Archive for British Invasion

TNA Slammiversary 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  Cool opening music video.  Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to the Palace of Auburn Hills for the 7th Anniversary of TNA!  We’re kicking things off tonight with the X Division Championship!

It’s a King of the Mountain Ladder Match.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a reverse ladder match where you have to hang the belt up to win.  You have to win a fall by pin or submission to eligible to hang the belt, and if you get pinned or submit, you have to spend 2 minutes in the penalty box.  Simple enough, right?  Curtis Granderson from the Detroit Tigers is the special guest belt holder for this match.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Suicide (c) vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley vs. Consequences Creed vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  The Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences all want to unmask Suicide, so it’s 4 on 1 to start.  Being just outside of Detroit, the crowd is very pro-Guns.  Suicide pins Lethal about 2 minutes in after nailing everyone with the ladder, so he’s eligible.  Guns and Creed triple team Suicide while Lethal waits it out in the penalty box.  Suicide either botches a monkey flip or hits a revere lung blower on Shelley for a pin, so Shelley is sent to the penalty box while Lethal is released.  Sabin throws a chair at Suicide.  Lethal hits a Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair.  Lethal and Sabin fight over who is going to make the cover.  All 3 guys pile up on Suicide and pin him.  Lethal was on bottom, so he is the one who is eligible.  Guns and Lethal Consequences dance, then the Guns attack them.  Guns show their usual awesome teamwork against Lethal Consequences.  Sabin is knocked to the outside, then Creed gets a pin on Shelley after the TKO.  Suicide is released as Shelley is sent back to the box.  Lethal Consequences double team Suicide.  Sabin comes back in and goes for the Cradle Shock on Suicide, but gets counter and monkey flipped onto a ladder.  Lethal holds Suicide on the outside for Creed to hit a somersault plancha.  Suicide, Lethal, and Creed fight up the aisle.  Sabin runs up the ladder to the box and hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  That was awesome.  Shelley is released and starts climbing the ladder, even though he doesn’t have the belt and isn’t eligible anyway.  Sabin lets Shelley pin him.  Shelley goes up with the belt, but Suicide hits a missile dropkick on the ladder.  Creed whips Suicide face first into the ladder.  Lethal balances on the ladder, which is set up on the turnbuckle.  Suicide front suplexes Creed onto the ladder, which slingshots Lethal into a nasty bump.  Sabin is released from the box and pins Lethal after a sick tornado DDT.  Everyone is eligible to hang the belt now.  Creed hits a move on Lethal, then Shelley hits a move on Creed.  Suicide hits a jumping DDT on Shelley.  Sabin hits the Cradle Shock on Suicide, then tries to hang the belt.  Suicide stops him.  Sabin takes him out and goes for it again, but Lethal makes it back in and backdrops him off the ladder.  Shelley hits a frog splash on Lethal, then superkicks Suicide.  Shelley lays out the ladder between the ring and the barricade.  Creed lands a kick on Shelley to send him out of the ring, then slams Suicide.  Lethal goes up top, but Sabin stops him.  Suicide dropkicks Sabin off the apron and onto the ladder.  Shelley hits a dive onto Suicide that the camera misses.  Lethal hits an elbow onto Sabin, who was still lying across the ladder.  “THIS IS AWESOME” chants.  Shelley and Creed fight on the apron.  Shelley lands a superkick, then the Shiranui on the apron.  Ouch.  Suicide and Shelley trade shots.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui off the cage, but Suicide counters and dropkicks him over the guardrail.  Suicide gets the belt and hangs up the ladder.  Crowd is booing him.  Lethal pushes the ladder over, but Suicide catches the ropes with the Captain Morgan pose and goes to the top of the box.  Shenanigans ensue and the ladder ends up being set up horizontally over the box and Lethal’s back.  Shelley sets up another ladder and goes for it, but Suicide jumps off the horizontal ladder and takes him down with a neckbreaker, then hangs the belt for the win at 23:28.  Really good match.  The lights go out and Suicide disappears.  I wish he’d disappear for good.

Tenay and West run down the rest of the card.

Lauren Brooke says Team 3D haven’t arrived back from Japan yet, then interviews Shane Douglas, followed by a Daniels/Douglas video package.  If Douglas beats Daniels, he gets Daniels’ spot on the roster.  If Douglas loses, he leaves.

“The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. The Daniels formerly known as Christopher.  What the hell happened to Daniels’ first name anyway?  Douglas wrestles in a t-shirt.  Daniels works a headlock.  Douglas bails.  Daniels teases a dive, which Douglas avoids, but Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault.  Douglas works on Daniels’ arm.  Daniels gets a rope break and makes his comeback.  Daniels thinks BME, but Douglas stops him with a kick to the head.  They trade shots.  Douglas goes for the belly to belly, but Daniels drops him with an STO and hits the BME for the win at 8:14.  This wasn’t long enough to be offensive, thankfully.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Mick Foley.  Foley thinks Jeff Jarrett is going to help him retain the title for some reason.

Love/Tara video package.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) vs. Tara.  Tara is Victoria, for anyone who doesn’t know.  Love shows off a little bit, then Tara kicks her ass.  Love bails.  Tara teases a dive, then dropkicks her into the barricade.  The other Beautiful People attack Tara from behind, then throw her back in the ring.  Love schoolgirls her for a quick 2.  Love gets heat on her for a bit, including more interference from Sky and Rayne at ringside.  Tara makes her comeback and hits a spinning slam thing, then goes outside and slaps the shit out of Sky, then Rayne.  Tara goes back in.  Love catches her with a kick, then Sky sprays hair spray on Tara’s face.  Love hits a Flatliner (called the Lights Out) for the win at 6:53.  Not awful, but nothing special.

Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie Richards, Raven, and Daffney.  Raven cuts his usual insane, yet awesome promo, then hugs Stevie and cries.  Monster’s Ball video package.

Monster’s Ball Match: Raven & Daffney (w/ Dr. Stevie) vs. Abyss & Taylor Wilde.  The faces shine early.  Abyss press slams Daffney out of the ring and onto Raven and Stevie, then Wilde dives out onto all 3 of them.  Abyss and Raven go into the crowd.  Daffney jumps in Abyss’ back, so Wilde sandwiches her head with a trash can lid and a cookie sheet.  They all brawl in the crowd.  Wilde jumps off of some speakers or something and splashes Daffney through a table.  Abyss and Raven make it back to the ring.  Abyss pulls out the bag of tacks.  Stevie comes in and nails Abyss with a chair.  Abyss is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Raven hits the drop toe hold onto the chair, but Abyss gets his hands out to protect himself.  Raven breaks a Singapore cane over Abyss’ head.  Raven chokes Abyss with a cane.  Wilde makes the save with a trash can lid shot.  Daffney nails Wilde with a cookie sheet.  Raven hits Abyss a few times with a trash can, then Abyss kicks it into Raven’s face.  Abyss hits Raven with the cane.  Abyss chokeslams Raven, but they totally miss the trash can.  Stevie distracs the ref.  Abyss goes for Stevie.  Stevie holds Abyss for a trash can shot, but Abyss movies and Stevie gets nailed.  Wilde dives off of Abyss’ shoulders onto Raven.  Abyss covers, but Stevie distracts the ref again.  Abyss pours out the tacks.  Daffney tries to attack him.  Wilde throws Daffney onto the tacks and covers, but Stevie saves.  Abyss sets up a chokeslam on the tacks, but Raven hits Abyss with a chair.  DDT on the chair by Raven, but Abyss kicks out.  Raven goes for the DDT on the tacks, but Abyss counters and hits the Black Hole Slam (on the tacks) for the win at 14:09.  Good plunder match.

Borash interviews Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett says he doesn’t want to be World Champion, but he has to take the title from Mick Foley to get his company back.

Sting/Morgan video package.

Sting vs. Matt Morgan.  If Morgan wins, he gets to join the Main Event Mafia. Sting is wearing his old red and black outfit, but with the usual white and black face paint.  That’s odd.  Morgan overpowers Sting to start and fishes out some punishment.  Sting fights back.  Tenay says Team 3D have arrived at the arena.  Morgan overpowers Sting again and gets heat on him for a while.  Sting tries to kick Morgan’s legs out from under him.  Sting manages to drop him with a missile dropkick.  Morgan avoids a Stinger Splash and hits the Carbon Footprint for 2.  Morgan goes for the Hellevator, but Sting counters.  I think he was trying for the Scorpion Death Drop, but they ended up just falling.  Sting hits it, but Morgan kicks out at 2!  Sting kicks him down and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope for the pin at 9:01.  Much better match than I expected.

Bound For Glory is coming to Los Angeles this year!

Lauren interviews AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.  AJ says either he or Joe will win the title tonight and take the company back.  Joe says he’s going to take out Angle… or something.  I kind of spaced out there for a second.

Team 3D/Beer Money video package.  Voice over guy says “Team 3D battles Beer Money for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.”  Of course I’m serious.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: IWGP Tag Team Championship Team 3D (c) vs. Beer Money.  3D have to be jet lagged, as they defended the IWGP Tag Team Championship on a New Japan show the day before.  Storm and Devon start.  Storm gets the better of it at first, then Devon gets some stuff in.  Roode tags in.  They have a little double teaming on Devon, then Bubba tags in against Roode.  Ray connects with a straight kick to Roode’s face.  Who knew he could get his foot up that high?  Roode and Ray go at it hard with a pretty good exchange.  Devon tags in.  Double team on Roode.  Beer Money work over Devon a bit.  Ray gets the lukewarm tag and hits the Bubba Bomb on Roode for 2.  They try to set up the 3D, but Storm prevents it.  Wassup headbutt on Roode.  Devon gets the table.  Wouldn’t they be DQ’d if they used it?  Roode his a spinebuster on Ray for 2.  Tag to Storm.  Double team on Ray.  BEER!  MONEY!  The British Invasion come out.  Williams and Magnus join the commentary team while the big guy just stands there.  Ray makes a comeback and hot tags Devon.  Devon knocks Roode through a loop with a lariat and covers, but Storm saves.  Devon hits a chokeslam of all things on Roode, but Storm saves again.  Inverted 3D for 2.  West does commentary in a British accent.  3D sets up the Doomsday Device on Roode, but he counters out of it.  Storm hits a lung blower on Ray.  Storm hits a Frankensteiner off the top on Devon.  Roode follows with a frog splash, which gets 2.  Ray saves Devon from a double suplex off the top.  They finally get the Doomsday Device on Roode for 2.  Storm accidentally spits beer on Roode’s face.  3D on Roode.  The big guy (Rob Terry?) distracts the referee.  Ray hits a suicide cross body on Magnus and Terry!  Williams gets on the apron.  Devon sends him off through the table.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Devon.  Roode gets the pin at 16:56 to regain the titles.  Good match, everybody was working hard tonight.

Borash interviews Kurt Angle, who is growing out his hair and beard.  He looks odd.  Angle says it’s all about him and Joe tonight, and he’ll walk out as champion again.

King of the Mountain video package.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Mick Foley (c) vs. TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle.  Long entrances and introductions, including a short video package on each participant.  Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey.  As soon as the intros are over, Joe puts on a Detroit Red Wings jersey and kicks Angle’s ass.  Even though it’s no DQ and the match hasn’t started yet, Joe is DQ’d and forced to start the match in the penalty box, while Angle is immediately eligible to hang the belt.  The bell rings.  Jarrett and Styles beat up Angle while Foley just stands on the ladder outside the ring.  Styles and Jarrett both try to pin Angle, but unsuccessfully.  Foley comes in, tries to slam Jarrett, but just falls over and lets Jarrett pin him.  The referee makes two 2 counts, and finally the 3.  The fuck?  Foley goes into the box as Joe is released.  Jarrett is now eligible to hang the belt.  Joe fights with Jarrett in the ring as Styles and Angle fight outside.  Foley apparently just wanted to rest for 2 minutes, even though he hasn’t done anything all match except for the stupid failed slam spot.  Foley is released and goes after Joe.  Joe locks Foley in the Coquina Clutch and chokes him out as the other 3 fight outside.  Joe is eligible and Foley goes back to the box.  Joe suplexes Angle onto the ladder.  Ouch.  The ladder is set up against the turnbuckle and Joe whips Jarrett into it.  Joe tries to hang the belt.  Foley is released from the box and knocks the ladder over.  Joe falls on the ladder in a very painful looking way.  That ladder is done.  Foley puts the boots to Joe.  Styles comes in and goes after him, but Foley drops him.  Foley whips Joe into the ladder, then charges, but Joe hiptosses Foley onto the ladder.  Jarrett tries to climb the destroyed ladder, thinks better of it, and throws it out of the ring at Angle.  Jarrett brings in another ladder and goes for the win, but Angle comes back in and lands a low blow.  Angle kicks Foley’s ass a bit, then gets his ass kicked by Styles.  Angle goes for a German on Styles, who lands on his feet.  Cool.  Styles goes for a tornado DDT, but Angle counters and suplexes Styles on the ladder.  Jarrett grabs the acoustic equalizer and goes for the el kabong, but Angle kicks him in the gut and locks on the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs the guitar, gets out of the hold, and nails Angle with the erstwhile instrument.  Jarrett goes for the win.  Foley climbs up and tells Jarrett to give him the belt.  They trade punches, then Styles springboard dropkicks the ladder to send them both crashing down.  Foley and Styles end up on top of the penalty box.  Foley goes for a suplex.  AJ fights him off with headbutts and goes for his own suplex.  Foley blocks it and throws AJ into the ring with an impressive bump.  Joe locks the choke on Jarrett, but Jarrett hits a jawbreaker out of it and hits the Stroke onto the ladder.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Jarrett and covers.  Kick out, but Foley comes off the box with an elbow drop on Angle!  Foley gets the pin, so no everybody by AJ is eligible.  Foley goes to hang the belt, but AJ comes in and hits him in the back with the Legends belt.  AJ kicks Foley off the ladder.  Styles and Joe double team Foley.  AJ lands the Pele kick that sends Foley to the outside, then Joe elevates Styles out of the ring to take out Foley in an impressive suicide dive.  Styles gets a pin on Foley that the camera misses, so now everyone is eligible.  Jarrett hits Joe with the ladder.  Angle is released from the box as Foley is sent in.  Jarrett goes to hang the belt, but AJ climbs up to stop him.  Angle tries to pull Jarrett down.  They drop the belt.  Jarrett dives at Angle, but Angle drives him to the mat.  Joe and Styles fight.  Joe drops him with the big kick.  Foley is released and goes after Styles.  Foley nails him with the belt, then Joe lands his kick on Foley.  Joe goes up the ladder with the belt.  AJ grabs his boot and pulls him down and ends up with the belt around his neck.  Styles tries to climb the ladder, but Joe pulls him down.  Styles whips Joe, who dives through the ropes onto Jarrett and Foley.  Angle comes in and goes for the Angle Slam on Styles, but Styles counters into the Styles Clash.  AJ looks to have it won, but Joe comes in and powerbombs him off the ladder.  Joe goes up with the belt.  Angle climbs up the other side.  Joe hands Angle the belt!  Angle hangs the belt for the win at 22:04.  Joe and Angle hug.  Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Sharmell appear on stage to applaud Angle.  Has Joe joined the Main Event Mafia?  Oh, and I thought the match turned out pretty good too.

Pretty good show all together, one of TNA’s better PPV offerings of late.

TNA iMPACT! 3/4/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!” video.

“Never Say Never”

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.  They hype the big tag match taking place this coming Monday.

The World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles and Ric Flair come out, flanked by generic women.  Flair calls out Hulk Hogan, saying they want to apologize and give him a gift.  Hogan and Abyss come out.  Flair wants a peaceful conversation.  He offers Hogan some of the women as a peace offering.  Hogan and Abyss say they’re going to run wild on them on Monday.  Flair says he’s never beat Hogan on national TV, so that’s what he’s aiming for.  Styles rambles a bit, then he and Flair try to leave.  Eric Bischoff comes out and announces that Styles will defend the World title against Abyss, The Pope, and Desmond Wolfe tonight.  Sweet.

Tenay and Taz hype Monday’s tag match again.

Jeremy Borash interviews Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea).  He cuts a funny promo laced with British-isms.  He calls Abyss a “window licker.”  Chelsea wants the Hall of Fame ring.  Wolfe says she’ll get it.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone making fun of the XFL.  Jeff Jarrett comes in talking about the great burgers he made last week.  Bischoff sends him to clean the men’s room.  Jarrett says he’ll be the best janitor ever.

Non-Title, Four-Way Match: The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Generation Me vs. Beer Money vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Generation Me have now been given the last name “Buck.”  Now if I can just remember which one is which.  Sabin and Jeremy (the lighter haired one) start.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Buck.  Max tags in and hits a moonsault to Shelley’s arm.  Jeremy tags back in and hits a diving blow of some sort to Shelley’s arm as well.  Sabin tags in and gets double teamed by the Bucks too.  Sabin overcomes both, then Hernandez tags himself in.  Max tries a cross body, but gets press slammed.  Hernandez sets up for a springboard move, but Morgan tags himself in.  He big boots James Storm, then chokeslams both Bucks.  Roode tags in.  Storm superkicks Morgan, then Roode schoolboys him for the pin in 3:08.  Hernandez is annoyed, and rightfully so.

Bischoff talks to Sean Morley.  He tells him he’s facing Jeff Jarrett in a Falls Count Anywhere Match, but he hasn’t told Jarrett.  Morley and referee Slick Johnson take off to find Jarrett, who is mopping the bathroom.

Four-Way for the title tonight!

Kurt Angle talks to Hogan.  He wants to take care of Flair and Styles for Hogan.  Hogan says no, he has to do it himself.  Angle tells him to be careful.  Alrighty.

They show Mick Foley in etiquette school.  Funny stuff.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Sean Morley vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Slick “rings the bell” outside the bathroom, then Morley goes in to attack Jarrett.  Morley beats up Jarrett, then covers him for 2.  Jarrett says “What the hell are you doing?”  Slick informs him that he’s in a Falls Count Anywhere match.  Morley abuses Jarrett with the bathroom door, then pins him with a prawn hold in 1:42.  Kinda funny.

Christy Hemme interviews The Pope.  He says he’ll win the title tonight, and he’ll pimp slap Ric Flair if Flair gets in his way.  The four-way is TONIGHT!

Video chronicling the rise and fall of the British Invasion.

Non-Title: TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry.  Williams slaps Terry.  Terry shoves him, then press slams him.  Terry applies a bear hug.  Williams bits his way free.  Terry wipes him out with a kick, then goes for the running powerslam.  William counters, then fails at the Chaos Theory.  Terry hits a chokeslam for the pin in 1:04.  Brutus Magnus attacks Terry after the match.  Magnus and Williams beat Terry down.

A trainer is checking on Jeff Jarrett.  Bischoff comes in.  Jarrett yells at him.  Bischoff challenges Jarrett to hit him.  Jarrett’s sick of his crap.  Bischoff calls him picky.  He says Jarrett has a match in the ring tonight.  Jarrett calls him a prick.

Mr. Anderson is dressed like Kurt Angle.

Mick Foley in etiquette school part 2.

Anderson/Angle video package.

Mr. Anderson comes dressed and acting like a retarded Kurt Angle, with Angle’s entrance and music.  He does a parody of an Angle promo.  Kurt Angle comes out and kicks his ass.  Anderson bails, throws water in Angle’s face, the drops the straps on his singlet and Angle slams him.  He slingshots his bald cap into Angle’s face.  Ouch.  Anderson steals Angle’s dog tag again.

Abyss talks to Hogan backstage.  Abyss talks about watching Hogan when he was a child.  He says that he can handle Flair and Styles on his own with the power of the ring.  Hogan says he and Abyss are one and have the same blood.  Huh?  This goes on for a while.  They hug and profess their love for each other.  All righty then.

THE TAG MATCH IS THIS MONDAY!  THAT’S THE MONDAY THAT’S GOING TO BE THE VERY NEXT MONDAY THAT HAPPENS!

Beautiful People/Angelina Love video.  Earlier today, the Beauts jumped Angelina during a photo shoot and beat her down.

Angelina Love comes out and calls out Velvet Sky.  Velvet comes out with the belt she whipped Angelina with earlier.  Angelina goes after Velvet on the ramp.  Velvet tries to run away, but gets her ass kicked.  Angelina gets the belt.  Madison Rayne and Lacey Von Erich run in.  Madison gets whipped, but Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick.  The Beautiful People commence to beating her down.  Velvet whips her again.

Bubba the Love Sponge (I thought he got fired) tells Hogan that he can’t wrestle, or he’ll cripple himself.

Mick Foley in etiquette school, part 3.  The lessons aren’t sinking in very well.

Kevin Nash/Eric Young vs. The Band video.  Nash and Young will have COMMENTS this Monday!  COMMENTS!

Tomko vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett is back to having no music.  They lock up.  Jarrett fights out of a side headlock, then hits shoulder blocked down.  Tomko works Jarrett’s injured shoulder.  Jarrett rocks Tomko with an enzuigiri, sits on him against the ropes, then gets dropped with a clothesline for 2.  Tomko continues working the shoulder.  Jarrett fights back.  Tomko hits an inverted atomic drop.  Jarrett hits a Jack Brisco roll out of the corner for the pin in 3:54.   Bischoff is displeased because Jarrett won.  I’m displeased because this sucked.

Bischoff also discourages Hogan from wrestling.  Hogan says he’s boxed into this position, even though he did it to himself.

Four-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Abyss.  Pope is wrestling despite being unable to walk from the attack 2 weeks ago.  He and Styles start.  It’s tag team rules.  Styles tries the figure-four.  Pope kicks him away and tags in Abyss.  Styles notices and tags in Wolfe.  Abyss sits on Wolfe, then tries to double chokeslam Wolfe and Styles.  He fails, but hits a sidewalk slam on Wolfe for 2.  Pope and Abyss clothesline Styles and Wolfe out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss and Wolfe fight outside while Styles and Pope fight in the ring.  Flair hits Pope’s injured ankle with a chair behind the referee’s back.  You seriously can’t hear that, you fucking useless ref?  Styles locks Pope in the figure-four leglock.  Pope survives it, killing any credibility that this move had left.  The referee stops it to give Styles the win (3:45 shown).  Styles, Wolfe, and Flair beat down Pope.  Abyss makes the save.  Flair attacks Abyss with the barbed wire bat.  They beat down Abyss, but Hulk Hogan comes out to take the save.  He hits Flair with the bat and Flair bleeds like a mofo.  Hogan beats up Flair and some security goons.  Abyss helps.  Styles and Wolfe pull Flair to safety.  Commercials.

Hogan cuts a promo on Flair, who is a bloody mess.  Pope challenges the heels to come back to the ring and fight.  Fin.

Well, the streak of decent Impacts is dead.  This show sucked big floppy donkey dick.

TNA iMPACT! 2/18/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Eric Bischoff arrives in a limo.  He’s talking to someone on the phone.  “Let the games begin,” he says.  Against All Odds highlight video.  Dixie Carter and Hulk Hogan’s announcement that TNA moves to Mondays on March 8.

“Lord of the Ring.”  iMPACT! open.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out.  Pope cuts a promo about his victory at the PPV that made him #1 Contender to the World Championship.  He addresses “Arthur Jackson” and “Dick Flair.”  Pope says he’ll win the title.  The World Champion, AJ Styles comes out along with Ric Flair and a bunch of bimbos.  Flair does the talking, which strikes me as a good thing.  Pope calls him a dick again.  Flair calls him a street thug.  Styles does his pitiful excuse for heel mic work.  Pope slugs AJ.  AJ and Flair beat down Pope.  The Pillmanize Pope’s ankle.  Styles puts him in the figure-four.

Moments ago… ^ happened.

Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts!  They hype the move to Monday.

Non-Title: Daffney vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara.  Daffney’s music is awesome.  Apparently a former TNA Champion is returning tonight.  I guess that’s who Bischoff was talking to.  Tara beats up Daffney and hits a sidewalk slam out of a fireman’s carry for 2.  Daffney hits an European uppercut and a chop.  Tara back body drops her.  Tara almost has a wardrobe malfunction.  Daffney gets the advantage and works Tara’s hair.  That never ceases to amuse me.  When a guy has long hair, his opponent doesn’t attack it.  Daffney sends Tara to the floor and rams her into the guardrail.  Daffney pulls a toolbox from under the ring and hits Tara with it for the DQ in 2:21.  Daffney continues to assault Tara and screams at the referee.  Daffney traps Tara under a piece of the barricade and beats it with a chair.  Dr. Stevie finally pulls her away.  Good angle.

Mick Foley goes into Bischoff’s office.  Bischoff was pleased with the PPV match.  He has people there to make him some new gear.  They’re going shopping, courtesy of “ATM Eric.”  They leave.  Bischoff calls someone to send Abyss into his office.

Kevin Nash is in the house!

Orlando Jordan comes out with his bi-sexual lovers.  Joe’s music hits, but before he comes out they show Bischoff bitching at him for losing on Sunday.

Orlando Jordan (w/ bi-sexual lovers) vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan tries to jump Joe, but Joe kicks his ass.  Joe decapitates Jordan with a leg lariat for 2.  Jordan hits a big spinebuster and puts the boots to Joe.  Jordan hits a swinging neckbreaker, drops some elbows, and hits a knee drop for 2.  Joe makes a comeback with clotheslines and back body drop.  Joe sets him up in Muscle Buster position, but beats the crap out of him instead of hitting the move.  The referee gets onto Joe.  Jordan hits a swank neckbreaker for the pin in 3:25.  Joe’s pissed.

Abyss talks to Jeremy Borash.  He’s worried about what Bischoff wants with him.

Bischoff bitches out Abyss for the same reason he praised Foley earlier.  Bischoff says there’s nobody here to protect Abyss, so he’s going to take his mask.  Abyss begs him not to.  Bischoff says he’s going to do it later tonight, and he’s got security posted to make sure Abyss doesn’t leave the building.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  Young says Kevin Nash is going to address Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac in the ring tonight.

Video of the Monday announcement again.

Bischoff walks into wherever the hell Jeff Jarrett is with the barbed wire bat.  Bischoff tells Jarrett to use the bat tonight in his match with Abyss.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, The Motor City Machine Guns, & Brian Kendrick vs. Amazing Red, Generation Me, & Kazarian.  Kaz is back!  Williams jumps Kazarian to start.  Kazarian drops him.  Williams tags in Kendrick.  Kazarian kicks his ass.  The bell randomly rings again.  Generation Me double teams Kendrick.  Shelley tags in and hits an awesome crucifix hold on the dark haired one for 2.  Sabin tags in.  Guns double team the dark haired one (Taz says it’s Max).  Max tags in Red, who has an awesome bit with Sabin.  Red plants Sabin with a DDT.  Shelley saves.  Sabin knees Red in the gut and tags in Williams.  Williams drops Red and goes up top, but Red takes him down with a spin kick.  Tag to Kazarian, who runs wild on Williams.  Kazarian hits a spinning neckbreaker on Williams.  Kendrick saves.  Awesome clusterfuck ensues.  Guns try to double team Kazarian, but Red takes down down.  Red takes out the Guns with a dive to the outside.  Kazarian fights off Kendrick and hits a springboard DDT on Williams for the pin in 4:09.  Awesome little spot fest.

Abyss is trying to escape the building.  Referee Slick Johnson tells him he has a match.  Abyss wants to leave, not wrestle.  Abyss vs. Jarrett is NEXT!

Monday announcement for the trillionth time.

Abyss vs. Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett still gets no music, and he has the barbed wire bat instead of a guitar.  They lock up.  Abyss drops Jarrett with a shoulder block.  Jarrett tries to get something going, but gets dropped with a clothesline.  Jarrett counters the Shock Treatment and rocks Abyss with an enzuigiri.  Jarrett dropkicks Abyss and does the punches in the corner.  Abyss stops it with an inverted atomic drop.  Jarrett clotheslines Abyss out of the ring.  Jarrett pulls a chair out of the front row.  I know I asked this at the PPV, but why are there empty seats in the front row?  Abyss cuts Jarrett off and rams Jarrett into the chair.  Abyss brings the chair back into the ring and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Abyss doesn’t like touching the bat.  Back into the ring.  Double clothesline spot.  Eric Bischoff comes out to the stage to watch.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Jarrett comes off the middle rope, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam for 2.  Jarrett avoids an elbow drop and hits Abyss with some punches.  Jarrett hits the Stroke, then hits it again into the chair from earlier.  Jarrett makes eye contact with Bischoff and picks up the bat.  Abyss begs off and Jarrett has second thoughts.  Jarrett throws the bat down.  Bischoff says he knew he couldn’t trust Jarrett.  He sends out Raven, Tomko, Homicide, Rhino, and Desmond Wolfe to jump Abyss and Jarrett.  It’s a no-contest in 7:33.  They hold Abyss.  Bischoff is about to rip his mask off when Hulk Hogan comes out.  Hogan tells Abyss to get to his office.  Oh, the match was fun while it lasted.  Abyss and Hogan leave.

Moments ago, all of that stuff happened.

Abyss is headed to Hogan’s office, flanked by security.

The British Invasion (Brutus Magnus & TNA Global Champion Rob Terry) vs. Beer Money.  They finally acknowledge Terry’s title win on the recent UK tour.  Storm and Magnus go at it.  Storm slaps Magnus HARD.  Terry clotheslines Storm from the apron.  Brits double team Storm while the referee keeps Roode out.  Terry hits a running powerslam on Storm.  Magnus tags back in and covers for 2.  Magnus tags Terry back in.  Oh, so Magnus wants Terry to do the work and take the glory for himself.  Magnus tags back in.  Storm kicks his ass and tags in Roode.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Magnus.  Terry comes in and gets double suplexed by Beer Money.  BEER!  MONEY!  They double clothesline Terry out of the ring.  Storm takes him out with a dive.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Magnus and Roode gets the pin in 2:48.  Magnus blames Terry for the loss.  He bitches Terry out, slaps him, and says the belt belongs to him.  Terry kicks his ass and takes his belt back.

Kevin Nash is backstage, looking angry.

Abyss is waiting on Hogan.  Hogan comes in yells at Abyss, yells at Bischoff to not come in, and yells at Abyss some more.  Hogan says he’s tired of Abyss being afraid of his own shadow.  Hogan gives Abyss his Hall of Fame ring, which is supposed to give Abyss Hogan’s power.  Silly, but kind of fun.  Abyss puts the ring on and feels the power!

Daniels vs. Kurt Angle.  Daniels jumps Angle at the bell and kicks his ass.  The referee pulls him off, and he jumps back on the attack.  Repeat.  Angle fights back, but Daniels drops him with a palm thrust for 2.  Daniels tries a sunset flip, but Angle locks him in the ankle lock for the victory on 1:06.  Does it still count as a squash if Daniels got 90% of the offense?

Angle takes the mic and addresses Mr. Anderson.  He’s mad at Anderson for spitting on his over sized dog tag at the PPV.  Angle talks about the hard year he had last year.  The dog tag means a lot to him because a soldier gave it to him.  He’s gonna fuck Ken Anderson’s shit up for spitting on America.  Or something like that.  He says he’ll see Anderson in hell.  Anderson comes out.  Commercials.

Anderson makes fun of Angle for whining.  He says he liked making Angle bleed.  Angle goes up the ramp and brawls with Anderson.  Anderson smashes Angle in the head with the microphone and welcomes him to Total Nonstop Anderson… ANDERSON!

JB tries to interview Samoa Joe as he’s leaving the building, but Joe has nothing to say.  A white van pulls up and a bunch of masked guys kidnap Joe.  The fuck?

Tenay and Taz agree with my sentiment.

Kevin Nash and Eric Young come out.  Nash stares at the camera and addresses Hall and Waltman.  Kind of creepy, as he said he bought a black suit 10 years ago because he knew he’d end up putting one of them in the ground.  He calls them out.  They come in through the crowd.  Young jumps Pac and they brawl on the outside.  Hall throws his toothpick and Nash and Nash kicks his ass.  Security breaks it up.  Hogan comes out and stands on the stage.  Nash says “Next week, it’s on.”

Very good show, and I haven’t said that about Impact in a very long time.

TNA iMPACT! 1/28/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

The show opens with a “Last week…” video showing all the stupid shit that happened last week.  iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come to the ring.  Hogan calls out Mick Foley.  Wasn’t he fired?  Hogan says he wants to work out the issues between Foley and Bischoff.  Bischoff says he already took care of it by firing Foley.  They go back and forth.  Foley denies putting his hands on Bischoff.  Hogan’s music starts playing while he’s still talking.  Hogan tells Foley to either work things out with Bischoff or walk out of the company.

Jeff Jarrett and Bubba the Love Sponge arrive at the building.  Jarrett says they’re going to talk to Hulk.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson.  Anderson specifies that he’s “Mr. Anderson,” then issues an open challenge for tonight, and he hopes Abyss will accept.

Tenay and Taz explain the “8 Card Stud Tournament” that will take place at Against All Odds to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.  Tonight, we’ll see qualifying matches for that tournament.

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. Sean Morley.  They lock up and trade hammerlocks.  Wolfe goes on the offensive.  Morley fights back, but Wolfe drops him with (what I think is) the Divorce Court.  Morley tries to fight back again, but Wolfe awesomely fuck up his arm again.  Morley finally does make a comeback.  Morley hits a full nelson slam and goes up top, but Wolfe springs to his feet and causes Morley to crotch himself on the top rope, then hits the Tower of London for the pin in 3:36.  Good little match.

Jeff Jarrett meets with Hogan and Bischoff, figurative hat in hand.  He says he’ll prove himself by starting at the bottom of the ladder if he has to.  Bischoff has the idea to put Jarrett against Ken Anderson tonight.  Jarrett’s worried about ring rust, but agrees.  Hogan tells Bischoff he’s “stiff” and to tone it down a notch.

Last week, they reenacted the Montreal Screwjob, with Kurt Angle being “screwed” by AJ Styles with help from Ric Flair and Earl Hebner.  Angle then spit in Hogan’s face and threw a fit, probably because he realizes how stupid the booking is.

AJ Styles, Ric Flair, and generic blond bimbo are in their locker room with AJ’s new suits.  They’re planning a 30 day vacation

8 Card Stud Tournament Qualifying Match: Daniels vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Hernandez.  Daniels jumps Hernandez from behind to start the match.  Hernandez hits a long stalling vertical suplex.  Daniels fails at sunset flipping Hernandez and gets Cracker Jacked.  Daniels claws at Hernandez’s eyes, then works a chin lock.  Daniels hits an STO and a Lionsault for 2.  Daniels goes for the Angel’s Wings, but fails.  Daniels sends Hernandez to the floor, but the referee stops him from going after his opponent.  Hernandez comes back in and makes his comeback.  Daniels catches Hernandez up top with the Venus palm strike and goes for a superplex, but Hernandez pushes him away.  Daniels avoids Hernandez’s diving headbutt and schoolboys him (with feet on the ropes) for 2.  Hernandez hits a big shoulder block and his weird gutwrench gut buster for the pin 4:32.  Good little match.

Tonight, Jeff Jarrett vs. Mr. Anderson!

Next, Mike Tenay plays mediator for the Nasty Boys and Team 3D!

Go to ShopTNA.com and buy TNA crap!

Mike Tenay is in the ring.  He introduces The Nasty Boys and Team 3D, who will face off at Against All Odds.  They yell and insult each other while security holds them apart.  There’s a lot of the pot calling the kettle black.  Too long and fairly stupid segment, but I do have a perverse desire to see their train wreck of a match.

Christy Hemme interviews The Beautiful People.  They say Angelina Love is old news and they’re moving on.  Man, Lacey is stupid.

Jeff Jarrett is getting ready for action!

Eric Bischoff fires Bobby Lashley.  “Taking out the trash,” he says.

The Beautiful People vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Tara & TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Awesome Kong & Hamada.  Hamada schools Rayne on how to chop, elbow, and headbutt a bitch to start.  Hamada walks the ropes and hits an arm drag.  The Beautiful People make quick tags and wring Hamada’s arm.  Hamada fights out and tags in Tara, who runs wilde on Rayne.  Standing moonsault gets 2.  Velvet get a cheap shot from the apron and lets the Rayne get the advantage.  Beauts work over Tara.  Kong tags in and kills bitches dead for a minute, then tags in Hamada, who runs wilde and kicks bitches in the head.  Tara slams Lacey.  Hamada hits a moonsault press, but Rayne saves and hits Hamada with the ugly stick.  Kong chases Sky out of the arena.  Rayne gets the pin on Hamada in 4:32.  Decent little match.  I kinda get into the Beautiful People as hot, dumb blonds.  Rayne and Lacey go to beat down Tara, but Angelina Love runs in for the save.

Hulk Hogan talks to Earl Hebner about last week’s bullshit.  Hebner says Angle’s hand hit the mat when Styles reversed the ankle lock, and that counts as a tap out.  Hogan bitches him out.  Hebner says he did it for the money, and he’s apparently mad that he doesn’t get enough credit for screwing Bret.  Hogan suspends him.

Kurt Angle is headed our way!  We see this during another of TNA’s stupid “commercial break breaks.”

Styles and Flair are chilling in the locker room.  The bimbo from earlier brings in more bimbos.  Flair picks the one he likes and they plan to party.

Bubba the Love Sponge talks to Mick Foley.  Foley doesn’t care if he gets fired.

Kurt Angle comes to the ring.  He’s sour about AJ Styles changing his ways.  Angle says he’ll win the 8 Card Stud Tournament and become champion again.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  He tells Angle he got to the bottom of the screwjob, and that he’ll fire Angle if he spits in his face again.  Angle apologizes and they shake hands.  Hogan leaves.  Syxx-Pac and Scott Hall jump Angle from behind.  Rather, Syxx-Pac jumps Angle from behind and Hall slowly waddles his way into the ring to help.  Commercials.

Moments ago, what I just wrote happened!

Security kicks Pac and Hall out of the building.  Pac says “See you next week.”

The Motor City Machine Guns & Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Amazing Red & Generation Me.  Kendrick jumps Red to start.  Typically awesome fast paced X Division match.  There’s no way I could transcribe all of this, so I’ll just enjoy it.  Quick tags and lots of flippy floppyness.  Red goes for the Code Red on Sabin, but Shelley superkicks him.  Guns hit a double team move on Red.  Kendrick makes the blind tag and kicks Red in the head, then shoots into a half nelson cradle for the pin in 2:38.  Awesome little TV spot fest.

With Red down and out, the British Invasion comes out.  Big Rob Terry has the X Division Title shot from Feast or Fired.  They beat up Red some more.  Terry gets ready to cash in, but Magnus tells him to give the title shot to Williams.  They argue about it.  Commercials.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Amazing Red (c) vs. Doug Williams (w/ Brutus Magnus & Rob Terry).  JIP.  Red hits a tornado DDT on Williams for 2.  They cut away to show the argument during the break.  Williams hits the Chaos Theory for the pin after about 30 seconds shown to win the title.  Big Rob doesn’t look happy.

Jeff Jarrett is pacing his locker room.  He’ll be in action tonight!

ShopTNA.com!!!EXCLAMATION!POINT!!

Bischoff and Foley are in the office.  Foley talks about his kid pooping at Chuckie Cheese.  He says he’d rather be the janitor that cleaned it up than work for Eric Bischoff.  Bischoff says he should reconsider, because Foley’s friends Abyss and Jeremy Borash’s jobs depend on it.  Bischoff leaves and walks into AJ Styles’ locker room.  They’re “partying.”  Bischoff says he and Hogan are stuck with Flair in TNA.  Bischoff says they don’t have 30 days off.

The main event is NEXT!

Mr. Anderson Anderson comes out and does his introduction of himself.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to no music and no pyro.  Did the sound guy lose his CD?  Man, that Bischoff really is a dick.  Jarrett hands his jacket off to So Cal Val and we have…

Ken Anderson vs. Jeff Jarrett.  They lock up.  Jarrett lands some blows in the corner and the referee forces him to back up.  Anderson hits Jarrett in the back repeatedly.  Jarrett sends Anderson to the floor, then struts.  Commercials.  Anderson rams Jarrett into the post.  Anderson works over Jarrett’s shoulder and makes lots of covers.  Anderson goes for the Kenton bomb, but Jarrett avoids it and makes his comeback.  Jarrett fights off the Mic Check.  Anderson fights off the Stroke with a low blow and an inside cradle for the pin in 10:47 (commercials included).  Eric Bischoff is shown being pleased by this result.  Mr. Anderson Anderson announces himself as the winner.  Anderson attacks Jarrett some more and drops him with the Mic Check.  Bischoff tells the monitor that Jarrett is going to have a long, hard climb to the top of the mountain.

This was the least horrendous iMPACT! I’ve seen in a while, so I guess I give it a thumbs up.

TNA iMPACT! 1/21/10 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

Genesis highlight video.  The name of this episode is “AJ Styles… Whooo!”

Ric Flair and the World Champion AJ Styles arrive in a limo with bimbos.

Impact open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz.

Ric Flair comes out with bimbos.  Flair says he had 3 reasons for coming to TNA: 1.) He hates Hulk Hogan.  2.) He wants AJ Styles to be the new Nature Boy.  3.)  He nailed Dixie Carter.  That was the short version.  Be thankful.  Flair introduces AJ Styles (in a suit and with yet another bimbo).  Styles cuts a promo and comes off like a goofy kid pretending to be Ric Flair.  Kurt Angle comes out with Hulk Hogan in tow.  Hogan says he changed his mind about enforcing the Genesis stipulation and he’s giving Angle another title shot tonight.  If Flair interferes, Angle wins the title.

Matt Morgan’s New Year’s Resolution is to do more for charity.

Mick Foley is throwing a tamper backstage and looking for Eric Bischoff.

Tenay and Taz run down what’s on tap for TONIGHT!

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan & Hernandez (c) vs. The British Invasion.  This is the Brits’ rematch, having lost the titles at Genesis.  Williams beats up Morgan to start.  Magnus does the revolving elbows in the corner, clotheslines Williams, picks him up for a sidewalk slam, then just drops him.  Brits get the advantage on Morgan.  Hernandez gets the tag and runs wild.  Modified Border Toss thingy gets 2.  Rob Terry comes out as Williams hits a German suplex hold for 2.  Terry throws in his Feast or Fired case to Magnus.  Magnus accidentally clocks Williams, allowing Hernandez to get the pin in 4:00.  The match was meh.  Mick Foley comes out and hits the Brits with a chair, then double arm DDTs Williams onto the chair.  Foley tells the camera that Bischoff should schedule an appointment for him.

Audio clips of Jeff Jarrett on the Bubba The Love Sponge Show.  Jarrett keeps hanging up on him.

Hogan and Bischoff talk in their office.  Bischoff is going to take care of “Cactus Jack” and Hogan is going to take care of “that other thing.”  Kevin Nash comes in.  The Band is out of control and Nash is tagging with Eric Young tonight.

Orlando Jordan comes out.  Cut to Christy Hemme interviewing “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.

Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up.  Jordan does an arm drag.  I kinda wish Orlando Jordan would fuck off and die.  Pope does his slide over the guy and out of the ring deal.  Jordan hits a Dragon screw leg whip on Pope’s injured knee.  Jordan hits a Flatliner for the pin in 3:01.

Christy interviews Kurt Angle.

The Pope says every day is a new year for him.

More Jarrett on Bubba.

Nash and Eric Young talk backstage.

Beautiful People history package.

More Jarrett/Bubba.

Bobby Lashley meets with Eric Bischoff.  Despite what Lashley’s wife has been saying, he wants to wrestle in TNA.

Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love.  Rayne begs off, then gets a cheap shot in and beats up Love.  Angelina fights back and kicks her ass.  Angelina gets the pin after a thrust kick in 1:04.  She rips Rayne’s shirt off and chokes her with it.  Hot.  Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich come out.  Love fights off Lacey and Rayne at first.  They finally get the 3 on 1 beat down and Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick (a pink nightstick).

Bubba interviews Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  They defend Hall’s beating up of “a fan” at Genesis.

Hogan and Bischoff are headed our way!

Velvet Sky doesn’t have a New Years’ Resolution.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come to the ring.  Hogan babbles, then calls out The Band.  Hogan really hates rock, paper, scissors, so he kicks Hall and Pac out of the building.  Mick Foley comes out.  Commercials.

Eric Young says he’ll be dominate in 2010.

Nash tells Hall and Pac he’ll take care of things, so they leave.

The Nasty Boys vs. Kevin Nash & TNA Global Champion Eric Young.  Sags and Young start.  Young tries.  Sags beats him up.  Knobs tags in and beats up Young.  Nash tags in and beats up Knobs.  Sags tags in and clotheslines Nash for 2.  Nash drops Sags tag in Young, who hits a diving elbow for 2.  Knobs take out Nash.  Nastys give Young the Pit Stop.  Sags hits a pumphandle slam on Young for the pin in 3:09.  This sucked.

Angle vs. Styles is still to come!

Ken Anderson Anderson is headed our way!

During the break, Team 3D clobbered the Nasty Boys with chair shots backstage.

Highlights of Mr. Anderson’s debut against Abyss at Genesis.

Ken Anderson comes out and talks.  Abyss sneaks in behind him.  Anderson goes on making fun of Abyss.  Abyss finally taps Anderson on the shoulder, then kicks his ass.

Brother Devon’s resolution is to be a good wrestler.  Good luck with that, buddy.

Brother Ray’s is to have fun.

Abyss apologizes to Bischoff backstage.  Bischoff says the only reason Abyss has a job is because Hogan likes him.  Bischoff goes into Hogan’s office, where Mick Foley is being restrained by security.  They agree to have a civilized discussion.  Foley yells at Bischoff.  Bischoff has the camera guy leave.  Stupid segment.  I’m just happy they didn’t cut straight to the invisible camera.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  Earl Hebner is the referee.  Just mentioning that in case it comes into play later on.  Styles jumps Angle before the bell.  Angle fights back and kicks his ass.  Angle back body drops Styles, who bails.  Angle chases him back into the ring and gets the boots put to him.  Angle hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Angle hammers Styles.  A clothesline gets 2 for Angle.  Angle tries a German, but Styles holds onto the ropes and kicks him low.  Styles puts the boots to Angle.  Insta-commercial.  They trade blows in the middle of the ring.  Styles clips Angle’s leg and puts him in the figure-four leglock.  Angle escapes and hits a belly to belly overhead suplex, then goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles arm drags his way out of it.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle goes for the Slam again, but AJ avoids and hits the Pele kick, then goes for the Styles Clash.  Angle counters it and locks in the ankle lock.  Styles rolls through, locks in his own ankle lock, and Hebner IMMEDIATELY calls for the bell.  “BULLSHIT” chants.  That’s right, another lame Montreal rehash.  Hogan comes out.  Angle yells at him, accusing him of having something to do with it, “quits,” and spits on Hogan’s face.  Insta-commercial.

During the break, Angle stole Mike Tenay’s chair and beat up the set with it.

A bloody Eric Bischoff stumbles his way to the ring, takes the microphone, and fires Mick Foley.  End.

Man, what a fucking disjointed mess of a show.

TNA Genesis 2010 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  They should change it to “TNA… We are wrestling’s old folks home.”  PPV opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts for the first TNA PPV of 2010.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come down the ramp that goes all the way to the ring, which is now a normal 4 sided ring.  Hogan puts over the changes.  Crowd chants “WE WANT SIX SIDES!”  Hogan says the four sided ring is where wrestling was meant to be done.  Hogan bashes TNA’s “competitor.”  Bischoff says there’s a lot more change to come.  Hogan ends by warning Vince McMahon that TNA is coming for him.  You’d think these goofs would have learned by now that you can’t out-Vince Vince McMahon.

Tenay and Taz do their opening bit: putting over TNA, bashing the “competition,” and hyping the card for tonight.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Amazing Red (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Kendrick is the mystery opponent, still basically doing the “THE Brian Kendrick” gimmick.  The announcers don’t make a big deal out of Kendrick.  Kendrick applies an ARMBAR! to start.  They roll in and out of holds a bit.  Kendrick works the armbar and a crossface.  Awesome little sequence that was too quick to describe.  Red ranas Kendrick out of the ring, teases a dive, Kendrick gets back in and kinda spears him, then kicks him out of the ring.  Kendrick throws some kicks at Red’s leg and works the leg a bit.  The announcers talk about Bobby Lashley claiming that he’s not going to wrestle tonight.  Kendrick keeps working the leg.  Red fights back, sends Kendrick out of the ring, and takes him out with a flip dive from the top rope.  The announcers keep mentioning Brooke Hogan at ringside.  Back inside, Red hits a dropkick off the top for 2.  Red comes off the top for another move, but Kendrick avoids him and applies a half crab.  More torture for the leg.  Red lands a kick.  They trade blows.  Red takes Kendrick down with a head scissors and gets a 2 count.  Kendrick lands a one legged dropkick for 2.  He puts the boots to Red.  “X DIVISION!” chant.  Red hits a springboard Code Red for the pin in 9:04.  Match was okay, but a little slow and sloppy in places.

Bischoff and Hogan talk to The Band backstage.  They reiterate that Hall and Waltman aren’t under contracts and have to earn their spots.  Hall and Waltman play Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide which of them will wrestle tonight.  Waltman wins 2 out of 3.

Sean Morley comes out for his match.  The show his fight with Daniels last week on iMPACT!  He gives his towel to Brooke Hogan, then does the same spiel he was doing 10 years ago.  Crowd chants “WE WANT WRESTLING!”  Daniels comes out, bitches about Morley’s shtick, threatens to slap fans, and gets in the ring for…

Sean Morley vs. Daniels.  They brawl.  Daniels bails.  Morley pursues.  They trade blows back inside.  Daniels tries to bail again, but Morley won’t let him.  Morley hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Morley targets Daniels’ ribs.  Daniels pulls Morley across the ropes and starts getting the advantage on him.  Daniels applies something of a triangle choke.  The referee forces him to break it.  I think Morley is supposed to be the babyface here, but he’s getting booed and Daniels is getting cheered, despite Daniels being a dick to the crowd before the match.  Daniels does a swank head scissors on the ropes to choke Morley, then kicks him in the head and hits his weird sorta split legged moonsault.  Daniels continues to choke Morley at every opportunity.  Morley fights back and targets Daniels’ ribs again.  Blue Thunder Driver gets 2 for Morley.  Crowd chants “THAT’S HIS MOVE!”  Daniels does do that move, doesn’t he?  Daniels locks in the Koji Clutch.  Crowd chants “SIT DOWN BROOKE!” at Brooke Hogan, who apparently was standing up.  Daniels hits an STO for 2.  Morley avoids the BME and hits a half nelson slam, then goes up top.  Daniels hits the Venus palm strike and goes for an Iconoclasm.  Morley stops it.  Daniels hits another palm strike and tries a Frankensteiner off the top, but Morley holds on to the ropes, then hits the Money Shot for the pin in 9:07.  Fine little match, but the Impact Zone mutants hurt it.

Tara/ODB video package.  Tenay and Taz go over the Tale of the Tape.  It’s really not a Tale of the Tape.  Idiots.

2/3 Falls Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: ODB (c) vs. Tara.  They go chest to chest, then pull each others’ hair.  ODB pulls some of Tara’s extensions out, so Tara kicks her ass.  Tara hits the standing moonsault for 2.  Tara chops ODB in the tits and ODB sells it.  Tara throws some kicks and drops ODB with an enzuigiri.  Hilo leg drop gets 2.  ODB fights back and hits a fall away slam, nips up, and gets inside cradled by Tara for the pin in 2:43 to win the first fall.  Some football player is in the crowd.  Nobody but Tenay and Taz care.  ODB beats up Tara.  Tara catches ODB with an elbow in the corner and locks in the tarantula.  ODB sends Tara to the floor with a baseball slide dropkick.  ODB stun guns Tara into the ring apron.  Ouch.  Brooke tries to help Tara and gets chastised by ODB.  ODB gets in the ring and checks her pulse.  ODB grabs Tara on the apron and throws her back in.  Cover gets 2.  ODB checks her pulse again and clamps on a body scissors.  ODB does the rolling Kobashi cradle for 2.  ODB keeps going back to the body scissors and adds a sleeper to it.  Tara finally escapes.  ODB pulls something from between her tits, then hits a running powerslam for 2.  ODB checks her pulse again.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak for the pin at 9:34 to win it in 2 straight falls.  This match was not good at all.

Christy Hemme interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  The Pope is pimpin’, according to him.

Tenay and Taz go over the Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The British Invasion (c) vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Magnus starts with Morgan and bails after a moment.  Back in, Magnus avoids a chokeslam and tags in Williams.  Hernandez stops the Brits from hitting the double necktie.  The Brits bail.  Back in, Williams hits Hernandez with some European uppercuts and a knee int he corner, then tries a suplex.  They counter each other, then Hernandez hits a back body drop on Williams.  Hernandez uses his shirt to toss Williams.  Williams catches him in the corner with a boot then dives on him.  Hernandez catches him and goes for a powerbomb, but Magnus clips his leg.  The Brits hit a double superplex on Hernandez.  Williams tags in Magnus.  Double necktie on Hernandez.  Magnus throws some punches at him and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Crowd does the “OLE!” chant to encourage Hernandez.  Magnus applies an abdominal stretch and holds hands with Williams for more leverage… or just because they’re fruits.  The referee stops the assist.  Hernandez hits a big whirly power move on Magnus.  Morgan gets the tag and cleans house.  Revolving elbows in the corner to Williams.  Taz uses his former broadcast partner’s “VINTAGE!” line.  Williams hits a diving European uppercut.  Hernandez drops Williams.  Magnus drops Hernandez.  Morgan drops Magnus.  Morgan chokeslams Williams for 2.  Magnus decks Hernandez to knock him off the apron, then kicks Morgan into a German from Williams for 2.  Magnus tags in.  Brits try some double teaming, but Morgan deals with them both.  He tosses Williams off the top rope.  Hernandez takes on Williams, then hits something of a reverse powerbomb on Magnus.  Morgan finishes off Magnus with the Carbon Footprint for the pin in 8:51.  This wasn’t very good either.  The new champs celebrate.

Bobby Lashley barges into Bischoff’s office, where Bischoff is talking to Abyss.  Abyss kicks Lashley’s ass and whacks him with a monitor of some sort.  Bischoff is mad at Abyss for taking out his opponent for tonight, even though Abyss was just trying to protect Bischoff.  Hogan comes in and tells he’s going to have a match tonight.  They talk about being crazy.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ generic bimbo) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope kisses Wolfe’s companion, which prompts a “POPE IS PIMPIN’!” chant.  They go at it.  Pope takes a light bump to the outside.  Pope comes back and locks Pope  into something like a reverse tarantula.  Diving fist drop from Pope gets 2.  Pope hits his “slide over the other guy out of the ring” move and appears to hurt his knee.  Wolfe goes after him and says he’s no dummy.  Wolfe works Pope’s knee.  Pope fights back and manages to avoid the Tower of London, then spears Wolfe.  Pope hits a weird but neat suplex for 2.  I got distracted for a minute, then Pope got an inside cradle for 2.  Pope tries a backslide, but Wolfe counters.  Pope gets another inside cradle for 2.  Pope hits a whiplash move for 2.  Pope hits sort of an Alabama Slam for 2.  Pope goes for the Elijah Express, but Wolfe nails him with the jawbreaker lariat for the pin 13:31.  It was fine, but nothing you’re going to remember tomorrow.

Tenay and Taz talk about what we’ve seen and what’s still to come.

Jeremy Borash is in the back to do some sort of interview.  Eric Bischoff interrupts and tells him he’s taking him off television.  He hands the mic to Christy Hemme.  Ric Flair steps in, so Christy decides to interview him.  He’s not ready to explain what the hell he’s doing in TNA.

The Band/Beer Money video package.

Kevin Nash & Syxx-Pac vs. Beer Money.  Waltman is announced as “Syxx-Pac,” so I guess that’s the name he’s going with this time around.  Pac and Storm start.  Pac feigns some kicks, then gets hip tossed and arm dragged.  Crowd chants “HOGAN SUCKS!” I think.  Tag to Roode, some double teaming, and knee drop to Pac for 2.  Nash tags in and there goes any chance of this match being good.  Roode throws some chops at Nash, then tries to knock him down with clotheslines but fails twice, finally succeeds on the third.  Tag to Storm.  Beer Money does the wishbone spot to Nash, then drop toe holds Pac into Nash’s balls.  The Band works over Storm.  Nash is shockingly spry at one point in stopping Storm from tagging out.  Storm hits a Codebreaker on Nash.  Pac tags in.  Roode gets the hot tag and cleans house on Pac.  Nash comes in and gets dealt with by Roode as well.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Pac and covers, but Nash saves.  Nash charges Roode in the corner and gets kicked in the head by Storm.  Beer Money double suplexes Pac and does the BEER!  MONEY! post.  Scott Hall comes out and distracts Beer Money.  Nash runs through them with a double clothesline.  Chokeslam to Roode gets 2.  Hall beats up a “fan.”  Pac goes to restrain him.  Storm superkicks Nash, leading to Roode getting the pin with a jackknife hold in 9:44.  Match was good in parts, but the end was a confusing mess.

Hulk Hogan tells Eric Bischoff that he’s going to deal with The Band this Thursday on Impact.  They’re such douches.  Oh, and TNA has finally introduced the invisible camera.

Abyss vs. Ken Anderson.  Mr. “Don’t call me Kennedy” Anderson is the big surprise that Hogan talked about on Impact.  He does his hole introducing himself bit before the match.  Anderson slaps Abyss.  Abyss slugs him back and drops him.  Kennedy gets shoved around, then hammers Abyss with punches.  More back and forth brawling.  Anderson clips Abyss’ knee, then kicks him in the arm.  Abyss bails.  Anderson follows him out  and smacks the bad arm against anything he can find.  Crowd chants “OVERRATED!” at Anderson.  He grabs a chair, but Abyss kicks it out of his hands and fights back.  Anderson chokes Abyss with a boot back inside.  Anderson sends Abyss into the turnbuckle and schoolboys him for 2.  Anderson continues working the arm.  Abyss comes back and drops Anderson with a big boot, whips him into the corner, wastes a bunch of time clapping his hands, then squashes Anderson in the corner.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Anderson rakes Abyss’ eyes to escape the Shock Treatment and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson comes off the top and gets caught and chokeslammed.  Cover gets 2.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss brings in a chair.  Anderson pulls a pair of brass knucks out of his trunks.  The referee takes the chair away  and goes to put it away.  While his back is turned. Anderson KO’s Abyss with the knucks and gets the pin in 10:36.  Yeah, this one wasn’t any good either.  Anderson announces himself as the winner while still selling the beating.

Angle/Styles video package.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  The crowd is obnoxious.  They wrestle, and it’s good, but the crowd has to do their obnoxious dueling chants.  Then they chant “YOU’RE BOTH AWESOME!”  I want to personally strangle them all.  Angle takes Styles down, so Styles bails.  Styles takes Angle down, so Angle bails.  Man this crowd is so fucking annoying.  Why the fuck do they feel the need to chant constantly?  Angle gets a schoolboy for 2.  More fast wrestling.  Man this would be great in front of a decent crowd.  They work a Greco Roman knuckle lock.  Man, I don’t know why the mutants are bothering me so much today.  Styles hits a dropkick and clamps on a rear chin lock.  More stuff happens.  Styles elbows Angle out of the ring and tries to dive, but Angle pulls him down and sends AJ’s face into the apron.  Angle rolls Styles back in and covers for 2.  Angle hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  More stuff happens.  Angle hits a release German suplex on Styles, then puts the boots to him in the corner.  Another backbreaker gets 2 for Angle.  Styles starts fighting back, then they hit each other with cross body blocks.  Ric Flair comes out and stands at ringside.  Angle and Styles trade blows.  Styles sends Angle to the floor and hits a suicide dive.  Man, those guardrails are awfully close to the ring in this new set up.  Back side, Angle catches AJ with a boot in the corner, then AJ hits that fireman’s carry backbreaker thing.  AJ hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Angle backdrops out of the Styles Clash and hits the rolling Germans on Styles.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles arm drags out of it.  Styles tries a German, but Angle goes behind and hits another release German for 2.  Styles avoids the Angle Slam again and hits the Pele kick for 2.  Styles goes for the Clash again, but Angle rams him into the corner.  Angle drops Styles with aclothesline for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles avoids it and drops Angle with a clothesline.  Styles hits a diving rana, then goes for the springboard 450, but Angle moves.  Angle hits the Angle Slam, but Styles kicks out.  Angle goes for his gorgeous moonsault, but Styles moves out of the way.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash again, but Angle counters and locks in the ankle lock.  AJ fights out, gets backdropped to the apron and hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Styles tries a Styles Clash from the top, fails, dives at Angle.  Angle catches him and hits AJ with his own Styles Clash for a 2 count.  Angle tries the Angle Slam again, but Styles turns it into a DDT.  Styles hits Angle’s own Angle Slam for 2.  Styles goes up top.  Angle sprints up and hits the Angle Slam off the top.  Styles kicks out at 2.  Okay Kurt, you’ve officially killed your finish.  Happy?  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Styles tries to fight out, but Angle keeps it clamped on.  Angle grapevines the leg.  Ric Flair pulls referee Earl Hebner out of the ring just in time for him to not see Styles tap out.  Angle goes after Flair, chasing him out of and into the ring.  Styles drops Angle with a clothesline.  Flair throws AJ the belt to use as a weapon.  AJ nails Kurt with the belt.  Flair throws Hebner into the ring to count the pin in 28:47.  And here I was thinking that TNA was going to get through a whole PPV without anyone interfering for the finish.  It was still a good match, but I thought their TV match was loads better.  Styles and Flair celebrate to end the show.

Man, this was not a good show.  Hogan and Bischoff are obviously booking what they want and not giving a fuck what the fans (even if they are annoying morons in the Impact Zone) want, which Hogan made clear in his opening promo.  Fuck this company.