Archive for Dusty Rhodes

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/11/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are TAPED from Houston!  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Booker T are the announcers.  Triple H will be here tonight.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out.  They show the contract signing and brawl with Alberto Del Rio last week, with Christian making the save for Edge and beating the piss out of Del Rio.  Edge says he wants to fight Del Rio tonight.  Alberto Del Rio and Brodus Clay come out.  Del Rio and Edge talk shit to each other.  Edge attacks them both.  That’s stupid, because there are two of them, and they quickly overcome Edge and put a beating on him.  Christian makes the save.  Big Brodus Clay drops him too.  Referees come out to break it up.  Teddy Long comes out and books a tag match with Del Rio & Clay against the 7-time Tag Team Champions, Edge & Christian!

Michael Cole says he’s going to interview John Cena tonight.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Kane comes out.  They show the stuff with Kane, Big Show, and The Corre from last week.  Wade Barrett comes out and cuts a promo on him.

Kane vs. Wade Barrett.  Barrett goes on the attack.  Kane rallies and beats up Barrett.  The rest of The Corre hit the ring to cause the DQ in 42 seconds.  The Big Show makes the save with a steel chair.  Insta-commercials.

The Big Show & Kane vs. Wade Barrett & WWE Tag Team Champion Heath Slater of The Corre.  JIP.  Show beats up Slater.  Barrett tags in.  Show beats him up too.  Barrett counters the choke slam and chop blocks Show’s knee, then drops him with a big boot and stomps on him.  Slater tags in to continue the work.  Show stands up with Slater on his back and drops him.  Kane gets the tag and hits Slater with the diving lariat.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam, then knocks Barrett off the apron.  Kane hits a big boot and goes for the chokeslam.  Gabriel and Zeke run in to cause the DQ again (3:19 shown).  Big Show cleans house with a chair, then hits Kane with it for good measure because of what happened last week.

Rey Mysterio is backstage getting ready for action.

From Raw: Michael Cole introduces John Bradshaw Layfield as his chosen referee from WrestleMania, but Stone Cold Steve Austin signed on for the job instead!

Tonight, Edge & Christian vs. Del Rio & Clay!

Cody Rhodes is headed our way!

From Smackdown 2 weeks ago: Cody & Dusty Rhodes set up Rey Mysterio!

Cody Rhodes vs. JTG.  Rhodes wrestles in his suit for some damn reason.  Maybe the airline lost his gear.  He attacks JTG and beats the hell out of him.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 52 seconds.  SQUASH.

From Raw: Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker.

Tonight, Triple H responds to The Undertaker!  Next, Cole interviews John Cena!

Houston!

Michael Cole interviews John Cena in the ring.  The show WWE Champion The Miz attacking Cena on Raw.  Cena tells Cole to shut up, then cuts a promo on Miz.  He says he’s done with the BS with The Rock and he’s going to focus on Miz.  He goes to leave, but Cole says he’s not done.  He talks about how gay he is for Miz.  Cena goes to kick his ass.  Jack Swagger hits the ring and attacks Cena, with Cole cheering him on.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Cena kicks him out of the ring and picks Cole up for the Attitude Adjusment.  Swagger saves him and takes it himself.

Tonight, Edge & Christian vs. Del Rio & Clay!

Sin Cara vignette.

Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. Kaitlyn.  “Shucky ducky quack quack,” Booker T says.  I have no fucking clue.  I can make a good guess about how awful this match will be.  They lock up.  Kaitlyn shoves Layla, then pulls her off the ropes onto her back.  McCool gets on the apron.  Kaitlyn tussles with her.  Layla lands a kick and hits the Lay Out for the pin in 55 seconds.  Thank God.  They beat up Kaitlyn after the match.

Mysterio in action next.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Cole is back on commentary.  Ugh.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Drew McIntyre.  McIntyre boots Mysterio in the face early and keeps the heat going for a bit.  Mysterio hits a headscissors and goes for the 619.  McIntyre bails.  Mysterio gives him a drop toe hold into the apron.  McIntyre sends Mysterio into the post, then gives him a sidewalk slam into the apron.  Insta-commercials.  McIntyre does a bow & arrow lock.  McIntyre tries to set up a superplex.  Mysterio knocks him down, hits the senton, then misses a high cross body.  McIntyre gets an Oklahoma Roll for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin (4:30 shown).  Good little match.  Cody Rhodes comes out.  He wants an answer to his WrestleMania challenge.  Mysterio agrees to the match.

Next, Triple H responds to The Undertaker!

Triple H comes to the ring and introduces a video package on himself.  He cuts a long promo about his match with the Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Over the years, it’s become habit for me to zone out when he talks.

Matt Striker interviews Christian.  Edge comes in.  The main event is NEXT!

Houston!

Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Brodus Clay, who is already in the ring, and Alberto Del Rio, who comes out in his car.

Alberto Del Rio & Brodus Clay vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Christian.  Christian beats up Clay, who is a fucking awesome big man and sells like a big man should.  Christian goes for a tornado DDT, but Del Rio distracts him.  Clay hits a fall away slam.  On the outside, Del Rio sends Christian into the barricade.  Edge chases Del Rio, who bails into the crowd.  Clay hits an elbow drop on Christian for 2.  Clay slams Christian and tags in Del Rio.  Del Rio hits like a running stomp for 2.  Del Rio works Christian’s arm for a while.  Christian hits the diving European uppercut.  Clay and Edge tag in.  CLay catches a cross body and powerslams Edge for 2.  Edge gives Clay a drop toe hold into the bottom turnbuckle, knocks Del Rio off the apron, and goes for the spear.  Clay catches him with a clothesline, then sets him in the corner and goes for a running ass.  Edge avoids it.  Del Rio attack Edge.  Christian attacks Del Rio and backdrops him to the floor.  Christian plants Clay with a tornado DDT.  Edge comes off the top with a diving elbow drop on Clay for the pin in 5:49.  Very fun match.  Brodus Clay is wildly entertaining.

Besides the matches being really short, this was a pretty fun show.

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/4/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of last week’s happenings.  Tonight, the contract signing for Edge vs. Alberto Del Rio at WrestleMania!

Smackdown open.  We are TAPED from Cleveland, Ohio.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Booker T are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.  Tonight, The Undertaker returns to Smackdown!

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out to cut a promo.  He talks about Alberto Del Rio.  He talks about how happy he is to be rid of Vickie Guerrero.  Drew McIntyre hits the ring and brawls with Edge.  Edge sends him to the floor.  Teddy Long comes out and thanks McIntyre for losing, causing Vickie to be fired.  He books Edge vs. McIntyre for right now.  Edge gets the crowd to chant “Thank you, Drew.”  Commercials.

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Drew McIntyre.  Edge goes on the attack.  McIntyre gets the advantage and beats up Edge.  McIntyre works Edge’s injured arm.  McIntyre drops Edge with a big boot and sends him to the floor, then rams the injured arm into the announce table.  McIntyre yells that he’s going to end Edge’s career.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  McIntyre rips the tape off of Edge’s injured elbow and further abuses it.  Edge back body drops McIntyre on the floor.  Back inside, Edge goes up top and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge hits the spear, then pulls McIntyre up at 2.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator for the submission in 5:20.  Fine little match.

Tonight, Big Show vs. Kane!  The Undertaker!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Cody Rhodes comes out to Rey Mysterio’s music wearing the mask he stole last week.  They show the ambush Cody and Dusty Rhodes set up against Mysterio last week.  Rhodes cuts a good promo and challenges Mysterio to a match at WrestleMania.

Kane encounters The Corre backstage.  They offer their help against Show tonight.

The Corre defend the tag titles against Santino & Kozlov NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater (c) of The Corre (w/ Wade Barrett & Ezekiel Jackson) vs. Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino and Gabriel dance around, then lock up.  Santino throws Gabriel around.  Kozlov tags in and goes maulin’.  Santino and Kozlov clear the ring.  Commercials.  Kozlov has Slater in a headlock.  That’s odd.  The Corre cut Kozlov off.  Barrett gets in a cheap shot.  The Corre get the heat on Kozlov.  Santino gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  Barrett gets on the ring and takes the bullet.  Slater hits Santino with a reverse DDT for the pin in 7:29.  Meh.  The Corre celebrate.

Christian returns next week!  They show the attack by Alberto Del Rio that injured him last year and Christian’s return attack on Del Rio at Elimination Chamber.

Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez are backstage.  Someone is painting a portrait of Del Rio.

Up next, The Undertaker!  Commercials!

They show Triple H’s promo on Undertaker from Raw.

The Undertaker comes out to “Ain’t No Grave” by Johnny Cash, wish is an awesome choice for entrance music.  He talks about facing Triple H at WrestleMania.  Fine promo.

Tonight, the contract signing!  Kane vs. Show!  Commercials!

Cleveland!

Sin Cara is coming to WWE!

Beth Phoenix & Rosa Mendez vs. Michelle McCool & Layla.  They show the bickering between LayCool last week.  Beth and McCool lock up.  Beth attacks McCool’s allegedly injured foot.  Rosa tags in and does the same.  Layla tags in.  Rosa throws her down some, then swings at McCool.  Layla beats up Rosa.  McCool tags in and shoves Layla, then beats up Rosa.  Layla and Beth tag in.  Beth runs wild and hits a powerslam.  McCool saves.  The referee gets distracted by Rosa.  McCool kicks Beth with her loaded boot for the pin in 2:19.  This sucked.

Next, Show vs. Kane, which will also suck.  Commercials.

The Big Show vs. Kane.  They show Show fighting off The Corre last week.  Kane and Show brawl.  Double clothesline spot.  The Corre come out.  Barrett throws Kane a chair.  Kane hits Show with it to cause the DQ in 1:14.  The Corre attack Show.  Kane hammers Gabriel with the chair.  The Corre bail.  At least this was short.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Replay of Shawn Michaels speaking on the Undertaker/Triple H match.

Jack Swagger comes out.  They show Swagger attacking Jerry Lawler on Raw.  Cole gets in the ring to babble for a while.  He hypes his mystery guest referee and insults Cleveland.  Commercials.

Jack Swagger vs. JTG.  Swagger takes JTG down and humps him or something.  Cole is babbling a mile a minute.  Matthews and Booker look like they want to die.  Swagger hits some Vader Bombs and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 1:06.  Cole is so excited he humps the announce table.  He gets in the ring to hug Swagger.  I imagine Cole will obey Swagger’s music and “get down on his knees” to suck Swagger’s cock.

Video of the Rock/John Cena shit talking.

Edge is talking backstage.  He defaces Del Rio’s portrait, then kicks the painter in the ass.  Commercials.

Teddy Long is in the ring for the contract signing.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio has Ricardo sing the Mexican National Anthem.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge interrupts.  They banter for a while and sign the contract.  Teddy scampers out of the ring just before Edge and Del Rio start brawling.  Edge hits the Edgecution and goes for the spear.  Ricardo grabs his leg.  Del Rio beats up Edge and puts him in the cross armbreaker for a moment, then throws him to the floor and sends his injured arm into the barricade.  Del Rio puts a chair around Edge’s arm.  Christian makes the save and kicks Del Rio’s ass.  Del Rio tries to run away, but Christian chases him down and kicks his ass some more.  Referees break it up.

Okayish show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 2/25/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, recap of last week’s happenings.

Teddy Long books Drew McIntyre & Vickie Guerrero vs. Edge & Kelly Kelly tonight, with Vickie being fired if her team loses.

Smackdown open.  Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, and Booker T are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Kane.  Kane beats up Mysterio and hits a basement kick for 2.  Mysterio tries to do a headscissors, but Kane counters and hits an Oklahoma Stampede for 2.  Kane applies a body scissors.  Mysterio fights out… and runs into a tilt a whirl backbreaker.  Kane covers for 2.  Mysterio finally rallies and goes for the 619.  Kane bails.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Kane avoids a dive off the apron and mows Mysterio down with a big boot.  Insta-commercials.  Kane hits a backbreaker.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits some elbow drops for 2.  Kane applies a bear hug.  Mysterio fights out.  Kane bear hugs him again and rams him into the corner.  Kane tries to set up a superplex, but Mysterio fights him off and hits the diving seated senton.  Mysterio makes his comeback and hits a buzzsaw kick for 2.  Mysterio comes off the top, but is met with a uppercut from Kane.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio avoids the diving lariat, then counters the chokeslam and hits the 619.  Mysterio comes off the top again, but Kane catches him.  Mysterio turns it into a sunset flip for the pin (7:32 shown).  Boring match, but a fun closing stretch.  DUSTY RHODES comes out to the ring!  Mysterio is happy to see him.  They hug.  Insta-commercials.

Dusty Rhodes and Rey Mysterio are still in the ring.  Dusty apologizes for his son being a little bitch.  He calls out Cody to apologize himself.  Cody Rhodes comes out in a suit and a face mask.  He whines about Mysterio breaking his face.  Dusty talks about Cody losing focus.  It takes a while, because Dusty speaks with a slow, southern drawl.  He urges Cody to “make this right” and apologize.  Cody apologizes to his dad and Mysterio.  He and Mysterio shake hands.  Dusty and Mysterio hug again, the Dusty holds Mysterio so Cody can jump him.  A dastardly act of treason from the Dream!  Cody destroys Mysterio and smashes his face into stuff, then throws him into his Tron mirror and breaks it.  Cody steals Mysterio’s mask.  Referees cover Mysterio’s face with a towel, lucha-style.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Dusty and Cody Rhodes hug backstage.

Rosa Mendez vs. Layla (w/ Michelle McCool).  No entrances.  McCool is doing commentary.  Rosa shakes Layla’s head.  They do some shit and take a bump to the floor.  Rosa hits McCool.  McCool atacks Rosa to cause the DQ in 1:24.  Fucking pointless.  Layla is pissed at being screwed out of the win.  LayCool bicker, then leave together.  Ugh.

Tonight, Edge & Kelly vs. McIntyre & Vickie.

Tonight, a replay of John Cena’s promo from Raw.

Non-Title: Jack Swagger vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  Ugh, this match again.  They show the brawl between Kingston and Alberto Del Rio on Raw.  Swagger goes after Kofi’s injured arm.  Swagger hits a shoulder block for 2.  Kofi beats up Swagger in the corner.  The referee gets in the way.  Kofi keeps rolling and hits the Boom Drop.  Swagger attacks the arm again, then rams Kofi’s ankle into the post.  Kofi misses a kick.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:45.  At least it was short this time.

Vickie Guerrero knocks on Teddy Long’s door.  She begs the door to reconsider.  The door is unresponsive.

Next, time wasted with Raw replays!

They replay John Cena’s promo from Raw.

Vickie Guerrero begs Chavo Guerrero Jr. for help.  Chavo’s sick of her shit too.

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  The Corre are banned from ringside.  I think Show managed to hit Michael Cole with his ring jacket, which is awesome.  Show beats up Barrett.  Barrett jumps on Show’s back and applies a sleeper hold.  Show fades, but makes it to the ropes.  Barrett puts the boots to him.  Insta-commercials.  Barrett continues pounding on Show.  Show tries to come back, but Barrett dropkicks his knee and hits that sweet short DDT for 2.  Show throws Barrett out of the ring on the kick out.  Barrett comes back in and is thrown out again.  Barrett sends Show’s head into the post and goes back into the ring.  Show pulls him out, which should have started the count, and goes back in to win by count-out in 3:58.  The Corre come out to save Barrett from farther punishment and go after Show.  Show gets a steel chair to even the score and manages to crack Gabriel with it.  He’s sick of their shit.

Tonight, Edge & Kelly vs. McIntyre & Vickie.

Up next, a replay of the Undertaker/Triple H segment from Raw.

As threatened, they kill some time replaying the Undertaker/Triple H segment from Raw, this time with a fancy voice over.

The main event is NEXT!

Drew McIntyre & Vickie Guerrero vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge & Kelly Kelly.  Kelly insists on starting with Vickie.  Joy.  Vickie tries a kick, but Kelly trips her and beats on her.  Vickie scampers away to make the tag.  McIntyre yells at Kelly.  Edge beats up McIntyre.  McIntyre beats up Edge.  Edge beats up McIntyre.  Vickie slaps Edge from the apron.  McIntyre boots Edge in the face and goes for the Future Shock.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Edge goes for the spear.  Vickie begs him not to.  Kelly spears Vickie.  Edge spears McIntyre for the pin in 5:36.  Teddy Long comes out and dances.  Insta-commercials.

Teddy Long, Edge, and Vickie Guerrero are in the ring.  Vickie pleads and screams for her job.  Teddy fires her anyway.  YAY!  She whines to Booker T, who laughs at her.  She hugs Michael Cole for comfort.  Cole promises to do what he can for her.  She begs the camera man for help.  She begs Edge for help.  He sings the goodbye song instead.  Heh.  She screams in anger.  Alberto Del Rio appears and attacks Edge!  Del Rio applies the dreaded cross ambreaker!  Del Rio stands tall as the show ends.

Pretty shitty show.  I would enjoy Vickie getting fired more if I wasn’t 1,247,000% sure she’ll be back making my ear drums bleed.

WCW SuperBrawl VIII (Repost)

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

The shows opens with a Sting/Hogan hype video.

Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay, and Bobby Heenan are on commentary LIVE from the Cow Palace in San Francisco.  They talk about what’s going to happen TONIGHT, then send it to David Penzer to introduce the first match!

WCW World Television Championship Match:
Rick Martel (c) vs. Booker T.  The winner of this match will defend the title against Perry Saturn later tonight.  Martel offers a handshake, then tries to jump Booker.  He was at worst a tweener on the last PPV, so I’m going to make a wild assumption that he at least half ass turned heel to win the belt from Booker on TV between the PPVs.  Back and forth match early on.  The Flock is in the crowd watching.  They do a lot of the same stuff from their previous PPV match.  The audio on the show is kind of wonky, the commentary isn’t as loud as usual.  Martel sends Booker into the guardrail to get the advantage and builds the heat.  Booker hits a side slam.  He misses an elbow drop but Spinaroonies up and hits an elbow smash.  Martel fights back and gets a near fall off of a powerslam.  Booker fights back again, but Martel hits a spinebuster and locks in the crab hold.  Booker gets a rope break.  Martel hits a crossbody, but Booker rolles through and gets a near fall, then gets another with a reverse cradle.  Martel gets his own near fall with a lariat.  Booker bounces off the ropes and hits a big forearm, then the scissors kick and slam.  Booker goes up top and goes for a crossbody, but Martel ducks.  Martel dives off the top rope, but Booker catches him with the Harlem Side Kick to win the title at 10:33.  Saturn jumps in the ring, tosses Martel, and attacks Booker, which gives us…

WCW World Television Championship Match:
Booker T (c) vs. Perry Saturn.  Saturn locks in the Rings of Saturn, but Booker gets a rope break.  Saturn tries to get the pin with various cradles, then chokes Booker with his shirt.  Booker hits his rollup out of the corner for a near fall, but Saturn immediately goes back to kicking his ass.  Saturn beats up Booker on the outside of the ring.  Booker gets a brief second wind and reverses an Irish whip to send Saturn into the guardrail.  He can’t follow up though, and Saturn jumps on him again.  Back in the ring, Booker gets beat up some more.  Booker catches Saturn with a slam.  Saturn knocks him out of the ring again and hits a dive.  Saturn beats on Booker some more.  Booker ducks a shot and hits a forearm.  Saturn ducks a charging Booker, who takes a funny looking bump bouncing off the turnbuckle.  Saturn hits a backdrop suplex off of the middle rope.  Saturn keeps trying to pin Booker to close to the ropes.  Saturn goes for a superplex, but Booker counters it with a front suplex and hits his missile dropkick.  Everytime Booker hits a move, he has to take a moment to breathe and can’t finish Saturn off.  Saturn hits an Exploder, but now he’s sleepy too.  Saturn finally gets around to making the cover, but Booker kicks out.  Saturn hits a nice belly-to-belly for another near fall.  Saturn hits a springboard moonsault to knock Booker down.  They slowly make it back to their feet.  Saturn beats Booker down and chokes him.  Booker tries to climb the ropes but kind of stumbles back into a Saturn suplex.  Saturn wears down Booker with a chin lock.  Tenay announces that Martel’s knee was injured in the previous match.  Booker and Saturn run the ropes and crossbody each other.  Booker hits a slam, the scissors kick, and a sidewalk slam.  Booker goes for the Harlem Hangover, but Saturn moves.  Saturn hits a various suplexes for near falls.  Booker nails the Harlem Side Kick out of nowhere for the win at 14:24.  The Booker/Martel match was fine, though I liked their match from the previous PPV better.  Booker/Saturn was good too and worked well in the context of this whole thing.

I don’t know how true the details are, but according to Wikipedia, Martel was supposed to win these matches.  He injured his knee and broke his leg in the Booker match, so they improvised a new finish.  Then, Booker and Saturn called their whole match in the ring.  Martel would return in July and reinjure himself in his first match back before retiring for good.  I emailed Meltzer and he says it’s true.

La Parka vs. Disco Inferno.  Apparently, they’re feuding over who is the better dancer.  Naturally, the way to settle a disagreement over dancing is to have a wrestling match.  A minute in, La Parka sends Disco out of the ring with a kick and hits a suicide dive.  The audio on this show is very odd.  You can hear what’s going on where the cameras are shooting a lot louder than you can hear the announcers.  Parka controls the match for a while.  Disco has a brief comeback, then gets kicked in the face.  Parka headscissors Disco out of the ring, then hits a tope suicida.  Back in the ring, Disco starts fighting back.  The ref gets nailed somehow while my wife was blocking the TV.  Parka brings his chair in and politely lets Disco sit down.  Parka goes to the top rope.  Disco stops him and goes for a superplex, but Parka counters.  Parka ends up taking a bump facefirst into the chair.  Disco hits the Chart Buster to get the win at 11:41.  Not a bad match, but I thought it was about twice as long as a feud over dance moves deserves.

Mean Gene Okerlund is with JJ Dillon.  Dillon calls out referee Nick Patrick and reinstates him, but he’s not going to be the referee in the main event tonight.

Brad Armstrong vs. Bill Goldberg.  This is a special bonus match.  Armstrong tries, but Goldberg is too much for him.  Goldberg tosses him around a bit and no sells everything Armstrong tries.  Spear, Jackhammer, and the pin at 2:24.  Okay for what is, which wasn’t much.

WCW World Cruiserweight Championship vs. Mask Match:
Chris Jericho (c) vs. Juventud Guerrera (m).  Jericho loves the belt so much he wrestles with it on.  He gets hurt when Juventud spin kicks the belt, so he finally takes it off.  Juventud hits a neat rana off the apron on Jericho.  Jericho plays dead so he’ll get counted out and keep the belt.  Juventud brings him back in.  Jericho goes for a German, but Juventud lands on his feet.  Jericho hits his springboard dropkick the guy off the apron move.  They go outside a bit, then Jericho comes back in and catches a sprinboarding Juventud and Tombstones him for a near fall.  Juventud gets a near fall off of a victory roll.  Jericho locks in a backbreaker hold and thinks he got the win.  He gets angry when he realises he didn’t.  Juventud flies off the top rope and tries the victory roll again, but gets dropped.  Jericho climbs the ropes, but Juventud dropkicks him and he goes to the floor.  Juvi hits a dive to the outside and brings Jericho back to the ring.  Juvi hits a Michinoku Driver and the 450 splash for the pin… but Jericho’s hand was on the bottom rope!  Jericho clips Juvi’s leg.  Juvi counters a move with a front cradle but Jericho kicks out.  Stuff happens kinda quick.  Juvi hits a swank springboard avalanche Frankensteiner.  Jericho hits a reverse brainbuster, but misses the Lionsault.  Jericho goes for the Liontamer, but Juventud counters with a cradle for a near fall.  Juvi goes for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho counters and locks in the Liontamer for the win at 13:29.  Okay match.  It got better after the false finish.  Juvi slowly and sadly undoes his mask.  Jericho, the unsensitive bastard, yanks it off.

Steve McMichael vs. The British Bulldog.  Bulldog goes all out at Mongo to start.  Mongo fights back.  Back and forth power match.  Bulldog puts Mongo in the Sharpshooter.  Mongo gets a rope break.  They spill outside and Mongo kicks Davey Boy’s ass.  Bulldog starts working over Mongo’s arm.  Back in the ring, Mongo does his football tackle a couple of times.  He goes for the Tombstone, but Bulldog grabs a Fujiwara armbar for the win at 6:10.  Mongo gets mad at the referee because he didn’t submit.  I guess it was a referee stop.  Match wasn’t anything special, but not offensive.  At least it was kept short.

WCW United States Heavyweight Championship Match: Diamond Dallas Page (c) vs. Chris Benoit.  Page looks remarkably like a construction worker with elbow pads.  They trade hammerlocks.  Page takes some punishment.  Benoit goes for the Crippler Crossface early, but Page escapes before he can lock it in and bails.  He comes back in and they do a quick pinfall reversal sequence.  Benoit fires up with chops.  Page fights back and goes for the Diamond Cutter, but Benoit slips away and bails to take a breather.  Tempers flare and they start throwing punches.  Benoit works Page over, wearing him down with a sleeper.  Page finally hits a jawbreaker to get out if it.  Page gets a second wind and throws some punches, but Benoit suplexes him and goes back to the sleeper.  Page escapes again, Benoit locks it in again.  Page somehow throws Benoit out of the ring.  Benoit climbs to the top rope, but Page pushes the ropes to crotch him and hits a superplex.  Page hits his spinning lariat for a near fall, then a diving lariat for another.  Benoit locks in the Crippler Crossface, but Page gets a rope break.  Page gets an inside cradle for a near fall.  Benoit covers and gets a two count as well.  Benoit beats on Page in the corner.  Page hits a belly-to-belly for a two count.  Rolling Germans from Benoit for a near fall.  Page hits a big tornado DDT, but Benoit kicks out.  Page goes for the Diamond Cutter.  Benoit counters and goes for a backslide.  Page counters and hits the Diamond Cutter for the win at 15:49.  Really good match.

Cut to the announcers.  Tony announces that The Giant missed his flight and isn’t there tonight.  The Jackknife Powerbomb has been banned since Nash almost murdered The Giant last month.  Video package on the aforementioned Giant/Nash match last month.

No DQ Match:
Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Lex Luger.  There’s a production boo boo during the entrances, as the start of the Steiners’ music plays before Luger’s music.  Luger has taped ribs.  Luger tries a press slam but can’t do it because of the rib injury.  Savage, of course, works on the ribs.  Luger tries to get a quick pin with an inside cradle, but Savage kicks out and attacks the ribs again.  Luger eventually makes a comeback and gets Savage in the Torture Rack, but Elizabeth attacks him.  nWo jobbers run in to cause the DQ in the No DQ Match at 7:21.  Luger and Savage fight off Norton, Bagwell,  Brian Adams, and Vincent.  Hogan comes out and says he’s glad Savage got beat.  Luger is announced as the winner.  All the results sites say the result is Luger by submission, but that’s not how it looked.  Retarded fucking shit.  Ah, on replay you can see the referee signaling for the bell when Savage was in the rack, so the timekeeper is the fucking retard here.

WCW World Tag Team Championship Match: The Steiner Brothers (c) (w/ Ted Dibiase) vs. The Outsiders (w/ Dusty Rhodes).  Hall conducts his survey before the match.  For some reason, the Steiners wear the new tag belts while Dibiase carries the old belts.  Hall throws his toothpick in Rick’s face and Rick throws his fist in Hall’s face.  Rick punches Hall a bunch, then suplexes him.  Nash comes in and gets sent out of the ring.  The Outsiders take a breather as the Steiners do their pose in the ring, then Scott attacks Rick!  Dusty throws Dibiase into the ring post.  The Outsiders and Scott do the nWo sign.  Hall covers Rick… who kicks out!  Rick takes a beating, but then fights back!  Nash nails Rick from behind and Hall goes for the Outsider’s Edge.  He fails the first time, but then hits it and gets the win at 4:18.  Scott hands Hall and Nash the belts.

Uncensored, next month LIVE on PPV!

Michael Buffer is in the ring to introduce the main event.

WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match: Hollywood Hogan vs. Sting.  Sting charges the ring and Hogan whips him with his belt.  Hogan uses various dirty tricks to get the better of Sting early on.  After about six minutes of being beaten by grandma Hogan, Sting makes a comeback.  Sting takes off Hogan’s belt and whips him with it.  Hogan tries to leave, but Sting follows and chokes him with the belt.  Sting accidentally Stinger Splashes the guardrail and Hogan goes to work on him again.  Sting fights back and hits the Stinger Splash, then locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hogan gets a rope break.  Referee Charles Robinson gets sandwiched between Hogan and Sting in another Stinger Splash.  Nick Patrick comes in as Hogan hits the leg drop.  Patrick makes a fair two count.  Hogan gets angry at Patrick for calling the match fairly.  Hogan goes for the pin about 348 times in a minute, but Sting keeps lifting a shoulder.  Sting powers out and Hogan stops on his hands.  Hogan throws Sting out of the ring, beats him up a bit, brings him back in the ring, and punches him in the balls.  Sting makes a comeback and hits some Stiner Splashes and Scorpion Death Drop, but Hogan kicks Patrick at the same time.  The nWo runs in and Sting fights them off while Savage comes in and nails Hogan with something.  Sting covers Hogan for the win at 16:34.  Sting spraypaints “WCW” on Hogan’s chest.  Long, boring match.

I was expecting good things after Souled Out was such a good show.  This one isn’t very good.  The great DDP/Benoit match is the only saving grace of this show.

WCW Souled Out 1998 (Repost)

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

The opening video package is all about Eric Bischoff and the Nash/Giant match.

Tony Schiavone welcomes us to the sold out Hara Arena in Dayton.  He, Bobby Heenan, and Dusty Rhodes are on commentary.  They talk a bit about what’s going down tonight.

Juventud Guerrera, Super Calo, Lizmark Jr., & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Psicosis, La Parka, Silver King, & El Dandy.  Mike Tenay joins the other guys for commentary on this.  For some reason, there was a time when he only called the lucha matches.  I wish that were the case in TNA today, since they only have a few lucha matches every couple of years.  It’s lucha rules here, appropriately.  Psicosis and Calo start.  What exactly was Calo’s gimmick supposed to be?  Lizmark and Silver King comes in.  Lizmark avoids some dropkicks.  King fires up with chops.  Lizmark does some flips and catches him in a backbreaker.  King hits a swinging DDT and covers.  Chavo saves.  Chavo and Dandy come in and have another since exchange.  They take a spill out of the ring and Parka and Juventud come in.  They hit stereo baseball slides onto the guys outside.  Some quick stuff happens while I’m typing.  Juventud his a diving rana and some more fast shit happens.  Lizmark does a neat arm sequence with Psicosis.  Dandy gets a la magistral on Lizmark but Calo saves.  Calo hits a neat headscissors off the turnbuckle.  Silver King does a spinny thing and senton on Calo and covers.  Juventud saves.  He fucks up a little doing something with King.  King and Juventud fight on the top rope.  Juventud pushes him down and hits a 450 splash, but Parka breaks the cover, then hits him with a sit-out powerbomb.  Calo saves.  Psicosis hits a front suplex and a diving leg drop on Chavo.  Calo saves.  Parka tags in and throws Chavo out of the ring.  King and Calo go at it.  Calo gets sent to the outside and King dives, but Calo moves and King crashes.  Calo dives and hits it.  Dandy dives onto Calo.  Juvtentud springboards off of Lizmark onto Dandy.  Parka hits an Asai moonsault on everbody.  Lizmark dives on everybody.  Chavo and Psicosis are the only guys left in the ring.  Chavo hits the tornado DDT for the win at 9:30.  La Parka hits all the winners with a chair, then he hits his partners too.  Awesome match.

Raven comes out with Flock members Kidman, Lodi, Van Hammer, Scotty Riggs, and Sick Boy (last three are guesses, but I think I’m right).  David Penzer announces that the Flock will be banned from ringside.  They leave, and Raven cuts what I assume was his usual promo for the time period.

Raven’s Rules Match: Raven vs. Chris Benoit.  Raven jumps Benoit on the outside to start.  When they make it to the ring, Benoit gets a quick backslide for a near fall.  Raven pounces on him again and tries to stay on top of things.  Raven goes for a bulldog on a chair.  It looked to me like Benoit blocked it, but they play it off like he hit it, so I’ll play along.  Benoit reverses Raven and hits the drop toe hold on the chair.  Benoit fires away with chops and blasts Raven with a clothesline.  Benoit snap suplexes Raven on the chair for a near fall.  Benoit rips Raven’s shirt off and chops him some more.  Benoit kicks Raven’s ass outside the ring, even suplexing him on the ramp.  Benoit takes Raven back to the ring and suplexes him near the chair.  Benoit puts the chair on Raven’s face and hits the diving headbutt!  Benoit is knocked loopy.  By the time he manages to make the cover, Raven is able to kick out.  Benoit goes for a Northern Lights suplex, but Raven counters and hits a DDT.  They’re both laid out again.  Benoit wakes up and covers for a two count.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Benoit locks in the Cripple Crossface.  Raven passes out to give Benoit the victory at 10:36.  Kidman comes down, but Dean Malenko shows up and puts him in the Texas Cloverleaf.  The rest of the Flock attacks Benoit and Malenko as Hammer carries Raven away.  Malenko manages to fight off the Flock.  Really good match.  Was this promotion good in early 1998 and nobody told me?

WCW World Cruiserweight Championship Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  11 years later and both of these guys have been World Champions in WWE.  Who would have thought that in 1998?  Tenay is back on commentary.  Rey’s knee is hurt, but he still goes full speed ahead.  Jericho is sent outside with a headscissors and Mysterio does the 619 back when it was still a fakeout move.  Rey appears to tweak his knee, but when Jericho tries to sneak attack him Mysterio locks in a sleeper.  He ends up getting a near fall with a victory roll, but favors his knee again.  Fuck, Rey used to be awesome.  They tease what might be an awesome rana off the apron, but Rey hurts his knee and Jericho goes to work on him.  Rey fights back and hits an odd Unprettier type move.  Rey eventually hurts his knee again and Jericho locks in the Liontamer for the instant submission at 8:22.  Good match.  Jericho gets upset that the crowd is booing him, so he beats up Rey some more to give them a reason to boo.  He hits Rey’s knee with a trunk.

Mean Gene Okerlund is in the ring with JJ Dillon to talk about the WCW World Heavyweight Championship being vacant.  Dillon talks, then introduces Roddy Piper.  Piper talks, then asks Sting to come out.  Sting indeed does come out.  Piper asks Hollywood Hogan and Scott Hall to come out, who indeed come out as well, accompanied by Eric Bischoff.  Piper tells Hall that even though he won the World War 3 battle royal, he’s not getting a title shot right now.  Piper announces that Sting and Hogan will wrestle for the vacant title at SuperBrawl next month.  Hogan protests.  Sting punks him down.  Hall leaves.  Hogan leaves when notices he has no backup.  Dissension in the nWo?

WCW World Television Championship Match: Booker T (c) vs. Rick Martel.  They lock up and trade hammerlocks.  Martel ends up getting a near fall off of a reverse cradle, then they trade hammerlocks again.  He tries the reverse cradle again, but Booker holds onto the ropes.  Booker works Martel’s arm.  He hits a kick, covers for two, and goes back to the arm.  Martel escapes, but Booker gets ahold the arm again and keeps working on it.  Martel tries to leapfrog Booker but gets headbutted in the gut.  Martel gets mad and stomps Booker in the corner, then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle and drops an elbow on him.  Martel hits a gutwrench suplex for a two count, then a spinebuster for another near fall.  Booker gets a near fall with a sunset flip.  Martel continues to work on Booker’s back.  Booker escapes and catches him with a forearm after some quick moving.  Booker misses a dropkick.  Martel locks in the crab hold, but Booker gets a rope break.  Booker hits the scissors kick and a sidewalk slam, then the Harlem Hangover for the win at 10:50.  Good match.  Martel grabs the belt from the referee, then hands it to Booker and raises his hand.  Perry Saturn runs in and hits an Exploder on Martel

This is a good show so far.

WCW World Tag Team Champion Scott Hall (w/ Louie Spicolli) vs. Larry Zbyszko (w/ Dusty Rhodes). Hall doesn’t wear his tag belt to the ring.  That makes me sad.  Maybe Nash will wear his later.  Dusty leaves the commentary table to be Zbyszko’s second.  Larry gets the better early on and Hall seems befuddled that the old man is outdoing him.  Larry locks Hall in the abdominal stretch.  Hall hiptosses him out of it.  Repeat.  Larry takes Hall down repeatedly.  Spicolli gets in a cheap shot to let Hall take over.  Dusty goes for Spicolli.  Nothing happens with that.  Larry smashes Hall’s face into the turnbuckle, but Hall cuts him off and works him over.  Hall hits the fall away slam, which I always mark for for some odd reason.  He sets up the Outsider’s Edge, but Zbyszko backdrops him out of it and makes a comeback.  Larry accidentally kicks the referee.  Hall hits a lariat and covers, but obviously, the referee is down.  Hall checks on the referee.  Larry plays possum and locks Hall in his chancery hold.  Spicolli attacks Zbyszko.  Dusty comes in and cleans his clock, then hits the Bionic Elbow on Zbyszko!  Dusty takes off his shirt to reveal an nWo shirt!  They all attack Larry, who wins by DQ at 9:16.  I expected this match to be awful, but it was kinda fun.

Scott Norton, Konnan, & Buff Bagwell of the nWo (w/ Vincent) vs. The Steiner Brothers & Ray Traylor (w/ Ted Dibase).  Schiavone is very upset because of Dusty joining the nWo.  He and Heenan call for Tenay to come out and carry the team.  Believe it or not, there was a time when Tenay was a good commentator.  Rick and Bagwell start.  I’ve always hated Buff Bagwell intensely.  His gimmick is so fucking obnoxious.  Rick beats up Bagwell, then Traylor beats up Bagwell, then Rick beats up Bagwell some more.  Why are they not letting Scott have a turn in their game?  Rick tags Traylor back in.  Bagwell makes the tag to Norton, who briefly murders Traylor, but Traylor makes a comeback.  Man, you forget what an agile dude Traylor could be.  Listening to the commentary, there’s something to Rick and Traylor not tagging in Scott.  The bad guys get the heat on Traylor for a bit.  Lukewarm tag to Rick, who gets DDT’d by Konnan.  Scott threatens the referee.  Bad guys beat up Rick.  Traylor and Scott argue in the face corner.  Scott eventually comes in to try to save Rick and argues with the referee again.  Rick makes a hot tag to both partners.  Scott cleans house.  The referee tries to make him get out of the ring but gets shoved again.  He Dragon suplexes Konnan off of Traylor, who finally tags him in.  Scott hits the Steiner Screwdriver on Konnan for the win at 12:20.  Okay match.  Scott and Bagwell have compare physiques and chat after the match.

WCW World Tag Team Champion Kevin Nash (w/ Hollywood Hogan & Eric Bischoff) vs. The Giant.  No tag belt with Nash either.  Sad face.  Stare down.  Nash pokes Giant.  Giant shoves Nash.  They lock up for about half a minute.  Nash grabs a side headlock.  Giant backdrop suplexes his way out of it.  Giant goes on the offensive and Nash bails to take a breather.  Nash comes back in and goes on the offensive.  I use the same phrase over and over again don’t I?  Giant fights back and kicks Nash with a high big boot.  Slow back and forth brawl.  Nash clotheslines Giant out of the ring and DOES A FUCKING SUICIDE DIVE.  Let that sentence sink in for a moment.  Giant catches him and rams him into the post, then puts him back in the ring.  While the referee’s back is turned, Hogan blindsides Giant with a chair.  Giant barely beats the count back in the ring.  Nash is upset he didn’t win by count-out, but takes the advantage Hogan handed him on a silver splatter.  Giant hits a clotheslines, then they knock each other down with big boots.  Nash eventually covers for a two count.  Nash does the punches in the corner spot, but Giant gives him an inverted atomic drop.  Giant makes a comeback and body slams Nash.  He signals for the chokeslam.  Bischoff jumps up on the apron and gets chokeslamed by Giant.  Nash throws coffee in Giant’s face and hits a horribly botched and painful looking Jackknife Powerbomb for the pin at 10:48.  The finish was scary.  Giant is lucky he wasn’t crippled.  Match wasn’t good, but it was quite a spectacle.

Ric Flair vs. Bret Hart.  This is Bret’s first WCW match.  Lock up, headlock, drop, good basic stuff to start.  Bret puts Flair in his own figure-four leglock 2 minutes in.  Flair gets a rope break and rolls to the apron.  Bret suplexes him back in and covers for a two count.  Bret works on Flair with some simple holds.  They get into a slap fight and Flair takes a breather.  Flair comes back in and gets the advantage for a moment, then gets backdropped and slammed.  Bret grounds him with a headlock.  They get back to their feet and Flair throws some punches to get the advantage.  Bret goes for a sleeper, but Flair backdrops him.  Flair low blows Bret when the ref’s back is turned and takes over.  Flair works the leg a bit.  They trade chops and punches.  Bret hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Bret starts working on Flair’s leg.  Bret tries the figure-four around the ring post, but Flair kicks him into the guardrail.  Flair works on Bret’s leg back in the ring.  Flair goes for the figure-four, but Bret counters with an inside cradle for a near fall.  Bret hits a backslide for another two count, then Flair clips his leg and locks in the figure-four.  Bret suffers for a bit, then turns it over, forcing Flair to release the hold.  Flair goes to the top rope and of course gets thrown off.  Bret takes his chest first bump into the turnbuckle.  Flair goes for a Russian leg sweep, but Bret counters and hits his own.  Flair chops Bret.  Bret pulls down his straps.  Flair begs off, but Bret punches him in the corner.  Inverted atomic drop gets Flair out of it.  Didn’t we see that exact same spot in the last match, only more poorly executed?  Bret hits his diving elbow for a two count, then hits a superplex.  Bret locks Flair in the Sharpshooter for the win at 18:06.  Very good match.

Michael Buffer is in the ring to do intros for the main event.  What’s going to follow Flair vs. Bret?

Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Lex Luger.  Bleh.  Savage plays chickenshit and Luger persues him.  Elizabeth hits him from behind allowing Savage to jump Luger and get the advantage.  Liz chokes Luger with Savage’s bandana while Savage distracts the referee.  Luger catches a charging Savage with a boot and starts a comeback, but Liz grabs his foot and lets Savage pounce on him again.  I’ve never seen Liz interfere like this.  Savage and Luger brawl in the crowd.  They make it back to the ring and Luger hits some forearms.  Hall comes down with a chair.  Hogan follows and they chat a bit.  Hall gets on the apron.  Luger sends Savage into him and knocks Hall to the floor.  Luger puts Savage in the Torture Rack for the victory at 7:07.  The nWo jumps Luger after the match.  Sting makes the save and the two WCW supermen fight off the bad guys.  Luger puts Nash in the Rack and Sting puts Hogan in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Luger and Sting celebrate to close the show.

Great show.  Today PPVs are mostly lame matches in between crappy segments.  This show only had one non-wrestling segment in 3 hours.  Besides that, it was just match, match, match, match, and nearly all of those matches were good.  Even Luger and Savage had a decent match (it was kept short and played to their strengths, as Luger sucks and Savage was old even 11 years ago).  I give Souled Out 1998 a thumbs up!

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!