Archive for Brother Runt

TNA Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Awesome opening video with photos and voice overs from the former ECW wrestlers.

TNA Wrestling presents Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand.

Ring announcer Stephen DeAngelis introduces Taz.  Taz comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on people who criticized the original ECW.  He finishes with his catch phrase, “Beat me if you can…”  The crowd supplies the “survive if I let you!”  For some reason, the arena lighting is all blue.  I don’t recall ECW ever looking like that.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The FBI of Guido Maritato, Tracey Smothers, & Tony Luke (w/ Sal E. Graziano) vs. Kid Kash, Simon Diamond, & Johnny Swinger.  Guido and Kash start with mat wrestling.  Crowd chants “WHERE’S MY PIZZA?”  Guido and Kash have a nice wrestling exchange, then start shoving each other.  Tony Luke (can’t call him Mamaluke) and Swinger tag in.  Tenay mentions that there are names they can’t legally say.  They have a nice exchange, then Smothers and Diamond tag in and brawl.  Smothers drops an elbow and Diamond bails.  Diamond takes the mic to cut a promo in the middle of the match.  Crowd chants “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  Diamond says “Come in here and make me.”  Diamond blames Kash for their team not being a well oiled machine, then Diamond challenges the FBI to a dance off.  Diamond and Swing dance like mentally challenged, sexually confused men.  Crowd chants “YOU CAN’T DANCE!”  Smothers says Michael Jackson just rolled over in his grave.  The FBI dances.  Seriously?  Big Sal dancing gets a big pop.  Diamond and Swinger jump the FBI and try to take down Sal, but Sal runs through both of them with a clothesline.  Everybody brawls outside just so Kid Kash can wipe everybody out with a huge flip dive.  Luke tries a dive, but Diamond and Swinger cut him off and work him over in the ring.  Kash hits Luke with a backbreaker for 2.  Luke nails Kash with a lariat.  Kash powerslams Luke into the turnbuckles.  Neat.  Guido tags in and cleans house.  Cross body on Kash gets 2.  Guido hits a side Russian leg sweep and a basement dropkick, but Swinger saves.  Tower of Doom spot out of the corner with Luke getting the worst of it.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kash hits the Money Maker on Luke.  Guido hits the Sicilian Slice on Kash.  Diamond goes for a TKO, but Guido turns it into the Killswitch for the pin in 10:43.  Despite the dancing silliness, this was fun stuff.

Tenay and Taz talk.  Tenay says if Joey Styles was available, he would have gladly stepped aside.  Oh, how I wish Styles was available.  They announce that Jerry Lynn is injured, so Rob Van Dam will face Sabu tonight.

“Where are they now?” with Tod Gordon, Gary Wolfe, and The Blue Meanie.

AJ Styles and Angelina Love talk about their memories of ECW.

Al Snow yells at Head, making fun of the legal issues with this show.  Stevie Richards tries to calm him down.  Nova shows up.  Snow makes a Simon Dean reference.  Nova brings in a fake Blue Meanie.  They argue about using a fake guy.  Snow leaves.  Richards says he’s going to prove himself tonight.  A guy with a mini blow up doll shows up picking his nose.  He and fake Meanie pick each others’ noses.  That was retarded.

C.W. Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio.  Sweet wrestling to start.  I’m always happy with that.  Scorpio offers a handshake, but Anderson spits in his hand.  They trade forearms.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Crowd chants “This is wrestling!”  Scorpio does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick.  Scorpio sends Anderson outside and hits him with a dive.  Back inside, Scorpio hits a diving cross body for 2.  Anderson lands a superkick for 2.  Anderson works Scorpio’s arm.  Scorpio does a cool wrap around kick and lands some jabs.  Anderson ducks some kicks and lands a heavy blow that drops Scorpio cold.  Cover gets 2.  Cool cover sequence.  Anderson sends Scorpio to the apron and drops him with a forearm for 2.  Scorpio hits a rolling kick on the corner. then hits the Tumbleweed off the middle rope for 2.  Scorpio goes for a moonsault, but Anderson gets his knees up.  Anderson hits the spinebuster for 2.  Anderson hammers Scorpio.  Scorpio drops him with a kick and and hits a diving moonsault leg drop for the pin in 6:47.  Good little match.  They shake hands and make friends after the match.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Matt Morgan, and Ken Anderson talk about their memories of ECW, or as they call it, “the Philadelphia promotion.”

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso talk backstage.  Alfonso looks old as shit and sounds drunk.  He promises to call it right down the middle tonight, then he blows that obnoxious whistle.

P.J. Polaco vs. Stevie Richards (w/ Nova & Blue Tillie).  Polaco is Justin Credible.  They lock up.  Polaco grabs a side headlock, then scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Repeat in reverse.  They trade chops.  Credible slides and hits his balls on the post.  Credible suplexes Stevie on the floor, then hits him with a slingshot splash.  Back inside, Credible hits a sit-out powerbomb for 2, then a DDT for 2.  Stevie sends Credible outside with a nasty bump.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Nova and Tillie taunt Credible.  Crowd chants “WE WANT MEANIE!”  Stevie beats up Credible back inside.  Stevie hits a sidewalk slam and a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  Credible lands a kick for 2.  Credible hits the Tombstone, but lets him up at 2.  Credible gets distracted by Nova.  Credible taunts Stevie.  Stevie lands the superkick for the pin in 6:32.  Okay little match.  Credible attacks Stevie with the Singapore cane after the match.  The lights go out.  The Sandman appears and hits Credible with the White Russian leg sweep, then canes him.

“Where are they now?” with Francine and her baby daughter.

Taz puts over Francine.  Tenay takes a moment to acknowledge those who are no longer with us, but they don’t mention any names.

Three-Way Elimination Match: Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhino.  They all take turns locking up with each other, then we get a three-way headlock.  Rhino shoulder blocks Snow out of the ring.  Runt schoolboys Rhino for 0, then gets dropped with a clothesline.  Rhino sets up for the Gore, but Snow trips him.  Snow hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Runt.  Rhino beats up Snow, knocks him out of the ring, and beats up Runt.  Runt throws Rhino out of the ring and dives at both of them, but Rhino and Snow catch him and hit a big fall away slam on the ramp.  Back inside, Snow goes for a slingshot leg drop on Rhino, but Rhino avoids it.  Crowd chants “WE WANT HEAD!”  Snow hits the double underhook headbutts, then hits a moonsault press for 2.  They show TNA wrestlers watching backstage.  Rhino suplexes Snow, then Runt hits Snow with a diving double stomp.  Runt goes for the Acid Drop on Rhino, but Rhino tosses him across the ring.  Runt hits a headscissors.  Runt fights both Snow and Rhino.  He tries a double Acid Drop, but they throw him out of the ring.  Snow accidentally bumps the referee, then nails Rhino with Head.  Runt comes in with a chair and pulls the Eddie Guerrero trick.  Snow throws the chair down and plays dead too.  The referee is like WTF?  Heh.  While the referee disposes of the chair, Snow tries to use Head again.  Runt avoids it and hits the Acid Drop for the pin in 5:49.  Rhino immediately Gores Runt for the pin in 6:01.  Fun match.

Mick Foley is backstage reading Hulk Hogan’s new book.  He talks about the Raven/Dreamer feud.

Brutus Magnus and Chris Sabin talk about their ECW memories.

Axl Rotten & Kahoneys (Balls Mahoney) comes out.  Balls says they’re the most hardcore tag team in the business and they don’t have a match, so they issue an open challenge.  A very fat (even for him) Joel Gertner comes out with Team 3D (wearing the old school tie-dye (like Runt in the last match).  Gertner does one of his classic introductions.  Bubba calls Axl & Balls in the ring and says nobody wants to see them have a wrestling match and calls for a South Philadelphia Street Fight!

South Philadelphia Street Fight: Axl Rotten & Kahoneys vs. Team 3D (w/ Joel Gertner).  They brawl.  Bubba and Balls brawl outside while Devon and Axl actually do a tiny bit of wrestling in the ring.  They trade places, with Balls and Bubba brawling in the ring.  They keep doing a split screen so you can see both pairs of dudes fighting, which actually makes it harder to see anything.  Bubba hits Balls with one of the fan’s foam heads.  They all brawl in the crowd for a while.  They come back to the ring and bring in a bunch of weapons.  Balls cracks Bubba with a trash can lid and Bubba does a hilarious Flair flop.  Balls goes for the New Jersey Jam, but Bubba avoids it and nails him with a frying pan.  Axl comes in and beats up Bubba, then cracks him with a cookie sheet.  Axl brawls with Devon.  Bubba drops him with a boot.  Balls comes in twirling a FUCKING LIGHTSABER.  Crowd chants “USE THE FORCE!”  Fucking awesome.  Bubba gets a Lightsaber too and they have a sword fight.  Balls “stabs” Bubba and goes for his big punch, but Bubba hits him in the balls with the saber.  Bubba hits the punches and the bionic elbow.  Axl hits Bubba with a botched reverse DDT for 2.  Devon hits Axl with a reverse neckbreaker for 2.  Balls hits the Ball Breaker on Devon for 2.  Everybody squares off for a chair fight.  Balls and Axl get the better of it and get a double cover for 2.  Balls & Axl go after the referee, who hits them with a double clothesline to no avail.  3D hit Balls & Axl with chairs for 2.  3D hits the Wassup headbutt on Balls’ balls.  Bubba suggests that Devon get the table.  They set up the table, pour on some lighter fluid, and set it on fire.  3D powerbomb Balls through the table and Devon gets the pin in 11:56.  Fun comedy garbage match.  Bubba says they’re the greatest tag team in the world.  The Gangstas come out!  They brawl with 3D, then New Jack hits Gertner with a guitar.  The Gangstas, 3D, Balls, and Axl all hug and make friends.

Raven cuts a really good promo about his kayfabe history with Tommy Dreamer.

Jesse Neal and Kazarian talk about their ECW memories.

Brother Ray, Rob Van Dam, Jerry Lynn, Simon Diamond, Rhino, The Sandman, Stevie Richards, and Tommy Dreamer put over Joey Styles.

The Final Showdown: Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Mick Foley is the referee.  Beulah McGillicutty is sitting in the front row next to Dixie Carter, along with her and Dreamer’s young twin daughters.  That isn’t going to end well.  Foley gives his instructions, which are “do whatever you like.”  Raven kicks Dreamer in the balls before the bell rings to get the jump on him.  Raven beats up Dreamer on the outside, giving him a side Russian leg sweep into the barricade.  Raven brings a chair into the ring and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Dreamer reverses Raven into it.  They brawl outside some more.  Dreamer spits some kid of beverage into Raven’s face, then hits him with the can.  Dreamer sets up 2 chairs side by side and goes for a suplex, but Raven counters and hits the classic drop toe hold into the chairs.  Dreamer is bleeding.  Raven hits him with a chair an dbeats the shit out of him right in front of his kids.  Thankfully, they take the kids away.  Raven swings a chair, but hits the post.  Raven throws Dreamer into the steps.  Dreamer is a bloody mess now.  Raven does his pose to boos, then continues working Dreamer over.  Dreamer counters Raven and hits him with the drop toe hold onto the chair.  Dreamer grabs a sign from a fan that says “Tommy, use my sign” and nails Raven with it.  Dreamer rips the tape off the sign to reveal that it’s a “Dead End” road sign.  Dreamer suplexes Raven onto the sign.  Dreamer brings in a ladder.  Crowd chants “This is hardcore!”  Dreamer beats up Raven and bites his head.  Raven is a bloody mess too.  Dreamer hits the Albert decapitator on the ladder, which was propped up by the middle ropes.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Dreamer sets Raven on the top rope and stands on the ladder.  Raven knocks him down and Dreamer crotches himself on the ladder.  Raven hits something for 2.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Dreamer counters and hits the Spiccoli Driver.  Crowd chants “LOUIE!”  Dreamer puts Raven in the tree of woe and stands on his balls.  Dreamer does the “E-C-W!” taunt and dropkicks the sign into Raven’s face.  Dreamer brings in a spool of barbed wire.  Dreamer does the crossface with the barbed wire.  Ugh.  Nova and Blue Tillie run in and attack Foley and Dreamer.  Nova hits Dreamer with a Flatliner, then helps Tillie to the top rope to go for a diving splash, but Dreamer moves.  Dreamer hits a DDT/neckbreaker on Tillie and Nova.  Raven hits the DDT on Dreamer for 2.  Raven bitches at Foley and shoves him.  Foley kicks Raven’s ass and gives him the Socko claw.  The nose picking dude from earlier comes in and hits a diving leg drop on Dreamer.  Foley kicks his ass and gives him the barbed wire Socko claw.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Foley takes the dude (a fake Lupus, apparently) out of the arena or something.  Raven handcuffs Dreamer.  Raven picks up a chair.  Foley says not to do it because Dreamer is helpless.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!”  Beulah runs out to try to reason with Raven.  Raven cracks Dreamer with the chair, then threatens Beulah.  Foley tries to take the chair away, but Raven low blows him and hits him with the chair.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE A PUSSY!”  Beulah hits Raven in the balls.  Dreamer hits a DDT despite being handcuffed for 2.  Really?  That’s not the finish?  Dreamer goes for it again, but Raven hits him in the knee with a chair.  Raven hits the DDT onto the chair for the pin in 17:00.  Pathetic.  Overbooked garbage wrestling for the sake of overbooked garbage wrestling.  This shit worked in 1995, but I don’t want to see it in 2010.  The bit with Dreamer’s kids was creepy and unnecessary.

Hype for this Thursday’s special iMPACT!

Jeremy Borash and So Cal Val are backstage hyping some shit.  The Gangstas show up.  New Jack tells Val “Once you go black, you get bad credit.”  Mustafa leaves with Val.  Jack says JB is his bitch now.  They leave.  WTF was that?

Taz, Al Snow, Rhino, Mick Foley, Raven, Stevie Richards, Simon Diamond, and Sandman put over Paul Heyman.

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam (w/ Bill Alfonso) vs. Sabu (w/ Bill Alfonso).  Yes, Fonzie is managing both, so he actually goes through the trouble of walking out with both.  Sabu is BALD!  When the hell did that happen?  The morons chant “THIS IS CLASSIC!” before they even lock up.  They kind of lock up, then RVD goes outside to do his thumb pointing.  Alfonso encourages Sabu to do his pointing pose in response.  Fonzie is blowing that fucking whistle.  They finally lock up properly and wrestle a bit.  Stalemate, applause.  They do their poses.  They look like they’re having fun and the morons are enjoying it.  Fonzie throws in a chair and they fight over it.  Sabu throws it into Van Dam’s face, then springboards over it to hit him on the corner.  RVD takes a bump on the chair.  Cover gets 2.  RVD bails and Sabu hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends him into the crowd.  Sabu springboards over the chair and dives onto RVD in the crowd.  I’ve forgotten how bad I always wanted to shove that fucking whistle down Fonzie’s throat.  Back in the ring, cover gets 2.  Crowd chants “YOU FUCKED UP”! for some reason.  Sabu works over RVD and locks in a camel clutch with a chair.  Ouch.  THAT FUCKING WHISTLE.  Sabu tries to springboard over the chair again, but RVD dropkicks it into him.  Sabu is bleeding from the back of the head.  RVD hits a monkey flip that was intended to be on the chair, but they miss.  RVD throws the chair at Sabu’s face for 2.  Sabu hits a lariat for 2.  They both try a springboard and hit each other.  Fonzie comes in and gives them both some water to drink.  Crowd chants “WATER BREAK!”  Re-hydrated, they both bring in tables.  They lock up at ringside, then RVD hits the Rider kick off of the apron.  RVD drops Sabu across the barricade and hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP!  I love that move.  RVD hits a slingshot leg drop to the apron using a chair.  Cover gets 2.  RVD goes up top, but Fonzie throws Sabu a chair to throw at RVD.  Sabu hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and RVD lands on the chair!  Fucking ouch.  Sabu hits the Arabian Facebuster for 2.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL GOT IT!”  Sabu locks in the camel clutch.  Sabu goes for the Triple Jump Moonsault, but RVD sends him face first into the chair.  RVD crotches Sabu on the top rope and has Fonzie hold the chair so he can hit the Van Assassinator (I guess).  RVD hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  I wish Fonzie would swallow that fucking whistle.  RVD sets up one of the tables.  Sabu throws a chair into his face.  Crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  It’s really not.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder with a chair.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  RVD hits the corner dropkick with the chair for 2.  Sabu hits a tornado DDT onto a chair.  Fucking ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Sabu hits the Atomic Arabian Facebuster.  Sabu goes for the Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher through a table, but RVD avoids it.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 17:13.  This was the spot fest you’d expect between these two, but at least they tried hard.  The hug and make friends after the match.

All of the former ECW guys come to the ring for a beer bash.  Even Dixie has a beer in the front row.  Crowd chants “FUCK YOU VINCE!”  Dreamer thanks Tenay and Taz, Atlas Security, the fans, and Dixie.  Brother Ray carries Dixie around the ring and the morons chant “DIXIE!”  This whole fucking company has to be a vanity project for her.  Dreamer says it was one hell of a PPV.

I guess it worked as a nostalgia show.  I didn’t hate anything until the semi-main event, so I guess that’s good.  Let’s just move on with our lives now.

TNA iMPACT! 3/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Hogan’s Heroes.”  Really?

Hulk Hogan, Abyss, Rob Van Dam, and Jeff Hardy arrive in a Hummer.  Abyss can drive?

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out.  Styles cuts a promo on Abyss.  It sucks.  Styles gets booed for saying he doesn’t believe in Santa Claus.  Heh.  Styles says he’s a gift from God, then breaks out Flair’s classic “fat boy” line.  Flair takes the mic and cuts a typically awesome Ric Flair promo.  Flair busts himself open by punching the cut he got last week.  Flair talks about Jeff Hardy.  Hardy comes out (w/ stupid Joker makeup).  Styles bitches at Hardy.  Styles’ promos are so forced.  Styles challenges Hardy to a match tonight.  Hardy accepts.  Flair tells Hardy to backstage and paint a picture to get high off the paint.  Hardy has some bizarre closing line about creatures of the night, then the lighting goes all retarded as Flair stomps around.  The fuck?

Eric Bischoff bitches and Mick Foley.  Bischoff says tonight he’s going to shave Foley’s head and beard.

Destination X is THIS SUNDAY!  Who knew?

Tenay and Taz talk about what’s going down TONIGHT!

Earlier today, Jimmy Hart and the Nasty Boys jumped Jesse Neal in catering.  Sags powerbombs him through a table.

Now the Nastys and Hart are in the ring.  It was supposed to be a six-man tag, but Knobs says now it’s a handicap match.  Team 3D comes out (w/ table).  Bubba says they have a partner… Brother Runt!

The Nasty Boys & Jimmy Hart vs. Team 3D & Brother Runt.  Devon and Sags brawl to start.  In Devon’s defense, he wanted to lock up.  Runt tags in and goes stuff.  He wants to fight Jimmy Hart.  He also has a very noticeable bald spot.  Nastys give Runt the Pit Stop.  Gross.  Hart tags in and puts the boots to Runt.  Hart tries to whip Runt with the belt.  Runt tags out to Bubba.  Knobs tags in.  Bubba beats up the Nastys.  He sends Sags to the floor.  Runt hits him with a double axe handle to the outside.  More shit happens.  Knobs hits Ray with the helmet, which allows Hart to get the pin in 3:13.  Really?  Nastys do the beat down after the match.  Hart whips Runt with the belt.  Jesse Neal makes the save.  Sags takes a very unsmooth looking 3D through the table.  This sucked.

Christy Hemme interviews Angelina Love.  She issues an open challenge to any of the Beautiful People for tonight.  Commercials!

Jeremy Borash interviews Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  Syxx says “We’ve been kicked out of better places than this.”  I LOL’d.  Kevin Nash and Eric Young interrupt.  Nash puts up $25,000 for Hall to face him for 5 minutes tonight.  Hall says “See you out there.  I’ll be the one looks like Elvis.”  Heh.

Ken Anderson & Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Kurt Angle & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Angle and Wolfe start, which is always fucking awesome.  They trade arm locks.  Anderson cheap shots Angle from the apron.  Anderson tags in and works over Angle for a second, then tags in Wolfe, who works over Angle some more.  Angle hits a belly-to-belly throw on Wolfe.  Tag to Pope, still selling his ankle injury.  I love Pope.  Most guys won’t even sell an injury for a whole match.  He’s been selling that ankle injury for a month.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Anderson.  He tries it on Wolfe, who counters with the Divorce Court.  Pope pins Wolfe with an inside cradle in 3:29.  Well, it was good while it lasted.  Wolfe attacks Pope after the match.  They brawl up the ramp as Anderson jumps Angle in the ring, steals his dog tag again, and uses it to cut Angle open!  Anderson uses his special mic and cuts a promo on a bloody, fallen Angle.  Awesome.  Anderson clobbers Angle with the mic.  Great stuff.

Stupid commercial cutaway: The Beautiful People talk backstage.  None of them want to face Angelina.

Hogan talks to Hardy and RVD.  He says Abyss will be the guest enforcer.  Nothing else he says makes sense.  RVD and Hardy leave.  Bischoff comes in.  He’s mad Hulk didn’t tell him about Hardy and RVD showing up last week.  Hogan says he knew Bischoff was busy.  Bischoff says he’s going to remind some people who the boss is tonight.  Hogan says “That was weird.”

Angelina comes out for the match.  The Beautiful People come out and tell her that her opponent is tonight’s honorary Beautiful People member.  Daffney comes from under the ring and jumps Love.

Angelina Love vs. Daffney (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions The Beautiful People & Lacey Von Erich).  Daffney knocks Love down, mounts her, and abuses her.  That was a strange sentence.  Daffney pulls a toolbox from under the ring and brings in a hammer.  The ref won’t let her use it.  Love trips her and lands some punches.  The Beautiful People trip her and pull her crotch against the post for the DQ in 1:23.  Daffney spins Love into the ramp.  Ouch.  Daffney gets the ugly stick from the ramp.  Tara runs in through the crowd to make the save and drops Rayne with the Widow’s Peak.  She’ll defend the Knockouts Title against Tara at Destination X.

Styles vs. Hardy TONIGHT!  Commercials!

The show all of the shenanigans involving Sting from last week.

Hulk Hogan comes out to the ring.  He cuts a promo about Sting.  Hogan says he can smell Sting.  Sting is in the rafters.  As usual.  Hogan calls him out.  Sting makes his way from the rafters to the floor of the arena.  It’s a long walk.  When he gets into the arena, Rob Van Dam jumps him and kicks his ass.  Great babyface behavior, guys.  RVD takes the bat, throws it to Hogan, and throws Sting into the ring.  Bischoff comes out and yells at Hogan not to do it.  Bischoff lectures Hogan about his current role.  He yells at security to get Sting out of here.  He tells Hogan to be done with it (being a wrestler, I guess).  This whole segment was stupid.  Hogan hugs Brooke at ringside.

Hernandez tells Jarrett he wants to team with him against Beer Money.  Bischoff overhears and tells them it’s Hernandez vs. Beer Money with Jarrett as the referee.  Bischoff says if Jarrett screws up, he’s being demoted to ring crew… or something.

Commercial inset: Hardy vs. Styles!  Hall vs. Nash!

5 Minute, $25,000 Challenge: Kevin Nash vs. Scott Hall.  Hall is in street clothes, including a TNA sweatshirt with “WOLFPAC” in magic marker.  They trade slow, weak punches.  Nash hits a short range lariat to escape a wrist lock.  Nash elbows Hall in the corner.  Syxx-Pac runs in and clips Nash’s leg.  They handcuff Nash to the bottom rope and beat on him.  Eric Young tries to make the save, but they overwhelm him too.  Pac hits the X Factor.  Hall takes the money.  I guess it’s a no-contest in about 2 or 3 minutes.  It sucked.

ShopTNA.com!

JB interviews Beer Money.  They’re mad that they’ve been pushed aside since Hogan and Bischoff arrived.  They got back on TV and had a title shot at the next PPV, THEN they decided to turn heel.  I guess you can’t expect logic from TNA.

Handicap Match: Beer Money vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Jeff Jarrett is the referee.  Beer Money jumps Hernandez as soon as he gets in the ring.  Hernandez’s partner Matt Morgan comes out, teases going to the ring, but joins the commentary team instead.  Beer Money beats up Hernandez and taunt Jarrett while Morgan bitches about Hernandez on commentary.  Beer Money tries to suplex Hernandez, but he suplexes both of them.  Hernandes goes for the Border Toss on Roode, but Storm superkicks him.  Beer Money hits the DWI and Roode gets the pin in 3:37.  They insist that Jarrett raises their hands in victory.  Jarrett grudgingly goes so.  Beer Money beats down Hernandez and push Jarrett down when he tries to save.  Jarrett takes off the referee shirt and helps Hernandez fight off Beer Money.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff is headed to the ring with a mirror.

Eric Bischoff is in the ring with a barber chair.  He says he’s going to do things to Jeff Jarrett’s ass next week.  Or something.  He calls for Mick Foley to come out.  Foley sits in the chair, then stops Bischoff from using the clippers.  Foley reveals the sock and puts the Mandible Claw on Bischoff until he passes out in the chair.  Foley takes the clippers and shaves Bischoff’s head.  Foley holds the mirror in front of Bischoff, who is pissed.  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Christy Hemme interviews Shannon Moore.  Ugh.  He cuts a retarded promo.

The Motor City Machine Guns are in the ring, where the Ultimate X structure has been assembled.  Sabin cuts a promo, then bashes Generation Me.  Sabin says “Who have you ever beat?”  Generation Me comes out and reminds them that they beat the Guns in their debut match.  Shelley says it was luck.  Shelly says “We are the XBox to our Atari.  You are the station wagons to our Ferraris.”  Shelley says something about spending the night with their girlfriends.  Bucks jump the Guns.  Brian Kendrick comes out to help the Guns.  Amazing Red comes in and jumps on Kendrick.  Christopher Daniels comes out and drops Red.  Kazarian comes out with a ladder and throws it at Daniels.  Everybody fights.  The Bucks dive off the structure onto the Guns.  Red flips off of the ladder and takes out all four of the heels on the outside of the ring.  Crazy dive.  The faces pose on the ladder.  Good segment.

JB interviews Abyss.  He cuts a promo about the ring.

The main event is NEXT!

Commercial inset: Jeff Hardy backstage!

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Abyss is the outside enforcer.  After a commercial break, Styles jumps Hardy.  I think they waited until then to start the match.  He bell is really hard to hear tonight.  Hardy hits a diving leg drop for 2.  Hardy works a rear chin lock.  Styles sends Hardy to the outside.  Abyss stares down Flair when he tries to get involved.  Flair throws his jacket at Abyss.  Styles teases a dive, then doesn’t.  Yay for actually getting some heat, AJ!  Styles puts the boots to Hardy back inside.  Hardy fights back.  Styles drops him with a dropkick.  Styles works Hardy’s leg.  Hardy sends Styles out to the ramp.  Styles grounds Hardy with a chin lock.  Hardy hits a front suplex, then a dropkick in the corner.  Styles hits a brainbuster for 2.  Hardy hits a dive that I missed for 2.  Styles avoids the Twist of Fate and hits the Pele kick.  There’s a ref bump.  Styles gets a chair.  Abyss says no.  Hardy goes for the springboard 450.  Hardy avoids it and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb.  Abyss counts the pin in 9:12.  Fine match.  Flair hits Hardy with a chair to send him outside, then hits Abyss.  Flair follows Abyss on the stage and keeps hitting him with the chair.  Abyss hulks up and chokeslams Flair through the stage.  Abyss points and Styles.  End of show.

I gotta give week 2 to Raw.