heat going.  Moore comes back in.  Storm avoids him in the corner.  Neal and Roode tag in and brawl.  Roode gets the better of it and runs wild.  Roode hits a spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money do some swank double teaming on Neal.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Moore runs wild on Beer Money.  They kind of botch a moonsault body block.  Moore hits a flipping bulldog on Roode for 2.  Ink Inc. go for their finish, but Roode counters it and drops Neal with a lariat.  Roode and Moore fight on top.  Moore knocks Roode down.  Storm tries to cut him off, but fails.  Moore hits the Halo on Storm.  Roode hits a Rock Bottom on Moore for 2.  Double suplex on Moore.  BEER!  MONEY!  They go for the DWI, but Neal spears Storm.  Neal hits a neckbreaker on Roode.  Moore follows with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Moore gets the chain that his stupid book is on.  Neal tells him “no,” then holds Roode up.  Storm makes the save and hits a Lung Blower on Moore.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Moore and Roode gets the pin in 12:32.  Okay match.  Neal shakes hands with Beer Money.  Moore spits beer in Storms face and runs away.  Ink Inc. argue.

Christy Hemme interviews Matt Hardy and Ric Flair.

AJ Styles vs. Matt Hardy (w/ Ric Flair).  They lock up.  Styles dodges a punch and lands some of his own.  Styles hits a shoulder block, then grabs a front face lock.  They trade hammerlocks.  Styles takes Hardy down with a headlock.  Hardy lands an elbow smash.  Styles does the leap frog, drop down, dropkick.  Hardy tries to suplex Styles in from the apron.  Styles lands on his feet and knocks Hardy out of the ring.  He hits the ropes for a dive, but Flair grabs his foot.  Hardy clotheslines Styles for 2.  Styles low bridges Hardy out of the ring and hits a moonsault off of the apron.  Hardy sends Styles’s shoulder into the apron, then the post.  Hardy tries to whip Styles into the barricade.  Styles slides under, then comes off the barricade with a forearm.  Back inside now.  They counter each other.  Styles takes a whiplash bump into the turnbuckles.  Hardy throws Styles outside and distracts the referee so Flair can get his cheap shots in.  Hebner and Flair get into it.  Hardy throws Styles back in and hits the Albert decapitator for 2.  Hardy locks in a swank standing butterfly lock.  Styles turns it into a cover for 2, then reaches the ropes to escape the hold.  Hardy chokes Styles with his boot.  Hardy hot shots Styles into the top turnbuckle and hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Flair grabs Styles’ balls behind the referee’s back.  Hardy drops some elbows for 2.  Hardy applies a cravat.  Back up, they double clothesline each other, then Styles lands an enzuigiri.  They trade punches.  Styles hits a fireman’s carry into an over the knee backbreaker for 2.  Styles hits a suplex neckbreaker for 2.  Styles goes up top.  Hardy gets up to cut him off, but Styles jumps over him.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy comes off the top with a diving elbow to the back of the head.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Styles turns it into a backslide for 2.  Hardy hits a discus lariat.  Styles goes for the Style Clash, but Hardy turns into an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles catches Hardy with an elbow smash and botches the Phenomenon, but turns it into a cover that gets 2 when Hebner finishes being distracted by Flair.  Flair pokes Styles in the eye.  Styles knocks Flair off the apron with a Pele kick.  Hardy hits a DDT and a moonsault press for 2.  Styles counters the Twist of Hate again, but eats an elbow.  Hardy is on top.  Styles knocks him down with the Pele kick.  Styles hits the MOTHERFUCKING SPIRAL TAP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS to get the pin in 17:37.  Good match.  SPIRAL TAP~!  Styles gives Flair a retaliatory shot to the balls after the match.  Fun times.

More of Jeff and Karen.  Jeff is enjoying himself, but Karen is pissed.  Jeff says he misses Kurt and he’s going to call for a truce on Thursday.  The kids come up and they all get sprayed with water.  Karen throws a fit.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.

RVD/Anderson hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  They stare at each other.  The mutants start their alternating chant.  They start punching, then counter each other a bunch, then cradle each other for 2.  Stalemate, applause.  There’s been a lot of that in TNA lately.  They trade hammerlocks and headlocks.  Very cool wrestling exchange.  RVD goes for a leap frog and crotches himself on Anderson’s head.  They go back and forth some more.  RVD hits the springboard kick and the Rolling Thunder.  Anderson rolls out of the ring.  RVD hits baseball slide dropkick and a slingshot dive.  RVD goes for the guardrail leg drop, but Anderson moves and RVD leg drops the barricade.  Fucking ouch.  Anderson goes to work on RVD’s leg.  RVD’s leg is so injured that Anderson gets 2 off of a chop block.  RVD holds onto the top rope to avoid the Mic Check.  Anderson avoids the Rolling Thunder.  RVD counters the Lambeau Leap and grabs a headlock.  Anderson turns it into a backdrop suplex.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check again.  RVD counters.  Double clothesline spot.  They trade punches.  RVD does a back flip and lands on his feet fine despite the injured leg.  They conk heads.  RVD hits a cross body against the ropes that takes them both out of the ring.  They brawl up the ramp.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on the ramp.  It’s a double count-out in 12:52.  There’s even an alternating chant of “RESTART THE MATCH!” and “NO!”  Fucking iMPACT! Zone mutants.  So… a double count-out.  Lovely.  It was okay match until the schmozz finish.

Pre-taped comments from Jeff Hardy.

Sting/Hardy hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

Introduces and introductions for the World title match.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  He shakes Hardy’s hand, then tries to shake hands with Sting.  Sting, for once, isn’t buying it.  Bischoff makes it a No DQ Match.  Sting decks Bischoff and stomps on him.

No DQ Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Sting (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy teases throwing his shirt to the crowd for a while.  Sting backs him into the corner.  The referee makes him stand back.  Hardy fucks around about his t-shirt some more.  They lock up.  Sting clubbers Hardy a bit, then hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 1:28.  Seriously, that was the whole match.  Apparently Hardy showed up “in no condition to perform” tonight.  The No DQ thing never came into play.  I assume the Bischoff shit was just to kill time.

PPV recap video.

This show was heading to a thumbs very slightly up until the double count-out in the semi main and the 1:28 main event.  That knocked it down a few pegs.

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TNA Final Resolution 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video, then the screen goes dark for several seconds, despite there being sound.  Oh, TNA…  We finally get a still screen advertising the PPV.  Finally we get crappy TNA pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Ink Inc. vs. Beer Money.  They show the finish of that clusterfuck four-way tag match on TV last week, where Moore pinned Roode.  Storm attacks Neal, whose mohawk is especially ridiculous tonight.  Neal rallies.  Ink Inc. double team Beer Money, who bail.  Back inside, Moore schoolboys Storm for 2, then hits an arm drag.  Storm accidentally knocks Roode off the apron.  Moore continues to shine.  Roode tries to make a save and accidentally hits Storm.  Ink Inc. double team Storm.  Moore hip tosses Neal into a senton on Storm for 2.  Roode pulls Neal down by his mowhawk.  Storm hits a Codebreaker.  Roode tags in and beats up Neal.  Roode decks Moore on the apron, enticing him to distract the referee so they can double team his partner.  Storm chokes Neal with his wrist tape.  Beer Money double team Neal.  Moore politely distracts the referee for them again.  Neal continues to play face in peril.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Moore hits a flippy bulldog on Moore.  Storm saves.  Neal throws him out, then clotheslines Roode out of the ring.  Roode prevens Moore from hitting an Asai moonsault.  Moore rallies and cleans house on the outside.  Neal hits a slingshot dive on Storm.  Moore connects with his Asai moonsault on Roode, then rides around on Storm’s boozer cruiser.  Back inside, Ink Inc. double team Roode.  They go for the fireman carry/blockbuster combo, but Storm intervenes and sends Moore to the floor.  Neal tries a spear, but runs into Storm’s superkick.  Beer Money hit the DWI and Roode pins Neal in 10:43.  Good match.

Tenay and Taz talk about tonight’s card.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne about a match she’s not in.  Rayne is more concerned with her reflection in the title belt.

Mickie James/Tara hype video.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Tara vs. Mickie James.  Tara wants to start the match outside, so they do.  They brawl at ringside.  Tara gets crotched on the guardrail.  Cover gets 2.  In the ring, Mickie hits a missile dropkick for 2.  A rope break in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Of course.  Tara pounds on Mickie.  I have to admit, this brawl is pretty intense.  Tara rams Mickie into the post, knocking her off the apron.  Mickie goes under the ring and sneaks  up behind Tara, delivering a dropkick that knocks her to the floor.  Mickie hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Mickie gets whipped into the guardrail and falls like a sack of bricks.  It looked painful.  They brawl in the crowd.  Tara gets a near fall after sending Mickie into some chairs.  Mickie whips Tara into a metal something or other.  Mickie chokes the shit out of Tara.  Ouch.  They brawl backstage.  Mickie sprays water on Tara.  Tara chops Mickie on her stomach.  Ouch.  Tara goes for a move, but Mickie back body drops her onto concrete for 2.  They’re brawling outside now.  Mickie gets a schoolgirl on top of a sewer cover for 2.  They’re back in the concession area.  Mickie hits a diving Thesz press off of some crap for 2.  They go into the mens’ bathroom.  There’s ladies in the mens’ bafrooms!  There’s a guy peeing in there!  There’s another guy taking the Browns to the SuperBowl.  They both bail.  Madison Rayne appears out of a stall, sprays Mickie with a fire extinguisher, and hits her with the title belt.  Tara gets the pin in 10:27.  Fun brawl.  Why was Madison waiting in the mens’ room?

Christy Hemme interviews the Shore tards, TNA X Division Champion Robbie E. and Cookie.  Ugh.  Robbie is an idiot.  Cookie is a bitch.  That’s the story.

X Factors.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Cookie is supposed to be placed in a shark cage and lifted above the ring, but she refuses.  Lethal beats up Robbie.  SHARK BOY appears and puts Cookie in the cage!  The match finally starts.  Lethal continues beating up Robbie.  Robbie bails.  Lethal beats him up on the outside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal crotches Robbie on the top rope.  Cookie screams a lot, which is annoying.  Lethal continues kicking ass.  Robbie sends him into the turnbuckles to get the advantage, then pounds on him.  Robbie gets the heat, but wastes time dancing like a tard at Cookie.  Lethal fights back.  Robbie hits a neat move for 2.  Robbie applies a sleeper hold.  Lethal finally manages to escape and fights back.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow and the Lethal Combination for 2.  Lethal jumps over Robbie a lot, then they collide.  Cookie throws a chain down to Robbie.  The referee catches it.  Cookie throws Robbie the hair spray.  Lethal takes it away, sprays it on Robbie’s face, and hits the Lethal Injection.  Hebner DQs Lethal in 8:09.  Damn!  Okay match.  The fuck finish works in context.  Lethal argues with the referee.  Cookie is released from the cage.  I wish Robbie was in WWE, just because it’d be great if he was one of those guys who everyone beats the shit out of in the Royal Rumble.  Cookie celebrates with the belt.  Shark Boy comes out again.  Cookie slaps him.  Sharkie gives her a Stunner!  Yay Shark Boy!

Christy Hemme interviews Tommy Dreamer about a match he’s not in.

RVD/Rhino hype video.

First Blood Match: Rhino vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD decks Rhino before the bell, but the camera idiots completely miss the shot.  RVD sends Rhino outside, then poses.  Rhino kicks his ass.  RVD kicks Rhino’s ass in turn.  RVD goes up top, but Rhino cuts him off and beats on him.  RVD knocks Rhino off the apron with a springboard kick, then points his thumbs at himself and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  RVD hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP~!  They brawl at ringside.  They brawl in the ring.  Crowd chants for tables.  Rhino hits a Gore that RVD does an awesome 360 sell for.  Rhino throws in a trash can and 2 lids.  RVD avoids the shot and punches him.  Rhino h its a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino wedges the trash can between the turnbuckles, then hits RVD with a spinebuster.  RVD kicks Rhino in the head.  He goes for the lids, which fall out of the ring for some reason.  RVD hits a twisting leg drop, then brings one of the lids back in.  RVD hits a diving kick and the Five Star Frog Splash.  Why do that in a First Blood match?  RVD tries to use the trash can, but gets hit in the balls.  Rhino hits a DDT.  Rhino goes for a piledriver on the lid, but RVD flips out and hits the Van Daminator with the lid.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the trash can.  Rhino is bleeding, so RVD wins in 12:25.  This was all right.

Christy Hemme interviews Kazarian about a match he’s not in.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Doug Williams.  They lock up.  Styles backs Williams into the ropes, then shoves him.  The crowd chants “USA” even though the American is the heel.  They trade arm locks, then do some great mat wrestling.  Styles gets a sunset flip for 1, then goes for the Styles Clash.  Williams counters out.  There those fucking mutants go with the alternating chants.  That shit is so obnoxious.  I wish I could personally slap everyone who has ever participated in one of those.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Styles counters out and sends Williams to the outside.  Back inside, Williams throws some European uppercuts.  Stuff happens really fast in this match.  Styles is sent to the floor.  Williams hits him with a rolling senton off the apron.  Back inside, Williams kicks AJ in the thigh and hits a short lariat for 1.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and goes up top.  Styles cuts him off and sends him to the floor.  Styles gets the jump on Williams as he’s coming back in and hits moonsault knees to the back of Williams’ head.  Cover gets 2.  Styles does the drop down, leapfrog, dropkick for 2.  Styles applies a rear chin lock.  Williams gets his leg caught in the ropes.  Styles attacks it.  Styles applies a figure-four leglock.  Williams rolls them under the ropes and out of the ring, but ends up with it turned over.  They finally break.  Now Styles’ leg is injured.  Back inside, Styles grabs Williams’ leg.  Williams knees him in the face and makes his comeback.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits a European uppercut for 2.  Styles avoids the Chaos Theory and hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles goes for the figure-four again, but Williams gets an inside cradle for 2.  Styles lands a big punch.  They trade shots.  Styles hits the Pele kick.  Williams rolls out of the ring.  Styles dives, miss, and Williams hits the Chaos Theory on the floor!  They make it back into the ring.  Williams hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 14:49.  That’s not a typo.  Williams used Styles’ own move to beat him.  Really, really good match.

Christy Hemme interviews Generation Me.  At least they’re actually in the match she’s asking them about.

Tag Lines.

Full Metal Mayhem Match for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Guns charge out and they start brawling at ringside.  Jeremy hits the springboard face buster on Sabin in the ring, then immediately hits Shelley with an Asai moonsault outside the ring.  Max pounds on Sabin in the ring.  Bucks double team Sabin, hitting an awesome wheelbarrow DDT thing.  The Guns rally and fight back.  Jeremy makes a one man comeback and stomps Shelley’s hand into a chair.  Guns hits Jeremy in the corner against a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Stuff happens really fast.  There are chair shots.  The Bucks conveniently set a ladder on the apron so the Guns can kick it into their faces.  Sabin hits a tope suicida… right into a chair.  Shelley takes a chair to the knee.  Shelley fights back by himself in the ring.  Max counters the Shiranui and powerbombs Shelley into the ladder.  Jeremy splashes the ladder into Shelley.  Jeremy climbs for the belts.  Shelley hits Max with an inverted atomic drop.  Sabin prevents Jeremy from getting the belts.  Jeremy does some more crazy shit.  Max climbs for the belts, but he placed the ladder poorly.  Shelley cuts him off, but gets hit with a jawbreaker.  Shelley gives him a Dragon screw leg whip through the ladder.  Ouch.  The Guns sandwich Max in the ladder.  Shelley hits a double stomp.  Shelley backdrop suplexes Jeremy into the ladder, then Sabin bulldogs him across it.  Sabin goes for the belts.  The Bucks knock the ladder over.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick with a chair held by Shelley.  Sabin lays a ladder and 2 chairs across the Bucks.  Shelley hits a double stomp onto the pile!  Shelley climbs for the belts, but realizes that ladder isn’t trustworthy any more.  They bring in a couple of fresh ladders and set up a contraption.  Everybody fights at the top of the contraption.  Jeremy falls off, then pushes Shelley off.  They pull their respective remaining opponents down.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns hit an awesome double team on Max, where Sabin holds him in wheelbarrow position and Shelley hits a Codebreaker with a chair.  The Guns bring in a table and put it on top of the ladder contraption.  Jeremy kicks Shelley in the balls and kicks Sabin in the head.  Guns take out Jeremy with double team craziness on the outside.  The Guns set up another table.  I assume they’re going to completely rip off the finish of the WrestleMania 2000 ladder match.  Jeremy comes back in and hits the Guns with a chair.  Max lays out Sabin on the table.  Shelley beats them up and gives Jeremy the Shiranui off the apron through a table.  Sabin and Max climb to the top of the contraption and have a sword fight with chairs.  Sabin wins and Max takes a bump off the contraption through the table.  Yep, WrestleMania 2000 finish.  Sabin takes down the belts to win it in 16:26.  This was awesome.

Abyss/Pope hype video.  Production screws up and throws in a random still from the last match.

Casket Match: Abyss vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They brawl.  Abyss tries to put Pope in the casket at the 30 second mark, but fails.  Oh, how I wish he had succeeded.  They brawl outside.  Back inside, Pope gives Abyss a bulldog headlock, then goes up top.  Abyss throws him off and into the casket, which was unfortunately closed at the time.  That looked like it hurt.  It’s a similar bump to the one that put Shawn Michaels out of action for 4 1/2 years.  Back inside, Abyss beats up Pope.  Fights back and dropkicks Abyss into the casket.  Abyss scrambles out.  Pope headbutts Abyss, who is apparently Samoan, because it hurts Pope more.  Pope jumps on Abyss’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Abyss turns it into a sidewalk slam.  They fight near the casket.  Pope falls in.  Abyss tries to close it, but Pope fights out.  Pope hits a diving shoulder block and makes his comeback.  Pope hits some inverted atomic drops and a diving bulldog headlock.  Pope puts Abyss in the casket.  Abyss goozles him to prevent the lid from closing.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam, then puts Pope in the casket.  Pope puts his arms up to keep the lid from closing.  Pope fights back and hits the Elijah Express.  He puts Abyss in the casket and tries to close the lid.  Abyss punches through the casket and grabs Pope’s balls.  That’s one cheap ass casket.  Pope clotheslines Abyss to the apron and tries to knock him off.  They fight on the apron.  Abyss chokeslams Pope into the casket and closes the lid for the win in 11:58.  Thank God that’s over.

The referee gives Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett instructions for their Submission Match, because they’re pretending it’s MMA.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe and injure hits leg with a nightstick.

Video package of Jeff Hardy’s heelishness.

Awkward cut to a Joe/Jarrett hype video.  Their production sucks tonight.

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe limps out, despite protests from the trainers.  They hug.  I think they were trying to lock up, but it looked way more like a hug to me.  The crowd chants their standard chants.  Joe hits a horrible looking judo throw.  Jarrett goes after the leg.  Joe pulls him into his guard and goes for a cross armbreaker.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe wants to keep the match on the ground.  Why doesn’t the referee stand him up?  Joe takes Jarrett down into the ropes.  Joe lands some punches.  Jarrett grabs Joe’s leg and rams his injured ankle into the post.  Jarrett applies an ankle lock.  Joe gets a rope break.  Jarrett reapplies the hold.  Joe escapes and lands punches and chops, then takes Jarrett down into an ankle lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes.  Joe hits a senton splash and applies a reverse Kimura type arm lock.  Jarrett gets the ropes again.  This is crap.  Jarrett tries a rana or something.  Joe powerbombs him and locks in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Taz mentions Dean Malenko.  Yay!  Jarrett slides under the ropes and bails.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch on the floor.  Jarrett taps out, but it doesn’t count.  Joe throws Jarrett back in.  Joe gets a Fujiwara armbar.  Jarrett taps, but his foot is under the ropes.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  I agree completely.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and applies the Coquina Clutch.  Gunner and Murphy come out.  Joe cleans their clocks.  Jarrett locks in the ankle lock.  Joe screams, which the referee considers a submission and awards the match to Jarrett in 9:04.  This was complete, utter shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson about a match he’s the referee in.  Matt Morgan asks him to make it a No DQ Match.  Anderson has booking power now?  Anderson says he’s going to call it right down the middle like an asshole.  That makes no sense.  It’s not even a yes or no.

Hardy/Morgan hype video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Ken Anderson is the referee.  After intros and Anderson holding up that disgustingly ugly belt, we’re off.  Morgan wins the lock up.  Hardy hides in the ropes.  Morgan beats up Hardy.  Morgan hits an apron leg drop~!  I pop for neat leg drops.  Hardy rallies and beats up Morgan.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Morgan escapes and fights back.  Morgan hits a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a front slam for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for 2.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint, but injures his knee in the process.  Cover, but Hardy gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Hardy hits another Twist of Hate for 2.  Hardy is shocked and appalled by his lack of immediate victory.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Morgan gets his knees up.  Hardy says “fuck it” and leaves, urging Anderson to count him out.  Anderson refuses to count the 10.  He goes up the ramp and orders Hardy into the ring.  They argue.  Hardy pie faces Anderson twice.  Three times.  Anderson finally kicks his ass and throws him back in the ring.  Morgan schoolboys Hardy for 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate again.  Anderson very slowly counts 2, then stops, allowing Morgan to kick out after a long time.  Hardy bails again.  Morgan goes after him.  Hardy hits Morgan in the knee with a chair.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Hate, but Morgan pushes him into Anderson, knocking him out of the ring.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint.  The crowd counts upwards of 20.  Eric Bischoff brings out that other referee that’s been in all the storylines, then sends Anderson into the post.  The referee counts 2, then Bischoff pulls him out of the ring.  Morgan yells at Bischoff.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam, but Hardy kicks him low and hits the Twist of Hate on a chair for the pin in 12:31.  This was awful.  Anderson is bleeding outside the ring.  Hardy celebrates.  They show highlights of the match.  Such convoluted TNA bullshit.

This PPV started off really strong, then fell off a cliff.  The last 2 matches were fucking horrible.

TNA iMPACT! 3/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week…” video with Mick Foley losing to Jeff Jarrett in a match set up by a vindictive Eric Bischoff and being fired.

“V For Vigilant.”

Jeff Jarrett and Hulk Hogan talk.  Hogan apologizes for Bischoff and gives Jarrett a match with AJ Styles tonight where Jarrett will be #1 Contender after Lockdown if he wins.  Jay Lethal comes in and does his Randy Savage bit with Hogan.  Hogan does a Savage impersonation of his own.  The Mega Powers 2.0!  Hogan is leaving for New Year for unknown reasons.  I assume it’s because he doesn’t want to watch this show.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, there’s a women’s First Blood match.  Gross.  Plus some other matches.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The Band comes out with Bubba the worthless fuck who needs to fuck off and fucking die Love Sponge.  Crowd chants “FIRE BUBBA!”  For once I agree with these mutants.  The Band is wearing Bubba Army shirts.  Bubba cuts a pseudo shoot promo on the fans.  He says he doesn’t need this job.  I wish to God he would leave, then.  Crowd chants “THANK YOU FOLEY!” since he KTFO’d Bubba last week.  Kevin Nash calls for Eric Young to come out.  Nash says he and Young are friends, and invited Young to join the Band.  Nash says the six-man isn’t going to happen because Jeff Hardy and RVD aren’t in their league.  Crowd chants “DON’T SELL OUT!”  Young attacks the Band and gets his ass kicked.  Nash tells him he made a big mistake.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam come out and run the heels off.  Hardy says the match tonight will be the main event, and “in honor of Lockdown,” it will be a Steel Cage Match.  Hardy horribly sings his horrible entrance them.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian & Shannon Moore.  More attacks Williams to start.  Hit him with another brick, Doug!  Kazarian tags in and dropkicks Williams for 2, then hits his slingshot legdrop for 2.  Kendrick tags in and gets arm dragged.  The heels get heat on Kazarian.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Fuck him.  Moore hits a diving rana on Williams, but Kendrick saves.  Kendrick eats a spin kick from Moore, then gets German suplexed by Kendrick.  Moore hits a Blockbuster on Kendrick for the pin in 4:30.  A guy I hate wins with a move ripped off from another guy I hate.  Moore puts makeup on Kendrick.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hulk Hogan in the phone, then calls in his new hot chick, Miss Tessmacher (the former Brooke Adams).  Jay Lethal comes in with a booking sheet featuring a bunch of 80s guys.  Funny.  Bischoff tells him to think of something for the main event, then sends Brooke to find Beer Money.

Matches tonight!  The Pope is NEXT!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts a promo about AJ Styles, Ric Flair, the match at Lockdown.  Chelsea comes out asks Pope to make her a ho.  Crowd chants “WE’VE GOT MONEY!”  They do some more sexual innuendos.  Desmond Wolfe sneaks in and tries to jump Pope from behind, but Pope was ready and kicks his ass.  Pope kisses Chelsea, then stuffs money in her top.

The Knockouts Champion Tara is headed our way!

A weird, grainy video of Samoa Joe, who hasn’t been seen in weeks after being kidnapped, plays.

Tenay and Taz don’t make a big deal out of it, they just re-hype the matches.

Orlando Jordan, covered in yellow “TNA Cross The Line” type, is lowered to the ring.  He goes to a weird little set to join his bisexual lovers.  … the fuck?

Jeremy Borash interviews Tara.  Danney jumps her.  They awkwardly brawl backstage.  Commercials.

First Blood Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Tara (c) vs. Daffney.  They brawl onto the stage from the back and the match officially starts.  They brawl all over and throw each other into the things.  It sucks.  They finally make it to the ring.  It still sucks.  Daffney tries to use a broken broomstick as a spike.  Tara fight it off and hits the Widow’s Peak.  Tara hits Daffney with a toolbox to give Daffney a cut a band-aid could have taken care of to win this abortion at 3:26.  Daffney likes bleeding.  Gross

AJ Styles is on his way, with Ric Flair and Chelsea.

Same video from the beginning of the show.

Jeff Jarrett has his music and pyro back!

Non-Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  There’s the sound of a girl SCREAMING during AJ’s entrance.  I want to find that girl and strangle her.  Now it sounds like several girls screaming.  They lock up and the regular mutants do their chants.  Styles does a nice arm drag.  They trade hammer locks.  Styles counters Jarrett and hip tosses him.  Styles is awful cocky now.  He does a half assed Flair strut.  I WANT TO FUCKING KILL THESE FUCKING GIRLS THAT KEEP FUCKING SCREAMING.  Jarrett fights back and hits an inverted atomic drop, then clotheslines Styles out of the ring and does the Jarrett strut.  Jarrett beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles goes back on the offensive back inside.  Jarrett avoids a corner splash and rocks Styles with an enzuigiri for 2.  Styles catches Jarrett with a shin breaker and applies the figure-four leglock.  Flair lets Styles grab his cane for leverage.  The ref admonishes him.  Jarrett puts Styles in the figure-four.  Styles immediately reverses it.  Jarrett gets a rope break.  Flair does stuff again and referee Brian Hebner sends Flair and Chelsea to the back.  Jarrett decks Styles on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Styles works a rear chin lock.  During the break, Styles kicked Jarrett in the balls, then hit a nice dive to the outside.  Jarrett attempts a sunset flip, but Styles cuts him off and hits a BIG knee drop.  Styles goes back to his rear chin lock.  Jarrett fights out and makes a comeback.  Jarrett hits a backdrop suplex and a Pedigree, of all things, for 2.  Jarrett goes for a diving double axe handle, but Styles catches him and suplexes him down.  Styles hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Jarrett counters and hits an Alabama Slam.  Chelsea and Flair come back out.  The referee yells at Flair on the apron, then gets bumped to the floor.  Jarrett sends Styles into the turnbuckles and hits the Stroke off the middle rope.  Cover, but the referee is dead.  Eric Bischoff comes in with a guitar and tries to hit Jarrett.  Jarrett catches him and takes the guitar.  Bischoff begs off.  Styles hits Jarrett in the balls and hits the Styles Clash.  Styles got a nasty cut on his hand somehow.  Bischoff throws the referee back in to make the 3 count (12:59 shown).  Looks like Styles cut his hand of Jarrett’s guitar when he did the low blow.  Really good match.

JB interviews Eric Young, RVD, and Jeff Hardy.  The cage match is still to come!

Jay Lethal references more 80s guys.  He tells Bischoff he wants to book Brutus Beefcake vs. Rick Martel in the main event.  Heh.  Bischoff tells Lethal he’s in the main event, and to head to the ring.  I thought the cage match was the main event.  Apparently not.  Apparently it’s Jay Lethal’s match RIGHT MEOW!

Handicap Match: Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money.  Beer Money destroy Lethal.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Lethal tries to make a comeback, but gets shut down.  Storm turns his back to drink his beer.  Lethal pins Roode with an inside cradle in 2:15, then drinks Storm’s beer.  Bischoff is not pleased!

The cage match is still to come!  Next, Desmond Wolfe takes on The Pope!

Tenay and Taz talk about Hernandez getting killed by Matt Morgan last week.  Morgan will answer for his actions next week.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Wolfe jumps Pope and takes him down with a collar hold.  Pope escapes and grabs a hammer lock.  Wolfe backs him into the ropes and elbows him in the face.  Wolfe busts out an Indian Death Lock.  Pope reverses it, forced Wolfe to get a rope break.  That move works that way, too?  Wolfe beats up Pope a bit.  Pope fights back.  Pope hits his Vader Bomb-style elbow drop.  Chelsea gets on the apron as Pope sets up his finish.  Wolfe pulls a chain out of his trunks and punches Pope with it for the pin in 6:20.  Good little match, as usual between these two.  Wolfe says “What Chelsea wants, Chelsea gets.”

The Cage is NEXT!

They lied.  Kurt Angle comes out.  He gets in the cage and cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  Anderson comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on Angle.  Anderson informs Angle that, per Eric Bischoff, they’ll have a Ladder Match next week.  The prize will be the key to the cage door at Lockdown.  Whatever.  I like the matches, but this feud has been stupid.  Anderson says Kurt is a nice guy, but nice guys finish last.  Anderson says “Thank God I’m an asshole… asshole.”  It’s bleeped both times.  Again, whatever.

The Band comes out as Angle leaves.  Angle and Nash give each other the old Main Event Mafia hand sign.  Yay for continuity!  The main event is next FOR REALS THIS TIME!

Steel Cage Match: The Band vs. Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, & Eric Young.  Syxx-Pac slams the door into Young’s face before he can get in.  Everybody brawls in the ramp.  Syxx-Pac drops RVD with a spin kick.  Nash gets Hardy into the cage and the match starts.  Syxx-Pac locks the cage, making it a 3-on-2 since Young is still on the floor.  TNA’s new cage is neat.  It’s a big black chain link cage, but the walls go all the way to the floor.  Pac delivers the Bronco Buster to Hardy.  Hardy and RVD make a comeback.  Hardy counters a rana and powerbombs Waltman.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Waltman, then Hardy hits his leg drop through the legs.  Hall hammers RVD in the corner.  Nash whips Hardy, who uses RVD as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion into Hall.  Young climbs to the top of the cage.  Waltman tries to stop him, but RVD knocks him off.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb on Nash and RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Hall.  Young hits a diving elbow drop on Waltman for the pin in 3:59.  Whatever.  They celebrate.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss, who reveals the next member of his team for Lockdown: Jeff Jarrett!  They cut a promo.

RVD, Hardy, and Young slap hands with fans.

Okay show.  There were a couple of really good matches in between a lot of crap I didn’t care about.

NWA Starrcade 1986: Night of the Skywalkers

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Not even a warm up, as this goes straight to the first match.

Jimmy Garvin (w/ Precious) vs. Brad Armstrong.  Tony Schiavone does ring announcing.  He and some other guy I’ll hopefully figure out later on commentary.  Garvin and Armstrong lock up aggressively.  The referee’s name is either Scrappy or Slappy.  They don’t do anything of note.  They trade hammerlocks and wrestle a bit.  The referee’s name is Scrappy McAllen.  That’s hilarious.  Garvin milks a hold for a while.  Armstrong fights out and locks in an ARMBAR!  Garvin counters and locks in a head scissors.  They go back and forth.  Armstrong ends up back in the head scissors.  Armstrong eventually fights out and locks in a side headlock.  Garvin rolls into a pinning predicament and gets the pin, I think, but the referee caught him holding Armstrong’s trunks, so the match continues.  Garvin finally escapes the headlock with a backdrop suplex.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Garvin throws Armstrong out of the ring.  Precious yells at Armstrong.  Garvin kicks Armstrong in the head from in the ring.  Repeat.  Armstrong makes it back in and Garvin hit shots him into the ropes for 2.  Second cover gets 2.  Garvin hits a backbreaker for 2.  Garvin picks Armstrong up, but Armstrong lands on top for 2.  Armstrong charges Garvin in the corner and gets kneed in the face for 2.  Another cover gets 2.  Garvin uses a chin lock.  Armstrong escapes.  Garvin gets an inside cradle for 2.  Armstrong reverses it for 2.  Garvin slams Armstrong and goes up top, but misses a diving splash.  It’s a 15:00 draw at 15:08.  They keep fighting, but Armstrong eventually runs Garvin off.  Very meh match, way too long and uninteresting.

I already tell this is going to be an ordeal because that match was lame, and because my video isn’t the best quality and the audio is a little out of sync, which annoys me to no end.

Tom Miller is the ring announcer now.

The Barbarian & Shaska Whatley vs. Baron Von Raschke & Hector Guerrero.  This has to be another 2 location show, as Bob Caudle and Johnny Weaver are on commentary now.  All four brawl to start.  Hector and Whatley have a fine exchange.  Barbarian tags in and goes at it with Guerrero.  Hector avoids a clothesline.  Raschke holds Barbarian for Hector to hit a dive.  Hector and Whatley brawl outside.  Barbarian sends Hector into the barricade.  The heels work over Hector.  He does a great face in peril.  Hector spits in Whatley’s face and makes the hot tag.  Baron Von Raschke runs wild!  Claw hold to Whatley.  Barbarian saves.  Hector comes in and cleans his clock.  Baron avoids Whatley in the corner and drops an elbow for the pin in 6:29.  Decent stuff.  The heels beat down Rascke after the match until Hector makes it back in for the save.

No DQ Match for the NWA United States Tag Team Championship: Ivan Koloff & Krusher Khruschev (c) vs. The Kansas Jayhawks.  Koloff and Mantel start.  It’s… oddly kind of awesome.  Jayhawks make quick tags and work over Koloff in the early going.  Scrappy McAllen is the referee again!  Wooo!  Krusher tags in and beats up Mantel.  Dutch fights back and challenges Koloff to come in the ring while Jaggers chokes Koloff.  The Jayhawks take turns working over Krusher.  Ivan tags in and gets beat up some more.  Dutch gets the first near fall of the match on Ivan.  The Russians start to get heat on Dutch, beginning with Krusher beating him up on the outside.  Dutch plays face in peril.  Geeze ref, it’s no DQ, stop getting in the way of Jaggers trying to come in.  Dutch clotheslines the Russians and tags in Jaggers, who runs wild.  Clothesline on Koloff, but Krusher saves.  Ivan and Dutch brawl outside.  Ivan tries to come off the top with the chain onto Jaggers, but Dutch makes the save with a bull whip.  Dutch and Krusher brawl outside.  Krusher hits Jaggers with the chain, allowing Ivan to get the pin in 7:52.  This was fine.

Indian Strap Match: Rick Rude (w/ Paul Jones & Paul Jones’ bitchin’ mustache) vs. Wahoo McDaniel.  After some pre-match shenanigans, the match starts.  Wahoo whips Rude.  Repeat.  Rude hits some forearms.  Wahoo whips him, then hammers him down.  Usual strap match shit.  Rude beats up Wahoo.  Rude slams Wahoo, touches 2 corners, then gets cut off.  Wahoo beats up Rude.  Wahoo touches 3 corners, then gets cut off by Rude.  Rude stupidly goes up top and Wahoo yanks him off with the strap.  Wahoo touches 3 corners.  Jones tries to interfere and gets chopped.  Rude pushes Wahoo into the 4th corner for the win in about 8 minutes.  By the time the bell rings it’s an official 9:08.  Rude and Jones attack Wahoo, but Hector Guerrero and Baron Von Raschke make the save.  Next!

NWA Central States Heavyweight Championship Match: Sam Houston (c) vs. Bill Dundee.  Tony finally names his co-commentator, Rick Stewart.  Houston and Dundee go at it with some aggressive wrestling to start.  Houston does the side headlock rolled into a pinning predicament spot that I always mark out for.  Houston with a nice head scissors takedown.  Dundee takes Houston down  and works his arm a bit.  Houston fights back.  Really good simple wrestling here.  Houston goes for his bulldog headlock, fails, reverse cradle for 2.  Houston gets taken to the outside and Dundee beats on him.  Houston comes back with an atomic drop that catapults Dundee over the barricade.  Houston slingshots Dundee back into the ring and covers for 2.  Dundee kicks Houston in the face and hits a diving splash (or a diving punch?) for 2.  Dundee with a rear chin lock.  Dundee punches Houston a few times, then struts, the covers for 2.  Dundee locks Houston in a crab hold.  Houston powers out.  They roll into the ropes.  Dundee chokes Houston in the ropes.  Dundee throws Houston out of the ring.  Dundee with a front facelock on the mat.  Houston fights out and makes a fiery comeback.  Houston slams Dundee, then fails a knee drop.  Dundee attacks the knee viciously.  Houston’s boot comes off somehow and Dundee whacks him with it for the DQ in 10:22.  This was pretty good.

Hair vs. Hair Match: Paul Jones (w/ Manny Fernandez) vs. Jimmy Valiant (w/ Big Mama).  It’s Jones’ hair vs. Mama’s hair.  Also, it’s a different Big Mama than the one last year.  Also, Manny will be suspended above the ring in a cage.  The referee can’t get Manny to go into the cage.  More babyfaces come out to try to make him.  Manny fights off Nelson Royal, Tim Horner, and Baron Von Raschke, then Wahoo comes out and decks him, forcing him into the cage.  Jones tries to hold into the cage as it is raised.  The match finally start.  Valiant beats up Jones.  Kids, this is what wrestlers looked like before the emphasis was placed on having good bodies.  Jones takes a foreign object out of his tights and decks Valiant, but stupidly doesn’t cover.  Valiant is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Eventual cover gets 2.  Jones drops Valiant and covers again, but Valiant gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Jones goes to stomp it and hurts his leg.  Jones hits him with the object again for 2.  Jones goes for the Indian Death Lock, but gets countered.  Valiant makes his comeback and locks Jones in the sleeper hold.  Valiant gets hold on Jones’ object and hits him with it, then gets the pin in 4:28 (official.  Fuck they take forever to ring the closing bell.).  Valiant shaves Jones’ head.  Manny Fernandez is released from the cage and attacks Valiant.  Rick Rude comes out to join the beatdown.  They hit a swank elevated DDT that some tag team should adopt as a finish on Valiant and onto a steel chair.  Raschke and Wahoo come out to check on Valiant.  Too little, too late, guys.

Louisville Street Fight: Ron Garvin vs. Big Bubba Rogers (w/ Jim Cornette).  Tommy Young is the referee!  Garvin punches Bubba to no effect.  He punches him some more and finally drops him.  Bubba rolls out of the ring to hear some advince from Cornette.  Garvin punches Bubba some more.  For some reason everytime I go to type “Garvin” I accidentally type “Garven” first.  That makes absolutely no sense.  Anyway, Garin beats up Bubba some more.  Bubba finally manages to get some offense going.  Garvin pulls a good length rope out of his boots, chokes Bubba, tries to hog tie him, beats him, ties him to the top rope and bites him.  Bubba fights back, but he looks winded.  Bear hug by Bubba.  Garvin headbutts his way free.  Bubba bear hugs him again.  Garvin headbutts his way free again.  Garvin throws some punches and knocks Bubba out of the ring.  Bubba comes back in and Garvin punches on him some more.  Bubba falls out of the ring again.  Garvin follows him out and they brawl.  Back inside, Bubba goes up top!  Garvin throws him off Flair-style and covers, but Bubba throws Garvin on top of the referee.  Garvin hits a DANGEROUS looking piledriver.  Cornette whacks Garvin with the tennis racket.  The referee counts them both down for the double KO… but there MUST be a winner!  So, the first man to his feet will be the winner.  Cornette comes in to try to help Bubba up.  Young shoves him out of the ring.  Bubba grabs the referee as Garvin gets up.  Cornette hits Garvin with the tennis racket again and drops him.  Bubba gets to his feet for the win in 11:52.  This was fun in some parts.

First Blood Match for the NWA World Television Championship: Dusty Rhodes (c) vs. Tully Blanchard (w/ JJ Dillon).  No opening bell that I heard.  Also, Dillon goes from behind fine to randomly having his head covered in blood at ringside.  What’s up with that?  They both try to protect themselves from getting punched in the face.  Blanchard backs off every time Dusty cocks his elbow.  They go a little bit.  Dusty poises to punch Blanchard in the face and Blanchard bails.  Dusty headbutts Blanchard in the face.  Hey, Earl Hebner is the referee!  Anyway, they brawl a bit.  Dusty works Tully’s leg, which strikes me as a stupid strategy in a first blood match.  Blanchard rips at Dusty’s forehead.  Dusty stomps Blanchard’s face.  Dusty accidentally elbows the referee.  Hebner gets up and Dusty suplexes Blanchard on top of him.  Dusty throws Dillon’s shoe (which I guess Dillon threw to Tully) away and hits some bionic elbows.  Blanchard is bleeding, but the referee is still down.  Dillon wipes off Blanchard’s forehead and rubs Vaseline on it.  Blanchard hits Dusty with a roll of coins.  The referee wakes up to see Rhodes bleeding and awards the match to Blanchard in about 8 minutes.  Still more meh on this show.

Copy & Pasted from the Starrcade: The Essential Collection DVD review, slightly edited:

Scaffold Match: The Road Warriors (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette & Big Bubba Rogers).  The Road Warriors wait at the top during the ring intros.  Loverboy Dennis Condrey teases climbing up, but chickens out.  MX finally does come up.  The bell rings and the Road Warriors kick ass.  Condrey throws powder in Hawk’s eyes.  Eaton does the same to Animal.  They fight on top of the scaffold.  That sentence will cover the rest of the match until someone takes a stupid, unnecessary bump.  Condrey falls, then Eaton, to give the Road Warriors the win at 7:08.  Ellering takes Cornette’s tennis racket.  Cornette climbs the scaffold to escape and runs right into Animal.  Cornette falls and blows out his knees.

Steel Cage Match for the NWA World Tag Team Championship: The Rock & Roll Express (c) vs. Ole & Arn Anderson.  Ole and Gibson lock up.  Gibson ducks a blow and throws some punches.  Arn tags in.  All 4 brawl for a minute.  The referee sends Gibson out and the Andersons beat up Gibson a bit.  Gibson fires back in Arn.  Ole tags in and brawls with Gibson.  Morton tags in and beats up Ole.  Arn tags back in and goes at it with Morton.  Gibson tags in and gets beat up by the Andersons.  Gibson avoids a figure-four by kicking Arn face first into the cage.  Ole tags in and stomps on Gibson as he tries to make it to his corner.  Gibson gets beat up, then makes the tag to Morton, who runs wild for about a second until Ole rams into the cage a couple of times.  Morton gets his ass stomped by the Andersons for a while.  Morton is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  The complete destruction of Ricky Morton continues for several minutes.  Arn hits the spinebuster on Morton for the sure pin, but Gibson saves!  Ole tags in and Arn holds Morton for Ole to come off the top with a knee to the arm.  Ole has been working the shit out of that arm, and goes back to it now.  Man, Ricky got SO close to make the tag that time, but Ole cut him off at the last possible second.  Morton fires some punches at Ole, then gets him in an inside cradle, but Arm saves.  Robert comes in and goes after Arn.  Ole picks up Morton for a slam, but Gibson dropkicks him and Morton gets the pin in Ole in 19:03.  Really good formula tag match here.  The R&R escape the cage before they can get their asses kicked too much more.

NWA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ric Flair (c) vs. NWA United States Heavyweight Champion Nikita Koloff.  Tommy Young is the referee!  They lock up.  Koloff over powers Flair.  Repeated.  Flair bails.  Flair foolishly gets into a test of strength, fails that, and throws some hard chops at Nikita.  Nikita no sells, which scares Flair into bailing again.  Nikita overpowers Flair again.  Flair yells that he’s going to kick Nikita’s ass.  Hah.  Nikita hip tosses Flair.  They lock up again, and Nikita hip tosses Flair again, then slams him.  Twice.  Big slams, too.  Less body slam, more throwing Flair halfway across the ring.  Flair tries a shoulder block, fails, and gets bear hugged.  Nikita turns the bear hug into a pinning predicament for a pair of 2 counts.  Neat.  Flair avoids Nikita in the corner and hits a big vertical suplex.  Nikita springs up and Flair begs off, then bails again.  Back inside, Nikita grabs a side headlock.  Flair backs him into the ropes and beats on him some.  Nikita goes the Russian Hammer (chokeslam without the slam).  Young makes him break the choke.  Flair avoids Nikita and Nikita goes over the top rope.  Flair wraps Nikita’s leg around the ring post, then chop blocks the leg back inside.  Flair continues working the leg and locks in the figure-four leglock, using the ropes behind the referee’s back.  Flair eventually breaks it and beats up Nikita some more.  Flair throws chops, which seem to just piss Nikita off.  Flair sends Nikita out of the ring.  Flair rams Nikita into the scaffold and busts him open.  Back inside, Flair hits a knee drop for 2, but Nikita kicks out emphatically.  Flair hits a backdrop suplex for 2, another emphatic kick out.  Flair punches Nikita in the forehead, presumably to make him bleed worse.  Nikita gets pissed and makes a comeback.  He tosses Flair around.  Flair begs off, but Nikita whips him into the corner.  Flair flips out and Nikita goes after him.  Nikita counters Flair and rams his face into the scaffold.  Flair finally makes it back inside.  He and Nikita trade blows.  Flair flops face first into the mat.  Nikita hits a shoulder block and Flair bounces into Tommy Young, sending him out of the ring.  Nikita kills Flair with a clothesline.  Cover, but there’s no referee.  Referee Scrappy McAllen is back to check on Tommy Young.  Flair catches Nikita with a knee to the back and Scrappy makes a 2 count.  Is his name McAllen or McGowen?  I can’t tell.  It’s a moot point, as Nikita accidentally murders him with a clothesline.  Tommy Young makes it back inside.  He tries to force Nikita to break in the corner.  Nikita shoves him twice, so Young calls for the DQ in 19:23.  They keep brawling.  Nikita kills everyone who runs in.  All of the heels run in and gang up on him.  The babyfaces run in to make the save.  The official decision is a double DQ.  The match was pretty good.  Flair and Nikita fight some more, but it’s eventually broken up.  Replays of the wild clusterfuck at the end.

End credits.

The show was alright in some places, very boring in others.  I guess I’ll give it a thumbs in the middle.