Archive for Brian Kendrick

TNA iMPACT! 2/10/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2011 by Grappleholic

Recap of recent goings on.

“Don’t Be Roode”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy, Jeff Jarrett, Karen Jarrett, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers for a while.  He talks shit about Fortune.  Jeff Jarrett calls out Fortune, who do indeed come out: AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money.  Jarrett challenges them to get in the ring, so they do.  Jarrett talks about how he gave them all the opportunity to be in TNA in the first place.  Roode tells Jarrett to STFU.  He says they took the opportunity Jarrett gave them and built TNA while they kept bringing in overpaid WWE washouts.  He calls Jarrett “slapnuts.”  A brawl breaks out.  Fortune are outnumbered, but Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner, and Crimson make the save.

Tonight, Angle and Jarrett sign the contract for Against All Odds!  Jeff Jarrett & Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles & Robert Roode!  Ken Anderson defends the World Championship against Matt Morgan!

Winter and Velvet Sky scream at each other backstage.  Angelina Love tells them to chill the fuck out.  She tries to make peace.  It fails.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hernandez backstage.  He’s apparently working for Bischoff now.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Tables Match: Matt Hardy, Bully Ray, & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Rob Van Dam, Samoa Joe, & Brother Devon.  The faces hit the ring and brawl.  Devon takes Bubba out of the ring.  Joe chases Pope out of the arena.  Hardy and Van Dam go at it in the ring.  Hardy goes up top, but RVD kicks him in the head and knocks him to the floor.  Hardy tries to bring in a chair.  RVD hits a baseball slide dropkick and goes for a slingshot dive.  Hardy catches him with the chair.  Devon and Ray come back in the ring with their brawl.  Ray hits Devon in the balls.  He says he’ll get his own table.  He talks shit to Devon’s kids again.  They jump the the rail and grab Bubba’s feet on the apron.  Devon charges and knocks Ray off the apron through the table for the win in 3:11.  Well, there ya go.  Devon celebrates with his sons.

Tonight, Anderson vs. Morgan for the World title!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are obnoxious backstage.  Jarrett has snuck some stupid clause into the contract.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett are in the ring with a bunch of security geeks.  Karen babbles about something.  Kurt Angle comes out.  Karen taunts him by talking about their kids.  Jarrett lays out the stupid stipulations.  If Angle wins, he gets custody of his kids.  If Jarrett wins, Angle has to give Karen away at their re-wedding.  Karen is not cool with this, but they sign the contract anyway.

Up next, clusterfuck women’s tag match!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, Sarita, & Rosita vs. Mickie James, TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Angelina Love & Winter, & Velvet Sky.  Sarita and Love start.  Love gets a sunset flip for 2.  Love hits a diving cross body for 2.  Rosita cheap shots Love and tags in.  Sarita and Rosita double team Love.  Love catches Rosita on a cross body and slams her.  Velvet tags in.  Winter slaps her head.  They argue.  Sarita hits a backbreaker on Sky.  Rosita hits Sky with a moonsault press for the pin in 2:56 as Winter blocks her partners from making the save.  This was crap.  Everyone leaves.  Mickie challenges Madison to come fight.  Commercials.

Mickie James and Madison Rayne face off in the ring.  Madison screeches for a while.  That’s all.  This was pointless.

Jeff Hardy talks about Mr. Anderson and Matt Morgan.  He’ll face the winner of their match tonight in a Ladder Match at the PPV.

Still to come, Hardy & Jarrett vs. Styles & Roode!  Anderson vs. Morgan is NEXT!  Commercials.

Kurt Angle talks to AJ Styles and Robert Roode backstage.  He wants them to fuck Jeff Jarrett up tonight.  Roode offers to let Angle take his place tonight.  Angle agrees.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Ken Anderson (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Jeff Hardy comes out and sits on top of a horribly painted ladder to watch.  They lock up.  Morgan shoves Anderson into the corner.  Anderson grabs a side headlock and hits a shoulder block that fails to knock Morgan down.  Morgan grabs a headlock and hits a shoulder block that does knock Anderson down.  Morgan hits a hip toss.  Anderson takes out Morgan’s leg and hits a sliding lariat for 2.  Morgan hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Anderson ducks a short lariat and gets a schoolboy for 1.  Morgan hits a lariat for 2.  Morgan applies a rear chin lock.  They trade punches.  Anderson gets rolling and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson avoids the Carbon Footprint.  Morgan counters the Lambeau Leap.  Anderson hits a diving lariat for 2.  Morgan charges Anderson, crotches himself on the top rope, and falls out of the ring.  Morgan pulls Anderson’s head across the top rope.  Anderson accidentally bumps the ref.  Hernandez runs in through the crowd and attacks Morgan, ramming his head into the post.  Back inside, Anderson covers for the pin in 5:42.  This was good until the fuck finish.  Hernandez gets in the ring and attacks Anderson.  Hernandez hits a spinebuster.  Hardy delivers the Swanton Bomb to Anderson and poses with his fugly belt.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Bully Ray talks shit about Devon and his kids backstage.  He wants to face all 3 of them in a Street Fight at Against All Odds.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Brian Kendrick vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Suicide.  Robbie jumps the returning Suicide while Kendrick meditates in the corner.  Suicide fights back.  I think it’s Christopher Daniels.  Robbie sends Suicide out of the ring.  Kendrick beats up Robbie.  Suicide comes back in and gets decked by both guys.  Suicide comes back and runs wild.  Kendrick lands some kicks on Suicide.  Suicide hits his finish on Kendrick.  Cookie distracts the ref.  Robbie knocks Suicide out of the ring and pins Kendrick in 2:43.  There ya go.

Double Jeffs vs. Styles & Angle NEXT!  Commercials.

Ink Inc. talk about being weirdos.

Against All Odds hype.

Brother Devon (w/ his kids) talks about Bully Ray.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Jeff Hardy & Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) vs. Kurt Angle & AJ Styles.  Styles and Jarrett are to start, but Styles tags in Angle.  Jarrett immediately tags out, so Hardy and Angle start.  Angle gives Hardy a wrestling lesson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex for 2.  Angle sends Hardy into the corner.  Jarrett drops off the apron to avoid being tagged in because he’s a big pussy.  Styles tags in and beats up Hardy.  NOW Jarrett tags in.  He beats up Styles.  Styles grabs an arm lock and tags in Angle.  Jarrett scampers away and tags out.  Hardy and Angle go at it again.  Jarrett trips Angle from the outside.  Hardy hits a clothesline for 2.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  Angle fights out and eats an elbow smash.  Jarrett tags in now that Angle is down and out.  Jarrett beats on Angle while Karen taunts him.  Angle rallies, ducks an enzuigiri, and goes for the ankle lock.  Hardy saves.  Styles comes in.  The referee gets him out.  Jarrett tags Hardy behind the referee’s back, and of course since this is TNA the referee is perfectly fine with it.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  Commercials.  Angle fires back on Hardy.  Hardy drops him with a clothesline.  Hardy goes up top.  Angle springs up and brings him down with an arm drag.  Styles and Jarrett tag in.  Styles runs wild.  Styles lands the Pele kick.  Hardy saves and gives Styles a front suplex.  Angle gives Hardy a German suplex.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam on Jarrett.  Jarrett escapes and bails.  Angle chases him back into the ring.  Jarrett gets the jump and tries to keep him out of the ring.  Karen gets in the way.  Styles hits the springboard flying forearm on Jarrett for the pin in 14:19.  Fun match.  Jarrett kicks Angle in the balls and gives Styles the Stroke.  Stroke to Angle as well.  Hardy gives Styles the Twist of Hate.  Fortune, Steiner, and Crimson hit the ring.  Immortal hit the ring.  Everybody brawls.  Immortal gets the better of it.  Rob Van Dam runs in and kicks heels in the face.  Matt Hardy takes out RVD’s leg.  Jarrett beats up Roode.  Mr. Anderson runs in and cleans house.  Mic Check to Rob Terry.  Fortune and friends stand tall.

Not a great show, but not the worst TNA show ever by any means.

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TNA iMPACT! 1/20/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2011 by Grappleholic

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett/Karen Jarrett video package.

“Dirty Laundry”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle arrives, walks into the building, and orders a production guy to play his music.  Angle walks out to the ring and cuts a promo.  He wants to bury the hatchet with Karen for the sake of his kids.  Jeff Jarrett’s music plays and his geeks come out.  Angle kicks their asses before they can get into the ring and screams for Jarrett to come out.  Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair come out instead.  They send out some rent-a-cops, who escort Angle out of the building.  Okay then…  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett arrive and feign disappointment that Angle has been kicked out.

Non-Title Four-Way Match: Sarita vs. Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Mickie and Velvet argue over who is going to start, because this is TNA so the four-way has stupid tag rules.  They say “fuck it” and attack their respective enemies on the outside.  Mickie beats up Madison in the ring.  Sarita tags in and gets flapjacked by Mickie.  Velvet tags herself in and attacks Sarita bitch-style.  Rayne cheap shots Sky from the apron.  Sky decks her.  Sarita throws Velvet around.  Velvet hits a flying head scissors on Sarita.  Madison knocks Mickie off the apron.  Madison and Sarita try to double team Velvet, but Mickie saves.  Clusterfuck.  Velvet takes out Sarita.  Mickie gives Madison a neckbreaker and goes up top.  The referee it outside with Velvet and Sarita.  Tara appears and clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Sarita and Velvet come back in and conk heads.  Madison clocks Velvet with the loaded glove.  Mickie gets Madison with a reverse cradle for the pin in 4:28.  This wasn’t any good.  Madison throws a fit.

Beer Money chat backstage.  Storm does curls with beer bottles.

Tonight, Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD!

Kurt Angle is walking around backstage.  I thought the rent-a-cops escorted him out?  Commercials.

Samoa Joe talks to Kazuchika Okada, who’s been video taping Pope for him.  Poor Okada…

Ric Flair and Rob Terry come out.  Flair cuts a promo about Terry’s sexual prowess, then calls out Matt Morgan.

“The Freak” Rob Terry (w/ Ric Flair) vs. “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan.  They show Morgan beating Abyss last week, then being jumped by Flair and Terry.  Terry gets instructions from Flair.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the pin in 11 seconds.  Morgan goes after Flair.  Flair throws ineffective punches and chops, then begs off.  Abyss runs in and jumps Morgan.  Morgan rallies and drops him with the discus lariat.  Terry wakes up and immediately gets side slammed.  Morgan goes for Flair, but Abyss jumps him again.  Morgan rallies and takes out Abyss and Terry again.  Terry takes out Morgan’s knee.  The heels finally get the better of Morgan and beat him down.  Abyss and Terry hit a double chokeslam.

Video package of TNA stars at New Japan “Wrestle Kingdom V In Tokyo Dome.”

Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. Tommy Dreamer!  Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD!

AJ Styles gives TNA X Division Champion Kazarian a pep talk backstage.  Kazarian leaves.  Crimson appears and chokes AJ with a wire, then tells him “they’re coming” in 2 weeks.  Commercials.

Kurt Angle is still stalking around backstage.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal slingshots Kazarian into the ring and runs wild on him.  Kazarian bails.  Lethal follows and beats him up at ringside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Injection, but Kazarian counters and finally mounts some offense.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow smash for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination, then goes up top and hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Kazarian rolls to the floor.  Lethal throws Kazarian back into the ring.  Kazarian gouges his eyes.  Lethal goes for a sunset flip.  Kazarian squashes it, grabs the ropes, and gets the pin in 4:33.  Not much of a match, which is sad when you consider how good their PPV match was.

Ken Anderson, Rob Van Dam, and Tommy Dreamer chat backstage.

The Jarretts are headed our way.

Kurt Angle finds a door into the arena.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett come to the ring.  Jeff puts over his wife.  Karen bashes Kurt Angle.  Angle sneaks into the ring and gives Jarrett a German suplex.  Kurt and Karen stare at each other.  Karen slaps him.  Jarrett hits Angle in the balls, then beats him up and leaves him laying.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Kurt Angle beats up trash cans backstage.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy beats up Dreamer.  Dreamer avoids a drop kick and leg drops Hardy’s balls.  Dreamer clotheslines Hardy out of the ring, then hits a clothesline off the apron.  Dreamer beats up Hardy on the outside until Hardy gives him a sort of arm drag off the apron.  Hardy beats up Dreamer back inside.  Hardy hits an innovated dropkick to the balls, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Dreamer makes his comeback.  Hardy tries to rally, but Dreamer avoids the Whisper In The Wind.  Dreamer goes for a dive, but Hardy catches him with a kick.  Dreamer counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Spiccoli Driver.  Hardy gets a foot on the rope.  Hardy gets another low blow and hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 4:21.  This wasn’t very good either.

Kurt Angle is stalking around backstage with a baseball bat.

Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD is NEXT!  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks on the phone backstage.  He wants to use some guy’s computer for his illicit business dealings.  He uses his phone to call the guy, then steals his laptop when the guy walks outside to get service.

AJ Styles tries to tell Ric Flair what happened to him earlier.  Flair “ices” Styles.  Kurt Angle appears and hits Style with his bat.  Flair begs off.  Angle chokes him and tells him to make sure Jarrett comes to the ring to fight him.

Non-Title: TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Roode and RVD brawl.  RVD does his weird leg cradle for 2.  RVD hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Roode counters a monkey flip and sets RVD on the top turnbuckle.  They horrible botch a diving schoolboy.  Anderson tags in and hits a lariat for 2.  Storm tags in and gets schooled by Anderson.  Anderson hits a spinning neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson runs into the turnbuckles, then gets clotheslined by Roode in the apron.  Roode tags in and works over Anderson.  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Beer Money get the heat on Anderson and work over his previously concussed head.  Anderson rallies and spikes Roode with a DDT.  Storm and RVD tag in.  RVD runs wild, back body drops an interfering Roode, and hits Storm with the flying kick.  RVD goes for Rolling Thunder, but Roode trips him.  Storm hits a Lung Blower for 2.  Beer Money go for the double suplex, but Anderson intervenes and takes Roode to the floor.  Roode sends Anderson into the steps.  RVD drops Storm with a kick and goes up top.  Roode tries to intervene, but fails.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Storm.  Jeff Hardy comes out to distract the referee.  Matt Hardy sneaks in and hits RVD the Twist of Hate.  Storm pins RVD in 8:08.  Okayish match, but still not that good.

Brian Kendrick tries to help Bully Ray with his anger management.  Ray shoves him into some lockers instead.  That dick.  Commercials.

Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett yell at each other in the office.  Eric Bischoff tells Jarrett to “trust him” and go to the ring.

Brother Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray.  Ray comes out and challenges Devon to fight him at ringside.  Brian Kendrick comes out and throws Ray in the ring.  Devon beats up Ray.  Ray tries to use a chain, but Devon kicks his ass and takes it.  Security comes out to break it up, so of course Bubba jumps him from behind.  Bubba beats up security, scares So Cal Val, and brings in a chair.  Where the hell did Kendrick go?  Bubba sandwiches Devon’s head in the chair and whips it with his chain.  That dick!

Kurt Angle is headed our way!  Commercials!

Kurt Angle is in the ring.  Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, and Murphy come out.  Jarrett is in his ring gear for some reason, but is reluctant to fight.  He sends Gunner and Murphy instead.  Angle kicks their asses.  They finally get the advantage, so Jarrett joins in on the beatdown.  Angle rallies, throws out Gunner and Murphy, and puts Jarrett in a rear naked choke.  Karen Jarrett comes out to scream at Angle.  Immortal come out and beat down Angle.  Abyss comes out to the stage and falls down.  He has the nail board stuck in his back.  WTF?  Crimson appears and yells that “THEY’RE COMING” on February 3.  Angle takes advantage of the distraction to start kicking ass.  Angle gets Flair in the ankle lock until Immortal pull him to safety.

This show wasn’t good, but I’ve seen far worse.

TNA iMPACT! 12/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2011 by Grappleholic

The usual video package of recent happenings.

“The Con Game?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mick Foley comes out and calls out Ken Anderson.  Anderson comes out.  They talk about visiting wounded soldiers with Miss America.  They bicker about whether or not Anderson should wrestle.  Anderson’s concussion was like 2 months ago.  I’m sure he’s fine now.  He says he’s fine and he’s been cleared.  I’m sure he has.  I wish they’d be done with this stupid story already.  Matt Morgan comes out.  Morgan accuses Anderson  of trying to con him.  I don’t get it.  They bicker.  Anderson wants to fight now.  Foley gets between them.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out.  Apparently he has booking power now, because he announces that Anderson and Morgan will be on opposing sides of a tag match with mystery partners tonight.

Backstage, Eric Young is dressed as Father Time, but he thinks he’s Moses.  Orlando Jordan is Baby New Year.  Jordan still thinks they’re gay and Young still thinks they’re a tag team.  Stupid.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Velvet Sky in Strap Match!  Double J Double M A Challenge!  Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Robert Roode (w/ James Storm) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley).  They lock up and trade arm locks.  That’s always a fine way to start.  Roode grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Sabin hits arm drags and wrenches Roode’s arm.  Sabin sends Roode outside and hits a cross body off the top rope to the floor.  Back inside, Sabin tries to springboard.  Roode counters him and hits a modified Samoan drop for 2.  Roode chokes Sabin with his boot.  Sabin gets a sunset flip for 2.  Roode hits a clothesline that Sabin does a 360 bump for.  Cover gets 2.  Roode applies a rear chin lock.  Sabin escapes and makes his comeback.  Sabin hits a diving rana and a springboard lariat for 2.  Roode gets a sunset flip for 2.  Sabin turns it into a Gedo Clutch like move for 2.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri.  Cover, but Storm grabs the referee’s foot.  Nothing comes of that.  Sabin goes for the springboard tornado DDT, but Roode counters and hits the spinebuster for the pin in 6:04.  Good match.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular.  He’s headed our way.

Eric Young sits on Orlando Jordan’s lap backstage.  He doesn’t understand why he’s doing it.  Shark Boy comes in and begs for TV time.  He drinks beer so he can be sit on Jordan’s lap.  Stupid shit.

Rob Van Dam comes out and bitches about Eric Bischoff.  He has a mystery opponent tonight.  He says it doesn’t matter, he’ll keep going through people until he gets Jeff Hardy.  The Shore tard is his mystery opponent.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Robbie jerks off the air like a retard.  RVD does his thumb pointing gimmick and kicks the idiot in the chest.  RVD beats up the Shore tard.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Cookie grabs his foot.  Robbie gets heat on RVD, which is absurd.  RVD rallies and hits the springboard kick and a Rolling Thunder splash.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 2:14.  At least that tard is getting jobbed out now.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen.  He says he’ll face RVD if RVD beats his chosen mystery opponent at Genesis.  I’m calling Matt Hardy.

Still to come, Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Kazarian and some bimbos are headed our way!

Sarita talks shit about Velvet Sky to the camera.

Kazarian comes out and cuts a promo.  They show clips of the video from a few months ago where Jay Lethal visited his family.  Kazarian talks shit about them being poor.  He makes some borderline racist remarks and talks shit about Lethal’s mother.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to kick Kazarian’s ass.  Kazarian immediately whacks him with an object.  When was the last time they actually tried to promote an X Division title match?

Mick Foley is walking around backstage!

Mick Foley walks into the office to talk to Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair.  He’s still upset about Anderson’s brain and wants to know who the partners are going to be in the mystery tag match.  He says he’ll be at ringside tonight.

Strap Match: Velvet Sky vs. Sarita.  Sarita, having just cut a promo about how she was looking forward to the strap match, doesn’t want to strap up.  The referee makes her.  Sarita bails, but SHE’S TIED TO HER OPPONENT BY THE FUCKING STRAP.  Velvet pulls her back.  Sarita whips her.  They do the usual strap match bullshit.  The strap comes untied from Sarita.  The referee secures it back.  Velvet whips Sarita and chokes her with the strap.  Velvet drags Sarita around and touches 3 corners.  Sarita touches them too.  Sarita throws Velvet over and touches the last corner to win in 2:59.  This was awful.  Sarita attacks Velvet again after the match.  Angelina Love makes the save.

Back to the freak party.  Brian Kendrick has joined Young, Jordan, and Shark Boy.  Young waves a stick around like a moron.  Jordan berates him for “poking other guys with his staff.”  Everyone, even Jordan, wants women to show up.

Still to come, Double J Double M A Challenge!  The mystery partners match!

During the break, Velvet Sky threw a fit and stormed to the back.

Now, Angelina Love attacks Sarita backstage.  I guess it’s time for our weekly long, boring women’s brawl.  Winter saves Love from Sarita, even though Love started it.  Winter consoles Love.

Still to come, the mystery partners match!

2010 year in review/2011 hype video.

Double J Double M A Challenge is NEXT!

Doug Williams is in a tag match tonight, but has no partner.  That’s like a plague in TNA.  Brutus Magnus volunteers to be his partner.  The British Invasion is BACK!

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks to do the MMA thing.  Amazing Red agreed to bring his “baby brother” this week.  Red comes out alone.  Jarrett agrees to stand on his knees and give Red’s brother the first shot.  A big, jacked up, tattooed dude comes out.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red’s Baby Brother (w/ Amazing Red).  Jarrett tries to click.  That fails.  He tries again.  Big Red takes Jarrett down with a Fujiwara armbar, but Jarrett was in the ropes.  Big Red gets a knee lock.  Another rope break.  These people don’t know how MMA works.  Jarrett gets off his ass and beats up Big Red.  He goes for the ankle lock, but Big Red reverses it.  Gunner and Murphy pull Jarrett out of the ring.  Red beats up the little one.  The ref throws it out in 2:03.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Amazing Red takes it from him and smashes it.  Jarrett bails and has Gunner and Murphy pretend to hold him back.  This was retarded.

Still to come, mystery partners tag match.  Next, AJ Styles & Rob Terry against the reunited British Invasion.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Eric Bischoff.  From now on, his fights will be against shorter opponents and they’ll only be exhibitions.  What’s the point of that?  They’re also just now going to start having people sign waivers.  This company is so fucking retarded.

AJ Styles & Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams & Magnus.  Styles grabs Magnus in a side headlock.  Magnus give him a hip toss, then wrenches his arm.  Styles rakes Magnus’ eyes and demands that Williams tag in.  Williams obliges.  Styles immediately tags in Terry.  Terry beats up Williams.  Styles tags in and goes for the Styles Clash, but Williams counters.  Styles immediately tags back out.  Terry beats up Williams some more.  Styles comes in to pick up the scraps again.  Williams avoids Styles in the corner and hits an Exploder.  Magnus gets the tag and runs wild on Styles.  Magnus hits a running powerslam.  Terry saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Styles sends Williams outside.  Styles hits the Chaos Theory on Magnus for the pin in 4:55.  It was okay.

Madison Rayne is DRESSED UP and headed our way.

Generation Me and Tara join the freak party backstage.  Jordan hits on Tara.  A fight breaks out.  Ugh.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out in a gown with some dudes in suits.  I predict that this segment will be pointless and horrible.  She makes So Cal Val hand her a microphone, then talks in her obnoxious, nails on a chalkboard voice.  She talks shit about Mickie James.  Mickie comes out and kicks her ass.  Madison gets her dress ripped off and tries to act like she’s self conscious about being in her underwear.

Mystery partners tag match is next!

“The  Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks to a guy about adopting pit bull puppies for poor children.  Ugh.

Mick Foley comes out to do commentary on the main event.

Ken Anderson & Brother Ray vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Devon and Anderson start.  Devon wants Ray, but Ray pussies out and drops off the apron.  Eric Bischoff comes out and sends Gunner and Murphy after Foley.  Ray jumps Devon from behind in the ring.  Anderson and Devon do some stuff.  Foley decks Gunner and Murphy and puts Mr. Socko on the little one.  End of show.  Awful shit.

TNA ends the year in typical fashion: with a fucking horrible pro wrestling show.

TNA iMPACT! 12/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent happenings.

“All The Gold Is Worth A Fortune”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come out.  There are scales in the ring because they’re doing a stupid weigh in for the Morgan/Anderson PPV match.  Flair introduces new member Rob Terry.  Bischoff babbles.  They have “doctors” there.  Matt Morgan comes out and talks about how stupid this shit is.  He threatens to stick a boot up someone’s ass.  Mick Foley comes out and talks about concussions.  Flair bitches at Foley for causing backyard garbage wrestling to exist.  The Flair/Foley promo battle is fucking great.  Bischoff screams some retarded bile at Foley.  That is NOT great.  The Flair/Foley stuff was great.  Everything else about this was dumb.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams in an Iron Match!  Finals of the Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament!  A retarded eight-man tag for the tag team championship!  Up next, a Double J Double M A challenge!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan and Jeff Hardy chat in the locker room.  Apparently Morgan’s rank is such that he doesn’t have to dress in a trailer.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  Jarrett challenges Amazing Red.  Jarrett’s cut man puts Vaseline in Red’s eyes.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red.  Jarrett kicks Red’s ass and submits him with an ankle lock in 49 seconds.  Jarrett helps Red up and asks he has any kids in his family that Jarrett can beat up.  Red says he’ll bring his little brother next week.

Madison Rayne and Tara are getting ready in their trailer.

Still to come, some bullshit!  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular backstage.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Kazarian.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to do commentary.  They show Lethal winning the title back from the Shore tard last week.  It’s tag team rules.  Kazarian convinces the Bucks to start against each other.  They just pose instead.  Robbie does that gay retarded jerking off motion.  The Bucks tag him in and kick his ass.  Cookie trips Max so the Jersey Fagtard can get the advantage.  Kazarian stays on the apron except for when he comes in to make the save on every cover.  Bucks beat up Robbie some more.  The video gets weird, either through broadcasting problems or shitty camera work.  Kazarian tags in and hits the Axe Guillotine Driver on Jeremy Buck for the pin in 3:35.  Whatever.

Velvet Sky is looking in the mirror.  Sarita walks into the room.  Commercials.

During the break, Sarita and Velvet Sky brawled backstage for about 6 hours.  Sarita leaves her lying.  Angelina Love finds Velvet, who says she can’t breathe.

Eric Bischoff gives Immortal the usual lecture about belts.

Tonight, eight-man tag for the 2 man tag belts, because that’s TNA!  Next, the women have a shitty match!  Commercials.

Brian Kendrick lectures the caterers.  A woman gives him a cookie to make him go away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Final: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Angelina Love.  Angelina is forced to go it alone.  She schools Madison early.  It’s horrible.  Love hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Tara interferes from the apron, allowing Rayne to get the advantage.  Love gets beaten up for a while.  Winter comes out and gets in the corner.  Love makes the hot tag to her.  Winter shakes Ryane’s head around, then kicks Tara in the gut.  Winter hits a crappy spinning slam on Rayne for the pin in 4:51.  Love & Winter win the titles.  This sucked.  Love is confused, even though she gave Winter the hot tag.  Tara doesn’t know who Winter is, so she doesn’t watch this show and didn’t watch WWE for a few years while she was with the company.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is outside talking on the phone.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up.  Young is a reindeer and Orlando Jordan is dressed as gay Santa.  They give Pope money.

Iron Man Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Douglas Williams (c) vs. AJ Styles.  It’s a 15 minute Iron Man Match.  That’s stupid.  They exchange holds, which is always a good way to start.  Styles finally backs Williams into the corner and cheap shots him with an elbow to the face.  Williams rallies and hits a running knee to the corner.  Commercials.  Styles has Williams in a rear chin lock.  OF COURSE, since this is TNA, there was a fall during the break, as Styles got the pin with the Styles Clash.  Williams lands a European uppercut.  Styles bails.  After fucking about for a bit, Styles pulls Williams out of the ring and rams his head into the steps.  Styles goes into the ring and orders Hebner to count.  Williams immediately comes back in.  Styles works Williams over.  Williams goes for a sunset flip.  Styles holds onto the ropes.  Hebner kicks his hands away like a dick and an interfering referee.  Williams gets some cradles for 2 counts.  Styles lands a forearm smash.  He goes for a springboard, but Williams catches him and hits an Exploder.  Williams makes his comeback.  Styles throws Williams out of the ring.  Williams comes back in and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 14:45.  The time limit expires in 15:09.  They agree to 5 more minutes.  Commercials.  The fuck?  OT is JIP.  Williams hits a DDT for 2.  Styles hit the springboard forearm for 2.  Williams hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  Williams goes for a backdrop suplex off the top rope, but Styles holds on to the Christmas bow around the post.  Williams hits it anyway.  The time limit expires after about 4 minutes.  Styles challenges Williams to a match at Genesis.  Williams says no.  They argue.  Williams says he’ll do it if Styles agrees to leave Fortune if he loses.  Styles refuses.  Eric Bischoff comes out and makes the match with the aforementioned stipulation.  Williams and Styles had a very good match.  This wasn’t it, but they have had one.

Beer Money hype up their team backstage.

Up next, they’ll call Mr. Anderson on the phone!  Commercials.

House shows!

Tenay and Taz talk to Mr. Anderson via satellite.  So Anderson is in “his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin,” but they expected him to come out for a fucking weigh in earlier?  This damn company is so fucking retarded.  Fuck this fucking company.  Anderson gets mad when they ask him for paper work.

The Motor City Machine Guns and Rob Van Dam are hyped up for their match.  Matt Morgan is mad about what Anderson said.

Stupid eight-man thing is next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, Beer Money, & Abyss vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c), Rob Van Dam, & Matt Morgan.  Entrances, commercials.  Match is JIP.  RVD lands some kicks on Storm.  Morgan and Roode tag in.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Roode comes off the top rope, but gets caught.  Morgan gives him a fall away slam.  Sabin tags in and kicks Roode in the gut.  Roode gets a reverse cradle, but Shelley tags in in the process.  Guns double team Roode.  Roode counters the Shiranui.  Storm pulls Shelley into the turnbuckles.  Roode hits a neckbreaker.  The heels take turns working over Shelley for a while.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the “BEER!”  “MONEY!” thing.  Shelley knocks down Storm.  Hardy tags in and cuts him off.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  The show ends.

This was just a meaningless, lame duck show full of TNA bullshit.

WWE Superstars 6/4/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro, then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Superstars!  Tonight, Jeff Hardy & R-Truth take on Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler!  But first…

Goldust & Hornswoggle vs. Brian Kendrick & Jamie Noble.  If there was any justice in this world, Kendrick and Noble would be a top tag team, because they’re both awesome.  Unfortunately, they’re just here to job to the freak family.  Hornswoggle puts on Kendrick’s ring jacket and parades around in it while Goldust starts the match.  Goldust gets the better of Noble, so Kendrick tags in the show him how it’s done and gets the his arm punished.  Hornswoggle tags in and gets beat up by Kendrick.  Noble is reluctant to beat up Hornswoggle, so Kendrick continues to bully him.  Hornswoggle makes a comeback and makes the hot tag.  Obligatory “Vintage Goldust” line from Cole.  Goldust suplexes an interfering Noble out of the ring.  Kendrick goes for the Kendrick, but Goldust hits the the spinning brainbuster (I forget what he calls it) and tags in Hornswoggle, who hits the tadpole splash on Kendrick for the win at 3:40.  Fun little match, I guess.

John Cena/Big Show video package, then commercials.

Back from break, Matt Striker, Josh Matthews, and the ECW Champion, Christian, are at the commentary table.

David Hart Smith (w/ Tyson Kidd & Natalya) vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Smith controls early.  Tommy gets a quick schoolboy, then nails Smith in the face and starts to build momentum with some unorthodox offense.  Smith starts to get the better of it on the outside, but he takes his eyes off the ball to look at Christian, which allows Tommy to dive off the apron and nail him as we go to commercial!  I try to sneak a quick restroom break, and when I come back Smith has the advantage.  Dreamer fights back and applies the Texas Cloverleaf, which is incorrectly identified by the announcers as a Sharpshooter.  Christian accidentally provides the distraction for Tyson Kidd to interfere with a kick to Dreamer, which allows Smith to get the pin at 8:45.  Commercials.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham take over commentary duties.  They introduces a Jeff Hardy/Edge video package, then pimp the rest of the Extreme Rules card.

Chris Jericho comes down for the main event, but first cuts a promo on Rey Mysterio.  Commercials!

Chris Jericho & Dolph Ziggler vs. Jeff Hardy & R-Truth.  Ziggler gets the better of Hardy on the opening exchange.  Jeff fights back, but Jericho attacks him from behind and sends him into the guardrail to let the bad guys get the advantage.  Lukewarm tag to R-Truth, he comes in against Jericho.  He’s fired up to start, but gets taken down as we take what is hopefully our final commercial break.  We come back to Truth playing face in peril.  He takes the beating for a while, then makes the hot tag to Hardy, who hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb on Ziggler for the win at 11:36.

Fun show.  Should I punish myself by watching Impact now?

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE, open, Raw open, and we are joined by the WWE Champion, Randy Orton!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are on commentary and we are LIVE from Louisville, Kentucky.

Orton says he was about to take out Batista last night when Ric Flair interfered and prevented it.  Actually, Orton ran like a bitch and tried everything he could to get DQ’d or counted out.  He babbles for a while, then Flair comes out to retort.  They go back and forth for a bit, then Flair tells Orton he will be defending the title against Batista in a Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules.  Orton cheap shots Flair and stomps him.  Legacy stalks their way down the ramp, but Batista charges down.  Legacy does the 3 on 1 beatdown until John Cena makes the save.  Commercial.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena, who is now perfectly fine despite the fact that he was hurt going into his match last night and took a vicious beating during said match.  Cena says he’s going for the title after Extreme Rules.  He runs into Vickie Guerrero, who makes tonight’s main event: Legacy vs. Cena & Batista.

Divas Battle Royal:
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendez vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James.  Divas Champion Maryse is at the table with Cole and Lawler.  Mickie dumps Rosa.  Beth dumps one Bella, then the other.  Mickie eliminates Jillian.  Kelly dropkicks Beth out of the ring to elimiate her.  Beth tries to pull Kelly out of the ring and distracts the referee so Maryse can spray perfume in Mickie’s face.  Kelly eliminates Mickie to win it at 2:32.

Tonight, MVP defends the U.S. title against Matt Hardy!  Also, Cena & Batista vs. Legacy!

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Santino confrontation from Judgment Day.  After Miz dropped Santino with a DDT, Chavo Guerrero ran down to frog splash a downed Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo kicks Santino’s ass and makes him look like a joke.  Santino hulks up and decks Chavo, then elbows him down and looks shocked by it.  Santino, heartened by his achievement, runs into Chavo’s feet in the corner.  Santino avoids the frog splash and picks up the win at 3:34.  Chavo tells Santino that Santina has to defend the Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie Guerrero.

Mr. Kennedy returns… soon!

Maryse speaks French to The Miz, who doesn’t understand her.  He tries to come on to her anyway, but she blows him off.  Miz says he has something in store for Cena tonight.

Todd Grisham interviews Matt Hardy.  He cost his brother, Jeff, the World Title last night as revenge for Jeff breaking his hand.

Vickie is mad at Chavo for putting her in a match.  Orton storms in and bitches at her for putting him in a cage match.  Vickie reminds him that she is the boss.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. Brian Kendrick & Goldust.  That’s a delightfully random team.  Speaking of random, exactly WHY did Goldust run out on Superstars to save Hornswoggle from Big Show?  Kendrick repeatedly berates Goldust for not doing his job properly.  Fine little match.  Primo avoids The Kendrick and hits a diving cross body for the win at 2:26.  Kendrick yells at Goldust after the match, but Hornswoggle runs in to save him.  Apparently Goldust and Hornswoggle are friends now.

The Miz is headed our way in Cena apparel.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho this Thursday on Superstars!  I’ll watch that!

The Miz comes out to Cena’s old “Basic Thuganomics” theme.  He does a stupid rap.  He challenges Cena again, then declares himself 5-0 against Cena.  Lawler comes in the ring and explains to Miz that calling someone out who doesn’t come out doesn’t give him a victory.  He evidences this by calling out Batista, then calling out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin for a handicap match.  Lawler tells Miz that if he wants to face Cena, to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Big Show comes out and says despite what Cena thinks, he’s not done with him yet.  Show announces that he’ll face Cena in a submission match at Extreme Rules (because Cena couldn’t put Show in the STF last night).  Miz insults Show and runs away.  Show shoves down Lawler, then kicks his ass just to be a dick.

Last week: MVP & Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy & William Regal after Hardy walked out on his partner.

Jim Ross is at the announce table with Cole now, since Lawler just got destroyed, which they show a replay of.

WWE United States Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  They both for the quick victory with inside cradles.  MVP has the advantage early on.  Matt attacks MVP’s leg with his cast, then continues to work on the leg.  MVP gets mad and attacks the broken arm.  That’s not very babyface-like.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick and the Playmaker to retain the title at 5:16.

Santina vs. Vickie, TONIGHT!  Or is it NEXT?

Replay from the start of the show, then Batista walks into Flair’s locker room.  Flair says he’s going to call out Orton and kick his ass next week.  Batista tells Flair he doesn’t have anything to prove.  Flair gets mad and stomps out.

Chavo tries to teach Vickie how to do a frog splash.  She says the match is off.  Santina comes in and insults her, so the match is back on.

Finlay vs. D.H. Smith tomorrow night on ECW!  I’ll watch that!

Miss WrestleMania Crown Match: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.).  Santina takes the mic and insults Vickie, then gets slapped.  Santina kisses Vickie and is sickened by it.  The match is now No DQ.  The bell rings again, even though the match started like a minute and a half ago.  Chavo beats down Santina.  They roll around and trade punches until Santina backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Santina stalks Vickie, but William Regal runs and hits an Exploder on Santina, allowing Vickie to get the pin and win the crown at 3:01.  Vickie celebrates her big victory.

Legacy is headed our way.  The main event is NEXT!

Handicap Match: Legacy vs. John Cena & Batista.  Orton and Cena start (I think… wasn’t really paying attention).  When Batista tags in, Orton bails, so Batista mauls Dibiase.  Cena and Batista clear the ring.  Commercial!  When we return, Legacy is getting heat on Batista.  Cena finally gets the hot tag and cleans house.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Cody, but doesn’t see him tag out to Orton in mid move.  Orton comes in and attacks Cena.  Now Cena plays face in peril.  Rhodes hits a nice moonsault on Cena for a near fall.  Cena finally makes the hot tag, and now it’s Batista’s turn to come in and clean house.  Big Show comes out, but Cena chases him off with a chair.  Batista is now all alone… but wait, Flair comes out!  This gives Batista the boost he needs to spear Orton for the pin at 14:46.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/20/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

This is the 500th Episode of Smackdown and for whatever reason it is titled “Heartbreakers.”

Short video package of great Smackdown moments from years past, then a hype video for the Triple H/Randy Orton WrestleMania match that I will never care about.

Triple H heads to the ring to start the show.  Tonight, Shawn Michaels faces Kane.  Jim Ross and Tazz are on commentary and I think we’re in Corpus Christi, Texas.  Also tonight, Undertaker faces JBL!  Triple H cuts a boring promo.  Blah blah me and Steph are married blah blah Orton shouldn’t have hurt her blah blah I don’t care if you have diarrhea because you’re chicken shit blah blah I’m going to kill you at WrestleMania.  I fast forward a bit because I’m trying to finish this show before Raw starts at 8.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Triple H vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Boring start.  Kozlov is strong, Triple H is clever.  Insta-commercial.  Triple H has Kozlov in the figure-four leglock, but Kozlov gets a break.  Kozlov beats up Triple H, Triple H makes a comeback.  Kozlov headbutts the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree but gets backdropped out.  Triple H hits a spinebuster and the Pedigree to end this boring shit.  About 4 minutes shown.

Vickie/Edge/Big Show/Cena shit from Raw.  They’re all here TONIGHT!

WrestleMania 23 video.

WWE United States Championship Match: Shelton Benjamin (c) vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  No entrances for a title match.  That’s shameful.  Back and forth action early on.  Shelton ducks a Yakuza kick, then Porter catches him with it anyway.  MVP hits the Ballin’ thing and gets a two count.  MVP ducks the Dragon Whip and goes for a suplex, but Shelton turns it into a neckbreaker.  MVP gets a near fall with a backslide out of nowhere.  Shelton hits a backbreaker and his old Exploder Powerslam finish, but MVP kicks out.  Shelton goes for the Paydirt,  but MVP hotshots him into the ropes and hits the Playmaker to win the title at 5:19.  They tried, but the match was slow and dragging.

12 Rounds hype.  Don’t get me started.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane, tonight!  They show the Shawn/Undertaker stuff from Raw.

Vickie Guerrero and Edge argue backstage.

Shawn Michaels vs. Kane.  Michaels jumps on Kane to start, then Kane punches him in the face.  Awesome.  Kane beats up Shawn for a moment, then Shawn punches Kane a few times.  Kane whips Shawn into the turnbuckle.  Shawn does the Flair flip out of the ring.  Insta-commercial.  Kane has the advantage when we return.  Kane hits a swank low-altitude dropkick for a near fall.  Michaels takes the beating for a while, then makes his comeback.  Michaels counters the chokeslam and hits an inverted atomic drop.  Michaels drops the big elbow and may have been caught by Kane’s knee on the way down.  Kane hits the diving lariat.  Kane sets up for the chokeslam, but Michaels nails the superkick for the win.  About 8 minutes shown, and a shockingly decent match.  Kane normally sucks hard.

Vickie and Big Show are backstage.  Show and Edge want to hurt each other, or something like that.

12 Rounds commercial AGAIN.  Grr…

Hardy vs. Hardy at WrestleMania will be an Extreme Rules Match.  So will the next match here tonight.

Extreme Rules Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Brian Kendrick (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  No entrance for Kendrick.  Jeff sends Zeke out, but gets jumped by Kendrick.  Hardy dives outside onto Zeke.  Zeke and Kendrick double team Hardy.  Hardy kills Zeke with a chair and chases Kendrick into the ring.  Kendrick uses his speed to beat up Jeff.  Jeff throws a chair at Kendrick, then uses it as a catapult for the Poetry In Motion.  Jeff, for some reason, does that Alley-Oop move Big Show used to do like 8 years ago.  Jeff hits the Twist of Fate on the chair, then the Swanton Bomb for the win at 3:33.  Poor Kendrick, he’s a total jobber now.

More Triple H/Orton and WrestleMania hype.

New Hall of Fame inductees: The Von Erich Family, to be inducted by Michael Hayes.

ANOTHER FUCKING 12 ROUNDS TRAILER.  I AM SO SICK OF THIS MOVIE.

Taker comes out.  Insta-commercial.  Taker cuts a promo on Michaels.  JBL comes out.  Ross announces that JBL vs. Rey Mysterio for the Intercontinental Championship at WrestleMania is official.

Non-Title: The Undertaker vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion JBL.  Taker hammers JBL with punches.  JBL fights back.  Taker kicks JBL’s ass some more.  In other words, a back and forth brawl.  Insta-commercial, then Taker hits the LEG DROP ON THE APRON!  More brawling.  JBL works on Taker’s leg a bit and does a figure-four leglock of all things.  Takers sits up out of a pinning predicament and chokes JBL to make the escape.  JBL clips Taker’s leg and covers.  Well that makes no sense.  Taker comes back and hits snake eyes, big boot, and leg drop for a near fall, brother.  Taker goes for the chokeslam.  JBL escapes and hits the Clothesline From Hell and covers, but Taker kicks out.  Taker locks in the Gogoplata (called the Devil’s Gate this week) for the win (8:14 shown).  Alright match.

Cena, Edge, and Show are here tonight, and there’s not much time left, so I guess they’re going to do something NEXT!  Ah yes, Show and Edge are HEADED OUR WAY!

Big Show comes down and calls out Edge.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and they yell at each other.  Vickie comes out and begs them to stop.  Vickie loves them both, so whoever wins at WrestleMania gets her.  She convinces them to call a truce and shake hands.  John Cena comes out.  He says he’ll win at WrestleMania, but doesn’t want Vickie.  He talks on for a while.  Edge thinks Vickie farting is cute.  Edge and Show argue some more and push each other.  Edge slaps Show.  Show goozles him and pushed down Vickie, then shoves Edge away and checks on Vickie.  Edge goes to spear Show, but accidentally spears Vickie instead.  Show picks Vickie up to carry her away and Show clips his knee.  Show chokeslams Edge and carries Vickie out.  This segment was about 12 years too long.

This is a prime example of how a show can look really good on paper and be really shitty in execution.