Archive for Carlito

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/22/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then the “this stuff happened last week” video.  New Raw open, featuring Donald Trump.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Trump Raw, LIVE and commercial free from Green Bay, Wisconsin!  Tonight, Triple H vs. Randy Orton in a Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship!

Lillian Garcia introduces Donald Trump, who comes out escorted by either Kelly Kelly or some other generic blond bimbo.  He plays a total babyface, talking about how Vince is a taker, but he is a giver.  He says he’s going to refund everyone’s ticket money.  I could rant here, but I digress…

John Cena comes out and basically repeats what Trump just said, but adds that he has a match with Big Show tonight.  They show a video package of The Miz making fun of Cena recently, then Cena calls him out.  Miz calls him a coward from the stage.  Cena challenges him to come to the ring and say that, so Miz does.  Cena vs. Miz is made for the Bash.  Cena talks about all the stuff he’s been through and he’s never been rattled.  Cena completely tears him down.  I hope he doesn’t job him out that bad at the PPV.  Miz cheap shots Cena and runs away.

Earlier today: Vince McMahon’s limo broke down.  Vince tries to make the driver give him a piggy back ride to the arena (a short walk from where they were standing).  Funny segment.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham are at the commentary with Kentucky Grilled Chicken.  Tonight is Mr. McMahon’s farwell address.  Now, we have a Smackdown match!

Jeff Hardy, Rey Mysterio Jr., & Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Edge, WWE Intercontinental Champion Chris Jericho, & Dolph Ziggler.  World Heavyweight Champion CM Punk comes down to do commentary.  Khali destroys Ziggler, who quickly tags Jericho.  Khali throws the heel team out of the ring.  Jeff takes them all out with a cannonball dive, then Mysterio dives off of Khali’s shoulders onto them.  Khali heads up top, but Jericho attacks him.  23 minutes until the Last Man Standing Match!  Mysterio tags in against Jericho.  He goes for the 619, but Edge prevents it.  Jericho drops him with a lariat.  Rey plays face in peril for a minute or so, then makes the hot tag to Hardy.  Hardy hits the front suplex on Ziggler, then Edge spears him.  Khali goes for the choke bomb, but Jericho prevents it.  Jericho hits a half assed Codebreaker.  Mysterio hits a double 619 on Edge and Jericho, then an Asai moonsault on Jericho.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb on Ziggler for the win at 5:11.  Punk comes in and raises Jeff’s hand.  Jeff, the poor sport he is, gets pissed and leaves.

Vince tries to go into Trump’s locker room, but it’s locked.  Santina Marella introduces his/her/itself to him.  Funny segment.  Trump comes out.  Vince is mad Trump took his office.  Trump says Vince’s office is down the hall.  Trump fires Santina.  She runs away as Santino steps into frame.  He is initially upset, but gets over it.  Clever.

The Colons come out and make fun of Ted Dibiase Jr. and Cody Rhodes and say they’ll beat them at The Bash.

Unified WWE Tag Team Champion Primo Colon (w/ Carlito) vs. Cody Rhodes (w/ Ted Dibiase Jr.).  They trade armlocks, then Rhodes kicks Primo’s ass.  Primo makes a comeback.  Jackknife hold gets 2.  Rhodes hits a Russian leg sweep for 2.  Primo gets an inside cradle for 2.  Primo hits a diving cross body, but Rhodes rolls through and pulls the tights for the pin at 3:54.

Vince finds Goldust and Hornswoggle and the locker room.  Goldust reminds Vince that Horny was once his bastard son.  Goldust puts his wig on Vince.  Vince yells at him, then finds his office: a toilet, which Festus was using.

Triple H/Orton video package.  I’m so sick of these two.

Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Triple H. They fight.  I’m bored.  Orton attacks Triple H’s knee.  Orton nails him with the ring steps, then keeps working the knee.  Orton tries to use a chair, but Triple H kicks it into his face.  Orton nails him in the head with the chair.  Triple H makes it up at 8.  Orton tries to set up something on the announce table, but Triple H hits him with a low blow.  Triple H sets up the Pedigree, but Orton counters and drops him with the RKO on top of the table.  Triple H makes to his feet at 9, then backdrops Orton on the table.  They both make it up at 8.  Triple H nails Orton with a monitor.  They fight up the ramp.  Spinebuster on the ramp by HHH.  Ouch.  Orton makes it up at 9.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton backdrops him out of it.  Hunter miraculously makes it to h is feet.  They’re down off the ramp now.  HHH counters an RKO attempt and pushes Orton over the barricade.  Up again.  Triple H goes for Orton with a ladder.  Orton ducks and and some poor bystander gets murdered.  HHH falls and knocks over another production guy too.  Orton grabs the ladder.  They’re on the stage now.  Orton hits HHH’s injured leg with the ladder, then nails him in the face, then Pillmanizes the leg with it.  Orton tells the ref to stop the count so he can punish Triple H some more.  Orton sets up the ladder.  Orton goes for an RKO off the ladder.  Triple H counters and hits him with the ladder.  Pedigree on the stage.  Triple H can’t make it to his feet because of the bad knee, so it’s a draw at 20:03.  Weak.  Orton retains.  Triple H gets another lick in after the match.  This whole thing was fucking lame.

Punk/Hardy Bash hype.

Another Miz/Maryse segment.

This Friday on Smackdown, Hardy & Mysterio vs. Edge & Jericho in a Steel Cage Match!

Trump comes out again, this time escorted by Maria and Eve.  Trump says instead of a General Manager, he’s going to appoint a celebrity host every week.  He says something about WrestleMania XXVI, then Vince comes out.  Trump wants to make Raw free and with no commercials every week.  Ricockulous.  Vince wants to buy back Raw.  Trump says no.  Vince keeps offering more money, but Trump keeps shooting him down.  Trump finally agrees with Vince offers him double what he paid.  Vince fires Trump, then Trump slaps him.  This whole fucking angle was pointless.

Clips of the Cena/Show feud, which I’m every bit as sick of as I am Triple H vs. Orton.

Vince tells Dibiase and Rhodes to leave, then tells Orton he’s facing Triple H at the Bash in a 3 Stages of Hell 2/3 Falls Match (Regular match, Falls Count Anywhere match, and Stretcher match).

This Thursday on Superstars: Kofi Kingston defends the United States Championship against MVP and Matt Hardy in a Triple Threat Match.

Mickie James & The Bella Twins vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, & Rosa Mendez.  Heels get heat on one of the Bellas.  Hot tag to Mickie, who hits a neckbreaker on Rosa.  Beth saves.  Bellas dropkick her.  Maryse distracts Mickie and Rosa tries to hit her from behind, but Mickie nails her with a superkick for the pin at 5:06.

Clips of Cena and a Cubs game.

Cole and Lawler are in the ring to run down the Bash card.

The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block that sends him out of the ring.  Show hot shots Cena into the barricade.  Back in the ring, Show spears him.  I love the Show spear.  Show works Cena over.  Cena fights back with… a headlock.  Show backdrops him.  I cringe.  Cover gets 2.  Show keeps killing him.  Cena makes a comeback and bitches the diving Fameasser, then hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show gets the chokeslam out of nowhere, but Cena kicks out.  Boo.  Show’s Vader Bomb gets 2.  Cena avoids the camel clutch and locks in the STF with no problem, even though they just had a long boring PPV match based on the fact that Cena couldn’t put it on Show.  Miz runs down.  Cena decks him.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Miz pushes them down and Show gets the pin at 10:25.  Miz poses over Cena.

Triple H jumps Orton in the parking lot and slams the trunk of Orton’s car on his back.  Triple H tells Orton he’s going to hell this Sunday.  Fin.  And thank God.  This show sucked.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/15/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then cut to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler telling us that Mr. McMahon will be here tonight.  Replay of the Legacy beatdown and destruction of Batista’s arm last week, then Triple H’s return and yet another burial of Randy Orton.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina!  Matt Striker and Josh Matthews from ECW and Jim Ross and Todd Grisham from Smackdown are there too.  Justin Roberts introduces the first match, for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Jericho cuts his usual promo before the match.  Mysterio looks pissed.  I hope the belt doesn’t change, because I fucked up starting the timer.  Mysterio owns Jericho to start.  Mysterio crashes on the outside.  Commercials.  Jericho works over Mysterio and hits that swank spinning backbreaker drop from the PPV, then goes for the mask again.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Jericho.  Mysterio hits the flying headscissors, then the Bombs Away for 2.  Jericho gets dropkicked out of the ring, they Rey hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Jericho goes for a superplex, but Mysterio turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for a slow 2 count.  Rey goes for his flip bulldog, but Jericho squashes him and gets 2.  Rey avoids the Walls.  Jericho avoids the 619 and thinks of going for one himself.  Rey catches him with a moonsault for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and goes for the West Coast Pop.  Jericho rips the mask and NAILS the Codebreaker for 3 at about 9 minutes.  Good match, a short, compact version of their recent PPV matches.

Tonight, a Four-Way Match for the vacant WWE Championship!  Mr. McMahon is NEXT!

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  John Cena steps in and takes over the interview.  Cena reminds Orton that he and Big Show are in the Four-Way tonight too, so don’t get too focused on Triple H.

Last week: Vickie Guerrero quit as Raw GM.

Vince McMahon appears on screen.  He says he’s not going to announce a new GM, because he sold Monday Night Raw!  He’ll announce who the new owner is after the WWE Championship match.

Moments ago: What I just wrote.  Cole and Lawler are SHOCKED.

ECW Championship Match: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian.  They start.  Christian hits a swank elbow shot from the middle rope.  Dreamer fires up with punches, then face plants Christian.  Dreamer hits a reverse DDT, then NAILS Christian with a lariat for 2.  Dreamer squashes a sunset flip attempt for 2, then Christian turns the cradle over for 2.  Christian avoids the DDT.  Dreamer avoids the Killswitch and gets an inside cradle for the win at 3:24.

Tonight, CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy and Edge!  Plus, Orton vs. Triple H vs. Cena vs. Show for the WWE Championship is NEXT!

Please, don’t try this at home!

The Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly have some airheaded speculation about who bought Raw.

ANOTHER replay of the shit from last week.  Do we really need to see it again?  Pics of Batista’s surgery.  Gross.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena vs. Triple H.  Entrances, intros, and the going feuds pair off.  40 seconds in, we go to commercial.  Back, Cena and Triple H take out the heels, then go at it themselves.  Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Pedigree counter into an F-U attempt, but Show comes in and clotheslines them both.  Goes back to Cena vs. Show and HHH vs. Orton.  Orton comes in to break a Show’s cover.  Show goes for a double chokeslam on Triple H and Cena, but they suplex him.  Orton tries to put Show, but Show catches his foot, then kicks his ass.  Show dominates for a bit and tosses Orton and HHH from the ring.  Show slams Cena and hits the Vader Bomb, but Orton breaks the cover.  Show tosses Orton out of the ring again.  Show spears the shit out of Triple H for 2.  Triple H avoids the Vader Bomb.  Orton tries to RKO Show, but gets tossed away.  Pedigree to Show.  Attitude Adjustment to Triple H.  Cena covers Triple H, but gets tossed off the cover.  Attutude Adjustment to Show.  Orton brekas the cover and tosses Cean out.  Orton RKOs Show for the win at 11:14.  Lame at first, but the closing stretch was good.  Orton is champ again.  What was the fucking point of Batista winning the belt in the first place?

Mr. McMahon is headed our way!

Tomorrow night on ECW: Evan Bourne vs. Mark Henry!

Vince comes down and announces that Donald Trump is the new owner of Raw.  Trump appears on the big screen and says next week’s Raw will be commercial free, and he’ll be there to oversee it.  Vince says that he’s still in charge tonight, and there will be a 10 man battle royal to determine who will face Randy Orton for the title at The Bash.

World Title match is next!

Replay of what just happened.  Cole and Lawler discuss it.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez.  Beth comes out with Rosa, but Rosa tells her to leave.  The Divas Champion Maryse comes down to watch.  Rosa shows a lot of fire, but Mickie fights back and wins with the DDT at 2:50.  Maryse teases coming in the ring, then bails.

Goldust and Hornswoggle shoot t-shirts out to the crowd.  The Miz in anti-Cena garb, says he’s the new face of Raw, he’ll win the battle royal, speak in a British accent, etc.  He tells Goldust and Hornswoggle to leave.  Goldust tells Miz he doesn’t know how to play mind games, and makes an Ahmed Johnson reference!  Goldust tells Miz his interviews are piss break segments and that he’s a loser.  Miz retorts, then cheapshots Goldust and drops him with a DDT.  He threatens Hornswoggle with the t-shirt bazooka, then shoots him in the balls with it.  Now that’s a heel, folks.  Only a true bad guy would shoot a midget in the balls with a t-shirt gun.

World Title match is NEXT!  Wasn’t it supposed to be like 20 minutes ago?

Stills from the Hardy/Edge/Punk stuff from the PPV.

Josh Matthews interviews the World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.  Punk has “MISAWA” written on his wrist tape.  That’s a nice touch.  Matt Hardy interrupts and tells him he approves of what he did.  Punk tells Matt he’s never been World Champion.

Edge and Hardy enter for the title match.  Commercials!  Next, Donald Trump on a commercial-free Raw!

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy.  Within the first 90 seconds, Punk hits a tope suicida on Edge, then Hardy hits a dive outside onto both of them.  Punk and Jeff go at it in the ring for a minute, then Edge comes in and tosses Jeff out.  Edge sets up a superplex, but Jeff comes in and drops Edge, then tries to deliver it himself.  Edge sets up a Doomsday Device, but Hardy dodges Punk’s dropkick and gets a near fall on Edge with a victory roll.  Triple clothesline spot as we go to break.  Back from break, Punk works over Edge as Jeff is on the outside.  Jeff comes in, so Punk nails them both.  He covers them both after the corner bulldog/something to Jeff spot,  but both kick out.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Jeff, but Edge chop blocks his knee and applies the Sharpshooter.  It gets broken somehow.  Punk leapfrogs a spear and gets a sunset flip on Edge, when Hardy dropkicks Edge in to, then breaks the cover.  Jeff does some stuff and gets 2 on Punk.  Punk nails Hardy with a knee to the face.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but Edge pushes him off and tries to spear Punk.  Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Edge avoids the Go 2 Sleep and pushes Punk into Hardy.  Punk reversed the Twist of Fate into a Go 2 Sleep attempt.  Hardy escapes and leap frogs another spear, so Edge ends up spearing the shit out of Hardy.  Punk gets knocked out of the ring by Edge and injures his knee on the steps.  Officials check on Punk as Edge and Hardy hit a double cross body on each other.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind, but Punk makes it in to break the cover.  Hardy kicks the shit out of Punk’s leg.  Edge gets an inside cradle on Hardy for a close 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but Punk pulls him off the cover.  Punk sends Hardy into the ring steps and covers Edge for the win at 15:40.  Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out and tells Punk he’ll defend the title against Jeff Hardy at the Bash.

Earlier tonight: Orton wins the belt.  Later tonight: a 10 man battle royal!

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. are at ringside to do commentary on this next match.

Non-Title: The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natayla) vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon.  Colons will defend against Legacy at The Bash.  Primo and Smith start.  Primo tries to do a rana and lands on his head.  Ouch.  After a minute, Carlito tags in.  Primo hits a dive to the outside on Tyson Kidd.  Carlito hits the Backstabber on Smith, then Legacy runs in to cause the DQ at 2:23.  Legacy stands tall with their new awful music.  I was expecting a good match here, but it got cut way short.

Triple H is headed our way for the 10-man battle royal!

Replay of the Trump shit again.

Santino Marella seeks assurance from Vince that he and his “sister” will still have their jobs.  Vince tells him Trump will do whatever he wants.  Vince’s cell phone rings.  It’s Donald Trump.  Trump wants to make a big announcement after the battle royal.  Santino pisses off Vince and leaves.  Vince calls him a pervert.

Most of the entries for the battle royal come out.  Break, then they show a graphic for 2 matches for Smackdown, which Ross says is wrong.  FAIL.  The last 2 entrants come out so we can have our match.  Triple H enters to his rarely used King of Kings theme, which is awesome.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship:
Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. The Big Show vs. Triple H vs. John Cena.  Everybody brawls.  Orton comes out to watch.  Show tosses Matt for the first elimination 3 1/2 minutes in.  MVP lands the Yakuza kick on Show, then gets eliminated by him.  Show chokeslams Miz.  Everyone eliminates Show.  Miz is on the outside, but I don’t think he was eliminated.  Break.  Legacy almost dumps Triple H, but fails, thanks to Cena attacking Legacy.  Cena and Triple H ends up going at it.  Legacy stops them briefly, then the double clothesline each other.  Kofi has an impressive run against Legacy, but they eliminate him.  Regal kicks their ass, but they dump him too.  Down to Legacy, Triple H, and Cena.  Cena makes a big comeback against Legacy.  He eliminates Dibiase, then tosses Rhodes, who hangs on.  Triple H eliminates Rhodes.  Triple H Pedigrees Cena.  Legacy runs back in and beat down Triple H until the refs make them leave.  Miz sneaks back and charges them, but gets lowbridged out.  Triple H dumps Cena to win at 17:39.  Fuck, now we get to suffer another Triple H/Orton abortion.

Donald Trump appears on the screen and congratulations Triple H.  He tells him the title match won’t be at the PPV, but on next week’s commercial-free Raw in a Last Man Standing Match.  FUCK.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE, open, Raw open, and we are joined by the WWE Champion, Randy Orton!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are on commentary and we are LIVE from Louisville, Kentucky.

Orton says he was about to take out Batista last night when Ric Flair interfered and prevented it.  Actually, Orton ran like a bitch and tried everything he could to get DQ’d or counted out.  He babbles for a while, then Flair comes out to retort.  They go back and forth for a bit, then Flair tells Orton he will be defending the title against Batista in a Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules.  Orton cheap shots Flair and stomps him.  Legacy stalks their way down the ramp, but Batista charges down.  Legacy does the 3 on 1 beatdown until John Cena makes the save.  Commercial.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena, who is now perfectly fine despite the fact that he was hurt going into his match last night and took a vicious beating during said match.  Cena says he’s going for the title after Extreme Rules.  He runs into Vickie Guerrero, who makes tonight’s main event: Legacy vs. Cena & Batista.

Divas Battle Royal:
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendez vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James.  Divas Champion Maryse is at the table with Cole and Lawler.  Mickie dumps Rosa.  Beth dumps one Bella, then the other.  Mickie eliminates Jillian.  Kelly dropkicks Beth out of the ring to elimiate her.  Beth tries to pull Kelly out of the ring and distracts the referee so Maryse can spray perfume in Mickie’s face.  Kelly eliminates Mickie to win it at 2:32.

Tonight, MVP defends the U.S. title against Matt Hardy!  Also, Cena & Batista vs. Legacy!

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Santino confrontation from Judgment Day.  After Miz dropped Santino with a DDT, Chavo Guerrero ran down to frog splash a downed Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo kicks Santino’s ass and makes him look like a joke.  Santino hulks up and decks Chavo, then elbows him down and looks shocked by it.  Santino, heartened by his achievement, runs into Chavo’s feet in the corner.  Santino avoids the frog splash and picks up the win at 3:34.  Chavo tells Santino that Santina has to defend the Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie Guerrero.

Mr. Kennedy returns… soon!

Maryse speaks French to The Miz, who doesn’t understand her.  He tries to come on to her anyway, but she blows him off.  Miz says he has something in store for Cena tonight.

Todd Grisham interviews Matt Hardy.  He cost his brother, Jeff, the World Title last night as revenge for Jeff breaking his hand.

Vickie is mad at Chavo for putting her in a match.  Orton storms in and bitches at her for putting him in a cage match.  Vickie reminds him that she is the boss.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. Brian Kendrick & Goldust.  That’s a delightfully random team.  Speaking of random, exactly WHY did Goldust run out on Superstars to save Hornswoggle from Big Show?  Kendrick repeatedly berates Goldust for not doing his job properly.  Fine little match.  Primo avoids The Kendrick and hits a diving cross body for the win at 2:26.  Kendrick yells at Goldust after the match, but Hornswoggle runs in to save him.  Apparently Goldust and Hornswoggle are friends now.

The Miz is headed our way in Cena apparel.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho this Thursday on Superstars!  I’ll watch that!

The Miz comes out to Cena’s old “Basic Thuganomics” theme.  He does a stupid rap.  He challenges Cena again, then declares himself 5-0 against Cena.  Lawler comes in the ring and explains to Miz that calling someone out who doesn’t come out doesn’t give him a victory.  He evidences this by calling out Batista, then calling out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin for a handicap match.  Lawler tells Miz that if he wants to face Cena, to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Big Show comes out and says despite what Cena thinks, he’s not done with him yet.  Show announces that he’ll face Cena in a submission match at Extreme Rules (because Cena couldn’t put Show in the STF last night).  Miz insults Show and runs away.  Show shoves down Lawler, then kicks his ass just to be a dick.

Last week: MVP & Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy & William Regal after Hardy walked out on his partner.

Jim Ross is at the announce table with Cole now, since Lawler just got destroyed, which they show a replay of.

WWE United States Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  They both for the quick victory with inside cradles.  MVP has the advantage early on.  Matt attacks MVP’s leg with his cast, then continues to work on the leg.  MVP gets mad and attacks the broken arm.  That’s not very babyface-like.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick and the Playmaker to retain the title at 5:16.

Santina vs. Vickie, TONIGHT!  Or is it NEXT?

Replay from the start of the show, then Batista walks into Flair’s locker room.  Flair says he’s going to call out Orton and kick his ass next week.  Batista tells Flair he doesn’t have anything to prove.  Flair gets mad and stomps out.

Chavo tries to teach Vickie how to do a frog splash.  She says the match is off.  Santina comes in and insults her, so the match is back on.

Finlay vs. D.H. Smith tomorrow night on ECW!  I’ll watch that!

Miss WrestleMania Crown Match: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.).  Santina takes the mic and insults Vickie, then gets slapped.  Santina kisses Vickie and is sickened by it.  The match is now No DQ.  The bell rings again, even though the match started like a minute and a half ago.  Chavo beats down Santina.  They roll around and trade punches until Santina backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Santina stalks Vickie, but William Regal runs and hits an Exploder on Santina, allowing Vickie to get the pin and win the crown at 3:01.  Vickie celebrates her big victory.

Legacy is headed our way.  The main event is NEXT!

Handicap Match: Legacy vs. John Cena & Batista.  Orton and Cena start (I think… wasn’t really paying attention).  When Batista tags in, Orton bails, so Batista mauls Dibiase.  Cena and Batista clear the ring.  Commercial!  When we return, Legacy is getting heat on Batista.  Cena finally gets the hot tag and cleans house.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Cody, but doesn’t see him tag out to Orton in mid move.  Orton comes in and attacks Cena.  Now Cena plays face in peril.  Rhodes hits a nice moonsault on Cena for a near fall.  Cena finally makes the hot tag, and now it’s Batista’s turn to come in and clean house.  Big Show comes out, but Cena chases him off with a chair.  Batista is now all alone… but wait, Flair comes out!  This gives Batista the boost he needs to spear Orton for the pin at 14:46.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/27/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Cool Smackdown open, then the show opens with CM PUNK!  Jim Ross and Tazz welcome us to Smackdown.  All of the other MITB participants are in the ring.  How many freakin’ preview matches are they going to do?

CM Punk, WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter, Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas), & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, & Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  So it’s a Parajes Incredibles match… except it’s quartets instead of pairs.  Kingston and Christian start.  Christian has really been working his ass off since returning.  Christian hits his reverse DDT for a near fall.  Kingston fights back and tags out to Punk, he hilos in onto Christian.  Christian ducks one of Punk’s strikes.  Punk ends up tying up Christian in an Anaconda Vice on the ropes, then hits a diving crossbody for a near fall.  Finlay comes in and goes at it with Punk.  I want a singles match between those two.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but Kane big boots Punk.  Kane goozles Finlay for no apparent reason.  Insta-commercial.  Punk reaches for the tag, but is held back by Benjamin.  He manages to tag Henry.  Benjamin steps out and lets Kane take over, so we have a battle of the two least talented guys in the match.  That doesn’t last long, as MVP comes in.  He gets the better of Kane, but then gets punched in the face.  Benjamin comes in and attacks MVP.  They announce that Benjamin will get a rematch for the title next week.  Benjamin works over MVP.  Kane tags in and beats on MVP.  Lukewarm tag to Punk, who attacks Kane with his various kicks.  Kane counters the corner bulldog attempt but gets kicked in the face.  Punk springboards off the ropes but gets caught and chokeslammed by Kane, who gets the pin for his team at 7:26 shown.  Clusterfuck brawl after the match.  Christian brings in a ladder and climbs for the briefcase, but Hornswoggle goes after him.  Finlay and Hornswoggle push the ladder over and send Christian crashing into the pile of guys at ringside.  The match wasn’t very good, but sadly it was the best of these Money In The Bank preview matches I’ve seen.

Orton/Triple H replay #72 billion TONIGHT!

Handicap Match: Jesse & Festus vs. The Big Show.  They show Show’s KO punch to Edge from this past Raw.  The bell rings, Festus goes crazy, and Big Show destroys both of them.  Festus finally lands a bicycle kick to knock Show off his feet, which just pisses Show off.  KO punch to Festus and a chokeslam to Jesse.  Show KO punches Jesse for good measure and pins him at 2:26.  Remember when this act actually got pushed?  Festus is a great character.

12 Rounds hype.  Bleh.

Jeff Hardy interview TONIGHT!

Hardy vs. Hardy history video.

Matt Hardy is in the locker room with his dog.  He cuts his usual promo on Jeff.

Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  These two always have good matches.  It’s not often that Rey gets to work with a guy he can do his shit with, and it’s not often Chavo works with a guy who gives him anything.  Nice stuff to start, then Chavo takes a neat bump out of the ring and Mysterio follows him with a baseball slide into a headscissors.  Chavo hits an avalanche Frankensteiner for a near fall.  Chavo clamps in a rear chinlock, but Mysterio kicks him in the head to get out of it.  Mysterio kicks Chavo a bunch.  Chavo catches a springboarding Mysterio and ties him in the tree of woe.  Mysterio dodges a charge hits the Bombs Away and springboard crossbody for a near fall.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and kicks Chavo.  Chavo hits the Gory Bomb for a believable false finish.  Mysterio ranas Chavo into the 619 position.  Chavo somehow avoids it and goes for the Three Amigos.  He counters the third, but Chavo hits a backdrop suplex and goes for the frog splash.  Rey avoids it and hits a headscissors, then the 619 and his own frog splash for the win at 5:28.  JBL comes out of nowhere and blasts Mysterio with a big boot.  Really good little match.

For some reason, they feel the need to replay Cena’s reading of his get well card for Vickie.  Cena is headed to the ring!

Cena comes down to the ring and talks about WrestleMania.  Big Show comes out to talk about how much he loves Vickie Guerrero.  They agree to have a match on Raw I think.  Cena grabs Show’s leg as he leaves the ring and makes him tumble to the ground.

Hype for the Triple H/Orton hype.

R-Truth vs. Matt Hardy.  Matt shows lots of aggression and busts out some moves I don’t recall ever seeing him do.  Matt wins with the Twist of Fate at 3:07.

Replay of the Undertaker/Shawn Michaels segment from Raw.  Tonight: Shawn Michaels’ tribute to the Undertaker.

The Colons and their Bella come to the ring for their match.  Commercial!

2 weeks ago: the challenge for the double title at at WrestleMania and the breakup of the Bella Twins.

WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon & Brie Bella vs. World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz & Nikki Bella.  Primo and Miz start.  Morrison gets a cheap shot in to let Miz get the advantage.  Morrison tags in and beats up Primo.  Hot tag to Carlito, he cleans Morrison’s clock.  Carlito hits a swinging neckbreaker and covers, but Miz saves.  Primo takes out Miz and the Bellas get into a cat fight.  Morrison gets a quick near fall with a schoolboy, then goes for a suplex.  Carlito counters in mid air with the Backstabber for the win at 2:26.

Hype for the Michaels/Undertaker and Triple H/Orton hype.

Jeff Hardy is in a dark room.  He cuts the usual promo on Matt.  They’ll go to war at WrestleMania!

Ross and Tazz run down the WrestleMania card.

They finally show the obligatory replay of the Legacy beatdown on Triple H and Orton’s DDT and kiss to Stephanie from Raw.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Maryse (c) vs. Michelle McCool.  Michelle finally gets her rematch for the title nobody cares about.  They lock up and roll out of the ring.  They break, crawl slowly back into the ring, and lock up again, then finally do some holds.  They fight outside the ring again, then come back in.  Maryse hits a lazy thrust kick for a near fall.  Michelle hits some kicks.  GAIL KIM appears and dropkicks Michelle to cause the DQ at 2:59.  She takes down Maryse too, then poses with the belt.

12 Rounds.  I don’t care.

Shawn Michaels’ tribute to the Undertaker is NEXT!

A bunch of druids dressed in white come out, then Shawn Michaels enters in an all-white version of Undertaker’s entrance attire.  He quotes some scripture and cuts a promo on Undertaker.  Then his music plays and he does a strip tease.  Undertaker pops out from under the ring and goes for the chokeslam, but Michaels escapes.  Michaels dances on the stage as Taker stands in the ring and looks angry.  Fade to black.

Okay show all in all.

WWE ECW 3/17/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Cold open this week.  Finlay and Hornswoggle arrive and meet Teddy Long, clad in St. Patrick’s day attire.  Hornswoggle disappears to cause mischief.  ECW open.

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker welcome us to wherever the hell we are.  They taped last night, so I guess it’s San Antonio.

Christian & MVP vs. WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamin & Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  MVP and Benjamin start.  They’ll wrestle for the title this week on Smackdown.  Commercial.  Steve Austin Hall of Fame commercial.  Back to the match, where Henry has MVP in a bearhug.  MVP plays face in peril for a while.  He counters a Paydirt attempt with an overhead belly-to-belly and makes the hot tag to Christian.  Christian hits his reverse DDT on Benjamin for a near fall, decks Mark Henry on the apron, hits a monkey flip and a sunset flip out of the corner for a near fall.  Christian hits a tornado DDT and covers, but Mark Henry comes in and pulls him off the cover.  MVP comes in and he and Christian deal with Henry.  Christian decks Tony Atlas, but Benjamin hits him with the Paydirt for the win at 8:56.  Good match.

12 Rounds plug.  I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THIS MOVIE and it hasn’t even come out yet.

Finlay looks for Hornswoggle and finds DJ Gabriel and Alicia Fox, who are dancing.

EVAN F’N BOURNE RETURNS TONIGHT!

WrestleMania XX video from last night or last week or whenever the hell they showed it.

Jamie Noble vs. Evan Bourne.  FUCK YEAH!  Awesome fast paced match.  Tyson Kidd and Natalya watch backstage.  Noble slows Bourne down by putting him in a facelock.  Bourne escapes and knees Noble in the face, then hits a swank rana.  Bourne hits a standing moonsault for a near fall.  Bourne heads to the top rope.  Noble stops him but gets kicked in the face a few times.  Bourne hits the Shooting Star press for the win at 2:56.  That ruled for a few minutes.  I want Bourne vs. Tyson Kidd!

Finlay finds Hornswoggle throwing stuff at Katie Lea.  Commercial.

Randy Orton/Triple H hype video.

Smackdown’s 500th episode this Friday night!

ECW Champion Jack Swagger comes out so the fans can look at him, then leaves.  That was pointless.

Tiffany convinces Teddy Long to have a divas night on ECW.  Paul Burchill and Katie Lea barge in to bitch about Hornswoggle.  Long books Burchill vs. Finlay tonight.

Tonight: The Dirt Sheet!

Edge/Vickie/Show/Cena stuff from Raw last night.

Paul Burchill (w/ Katie Lea) vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Finlay destroys Burchill as Hornswoggle bothers the announcers.  Finlay sends a charging Burchill out of the ring, but then the distraction allows Burchill to get a cheap shot and get the advantage.  Finlay gets beat up for a bit, then hits the Celtic Cross for the win at 3:05.

The Dirt Sheet is NEXT!

Undertaker/Michaels hype.

12 Rounds hype.  WHY DO THEY HAVE TO HYPE THIS FUCKING MOVIE 2-4 TIMES EVERY FUCKING SHOW?

The Dirt Sheet.  I’ve never seen one of these.  World Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison with the Bella Twins.  Brie seems unhappy to be there, while Nikki seems happy.  They show Miz and Morrison beating Carlito and Primo on Smackdown last week.  Miz and Morrison put on masks of butts with afros.  WWE Tag Team Champions The Colons come down and bring the Carlito’s Cabana set.  The Colons challenge Miz & Morrison to a tag title unification match at WrestleMania, and they accept.  The Colons spit apples at Miz and Morrison but miss and hit the Bella that likes Miz and Morrison.  She shoves the Bella who likes Primo and Carlito.  CATFIGHT!  Each team ends up with one of the twins.  Fin.  Fun show.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/13/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Smackdown opens with a replay of the Edge/Show/Cena contract signing from Raw and the revelation of the Show/Vickie affair.

There’s a new Smackdown open since the last time I watched it.  Jim Ross and Tazz are on commentary.  Tonight, The Undertaker takes on Vladimir Kozlov!  Also, Matt Hardy is going to tell all!

Non-Title: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Kofi Kingston.  Kofi finally gets his shot at revenge for Edge taking him out at No Way Out and taking his spot in the Elimination Chamber, where Edge won the World Title.  Back and forth action for a minute and a half, Edge bails, insta-commercial.  During the break, Kofi took a bump out of the ring.  Edge works Kofi over.  Edge heads to the top rope, but Kofi trips him, then kicks him off the apron and hits a crossbody out of the ring and onto Edge.  Kofi hits a pair of big splashes for a near fall.  I missed some action because my evil nephews are in my room being disruptive.  On the outside, Kofi sends Edge into the steps, just like Edge did to him at No Way Out.  Back in the ring, Kofi hnits a diving cross body for a near fall.  Edge nails him in the face with a boot.  He goes for the spear, but Kofi leapfrogs him and gets a near fall with a sunset flip.  Edge blocks the Trouble In Paradise and locks in the Sharpshooter for the win at 6:59+ commercials.  Nice little match.

Replay of the Triple H/Orton angle from Raw.  World Tag Team Titles on the line NEXT!

Plug for Cena’s movie.

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon (w/ The Bella Twins).  These teams have been having quite the series of matches lately from what I’ve heard.  Carlito starts with quick pin attempts on Morrison.  Primo and Miz go at it, then Carlito tags in and they double team Miz for a near fall.  Carlito decks Morrison and knocks him off the apron.  Morrison recovers and helps Miz double team Carlito for a near fall.  Carlito takes the heat for a bit, then makes the hot tag to Primo.  Primo hits a diving headbutt on Morrison, then tosses Miz out of the ring.  Primo tags out and monkey flips Morrison, then Carlito clotheslines him for a near fall.  Primo and Miz get sent out of the ring and Morrison hits the Moonlight Drive on Carlito for the win at 5:58.  The Bellas leave with Miz and Morrison.

Tonight, Undertaker vs. Kozlov!

Another bit of the Triple H/Orton angle from Raw.

Tonight, Matt Hardy tells all!

Triple H/Orton video AGAIN.

R-Truth comes out.  Commerical!

WrestleMania hype.

MVP & R-Truth vs. WWE United States Champion Shelton Benjamnin & Chavo Guerrero Jr.  R-Truth blasts Chavo with a kick early on and gets a near fall, then tags in MVP.  MVP and R-Truth take turns working over Chavo.  Shelton declines to tag in until Chavo gets the advantage.  Heels get heat on R-Truth and my young nephew is really fucking obnoxious.  I wish it was still acceptable to backhand a child.  MVP gets the hot tag and cleans house.  He hits the Ballin’ elbow drop on Benjamin for a near fall.  He ducks a shot from Chavo and pulls him into the ring.  Truth runs for Chavo, but gets backdropped out of the ring.  MVP sends Chavo out, but Benjamin hits the Paydirt on MVP for the pin at 6:03.

Matt Hardy is headed to the ring.

Last week, Matt cost Jeff Hardy a Money In The Bank Qualifying Match.

Matt comes out and cuts his promo on Jeff.  He talks about Jeff’s house burning down and pulls out the dog collar that belongs to Jeff’s dog that died in the fire.  Jeff comes out and snatches the microphone from him.  Jeff says Matt was responsible for everything and that Matt hates him, but Matt hates himself more.  Jeff beats the shit out of him and Matt begs off.

Long black screen, then a replay of what just happened.

WWE Divas Champion Maryse & Michelle McCool vs. WWE Women’s Champion Melina & Maria.  McCool destroys Maria, then the champs go at it.  Melina pins Maryse with an inside cradle at 2:44.  Maryse and McCool have a catfight after the match.

Edge and Chavo chat backstage.  Edge gets the idea that Chavo has eyes for Vickie and chokes him.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match, NEXT!

WrestleMania video, this time hyping WrestleMania XX.  That boot trick that Eddie pulled on Kurt Angle was absolutely brilliant.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match:
Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle) vs. Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  This is for the final spot in the MITB match at WrestleMania.  Zeke takes a cheap shot at Finlay before the match starts.  Instead of allowing Kendrick to get the early advantage, it just pisses Finlay off.  Finlay kicks his ass.  Kendrick slaps Finlay and hides behind Zeke.  Zeke distracts Finlay long enough to let Kendrick hit a dive and get the advantage.  Kendrick hits a missile dropkick for a near fall.  Finlay utilizes his awesome “trap the other guy on the apron” trick on Kendrick.  Kendrick goes for the Sliced Bread #2, but Finlay hits the Schwein, er… Celtic Cross, for the win at 3:12.

Main event is NEXT!

Another plug for Cena’s movie.  I still don’t care.

Ross and Tazz run down the WrestleMania card.

Undertaker enters for the main event.  Commercial!

Kozlov pinned Undertaker a couple of weeks ago on Smackdown.

The Undertaker vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Boring brawl, commercial, Undertaker hits that awesome apron leg drop.  Taker chokes Kozlov a bit, then Kozlov gets the advantage and beats on him.  Taker backdrops Kozlov out of a headlock and hammers him with punches.  Taker hits the snake eyes, but Kozlov headbutts him in the gut.  More Taker punches.  Taker hits Old School, chokeslam, and Tombstone for the victory (around 10 minutes shown).

Fun show, nothing offensive went long.

WWE Royal Rumble 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Opening video package highlights preview Royal Rumbles, then the Orton/McMahon angle from Raw last Monday.  Short version: Orton kicked Vince in the head.  Hard.

Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole say that the McMahon family hasn’t released any info about Mr. McMahon’s condition.  Orton will be reprimanded… later.

Castrol GTX presents the Royal Rumble!  The Road to WrestleMania begins tonight!

Fireworks, then Cole and Lawler welcome us to the Royal Rumble, LIVE from Detroit, Michigan!  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker then take over announcing duties for the opening match.

ECW Championship Match: Jack Swagger (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  That big silver belt still looks ridiculous on anyone not named Mark Henry.  We call the World title the “Big Gold Belt.”  Can we call this one the “Big Ugly Belt?”  Wow, in-ring introductions for the ECW Title match?  They lock up to start, then Matt starts throwing punches.  Swagger responds by initiating some mat wrestling.  As soon as Matt gets away, though, he goes back to brawling.  Swagger works on Hardy’s arm.  Striker says Swagger is the second youngest ECW Champion ever.  Who was the youngest?  I’ll have to look it up later.  My guess is Mikey Whipwreck.  Swagger hits a big belly to belly suplex for a near fall.  Striker is the new Jim Ross as far as random old school references.  Matt hits a moonsault(!) for a near fall.  Swagger throws Matt into the post and hits the Doctor Bomb to retain the title at 10:28.  Fine match, and thier TV match was pretty good too.  Swagger might be the first guy to have his PPV debut be a successful title defense.  Something else for me to research later!  That’s good, I’m going to have a lot of time to kill this evening.  Matt looks very upset.

Earlier tonight: Randy Orton arrived and all the midcarders snubbed him.  Now: a shot of Detroit to segway into Cole and Lawler being back on commentary for the next match.

WWE Women’s Championship Match: Beth Phoenix (c) (w/ Santino Marella) vs. Melina.  I still can’t buy Melina as a smiling babyface.  She needs to hurry up and get done with this “I just came back from injury” babyface run and turn into a bitch again.  They do some stuff, and most of it looks sloppy.  Beth hits a running butt in the corner.  Beth puts Melina in a modified half crab-type move, then uses Melina’s foot to kick her in the head!  That’s nifty.  I guess Melina is too flexible for her own good.  Beth gorrila presses Melina.  Melina tries to counter out of it, but just falls.  Melina wins with a sunset flip-style cradle at 5:57 to win the title.  Bad match with one neat spot saving it from being a complete waste of time.

Michaels/JBL video package.  Oh yeah, that Cena character is somewhere in there too, but he’s not what’s important.  Backstage, JBL tells Shawn that if JBL wins the title tonight, Shawn will get all the money he’s owed and a spot in the Royal Rumble.  JBL leaves and Undertaker comes in.  Taker tells Shawn, “Sometimes, it’s hell to get to heaven.”  Okay.

WrestleMania 25, live on PPV April 5th!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. JBL (w/ Shawn Michaels).  JBL and Shawn come out without the limo.  Ironic, the one time the ramp looks like a street, JBL decides to walk down.  In-ring intros, then the referee gets a cheap thrill by feeling them up.  A minute and a half in, JBL bails to say something to Michaels.  Boring match.  These two have had like 500 matches, and only one of them was good.  Everyone, including me, is just waiting for Michaels to interfere.  10 minutes it, Cena gets JBL in the STF (no U anymore since WWE is kid friendly).  JBL escapes somehow, then hits the Clothesline From Hell for a near fall.  Cena goes for the move with which he goes for the victory, but JBL escapes, then there’s a ref bump.  Both men are down as Shawn gets in the ring.  Shawn superkicks JBL, then superkicks Cena.  Shawn puts JBL in top of Cena and leaves.  Another referee runs down to make the count, but Cena gets a shoulder up at two.  Cena goes for the victory and gets the win at 15:30.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.  It looks cool.

Ross and Tazz take over commentary for the WWE Title match.  Hardy/Edge video package.

WWE Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Edge (w/ Chavo Guerrero).  Jeff enters first, then Vickie Guerrero comes with her awful “Excuse me!” voice and tells Jeff that the match is No DQ.  Edge comes out with Chavo Guerrero as his second.  In-ring intros, the Jeff jumps Edge as soon as the bell rings.  Jeff tries to bring in a chair early, but Edge stops him, so Jeff just beats him up some more.  Edge ends up on the outside and Jeff dives off the apron onto him.  Edge gets back in the ring and Jeff tries to springboard, but Edge knocks him off thanks to a distraction from Chavo.  They do some more stuff, then Edge hugs Jeff on the mat.  Edge tries to bring chairs in the ring, but Jeff spears him off the apron, then hits a suicide dive.  Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on the ring apron.  Jeff pulls a ladder from under the ring and sets Edge up on one of the announce tables.  Jeff climbs up, but Chavo climbs up to stop him.  Chavo gets knocked off, then Jeff dives off the ladder and clotheslines him.  Jeff puts Chavo on the announce table, then dives off the ladder onto him!  That should take care of Chavo!  Back in the ring, Edge exposes the top turnbuckle!  Jeff blocks Edge’s attempt to ram his head into it and hits the Whisper In The Wind for a near fall.  Edge hits (I think) I reverse DDT for a near fall.  Jeff gets a near fall with an inside cradle.  Jeff finally takes the exposed turnbuckle face first.  Edge goes for the spear, but Jeff counters in mid move with the Twist of Fate.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton bomb.  Vickie comes out and tries to prevent it, but Jeff hits it anyway.  Vickie pulls the referee’s leg to stop the count.  Matt Hardy runs down with a chair and tosses Vickie in the ring.  Matt sets up Edge for a one man conchairto from Jeff, then double crosses him and nails his brother with the chair!  SWERVE!  Edge gets the pin and wins his 7th World Title in 3 years.  He’s never won one clean, either.  Anyway, match went about 20 minutes and was pretty good.  Edge and Vickie leave happy, then Matt leaves, then Jeff is helped out by the referees!

No Way Out, live of PPV February 15, with Elimination Chamber matches!

Todd Grisham interviews Randy Orton.  Orton says he doesn’t know what the repercussions of his kick will be, but as far as he knows, he’s still in the Rumble match.  Jericho steps in and says he approves of what Orton did.  Jericho thinks Orton is going to get fired tomorrow.  He wishes him good luck.

Royal Rumble “by the numbers” match video package.  It’s Rumble time!  Justin Roberts runs down the rules of the Rumble.  If we don’t all know how it works by now, we never well.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is the 2006 Royal Rumble winner, Rey Mysterio!  Ross and Lawler are back together to do commentary for the Rumble.  #2 is John Morrison.  This should be a good opening minute.  They take turns almost being eliminated.  #3 is Carlito.  Carlito spits apple in Morrison’s face.  Carlito hits a nice springboard moonsault on Morrison.  #4 is MVP, who gets a big babyface reaction.  Morrison hits his springboard kick on Carlito, then MVP hits the Drive By on Morrison.  #5 is Great Khali.  Khali destroys everyone.  #6 is Vladimir Kozlov.  He and Khali go right at it.  Kozlov eliminates Khali!  Kozlov dumps MVP as well.  He tries to eliminate Carlito, but Carlito saves himself and eats a Kozlov spinebuster, then Kozlov tosses him anyway.  Kozlov and Mysterio go at it.  #7 is Triple H, the 2002 Royal Rumble winner!!  Triple H goes straight for Kozlov, who he’s been having issues with.  Triple H gives Kozlov the crotch chop, then tosses him.  Morrison goes after Triple H, but gets a knee to the face.  #8 is Randy Orton!  Orton goes for the RKO on Triple H.  Triple H shoves him away and goes for the Pedigree, but eats Morrison’s springboard kick.  Mysterio hits the Bombs Away on Orton, then the 619 on Morrison.  #9 is… Cryme Tyme.  Okay, they’ve got one spot between them so they flip a coin.  JTG wins the coin flip and heads to the ring.  Shad picks up the coin and sees that it was a two headed coin!  #10 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ awful new music).  Dibiase almost eliminates JTG and Morrison, but they both hold on and try to kick each other off of their hand holds.  Mysterio almost eliminates Orton.  #11 is Chris Jericho.  Jericho misses a Lionsault on Triple H.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Triple H prevents it, though.  #12 is Mike Knox (w/ beard).  Of course, he goes right after Mysterio first, then clocks JTG and Morrison for good measure.  #13 is The Miz.  The ring starting to fill up.  Ah, I see why.  Orton RKOs three guys, then gets Pedigreed.  Triple H tosses Morrison into Miz and they’re both eliminated.  #14 is Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Mysterio goes over the top, but uses Miz and Morrison as steps to get back in the ring.  Brilliant spot!  Finlay loves to fight, so he’s having a great time tonight.  #15 is Cody Rhodes (w/ awful music).  The three members of Legacy triple team Triple H, then Finlay.  Mysterio springboards off the ropes and Orton catches him in mid-air with the RKO!  #16 is The Undertaker!  Undertaker beats up everybody and tosses JTG.  Taker beats up Cody.  #17 is Goldust.  Goldust nails Dibiase, then smacks his little brother.  Goldust almost eliminates Cody, but Orton gives him the RKO.  At Orton’s direction, Cody eliminates Goldust.  #18 is CM PUNK!  He tries to do his springboard into the ring, but slips on the ropes.  Hey, those ropes are sweaty by this point!  Triple H goes for the Pedigree on Punk, but Punk counters and nails the Go 2 Sleep!  #19 is Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas).  Henry beats on Taker and others. #20 is Shelton Benjamin.  As Punk and Jericho fight on the top rope, Shelton jumps up and hits a double Paydirt!  Triple H almost eliminates Punk.  #21 is William Regal (w/ Layla)  He goes straight for Punk, who beat him for the Intercontinental Title last Monday.  Mysterio low bridges Mark Henry, leading to the World’s Strongest Man being eliminated.  #22 is Kofi Kingston.  Undertaker eliminates Benjamin.  Jericho is trying hard to eliminate Mysterio.  #23 is Kane.  Taker is bleeding.  He and Kane united to chokeslam Dibiase.  Kane chokeslams Kofi as well.  Punk eliminates Regal.  #24 is R-Truth.  #25 is ROB VAN DAM!  He looks out of shape and rusty, but he’s still super crazy over.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash on R-Truth, but doesn’t hit it as Triple H tries to stop him and RVD has to jump over.  #26 is The Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson), who eliminates Kingston, but is promptly eliminated himself by Triple H.  #27 is Dolph Ziggler.  He introduces himself to Kane, who tosses him.  #28 is Santino Marella.  He lasts approximately two seconds before being clotheslined over the top rope and eliminated by Kane.  “I WASN’T READY!” he protests.  Santino is awesome.  #29 is winner of the 1988 Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, to a big pop.  Hacksaw beats up everyone!  #30 is The Big Show!  Show and Undertaker go face to face, but Kane interjects himself and nails Show.  Duggan goes after Show and gets tossed for his trouble.  Duggan shockingly got a nice push in this Rumble and was crazy over.  Show press slams R-Truth out of the ring.  Undertaker tosses Cody, who holds on and saves himself.  Show fails three times to eliminate Punk, but finally nails him with the big punch and Punk falls off the apron to be eliminated.  Knox and Mysterio are eliminated.  Hornswoggle comes in and saves Finlay from getting chokeslammed by Kane.  Kane backdrops Finlay out of the ring to eliminate him.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Kane.  Orton hits his sick DDT on Triple H.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Orton, then gets eliminated by Jericho.  Jericho turns around into the Undertaker.  They go at it, then Taker eliminates Jericho.  Legacy eliminates Kane.  We’re down to six.  Triple H fight Shows as Legacy go after Undertaker.  Show chokeslams Triple H.  Undertaker chokeslams Orton, Dibiase, and Rhodes in turn.  Undertaker and Big Show trade punches.  Taker hits the big boot and sends Show out, but Show holds on too!  There’s WAY too much of that in this Rumble.  Orton tries to RKO Taker, but Taker shoves him away.  Undertaker and Show goozle each other on the apron.  Orton RKO’s Show, who falls to floor for the elimination.  Show pulls Taker off the apron to eliminate him.  Taker and Show brawl into the crowd.  Final four: Triple H and Legacy.  Triple H gets triple teamed.  He counters an RKO attempt and goes on the offensive.  He hits the knee facebuster on Cody and the spinebuster on Dibiase.  He Pedigrees Rhodes and tosses Dibiase.  He tosses Cody, but Orton bundles Triple H out from behind to win the Royal Rumble at 58:38.  Orton celebrates his ticket to WrestleMania!

Not the best Rumble PPV by any means, but Edge and Hardy had a good match, and the Rumble itself is always fun.