Archive for Eli Cottonwood

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE NXT 8/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Season 2 recap video, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Ashley Valence introduces the Pros: Montel Vontavious Porter, Zack Ryder, John Morrison, Mark Henry, and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  That covers the Pros of guys who have been eliminated.  WWE United States Champion The Miz introduces his rookie, Alex Riley.  WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool introduce Kaval.  Kofi Kingston introduces Michael McGillicutty.  The finalists and their Pros are in the ring with Matt Striker.  Striker introduces the previously eliminated rookies: Titus O’Neil, Eli Cottonwood, Lucky Cannon, Percy Watson, and Husky Harris.  Striker says the finalists will meet in a Triple Threat Match NXT!  Miz gets in Kaval’s face.  Kaval shoves him and a brawl breaks out.  Kaval, Kofi, and McGillicutty send Miz and Riley outside.

Next season will be all divas.  Well, I never need to watch this show again.

Season 3 intro: Kelly Kelly is Pro to Naomi Knight.

Triple threat match is NXT!  Commercials.

Triple Threat Match: Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz) vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ Kofi Kingston).  Kaval and McGillicutty knock down Riley and fight each other.  Kaval hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval stomps Riley in the corner.  McGillicutty hits Kaval with a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty hits Riley with a clothesline for 2.  McGillicutty hits Riley with a backbreaker, but Kaval saves.  Kaval drops McGillicutty with a hard stomach kick.  Riley beats up Kaval.  McGillicutty wakes up and beats up Kaval.  McGillicutty suplexes Kaval to the floor.  Riley knocks McGillicutty to the floor.  Commercials.  Riley holds McGillicutty in a chin lock.  Kaval breaks it with a kick.  Riley hits McGillicutty with a clothesline for 2.  Cole high fives Miz.  Riley misses a charge and hits the ropes chest first.  McGillicutty makes a comeback on Riley.  McGillicutty hits a belly to belly suplex, but Kaval saves.  Kaval makes a comeback on McGillicutty and hits the Tidal Wave for 2.  Kaval hits the Tidal Crush on Riley to knock him off of the top rope.  McGillicutty nails Kaval from behind for 2.  Kaval locks McGillicutty in the Bite of the Dragon (Dragon sleeper).  McGillicutty escapes and hits the Perfect Plex(!), but Riley pulls him off.  McGillicutty kicks Riley into the announce table.  Kaval drops McGillicutty with the koppou kick and goes up top, but Riley pushes him to the floor and covers McGillicutty for the pin in 10:25.  Good little match.  Miz and Riley celebrate.

Season 3 intro: Alicia Fox is Pro to Maxine.

The Pros huddle.  The first elimination is NXT!  Commercials. plug.

Season 3 intro: Goldust is Pro to Aksana.

Albany, New York!

Matt Striker asks the previously eliminated rookies who they think should win.  Titus O’Neil and Eli Cottonwood say Riley.  Lucky Cannon says it doesn’t matter because the show went down the toiler when he was eliminated.  Percy Watson and Husky Harris say McGillicutty.  It’s time for the elimination!  Alex Riley is gone.  HAHA!  Riley cuts his farewell promo and says we should still bet the future of WWE on him.

Season 3 intro: The Bella Twins are Pros to Jamie Keyes.  The ring announcer.  Yes, the Bellas are going to teach the horrible ring announcer how to wrestle.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

China clips.

Season 3 intro: Primo is Pro to AJ Lee.

Striker has Kaval and Michael McGillicutty in the ring.  He directs them to cut promos on each other.  McGillicutty cuts a kind of funny promo on Kaval.  Kaval cuts a good promo in response.  Commercials.

Season 3 intro: Vickie Guerrero is Pro to… WAIT A MINUTE.  WHAT THE FUCK?  WHY THE FUCK IS VICKIE GUERRERO A FUCKING PRO?  This show just jumped the shark.  The rookie is a giantess of a woman named Aloisia.

It’s time for the moment of truth.  The winner of NXT season 2 is… wait for it… KAVAL!  Fuckin’ right!  Kaval shows incredible balance will standing on the top rope to celebrate as LayCool rush the ring and shower him with approval.  McGillicutty is shocked and pissed.  “HIM?”  McGillicutty says he’s still the future, he’ll be back, etc. etc.  I just hope he finds a better name.  Kaval starts to cut his victory promo when the 5 previously eliminated rookies jump him.  The babyface Pros hit the ring to try to make the save.  Referees try to break it up.  Husky Harris keeps beating the shit out of Kaval.  Miz, Riley, and McGillicutty come back the ring and join the brawl.  Everybody else does shit outside while Harris, Riley, McGillicutty, and Cannon beat up Kaval.  Cannon hits his modified DVD thingy.  Harris hits his senton.  Riley hits the TKO.  Watson and O’Neil are back in the ring now.  Where the fuck did the Pros go?  O’Neil hits Kaval with a sit-out spinebuster.  Kaval is left laying.

Season 2 highlight video.

Okay show, but the big clusterfuck at the end was confusing.  This concludes season 2.  I have less than no desire to watch season 3, but I’m sure I’ll keep on trucking through.  I’ll dread that more than I dread Impact every week.

WWE NXT 7/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, hype video because tonight is elimination night!  NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re in Corpus Christi, Texas!  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  The awful Jamie Keyes is the ring announcer.

The Pros are already on stage: John Morrison, Zack Ryder, Montel Vontavious Porter, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, and WWE United States Champion The Miz.

Matt Striker introduces the rookies: Percy Watson, Alex Riley, Michael McGillicutty, Kaval, Husky Harris, Eli Cottonwood, and Lucky Cannon.  They each get a minute to cut a promo about anything except why the shouldn’t be eliminated.  That’s dumb.  Cannon talks about “friends” and gets booed heavily.  Cottonwood talks about “eyes.”  Harris talks about “husky.”  Kaval talks about “dreams.”  McGillicutty talks about how great he is and argues with Miz because Miz talked shit about him in his hype video last week.  Riley talks about Starbucks.  Watson talks about having a good time.

Cole and Matthews bicker.

Percy Watson hype video.  He’s in action NXT!  Commercials.

Percy Watson (w/ Montel Vontavious Porter) vs. Zack Ryder.  Watson finally stopped trying to wrestle in the stupid glasses.  Ryder beats up Watson.  MVP stands on the apron like a dumbass because whoever came up with that idea is motherfucking retarded.  Watson fights back and lands some big dropkicks.  Watson hits a clothesline.  Ryder bails to the apron and pulls Watson’s head across the top rope.  Watson avoids the Rough Ryder and hits the float over DDT and a twisting splash for the pin in 2:47.  It was there.

John Morrison talks to Eli Cottonwood backstage.  They’re both wearing “Mustache” t-shirts.  They show him failing at the stupid obstacle course last week.  Cottonwood is facing McGillicutty tonight.  Cottonwood says “Mustache.”  Commercials. plug.

Another replay of the stupid obstacle course from last week.

Michael McGillicutty (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston) vs. Eli Cottonwood (w/ John Morrison).  McGillicutty, pissed off because he has such a stupid name, goes on the attack.  Cottonwood, pissed off because he sucks, beats the shit out of McGillicutty.  Cottonwood hits a killer short range lariat for 2.  Cottonwood beats up McGillicutty while Cole talks about his crush on Miz.  Cottonwood applies a rear chin lock.  McGillicutty works Cottonwood’s leg and does that retarded DDTing the leg shit.  McGillicutty hits the swinging neckbreaker for the pin in 3:37.  It was mediocre, which is a lot better than I expected.

Ashley Valence introduces a Kaval hype video.  Why was she needed for that?

LayCool annoying talk to Kaval.  Husky Harris bumps into Kaval.  They bicker.  They’re gonna have a match NXT!  Commercials.

Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool) vs. Husky Harris (w/ “Dashing” Cody Rhodes).  Kaval throws kicks.  Husky manhandles him and tries a hip toss, but Kaval rolls through it and lands a big kick for 2.  Kaval lands some more kicks.  Harris hits a short range lariat for 2.  Kaval lands some more awesome blows.  Harris nails him with a lariat for 2.  Kaval tries a head scissors.  Harris accidentally knocks LayCool off the apron.  Kaval checks on them and gets nailed.  Harris hits a reverse brainbuster and the senton splash for the pin in 3:12.  Decent little match.  They could probably have a pretty good match if given a little time.

The Poll will be revealed NXT!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.

Cole and Matthews hype the SummerSlam card.

The Poll will be revealed NXT for real this time!  Commercials.

Matt Striker has the rookies assembled at ringside.  #1 Michael McGillicutty, #2 Kaval, #3 Alex Riley, #4 Percy Watson, #5 Lucky Cannon, #6 Husky Harris, #7 Eli Cottonwood.  Cottonwood is eliminated.  Yay!  Cottonwood attacks Harris.  Cannon and Riley try to take him down, but fail.  Cottonwood walks to the back, shoving his Pro, Morrison, on the way.  Striker interviews Harris, then McGillicutty, then Riley.  McGillcutty and Riley start brawling.  Cottonwood comes back down to attack Cannon and Harris.  End of show.

Lame show as usual, but the end was kind of interesting.

WWE NXT 7/20/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

Earlier today, Matt Striker ran the stupid obstacle course.  This was in Little Rock and I really wish I could have gone.

NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Jamie Keyes and her nails on a chalkboard voice are the ring announcer.

Montel Vontavious Porter is in the ring to do the V.I.P. Lounge.  He introduces his guest, Percy Watson!  MVP is pissed off about what happened last week.  Watson apologizes.  MVP accepts the apology.  Matt Striker comes out (with his music that I forgot he had) and asks MVP why Percy should be ranked #1.  MVP asks the crowd, who seem to like him.  He’s no Kaval, but I like him too.  Watson cuts a promo.  Cody Rhodes and Husky Harris come out.  Rhodes talks about why Harris should be #1.  Harris is “the army tank with a Ferrari engine.”  Harris says he’s real and not a “miniature midget ninja.”  Striker announces a tag match between the two teams NEXT! plug.

Lucky Cannon hype video.

The other Pros are on stage now: WWE United States Champion The Miz, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool, Zack Ryder, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, and John Morrison.  Where’s Mark Henry?

Montel Vontavious Porter & Percy Watson vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Husky Harris.  Watson and Harris start.  Harris beats on Watson.  Watson drops him with a shoulder block and hits an arm drag.  Watson works Harris’ arm.  MVP tags in and beats up Harris.  Watson tags in and hits another shoulder block for 2.  Rhodes tags in and gets arm dragged by Watson.  Rhodes gets the advantage on Watson and tags in Harris.  Watson sends Harris outside with a dropkick and follows.  They brawl outside.  The Pros break it up, then MVP decks Rhodes.  Insta-commercials.  Rhodes beats up Watson.  Watson slams Rhodes, then gets decked again.  Rhodes stomps on Watson and hits a front suplex, then yells at MVP.  Harris tags in and waist locks Watson on the ground.  Harris hits a sick short range lariat for 2.  MVP and Rhodes tag in.  MVP runs wild and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  Harris comes in and gets Yakuza kicked.  Rhodes hits MVP with his springboard kick.  Rhodes tags in Harris and tells him to show why he should be #1.  Harris hits the senton splash on MVP for the pin (7:16 shown).  Okay little match.

Michael McGillicutty hype video.

Lucky Cannon takes on Alex Riley NXT!  Cole mizzes in his pants because his crush will be at ringside.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

They show Mark Henry getting fucked up by Wade Barrett on Raw last night to explain why Henry is absent tonight.

Striker asks both Cannon and Riley/Miz to cut their promos about why they should be #1 NXT week.

Lucky Cannon vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz).  Riley starts the match with a kick to the fucking gut just like all of these stupid fucks do these days.  Cannon fights back and hits come clotheslines and a big boot for 2.  Riley avoids a diving cross body and hits a TKO for the pin in 1:13.  Well this was brief.  Miz teases bashing Cannon with the Money In The Bank briefcase, but then he doesn’t instead… but then he does!  That jerk!  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale onto the briefcase, just to be a dick.  Miz walks by the other Pros taunting them with the briefcase.

“Money” was the shitty MITB theme!

Raw Rebound.  Cole and Matthews talk about it.

Voting for the next poll opens tomorrow at noon!

John Morrison and Eli Cottonwood cut promos about why Eli should be #1.  Eli threatens Striker into voting for him.  LayCool and Kaval cut their promos too.  I’m voting for Kaval, because he’s motherfucking Low-Ki.

The stupid obstacle course shit is NXT!

Kofi Kingston and Michael McGillicutty cut their promos about why McGillicutty should be #1.  McGillicutty does the obstacle course in 26.7 seconds.  Riley does it in 40.3, then yells at the referee for making him go back and do the part he fucked up on.  Cottonwood gets disqualified for refusing to go back and redo the push-ups.  Cannon does it in 28.2.  Kaval does it in 29.1.  He was awesome, but struggled on the pushing the heavy cart part.  Watson does it in 31.5.  Harris does it in 50.3.  He wasn’t disqualified for tackling one of the barriers instead of jumping it.  McGillicutty wins and is immune from elimination NXT week.

Okay tag match.  The rest of the show was lame.

WWE NXT 7/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Nexus hype video, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Hosts Matt Striker and Ashley Valence introduce the Pros: Mark Henry, John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, Zack Ryder, Montel Vontavious Porter, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, and WWE United States Champion The Miz.  They introduce the Nexus: Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, and Wade Barrett.  Both of those groups are missing somebody.  Barrett wishes the rookies well and warns the Pros against starting any shit tonight.

Jamie Keyes is the ring announcer.  Also, she is horrible.

WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley vs. Mark Henry & Lucky Cannon.  This is stemming from Miz dumping garbage on Henry on Raw last night.  Henry is appropriately pissed off.  Riley starts with Henry, who immediately lunges for Miz.  Henry shoves Riley across the ring.  Riley offers a handshake, then tries to double cross Henry, but gets his ass kicked.  Riley bails.  Miz orders him back into the ring.  Henry beats up Riley some more and tags in Cannon.  The rookies go at it.  Cannon clotheslines Riley out of the ring and goes for a slingshot dive, but Riley sends him face first into the steps.  Commercials.  4 minutes later, Riley covers Cannon for 2.  I hate when it’s more commercials than match.  Miz tags in and continues the beating of not so Lucky Cannon.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  The heels continue to get the heat on Cannon.  Henry gets the hot tag and finally gets his hands on Miz.  Corner splash and a press slam by Henry.  Miz takes in Riley.  Riley takes a shot at Henry.  Henry picks him up and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 11:36.  It was fine.  Henry grabs a trash can and dumps trash on Riley.

Alex Riley hype video.  Wouldn’t this have been more effective right BEFORE he got covered in garbage instead of right after?

Tonight, the Showtime Percy Watson Show!  Commercials!

Highlights of Jack Swagger winning the WrestleMania XXVI Money In The Bank Ladder Match and cashing it in that week on Smackdown to beat Chris Jericho for the World Heavyweight Title.

Cole and Matthews hype the Money In The Bank card.

The Nexus sit on the stage and look mad.  They show the end of their match against John Cena on Raw and Cena and Sheamus running them off after the match.

The Showtime Percy Watson show is NXT!  Commercials!

Satan’s Prison DVD available NOW!

Percy Watson is in the ring to do his talk show.  He’s tremendously entertaining.  He introduces his guest, his Pro MVP!  Watson asks to borrow $20.  Seriously?  He thanks MVP for being his coach and all of that stuff.  MVP puts Watson over for listening to his advice.  Watson says he’s going to seize the moment, like MVP taught him.  The other rookies come out: Kaval, Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, Lucky Cannon, Eli Cottonwood, and Alex Riley.  MVP calls for the other Pros to come down to the ring.  Striker comes out and says the rookies are trying to test the Pros.  He proposes a battle royal.  Wade Barrett says the Nexus want to be in the Battle Royal.  He promises to win.  The 20-man Battle Royal is NXT!  Commercials!

20-Man Battle Royal featuring Percy Watson, Kaval, Husky Harris, Lucky Cannon, Michael McGillicutty, Eli Cottonwood, Alex Riley, Montel Vontavious Porter, Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, John Morrison, WWE United States Champion The Miz, Zack Ryder, Wade Barrett, Michael Tarver, Justin Gabriel, Skip Sheffield, David Otunga, and Heath Slater.  The Nexus bail immediately.  Everybody else brawls.  About 5 guys team up to eliminate Henry.  The Nexus attack him on the outside and send him into the post.  Cottonwood gets eliminated and the Nexus jump him too.  Sheffield kills him with the big lariat.  Miz, Riley, and Rhodes eliminate MVP.  Morrison and Kofi come outside the help fight the Nexus.  Commercials.  4 minutes later, the Nexus get into the ring and start kicking ass.  Otunga eliminates Watson.  McGillicutty gets eliminated.  More brawling.  Harris and Kaval get eliminated.  Riley may have been eliminated too.  He got out of the ring and his back was bloody.  The Pros and the Nexus square off.  Ryder taunts them, then Miz tosses Ryder.  The rest of the Pros are like WTF?  Miz tells the Nexus he helped them get to where they are today.  They surround Miz, so Miz eliminates himself.  Morrison and Kofi go on the attack and get massacred while Rhodes stands back in the corner.  Morrison and Kofi fight back, but they can’t overcome the numbers game.  Rhodes runs around, trying to stay out of the way.  Morrison gets tossed, tries to skin the cat, but gets kicked off by Gabriel.  Kofi tries to fight back, but he’s totally boned.  Barrett eliminates Kofi.  They realize that only Rhodes is left.  Rhodes tries to make friends, but the kick the shit out of him.  Sheffield eliminates Rhodes.  The Nexus are announced as winners in 15:12, even though it was supposed to be every man for himself.  They kick the shit out of Morrison, Kingston, and Rhodes some more.  Barrett hits his slam on Kingston.  Otunga hits his spinebuster on Rhodes.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Rhodes.  Striker comes in to interview them.  Barrett warns him to step back, then cuts a promo.  Striker asks him if he’s proud of what they did to Cena on Raw.  Please, kick Striker’s ass!  Barrett says he is proud.  Replay of the post-match destruction of the Pros.

Okay show.  Good continuation of the Nexus angle.

WWE NXT 7/6/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “last week on NXT…,” NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Jamie Keyes is the ring announcers.

Host Matt Striker introduces the Pros: John Morrison, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, Mark Henry, Zack Ryder, Montel Vontavious Porter, WWE United States Champion The Miz, WWE Women’s Champions Layla & Michelle McCool, and WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  Ryder complains about his rookie getting eliminated last week.  Morrison says Miz should have been voted off instead of O’Neil.  LOL.  Striker introduces the rookies: Alex Riley (who tries to hit on LayCool), Lucky Cannon, Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, Eli Cottonwood, Kaval, and Percy Watson.  Harris speaks threateningly to Matt Striker.  Riley bitches about being #4.  Kaval says him being #1 wasn’t a fluke.  Tonight’s stupid thing is the promo contest.  The winner gets to host their own talk show next week.  Ugh.  Watson talks about “glasses.”  Kaval talks about “chicken.”  Cottonwood talks about “mustache.”  Morrison hides from the horror that is Cottonwood speaking.  McGillicutty talks about “breath.”  Harris talks about “doorknob.”  Lucky Cannon talks about “deodorant.”  His is actually funny.  Riley talks about “pigeon.”  Percy Watson was by far the best.  Shockingly, he is ruled the winner.  This wasn’t too bad.  It was fairly entertaining.

Tonight, Henry & Cannon take on Rhodes & Harris!  Commercials! plug.

The new ring announcer chick is horrible.

Percy Watson (w/ Montel Vontavious Porter) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston).  They lock up.  Watson lands a kick and takes McGillicutty over with a side headlock.  MVP and Kingston are on the aprons “coaching.”  McGillicutty lands a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty beats up Watson.  Watson fights back, but McGillicutty hits a sunset flip for the pin in 2:35.  Well that was anti-climactic.

Last week, they did a retarded keg carrying competition.  They’re so proud of their shitty TV that they’re replaying it this week!

Titus O’Neil hype video, despite the fact that he was eliminated last week.  They replay his post-elimination promo.

The Miz is in action NXT!

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool).  Kaval throws some kicks.  They lock up.  Kaval pushes Miz into the corner.  Miz boots Kaval in the face.  Miz works over Kaval.  Kaval fights back, but gets stomped.  Miz hammers Kaval and chokes him with a boot in the corner.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz goes for a backdrop suplex, but Kaval lands on top for 2.  Miz throws Kaval out of the ring.  Commercials.  Miz has Kaval in a rear chin lock.  During the break, he sent Kaval chest first into the side of the ring.  Kaval gets a sunset flip into a double stomp.  Kaval makes his comeback and lands a bunch of kicks.  Kaval hits the Tidal Crush for 2.  Kaval goes up top, but Miz cuts him off.  Kaval headbutts Miz down, but Miz sends Kaval into the turnbuckle.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 8:14.  Good little match.

Eli Cottonwood hype video.

The main event is NXT!  Commercials.

“Money” is the Money In The Bank theme!

Raw Rebound.

Cole and Matthews hype the Money In The Bank card.

Husky Harris hype video.

The main event is NXT!  And it’s gonna be like 6 seconds long at this rate.

NXT week, the Nexus return to NXT!  That’s gonna be interesting.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Husky Harris vs. Mark Henry & Lucky Cannon.  Harris and Cannon start.  Cannon does a nice takedown and wrings Harris’ arm.  Henry and Rhodes tag in.  Harris headbutts Rhodes, then press slams him.  Henry goes for a butt drop, but Rhodes avoids it and tags in Harris.  Rhodes and Harris hammer Henry.  Cover gets 2.  Rhodes tags in and beats on Henry.  Harris tags back in and gets NAILED with a lariat.  Rhodes and Cannon tag in.  Rhodes trips getting into the ring.  Cannon runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Cannon for the pin in 3:02.  Good little match while it lasted.

Fun show.  I’ve got no major complaints this week.

WWE NXT 6/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Generic, yet unnamed bimbo #762 is the ring announcer.

Ashley Valence informs us that voting has begin on!  I immediately voted for Kaval like 5 times.  She introduces the rookies: Alex Riley, Husky Harris, Titus O’Neil, Kaval, Eli Cottonwood, Percy Watson, Lucky Cannon, and Michael McGillicutty.  Surprise time!  The person ranked last in tonight’s poll will be eliminated.

Matt Striker announces that the keg carrying contest is back.  FUCK FUCK FUCK.  DAMMIT.  McGillicutty gets DQ’d for immediately dropping the keg.  Lucky Cannon does it in 12.7 seconds.  Watson does it in 13 seconds.  Cottonwood does it in 13.3.  Kaval refuses to participate because the keg weighs as much as he does.  O’Neil tries and falls flat on his face in 4 seconds, but cuts a pleasant promo afterward.  Husky Harris drops the keg almost on his foot.  Riley may or may not have made it 13.8.  He tripped right at the finish.  Lucky Cannon wins immunity and cuts a promo.  These guys suck at keg carrying.

Percy Watson hype video.

MVP takes on Husky Harris NXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

The other Pros are now on the stage to observe: WWE United States Champion The Miz, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool, John Morrison, Zack Ryder, and WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  No Mark Henry this week for some reason.

Husky Harris (w/ Cody Rhodes) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter (w/ Percy Watson).  They lock up.  MVP grabs a side headlock.  Harris whips him into the ropes, then they shoulder block each other.  MVP goes back to the side headlock.  MVP gets a schoolboy for 0.  MVP gets a jackknife hold for 1.  They lock up again and MVP hits an arm drag.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick in the corner to send Harris outside.  Commercials.  MVP works Harris’ shoulder.  Harris hits a uranage for 2.  Cover again for 1.  Cover again for 2.  Really?  Harris beats up MVP.  Harris hits a big splash for 2.  Harris keeps the pressure on MVP.  Harris hits 2 body slams for 1.  Harris hits a clothesline for 2.  Harris goes for a senton, but MVP avoids it.  MVP makes his comeback.  Ballin’ elbow.  MVP hits the Paydirt for the pin in 11:26.  This was kind of a mess.  MVP wants to shake hands, but Rhodes discourages that.

Tonight, the NXT poll!  Commercials!

Earlier tonight, there was a stupid keg carrying contest.

Alex Riley, Eli Cottonwood, & Titus O’Neil vs. Kaval, Michael McGillicutty, & Lucky Cannon.  McGillicutty beats up Cottonwood to start.  These fucking names make this shit hard to type.  Cottonwood knocks McGillicutty down and tags in O’Neil.  Cannon tags in and they lock up.  The crowd is deader than shit, but I think I heard a light “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant.  Cannon plays face in peril, with the de facto heel team taking turns working him over.  Kaval gets the hot tag and runs wild, kicking the shit out of Riley.  Cover for 2.  Kaval hits a handspring kick for 2, as O’Neil and Cottonwood save, pick Kaval up, and throw him out of the ring.  McGillicutty comes in and hits Riley with the neckbreaker.  McGillicutty low bridges Cottonwood out of the ring.  Cannon takes O’Neil down with a dropkick.  Kaval hits Riley with the Warrior’s Way for the pin in 5:54!  KI WON!  KI WON!  Fine little match.

The POLL is NXT!  Commercials.

Raw Rebound.

Cole and Matthews hype the Money In The Bank card.  Highlights of the first Money In The Bank Ladder Match from WrestleMania 21 and Edge using it to win his first WWE Championship.

The Poll is NXT!  For real this time!  Commercials!

Matt Striker is with the rookies at ringside.  The Poll: #1 Kaval, #2 Percy Watson, #3 Michael McGillicutty, #4 Alex Riley, #5 Lucky Cannon, #6 Eli Cottonwood, #7 Husky Harris, #8 Titus O’Neil.  O’Neil is gone.  He is pretty terrible, but I’m sad to see him go because he seems like such a pleasant fellow.  He does a nice farewell promo.

The six man was fun and I was happy to see Ki win.  The rest of the show sucked.

WWE NXT 6/22/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, NXT open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

Ashley Valence (who?) is apparently the new host.  The first Pros Poll/Fan vote is next week.  She introduces the Pros: John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, WWE Women’s Champions Michelle McCool & Layla, Mark Henry, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, and Zack Ryder.  They’re missing some.  Oh, the missing ones are in the opening match.  Still no clue who the new ring announcer chick is, but she’s terrible.

WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley vs. Montel Vontavious Porter & Percy Watson.  MVP and Riley start officially, but Riley requests that Watson tag in before any contact is made.  Watson needs to not wrestle in glasses, or at least get them knocked off.  Riley hits a shoulder block, then poses.  They lock up and Riley works a headlock.  Watson’s fucking glasses stay on.  How is that possible?  Watson lands a couple of dropkicks and a drop toe hold.  MVP tags in.  MVP and Watson hit a double him toss, then fist bump.  MVP throws Riley out of the ring.  Miz chastises Riley.  Miz and Watson tag in and Miz suplexes Watson OUT OF HIS FUCKING GLASSES.  THANK YOU, MIZ!  Riley tags in and beats up Watson.  Miz chokes Watson behind the referee’s back.  Shouldn’t he be fired?  Riley works a rear chin lock.  Watson escapes with a chin breaker and makes the hot tag to MVP.  MVP runs wild on Riley.  Watson puts his stupid glasses back on at ringside.  MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow because Riley doesn’t move as MVP yells at him too.  Riley kicks MVP in the knee.  Watson and Miz tag in.  Watson hits a big lariat.  His glasses are gone again, thankfully.  Watson hits a wonky splash.  Riley saves.  MVP takes Riley outside.  Miz hot shots Watson into the top rope and hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 6:17.  Good little match.  Things look heated between MVP and Riley.

Titus O’Neil hype video.  He’ll be in action NXT!  Also, Cole promises RAW FOOTAGE!

Titus O’Neil (w/ Zack Ryder) vs. Michael McGillicutty (w/ WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston).  Inset promo from McGillicutty.  They lock up as the announcers talk about Hennig using his mother’s maiden name, which is a lie.  O’Neil whips McGillicutty into the corners and covers for 2.  O’Neil works a rear chin lock.  They botch a spot and O’Neil covers for 2.  O’Neil slams McGillicutty and goes for a big splash, but gets caught with his knees.  McGillicutty hits a sick neckbreaker drop for the pin in 2:06.  This was kind of bad.

Next week, we get to vote in the Pros Poll!

Tale of the Tape for Kaval vs. Eli Cottonwood.  I’m strangely excited for that.  It’s NXT! plug.

Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool) vs. Eli Cottonwood (w/ John Morrison).  Prediction: this will suck.  Kaval throws a kick.  Cottonwood throws him in the corner.  Kaval lands some more kicks.  Cottonwood throws him into the corner again.  Cottonwood locks in a bear hug and sets Kaval on the top rope.  Kaval locks in an ARMBAR! on the ropes.  Kaval kicks him again.  Kaval lands on his feet from a hip toss and hits the Tidal Crush.  Cottonwood throws Kaval to the apron.  Kaval kicks him again and hits a FUCKING GHETTO STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD for 2.  Kaval comes off the top again, but Kaval catches him and hits like a reverse chokeslam for the pin in 2:45.  Wow, this was actually kind of fun despite the fact (rather, this writer’s humble opinion) that Khali-lite sucks.  Mark Henry of all people applauds Kaval.

Lucky Cannon hype video.  He’ll face Cody Rhodes tonight!

Coming up next, footage that way more people who watch this show already saw last night!

LayC0ol console Kaval about his loss.  They give him a pink “Property of LayCool” shirt and try to make him smile.  I hate LayCool, but that’s kind of hilarious.

Matt Striker has joined Cole and Matthews for commentary.  Striker is still being called host, but this is the first we’ve seen of him all night.  They show the angle from last week where Cody Rhodes hit Striker with a cheap shot and knocked him off the stage.

Raw Rebound, AKA the complete destruction of Vince McMahon.  The iBooker says via Cole that there will be “appropriate consequences.”

The main event is NXT!

They finally show the new ring announcer.  She has big boobs, but that’s about it.  She’s also awful.

Cody Rhodes (w/ Husky Harris) vs. Lucky Cannon (w/ Mark Henry).  Rhodes says Lucky wouldn’t last 5 minutes with him, so he makes it a 5 minute challenge.  Rhodes slaps Cannon and takes him down with a side headlock.  Cannon turns it into a cradle for 1 in a spot I love.  Rhodes sends Cannon outside and beats him up on the floor while Cole and Matthews bicker.  Cannon takes Rhodes down and they do some mat wrestling.  Rhodes does a fucking up reverse Gory Special.  Cannon escapes and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Cannon hits a flapjack for 2.  Cannon hits a big boot for 2.  Rhodes NAILS Cannon with a rebound kick, then hits a kind of botched looking Cross Rhodes for the pin in 3:58.  This was kind of bad too.

Up next, Rookies’ Closing Arguments!

Next week, Pros/Fans Poll!

Matt Striker has all of the rookies in the ring to cut promos.  Riley asks if anyone recognizes him, because apparently he was a bully in high school in whichever city this is.  He keeps talking after his time expires.  Kaval (rocking his new shirt) says 10 years ago, WWE told him he was too small, but now he’s here.  He also talks too long.  O’Neil says he’s worked hard for what he has.  Michael McHennig says he has no weaknesses and he’s undefeated.  Cottonwood talks, but I can’t take my focus off of how awkward he moves.  Percy Watson is wacky and great.  Oh yeah!  Lucky Cannon talks about being lucky.  Harris cheap shots Matt Striker and hits a senton on him.  Everyone is like WTF?

Some really bad matches this week, but overall a fun show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/21/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE in Bridgeport, Connecticut.  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Vince McMahon comes out and talks about the CHAOS that went down last night.  He blames Bret Hart for not showing up last night or taking any precautions.  He fires Bret as GM.  The new general manager is a computer that emails Michael Cole directives, or something.  Actually, the GM wants to remain anonymous., so he/she/it sends emails to Cole  I like my idea better.  Cole gets an email that says the NXT 7 have been hired and will address the WWE Universe tonight.  The NEW WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  Sheamus says this isn’t how he wanted to win the WWE Championship.  The fuck?  Sheamus says he can’t accept the championship under these conditions.  He teases handing the belt over to Vince, then puts himself over as WWE Champion.  Okay, that was pretty great.  Sheamus thanks the NXT guys for the assist, but says he didn’t need their help.  John Cena comes out.  He’s glad the NXT guys have been signed so he can kick their asses.  He also wants his title rematch tonight.  Sheamus, of course, says no.  Cole says that the Mac has booked Sheamus vs. Cena for the title tonight, with Mr. McMahon was the guest referee.  We’re off to an interesting start!

WWE Slam of the Week: Evan Bourne vs. Chris Jericho from last week.

Evan Bourne vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he’ll leave WWE forever if he loses, and he’s lost to Bourne twice in a row.  Bourne gets some quick 2 counts from cradles.  Jericho bails to avoid a kick.  Commercials.  Jericho has Bourne in a fell nelson on the ground.  During the break, Bourne hit a dive to the outside, then got sent into the barricade.  “LET’S GO EVAN!” chants.  Bourne hits the Bourne Clutch for 2.  Jericho baseball slide dropkicks Bourne out of the ring.  Bourne barely beats the count back in.  Jericho goes for a suplex, but Bourne falls on top for 2.  Bourne nails Jericho with a spin kick and a knee strike, then a running elbow and running kick to the corner.  Cover gets 2.  Bourne goes for a rana, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Bourne turns it into a DDT just like he did last night for 2.  Jericho hits a double arm backbreaker for 2.  Jericho applies a backbreaker hold.  Bourne knees his way out.  Jericho goes to the middle rope and Bourne ranas him off for 2.  Bourne goes for his knee takedown, but Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho.  Bourne finally makes it to the ropes.  Bourne nails Jericho with a kick from the apron and goes for the Shooting Star press, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker for the pin in 10:43.  Really good match.  They did a lot of the same spots from their PPV match last night.  Jericho helps Bourne up just so he can pie face him down.  What a dick!

Tonight, the NXT guys speak!  Also, Sheamus defends the WWE Championship against John Cena, with Mr. McMahon as the referee!  Commercials!

NXT hype!


Earlier tonight, the iBooker booked Cena vs. Sheamus for the WWE title with Vince as referee.  We know that already.

Vince McMahon is on the phone, presumably talking to the Raw GM.

Ted Dibiase Jr. apologizes to Virgil (he’s still employed) for embarrassing him last week, then fires him.  He introduces his new manservant… Maryse.  “What are you gonna do for protection?”  “Go to the drug store.”  Awesome.

Josh Matthews interviews Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty and Natalya.  They’re mad about Bret being fired.  Natalya dedicates her match tonight to Bret.

A limo arrives!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

They show the NXT guys putting Bret Hart in a limo that backed into shit last week.

Natalya (w/ Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty) vs. Tamina (w/ Jimmy & Jey Uso).  Tamina goes on the attack immediately.  Natalya fights back and gets distracted by the Usos.  Tamina goes for a Samoan drop, but Natalya turns it into a sunset flip, then goes for the Sharpshooter.  The NXT season 1 rookies (Wade Barrett, David Otunga, Michael Tarver, Justin Gabriel, Darren Young, Skip Sheffield, and Heath Slater) come out.  Barrett tries to apologize, but Kidd hits a dive onto a couple of them.  They beat the hell out of the Harts.  Commercials.  The match is presumably a no-contest in about a minute.

The NXT 7 are in the ring.  Otunga apologizes on behalf of the group, saying they only did it to get noticed.  Slater says it was nothing personal.  Gabriel apologizes to Bret Hart and the Hart Dynasty.  Cole very kindly tells us who these guys are.  Young apologizes to his long lost twin, John Cena.  Sheffield apologizes to the fans.  Tarver apologizes to his children.  Barrett says his contract and his PPV title shot have been reinstated by iBooker.  Barrett addresses Sheamus and says he’ll be taking the title soon.  They also have music now.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Cena for the title with Vince McMahon as referee! plug.

John Morrison comes out for a match with Ted Dibiase Jr., but Dibiase says he’s found a replacement since has better things to do tonight (Maryse).

John Morrison (w/ Eli Cottonwood) vs. Zack Ryder (w/ Titus O’Neil).  They lock up.  Ryder cheap shots Morrison to get the advantage.  Morrison fights back AND THAT SAME COCK SUCKING REF FROM LAST NIGHT GETS IN THE FUCKING WAY.  The motherfucker is trying to get himself over at the expense of the match.  Ryder does some shit.  Morrison schoolboys him for 2.  Ryder hits a knee drop for 2.  Morrison hits a jawbreaker and a big kick for 2.  Ryder ducks the running knee strike and goes to the apron, then pulls Morrison across the top rope.  Ryder goes for the Rough Ryder, but Morrison powerbombs him and hits the Starship Pain for the pin in 4:24.  It was fine.  I hate that stupid fucking referee.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena backstage.  He doesn’t accept the NXT guys’ apology.  Vince steps in and tells him that neither he nor Sheamus will have any excuses tonight, because he’s the ref.

Great Khali & Eve Torres vs. Primo & WWE Divas Champion Alicia Fox.  The guys start, but Primo immediately tags out.  You can’t blame him for not wanting the headache of trying to work with Khali.  They ladies go at it.  After some shoving,  Eve takes Fox down with a headlock.  Twice.  Eve hits a clothesline for 2.  Fox beats up Eve some.  Eve fights back.  Fox hits a knee to the face for 2.  Fox powers Eve into the corner.  Eve lands a dropkick and a half assed enzuigiri.  Eve hits a moonsault press.  Primmo comes in.  Fox bails.  Eve slaps Primo and tags in Khali.  Primo begs off.  Fox takes her belt and leaves.  Khali chops Primo, then hits the choke bomb for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked.  Eve dancing after the match was the highlight by far.

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials!

Randy Orton comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’ll put all of the NXT guys in the skull.  He then accepts Barrett’s apology and says he hopes Barrett becomes WWE Champion so he can take the title from him.  WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out.  Miz says the voices in his head are sick of seeing Randy Orton in the main event.  So am I.  Miz says he should get the next title shot because he’s… then he just attacks Orton.  Orton ducks a shot and hits the snap powerslam.  Orton humps the mat.  Miz bails before he can get RKO’d.  Edge runs in and spears Orton.  Edge says “Now, the real fun begins, Randy.”  Ugh, more Orton/Edge?

The main event is NEXT!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. John Cena.  Vince McMahon is the special referee, but Jack Doane is also there for some reason.  Oh, apparently Vince is going to be the outside referee.  At least it’s not that fuck head who keeps getting in the way.  Cena tries a go behind, but Sheamus gets the ropes to force a break.  Sheamus forgoes the lock up and kicks Cena in the gut, then beats on him.  Sheamus whips Cena into the corner, then covers for 2.  Sheamus hits a reverse DDT-style backbreaker for 2.  Alternating “LET’S GO CENA!” and “CENA SUCKS!” chants.  Sheamus throws Cena out of the ring.  Commercials.  Cena fights back, then spears the post.  Sheamus hits a clothesline for 2.  Sheamus continues beating on Cena.  Cena uses his retard strength to break a hold.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Cena counters with an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Cena makes his comeback: shoulder block, shoulder block, spinning backdrop thing, Five Knuckle Shuffle.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus pokes Cena in the eyes and hits the Irish Curse for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Cena takes him down and locks in the STF.  Sheamus gets a rope break.  Sheamus rolls outside.  Cena follows and Sheamus whips him into the steps.  Sheamus throws Cena back in the ring and covers for 2.  Sheamus sets up the steps vertically in the aisle and throws Cena into them.  That’s not a DQ?  Sheamus throws Cena back in the ring and hits the pump kick.  The NXT season 1 guys run in.  Sheamus escapes through the crowd again.  The NXT guys throw Cena over the announce table and throw the table on top of him.  Vince looks pleased.  The match is presumably a no-contest in about 15 minutes.  It was pretty good while it lasted.

Vince calls the NXT guys into the ring.  He takes “partial responsibility” for their actions.  He says next week the GM will reveal… something.  The NXT guys start looking at Vince all evily.  Vine realizes he’s fucked and gives a classic Vince gulp.  They all play it off like it was a joke.  Vince says something insulting to Barrett.  A “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant breaks out.  The guys circle Vince and beat the shit out of him.  They do the usual, with Sheffield hitting a monster lariat and Barrett hitting his shitty front fireman’s carry drop.  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Vince.  The NXT guys leave.  Where on Earth is this angle going?

Good show.  I am once again excited to see what happens next week.

WWE NXT 6/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on NXT…” video, NXT open, cut straight to the ring.

Matt Striker introduces the rookies: Alex Riley, Eli Cottonwood, Husky Harris, Kaval, Percy Watson, Michael McGillicutty, Lucky Cannon, and Titus O’Neil.  Then he introduces the Pros: John Morrison, Cody Rhodes, WWE Women’s Champions LayCool, MVP, WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, and Zack Ryder.  Where’s The Miz?  MVP gives some convoluted explanation about why the Pros beat the hell out of the rookies last week.  The rookies and Pros hug and make up.  Pros’ Poll in 2 weeks.  Alex Riley faces Kaval NXT!  Commercials!

LayCool introduce a Kaval hype video before the match.

Also, Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.  Still no idea who the new ring announcer chick is.

Alex Riley vs. Kaval (w/ WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool).  LayCool do commentary.  SHIT.  Riley shows that he knows how to work WWE style by starting the match with a fucking kick to the gut instead of locking up like a fucking pro wrestler.  Kaval does what Kaval does best and throws some hard fucking kicks.  The other pros are watching from the stage, except for Miz, who is randomly MIA.  Kaval hits a Mongolian chop(!) and another kick, then locks in a figure-four headscissors.  Riley hot shots Kaval into the top rope.  “Not his face!” Layla says.  Commercials.  Riley has Kaval in a shoulder hold.  Riley hits a modified backdrop suplex for 2, then goes back to the shoulder hold.  Kaval escapes and hits a double stomp.  Kaval lands some more kicks.  Kaval does the Dragon Clutch across the top rope!  Kaval hits a diving knee strike for 2.  Kaval lands a koppou kick and goes up top.  Riley avoids the Warrior’s Way and hits a TKO for the pin in 9:51.  Good little match.  Striker conducts a post-match interview with Riley.  Riley says Miz is partying to celebrate his US title win last night, but he came to take care of business.  LayCool put over Kaval, even in defeat.  Morrison, Ryder, and Cole also provide opinions.

Eli Cottonwood hype video.

Tonight, Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty face Mark Henry & Lucky Cannon!

RBC Center in Raleigh!

Raw Rebound.  Cole and Matthews talk about the invasion angle, then hype the Fatal 4-Way card.

Earlier today, Zack Ryder and Titus O’Neil talked over their issues in black & white land.

Husky Harris hype video.

The main event tag match is NXT!

Please, Don’t try this at home!

WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty vs. Mark Henry & Lucky Cannon.  Henry and McGillicutty start.  I hate that Hennig got stuck with such a stupid fucking name.  Henry overpowers him.  Cannon tags in and covers McHennig for 2.  Hennig hits some nice arm drags.  Kofi tags in and does stuff with Cannon, then quickly tags Hennig back in.  It takes too long to type “McGillicutty.”  Matthews explains that McGillicutty is his mother’s maiden name.  Was Mr. Perfect porking Beulah on the side?  Kofi and Hennig send Henry and Cannon to the outside.  Commercials!  McHennig wrestles Cannon to the ground and applies a shoulder hold.  They get up and Cannon connects with a big boot for 2.  Henry tags in and beats up McHennig some more.  Cannon tags back in and grouns McHennig with a side headlock.  Cannon hits a shoulder block for 2.  Repeat.  Cannon goes back to the side headlock.  McHennig hits a sweet spinning neckbreaker out of nowhere for the pin in 11:25.  Fine match.  Everybody shakes hands while Striker asks Kingston, Henry, and Cody Rhodes (who has come out of the closet by wearing a nose ring) for their opinions.  Rhodes insults Lucky Cannon.  Henry challenges Rhodes to face Lucky.  Rhodes lispfully accepts for next week.  Striker asks Rhodes what can be expected of him next week.  Rhodes decks Striker and knocks him off the stage.  Rhodes leaves and everyone goes to check on Striker.

Pretty good show this week.