Archive for Extreme Rules

WWE NXT 4/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  The first elimination is in 2 weeks!  Matt Striker is the host.  He already has the rookies in the ring for whatever stupid thing they’re doing this week.

Striker introduces the rookies.  Tonight’s stupid thing is called the “Seal The Deal Challenge.”  They have to go out into the crowd and sell as much merchandise as they can in 60 seconds.  The winner gets a match against a WWE Pro of their choice next week.  Skip Sheffield sales 4 programs at $15 each, so $60.  They’re going to continue this shit later.

Savannah is the ring announcer.

Christian & Heath Slater will be in action against Chris Jericho & Wade Barrett NXT!

Christian & Heath Slater vs. Chris Jericho & Wade Barrett.  Slater decks Jericho to start.  Jericho immediately tags out to Barrett.  Christian tags in and does stuff with Barrett.  Jericho and Barrett work over Christian.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex on Christian.  Christian hits his reverse DDT and makes the tag to Slater.  Slater and Jericho go at it.  Slater hits a neckbreaker.  Barrett saves.  Christian takes Barrett out with a diving cross body, then a dive to the outside.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho on Slater, but Slater turns it into a cradle for 2.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin in 3:05.  It was alright while it lasted.

Daniel Bryan says he’s not a capitalist, and gives the programs away, so he makes no money.

Michael Cole does his weekly “Bash Daniel Bryan” segment.  Matthews calls him a “toolbox.”

Last week, Darren Young beat Michael Tarver and Skip Sheffield in a Triple Threat Match, despite Luke Gallows’ interference.

Earlier today, Carlito lectured Michael Tarver, who is a complete useless fuck up.  Carlito has Tarver carry his bags.

Extreme Rules highlight video.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Gabriel sells 22 programs for $330, despite Matthews’ claim that it was “like $5,000.”  Josh Matthews fails at math.

Michael Tarver video package.  Most of the pros agree that he’s useless.

Michael Tarver (w/ Carlito) vs. Darren Young (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Tarver kicks Young’s ass, then the referee gets in his way.  Tarver hits a shitting spinning slam for 2.  Tarver continues to dominate.  Young makes a comeback.  Tarver bails, then cheap shots Young when he follows.  Tarver pulls Young’s shoulder into the post.  Serena distracts the ref and lets Gallows get a shot in on Tarver.  Young hits his stupid full nelson into a flatliner for the pin in 2:46.  Whatever.

Striker failed at math too, but Gabriel’s take was $210.  That’s 14.  David Otunga outsources the work to a couple of kids.  They’ll tells us his results later.  I’m so excited.

Tonight, Skip Sheffield takes on The Miz!

Draft Recap.

Justin Gabriel hype video.

Last week, David Otunga blew off R-Truth, then lost to Justin Gabriel.

Earlier today, R-Truth lectured Otunga.  Otunga’s mad because R-Truth didn’t help him cheat.

More stupid Seal The Deal shit next.

Otunga’s take was $315.  Heath Slater sells some.

Cole makes fun of Matthews for doing math on paper.

Darren Young sells programs.  He uses the tactic of telling people he’ll face CM Punk if he wins.  He doesn’t sell enough.

Michael Tarver, of course, refuses to participate.  I don’t blame the useless shit this week.

Wade Barrett takes the change money and leaves.

Sheffield vs. Miz is next.

Daniel Bryan video.

David Otunga wins the stupid thing.  He wants to face R-Truth next week.

They show Show Miz losing the Unified Tag Team title to The Hart Dynasty last night on Raw, then Big Show KTFO’ing Miz.  Miz’s face is made up to sell the punch.

William Regal says something to Miz before the match.  Miz cuts a promo through his comically swollen jaw and says Bryan will take his place in the match.

Daniel Bryan (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz) vs. Skip Sheffield (w/ William Regal).  Bryan kicks Sheffield a bunch, then grounds and pounds him, then gets a heel hook.  Sheffield gets a rope break.  Bryan kicks him some more.  Sheffield turns Bryan inside out with a lariat, then hits a backpack stunner for the pin in 1:11.  Did WWE hire Danielson just to bury him?

Fuck this show.

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WWE Monday Night Raw 4/26/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Richmond, Virginia!  It’s DRAFT TIME!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

The Unified Tag Team Champions Show Miz come out.  Miz cuts a promo on the Hart Dynasty.  He calls for Bret Hart to come out and hold up his end of the deal, and declare Show Miz the greatest tag team of all time.  Bret’s music cuts off Miz’s catchphrase.  Bret declares that Show Miz are the greatest tag team.  He also declares other ridiculous things, like The Mountie being the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, David Arquette being the greatest World Heavyweight Champion of all time, and Miz being a horse faced idiot.  Okay, that one was true.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Bret Hart & Natalya).  Kidd and Miz lock up aggressively.  They do some good wrestling.  Kidd hits a basement dropkick on Miz for 2, then tags in Smith.  Smith hits the stalling suplex on Miz.  Miz bails, but gets caught between Natalya and Smith.  Smith drops Miz with a shoulder block.  Commercials!  Miz punishes Smith with a rear chin lock.  Smith fights out and hits a backdrop suplex.  Show and Kidd tag in.  Kidd tries to use his speed, but is overwhelmed by Show’s size and strength.  Miz tags in and beats up Kidd.  Kidd gets a quick cradle for 2.  Miz hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Kidd finally breaks free of Miz and makes the hot tag to Smith.  Miz and Smith do some cradles.  Awesome.  Smith hits a powerslam for 2.  Miz goes for a pin with his feet on the ropes, but Bret pushes his feet off.  Kidd takes Show out with a dive from the apron.  Smith schoolboys Miz for 2.  Smith tags in Kidd.  Springboard Hart Attack.  Kidd locks Miz in the Sharpshooter for the win in 11:40!  Harts win the titles!  Fun match.  The Harts celebrate.

Something about Sheamus is NEXT!

Highlights of the John Cena/Batista match from Extreme Rules.

During the break, Big Show KTFO’d Miz with the big punch!

Highlights of the Sheamus/Triple H match from Extreme Rules.

Josh Matthews interviews The World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger.  Edge interrupts.  He says he’s next in line for a title shot.

A Divas tag match for a Divas draft pick is NEXT!

Slam of the Week: Eve Torres beating Maryse for the Divas Championship 2 weeks ago.

Michelle McCool & Layla (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Maryse.  Eve and Layla do stuff.  A light “WE WANT MICKIE!” chant breaks out.  Maryse hits Eve.  They brawl outside.  Eve comes back and gets jumped by Layla.  McCool tags in and beats up Eve.  Maryse is actually back on the apron.  Eve makes a comeback and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Maryse tags in, taunts Eve, and eats a boot from McCool for the pin in 4:30.  This was fucking terrible.

Kelly Kelly is drafted to Smackdown.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Evan Bourne vs. CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena).  Oh fuck yes.  They lock up.  Bourne hits a rana and lands some kicks.  Bourne does another head scissors, but Punk turns it into a backbreaker.  Punk lands some kicks to Bourne’s back.  Bourne gets a cradle for 2.  Punk hits a kick jumping kick for 2.  Bourne counters a suplex attempt and lands some kicks, then knees Punk the face.  Bourne hits some sliding blows for 2.  Bourne lands a spin kick that sends Punk out of the ring.  Bourne jumps over Serena to take out Punk and Gallows with a dive.  Back inside, Bourne hits a running knee to the corner.  He goes for the Shooting Star press, but the masked guy runs in and crotches Bourne on the top rope while Serena distracts the referee.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 3:41.  Good little match.

The Big Show is drafted to Smackdown!

Sheamus is headed our way!

The announcers review the draft kicks so far… all 2 of them.

Teddy Long is happy to have Big Show on Smackdown.  Show feigns being pissed, then hugs Teddy and smiles.  Teddy dances.

Sheamus comes to the ring and cuts a promo.  He says he ended Triple H’s career.  Now he wants the WWE Championship back.  Randy Orton comes out.  He talks about his own feuds with Triple H, or whatever.  He wants a title shot too.  Sheamus points out that Orton lost last night.  Orton threatens to RKO and punt Sheamus.  Sheamus says he’s not dealing with losers, and there’s nothing Orton can do to stop him from getting his title shot.  The WWE Champion, John Cena comes out.  Cena says he’s going to introduce tonight’s guest host… but there isn’t one.  He gets a “phone call” from WWE Global telling him there is no host.  Fucking hilarious.  Sheamus says “Quit jokin’, fella!”  Cena says he was told that he’d be the one to determine who got the next title shot.  Cena books Sheamus vs. Orton in a #1 contender match for TONIGHT!  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Orton ducks and goes for the RKO.  Sheamus avoids it and bails.

A battle royal for 3 draft picks is NEXT!

Richmond!

Battle Royal featuring Rey Mysterio Jr., Kane, R-Truth, WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, Shad Gaspard, Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, and Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr.  Kane decks Santino, then everybody brawls.  McIntyre goes to eliminate Yoshi, but gets eliminated himself!  Shad eliminates Yoshi.  Guys continue brawling.  Dibiase almost eliminates Mysterio, but Mysterio hangs on.  Commercials.  Fuck.  Everybody’s still brawling, and nobody has been eliminated.  Mysterio eliminates MVP.  Santino eliminates Shad and R-Truth to save Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Santino.  Henry goes to eliminate Kane, but Mysterio hits the 619.  Kane eliminates Henry.  Dibiase low bridges Kane out of the ring.  Dibiase and Mysterio go at it.  Mysterio hits the springboard Bombs Away.  Dibiase saves himself from being eliminated.  Mysterio saves himself from being eliminated.  Dibiase again.  They fight on the apron.  Dibiase ends up booting Mysterio off the apron for the win in 8:54.  Raw wins, with Dibiase and Santino left.  Santino celebrates, then Dibiase hits him with the Dream Street.

John Morrison is drafted to Raw!  So is R-Truth!  Truth and Wisdom can stay together!  The third draft pick for Raw is EDGE!

Orton vs. Sheamus TONIGHT!

KFC Double Down… replay thing: Heath Slater beat Chris Jericho last week on NXT!

Chris Jericho comes down and cuts a promo, bitching about Edge doing the exact same thing to him that he’s been doing to Edge for months.  He calls for Heath Slater to apologize to him for beating him last week, therefore costing him the PPV match against Edge.  Strange logic.  Slater comes down and apologizes for Jericho’s failure to win.  Slater throws Jericho out of the ring just to fuck with him.

Chris Jericho vs. Christian (w/ Heath Slater).  They go at it.  Christian continues Edge’s leg assault from last night.  Jericho bails.  Christian hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Commercials.  They’re still wrestling.  Christian gets a cradle for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline for 2.  Jericho hits the decapitator on the bottom rope.  Christian avoids the Lionsault and makes his comeback.  Jericho counters the Killswitch.  Christian puts Jericho against the middle rope and stands on his back, then jumps out of the ring and hits him with a palm strike.  Christian goes for a missile dropkick, but Jericho catches him and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Christian cradles him for 2.  Jericho hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Christian hits the reverse DDT for 2.  Jericho counters the Killswitch again and goes for the Walls of Jericho again, but ends up catapulting Christian into the turnbuckles.  Christian hits his diving sunset flip.  Jericho locks Christian in the Walls of Jericho.  Christian struggles to the ropes and gets the break.  Jericho bitches to the referee.  Christian hits a palm strike from the apron and goes up top.  Jericho catches him in midair with the Codebreaker for the pin in 9:58.  Good little match.  Jericho beats up Slater and hits him with the Codebreaker after the match.

Kofi Kingston is drafted to Smackdown!  Good, he might actually get pushed there.  He runs down to the ring and hits Jericho with the Trouble In Paradise.

John Morrison takes on Jack Swagger NEXT!  They don’t mention it’s the rubber match, but it is for a draft pick!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Earlier tonight, the Hart Dynasty won the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship!  Then, Big Show KTFO’d The Miz!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison.  They do stuff.  Swagger does his amateur stuff, which is always fun.  Morrison fights back and works Swagger’s arm.  Swagger comes back and beats up Morrison some more.  Swagger grounds Morrison with a side headlock.  Morrison comes back and dropkicks Swagger out of the ring, then takes him out with a dive.  Back inside, Swagger spears Morrison into the corner to hurt his ribs.  Commercials!  Swagger works on Morrison’s shoulder.  Morrison gets a victory roll for 2.  Morrison hits a kick from the apron.  Swagger knees him in the gut and gets an abdominal stretch in the ropes.  Swagger counters a tornado DDT attempt, but Morrison gets his comeback going anyway.  Morrison hits the standing Shooting Star press for 2.  Swagger slams Morrison down and goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Morrison avoids it and catapults Swagger into the turnbuckles for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the knee to the face for 2, as Swagger gets a foot on the bottom rope.  More stuff happens.  Morrison avoids the Doctor Bomb, hits a side Russian leg sweep, and goes for the Starship Pain.  Swagger cuts him off and hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin in 14:28.  Good match, but the ones they’ve had on Smackdown lately are better.

Christian is drafted to Smackdown!  He motions that he wants Swagger’s belt.

Orton vs. Sheamus TONIGHT!

Next week’s guest host is Wayne Brady!

They review the draft picks.

Ted Dibiase Jr. talks to Carlito backstage.  Carlito refuses Dibiase’s offer, whatever that is.  Dibiase welcomes R-Truth to Raw.  He wants R-Truth to be his Virgil.  R-Truth seems to consider it when Dibiase mentions “a lot of money,” then slaps Dibiase.

They show a video of John Cena appreciating the troops.

Orton vs. Sheamus is TONIGHT!

Dolph Ziggler vs. Hornswoggle.  Seriously.  Hornswoggle is for some reason allowed to wear a helmet.  Ziggler chases Hornswoggle around the ring, catches him, and throws him in the ring.  Hornswoggle throws his shoes and helmet at Ziggler and causes Ziggler to get counted out in 39 seconds.  THE MOTHEFUCKING REFEREE WENT STRAIGHT FROM 7 TO FUCKING 10 ON THE COUNT.  FUCK THIS BULLSHIT.  Ziggler puts Hornswoggle in the sleeper after the match.

Chris Jericho is drafted to Raw.  I’m too pissed to be excited.

Randy Orton is headed our way.  Still, fuck Hornswoggle.

Justin Roberts announces the #1 Contender Match.  Batista comes down and says he’s the #1 Contender.  He bitches about losing last night.  Sheamus comes down and calls Batista a loser.  Randy Orton comes down and calls Batista out for being a whiny bitch.  Orton offers to face Batista after he beats Sheamus, and beat him too.  Batista does an overblown laugh.  Sheamus says neither of them deserve a shot.  John Cena comes out and makes it a Triple Threat Match.

Triple Threat Match to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship: Batista vs. Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  Batista bails.  Orton and Sheamus brawl.  Batista comes in to break a cover and throws Sheamus out of the ring.  Batista and Orton brawl.  Orton stomps Batista for like 2 hours.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  They brawl outside.  Batista sends Sheamus into the announce table.  Orton and Batista brawl in the ring some more.  Orton rams Sheamus’ head into the post to keep him from getting back into the ring.  Batista boots Orton in the face for 2.  Sheamus gets back in, but Orton beats him up and throws him out again.  Batista hits a spinebuster on Orton, then signals for the Batista Bomb.  Commercials.  WHAT THE FUCK?  I’ve been begging for a commercial for this whole shitty match, and you finally got to commercial when a guy is about to go for his finish?  Sheamus avoids a knee drop from Orton and covers for 2.  During the break, Orton sent Batista into the post, then got dropped by Sheamus, then Orton whipped Batista into the steps.  Now, Sheamus puts Orton in a hold.  Orton fights out, but gets beaten down some more.  They brawl outside.  Batista drives Orton’s back into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Batista clotheslines Sheamus for 2.  Sheamus sends Batista outside.  Orton comes back in.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2, then puts Orton in a shoulder hold.  Orton makes a comeback on Sheamus.  Batista comes in and Orton fights them both.  Orton powerslams Batista.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MUDER and sends Orton out of the ring.  Batista hits a move on Orton and covers, but Orton pulls him out and sends him into the steps.  Orton covers Sheamus for 2.  Batista comes back in and Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus cuts him off with a knee to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge on Orton.  Orton slips out and Batista spears Sheamus for 2.  Batista sets up the Batista Bomb, but Orton hits the 3.0.  Sheamus hits the kick on Orton.  Orton powerslams Sheamus and hits the RKO.  Edge appears and spears Orton.  Batista pins Orton in 16:47.  The match was boring, and now we have to suffer through Batista/Cena again.  Edge stares at Orton from the ramp as the show closes.

Fuck, this show was long.  There were some pretty good matches and some crap that pissed me off.  Man, Smackdown got raped in the draft.  They lost all of their star power.

WWE Extreme Rules 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 26, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Extreme Rules opening video.  KFC presents Extreme Rules!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Baltimore, Maryland!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

Justin Roberts announces that the opening contest is a STREET FIGHT!  Triple H’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out.  They go backstage to show Sheamus beating the shit out of Triple H.  They brawl as referees try to separate them.  Sheamus whacks Triple H in the side and back of the head with a pipe.  Teddy Long and some referees finally get Sheamus to back off, then call for the trainer to check on Triple H.

The Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Show Miz come out.  Miz cuts a promo.  He talks about the deal with Bret Hart, and says tomorrow night, Bret will have to say that Show Miz are the greatest tag team of all time.  I thought that deal was off because of the volcano.  Miz talks about wanting competition.  Teddy Long comes out and says he has a team to put against Show Miz, and if that team wins, they get a title shot.  Miz insults the Baltimore sports team and Teddy.  Long adds another team that they’ll have to face if they make it through the first.  Miz runs his mouth some more, so Teddy adds a third team.  Show finally shuts Miz up before Teddy can make it 4.  Just to recap, Show Miz will face 3 teams in a row (providing they keep winning), and if a team beats them, they get a title shot.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Morrison and Miz go at it.  So I guess Morrison DID end up with a PPV match after pinning the World Champion clean on Smackdown.  Truth tags in and they double team Miz.  Truth made quite a comeback from being blown up on Raw.  Show tags in and makes Truth his bitch.  Miz beats up Truth a bit.  Truth drops him with a kick.  Show and Morrison tag in.  Show tries a chokeslam off the top, but Morrison locks in a half assed triangle choke and pulls Show across the top rope with it.  R-Truth takes Miz out with a dive.  The ref DQ’s Morrison for refusing to break the hold in 3:14.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Mark Henry.  MVP covers Show for 2.  MVP goes for the Yakuza kick, but Show blocks it and tags in Miz.  MVP and Henry dominate Miz while Show recovers on the outside.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow on Miz, but Show saves.  Henry comes in and gets dropped by Show.  MVP low bridges Show out of the ring and hits the Playmaker on Miz.  He covers, but Show breaks it by completely missing the KO punch.  Miz pins MVP in 1:55.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Bret Hart & Natalya).  The Harts take out Show and hit the springboard Hart Attack on Miz.  Smith pins Miz in 12 seconds.  The Hart Dynasty get a title shot tomorrow night on Raw!

Todd Grisham is in front of the trainer’s room talking about Triple H’s injury.  Sheamus tells Grisham that Triple H can either face him tonight or lose by forfeit.

Barber chair!  Tony Chimel announces the hair match.  The Straight Edge Society comes out.  Thankfully, no long Punk promo tonight.

CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Punk beats up Mysterio to start.  Mysterio fights back, but Punk throws him out of the ring.  Mysterio sends Punk into the side of the ring with a head scissors.  Sweet.  Back inside, Mysterio goes for the 619.  Punk catches him and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Mysterio counters out.  Punk hits a powerslam for 2.  Punk throws Mysterio out of the ring again.  Serena cheap shots Mysterio behind the referee’s back.  Punk beats up Mysterio on the outside.  Back in the ring, Punk hits the Eddie hilo, plays with his hair, and covers for 2.  Punk locks Mysterio in a head scissors.  Punk tries a sunset flip, but of course Mysterio rolls through and kicks Punk in the head for 2.  Gallows cheap shots Mysterio behind the referee’s back.  Punk covers for 2.  Punk hits a backbreaker for 2.  Punk puts Mysterio in a bow & arrow lock.  Mysterio gets out of it and lands on top for 2.  Punk kills Mysterio with a clothesline for 2.  Punk hits some leg drops.  Punk locks Mysterio in the Gory Special.  Punk goes for a powerbomb, but Mysterio counters into a pinning predicament for 2.  Mysterio ranas Punk into the middle turnbuckle, then goes up top.  Punk crotches him, then goes for the Go 2 Sleep again.  Mysterio counters it and goes for the 619 again, but Serena trips him.  Punk drops Mysterio.  The referee ejects Gallows and Serena.  Punk goes outside, upset.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick and a beautiful Asai moonsault.  Back inside, Mysterio covers for 2.  Mysterio catches Punk with a kick for 2.  Mysterio hits a springboard Bombs Away and goes for a springboard cross body, but Punk catches him with a dropkick for 2.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for 2.  Punk’s starting to unravel.  Mysterio counters another Go 2 Sleep attempt into a Frankensteiner for 2.  Punk kicks Mysterio in the head.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio avoids the knee to the corner and head scissors Punk into 619 position.  Mysterio hits the 619, then a masked person throws a chair into the ring to distract the referee, powerbombs Mysterio off the apron, then hides under the ring.  Punk puts Mysterio back in the ring and hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 15:59.  Really good match.  Punk sits in the barber chair and celebrates with Gallows and Serena.

The DRAFT is tomorrow night!

Baltimore!

The National Guard!

Strap Match time!  They show Shad turning on JTG a few weeks ago on Smackdown.

Strap Match: Shad Gaspard vs. JTG.  Lawler says the strategy in a strap match is “You gotta win.”  Shad drops JTG and touches 3 corners before JTG recovers and whips the shit out of him.  JTG touches one corner, then gets cut off.  Shad throws him to the apron, whips him, and JTG falls to the floor.  Shad touches 2 corners, but JTG holds him back with the strap.  JTG pulls Shad across the top rope, then comes back in and hits a diving leg lariat.  JTG touches 2 corners, then gets cut off.  Shad hits a… front drop, then uses the strap to pull JTG’s shoulder into the post.  Shad whips JTG while singing a parody of the Nightmare On Elm Street song.  Shad chokes JTG with the strap and starts touching corners, but JTG touches each one behind him, unbeknownst to Shad.  JTG cuts Shad off before he can touch the 4th, hits the Sling Blade, and touches the 4th corner to win it 4:42.  This was alright for what it was.

KFC Double Down!  I want one of those.

Todd Grisham is still outside the trainer’s room.  Grisham says Triple H has “nerve issues” and “numbness in his hand” and probably won’t be able to wrestle tonight.  That’s wrestling for “He’ll be fine in an hour.”

Orton/Swagger video package.

Extreme Rules Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Jack Swagger (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Swagger does his amateur stuff.  Orton elbows Swagger off of the middle rope and covers for 1.  Orton hits the 3.0 for 2.  They go outside.  Orton cuts Swagger off from using a chair and stalks him around the ring.  Swagger bails into the ring and tries to punt Orton on the way in.  Swagger bails to the outside when Orton comes in.  Orton follows and Swagger gets the jump on him.  Swagger sends Orton into the barricade and hits a Northern Lights suplex on the floor, then drives Orton into the barricade (again) and the side of the ring.  Back inside, Swagger covers for 2.  Swagger punishes Orton in the corner, then hits a suplex.  Orton fights back, but Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger hits another suplex, then a backdrop suplex.  Swagger continues beating up Orton.  Swagger brings in the title belt.  My video skips around a bit.  Orton makes a comeback, but gets slammed.  Swagger goes for the springboard Vader Bomb, but Orton hits him in the gut with the belt.  Orton hits a powerslam for 2.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Swagger counters him and throws him out of the ring.  Swagger tries to use a garbage can, but Orton catches it and nails Swagger with it twice.  Orton rams Swagger’s head into the announcers’ table a couple of times, then hits a European uppercut.  Orton whips Swagger into the steps.  Orton stomps Swagger’s head on the steps.  Back in the ring, Orton hits the Garvin Stomp.  Swagger avoids a big knee drop and brings a chair in.  Orton cuts him off and hits the DDT OF MURDER.  Orton humps the mat, then sets up the chair.  Orton sets up the RKO, but Swagger throws Orton onto the chair.  Ouch.  Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin.  Pretty good match.  I timed it at 13:46, but that’s not correct due to my video skipping at one point.  At least Swagger won it clean.  Just because they just had the World Champion look good, and that’s a terrible thing, Orton drops Swagger with the RKO outside the ring after the match.

Sheamus comes to the ring and insists that the referee declare him the winner.  They argue.  Cut to Todd Grisham saying that Triple H won’t be able to compete.  Triple H bursts out the door and heads our way as the trainer tells him not to.  Triple H is selling that his arm is limp.

Street Fight: Sheamus vs. Triple H.  Triple H tackles Sheamus and punches him on the ground, then clotheslines him out of the ring.  Triple H clotheslines Sheamus from behind on the outside and rams him into the announce table.  Triple H beats up Sheamus all over ringside, then hits the spinebuster back inside.  Triple H goes for the Peidgree, but can’t make it happen because of the limp arm.  Sheamus clotheslines Triple H, who rolls outside.  Sheamus beats up Triple H on the outside, then in the ring.  Sheamus hits a knee drop for 2.  Triple H tries to fight back, but Sheamus clotheslines him for 2.  Sheamus applies a neck/shoulder hold.  Triple H backdrop suplexes Sheamus to escape it and rolls out of the ring.  Sheamus follows and hits a neckbreaker on the floor.  Back inside, Triple H makes his comeback.  Triple H hits a DDT, then sells the injured neck.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Sheamus pounds Triple H, then hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus tries to use the pipe, but Triple H cuts him off.  Triple H hits the knee facebuster, then Sheamus whacks Triple H in the head with the pipe for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Triple H counters and backdrops Sheamus out of the ring.  Outside, Sheamus hits Triple H in the gut, then grabs a Singapore cane from under the ring.  Triple H hits a drop toe hold into the steps, then WHACKS Sheamus in the back of the head with the cane.  Triple H wears Sheamus out with the cane, then goes for the Peidgree on the ramp.  Sheamus backdrops him out of it, then hits the pump kick.  Sheamus brings Triple H back to the ring and hits another pump kick but lets Triple H recover.  Triple H does the crotch chop.  Sheamus hits 2 more pump kicks for the pin in 15:50.  It was okay, I guess.  They made it perfectly clear that Sheamus couldn’t only beat Triple H after a hard fought match when Triple H’s arm was paralyzed.  They put a neck brace on Triple H and try to stretcher him out.  Triple H shoves them off and tries to leave on his own, but ends up walking up the ramp with help.  When they reach the ramp, Sheamus hits Triple H with another pump kick.  They stretcher Triple H out.

Over The Limit!

Edge is getting ready for his match.  Josh Matthews comes in and interviews him.

Saliva did the theme song!

There’s lots of ladies’ products at ringside for the Extreme Makeover Match!

Extreme Makeover Match for the WWE Women’s Championship: Michelle McCool (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Layla) vs. Beth Phoenix.  They lock up.  McCool takes the advantage, but Bet hits an awesome reverse cradle out of the corner for 2.  Beth clotheslines McCool for 2.  McCool bails.  Beth follows.  Layla tries to attack Beth with a broom.  Beth grabs the broom to… sweep back Layla and Vickie.  McCool sprays Beth in the face with hair spray, then hits her with an ironing board for 2.  McCool uses the ironing board a bit, then locks Beth in a body scissors.  McCool tries to uses an iron, but the cord gets caught on something and she can’t.  Seriously.  Beth schoolgirls her for 2.  McCool dropkicks the ironing board into Beth for 2.  Way too many puns from the announcers.  McCool goes to fuck with the stuff and the announce table.  Beth baseball slide dropkicks her.  McCool accidentally sprays the hair spray in Vickie and Layla’s faces.  Beth beats up McCool.  Beth hits McCool with a bucket for 2.  An empty bucket.  Beth lays out 2 ironing boards and sets up a superplex.  Vickie and Layla fuck around with a broom and a mop.  McCool knocks Beth off the top for 2.  Beth counters the Styles Clash and hits the Glam Slam for the pin in 6:36.  -***

WrestleMania DVD plug.

The cage is being lowered!

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.

During Edge’s entrance, they show the recent happenings between these 2 from the last couple of Smackdowns.

Steel Cage Match: Edge vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho stalls, then tries to bring in a chair.  Edge hits a baseball slide dropkick, then beats up Jericho outside a bit.  The finally get in the cage.  Jericho immediately tries to escape, but gets cut off.  Edge beats up Jericho.  Jericho tries to escape again at the first opportunity.  Edge cuts him off and throws him off the top rope.  I should note that Edge is still selling the ankle injury.  Jericho avoids a spear, hits his springboard dropkick to the apron, which sends Edge into the cage.  Brilliant maneuver.  Jericho gets the advantage.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Edge fights out and makes a comeback.  He hits a flapjack, then the Edgecution (or the facebuster variation thereof) for 2.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, misses, and tries to escape again.  Edge cuts him off, but Jericho takes Edge down off the top rope and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Jericho has had a few really good transitions in here.  Edge reaches the ropes, but there’s no rope breaks.  Jericho lets go anyway.  Edge sends Jericho into the cage, then hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Edge goes for the spear, but Jericho avoids it and almost gets out the door.  Fuck, his is a great, great man.  Jericho drags the chair in.  Edge snatches it away from him.  Jericho slings the door into Edge’s face.  Jericho walks down the steps, then reconsiders and comes back in.  No!  Dammit Jericho, you’ve been a genius up until this point.  Jericho grabs the chair.  Edge avoids the chair shot and spears Jericho for 2.  Edge goes to pick up Jericho, who hits the Codebreaker out of nowhere.  Jericho takes too long to cover and only gets 2.  Jericho tries to climb out again, but now he’s hurt.  Edge struggles, but makes it to cut him off.  Jericho connects with an elbow and Edge crotches himself on the top rope.  Jericho makes it over the top of the cage, but Edge manages to stop him.  They punch each other on the top of the cage.  Jericho goes down to the top rope and pulls Edge down there too.  Jericho is knocked to the mat, then hits a fucking AWESOME SPRINGBOARD CODEBREAKER!  Jericho again takes too long to cover and only gets 2.  Jericho yells at Edge to stay down.  That’s way too common anymore.  Jericho chop blocks Edge’s leg, then yells at him some more.  Jericho swings the chair at Edge’s ankle, but misses.  Edge throws Jericho into the face 3 times.  Jericho tries to escape again.  Edge rams Jericho’s face into the cage to knock him off the top rope.  Jericho crawls for the door as Edge taunts him.  Edge beats up Jericho and slams the cage door into Jericho’s leg.  Edge punishes Jericho’s leg as Jericho begs off and damn near cries.  Edge spears Jericho for the pin in 19:59.  Awesome match.

Don’t Try This At Home!

DRAFT TOMORROW!

Baltimore!

The announcers plug over the limit.

Cena/Batista video package.

Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs. Batista.  They lock up.  Cena hits a shoulder block.  Batista bails.  Batista comes back.  Cena goes for another shoulder block, so Batista bails again and brings in a chair.  Cena avoids the shot and bulldogs Batista.  Cena hits the Fisherman suplex.  Batista gets up at around 5 and catches Cena with an elbow.  Batista whips Cena into the corner, then nails a big lariat.  Cena gets up and goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Batista gets out and throws Cena into the post.  Batista chop blocks Cena’s leg and works him over.  They brawl outside.  Cena reverses Batista into the steps.  Back inside, Batista locks Cena in the figure-four leglock.  Cena escapes, then they do a double clothesline spot.  Cena gets his second win and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Batista bails and grabs a wrench from under the ring, which he uses to hit Cena in the midsection.  Batista brings in a chair and swings it, but Cena catches him and hits the Attitude Adjustment on the chair.  Batista uses the ref to get up and spears Cena.  Cena gets up at 8 and gets speared again.  Cena makes it up again.  Batista looks under the ring, empties a tool box, and brings in a table.  Batista sets up the table in the corner.  Cena goes for the STF, but Batista kicks him into the table, which breaks.  Cena breaks the count by rolling out of the ring.  Batista rams Cena into the post.  Batista whips Cena through the barricade in front of the time keeper’s position.  Cena makes it to his feet.  Batista tears up the announce table and throws  a monitor at Cole.  Yay!  Batista sets up the steps and tries to set up the powerbomb, but Cena counters and hits the Attitude Adjustment through the announce table!  Batista makes it up at 9.  Cena sets up another table in the ring.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Batista counters and hits a spinebuster through the table.  Cena makes it up.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb.  Cena makes it up at 9.  Batista brings in the steps.  Cena locks him in the STF.  Batista taps, which is pointless in this match.  Cena lets go and the referee starts counting Batista down.  Batista makes it up.  Cena is getting sick of this shit.  He pulls Dave’s balls into the post, then duck tapes his feet!  The referee counts Batista down at 24:33.  Brilliant finish to a great match, tons better than the awful Mania match.  Cena celebrates as Batista is still tied down.

Really good show.  Only a few matches weren’t actively good, and several were very good.

WWE Superstars 4/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open (It’s finally back!), Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Shad Gaspard vs. Goldust.  Shad has new music and gear.  Shad’s strength overwhelms Goldust in the beginning.  Goldust rallies and sends Shad out of the ring.  Goldust follows, but gets sent into the steps.  Shad beats up Goldust.  Goldust fights back and goes for a slam, but Shad lands on top for 2.  Shad hits a sliding clothesline for 2.  Shad cranks on a rear chin lock.  Goldust escapes and makes his comeback.  Shad kills Goldust with a big boot and stands over Goldust to taunt him.  Goldust gets an inside cradle for 2.  Shad sends Goldust into the post, then hits the STO for the pin in 5:13.  It was fine.  I approve of heel Shad Gaspard.

“This week on NXT…” video recapping the retarded stick fighting thing and other happenings.

Tonight, John Morrison takes on Carlito in the main event!  A battle of former Intercontinental Champions!

The DRAFT is THIS MONDAY!

Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are now the announcers.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez).  Tatsu meets Ryder’s wrestling with strikes.  Tatsu hits a hip toss and works on Ryder’s arm, to show he can also match Ryder’s wrestling with his own wrestling if he chooses.  Tatsu hits a Minoru Special of all things.  Ryder gets a rope break!  Ryder avoids a kick and bails.  Ryder avoids a baseball slide dropkick and sends Yoshi into the barricade.  Commercials!  Ryder cranks on a side headlock.  Yoshi tries to fight out, but Ryder keeps the pressure on him.  Yoshi avoids an elbow drop and fights back.  Ryder drops him with the Rough Ryder for 2.  Yoshi rallies and throws some kicks.  Yoshi follows a roll through snapmare with a middle kick for 2.  Yoshi backdrops Ryder.  Ryder catches Yoshi coming off the top with a shot to the gun and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Yoshi catches Ryder with a head kick from the apron, then hits his diving spin kick for the pin at 11:40 (including commercials).  Good little match, as always between these guys.

Morrison vs. Carlito TONIGHT!

Extreme Rules hype.

The main event is NEXT!

The DRAFT is this Monday!

Carlito (w/ Michael Tarver) cuts a promo in the ring.  He’s mad he wasn’t booked on Raw, despite being one of the few Raw guys actually there.  He wants to use this match to prove something to future guest hosts.

Carlito (w/ Michael Tarver) vs. John Morrison.  Carlito speaks to Tarver, presumably telling him not to fuck up this week.  Carlito and Morrison lock up.  Morrison backs Carlito into the corner and gives a clean break.  Carlito takes Morrison over with a side headlock.  Morrison fights out and gets rolling with a series of moves, then hits a standing Shooting Star press for 2.  Carlito stomps on Morrison.  Carlito hits a springboard flip in his usual “Look!  I can do spots too, except not as well!” way.  Commercials!  Carlito hits a backbreaker for 2.  Morrison rallies and hits a dropkick for 2.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Carlito cuts him off.  Carlito beats up Morrison.  Morrison hits some more dropkicks and gets a 2 count.  After a series of counters, Carlito hits a neckbreaker drop for 2.  Morrison avoids the Backstabber, then rolls through a sunset flip and hits his knee, then goes for the Starship Pain.  Carlito moves and Morrison crashes.  Cover gets 2 for Carlito.  They trade punches.  Carlito hits a spinebuster for 2.  Morrison avoids the Backstabber again and lands a kick for 2.  Morrison goes for the Moonlight Drive.  Tarver distracts the referee.  Carlito schoolboys Morrison, but Carlito’s own corner man has the referee distracted.  Carlito yells at Tarver.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck for the pin in 11:13 (including commercials).  It was fine.

Decent episode of Superstars.

WWE NXT 4/20/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, NXT open.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Matt Striker is the host, already at ringside and with all 8 rookies in the ring.

Striker introduces the rookies: Heath Slater, David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, Wade Barrett, Daniel Bryan, Skip Sheffield, and Michael Tarver.  Whoever wins tonight’s contest will be featured on WWE.com.  It’s some stupid American Gladiator type thing.  “Rock ’em, Sock ’em Rookies.”  Slater beats Otunga.  Sheffield beats Barrett.  They argue afterward.  Daniel Bryan beats Tarver when Tarver blows it off.  Young beats Gabriel.  The semifinals are later tonight.  Wonderful!  Let’s prolong the pain!

Tonight, Heath Slater takes on Chris Jericho!

Batista/John Cena video package, following by a run down of the Extreme Rules card.

Wade Barrett hype video.

Slater vs. Jericho TONIGHT!

WWE.com plug.  Fantasy Draft!

Savannah is the ring announcer!

David Otunga (w/ R-Truth) vs. Justin Gabriel (w/ Matt Hardy).  R-Truth is perfectly fine after being blown up on Raw.  Otunga slams Gabriel down.  Gabriel comes back, using his speed to arm drag Otunga and hit him with a dropkick.  Otunga crappily beats up Gabriel some more.  Otunga hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Gabriel sends Otunga outside with a head scissors and hits a nice dive to the outside.  Back inside, a diving cross body gets 2 for Gabriel.  Gabriel goes up top again, but Otunga rolls away.  Otunga throws Gabriel out of the ring.  Gabriel goes for a slingshot sunset flip.  Otunga calls for R-Truth to grab his hands.  R-Truth refuses.  Gabriel gets Otunga over with the sunset flip for the pin in 4:09.  Gabriel’s stuff was fine, but Otunga sucks

The Rock ‘Em Sock’Em semifinals are NEXT!  Joy!  </sarcasm>

Mohegan Sun Casino!

Sheffield beats Slater.  Young beats Bryan.  Finals are later.  Wonderful.

Cole talks shit about Daniel Bryan, who has not, in fact, won anything or been successful in any way on NXT besides having the best matches, which of course doesn’t matter in WWE.

Michael Tarver and Carlito comes out.  Carlito makes Tarver cut a promo.  Tarver talks about blowing off the stupid competition, then issues an open challenge.  Skip Sheffield comes out and accepts.  At least his promo is funny.  The Straight Edge Society and Darren Young come out.  They show Young beating Luke Gallows last week.  Punk also points out that Young is in the finals of “the little stick fighting thing.”  Punk adds Young to the match, making it a Triple Threat Match.

Triple Threat Match: Michael Tarver (w/ Carlito) vs. Skip Sheffield vs. Darren Young.  Tarver and Sheffield beat up Young.  Young low bridges Sheffield out of the ring, then clotheslines Tarver out.  Insta-commercials.  Tarver and Sheffield beat up Young again.  Tarver and Sheffield argue over who is going to get the pin and start fighting each other.  Sheffield hits his big splash on Tarver, but Young saves and sends Sheffield outside.  Luke Gallows comes down to knock Young off the top rope, then takes out Sheffield.  Tarver goes for Young, but Young hits him with his weird full nelson into a Flatliner for the pin in 4:10.  WWE hammers home the fact that Michael Tarver is completely worthless.

Heath Slater hype video.  Slater vs. Jericho is NXT!

Actually, the stick fighting thing is NXT!  Fuck.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Christian beat Wade Barrett.

Slater vs. Jericho is NEXT!  Right after the stupid stick thing.

Sheffield vs. Young is the final.  It’s too close to call, so they have to do it again.  Sheffield wins outright this time, and gets a feature on WWE.com.  Wonderful.  Striker interviews Sheffield.

Chris Jericho (w/ Wade Barrett) vs. Heath Slater.  Jericho slaps Slater.  Slater beats up Jericho.  Jericho beats up Slater.  Jericho hits a backdrop suplex.  Slater fights back, but gets booted in the face.  Jericho hits the bottom rope decapitator thing.  Slater gets beaten up, then makes a comeback.  Slater hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Jericho pokes Slater in the eyes and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Slater cradles him for the pin in 3:06!  Holy upset, Batman!  Basic match, but easily the best thing on this lousy show.  Jericho yells at the referee and tears shit up.  At least they made the upset seem like a big deal.

Really mediocre show this week, par the course as of late.

WWE Monday Night Raw 4/19/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to the Izod Center in East Rutherford, New Jersey as Triple H makes his way to the ring.  Lilian Garcia is back as ring announcer for tonight!

Triple H talks about the volcano in Iceland, leaving the Raw roster stranded in Europe.  He cuts a promo on Sheamus, then the Straight Edge Society comes out.  CM Punk insults New Jersey, which gets a heel reaction from the crowd and a babyface pop from me.  Punk says if he gets drafted to Raw, he’s bring the Straight Edge Society with him.  Triple H responds, “Both of them?”  They insult each other some more.  Triple H talks about freedom and poses with some goofy fans.  They banter some more, then the hair club jumps Triple H, with the intent of shaving his head.  Rey Mysterio makes the save.  He and Triple H knock Gallows out of the ring.  Triple H holds Mysterio while Punk cuts off a lock of Punk’s hair.  Gallows saves Punk from getting a proper haircut and the SES bails.

Tonight, the guest hosts are the casts of MacGruber.  I don’t know who any of those people are.

We’ll hear from the WWE Champion John Cena next!

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Matt Hardy.  Ugh, this match again?  They do some shit, then they do some shit outside.  The come inside and do some more shit.  Hardy gets blinded somehow, but hits the Side Effect for 2.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker for 2.  They counter each others’ finishes, then conk heads and knock each other loopy.  Hardy goes to the middle rope.  McIntyre pulls him off and gets the pin in 3:04.  This sucked.

Cole and Lawler talk about the volcano situation.

We get a promo VIA SATELLITE from Belfast, Northern Ireland from WWE Champion John Cena.  He says he’ll be at Extreme Rules if he has to swim across the Atlantic.  That = Many buys.

The DRAFT is NEXT WEEK!

KFC Double Down Showdown: Last week, Vladimir Kozlov told Carlito he was going to destroy MacGruber.

Vladimir Kozlov is in the ring.  He says he’s been treated unfairly.  He wants Lawler to read his prepared statement.  Lawler reads that Kozlov is protesting his unfair treatment, wants competition, etc. etc.  It turns into a heel promo on New Jersey.  Kozlov again demands competition.  The MacGruber goobers come out IN CHARACTER.  MacGruber (Will Forte) has Vicki St. Elmo (Kristen Wiig) read a prepared statement.  She announces the main event of Punk, Gallows, and Chris Jericho vs. Triple H, Mysterio, and Edge.  Forte cuts a pro-New Jersey promo.  MacGruber talks shit to Kozlov.  He talks about Kozlov’s mom’s uterus.  Kozlov wants to destroy MacGruber.  MacGruber books him against R-Truth instead.  The pyro blows up R-Truth on the ramp.  Kozlov says he’ll destroy MacGruber tonight.  If he does, he’s gonna be the biggest babyface in the world as far as I’m concerned.

A Randy Orton promo is NEXT!

MacGruber tries to escape the building.  Triple H finds him and points out that MacGruber wet himself.  MacGruber says his “friend” wet his pants and he volunteered to wear them.  Kane shows up.  MacGruber said Kane is the friend.  Really?  Fucking really?  This is the most retarded fucking show ever.

Randy Orton promo LIVE VIA SATELLITE!

World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger is BACKSTAGE!

Slam of the Week: Jack Swagger beat Edge and Chris Jericho to retain the World Title last week on Smackdown.

Lilian introduces the World Champion, Jack Swagger.  He cuts a promo on Randy Orton, then issues an open challenge.  Nobody comes out.  Swagger starts to leave, then the GONG sounds!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger vs. The Undertaker.  Swagger tries to avoid contact, but dominates when they lock up.  Taker comes back and attacks Swagger’s arm.  Old School.  They brawl outside the ring.  Swagger sends Taker’s knee into the steps.  Back in the ring, Swagger goes to work on the knee.  Taker rallies and hits the APRON LEG DROP!  “VINTAGE UNDERTAKER!”  Taker hits a snap suplex for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Taker clamps on a guillotine.  Commercials!  Swagger works a leg hold.  Taker kicks him away.  Swagger shoots for a take down and keeps working the leg.  Taker finally manages to kick Swagger out of the ring.  Bad move.  Swagger grabs Taker’s leg and wraps it around the ring post.  After some more leg work, Taker makes it to his feet and they trade punches.  Swagger kicks the bad leg.  Taker drops him with a DDT for 2.  Taker hits Snake Eyes, the big boot, and a leg drop for 2.  Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Swagger fights out, then eats Taker’s boot.  Swagger catches Taker with a wrap around DDT for 2.  Swagger goes for the springboard Vader Bomb, but Taker catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam.  Undertaker hits the Tombstone for the pin in 15:47.  Really good match, but I was really hoping Swagger would get a win here.  It would have done a lot towards making him mean something.

The six-man main event is TONIGHT!

MacGruber trailer.  It looks funny, even if I hate this show.

Chris Jericho talks to the Straight Edge Society.  Punk has a towel wrapped around his head.  Jericho runs into MacGruber and the chick.  He was in the movie too.  Jericho makes fun of him.  MacGruber asks him for advice for the match tonight.  Jericho tells him to shake Kozlov’s hand and cheap shot him.

Something is NEXT!

Kozlov is in the ring.  They show the most retarded segment ever from earlier.

Vladimir Kozlov vs. MacGruber (w/ Vicki St. Elmo).  Yes, they’re really doing this.  MacGruber slaps Kozlov.  Kozlov gives him the battering ram headbutts.  Kozlov sets up his chokeslam move.  Ryan Phillippe from the movie comes out and says the match is now a handicap match.  MacGruber’s partner is his half brother… Khaluber.  Great Khali comes out.  MacGruber bails.  Khali beats up Kozlov.  Kozlov bails.  Khali pursues him.  MacGruber and Kaluber win by count-out in 3:16.  MacGruber puts over America and plugs the movie.  Fuck this shit.

The DRAFT is next week!  Draft MacGruber to the volcano.

John Cena/Batista video package, then hype for the Extreme Rules card.

Triple H heads to the ring for the main event.  Sheamus appears on the screen LIVE VIA SATELLITE, talks some shit, and beats up a production guy.  Commercials!

Triple H, Edge, & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Chris Jericho, CM Punk, & Luke Gallows (w/ Serena).  Edge is selling the leg injury from Smackdown.  Mysterio and Jericho start, which never fails to be awesome.  All the heels are quickly sent outside.  Edge whips Mysterio to Triple H, who backdrops him out of the ring and onto the heels.  Commercials!  The heels get heat on Mysterio.  Never saw that one coming, did you?  Mysterio ironically hits Jericho with a Lionsault body block for 2.  Tags to Edge and Gallows.  Edge runs wild and sets up the spear.  Gallows distracts the ref.  Jericho attacks Edge’s leg again from the outside.  The heels work over Edge’s injured ankle.  Triple H gets the hot tag and kicks Punk’s ass.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Punk takes the 619 and the Pedigree in short order.  Triple H gets the pin in 11:01.  Petty good main event.

Two really good matches save this show from being completely worthless, but the stupid comedy still pissed me off.  Seriously, whoever thought those MacGruber segments were a good idea should be fed to the volcano.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 4/16/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re in London, with Todd Grisham and Matt Striker as our announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Chris Jericho comes out, bitching about a Raw guy getting a shot at the Smackdown World Title at Extreme Rules.  He wants Teddy Long to resign and give him an immediate title shot against the winner at Extreme Rules.  In that order?  Edge comes out.  He says Jericho can’t beat Orton or Swagger because he’s damaged goods, then threatens to spear Jericho again.  Teddy Long comes out.  He doesn’t like Jericho “hating on him.”  He books Jack Swagger vs. Jericho vs. Edge in a Triple Threat Match for the World Championship TONIGHT!

London!

Drew McIntyre comes out.  He says the people doesn’t like him and he doesn’t like him either.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre vs. Kane.  They brawl.  Kane hip tosses McIntyre, beats him up some more, and hits the basement dropkick for 2.  McIntyre rallies and drops Kane with a big boot.  McIntyre heats a neckbreaker for 2.  Kane catches McIntyre with a big boot as Striker talks about Kane’s ever changing back story.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2, then hits the diving clothesline and goes for the chokeslam.  McIntyre bails.  McIntyre tries to leave, but Matt Hardy runs out and throws him back in the ring, which is for some reason grounds for a DQ in 3:11.  Kane chokeslams McIntyre.  Hardy comes in the ring and gets chokeslammed too.  Decent little match while it lasted.

Jack Swagger bitches at Teddy Long for having the gall to book him in a title defense tonight.  Long tells him to deal with it.

Dolph Ziggler comes out.  He says he’s been ordered to apologize for abusing an announcer last week.  He very unsincerely sincerely apologizes to Josh Matthews.  R-Truth comes out and insults him.  He says Ziggler is going to find out that “the truth hurts!”

Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth.  Ziggler beats up R-Truth.  He hits that swank reverse powerslam for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth breaks free and makes his comeback.  Ziggler dodges the Lie Detector and clamps on the sleeper hold in 2:11.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: Mickie James vs. WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Layla).  Yes, let’s revisit my most hated feud ever.  They lock up, then they both do push ups.  Mickie hits a dropkick and gets a couple of quick cradles for 2.  Mickie goes for a tornado DDT, fails, and gets her head rammed into the post.  McCool locks in a figure-four head scissors, then humps the mat.  The referee catches her using the ropes and forces her to break.  Mickie starts to make her comeback.  McCool bails.  Mickie follows and rams her into the barricade, then climbs to the top of the barricade and hits a Bombs Away.  Mickie drops Layla with a Thesz press, stares down Vickie, then rolls McCool back inside.  Neckbreaker gets 2.  Layla gets on the apron to distract Mickie, allowing McCool to hit a thrust kick for the pin in 4:20.  Whatever.  McCool keeps beating up Mickie until Beth Phoenix makes the save.  Vickie and Layla pull McCool out of the ring.  Beth chases the heels, who bail through the crowd.  Beth helps Mickie up.

Tonight, Rey Mysterio and The Hart Dynasty take on the Straight Edge Society in a six-man tag.

Grisham and Striker talk about the draft.

They show Swagger cashing in Money In The Bank to win the World Title a couple of weeks ago.

Luke Gallows threatens Darren Young backstage.  CM Punk tells them to save it for the match.  It’s next!

The United States Champion and one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions The Miz has joined Striker and Grisham for commentary.

CM Punk, Luke Gallows, & Darren Young (w/ Serena) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  The problem with guest announcers is that they have to keep fucking showing them at the expense of the match.  Gallows and Smith start.  Smith hits a powerslam for 2.  Mysterio tags in, then tags out to Kidd before he even gets off of the apron.  They double team Gallows.  Punk tags in wrestles with Kidd.  Good stuff.  The Harts hold Punk in double suplex position for Mysterio to hit a springboard Bombs Away for 2.  Punk beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio makes a 619 attempt when he has the opening, but Punk bails.  Insta-commercials.  Mysterio kicks the shit out of Young’s leg.  Kidd tags in and works Young’s arm.  Gallows tags in and hammers Kidd.  Kidd goes for a springboard, but eats Gallows’ boot and falls out of the ring.  Gallows throws him back in and beats him up some more.  Young tags in and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Punk takes a turn working over Kidd too.  Kidd avoids a diving leg drop from Young.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Kidd comes off the apron with a cannonball on Gallows.  Punk rocks Smith with a big head kick for 2.  Mysterio hits Punk with a 619 around the ring post.  Smith hits the running powerslam on Punk for the pin (10:02 shown).  Good match!

Chris Jericho talks to Wade Barrett backstage.

Caylen Croft (w/ Trent Barreta) vs. JTG.  They lock up.  Shad Gaspard comes out.  Croft puts the boots to JTG.  JTG tries to fight back, but keeps getting cut off.  JTG gets an inside cradle for 2.  Croft kicks his ass some more.  JTG finally makes his comeback.  Croft avoids the Mugshot and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  JTG hits a weak Sling Blade neckbreaker for the win in 3:13.  Shad comes in and kills JTG with a clothesline and yells at him “You ain’t nothin’ without me!”  JTG makes a comeback, hits the Mugshot, and kicks Shad’s ass until he bails.  Whatever.  Just let these guys have their match and get it over with.

Edge talks to Josh Matthews backstage.

Raw Rebound.

Hype for the Extreme Rules card.

The main event is NEXT!

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Jack Swagger (c) vs. Chris Jericho vs. Edge.  Jericho’s ribs are still taped.  Entrances, intros, and we’re off!  Jericho and Swagger gang up on Edge, then Jericho schoolboys Swagger.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex on Jericho.  Edge beats up Swagger as Jericho bails.  Edge throws Swagger out of the ring, then gets jumped by Jericho.  Swagger trips Edge from the outside.  Jericho hits the bottom rope decapitation thing.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex on Edge.  Edge backdrops Jericho out of the ring, then low bridges Swagger out too.  Edge hits them both with a baseball slide dropkick.  Edge sends Jericho into the barricade, then stomps on Swagger.  After some shenanigans, we cut to insta-commercials.  Swagger avoids Edge in the corner, then works on his arm.  Swagger hits a backbreaker for 2.  Jericho makes it back to the apron and gets punched off by Swagger.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb on Edge for 2.  Swagger beats on Edge some more and sends him out of the ring.  Swagger follows him out and gets rammed into the announce table.  Jericho makes his way around and decks Edge.  Back inside, Jericho hits a backdrop suplex on Edge for 2.  Edge sends Jericho into the turnbuckles.  Swagger comes in and goes for an Oklahoma Stampede, but Edge sends him into Jericho’;s hurt ribs.  Edge hits both of them with a diving clothesline, then fights them both off.  Edge knocks Swagger off of the apron and into the table.  Jericho schoolboys Edge for 2.  Edge avoids the Lionsault and hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Edge goes for the spear, but Jericho catches him and turns him into the Walls of Jericho.  Swagger comes in and Jericho locks him in the Walls instead.  Edge hits the Edgecution on Jericho.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Edge hits him with the Edgecution too.  Edge sets up for the spear, but Jericho nails him and covers for 2.  Swagger gets Jericho with an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Jericho hits Swagger with the Codebreaker.  Swagger rolls out of the ring.  Jericho sets up Edge for a spear.  Edge leap frogs Jericho and spears him.  They looked like they were out of position for Swagger’s save, so Edge kindly stretches his leg out for Swagger to pull him out of the ring and send him into the barricade.  After a slight cut, Swagger comes in and pins Jericho (12:34 shown).  Good match.  Swagger throws Edge in the ring and gives him the Doctor Bomb.  Once again, the show the finish unedited after the match.  The fuck?  After Swagger leaves, Jericho traps Edge’s ankle in the steps and kicks the steps into it.

Good episode of Smackdown this week.