Archive for Dixie Carter

TNA iMPACT! 3/3/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2011 by Grappleholic

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  We are TAPED from Fayetteville, North Carolina.

TNA President Dixie Carter comes out.  She’s very upset.  Apparently she lost the pretend court case.  Immortal: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy come out.  Bischoff gloats.  Flair explains that this is Flair Country and bitches at her for not banging him.  Hulk Hogan comes out to join them.  Joy.  He says he controls 100% of TNA.  He more or less calls Dixie a money mark.  Fortune: AJ Styles, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, and TNA X Division Champion Kazarian come out.  Styles cuts a promo, then leads Dixie out of the ring.  Roode cuts a promo on Hogan.  Roode and Flair banter.  Fortune try to hit the ring to brawl, but security, who is actually competent this segment, hold them back.

Immortal are backstage.  They meet some guy who is apparently a professional athlete.  Matt Hardy leads him off for God knows what.  They encounter Styles, Kazarian, and Dixie.  Dixie runs away.  Hardy and the guy get into a scuffle with Styles and Kazarian.  Jeff and Karen Jarrett show up.

Tonight, a wrestling wedding, which we know always goes perfectly as planned.

Eric Bischoff bitches to Hogan about some network guy forcing Jeff Hardy to defend the title tonight against a mystery opponent.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. Gunner & Murphy.  Gunner and Murphy knock Roode out of the ring and beat on Storm.  Roode gets the tag and runs wild.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Gunner for 2.  Murphy clotheslines Roode.  Gunner accidentally decks Murphy.  Storm superkicks Gunner.  BEER!  MONEY! double suplex on Murphy.  DWI on Gunner.  Roode gets the pin in 3:08.  That didn’t take long.  Ink Inc. come out.  Moore cuts a promo about being in his home state and being a weirdo or whatever weirdo talks about.  Moore challenges them to a title match at Victory Road.  Beer Money accept.

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious backstage.  Eric Young wants to be Jeff’s best man.  Jeff declines.  Young offers to be maid of honor, flower girl, and ring bearer.  Jarrett allows him to be ring bearer, to Karen’s displeasure.

Angelina from Jersey Show is here.  Joy.

Tonight, the wedding!  Jeff Hardy vs. ??? for the World Championship!

Kurt Angle arrives with his kids.

Sarita (w/ Rosita) vs. Velvet Sky (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love).  Sky is fired if she loses, so WAR SARITA~!  Sarita shoves Velvet and turns her back for some reason.  Velvet goes on the attack.  Sarita fails a dropkick.  Velvet hits a fancy lucha arm drag.  Some weird shit happens.  Rosita comes in.  Love spears her and kicks her ass.  Hebner ejects Rosita and Love.  Sarita hits a series of week reverse DDT style backbreakers.  Sarita goes for a Tiger Driver, but Velvet counters and hits a DDT for the pin in 2:02.  Ugh.  Love comes back to celebrate.  Robbie E., Cookie, and Angelina come out.  This segment gets more and more atrocious.  Lots of obnoxious females babbling.  Angelina wants a match with JWoww next week.  I pray to JBL that doesn’t happen.  Angelina kicks Velvet in the ass.  Velvet attacks her.  Sarita joins in the brawl.  The Beautiful People get beaten down.  Love wants to have a six-way next week.  Ugh.  There was nothing good about this segment, and nothing it leads to will be less than horrible.

Speaking of horrible, there’s a wrestling wedding and a Jeff Hardy World Title match tonight.

Ken Anderson talks backstage.  He assumes he’s getting the title shot tonight.

Eric Young tells Orlando Jordan he’s the flower girl tonight.  He accuses Jordan of stealing the ring, but it was in his show.  Stupidity.

Jeff Jarrett and Ric Flair chat in the bathroom.

Kurt Angle explains to his son that his taping his hands while getting dressed for a wedding.  I think he plans to punch someone.

Tonight, World Title match!  Wedding is NEXT!

Hulk Hogan is on the phone complaining to the network.

Wedding time.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan come out looking like idiots.  Jeff Jarrett comes out.  Kurt Angle attacks him in the aisle.  They brawl.  Karen comes out and tries to choke Angle.  She slaps him.  Angle throws her into the wedding cake!  Gotta love wrestling weddings.

Hulk Hogan talks to TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy backstage.  Hardy is fine with defending the title, but justifiably upset about not knowing who his opponent is.

Moments ago, Kurt Angle ruined the wedding.

Jeff and Karen pitch a fit to Bischoff and Flair backstage.  Bischoff assures them that the wedding will happen.  Hogan comes in to complain about the title match situation.  Bischoff tells Flair to “handle this.”

Rob Terry vs. Scott Steiner.  Terry jumps Steiner with solid sounding punches.  Steiner hits an Exploder, then clotheslines Terry out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Terry rams Steiner’s back into the post.  Back inside, Terry keeps the beating going.  Terry hits a powerslam for 2.  Steiner hits a belly to belly suplex, then a Complete Shot.  Steiner hits a Steiner Line and an elbow drop, then does pushups.  Steiner hits a Samoan Drop off the top rope, then locks in the Steiner Recliner for the submission in 3:19.  This was awful, but it was fun to see the Steiner Recliner again.

Ric Flair and the New York Jets guy come into Kurt Angle’s locker room.  Flair warns that the sport player will kick Angle’s ass if he interferes in the second wedding.  Bart Scott is his name, apparently.

Bellator Featherweight Champion Joe Warren has joined Tenay and Taz on commentary.

Hernandez vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan his the discus lariat and puts the boots to Hernandez.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Hernandez bails and tries to leave.  Morgan kicks his ass back to the ring.  Hernandez begs off.  Morgan kicks him in the face.  Hernandez rakes Morgan’s eyes.  Morgan doesn’t go for the shirt toss and does it to Hernandez instead.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner, then clotheslines Hernandez to the floor.  Hernandez begs off again on the outside, then sends Morgan’s face into the steps.  Repeatedly.  The ref DQs Hernandez in 4:22.  Morgan is bleeding.  Hernandez is pleased.  I am not.

Hogan is on the phone bitching again.  Ken Anderson comes in.  He’s pissed about not getting a title shot.  They bicker for a while.

Tonight, Hardy vs. somebody!  Next, another try at the wedding!

Preview for some new Spike TV show.

Eric Young and Orlando Jordan come out like dorks for the wedding again.  Jeff Jarrett comes out again.  Karen comes out, escorted by Kurt Angle, who has crazy eyes.  Karen still has cake on her face.  The wedding goes on.  They both talk shit about Angle in their vows while Angle just looks on smiling.  They do the rings after Young finds Karen’s in his shoe again.  They make out while Angle looks on creepily.  Angle makes sure they’re done, then pulls out a fucking axe!  He chops up the wedding decorations.  Eric Bischoff sets Bart Scott on Angle.  Scott shoves Angle, then pie faces him.  Angle puts him in the ankle lock.  Hah!

Jeff Hardy talks backstage.

Somebody’s here in a limo!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Sting.  Sting throws a reluctant Hardy into the ring and goes for the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy bails.  He looks scared, but comes back and goes on the attack.  Sting counters a suplex attempt and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Hardy manages to get a rope break and rolls outside.  He tries to leave again, but Sting attacks his leg in the aisle.  Sting rams Hardy into the barricade at ringside.  Hardy avoids a Stinger Splash and Sting hits the barricade.  Back inside, Hardy goes on the offensive.  Sting hulks up and makes his comeback.  Sting his the Scorpion Death Drop for the pi…NO!  Hardy kicks out.  Hardy avoids another Stinger Splash.  Sting crotches Hardy on a Whisper In The Wind attempt and hits him with a Scorpion Death Drop out of the corner.  Sting hits the third Scorpion Death Drop for the pin in 6:15.  Sting is the World Champion!  He celebrates with Hardy’s fugly belt.

This show wasn’t good.  In fact, at some points it was horrendous, but it was interesting and did a lot to advance storylines.

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TNA iMPACT! 1/27/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Crimson Sees Red”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo about what went on last week.  He talks about how he was supposed to retire, but now he’s back, for the fans, or so he can beat up Jeff Jarrett.  Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Jeff and Karent Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff isn’t buying this shit.  He sends the troops to kick Angle’s ass.  Storm prepares to hit Angle with a beer bottle.  Crimson appears and chases Immortal off with a baseball bat.  Flair cuts a promo on them.  Flair books Angle & Crimson vs. Jarrett, Beer Money, Kazarian, Gunner, Murphy, and Terry for tonight.

Eric Bischoff bitches at Ric Flair in the office.  Flair bitches right back, and he’s Ric Flair, so his bitching is awesome.

Tonight, Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!  Dixie Carter speaks!  Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Hardy!

Entrances for the clusterfuck women’s match.  Winter throws a fit backstage because Angelina is teaming with Velvet tonight.

Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  Everybody brawls.  The match finally starts with Tara beating up Angelina.  Angelina twists Tara’s injured arm.  Rayne tags in and gets hip tossed.  Angelina hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Rayne goes for her finish, but Love counters.  Mickie and Sarita tag in and trade arm locks.  Velvet tags in and renews her war against Sarita.  Sarita counters a headscissors into a backbreaker.  Velvet hits a cross-armed Edge-O-Matic.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita pins Velvet with a schoolgirl in 2:55.  Tara clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Mickie avoids a shot with the loaded glove.  Mickie pins Rayne in 3:47.  Sarita pins Mickie in 3:55.  Love gets Sarita with an inside cradle for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Love drops Sarita with a roundhouse kick for 2.  They make a big deal out of how Madison landed on her own glove leading to her elimination, even though she didn’t really and that doesn’t even make sense.  Velvet has been hurt backstage.  I’m sure Winter did it.  Love counters Sarita’s TKO and hits a Complete Shot Stunner deal.  Tara conks Love with the elbow brace.  Sarita covers for 2.  Tara and Sarita work over Love.  Love rallies and hits Tara with the Botox Injection for the pin (9:12 shown).  Sarita gets a reverse cradle, but Love reverses it for the pin (9:24 shown).  This was crap.  Are you surprised?

Kurt Angle is on the phone.  He tells someone that he needs them here.

Matt Hardy talks backstage.

TNA X Division Champion Kazarian has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  They’re doing some convoluted #1 Contender Series.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Amazing Red vs. Max Buck (w/ Jeremy Buck) vs. Chris Sabin.  Kazarian is pretty funny on commentary.  Brief 3-way clusterfuck.  Red and Sabin do a fast paced exchange to a stalemate.  Max attacks them.  Red gives Max a flying headscissors to send him outside.  Sabin drops Red with a clothesline for 2.  Sabin hits a dive on Max.  Back inside, Max avoids a springboard and pokes Sabin in the eye.  Max sends Red outside and works over Sabin.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Max applies a rear chin lock.  Red comes in and hits both of them with a dropkick.  Red hits Max with a rana and a fancy whirling DDT.  Red tries to springboard, but Sabin catches him with a stalling suplex for 2.  That was cool.  Max hits Sabin with a cool wheelbarrow face plant for 2.  Red hits the Code Red on Sabin.  Jeremy distracts the referee.  Red decks him and goes up top.  Jeremy crotches him on the top rope.  Max hits a DDT OF MURDER on Red for the pin in 5:10.  Fun little spot fest.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett bitch at each other.  “He was on the phone!” Karen yells.

Still to come, Dixie Carter speaks!  Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson!

Jeff Hardy is headed our way!

Velvet Sky yells at Angelina Love about how Winter attacked her.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff Hardy comes out to cut a promo.  He says a bunch of stupid things about how the people don’t care about him, even though he was one of the post popular babyfaces in years.  He talks shit about Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson himself comes out to retort.  He’s an asshole, he’ll keep the title, etc.

Crimson talks backstage.

They show how Crimson killed Abyss with the nail board last week.

Velvet Sky comes out and calls out Winter.  Winter comes out.  They fight, since it’s been a few weeks since we had a knockouts brawl that went way too long.  Winter gets the better of it.  Angelina Love comes out to break it up.  Velvet throws a fit.

Still to come, Hardy vs. Anderson!  Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!

The Pope is headed our way!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to cut a promo.  He says he’s going to confess.  He talks about not being able to stand your wife, or something.  His confession is that he doesn’t like Samoa Joe.  He wants a fan to confess something next week.  This is fucking stupid.

Ric Flair lectures Immortal backstage.  Eric Young is there for some reason.  Flair yells at him for being an idiot.

Dixie Carter speaks NEXT!

Video package of this whole retarded “THEY” angle.

Tenay and Taz talk to Dixie Carter on the phone.  She’s confident that the legal ruling will be in her favor.  Then they talk to Eric Bischoff.

Anderson vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Non-Title: Matt Hardy vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.  They lock up, then brawl.  Hardy goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Hardy drops down and pulls Anderson’s arm over the top rope.  Hardy viciously works Anderson’s arm.  Anderon rallies and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap, but Hardy counters and hits an F-U of all things.  Anderson counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Anderson turns the cover into a crucifix hold for the pin in 4:07.  Not too bad.  Jeff Hardy appears and attacks Anderson.  The Hardys beat down Anderson.  Rob Van Dam runs in to make the save.  Jeff runs away through the crowd.

Kurt Angle tells Crimson that they won’t be alone out there.  It’s NEXT!

Handicap Match: Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Immortal (Jeff Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy) (w/ Ric Flair & AJ Styles).  Jeff Jarrett was supposed to be out here, but he isn’t.  Roode beats up Crimson.  Crimson rallies and runs wild.  He’s actually pretty impressive.  Angle tags in.  Roode cuts him off and tags in Kazarian.  Angle rallies and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Storm tags in.  Angle gives him a belly to belly suplex, then decks everyone on the apron.  Storm hits a Lung Blower.  Flair hops around on the apron.  Angle ducks Storm’s superkick, which nails the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Storm.  6 on 2 clusterfuck ensues.  Now that Angle is in trouble, Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) comes out to join the match.  Angle rallies and drills Jarrett with a German suplex.  Everyone beats on Angle some more.  Jarrett hits the Stroke on Angle.  Another referee comes out to count the pin in 4:24.

Immortal continues the beatdown.  Matt Morgan tries to make the save, but he is overcome too.  The lights go out.  Sirens blare.  SCOTT STEINER appears in the ring with a lead pipe.  Immortal head for the hills.  Steiner’s ready to kick some ass.

This show was only mediocre, which is pretty good for iMPACT!

TNA iMPACT! 11/25/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?”

Immortal/Fortune are backstage having Thanksgiving dinner.  Eric Young is a waiter.  Eric Bischoff puts everyone over and toasts them.  There’s an empty seat.  Bischoff says he’s invited Dixie Carter to dinner.  Everybody is mad.

iMPACT! open.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Matt Morgan comes out to cut a promo.  He has a rematch against Jeff Hardy and has won the privilege of naming the referee for the match.  He talks on for a while about referees and mistakes and such.  Doug Williams comes out and talks shit about Fortune.  He wants to be the referee.  Morgan says he’s under consideration.  Fortune come out.  Flair cuts a promo on Morgan and Williams.  Kazarian challenges “the Queen of England” and “the Greenprint” to find some partners for an elimination match tonight, then throws out some more childish insults.

EV2.0 drama video package.

Tommy Dreamer is headed our way!  So is Rhino!

Ric Flair gives Fortune a pep talk back at the feast.  Flair gets iced for the billionth time.  Bischoff says Dixie Carter has landed in Orlando.  Everyone is still unhappy about this.

Last Street Fight: Rhino vs. Tommy Dreamer.  I have no fucking idea why this is the “last” street fight.  They brawl in the ring.  They brawl outside.  Dreamer puts a table in the ring.  They brawl outside some more.  Rhino suplexes Dreamer on the stage.  They use plunder.  Dreamer bleeds.  Rhino wails on him with a Singapore cane back in the ring.  Rhino wedges a trash can between the turnbuckles, then whips Dreamer into it.  Rhino charges, Dreamer moves, and Rhino Gores the trash can.  Dreamer whacks him about with a cookie sheet, then hits a cookie sheet enzui leg drop.  Dreamer goes for the DDT, but Rhino hits a release Northern Lights suplex.  Rhino sets up the table in the corner.  Dreamer kicks Rhino in the balls and goes for the Spiccoli Driver.  Rhino counters and hits a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino goes for the Gore, but Dreamer hits him with a cookie sheet and schoolboys him for the pin in 4:35.  That was stupid.  Dreamer makes some stupid comments and says they’re not friends anymore.  They need to stop letting Dreamer talk.  They hug, then Rhino turns again and slams Dreamer through the table.  Rob Van Dam comes out with a chair.  Rhino bails.  RVD challenges him to a First Blood Match at the PPV.  Rhino agrees.  Ugh.

Tonight, Dixie Carter!

Ric Flair is headed somewhere!

Matt Morgan and Doug Williams ask Samoa Joe to team with them tonight.  Joe agrees after a fashion.

The Beautiful People bitch at someone about something.  Flair tries to recruit them to be eye candy at the feast.  Mickie James walks up to talk to Angelina, who tells her to talk to Velvet’s action figure.  Madison Rayne and Tara walk up.  Mickie and Tara start fighting again, which causes all of them to fight.  Mickie and Tara brawl away.  Winter shows up to pull Madison off of Angelina and screams at her to leave.  WTF?  This shit is fucking retarded.

Back at the feast, TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy shows up to cut one of his retarded promos.  They need to stop letting him talk, too.

Tonight, Dixie Carter.

The show clips of the Motor City Machine Guns/Young Bucks empty arena brawl from last week’s Reaction.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns talk in the back.  They’re having a Full Metal Mayhem Match with the Bucks at the PPV.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne walks back screaming for Sarita.

Matt Morgan and Doug Williams ask “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero to be their partner.  Pope respectfully declines.  Morgan talks him into it.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out screaming in her nails on a chalkboard voice and calls out Sarita.  Her voice is AWFUL, like Vickie Guerrero awful.

Non-Title: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne vs. Sarita.  They lock up.  Madison screams like a banshee.  Sarita decks her.  Madison begs off.  They have the weakest looking brawl in the history of wrestling.  Sarita gets an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Sarita gets a front cradle for 2.  Sarita dances, then ducks slaps.  Madison does a flip and hits a weak clothesline.  Madison horribly works her over.  Sarita gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Madison does something for 2.  Please end this shit.  Sarita gets another cradle for 2.  Sarita does a wacky stupid lucha flip thing and a dropkick, then dances, then hits horrible spaghetti arm slaps, then a backdrop suplex.  Madison bails.  Please, just leave.  Madison easily avoids a stupid dive.  Madison dances and throws her back in the ring.  Madison dances some more.  Sarita trips her and gets the pin with a half assed half jackknife hold in 4:32.  This was fucking HORRIBLE.  It seems like every week’s knockouts match is worse than the last one.

Back at the feast, Jeff Jarrett is only drinking water because he “has to make weight.”  Retarded.  He’s going to play a DVD… next.

Still at the feast, they talk about what they are thankful for.  They show a video of Jeff Jarrett at a karate school tapping out children.

Jesse Neal cuts a promo on Jeff Jarrett to no one in particular.

Tonight, Elimination Match!  Next, Jarrett vs. Neal in an… MMA Match?

Submission Match: Jesse Neal vs. Jeff Jarrett.  They do retarded looking worked MMA.  Neal gets a takedown, but doesn’t do anything with it.  Jarrett gets a takedown and goes for a cross armbreaker.  Neal gets a rope break.  Jarrett beats up Neal and locks in the ankle lock.  Neal gets a rope break again.  This is obnoxious.  They’re working it like an MMA fight.  Neal fights back.  There’s a ref bump in the MMA fight.  Jarrett gets a guitar from under the ring and clocks Neal with it in the MMA fight.  Jarrett applies a rear naked choke.  The referee stops it in 4:26.  This was fucking retarded.  Shannon Moore comes out to run off Jarrett.  Yes, Jeff Jarrett is afraid of Shannon Moore.

Tonight, Survivor Series Elimination Match!  Dixie Carter!

They show Brother Ray turning on Brother Devon 2 weeks ago.  Brother Ray is next.

Brother Ray is in the ring (wearing a New Japan track suit top!) cutting a promo.  Same shit as last week.  They show various clips of Devon getting beaten up and of Ray kicking ass.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK!”  He challenges Devon to show up next week.  Bubba has his own music now.

Dixie Carter arrives at the sound stage.

Back at the feast, Bischoff says Dixie is here, so they should hide the liquor.  Hogan says he won’t be responsible for what happens to her.  Don’t worry Dixie, I’m pretty sure Hulk will blow out his knee if he gets up to try to get at you.

Time for the main event.  Fortune were all suited up eating dinner 3 minutes ago, but of course they’re geared up and ready to wrestle now.

Elimination Match: Doug Williams, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Samoa Joe, & Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Kazarian of Fortune.  Pope beats up Styles to start.  Pope hits a hip toss for 2.  Styles gets Pope in the Fortune corner and they beat him off.  Storm hits a knee drop and a leg drop for 2.  Storm puts his cowboy hat on and hits a corner clothesline.  Pope schoolboys Storm for the pin in 1:51.  Of course the heels have the advantage.  Roode jumps on Pope.  Insta-commercials.  Kazarian hits Pope with a side kick.  Styles tags in.  Styles and Kazarian double team Pope for 2.  Pope avoids Styles in the corner and tags in Morgan.  Styles tags in Kazarian.  Kaz wants Joe.  Morgan obliges.  Joe kicks Kazarian’s ass.  Williams tags in and beats up Kazarian.  Kazarian hits some kind of neckbreaker looking deal for 2.  Joe and Pope argue on the apron.  Kazarian goes for an electric chair drop, but Williams hits the Chaos Theory for the pin (5:49 shown).  Of course the heels are down 2 guys!  That is only logical thing to do!  Styles and Roode work Williams over.  Roode hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Williams hits a move to break away.  Pope and Joe both blind tag in and argue about who’s legal.  They start fighting and brawl to the back.  Styles helps Roode block the Chaos Theory.  Roode beats up Williams.  Williams knocks Styles off the apron.  Roode hits Williams with a spinebuster for the pin (8:38 shown).  Morgan is alone because he picked shitty partners.  Roode and Styles beat up Morgan.  The show ends about 10 minutes into the match.

Another horrible show from a horrible company.

TNA iMPACT! 10/14/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

They show the Bound For Glory screwjob.

“They Have Arrived!!!”

Eric Bischoff chats with Dixie Carter’s lawyer.  Something about the contract Bischoff tricked Dixie into signing last week.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out.  Tenay explains for the first time ever that with the aforementioned contract, Hogan and Bischoff now have a majority share of TNA.  Except that he explained it like everyone knows it already.  The mutants are still chanting for Hogan, but they boo Bischoff.  Hogan cuts a promo.  Bischoff cuts a promo.  Sorry, I always zone out during these long, boring promos.  Bischoff explains the master plan and introduces the various pieces of the puzzle.  Abyss comes out first.  Hogan says some bizarre shit about how Abyss is immortal now.  Jeff Jarrett is next.  He blames Dixie Carter for taking over the company that he was gleefully running into the ground before Panda Energy came along and saved their asses.  Fortune come out.  Flair says they run the company.  Flair and Hogan tease that they’re going to fight, but then they hug.  SWERVE~!  Everybody in the ring hugs and makes friends.  Flair cuts a promo about how much he loves Hogan.  That’s just bizarre.  Bischoff brings out the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Hardy.  Hardy gets “YOU SOLD OUT!” chants.  Hardy says he sold in.  He blames years of being a fan favorite for his heel turn.  He talks shit about RVD, then says they’re all immortal.  Sting and Kevin Nash are shown watching backstage.  Bischoff calls them out.  Hogan asks them to join the group.  Sting and Nash get up from their chairs.  Commercials!

Dixie Carter arrives flanked by Gunner, Murphy, and her husband.

Sting and Kevin Nash come out to the ring.  All of the heels are still there.  NOW Tenay is all upset that nobody listened to Sting and Nash when he was the one talking shit about them as recently as last week.  Bischoff invites them to join the team.  Nash says the group is a perfect fit for him because he’s always been all about money, but now he’s older and wiser.  He now has compassion for the boys in the back.  This is like bizarro land.  Nash says he doesn’t want anything to do with them.  Sting says he didn’t come to TNA for this, he came because he loved TNA.  He says he’s not going to repeat history again.  The answer is no.  Sting and Nash leave.  Bischoff bitches at them.  Thus shit took 32 minutes.

Tenay and Taz talk.

The Pope ask Sting and Kevin Nash WTF?  Nash invites Pope to leave with them.  So they’re just leaving?  Pope says he’ll continue to fight the good fight by himself.  Poor Pope.  Dixie Carter shows up and asks Sting and Nash WTF?  Sting says she should have listened to them.  You can barely hear any of this.  Hogan and Bischoff show up to bother her.  Dixie slaps the shit out of Bischoff and bitches at Hogan.  Hogan says he’ll talk to her in his office.  Of course.  Ugh.  Commercials.

Hogan, Bischoff, and Dixie are in the office.  Dixie wants Hogan to tell her straight up that he screwed her out of the company.  He does.  They bicker back and forth while Bischoff cheezes in the background.  Dixie calls him a smug shit.  She tells Gunner and Murphy to take out Hogan and Bischoff.  Hogan says they work for him and orders them to get Dixie out of there.  They do.  Surge tries to help and gets KTFO’d with one punch.  Commercials.  41 minutes and no wrestling.

Some chick shows up in a BMW.

Taz and Tenay talk.  They explain that the aforementioned chick is JWoww from Jersey Shore.  What kind of name is that?

Madison Rayne comes out with a referee.  She bitches about Tara winning the title instead of her at the PPV.  She demands that Tara comes out and gives her a title match.  Tara comes out.  Madison reminds her that she let Tara come back to TNA.  Tara should punish her for such a horrible fate.  She tells Tara to “do the right thing.”

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. Madison Rayne.  Rayne orders Tara to lay down.  Tara does.  Rayne pins her to win the title in 21 seconds.  Rayne celebrates like she actually accomplished something.  Mickie James comes out to be angry about this farce.  She hits the ring.  Rayne hides behind Tara.  James and Tara fight.  James kicks Tara out of the ring.  Rayne runs away.  Mickie poses with the belt.  Stupid crap.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The Beautiful People get their makeup done.  JWoww comes in.  They all make friends.  They talk about cookies or something.  Commercials.

The Beautiful People and JWoww wonder around looking for cookies.  They find Eric Young instead.  He asks for JWoww’s autograph on his pecs, then asks if he’s a gorilla.  Orlando Jordan shows up and offers her a lollipop.  Stupid shit.

Kurt Angle comes out with no music, selling his injured ribs.  He cuts a promo about how beat up he is.  He wants to know why he got screwed.  He said he’d retire if he lost, but he didn’t actually get pinned, so he has a dilemma.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to the stage.  He says that Angle didn’t win the title like he said he would, so he should leave.  He says Angle made his life hell when he came into TNA.  I have no memory of that.  They make cryptic mention of the fact that Jarrett ended up with Angle’s ex-wife.  They banter.  Jarrett says he sold out to take Angle’s career.  Angle goes after Jarrett, but gets jumped by Gunner and Murphy.  They handcuff Angle while Jarrett stomps the shit out of him.  Angle spits on Jarrett.  Jarrett beats the shit out of him some more.  Jarrett injures Angle’s neck.  Taz comes down from the table and makes Jarrett back down.  Yes, Jarrett and two tough guys bitched down to a long retired announcer.  Commercials.

1 hour, 9 minutes in and the closest thing we’ve had to wrestling was a 21 second farce of a match.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

On Monday in Daytona Beach, Samoa Joe walked along the beach while cutting a promo on Jeff Jarrett.

An hour and 15 minutes in, we’re FINALLY going to get a match!

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe is good and pissed off.  He kicks Abyss’ ass.  Abyss gets the jump on him when he turns to threaten the referee.  Joe easily rallies and kicks Abyss’ ass some more.  Joe lands a big kick and a senton splash.  Abyss hits a chokeslam.  Abyss goes outside to get a chair.  Joe hits him with a tope suicida into the chair.  Not sure who got the worst of that.  Abyss clocks Joe with the ring bell to get DQ’d in 2:16.  Joe is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Abyss beats on him some more back in the ring.  Rob Van Dam comes out.  Abyss retreats.  The match was nothing.  Two minutes of okay, then a fuck finish.  Joe is pissed off.

Rob Van Dam calls out Jeff Hardy.  Hardy appears on the screen and cuts a nonsensical promo.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  I’ve seen enough of him tonight for 7 lifetimes.  He books RVD vs. Mr. Anderson for tonight in a #1 Contender Match.  RVD is fine with this.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher flirt backstage.  Bischoff bitches at her for whoring around.  Bischoff dumps her and says she has to wrestle if she wants to stay in TNA.  DAMMIT ERIC, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST FIRE HER?  Ken Anderson shows up and calls him a douchebag while cranking on his wrist.

Handicap Match: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, & Doug Williams of Fortune (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan).  It’s tag team rules.  Pope and Williams lock up.  Pope kicks his ass.  Williams lands a shoulder block.  Pope lands an elbow smash and the Dusty Rhodes elbows.  Kazarian tags in and gets back body dropped.  Pope hits a shoulder block.  Styles comes in and gets schooled too.  Pope slides out of the ring and decks Flair.  Morgan hits Pope with the Carbon Footprint.  Flair and Morgan stomp on Pope.  Back inside, Styles covers for 2.  Roode tags in and beats up Pope.  James tags in.  Ber Money hits the double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  James decks Pope.  Kazarian tags back in and hits a dropkick for 2.  Pope fights back and nails everyone on the apron.  Kazarian rakes his eyes.  Styles misses the springboard forearm and accidentally hits Kazarian with the Pele kick.  Pope schoolboys Kazarian for 2.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Pope.  Kazarian pins Pope in 3:32.  Fortune stomp on Pope some more after the match.  Whatever.

Robbie E. and Cookie are walking around backstage.  Fucking ugh.

The Beautiful People and JWoww are also backstage walking around.  Ugh again.  Commercials.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out to be obnoxious and make me want to change the channel.  But I’m a journalist, dammit!  Wait, no I’m not.  Why the fuck am I watching this shit?  They talk shit about that retarded Jersey Shore show.  The Beautiful People and JWoww come out.  Cookie talks shit and slaps JWoww.  CATFIGHT!  The BPs take out Robbie E.  I hate wrestling.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ that bullshit happened.

Recap of various shit that has happened tonight.

TNA World Heavyweight Title #1 Contender Match: Ken Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam.  Entrances, commercials, match starts.  At the top of the hour when the show is supposed to be over.  They trade punches.  RVD drops Anderson with a kick.  More slow brawling.  RVD hits the monkey flip out of the corner, then a spin kick for 2.  Anderson goes outside.  RVD hits sort of a moonsault kick off of the apron.  Impact ends.  I’m done.

Fucking awful show with practically no wrestling.  I fucking hate this company.

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

I have the feeling this is going to hurt.

PPV open.  TNA presents Bound For Failure Glory!  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers LIVE from Daytona Beach, Florida.  At least they’re out of the iMPACT! Zone.  Tenay and Taz hype tonight’s happenings.

Tag Lines.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  GenMe make it halfway down the ramp before their music starts playing.  We’re off to a great start here.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match:The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Shelley and Max start.  Shelley works an arm lock.  Max gets him down in the corner and stomps him.  Shelley fires some chops.  Sabin hits an arm drag and a leg sweep.  Guns pinball Max back and forth.  Shelley hits a kick for 2.  There are audio/video problems.  Guns double team Max a bit.  Shelley gets a Gedo Clutch for 2.  Jeremy trips Shelley from the outside.  Max drops Shelley with a kick, then Jeremy tags in.  Shelley goes for a superkick.  Jeremy bails.  Sabin kicks him in the head from the apron.  Guns double team Max again.  Guns hit stereo tope suicidas on the Bucks.  Back inside, Shelley hits Jeremy with a diving cross body for 2.  Jeremy counters the Shiranui.  Shelley pulls Jeremy’s head across the top rope, then goes up top.  Max crotches him.  Bucks hit the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER on Shelley behind the referee’s back.  Is that illegal now?  Jeremy and Shelley trade slaps.  Jeremy hits an enzuigiri.  Sabin saves.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Max covers for 2.  The Bucks hit a wacky double team neckbreaker/backbreaker.  Jeremy applies a rear chin lock.  Jeremy goes for a superplex, but Shelley knocks him down.  Max grabs Shelley’s leg, but Shelley knocks him to the floor.  Shelley hits Jeremy with a Ghetto Stomp and makes the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild.  Sabin ties Max to the tree of woe.  Shelley hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Sabin follows with the hesitation dropkick.  Shelley takes out Jeremy somehow.  Sabin hits Max with a diving lariat for 2.  Max goes to tag out, but Jeremy is down.  Sabin slaps Max.  Guns hit a double team drop move, but Jeremy saves.  Sabin springboards off of Shelley’s back and dropkicks Jeremy to the floor.  Shelley goes for a dive, but Jeremy avoids it and hits Sabin with the slingshot face buster.  Max hits Sabin with an inverted powerbomb for 2.  Bucks go for the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER, but Shelley prevents it.  Guns go for the Made In Detroit on Max, but Jeremy knocks Shelley to the floor.  Max hits Sabin with a sick tornado DDT.  Jeremy takes out Shelley with a dive.  Jeremy hits Sabin with a 450 splash.  Max covers, but Shelley saves.  Shelley hits the Bucks with a Complete Shot/DDT combo.  Shelley tags in and goes for a Ghetto Stomp, but Max avoids it.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Sabin hits a 360 lariat on Jeremy.  Stuff happens.  Bucks hit a double splash on Shelley for 2.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Shelley hits Max with a SPIDER GERMAN SUPLEX.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Jeremy.  Shelley pins Jeremy in 12:53.  Awesome match.  It’s very likely that this was as good as this is going to get.

Christy Hemme interviews Madison Rayne and Tara.  Rayne insults Christy Hemme a lot.  She’s in full bitchy slut mode tonight.  She says she owns Tara for life.  Tara doesn’t seem to like that.  She also tells Mickie James that she’s the Queen Bee.  That’s what she said.

Knockouts title clusterfuck hype video.

Four-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Angelina Love (c) vs. Tara vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky.  Mickie James is the Special Guest Referee.  Yeah, the show is definitely going to go downhill now.  It’s tag in and out rules, so Rayne insists that the Beautiful People start against each other.  They high five and lock up.  Love do a bunch of pin attempts, then a double knockdown.  Rayne tags herself in and goes after Love.  James forces Rayne to break a foot choke in the corner.  Rayne yells at her.  Love hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Tara pulls her off the cover.  Love hits a flapjack.  Rayne tags in Tara.  Tara does a hair reverse Gory Special thing on Love.  Velvet tags in and hits a tilt a whirl headscissors on Tara for 2.  Velvetl applies an Octopus stretch, then transitions into a sunset flip.  Tara rolls through and falls on her for 2.  I think that’s what happened anyway.  Velvet hits a suplex while Rayne screams.  Velvet hits some shitty strikes on Tara, then a bulldog headlock for 2.  Rayne knees Velvet from the apron.  Love knocks her off the apron.  More shit happens.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Tara hits a tilt a whirl slam on Love.  Rayne hits a face crusher on Velvet.  Everybody hits their finishers.  Poorly.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak on Sky.  Sky counters.  They knock Rayne off the apron.  Velvet gets a reverse cradle.  Tara half ass reverses it into a reverse cradle so shitty it doesn’t even deserve to be called a cradle for the pin in 5:53.  Tara wins the title.  Fucking awful match.  Rayne bitches at Tara for winning, then shoves Mickie.  Mickie KTFO’s Rayne with a punch.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  He has drawings all over him.  He thinks he’s a father figure to Orlando Jordan.  He also things Jordan’s family disowned him because he’s bipolar.  Jordan shows up wearing a wedding dress.  With a wedding dress mask.  I fucking hate this company.

Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan.  They show clips from the retarded iMPACT! match.  Young has a “TNA rule book.”  Young puts the referee on the apron and tries to referee the match.  He counts a 2 count or Neal over Jordan.  This stupidity distracts Neal to let Jordan cheap shot him.  Neal hits a cross body on Jordan for 2.  Moore tags in and hits Jordan with a dropkick for 2.  Young tags in.  Moore gets some pinning predicaments for 2.  Young high fives everyone, then throws Jordan in the ring.  Ink Inc. double team Jordan.  Young tries to splash Jordan in the corner, but Jordan avoids it.  Moore crotches Young on the top rope.  Neal does the same to Jordan.  Ink Inc. shakes the ropes.  Shit happens.  Jordan grinds Moore in the corner, then hits a spinebuster.  Jordan covers homosexually for 2.  Young points at his rule book.  Jordan suplexes Moore for 2.  Moore goes for a sunset flip.  Jordan grabs the ropes.  Young kicks his hands away.  Double clothesline spot.  Jordan knocks Neal off the apron.  Young goes over to the Ink Inc. corner.  Moore drops Jordan with an enzugiri.  Young gets a tag from Moore and runs wild.  On his partner.  Ink Inc. hit Jordan with their fireman carry/blockbuster finish.  Moore pins Jordan in 6:37.  Young celebrates with Ink Inc., then hugs Jordan.  I don’t even know what to say about this retarded shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal (c) vs. Douglas Williams.  They lock up and wrestle.  That’s never a bad way to start a match.  Unless it’s a hate filled grudge match.  This isn’t, so we’re good to go.  Williams kicks the middle rope into Lethal’s leg.  Instead of working the leg, they half a fast paced exchange.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  Williams rolls to the floor.  Lethal hits a dive.  Back inside, Lethal misses a springboard dropkick.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams hits a 360 lariat for 2.  Lethal comes back and hits a back body drop.  Lethal hits some clotheslines and a dropkick.  Lethal hits a Lionsault body block for 2.  Williams hits a German suplex for 2.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and a snap suplex for 2.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits an awesome Chaos Theory for 2.  An awesome version of his finish.  For 2.  Williams hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner.  Lethal rolls through it and gets the pin in 8:15.  I did not care for this match at all.  It’s great if you like guys just doing moves, but it had no psychology at all, and I expect better from these guys.  Lethal goes into the crowd to celebrate.  Robbie E. and Cookie show up to jump him in the crowd.  Robbie throws Lethal back in the ring and hits an Ace Crusher.  Zack Ryder’s cousin says Lethal is a disgrace to New Jersey.  New Jersey is a disgrace to itself.  He promises to win the belt and deface it.  Cookie says her stupid “Jersey’s in the house, BITCHES!” catchphrase.  They have a seizure to their awful music.  I hate wrestling.

RVD/Abyss hype video.

Monster’s Ball Match: Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam.  Abyss cuts a promo before the match.  RVD immediately goes on the attack because he knows that’s the proper way to start a hate filled grudge match.  RVD hits an awesome slingshot leg drop.  It’s weird how I hate Hogan but I pop when anybody else does a leg drop.  RVD dropkicks a chair into Abyss’ face, then goes up top.  Abyss bails.  RVD hits him with a diving cross body to the floor.  RVD throws a barbed wire board into the ring.  Abyss comes back in and drops RVD with an elbow smash.  RVD hits a bulldog onto the barbed wire board.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Abyss rolls off and RVD’s back eats the barbed wire.  RVD rolls to the floor.  Abyss makes a table bridge between the apron and the guardrail.  Abyss hits RVD with a trash can.  He makes another bridge on the other side of the ring with the other barbed wire board that is conveniently present.  They fight on the apron next to the table bridge.  RVD lays Abyss on it and hits a Rolling Thunder over the top rope through the table.  Back inside, RVD hits the Van Daminator.  RVD goes up top, but Abyss throws a chair at his head.  RVD falls off the top rope through the barbed wire board bridge.  Abyss tries to harpoon RVD into the other barbed wire board.  RVD slips out and throws Abyss into it.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the barbed wire board.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash, but Abyss avoids it.  Abyss brings in Janice.  RVD ducks the shot and throws a chair at him.  RVD HITS ABYSS WITH JANICE.  I always knew Abyss would be the idiot to get hit with that thing.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 12:59.  Okay for mindless garbage match.  Abyss says “10/10/10.  Get ready.” into the camera.  Ugh.

Nash/Sting/Jarrett/Joe etc. hype video.  Ugh.

Handicap Match: Sting, Kevin Nash, & “The Pope” D’Angelo DInero vs. Jeff Jarrett & Samoa Joe.  Joe and Pope start by trading arm locks.  Pope lands a shoulder block, then postures.  Joe gets up and kicks his ass.  Pope fights back.  Joe hits a leg lariat.  Sting tags in and attacks Jarrett on the apron.  Joe kicks Sting’s ass.  Sting his a Stinger Splash and lunges at Jarrett again.  Jarrett avoids it.  Sting goes for another Stinger Splash, but Joe catches him with an STO.  Sting bails.  Joe beats him up on the outside.  Nash hits Joe from behind to let Sting get the advantage.  Back inside, Nash tags in and beats up Joe plodding, big man style.  Pope tags in to continue the work.  Pope hits a springboard elbow drop stupid thing for 2 after fucking up the first springboard or something.  Sting tags in.  Joe hits Sting and Pope with a double clothesline.  Nash cuts Joe off from making the tag.  Joe rocks Nash with a big kick.  Jarrett reaches out for the hot tag, then drops off the apron and abandons Joe.  That bastard!  That traitor!  That Quisling!  That Benedict Arnold!  Nash says “I told you!”  Joe goes on the attack, but is overcome by the 3 on 1 situation.  Nash hits the Jackknife powerbomb for the pin in 7:41.  I’m shocked that Nash can powerbomb anyone, let alone Joe.  The match was mediocre, meaning it was better than at least half of the matches on this show so far.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson, who apologizes in advance for ending Kurt Angle’s career tonight because Angle hit him in the nuts.  “That shit hurt!” he says.

Team 3D come out.  Boo.  Bubba babbles for a while.  Boo.  Then he announces their retirement.  YAY!  They want to wrestle the Guns for the Tag titles so they can retire as champions.  Boo!  Bubba tells Devon to get the tables.  Devon says his catchphrase.  They leave.

Tenay and Taz argue about whether or not the Guns should wrestle 3D.

Fortune/EV2.0 hype video.

Christy Hemme interviews Fortune.

Lethal Lockdown Match: EV2.0 (Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Sabu, Raven, & Stevie Richards) (w/ Mick Foley) vs. Fortune (TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan) (w/ Ric Flair).  Foley and Flair brawl before the match even starts.  They’re doing the old school deal where everyone is at ringside for WarGames.  Stevie and Kazarian start the match.  They lock up, then brawl.  I never thought I’d see the day when my boy Stevie was in a featured PPV match.  Stevie hits some neckbreakers.  All of Fortune have blue trunks.  That’s kind of neat.  Kazarian goes for a diving leg drop, but Stevie avoids it and fights back.  Stevie drops Kazarian, then does a Flair strut.  Stevie hits a Complete Shot into a Koji Clutch.  Fucking awesome.  AJ Styles enters for Fortune.  He drops Stevie with a dropkick.  Styles and Kazarian use their man advantage and double team Stevie.  Tommy Dreamer enters for EV2.0 and runs wild.  Dreamer hits a cool pumphandle suplex on Styles.  Dreamer and Stevie double team Kazarian.  Stevie is selling his ankle.  He was put in a figure-four leglock while I wasn’t paying attention.  I apologize.  Stevie superplexes Kazarian as Styles powerbombs Stevie.  Dreamer gets knocked down in the process.  Robert Roode enters for Fortune.  Roode rams Dreamer’s head into the cage.  Dreamer is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair punches Dreamer through a camera hole.  Sabu comes in for Fortune and runs wild.  The crowd boos him.  Sabu hits Styles with a tornado DDT, then locks him in the camel clutch.  Dreamer powerslams Roode.  Dreamer locks Styles in the crossface.  Roode breaks it.  James Storm comes in for Fortune.  Beer Money hit a double back body drop on Dreamer.  2 awesome double teams in a row as one of  Beer Money hold up Richards and Styles hits a Long Blower, then Beer Money hit their catapult DDT.  More double teams.  BEER!  MONEY!  Stevie superkicks Kazarian.  Storm superkicks Stevie.  Storm rams Dreamer’s head into the cage again.  Raven enters for EV2.0.  They try to cut him off, but he manages to get  his wild running in.  Raven puts the snot rag in Kazarian’s face.  Taz makes a Moondogs reference that Tenay no sells.  Dreamer has somehow busted Roode open.  Matt Morgan comes in as the final entrant for Fortune.  Morgan powerbombs Sabu into the cage.  Sabu is bleeding too.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows on Dreamer, then drops Stevie with a boot.  Rhino comes in at the last entrant for EV2.0 and runs wild.  Rhino Gores Storm.  They lower the ceiling of weapons.  THE MATCH BEYOND BEGINS!  Foley and Flair start brawling at ringside again.  EV2.0 grab some weapons and go to work.  Raven and Morgan trade shots with trash can lids and Singapore canes.  Stevie avoids the Carbon Footprint and Morgan injures his leg on the cage door.  Stevie throws Kazarian into the door and the door opens.  Rhino starts to go out, but Stevie says he’s got this.  Kazarian and Stevie climb to the roof of the cage.  Kazarian sets up a ladder.  He tries to throw Stevie off  of the roof.  Sabu hits dive through the door onto Morgan and Storm.  Stevie sets up a table.  Kazarian hits Stevie in the balls and lays him out on the table.  Kazarian climbs the ladder.  Brian Kendrick comes out from under a sheet and knocks the ladder over.  Kendrick backdrops Kazarian through the table, then meditates or something.  Only Styles and Dreamer are still in the cage.  Styles goes up top.  Dreamer hits him with a chair, then hits the Spiccoli Driver off the top for the pin in 24:45.  I enjoyed this.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.  He dedicates the match tonight to Hulk.

Tale of the Tape.

Hardy/Angle/Anderson hype video.

Tale of the Tape.  Again.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Final, Three-Way Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle and Hardy both attack Anderson.  Angle gets sent outside, so Hardy beats up Anderson by himself.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker, but Angle saves.  Angle beats up Anderson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex, but Hardy saves.  Angle German suplexes Hardy and Anderson at the same time.  Pimp.  Cover on Anderson gets 2.  Angle throws him out of the ring and covers Hardy for 2.  Hardy backdrops Angle out of the ring.  Anderson comes back and beats up Hardy.  Angle trips Anderson and pulls him out of the ring.  They brawl at ringside.  Hardy hits them with a dive.  Angle beats up Hardy in the ring.  A suplex gets 2.  Hardy hits some shitty clotheslines.  Anderson comes back in and eats more shitty Hardy clotheslines.  Hardy goes up top, but Angle brings him down with a belly to belly off the top.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap on Angle.  Hardy hits Anderson with flippy kick thing, then beats up Angle in the corner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Anderson moves.  Angle shoots out of the corner and covers Hardy for 2.  Dixie Carter is watching in the crowd.  Joy.  Angle superplexes Hardy as Anderson powerbombs Angle.  Because we totally didn’t just see that spot in the previous match.  Anderson covers Angle for 2, then Hardy for 2.  Anderson hits the rolling Germans on Anderson, then Hardy.  Angle locks Hardy in the ankle lock.  Anderson tries to save.  Angle locks them both in the ankle lock.  They manage to flip Angle over.  Angle goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and hits the Lambeau Leap off the top.  Anderson covers, but Hardy hits them both with a Swanton Bomb.  Hardy covers both for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate on Angle.  Angle pushes him into Anderson to knock him off the apron, then hits the Angle Slam on Hardy for 2.  Angle gives Anderson a backdrop suplex off the top rope.  Hardy tries to steal the pin, but only gets 2.  Hardy hits Angle with the Whisper In The Wind, then hits Anderson with the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for 2.  Angle pulls Hardy off the cover and locks him in the ankle lock.  Hardy flips Angle forward right into Anderson’s Mic Check.  Anderson covers for 2.  They do a three-way cradle counter sequence.  Hardy and Anderson to a double clothesline spot.  Angle hits a GORGEOUS moonsault press on Hardy for 2.  Anderson and Angle counter each others’ moves.  Angle accidentally clotheslines the referee to death, then hits Anderson with a German.  He tries to roll them, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check.  Eric Bischoff comes out with a chair.  He looks poised to fuck Angle over.  Hulk Hogan comes out on crutches.  Bischoff throws the chair away.  Hogan bitches at him.  Bischoff takes one of Hogan’s crutches.  Hardy comes back in.  Angle gets up.  Hogan hands his crutch to Hardy.  Hardy breaks the crutch over Angle’s back.  THEY’RE IN CAHOOTS!  Hardy breaks the other crutch over Anderson’s back, then hits the Twist of Fate.  Bischoff drags the referee back into the ring and kicks him until he counts the pin for Hardy in 18:39.  Really good match, even with the fuck finish.  At least the crutch shots weren’t light.  Jeff Jarrett and Abyss come out to celebrate with Hardy, Hogan, and Bischoff.  I CALLED IT!  HOGAN AND BISCHOFF ARE THEM!  Rob Van Dam comes out and asks Hardy “WTF, man?”  Hardy nails RVD with the belt.

When I read the results of the show last night, I was so pissed off when I found out about this angle.  Now that I’ve seen it, I’m not going to lie… I really liked it.  I’m still not optimistic about where they’ll take the story from here, but I liked the angle.  As for the show as a whole, I’ll give it a thumbs in the middle.  There were 3 or 4 matches I enjoyed, but there was a lot crap on the show too.  Still, I really liked the main event and the closing angle.

TNA iMPACT! 10/7/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss has kidnapped Dixie Carter.  He yells about wanting her to cry and being there when her children were born.  The fuck?  Nobody helps her, despite there being tons of people backstage where they’re walking.  That’s crack TNA security for you.  Abyss pulls her into the arena and yells at or near her.  He rambles about “they.”  NOBODY IS LIFTING A MOTHERFUCKING FINGER TO SAVE THE PRESIDENT OF THE COMPANY FROM A LUNATIC WITH A NAIL BOARD AND A BRANDING IRON.  Eric Bischoff finally finishes getting blown by Brooke Adams backstage and comes out.  Bischoff, Gunner, Murphy, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown finally show up after their boss has been in danger for 5 minutes.  Bischoff convinces Abyss to unlock Dixie from the handcuffs.  Bischoff yells “CUT!”  Bischoff gets in the ring as Sting, Kevin Nash, and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero come out.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff, The Pope, Sting, and Kevin Nash are all in the ring.  Bischoff and Pope discuss amongst themselves this retarded, convoluted storyline that nobody understands.  Sting wants Hogan in the ring.  So he can expose him.  Or something.  Samoa Joe and Jeff Jarrett come out.  Bischoff tells them to stand down.  He talks about Hogan being crippled.  They show video of Hulk Hogan in the hospital, because he is in fact old and crippled.  I hate this fucking company.  LIVE TV AND THEY’RE FUCKING SHOWING FUCKING VIDEO OF THAT PIECE OF SHIT IN THE FUCKING HOSPITAL.  Bischoff challenges them to kick his ass.  DO IT!  He books Sting, Nash, & Pope against Jarrett & Joe in a Handicap Match at Bound For Glory.  That’s stupid.

Mickie James shows up.  I’m so pissed at that stupid segment that I don’t even care.

Tonight, a battle royal.

A match for a name and some music is next.  Commercials.

Angle/Hardy/Anderson hype video.

Team 3D (FUCK!  I thought they were gone) are in New York City.  They promise a big announcement at Bound For Glory.  Hopefully it’s that they’re retiring.

For the Rights to the Beautiful People Name: Madison Rayne & Tara vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky.  Rayne and Tara jump Love and Sky.  Nobody bothers to ring a fucking bell because they hate wrestling and me.  They get the heat on Angelina.  Velvet tags in and runs wild.  Rayne knees Velvet from the apron, so they get heat on her too.  Miss Tessmacher comes out to take notes.  These are NOT the women you want to learn about wrestling from, Brooke.  Love tags in and runs wild.  Velvet and Love hit stereo leg kicks on Tara.  Love pins Tara in about 3 minutes.  Fucking garbage.  Tessmacher says there’s a special guest referee for their 4-way title match at Bound For Glory.  It’s Mickie James.  Mickie cuts a shitty promo about how she’ll beat whoever wins at BFG for the title.

Mick Foley was in Boston plugging his book and cutting a promo on Ric Flair.

Still to come, a battle royal.

Next, Flair vs. Foley.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter tells Eric Bischoff to fire Abyss.  She says he should have done it a long time ago.  That’s what she gets for expecting Bischoff to be competent or good at his job.  She wants him to fire Abyss in the ring and humiliate him.  That’s stupid.  Also, I’m pretty sure Bischoff and Hogan are “them.”

Last Man Standing Match: Ric Flair vs. Mick Foley.  They lock up.  In a gimmick grudge match.  Flair lands chops and punches.  Foley bleeds from a cut above his eye.  They brawl outside.  Foley hits Flair in the balls, throws him in the ring, and retrieves his barbed wire bat that was hidden under the steps.  Foley hits Flair with the bat and punches him.  Flair is bleeding.  Foley chases Flair to the broadcast table.  They end up on the stage.  Foley drives the barbed wire into Flair’s head.  Flair throws Foley off the stage through a table.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants are bleeped.  I thought Spike TV was television for men, not old ladies.  Commercials.  Flair beats  up Foley, having beaten him with his new book during the break.  Flair brings in thumbtacks.  Foley fights back.  Foley back body drops Flair onto the tacks.  Foley brings in a barbed wire board.  Foley pounds Flair down in the corner, then runs the barbed wire board into him.  They trade chops and punches.  Foley brings in a table.  The mutants chant “FIRE!”  Flair hits Foley in the balls, then puts him on the table and hits him with the barbed wire board.  Flair comes off the top rope and splashes Foley through the table.  They both try to get up.  Flair does the Flair flop into the tacks.  Foley wins in 13:25.  Flair and Foley had a great match.  This was NOT that match.  This was two old men having a TNA garbage match for the sake of having a TNA garbage match, and I expect better from both of them.  I hate this company.  Foley wants Flair to kiss his ass like he promised to last week.  Mutants chant “KISS HIS ASS!”  Fortune come in through the crowd and jump Foley.  EV2.0 come out and run them off.  Flair says Fortune will kick their asses Sunday.

Tenay and Tazz show off the blood on their table.

Eric Bischoff walks backstage.

Eric Bischoff walks to the ring.  They show the retarded bullshit from the beginning of the show again because they’re so proud of it.  He calls out Abyss.  Commercials.  Who is the retard who structures these fucking shows?

Eric Bischoff is still waiting on Abyss.  The wreckage from the Flair/Foley match is still in the ring because everybody is too busy being worthless to clean shit up.  Rob Van Dam comes out.  He’s “1010% sure” about what he’s saying.  He says Abyss stays through Bound For Glory or he quits.

Tommy Dreamer and Rhino were in Philadelphia at some point in the past.

A battle royal is going to happen later.  Commercials are going to happen right now.

House shows.

Orlando Jordan and Eric Young are shown at a fair or something.  There are homosexual overtones.  Why the fuck is Orlando Jordan back on my TV?

Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan.  The gimmick is that since Young fell on his head a while back he’s retarded now.  He is dressed like Ink Inc. with kiddie drawings on his back and doesn’t know whose team he is on.  Neal beats up Jordan.  Good for him.  Jordan beats up Neal, then humps his face.  Moore tags in and runs wild.  Moore hits a moonsault body block on Jordan for 2.  Young comes in and high fives him.  Young helps Moore double team Jordan, then points it out to the ref when Jordan goes for a pin with his foot on the ropes.  Jordan hits Moore in the balls and gets the pin in 3:47.  Fucking garbage.  Young abuses the referee, says he’s the leader of the tag team, and forfeits the match they just won.  They talk about a rematch at the PPV.  I fucking hope not.

We tour Jay Lethal’s family home.

Jeff Hardy, Ken Anderson, and Kurt Angle are all in the battle royal, which is next.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter tells Rob Van Dam that Abyss as fired after Bound For Glory regardless of the result of their match.  Bischoff gives her the termination papers to sign.  She doesn’t read them.  Abyss will be saved when it is revealed that Hogan and Bischoff are “they.”  Dixie tells RVD to take out Abyss.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out.  They’re the Jersey Shore gimmick.  Cookie is Becky Bayless, and she’s super hot, so at least there’s that.  Robbie shoes off his abs.  Becky should show off her tits.  They cut a stupid, obnoxious promo.  I’m pretty sure Robbie E. is Zack Ryder’s twin brother.  Even the Impact Zone mutants hate this shit.  Retarded bullshit.

Bound For Glory hype video with various guys cutting promos.

$100,000 Gauntlet Battle Royal: #1 is Ken Anderson.  #2 is Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle lands a shoulder block.  #3 is Jeff Hardy.  They’re doing entrants every 45 seconds.  They could have spaced it out more, but that Jersey Shore gimmick is so fucking important.  As soon as Hardy gets in the ring, #4 is TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles.  Commercials.  Doug Williams, Sabu, Max Buck, and TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin entered during the break.  #9 is Tommy Dreamer.  #10 is TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  Everybody brawls.  #11 is Jeff Jarrett.  WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF HAVING A GAUNTLET MATCH IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE GUYS COME OUT EVERY 45 FUCKING SECONDS?  #12 is “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  #13 is Robert Roode.  Nobody gets eliminated.  #14 is Sting.  Still, nobody gets eliminated.  Commercials.  Jeremy Buck, Raven, and Stevie Richards entered during the break.  Abyss enters and eliminates Williams, Sabu, Lethal, Richards, Sabu, and Raven in short order.  Everybody jumps Abyss.  Abyss dumps Sting.  Kevin Nash enters next.  Nash beats on Abyss.  Nash didn’t even put on wrestling gear.  Matt Morgan enters next and drops Abyss with a clothesline.  Nash and Morgan have a big guy fight.  Samoa Joe is next.  Abyss eliminates Morgan and Nash.  James Storm enters.  Dreamer almost eliminates Abyss.  Angle and Generation Me try to finish Abyss.  Abyss eliminates Generation Me.  TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley is next.  Joe almost eliminates Hardy, who Taz calls Jarrett.  Kazarian gets eliminated.  I didn’t even know he had entered.  Rhino enters and goes after Abyss.  Styles and Dreamer try to eliminate each other.  Abyss eliminates Rhino.  Jarrett goes for the Stroke on Pope, but Abyss eliminates him.  Abyss eliminates Pope.  The show ends.  I’m going to finish the match on Reaction since I already taped it.  I hate myself for breaking my rule.  Abyss eliminates Shelley as Shelley goes for the Shiranui.  Abyss eliminates Joe.  Beer Money double suplex Dreamer, then Abyss.  BEER!  MONEY!  Roode tries to eliminate Storm.  Storm skins the cat back in.  Roode shoves Storm, then they hug.  Abyss eliminates Roode, then Storm.  Styles hits the Pele kick on Abyss.  Dreamer hits the Spiccoli Driver on Styles.  Abyss eliminates Dreamer.  Abyss press slams Styles out of the ring.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb on Angle.  Abyss eliminates Hardy.  Anderson fights Abyss.  Abyss chokeslams.  Rob Van Dam comes out as the last participant, despite the fact that it’s been several minutes since an entrant.  I fucking hate this company.  RVD hits Abyss with a cross body that eliminates himself.  Abyss tumbles over the top rope too.  That was just dump luck and RVD is an idiot.  Angle and Anderson go at it.  They counter each others’ secondary move.  Angle eliminates Anderson with an Angle Slam out of the ring to win it in 26:32.  Angle celebrates with the money.

Fucking awful piece of shit show.  I fucking hate this company.  I don’t know why I put myself through this shit every week.

TNA iMPACT! 9/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.  On Reaction, Eric Bischoff made the Bound For Glory title match a 3-way which pissed Dixie off.

“They say… Only The Strong Will Survive”

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Rob Terry comes out to wrestle Abyss.  Rob Van Dam is backstage being retrained by various people

Rob Terry vs. Abyss.  Abyss jumps Terry and kicks his ass.  Terry drops Abyss with a clothesline.  Abyss kicks Terry in the head.  Terry drops Abyss with his big spin kick.  Terry charges Abyss in the corner, but Abyss stops him with a boot, then lands a clothesline.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Terry breaks out and hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry hits a running powerslam for 2.  Terry goes for the Freak Buster, but Abyss rakes his eyes and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss hits a chokeslam for 2.  Fuck.  Abyss clotheslines Terry out of the ring.  Split screen time!  Jeff Hardy tries to calm RVD down backstage.  Abyss picks up a piece of the barricade and throws it at Terry for the DQ in 3:59.  This was awful.  Abyss hits him with the barricade again.  And again.  Rob Van Dam comes out through the crowd with a chair.  Gunner and Murphy get in his way.  Abyss picks up Janice.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and more security geeks come out and force Abyss to the back.  RVD smacks Murphy or Gunner (whichever one is the short one) in the face with a chair and gets into the ring.  He has his arms and legs taped up and appears to be fine other than a slight limp.  He calls out Eric Bischoff.  Insta-commercials.

Rob Van Dam and Eric Bischoff are in the ring.  RVD bitches at him about stripping  him of the title.  Yeah, why the fuck DID you strip him of the title when he’s BACK BEFORE YOU’VE CROWNED A NEW CHAMPION?  He says he wants the first shot at whoever wins the title at Bound For Glory.  He tells Bischoff he’ll be cleared to wrestle on 10/10/10 and he wants Abyss at Bound For Glory.  Bischoff makes the match.

Live iMPACT! 2 weeks from tonight!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  Bischoff is still in the ring.  He wants to know what the hell is going on.  In regards to what?  He babbles for a while about who he’s beaten lately.  He’s mad because he’s not in the title match at Bound For Glory.  It’s probably because he got pinned clean in the middle of the ring in the semifinal.  Bischoff wants to discuss it backstage, so the leave.

Lacey Von Erich comes into a room looking sad while Angelina Love and Velvet Sky talk.  Lacey is extremely pissed off at Madison Rayne and Tara.

During the break, Bischoff and Pope argued backstage.  Bischoff says Pope will be put into the title match if he beats Samoa Joe tonight.

Jeremy Buck (w/ Max Buck) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  They lock up.  Sabin grabs a side headlock.  Sabin hits the ropes and Max trips him.  The referee sends Max to the back.  Sabin schoolboys Jeremy for 2.  Sabin hits a shoulder block for 2.  His shoulder is taped up after being injured last week.  Sabin cranks on Jeremy’s arm.  Jeremy attacks the shoulder, then hits a slingshot face buster for 2.  Jeremy applies a Dragon sleeper.  Jeremy hits a neckbreaker for 2.  They end up fighting on the apron and Jeremy hits Sabin with a neckbreaker on the apron for 2.  Jeremy applies a full nelson.  Jeremy lands an elbow smash and a head breaker (reverse jawbreaker).  Jeremy goes for a tornado DDT, but Sabin superkicks him, then gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:42.  Fine little match.  Max immediately runs down and Generation Me beats down Sabin.  They hit him with another DDT OF MURDER, then steal his tag title belt.

Velvet & Lacey challenge Taylor Wilde & Hamada for the Knockouts Tag titles NEXT!

Pope interview from Reaction and Jeff Jarrett’s retort.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Taylor Wilde & Hamada (c) vs. The Beautiful People of Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich.  Wilde does her best to wrestle with Lacey, who is absolutely incompetent in a wrestling ring.  She shockingly manages a couple of successful arm drags on Wilde and Hamada.  Velvet tags in and works Hamada’s arm.  Hamada nails her with a Yakuza kick.  Hamada slams Velvet and goes for a moonsault, but Velvet avoids it.  Wilde tags in and schoolgirls Velvet for 2, then inside cradles her for 2.  Velvet gets a backslide for 2, then some elbow drops.  Lacey tags back in.  Hamada tags back in.  Wilde and Hamada hit Lacey with a double suplex for 2.  Hamada nails Lacey with an enzuigiri.  Hamada hits a cool Fisherman Exploder for 2.  Wilde tagsin and works over Lacey some more.  Lacey hits Wilde with an awful looking Frankensteiner for 2.  Hamada comes in and saves for no reason.  Shit happens quickly as Velvet and Hamada are both sent out.  Madison Rayne comes in and nails Lacey with the motorcycle helmet.  Wilde hits Lacey with an enzuigir for the pin in 4:19.  The 2 competent wrestlers tried, but it wasn’t very good.  Angelina Love runs out to check glare angrily at the retreating Rayne while Velvet checks on Lacey.

EV2.0 arrives: Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Sabu, and Raven!

Up next, Pope vs. Joe!

Jesse Neal video package.

Dixie Carter has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Ugh.  She announces a $100,000 Battle Royal for the live iMPACT! in 2 weeks.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe jumps Pope and kicks his ass.  Pope fights back and hits a clothesline for 2.  Joe nails Pope with an elbow smash.  Joe rocks Pope with a back kick for 2.  Joe applies a rear chin lock.  Pope fights out, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Joe applies a rear face lock.  Pope fights out and makes his comeback.  Pope lands a shoulder block for 2.  Taz calls it a flying forearm because he’s retarded.  Joe catches Pope with a powerslam for 2.  Pope hits a hangman’s neckbreaker and goes for the Elijah Express.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to distract Pope/cheer Joe on.  Joe fights back.  Kevin Nash and Sting come out and attack Jarrett.  Pope goes for a move, but Joe locks him in the Coquina Clutch.  The referee stops it and gives the match to Joe in 4:29.  Joe goes to help Jarrett, but gets his ass kicked by Nash.  Jarrett and Joe make a comeback on Sting and Nash.  I’m sick of the long brawls between these guys every week.  The fight continues.

Christy Hemme catches up with EV2.0.  Dreamer says it’s EV2.0 vs. Fortune in Lethal Lockdown at Bound For Glory.  Tonight it’s Sabu vs. AJ Styles with the winner getting the advantage at the PPV.

Ken Anderson is headed our way!

Ken Anderson comes to the ring and calls out Kurt Angle.  Angle comes out.  Anderson puts him over as being the best in the business, but says he’ll be the one winning the title at the PPV.  Angle replies at length.  I’m sure it was something to the effect of “No, I’ll win!”  They shake hands.  Anderson raises Angle’s hand “for the last time,” implying that Angle will lose and have to retire at the PPV.  Pointless segment.

Ric Flair gives Fortune a pep talk backstage, then he chugs a Smirnoff and dances.  Stupid, stupid.

Styles vs. Sabu in a Ladder Match is next.

House shows.

Shore is coming soon.  I’m scared.

Kevin Nash and Sting want information from The Pope.  Apparently Nash and Pope both got some information from Miss Tessmacher, so Pope is on their side now.  I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

Fortune vs. EV2.0 video package.

Non-Title Ladder Match: Sabu vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan).  The prize is a key on a paddle.  They fight.  Styles kicks the middle rope into Sabu’s balls, then pounds on him.  Sabu hits a headscissors.  Styles lands a chop.  Sabu lands a clothesline and goes outside to get a ladder.  Styles follows him out and beats him up.  Sabu manages to get the ladder in the ring, but Styles throws it back out.  Styles pulls Sabu’s head into the top rope.  Styles comes back with the ladder, but Sabu lands a baseball slide dropkick into the ladder.  Sabu throws a chair and the ladder into the ring.  Sabu sets up the ladder.  Styles knocks him down with a punch.  Sabu throws the ladder at Styles.  He tries to do it again, but Styles ducks and Sabu throws the ladder out of the ring.  Styles brings the ladder back, avoids Sabu’s baseball slide, and hits him with the ladder.  Mick Foley comes out.  Insta-commercials.  Sabu throws a chair at Styles, then knocks the ladder over.  Sabu uses the ladder as a springboard for the Whisper In The Wind.  Sabu uses the ladder as a springboard again to hit Styles with a cross body that sends them both out of the ring.  Flair goes after Sabu, but Foley stops him.  Morgan jumps Foley from behind.  Tommy Dreamer comes out, but is cut off by Kazarian.  Security breaks them up.  The rest of EV2.0 and Fortune come out and brawl.  Styles climbs the ladder.  Sabu knocks it over, then hits a crappy dive onto the security guards for no reason.  Sabu comes back in and climbs the ladder.  Robert Roode comes in and cuts him off.  Rhino Gores Roode.  James Storm superkicks Rhino.  Sabu nails Storm and sets up the ladder again.  Sabu and Styles climb the ladder.  Sabu rams Styles’ head into the ladder to send him down.  Storm comes back in and nails Sabu with a beer bottle, then helps Styles climb the ladder and get the key for the win (8:44 shown).  Boring ladder match.  Amazingly, the heels actually have the advantage in Lethal Lockdown.

Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam chat backstage.  RVD leaves.  Abyss knocks over the camera man and makes sounds like he’s attacking Hardy.

Eric Bischoff talks.

Moments ago, Abyss made attacking Hardy noises.

Abyss carries an unconscious Jeff Hardy to the ring.  Abyss cuts a promo on RVD.  He says he’ll “finish the job” at Bound For Glory.  He calls out RVD because he wants to hit him with the nail board.  RVD comes out.  Abyss rips Hardy’s shirt off.  RVD throws a chair at Abyss’ head.  Abyss boots the chair into RVD’s face.  Abyss splashes RVD in the corner, then picks up the nail board.  The show ends.

Horrible show.  I hate this fucking company.