Archive for Brock Lesnar

WWE SummerSlam 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2012 by Grappleholic

New WWE open, which debuted on the 1,000th Raw.  Intro video for the 25th SummerSlam, which isn’t the 25th anniversary, but is billed as such because WWE doesn’t know how anniversaries work.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream at us.  I guess that means Ziggler vs. Jericho is up first.  They show clips of Ziggler winning the Money In The Bank Ladder Match last month.  Jericho comes out and they show a clip of Ziggler injuring Jericho’s ribs this past Smackdown.  Justin Roberts is a ring announcer.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho is sporting taped ribs from the aforementioned attack.  Ziggler runs around the ring and Jericho gives chase.  Back inside, Jericho catches him with an elbow smash and beats him up a bit.  Ziggler does a drop down and a leap frog, but Jericho catches him with a chop.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and attacks the injured ribs.  Jericho gets a reprieve by back body dropping Ziggler to the floor.  He goes for his rebound dropkick to the apron, but fails and eats the floor as Ziggler makes it back into the ring.  Ziggler continues to punish the ribs.  Vickie is obnoxious at ringside.  Ziggler hits a Rude Awakening, complete with gyrating hips, then pulls a Jericho classic on foot cover for 2.  Jericho gets whipped into the ropes, but catches Ziggler with a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler charges Jericho in the corner, eats it, and Jericho gets a brief flurry.  Ziggler charges the corner again and eats Jericho’s boot.  Jericho follows with a diving elbow smash.  Ziggler sends Jericho into the post, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, fails, but lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Ziggler avoids Jericho in the corner, jumps on his back, and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Jericho backs Ziggler into the corner to escape.  Ziggler kicks him in the ribs and goes up top.  Jericho cuts him off, pounds on him, and hits a top rope Frankensteiner~!  Delayed cover gets 2.  Ziggler catches Jericho out of nowhere with a swank DDT for 2.  They trade shots.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault.  Ziggler catches him in the injured ribs with raised knees, then hits the Zig Zag, but Jericho kicks out!  Jericho catches Ziggler with the Codebreaker.  Ziggler rolls to the floor.  Jericho throws Ziggler back into the ring.  Vickie grabs Jericho’s leg, allowing Ziggler to get an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho sends Ziggler into the post and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Ziggler taps in 13:06.  Yes, Jericho won, but is this really “the big one?”  It made sense when Jericho did this angle with The Rock in 2001 and won the World title, but is the opening match of SummerSlam the same thing?  Good match, though.

Slim Jim commercial.

Los Angeles!

They show Brock Lesnar destroying Shawn Michaels on Raw last week.

Matt Striker interviews Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.  Well, Paul does all of the talking.

Lillian Garcia is also a ring announcer.  The Spanish announcers, Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez, are present as well.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Kane has his dukes up, which amuses me.  Bryan kicks at the larger man’s legs.  Kane catches a kick and throws him down.  Bryan avoids an elbow and kicks him some more.  Kane punches him a bit.  Bryan backflips off the top rope, then gets slammed for 2.  Kane stomps Bryan in the corner.  Fans are chanting for Bryan.  Bryan fails at a reverse cradle and eats a big boot.  Cover gets 2 for Kane.  Bryan kicks at Kane’s knee some more.  Kane nonchalantly choke throws Bryan out of the ring.  Bryan gets back in as Kane comes out and takes him out with a tope suicide.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan lands more kicks as the crowd chants “YES!”  Kane ducks a critical blow and lands a clothesline.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam.  Bryan counters out and rolls to the apron, pulls Kane’s head over the top rope, then comes back in to eat a punch.  Bryan slaps Kane defiantly.  Kane beats the crap out of him in the corner until the referee forces a break.  Bryan takes the opportunity and goes on the offensive.  He goes for the LeBell/Yes/No Lock, fails, and settles for kicking Kane in the chest.  He gets annoyed at the “YES!” chants and goes for the diving headbutt.  Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam.  Instead of covering, he signals for the Tombstone.  Bryan counters it into an inside cradle for the pin in 8:03!  Bryan wins!  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun little match.

Kane, pissed that lost, rampages around backstage.  Josh Matthews tries to interview him, but Kane grabs him by the throat, yells “WHERE?!  IS?!  HE?!” and throws him away, then continues his rampage.

Don’t drink and drive.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think Mysterio’s costume is supposed to be Batman.  They lock up.  Miz lands a shoulder block.  Mysterio sits up and kind of stares at him.  They do a bit of wrestling that ends in Rey getting a near fall and Miz taking a quick powder.  Miz comes back in and gets to stompin’.  Rey hits a flying headscissors.  Miz throws Rey out of the ring.  Rey slides back in as Miz slides out, then dropkicks Miz through the ropes.  Miz sends Rey torso-first into the barricade.  Back inside, Miz goes to work.  Rey counters a backdrop and gets a 2 count.  Miz catches Rey with that lucha-style backbreaker that Jericho does on Rey for 2.  Miz beats on Rey some more.  Rey tries to make a comeback, but eats a clothesline, which gets a 2 count for Miz.  Miz hits his corner clothesline and goes up top, but Rey dropkicks Miz, crotching h im on the top turbuckle.  Rey hits the diving seated senton and goes for a rana, but Miz catches him with a powerbomb for 2.  Rey ducks a kick and gets a cradle for 2, then kicks Miz in the head for another 2.  Combine the two, and he got a 4 count, so he almost won under Canadian rules.  Rey hits a whirly DDT for 2.  Rey goes up top again, but gets caught.  Rey fights Miz off and hits a diving headscissors, which puts Miz into 619 position.  Rey hits the 619 and goes for the diving splash, but Miz avoids it.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Rey turns it into a cradle for 2.  Miz launches Rey into the turnbuckles, then hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 9:10.  It was okay, but I never really got into it.

Plug for the WWE iPhone/Android app.  I downloaded it.  It’s not that interesting.

Teddy Long and Eve Torres walk out of the GM’s office and talk about how quirky AJ Lee is.  They walk away and WWE Champion CM Punk walks into the office.  He complains to AJ about being in a Triple Threat Match tonight.  She just cocks her head and stares off into space, ignoring him.

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio for the World Championship match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Sheamus into the corner.  Repeat.  They tumble out of the ring together and brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus hits the Finlay Roll for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but fails.  He ends up getting Del Rio up on his shoulders as Del Rio exposes the turnbuckle.  Sheamus counters the Minoru Special and misses the Brogue Kick.  Del Rio kicks Sheamus off the apron, then sends him knee first into the steps.  Back inside, Del Rio clamps on a rear chin lock.  Sheamus escapes and goes for another neckbreaker, but Del Rio kicks him in the knee, then in the head for 2.  They fight some more.  Del Rio is wearing black gear that looks reall weird on him for some reason.  He taunts Sheamus by doing the “Brogue!” taunt.  He teases a Brogue Kick, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Del Rio sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post.  Sheamus tries to go up top, but gets cut off.  Del Rio hits an arm breaker (pulling the knees into the arm) off the top for 2.  There has to be a better name for that move.  Del Rio goes for his move, but Sheamus counters.  Del Rio counters the counter and hits the Minoru Special.  Sheamus powers up and slams Del Rio down.  Sheamus hits the White Noise (Schwein) for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Del Rio avoids him.  Sheamus clubbers Del Rio in the chest.  Why hasn’t the referee fixed that exposed turnbuckle?  Oh, I see.  Del Rio drops Sheamus into the exposed buckle, then hits an enzuigiri, but Sheamus kicks out!  Del Rio roughs up Ricardo just because he’s a dick.  Sheamus hits Del Rio with Ricardo’s shoe, then hits the White Noise for the pin in 11:24, even though Del Rio’s foot was on the bottom rope.  That’s actually the finish?  Okay then.  Del Rio and Ricardo bitch at the referee, and rightfully so.  This match did not click with me at all.

Plug for the National Guard, or rather, how great WWE is for supporting the National Guard.

Cole and Lawler plug Night of Champions.

On the pre-show, Triple H told referee Scott Armstrong to not DQ or count anyone out tonight in his match with Brock Lesnar.

Last week on Raw, the Prime Time Players beat up R-Truth while Kofi Kingston was in China, then Touted about it.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (c) vs. The Prime Time Players.  Truth beats up Young to start.  O’Neil tags in and drops Truth with a boot, barks, and covers for 2.  Kofi tags in and keeps O’Neil off balance with his speed.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Young distracts him.  Heel chicanery on the outside leads to the Players getting the advantage.  Kofi plays face in peril.  Young looks like he’s trying to get Kofi in some retarded triangle choke.  It fails completely, but he continues to put a beating on Kofi.  O’Neil tags in and applies an abdominal stretch.  Kofi turns a spinning slam into a spike DDT.  Truth gets the hot tag and runs wild on Darren Young.  Truth hits a front suplex.  Cover, but O’Neil saves.  O’Neil throws Kofi out of the ring, but Kofi skins the cat, low bridges him out, and takes him out with a dive.  Truth thinks about a dive, but Young schoolboys him for 2.  Young goes for something and fails, and Truth hits the Paydirt, whatever he’s calling it this week, for the pin in 7:07.  Players are nothing without AW.  This match was pretty close to nothing, too.

Axxess clips.

Punk/Cena/Show hype video.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show.  Big Show beats up everyone to start.  Punk seems to be channeling Bret Hart with his pink gear.  Cena and Punk unite to try to suplex Show, but Show suplexes both of them at the same time.  Show wins on them some more.  Cena gets tossed out of the ring by Show and Punk makes a comeback until he stupidly goes for the Go 2 Sleep and fails.  Cena tries to give Show the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk pushes them over.  Punk covers Cena, but Show saves.  Show beats up Punk some more and throws Cena out of the ring again.  Punk avoids Show in the corner and goes for a springboard cross body, but Show catches him and hits the Final Cut.  Show signals for the KO punch, but Cena reappears and cuts him off.  Show spears Cena for 2.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb onto both opponents, but Punk avoids it and Cena takes the full brunt.  Punk breaks Show’s cover.  Show throws Punk out of the ring, then goes after Cena on the other side.  Punk tries a dive, but Show catches him and launches him into the ropes from the outside.  Awesome.  Show and Cena go at it in the ring.  Punk pulls Show’s head over the top rope, allowing Cena to hit a backdrop suplex.  LA crowd doesn’t like Cena.  Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk cuts him off.  Punk hits the diving elbow drop on Show.  Cover, but Show throws him across the ring at 2.  Punk kicks Show in the head and locks in the Koji Clutch, of all things.  Show breaks out.  Punk takes a powder.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block and locks in the STF.  Show stands and backs Cena into the corner.  Cena goes for a dive, but Show catches and slams him.  Punk drops Show with a diving lariat and hits him with 3 running knees to the corner, but Show counters the bulldog.  Cena hits Show with the diving Fameasser, but ends up on the apron.  Punk locks Show in the Koji Clutch.  Cena also applies the STF.  Show taps.  The referee calls for the bell, but there are 2 winners.  Cena and Punk argue with the referee.  Raw GM AJ Lee skips out and rules that the match must continue.  Show immediately chokeslams both me.  Cover on Cena gets 2.  Cover on Punk gets 2.  Cena ducks the KO punch and hits Show with the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring and pins Show in 14:28.  Very enjoyable match.  Punk celebrates.

Los Angeles!

Celebrities are here!  Including former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette and WrestleMania participant Maria Menounos (sporting a Bob Backlund shirt).

Trailer for WWE Films’ latest, The Day.

On the preshow, Antonio Cesaro beat Santino Marella for the WWE United States Championship, with help from Aksana.

Kevin Ruldolf (who?) performs the SummerSlam theme song.  People Dance like idiots.  The divas come out to dance: Tamina, Kaitlyn, Natalya, Aksana, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Cameron, Naomi, Layla, Rosa Mendez, and Alicia Fox.

Los Angeles.

Triple H/Lesnar hype video.

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Triple H.  Brock immediately powers Triple H into the corner.  Hunter comes back with punches.  Brock repeats and goes for the Kimura.  Triple H counters.  Brock beats him in the corner some more and goes for it again.  He gets a standing version, but Hunter is in the ropes.  Triple H fights back and clotheslines Brock out of the ring.  Brock comes back in and beats up Triple H in the corner some more.  Hunter lands a knee lift and clotheslines Brock out of the ring again.  Lesnar looks irked.  Brock comes back in and takes off his gloves.  It’s a bare knuckle fight now!  Brock gets a double leg takedown and pummels Triple H with a few punches.  Hunter bails, selling a punch to the back of the head.  They brawl outside.  Brock gives Hunter a hammerlock slam onto the announce table.  The brawl some more back inside.  Brock delivers another hammerlock slam.  Brock continues working the arm.  Triple H counters an F-5 attempt, but Brock hits him with a BIG German suplex.  Brock stomps Triple H’s arm again.  Triple H tries to bail, gets caught, and pulls Brock against the top rope.  Hunter manages to score with a DDT.  Brock immediately goes after the arm again.  I always enjoy a hammerlock slam, and Brock is dishing them out liberally tonight.  They go outside and Lesnar sends Triple H into the post.  They wreck the Spanish announce table.  Brock actually jumps off of it and hits Triple H with a big chop.  Back in the ring, Triple H tries to fight back.  Lesnar gets an inside cradle of all things for 2.  Lesnar hits a clothesline and goes for a suplex, but Hunter counters and suplexes him.  Lesnar clotheslines the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but fails, gets whipped into the corner, and does the Michaels flip out of the ring.  Brock takes a shot into the announce table on his stomach and starts dry heaving.  The announcers talk about his issues with diverticulitis.  Hunter goes after the midsection.  He hits some knee lifts to the stomach.  Triple H hits the spinebuster and goes for the Pedigree.  Lesnar counters and goes for the F-5.  Triple H counters and hits the Pedigree, but Lesnar kicks out.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Lesnar hits him square in the balls.  The referee, per Hunter’s request, is letting it go.  Lesnar hits the F-5, but Triple H kicks out.  Lesnar locks on the standing Kimura again.  Triple H tries to fight out, but Lesnar goes to the ground with it.  Triple H gets the ropes, but the ref isn’t enforcing the rules.  Hunter fights out of the hold.  Hunter hits the Pedigree and goes for the cover, but Lesnar gets the Kimura again.  Triple H taps in 18:45.  I’m absolutely shocked that they did the right thing and put Lesnar over.  The match was an intense brawl, but not on the level of Lesnar/Cena.  I’ll give it a thumbs slightly up.  Lesnar leaves.  Hunter refuses medical attention.  Fans chant “YOU TAPPED OUT!”, which is probably not what WWE was going for with this.  Hunter mouths “I’m sorry” and leaves to a mixture of boos and polite applause.

This show started well, dipped really low in the middle, peaked with the triple threat match, and ended okay.  I’d say the show as a whole is thumbs in the middle.

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WWE Extreme Rules 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, pryo and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Booker T are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.  Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez are the Spanish announcers.

They show the shenanigans leading up to Kane vs. Randy Orton involving their respective fathers, Paul Bearer and Bob Orton Jr.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Kane vs. Randy Orton.  They brawl.  Orton gets punched off the top to the floor.  Cover on the floor gets 2.  Kane brings in a leg pipe.  Orton cuts him off and hits him with the pipe a few times, knocking him back to the floor on the last shot.  They fight in the crowd.  Orton knees Kane in the face for 2.  Kane slams Orton on the concrete for 2.  More crowd brawling.  They end up near the set.  Orton lands a dropkick for 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and boots Orton in the face for 2.  They brawl backstage.  They end up in a room with some geeks.  Zack Ryder attacks Kane, which only pisses him off.  Kane goozles Ryder, but Orton hits the 3.0 for 2.  Back into the hallway.  Kane throws something at Orton and covers for 2.  Back into the arena.  Back into the ring.  Orton drops Kane with a clothesline and hits a powerslam.  Orton retrieves a chair from underneath the ring and attacks Kane with it.  Back outside, where Orton clears off the announce table.  Kane goes for the chokeslam, but Orton prevents it.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER off the table to the floor!  Cover gets 2.  Kane blocks the RKO and sends Orton into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Back inside, Kane goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex.  Cover gets 2.  Orton humps the mat.  Kane hits the chokeslam, but Orton kicks out!  Kane bitches at the referee.  Kane goes for the Tombstone on the chair.  Orton counts out and hits the RKO sort of on the chair for the pin in 16:45.  Fun match.

John Laurinaitis and Eve Torres are backstage with the Raw Roulette wheel.  Teddy Long brings in champagne.  He’s being humiliated after he lost his GM job at WrestleMania.  Laurinaitis gets a phone call from Triple H.

Chicago!

“The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay (w/ Hornswoggle, Cameron, & Naomi) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger).  They lock up.  Clay overpowers Ziggler.  Ziggler tries to take Clay down, but fails.  Swagger distracts Clay, allowing Ziggler to dropkick him out of the ring.  Ziggler distracts the referee while Swagger hits a shoulder block on the floor.  Back inside, Ziggler goes on the attack.  Clay goes for a knee lift, but Ziggler dropkicks his knee, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 1.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Clay fights out.  Ziggler stays on the attack.  He goes for a suplex, but fails.  Clay throws him with a front suplex and makes his comeback.  Clay knocks Swagger on the apron.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but fails.  Clay hits a headbutt and a big splash for the pin in 4:18.  It was fine for what it was.

Earlier in the day, The Big Show and Cody Rhodes played Spin the Wheel, Make the Deal to determine the stipulation for their Intercontinental title match tonight.  It’s a Tables Match.

Lillian Garcia is the other ring announcer.

The show highlights of Show’s title victory over Rhodes at WrestleMania XXVIII.

Tables Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: The Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes.  Show beats up Rhodes.  Rhodes bails after taking a big back body drop.  Show sets up a table on the outside and picks up Rhodes.  Rhodes slips off and chop blocks Show’s knee.  Show rallies and continues to beat and toss Rhodes around.  Show throws Rhodes and a table in the ring.  He throws Rhodes at the table in the corner, but Rhodes rebounds off of it and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes charges, but Show shoulder blocks him.  Rhodes bails.  Show beats him up on the outside.  Show throws Rhodes back into the ring and gets in the apron.  Rhodes dropkicks Show, who steps through a table at ringside.  The referee rules Rhodes the winner in 4:35.  Stupid finish.  A pissed off Show drops Rhodes after the match, then chokeslams him through a table.  Crowd chants “One more time!”  Show press slams Rhodes out of the ring through another table.  Show leaves.  Rhodes is helped up and manages to hold up his belt while looking like he’s near tears.

Edge DVD plug.

Matt Striker interviews Daniel Bryan.  Will he become World Champion tonight?  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun interview.  He walks away and they show AJ sulking in the background.

Sheamus/Bryan hype video.

2/3 Falls Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan.  Sheamus is wearing a t-shirt with “18 seconds” written on it, the time in which he beat Bryan for the title at WrestleMania.  I timed it at 19 seconds, but that’s neither here nor there.  Sheamus grabs a headlock and lands a shoulder block.  They do a brief mat exchange.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Bryan avoids it.  Sheamus taunts Bryan with how close that was.  They trade arm locks.  Sheamus hits a Finlay Roll for 2.  For some reason, I don’t know the proper name for that move.  Sheamus rolls through a sunset flip and locks Bryan in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Bryan gets the ropes.  Sheamus goes for it again, but Bryan gets an inside cradle for 2.  Sheamus beats up Bryan.  Bryan lands a lariat.  Sheamus rolls to the apron and Bryan dropkicks him to the floor.  Bryan dives off the apron, but Sheamus catches him and sends him into the barricade.  Back inside, Sheamus goes up top, but Bryan crotches him and goes on the attack.  Bryan goes to work on Sheamus’ shoulder.  They trade strikes.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  More arm and shoulder torture inflicted by Bryan.  Sheamus makes his comeback and beats up Bryan.  Sheamus hits a fall away slam for 2.  Bryan gets a schoolboy for 2.  Bryan goes for a top rope Frankensteiner, but Sheamus holds on, then hits Bryan with a diving shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bryan in from the apron, but Bryan lands on his feet, then low bridges Sheamus out of the ring on the other side.  He goes for a dive, but Sheamus nails him.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Bryan turns it into a cradle for 2.  Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, but Sheamus counters out repeatedly.  Bryan sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post repeatedly, then kicks the shit out of it while Sheamus is against the ropes.  This causes the referee to DQ Bryan, diving Sheamus the first fall at 14:30.  Bryan goes back on the attack and applies the Yes Lock.  Sheamus struggles, but goes out, and Bryan wins the second fall by referee stop at 16:39.  Bryan celebrates while the ringside doctor checks on Sheamus.  There are dueling “Yes!” and “No!” chants.  Sheamus tells the doctor he can continue.  Bryan charges Sheamus and eats a Brogue Kick.  Delayed cover gets 2.  They trade strikes.  Bryan lands a big kick to the head for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Sheamus cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Bryan fights him off  and goes for a diving headbutt.  Sheamus avoids it.  Sheamus avoids Bryan in the corner and makes his comeback.  Sheamus lands another Brogue Kick for the pin in 22:55.  Very good match.

WWE YouTube channel plug.

Over the Limit commercial featuring Randy Orton.

Chicago!

Santino Marella is watching the monitor backstage.  2 jobbers are in the ring.  Great Khali comes over to watch too.

The jobbers are named Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton.  They cut a stupid promo about 2 being greater than one.

Handicap Match: Aaron Relic & Jay Hatton vs. Ryback.  There’s a smattering of “Goldberg!” chants.  The jobber with the ridiculous pants attacks Ryback to no avail.  Ryback kills him.  He orders the other jobber to tag in.  The fellow wisely demurs.  Ryback tosses him in anyway and kills him.  Ryback hits the second jobber with a backpack stunner.  Crowd chants “Finish him.”  Ryback kills ridiculous pants with sort of a Fisherman buster Samoan drop, then pins them both in 1:50.  Santino and Khali are impressed.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion CM Punk.  Tonight he faces Chris Jericho, who has been insulting his family, in a Chicago Street Fight.

Plug for the PPV theme song.

Punk/Jericho hype video.

Chicago Street Fight for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  This is Punk’s hometown, and members of his family are in the front row.  They brawl, because this is a street fight, see.  Punk throws some plunder into the ring.  He whacks Jericho with a Singapore cane.  Jericho drops Punk with a dropkick and gets hold of the cane.  He whacks Punk, then hits his trademark springboard dropkick to the apron, sending Punk to the floor.  Jericho beats up Punk on the outside.  Back inside, Jericho exposes a turnbuckle.  Punk fires back with chops.  Jericho avoids the running knee to the corner and Punk takes another spill outside.  Jericho beats up Punk right in front of his family.  He gets in Punk’s sister’s face and gets slapped.  Jericho lunges for her and Punk kicks his ass.  Punk slams Jericho through the announce table cover.  Punk goes for a piledriver, but Jericho back body drops him, then hits him with a monitor.  Jericho breaks the other announce table cover over Punk’s back.  Back inside, Jericho covers for 2.  Jericho applies a rear chin lock.  Punk escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Punk pulls Jericho’s throat over the top rope and goes for his springboard lariat, but trips.  Jericho wails on him with the Singapore cane.  Jericho taunts Punk and gets caught with an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho responds with something that gets 2.  Jericho brings in a can of beer, which he pours on Punk.  He brings in another beer and starts drinking it.  Punk, meanwhile, starts kicking his ass.  Punk hits the running knee to the corner and the bulldog headlock, then pulls the Singapore cane into Jericho’s balls and signals for the Go 2 Sleep.  He goes for it, but Jericho counters and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Punk counters and hits a powerslam for 2.  Punk goes up top, but Jericho crotches him.  They fight on the top rope.  Punk sends Jericho to the mat with a Mongolian chop, then hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Jericho counts the Go 2 Sleep again and hits a bulldog.  He goes for the Lionsault, but Punk catches him, picks him up on h is shoulders, and goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Jericho counters again and throws Punk into a chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Jericho gets a schoolboy for 2.  Jericho catches Punk with the Codebreaker and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Punk manages to reach the ropes.  It’s a street fight, so the referee can’t force a break.  Punk somehow gets hold of a fire extinguisher and sprays Jericho with it to escape the hold.  Punk hits Jericho in the stomach with it and sends him to the floor.  Another shot to the gut followed by a kick to the head by Punk.  Jericho is on top of the Spanish announce table.  Punk goes to the top rope and hits the diving elbow through the table.  Punk throws Jericho back into the ring and covers for 2.  Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice.  Jericho whacks Punk with the Singapore cane to escape.  Punk hits Jericho with a chair.  Jericho catches him with a Codebreaker into the chair.  Cover only gets 2.  Jericho is getting frustrated.  He beats on Punk some more.  Jericho tries to give Punk the Go 2 Sleep, just to be a dick.  Punk catches Jericho’s leg and catapults  him into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Go 2 Sleep for the pin in 25:14.  This turned out to be a hell of a match.  Punk celebrates with his friends and family.

Don’t try this at home!

Earlier tonight on the pre-show, Santino Marella defeated The Miz with the Cobra to retain the United States Championship.

The Bella Twins and Beth Phoenix bicker backstage.  Eve Torres says Beth isn’t cleared to wrestle.  Whichever Bella is champion will now defend the title against a surprise opponent who isn’t Kharma.

The show Nikki Bella beating Beth for the Divas title last week on Raw after Beth injured her ankle.  The Bellas cut a promo.  The opponent is the returning Layla.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Nikki Bella (c) (w/ Brie Bella) vs. Layla.  They lock up.  Lots of movement from Layla.  Brie trips Layla behind the ref’s back, allowing Nikki to get the advantage.  She DDTs Layla’s foot for 2.  I fucking hate that spot.  Layla gets an inside cradle for 1.  Nikki does whatever.  Layla hits a springboard cross body for 1, then knocks the other Bella off the apron.  Nikki gets the advantage.  Layla gets a wonky cradle.  Nikki counters.  The twins pull the switcheroo.  Brie goes for a facebuster, but Layla turns it into a hangman’s neckbreaker for the pin to win the title in 2:28.  This sucked.

Matt Striker asks John Laurinaitis what he and Triple H were talking about.  Johnny doesn’t tell him.

Chicago!

Lesnar/Cena hype video.

Extreme Rules Match: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena.  Lesnar takes Cena down and mauls him, then kills him with a lariat.  Cena is cut already.  The stop the match to check the cut.  I hate that shit, but I guess Brock is used to it now.  Cena charges Brock and gets taken down and mauled again.  Cena is sent outside.  He’s bleeding pretty bad.  Cena fights back as goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock will have none of that and gives him a couple of German suplexes.  Cena hits a shoulder block and knocks Brock into the referee.  The ref is dead, and Brock kills Cena some more.  Brock torments Cena’s arm with a Kimura, then tosses him from the ring again.  Brock follows Cena out and tortures his arm some more.  Back inside, Brock brings in Cena’s chain, then throws it aside because he’s Brock Lesnar and doesn’t need it.  He thinks again and uses it to chain Cena’s legs together.  Brock hangs Cena from the turnbuckle and massacres him for a while.  Cena gets loose and fights back until he’s thrown into the steps.  Brock throws the referee back into the ring and wakes him up.  Cena has the chain his hand, but Brock steps on it and takes it away.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Brock counters and hits the F-5, but kills the referee again in the process.  Another referee runs out, but the delay allows Cena to kick out.  Brock clotheslines the new referee.  Brock brings the steps into the ring.  Cena does his “you can’t see me” and first back.  Brock locks in a Kimura on top of the steps.  Cena manages to pick Brock up and slam him on the steps.  Cena goes for the diving Fameasser, but Brock avoids it.  Brock prances on top of the steps while Cena struggles his way back into the ring.  Cena makes it onto the apron and Brock launches himself at Cena, taking a bad tumble and injuring his knee in the process.  Brock gets up and laughs it off.  He charges Cena again, but Cena punches him with the chain.  Brock is bleeding now.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on the steps for the pin in 17:42.  Aside from the stupidity of putting Cena over in Brock’s first match back, this was awesome.

Cena takes the mic after the match and cuts a promo putting over Chicago.  He says he’s going home, which is a lie.

Good show.  There were a few really good matches.  The main event is soured by the stupidity of Brock losing so quickly.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video of what went down last week, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  We are LIVE in Philadelphia for King of the Ring!  Tonight, WWE Champion The Miz will be here!

They show the king’s throne on the stage.

Alex Riley comes out SUITED UP!  Punk gets in a jab about Riley being dressed for court.  Riley makes reference to it himself, saying he’s not afraid of a party.  Riley rants and raves about how awesome The Miz is.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  He introduces Ricardo Rodriguez (sporting a black eye from Smackdown) to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  They show a shot of the announcers and Punk can be seen wearing a Colt Cabana t-shirt.

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Bryan into the corner, breaks, and cheap shots him.  Del Rio works a side headlock on the mat.  Bryan turns it into a cradle in one of my favorite spots.  Del Rio hits a shoulder block.  Bryan does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick for 2.  Del Rio sends Bryan into the turnbuckles, then hits a spinebuster.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Del Rio gets a rope break and bails.  Commercials.  Del Rio has Bryan in a rear chin lock.  He took over during the break when he knocked Bryan off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Del Rio throws Bryan to the mat and covers for 2.  Del Rio gets the heat on Bryan, reapplying his rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out, but Del Rio clubbers his back.  Del Rio hits a body slam and goes for some kind of diving spinning move, but Bryan avoids it.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Bryan gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan lands some European uppercuts, then back flips over Del Rio from the corner.  They switch waist locks.  Bryan hits a nice German suplex hold for 2.  Bryan telegraphs a back body drop and gets kicked in the head.  Bryan reciprocates with a high kick and hits a corner dropkick for 2.  Bryan blasts Del Rio with kicks.  Del Rio hits a gorgeous German suplex hold of his own for 2.  Del Rio charges the ropes, but Bryan avoids him and hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Bryan goes for a missile dropkick, but Del Rio avoids it.  Bryan has injured his shoulder.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special for the submission in 9:40.  Really good little match.  Del Rio advances to face the winner of John Morrison/Cody Rhodes.

They show video of some previous King of the Ring winners: Edge (2001), Stone Cold Steve Austin (1996), Triple H (1997), Bret Hart (1991/1993), and Brock Lesnar (2002).  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

R-Truth raps his way out to cut a promo.  Why isn’t the next tournament match happening right now?  He talks about his friend John Cena being fired last week.  He challenges any member of Nexus to come out and face him one on one.

Josh Matthews goes to the Nexus locker room.  Wade Barrett sends out Michael McGillicutty, who is accepting the challenge.  He has on a new Nexus t-shirt.  McGillicutty heads for the arena, but his attacked by someone wearing jean shorts and purple arm bands…  Commercials…

Philadelphia!

The announcers talk about McGillicutty getting jumped.

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Morrison lands a shoulder block.  He goes for a punch, but Rhodes flinches to protect his face, then goes on the attack.  Morrison avoids Rhodes in the corner and Rhodes hits his face on the turnbuckle pad.  Rhodes bails.  Morrison throws him back in and clotheslines him, then does a face rake with his boot.  Rhodes hits a clothesline and beats up Morrison.  Rhodes whips Morrison into the turnbuckles for 2.  Rhodes hits a knee lift and side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Rhodes hooks Morrison’s arms.  Morrison fights out, but Rhodes hooks them again.  Morrison makes his comeback and hits a side kick for 2.  Rhodes ducks the running knee and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison avoids the Beautiful Disaster and hits the Flying Chuck (they are both the same move), then lands the running knee strike for the pin in 3:37.  Good little match, but short.

Tonight’s guest star is Miss USA, Rima Fakih!  Who?  Also tonight: The Miz!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: Drew McIntyre vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke wins the lock up easily and gives a clean break.  They lock up again.  McIntyre pushes Zeke into the corner.  Zeke is amused.  McIntyre slaps him.  Zeke is pissed and commences to kicking ass.  Zeke hits a corner clothesline and splash for 2.  McIntyre pulls Zeke’s head into a discreetly exposed turnbuckle.  Cover gets 2.  McIntyre beats on Zeke.  Zeke tackles him, sending them both through the ropes.  They brawl outside and both get counted out in 2:41.  Lame.  Zeke throws McIntyre back into the ring.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock.  Zeke back body drops him and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Zeke wins a moral victory, but neither of them advance.  The winner of Sheamus/Kofi Kingston automatically advances to the final.  I’m calling it: the final will be Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Nothing else makes sense.

The Bella Twins check on the injured Daniel Bryan.  Alex Riley bitches at them about dancing girls, then talks to Miz on his douchebag bluetooth earpiece.  Riley talks shit to Bryan, saying that he could have been in Riley’s face.  Bryan says he’s doing fine.  Riley welcomes them to Mizfest 2010.  Commercials.

Philadelphia!

They show the video from last week, where Miz beat Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.

The announcers talk.  Lawler says Randy Orton will miss tonight’s show with a knee injury.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  WWE Champion The Miz… I’ve known for a while now that it was only a matter of time before I’d be typing that.  He shows pictures of the shocked and angry little girl in the crowd last week.  I’ve seen that picture everywhere.  Miz cuts his promo.  Miz’s promos are great, but I can’t transcribe promos.  I try to hit key points at best.  Jerry Lawler tires of hearing him babble and goes up from the announce table.  He disapproves of the way Miz backdoored into the title.  Cole gets up and bashes Lawler for bashing his crush.  Lawler says Miz should defend the title tonight.  Cole says Miz may make an example out of Lawler.  King says he’s been here since 1993 and has never had a WWE title match.  He challenges Miz to a title match tonight.  Miz pussies out.  Lawler says Miz isn’t awesome, he’s a coward.  Miz talks shit to Lawler.  The iBooker 9000 sends a text message to someone’s iPhone and gets massive heat.  Cole reads that it’ll be Miz vs. Lawler for the title tonight… in a Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tonight, Miz vs. Lawler in a TLC Match!

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston.  Sheamus goes on the attack.  They both take a bump out of the ring.  Sheamus throws Kofi back in.  Kofi gets the jump on him coming back in.  Sheamus hits the small penis uranage backbreaker for 2.  Sheamus beats on Kofi.  Kofi fights back with punches and kicks and makes his comeback.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop for 2.  Kofi springs to the corner, but Sheamus avoids him and goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Kofi slips out and hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Sheamus rolls to the apron.  Kofi tries to pull him back, but Sheamus grabs the ring skirt for dear life.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and goes for a diving cross body.  Sheamus sort of catches him in midair with the brogue kick for the pin 4:04.  There wasn’t much to this.  Sheamus gets a BYE to the final.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Mark Henry & Yoshi Tatsu vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of the Nexus.  Yoshi hits an arm drag and a dropkick on Gabriel for 2.  Gabriel hits a jawbreaker and tags out.  Nexus get the heat on Yoshi.  There’s a huge pop in the crowd as John Cena makes his way to the front row, tickets in hand.  Why does he have so many tickets?  Henry gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Henry squashes Slater with a big splash.  Gabriel saves.  Yoshi takes him out.  Slater catches Henry with a kick out of the corner, then goes for a diving cross body.  Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 2:29.  Cena immediately jumps the barricade, takes the monitors off the announce table, and gives Slater the Attitude Adjustment through the table.  David Otunga and Husky Harris run out.  Cena bails through the crowd.

Tonight, Miz vs. Lawler in a TLC Match!  Next, Morrison vs. Del Rio!  Commercials!

Philadelphia!

They show the havoc John Cena has wrought tonight.

David Otunga, Husky Harris, and Justin Gabriel discuss Cena backstage.  Wade Barrett tells them they will deal with Cena.  He’s going to go call him out.

Jerry Lawler is getting ready for the match tonight.  Arn Anderson comes in and warns him about the danger of TLC matches.  Lawler isn’t passing up his title shot.  Arn wishes him luck.

Cole and Punk now have to sit behind a busted table.  Couldn’t they get them a plain table?  There are always plenty of them under the ring.

Justin Roberts again introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  The semifinal is NEXT!  Commercials!

King of the Ring Tournament – Semifinal: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison.  Del Rio goes on the attack and beats on Morrison.  Morrison catches Del Rio with a boot in the corner and hits a dropkick for 2.  Del Rio pulls Morrison’s arm across the top rope, then sets to work on it.  Morrison makes his comeback and hits a side kick for 2.  Del Rio hits a Codebreaker like move to the arm for 2.  Del Rio beats on Morrison.  Del Rio hits an enzuigiri.  His car horn starts honking.  Rey Mysterio is in Del Rio’s car!  Morrison hits Del Rio with the Flying Chuck for the pin in 3:24.  Fine little match.  Morrison vs. Sheamus is the final, just as I predicted.  Mysterio stands on top of Del Rio’s car.

They show video of tonight’s guest host, Rima Fakih, competing in beauty pageants.

Wade Barrett is headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: John Cena costing Wade Barrett the WWE Championship last week.

Wade Barrett comes out to cut a promo.  He’s somehow the only person on the planet who can give John Cena a job.  He realizes Cena attacking Nexus is a ploy to incite Barrett to give him his job back, but he’s not falling for it.  John Cena appears on the TitanTron.  He looks to be behind the arena.  He said he’s just keeping his promise to take out the Nexus.  They talk about how inept WWE security is.  Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, and HuskyHarris corner Cena in the parking lot.  Cena reminds them that he’s not their only enemy.  Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, David Hart Smith, Darren Young, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, and Daniel Bryan attack Nexus.  Cena throws Gabriel HEAD FIRST INTO A FUCKING CAR WINDOW.  FUCKING OUCH.  Cena gives Gabriel the Attitude Adjustment onto the car.  Cena says he’ll be back next week to continue attacking Nexus.  Geeze, Gabriel eating that car window looked NASTY.  Commercials.

Tonight, Miz vs. Lawler for the WWE Championship in a TLC Match!

They show the car fucked Justin Gabriel all up, then replay the attack on Nexus.

Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Tamina vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Melina, & Gail Kim.  They show Tamina kissing Santino Marella last week.  Melina and Maryse argue.  Melina kicks her ass.  Maryse bails.  Melina chases her back into the ring and pulls her hair.  Maryse does something and covers for 2.  Fox tags in and very lightly attacks Melina.  Melina sunset flips Fox into her knees.  Santino Marella comes out playing a guitar and singing.  Tamina grabs Santino in a headlock and walks him to the back.  Maryse is like WTF?  Natalya tags in and runs wild on Fox.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  Gail takes her out.  Natalya locks Fox in the Sharpshooter for the win in 3:33.  Awful.

Awesome Jerry “The King” Lawler video package.

They show Lawler getting ready backstage.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Ted Dibiase Jr. is playing with a toy WWE belt backstage.  The belt plays Triple H’s music.  I wonder if that is foreshadowing.  Maryse comes in to bitch at him for looking bad and making her look bad.  Dibiase finally tells her to SHUT UP!  Reminds me of the conversations I had with my ex-wife.

Husky Harris and David Otunga are slinking around backstage, discussing John Cena.

Josh Matthews interviews Sheamus and John Morrison.  The tournament final is NEXT!  Commercials!

Justin Roberts introduces the special guest ring announcer for this match: Rima Fakih.  She comes out to awful music, escorted by Santino for some reason, and does a horrible job of ring announcing.

King of the Ring Tournament – Final: Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus goes after Morrison’s previously injured arm.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Sheamus prevents it and knocks Morrison off the apron.  Commercials.  Sheamus is still working Morrison’s arm.  Sheamus threw him arm first into the barricade during the break.  Morrison’s arm is taking a beating.  Morrison fights back and makes his comeback.  Morrison lands a kick for 2.  Morrison ducks the brogue kick, but Sheamus lands a blow for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Morrison slips out and goes for a backslide.  Sheamus counters it.  Morrison lands an elbow smash and a swinging DDT for 2, as Sheamus reaches the ropes.  Morrison goes up top.  Sheamus pulls him down by the arm.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus works a Fujiwara armbar.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a Pele kick and goes for the Starship Pain.  Sheamus gets his knees up, then lands the brogue kick.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 12:05.  This was actually pretty good.  All hail King Sheamus!  Rima Fakih crowds King Sheamus.  Sheamus cuts a brief Royal Promo.

Miz vs. Lawler is NEXT!  Commercials!

Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Riley is still carrying the Money In The Bank briefcase for some reason.  Miz wins the lock up and tries to cheap shot Lawler, but Lawler nails him with a great punch.  They lock up again.  Miz slams Lawler and taunts him.  They lock up a third time.  Lawler shoves Miz down.  Miz beats up Lawler and throws him outside.  Riley hands Miz a chair, which he uses to hit Lawler in the back repeatedly.  Miz throws Lawler back into the ring, along with 2 chairs.  He sets the chairs up and tries to suplex Lawler into them.  Lawler reverses and tries a suplex, but Miz lands on his feet.  Miz hits a backbreaker into the chair, then a neckbreaker.  Miz beats up Lawler.  Riley tries to hand Miz a ladder.  Lawler wails on Miz’s back with a chair.  Lawler tries to bring in a ladder.  Riley tries to stop him and gets his ass kicked by the King.  Lawler and Miz play tug of war with the ladder.  Lawler sends the ladder into Miz’s face.  He charges Miz int he corner with the ladder, but Miz avoids the blow and beats Lawler down.  Lawler back body drops Miz onto the ladder.  Riley gets on the apron and clotheslines Lawler.  Riley tries to suplex Lawler out of the ring, but Lawler decks him.  Riley falls off the apron through a table.  Lawler climbs the ladder.  Miz cuts him off and drops him with a big boot.  Miz suplexes Lawler onto a chair, then beats him with the chair some more.  Miz goes up top with the chair.  Lawler cuts him off and crotches him.  Lawler goes for a superplex.  Miz headbutts him down.  Lawler knocks Miz off the top rope through a table!  Cole leaves the table to help his boyfriend.  Lawler climbs the ladder.  Cole gets in the ring and grabs his foot.  That little fucker!  Lawler is like WTF?  DECK HIM!  LAWLER DECKS COLE!  Lawler starts beating the shit out of him.  Miz climbs the ladder.  Lawler climbs the other side and decks him.  They fight on top of the ladder.  Miz sends the belt into Lawler’s head.  Lawler falls off.  Miz takes down the belt to win in 11:52.  Really good match.

Very enjoyable show with a couple of really good matches.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/30/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight is Raw’s 900th episode!  Cool opening video featuring various Raw highlights from years past.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  We’re LIVE from Boston.  Tonight, The Nexus vs. Sheamus, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, & Chris Jericho in an Elimination Match!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out and talks about how long this show has been going on.  He says the only wrestler there now besides him who was at the first Raw is Undertaker.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and says there is no Undertaker anymore.  Now he’s just a man, as opposed to being a Phenom or whatever.  Kane starts to insult Bret.  He babbles on.  Bret says Taker will come back and beat Kane like always.  Kane says no, etc. etc.  Kane says since Taker ended Shawn Michaels’ career, he needs to take out an icon too.  Kane goozles Bret.  The Hart Dynasty run out to make the save.  Kane cleans house and goozles Bret again.  The lights go out and the GONG sounds.  Undertaker appears in the ring.  Kane stares at him for a minute and bails.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker books Bret vs. Taker for the night.  That thing needs better programming.  Why the fuck do they keep doing this stupid bullshit?  Dammit.  I’m so sick of the stupid iBooker thing and I’m REALLY sick of them advertising matches they know good and damn well that they aren’t going to deliver.

Highlights from the very first episode of Raw.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Stone Cold Steve Austin driving a Zamboni to the ring and beating up Vince McMahon.

Triple Threat Match: Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty vs. Daniel Bryan & Kaval vs. WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley.  Fuck yes.  Danielson argues with Miz.  Riley attacks Danielson from behind and beats him up.  Kofi lands a dropkick on Riley for 2.  Danielson and Kofi go at it.  Danielson decks Miz, then beats up Riley.  Kofi gets a wonky cradle on Danielson, but Riley saves.  Riley hits something on Kofi for 2.  Danielson hits Riley with a knee lift.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop on Riley, but Danielson saves.  Danielson and Kofi hit each other with cross body blocks.  Kaval and McGillicutty tag in.  McGillicutty does well until Kaval locks on a Dragon sleeper.  Riley saves and beats up McGillicutty.  Miz tags in and gets knocked off the apron with a hard dropkick by Kaval.  McGillicutty schoolboys Kaval for 2.  Kaval drops McGillicutty and hits the Warrior’s Way.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for the pin in 3:22.  Great little TV match.  Danielson still wants him some of Miz.  Riley tries to get Danielson from behind, but gets dropped.  Miz hits Danielson with the briefcase.

Tonight, Bret vs. Taker and the 10-man elimination match!  Well, one of those might happen.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Melina beating Jillian Hall to retain the Divas Championship last week.  Afterward, LayCool threatened to show up this week.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool vs. WWE Divas Champion Melina & Eve Torres.  McCool and Melina do some shit while Lawler talks about Jersey Shore.  I do not care.  Layla tags in and beats up Melina.  Melina cradles Layla for the pin in 51 seconds.  Whatever.  LayCool act obnoxious and challenge Melina to a title unification match at Night of Champions.  Melina agrees under the condition that it’s a lumberjack match.  They agree.  At least now they can get rid of one of those fucking belts.  Kelly Kelly, the Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendez, Maryse, Jillian Hall, Tamina, and Alicia Fox come to signify that they’ll be lumberjills.

Classic Clip: The original Nexus attack on John Cena.

The 5 remaining members of The Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Wade Barrett has a big idea for something unforgettable they can do tonight.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Boston!

Classic Clip: Bob Barker hosting the Price is Raw.  Fun times.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he doesn’t win the WWE Championship at Night of Champions, he’s leaving WWE.  Damn shame.  He will be missed.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: John Morrison & R-Truth vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.  Rhodes and Truth start.  Rhodes does a kick to the gut to piss me off.  Truth hits a hip toss.  Rhodes decks Morrison.  Clusterfuck ensues.  It’s a double DQ in 52 seconds.  Truth hits a dive on Rhodes.  Morrison tries to injure Morrison and gets knocked into the GM podium.  Morrison and Truth hug, having won a moral victory.  This was utterly pointless.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels burying the hatchet on January 4, 2010.

Bret Hart and The Undertaker come out for their match.  Wade Barrett comes out and says it’s not going to happen.  Well, somebody had to say it.  He says he’s going to beat them up or something.  Undertaker kicks Barrett’s ass and clotheslines him out of the ring.  The lights go out and the gong sounds.  Bret disappears and is replaced by Kane.  Kane and Taker brawl.  Taker goozles Kane.  The lights go out again.  Kane disappears.  David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and Michael Tarver come out.  Nexus surround Taker and attack.  Taker fights them off and goozles Barrett.  THE FUCKING LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN.  Barrett has Taker up in a fireman’s carry and hits his shitty move (now called the Wasteland).  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  Kane looks on from the ramp.  Taker tries to sit up, but his magic powers are gone now.  That was the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen.  That’s it, I’m done.  I don’t like wrestling anymore.

Tonight, Nexus vs. some dudes.  Why the fuck am I still writing this?

Boston.

Moments ago, the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen happened.  I’m still pissed off about it, but they’re so proud of it they want to show it again.

Jack Swagger comes out and talks about returning to Raw as a former World Champion and insults Boston.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne.  Swagger, the great catch as catch can wrestler, starts the match with a kick to the gut.  Swagger beats up Bourne.  Bourne fights back.  Alberto Del Rio comes out in his Rolls Royce, announced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The match is still going on.  Bourne slips out of a powerslam attempt and drops Swagger with a spin kick, then goes for the Shooting Star press.  Swagger avoids it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:17.  More pointless bullshit.  Del Rio cuts a promo about taking out Rey Mysterio.  Del Rio says since the Raw viewers missed it, he’s going to recreate the moment with “a different chihuahua.”  Del Rio locks Bourne in the cross armbreaker, then kicks him out of the ring.  Del Rio tries to Pllmanize Bourne’s arm with a chair.  Mark Henry comes out and chases Del Rio off.  Henry challenges Del Rio to pull that shit on him.

Highlights from WWE’s recent trip to China.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

Classic Clip: “This is your life” featuring The Rock and Mankind.

The Straight Edge Society come out.  CM Punk says he’s better than The Rock, then goes on to trash said Rock.  He says Raw promotes poor family values, mentioning Kate Vick.  Punk says that will drive you to drink.  It almost drove me to quit watching wrestling.  He says he’s going to show the 4 most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw.  A.) The retarded Triple H/Randy Orton house brawl.  B.) John Cena throwing Edge off of a bridge.  C.) DX invades WCW!  D.) Stone Cold Steve Austin giving beer baths to the Corporation in 1999 and Santino Marella in 2007.  Austin’s music plays.  The SES act scared, then laugh, because they were playing a prank, see?  Punk says he’s going to show a clip from a good show, Smackdown.  They show the Brock Lesnar superplex on Big Show that made the ring cave in.  Punk talks shit about Show’s weight.  Big Show comes out.  He SUITED UP!  Show talks about more embarrassing things that have happened to him, like having the shits from a tainted burrito, being in a Sumo diaper, and kissing Vickie Guerrero.  He says fat jokes are just lame, which is true.  I find that they lack creativity.  Show does a Hulk Hogan impression to make fun of the SES.  Punk says nobody likes Show.  Show says that was just mean.  Even worse, Punk denies Show’s high five.  Show chops Punk down and beats up Gallows.  Punk and Mercury run away while Gallows gets sent out the hard way.  Alright segment.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Boston!

Classic Clip: Triple H’s return from his first quad tear in January 2002, when he kicked Kurt Angle’s ass.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus on the stage.  Sheamus talks about taking out Triple H and being Irish or whatever.  He complains about having to team with his Night of Champions opponents tonight.  Edge comes out and talks about all of the shit that has happened to him on Raw and about his accolades.  He says he’ll win the title at Night of Champions.  Commercials.

Elimination Match: WWE Champion Sheamus, Edge, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, & John Cena vs. The Nexus.  Jericho tells Cena that he wants to start.  Jericho and Tarver circle each other, then Jericho just leaves and gets counted out in 1:17.  Edge comes in and shoves the referee to get DQ’d in 1:44.  Those dicks.  Cena beats up Tarver and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus hits a short lariat on Tarver for 2.  Slater tags in and gets beaten up by Sheamus for a while.  Sheamus covers for 2, then Slater scampers away and tags in Otunga.  Sheamus beats up Otunga.  Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner and ground & pounds him.  Nexus make quick tags and work over Sheamus.  Sheamus counters a backslide attempt from Slater and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Gabriel pulls Slater out of it.  Sheamus fights against Nexus, but gets kicked in the head by Gabriel from the apron.  Slater hits Sheamus with a shitty sleeper drop for the pin in 7:11.  Cena comes in and beats up Slater.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Slater for the pin in  7:55.  Barrett comes in and attacks Cena.  Gabriel, Otunga, and Tarver maul Cena on the outside.  Barrett rams Cena’s head into the announce table, then throws him back in and covers for 2.  Gabriel tags in and drops Cena with a spin kick.  The eventual cover gets 2.  Gabriel hits a splash in the corner for 2.  Otunga comes in.  Cena reverses a suplex and suplexes Otunga.  Otunga knocks Orton off of the apron.  Cena locks Otunga in the STF for the submission in 10:30.  Gabriel hits Cena with the 450 splash for the pin in 10:40.  Orton RKOs Gabriel for the pin in 10:55.  Orton RKOs Tarver for the pin in 11:05.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Orton for the pin in 11:17.  Man, that finishing sequence was fast.  Fun main event.

Parts of the show were good and parts of it were really horrible.  Only 3 segment pissed me off.  That stupid Undertaker/Kane segment pissed me off beyond belief.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 8, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, cut straight to the arena.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.

The Undertaker comes to the ring.  He talks about Shawn Michaels’ obsession with him.  Undertaker says at WrestleMania, Michaels’ career will “Rest… In…”  Michaels comes out.  Michaels says Undertaker fears him, and that’s why he appeared on the screen to distract Michaels and caused him to lose last week.  They go on, and agree to make the Mania match No DQ and No Count-Outs.  Undertaker says Shawn won’t be “Mr. WrestleMania” this year.  Shawn says he’ll end the streak.

Tonight, Legacy EXPLODES!  Plus, Mr. McMahon takes on John Cena!

Gail Kim, Kelly Kelly, & Eve Torres vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Katie Lea Burchill.  Jobber entrance for the heel divas.  Gail and Alicia do stuff.  Gail clotheslines Katie Lea off of the apron.  Alicia decks Gail, rams her into Maryse’s boot, then tags in Maryse.  Maryse hits a backbreaker for 2.  Maryse decks Kelly, then taunts Maryse.  Maryse decks her and tags in Eve.  Eve hits a dropkick for 2, then hits her senton, but Katie and Alicia save.  Gail and Kelly dropkick them.  Eve locks Maryse in a flying cross armbreaker for the win in 3:02.  Whatever.

Triple H talks TONIGHT!  Plus, Criss Angel is the guest host!

The guest host, Criss Angel, talks to Hornswoggle.  The Bella Twins come in.  They want to be his assistants.  He says he doesn’t use twins.  Angel puts a string in his mouth, then pulls it out of his nose.  Gross.  Jillian Hall comes in and sings.  Angel makes her lose her voice.  THANK YOU!

Show Miz are headed our way!  They’re going to face their WrestleMania opponents NEXT!  Yes, they’re giving away a match on free TV that you’re supposed to want to pay money for.

Slam of the Week: Last week on Smackdown, John Morrison & R-Truth won a #1 Contenders Match for the Tag titles at WrestleMania.

ShowMiz comes out.  Miz cuts a promo, saying Morrison and Truth don’t deserve to face them at WrestleMania.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Big Show & WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Miz and Truth start.  Morrison slides across the ring and kicks Show.  They clothesline Miz out of the ring and hit a double baseball slide dropkick.  The referee throws it out at the 35 second mark.  Show goes after them, but they drop him with a double DDT, then front suplex Miz across the barricade.  Morrison talks, then Truth says “That’s what’s up!”

Legacy explodes TONIGHT!  Plus, McMahon vs. Cena.  We’ll hear from Cena NEXT!

WrestleMania is 20 days away!

Cena/Batista video package.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  He says he can’t beat Batista, so he’s going to beat him.  Okay.  Cena says he’s counting on Batista interfering tonight.

Evan Bourne thanks Criss Angel for giving him a Money In The Bank Qualifying Match against William Regal.  Skip Sheffield and William Regal come in.  Regal tells Bourne he’ll see him in the ring.  Sheffield wants Angel to do a magic trick.  He tells Regal to write a number down and hold it against his chest.  He “reads Regal’s mind” to figure out the number.  Sheffield says Regal owes him a Travis Tritt CD.

Legacy dissension video package.

Handicap Match: Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Randy Orton.  Orton jumps them from behind during their entrance.  Commercials, then the match starts.  Orton and Rhodes fight.  Rhodes gets beaten up and tags in Dibiase.  Dibiase gets beat up and tags Rhodes back in.  Dibiase gets a cheap shot in and they beat up Orton.  Orton backdrops Rhodes out of the ring.  Dibiase tries to get Orton from behind, but gets caught and bails.  Commercials.  Orton keeps beating them both up.  Dibiase pulls Orton out of the ring and dropkicks him.  Back in the ring, Orton gets beaten up.  Orton makes his comeback, snap powerslamming both of them.  3.0 on Dibiase.  Orton looks up at the WrestleMania sign, then does the “stalking fore the RKO bit.”  Rhodes tries to get him in a hold, but fails.  Dibiase hits the Dream Street on Orton for the pin in about 11 minutes.  It was fine, I guess.  I have to be honest, I flipped the iMPACT! just for a second a few times to see what was going on.  Man, I feel like I’ve been transported back to 1997.  Rhodes hits the Cross Rhodes on Orton, then he and Dibiase do Orton’s pose.  It’s a new day indeed.

Batista watches TV backstage.  Josh Matthews comes in to interview him.  Batista gives his word as WWE Champion that he won’t interfere in the match tonight.  He’s dressed to wrestle, but he randomly is a lot of the time.  And he has a nose ring now.  Gay.

Triple H is headed our way!

Stone Cold Steve Austin will be the guest host next week!

WWE.com hype.

Triple H comes out.  They show Sheamus attacking him last week.  Triple H says he kind of respects what Sheamus did last week.  Sheamus comes out.  Sheamus challenges him to a match at WrestleMania.  Without mentioning names, Triple H talks about getting squashed by the Ultimate Warrior at WrestleMania XII.  He talks about rising to the top and becoming the guy people tried to make their name against at WrestleMania.  Some succeeded, more failed.  I’m not sure if that’s accurate.  They fight.  Triple H clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus pulls him out and kicks his ass.  Triple H avoids the pump kick and clotheslines him over the barricade into the timekeeper’s position.  Sheamus tries to get away, but Triple H jumps him from behind.  Sheamus rallies, rams Triple H into the announce table, and throws him in the ring.  Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Sheamus bails.  I guess it’s official.

Santino Marella talks to Criss Angel.  Santino says funny things and does the disappearing thumb thing.  Angel does a magic trick involving styrofoam cups and a sushi knife.

Justin Roberts introduces the Money In The Bank Qualifying Match.  Christian (w/ Heath Slater) has joined the commentary team for this match.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Match: Evan Bourne vs. William Regal (w/ Skip Sheffield).  Regal kicks Bourne’s ass, and it’s good.  Bourne responds with kicks.  Regal murders him with a forearm.  Regal hits some suplex for 2.  Regal hits an Exploder, makes sure Sheffield is watching, and goes for the knee trembler.  Bourne knees him in the face and hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 1:28.  Bourne is going to WrestleMania!  Christian says he’ll win Money In The Bank this year.

Cena vs. Vince TONIGHT!

Undertaker/Michaels video package.

WrestleMania Recall: Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg with Stone Cold Steve Austin as the referee at WrestleMania XX.  Man, that match was a fucking abortion.  Stone Cold guest hosts next week!

Cole and Lawler hype the Mania card.

“Last Monday” video with Vince and Bret Hart.

Vince McMahon is headed our way!  He looks small.

Next week is WrestleMania Rewind week, including John Cena vs. Big Show, Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho, and Triple H vs. Randy Orton, PLUS Bret and Vince sign the contract for WrestleMania.

Justin Roberts introduces Criss Angel.  He talks a bit, then does intros for the main event.  Vince cuts a promo on Bret Hart before the match, then makes the match a Handicap Gauntlet Match…

Handicap Gauntlet Match: John Cena vs. Vince McMahon & others.  Vladimir Kozlov beats up Cena, then tags in Vince.  Vince covers Cena for 2.  McMahon calls Drew McIntyre out.  McIntyre beats up Cena, then tags in Vince again.  Vince again covers for 2.  Vince calls in Jack Swagger.  I’m having to go back and add these names.  Commercials.  Cena is making a comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Swagger, but Swagger counters with an amateur hold.  Now it’s just Swagger and McMahon.  I’m confused.  Swagger hits 2 Vader Bombs and tags in McMahon.  Vince still can’t put Cena away.  He calls out Mark Henry.  Henry reluctantly hits the World’s Strongest Slam and tags in Vince.  Vince still can’t pin Cena.  Vince grabs the ring bell and makes the match No DQ.  Henry doesn’t want to let him use it.  Vince orders Henry to use it.  Batista appears and spears Mark Henry, then kicks him out of the ring.  Kofi Kingston hits the ring and runs wild on Batista.  Batista powerbombs Kingston out of the corner.  Cena cleans house on Batista, then turns his attention to Vince.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Batista spears Cena again.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb.  Vince finally pins Cena in 11:19 or so (no bell).  What a Russo-riffic clusterfuck.  Batista stands over Cena and yells to close the show.

Man, THIS is the show they put against Impact?  They have even less faith in TNA’s ability to draw viewers than I do.