Archive for Desmond Wolfe

TNA iMPACT! 9/2/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

In the opening video, they act like putting the guys main eventing the PPV into a tag match on the last TV before the PPV is something unusual and controversial, even thought it’s happened in the build to pretty much every single PPV ever.  Fucking TNA.

“10.10.10.”  No, the title makes no sense at all.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Hogan flaps his gums about whatever, then brings out Ken Anderson, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Jeff Hardy, and Kurt Angle.  They’re the 4 dudes in the semifinals of the World Title tournament at the PPV this Sunday.  Bischoff talks about the CONTROVERSY of doing something that every wrestling promotion ever has done a trillion times.  Bischoff must thinks toasting bread with his breakfast is controversial too.  Abyss comes out through the crowd, scares So Cal Val, and gets in the ring.  Hogan and Abyss argue or whatever.  Abyss says “they” isn’t EV2.0 or Fortune.  He says something about 10.10.10, which is the date of Bound For Glory.  Abyss says “they” will arrive and remove Dixie Carter and exterminate everyone in the ring.  Hardy punches Abyss.  Insta-commercials.  Fucking horrible segment.

No Surrender hype video.

A video chronicling whatever the fuck is going on with Beautiful People and a biker chick.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Madison Rayne & the biker chick vs. The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  They all brawl at ringside.  Velvet and Angelina take out the biker chick, then surround Rayne in the ring.  She begs off, but they kick her ass.  They prepare to spank her, but the biker chick wakes up and jumps them.  The match finally starts.  Love stomps Rayne in the vag for 2.  Sky takes in and beats up Rayne.  Sky rams Rayne’s head into the mat for 2.  I hate that shit.  Love tags back in and hits the World’s Strongest Slam, then tags back out.  Love and Sky deck the biker chick, then hit a double suplex on Rayne.  Sky covers, but biker chick saves.  Love spears her and kicks her out of the ring, then stomps her on the outside.  With the referee distracted by Love doing nothing, biker chick hits Sky very lightly with the motorcycle helmet, allowing Rayne to get the pin in 2:28.  Fucking awful.  Rayne and biker chick beat up the BPs some more after the match.  Biker chick unmasks.  To the surprise of absolutely no one, it’s Tara.

Stevie Richards talks to the camera about Abyss.

Abyss video package.

Stevie Richards vs. Abyss.  Abyss comes out through the crowd again.  Richards attacks him on the outside and beats him up a bit.  Abyss catches him with a boot, then throws him in the ring to start the match.  So now, all matches must have outside brawling before the match starts.  Stevie goes on the attack and throws a superkick, but Abyss blocks it and throws him down.  Abyss avalanches Stevie in the corner.  They trade chops.  Abyss pummels Stevie with weak punches, then scares the referee.  Abyss hits a World’s Strongest Slam, then goes outside to retrieve a steel chair.  He looks annoyed because he can’t find his nail board.  The referee fucks with Abyss about the chair.  Stevie superkicks the chair into Abyss’ face for the pin in 2:21!  STEVIE WON A MATCH!  My joy is short lived, as Abyss jumps Stevie immediately afterward and kills him with the Shock Treatment.  EV2.0 and Fortune are being held apart by security backstage.  Mick Foley appears to be injured.  Back in the ring, Abyss gives Stevie the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss tries to use Janice, but Brian Kendrick runs out, hits Abyss with a baseball slide dropkick, and runs away with Stevie.  Random.

Ken Anderson talks to no one in particular about The Pope.  Pope comes in and tells Anderson that he doesn’t buy his face turn.  They have to team together tonight, but they’re not friends.  Ground breaking there, Mr. Russo.

Tonight, tag match!  Plus, Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett.

EV2.0 of Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, Sabu, and Rhino are in the ring.  Dreamer calls out Fortune.  Ric Flair, TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, Matt Morgan, and TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams come out.  Styles cuts a promo about their various matches at No Surrender.  Dreamer challenges them to an 8-man tag tonight.  Fortune agree.

Jeff Jarrett tries to persuade Samoa Joe to have his back tonight.  Joe blows him off again.

Sting vs. Jarrett is NEXT!

Sting and Kevin Nash talk as they walk through the mess of the backstage area.

Jeff Jarrett talks to no one in particular about how he needs help against Sting and Nash.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting (w/ Kevin Nash).  They lock up.  Jarrett tries to run the ropes and gets tripped by Nash.  Sting beats up Jarrett.  Jarrett fights back.  Nash trips him again.  Jarrett bails and Nash chases him back into the ring.  That was stupid.  Jarrett makes his comeback on Sting, the bails and attacks Nash.  Jarrett tries to fight both Sting and Nash.  Sting gets the better of Jarrett and beats him up on the outside.  Sting throws Jarrett back into the ring.  Jarrett rams Sting’s head into the turnbuckles, then tries to suplex him back into the ring.  Nash trips Jarrett yet again and Sting lands on top for the pin in 3:10.  More crap.  Sting chokes Jarrett with his bat after the match.  Of course, the fearsome and terrifying 50 something year old Hulk Hogan comes out.  Samoa Joe comes in through the crowd to make the save.  He takes out Nash.  Sting tells Joe that he’s in the wrong place at the wrong time, then nothing else happens.  Stupid, stupid shit.

Tonight, Angle & Hardy vs. Anderson & Pope.

Shore!  I don’t know what the fuck it is, but it’s coming soon.  Maybe it’s “they.”

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

London Brawling and Chelsea are in the ring.  They’re the #1 Contenders for the tag titles, having beaten a bunch of people on Xplosion, which no one anywhere has ever seen.  Magnus now wears a beret and sunglasses, because the way to be a true heel is to be French.  TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns come out.  Shelley cuts an impassioned promo about how they’re not going to lose to these goons.  Sabin says the Guns are the best team in the universe and the Brits are gay.  Wolfe says they’re not poofs because the have a bird.  What now?  Magnus talks about the Guns’ pubic hair.  Shelley implies that Chelsea isn’t sexually satisfied due to her lack of facial expressions.  He propositions Chelsea.  Sabin says she’s only with them because she needs the money like any call girl.  Wolfe tells her to tell them what a stud he is.  Chelsea implies that Wolfe has a small penis, which naturally pisses  him off.  London Brawling cheap shot the Guns and beat the crap out of them.  They hit a double team move on Shelley, sort of a sidewalk slam/dropkick to the head combo.  They meet for the titles this Sunday!

Tommy Dreamer bitches to EV2.0 backstage.  The doctor says Foley can’t go tonight.  Brian Kendrick comes in and offers his services.  Dreamer tells him not to get involved.  Foley says Kendrick is out of his mind, making him the perfect replacement.  Dreamer says okay, but warns Kendrick that he doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

House show plugs.

Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle chat backstage.

Elimination Match: Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Kazarian (w/ Ric Flair, Matt Morgan, & TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams) vs. EV2.0 of Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Sabu, & Brian Kendrick.  Rhino and Storm lock up.  Rhino scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Storm fails a hip toss, buts takes Rhino into the Fortune corner for a beating.  Kazarian tags in and beats up Rhino.  Rhino lands a dropkick, of all things, and makes the tag to Sabu.  Sabu cleans house and hits Kazarian with a sweet springboard DDT for 2.  Styles comes in and gets dropped by Sabu.  Williams trips Sabu from the outside.  Kazarian pins Sabu with an Oklahoma roll in 1:52.  Sabu drops Kazarian, then takes out Williams with a suicide dive.  Sabu and Williams brawl on the aisle.  Dreamer comes in and locks Kazarian in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Styles breaks it.  Kendrick tags in and runs wild on Kazarian.  Kendrick goes for a cross body, but Kazarian catches him with his knees.  Roode tags in and beats up Kendrick.  Kazarian tags back in and does a quick cradle sequence with Kendrick.  Kendrick lands a dropkick for the pin in 4:43.  Styles comes in/  Kendrick takes him down with a Thesz press and chokes him.  Repeat.  Kendrick dropkicks the referee out of the ring.  Clusterfuck brawl ensues.  Mick Foley comes out.  Insta-commercials.  Beer Money double team Dreamer.  Kendrick was DQ’d during the break.  Roode dives at Dreamer, but Dreamer catches him with a boot.  Dreamer hits a spinebuster.  Rhino and Storm tag in.  Rhino runs wild on everybody.  He blocks Storm’s superkick and hits a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino Gores Storm, but Roode saves.  Rhino hits a belly to belly on Roode, then sets up the Gore.  Abyss comes out.  Rhino brawls with him on the outside.  They brawl through the crowd.  Rhino is counted out.  Dreamer is all one against Styles and Beer Money.  Fortune make quick tags and kick the shit out of Dreamer.  Dreamer manages to drop Roode with the DDT for the pin as Styles accidentally hits Storm with the springboard forearm.  Dreamer schoolboys Storm for the pin.  Dreamer and Styles brawl.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Dreamer counters and locks in a crossface.  Styles gets a rope break to save himself.  Dreamer goes for the Spiccoli Driver, but Styles counters and lands a dropkick.  Dreamer avoids a knee drop and goes for the DDT.  Styles counters and locks in the Minoru Special.  Dreamer gets a rope break to save himself.  Styles slams Dreamer and goes up top.  Dreamer cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Dreamer looks at Flair, then goes for the figure-four leglock.  Morgan tries to interfere, but Dreamer cuts him off.  Foley attacks Flair.  Styles hits Dreamer with the Pele kick for the pin (13:39 shown).  Fun match.

Angle & Hardy vs. Pope & Anderson is NEXT!

Ken Anderson & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Kurt Angle & Jeff Hardy.  Angle hits Pope with a backdrop suplex while Pope and Anderson discuss whatever tag partners who don’t get along discuss.  Angle and Hardy double team Pope, including some old school Hardy Boyz action with the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits a corner basement dropkick for 2.  Pope fights back against Hardy, then tags in Anderson.  Hardy hits the leg drop to the balls and the basement dropkick.  Pope comes in and gets kicked down by Hardy.  Anderson decks Hardy for 2.  Pope tags himself in and hits an enzui knee drop for 2.  Pope tags in Anderson again and Anderson slams Hardy for 2.  They’re pretending that Anderson is reluctant to fight Hardy.  Hardy fights out of a rear chin lock.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but Hardy blocks it and hits the Twist of Fate.  Angle and Pope tag in.  Angle runs wild with suplexes, then hits the Angle Slam on Pope.  Anderson saves.  Angle slams him too.  Hardy goes for the Whisper In The Wind, but accidentally hits Angle.  Anderson hits Angle with the Mic Check.  Pope covers Angle for the pin in 4:41.  Fine match in spite of TNA bullshit.  Anderson and Pope brawl after the match.  Pope spears Anderson through the ropes to the floor.  Angle and Hardy argue and brawl.  Security breaks up the brawls.

My brain hurt for the first hour or so, but the last 2 matches were pretty fun.

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TNA iMPACT! 8/26/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video of recent happenings.

Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter talk backstage.  Dixie is going to handle some business tonight.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Dixie Carter comes out to her fucking music.  This show already sucks.  She babbles about he TNA is a cult that will not die no matter how much it needs to, then calls out Ric Flair.  Flair styles and profiles and looks as ONLY he can look on his way to the ring.  Flair hits on Dixie.  Dixie talks about whatever, then suspends Flair for 90 days.  Flair asks if Fortune is suspended too.  Dixie says no.  Flair says they’re one in the same.  The rest of Fortune come out: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Willams, Matt Morgan, Kazarian, and Beer Money.  Flair says they’re the best.  Dixie says they were hers first, or something.  Dixie reiterates that Flair is gone for 90 days, but Fortune will continue wrestling.  Flair gets mad and wants to fight.  Some dude jumps in the ring.  Taz says he’s Dixie’s husband Surge.  Fortune beat him up.  Hulk Hogan comes out along with Kurt Angle, The Pope, Ken Anderson, and Jeff Hardy.  Hogan tells Flair to make his boys let Surge go.  Flair threatens to shove Angle’s gold medal up his ass.  Angle and Dixie help Surge to the back.  Hogan and his dudes get in the ring.  Hogan unsuspends Flair.  Well what was the fucking point of all of this bullshit then?  Hogan and Flair bicker.  Hogan books an 8-man tag between his dudes and Fortune.  Flair is pissed.  EV2.0 guys (Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, The FBI, Rhino, and Stevie Richards) come out and brawl with Fortune.  Insta-commercials.  This would have been a good segment without all of the TNA bullshit.

Moments ago, that shit I just wrote happened.

Kurt Angle talks to nobody in particular while Pope, Anderson, and Hardy stand around him.  Why do they do this stupid shit?  TNA used to actually be better about the invisible camera bullshit.

Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan is wearing a Joe action figure as a necklace.  He does lewd things to So Cal Val with it.  Joe comes out and kicks Jordan’s ass.  Joe goes for the Choke.  Orlando hits the corner to break, then grinds on Joe.  The announcers casually mention that Fortune is Abyss’ “They.”  Jordan beats up Joe a bit, then licks the action figure.  Joe makes his comeback and kills a bitch.  Joe hits an Exploder and the Muscle Buster for the pin in 2:29.  Not a bad little TV match.  It’s good to see Joe back killing fuckers.  Jeff Jarrett comes out.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe are still in the ring.  Jarrett talks about bring Joe into TNA 5 years ago.  He asks Joe to be in his corner when he faces Kevin Nash tonight in case Sting interferes.  Joe says he doesn’t choose sides.  He’s on his own team.  Joe leaves.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash.  In 2010.  Nash throws a chair into the ring, then pulls Jarrett out of the ring.  Nash whips Jarrett over the barricade, then rams him into the ring apron.  Finally inside, Nash beats up Jarrett.  Nash brings in the chair, which the referee immediately takes away.  Nash exposes a turnbuckle and goes for the Snake Eyes.  Jarrett slips back and sends Nash into it, then makes his comeback.  Jarrett his Nash with a diving punch, then dives again and gets goozled.  Jarrett fights it, but gets thrown into the exposed turnbuckle, then chokeslammed for a very close 2.  Jarrett jumps on Nash’s back and locks in a sleeper hold.  Nash backs Jarrett into the referee in the corner with the exposed turnbuckle.  Jarrett counters Snake Eyes again, then hits the Stroke, but the referee is taking a nap.  Sting comes in and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash covers for the pin in 5:05.  Not a bad little match.  Sting wants to do some more damage to Jarrett.  Eric Bischoff comes out (to Hogan’s music for some reason) and rips into Sting.  Sting says he wants Hogan.  Bischoff says Hogan is busy.  Sting chokes Jarrett with the bat.  Bischoff makes Hogan out to be a big scary monster.  In 2010.  Hogan appears behind Sting and hits him with a chair, then runs Nash out of the ring with the bat.  The match was fine.  The post-match bullshit was, well, TNA bullshit.

Hulk Hogan talks to Tommy Dreamer backstage.  Hogan asks him to back off of Fortune for the night, but asks him to deal with Abyss by hacking his limbs off, apparently.  Dreamer is fine with this.

Beer Money vs. The FBI.  Jobber entrances for the FBI.  Beer Money immediately beat the fuck out of them.  The FBI get double teamed into oblivion.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  Beer Money double team Guido more anyway.  Roode decks Luke to knock him off the apron.  Guido fights back against Roode, but fails to accomplish anything.  Guido gets an inside cradle for 2.  Guido gets away and makes the hot tag to Luke.  Roode immediately hits the spinebuster and tags in Storm.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Luke and Storm gets the pin in 2:31.  Guido tries to attack, so Storm hits him with the beer bottle.  Storm superkicks Luke to death, then cuts up Guido with the class it looks like.  Beer Money give Guido the DWI.  The FBI got squashed big time.  They must be on their way out.

Big 8-man tag TONIGHT!

The ORIGINAL Beautiful People are headed our way!

Tommy Dreamer tells what’s left of EV2.0 that Abyss needs to be taken care of.  Stevie Richards volunteers.  Seriously?  You’re gonna send STEVIE?  I love Stevie, but come on!

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky come out and talk about how they’re friends again.  Madison Rayne and the biker chick come out.  Rayne threatens to sue them for using her music and the Beautiful People name, which is kind of funny because it was theirs first.  She says she’s all natural unlock those “two silicone whores.”  She babbles on about whatever PMSing bitches babble on about.  She says Velvet is her little bitch.  Velvet takes her down and all 4 get into a big brawl.  Security breaks it up.  Gunner and Murphy overdo it as usual.

The Motor City Machine Guns talk backstage, then play Rock Band.

Earlier today Magnus, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea went clothes shopping.  Oh, so that’s what they do now.  They’re rich now.  They must be running drugs on the side, because they’re not making any money in TNA.  Chelsea ends up with Magnus’ credit card.  Also, they’re now called London Brawling.  Awesome name.

Non-Title: Generation Me vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Jeremy and Sabin start.  Good stuff there as usual.  Jeremy goes for some quick pinning combinations.  Max tags in and they double team Sabin.  Shelley saves.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Max.  Shelley applies a half crab while stepping on Max’s face.  Sabin tags in and hits a flippy fist drop for 2.  Sabin throws Max into Shelley’s boot, then makes the tag.  Shelley goes for quick covers on Max.  Shelley holds Max in a cravat.  Max fights back.  Sabin tags in for more Guns double teaming, but Max avoids it and sends Shelley outside.  Max rolls thrown on Sabin, then makes the hot tag to Jeremy.  Jeremy runs wild and hits a springboard facebuster on Shelley for 2.  After some weird dancing with Max, Jeremy hits a sweet Asai moonsault to the Guns on the outside.  Max spears Sabin.  Bucks hit a double team splash thingy on Sabin for 2.  Lots of stuff is happening.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Sabin gets his knees up.  Stuff happens.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Jeremy.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/splash combo on Max and Sabin gets the pin in 6:03.  Good little match.

Tonight, 8-man tag!

Live event plugs.

Ric Flair yells at Hulk Hogan, who is not present to be yelled at.  I hate this bullshit.  Sting appears and chokes Sting with the bat.  He says he and Nash are have a score to settle with Flair and Fortune.

Shore… coming soon.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was that?

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

Out in the parking garage, Stevie Richards is beating up Abyss.  Abyss beats up Stevie in return.  Abyss swings the nail board, but of course Stevie avoids it.  They brawl some more.  Abyss wins the fight.  Insta-commercials.

Rhino gets in the ring and calls out Abyss.  Abyss comes out with the nail board.  Rhino attacks Abyss and goes for the Gore, but Abyss catches him with a boot.  They brawl around the arena some more.  Rhino hits the Gore to win the fight.  Never send a Stevie to do a Rhino’s job.

AJ Styles yells at no one in particular while Fortune stands behind him.

Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, & Ken Anderson.  Anderson and Kazarian lock up and trade arm lock.  Kazarian slaps him and grabs a side headlock, then scores the knockdown with the shoulder block.  Anderson hits a hip toss and a body slam.  Pope and Styles tag in.  Pope gets rolling with a flying forearm and some Bionic elbows for 2.  Styles gets Pope in the Fortune corner where they beat him him.  Fortune make quick tags and work over Pope.  Morgan tags in and asks for Hardy.  Pope obliges with the tag.  Hardy tries a go behind, then gets dropped with an elbow smash.  Hardy avoids Morgan in the corner and hits some horrible punches and a dropkick.  Styles trips Hardy from the outside.  Hardy rallies, but gets derailed by Morgan.  Styles tags in and slams Hardy, then hits a big knee drop for 2.  Morgan tags back in and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan hits a big vertical suplex for 2.  Williams tags in and beats up Hardy.  Flair trips Hardy from the outside.  Pope gets mad and distracts the referee to let Flair get in his cheap shots.  Styles provokes Anderson to continue the distract.  Back inside, Williams hits a knee drop on Hardy for 2.  Fortune go back to making the quick tags while working over Hardy.  Hardy drops Williams with a shitty clothesline.  Kazarian and Angle tag in.  Angle runs wild because he’s Kurt Angle and he’s fucking awesome.  Angle suplexes fuckers, then locks Kazarian in the ankle lock.  Styles hits Angle with the springboard forearm.  Clusterfuck ensues as everybody comes in and hits their big moves.  Pope blind tags himself in.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Kazarian.  Pope steals Angle’s pin to win it in 8:49.  Good match.  Pope and Angle argue.  Fortune attack.  Beer Money run out to join the fight.  Storm and Styles set up a table.  Tommy Dreamer and Sabu run out to make the save.  Mick Foley comes out and beats up Flair.  Sabu throws a chair at Williams, then puts him through the table with a half assed Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher.  Do they not know any other way to end this show than in a big clusterfuck brawl?

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the show was actually pretty good.  Of course, this is TNA and you have to grade them on a curve.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.

TNA Victory Road 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package.  Victory Road!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ultimate X or Submission Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Doug Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Williams immediately tries to climb the Ultimate X structure.  Kendrick tries to cut him off, but fails.  Williams gives it up and tries to work over Kendrick instead.  Kendrick retaliates.  Williams hits a suplex into a Muta Lock.  Sweet.  Williams goes for his tornado DDT, but Kendrick avoids it and hits a missile dropkick, then goes for his scissored cobra clutch.  Williams avoids that and locks on a headscissors.  Kendrick counters out and lands some crossface blows.  Williams drops back in a way that appears to hurt Kendrick’s leg.  Williams locks in a Widow’s Peak-style hold.  Kendrick escapes and hits a flurry of offense.  He tries his hold again, but Williams counters it again.  Kendrick backdrops Williams to the floor.  Kendrick locks in his hold in the tree of woe, then tries to climb the structure.  Williams hits a backdrop suplex off the top rope.  They do some counter wrestling and Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  They go to the ramp, then to the floor.  They fight on the structure and Kendrick takes a bump to the floor.  Williams pulls some gloves out of his tights and slaps Kendrick with them.  Kendrick is playing unconscious.  Williams puts on the gloves and climbs the structure.  Kendrick makes his way up and tries to lock his hold on Kendrick, but they both crash to the mat.  Williams locks in a necktie hold.  The referee checks Kendrick’s arm 3 times and stops it in 10:04.  Okay match.  Nothing special, though.  Referees revive Kendrick with smelling salts.

Tenay and Taz talk about what’s going down TONIGHT!

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Ray.  He says Jesse Neal is a failure just like Christy’s Playboy.

Team 3D/Jesse Neal love triangle video package.

Three-Way Match: Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal vs. Brother Devon.  Ray hides behind part of the set and jumps Neal from behind on the ramp.  Devon doesn’t come out because Bubba locked him in the dressing room.  So there’s a fucking camera man shooting this shit that won’t open the fucking door?  Neal fights back against Bubba, but gets killed with a clothesline.  Bubba beats up Neal.  So there’s a backstage area FULL OF FUCKING PEOPLE WHO KNOW THAT DEVON IS LOCKED IN THE LOCKER ROOM, AND NOBODY WILL LET HIM HIM OUT?  Neal fights back, but gets back body dropped.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven come in through the crowd to take their usual seats.  Crowd chants “ECW!”  Bubba gets distracted.  Neal hits the spear for 2.  Neal grounds and pounds Bubba.  Bubba drops Neal again and brings in a chair.  Shannon Moore runs out and distracts the referee so Bubba can kill his partner with the chair.  Devon finally comes out and HE IS PISSED.  He and Bubba face off, then turn to look at Jesse.  Devon attacks Bubba instead.  Neal accidentally spears Devon.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb on Neal for the pin in 5:57.  This was lame.

Madison Rayne/Angelina Love hype video.  Knockouts Tale of the Tape.

TNA Knockouts Championship vs. Career Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love.  Love wins the title if the Beautiful People interfere.  They trade kicks and forearms and hair pulls.  Love spears Rayne, then chases her around the ring.  Love clotheslines Rayne on the outside.  Inside, cover gets 2.  Love hits another spear for 2.  Rayne gets the advantage and works Love over.  Rayne hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Rayne does the headscissors mat hump.  Rayne goes for her move, but Love counters and hits a clothesline.  Love hits a jawbreaker and some more weak clotheslines.  Rayne hits a knee facebuster or something, then runs So Cal Val out of her chair and brings the chair in.  Love superkicks the chair in to Rayne’s face.  Somebody rides in on a motorcycle.  Rayne throws Love outside and the motorcycle chick (completely covered) sends Love into the post.  The referee tries to determine if she is one of the Beautiful People, but she throws him down.  The referee awards Angelina the title by DQ in 4:41, assuming that it’s one of the BPs.  Rayne is pissed.  This was stupid and the match sucked.  Rayne leaves on the motorcycle with the other chick.  Love celebrates the title.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.  Typical stuff.

AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry & Samoa Joe.  Terry & Joe are the mystery team set up by Ric Flair to face Styles & Kazarian.  Styles tags in Kazarian before any contact is made.  Terry palms Kazarian’s head, then drops him with a shoulder block.  Kazarian bails and gets his ass kicked by Joe.  Joe drops Styles with a kick for good measure, then throws Kazarian back into the ring.  Joe tags in and beats up Kazarian some more.  “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!” chants.  Kazarian tries a cross body, but Joe just walks away and tags in Terry.  Kazarian tags in Styles, who looks timid.  Styles does some footwork and tries to throw a punch, but Terry throws him outside, then throws Kazarian out too.  Joe hits a elbow suicida on Styles and Kazarian.  Joe mauls Styles some more back in the ring.  Terry tags in, but the ref doesn’t see it.  Kazarian gets a cheap shot on to give the heels the advantage.  Kazarian hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Styles and Kazarian finally realize they have to work together.  They get the heat on Joe.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Joe kicks him in the head.  Styles lands the Pele kick, then Joe hits the STO out of the corner.  Terry gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Terry throws Styles and Kazarian around.  Terry hits a suplex into a powerslam on Styles, but Kazarian saves.  Joe comes in and chops the shot out of Kazarian.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster.  Desmond Wolfe runs down and pulls Joe out of the ring.  Kazarian hits Joe with a double axe handle off the apron.  Wolfe gets in the ring and gets nailed by a clothesline from Terry.  Styles and Kazarian work over Terry.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash on Terry for the pin in 8:09.  Fun little match.  Best thing on the show so far.  Wolfe shakes hands with Styles and Kazarian, who quickly leave when they see Joe slip into the ring.  Joe KILLS Wolfe with the Muscle Buster.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss.  He says the nail board is his girlfriend.  He talks about “they.”

Tenay and Taz talk about the lead up to the Hernandez/Matt Morgan Steel Cage Match.

Hernandez/Matt Morgan hype video.  You can briefly hear Borash doing his live event spiel about letting fans backstage.

Steel Cage Match: Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez.  Morgan goes for the door immediately, but Hernandez kicks his ass and throws him into the cage.  Morgan avoids a charge and Hernandez hits the cage.  Morgan throws him into the cage a bunch.  Morgan tries to leave again, but Hernandez grabs his leg and gets stomped.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Hernandez fights back and flips to the top rope, but Morgan hits him with the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan puts the boots to Hernandez, then teases that he’s going to climb out of the cage.  He goes out the door instead.  He puts one foot on the ramp and one on the apron, then stupidly decides to go back in and beat up Hernandez before.  Hernandez is bloody.  Hernandez makes his comeback.  Hernandez tries to set up the Border Toss, but fails because Morgan is too big.  Repeat.  Hernandez climbs to the top of the cage and goes for a splash, but Morgan moves.  Hernandez crashes and burns.  “TNA!” chants.  Morgan gets a pair of handcuffs from somewhere.  He cuffs Hernandez to the top rope and climbs over the top of the cage.  Hernandez breaks the cuffs and hits a tope suicida on the cage door to bust through it and win in 10:44.  Okay match.  Nothing special.  That seems to be the case for most of this show.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair.

Tenay and Taz talk about the Flair/Lethal match.

Ric Flair/Jay Lethal video package.

Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair.  “LET’S GO LETHAL!” chants.  They lock up.  Lethal grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown.  They lock up again.  Lethal scores a dropkick, a chop, and a back body drop, then clotheslines Flair out of the ring.  We get a shot of some stupid fan yelling at Flair.  Flair tries to suplex Lethal out of the ring from the apron, but Lethal suplexes Flair in and lands a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal lands a missile dropkick for 2.  Flair lands some chops.  Lethal responds in kind.  Flair throws some wild punches and does the flop, then gets in a cheap shot and goes up top.  Lethal cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Lethal goes for a moonsault, but Flair avoids it.  Flair works Lethal’s leg.  Dueling chants.  Ugh.  Flair locks in the figure-four leglock and uses the ropes for leverage behind referee Earl Hebner’s back.  Hebner catches him and makes him break.  They get into a shoving match.  Lethal schoolboys Flair for 2.  Lethal keeps selling the leg.  Lethal makes his comeback.  Taz gets in a Great Muta reference when Lethal hits the handspring elbow smash.  Lethal does for the Flair flip in the corner and struts on the apron, then goes for a sunset flip and pulls Flair’s trunks down to reveal his old, white ass.  Flair locks in a sleeper hold.  Lethal sends Flair into the turnbuckle to escape, then hits a rebound cross body.  Lethal hits a Vader Bomb to Flair’s legs.  Lethal goes to work on the leg and locks in the figure-four leglock for the submission win in 12:05.  Fun little match.  Lethal is emotional over the win.  Flair gets up and talks shit.  Hebner shoves Flair down and raises Lethal’s hand.  Lethal says “Hey mom, I did it!”

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Storm start.  Usual goodness there.  Shelley sends Roode into a shot from Sabin.  Sabin tags in.  Guns use teamwork against Beer Money and send them both outside.  Roode gets double teamed some more in the ring.  Storm tags in and gets the advantage on Shelley briefly.  While the referee is distracted, Roode pulls Shelley’s balls into the post.  Beer Money work over Shelley.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  The crowd adds “SUCKS!”  Roode hits a gutbuster on Shelley for 2.  Shelley continues to play face in peril.  Shelley fights back and makes the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild and plants Roode with a tornado DDT for 2.  Storm goes to break the cover and accidentally elbow drops his partner.  Sabin NAILS Storm with a head kick from the apron, then hits a springboard lariat on Roode for 2.  Guns double team Roode.  Shelley hits an Asai DDT on Roode, but Storm saves.  Storm hits a Stun Gun on Shelley.  Sabin fights both of Beer Money.  Frankensteiner on Storm.  Sabin goes for a diving rana on Roode, but gets countered.  Storm hits the Eye of the Storm on Sabin.  Beer Money hit a catapult into a reverse lung blower on Shelley for 2.  I love Beer Money’s double team moves.  Beer Money go for the DWI, but get countered.  Storm clotheslines both Guns.  Sabin hits a dive to the outside on Storm.  My video freezes.  WTF?  The audio comes back on, but the image is still frozen.  Ah, finally.  Crowd is chanting “THIS IS AWESOME!”  I wish I knew why.  Guns double team Roode.  Storm strips Shelley and tries to spit beer at Sabin, but accidentally hits the referee.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/frog splash combo.  Shelley covers Storm.  Earl Hebner comes in to count 2.  Guns double team Roode some more.  Sabin hits a tope suicida on Storm.  Shelley hits a diving cross body on Roode, but Roode rolls through for 2.  Crowd chants “MOTOR CITY!”  Roode and Shelley trade shots.  Sabin comes back in and Guns land a double superkick.  Storm comes in and schoolboys Shelley at the same time Sabin covers Roode.  The 2 Hebners count separate pins in 15:20.  The Hebners argue and decide that the match MUST CONTINUE!  Beer Money jump the Guns.  The Guns come back and hit the neckbreaker/frog splash on Roode.  Shelley pins Roode in 17:27 (timing may be wrong, will check it later).  The Guns are finally champs!  Really good match from what I saw, which was everything except for the minute or so the stupid video froze.

Kurt Angle/D’Angelo Dinero video package.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up and wrestle.  It’s amazing how something so simple is so great.  Pope hits a couple of hip tosses and drops Angle with a shoulder block.  Angle is sent outside.  Pope politely holds the ropes open for him to get back in.  Angle powerbombs Pope into the corner.  Angle hits a knee lift for two 1 counts.  Angle hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Pope locks in a sleeper.  Angle reverses it.  Pope backdrop suplexes him.  Pope hits some Bionic elbows.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Pope hits the rolling Germans on Angle.  That’s not a typo.  Pope hits an STO for 2.  Angle avoids the Elijah Express and hits the rolling Germans himself for 2.  Pope does the “slide over the guy in 619 position” deal, then goes up top.  Angle hits a belly to belly off the top rope for 2.  Pope avoids Angle in the corner and Angle spears the post.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for 2.  Angle hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Pope gets a front cradle for 2.  Angle goes for a sunset flip, but Pope drops down for 2.  Angle gets the ankle lock again for the win in 12:06.  Good match.  They hug.  Aww, that’s sweet!

Christy Hemme interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Rob Van Dam.

Tale of the Tape for the main event.

Four-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Ken Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  “WE ARE ASSHOLE!” chants.  Abyss stands outside the ring during the intros, then all 3 babyfaces attack him.  Abyss bails to the outside.  Hardy uses RVD as a springboard to take out Abyss with a dive.  Anderson schoolboys RVD for 2.  RVD and Anderson go at it.  Abyss trips RVD and pulls him outside, then throws him into the barricade.  Hardy and Anderson beat up Abyss.  Abyss goozles them both, but they break free and hit him with a double shoulder block.  Hardy and Anderson continue to double team Abyss.  They set up the Poetry In Motion, but Anderson hits Hardy with a cross body for 2, as RVD saves.  Hardy hits RVD with a kick, then hits a front suplex for 2.  RVD punches Hardy, then hits Abyss with a dive to the outside.  Abyss gets up and gets hit with another dive from Hardy.  Anderson hits Abyss with a double axe handle from the top rope to the outside.  RVD and Anderson come back inside.  RVD hits the split legged moonsault to Anderson’s back.  Hardy saves.  RVD and Hardy trade punches.  RVD catches Hardy with a spin kick.  RVD beats up Anderson.  RVD goes up top, but Anderson crotches him and goes for a superplex.  Hardy climbs up to help, but Abyss cuts them off and turns it into the tower of doom.  “TNA!” chants.  Abyss goozles RVD, but gets kicked in the head.  RVD avoids Abyss in the corner, rocks him with another kick, and hits the springboard kick.  RVD kicks everybody and hits the diving kick on Abyss.  RVD goes up top again, but Anderson pushes him off and into the stage.  “LET’S GO ASSHOLES!” chant.  Hardy hammers Abyss.  Whisper In The Wind, but Anderson saves.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Abyss, but Hardy saves.  Abyss counters the Twist of Fate and hits the Black Hole Slam on Hardy, but Anderson pulls the referee out of the ring.  Hardy sends Abyss outside.  Anderson comes back in.  RVD is still KTFO’d on the outside.  Anderson and Hardy go at it.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy finally hits the Twist of Fate and goes up top.  Swanton Bomb.  Abyss chokeslams Hardy onto Anderson and covers both.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on the pile.  RVD pins Anderson to keep the title in 12:28.  Fun clusterfuck.  Abyss nails RVD from behind.  Abyss brings in the nail board.  RVD avoids the shot and Abyss tears up the canvas.

Hard Justice hype video.

Part of this show were really mediocre, but there was some good stuff and overall the show wasn’t really bad.

TNA iMPACT! 7/1/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 5, 2010 by Grappleholic

Abyss/Hogan storyline video package.

“The Voices In My Head.”  Do they counsel him and understand?

Abyss throws some chairs into the ring and stalks So Cal Val, then scares some kids and steals their chairs.  He stalks Val again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Eric Bischoff comes out to try to convince Hogan not to get himself killed.  Security comes in to break it up.  Bischoff slaps Abyss.  Abyss takes out the guards and goes after Bischoff.  Hogan hits Abyss with chair shots that are no sold.  Abyss goozles Hogan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and hits Abyss with the Twist of Fate, then throws chairs at him and hits the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss recovers quickly.  Security holds Hardy back from fighting Abyss again.  Stupid segment.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, #4 Contender AJ Styles takes on #6 contender Samoa Joe.  Abyss shows up at the announce table, points at Taz and says “You!” then beats up some more security guards.  Ugh.

Moments ago, all of that stuff above happened.

During the break, Abyss tore shit up backstage.

Hogan and Bischoff talk while Hardy paces back and forth.  Hardy says he’ll take Abyss out tonight.  Bischoff promises that he and Hogan have Hardy’s back.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Ink Inc. vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  Shelley and Moore start.  Moore goes after Shelley’s arm, then his leg.  They do some fast paced super juniors stuff.  Neal tags in.  Ink Inc. double team Shelley.  Neal wrings Shelley’s arm, then tags Moore back in.  Moore’s stuff looks like crap but Shelley makes it look good.  Moore hits a dive to the outside on both Guns.  Brother Devon comes out to the announce table to do commentary and keep an eye on things.  Guns double team Moore and dropkick Neal off the apron.  Moore half ass hits a Lionsault body block on Sabin.  Neal and Shelley tag in.  Neal runs wild.  Neal spears Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Sabin sends Moore outside.  Neal hits a sidewalk slam on Sabin.  Neal sets up Shelley on the top rope.  Brother Ray comes out.  Devon cuts him off.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Neal.  Shelley pins Neal in 5:26.  It was fine, but it did remind me how much Shannon Moore sucks.  Team 3D argue.

Tonight, The Pope returns to TNA!

Eric Bischoff comes out and announces Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy for tonight, with TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam as the referee.

Dixie Carter shows up backstage.  Commercials.

Dixie Carter is here, and is ignoring some idiot asking her why she’s here.  Probably to give Russo a blow job while he books an 11-man dildo on a pole match or something.

AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Kazarian) vs. Samoa Joe.  They lock up.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Joe slaps AJ.  AJ bails.  Styles comes back and gets the crap beaten out of him.  Joe beats the hell out of AJ and repeatedly glances at Flair.  Styles tries to leap frog Joe, but gets slapped down again.  Styles lands a dropkick.  Styles chokes Joe and gets reprimanded by the referee.  Styles slams Joe, then puts the boots to him.  Styles tries to suplex Joe, but fails and gets front suplexed himself.  Styles takes out Joe’s knee, then puts him in a rear chin lock.  Joe makes his comeback.  Joe hits a senton for 2.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster, but AJ counters it and hits a Dragon screw leg whip.  Styles goes for the figure-four leglock, but Joe catches him and locks in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 6:40.  Most mediocre Joe/Styles match I’ve ever seen, but still pretty decent.  Flair berates AJ for losing.  Styles challenges Kazarian to a match next week.  Kazarian agrees.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Dixie Carter talk about Sting.  Kevin Nash comes in.  They blow him off.  Hogan and Bischoff want Dixie to fire Sting.  She says she’ll do something about it tonight.

Submission Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Wolfe attacks Kendrick.  Kendrick fights back and kicks his ass.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Kendrick goes for the Cobra Clutch, but Wolfe counters it.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick on the outside, then bitches at Chelsea.  Wolfe brings Kendrick back into the ring, then kicks him out again.  Wolfe beats up Kendrick outside.  Again.  And bitches at Chelsea.  Again.  Wolfe throws Kendrick back into the ring.  Again.  Kendrick takes Wolfe down and grounds and pounds him.  Wolfe turns it into a arm hold.  Kendrick escapes.  Chelsea leaves.  Kendrick locks in the Cobra Clutch for the win in 3:38.  Lame match.  Second match in a row that is really good on paper, but shitty TNA storylines screw it up.

Tonight, Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee!

The Pope is NEXT!  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer gets questioned about why he’s in TNA while he’s trying to get into his car in some grassy area.  That’s stupid.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero hype video.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts an emotional promo about his return.  Kurt Angle comes out and welcomes Pope back.  Angle informs Pope that they’ll wrestle at Victory Road.  Angle says he has to win.  Apparently if he loses before becoming champion again he’s leaving TNA.

ShopTNA.com!

Jay Lethal/Ric Flair video package.

Jay Lethal comes out and talks about Ric Flair and AJ Styles beating up his little brother last week.  He calls them out.  Matt Morgan comes out instead.  He says he’s been asked by Flair to join Fortune.  He hasn’t decided yet, but he and Flair agreed on something.  Lethal attacks him before he can say what that is.

Jay Lethal vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan beats up Lethal and says that the agreement was to kick Lethal’s ass.  Okay then.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam.  Lethal fights back, but Morgan catches him and hits a fall away slam.  Morgan beats up Lethal some more.  Lethal avoids the Carbon Footprint and makes his comeback.  Lethal drops Morgan with a shoulder block and hits a dropkick for 2.  Lethal springboards, but Morgan goozles him and pushes him out of the ring.  Hernandez comes in and hits Morgan in the balls behind the referee’s back.  Lethal hits a springboard dropkick for the pin in 4:54.  This sucked.

Backstage, Abyss hammers nails into a board while ranting like a lunatic.  The nail board is his new weapon.  Abyss vs. Hardy with RVD as referee tonight.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Taylor Wilde vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  They lock up.  Rayne pulls Wilde’s hair, then spears her and rams her head against the mat.  Wilde fights back.  Double clothesline spot.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven show up in the crowd.  “ECW!” chants.  Wilde misses a diving cross body.  Rayne hits her crappy reverse Playmaker for the pin in 2:58.  Angelina Love attacks Rayne and tries to DDT her on a chair, but Rayne escapes.  This sucked, like everything else on the show.

Dixie Carter is going up into Sting’s clubhouse.  Commercials.

Sarita beats the hell out of Taylor Wilde backstage.  There goes my favorite female tag team.  Security finally breaks it up.

Tenay and Taz hype the Victory Road card.

Dixie finds Sting in his clubhouse.  She suspends him for 30 days.  Sting says Dixie has been conned.  Eric Bischoff comes in with security to carry Sting out.  Bischoff tells Dixie she needs a bodyguard.  The dumb woman doesn’t realize Hogan and Bischoff are playing her.  Art imitates life.  Commercials.

Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  Rob Van Dam is the special guest referee.  Hardy attacks Abyss and the manage to get the nail board away from him.  Hardy knocks Abyss out of the ring and hits him with a slingshot dive.  Abyss sends Hardy into the post.  Abyss beats up Hardy.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Abyss tries to use a chair, but RVD takes it away.  Hardy schoolboys Abyss for 2.  Hardy sets up the chair to use it as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Abyss drops Hardy with a boot and hits a big splash for 2.  Abyss goes for the Shock Treatment, but Hardy counters and hits the Twist of Fate.  Hardy goes up top, but Abyss cuts him off and sets up a chokeslam.  Hardy fights him off and hits the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 6:13.  This sucked.  Abyss attacks Hardy, then hits the Black Hole Slam on RVD.  Abyss retrieves his nail board.  Ken Anderson runs out and hits Abyss with a chair.  He accidentally hits Hardy with the chair.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson.  Abyss stands tall over the other guys in the four-way at the PPV.

This show sucked.  The matches sucked.  The storylines suck.  This promotion sucks.  My decision making abilities suck because I watch this shit every week.

TNA iMPACT! 6/24/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

Let’s just get this over with, eh?

“Last week on iMPACT!” video.

“Monster on the Loose.”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Hulk Hogan comes out.  He announces RVD vs. Hardy vs. Anderson vs. Abyss for the title at Victory Road.  Abyss comes out (No longer “American Made”).  Hogan asks Abyss what his deal is.  Abyss says “they” told him to.  “They” are coming.  “They” told Abyss he doesn’t need Hogan anymore.  Nobody needs Hogan anymore.  Hogan finally asks who “they” is.  Abyss says everyone will find out soon.  “They” are gonna takes over.  Abyss takes off Hogan’s Hall of Fame ring and chokes him, then stuffs the ring in Hogan’s mouth.  Abyss pours broken glass in the ring.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam makes the save.  Abyss powerbombs RVD and goes after Hogan again.  Mr. Anderson makes the save with a steel chair.  Abyss shrugs it off.  Anderson bails and pulls Hogan and RVD to safety.  I will be anyone $100 that this angle does not end well.  Abyss screams that “they” are coming.  Commercials.

Victory Road hype video.

Moments ago, ^  happened.

Hulk Hogan whines to Eric Bischoff about how hurt he is over his boyfriend Abyss breaking up with him.

Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky are in the bathroom.  Apparently Lacey is out injured, Velvet is mad, and Madison is bitchy.  My guess is they’re all on their periods.

Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Velvet Sky.  Footage of their match a few months ago.  They fight.  They fight outside.  Angelina gets sent into the steps.  Inside, Velvet beats up Love.  Velvet hits the Sky Liner, whatever that is.  To be honest, I wasn’t paying attention.  Love makes her comeback.  Love brings in a chair and kicks Sky in the face.  Sky tries a stun gun but fucking fails.  Sky tries to DDT love on the chair, but Love reverses it and DDTs Sky on the chair.  Love is DQ’d in about 4 minutes.  This fucking sucked.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out to taunt Love with the belt.  Do NOT want to see that match at the PPV.

Jay Lethal talks to his brother backstage.  Commercials.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young talk backstage.

Matt Morgan comes out.  They show is recent altercations with Hernandez.  He cuts a stupid promo.  He calls out Hernandez, who Taz claims is in Mexico this week.  Morgan vs. Hernandez in a cage at the PPV.  Also, Morgan is rockin’ a lumberjack beard.  Homicide jumps Morgan and ends up getting his head kicked into the post ala the initial Morgan/Hernandez injury angle.  This was dumb.  Commercials.

AJ Styles asks Ric Flair about a package.  Flair bitches at him.  Stupid.

Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal.  Bit of wrestling to start.  Kazarian begs off, then jumps OVER the referee to attack Lethal.  “That’s for Ric, you stupid bastard!” Kazarian yells.  Kazarian hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Kazarian puts Lethal on the top rope and kicks him.  Cover gets 2.  Kazarian hits the slingshot leg drop and clamps on a side headlock.  Backstage, Ric Flair and AJ Styles beat up Lethal’s brother.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash.  Kazarian goes for a low blow, but Lethal gets a la magistral for 2.  They trade chops and forearms.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Combination, but Kazarian counters and hits it himself for 2.  Kazarian bitches at the referee.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver, but Lethal counters and hits the backdrop into the neckbreaker (now apparently called the Lethal Injection) for the pin 5:09 (unless my clock fucked up).  Flair appears on the shows Lethal and his brother is getting beaten up.  Why is everything on this show overbooked shit?  Commercials, which are better than this show.

Jeff Jarrett is backstage in his gear, so presumably he’ll be coming out soon.

Tonight, Abyss vs. Anderson Falls Count Anywhere.  Jarrett vs. Sting next.

Jeff Jarrett comes out for the match.  Sting doesn’t.  Sting is up in his clubhouse, so Jarrett goes to meet him.  They fight, but it’s a fake Sting.  In 2010.  The real Sting appears in the ring.  Jarrett throws the fake Sting into the ring, not noticing the other Sting IN THE RING.  The real Sting chokes Jarrett with his bat, then beats him with it.  Sting says “If you’re gonna walk with them, you’re gonna go down with them!”  I wonder if Sting’s “them” is the same as Abyss’ “they.”

On 10/10/10, Bound For Glory in Daytona Beach, Florida!  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com plugs.

Kurt Angle/Desmond Wolfe video package.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Kurt Angle.  Typically fucking great chain wrestling to start.  Wolfe kicks the rope into Angle’s arm, then yells at Chelsea instead of taking advantage.  Angle hip tosses him.  Wolfe side steps Angle in the corner and Angle spears the post.  Wolfe hits a near arm hold suplex, then instead of taking advantage fucking bitches at Chelsea again.  Angle fights back, but Wolfe hits the awesome arm takedown THEN FUCKING BITCHES AT CHELSEA AGAIN INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON THE MATCH.  Angle tries a sunset flip, but Wolfe fucks up his arm again.  Wolfe works the arm WHILE bitching at Chelsea.  That’s an improvement.  Angle counters and goes for the ankle lock, but Wolfe kicks him away.  Wolfe bitches at Chelsea again.  Angle hits a back body drop and a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Wolfe arm drags him.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court for 2.  Angle goes up top, but Wolfe cuts him off and goes for the Tower of London.  Angle counters and hits the Angle Slam, then locks in the ankle lock for the win in 7:04.  Very good match as always between these two.

Anderson has a black eye and is otherwise all fucked up from the stuff with Abyss last week.  Anderson’s ready for him tonight, though.  Commercials.

House show plugs.

Doug Williams vs. The X Division video package.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams is in the ring.  He cuts a promo on Brian Kendrick and calls him out.  Kendrick comes to the ring and tells Williams they’ll meet for the title at Victory Road in a match that can also win by submission.  He claims the former will benefit Williams and the latter will benefit him.  That’s stupid.  Williams proposes that they both leave like gentlemen, then tries to jump Kendrick from behind.  Kendrick was ready for it and he locks Williams in the cobra clutch again.  Alrighty then.

Abyss talks to himself backstage.

Anderson vs. Abyss Falls Count Anywhere is still to come.  Joy.  Commercials.

Shannon Moore beats the hell out of Brother Ray backstage.  Jesse Neal is knocked out.  Brother Devon comes in to break it, then grabs Bubba and yells at him.  Devon warns Bubba not to test him.

The Motor City Machine Guns have joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Series – Final: Beer Money vs. Ink Inc.  Shannon Moore has to go it alone since Neal is KTFO’d backstage.  Winners face the MCMG for the titles at the PPV.  Roode beats up Moore, but Moore makes a comeback.  Storm accidentally lands an elbow drop on Roode.  Moore hits Storm with a headscissors, then clotheslines Roode out of the ring.  Tommy Dreamer, Raven, and Stevie Richards come in to the crowd and sit down.  Storm sends Moore into the barricade.  Beer Money beat up Moore.  Jesse Neal comes out and gets in the corner.  Moore continues to play face in peril.  Moore fights them off and makes the hot tag to Neal.  Neal runs wilde.  Belly to belly suplex on Storm, but Roode saves.  Clusterfuck.  Moore sends Roode outside and hits him with a suicide dive.  Storm hits a Codebreaker on Neal and goes for the superkick.  Neal gets him up in a fireman’s carry to set up a double team, but Roode takes Moore out.  Neal cradles Storm for 2.  Roode grabs Neal’s leg.  Storm spits beer in his face.  DWI on Neal.  Storm pins Neal in 5:48.  Nothing to see here.

Kazarian and AJ Styles argue in the locker room.  Styles finds his package and opens it up.  It’s his new action figure.  Kazarian tells him to go play with himself.  STUPID.

Main event is next.  Ugh.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Abyss vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson goes on the attack immediately.  Back and forth brawling.  Anderson hits a Lou Thesz press and punches Abyss, Austin style.  Anderson takes a chair from a fan.  Abyss punches the chair into Anderson’s face.  Abyss sets up the chair in the ring.  Anderson hits a drop toe hold onto the chair for 2.  Anderson hits Abyss in the back with the chair for 2.  Anderson wedges the the chair between the turnbuckles.  Abyss tries to whip him into it, but Angle slides out of the ring, hides under the ring, then hits Abyss with a Singapore cane.  Abyss beats up Anderson on the outside and whips him into the stage while some annoying girl screams.  Abyss removes the floor mat and sets up a chokeslam, but Anderson fights it off.  Abyss throws Anderson back in the ring and beats him with the chair.  Abyss lays the chair on Anderson and tries to jump on him, but gets hit in the balls with the chair.  Anderson gets a cradle for 2.  Anderson goes for the Kenton bomb, but Abyss gets his knees up.  Abyss throws Anderson into the chair wedged into the turnbuckles, then hits the Shock Treatment for the pin in 7:53.  Garbage.

Anderson crawls up the ramp to try to get away, but Abyss catches him and tries to throw him off the stage.  Anderson fights back and goes for the Mic Check.  Abyss avoids it and chokeslams Anderson off the stage.  Hulk Hogan appears and hits Abyss in the back with a chair.  Abyss no sells it and beats up some security guards, who came out to protect the guy who just assaulted a man from behind.  Abyss points at Hogan and says “You” again.  Same bullshit as last week.

Aside from a great 7 minutes when Kurt Angle was wrestling Desmond Wolfe, man this show was motherfucking horrible.  Trash TV garbage.

TNA iMPACT! 6/17/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 18, 2010 by Grappleholic

Here we go again…

Slammiversary highlights.

“Anderson’s Agenda”

Eric Bischoff announces that The Band has been stripped of the TNA World Tag Team Championship because of Scott Hall being a fuck up.  A tournament will start tonight, with the winners facing the Motor City Machine Guns at Victory Road.  Why is the Band being stripped of the titles when they still have 2 members to defend them?

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Round 1: The Band vs. Ink Inc.  The Band jump Ink Inc. before they can even get in the ring.  They’re understandably pissed about this BS, I presume.  Nash and Young take turns beating on Neal.  Young hits the diving elbow drop on Neal for 2.  Moore finally gets the hot tag and runs wild on Young.  Moore hits a spinning kick for 2.  Young Flair flips in the corner and tries to go up top, but Moore cuts him off.  Moore decks Nash on the apron, then hits a half assed top rope Frankensteiner on Young.  Cover, but Nash saves.  Nash tries to set up Moore for the powerbomb, but Neal spears him.  Neal lifts Young in a fireman’s carry and Moore comes off the top with a neckbreaker.  Moore gets the pin in Young in 6:06.  This was pretty meh.

Tenay and Taz talk about what went down at Slammiversary.  Tonight, Abyss vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy in a #1 Contender Match.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Desmond Wolfe, and Kazarian come out to the stage.  Flair’s gonna make an announcement NEXT!  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Chelsea tells Abyss she wants to be with him now.  Abyss tells her to go back to Desmond.  He says she won’t want to be around him after tonight.

Ric Flair and friends are now in the ring.  He announces that their new group is called Fortune.  He then proceeds to tell his new group how much better the Four Horsemen were than them.  He calls Desmond the Lex Luger of the group.  BURN!  He bitches at Styles for losing to Jay Lethal.  Lethal comes out SUITED UP!  Lethal does his fantastic Flair impersonation.  Flair takes off his jacket and throws a shoe at Lethal.  Who throws a shoe, honestly?  Lethal beats up his jacket in response.  They have a Flair Off.  This is hilarious.  Desmond challenges Lethal to a match tonight.  Lethal retorts with something about Chelsea and agrees to the match.  Flair wants to fight Lethal.  Flair tells Wolfe to take care of business tonight or he’s out of Fortune.

Lacey Von Erich gets a massage.

Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Hardy TONIGHT!

Mr. Anderson arrives at the building.  Some dude annoys him with stupid questions.

Hernandez vs. Samoa Joe.  They lock up.  Joe hammers Hernandez with a flurry of punches and stomps.  Joe rocks Hernandez with a big kick.  Hernandez tries to fight back, but Joe drops him again.  Hernandez finally makes a comeback.  Hernandez sends Joe outside.  Matt Morgan comes in behind the referee’s back and hits Hernandez in the balls.  Joe hits an Exploder for the pin in 3:04.  This was lame.  As Joe is leaving, he sees Morgan’s interference replayed in the screen.  He comes back to kick some ass, but Morgan runs away.

AJ Styles talks to Desmond Wolfe backstage.  He tells him to get his woman in line.

Jeff Hardy talks backstage.  Mr. Anderson comes in, just to establish that they’re “good friends” now.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams cuts a promo in the ring.  He says he’s redefined the X Division, or something.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. Max Buck.  Williams displays his superior wrestling skills.  Buck displays his superior flippyness.  Williams hits a snap, side, and Exploder suplex in quick succession for 2.  Williams goes for his tornado DDT, but Buck avoids it and hits a Diamond Dust for 2.  Williams lands a European uppercut and the jumping tornado DDT for the pin in 2:56.  Decent match while it lasted.  Williams locks in a cravat hold after the match.  Brian Kendrick runs in and locks Williams in a cobra clutch.

Jeff Jarrett/Sting video.  They’ll have some kind of confrontation tonight.

They show the unveiling of JAKK’s new TNA action figure line.

The returning Angelina Love cuts a promo in the ring.  She’s going to beat all of the Beautiful People one by one leading to a title match at the PPV, apparently.

Angelina Love vs. TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Lacey Von Erich.  Love jumps Lacey immediately and kicks her ass.  Lacey gets a move in and hurts Love’s nose.  Love gets pissed.  Lacey beats on her for a bit and does the corner punches, but Love powerbombs her.  Love goes outside and roughly removes So Cal Val from her chair and brings the chair into the ring.  Love DDTs Lacey on the chair and gets DQ’d in 2:42.  This sucked and was pointless.

Jay Lethal talks to Hulk Hogan backstage.  I hate this stupid, poorly shot backstage segments that are supposed to make it look more real.

Still to come, Jarrett calls out Sting and Abyss vs. Anderson vs. Hardy.

ShopTNA.com!

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.  Mr. Anderson interrupts because they’re best buddies now.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Tournament – Round 1: Team 3D vs. Beer Money.  3D are not getting alone after what happened at the PPV.  Storm is rolling on the Boozer Cruiser again!  Devon and Roode start.  Roode avoids a leg drop and hits the Mr. Perfect head snap.  Devon avoids a charge in the corner and hits a clothesline.  Ray tags in.  3D hit a double team move on Roode for 2.  The crowd’s “YOU’RE A DOUCHEBAG!” chant distracts Bubba.  Storm tags in and gets the advantage.  Ink Inc. come out to join Tenay and Taz.  3D double team Storm.  Beer Money double team Devon.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Ray comes in and all 4 brawl.  3D hit the Doomsday Device on Roode.  Devon covers for 2.  3D set up the 3D, but Ray realizes that Ink Inc. are at the announce table and leaves to go brawl with them.  Storm spits beer on Devon’s face and Roode schoolboys Devon for the pin in 4:14.  This was okay.

Desmond Wolfe tells Chelsea to get her ass in line, in so many words.  Commercials.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Jay Lethal.  As Lethal poses on the turnbuckles, Wolfe pushes him out the ring.  This somehow starts the match.  Tommy Dreamer is in the crowd again.  Wolfe yells at Chelsea.  Lethal fights back and the screen is obscured by live event graphics.  Wolfe hits the Divorce Court, then yells at Chelsea some more.  Chelsea starts to leave, then trips on the ramp because she has no coordination at all.  Lethal comes up the ramp and kicks Wolfe’s ass back the ring as Chelsea makes her escape.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow.  Wolfe sends him into the middle turnbuckle.  Lethal ducks a shot and hits his backdrop neckbreaker for the pin in 2:16.  This was more of an angle than a match.  Dreamer applauds Lethal.  Wolfe jumps Lethal after the match and attacks his arm.  Ric Flair comes down and chops Lethal while Wolfe holds him up.  Flair hits Lethal in the balls.  Hulk Hogan comes out to run off the heels and raises Lethal’s hand.  Hogan puts over Lethal and calls for Flair to come back out.  Hogan books Flair vs. Lethal at Victory Road.  Flair is upset about this for some reason.

Sting is coming down from his club house.  Something with him and Jeff Jarrett is next.

New Top 10 rankings: #10 Kurt Angle, #9 Desmond Wolfe, #8 The Pope, #7 Jay Lethal, #6 Samoa Joe, #5 Sting, #4 AJ Styles.  The three-way tonight will determine the top 3.  These rankings are arbitrary and pointless.

Jeff Jarrett calls out Sting.  Sting comes out.  Jarrett asks him to take his sunglasses off, presumably so they can stare lovingly at each other.  Jarrett talks history for a while, then says Sting made a mistake by leaving him standing.  Actually, Jarrett was very much not standing.  Jarrett says their rematch is next week and he’ll be fighting for Hogan, Bischoff, and the fans.  Oh whatever.  Commercials.

Three-Way TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Ken Anderson vs. Abyss vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy and Anderson work together to take out the big guy.  Abyss catches Hardy trying the do the Poetry In Motion, but Anderson cuts him off from doing anything.  They also stop Abyss from hitting a double chokeslam.  Anderson and Hardy hit a double suplex.  Hardy and Anderson argue over who is going to get the pin.  Abyss clotheslines them both.  Anderson punches Abyss to no effect.  Abyss squashes Anderson in the corner and charges Hardy in the opposite corner, but Hardy avoids him and hits the Whisper In the Wind.  Hardy sends Abyss to the outside  and fights to keep him out there.  Anderson teases attacking Hardy from behind, but goes after Abyss instead.  Hardy takes out Abyss with a dive.  Anderson grounds and pounds Abyss.  The referee counts all 3 of them out in 3:52.  That’s fucking retarded.  Abyss starts beating the hell out of both of them.  Abyss throws Hardy and Anderson back in the ring, then sends Hardy right back out for no reason.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment on Anderson.  Abyss attacks Hardy with a Singapore cane, then pours broken glass in the ring.  He canes the crap out of Anderson.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam onto the glass.  Geeze!  Poor Anderson.  That shit can’t be fun.  Hardy tries to fight back against Abyss in the ramp, but Abyss chokeslams him off the stage.  Hulk Hogan comes out and is like “WTF man?”  Abyss points at Hogan.  End of show.  Lovely, yet another nonsensical heel turn in TNA.

This show sucked.  This promotion sucks.  I don’t know why I force myself to suffer through it every week.