Archive for Destination X

TNA Destination X 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

If the reviews are to be believed, I’m going to regret watching this show.

The show starts with a black and white video showing how horrible the economy is right now.  It switches to color to hype the main event and Ultimate X.

Mike Tenay welcome us LIVE to Orlando.  Where’s Don West?  Ah, there he is.

The Beautiful People (Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, & Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde, Roxxi, & The Governor.  Geeze, they’re still doing this phony Sarah Palin gimmick?  They try, but the match sucks.  Roxxi moves so awkwardly in the ring.  She takes the heat for a bit and makes the hot tag to Wilde, who cleans house.  The Governor hits a shitty looking dive out of the ring onto Love and Sky.  Wilde hits a German suplex on Rayne for the win at 5:04.  Bleh.

Generic blonde interviews Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley.  Jarrett is going to be the referee in the main event and Foley is going to be the enforcer.  For some reason, BRUTUS MAGNUS flashes on the screen in the middle of the interview.

Brutus Magnus then comes to the ring.  What the fuck is this shit?  He issues an open challenge.  David Penzer introduces a sailor (Jesse Neal) to be the ring announcer.  He introduces Magnus’ opponent, Eric Young.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young.  Magnus looks more like a guy who should jobbing to lower midcarders on ECW.  He nails some shots, then Young fights back.  Young bounces off the ropes and Magnus botches the catch and hits a half assed powerslam or something for a near fall.  He hits a high knee and a leg drop for a near fall, then hits a powerbomb.  He goes for a splash, but Young moves.  Young hits a DVD for a near fall.  Young flips over one of the posts and goes to the other one.  Magnus tries to meet him but gets thrown down and elbow dropped.  Bridge into backslide spot gets a near fall for Young.  So forth and so on.  Magnus hits sort of a TKO off the turnbuckle for the win at 4:46.  What’s it called?  Tormentum?

Tenay and West run down the card.  Two matches in.  Why?

Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out.  He complains that he hasn’t been on a PPV all year.  He whines for a bit, then Jim Cornette comes out.  He tells Bashir he’s not on the PPV because nobody likes him.  He calls the sailor back into the ring.  The sailor sings horribly and Bashir leaves.  Complete waste of PPV time.

Jeremy Borash is in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room.  Angle complains that Foley, Jarrett, and Sting are all against him.  Booker says he has AJ Styles to deal with tonight and leaves.  Steiner says he has Samoa Joe to deal with, so Sting is Angle’s problem.  Nash tells Angle to relax.  He tells Angle the whole thing is his fault.  The audio keeps going from quiet to loud at random.

Abyss/Morgan video package.

Match of 10,000 Tacks:
Mat Morgan vs. Abyss.  During Morgan’s entrance, the newly heel Don West defends Sheik Abdul Bashir.  Because he’s a heel now.  Does anyone care?  Morgan jumps Abyss to start.  Abyss fights back but gets clotheslined to the floor.  Abyss grabs Morgan’s legs and pulls his nuts into the post.  He sets up two trays of tacks just off the stage.  Way to give away the finish.  Morgan whips Abyss into the guardrail and takes him back into the ring to beat him up.  Morgan climbs a pole (of course) and pulls down a bag of tacks.  He pours them into a small, neat pile and tries to push Abyss’ face into them.  Abyss fights back and goes for a chokeslam, but Morgan fights out.  Abyss hits a clothesline, then punishes Morgan in the corner.  Abyss climbs up another pole and retrieves another bag of tacks.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and goes outside to get a chair.  He ends up being the one to take the bump into the chair.  He pours the other bag of tacks onto the previous pile.  Morgan counters a powerbomb attempt, but gets Black Hole Slammed.  Abyss pours a bag of broken glass on top of the pile of tacks.  Morgan bails and heads up the ramp.  Abyss gives chase and they fight on the stage.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam again, but Morgan kicks him in the balls.  Morgan lands the Carbon Footprint and sends Abyss off of the stage into the trays of tacks we talked about earlier for the win at 8:49.  Retarded match.

Booker T tells Cornette he didn’t agree to put the Legends title on the line tonight.  Cornette shows him the contract.  Sharmell tries to find a loophole, but Cornette isn’t buying it.

There’s some kind of stupid thing with guys trying to win a date with ODB.  I wanted to fast forward, but my wife won’t let me.  ODB comes out in a dress.  The finalists are Cody Deaner: a hillbilly with a mullet, Shark Boy, and Bernie Weber: an old Mexican in a suit.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  They all say why they should win, then they dance.  Mullet wins.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  This has to be the worst PPV segment since the Gobbledy Gooker.

Generic blonde interviews Beer Money, who are very rude to her.  The audio goes screwy again.  Tonight they face Team 3D, and apparently if 3D loses, they have to leave.

Awesome Kong/Sojourner Bolt video package.  They were friends, and now they’re enemies.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (c) (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Sojourner Bolt.  Bolt botches some shit and gets clotheslined.  Kong proceeds to demolish Bolt.  Bolt tries to fight back, but is cut off every time.  Kong misses a diving splash.  Bolt rolls her up with a la magistral but fails to get the pin.  Same with a jackknife hold.  Bolt hits the ropes and Saeed grabs her leg.  Bolt kicks her away and low bridges a charging Kong.  Bolt goes for a Dragonrana, but Kong Awesome Bombs her to end this abortion at 4:18.

Tenay and West hype what’s still to come.

Joe/Steiner video package.

Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe has a new look with retarded facepaint and looks like he’s approaching being as fat as I am.  Did he not hit the gym at all during the months he was off TV?  Joe destroys Steiner, then attacks some refs to get DQ’d at 1:29.  He beats up Steiner through the crowd and out of the arena.  Geeze, this show is bad.

Generic blonde interviews AJ Styles.

Booker/Styles video package.  Styles stole Booker’s belt and Booker called the cops.

TNA Legends Championship Match: Booker T (c) (w/ Sharmell) vs. AJ Styles.  They lock up.  AJ shoves Booker.  Hammerlock exchange sequence, then they trade chops.  Usual AJ greatness.  Booker bails and AJ hits his flying forearm off the apron.  Back inside, AJ covers for a two count.  Backbreaker for another two count.  Booker gets the advantage and goes to work on AJ.  Harlem side kick gets two.  Booker works AJ’s arm.  Don West explains how important it is to have feeling in your arms.  AJ fights back and hits a hammerlock backdrop for a near fall.  That was kinda nifty.  Booker hits his swank rollup out of the corner for the first time in ages for a near fall, then blasts AJ with a kick for another.  AJ gets a nice German suplex hold for a near fall.  AJ springboards off the ropes and they botch something.  Booker manages to spin up and goes for the scissors kick, but AJ moves and hits the Pele.  AJ follows with the Styles Clash for the victory at 9:15.  Best match on the show so far, and that’s sad.  AJ celebrates with the belt.

Cut to the parking lot.  Apparently, Samoa Joe has murdered Scott Steiner with a sword.  He tells a frightened generic blonde to tell he’s going to kill the rest of the Main Event Mafia.  Or something.

Beer Money/Team 3D video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match (Off The Wagon Challenge): Beer Money (c) vs. IWGP Tag Team Champions Team 3D.  Team 3D proudly display their IWGP gold and Bubba is wearing a New Japan ring jacket.  Awesome!  Beer Money have been doing a “get a title shot but if we pin you you’re fired” gimmick recently, and that’s what this is.  Devon beats up Roode a bit.  Bubba tags in and promptly gets taken down.  Storm tags in and acts retarded.  Storm and Bubba do the silly test of strength dance.  Devon tags in and 3D double team storm.  Roode prevents his partner from taking the WASSUP headbutt.  Match goes on.  It’s not awful, but not particularly exciting.  They do the Brokeback Mountain spot.  Bubba hits a Rock Bottom of all things on Roode, then the flip, flop, & fly on Storm.  Storm prevents Devon from making it back in the ring and Beer Money doubleteams Bubba.  Storm hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and Roode follows with a frog splash.  I’m serious.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for a near fall.  Don West: How many people have we ever seen kick out of that?  Me: Everyone.  Devon makes it back in and they give Roode the reverse 3D for a near fall.  Storm comes in and uses a chair to cause the DQ at 9:57.  Cornette comes out and restarts the match as a No DQ match.  Devon comes from behind and gives them the double noggin knocker.  Storm takes the 3D.  Roode pulls the referee out of the ring.  He grabs Storm and leaves.  West hands Beer Money the belts and they leave.  Crowd chants BULLSHIT.  3D wins by count-out at 12:04.  Bubba complains to the announcers.

We get comments from the Ultimate X participants, then a video package.  I love Shelley openly saying he’s going to cheat any way he can.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Alex Shelley (c) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide.  Guns immediately jump Suicide as Lethal and Creed go to climb the structure.  Guns use teamwork to deal with everybody else.  Suicide comes back in and deals with them, then goes at it with Lethal.  “FALLEN ANGEL” chants.  Shelley and Lethal go at it.  Sabin goes for the belt, but Creed pulls him down.  It’s basically two guys fight, one gets knocked down, and another comes in to go at it with the other.  Sabin his a suicide (no pun intended) dive 4 1/2 minutes it.  Suicide goes for one as well, but Shelley nails him with a kick.  Creed goes for the climb, but Suicide gets him a fireman’s carry and does the Finlay roll onto the other guys outside.  Suicide climbs the cables, but Lethal knocks him down with a missile dropkick.  Lethal Consequences fight with the Guns.  Lethal gives Creed a boost up to the belt.  Sabin uses Shelley as a springboard and takes Creed down.  Tower of Doom spot in the corner, but Suicide holds on to the cables and goes for the prize.  Lethal persues and powerbombs him down.  Everybody hits a bunch of stuff.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Creed.  Creed hits the TKO off the second rope on Shelley.  Creed, Lethal, and Sabin all go for the belt.  They fight on the cables.  Suicide pounces and sends them all crashing, then grabs the belt and falls down for the win at 14:11.  Not as good as some other Ultimate X matches, but pretty awesome and 7,000 times better than anything else on this show.

Borash interviews Sting.

Sting/Angle video package.

Jarrett makes his entrance.  Why does a referee need a guitar?  Foley’s TNA music is awful.  Overly long entrances and videos to give it a big match feel.  It fails.  Boxing style intros, and we finally have…

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Kurt Angle (Jeff Jarrett is the referee and Mick Foley is the enforcer).  Angle punches Sting.  Sting kicks Angle.  Angle kicks Sting.  Sting elbows Angle and clotheslines him out of the ring.  They brawl some more.  Angle takes a sweet bump on a backdrop out of the ring, lands on his feet but manages to hit his head on the guardrail.  They brawl into the crowd for about a second, then go back to the ring.  Angle suplexes Sting and gets a two count.  Jarrett’s count was fair, but Angle still glares at him).  Angle tries to catch a charging Sting for a belly-to-belly, but Sting just kind of crashes into him and they stumble.  Angle wears down Sting with a sleeper on the mat.  Sting fights out and they crossbody each other.  Sting hits a bunch of clotheslines and the Stinger Splash.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Sting armdrags him out of it and hits a powerbomb of all things for a near fall.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Sting kicks him away.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits a moonsault for a near fall and I wasn’t paying attention.  Dammit.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for a near fall.  Sting ducks a clothesline and Angle clotheslines Jarrett.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Foley checks on Jarrett.  Angle taps, but nobody is paying attention.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Foley counts two.  Angle low blows him.  Angle tries to use a chair on Sting, but Foley takes it away from him.  Foley swings for Angle but Angle ducks and Sting takes the chair shot.  Angle half ass Angle Slams fat Foley.  He covers Sting and Jarrett counts two.  Angle spits at Jarrett and punches him.  Jarrett punches him back and Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin at 13:51.  Angle is pissed at Jarrett, but he brought it on himself.  Sting holds up the gold as we fade to black.

The show wasn’t as horrible as Alvarez made it out to be.  Yes, the undercard WAS bad, but Booker and AJ had an okay match (only one botch stands out) and the Ultimate X was good.  The main event was a lot better than I expected.  Alvarez bitched about the heel being screwed by three guys, but if you look at the content it’s clear he did it to himself.  It wasn’t a good match, but it wasn’t awful.  Everything but the three matches I mentioned was completely worthless and had no redeeming quality.

TNA iMPACT! 3/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with Eric Bischoff in the ring playing guitar.  The fuck?  He calls out Jeff Jarrett because he wants Jarrett to play the guitar.  Jarrett says Bischoff isn’t going to humiliate him anymore.  Bischoff says Jarrett has no guts, or whatever.  Jarrett takes the guitar, puts it down, and leaves.  Bischoff talks about him having “no stones” again.  Jarrett comes back and CLOBBERS Bischoff with the guitar!  YES!

Jarrett comes backstage and hugs Mick Foley.  Jarrett says that felt good.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Bischoff finally struggles to his feet and books Jeff Jarrett vs. Mick Foley for tonight, with the loser getting fired and winner being Bischoff’s bitch.

Foley and Jarrett are pissed backstage.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our announcers.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People, Lacey Von Erich, & Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara, Angelina Love, Taylor Wilde, & Sarita.  After the heels’ entrances, Tara comes out and begs Daffney not to hurt her spider.  The heels jump Tara, but her partners make the save.  Insta-commercials, JIP.  Lots of quick tags and some decent exchanges.  The bad girls get heat on Tara.  Daffney taunts Tara with her spider.  Love tags in and hits a Flatliner on Daffney.  Velvet hits a DDT on Love.  Wilde gets a Northern Lights suplex hold on Rayne.  Who the fuck is legal?  Sarita hits a sit-out powerbomb on Rayne.  Lacey hits a chokeslam on Sarita.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Lacey, then goes to retrieve her spider.  Daffney hits a swank spinning fisherman’s neckbreaker (the Lobotomy) for the pin.  Total clusterfuck.

AJ Styles and Ric Flair arrive, all banged up.  Flair is still in the wheelchair and Styles is on a crutch and has his arm in a sling.

Still to come, Jarrett vs. Foley.  Hulk Hogan makes an announcement about Lockdown NEXT!

Styles and Flair are hobbling/wheeling in backstage.

Destination X highlight package.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan talks for a while, then announces that Abyss will be the captain of Team Hogan at Lockdown.  Abyss talks for a while.  Ric Flair (wheeled by Chelsea) and AJ Styles come out and yell.  Flair says the captain of Team Flair will be Sting.  The lights go out.  Sting appears sitting on a top turnbuckle.  Styles whacks Abyss with his crutch.  Hogan is magically handcuffed to the ropes.  Sting leaves as Styles puts the boots to Abyss.  D’Angelo Dinero makes the save and hits the Elijah Express on Styles, when unlocks Hogan’s cuffs.  Hogan pushes Flair’s wheelchair down the ramp and Abyss clotheslines Flair.  Those dicks.  This was stupid.

Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, and Shannon Moore arrive.  Christy Hemme talks to them.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Tomko.  Terry no sells everything and kills Tomko.  Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam, the spin kick, and the chokeslam/spinebuster for the pin in 1:02.  Whatever.

They show Foley shaving Bischoff’s head and Jarrett whacking him with the guitar.

Foley and Jarrett will meet NEXT!  Beer Money are going to be the special guest referees!

Foley & Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett.

Loser Is Fired: Mick Foley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Beer Money are the special guest referees.  They lock up and break.  They lock up again.  Foley backs Jarrett into the corner and Storm forces a break.  Storm is the inside referee while Roode is on the outside.  Foley hits an elbow smash for 2.  Jarrett gets a sunset flip for 2.  FOLEY DOES A BACKSLIDE.  Now I’ve seen everything.  They counter each other’s finishers.  Roode trips Jarrett.  Foley and Jarrett fight outside.  Bischoff comes out to the announce table.  Insta-commercials.  Jarrett and Foley brawl on the stage.  Jarrett suplexes Foley on the stage, which actually holds up this week.  They go at it back in the ring.  Jarrett drops Foley with a punch for a 2 count.  Beer Money have switched places now, with Roode being in the ring and Storm being outside.  If it matters.  It doesn’t.  Jarrett hits a DDT for 2.  Jarrett brings in a chair.  Foley boots him in the gut and hits the double arm DDT for 2, as Jarrett gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Foley pulls out the sock and clamps on the Mandible Claw.  Roode doesn’t something I missed.  Foley turns it into a Mandible Claw body scissors or something.  Jarrett gets free and hits the Stroke onto the chair for the pin (8:02 shown).  Pretty good match.  Jarrett is upset at getting his friend fired, but Foley raises Jarrett’s hand.  Jarrett returns the gesture and they shake hands.  Bischoff tells Beer Money to beat up Jarrett, and they oblige.  They wedge a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles and ram Jarrett into it.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam run in and chase of Beer Money.  RVD takes the mic and challenges Beer Money to a match tonight.  They accept.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

They show Mick Foley saying his goodbyes as he leaves.  Bubba the Love Sponge is back.  FUCK.  Even the Impact Zone mutants boo him.  Foley doesn’t want to talk to him.  Bubba insults him, so Foley fucking decks him.  YES!  ***** segment.  Foley says “BANG BANG!” and leaves.  That makes my day.

Bischoff talks to Hogan backstage.  They discuss their various personal issues.  Hogan tells Bischoff do drop the personal vendetta against Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff agrees, asks Hogan if he set up the RVD and Hardy deal, says “nevermind,” and leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Beer Money.  They meet RVD & Jeff Hardy TONIGHT!

Up NEXT, the battle of Tag champions!

House show plugs!

JB interviews Rob Van Dam and Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Hernandez video package.

TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Hernandez jumps Morgan in the aisle and kicks his ass.  Morgan begs off, but Hernandez doesn’t buy it and keeps kicking his ass.  He does the shirt throw thingy, a Stinger Splash, and a spinebuster.  Hernandez charges Morgan in the corner again, but Morgan backdrops Hernandez out of the ring.  They brawl on the floor, but Hernandez accidentally hits the post.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and sandwiches Hernandez’s head into the post.  Fucking OUCH.  It’s a no contest in about 3 1/2 minutes as referee Slick Johnson calls for medics.  Insta-commercials.

They stretcher Hernandez out.  Homicide makes his first appearance in weeks as he comes out to check on his former partner that he turned on months ago.  They put Hernandez in an ambulance.  Hogan tells somebody to call Hernandez’s wife.  Taz and Tenay talk about what happened.

They show what happened with The Band and Eric Young at Destination X.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Jeff Hardy.  Storm and Hardy start.  Hardy backdrops Storm out of the ring and onto Roode, then gets a ladder and sets it up between the apron and the barricade.  Insta-commercials.  Rob Van Dam hits an apron leg drop on Roode.  Insta-commercials.  Seriously.  I hate those.  RVD hits a moonsault body block on Roode for 2.  Tag to Storm.  RVD wipes him out with a kick and tags in Hardy.  Hardy hits his legs spread leg drop and a front suplex on Storm for 2, as Roode saves.  RVD comes in and takes Roode out.  Hardy goes up top, but Roode trips him.  Beer Money gets heat on Hardy.  Taz gets in his weekly “Vintage” jab.  Roode hits a BIG spinebuster for 2.  Beer Money continues to beat up Hardy while taunting Van Dam.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  Roode and RVD get the tags.  RVD runs wild.  RVD monkey flips Roode and hits his diving kick for 2.  Storm saves.  RVD kicks Storm in the head, slams him, and hits the split legged moonsault.  He’s not the legal man, Rob!  Roode nails RVD with a clothesline.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hits a double suplex on Hardy.  Beer Money hit their AWESOME catapult into a DDT on RVD.  Roode covers for 2.  Roode goes for the Payoff on Hardy, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy takes his shirt off, then Roode pulls him out of the ring.  Hardy slides under the ladder, then sends it into Storm.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Roode.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb and Van Dam follows with the Five Star Frog Splash on Roode for the pin (10:52 shown).  Really good tag match.

As RVD and Hardy celebrate, Eric Young comes in through the crowd and says that next week, it’ll be The Band vs. Young, RVD, & Hardy.  They all hold hands in the middle of the ring as the show closes.  I jest.  Kind of.

Better show than Raw this week, I thought.

TNA Destination X 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package.

TNA Wrestling presents… Destination X!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Four-Way Ladder Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Brian Kendrick vs. Amazing Red vs. Daniels vs. Kazarian.  Typically great flippy spottyness.  Red takes out Daniels and Kazarian with an awesome spinning dive to the outside.  Kendrick brings in a ladder and goes for the prize, but Kazarian cuts him off.  Everybody cuts everybody else off from climbing the ladder.  Red slides under the ladder and dropkicks it into Daniels, then tries to climb.  Kendrick cuts him off and tries to climb.  Red returns the favor and cuts Kendrick off.  Kendrick slingshots Kazarian onto the ladder from the apron.  Daniels drops Kendrick with an STO.  Daniels does the Terry Funk spinning ladder spot until Red hits him with a drop toe hold.  Kendrick sets up a ladder bridge between the apron and the barricade.  Kazarian front suplexes him onto it.  Daniels lays out Kazarian on the ladder and hits the Arabian press onto him.  Red hits a swank springboard rana off of the ladder bridge onto Daniels.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chants.  Kazarian and Red fight on top of the ladder.  Kendrick tries to do something to them and gets pie faces off.  Kazarian teases the Flux Capacitor on Red, but Kendrick pushes the ladder over to prevent that awesomeness from occurring.  Daniels sends Kazarian painfully into the ladder.  More painful looking ladder spots follow.  Awesome spot with Red ducking the ladder Matrix-style and kicking it into Kazarian’s face.  Daniels turns Red inside out with a lariat.  Daniels tries to suplex Kazarian onto a ladder, but Kendrick nails them both with another ladder, then tries to climb.  Kazarian cuts him off.  Daniels backdrops Kazarian into the ladder bridged in the corner.  Kendrick tries to climb the vertical ladder, but Daniels cuts him off and climbs himself.  Kazarian powerbombs Daniels into the corner ladder.  Ouch.  Kazarian and Kendrick fight on top of the ladder.  Kendrick brings Kazarian down face first.  Double ouch.  Red and Kendrick fight.  Kendrick backdrops Red out of the ring.  Kazarian and Kedrick fight.  Kazarian counters a Sliced Bread #2 attempt and hits an STO.  Kazarian catches Red with a springboard Ace Crusher.  Ouch.  Kendrick hits the Sliced Bread #2 on Kazarian.  Daniels hits a Death Valley Driver on Kendrick.  Red hits Daniels with a palm strike and sets up another ladder.  They fight as they climb up.  Daniels hits a Rock Bottom off of the ladder.  Daniels traps Red under the ladder.  Daniels and Kendrick climb up.  Kazarian springboards to the ladder, knocks Kendrick off, and suplexes Daniels off the ladder.  Kazarian fights Kendrick off again and grabs the contract hanging above the ring for the win in 13:42.  Really fun opening spot fest.  Kazarian celebrates and they show highlights.

Tenay and Taz talk about the main event.  Ric Flair’s music interrupts.

Chelsea wheels Ric Flair out in a wheel chair.  Flair cuts a typical Flair ranting promo, then has Chelsea wheel him to the back.  Alrighty.

Hulk Hogan talks to Abyss backstage.  The picture randomly goes black for a second.  Eric Bischoff walks in as Abyss leaves.  Bischoff is pissed about having his head shaved.  Abyss and Hogan think it’s funny.  Hogan tells Bischoff to focus on business instead of personal issues.

Knockouts Tale of the Tape.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. Daffney.  They start brawling immediately.  Tara slams Daffney and hits the standing moonsault for 2 (might have been 1, I can’t pay extreme close attention and type at the same time).  Daffney hits some painful looking stomps to Tara’s back, then kicks her in the leg, then covers for 2.  Tara rallies against the assault and locks in the Tarantula.  Daffney keeps the heat on Tara with repeated snapmares.  Cover gets 2.  Daffney rocks some weird submission holds.  Tara makes her comeback and rocks Daffney with an enzuigiri.  Tara hits a spinebuster for a very close 2.  Daffney hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Tara hits a spinning side slam for 2.  Daffney hits a Codebreaker-style knee to the face for 2, screams, and throws Tara outside.  Daffney rams Tara into the barricade.  Back inside, Daffney tries to use the belt as a weapon.  Tara avoids it and hits the Widow’s Peak for the pin in 6:43.  Fine match.  Tara hugs some fans.  Tara comes back into the ring to find that Daffney has stolen her spider.  Tara chases her.

Christy Hemme interviews Brutus Magnus, who says his name is now just “Magnus.”  The Magnus formerly known as Brutus cuts a promo on Rob Terry.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Magnus.  They lock up.  Terry kicks Magnus’ ass.  Magnus gets a little bit of offense rolling, but Terry hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Magnus fights some more, but Terry drops him with a swank kick and a spinebuster for the pin in 1:24.  Whatever.

Ultimate X video package.

Christy Hemme interviews the Motor City Machine Guns.  The video randomly blacks out for a second again.

Tenay and Taz talk as the ring crew put the finishing touches on the Ultimate X structure.

Ultimate X Match to determine the #1 Contenders for the TNA World Tag Team Championship: Generation Me vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Super fast start, including the do si do spot.  Really great stuff, but they’re moving way faster than I can type!  Double teaming on both sides.  Shelley holds the Bucks down with a double submission hold to give Sabin a chance to climb up, but he fails.  Annoying dueling chants.  Sabin takes out Max with a sweet dive to the outside.  Jeremy goes for the X, but Sabin cuts him off.  Guns double team Jeremy, but he fights them off.  Jeremy goes for the X again.  Guns cut him off and double team him again.  Much awesomeness.  Max hits a big missile dropkick to the guns, then hits then with a baseball slide dropkick through the ropes.  Jeremy wipes the Guns out with a dive.  Awesome.  “TNA!” chants.  Max goes for the X.  Sabin fails at cutting him off.  Shelley succeeds, then fails at the Shiranui.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Jeremy hits a sick springboard X factor on Sabin, then hits another suicide dive on Shelley.  Another “HOLY SHIT!” chant, followed by an “X DIVISION!” chant.  Jeremy climbs the structure and goes for the X as Max stands guard.  Sabin drops Max and uses him as a springboard to take Jeremy down.  A succession of awesome moves follows.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant.  All 4 guys go for the prize and all end up dropping.  Bucks land a series of superkicks to the guns.  Max powerbombs Shelley into Jeremy’s knees.  More crazy awesomeness.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Max.  Sabin and Jeremy go for the prize.  Sabin kicks Jeremy down and grabs the big red X for the win at 12:03.  Awesome match.

Nash & Young vs. The Band video package.

Jeremy Borash interviews Syxx-Pac and Scott Hall, who is finally wearing wrestling gear.  They then go to the ring with no music.  Hall goes old school with his pre-match promo, doing the survey thing.

Scott Hall & Syxx-Pac vs. Kevin Nash & Eric Young.  Hall and Pac have to win to get contracts, or lose and leave “forever.”  Young and Pac start with a very aggressive lock up.  Young hits a Lou Thesz press and otherwise beats up Waltman.  Hall decks Young from the apron.  Young nails Hall, but eats a spin kick from Waltman for 2.  Hall tags in to a big pop.  Hall hits a fall away slam on Young for 2.  Waltman tags in and battles Young some more.  Waltman throws Young out of the ring and hits a nice dive.  It would have been more impressive if we hadn’t already see a hundred crazy dives already on this show.  Young drives Waltman’s balls into the post.  Hall decks Young to give Waltman time to recover.  Hall tags in and locks Young in a sleeper hold.  Young fights out and makes the tag to Nash… but the referee missed it.  Waltman grabs some spray paint from under the ring and sprays it in Young’s face.  Young tries to fight while blinded.  He makes the tag to Nash.  Nash powerbombs Young!  Nash puts Young in the corner, then tags him in.  Waltman hits the X Factor.  Hall hits the Razor’s Edge.  Waltman pins Young in 7:56.  The match was okay in points, but nothing especially good.  Waltman spray paints the outline of Young’s body on the mat.  THE WOLFPAC THEME PLAYS!  Oh, it’s a cheap knockoff.  Boo.

JB interviews Kurt Angle.  Angle tells him to leave because he doesn’t like guys who hold mics anymore.  Angle holds up his medal, then burns a picture of Mr. Anderson.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Doug Williams (c) vs. Shannon Moore.  They have a good wrestling exchange on top of the spray paint outline.  Good back and forth action.  Moore hits a nice diving rana for 2.  Williams chokes Moore with his boot.  Just choke him a little longer and harder, Doug.  Williams hits a knee lift for 2.  Williams hits a gutwrench suplex and goes for the Chaos Theory, fails, and hits a running knee in the corner.  They fight back and forth.  Moore gets some offense rolling.  Moore hits a Whisper In the Wind.  Williams bails.  Moore hits a baseball slide dropkick, then a moonsault from the top rope to the outside.  Williams grabs a brick from under the ring and nails Moore with it behind the referee’s back.  Williams gets the pin in 6:20.  Fine match, and any match that involves Shannon Moore getting hit in the face with a brick is automatically alright by me.  Williams cuts a promo after the match, saying his style is what the X Division should be, as opposed to the flippy floppy guys.  Williams calls Moore a clown and spreads red face paint on his face.  I love Doug Williams now.

Hernandez/Matt Morgan/Beer Money video package, followed by the Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan & Hernandez (c) vs. Beer Money.  Morgan and Hernandez are clearly not on the same page.  Morgan starts with Roode, but tags out to Hernandez before any contact is made.  They hop around a bit until Roode drops Hernandez with a forearm.  Morgan tags himself in.  Storm drinks beer at ringside.  Morgan no sells Roode’s offense and goes his sidewalk drop.  He yells at Hernandez, then tags him in.  Beer Money beat on Hernandez.  Hernandez hits a loooooooooong stalling vertical suplex on Storm.  Hernandez tries to tag out, but Morgan refuses.  Hernandez hits another move, then Morgan tags himself in.  Morgan sends Storm face first into the top turnbuckle, poses at Hernandez, does more cocky posturing, and gets poked in the eye.  Beer Money try to get something going, but Morgan drops them both with a cross body.  Morgan tags in Hernandez, who comes in against Roode.  Hernandez hits a big shoulder block and goes for a suicide drive, but Morgan stands in his way.  Storm kicks Hernandez from behind, then Roode hits a blockbuster.  “MORGAN SUCKS!” chant.  Beer Money beat up Hernandez.  Crowd chants “MORGAN BOO, HERNANDEZ YAY!”  Idiots.  Beer Money hits a double superplex on Hernandez.  BEER!  MONEY!  Storm covers for 2.  Hernandez rallies and drops Storm with a springboard shoulder block.  Morgan tags in and beats up Beer Money.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL SUCK!”  Roode counters a chokeslam attempt, but Morgan drops him with a discus lariat.  Morgan tags in the still worn out Hernandez, who immediately hits a suicide dive to Roode on the outside.  Morgan yells at him and throws him back in the ring.  Storm spits beer in Morgan’s face.  Hernandez hits his weird move on Storm for the pin in 11:23.  Morgan comes in and blasts Hernandez with the Carbon Footprint, then holds up both belts.  It worked in context.

Angle/Anderson video package.

Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  Angle takes Anderson down with a side headlock.  They work the headlock for a few minutes.  Angle invites Anderson to put him in a headlock.  Anderson grabs it, and Angle easily escapes it.  Repeat.  Angle allows it again, and this time backdrop suplexes Anderson, then puts the boots to him.  Angle punches Anderson in the corner, then hits a suplex.  Cover gets, like 1, if that.  Anderson catches Angle with a boot and heads up top, but Angle pushes him to the floor.  Anderson comes back in and hits an armbreaker.  Anderson works Angle over, focusing on the arm.  Anderson sends Angle into the post, then schoolboys him for 2.  Angle fights back with the good arm and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Anderson counters an Angle Slam attempt and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Angle counters the Mic Check and hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Anderson hits a low blow and the Mic Check, but Angle kicks out.  Anderson tries to set up a superplex, but Angle fights him off and hits a frog splash for 2.  Anderson arm drags out of an Angle Slam attempt and sends Angle into the referee, which of course kills the referee dead.  Anderson hits the Angle Slam on Angle.  Anderson grabs a chair out of the crowd, throws it down, and grabs Angle’s dog tag.  Angle ducks a punch and hits a German suplex.  Angle holds up the dog tag, then cuts Anderson’s head open with it.  Angle locks in the Angle Lock ’03 for the submission in 17:34.  Good match.  I still think they could do better.  I hope they have a cage match next month.  Angle leaves and Anderson calls for his mic to be dropped down and cuts a promo, despite the fact that he is a bloody mess who just tapped clean in the middle of the ring.

Tenay and Taz talk about the main event.

AJ Styles/Abyss video package.

Christy Hemme interviews the World Champion, AJ Styles.

JB interviews Abyss.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Abyss jumps Styles before JB can finish Styles’ ring introduction.  Abyss throws Styles around.  Styles fires some chops that Abyss doesn’t sell.  Abyss shoulder blocks Styles out onto the stage.  Abyss teases chokeslamming Styles on the stage right in front of Flair.  Styles avoids it and starts fighting back.  Styles runs at Abyss, who belly to belly THROWS Styles across the ring.  Styles dropkicks Abyss’ leg.  Styles sends Abyss to the outside and wipes him out with a gorgeous suicide dive.  While it was pretty, it’s not something your main event heel should be doing.  Flair “WOOOO”s as Styles grabs a chair and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Abyss tries to rally, but Styles kicks his leg some more.  Styles works the leg.  Abyss makes a comeback and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Styles escapes the Shock Treatment and hits the Pele kick.  Abyss backdrops Styles to the apron.  Styles hits the flying forearm for 2.  Abyss catapults Styles into the chair in the corner.  That looked painful.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss goes for a superplex, but Styles fights him off and HITS THE SPIRAL TAP!  Cover only gets 2.  “THAT WAS AWESOME!” indeed, TNA mutants.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam for 2.  Flair sprays something in the referee’s eyes.  Styles hits Abyss in the balls, then clocks him with the belt.  Hulk Hogan comes out with referee Earl Hebner!  He sends Hebner in to take over the match, then wheels Flair to the back.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash, but Abyss powers out and hulks up.  Abyss chokeslams Styles THROUGH THE RING!  Hebner stops the match.  It’s a no-contest at 14:54.  Hogan comes out and gives the belt to Abyss, but Hebner takes it away.  Flair wheels himself back out.  Abyss pulls Flair out of his wheelchair, trips in the big hole in the ring.  Chelsea tries to spray something at Abyss, but Hogan redirects it to Flair.  Desmond Wolfe runs it, but Abyss and Flair beat him up.  Wolfe and Flair are sent into the hole in the ring.  Good match up until the fuck finish.  I didn’t notice until they did the finishing spot, but there was a different ring canvas for the main event, because Eric Young’s outline was missing.  Hogan and Abyss celebrate.

Some of this stuff was very pedestrian, but there’s some good stuff in here.

TNA iMPACT! 3/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Hogan’s Heroes.”  Really?

Hulk Hogan, Abyss, Rob Van Dam, and Jeff Hardy arrive in a Hummer.  Abyss can drive?

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out.  Styles cuts a promo on Abyss.  It sucks.  Styles gets booed for saying he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.  Heh.  Styles says he’s a gift from God, then breaks out Flair’s classic “fat boy” line.  Flair takes the mic and cuts a typically awesome Ric Flair promo.  Flair busts himself open by punching the cut he got last week.  Flair talks about Jeff Hardy.  Hardy comes out (w/ stupid Joker makeup).  Styles bitches at Hardy.  Styles’ promos are so forced.  Styles challenges Hardy to a match tonight.  Hardy accepts.  Flair tells Hardy to backstage and paint a picture to get high off the paint.  Hardy has some bizarre closing line about creatures of the night, then the lighting goes all retarded as Flair stomps around.  The fuck?

Eric Bischoff bitches and Mick Foley.  Bischoff says tonight he’s going to shave Foley’s head and beard.

Destination X is THIS SUNDAY!  Who knew?

Tenay and Taz talk about what’s going down TONIGHT!

Earlier today, Jimmy Hart and the Nasty Boys jumped Jesse Neal in catering.  Sags powerbombs him through a table.

Now the Nastys and Hart are in the ring.  It was supposed to be a six-man tag, but Knobs says now it’s a handicap match.  Team 3D comes out (w/ table).  Bubba says they have a partner… Brother Runt!

The Nasty Boys & Jimmy Hart vs. Team 3D & Brother Runt.  Devon and Sags brawl to start.  In Devon’s defense, he wanted to lock up.  Runt tags in and goes stuff.  He wants to fight Jimmy Hart.  He also has a very noticeable bald spot.  Nastys give Runt the Pit Stop.  Gross.  Hart tags in and puts the boots to Runt.  Hart tries to whip Runt with the belt.  Runt tags out to Bubba.  Knobs tags in.  Bubba beats up the Nastys.  He sends Sags to the floor.  Runt hits him with a double axe handle to the outside.  More shit happens.  Knobs hits Ray with the helmet, which allows Hart to get the pin in 3:13.  Really?  Nastys do the beat down after the match.  Hart whips Runt with the belt.  Jesse Neal makes the save.  Sags takes a very unsmooth looking 3D through the table.  This sucked.

Christy Hemme interviews Angelina Love.  She issues an open challenge to any of the Beautiful People for tonight.  Commercials!

Jeremy Borash interviews Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  Syxx says “We’ve been kicked out of better places than this.”  I LOL’d.  Kevin Nash and Eric Young interrupt.  Nash puts up $25,000 for Hall to face him for 5 minutes tonight.  Hall says “See you out there.  I’ll be the one looks like Elvis.”  Heh.

Ken Anderson & Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Kurt Angle & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Angle and Wolfe start, which is always fucking awesome.  They trade arm locks.  Anderson cheap shots Angle from the apron.  Anderson tags in and works over Angle for a second, then tags in Wolfe, who works over Angle some more.  Angle hits a belly-to-belly throw on Wolfe.  Tag to Pope, still selling his ankle injury.  I love Pope.  Most guys won’t even sell an injury for a whole match.  He’s been selling that ankle injury for a month.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Anderson.  He tries it on Wolfe, who counters with the Divorce Court.  Pope pins Wolfe with an inside cradle in 3:29.  Well, it was good while it lasted.  Wolfe attacks Pope after the match.  They brawl up the ramp as Anderson jumps Angle in the ring, steals his dog tag again, and uses it to cut Angle open!  Anderson uses his special mic and cuts a promo on a bloody, fallen Angle.  Awesome.  Anderson clobbers Angle with the mic.  Great stuff.

Stupid commercial cutaway: The Beautiful People talk backstage.  None of them want to face Angelina.

Hogan talks to Hardy and RVD.  He says Abyss will be the guest enforcer.  Nothing else he says makes sense.  RVD and Hardy leave.  Bischoff comes in.  He’s mad Hulk didn’t tell him about Hardy and RVD showing up last week.  Hogan says he knew Bischoff was busy.  Bischoff says he’s going to remind some people who the boss is tonight.  Hogan says “That was weird.”

Angelina comes out for the match.  The Beautiful People come out and tell her that her opponent is tonight’s honorary Beautiful People member.  Daffney comes from under the ring and jumps Love.

Angelina Love vs. Daffney (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People & Lacey Von Erich).  Daffney knocks Love down, mounts her, and abuses her.  That was a strange sentence.  Daffney pulls a toolbox from under the ring and brings in a hammer.  The ref won’t let her use it.  Love trips her and lands some punches.  The Beautiful People trip her and pull her crotch against the post for the DQ in 1:23.  Daffney spins Love into the ramp.  Ouch.  Daffney gets the ugly stick from the ramp.  Tara runs in through the crowd to make the save and drops Rayne with the Widow’s Peak.  She’ll defend the Knockouts Title against Tara at Destination X.

Styles vs. Hardy TONIGHT!  Commercials!

The show all of the shenanigans involving Sting from last week.

Hulk Hogan comes out to the ring.  He cuts a promo about Sting.  Hogan says he can smell Sting.  Sting is in the rafters.  As usual.  Hogan calls him out.  Sting makes his way from the rafters to the floor of the arena.  It’s a long walk.  When he gets into the arena, Rob Van Dam jumps him and kicks his ass.  Great babyface behavior, guys.  RVD takes the bat, throws it to Hogan, and throws Sting into the ring.  Bischoff comes out and yells at Hogan not to do it.  Bischoff lectures Hogan about his current role.  He yells at security to get Sting out of here.  He tells Hogan to be done with it (being a wrestler, I guess).  This whole segment was stupid.  Hogan hugs Brooke at ringside.

Hernandez tells Jarrett he wants to team with him against Beer Money.  Bischoff overhears and tells them it’s Hernandez vs. Beer Money with Jarrett as the referee.  Bischoff says if Jarrett screws up, he’s being demoted to ring crew… or something.

Commercial inset: Hardy vs. Styles!  Hall vs. Nash!

5 Minute, $25,000 Challenge: Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall.  Hall is in street clothes, including a TNA sweatshirt with “WOLFPAC” in magic marker.  They trade slow, weak punches.  Nash hits a short range lariat to escape a wrist lock.  Nash elbows Hall in the corner.  Syxx-Pac runs in and clips Nash’s leg.  They handcuff Nash to the bottom rope and beat on him.  Eric Young tries to make the save, but they overwhelm him too.  Pac hits the X Factor.  Hall takes the money.  I guess it’s a no-contest in about 2 or 3 minutes.  It sucked.

ShopTNA.com!

JB interviews Beer Money.  They’re mad that they’ve been pushed aside since Hogan and Bischoff arrived.  They got back on TV and had a title shot at the next PPV, THEN they decided to turn heel.  I guess you can’t expect logic from TNA.

Handicap Match: Beer Money vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Jeff Jarrett is the referee.  Beer Money jumps Hernandez as soon as he gets in the ring.  Hernandez’s partner Matt Morgan comes out, teases going to the ring, but joins the commentary team instead.  Beer Money beats up Hernandez and taunt Jarrett while Morgan bitches about Hernandez on commentary.  Beer Money tries to suplex Hernandez, but he suplexes both of them.  Hernandes goes for the Border Toss on Roode, but Storm superkicks him.  Beer Money hits the DWI and Roode gets the pin in 3:37.  They insist that Jarrett raises their hands in victory.  Jarrett grudgingly goes so.  Beer Money beats down Hernandez and push Jarrett down when he tries to save.  Jarrett takes off the referee shirt and helps Hernandez fight off Beer Money.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring with a mirror.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring with a barber chair.  He says he’s going to do things to Jeff Jarrett’s ass next week.  Or something.  He calls for Mick Foley to come out.  Foley sits in the chair, then stops Bischoff from using the clippers.  Foley reveals the sock and puts the Mandible Claw on Bischoff until he passes out in the chair.  Foley takes the clippers and shaves Bischoff’s head.  Foley holds the mirror in front of Bischoff, who is pissed.  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Christy Hemme interviews Shannon Moore.  Ugh.  He cuts a retarded promo.

The Motor City Machine Guns are in the ring, where the Ultimate X structure has been assembled.  Sabin cuts a promo, then bashes Generation Me.  Sabin says “Who have you ever beat?”  Generation Me comes out and reminds them that they beat the Guns in their debut match.  Shelley says it was luck.  Shelly says “We are the XBox to our Atari.  You are the station wagons to our Ferraris.”  Shelley says something about spending the night with their girlfriends.  Bucks jump the Guns.  Brian Kendrick comes out to help the Guns.  Amazing Red comes in and jumps on Kendrick.  Christopher Daniels comes out and drops Red.  Kazarian comes out with a ladder and throws it at Daniels.  Everybody fights.  The Bucks dive off the structure onto the Guns.  Red flips off of the ladder and takes out all four of the heels on the outside of the ring.  Crazy dive.  The faces pose on the ladder.  Good segment.

JB interviews Abyss.  He cuts a promo about the ring.

The main event is NEXT!

Commercial inset: Jeff Hardy backstage!

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Abyss is the outside enforcer.  After a commercial break, Styles jumps Hardy.  I think they waited until then to start the match.  He bell is really hard to hear tonight.  Hardy hits a diving leg drop for 2.  Hardy works a rear chin lock.  Styles sends Hardy to the outside.  Abyss stares down Flair when he tries to get involved.  Flair throws his jacket at Abyss.  Styles teases a dive, then doesn’t.  Yay for actually getting some heat, AJ!  Styles puts the boots to Hardy back inside.  Hardy fights back.  Styles drops him with a dropkick.  Styles works Hardy’s leg.  Hardy sends Styles out to the ramp.  Styles grounds Hardy with a chin lock.  Hardy hits a front suplex, then a dropkick in the corner.  Styles hits a brainbuster for 2.  Hardy hits a dive that I missed for 2.  Styles avoids the Twist of Fate and hits the Pele kick.  There’s a ref bump.  Styles gets a chair.  Abyss says no.  Hardy goes for the springboard 450.  Hardy avoids it and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss counts the pin in 9:12.  Fine match.  Flair hits Hardy with a chair to send him outside, then hits Abyss.  Flair follows Abyss on the stage and keeps hitting him with the chair.  Abyss hulks up and chokeslams Flair through the stage.  Abyss points and Styles.  End of show.

I gotta give week 2 to Raw.

TNA iMPACT! 3/8/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 9, 2010 by Grappleholic

New iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

Hulk Hogan and Abyss come out.  Hogan cuts a promo.  THIS IS THE BIGGEST NIGHT IN TNA HISTORY!  EVEN BIGGER THAN EVERY OTHER BIGGEST NIGHT IN TNA HISTORY!  Hogan calls out AJ Styles and Ric Flair to have the match RIGHT NOW!  Dixie Carter is in the audience.

Hulk Hogan & Abyss vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles & Ric Flair.  Styles is back to wearing shorts.  Abyss and Styles start.  Size vs. speed.  Abyss botches a press slam.  Flair tags in.  He and Abyss lock up.  Flair chops Abyss.  Man, I’ve never noticed how much Flair is balding in the back.  Abyss beats up Flair and backdrops him.  Styles gets in some cheap shots behind the referee’s back.  Hogan attacks Flair.  Styles drops Hogan with the Pele kick.  The heels put the boot to Hogan and Abyss.  The lights go out and Sting’s music plays.  Sting appears in the ring, bat in hand.  He (SWERVE!) attacks Abyss and Hogan instead.  It’s a no-contest in about 3 minutes.  Sting, Styles, and Flair beat down Hogan and Abyss.  Hogan gets BUSTED WIDE OPEN by a very safe chair shot from Flair.  Sting leaves.  Styles and Flair continue the beat down until security breaks it up.  Brooke Hogan is in the front row looking concerned.  Hogan says it’s not over.  They’re going to finish it before the night’s over.  It’s going to be a No DQ Match later.

Moments ago, all of that stuff happened.

Sting walks around backstage.  Dixie Carter asks him “What the hell, dude?”  Sting pushes her and says he owes her nothing.

Jeremy Borash interviews AJ Styles and Ric Flair.  Styles is such a dork.  Flair says Sting has come to his senses.  Flair is ready to fight some more.

A bloody Abyss screams “WHY, STING, WHY?”  Maybe it’s because of all those times you turned on him and tried to kick his ass a few years ago.

Hogan’s generic blond bimbo daughter sulks backstage.  His equally generic blond bimbo girlfriend tries to console her.

Kazarian cuts a promo in the ring.  He came back to TNA to reignite the X Division.  Christopher Daniels comes out and says he’ll be the one leading the X Division.  He also seems to have found his first name again.  Doug Williams comes out and assures them that the X Division is alive and well, because he’s the champion.  Kazarian and Daniels bicker.  Eric Bischoff comes out and books a three-way match for the title RIGHT NOW!

Three-Way Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Doug Williams (c) vs. Kazarian vs. Daniels.  They do an awesome sequence where they take turns cradling each other.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, backdrops Kaz in the process.  Daniels dropkicks Williams.  Kazarian drops Daniels.  Kazarian and Williams go.  Awesome spot where Kazarian gets a reverse cradle on Williams at the same time as a Northern Lights suplex hold on Daniels for 2 counts.  More stuff happens.  Kazarian takes out Daniels and Williams with a suicide dive.  Williams avoids a slingshot leg drop by Kazarian and kicks him down.  They cut away to show Dixie Carter pacing backstage.  Daniels trips Kazarian and gets back into the mix.  Daniels drops Kazarian with an STO and hits a Lionsault elbow for 2.  Daniels drops Williams and hits a Death Valley bomb on Kazarian for 2.  Williams hits Daniels and goes up top.  Daniels meets him.  Williams fights him off.  They clothesline each other.  Kazarian hits a dropkick to both of them.  Kazarian runs wild.  He drops Daniels with a springboard elbow and a springboard leg drop for 2.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, but Williams hits a diving European uppercut.  Williams goes for the Chaos Theory, but Daniels schoolboys him in the middle of it.  Neat.  Kazarian drops Daniels with a neckbreaker for 2.  Daniels hits a Uranage and goes for the BME, but Kazarian moves.  Williams comes in and pushes Daniels into Kazarian, then hits the Chaos Theory on Daniels for the pin in 6:49.  Awesome little match.  Shannon Moore runs in and beats up Williams.  Eric Bischoff comes back out and announces Williams vs. Moore for the X Division Title at Destination X.  Fuck.

Dixie Carter tells JB that Sting will have a match tonight against a mystery opponent.

Three-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: Taylor Wilde & Sarita vs. The Beautiful People (w/ Lacey Von Erich) vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara & Angelina Love.  The Beautiful People stay away from Love and Tara.  Sarita and Wilde schoolgirl them for nothing.  Wilde and Tara go at it.  Wilde tags out quickly to Sarita.  Velvet tags herself in.  Sarita drops Tara with a cross body and Velvet covers for 2.  The Beats work over Tara.  Wilde and Sarita come in and go after the Beauts.  Lacey trips them and the Beauties dropkick them.  Love comes in and drops Sky.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak on Rayne.  Daffney sneaks in behind the referee’s back and nails Tara with the Knockouts title belt.  Rayne pins Tara in 2:13.  Very disappointing.  These women can wrestle.  Why don’t you let them?

Christy Hemme interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  His scheduled opponent tonight, Desmond Wolfe, jumps him and attacks his injured ankle, hitting it with a chain.  Ouch.

Sting is in action NEXT!  Taz makes a pot joke, making sure anyone with half a brain could figure out who his opponent is.

JB interviews the NEW Knockouts Tag Team Champions, The Beautiful People.  They’re stoked to finally be champions.  JB calls for champagne.  Sky pours it on JB’s head.

Tenay and Taz talk about Sting’s reprehensible actions.  They show the aforementioned actions from earlier tonight.

Sting comes out.  His mystery opponent is ROB VAN DAM!

Sting vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD comes in through the crowd, hits the flying kick on Sting, and follows with the Rolling Thunder for the pin in 9 seconds.  Sting attacks him with the bat, leaves him laying, and leaves.  No, wait.  He comes back and beats down RVD with the bat some more.  “That damn thing’s a weapon!”  Well no shit, Taz.  Sting hits some refs with the bat, too.  Crowd chants “RVD!” the whole time.  Sting comes back to the ring and whacks RVD with the bat again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Bubba the worthless piece of worthless Sponge holds him back from doing anything.  Fuck that guy.  Sting hits RVD with the bat some more.  Hogan goes after Sting again, but security holds him back, so Sting kills RVD to some more.  Sting takes a whack at Hogan too.  Sting whacks some security guys and hits Hogan with the bat again.  This shit went way too long.

Tenay and Taz talk some more.

Kevin Nash’s music hits.  Random shot of Eric Bischoff sitting backstage.  Nash and Eric Young come out.  Nash says he has a contract for Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac to face him and  Young at Destination X.  Nash calls them out.  Commercials.

Random commercial cut away: Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are in the building!

Nash and Young are still waiting.  Hall and Syxx-Pac come in through the crowd.  Security gets in the ring to make sure order is maintained.  Hall calls Nash a sell out, Hogan’s goon, etc.  Hall still wants contracts.  He calls for Bischoff.  Bischoff appears on the screen and says that if Hall and Pac win at Destination X, they get contracts.  If they lose, they leave TNA.  They agree.  Pac slaps Young.  Young jumps his ass.  Security separates them.  Bischoff tells security to get Nash and Hall away from ringside and books Young vs. Pac.  He gives young permission to “Slap that punk upside his bitch head.”

Eric Young vs. Syxx-Pac.  Young jumps Pac and kicks his ass.  Pac fights back with kicks.  Young drops him with a clothesline then backdrops him.  Pac drops him with a spin kick and goes for the Bronco Buster.  Young avoids it and hits a piledriver for the pin in 1:13.

A bunch of soldiers arrive in a hummer.

Go to ShopTNA.com and buy crap!

Kurt Angle comes out with the entryway flanked by the soldiers.  He cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  They’ll meet at Destination X.  Anderson appears on the screen to retort.  Angle goes to the interview set (I never realized it was just there in the arena) and kicks his ass to the ring.  Anderson hits Angle with the dog tag and tries to leave, but the soldiers won’t let him.  Angle beats up Anderson and throws him outside to the soldiers, who kick his ass.  Repeated on each side of the ring.  Lucky for Anderson that’s a four sided ring now.  Angle drills Anderson with the Angle Slam.  Crowd chants “BREAK IS ANKLE!”  Angle stands over Anderson, holding the flag high.  The soliders come in and lift Angle up on their shoulders.

More pseudo-shooty crap with Bubba trying to talk Hogan out of wrestling.  Earl Hebner comes in and begs for a second chance.  Bubba convinces Hogan to give Hebner a second chance.  Hogan makes Hebner promise to stop the match if it gets out of control.  What the fuck is that?

Tenay and Taz hype the Destination X card.

Jeff Jarrett talks to Mick Foley (suited up!), then talks to James Storm.  He asks if Beer Money was forced into the match tonight.  Storm says they volunteered.  Jarrett bitches him out.  Storm says “Sorry about your damn…”  Jarrett punches him.  Robert Roode jumps Jarrett from behind.  Foley comes back and tells them to take it to the ring.  So Beer Money are heels now with no explanation?

Video featuring the smoking hot So Cal Val and the gay Jeremy Borash.

Handicap Match: Beer Money vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Mick Foley is the special guest referee.  They’ve been beating up Jarrett since the last segment.  The match finally starts.  Jarrett tries to fight back.  Roode hits a spinebuster.  Beer Money does their awesome catapult into a DDT double team move.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm.  Roode holds Jarrett for Storm to spit beer in his face.  Jarrett moves and Roode gets it.  Jarrett kicks Storm in the balls behind the referee’s back and makes a comeback.  He clotheslines Roode out of the ring, the backdrops Storm out.  Jarrett follows them and knocks their heads together.  Jarrett takes a bump into the guard rail.  Foley gives him the barbed wire bat.  Slick Johnson runs in and takes it away.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Jarrett and Roode gets the pin (counted by Slick) in 3:42.  This was stupid.

Hogan and Abyss talk backstage.  Brooke comes in crying.  Hogan promises her that he won’t wrestle again after tonight.  This was also stupid.

Random cut away from commercial: Flair and Styles are backstage.

No DQ Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles & Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan & Abyss.  Hogan and Flair lock up and hobble to the corner.  Flair chops Hogan.  Hogan backdrops Flair.  Hogan throws some punches and sends Flair to the outside.  The brawl outside.  Flair bleeds like a mofo.  Flair chops and punches Hogan.  Hogan replies in kind, and pokes him in the eye for good measure.  Abyss beats up Flair on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Hogan whips Flair with his weight belt.  Flair hits Hogan in the balls and tags in Styles.  Man, Flair is bleeding like crazy.  I’d say about a 7 on the Muta Scale.  Styles beats up Hogan.  Styles opens up Hogan’s cut from earlier.  Hogan plays face in peril.  Hogan throws Flair off the top rope.  Styles tags in.  Hogan makes the hot tag to Abyss, who runs wild.  Abyss chokeslams them both.  Styles tries to get rolling.  Hogan beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles hits the sprinboard forearm on Abyss for 2.  Hogan and Abyss hulk up.  Double big boots.  Hogan whips Styles into Abyss, who hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 7:55.  A fun nostalgia match.  Desmond Wolfe appears and hits Abyss with a chair.  He tries to hit Hogan, but Hogan grabs the chair.  Flair cheap shots Hogan.  The Pope runs in for the save. but Styles clips his bad leg.  JEFF HARDY comes out and cleans house.  Front suplex to Wolfe.  Twist of Fate to Styles.  Hardy goes up top… and the show ends.  Really?  Couldn’t stay with it for a few more seconds?

There was some crap and a few logic gaps, but overall, this was a fun show, and it was better than Raw, which was a fucking abortion this week.

TNA iMPACT! 2/25/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss is showing off the ring Hogan gave him to Jeremy Borash, Kazarian, Generation Me, Amazing Red, and Jay Lethal.  Abyss says “I thought last week was going to be the worst day ever, but it ended up being the greatest day in the history of my life.”

Video package of all that’s happened to Abyss recently, culminating in Hulk Hogan giving Abyss his Hall of Fame ring last week.

iMPACT! open.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts!  They hype the matches that have been signed for TONIGHT!

The TNA World Heavyweight Champion, AJ Styles, comes out with Ric Flair.  They show their beatdown of The Pope last week.  Styles cuts a promo on The Pope.  Flair rants and raves about Hogan giving his Hall of Fame ring to Abyss.  Flair calls out “The Abyss.”  ABYSS COMES OUT TO “AMERICAN MADE!”  Flair rants and raves at Abyss.  Abyss replies with the great line, “You’re right, I couldn’t shine your shoes, BECAUSE I’M NOT A SHOE SHINE BOY!”  Abyss offers to shove Styles’ shoes up Flair’s ass.  Styles screams at Abyss.  Abyss points at Styles and yells “YOU!” ala Hogan hulking up.  Hogan comes out.  Hogan addresses Styles.  Flair yells at Hogan.  Flair and Styles challenge Hogan and Abyss to fight, then beg off.  Flair says before the night is over, the ring will be on Styles’ finger.  Good opening segment.

TNA moves to Monday on March 8!

Mick Foley arrives at the building.

Tenay and Taz hype the card for tonight again.

Moments ago, the Hogan & Abyss/Flair & Styles stuff happened.

Tables Match: The Nasty Boys (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Team 3D.  They start brawling on the ramp, then Devon and Sags brawl in the ring while Ray and Knobs brawl outside.  They switch brawling locations.  Everybody ends up in the ring.  WASSUP headbutt on Sags.  Ray tells Devon to get the tables.  3D sets up the table.  The Nastys deck them.  They hip toss Devon, but Ray moves the table.  Ray goes up top(!), but Hart grabs his leg and causes him to get thrown off.  Jesse Neal comes out and grabs the helmet from Hart.  He throws the helmet to 3D, who uses it, then 3Ds Sags through the table for the win in 3:51.  Meh.

Foley bitches at Eric Bischoff over his shenanigans last week.  At least Foley got a nice suit out of the deal.  Bischoff tells Foley to suit up.

ODB vs. Daffney.  Daffney tries to charge ODB before the bell, but ODB avoids her.  ODB has the advantage.  PIP of Christy Hemme interviewing the Knockouts Champion, Tara, who got destroyed by Daffney last week.  Daffney gets the advantage on ODB.  Why is Tara addressing someone who is in the ring and can’t see it?  Daffney attacks ODB’s knee, eventually hitting it with the steps for the DQ in 2:07.  Daffney attacks the knee with a broomstick.  Dr. Stevie comes out to restrain her again.

JB interviews the World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan and Hernandez.  They’ve made up after their little tiff.  They’re ready to face the competition in the tag team division.

Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac are shown digging through the trash.

Beer Money are in the house, and they HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!  We’ll find out what NEXT!  Another one of TNA’s stupid bit within a commercial break.

ShopTNA.com!

Beer Money is in the ring.  They cut a promo.  They’re pissed that they have hardly been featured under the new regime.  Hernandez comes out, puts them over, and says he’s going to Hogan to ask him to make a Tag title match with Beer Money.  Roode agrees.

JB interviews Kevin Nash and Eric Young.  They want to fight Hall and Pac.

Jeff Jarrett storms into Bischoff’s office and bitches him out.  He doesn’t want to hear any of Bischoff’s shit.  Bischoff tells Jarrett to meet him in the ring tonight and he’ll give Jarrett “a better opportunity.”  A better opportunity to get fired?  Get jumped by the goon squad?  STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!

TNA moves to Monday on March 8!

Jarrett/Bischoff video package.

Eric Bischoff comes to the ring.  He gets heavily booed, but no-sells it.  He asks Jeff Jarrett to come out, and even lets him have his music this week.  Bischoff has some chick bring out the barbed wire bat that’s been the cause of much grief lately.  He tells Jarrett that he did the right thing in not using it last week.  However, he didn’t do the ring thing by Bischoff.  Bischoff gives Jarrett one more chance to do the right thing: go to catering and flip burgers.  Bischoff gives him a spatula and a hairnet.  Poor Jarrett.

Commercial inset: Abyss vs. Desmond Wolfe TONIGHT!

Matt Morgan is mad at Hernandez for setting up the title defense against Beer Money without his knowledge.  Morgan didn’t want serious competition.  I smell a heel turn!

TNA X Divison Championship #1 Contender Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian.  Kendrick attacks Kazarian’s arm to start.  Kazarian fights back and hits a leg drop from the apron, dropkick in the corner, nip up, replays.  Kendrick avoids Kazarian in the corner and schoolboys him for 2.  Kendrick rocks him with an enzuigiri and hits a swank neckbreaker.  PIP of Samoa Joe being kindnapped last week.  Yeah, when the hell are they going to address that?  Kazarian puts Kendrick up top, then misses a kick.  Kazarian hits the Flux Capacitor for the pin in 2:34.  It was okay.  Kazarian gets the title shot at Destination X.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young are taping their fists.

JB interviews Abyss, who challenges anyone to try to take his ring.  “Bring a chainsaw, bring a see-saw, bring whatever you want!”

TNA Global Championship hype.  Tonight, Rob Terry defends that title against Mr. Anderson!

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  He says he’ll win his first TNA gold tonight.  He says Terry is “as strong as six gorillas.”  He then says he’s been in the ring with six gorillas, and he beat them by DQ.  Okay, THAT was funny.

Kurt Angle is headed our way!

TNA moves to Monday on March 8.  BE THERE!  Actually, record it or download it and watch it after you watch Raw.

Rob Terry is getting ready.  Brutus Magnus tells him not to bite the hand that feeds him.  Terry tells him to piss off.

Rob Terry comes out for his title defense.  Ken Anderson cuts a promo on the stage, making fun of Kurt Angle.  Angle comes up through the stage like usual entrance, holding a chair.  He stands there for a while, letting Anderson talk, then wallops him in the back with the chair.  Angle motions for Terry to come to the stage.  Crowd chants “BREAK HIS ANKLE!”  Terry picks up Anderson and carries him to the ring.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. Ken Anderson.  Terry throws Anderson into the ring, picks him up, running powerslam, and the pin in 24 seconds.

Jeff Jarrett is flipping burgers.

Mick Foley comes back into the building with a trench coat covering what is presumably his bitchin’ new suit.

MONDAY, MARCH 8!  MONDAY, MARCH 8!

They show all the shit that’s gone down with The Band since January 4.

Eric Young and Kevin Nash go out into the parking lot.  Young starts brawling with Waltman.  Off camera, Hall hits Nash in the knee with a lead pipe.  Hall chokes Young and tells him to stay out of it.  Waltman drops Young with a kick, then spray paints “4 Life” on his back.  Well that didn’t turn out well.

Abyss can “feel the enthusiasm” of all the Hulkamaniacs.

Jeff Jarrett is still flipping burgers.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone, making fun of the Raw guest host deal.  Mick Foley comes in.  He suited up!  He already got mustard on his jacket because he saw Jeff Jarrett working the grill in catering.  Bischoff sends him to etiquette school.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Abyss.  Abyss now has his theme mixed with “American Made.”  Awesome.  Wolfe attacks Abyss’ arm and neck.  Not much happens, then Abyss squashes Wolfe in the corner and goes for the chokeslam.  Wolfe awesomely counters with his awesome hammerlock drop.  Abyss catches Wolfe with the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 1:54.  Poor Wolfe.  Ric Flair and Styles come out and attack Abyss.  Abyss fights them off, but Wolfe attacks Abyss with a chair.  Abyss hulks up, but Flair and Styles jump him from behind.  Wolfe handcuffs Abyss to the top rope and they beat on him.  Hulk Hogan comes in to make the save.  Flair clips his knee and they commence to beating down Hogan.  Styles clocks Hogan with the World title belt.  Abyss can’t do anything but watch Hogan get demolished.  Hogan is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Abyss uses the power of the ring to break the handcuffs and runs the heels off.  Commercials!

Moments ago, that stuff happened!

Hogan and Abyss are still in the ring.  Hogan announces himself & Abyss vs. Styles & Flair for the March 8 iMPACT!  Tenay says “HOLY *BLEEEEP*!”

MARCH 8!  MARCH 8!  MARCH 8!

iMPACT! continues to be a more watchable show.

TNA Against All Odds 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show starts with Ric Flair coming into the building and screaming at Christy Hemme about how he hates Eric Bischoff.  He apparently plans to harm Bischoff tonight.

PPV opening video hyping the tournament and the World Title match taking place tonight.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts LIVE from Orlando, Florida.

8 Card Stud Tournament – Quarterfinal: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up and trade arm holds.  You’re not going to win that game against Wolfe, Pope.  Man, Wolfe’s submission work is so off the charts awesome.  Pope is able to match him in the early going.  Wolfe sends Pope out of the ring, harms him nastily on the apron, then fails the Tower of London.  Wolfe works on Pope’s shoulder.  Wolfe hits a DDT for 2.  Back to working the shoulder.  Pope escapes a hold, but immediately gets locked in another one.  Pope escapes again and hits a flurry of strikes.  Pope hits the Coronation, followed by a diving cross body for 2.  Wolfe catapults Pope into the turnbuckle, but Pope catches himself.  Wolfe goes for the Tower of London, fails, hits a superplex for 2.  Dinero gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Wolfe rings Pope’s arm, charges him in the corner, Dinero avoids it and drops Wolfe very nastily.  Pope hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 7:39.  Match was fine.  Pope advances!

Ric Flair goes into Bischoff’s office and yells at him.  Bischoff yells back at Flair.  Bischoff says he’ll call it in the middle and tells Flair to keep his distance.

Jeremy Borash (He’s back!) interviews the TNA World Tag Team Champions, Matt Morgan & Hernandez, who will be facing each other in the tournament tonight.  They want to see for themselves who is the best.  The fist bump(!) and wish each other luck.

8 Card Stud Tournament – Quarterfinal: TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan.  They fist bump(!) and lock up.  Morgan backs Hernandez into the corner and gives a clean break.  Repeat in reverse.  They fist bump and lock up yet again and finally kinda go at it.  Morgan drops Hernandez twice with shoulder blocks.  Hernandez pounces Morgan in response.  Hernandez avoids the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan avoids the Border Toss.  Revolving elbows in the corner.  Hernandez kicks Morgan low and they totally fuck up a cross body off the top.  Morgan nails Hernandez with a discus lariat for 2.  That’s another move I always mark out for.  Annoying alternating chants from the TNA mutants.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Morgan is selling his ribs.  He does his weird thingy with the opponent over the top rope.  APRON LEG DROP!  I mark for that move as well.  Morgan hits a pair of short range lariats for 2.  Morgan clamps on a rear chin lock.  Hernandez fights back.  Morgan headbutts Hernandez on the apron.  Hernandez shakes it off and hits the springboard shoulder block.  They tease a double KO but both make it up.  Hernandez makes his comeback.  Half-assed chokeslam for 2 by Hernandez.  Hernandez hits the delayed vertical suplex.  Morgan goes out to the ramp and Hernandez wipes him out with a dive, but hurts his own shoulder in the process.  The referee is about to count Hernandez out, but Morgan doesn’t want to win that way.  Morgan helps Hernandez back into the ring, sends his shoulder into the turnbuckle, and pins him with a handful of tights.  What a dick.  Match was okay.  Hernandez is mad.

Video package of the recent goings on involving Kurt Angle, AJ Styles, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan, and The Band.  Read the iMPACT! reviews for details.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.  Angle apologizes to Hulk since Hulk saved his ass last week.  He goes on to say he’ll win the tournament tonight, starting by kicking Mr. Anderson’s ass.

8 Card Stud Tournament – Quarterfinal: Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  Anderson throws some kicks at Angle’s leg.  Angle catches Anderson’s leg and goes for the ankle lock, but Anderson scampers for the ropes.  Angle takes Anderson down with a headlock.  Up, shoulder block, back down with the headlock.  Back up, Anderson hammers Angle with punches.  Angle back body drops Anderson and hits a snap suplex for 2.  Angle hits the 10 punches in the corner, whips him into the opposite corner, and charges.  Anderson avoids him.  Anderson yells at Angle and drives Angle’s dog tag into his head.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Anderson hammers the bloody Angle.  Sick snap DDT gets 2 for Anderson.  Anderson cranks on a rear chin lock.  Angle fights out and makes his comeback.  Anderson kicks Angle in the face out of the corner.  Angle replies with a big belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle hits a clothesline for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Anderson avoids the Angle Slam and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Anderson tries to expose one of the turnbuckles, but gets caught by the referee.  While the referee is fixing it, Anderson exposes the opposite one.  Angle avoids the shot and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle drops the straps and locks in the ankle lock.  Anderson counters his way out and stands in the corner with exposed buckle.  Angle charges, Anderson avoids it, Angle eats the exposed turnbuckle.  Anderson hits the Mic Check for the pin in 9:47.  Good match.  Anderson lays Kurt’s medal on his chest, then spits on him.

Eric Bischoff tells Mick Foley and Abyss to go at it tonight, because if they take it easy on each other, he’s going to make Abyss take his mask off.  He makes it a No DQ Match so they can use the barbed wire bat.  And they HAVE to use the barbed wire bat, or the mask is coming off.

Tenay and Taz talk about what we just saw.

8 Card Stud Tournament – Quarterfinal, No DQ Match: Abyss vs. Mick Foley.  They lock up and Abyss grabs a side head lock.  That’s a very odd thing to see in an Abyss/Mick Foley match.  Abyss drops Foley with a shoulder block.  Foley goes for the barbed wire bat, but Abyss cuts him off and beats him.  Abyss squashes Foley in the corner.  Crowd chants “USE THE BAT!”  Abyss picks it up, then puts it back down.  He doesn’t want to hurt Mick.  Foley slaps and punches him while yelling at him to use the bat.  Abyss fights back.  They brawl to the outside.  Abyss pulls a chair out of the front row (why are there empty seats in the front row?) and hits him in the back with it.  Foley continues to beat up Abyss while yelling at him to use the bat.  Back inside, Foley picks up the bat and charges Abyss.  Abyss gets the boot up to avoid it.  Abyss beats up Foley a bit.  Foley hits a spinning neckbreaker and continues to beat up Abyss.  Vintage Foley running inner thigh to the corner.  Foley pours Abyss’ bag of thumbtacks onto the mat.  Foley punches Abyss.  Abyss sets up the chokeslam, refuses to chokeslam Foley into the tacks, and just chokeslams in the clear part of the ring for 2.  Abyss finds Foley’s sock.  Foley avoids the Mandible Claw and hits the double arm DDT.  Foley takes the referee’s sock off and goes for Abyss.  Double Mandible Claw spot.  Foley, being the master of the move, gets the better of it.  The referee checks Abyss’ arm.  Foley releases the hold before the ref can end it.  Foley picks up the bat.  Abyss catches him with the Black Hole Slam into the tacks for the pin in 7:42.  Abyss seems upset at accidentally using the tacks.  He pulls the tacks out of Foley’s back.  This match was fun considering the storyline.

Christy Hemme interviews the “legendary” Nasty Boys.  Yeah.  Sags looks the exact same that he did in 1996.  Knobs just looks fatter.

Nasty Boys/Team 3D video package.

The Nasty Boys vs. Team 3D.  They brawl.  Well what did you expect, wrist locks?  3D sends the Nasty Boys out of the ring.  Nothing happens for a minute or two.  Seriously, nothing at all.  3D politely waits for the Nasties to come back into the ring.  Ray and Sags finally lock up.  Sags beats up Ray.  The Nastys beat up Ray.  Ray avoids the Pit Stop and hits a backdrop suplex and a leg drop for 2.  Devon tags in.  They call for the 3D, so Sags bails.  Crowd chants “WE WANT TABLES!”  Nothing happens for a little while again.  The Nastys get in the ring.  Devon fights them both and takes himself and Sags out of the ring.  Sags chokes Devon with his shirt.  Thankfully he had another shirt on under it.  Brother Ray comes around and knocks Sags into the camera man.  “Brother Ray just hits Sags like he owed him money.” -Taz.  Nastys get heat on Devon.  Brother Ray gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Ray and Sags fuck up a Rock Bottom.  WASSUP headbutt on Knobs.  3D on Sags.  Ray covers, but the referee is busy trying to get Devon out of the ring.  Knobs hits Devon with a helmet belonging to the previously unseen Jimmy Hart.  Sags pins Ray in 10:40.  So Jimmy Hart is back with the Nasty Boys.  The match wasn’t the train wreck I expected, but it wasn’t especially good either.

Bischoff talks to Samoa Joe backstage.  Joe says he’ll deal with AJ and for Bischoff to deal with Flair.  Bischoff tells Joe to keep his temper under control.

8 Card Stud Tournament – Semifinal: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Matt Morgan.  They milk the crowd for a minute before locking up.  Morgan over powers Pope.  Pope kicks at Morgan’s leg, dropkicks him into the ropes, and tries to whip him.  Morgan throws Pope out of the ring.  Morgan goes outside to beat up Pope.  Morgan keeps the heat on Pope back inside.  Revolving elbows in the corner for the second time tonight.  Morgan squashes Pope in the corner, then does the sidewalk drop.  Morgan with the over the top rope deal, the equivalent to Pope’s Coronation in that the move is impossible to describe without having to pause the match.  If you don’t know what the moves are and read my review to keep up… watch TNA just once to know what I’m talking about.  But I digress.  Pope fights out of a bearhug.  Morgan hits a fall away slam.  Pope counters Morgan with a DDT.  Pope makes his comeback.  Morgan avoids the Coronation and murders Pope with a discus lariat for 2.  Morgan yells at the ref for not counting fast enough.  Morgan hammers Pope in the corner.  Pope avoids the Carbon Footprint in the corner and hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 8:30.  Pretty good match, I thought.  Morgan is frustrated.

JB interviews Mr. Anderson.  ANDERSON!

8 Card Stud Tournament – Semifinal: Abyss vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson throws punches and chops, fails at Irish whipping Abyss, ducks clotheslines, fails at cross bodying Abyss.  Anderson teases a test of strength, punches Abyss in the face, fails at slamming Abyss, gets slammed himself.  Abyss mows Anderson down with a big boot and clotheslines him to the floor.  Abyss rams Anderson’s face into the steps.  Ouch.  They brawl outside.  Back inside, Anderson takes Abyss down with a dropkick to the knee.  Anderson tries to take Abyss’ mask off.  Abyss fight him off.  Anderson chop blocks the leg and puts the boots to Abyss in the corner.  Anderson works the leg.  Abyss tries a chokeslam.  Anderson blocks it.  Abyss back body drops Anderson.  Abyss throws some punches and hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss avoids the Mic Check and hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss catches Anderson coming off the top and goes for a chokeslam.  Anderson fucks his mask up.  Abyss goozles the referee.  Anderson kicks Abyss’ leg and hits the Mic Check for the pin in 8:08.  It was alright.

Christy Hemme interviews AJ Styles and Ric Flair.  I guess Styles didn’t want to completely bleach his hair, but he has gotten highlights.

Styles/Samoa Joe video package.

Tale of the Tape.

Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring to referee the World Title match.  He runs into Hulk Hogan, who warns him to watch his temper.  “No shenanigans,” he says.  He tells Bischoff to call it right down the middle.  Bischoff agrees.  Hogan walks away.  “Dammit!” Bischoff says.  Throughout this, there’s a sign in the background that says “Please keep the Elephant door CLOSED when not in use.”  I don’t know what an elephant door is, but I found it funny.

Elaborate entrances and in-ring intros by JB.  Joe is cashing in his Feast Or Fired briefcase to get this title shot.  Styles now has a robe and looks ridiculous in it.  The robe has a hood.  Heh, neat.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Samoa Joe.  Eric Bischoff is the special referee.  Bischoff does a thorough job of checking both guys for foreign objects.  They lock up.  Styles bails immediately.  “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!” chant.  Styles tries to shoulder block Joe and fails, so he punches Joe in the face.  Joe BLASTS Styles with a shoulder block and hits him with a flurry of punches and strikers.  Joe squashes Styles in the corner and rocks him with a big kick.  Joe hits the knee in the corner.  Styles fights back, ducks a lariat, and gets decapitated with a leg lariat.  Cover gets 2 for Joe.  Joe throws some kicks.  AJ catches his leg and hits a Dragon screw leg whip.  Styles takes over and works Joe’s leg.  Styles goes for the figure-four, but Joe kicks him clear out of the ring.  Joe kills AJ with a tope suicida.  Styles takes a bump into the guardrail over it, which I’m almost certain is very unpleasant.  Joe takes Styles back inside.  Styles bails again and Joe gives pursuit.  Styles uses dirty tactics to get the advantage.  Styles moves the floor mats and goes for a suplex.  He fails.  Joe tries a suplex of his own, but Styles avoids it.  Joe blasts Styles with a chop and sends him back in.  Joe stalks Flair a bit and gets back in the ring to eat a dropkick.  They trade chops.  Styles goes for a Frankensteiner off the top, but Joe pushes him away and murders Styles again with a diving leg lariat for 2.  Styles charges Joe in the corner and gets dropped with a STO-like move.  Joe charges Styles in the corner, but Styles gets his feet up to knock Joe down and mounts him with some punches.  Bischoff yells at Styles.  Flair takes the opportunity to ram Joe’s leg into the post.  Styles goes after the leg again.  Joe fights out of the Muta Lock.  Styles applies the figure-four leglock.  Flair helps Styles get leverage.  Bischoff catches him and forces Styles to break the hold.  Joe backdrops Styles clear over the top rope and out of the ring.  Back inside, Joe makes his comeback.  Senton gets 2.  Snap powerslam gets 2.  Styles hits a springboard forearm and mounts Joe for more punches.  Joe replies with a slap rush.  Styles hits the Phenomenon for 2.  Styles sets up the Styles Clash, but Joe counters and goes for the choke.  It ends up being a cobra clutch suplex, which is awesome.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster.  Flair grabs Joe’s leg.  Bischoff goes outside to deal with Flair.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and covers.  Bischoff heads in and Flair pulls him out.  Bischoff decks Flair.  Joe yells at Bischoff and threatens him.  Styles hits the Pele kick and the Styles Clash for a very slow 3 count in 21:27.  So everybody in main events kicks out of the Styles Clash, but Joe can’t even kick out with a super slow count?  Flair yells at Bischoff to raise Styles’ hand.  The match was pretty good, but the finish made Joe look like a jackass.  Joe/Styles works much better with Styles playing AJ Styles as opposed to Styles playing a second rate Ric Flair.

Highlights of the tournament.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  He calls the TNA title “the most prestigious championship in the entire freakin’ world.”  Hyperbole, much?

JB interviews The Pope.  The Band jumps Pope and kick his ass.

They tease that Pope isn’t going to come out for the final match.  Anderson tells the referee to ring the bell and count Pope out.

8 Card Stud Tournament – Final: Ken Anderson vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope makes his way out.  Anderson meets him in the ramp and attacks him.  Anderson runs back to the ring to break the count, then runs back to beat on Pope some more.  Pope fights back.  They finally get into the ring.  Anderson immediately bails, so Pope follows him out and they fight outside some more.  Anderson gets the advantage.  Pope is selling the knee that he’s been having trouble with lately.  Styles and Flair are shown watching on a monitor backstage.  Anderson finally gets in the ring and awaits his count-out victory.  He knocks Pope off the apron before he can get in.  Pope finally manages to get in the ring and hits Anderson with some strikes.  Pope fails suplex attempts and gets suplexed himself.  Cover gets 2 for Anderson Anderson.  Anderson stomps Pope’s hand.  Pope pimp slaps him and gets an inside cradle for 2.  Anderson drops some elbows and gets a pair of 2 counts.  Pope fights back with a flurry on punches.  Anderson takes him down and beats on him again.  Pope runs the ropes but gets caught with a knee to the middle for 2.  Anderson beats on Pope some more.  Pope makes another comeback.  Pope hits a vertical suplex, transitions into a German, tries to roll with it but gets cut off.  Pope drops Anderson with an STO for 2.  Pope hits the Elijah Express, but Anderson kicks out.  Anderson drops Pope and calls for his microphone to be dropped down from the ceiling.  He talks for a minute, then hits the Mic Check, but Pope kicks out!  Anderson is pissed.  He puts the boots to Pope and hits the Lambeau Leap.  He goes for the Kenton bomb, but Pope avoids it.  Pope avoids Anderson in the corner and hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 15:45.  The match started slow but really picked up towards the end.  Pope winning was a great story.

Destination X plug.

I wouldn’t call this a great show, but there was nothing offensively bad on it, which is a big step up from some of the pre-Hogan and Bischoff shows.  I really liked the story with Pope winning it all.