Archive for Chyna

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/30/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight is Raw’s 900th episode!  Cool opening video featuring various Raw highlights from years past.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  We’re LIVE from Boston.  Tonight, The Nexus vs. Sheamus, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, & Chris Jericho in an Elimination Match!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out and talks about how long this show has been going on.  He says the only wrestler there now besides him who was at the first Raw is Undertaker.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and says there is no Undertaker anymore.  Now he’s just a man, as opposed to being a Phenom or whatever.  Kane starts to insult Bret.  He babbles on.  Bret says Taker will come back and beat Kane like always.  Kane says no, etc. etc.  Kane says since Taker ended Shawn Michaels’ career, he needs to take out an icon too.  Kane goozles Bret.  The Hart Dynasty run out to make the save.  Kane cleans house and goozles Bret again.  The lights go out and the GONG sounds.  Undertaker appears in the ring.  Kane stares at him for a minute and bails.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker books Bret vs. Taker for the night.  That thing needs better programming.  Why the fuck do they keep doing this stupid bullshit?  Dammit.  I’m so sick of the stupid iBooker thing and I’m REALLY sick of them advertising matches they know good and damn well that they aren’t going to deliver.

Highlights from the very first episode of Raw.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Stone Cold Steve Austin driving a Zamboni to the ring and beating up Vince McMahon.

Triple Threat Match: Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty vs. Daniel Bryan & Kaval vs. WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley.  Fuck yes.  Danielson argues with Miz.  Riley attacks Danielson from behind and beats him up.  Kofi lands a dropkick on Riley for 2.  Danielson and Kofi go at it.  Danielson decks Miz, then beats up Riley.  Kofi gets a wonky cradle on Danielson, but Riley saves.  Riley hits something on Kofi for 2.  Danielson hits Riley with a knee lift.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop on Riley, but Danielson saves.  Danielson and Kofi hit each other with cross body blocks.  Kaval and McGillicutty tag in.  McGillicutty does well until Kaval locks on a Dragon sleeper.  Riley saves and beats up McGillicutty.  Miz tags in and gets knocked off the apron with a hard dropkick by Kaval.  McGillicutty schoolboys Kaval for 2.  Kaval drops McGillicutty and hits the Warrior’s Way.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for the pin in 3:22.  Great little TV match.  Danielson still wants him some of Miz.  Riley tries to get Danielson from behind, but gets dropped.  Miz hits Danielson with the briefcase.

Tonight, Bret vs. Taker and the 10-man elimination match!  Well, one of those might happen.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Melina beating Jillian Hall to retain the Divas Championship last week.  Afterward, LayCool threatened to show up this week.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool vs. WWE Divas Champion Melina & Eve Torres.  McCool and Melina do some shit while Lawler talks about Jersey Shore.  I do not care.  Layla tags in and beats up Melina.  Melina cradles Layla for the pin in 51 seconds.  Whatever.  LayCool act obnoxious and challenge Melina to a title unification match at Night of Champions.  Melina agrees under the condition that it’s a lumberjack match.  They agree.  At least now they can get rid of one of those fucking belts.  Kelly Kelly, the Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendez, Maryse, Jillian Hall, Tamina, and Alicia Fox come to signify that they’ll be lumberjills.

Classic Clip: The original Nexus attack on John Cena.

The 5 remaining members of The Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Wade Barrett has a big idea for something unforgettable they can do tonight.  Commercials. plug.


Classic Clip: Bob Barker hosting the Price is Raw.  Fun times.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he doesn’t win the WWE Championship at Night of Champions, he’s leaving WWE.  Damn shame.  He will be missed.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: John Morrison & R-Truth vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.  Rhodes and Truth start.  Rhodes does a kick to the gut to piss me off.  Truth hits a hip toss.  Rhodes decks Morrison.  Clusterfuck ensues.  It’s a double DQ in 52 seconds.  Truth hits a dive on Rhodes.  Morrison tries to injure Morrison and gets knocked into the GM podium.  Morrison and Truth hug, having won a moral victory.  This was utterly pointless.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels burying the hatchet on January 4, 2010.

Bret Hart and The Undertaker come out for their match.  Wade Barrett comes out and says it’s not going to happen.  Well, somebody had to say it.  He says he’s going to beat them up or something.  Undertaker kicks Barrett’s ass and clotheslines him out of the ring.  The lights go out and the gong sounds.  Bret disappears and is replaced by Kane.  Kane and Taker brawl.  Taker goozles Kane.  The lights go out again.  Kane disappears.  David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and Michael Tarver come out.  Nexus surround Taker and attack.  Taker fights them off and goozles Barrett.  THE FUCKING LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN.  Barrett has Taker up in a fireman’s carry and hits his shitty move (now called the Wasteland).  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  Kane looks on from the ramp.  Taker tries to sit up, but his magic powers are gone now.  That was the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen.  That’s it, I’m done.  I don’t like wrestling anymore.

Tonight, Nexus vs. some dudes.  Why the fuck am I still writing this?


Moments ago, the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen happened.  I’m still pissed off about it, but they’re so proud of it they want to show it again.

Jack Swagger comes out and talks about returning to Raw as a former World Champion and insults Boston.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne.  Swagger, the great catch as catch can wrestler, starts the match with a kick to the gut.  Swagger beats up Bourne.  Bourne fights back.  Alberto Del Rio comes out in his Rolls Royce, announced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The match is still going on.  Bourne slips out of a powerslam attempt and drops Swagger with a spin kick, then goes for the Shooting Star press.  Swagger avoids it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:17.  More pointless bullshit.  Del Rio cuts a promo about taking out Rey Mysterio.  Del Rio says since the Raw viewers missed it, he’s going to recreate the moment with “a different chihuahua.”  Del Rio locks Bourne in the cross armbreaker, then kicks him out of the ring.  Del Rio tries to Pllmanize Bourne’s arm with a chair.  Mark Henry comes out and chases Del Rio off.  Henry challenges Del Rio to pull that shit on him.

Highlights from WWE’s recent trip to China.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

Classic Clip: “This is your life” featuring The Rock and Mankind.

The Straight Edge Society come out.  CM Punk says he’s better than The Rock, then goes on to trash said Rock.  He says Raw promotes poor family values, mentioning Kate Vick.  Punk says that will drive you to drink.  It almost drove me to quit watching wrestling.  He says he’s going to show the 4 most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw.  A.) The retarded Triple H/Randy Orton house brawl.  B.) John Cena throwing Edge off of a bridge.  C.) DX invades WCW!  D.) Stone Cold Steve Austin giving beer baths to the Corporation in 1999 and Santino Marella in 2007.  Austin’s music plays.  The SES act scared, then laugh, because they were playing a prank, see?  Punk says he’s going to show a clip from a good show, Smackdown.  They show the Brock Lesnar superplex on Big Show that made the ring cave in.  Punk talks shit about Show’s weight.  Big Show comes out.  He SUITED UP!  Show talks about more embarrassing things that have happened to him, like having the shits from a tainted burrito, being in a Sumo diaper, and kissing Vickie Guerrero.  He says fat jokes are just lame, which is true.  I find that they lack creativity.  Show does a Hulk Hogan impression to make fun of the SES.  Punk says nobody likes Show.  Show says that was just mean.  Even worse, Punk denies Show’s high five.  Show chops Punk down and beats up Gallows.  Punk and Mercury run away while Gallows gets sent out the hard way.  Alright segment.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.


Classic Clip: Triple H’s return from his first quad tear in January 2002, when he kicked Kurt Angle’s ass.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus on the stage.  Sheamus talks about taking out Triple H and being Irish or whatever.  He complains about having to team with his Night of Champions opponents tonight.  Edge comes out and talks about all of the shit that has happened to him on Raw and about his accolades.  He says he’ll win the title at Night of Champions.  Commercials.

Elimination Match: WWE Champion Sheamus, Edge, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, & John Cena vs. The Nexus.  Jericho tells Cena that he wants to start.  Jericho and Tarver circle each other, then Jericho just leaves and gets counted out in 1:17.  Edge comes in and shoves the referee to get DQ’d in 1:44.  Those dicks.  Cena beats up Tarver and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus hits a short lariat on Tarver for 2.  Slater tags in and gets beaten up by Sheamus for a while.  Sheamus covers for 2, then Slater scampers away and tags in Otunga.  Sheamus beats up Otunga.  Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner and ground & pounds him.  Nexus make quick tags and work over Sheamus.  Sheamus counters a backslide attempt from Slater and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Gabriel pulls Slater out of it.  Sheamus fights against Nexus, but gets kicked in the head by Gabriel from the apron.  Slater hits Sheamus with a shitty sleeper drop for the pin in 7:11.  Cena comes in and beats up Slater.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Slater for the pin in  7:55.  Barrett comes in and attacks Cena.  Gabriel, Otunga, and Tarver maul Cena on the outside.  Barrett rams Cena’s head into the announce table, then throws him back in and covers for 2.  Gabriel tags in and drops Cena with a spin kick.  The eventual cover gets 2.  Gabriel hits a splash in the corner for 2.  Otunga comes in.  Cena reverses a suplex and suplexes Otunga.  Otunga knocks Orton off of the apron.  Cena locks Otunga in the STF for the submission in 10:30.  Gabriel hits Cena with the 450 splash for the pin in 10:40.  Orton RKOs Gabriel for the pin in 10:55.  Orton RKOs Tarver for the pin in 11:05.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Orton for the pin in 11:17.  Man, that finishing sequence was fast.  Fun main event.

Parts of the show were good and parts of it were really horrible.  Only 3 segment pissed me off.  That stupid Undertaker/Kane segment pissed me off beyond belief.