Archive for DX

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/30/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight is Raw’s 900th episode!  Cool opening video featuring various Raw highlights from years past.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  We’re LIVE from Boston.  Tonight, The Nexus vs. Sheamus, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, & Chris Jericho in an Elimination Match!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out and talks about how long this show has been going on.  He says the only wrestler there now besides him who was at the first Raw is Undertaker.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and says there is no Undertaker anymore.  Now he’s just a man, as opposed to being a Phenom or whatever.  Kane starts to insult Bret.  He babbles on.  Bret says Taker will come back and beat Kane like always.  Kane says no, etc. etc.  Kane says since Taker ended Shawn Michaels’ career, he needs to take out an icon too.  Kane goozles Bret.  The Hart Dynasty run out to make the save.  Kane cleans house and goozles Bret again.  The lights go out and the GONG sounds.  Undertaker appears in the ring.  Kane stares at him for a minute and bails.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker books Bret vs. Taker for the night.  That thing needs better programming.  Why the fuck do they keep doing this stupid bullshit?  Dammit.  I’m so sick of the stupid iBooker thing and I’m REALLY sick of them advertising matches they know good and damn well that they aren’t going to deliver.

Highlights from the very first episode of Raw.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Stone Cold Steve Austin driving a Zamboni to the ring and beating up Vince McMahon.

Triple Threat Match: Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty vs. Daniel Bryan & Kaval vs. WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley.  Fuck yes.  Danielson argues with Miz.  Riley attacks Danielson from behind and beats him up.  Kofi lands a dropkick on Riley for 2.  Danielson and Kofi go at it.  Danielson decks Miz, then beats up Riley.  Kofi gets a wonky cradle on Danielson, but Riley saves.  Riley hits something on Kofi for 2.  Danielson hits Riley with a knee lift.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop on Riley, but Danielson saves.  Danielson and Kofi hit each other with cross body blocks.  Kaval and McGillicutty tag in.  McGillicutty does well until Kaval locks on a Dragon sleeper.  Riley saves and beats up McGillicutty.  Miz tags in and gets knocked off the apron with a hard dropkick by Kaval.  McGillicutty schoolboys Kaval for 2.  Kaval drops McGillicutty and hits the Warrior’s Way.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for the pin in 3:22.  Great little TV match.  Danielson still wants him some of Miz.  Riley tries to get Danielson from behind, but gets dropped.  Miz hits Danielson with the briefcase.

Tonight, Bret vs. Taker and the 10-man elimination match!  Well, one of those might happen.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Melina beating Jillian Hall to retain the Divas Championship last week.  Afterward, LayCool threatened to show up this week.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool vs. WWE Divas Champion Melina & Eve Torres.  McCool and Melina do some shit while Lawler talks about Jersey Shore.  I do not care.  Layla tags in and beats up Melina.  Melina cradles Layla for the pin in 51 seconds.  Whatever.  LayCool act obnoxious and challenge Melina to a title unification match at Night of Champions.  Melina agrees under the condition that it’s a lumberjack match.  They agree.  At least now they can get rid of one of those fucking belts.  Kelly Kelly, the Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendez, Maryse, Jillian Hall, Tamina, and Alicia Fox come to signify that they’ll be lumberjills.

Classic Clip: The original Nexus attack on John Cena.

The 5 remaining members of The Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Wade Barrett has a big idea for something unforgettable they can do tonight.  Commercials. plug.


Classic Clip: Bob Barker hosting the Price is Raw.  Fun times.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he doesn’t win the WWE Championship at Night of Champions, he’s leaving WWE.  Damn shame.  He will be missed.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: John Morrison & R-Truth vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.  Rhodes and Truth start.  Rhodes does a kick to the gut to piss me off.  Truth hits a hip toss.  Rhodes decks Morrison.  Clusterfuck ensues.  It’s a double DQ in 52 seconds.  Truth hits a dive on Rhodes.  Morrison tries to injure Morrison and gets knocked into the GM podium.  Morrison and Truth hug, having won a moral victory.  This was utterly pointless.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels burying the hatchet on January 4, 2010.

Bret Hart and The Undertaker come out for their match.  Wade Barrett comes out and says it’s not going to happen.  Well, somebody had to say it.  He says he’s going to beat them up or something.  Undertaker kicks Barrett’s ass and clotheslines him out of the ring.  The lights go out and the gong sounds.  Bret disappears and is replaced by Kane.  Kane and Taker brawl.  Taker goozles Kane.  The lights go out again.  Kane disappears.  David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and Michael Tarver come out.  Nexus surround Taker and attack.  Taker fights them off and goozles Barrett.  THE FUCKING LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN.  Barrett has Taker up in a fireman’s carry and hits his shitty move (now called the Wasteland).  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  Kane looks on from the ramp.  Taker tries to sit up, but his magic powers are gone now.  That was the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen.  That’s it, I’m done.  I don’t like wrestling anymore.

Tonight, Nexus vs. some dudes.  Why the fuck am I still writing this?


Moments ago, the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen happened.  I’m still pissed off about it, but they’re so proud of it they want to show it again.

Jack Swagger comes out and talks about returning to Raw as a former World Champion and insults Boston.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne.  Swagger, the great catch as catch can wrestler, starts the match with a kick to the gut.  Swagger beats up Bourne.  Bourne fights back.  Alberto Del Rio comes out in his Rolls Royce, announced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The match is still going on.  Bourne slips out of a powerslam attempt and drops Swagger with a spin kick, then goes for the Shooting Star press.  Swagger avoids it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:17.  More pointless bullshit.  Del Rio cuts a promo about taking out Rey Mysterio.  Del Rio says since the Raw viewers missed it, he’s going to recreate the moment with “a different chihuahua.”  Del Rio locks Bourne in the cross armbreaker, then kicks him out of the ring.  Del Rio tries to Pllmanize Bourne’s arm with a chair.  Mark Henry comes out and chases Del Rio off.  Henry challenges Del Rio to pull that shit on him.

Highlights from WWE’s recent trip to China.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

Classic Clip: “This is your life” featuring The Rock and Mankind.

The Straight Edge Society come out.  CM Punk says he’s better than The Rock, then goes on to trash said Rock.  He says Raw promotes poor family values, mentioning Kate Vick.  Punk says that will drive you to drink.  It almost drove me to quit watching wrestling.  He says he’s going to show the 4 most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw.  A.) The retarded Triple H/Randy Orton house brawl.  B.) John Cena throwing Edge off of a bridge.  C.) DX invades WCW!  D.) Stone Cold Steve Austin giving beer baths to the Corporation in 1999 and Santino Marella in 2007.  Austin’s music plays.  The SES act scared, then laugh, because they were playing a prank, see?  Punk says he’s going to show a clip from a good show, Smackdown.  They show the Brock Lesnar superplex on Big Show that made the ring cave in.  Punk talks shit about Show’s weight.  Big Show comes out.  He SUITED UP!  Show talks about more embarrassing things that have happened to him, like having the shits from a tainted burrito, being in a Sumo diaper, and kissing Vickie Guerrero.  He says fat jokes are just lame, which is true.  I find that they lack creativity.  Show does a Hulk Hogan impression to make fun of the SES.  Punk says nobody likes Show.  Show says that was just mean.  Even worse, Punk denies Show’s high five.  Show chops Punk down and beats up Gallows.  Punk and Mercury run away while Gallows gets sent out the hard way.  Alright segment.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Classic Clip: Triple H’s return from his first quad tear in January 2002, when he kicked Kurt Angle’s ass.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus on the stage.  Sheamus talks about taking out Triple H and being Irish or whatever.  He complains about having to team with his Night of Champions opponents tonight.  Edge comes out and talks about all of the shit that has happened to him on Raw and about his accolades.  He says he’ll win the title at Night of Champions.  Commercials.

Elimination Match: WWE Champion Sheamus, Edge, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, & John Cena vs. The Nexus.  Jericho tells Cena that he wants to start.  Jericho and Tarver circle each other, then Jericho just leaves and gets counted out in 1:17.  Edge comes in and shoves the referee to get DQ’d in 1:44.  Those dicks.  Cena beats up Tarver and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus hits a short lariat on Tarver for 2.  Slater tags in and gets beaten up by Sheamus for a while.  Sheamus covers for 2, then Slater scampers away and tags in Otunga.  Sheamus beats up Otunga.  Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner and ground & pounds him.  Nexus make quick tags and work over Sheamus.  Sheamus counters a backslide attempt from Slater and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Gabriel pulls Slater out of it.  Sheamus fights against Nexus, but gets kicked in the head by Gabriel from the apron.  Slater hits Sheamus with a shitty sleeper drop for the pin in 7:11.  Cena comes in and beats up Slater.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Slater for the pin in  7:55.  Barrett comes in and attacks Cena.  Gabriel, Otunga, and Tarver maul Cena on the outside.  Barrett rams Cena’s head into the announce table, then throws him back in and covers for 2.  Gabriel tags in and drops Cena with a spin kick.  The eventual cover gets 2.  Gabriel hits a splash in the corner for 2.  Otunga comes in.  Cena reverses a suplex and suplexes Otunga.  Otunga knocks Orton off of the apron.  Cena locks Otunga in the STF for the submission in 10:30.  Gabriel hits Cena with the 450 splash for the pin in 10:40.  Orton RKOs Gabriel for the pin in 10:55.  Orton RKOs Tarver for the pin in 11:05.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Orton for the pin in 11:17.  Man, that finishing sequence was fast.  Fun main event.

Parts of the show were good and parts of it were really horrible.  Only 3 segment pissed me off.  That stupid Undertaker/Kane segment pissed me off beyond belief.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 29, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by highlights of the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels match from last night’s WrestleMania.

Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Tonight is Shawn Michaels’ farewell.

Batista comes out and cuts a promo.  Cena beating him was a fluke, nobody will remember WrestleMania (WTF?), etc. etc.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”  He did.  Batista wants his rematch.  He says Cena can’t beat him, despite the fact that Cena beat him clean as a sheet last night.  The NEW WWE Champion John Cena comes out.  Cena says he beat Batista at WrestleMania.  He did.  Crowd chants “CENA SUCKS!”  He makes fun of Batista for tapping out, then offers Batista his rematch TONIGHT!  Cena says Batista will bitch out and refuse the match tonight.  Batista bitches out and refuses the match tonight.  They brawl for a second, then Batista bails.  Jack Swagger ambushes Cena with the briefcase and says he’s cashing in Money In The Bank!  Cena comes back to life and goes for for the STF.  Swagger bails, changes his mind, grabs the briefcase, and leaves.

Shawn Michaels moment: The Rockers make their WWF debut against the Rougeau Brothers.

Slam of the Week: The Orton/Dibiase/Rhodes match from last night.

A whole bunch of legends come out!  Ted Dibiase, Nick Bockwinkel, Pat Patterson, Irwin R. Schyster, and Arn Anderson!  Roddy Piper, Sergeant Slaughter, Tony Garea, and Ricky Steamboat follow!  Jerry Lawler joins them around the ring.  Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts, Clark Duke and Rob Corddry from Hot Tub Time Machine.  Ah, I get it.  They announce Batista & Swagger vs. Cena & a partner of his choice, and a hot tub match with Duke & Corddry vs. The Divas.  The legends are around the ring for a Legends Lumberjack Match.

Legends Lumberjack Match: Christian vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  JIP.  Christian hits his diving sunset flip for 2.  They slap each other.  Christian throws Dibiase out of the ring and the lumberjacks throw him back in.  Dibiase counters Christian’s tornado DDT and lands a kick to the face for 2.  Dibiase clamps on a rear chin lock.  Christian escapes and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Christian counters.  Christian hits his corner kick and the diving European uppercut, then goes for the Killswitch.  Dibiase counters and clotheslines him, taking them both of the ring.  The lumberjacks throw them in, then start brawling amongst themselves.  Christian hits the Killswitch for the pin (about 3 minutes shown).  This was fun.  Dibiase Sr. comes in the ring to help his son up.  Dibiase Jr. shoves him and leaves.  Major boos for that.

Shawn Michaels moment: Throwing Marty Jannetty through the Barber Shop window.  Michaels’ farewell is TONIGHT!

Triple H is headed our way!

Plugs for the shitty Mania theme song and

WrestleMania Week highlights.

Clark Duke and Rob Corddry are backstage talking.  Santino Marella randomly walks by, says something, and leaves.  Duke and Corddry get in a hot tub with the very hot Bella Twins, the very hot Rosa Mendez, and the very hot Tiffany.  They agree to give whoever can stay in the longest a future Divas Championship match.  They drink champagne.  Whatever.

Triple H comes out to the stage and cuts an emotional promo about his friend, Shawn Michaels.  He says he has something to say to Shawn that he’s never said before.  Sheamus clobbers Triple H from behind with a lead pipe and we don’t get to hear Hunter profess his homosexual love for Michaels.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres vs. WWE Women’s Champion Michelle McCool, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Vickie Guerrero, Alicia Fox, & Layla.  Great, have a rematch of the worst match on the show.  Eve and Maryse yell at each other.  Maryse poses and looks FINE.  Eve schoolgirls her for the pin in 21 seconds.  Vickie yells at the faces.  They take her jacket off an she bails.  The heels jump the faces, but the faces clean house.  Quick and painless.  All divas matches should be this long.

Shawn Michaels moment: The Ladder Match with Razor Ramon at WrestleMania X.

Tonight, Cena/X vs. Batista/Swagger!

Bret Hart is headed our way!

Shawn Michaels moment: The Iron Man Match with Bret at WrestleMania XII.

Bret Hart comes out.  He puts over Shawn Michaels and wishes him the best in his future endeavors.  He talks some more.  He has an awesome shirt on that has a photo of him and Owen wrestling.  He thanks the fans.  The Unified Tag Team Champions The Big Show & The Miz come out.  Miz insults Bret and puts himself over.  He’s the Tag champion and the United States Champion, people should be talking about him, etc.  He says he’s 1-0 at Mania, only 17 wins away from tying Undertaker’s streak.  Everybody laughs.  He calls Bret and his family overrated.  Bret challenges them to make him leave.  The Hart Dynasty come out to back up Bret.  Miz Show bail.  Bret challenges them to come back and wrestle the Hart Dynasty.  Miz is ready to go, but has to talk Show into it.  Commercials!


Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Bret Hart & Natalya).  JIP.  Smith hits the stall suplex on Miz.  Miz catches Smith with a kick, then gets clotheslined out of the ring.  Smith backdrops Kidd out of the ring to wipe out Miz.  Kidd chases Miz around the ring.  Show tags in.  Kidd goes right after him, but is overcome.  Show Miz get heat on Kidd.  Smith gets the hot tag and runs wild on Miz.  Springboard Hart Attack on Miz.  Kidd locks Miz in the Sharpshooter.  Show yells at Miz for not listening to him, then pulls Miz out of the ring.  Show Miz leave and get counted out (about 4 minutes shown).  It was good for what it was.  I hope this leads to the Harts getting a title shot.

Shawn Michaels moment: DX.

WWE Rewind: Money In The Bank Ladder Match from last night.

The hosts and the divas are still in the hot tub.  The divas look bored.  Tiffany and Rosa get creeped out and leave.  Their co-star Craig Robinson appears on the TV and tells the Bellas they win, then sends Mark Henry to get in the tub with them.  In a speedo.  Gross.  Hornswoggle is snorkeling in the tub.  At least the chicks were hot.

Earlier tonight, Sheamus killed Triple H with a lead pipe.

Jack Swagger comes out and cuts a promo about his briefcase.  The main event is next, I assume.

Batista & Jack Swagger vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Randy Orton.  So I guess Orton is officially babyface now.  Cena and Swagger lock up.  Cena hits the Fisherman’s suplex, then tags in Orton.  Orton does the Garvin Stomp to Swagger.  VINTAGE ORTON!  Orton humps the mat.  Swagger bails.  Commercials.  The bad guys get the heat on Cena.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Batista hits the spinebuster and goes for the Batista Bomb, but Cena backdrops his way free and makes the hot tag.  Swagger tags in as well.  Orton runs wild on him.  Orton hits the powerslam and then the 3.0.  Cover, but Batista saves.  Batista spears Cena.  Orton RKOs Batista, then RKOs Swagger for the pin in 8:05.  Fine match.  Orton celebrates.

Shawn Michaels moment: Michaels vs. Undertaker at WrestleMania XXV.  Shawn’s farewell is next.

Tomorrow night on NXT, the results of the first Pros Poll!

Justin Roberts introduces Shawn Michaels.  Before Michaels can speak, The Undertaker comes out to the stage, tips his hat to Michaels, and leaves.  Shawn says he doesn’t know what to say.  Crowd chants “PLEASE DON’T GO!”  Shawn talks about his career.  They show and old lady crying.  Crowd chants “THANK YOU SHAWN!”  Shawn talks for a bit more.  He says he’s reluctant to thank people for fear of forgetting someone, but he does thank Triple H for being his friend.  He puts over the cameramen, production crew, announcers, and Adam the video package guy.  The crowd ridiculously chants “ONE MORE MATCH!”  Shawn says he knows how people feel about career ending matches, and he doesn’t want to go back on his word.  He thanks Bret Hart and says he drove Bret crazy in the  90s and that Bret had every right to say everything he’s ever said about Shawn.  He thanks Bret for forgiving him, etc. etc.  He puts over Vince McMahon and thanks the fans, then puts over Jesus.  Can’t go wrong there.  He says to his wife and kids “Daddy’s comin’ home.”  He finishes by saying “‘The Heartbreak Kid’ Shawn Michaels has left the building.  I apologize for the shitty job I did of recapping this segment.  When he makes it to the top of the ramp. Triple H appears and they do all but make out.  Fin.

Fun show.  Nothing outstanding, but definitely worth watching.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts LIVE from Oklahoma City!  Tonight, Bret Hart’s Farewell, plus Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.

Shawn Michaels comes out.  They show him screwing The Undertaker at Elimination Chamber and the making of their WrestleMania match last week.  Michaels says the guys in the locker room think he’s crazy for putting his career on the line.  He challenges anyone to come out and tell him he can’t win.  Triple H comes out.  Triple H says he “knows” Shawn can beat Undertaker at WrestleMania.  He says Shawn is the best he’s ever been in the ring with.  He says Shawn is Mr. WrestleMania, and though the Road To WrestleMania always takes them down different paths, but DX will never die.  He says he’s invoked their rematch clause for the tag titles tonight.  Shawn takes some convincing, but agrees.

The guest hosts, Cheech and Chong, admire their office.  The Bella Twins come in and slut up to them.  They take Cheech on a tour of the backstage while Chong sits down.  Hornswoggle comes in with a box of lucky charms with his face on them.  Chong eats some and starts tripping.  Phony shit ensues

Orton vs. Dibiase is NEXT!

Slam of the Week: The implosion of Legacy last week.

Randy Orton vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They start brawling.  Does nobody lock up anymore?  Orton avoids a superplex attempt.  Dibiase dropkicks him, then throws him out of the ring.  Orton fights back and Dibiase bails.  Commercials.  Dibiase puts the boots to Orton.  Dibiase KICKS ORTON IN THE HEAD for 2.  Dibiase kills Orton with a lariat for 2.  They trade blows.  Orton his a snap powerslam.  “VINTAGE ORTON!”  Garvin stomp by Orton.  Orton stalks Dibiase for the RKO.  Cody Rhodes runs out.  Orton swings at him.  Dibiase gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Orton reverses it for 2.  Rhodes runs in and Orton attacks him, so the ref throws it out in 9:02.  I guess Orton wins by DQ.  Rhodes and Dibiase try to do a number on Orton, but he fights them both off.  He tries to give Rhodes the DDT OF MURDER again, but Dibiase pulls him to safety.  Most of the match was commercials, but what aired was fine.

DX vs. Show Miz TONIGHT!

Bret Hart (w/ broken leg) has arrived!

Chong is giving Eve a massage.  He wants to book a Divas Pajama Pillow Fight.  Cheech says he’s having a sugar trip.  He was running his hands through William Regal’s hair.  He thinks Chris Masters is Kelly Kelly.  And Masters has a girl voice.  Hornswoggle tries to give them more cereal.  They both start tripping.  Fuck.

“Last Monday…” video of the John Cena/Batista happenings.  Tonight… CONFRONTATION!

WWE Rewind: Last week, Christian beat Carlito to qualify for Money In The Bank.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella.  Santino shines, then Swagger hits the Doctor Bomb for the pin in 27 seconds.

Batista (in his gay S&M outfit) is headed our way!

Undertaker/Shawn Michaels video package.

WWE bullshit fact of the week.

John Cena comes out.  He talks about Batista.  He calls out Batista.  Batista comes out.  The WWE Champion is such a tough guy that he’s flanked by security and is dressed like a gay biker.  Cena totally calls him on it.  Batista uses the bitch excuse that the security is there to protect Cena.  Batista says he wants to face Cena at WrestleMania, that’s why he gave him the shot last week.  He’s mad that Cena is WWE’s poster boy instead of him.  Cena talks about how he works hard and Batista shows up late and shit.  Batista says he’s just here to make money.  They go on.  Batista says deep down, Cena knows he can’t beat him.

Bret Hart’s Farewell is still to come!  Plus, DX vs. Show Miz! plug.

Cheech and Chong have forced Chavo Guerrero Jr. to wear a sombrero and a fake mustache.  Carlito, Primo, Katie Lea Burchill, and Yoshi Tatsu are wearing fake mustaches.  Santino Marella brings in a chicken.

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Jobber entrance for Ryder.  Ryder starts with a kick to the gut.  Does nobody lock up anymore?  MVP kicks his ass and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  Playmaker gets the pin in 46 seconds.  Wow.

Divas eye candy pseudo match is NEXT!

WrestleMania is 27 days away!

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Cheech and Chong.  They’re hilarious, then they introduce the divas.

Pajama Pillow Fight: Gail Kim vs. Kelly Kelly vs. Eve Torres vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse vs. Jillian Hall vs. Alicia Fox.  Everybody hits Maryse with pillows.  Jillian runs wild on everyone.  This is a tag match, isn’t it?  Kelly makes Hall eat a pillow, then hits her fucked up leg drop for 2.  Maryse gets a 2 count on Kelly.  Gail gives Maryse the Regal cutter.  Okay, so this isn’t a tag match, even though they had team entrances.  Hot chicks do stuff.  Gail hits her move on Alicia.  Gail gets sent out of the ring.  Eve hits a senton on Alicia for the pin in 1:56.  Hornswoggle comes out to give Cheech and Chong more cereal.  Alrighty.

The next Hall of Fame inductee is Mad Dog Vachon!  He’ll be inducted by Pat Patterson.

Bret Hart’s Farewell is NEXT!

Cole and Lawler hype the WrestleMania card.

Justin Roberts starts to introduce Bret Hart, but Vince McMahon comes out instead.  Vince introduces Bret, who hobbles out on his crutch.  They show the shit that happened 2 weeks ago.  Vince says he had nothing to do with the bimbo breaking Bret’s leg.  Bret doesn’t believe him, and tells him to get lost.  Vince brings up Bret calling him the World Champion Liar, and says he was lying about asking Bret to come here for his farewell.  McMahon screwed Bret.  Whatever.  Vince brings up the challenge Bret made to him.  Bret replies that he’s incapacitated.  Bret has wanted to fight Vince for 13 years.  Vince tries to goad Bret into accepting the match.  Bret says he can’t wrestle.  Vince says Bret has no heart (pun intended).  He calls Bret a coward, then kicks his crutch out from under him.  Vince somehow lost his show in that.  I didn’t catch how.  Vince continues calling Bret a coward.  Bret agrees to the match.  Vince says next week, he’ll take on John Cena.  Huh?

The main event is NEXT!

Next week’s guest host is Criss Angel.  Plus. Randy Orton takes on Rhodes and Dibiase in a Handicap Match and Vince McMahon takes on John Cena.

Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match: The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz (c) vs. DX.  Show tosses Michaels around to start.  Miz tags in and puts the boots to him.  Kick to the head gets 2.  Show tags in and jabs a ham-sized fist into Michaels’ middle.  Show applies a bear hug.  Michaels fights out, tries the superkick, avoids the chokeslam, and makes the hot tag to Triple H.  Triple H hits the knee facebuster and the spinebuster, then goes for the Pedigree.  Miz interrupts and gets a spinebuster.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Michaels superkicks Show.  They tease a double KO, but both make it to their feet.  Miz and Michaels tag in.  Michaels hits the flying jalapeno, nips up, chops, slam, diving elbow drop.  Shawn sets up the superkick.  Undertaker appears on the screen and distracts Michaels.  He tries to superkick Miz, but Miz surprises him with a jackknife hold for the pin in 4:30.

Triple H tries to help Michaels up.  Michaels says “Don’t touch me” and leaves.  Sheamus comes in from the crowd and attacks Triple H, pump kicking his head into the announce table.  He pump kicks Triple H a second time, sending him across the announce table.  Sheamus stands tall as the show closes.

This was a shitty wrestling show, but it’s doing a great job of hyping WrestleMania, so I have no complaints.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…,” Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts, LIVE from the Cajundome in Lafayette, Louisiana!  Tonight, we’ll see DX defend the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship against The Miz Show and The Straight Edge Society!  Plus, we’ll see Batista destroy John Cena last week after Raw went off the air!

Tonight’s guest host, NASCAR’s Carl Edwards, does donuts in the parking lot, then drives into the arena.  Wait, it was Hornswoggle in the car.  The fuck?  Kelly Kelly introduces Carl Edwards.  Edwards comes out flanked by the Bella Twins.  He talks a bit, name dropping John Cena.  Sheamus interrupts.  Sheamus wants Edwards to make him the last entrant in the Elimination Chamber.  He threatens Edwards.  ECW Champion Christian makes a surprise appearance on Raw!  Christian schmoozes Edwards.  Sheamus wants to know why Christian is there.  Christian says ECW is about to go off the air, makes fun of Sheamus, and says when ECW ends, all ECW superstars can sign with any brand, so tonight he’s going to test the waters on Raw.  Christian wants a match with Sheamus tonight.  Edwards makes it for right now!

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. ECW Champion Christian.  They lock up.  Sheamus is aggressive early and hits a fall away slam, then clotheslines Christian out of the ring.  Commercials.  Sheamus continues working over Christian.  Christian runs into a shoulder block that drops him, but also makes Sheamus stumble.  Christian low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  Christian takes out Sheamus with a dive to the outside.  Sheamus pulls Christian’s shoulder into the post, then sends him into the barricade.  Sheamus works Christian over back in the ring.  Christian rallies and hits a missile dropkick.  He keeps his comeback going until Sheamus catches him while he’s going for his diving sunset flip.  Christian avoids the pump kick but gets caught with a clothesline.  Christian avoids Sheamus in the corner and hits his weird kick, then a tornado DDT for 2.  Sheamus avoids the Killswitch and throws Christian to the apron.  Sheamus avoids Christian coming off the top and hits the pump kick followed by the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 9:43.  Good match.

Triple H is in the locker room watching a monitor.  Shawn Michaels comes in and says he found the silver lining to his recent woes: maybe DX will finally be a part of WrestleMania.  Triple H says that sounds good in theory, but he’s going to win the WWE Championship in the Elimination Chamber and go to WrestleMania as WWE Champion.  Michaels says “So it’s all about you now?” and leaves.

Next, exclusive footage of Batista destroying John Cena after Raw went off the air last week!

Slam of the Week: Last week, Bret Hart was about to put Vince McMahon in the Sharpshooter when Batista appeared and attacked Bret!

Cole and Lawler talk about what happened AFTER the show.  They show clips.  John Cena ran in for the save, but then Batista jumped Cena, kicked his ass, and powerbombed him onto the ring steps.

Ted Dibiase is backstage.  Cody Rhodes comes in.  He’s jealous that Dibiase qualified for the Elimination Chamber and he didn’t.  They start to bicker.  Randy Orton comes in and tells Dibiase that he’ll be facing John Cena tonight, then bitches at Cody for getting him DQ’d at the Rumble.  Orton tells Rhodes that they’ll be facing off tonight.  Legacy is falling apart.

The Straight Edge Society is headed our way for the Tag title match! plug.

Justin Roberts introduces the Unified Tag Team Championship Match!

The Straight Edge Society comes out first.  Smackdown GM Teddy Long is randomly sitting at ringside.  Punk cuts his usual promo.  He tries to recruit Jared Fogle, the Subway guy, who is at ringside, to be his “minister of propaganda.”  Jared says no.  Punk says he’s going to make an example out of him.  Before anything can develop from that, DX comes out.  Miz and Show come out, and everybody brawls.  DX clears the ring and throws Miz out onto the pile.  Commercials, which means the match will be JIP, which pisses me off because I won’t be able to get the match time.

Triple Threat Elimination Match for the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: DX (c) vs. CM Punk & Luke Gallows (w/ Serena) vs. The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz.  The match is indeed JIP.  Punk and Michaels go at it.  Punk hits the knee to the corner and the bulldog for 2.  Show beats up both of them.  They avoid Show in the corner and tag in their respective partners.  Triple H and Gallows double team Show, but that quickly falls apart.  Triple H hits the knee facebuster and goes for the Pedigree, but Show backdrops him out of the ring.  Gallows tags Punk.  More commercials.  Ugh.  Punk, Hunter, and Miz are legal.  Punk covers both guys, but gets no pins.  Punk and Miz both beat on Triple H, but Triple H drops them both, turning Miz inside out with a clothesline in the process.  Punk gets a near fall on Miz.  Miz hits the running clothesline to the corner on Triple H and goes up top, but Serena pulls him down.  Miz goes after Serena, but gets caught by a Triple H spinebuster.  Michaels tags in and runs wild on Punk.  Michaels hits the diving elbow and goes for the superkick, but Gallows kills him with a lariat.  Triple H takes Gallows out of the ring.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Michaels counters and superkicks Punk for the pin.  Well, the guys who should have won just lost.  Show clotheslines DX, then stands over Michaels and gloats.  Michaels gets up and throws chops at Show.  Show headbutts him down.  Miz kicks Michaels in the head behind the referee’s back.  Michaels plays face in peril for a while, then superkicks Show and makes the hot tag.  Triple H runs wild on Miz.  “VINTAGE TRIPLE H!”  Michaels tags himself back in.  Miz shoves Michaels into Hunter, then pins Michaels with a reverse cradle (about 14 minutes shown).  Wow, Miz has 3 belts now.  DX argues.  Michaels leaves.

Cena vs. Dibiase and Orton vs. Rhodes TONIGHT!

Moments ago, all the shit I just wrote about happened.

Josh Matthews interviews the new Tag Team Champions.  Miz likes the name “The Miz Show.”  Show prefers “Show Miz.”  I like Show Miz.

Cole and Lawler hype Elimination Chamber.  Lawler fucks up by saying Cody Rhodes is in the Raw Chamber instead of Dibiase.

Michaels bumps into Carlito and Alicia Fox while looking for Teddy Long.  He finds Teddy and begs him to trade him to Smackdown and put him on the Smackdown Chamber match so he can win it and face Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Teddy says he can’t do it.  Michaels grabs Teddy.  Triple H stops him tries to talk some sense into him.  Michaels says his career is over, then superkicks Teddy and leaves.  I love crazy Shawn Michaels, randomly superkicking people.

WWE Rewind: 2 weeks ago, Gail Kim defeated Alicia Fox to make it to the finals of the Divas Championship Tournament.

Moments ago, Shawn Michaels superkicked Teddy Long, and it was awesome!

Maryse is at ringside to do commentary for…

Gail Kim vs. Jillian Hall.  No intros.  Jillian sends Gail outside, back in, near fall.  Gail avoids Hall in the corner, but gets tripped up.  Gail rallies and hits her finish for the pin in 1:03.  Maryse congratulates Gail, reiterates what she said last week, then speaks French.  They shake hands.

The first inductee into the Hall of Fame Class of 2010, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.

Dibiase’s son will be in action tonight against John Cena.  Next, Cody Rhodes takes on Randy Orton!

Bullshit WWE Fact of the Week.

Carl Edwards and Jared Fogle are backstage.  Santino Marella comes in and tries to sing the 5 Dollar Footlong song.  Jared gives Santino a Subway gift card.  Santino wants revenge on Swagger for keeping him out of the Royal Rumble.  Edwards makes the match for this week’s Superstars.  Kofi Kingston comes in.  Kofi recommends that all Elimination Chamber participants have singles matches next week.  Edwards leaves that for next week’s host: Jerry Springer!  They show a video of Springer with clips from his show.

Cody Rhodes vs. Randy Orton.  Orton shoves Rhodes and yells at him.  Rhodes slaps his hand away.  Orton decks him.  Rhodes hits a dropkick for 2.  They lock up and go at it.  Orton gets ready to go for the RKO, but Sheamus comes out and distracts Orton.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 2:47.  Sheamus nails Orton with the pump kick after the match.  Rhodes comes in with a chair to chase off Sheamus.

They show Batista’s post Raw assault on Cena again.  Cena is headed our way!

Josh Matthews interviews Carl Edwards, who announces that next week we’ll see Sheamus vs. Randy Orton, Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Kofi Kingston, and Triple H vs. John Cena.

Ted Dibiase Jr. comes out for the main event.  John Cena comes out and destroys him before the match ever starts and locks him in the STF at ringside.  Cena calls out Batista.  Commercials.  Dante’s Inferno commercial.  Such an awesome game.

John Cena is still in the ring.  He speculates that Batista attacked him because Vince McMahon put a hit on him.  Vince comes out, flanked by security.  Cena says Vince didn’t bring enough security.  He’ll just kick their asses and get angrier.  Vince gets in the ring.  They banter.  Vince says maybe Batista just doesn’t like Cena, because Vince doesn’t like him, or people from Louisiana.  Vince has a point there… Vince says he likes Cena business-wise.  Cena yells at Vince for being all about money, then says Bret Hart wants to wrestle Vince at WrestleMania.  Cena steps out of the ring.  They argue some more.  Vince says he’ll face Bret at WrestleMania.  Cena says he has one person left to tell.  Cena leaves.  Vince addresses Bret Hart.  They show the video from last week again.  Bret appears and kicks Vince’s ass.  Vince bails up the ramp where he’s protected by his security guard.  Vince says he won’t face Bret at WrestleMania and Bret deserved to be screwed.  Vince leaves.  Bret destroys some production equipment and huffs around the ring to end the show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 8, 2010 by Grappleholic

In Memory of Jack Brisco (1941-2010) graphic opens the broadcast.

WWE open, Raw open.  Tonight, Bret Hart confronts Mr. McMahon!  Also, William Shatner guest hosts!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts.

Justin Roberts introduces the winner of the 2010 Royal Rumble Match, Edge!  Edge says he’s back, and in the main event at WrestleMania.  He goes on at length about his injury, his beef with Chris Jericho, etc.  He talks about the possibilities for his WrestleMania opponent.  As he finishes his promo, the WWE Champion, Sheamus comes out to the ring.  They banter back and forth.  Sheamus cheap shots Edge and sets up for the pump kick, but Edge ducks, double leg takedown, beats the hell out of him, then spears him.

Shot of Nashville.

Elimination Chamber hype video.  Tonight, we’ll see Qualifying Matches!

John Cena is headed our way!

Bullshit WWE fact of the week.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes clubbers Cena to start.  Cena avoids a knee drop and starts his comeback, but Rhodes turns the spinny backdrop into a reverse cradle for 2.  Cena finishes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids the Attitude Adjustment and hits a front suplex for 2.  Rhodes hits a moonsault for 2.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment for the pin in 2:52.

Clips of the Montreal Screwjob from 1997.

Josh Matthews asks Mr. McMahon if he’s seen Bret Hart here tonight.  Vince says he doesn’t think Bret will show up.  Vince goes into his office and bitches at someone offscreen.  The camera pans left to reveal William Shatner, who says he can’t wait for Bret to embarrass McMahon tonight.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Jack Swagger vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Triple H.  Triple H comes out without the belts, just to make sure we know the tag titles don’t matter.  Swagger starts with some amateur-style mat work.  He does some push ups and poses, then Triple H kicks his ass.  Triple H sends Swagger out of the ring and into the barricade.  Commercials.  Swagger drops Triple H with a DDT for 2.  Swagger keeps up the momentum and goes for abdominal stretch, but Triple H hip tosses him, then throws him out of the ring again.  Swagger hits a powerslam and clamps on a headlock.  Triple H comes back and hits a spinebuster for 2.  Swagger backdrops out of the Pedigree and hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger lifts Triple H up on his shoulder, but fucks around about it too long and allows Triple H to counter him and hit the Pedigree for the pin in 9:09.  Good little match.

NEXT, Randy Orton takes on Shawn Michaels in a Qualifying Match!

Royal Rumble highlight video.

William Shatner does spoken word renditions of WWE entrance themes.  Funny stuff.

Shawn Michaels is sullen and downtrodden.  Triple H comes in, followed by Hornswoggle.  Triple H: “He did what with my music?”  Triple H teases being mad at Michaels, then says he would have done the same things to Michaels given the opportunity last night.  Shawn’s too upset for levity.  Triple H tells him to get over this whole Undertaker business and get himself in the Elimination Chamber.

Randy Orton makes his entrance.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Orton vs. Sheamus from the Royal Rumble and the disintegration of Legacy.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Randy Orton vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Shawn Michaels.  Michaels also buries the tag titles but not bothering to bring them out with him.  They lock up.  Orton backs Michaels into the corner, breaks, and they stare at each other.  Lock up again.  Michaels throws some chops and drops Orton with a neckbreaker.  Michaels goes for an early superkick, but Orton bails.  Looks like he might have hurt his face.  Orton gets back in and goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Michaels counters.  Michaels hits a diving cross body for 2.  Orton hits the 3.0.  Cole brings up Michaels’ history of back injuries.  Orton stomps Michaels.  Orton hits a high dropkick for 2.  Orton attempts a superplex, but Michaels punches him down and hits the diving elbow drop.  “VINTAGE MICHAELS!”  Orton avoids the superkick, Michaels avoids the RKO.  Michaels hits some inverted atomic drops, the flying forearm, and nips up.  Orton schoolboys Michaels for the pin in 6:38.  Good little match.  Michaels is angry.

More clips of the history between Vince and Bret.  The confrontation is TONIGHT!

WrestleMania hype video.

A shot of some music club in Nashville.

Cole and Lawler talk about Shawn Michaels’ woes.

Randy Orton meets up with Ted Dibiase backstage.  Dibiase congratulates him, then apologizes about last night.  Orton just gives him a creepy glare.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.  They lock up.  Henry overpowers Dibiase.  Well what did you expect?  Henry drops Dibiase repeatedly and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dibiase wraps Henry’s arm around the post, then drop toe holds him into the steps.  Back inside, Dibiase goes after the arm.  Cover gets 2.  Dibiase goes for a cross body, but Henry catches him.  Dibiase manages to avoid getting squashed and hurts the arm again.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but fails.  Dibiase hits an armbreaker for the pin in 3:05.

Kofi Kingston takes on The Big Show in the final qualifying match, tonight!

Cole and Lawler introduce a very nice Jack Brisco tribute video.

WWE Slam of the Week: Last Monday, Gail Kim defeated Alicia Fox to advance to the finals of the Divas Championship Tournament.

Gail Kim and Kelly Kelly are talking.  Maryse interrupts.  They talk a bit, then Maryse speaks French.  Gail and Kelly agree that it was weird.

The Miz and Big Show are talking in Shatner’s office.  They want Shatner to give them a tag title shot.  The Straight Edge Society comes in.  Punk and Gallows want their title shot too.  Shatner comes in as “Raw Match Negotiator.”  Shatner books DX vs. Show & Miz vs. Punk & Gallows for the titles next week, plugs Priceline, then tries to freeze frame, to the confusion of everyone else there.

Triple H tells Shawn Michaels to chill and forget about the whole Undertaker business.  Michaels won’t.

Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match: Kofi Kingston vs. The Big Show.  The United States Champion, The Miz, comes out to join Cole and Lawler on commentary.  Kofi tries throwing kicks at Show’s legs, but Show throws him around.  Kofi manages to sucker Show into crotching himself on the top rope, then dropkicks him off of the apron.  Commercials.  During the break, Show speared Kofi and set to work mauling him.  Show sends Kofi to the outside.  Miz leaves the announce table to taunt him.  MVP jumps the barricade and kicks Miz’s ass.  Show picks Kofi up by the head and puts him on the apron.  Kofi pulls him across the top rope and tries a dive, but fucks it up.  Kofi rallies, ducks a clothesline, and hits Show with some kicks.  Boom Drop gets 2.  Show goes for a chokeslam, but Kofi thumbs him in the eye.  Show accidentally KO punches the referee.  Show disposes of Kofi and tries to take up the ref.  Referee Scott Armstrong comes out and DQ’s Show at 8:18.  Show is upset by this.  He yells that it was an accident.

Clips of the January 4 Bret/Vince confrontation.  Their next confrontation is NEXT!

Shot of Nashville.  They confirm that Kofi Kingston has qualified for the Elimination Chamber.

NASCAR Driver Carl Edwards guest hosts next week!  Plug for the Tag title match.

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to introduce William Shatner.  Shatner comes out flanked by the Bella Twins.  Shatner trips on the rope and knocks Lawler down.  They agree that they’re okay.  Shatner introduces Bret Hart.  Bret talks a bit, then calls out Vince McMahon.  Vince struts his way to the ring.  Vince says he doesn’t regret anything he’s done to Bret.  Bret says that’s the first true thing Vince has said to him, and lists some of the times Vince has lied to him.  They go back and forth for a bit.  Vince says Bret is pathetic and has no personality.  My DVD stops because I didn’t account for such a long overrun when I set my recorder.  Off to YouTube to find the rest of the segment!  Vince says Bret deserved to be screwed and he’s not going to put Bret’s father into the Hall of Fame because he doesn’t deserve it.  Bret kicks Vince’s ass.  Bret teases putting Vince in the Sharpshooter, but Batista appears, gently grabs Bret’s head, and lightly punches him.  Crowd wants Cena to make the save, but he’s nowhere to be found.  Batista holds Bret so Vince can spit on him.  Gross.  Fin.

Good show all in all, but my DVD going out before the last segment was over sucked.

WWE Royal Rumble 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome Royal Rumble opening video package, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are our hosts.

Savannah introduces the opening match, for the ECW Championship.

ECW Championship Match: Christian (c) vs. Ezekiel Jackson (w/ William Regal).  Jackson overpowers Christian to start.  Zeke mouths off and Christian slaps him, then bails and gets Jackson to give chase, which allows Christian to gain the advantage.  Christian springs to the top rope and takes out Zeke on the outside with a dive.  Christian avoids clotheslines and slaps Zeke again.  That strikes me as poor planning.  Zeke wails on Christian.  Christian goes for the Killswitch, but fails.  Zeke tries to press slam Christian, but Christian escapes and stands on Zeke on the middle rope, as he is apt to do.  Christian slides out, hits a palm strike, and tries to come off the top rope, but Zeke pulls him down and sends him out of the ring.  Regal tries to interfere, so the referee ejects him from ringside.  Zeke cranks on a neck lock back in the ring.  Christian tries to fight out, but Zeke chokeslams him for 2.  Zeke hits a stalling vertical suplex for 2.  Christian tries to fight back again, but Zeke hits a choke bomb for 2.  Sick enzui lariat gets 2.  Zeke keeps up the heat on Christian.  Christian comes back with a missile dropkick for 2, then goes for the Killswitch but fails again.  Christian goes for a diving headbutt, but Zeke avoids it.  Zeke hits a lariat for 2.  “LARIATO!” says Striker.  Zeke hits a backbreaker for 2.  Christian avoids Zeke in the corner and hits his through the ropes kick, then a tornado DDT for 2.  Zeke hits another lariat for 2.  Christian fails the Killswitch again, but jumps on Zeke’s back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Zeke gets hold of him and Oklahoma Stampedes him into the turnbuckles twice.  Christian escapes and hits the Killswitch out of nowhere for the pin in 12:01.  Good match!

Teddy Long and Tiffany talk in the GM office.  Cryme Tyme comes in.  They’re mad because the two of them are only allowed one spot in the Rumble match.  They say they’ve talked someone into giving them their spot.  The call in Great Khali.  They tell him he can kiss Tiffany if they can have his spot.  Ranjin Singh comes in and explains the situation to Khali.  They end up singing “Pants On The Ground.”  The Miz comes in, as confused as I am.  Teddy says that since there is no Raw guest host present, he’s in charge, so tonight, The Miz will defend the United States Championship against MVP.  Khali and Singh sing “Who Let The Dogs Out.”

Randy Orton is sitting in his locker room.  Cody Rhodes comes in and tells him that he’ll be there for him tonight, but Ted Dibiase has been talking about winning the Rumble match and going on to beat Orton for the WWE Championship.

Justin Roberts introduces the United States Championship Match!

WWE United States Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  They go straight at it.  MVP gets the first cover off of a clothesline.  MVP hits a suplex and floats over for a 1 count.  MVP keeps up the offensive.  Miz bails.  MVP follows him out and drops him across the barricade.  Miz gets back inside.  When MVP tries to follow, Miz pushes him off the apron and sends him face first into the announcers’ table.  Miz puts the boots to MVP on the outside and then back inside.  Miz either wears MVP down or gives him a rest with a hold on the mat.  MVP makes his comeback.  Ballin’ elbow drop.  MVP goes for the Playmaker, but Miz counters, then runs into MVP’s Yakuza kick for 2.  Miz pulls MVP across the top rope from the apron, goes for knee lift, but MVP hits a shoulder block for 2.  Miz avoids the Yakuza kick in the corner and goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but MVP turns it into a front cradle for 2.  MVP gets 2 counts with various cradles.  Miz bails, but MVP throws him back in the ring.  Miz gets an inside cradle for the pin in 7:30.  Fine match.  Miz taunts MVP with the belt, so MVP gives him the Playmaker.

The Big Show runs into Chris Jericho backstage.  Show says Jericho is jealous of Show’s new partnership with The Miz.  Jericho runs down the list of all of Miz’s bad qualities, which happen to be some of Jericho’s same qualities.  Show says his loyalties are now to himself, and he’ll throw Jericho out of the Rumble if it comes down to it.  R-Truth says if Show doesn’t, he will.  Jericho looks to Show for backup, but Show has already left.

Randy Orton is walking backstage when he runs into Ted Dibiase.  Dibiase tells him the opposite of what Rhodes told him earlier.

Tomorrow night, William Shatner guest hosts Raw!  And Bret Hart returns to confront Mr. McMahon!  The announcers plug what the video just plugged, then show soldiers in the crowd.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Entrances, intros, and a long stare down.  They finally lock up.  Orton drops Sheamus with a dropkick, then slithers back to the corner… like a snake!  Sheamus clubs Orton down and hits a swank looking arm breaker.  Orton bails.  Sheamus follows him out, beats him up, and brings him back in.  Man, Sheamus is so white he’s almost clear.  Orton chop blocks Sheamus and attacks the leg.  Sheamus fights back and attacks Orton’s shoulder.  Orton works the leg again.  Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder again.  They trade punches with the “BOO!”  “YAY!” bit from the crowd.  Crowd likes Orton in this one.  Sheamus hits a swank uranage backbreaker for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton slips out and kicks the bad leg twice, sending Sheamus out of the ring.  Orton catches Sheamus on the way back in the DDT OF MURDER!  Cover, but Sheamus grabs the bottom rope to break the count.  Orton sets up the PUNT OF DOOM, but Sheamus bails out of the ring to avoid it.  Cody Rhodes comes in through the crowd and attacks Sheamus.  The referee politely waits until Orton hits the RKO and covers before calling for the DQ, giving Sheamus the win in 12:26.  Good match other than the stupid ref taking so long to call for the bell.  Rhodes tries to explain himself to Orton.  Orton slugs him and beats his head against the mat.  Ted Dibiase runs out to pull him off.  Orton punches Teddy and screams at both of them that they’re done, so I guess that means Legacy is kaput.  Orton turns around and eats Sheamus’ pump kick.

Shots of Atlanta, plug for one of the Rumble theme songs.

Video package for the feud that is my pick for the 2010 Gooker of the Year Award, Michelle McCool vs. Mickie James.

Tony Chimel announces the Women’s Title match.  Michelle McCool comes out and cuts an annoying promo.  Layla comes out in her fat suit and pig nose.  The real Mickie James runs to the ring, kicks Layla’s ass, and hits the ring for…

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Michelle McCool (c) (w/ Layla) vs. Mickie James.  Layla gets on the apron.  McCool accidentally nails her.  Mickie hits the DDT for the pin to regain the championship in 22 seconds.  She drops Layla with a kick and Layla falls on Michelle.  Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, and the Bella Twins bring a huge cake out and hold McCool and Layla for Mickie to throw it in their faces.  At least this horrible fucking angle had a satisfying conclusion.  At least I hope to God that’s the conclusion.

WWE Elimination Chamber, LIVE Sunday, February 21!

Rey Mysterio is headed to the ring!

Mysterio/Undertaker video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: The Undertaker (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio goes with his usual big guy match strategy of being abusive and elusive.  Undertaker picks Mysterio up and throws him over the top rope to eliminate him from the Royal Rumble Match.  Mysterio gets up to the apron and Undertaker punches him off.  Mysterio avoids the apron leg drop, but eats it on the second attempt.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Undertaker catches him and goes for the Tombstone.  Mysterio wriggles free and kicks Taker in the head.  Mysterio tries a springboard cross body, but eats Undertaker’s boot.  Taker dismantles Mysterio at ringside.  Mysterio avoids a big boot, causing Taker to wrap his leg around the post.  Mysterio attacks the leg.  Taker goes for a Last Ride on the outside, but Mysterio grabs the ropes and takes Taker down with an Asai moonsault.  Taker has a bloody nose.  Taker avoids a baseball slide dropkick and THROWS Mysterio into the barricade.  Back inside, pissed off Taker dismantles Mysterio.  Mysterio takes Taker down.  Taker sits up.  Mysterio dropkicks him down and hits the springboard guillotine leg drop for 2.  Mysterio keeps up the comeback until Taker murders him with a clothesline.  Mysterio avoids the Last Ride and hits the 619, dropkick, another 619, then goes for the West Coast Pop, but Taker catches him and drills him with the Last Ride for the pin in 11:08.  REALLY good match here.

Backstage, Kane tells Shawn Michaels that his obsession with The Undertaker is unhealthy.  Triple H enters as Kane leaves.  They agree that tonight, “May the best man win.”  Michaels says him and The Undertaker is destiny.  Triple H says he’ll have to find another way.

WrestleMania teaser video.

The announcers introduce the awesome Royal Rumble hype video.

Justin Roberts explains the rules of the Royal Rumble that we’ve all known by heart for years.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is Dolph Ziggler.  #2 is Evan Bourne.  They both look up at the WrestleMania XXVI sign for a cool visual moment, then go at it.  Bourne gets the better of Ziggler with a rana and a big kick.  Ziggler lands some punches, dropkicks Bourne, and tries to eliminate him but fails.  Bourne ranas Ziggler to the apron, but Ziggler manages to stay in.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and tries to throw Bourne out again.  Bourne drops Ziggler with a kick from the apron and hits a Shooting Star press.  #3 is CM Punk (w/ Serena).  Punk tosses Bourne, then clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring.  Serena hands Punk the microphone and cuts his usual promo, mid-Rumble.  The countdown begins and Punk says “Excuse me, it’s Clobberin’ Time.”  Awesome.  #4 is JTG.  JTG runs wild for a minute, then gets eliminated.  Punk continues his promo.  #5 is Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh).  Punk offers to “save” Khali.  Khali chops him down and puts him in the head vice.  #6 is Beth Phoenix, the second woman to ever enter the Royal Rumble.  Khali picks Beth up and gently places her on the apron.  Beth kisses him and pulls him out of the ring to eliminate him.  Beth clotheslines Punk and kicks his ass.  Punk counters her and gives her the Go 2 Sleep.  #7 is Zack Ryder.  Punk eliminates Phoenix.  Punk teases offering to save Ryder, then hits him with the mic, kicks his ass, and eliminates him.  Punk continues his promo.  #8 is one half of the Unified WWE Tag Team Champions, Triple H, who won the last Rumble match held in Atlanta.  Triple H kicks Punk’s ass.  Punk hits the knee to the corner.  Triple H avoids the bulldog and hits the spinebuster.  #9 is the Intercontinental Champion, Drew McInytre.  Triple H beats up McIntyre a bit, then tries to Pedigree Punk.  Punk counters and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Triple H counters and eliminates Punk.  McIntyre and Triple H go at it.  #10 is Ted Dibiase Jr.  The young heels double team Triple H.  #11 is John Morrison.  Morrison runs wild on Dibiase, then goes after his rival, McIntyre.  Morrison drills McIntyre with a spinning DDT.  Dibiase attacks Morrison and goes for the Dream Street, but Morrison counters and drops Dibiase with a kick.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain on McIntyre.  Triple H clotheslines Morrison.  #12 is Kane.  Kane hits the diving clothesline on Triple H, then runs wild on everybody else.  Double chokeslam to Morrison and McIntyre.  Kane tries to eliminate Dibiase.  Triple H saves him, oddly.  Kane chokeslams Triple H and tries to eliminate Dibiase again.  #13 is Cody Rhodes, who saves his partner.  Legacy double teams Kane.  Rhodes drops Hunter and McIntyre.  Morrison fights Rhodes but gets knocked to the apron.  Morrison tries a springboard, but gets caught with a dropkick from Rhodes.  Triple H stops Legacy from eliminating Kane.  Triple H almost eliminates Rhodes.  #14 is MVP, but Miz hits him in the back of the head the United States title belt before he can make it to the ring.  Hunter fights Rhodes and Kane fights McIntyre.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck on McIntyre.  The referees help MVP out.  #15 is Carlito.  He runs wild on everyone and hits the Back Stabber on Triple H, McIntyre, and Dibiase.  #16 is the United States Champion, The Miz.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Carlito, then goes after Morrison.  MVP comes in and kicks Miz’s ass, eliminates Miz and himself in the process.  #17 is Matt Hardy.  Twist of Fate to McIntyre.  Side Effect to Rhodes.  Kane eliminates Hardy.  Triple H eliminates Kane.  Spinebusters to Rhodes, Carlito, Dibiase, and Morrison.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree on Rhodes, but McIntyre takes out his leg.  Carlito and McIntyre attack Triple H’s leg.  #18 is Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Shawn Michaels.  Michaels eliminates Carlito, Rhodes, Dibiase, and Morrison in short order.  McIntyre gets in some offense on Michaels.  Hunter wakes up for some DX double teaming to eliminate McIntyre.  DX stare down.  #19 is John Cena.  Cena runs wild on DX with his comeback routine, including a double Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Cena tries the Attitude Adjustment on Michaels.  Triple H saves and Pedigrees Cena.  Michaels shows what an ingrate he is by superkicking Triple H out of the match.  #20 is Shelton Benjamin.  Shelton runs wild.  Paydirt to Michaels.  He tries it on Cena, but Cena lifts him up and eliminates him.  #21 is Yoshi Tatsu!  Yoshi runs wild for a minute, and is awesome until Cena eliminates him.  #22 is The Big Show.  He runs wild for about 10 seconds.  Cena and Michaels counter each other.  Michaels has to do the skin the cat spot to avoid being eliminated, almost is able to head scissors Big Show, but Show drops him on the mat.  #23 is Mark Henry.  Henry and Show have their big guy fight for a few seconds.  Cena hits some shoulder blocks on Show and Henry body slams him.  Cena tries to F-U Henry but fails.  #24 is Chris Masters.  Masters press slams Michaels and tries to put Show in the Master Lock, but Show eliminates him.  Henry struggles with Show on the ropes.  Michaels tries to help.  #25 is R-Truth.  Truth eliminates Henry AND Show, then runs wild on Cena and Michaels.  #26 is Jack Swagger.  Swagger has his turn to run wild.  Oklahoma Stampede to R-Truth.  Swagger ALMOST eliminates Michaels, who luckily and desperately manages to hold on.  #27 is Kofi Kingston.  Kofi runs wild.  Boom Drop to Swagger, then Kofi eliminates him.  Kofi almost gets eliminated himself, but eliminates R-Truth instead.  #28 is Chris Jericho, who gets a big pop.  Jericho gets his licks in.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Jericho.  Michaels hits a DDT on Cena.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop on Jericho.  Michaels warms up a superkick, but Kofi nails him with the Trouble In Paradise.  Cena eliminates Kofi.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Cena.  #29 is the returning Edge!  Edge goes straight for his former partner Jericho, spears everyone, and eliminates Jericho.  Edgecution to Cena.  #30 is Batista.  All participants have entered and there are only 4 left: Michaels, Cena, Edge, and Batista.  Batista runs wild and hits spinebusters on Michaels and Cena.  Edge spears Batista.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Edge.  Michaels hits the diving elbow on Cena and an enzuigirl on Batista.  Diving elbow to Batista.  Superkick to Cena.  Superkick to Batista.  Edge clotheslines Michaels and they both go over but manage to stay on the apron.  Michaels superkicks Edge back INTO the ring.  Batista hits Michaels from behind and eliminates him.  Michaels goes crazy, throws a ref into the table, and superkicks referee Charles Robinson.  He finally leaves.  I hope this means we’re gonna get crazy Shawn Michaels leading to WrestleMania.  Cena counters the Batista Bomb.  Batista counters the Attitude Adjustment.  Cena low bridges Batista out of the ring.  We’re down to 2.  Edge throws Cena out of the ring to win it in 49:24.  Edge celebrates.

I’ll give the show a thumbs up all in all as the undercard was really good (especially Undertaker/Mysterio).  The Rumble itself was a little rushed and underwhelming, with way too much “guy comes in, runs wild, gets eliminated.”  Still, even a poor Rumble is fun to watch.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 1/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open. Tonight on Smackdown, DX defends the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship against the Straight Edge Society’s CM Punk & Luke Gallows. DX makes their way to the ring as Todd Grisham and Matt Striker welcome us to the show.

DX starts to do their pre-match spiel, but are interrupted by Rey Mysterio Jr. Mysterio is offended that Michaels thinks it’s a foregone conclusion that The Undertaker is going to beat Mysterio at the Royal Rumble. DX no sells him as any kind of threat. Mysterio says he’ll beat The Undertaker this Sunday. He and Michaels threaten each other. The Straight Edge Society or Punk, Gallows, and Serena comes out. Punk says tonight, he and Gallows will become Tag Team Champions. Triple H tells Punk he’s relieved to know that he’s straight, but nobody cares about his abstinence from alcohol. Triple H says he doesn’t drink, smoke, or do drugs either, but he doesn’t look like a crack head. He recommends that Punk take a shower. Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes out and screws us out the advertised main event, canceling the Tag title match and making Mysterio vs. Michaels and Punk vs. Triple H for tonight. Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, CM Punk shaved Serena’s head.

CM Punk (w/ Luke Gallows & Serena) vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Triple H. They lock up. Hunter takes Punk over with a side headlock. Triple H drops Punk with a clothesline for 2, then works the side headlock again. They go back and forth for a bit, trading blows. Hunter goes for the Pedigree, but Punk escapes the predicament and bails. Triple H pulls him back in the ring, then gets distracted by Gallows, which allows Punk to hit the springboard clothesline. Insta-commercial. Punk works over Triple H. Hunter blocks a suplex attempt and suplexes Punk. Punk drops Hunter with a kick to the head for 2. Hunter fights back and hits the spinebuster. Both guys make it to their feet. Triple H makes his comeback. Knee to the face, followed by punches. Triple H tells Punk to suck it, then drops him with a punch for 2. Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Punk backdrops him out. Punk hits the knee in the corner and goes for the bulldog, but Triple H hits a shin breaker and locks in the figure-four leglock. Triple H uses the ropes for leverage. Serena distracts the referee, allowing Gallows to deck Triple H to break the hold. Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep. Hunter counters and goes for the Pedigree. Serena jumps on Triple H’s back to cause the DQ (9:21 shown). The Straight Edge Society beats down Triple H and teases shaving his head, but Shawn Michaels runs in for the save. They clothesline Gallows out of the ring. Punk uses Serena as a shield to escape. Michaels teases superkicking her, but she bails. Triple H stomps on Punk’s clippers. Good little match.

Tonight, Rey Mysterio takes on Shawn Michaels, plus Drew McIntyre defends the Intercontinental Championship against John Morrison in a No DQ Match!

Chris Jericho is headed our way! plug.

Chris Jericho vs. R-Truth.  These two have been having their issues lately.  They lock up.  Jericho does some stuff, then Truth clotheslines him out of the ring and tries to dive on him.  Jericho avoids it and R-Truth crashes and burns.  Insta-commercial.  Jericho works over R-Truth.  Truth hits a clothesline and starts making a comeback.  Truth takes Jericho over with a head scissors and hits a kick for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but R-Truth counters into an inside cradle for 2.  R-Truth avoids the Codebreaker by holding onto the ropes, then pins Jericho with a jackknife hold (4:55 shown).  Fine little match.

They show the Undertaker/Mysterio confrontation from last week, and Batista’s subsequent attack on Mysterio.

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.  Batista says he’ll hurt anyone who gets in his way of winning the Royal Rumble.

John Morrison is headed our way!

Royal Rumble hype video.

Bullshit WWE “fact” of the week.

John Morrison comes out and cuts a promo, leading to…

No DQ Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Drew McIntyre (c) vs. John Morrison.  Morrison kicks McIntyre’s ass to start.  These two have been engaged in quite the rivalry.  Morrison clotheslines McIntyre out of the ring and follows him out, but McIntyre surprises him with blows from a Singapore cane he pulled from under the ring.  Back into the ring, cover gets 2.  McIntyre works over Morrison.  Morrison starts fighting back and McIntyre bails.  He tries to take the belt and leaves, but Morrison stops him and throws him back in the ring.  McIntyre manages to get back on the offensive.  Insta-commercial.  McIntyre continues to beat up Morrison.  Morrison avoids the double arm DDT and goes for the Flying Chuck, but McIntyre pushes Morrison out of the ring.  They fight into the crowd.  Back at the ringside area, Morrison wails on McIntyre with the Singapore cane.  McIntyre thumbs Morrison in the eye, then tries to use the cane, but Morrison hip tosses him onto the steps.  Ouch.  Back into the ring, cover gets 2.  Morrison goes for the Starship Pain, but McIntyre gets his knees up.  McIntyre hits the double arm DDT onto the belt for the pin (8:14 shown).  Pretty good match here.

Mysterio vs. Michaels is still to come!

Plug for the Royal Rumble theme song.

Shot of downtown Cincinnati.

The Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool comes to the ring.  She makes fun of Mickie James.  I’m so motherfucking sick of this motherfucking angle.  They show the retarded, food-related shenanigans from last week.  She issues an open challenge.  Mickie James’ music hits, and Layla comes out in a fat suit and a pig nose.  Whoever came up with this angle, I hope his dick turns black and falls off.  The bell rings and there’s a referee, so I guess we officially have…

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Michelle McCool (c) vs. Layla in a fat suit pretending to be Mickie James, who isn’t fat at all.  Seriously, whoever is booking this shit needs to fuck off and die.  Michelle leads Layla around the ringside area holding a donut in front of her.  Michelle trips Layla and pins her in 53 seconds.  I love Striker, but I kinda want to punch him in the dick for playing along with this retarded shit on commentary.

Mysterio/Michaels is still to come, and hopefully won’t piss me off as much as the previous segment.

Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” video.

Grisham and Striker hype the Royal Rumble card.

Shawn Michaels is walking in the back.  He runs into Batista, who tells him to stay out of his way at the Rumble.  Michaels tells Batista he always thought he was overrated.  Batista says “Maybe I should…” but Triple H interrupts before he can reveal what he should maybe do.  Batista bitches down to Hunter.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Shawn Michaels.  Michaels works a headlock to start.  Once they get back to their feet, Michaels hits Mysterio with a bunch of chops.  Michaels just fucking throws Mysterio out of the ring.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a deja-vu that puts Michaels in 619 position.  Michaels bails to avoid it and collect himself.  Back inside, Michaels chops Mysterio some more.  Mysterio bails, but Michaels follows him out and chops him again.  Back inside.  Michaels stomps Mysterio in the face.  Michaels avoids the 619.  Mysterio avoids the superkick.  Mysterio ranas Michaels and himself out of the ring.  Insta-commercial.  Raw plug.  Back to action, with Mysterio hammering Michaels.  Mysterio attacks Michaels’ leg.  Michaels throws more chops while selling the leg.  He drops Mysterio with a neckbreaker.  Mysterio hops to the top rope, but Michaels hits him, causing him to get tied to the tree of woe for a moment, but then he falls.  Mysterio goes for a Frankensteiner,  but Michaels catches his leg and locks him in a modified figure-four leglock.  Mysterio gets out of it and rocks Michaels with an enzuigiri.  They trade blows.  Mysterio kicks at the bad leg.  Michaels drops Mysterio and nips up.  Mysterio hits a rana and a springboard Bombs Away for 2.  Mysterio drops Michaels and goes for the springboard splash, but Michaels gets his knees up.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop and warms up the band for the Sweet Chin Music.  Mysterio cuts him off with a rolling kick and hits the 619.  Mysterio springboards, but flies right into a midair superkick.  Batista runs in and spears Michaels to cause the DQ (about 12 minutes shown).  Pretty good match.  Batista hits a spinebuster on Mysterio and sets up Michaels for the Batista Bomb, but Triple H runs out for the save.  Spinebuster to Batista, then clotheslines him and takes them both out of the ring.  Michaels and Mysterio try to make it to their feet.  The lights go out and the gong sounds.  The World Heavyweight Champion, The Undertaker, appears and double chokeslams Michaels and Mysterio.

Good show, except for the Piggy James shit I fucking hate.  Next stop, Royal Rumble!