Archive for Chad Ochocinco

WWE Monday Night Raw 9/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

John Cena and Randy Orton stand in front of the Roulette Wheel.  Josh Matthews announces the return of Raw Roulette!  Cena has Eve Torres spin the wheel for his match with Orton tonight.  It’s a Tables Match!  Orton leaves.  Matthews reminds Cena about the time he fell through a table and lost the WWE Championship to Sheamus.

Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest star (they’ve finally stopped calling them guest hosts), Chad Ochocinco.  Never heard of him.  He plays football here in Cincinnati, so he is well liked by the fans.  He talks awkwardly for a bit.  WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out.  They talk shit to each other.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  As always, the crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker throws it to the back, where Alicia Fox spins the wheel for Miz’s match tonight.  It’s a Submission Match!  Another email from the iBooker says Ochocinco gets to pick Miz’s opponent.  He picks Daniel Bryan!  Commercials.

Non-Title Submission Match: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  JIP.  Danielson beats up Miz.  Alex Riley is at ringside.  It’s not mentioned where he came from.  Miz avoids Danielson’s charge in the corner and chop blocks his leg, then goes to work on it.  Miz locks in a figure-four leglock.  Danielson easily turns it over.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock, but Miz gets a rope break and bails.  Riley checks on Miz.  Miz doesn’t seem to want to fight anymore.  He says he has a hernia, so he’s bailing on the match to protect himself for the PPV.  Ring announcer says Miz wins by forfeit.  Miz says Bryan can face his substitute, Riley.  I guess Bryan wins by forfeit (about 2 1/2 minutes shown).

Submission Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE United States Champion The Miz).  Riley is wrestling in street clothes.  Riley goes on the attack and goes for a stretch muffler.  Danielson counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 36 seconds.  Miz attacks Danielson and beats him down.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale onto the title belt, but Danielson counters into the LeBell Lock and Miz taps out.  It worked.

Jillian Hall spins the wheel for Edge.  They sing.  The wheel keeps spinning.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Cincinnati!

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs. Evan Bourne.  They lock up.  Bourne lands some kicks.  Edge catches him and goes for a slam, but Bourne holds onto the top rope, escapes, and rocks Edge with a kick.  Bourne goes for a slam, but Edge counts and hits the Edge-O-Matic.  Edge slams him for the win in 1:16.  Edge spears Bourne after the match, just to be a dick.  The iBooker sends yet another email saying that since Edge had to be a dick after the match, he’s going to have another body slam match against Mark Henry!

Body Slam Challenge: Edge vs. Mark Henry.  They fuck around a bit.  Edge fails at slamming Henry.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam to win it in 33 seconds.  This was silly.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton in a Tables Match!  Commercials.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse come out for a song & dance challenge against R-Truth & Eve Torres.  UGH.  R-Truth raps a new song while Eve dances.  I had heard a while back that he was getting new music, so maybe this is it.  Dibiase says this is stupid.  He is correct.  Dibiase sings “My Way” horribly whole Maryse dances, which isn’t nearly as hot as Eve dancing was.  Dibiase and Maryse jump Truth and Eve, but get their asses kicked.  Truth and Eve rap and dance some more.  Stupid segment, but at least Eve’s dancing is hot.

The Bella Twins are backstage with Chad Ochocinco and William Regal.  Regal will be in a Trading Places Match.  Ochocinco explains that it means you have to dress like your opponent.  His opponent is Goldust.  That match would rule without stupid gimmicks.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes in.  Ochocinco tells him he’ll face John Morrison next, and if Morrison wins he’s in the Six Pack Challenge at the PPV.  The Bellas spin the wheel, and Sheamus makes the deal for a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  I’m cool with that.  Sheamus talks shit to Ochocinco, who calls him the Red Rooster.  Commercials.

WWE.com.

Edge is all pissed off in his locker room.  Zack Ryder comes in and asks him while the GM hates him.  Edge calls him a tool again, which greatly upsets Ryder.  Edge says when he wins the title, he’s gonna do a hold out.  Whatever that means.  Sheamus comes in, taking offense to that.  Ryder is a tool some more, then leaves.  Sheamus tells Edge to pay attention to what he does next.

John Morrison warms up for his match by running around the backstage area and jumping on, over, and around shit.

Sheamus vs. Morrison is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, John Morrison beat Chris Jericho, causing Jericho to lose his spot in the Six Pack Challenge Match.

Non-Title Falls Count Anywhere Match: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats on Morrison.  Morrison gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison slides under Sheamus and lands a dropkick for 2.  Sheamus throws Morrison out of the ring.  Morrison slips back in and dropkicks Sheamus off the apron.  Morrison hits a rana from the apron, then a running knee on the floor for 2.  Morrison backdrops Sheamus over the barricade and into the people, then leapfrogs the barricade and tackles him.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits the small penis uranage backbreaker (they DO call it the Irish Curse).  Sheamus front suplexes Morrison into a barricade for 2.  Sheamus goes for the pump kick, but Morrison moves and Sheamus kicks over a trunk.  They brawl onto the stage.  Sheamus rams Morrison’s head into the stage and covers him for 2.  Sheamus beats up Morrison.  Morrison fights back.  Sheamus throws him off the stage, but Morrison lands on his feet.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a kick and hits the Flying Chuck off the stage for 2.  Sheamus throws Morrison into the barricade for 2.  Sheamus goes for a suplex on the concrete floor, but Morrison counters.  Sheamus grabs a chair.  Morrison comes off the the titan tron with a diving cross body for 2.  Chris Jericho appears and hits Morrison in the back with the chair.  That dick!  Sheamus gets the pin in 6:42.  Really fun match.  Jericho sits in the chair in the ring.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton!  Commercials.

Chris Jericho is still sitting in the ring.  He’s staging a sit in until he gets back in the Six Pack Challenge Match.  If he doesn’t get it, he quits.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Jericho tells him to shut up and read it.  iBooker says there’s “no chance in hell” this is going to work.  Jericho isn’t buying the insinuation that it’s Vince.  Another email.  Cole wants to do his whole routine every time, but Jericho tells him to shut up.  iBooker says the Six Pack Challenge will be an Elimination Match, and Jericho is back in.  Jericho is pleased with this and won’t let Cole read the rest.  iBooker says to never interrupt him again.  The stipulation is that Jericho has to win his match right now against The Hart Dynasty… and it’s a Steel Cage Match!  Jericho is pissed that he has to wrestle in a cage in his suit.  Commercials.

Handicap Steel Cage Match: Chris Jericho vs. WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  JIP.  Harts double team Jericho.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Harts hit the Hart Attack.  They both climb the cage.  Smith escapes, but Jericho cuts off Kidd.  Kidd hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Jericho hits a clothesline and beats up Kidd.  Kidd tries to escape out the door.  Jericho pulls him back in and hits a backdrop suplex.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Kidd escapes and makes his comeback.  Jericho gets whipped to the corner and tries to climb out.  Kidd rams his head into the cage, sending him down to the mat.  Kidd goes for a missile dropkick, but Jericho catches his legs and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Kidd counters into a front cradle for 2, then locks in the Sharpshooter.  Jericho gets to the ropes and escape.  Jericho elevates Kidd to the top rope.  Kidd tries to escape the cage.  Jericho cuts him off.  Kidd rams Jericho’s head into the cage and goes for a top rope Frankensteiner.  Jericho blocks it and locks him in the Walls of Jericho for the win (5:17 shown).  This was actually really good.  Barely even worth mentioning, but it annoyed me: Cole said Jericho had to beat both guys to win, but he only beat one.  I’ll give WWE the benefit of the doubt and assume that it was just Cole being an idiot.

Tonight, Cena vs. Orton in a Tables Match!  Commercials.

Hall of Famer Pete Rose is in the crowd!

Cincinnati!

Trading Places Match: Goldust vs. William Regal.  They’re dressed as each other, because silliness = ratings.  Regal does the Goldust breathing bit.  Goldust pulls brass knuckles out of his trunks and KO’s Regal for the pin in 26 seconds.  These two have had an awesome match on WWE TV in the past month.  This wasn’t it.

Cena vs. Orton is NEXT!  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler hype the Night of Champions card.

Chad Ochocinco does a horrible job of being guest ring announcer for the main event.  They show Orton RKO’ing Wade Barrett, Darren Young, Edge, and Sheamus is quick succession last week.

Tables Match: Randy Orton vs. John Cena.  I don’t care if they haven’t wrestled in almost a year, I have no interest in this match.  They lock up.  They break.  They lock up again.  Cena grabs a side headlock and scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  This time, Orton grabs the side headlock, then hits a shoulder block.  Orton slowly beats up Cena.  He tries to suplex Cena from the apron to a ringside table, but Cena blocks it.  Orton almost falls through the table, but doesn’t  Commercials.  They trad punches.  Orton hits the 3.0.  Orton stomps on Cena.  Orton punches Cena as Cena stands on the apron, trying to cause Cena to fall through another ringside table.  Cena fights back and hits the Fisherman suplex.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton counters into a DDT.  Lawler calls it an RKO because he’s fucking retarded.  Orton brings a table into the ring and sets it up in the corner.  Cena makes his comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjusment again, but Orton counters it and hits come clotheslines and a powerslam.  Cena takes Orton down with a drop toe hold and locks in the STF.  The Nexus run out and attack Cena.  Orton RKOs Michael Tarver.  They attack Orton too.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjusment on Otunga, then throws Slater out of the ring through a table.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Cena.  Barrett and Gabriel bring a table into the ring, even though there was still a perfectly good table in the corner.  Barrett puts Cena on the table and Gabriel goes up top.  Orton pushes Gabriel off the top rope through another ringside table.  Barrett drops Orton with a big boot, then goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and pushes him off the apron through yet another table at ringside.  Orton humps the mat.  Edge and Chris Jericho run in and attack Orton.  Orton fights back and causes Edge to accidentally spear Jericho through the corner table.  Sheamus runs in and attacks Orton, then knocks Cena off the apron with a running thigh.  Cena reverses Sheamus and hits the Attitude Adjustment on the floor.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Cena, but Cena counters and goes for the Attitude Adjustment through the table.  They both go through the table.  Orton supposedly reversed it into the RKO, so he wins in 16:48.  A clusterfuck mess, but kind of fun.

Not the best show ever, but kind of fun, and with some good stuff sprinkled in.