Archive for Brian Hebner

TNA iMPACT! 3/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week…” video with Mick Foley losing to Jeff Jarrett in a match set up by a vindictive Eric Bischoff and being fired.

“V For Vigilant.”

Jeff Jarrett and Hulk Hogan talk.  Hogan apologizes for Bischoff and gives Jarrett a match with AJ Styles tonight where Jarrett will be #1 Contender after Lockdown if he wins.  Jay Lethal comes in and does his Randy Savage bit with Hogan.  Hogan does a Savage impersonation of his own.  The Mega Powers 2.0!  Hogan is leaving for New Year for unknown reasons.  I assume it’s because he doesn’t want to watch this show.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Tonight, there’s a women’s First Blood match.  Gross.  Plus some other matches.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The Band comes out with Bubba the worthless fuck who needs to fuck off and fucking die Love Sponge.  Crowd chants “FIRE BUBBA!”  For once I agree with these mutants.  The Band is wearing Bubba Army shirts.  Bubba cuts a pseudo shoot promo on the fans.  He says he doesn’t need this job.  I wish to God he would leave, then.  Crowd chants “THANK YOU FOLEY!” since he KTFO’d Bubba last week.  Kevin Nash calls for Eric Young to come out.  Nash says he and Young are friends, and invited Young to join the Band.  Nash says the six-man isn’t going to happen because Jeff Hardy and RVD aren’t in their league.  Crowd chants “DON’T SELL OUT!”  Young attacks the Band and gets his ass kicked.  Nash tells him he made a big mistake.  Jeff Hardy and Rob Van Dam come out and run the heels off.  Hardy says the match tonight will be the main event, and “in honor of Lockdown,” it will be a Steel Cage Match.  Hardy horribly sings his horrible entrance them.

TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams & Brian Kendrick vs. Kazarian & Shannon Moore.  More attacks Williams to start.  Hit him with another brick, Doug!  Kazarian tags in and dropkicks Williams for 2, then hits his slingshot legdrop for 2.  Kendrick tags in and gets arm dragged.  The heels get heat on Kazarian.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Fuck him.  Moore hits a diving rana on Williams, but Kendrick saves.  Kendrick eats a spin kick from Moore, then gets German suplexed by Kendrick.  Moore hits a Blockbuster on Kendrick for the pin in 4:30.  A guy I hate wins with a move ripped off from another guy I hate.  Moore puts makeup on Kendrick.  Whatever.

Eric Bischoff talks to Hulk Hogan in the phone, then calls in his new hot chick, Miss Tessmacher (the former Brooke Adams).  Jay Lethal comes in with a booking sheet featuring a bunch of 80s guys.  Funny.  Bischoff tells him to think of something for the main event, then sends Brooke to find Beer Money.

Matches tonight!  The Pope is NEXT!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out and cuts a promo about AJ Styles, Ric Flair, the match at Lockdown.  Chelsea comes out asks Pope to make her a ho.  Crowd chants “WE’VE GOT MONEY!”  They do some more sexual innuendos.  Desmond Wolfe sneaks in and tries to jump Pope from behind, but Pope was ready and kicks his ass.  Pope kisses Chelsea, then stuffs money in her top.

The Knockouts Champion Tara is headed our way!

A weird, grainy video of Samoa Joe, who hasn’t been seen in weeks after being kidnapped, plays.

Tenay and Taz don’t make a big deal out of it, they just re-hype the matches.

Orlando Jordan, covered in yellow “TNA Cross The Line” type, is lowered to the ring.  He goes to a weird little set to join his bisexual lovers.  … the fuck?

Jeremy Borash interviews Tara.  Danney jumps her.  They awkwardly brawl backstage.  Commercials.

First Blood Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Tara (c) vs. Daffney.  They brawl onto the stage from the back and the match officially starts.  They brawl all over and throw each other into the things.  It sucks.  They finally make it to the ring.  It still sucks.  Daffney tries to use a broken broomstick as a spike.  Tara fight it off and hits the Widow’s Peak.  Tara hits Daffney with a toolbox to give Daffney a cut a band-aid could have taken care of to win this abortion at 3:26.  Daffney likes bleeding.  Gross

AJ Styles is on his way, with Ric Flair and Chelsea.

Same video from the beginning of the show.

Jeff Jarrett has his music and pyro back!

Non-Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair & Chelsea).  There’s the sound of a girl SCREAMING during AJ’s entrance.  I want to find that girl and strangle her.  Now it sounds like several girls screaming.  They lock up and the regular mutants do their chants.  Styles does a nice arm drag.  They trade hammer locks.  Styles counters Jarrett and hip tosses him.  Styles is awful cocky now.  He does a half assed Flair strut.  I WANT TO FUCKING KILL THESE FUCKING GIRLS THAT KEEP FUCKING SCREAMING.  Jarrett fights back and hits an inverted atomic drop, then clotheslines Styles out of the ring and does the Jarrett strut.  Jarrett beats up Flair on the outside.  Styles goes back on the offensive back inside.  Jarrett avoids a corner splash and rocks Styles with an enzuigiri for 2.  Styles catches Jarrett with a shin breaker and applies the figure-four leglock.  Flair lets Styles grab his cane for leverage.  The ref admonishes him.  Jarrett puts Styles in the figure-four.  Styles immediately reverses it.  Jarrett gets a rope break.  Flair does stuff again and referee Brian Hebner sends Flair and Chelsea to the back.  Jarrett decks Styles on the ramp and throws him back in the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Styles works a rear chin lock.  During the break, Styles kicked Jarrett in the balls, then hit a nice dive to the outside.  Jarrett attempts a sunset flip, but Styles cuts him off and hits a BIG knee drop.  Styles goes back to his rear chin lock.  Jarrett fights out and makes a comeback.  Jarrett hits a backdrop suplex and a Pedigree, of all things, for 2.  Jarrett goes for a diving double axe handle, but Styles catches him and suplexes him down.  Styles hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Jarrett counters and hits an Alabama Slam.  Chelsea and Flair come back out.  The referee yells at Flair on the apron, then gets bumped to the floor.  Jarrett sends Styles into the turnbuckles and hits the Stroke off the middle rope.  Cover, but the referee is dead.  Eric Bischoff comes in with a guitar and tries to hit Jarrett.  Jarrett catches him and takes the guitar.  Bischoff begs off.  Styles hits Jarrett in the balls and hits the Styles Clash.  Styles got a nasty cut on his hand somehow.  Bischoff throws the referee back in to make the 3 count (12:59 shown).  Looks like Styles cut his hand of Jarrett’s guitar when he did the low blow.  Really good match.

JB interviews Eric Young, RVD, and Jeff Hardy.  The cage match is still to come!

Jay Lethal references more 80s guys.  He tells Bischoff he wants to book Brutus Beefcake vs. Rick Martel in the main event.  Heh.  Bischoff tells Lethal he’s in the main event, and to head to the ring.  I thought the cage match was the main event.  Apparently not.  Apparently it’s Jay Lethal’s match RIGHT MEOW!

Handicap Match: Jay Lethal vs. Beer Money.  Beer Money destroy Lethal.  Double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Lethal tries to make a comeback, but gets shut down.  Storm turns his back to drink his beer.  Lethal pins Roode with an inside cradle in 2:15, then drinks Storm’s beer.  Bischoff is not pleased!

The cage match is still to come!  Next, Desmond Wolfe takes on The Pope!

Tenay and Taz talk about Hernandez getting killed by Matt Morgan last week.  Morgan will answer for his actions next week.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Wolfe jumps Pope and takes him down with a collar hold.  Pope escapes and grabs a hammer lock.  Wolfe backs him into the ropes and elbows him in the face.  Wolfe busts out an Indian Death Lock.  Pope reverses it, forced Wolfe to get a rope break.  That move works that way, too?  Wolfe beats up Pope a bit.  Pope fights back.  Pope hits his Vader Bomb-style elbow drop.  Chelsea gets on the apron as Pope sets up his finish.  Wolfe pulls a chain out of his trunks and punches Pope with it for the pin in 6:20.  Good little match, as usual between these two.  Wolfe says “What Chelsea wants, Chelsea gets.”

The Cage is NEXT!

They lied.  Kurt Angle comes out.  He gets in the cage and cuts a promo on Mr. Anderson.  Anderson comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on Angle.  Anderson informs Angle that, per Eric Bischoff, they’ll have a Ladder Match next week.  The prize will be the key to the cage door at Lockdown.  Whatever.  I like the matches, but this feud has been stupid.  Anderson says Kurt is a nice guy, but nice guys finish last.  Anderson says “Thank God I’m an asshole… asshole.”  It’s bleeped both times.  Again, whatever.

The Band comes out as Angle leaves.  Angle and Nash give each other the old Main Event Mafia hand sign.  Yay for continuity!  The main event is next FOR REALS THIS TIME!

Steel Cage Match: The Band vs. Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, & Eric Young.  Syxx-Pac slams the door into Young’s face before he can get in.  Everybody brawls in the ramp.  Syxx-Pac drops RVD with a spin kick.  Nash gets Hardy into the cage and the match starts.  Syxx-Pac locks the cage, making it a 3-on-2 since Young is still on the floor.  TNA’s new cage is neat.  It’s a big black chain link cage, but the walls go all the way to the floor.  Pac delivers the Bronco Buster to Hardy.  Hardy and RVD make a comeback.  Hardy counters a rana and powerbombs Waltman.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder on Waltman, then Hardy hits his leg drop through the legs.  Hall hammers RVD in the corner.  Nash whips Hardy, who uses RVD as a springboard for the Poetry In Motion into Hall.  Young climbs to the top of the cage.  Waltman tries to stop him, but RVD knocks him off.  Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb on Nash and RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Hall.  Young hits a diving elbow drop on Waltman for the pin in 3:59.  Whatever.  They celebrate.

Christy Hemme interviews Abyss, who reveals the next member of his team for Lockdown: Jeff Jarrett!  They cut a promo.

RVD, Hardy, and Young slap hands with fans.

Okay show.  There were a couple of really good matches in between a lot of crap I didn’t care about.