Archive for Dory Funk Jr.

NWA Clash of the Champions VI: Ragin’ Cajun

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2012 by Grappleholic

This is my first review in nearly 11 months.  I hope I’ve still got it.

Jim Ross and Michael Hayes introduce the show.  Apparently it’s some kind of legends night.  The show Terry Funk, Lou Thesz, Gene Kiniski, Sam Muchnick, and Pat O’Connor arriving.  They had dinner with NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ricky Steamboat had dinner with them.  Buddy Rogers, Dory Funk Jr., and Harley Race are also there.  Jim Herd says some kind words about them.

Opening video.

They play the national anthem.  Pyro and ballyhoo.

Commercials.  There’s a plug for the Wrestling Hotline.  1-900-909-9900.  Not that I recommend trying that number in 2012.

Gary Michael Cappetta is the ring announcer.

The Samoan Swat Team (w/ Paul E. Dangerously) vs. The Midnight Express (w/ Jim Cornette).  Samu beats up Lane to start.  Lane scores a shoulder block.  They do some drop down and leap overs.  Lane ends up getting a cross body for a 1 count.  Samu accidentally knocks Fatu off the apron.  Fatu recovers quickly and tags in to put a hurting on Lane.  Lane is having none of that and tags in Eaton.  Eaton hits a diving dropkick.  I’m not going to dignify it with the name of missile dropkick.  MX make quick tags and work over Fatu.  Cornette hits Samu with the tennis racket on the outside, which pisses Samu off.  MX continue working over Fatu.  Fatu chops Lane in the throat and tags out.  Lane gets a sunset flip on Samu for 2.  The Samoans try to double team Lane in the corner, but Samu ends up accidentally decking Fatu again.  Hayes on commentary calls this “a main event in any arena.”  He must have hit the nose candy before they went on the air.  MX work over Samu.  The Samoans cut Lane off briefly, but Eaton gets the tag and cleans house.  MX switch behind the referee’s back without making a tag, but they’re babyfaces so it’s okay.  The match continues to drag.  Lane gets a near fall off a jackknife hold.  The referee took a while to count because everyone was in the ring.  Samoans get the heat on Eaton.  Lane gets the hot tag and runs wild.  The Samoans conk heads, which we know has no effect on Samoans.  Paul E. trips Lane.  Cornette hits Fatu with the tennis racket.  Samu kicks Lane.  Fatu covers for 2.  Fatu beats up Lane for a while.  Fatu knocks Eaton off the apron.  This pisses Eaton off, so he comes in to distract Tommy Young while the Samoans double team Lane.  Fatu goes for a diving headbutt, but Lane avoids it.  Samu and Eaton tag in.  Eaton runs wild.  He bonks the Samoans’ heads together.  They shrug it off and headbutt him.  One of the Samoans accidentally hits the other when Eaton moves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  MX hit the Rocket Laucher while Cornette decks Paul E.  Fatu hits Eaton with Paul E’s cell phone and puts Samu on top.  Samu pins Eaton in 20:33.  Solid formulaic tag match, but felt long.

Next, The Great Muta!

Great Muta (w/ Gary Hart) vs. Steve Casey.  Man, Muta is young here.  He meditates, then blows mist into the air, the blows mist into Casey’s face and kicks his ass.  Muta hits a handspring elbow to the corner, then hits a snapmare and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Casey manages to hit an arm drag and works Muta’s arm a bit.  Muta hits a nifty dropkick in the corner, then sends Casey outside and teases a dive.  Hart throws Casey back into the ring and Muta hits a diving dropkick.  Muta rakes Casey’s eyes and continues beating on him.  Casey works Muta’s arm a bit more.  Muta flips around and works on Casey’s leg.  Muta drops Casey with a sweet roundhouse kick, then puts a claw on his armpit.  Not a typo.  Casey makes his comeback and runs wild briefly.  Muta avoids a dropkick and sends Casey out of the ring with the kick that Shelton Benjamin would call the Dragon Whip 15 years later.  Muta then wipes Casey out with a cross body to floor and throws him into the barricade.  Back inside, Muta hits a backbreaker and finishes Casey with the moonsault press in 8:12.  Fine little showcase for Muta.  I love Muta, I love moonsaults, and I love Muta’s moonsaults.

Junkyard Dog comes out with a New Orleans marching band.

Junkyard Dog vs. “Hacksaw” Butch Reed (w/ Hiro Matsuda).  Ross puts over that these two are old rivals from the Mid-South territory, appropriate since we’re in the Superdome in New Orleans.  JYD lands a punc and Reed bails for a moment.  They want to fight, but Teddy Long insists that they open up the hands.  JYD grabs a side headlock, then some shoulder blocks.  He does the doggie headbutting deal and sends Reed outside again.  Reed dicks around for a bitm then comes back in.  JYD works Reed’s arm some.  JYD hits a hip toss and a body slam and continues to beat up Reed.  Reed finally gets the advantage and beats up JYD.  Reed drops some elbows for 2, then clamps on a chin lock.  JYD almost goes down, but rallies and makes his comeback.  BIG back body drop by JYD gets 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Reed hits  a diving shoulder block and covers, but JYD gets his foot on the ropes.  Reed stupidly celebrates.  Matsuda distracts the ref.  Reed collides with Matsuda.  For some reason, this knocks Reed out and allows JYD to get the pin in 8:54.  It wasn’t completely horrible.

Bob Orton Jr. (w/ Gary Hart) vs. “Captain Redneck” Dick Murdoch.  Lock up.  Orton hits a couple of fireman’s carrys.  Spell check doesn’t like that word.  Murdoch hits a fireman’s carry of his own.  They trade arm wringers.  I approve.  The work around arm locks for some time, and I’m perfectly fine with that.  Murdoch escapes a rough spot and they lock up again.  Orton puts a hurting on the back of Murdoch’s head.  Murdoch fights back on spaghetti legs (term stolen from Jim Ross).  Murdoch lands a dropkick and Orton takes a front bump into the turnbuckles.  Murdoch drops Orton with a BIG right hand.  Murdoch rolls to the floor and beats up Orton on the apron.  Orton rallies and goes for the superplex.  Murdoch fights him off and lands some blows.  Orton rakes the eyes.  Murdoch catches Orton coming into the corner and drops him.  Murdoch goes for the brainbuster, but Hart trips him and Orton lands on top for the pin in 9:47.  I dug the hell out of this.

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Road Warriors (c) (w/ Paul Ellering) vs. Mike Rotunda & “Dr. Death” Steve Williams of The Varsity Club (w/ Kevin Sullivan).  Hawk and Rotunda start.  Hawk gets the better of it and Rotunda bails.  Hawk gives chased, but is blocked by referee Teddy Long.  Animal tags in.  He gets whipped towards the enemy corner and drops Doc with an elbow smash.  Animal press slams Rotunda.  Doc runs in and gets the same treatment.  Hawk and Doc tag in and brawl.  Hawk hits an atomic drop and a clothesline.  Cover, but Rotunda pulls him off.  Doc hits a clothesline and taunts Animal.  Rotunda tags in and hits an elbow drop for 2.  Hawk kicks out with authority.  Animal tags in and grabs a headlock.  Doc tags in and Animal gabs him too.  They go for a backdrop suplex, but Animal flips out and dropkicks them, then hits a double clothesline.  Animal gets low bridged out of the ring.  Doc drops him in the hard floor.  Back inside, the heels get the heat on Animal.  Hawk gets the tag, but the referee didn’t see it.  Animal continues to play face in peril.  He eventually drops Rotunda with a lariat.  Doc prevents him from making the tag.  Animal clotheslines Doc.  Hawk gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Animal shoves the ref.  Doomsday Device on Rotunda.  Sullivan and Ellering brawl on the floor.  Long refuses to count for the Road Warriors.  Doc schoolboys Hawk and Long makes a fast count to give the Varsity Club the titles in 11:37.  Okay match.  This must be the beginning of Teddy’s heel turn and becoming a manager.

Jim Ross interviews some pissed off Road Warriors and Paul Ellering at ringside.

Ranger Ross vs. The Iron Sheik (w/ Rip Morgan).  America vs. Iran.  Sheik sings the Iranian national anthem, then jumps Ross and chokes him with his robe.  Sheik hits a side suplex, then chokes Ross with his own shirt.  Ross hits a suplex for 1.  Rosss beats up Sheik.  Sheik applies an abdominal stretch.  Ross rallies and kicks Sheik in the head.  Cover.  Morgan hits Ross with the flag to cause the DQ in 1:55.  Sheik and Morgan attack Ross.  Junkyard Dog makes the save.

Bob Caudle interviews Ric Flair, who is going for his 6th World Championship tonight.

NWA United States Tag Team Championship Match: Rick Steiner & Eddie Gilbert (c) of The First Family (w/ Missy Hyatt) vs. Kevin Sullivan & Dan Spivey of The Varsity Club.  The heels attack the champs before the bell and get the jump on them.  The much larger Spivey beats up Gilbert.  The much shorter Sullivan tags in and provokes Steiner, who kindly distracts referee Tommy Young so Spivey can beat up Gilbert on the outside.  Gilbert continues to take abuse from the Varsity Club.  Steiner gets the tag and runs wild on Spivey.  Powerslam gets 2.  Steiner hits a belly to belly.  Sullivan breaks the cover.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Steiner clotheslines Spivey and both tumble out of the ring.  Gilbert nails Sullivan with Hyatt’s Gucci bag and cradles him for the pin in 3:51, even though neither were legal.  The Varsity Club beat up Gilbert, but Steiner makes the save with a chair.  It was short.

Wrestling Hotline!

2/3 Falls Match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (c) (w/ Bonnie & Richie Steamboat) vs. “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair.  Terry Funk has joined Jim Ross for commentary on this match.  Flair and Steamboat lock up.  Steamboat pushes Flair into the corner and slaps him.  They trade holds and do some amateur-type stuff o the mat.  Steamboat slaps the piss out of Flair again, then wins a power arm lock contest.  Flair gets the ropes to break and bails.  They lock up again.  Steamboat hits a hip toss and gets a side headlock takeover.  They work around the headlock for a bit.  I always enjoy that.  They trade chops.  Back to the headlock.  Flair forces Steamboat into the corner and chops him.  Steamboat replies with a chop that knocks Flair off his feet.  Steamboat hits a big back body drop.  Flair lands a closed fist punch.  Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then hits a clothesline and goes back to the headlock.  Steamboat beats up Flair a bit.  Flair face plants and Steamboat covers for 2.  Flair hits an inverted atomic drop.  Steamboat drops Flair with another chop for 2.  Steamboat hits a shoulder block for 2.  Another chop gets 2 for Steamboat.  Flair bails and face plants at ringside.  Back inside, Flair lands some chops.  Steamboat responds in kind.  Steamboat gets another near fall.  Steamboat hits a vertical suplex and goes for a splash, but Flair gets his knees up.  Flair goes to work on Steamboat.  Flair hits a butterfly suplex and tries to hold Steamboat down, but gets only a series of 2 counts.  Steamboat fires back, but whiffs a dropkick.  Flair goes for the figure-four, but Steamboat cradles him ala Chi-Town Rumble.  Flair cuts back the cradle and pins Steamboat to win the first fall in 19:35.  Commercials.  They go at it again.  Steamboat hits a diving chop for 2.  Flair hits a backdrop suplex and a knee drop.  He misses a second knee drop and Steamboat attacks his leg.  Steamboat locks in the figure-four.  Flair suffers for a moment, but gets the ropes.  Steamboat locks on a crab hold.  Flair gets another rope break and hides out in the corner.  Steamboat goes back on the attack anyway.  They do some more sweet mat wrestling, then end up outside.  Flair sends Steamboat into the barricade and slams him on the floor.  Coming back inside, Flair jerks Steamboat’s neck down across the ropes.  Flair suplexes Steamboat back inside for 2.  Flair applies an abdominal stretch and turns it into a ground Cobra Twist for 2.  Flair tries to pin Steamboat with his feet on the ropes, but fails.  Steamboat gets a reverse cradle for 2, then a jackknife hold for 2.  Flair goes back on the offensive.  He goes up top, but Steamboat cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Steamboat applies a double chickenwing armlock and Flair submits to give Steamboat the second fall in 35:03.  Insta-commercials.  They keep going hard at it.  Flair hits a shin breaker and applies the figure-four.  Steamboat quickly gets the ropes.  Flair argues with the referee.  They do some stuff.  Flair does the Flair flip in the corner and runs into a chop from Steamboat on the apron.  Flair begs off, then trips up Steamboat and goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but only gets 2.  Steamboat misses Flair in the corner and gets hung their briefly, injuring his knee.  Flair goes to work on the leg and reapplies the figure-four.  Steamboat suffers for a while, but finally roles into the ropes.  Flair sends Steamboat’s bad leg into the apron.  Flair hits a diving cross body for 2.  Steamboat goes for a slam, but his leg gives out and Flair gets another 2 count.  Steamboat hits a flying headbutt and a chop, then comes off the top with the diving cross body for 2.  Steamboat hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Steamboat goes for a springboard sunset flip.  Flair fights it, but Steamboat gets him over for 2.  Flair clamps on a sleeper hold.  Steamboat nearly goes out, but rallies and manages to send Flair outside.  Back inside, Steamboat lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Steamboat comes off the top rope, but Flair avoids it and goes back to work on Steamboat’s leg.  They trade chops.  Steamboat wins the exchange and beats up Flair int he corner.  Flair goes for an inverted atomic drop, but Steamboat blocks it and chops him.  Cover, but Flair gets his foot on the rope.  Flair elbows Steamboat on the head and hits a backdrop suplex.  Flair goes up top again.  Steamboat throws him off.  Steamboat gets the chickenwing armlock again.  Steamboat’s leg gives out and they fall back, putting both mens’ shoulders on the mat.  Steamboat lifts his at the last second and gets the pin in 55:30, even though Flair’s foot is under the rope.  Steamboat retains the title.  Great match, but I disagree with those who say this is better than Chi-Town Rumble.  Insta-commercials.

Jim Ross interviews NWA World Heavyweight Champion Ricky Steamboat.  He’s ready to move on from Ric Flair.  They examine the video and see that Flair’s foot was on the bottom rope.  Steamboat agrees that Flair deserves another shot.

Enjoyable show.  Flair/Steamboat is a classic and I really dug the Orton/Murdoch match and the Muta showcase.

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WWE WrestleMania XXV (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.  I’m not even going to get into that today.  The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania!  “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania.  Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes.  Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match!  Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight.  Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table!  Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane.  Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd.  On TV, anyway.  According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something.  Enough of that, on to the match!  Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls.  Kane and Henry go at it.  Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down.  Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it.  “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole.  The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it.  Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders.  Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again.  Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other.  Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing.  Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out.  Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin.  Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi.  Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys.  “HOLY SHIT” chant.  Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick.  Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile.  The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly.  Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder.  Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in.  Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself.  Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over.  The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically.  Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder.  Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope.  Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb.  MVP climbs, Punk stops him.  Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk.  They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder.  MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant.  Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas.  Finlay and Benjamin both climb.  Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder.  Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin.  Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders.  They climb, but the ladder falls over.  Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again.  Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders.  Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds).  Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him.  Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29.  That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as.  Fucking awesome match.  Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert.  He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott.  During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring.  The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Layla, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendez, Maria, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Eve Torres, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Gail Kim, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Katie Lea, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Joy Giovanni, Torrie Wilson, Alicia Fox, Tiffany Terrell, Victoria, and Santino Marella (in drag).  The bell rings and they start fighting while Roberts introduces the match.  Mae Young is at ringside with Candice Michelle as the guest timekeeper.  Now this clusterfuck is impossible to call live, but from my earlier research, the order of elimination is Layla, Joy, Rosa, Alicia, Sunny, Torrie, Jackie, Maria, Gail, Jillian, Eve, Tiffany, Kelly, Molly, Maryse, Katie Lea, Natalya, Victoria, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Michelle McCool… then the finish is Beth going for the Glam Slam on Melina, but Santino bundles them both out to win the match at 6:10.  Pointless, but at least we got to look at a bunch of hot chicks for a few minutes.  I can say that my ridiculously jealous wife is gone.  Candice comes in the ring to present the Miss WrestleMania crown and sash to the winner.  He introduces himself as “Santina, Santino’s twin sister from Italy.”  The announcers don’t even actually acknowledge that it’s Santino.  Beth looks on, pissed.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke.  They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair).  Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting.  He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes.  Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg.  Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible.  Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME.  Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life.  Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in.  They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect.  Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45.  Thank God.  He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him.  There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second.  Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold.  Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45.  Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall.  Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome.  Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop.  More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it.  Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall.  Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall.  Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet.  Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57.  Snuka was awful.  Piper tried, but wasn’t good.  Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match.  Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker.  Jericho challenges Rourke.  Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring.  They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down.  Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke.  Another pointless waste of time.  The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy.  Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass.  Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.”  Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac.  I was amused.  Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall.  Ouch.  Matt sets up a table on the outside.  Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on.  Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him.  Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch.  Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb.  Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two.  Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier.  Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying.  Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table.  Told ya so.  “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer.  Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope.  Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it.  He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies.  Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15.  Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready.  At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years.  JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect.  Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit.  Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches.  The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle.  He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds.  Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold.  JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big.  He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline.  A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  Here we go.  Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage.  Bell rings.  Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows.  Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle.  Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop.  Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him.  Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down.  Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him.  Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow.  First cover of the match gets a one count.  Taker hits Old School.  Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four.  Taker throws some punches and manages to escape.  Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface.  Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it.  They trade blows.  Michaels hits the forearm and nips up.  Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle.  Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick.  He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata.  Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break.  Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again.  Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it.  Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive.  Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF.  I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck.  It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring.  Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count.  They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT!  They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker.  Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride.  Michaels counters.  Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref!  Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves.  When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope.  Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone!  Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red.  He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall.  Taker’s not done yet, though.  They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters.  Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner.  Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43.  Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd.  The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo.  At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday.  Edge makes his way out, then Show.  Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way.  Then the real Cena comes out.  I guess it’s the real Cena anyway.  In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down.  Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him.  Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena.  Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show.  Edge and Cena end up in the ring.  Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall.  Show makes it back in.  Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles.  Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge.  Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron.  Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time.  Show finally gets out and beats up everyone.  Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch.  Show and Edge fight outside.  Edge spears Show through the guardrail.  Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him.  Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it.  Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring.  Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot.  Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper.  Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster.  Edge falls of and Show takes the move.  Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43.  Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves.  He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt.  He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R.  Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash!  Backlash!  BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage.  He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon.  They exchange nods of the head.  Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Entrances and in-ring introductions here too.  Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover.  Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree.  He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover.  They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in.  Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway.  They end up outside again.  Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area.  Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him.  My DVD starts skipping again.  Must have been a bad burn.  It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall.  The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall.  Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick.  Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside.  Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it.  They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give.  Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in.  Orton punishes him some more.  Ref bump.  Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer.  Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him.  Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches.  The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches.  Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up).  Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WrestleMania highlight video.  Fin.

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/16/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then Lillian Garcia introduces the General Manager of Smackdown, Vickie Guerrero.  She in turn introduces, Edge, who in a strange turn of events last night at No Way Out became World Heavyweight Champion.  As they make their way to the ring, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us LIVE to Spokane, Washington.

Edge throws out some possibilites as to what the R in Rated R Superstar stands for, then he says all the fans were wrong when they thought he was done for the night after he lost the WWE Championship last night.  Then he runs around and acts like a moron.  Vickie tries to speak over loud boos.  She says that since Stephanie McMahon left No Way Out to accompany Shane to the hospital, she became the highest ranking WWE official there.  She says that since Kofi Kingston was physically unable to participate in the Elimination Chamber match, she used her authority to give his slot to someone deserving.  She fails to mention that Edge was the one who made Kofi physically unable to enter the Chamber.  Then she gives her annoying “excuse me” line, and she and Edge make out.  Gross.  Cena’s music hits.  He’s all smiles, even though he lost the title last night after taking everybody’s finish.  Cena congratulates Edge and says he won the match last night fair and square.  He then mentions another possibility for what the R could stand for: Rematch.  Edge says no, because he wrestled in two Elimination Chamber matches last night.  Cena tells them to go back to Smackdown and say hello to Festus and Funaki for him, then gets sick at the thought of Edge and Vickie being intimate together.  Edge recaps his history with Cena, bringing up the time he slapped Cena’s dad.  Cena tells Edge he can’t hide or run from him.  I’m guessing we get Cena/Edge #849 at WrestleMania.

Shane McMahon is backstage.  He challenges Randy Orton to an unsanctioned fight tonight.  Commercial.

WrestleMania hype commercial.

WWE Intercontinental Champion CM Punk & Cryme Tyme vs. William Regal (w/ Layla), Ted Dibiase Jr., & Cody Rhodes.  Punk and Cody start.  They trade hammerlocks.  Cody slams Punk, the Punk nails him with a kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep.  Regal attacks Punk before he can make the cover.  Commercial.  When we come back, the bad guys are getting heat on Punk.  Half assed hot tag to JTG.  Dibiase hits a new version of his move, called the Dream Streak, on JTG for the win at 8:10.  Weak match, with not nearly enough shown on TV.

Stephanie tries to talk Shane out of fighting Orton tonight.  Shane says the fight is happening tonight whether Orton wants it or not.

No Way Out highlight video.

Tonight: Melina vs. Beth Phoenix for the Women’s Championship.

Chris Jericho is in the ring, ripping into Mickey Rourke, then Wrestling Legends in general.  “Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out.  He puts over Jericho for always speaking his mind and backing it up in the ring.  Now, however, he spends his time blasting legends.  Piper goes on about old times and the life of a legend.  Jericho gets a cheap shot and kicks Piper in the ribs a few times while berating him.

Todd Grisham is backstage with Randy Orton.  Orton says he’ll fight Shane tonight, and he won’t need Dibiase and Rhodes to help him.

Another WrestleMania video, this one highlighting WrestleMania IX.

Jamie Noble is in the ring.  He talks about Chavo Guerrero only lasting nine (WWE for eleven) seconds against Kane at WrestleMania last year.  He said he could last longer, so Kane comes out so we can find out.

Kane vs. Jamie Noble.  Noble tries to fight, but Kane hits the chokeslam for the win at 15 seconds.  Hey, he did last longer than Chavo!

The announcers talking about Shawn Michaels winning his freedom from JBL last night.  JBL (w/ black eye) is on his way to the ring to make an announcement.

Christian returned on ECW last week, and he’s focused on Jack Swagger’s ECW Championship!

Tonight: Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon in an unsanctioned fight!

JBL comes out.  He doesn’t own Michaels anymore, and doesn’t care.  He’s richer than us.  JBL says he wants to end The Undertaker’s streak at WrestleMania.  Shawn Michaels comes out, and he’s got his HBK strut back.  He blathers for a while, then gets to the point: He should be the one to face Undertaker at WrestleMania.  They agree to face each other next week, with the winner challenging Undertaker at WrestleMania.

Video package recapping the Orton vs. McMahons angle.  Orton and Shane fight TONIGHT!

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox.  Mysterio was pretty much a one man show last night.  He carried the Raw Chamber match.  Knox beats on Rey and throws him out of the ring.  Commercial.  Back from break, Knox beats on Mysterio.  Rey tries to fight back, but keeps getting shut down.  Mysterio finally manages to escape a bear hug and makes his comeback.  Mysterio hits the 619, but misses the Bombs Away.  Knox catches Mysterio springboarding off the ropes and ties him to the Tree of Woe.  Rey dodges a charging Knox and schoolboys him for the win at 9:43.

Beth, Santino, and Rosa are heading to the ring!

Saturday Night’s Main Event DVD!  BUY IT!  I have it.  I’ll watch it one of these days.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Melina (c) vs. Beth Phoenix (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez).  Beth attacks Melina with vigor from the opening bell.  Santino has a bit of a new look.  Beth gets a near fall off of a slingshot suplex, then stretches her.  Melina fights back, but takes a vicious backbreaker.  Beth sends Melina out of the ring and distracts the referee while Rosa takes a shot at her.  Mickie James, Candice Michelle, and Kelly Kelly come out and beat up Santino.  Melina gets back in the ring and pins Beth win an inside cradle at 2:51.

Cole and Lawler hype the 2009 Class of the Hall of Fame.  Steve Austin has already been announced.  Joining him in the Hall of Fame are the Funk brothers, Dory and Terry!  They were the only brothers to both be NWA World Heavyweight Champion.  They will be inducted by Dusty Rhodes.  Commercial!

ECW tomorrow night: Christian & Finlay vs. Jack Swagger & Mark Henry.

Stephanie is on the phone urging someone to hurry up and get to the arena.  The call gets dropped.  Damned AT&T.

Next week: JBL vs. Michaels with the winner earning the right to be the next victim of Taker’s streak at WrestleMania.

Shane McMahon and Randy Orton come out and fight.  Shane kills Orton and sets up for the Van Terminator, then Dibiase and Rhodes run in and beat up Shane.  Orton punts Shane.  Stephanie comes out to check on Shane.  Orton RKOs Stephanie.  He looks shocked at what he did.  That explosive diarrhea must have kicked in again.  Triple H runs down and checks on Stephanie as Legacy bails, so I guess they’re finally going to admit that they are married.  Triple H is either mad or retarded.  Fade to black.

WWF WrestleMania II (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/22/09.

On we march, with WrestleMania II!

WWE open, since this is from the Anthology.  WWF: The Recognized Worldwide Leader in Sports.  WrestleMania II: What The World Has Come To.  I should mention now that for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to have WrestleMania II from 3 locations: Uniondale, New York, Chicago (Rosemont), Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

First to New York, where Vince McMahon delivers his famous “Welcome to WrestleMania!” line.  Vince introduces his color commentator for the New York portion, Susan St. James.  I see Howard Finkel is the ring announcer for New York.  Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in Chicago for a minute.

Back in New York, some old fat guy interviews Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton), who will be boxing Mr. T tonight.  Piper cuts a typically great promo, with the awesome line “If Mr. T can knock me out in this fight, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit professional wrestling, I would quit tiddlywinks, I would quit dating girls!”  He then turns to Orton and says “I’d stick with you, though.”

Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff.  After the opening bell, they play pre-taped audio comments from both wrestlers.  That strikes me as dumb.  They lock up.  Orndorff gets the better of it at first.  Orndorff gets Muraco on the mat and applies an arm lock.  Susan St. James is horrible on commentary.  Muraco tries to arm drag his way out of it, but Orndorff keeps it clamped on.  Muraco finally hits a Samoan drop to escape the punishment of his arm.  They go out of the ring and brawl to a double count-out at 4:33.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  It started off good, then went downhill.

Mr. T interviews himself.  During this, Finkel finally makes the announcement that the last match was a double count-out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  A pre-taped interview during Savage’s entrance.  This show is so sloppily produced.  Susan likes Steele.  Savage bails as soon as Steele goes after him.  Savage gets back in the ring.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Steele finally gets hold of Savage and bites his leg.  Steele picks up Savage by the neck, chokes him, then drops him.  Steele gets distracted, looking at Elizabeth.  Savage ties him up in the ropes and puts the boots to him.  Savage with a diving crossbody for 2.  Steele throws Savage out of the ring.  Savage crawls under the ring, comes out the other side, and jumps Steele from behind.  Steele bites Savage’s arm.  Steele clubs Savage until Savage gouges his eyes.  Savage slaps Steele with a bouquet of flowers.  Steele bites him again, then hits him with the flowers.  Steele eats the turnbuckle pad.  He feeds some of the stuffing to Savage.  Savage bails.  Who can blame him?  Steele chases him around the ring.  Steele pleads with Elizabeth.  Savage comes off the top with the diving axe handle to the outside.  Back in the ring,  Savage slams Steele and hits the diving elbow, but Steele kicks out at 1.  Steele grabs Savage’s nose, then throws him into the corner.  The ref admonishes Steele.  Savage trips Steele up and gets the Flair pin in the corner at 7:08.  This sucked.  Steele eats another turnbuckle, then chases the referee to the back.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews two of the participants in the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, Bill Fralic and Big John Studd.  During this, we hear Finkel’s annoucement that Savage was the winner and still the Intercontinental Champion.  Gah.

Vince and Susan talk about snakes.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They trade punches.  Wells with a backdrop.  Snake sends Wells to the outside and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Wells hits a shoulder block.  Wells whips Roberts into the corner, then takes him over with a head scissors.  Wells with a knee lift.  Wells with a powerslam for 2.  Snake gouges the eyes, then begs off and bails.  Wells follows him out and back into the ring.  Roberts gets a cheap shot with the knee lift when Wells is still coming through the ropes, then hits the DDT for the pin at 3:05.  Jake puts the snake on Wells after the match.  The match was fine for what it was.

They show an altercation between Roddy Piper and Mr. T that led to tonight’s match, which I believe took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cut to Los Angeles, where Jesse Ventura interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.

Back to Vince and Susan, then to Finkel in the ring to introduce the celebrities for the New York main event.  The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers.  She introduces the judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy.  The special guest timekeeper is Herb.  I don’t know who any of those people are.  The referee is Jack somebody.

Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton and the old fat guy) vs. Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid).  They box.  It sucks.  I’m not a boxing fan anyway, and I really hate lame, worked boxing matches in wrestling.  The first round ends.  They go to their corners.  Round 2 starts.  They box some more.  It still sucks.  I do like Piper’s plaid boxing trunks.  Round 2 ends.  Piper cheap shots T again anyway.  Orton throws a bucket of water on T to boot.  Round 3 starts.  Guess what?  They box!  T punches Piper out of the ring.  He barely makes it back in.  They’re both getting tired.  Round 3 ends.  Just end this shit already.  Piper throws his stool at Mr. T.  Round 4 starts.  They punch each other.  Piper knocks T’s mouthpiece out.  T knocks Piper’s mouthpiece out.  Piper socks the ref, then body slams Mr. T to cause the DQ at 1:17 of the 4th round.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Man, this sucked.

Now on to the Chicago portion of the show.  Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene hype the battle royal.  Gorilla introduces their color commentator for this portion, Cathy Lee Crosby.  Never heard of her either.  Curse my lack of knowledge of low level celebrities from before I was born.  Chet Coppock is the ring announcer for Chicago.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre.  Moolah jumps McIntyre immediately and kicks her ass.  McIntyre fires back with dropkicks and an elbow smash.  McIntyre with a body slam, then comes off the top with a big splash, but Moolah moves out of the way, then covers McIntyre for the pin at the 59 second mark.  Well that was utterly pointless.

Gorilla, Gene, and Crosby hype the battle royal again.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner.  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  The winner gets to wave his flag. Volkoff goes on the offensive early.  Kirchner fights back.  Kirchner knocks down the referee.  While he’s down, Kirchner catches Blassie’s cane and nails Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:35, so he gets to hold up Old Glory.  Match was nothing.

Mean Gene is in the ring to explain the rules for a battle royal.  The timekeeper is the “where’s the beef” lady.  The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

Battle Royal featuring Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre the Giant.  There’s no opening bell, but everyone just starts fighting.  “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins Gorilla and Crosby at the announce table for whatever reason.  Ah, I guess because he was both a football player and a wrestler.  Tonga and one of the football players eliminate each other.  Holmes gets eliminated, I think by Bruno, or maybe Studd.  Brunzell gets tossed.  Perry eliminates Atlas.  A bunch of guys try to gang up on Andre.  Morales and Marvin eliminate each other.  Arcidi, Jim, and Spivey try to dump Blair, but he slips back in and helps the other guys dump Arcidi.  Sheik dumps Spivey.  Sheik dumps Jim and Blair.  Sheik and Studd dump Fralic.  Sammartino backdrops Sheik out of the ring.  Sammartino beats up Studd.  Harts beat up Perry.  Andre beats up one of the little guys, I think it’s Russ Frances.  Studd eliminates Bruno.  Perry throws the Harts over the top rope, but they both hit the apron and come back in.  Studd dumps Perry.  Perry shakes Studd’s hand, then, poor sport that he is, pulls Studd out of the ring.  It’s down to Andre, the Harts, and Frances.  Andre gets tied up in the ropes.  The Harts dump Frances, then double team Andre.  Andre big boots Hart, then rams Hart and Neidhart’s heads together.  Big boot to Neidhart sends him out of the ring.  Andre press slams Hart out of the ring and onto Neidhart to win it in about 9 minutes.

Cut to New York, where Vince and Susan talk to Roddy Piper.

Back to Chicago, where Jimbo Covert bitches about getting eliminated from behind.  Gene talks to The Iron Sheik.  “Wrestler is better than football player!”  Replays of the battle royal.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Dream Team (c) (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne).  Davey Boy Smith and Greg Valentine start.  Smith shines early.  Valentine hits a hip toss, but Davey Boy avoids an elbow drop.  Tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite kicks Valentine’s ass and snap suplexes him, then tags Davey Boy back in.  Davey Boy hits his stalling suplex for 2.  Valentine bails to take a breather.  Valentine comes back in and hammers Smith, then headbutts him in the groin.  Tag to Beefcake.  Smith with a press slam, then the tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite with an inside cradle for 2.  Tag to Smith, who hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with a clubbing blow to Smith.  Valentine with a suplex for 2.  Tag to Dynamite.  He and Valentine trade blows.  Bulldogs make quick tags to work over Valentine.  Beefcake comes in to club Dynamite, and is sent out by the ref.  Dynamite with a sunset flip on Valentine for 2.  Dynamite with a backbreaker, but Beefcake pulls him off of the cover.  Dynamite continues to wear down Valentine.  Valentine drops Dynamite with a sick piledriver for 2.  He tries to hold Dynamite’s shoulders down and ends up getting kicked in the balls.  Valentine goes up top and gets thrown across the ring by Dynamite.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Smith tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine bails.  Smith tags in and hits the running powerslam on Valentine for a close 2.  Smith with another suplex for 2.  Valentine finally manages to get the advantage on Smith and tags in Beefcake, who puts a beating on Davey Boy.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with another clubbing blow.  Valentine continues working over Davey and drops him with a shoulder breaker, but foolishly picks him up at 2.  Smith throws Valentine into the Bulldog’s corner, where he collides head first with Dynamite.  Smith covers Valentine to get the 3 and capture the tag titles at 12:02.  Finally, a good match!  Ozzy and Captain Lou celebrate while Davey Boy helps up the knocked loopy Dynamite at ringside.  Mean Gene talks to Ozzy and Captain Lou.  He finally manages to talk to Davey Boy.  Replay of the pretty sick finish.

That’s it for Chicago!  Back to Vince and Susan in New York to talk about what’s still to come in the Los Angeles portion of the show.

Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira will host the LA portion of the show.  Lee Marshall is the ring announcer.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Hercules immediately goes on the attack.  Steamboat fires back with a karate chop and a pair of arm drags.  He attacks Hercules’ arm.  Steamboat leap frogs Herc a bunch and nails him with an elbow.  Steamboat with a suplex, then back to the arm.  Herc blasts Steamboat with a clothesline and hits him with some vicious knees.  Herc hot shots Steamboat into the ropes and beats on him some more.  Steamboat tries to fight back, but almost gets pinned.  Elvira is extremely annoying on commentary.  Herc drops Steamboat with an elbow, then drops a couple more elbows on him.  Cover gets 2.  Steamboat chops Herc.  Herc avoids another chop and drops Steamboat with a discus lariat for 2.  Herc with a press slam.  Herc with another press slam.  Herc comes off the top with a dive, but gets caught by Steamboat’s knees.  Steamboat off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 7:33.  It wasn’t bad.

Man, Adrian Adonis sure has changed since we last saw him at The Wrestling Classic.  He was a rough a tough type then… now he’s a cross dresser with bad makeup.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer.  Hart sprays Elmer with perfume, so he chases Hart and Adonis out of the ring, where they hug.  Elmer attacks Adonis we gets back into the ring. No opening bell that I heard. Adonis Flair flips in the corner, then falls out of the ring.  He gets back in and Elmer knocks him out of the ring again.  Elmer rips Adonis’ dress, then knocks him into the ropes where he gets tied up.  When Adonis gets untied, he finally goes on the attack.  He takes off the remains of his dress.  Elmer with the Avalanche in the corner, then he goes for a leg drop, but Adonis avoids it.  Adonis off the top with a headbutt/splash for the pin in about 3 minutes.  This sucked.

Lord Alfred interviews Hogan.

The Funk Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana.  Dory has been given the name “Hoss” for whatever reason.  Terry throws chairs in the ring.  The faces throw them out.  Dory and JYD lock up.  JYD slams both of the Funks, then they bail.  Tito and Terry tag in.  Terry throws some vicious sounding chops.  Tito clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dory jumps in and eats a couple of Tito’s dropkicks, then rolls out himself.  Tag to JYD.  He lands some punches on Terry, then rams his head into the turnbuckle repeatedly.  JYD with a headbutt for 2.  JYD throws Terry out of the ring.  I swear, the Funks have spent more time on the outside of the ring than in it during this match.  Tag to Dory.  Tag to Tito.  Tito with a flying jalapeno for 2, as Terry saves.  Dory and Tito run the ropes, but Terry catches Tito with a knee to the back.  Terry tags in and throws Tito to the floor, where Jimmy puts the boots to him.  JYD runs him off.  Funks put the boots to Tito.  JYD runs Hart off again and helps Tito back into the ring.  Terry with a suplex for 2.  He argues with referee Dave Hebner.  Tito counters another suplex attempt with one of his own.  Terry and Tito knock heads.  Tag to Dory.  Dory with the Texas suplex for 2.  Funks continue to work over Tito.  Hot tag to JYD.  JYD cleans house.  Terry chokes JYD with a rope,  JYD backdrops Terry out of the ring.  JYD kicks their asses on the outside.  JYD decks Jimmy Hart.  JYD with an inside cradle on Terry.  Dory saves.  Tito puts Dory in the figure-four.  The referee makes Tito leave the ring.  Jimmy throws Terry the megaphone.  Terry hits JYD in the head with it for the pin at 11:44.  Okay match.

They set up the cage.  It’s a special reinforced cage so King Kong Bundy won’t go through the side, the famous big blue cage.

They show what led up to Hogan/Bundy in a cage, a brutal attack by Bundy and Don Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  They show Hogan lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim and a doctor, while Gene talks to them about Hogan’s injuries.

Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby Heenan.

Elvira, who is awful, throws it to New York with Vince and Susan, who is almost as awful.  They talk, then back to LA.

Marshall introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Tommy Lasorda.  Lasorda introduces the the guest thimekeeper, Ricky Schroder, and the guest referee, Robert Conrad.  Well, at least I know who Rick Schroder is.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Hogan has taped ribs.  They start brawling.  Hogan chokes Bundy with his own singlet.  Elvira says this match resembles a horror movie.  I agree, but probably for different reasons.  Bundy tires of getting beat up by the walrus and attacks Hogan’s ribs.  Bundy tries to escape through the door.  Hogan stops him, so Bundy picks up Hogan and rams his back into the cage.  Bundy takes the bandage off of Hogan’s ribs and chokes him with it.  He ties Hogan to the bottom rope and tries to leave.  Hogan gets free and chokes Bundy with the tag rope.  Hogan rams Bundy head first into the cage.  Hogan beats up Bundy a bit.  Bundy is bleeding.  Hogan tries to slam Bundy, who falls on top of him.  Hogan chokes Bundy with the bandage from earlier.  Bundy fights back.  Avalanche and a big splash by Bundy.  Bundy tries to escape again.  Hogan stops him.  Hogan avoids another avalanche and slams Bundy, then hits the leg drop.  Bundy tries to stop Hogan, but Hogan kicks him off the ropes and to the floor.  Hogan escapes over the top at 10:20.  Bundy goes out through the door a moment later.  Just to show what a role model he is, Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and beats him up after the match, then celebrates.

So that’s WrestleMania II.  Man, it sucked.  The only redeeming thing is the Bulldogs’ title win over the Dream Team.