Archive for Bret Hart

WCW Souled Out 1998 (Repost)

Posted in WCW with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

The opening video package is all about Eric Bischoff and the Nash/Giant match.

Tony Schiavone welcomes us to the sold out Hara Arena in Dayton.  He, Bobby Heenan, and Dusty Rhodes are on commentary.  They talk a bit about what’s going down tonight.

Juventud Guerrera, Super Calo, Lizmark Jr., & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Psicosis, La Parka, Silver King, & El Dandy.  Mike Tenay joins the other guys for commentary on this.  For some reason, there was a time when he only called the lucha matches.  I wish that were the case in TNA today, since they only have a few lucha matches every couple of years.  It’s lucha rules here, appropriately.  Psicosis and Calo start.  What exactly was Calo’s gimmick supposed to be?  Lizmark and Silver King comes in.  Lizmark avoids some dropkicks.  King fires up with chops.  Lizmark does some flips and catches him in a backbreaker.  King hits a swinging DDT and covers.  Chavo saves.  Chavo and Dandy come in and have another since exchange.  They take a spill out of the ring and Parka and Juventud come in.  They hit stereo baseball slides onto the guys outside.  Some quick stuff happens while I’m typing.  Juventud his a diving rana and some more fast shit happens.  Lizmark does a neat arm sequence with Psicosis.  Dandy gets a la magistral on Lizmark but Calo saves.  Calo hits a neat headscissors off the turnbuckle.  Silver King does a spinny thing and senton on Calo and covers.  Juventud saves.  He fucks up a little doing something with King.  King and Juventud fight on the top rope.  Juventud pushes him down and hits a 450 splash, but Parka breaks the cover, then hits him with a sit-out powerbomb.  Calo saves.  Psicosis hits a front suplex and a diving leg drop on Chavo.  Calo saves.  Parka tags in and throws Chavo out of the ring.  King and Calo go at it.  Calo gets sent to the outside and King dives, but Calo moves and King crashes.  Calo dives and hits it.  Dandy dives onto Calo.  Juvtentud springboards off of Lizmark onto Dandy.  Parka hits an Asai moonsault on everbody.  Lizmark dives on everybody.  Chavo and Psicosis are the only guys left in the ring.  Chavo hits the tornado DDT for the win at 9:30.  La Parka hits all the winners with a chair, then he hits his partners too.  Awesome match.

Raven comes out with Flock members Kidman, Lodi, Van Hammer, Scotty Riggs, and Sick Boy (last three are guesses, but I think I’m right).  David Penzer announces that the Flock will be banned from ringside.  They leave, and Raven cuts what I assume was his usual promo for the time period.

Raven’s Rules Match: Raven vs. Chris Benoit.  Raven jumps Benoit on the outside to start.  When they make it to the ring, Benoit gets a quick backslide for a near fall.  Raven pounces on him again and tries to stay on top of things.  Raven goes for a bulldog on a chair.  It looked to me like Benoit blocked it, but they play it off like he hit it, so I’ll play along.  Benoit reverses Raven and hits the drop toe hold on the chair.  Benoit fires away with chops and blasts Raven with a clothesline.  Benoit snap suplexes Raven on the chair for a near fall.  Benoit rips Raven’s shirt off and chops him some more.  Benoit kicks Raven’s ass outside the ring, even suplexing him on the ramp.  Benoit takes Raven back to the ring and suplexes him near the chair.  Benoit puts the chair on Raven’s face and hits the diving headbutt!  Benoit is knocked loopy.  By the time he manages to make the cover, Raven is able to kick out.  Benoit goes for a Northern Lights suplex, but Raven counters and hits a DDT.  They’re both laid out again.  Benoit wakes up and covers for a two count.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Benoit locks in the Cripple Crossface.  Raven passes out to give Benoit the victory at 10:36.  Kidman comes down, but Dean Malenko shows up and puts him in the Texas Cloverleaf.  The rest of the Flock attacks Benoit and Malenko as Hammer carries Raven away.  Malenko manages to fight off the Flock.  Really good match.  Was this promotion good in early 1998 and nobody told me?

WCW World Cruiserweight Championship Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  11 years later and both of these guys have been World Champions in WWE.  Who would have thought that in 1998?  Tenay is back on commentary.  Rey’s knee is hurt, but he still goes full speed ahead.  Jericho is sent outside with a headscissors and Mysterio does the 619 back when it was still a fakeout move.  Rey appears to tweak his knee, but when Jericho tries to sneak attack him Mysterio locks in a sleeper.  He ends up getting a near fall with a victory roll, but favors his knee again.  Fuck, Rey used to be awesome.  They tease what might be an awesome rana off the apron, but Rey hurts his knee and Jericho goes to work on him.  Rey fights back and hits an odd Unprettier type move.  Rey eventually hurts his knee again and Jericho locks in the Liontamer for the instant submission at 8:22.  Good match.  Jericho gets upset that the crowd is booing him, so he beats up Rey some more to give them a reason to boo.  He hits Rey’s knee with a trunk.

Mean Gene Okerlund is in the ring with JJ Dillon to talk about the WCW World Heavyweight Championship being vacant.  Dillon talks, then introduces Roddy Piper.  Piper talks, then asks Sting to come out.  Sting indeed does come out.  Piper asks Hollywood Hogan and Scott Hall to come out, who indeed come out as well, accompanied by Eric Bischoff.  Piper tells Hall that even though he won the World War 3 battle royal, he’s not getting a title shot right now.  Piper announces that Sting and Hogan will wrestle for the vacant title at SuperBrawl next month.  Hogan protests.  Sting punks him down.  Hall leaves.  Hogan leaves when notices he has no backup.  Dissension in the nWo?

WCW World Television Championship Match: Booker T (c) vs. Rick Martel.  They lock up and trade hammerlocks.  Martel ends up getting a near fall off of a reverse cradle, then they trade hammerlocks again.  He tries the reverse cradle again, but Booker holds onto the ropes.  Booker works Martel’s arm.  He hits a kick, covers for two, and goes back to the arm.  Martel escapes, but Booker gets ahold the arm again and keeps working on it.  Martel tries to leapfrog Booker but gets headbutted in the gut.  Martel gets mad and stomps Booker in the corner, then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle and drops an elbow on him.  Martel hits a gutwrench suplex for a two count, then a spinebuster for another near fall.  Booker gets a near fall with a sunset flip.  Martel continues to work on Booker’s back.  Booker escapes and catches him with a forearm after some quick moving.  Booker misses a dropkick.  Martel locks in the crab hold, but Booker gets a rope break.  Booker hits the scissors kick and a sidewalk slam, then the Harlem Hangover for the win at 10:50.  Good match.  Martel grabs the belt from the referee, then hands it to Booker and raises his hand.  Perry Saturn runs in and hits an Exploder on Martel

This is a good show so far.

WCW World Tag Team Champion Scott Hall (w/ Louie Spicolli) vs. Larry Zbyszko (w/ Dusty Rhodes). Hall doesn’t wear his tag belt to the ring.  That makes me sad.  Maybe Nash will wear his later.  Dusty leaves the commentary table to be Zbyszko’s second.  Larry gets the better early on and Hall seems befuddled that the old man is outdoing him.  Larry locks Hall in the abdominal stretch.  Hall hiptosses him out of it.  Repeat.  Larry takes Hall down repeatedly.  Spicolli gets in a cheap shot to let Hall take over.  Dusty goes for Spicolli.  Nothing happens with that.  Larry smashes Hall’s face into the turnbuckle, but Hall cuts him off and works him over.  Hall hits the fall away slam, which I always mark for for some odd reason.  He sets up the Outsider’s Edge, but Zbyszko backdrops him out of it and makes a comeback.  Larry accidentally kicks the referee.  Hall hits a lariat and covers, but obviously, the referee is down.  Hall checks on the referee.  Larry plays possum and locks Hall in his chancery hold.  Spicolli attacks Zbyszko.  Dusty comes in and cleans his clock, then hits the Bionic Elbow on Zbyszko!  Dusty takes off his shirt to reveal an nWo shirt!  They all attack Larry, who wins by DQ at 9:16.  I expected this match to be awful, but it was kinda fun.

Scott Norton, Konnan, & Buff Bagwell of the nWo (w/ Vincent) vs. The Steiner Brothers & Ray Traylor (w/ Ted Dibase).  Schiavone is very upset because of Dusty joining the nWo.  He and Heenan call for Tenay to come out and carry the team.  Believe it or not, there was a time when Tenay was a good commentator.  Rick and Bagwell start.  I’ve always hated Buff Bagwell intensely.  His gimmick is so fucking obnoxious.  Rick beats up Bagwell, then Traylor beats up Bagwell, then Rick beats up Bagwell some more.  Why are they not letting Scott have a turn in their game?  Rick tags Traylor back in.  Bagwell makes the tag to Norton, who briefly murders Traylor, but Traylor makes a comeback.  Man, you forget what an agile dude Traylor could be.  Listening to the commentary, there’s something to Rick and Traylor not tagging in Scott.  The bad guys get the heat on Traylor for a bit.  Lukewarm tag to Rick, who gets DDT’d by Konnan.  Scott threatens the referee.  Bad guys beat up Rick.  Traylor and Scott argue in the face corner.  Scott eventually comes in to try to save Rick and argues with the referee again.  Rick makes a hot tag to both partners.  Scott cleans house.  The referee tries to make him get out of the ring but gets shoved again.  He Dragon suplexes Konnan off of Traylor, who finally tags him in.  Scott hits the Steiner Screwdriver on Konnan for the win at 12:20.  Okay match.  Scott and Bagwell have compare physiques and chat after the match.

WCW World Tag Team Champion Kevin Nash (w/ Hollywood Hogan & Eric Bischoff) vs. The Giant.  No tag belt with Nash either.  Sad face.  Stare down.  Nash pokes Giant.  Giant shoves Nash.  They lock up for about half a minute.  Nash grabs a side headlock.  Giant backdrop suplexes his way out of it.  Giant goes on the offensive and Nash bails to take a breather.  Nash comes back in and goes on the offensive.  I use the same phrase over and over again don’t I?  Giant fights back and kicks Nash with a high big boot.  Slow back and forth brawl.  Nash clotheslines Giant out of the ring and DOES A FUCKING SUICIDE DIVE.  Let that sentence sink in for a moment.  Giant catches him and rams him into the post, then puts him back in the ring.  While the referee’s back is turned, Hogan blindsides Giant with a chair.  Giant barely beats the count back in the ring.  Nash is upset he didn’t win by count-out, but takes the advantage Hogan handed him on a silver splatter.  Giant hits a clotheslines, then they knock each other down with big boots.  Nash eventually covers for a two count.  Nash does the punches in the corner spot, but Giant gives him an inverted atomic drop.  Giant makes a comeback and body slams Nash.  He signals for the chokeslam.  Bischoff jumps up on the apron and gets chokeslamed by Giant.  Nash throws coffee in Giant’s face and hits a horribly botched and painful looking Jackknife Powerbomb for the pin at 10:48.  The finish was scary.  Giant is lucky he wasn’t crippled.  Match wasn’t good, but it was quite a spectacle.

Ric Flair vs. Bret Hart.  This is Bret’s first WCW match.  Lock up, headlock, drop, good basic stuff to start.  Bret puts Flair in his own figure-four leglock 2 minutes in.  Flair gets a rope break and rolls to the apron.  Bret suplexes him back in and covers for a two count.  Bret works on Flair with some simple holds.  They get into a slap fight and Flair takes a breather.  Flair comes back in and gets the advantage for a moment, then gets backdropped and slammed.  Bret grounds him with a headlock.  They get back to their feet and Flair throws some punches to get the advantage.  Bret goes for a sleeper, but Flair backdrops him.  Flair low blows Bret when the ref’s back is turned and takes over.  Flair works the leg a bit.  They trade chops and punches.  Bret hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Bret starts working on Flair’s leg.  Bret tries the figure-four around the ring post, but Flair kicks him into the guardrail.  Flair works on Bret’s leg back in the ring.  Flair goes for the figure-four, but Bret counters with an inside cradle for a near fall.  Bret hits a backslide for another two count, then Flair clips his leg and locks in the figure-four.  Bret suffers for a bit, then turns it over, forcing Flair to release the hold.  Flair goes to the top rope and of course gets thrown off.  Bret takes his chest first bump into the turnbuckle.  Flair goes for a Russian leg sweep, but Bret counters and hits his own.  Flair chops Bret.  Bret pulls down his straps.  Flair begs off, but Bret punches him in the corner.  Inverted atomic drop gets Flair out of it.  Didn’t we see that exact same spot in the last match, only more poorly executed?  Bret hits his diving elbow for a two count, then hits a superplex.  Bret locks Flair in the Sharpshooter for the win at 18:06.  Very good match.

Michael Buffer is in the ring to do intros for the main event.  What’s going to follow Flair vs. Bret?

Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. Lex Luger.  Bleh.  Savage plays chickenshit and Luger persues him.  Elizabeth hits him from behind allowing Savage to jump Luger and get the advantage.  Liz chokes Luger with Savage’s bandana while Savage distracts the referee.  Luger catches a charging Savage with a boot and starts a comeback, but Liz grabs his foot and lets Savage pounce on him again.  I’ve never seen Liz interfere like this.  Savage and Luger brawl in the crowd.  They make it back to the ring and Luger hits some forearms.  Hall comes down with a chair.  Hogan follows and they chat a bit.  Hall gets on the apron.  Luger sends Savage into him and knocks Hall to the floor.  Luger puts Savage in the Torture Rack for the victory at 7:07.  The nWo jumps Luger after the match.  Sting makes the save and the two WCW supermen fight off the bad guys.  Luger puts Nash in the Rack and Sting puts Hogan in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Luger and Sting celebrate to close the show.

Great show.  Today PPVs are mostly lame matches in between crappy segments.  This show only had one non-wrestling segment in 3 hours.  Besides that, it was just match, match, match, match, and nearly all of those matches were good.  Even Luger and Savage had a decent match (it was kept short and played to their strengths, as Luger sucks and Savage was old even 11 years ago).  I give Souled Out 1998 a thumbs up!

Advertisements

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/2/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, then Cole and Lawler welcome us LIVE to Saint Louis, Missouri!  Tonight: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho!

Lillian Garcia introduces Shane McMahon.  They show the closing angle from last week’s Raw.  He announces that he will be facing Randy Orton in a No Holds Barred Match at No Way Out.  Shane says he’ll do everything he can to make sure Orton is unable to compete at WrestleMania.  “I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD!”  Orton comes out.  Orton says he, Dibiase, and Rhodes didn’t fight back and let Shane beat them up last week.  At No Way Out, he’s going to put Shane in the hospital right next to Vince.  Orton teases getting in the ring, then Legacy to try jump Shane.  Shane pulls out a hidden Singapore cane and smacks them with it.  Commercial.

WWE Intercontinenal Champion CM Punk & Mickie James vs. William Regal & Layla.  Regal gets his rematch against Punk for the title next week.  The men start.  Punk nails some kicks, then the women come in.  Layla attacks, Mickie comes back, then they both go down from a double clothesline.  Men come back in.  Punk his a flurry of strikes.  Regal bails.  James dives off the apron onto Layla.  Regal pulls Punk off the apron to the floor.  Mickie helps Punk beat the count back in the ring, but Regal blasts him with the knee kick for the win at 3:17.  I’m sure they’ll have a great match next week, as long as it’s not a stupid schmoz like the first two matches of this series were.

WrestleMania hype video, emphasizing WrestleMania II.

Tonight, JBL is going to give Shawn Michaels a Employee Performance Appraisal.

Ted Dibiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes vs. Cryme Tyme.  JTG starts with Dibiase and hits a neat facebuster, but Dibiase gets the advantage, then tags out to Rhodes.  JTG takes the heat, then makes the hot tag to Shad.  The ref DQ’s Dibiase and Rhodes at 2:45 for Rhodes being in the ring too long as the illegal man.  Dibiase and Rhodes beat down Shad after the match.

Chris Jericho/Mickey Rourke video package.  Jericho is going to speak in the ring, NEXT!

I went to make a sandwich, then Jericho ripped into Rourke.  Jericho says The Wrestler glorifies washed up has-beens, naming Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Ric Flair.  He then focuses his words on Flair.  Jericho wants WWE to take away their status as Hall of Famers.  John Cena appears on the big screen.  Hey says Jericho blasts the legends for living in the past, but Jericho does the same thing.  Cena says he’ll shut Jericho up in their match tonight.

Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston are headed to the ring!

Last week: Kofi Kingston upset Kane to qualify for the Elimination Chamber match at No Way Out.

Rey Mysterio & Kofi Kingston vs. Kane & Mike Knox.  Kofi sends Kane out of the ring at the half minute mark, then we go to commercial.  Kane and Kofi are still going at it when we return.  Kofi tags Mysterio, who goes for the 619, but Kane bails, so Rey hits the Bombs Away off the ring apron.  Knox comes in and goes after Mysterio.  Kofi makes the blind tag.  They double team Knox a bit, then Kofi covers for a two count.  Knox nails Kofi with a big boot for a near fall.  The big guys take turns beating up Kofi.  Kofi tries to make the tag, but Kane gives Rey a big boot, knocking him off the apron.  Kofi gets beaten up some more.  Rey finally makes his way back the apron, but Kane prevents Kofi from tagging out.  Kofi finally manages to make the hot tag.  Mysterio comes in and hits the springboard leg drop on Kane, but Knox breaks the cover.  Kofi sends Knox out and dives onto him, but Knox turns it into a backbreaker.  Rey goes for the 619, but Rey prevents it.  Kane catches Rey coming off the ropes and hits a chokeslam for the victory at 11:41.  Shockingly good match.

Shane and Stephanie McMahon are walking backstage when Shane is jumped by Legacy.  They beat up some security guys too.  Orton teases giving Shane the punt of death, then goes to give it to Stephanie instead, but Shane scrambles up and takes the kick in the gut.  Road agents, including DEAN MALENKO! break it up.  Commercial.

Back from break, the replay the angle from before the break, then Cole and Lawler run down the No Way Out card so far: Orton vs. Shane in a No Holds Barred Match, WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match, and World Heavyweight Championship Elimination Chamber Match.

WrestleMania hype video, emphasizing WrestleMania X.  Bret and Owen Hart had an awesome match, and there was the Shawn/Razor Ladder Match too.

JBL was watching.  He’s giving Shawn an employee performance review tonight.

Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez).  Beth hits a swank backdrop driver, then tries to make her submit with a backbreaker type hold.  Candice goes for a crucifix hold, then transitions into a sunset flip for a near fall.  Candice gets another near fall with a springboard kick.  Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win at 2:36.  Beth orders Rosa to ross Candice out of the ring after the match.

Ric Flair will be at Raw next Monday!

JBL comes out.  He’s going to evaluate his employee.  Michaels comes out.  JBL says Michaels has done a poor job.  Michaels says it’s not his fault.  JBL challenges Michaels to a match at No Way Out.  If Michaels wins, he gets the money JBL owes him.  If JBL wins, he owns Michaels for the rest of his life.  Michaels accepts, then JBL reminds him that he still works for him, so Michaels can’t touch him or the deal is off the table.  JBL verbally berates him and pokes him, which is extremely annoying.  He slaps him too.  Michaels looks near tears.  Cena vs. Jericho is next!

ECW tomorrow has Jack Swagger vs. Finlay.

Another replay of the Orton/McMahons angle.  I want Orton to punt Stephanie.

Stephanie McMahon has made a deal with Kane.  Kane is in the Elimination Chamber Match at No Way Out. In return, Kane got The Undertaker to face Randy Orton next week!

Non-Title: Chris Jericho vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena.  Cena jumps Jericho before the opening bell.  He’s intent on shutting up Jericho.  Cena kicks Jericho’s ass and hits a backdrop suplex.  Jericho manages to reverse an Irish whip, but then gets his ass kicked more.  Cena clotheslines Jericho out of the ring.  Cena chases him out, but ends up taking a bump into the announce table.  Commercial.  When we come back, Jericho has Cena in a rear chin lock.  Cena powers out and goes for the victory, but Jericho counters into a DDT.  Jericho hits his classic springboard dropkick.  Cena barely beats the count back in the ring.  Jericho beats on Cena some more, but Cena hits a belly-to-belly suplex.  Jericho hits a dropkick and gets a two count.  Cena makes a comeback and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  They counter each other’s respective submission holds into inside cradles for near falls.  Jericho hits the Lionsault for a near fall.  Cena hits his spinning slam thing and the Five Knuckle Shuffle, then goes for the victory.  Lawler says it’s now called the Attitude Adjuster.  Whatever it’s called, he doesn’t get it.  Jericho goes for the Codebreaker but fails.  Schoolboy gets a two count for Jericho.  Jericho finally manages to lock in the Walls of Jericho.  Cena somehow rolls through it and locks in the STF for the victory at 12:31.  Good match.

Next week: Flair returns to Raw, plus Undertaker vs. Orton.  Cena celebrates his victory as the show goes off the air.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, video of what went down last week, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  We are LIVE in Philadelphia for King of the Ring!  Tonight, WWE Champion The Miz will be here!

They show the king’s throne on the stage.

Alex Riley comes out SUITED UP!  Punk gets in a jab about Riley being dressed for court.  Riley makes reference to it himself, saying he’s not afraid of a party.  Riley rants and raves about how awesome The Miz is.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  He introduces Ricardo Rodriguez (sporting a black eye from Smackdown) to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  They show a shot of the announcers and Punk can be seen wearing a Colt Cabana t-shirt.

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Bryan into the corner, breaks, and cheap shots him.  Del Rio works a side headlock on the mat.  Bryan turns it into a cradle in one of my favorite spots.  Del Rio hits a shoulder block.  Bryan does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick for 2.  Del Rio sends Bryan into the turnbuckles, then hits a spinebuster.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock, but Del Rio gets a rope break and bails.  Commercials.  Del Rio has Bryan in a rear chin lock.  He took over during the break when he knocked Bryan off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Del Rio throws Bryan to the mat and covers for 2.  Del Rio gets the heat on Bryan, reapplying his rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out, but Del Rio clubbers his back.  Del Rio hits a body slam and goes for some kind of diving spinning move, but Bryan avoids it.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Bryan gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan lands some European uppercuts, then back flips over Del Rio from the corner.  They switch waist locks.  Bryan hits a nice German suplex hold for 2.  Bryan telegraphs a back body drop and gets kicked in the head.  Bryan reciprocates with a high kick and hits a corner dropkick for 2.  Bryan blasts Del Rio with kicks.  Del Rio hits a gorgeous German suplex hold of his own for 2.  Del Rio charges the ropes, but Bryan avoids him and hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Bryan goes for a missile dropkick, but Del Rio avoids it.  Bryan has injured his shoulder.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special for the submission in 9:40.  Really good little match.  Del Rio advances to face the winner of John Morrison/Cody Rhodes.

They show video of some previous King of the Ring winners: Edge (2001), Stone Cold Steve Austin (1996), Triple H (1997), Bret Hart (1991/1993), and Brock Lesnar (2002).  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

R-Truth raps his way out to cut a promo.  Why isn’t the next tournament match happening right now?  He talks about his friend John Cena being fired last week.  He challenges any member of Nexus to come out and face him one on one.

Josh Matthews goes to the Nexus locker room.  Wade Barrett sends out Michael McGillicutty, who is accepting the challenge.  He has on a new Nexus t-shirt.  McGillicutty heads for the arena, but his attacked by someone wearing jean shorts and purple arm bands…  Commercials…

Philadelphia!

The announcers talk about McGillicutty getting jumped.

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Morrison lands a shoulder block.  He goes for a punch, but Rhodes flinches to protect his face, then goes on the attack.  Morrison avoids Rhodes in the corner and Rhodes hits his face on the turnbuckle pad.  Rhodes bails.  Morrison throws him back in and clotheslines him, then does a face rake with his boot.  Rhodes hits a clothesline and beats up Morrison.  Rhodes whips Morrison into the turnbuckles for 2.  Rhodes hits a knee lift and side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Rhodes hooks Morrison’s arms.  Morrison fights out, but Rhodes hooks them again.  Morrison makes his comeback and hits a side kick for 2.  Rhodes ducks the running knee and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison avoids the Beautiful Disaster and hits the Flying Chuck (they are both the same move), then lands the running knee strike for the pin in 3:37.  Good little match, but short.

Tonight’s guest star is Miss USA, Rima Fakih!  Who?  Also tonight: The Miz!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: Drew McIntyre vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke wins the lock up easily and gives a clean break.  They lock up again.  McIntyre pushes Zeke into the corner.  Zeke is amused.  McIntyre slaps him.  Zeke is pissed and commences to kicking ass.  Zeke hits a corner clothesline and splash for 2.  McIntyre pulls Zeke’s head into a discreetly exposed turnbuckle.  Cover gets 2.  McIntyre beats on Zeke.  Zeke tackles him, sending them both through the ropes.  They brawl outside and both get counted out in 2:41.  Lame.  Zeke throws McIntyre back into the ring.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock.  Zeke back body drops him and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Zeke wins a moral victory, but neither of them advance.  The winner of Sheamus/Kofi Kingston automatically advances to the final.  I’m calling it: the final will be Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Nothing else makes sense.

The Bella Twins check on the injured Daniel Bryan.  Alex Riley bitches at them about dancing girls, then talks to Miz on his douchebag bluetooth earpiece.  Riley talks shit to Bryan, saying that he could have been in Riley’s face.  Bryan says he’s doing fine.  Riley welcomes them to Mizfest 2010.  Commercials.

Philadelphia!

They show the video from last week, where Miz beat Randy Orton for the WWE Championship.

The announcers talk.  Lawler says Randy Orton will miss tonight’s show with a knee injury.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  WWE Champion The Miz… I’ve known for a while now that it was only a matter of time before I’d be typing that.  He shows pictures of the shocked and angry little girl in the crowd last week.  I’ve seen that picture everywhere.  Miz cuts his promo.  Miz’s promos are great, but I can’t transcribe promos.  I try to hit key points at best.  Jerry Lawler tires of hearing him babble and goes up from the announce table.  He disapproves of the way Miz backdoored into the title.  Cole gets up and bashes Lawler for bashing his crush.  Lawler says Miz should defend the title tonight.  Cole says Miz may make an example out of Lawler.  King says he’s been here since 1993 and has never had a WWE title match.  He challenges Miz to a title match tonight.  Miz pussies out.  Lawler says Miz isn’t awesome, he’s a coward.  Miz talks shit to Lawler.  The iBooker 9000 sends a text message to someone’s iPhone and gets massive heat.  Cole reads that it’ll be Miz vs. Lawler for the title tonight… in a Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tonight, Miz vs. Lawler in a TLC Match!

King of the Ring Tournament – Quarterfinal: Sheamus vs. Kofi Kingston.  Sheamus goes on the attack.  They both take a bump out of the ring.  Sheamus throws Kofi back in.  Kofi gets the jump on him coming back in.  Sheamus hits the small penis uranage backbreaker for 2.  Sheamus beats on Kofi.  Kofi fights back with punches and kicks and makes his comeback.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop for 2.  Kofi springs to the corner, but Sheamus avoids him and goes for the Razor’s Edge.  Kofi slips out and hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Sheamus rolls to the apron.  Kofi tries to pull him back, but Sheamus grabs the ring skirt for dear life.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and goes for a diving cross body.  Sheamus sort of catches him in midair with the brogue kick for the pin 4:04.  There wasn’t much to this.  Sheamus gets a BYE to the final.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Mark Henry & Yoshi Tatsu vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of the Nexus.  Yoshi hits an arm drag and a dropkick on Gabriel for 2.  Gabriel hits a jawbreaker and tags out.  Nexus get the heat on Yoshi.  There’s a huge pop in the crowd as John Cena makes his way to the front row, tickets in hand.  Why does he have so many tickets?  Henry gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Henry squashes Slater with a big splash.  Gabriel saves.  Yoshi takes him out.  Slater catches Henry with a kick out of the corner, then goes for a diving cross body.  Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 2:29.  Cena immediately jumps the barricade, takes the monitors off the announce table, and gives Slater the Attitude Adjustment through the table.  David Otunga and Husky Harris run out.  Cena bails through the crowd.

Tonight, Miz vs. Lawler in a TLC Match!  Next, Morrison vs. Del Rio!  Commercials!

Philadelphia!

They show the havoc John Cena has wrought tonight.

David Otunga, Husky Harris, and Justin Gabriel discuss Cena backstage.  Wade Barrett tells them they will deal with Cena.  He’s going to go call him out.

Jerry Lawler is getting ready for the match tonight.  Arn Anderson comes in and warns him about the danger of TLC matches.  Lawler isn’t passing up his title shot.  Arn wishes him luck.

Cole and Punk now have to sit behind a busted table.  Couldn’t they get them a plain table?  There are always plenty of them under the ring.

Justin Roberts again introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  The semifinal is NEXT!  Commercials!

King of the Ring Tournament – Semifinal: Alberto Del Rio vs. John Morrison.  Del Rio goes on the attack and beats on Morrison.  Morrison catches Del Rio with a boot in the corner and hits a dropkick for 2.  Del Rio pulls Morrison’s arm across the top rope, then sets to work on it.  Morrison makes his comeback and hits a side kick for 2.  Del Rio hits a Codebreaker like move to the arm for 2.  Del Rio beats on Morrison.  Del Rio hits an enzuigiri.  His car horn starts honking.  Rey Mysterio is in Del Rio’s car!  Morrison hits Del Rio with the Flying Chuck for the pin in 3:24.  Fine little match.  Morrison vs. Sheamus is the final, just as I predicted.  Mysterio stands on top of Del Rio’s car.

They show video of tonight’s guest host, Rima Fakih, competing in beauty pageants.

Wade Barrett is headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: John Cena costing Wade Barrett the WWE Championship last week.

Wade Barrett comes out to cut a promo.  He’s somehow the only person on the planet who can give John Cena a job.  He realizes Cena attacking Nexus is a ploy to incite Barrett to give him his job back, but he’s not falling for it.  John Cena appears on the TitanTron.  He looks to be behind the arena.  He said he’s just keeping his promise to take out the Nexus.  They talk about how inept WWE security is.  Justin Gabriel, David Otunga, and HuskyHarris corner Cena in the parking lot.  Cena reminds them that he’s not their only enemy.  Vladimir Kozlov, Ezekiel Jackson, David Hart Smith, Darren Young, Mark Henry, Yoshi Tatsu, and Daniel Bryan attack Nexus.  Cena throws Gabriel HEAD FIRST INTO A FUCKING CAR WINDOW.  FUCKING OUCH.  Cena gives Gabriel the Attitude Adjustment onto the car.  Cena says he’ll be back next week to continue attacking Nexus.  Geeze, Gabriel eating that car window looked NASTY.  Commercials.

Tonight, Miz vs. Lawler for the WWE Championship in a TLC Match!

They show the car fucked Justin Gabriel all up, then replay the attack on Nexus.

Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Tamina vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Melina, & Gail Kim.  They show Tamina kissing Santino Marella last week.  Melina and Maryse argue.  Melina kicks her ass.  Maryse bails.  Melina chases her back into the ring and pulls her hair.  Maryse does something and covers for 2.  Fox tags in and very lightly attacks Melina.  Melina sunset flips Fox into her knees.  Santino Marella comes out playing a guitar and singing.  Tamina grabs Santino in a headlock and walks him to the back.  Maryse is like WTF?  Natalya tags in and runs wild on Fox.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  Gail takes her out.  Natalya locks Fox in the Sharpshooter for the win in 3:33.  Awful.

Awesome Jerry “The King” Lawler video package.

They show Lawler getting ready backstage.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Ted Dibiase Jr. is playing with a toy WWE belt backstage.  The belt plays Triple H’s music.  I wonder if that is foreshadowing.  Maryse comes in to bitch at him for looking bad and making her look bad.  Dibiase finally tells her to SHUT UP!  Reminds me of the conversations I had with my ex-wife.

Husky Harris and David Otunga are slinking around backstage, discussing John Cena.

Josh Matthews interviews Sheamus and John Morrison.  The tournament final is NEXT!  Commercials!

Justin Roberts introduces the special guest ring announcer for this match: Rima Fakih.  She comes out to awful music, escorted by Santino for some reason, and does a horrible job of ring announcing.

King of the Ring Tournament – Final: Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus goes after Morrison’s previously injured arm.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Sheamus prevents it and knocks Morrison off the apron.  Commercials.  Sheamus is still working Morrison’s arm.  Sheamus threw him arm first into the barricade during the break.  Morrison’s arm is taking a beating.  Morrison fights back and makes his comeback.  Morrison lands a kick for 2.  Morrison ducks the brogue kick, but Sheamus lands a blow for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Morrison slips out and goes for a backslide.  Sheamus counters it.  Morrison lands an elbow smash and a swinging DDT for 2, as Sheamus reaches the ropes.  Morrison goes up top.  Sheamus pulls him down by the arm.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus works a Fujiwara armbar.  Morrison drops Sheamus with a Pele kick and goes for the Starship Pain.  Sheamus gets his knees up, then lands the brogue kick.  Sheamus hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin in 12:05.  This was actually pretty good.  All hail King Sheamus!  Rima Fakih crowds King Sheamus.  Sheamus cuts a brief Royal Promo.

Miz vs. Lawler is NEXT!  Commercials!

Tables, Ladders, & Chairs Match for the WWE Championship: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Riley is still carrying the Money In The Bank briefcase for some reason.  Miz wins the lock up and tries to cheap shot Lawler, but Lawler nails him with a great punch.  They lock up again.  Miz slams Lawler and taunts him.  They lock up a third time.  Lawler shoves Miz down.  Miz beats up Lawler and throws him outside.  Riley hands Miz a chair, which he uses to hit Lawler in the back repeatedly.  Miz throws Lawler back into the ring, along with 2 chairs.  He sets the chairs up and tries to suplex Lawler into them.  Lawler reverses and tries a suplex, but Miz lands on his feet.  Miz hits a backbreaker into the chair, then a neckbreaker.  Miz beats up Lawler.  Riley tries to hand Miz a ladder.  Lawler wails on Miz’s back with a chair.  Lawler tries to bring in a ladder.  Riley tries to stop him and gets his ass kicked by the King.  Lawler and Miz play tug of war with the ladder.  Lawler sends the ladder into Miz’s face.  He charges Miz int he corner with the ladder, but Miz avoids the blow and beats Lawler down.  Lawler back body drops Miz onto the ladder.  Riley gets on the apron and clotheslines Lawler.  Riley tries to suplex Lawler out of the ring, but Lawler decks him.  Riley falls off the apron through a table.  Lawler climbs the ladder.  Miz cuts him off and drops him with a big boot.  Miz suplexes Lawler onto a chair, then beats him with the chair some more.  Miz goes up top with the chair.  Lawler cuts him off and crotches him.  Lawler goes for a superplex.  Miz headbutts him down.  Lawler knocks Miz off the top rope through a table!  Cole leaves the table to help his boyfriend.  Lawler climbs the ladder.  Cole gets in the ring and grabs his foot.  That little fucker!  Lawler is like WTF?  DECK HIM!  LAWLER DECKS COLE!  Lawler starts beating the shit out of him.  Miz climbs the ladder.  Lawler climbs the other side and decks him.  They fight on top of the ladder.  Miz sends the belt into Lawler’s head.  Lawler falls off.  Miz takes down the belt to win in 11:52.  Really good match.

Very enjoyable show with a couple of really good matches.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/30/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 1, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Tonight is Raw’s 900th episode!  Cool opening video featuring various Raw highlights from years past.  Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  We’re LIVE from Boston.  Tonight, The Nexus vs. Sheamus, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, & Chris Jericho in an Elimination Match!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Bret Hart comes out and talks about how long this show has been going on.  He says the only wrestler there now besides him who was at the first Raw is Undertaker.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and says there is no Undertaker anymore.  Now he’s just a man, as opposed to being a Phenom or whatever.  Kane starts to insult Bret.  He babbles on.  Bret says Taker will come back and beat Kane like always.  Kane says no, etc. etc.  Kane says since Taker ended Shawn Michaels’ career, he needs to take out an icon too.  Kane goozles Bret.  The Hart Dynasty run out to make the save.  Kane cleans house and goozles Bret again.  The lights go out and the GONG sounds.  Undertaker appears in the ring.  Kane stares at him for a minute and bails.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that stupid shit.  iBooker books Bret vs. Taker for the night.  That thing needs better programming.  Why the fuck do they keep doing this stupid bullshit?  Dammit.  I’m so sick of the stupid iBooker thing and I’m REALLY sick of them advertising matches they know good and damn well that they aren’t going to deliver.

Highlights from the very first episode of Raw.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Stone Cold Steve Austin driving a Zamboni to the ring and beating up Vince McMahon.

Triple Threat Match: Kofi Kingston & Michael McGillicutty vs. Daniel Bryan & Kaval vs. WWE United States Champion The Miz & Alex Riley.  Fuck yes.  Danielson argues with Miz.  Riley attacks Danielson from behind and beats him up.  Kofi lands a dropkick on Riley for 2.  Danielson and Kofi go at it.  Danielson decks Miz, then beats up Riley.  Kofi gets a wonky cradle on Danielson, but Riley saves.  Riley hits something on Kofi for 2.  Danielson hits Riley with a knee lift.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop on Riley, but Danielson saves.  Danielson and Kofi hit each other with cross body blocks.  Kaval and McGillicutty tag in.  McGillicutty does well until Kaval locks on a Dragon sleeper.  Riley saves and beats up McGillicutty.  Miz tags in and gets knocked off the apron with a hard dropkick by Kaval.  McGillicutty schoolboys Kaval for 2.  Kaval drops McGillicutty and hits the Warrior’s Way.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Kaval for the pin in 3:22.  Great little TV match.  Danielson still wants him some of Miz.  Riley tries to get Danielson from behind, but gets dropped.  Miz hits Danielson with the briefcase.

Tonight, Bret vs. Taker and the 10-man elimination match!  Well, one of those might happen.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Melina beating Jillian Hall to retain the Divas Championship last week.  Afterward, LayCool threatened to show up this week.

WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool vs. WWE Divas Champion Melina & Eve Torres.  McCool and Melina do some shit while Lawler talks about Jersey Shore.  I do not care.  Layla tags in and beats up Melina.  Melina cradles Layla for the pin in 51 seconds.  Whatever.  LayCool act obnoxious and challenge Melina to a title unification match at Night of Champions.  Melina agrees under the condition that it’s a lumberjack match.  They agree.  At least now they can get rid of one of those fucking belts.  Kelly Kelly, the Bella Twins, Gail Kim, Rosa Mendez, Maryse, Jillian Hall, Tamina, and Alicia Fox come to signify that they’ll be lumberjills.

Classic Clip: The original Nexus attack on John Cena.

The 5 remaining members of The Nexus bicker amongst themselves.  Wade Barrett has a big idea for something unforgettable they can do tonight.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Boston!

Classic Clip: Bob Barker hosting the Price is Raw.  Fun times.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  Jericho says he doesn’t win the WWE Championship at Night of Champions, he’s leaving WWE.  Damn shame.  He will be missed.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: John Morrison & R-Truth vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre.  Rhodes and Truth start.  Rhodes does a kick to the gut to piss me off.  Truth hits a hip toss.  Rhodes decks Morrison.  Clusterfuck ensues.  It’s a double DQ in 52 seconds.  Truth hits a dive on Rhodes.  Morrison tries to injure Morrison and gets knocked into the GM podium.  Morrison and Truth hug, having won a moral victory.  This was utterly pointless.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Classic Clip: Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels burying the hatchet on January 4, 2010.

Bret Hart and The Undertaker come out for their match.  Wade Barrett comes out and says it’s not going to happen.  Well, somebody had to say it.  He says he’s going to beat them up or something.  Undertaker kicks Barrett’s ass and clotheslines him out of the ring.  The lights go out and the gong sounds.  Bret disappears and is replaced by Kane.  Kane and Taker brawl.  Taker goozles Kane.  The lights go out again.  Kane disappears.  David Otunga, Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, and Michael Tarver come out.  Nexus surround Taker and attack.  Taker fights them off and goozles Barrett.  THE FUCKING LIGHTS GO OUT AGAIN.  Barrett has Taker up in a fireman’s carry and hits his shitty move (now called the Wasteland).  Gabriel hits the 450 splash.  Kane looks on from the ramp.  Taker tries to sit up, but his magic powers are gone now.  That was the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen.  That’s it, I’m done.  I don’t like wrestling anymore.

Tonight, Nexus vs. some dudes.  Why the fuck am I still writing this?

Boston.

Moments ago, the stupidest segment I’ve ever seen happened.  I’m still pissed off about it, but they’re so proud of it they want to show it again.

Jack Swagger comes out and talks about returning to Raw as a former World Champion and insults Boston.

Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne.  Swagger, the great catch as catch can wrestler, starts the match with a kick to the gut.  Swagger beats up Bourne.  Bourne fights back.  Alberto Del Rio comes out in his Rolls Royce, announced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The match is still going on.  Bourne slips out of a powerslam attempt and drops Swagger with a spin kick, then goes for the Shooting Star press.  Swagger avoids it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 2:17.  More pointless bullshit.  Del Rio cuts a promo about taking out Rey Mysterio.  Del Rio says since the Raw viewers missed it, he’s going to recreate the moment with “a different chihuahua.”  Del Rio locks Bourne in the cross armbreaker, then kicks him out of the ring.  Del Rio tries to Pllmanize Bourne’s arm with a chair.  Mark Henry comes out and chases Del Rio off.  Henry challenges Del Rio to pull that shit on him.

Highlights from WWE’s recent trip to China.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

Classic Clip: “This is your life” featuring The Rock and Mankind.

The Straight Edge Society come out.  CM Punk says he’s better than The Rock, then goes on to trash said Rock.  He says Raw promotes poor family values, mentioning Kate Vick.  Punk says that will drive you to drink.  It almost drove me to quit watching wrestling.  He says he’s going to show the 4 most atrocious acts ever committed on Raw.  A.) The retarded Triple H/Randy Orton house brawl.  B.) John Cena throwing Edge off of a bridge.  C.) DX invades WCW!  D.) Stone Cold Steve Austin giving beer baths to the Corporation in 1999 and Santino Marella in 2007.  Austin’s music plays.  The SES act scared, then laugh, because they were playing a prank, see?  Punk says he’s going to show a clip from a good show, Smackdown.  They show the Brock Lesnar superplex on Big Show that made the ring cave in.  Punk talks shit about Show’s weight.  Big Show comes out.  He SUITED UP!  Show talks about more embarrassing things that have happened to him, like having the shits from a tainted burrito, being in a Sumo diaper, and kissing Vickie Guerrero.  He says fat jokes are just lame, which is true.  I find that they lack creativity.  Show does a Hulk Hogan impression to make fun of the SES.  Punk says nobody likes Show.  Show says that was just mean.  Even worse, Punk denies Show’s high five.  Show chops Punk down and beats up Gallows.  Punk and Mercury run away while Gallows gets sent out the hard way.  Alright segment.

Tonight, 10-man elimination tag!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Boston!

Classic Clip: Triple H’s return from his first quad tear in January 2002, when he kicked Kurt Angle’s ass.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus on the stage.  Sheamus talks about taking out Triple H and being Irish or whatever.  He complains about having to team with his Night of Champions opponents tonight.  Edge comes out and talks about all of the shit that has happened to him on Raw and about his accolades.  He says he’ll win the title at Night of Champions.  Commercials.

Elimination Match: WWE Champion Sheamus, Edge, Chris Jericho, Randy Orton, & John Cena vs. The Nexus.  Jericho tells Cena that he wants to start.  Jericho and Tarver circle each other, then Jericho just leaves and gets counted out in 1:17.  Edge comes in and shoves the referee to get DQ’d in 1:44.  Those dicks.  Cena beats up Tarver and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus hits a short lariat on Tarver for 2.  Slater tags in and gets beaten up by Sheamus for a while.  Sheamus covers for 2, then Slater scampers away and tags in Otunga.  Sheamus beats up Otunga.  Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner and ground & pounds him.  Nexus make quick tags and work over Sheamus.  Sheamus counters a backslide attempt from Slater and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Gabriel pulls Slater out of it.  Sheamus fights against Nexus, but gets kicked in the head by Gabriel from the apron.  Slater hits Sheamus with a shitty sleeper drop for the pin in 7:11.  Cena comes in and beats up Slater.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Slater for the pin in  7:55.  Barrett comes in and attacks Cena.  Gabriel, Otunga, and Tarver maul Cena on the outside.  Barrett rams Cena’s head into the announce table, then throws him back in and covers for 2.  Gabriel tags in and drops Cena with a spin kick.  The eventual cover gets 2.  Gabriel hits a splash in the corner for 2.  Otunga comes in.  Cena reverses a suplex and suplexes Otunga.  Otunga knocks Orton off of the apron.  Cena locks Otunga in the STF for the submission in 10:30.  Gabriel hits Cena with the 450 splash for the pin in 10:40.  Orton RKOs Gabriel for the pin in 10:55.  Orton RKOs Tarver for the pin in 11:05.  Barrett hits the Wasteland on Orton for the pin in 11:17.  Man, that finishing sequence was fast.  Fun main event.

Parts of the show were good and parts of it were really horrible.  Only 3 segment pissed me off.  That stupid Undertaker/Kane segment pissed me off beyond belief.

WWE Monday Night Raw 8/16/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Last night, Team WWE survived!

The Nexus come out.  Wade Barrett says they eliminated six of the best that Raw had to offer before they lost last night.  He says the Raw roster will face severe consequences because of their loss.  John Cena interrupts.  He makes fun of Barrett for tapping out and for having a British accent, apparently.  Cena calls them the Expendables.  Cena puts over Daniel Bryan for “eliminating half of the Nexus by himself.”  Actually, I think it was 2/7ths.  Cena says it’s been proven that they can be beat.  Cena calls Otunga “a below average male escort.”  It’s true.  He calls Tarver “an MMA bank robber who works nights as a male stripper.”  He calls Slater “the chick from Wendy’s.”  A graphic shows up on the tron for that one.  He says Young is proof that Cena’s mother had a lusty affair with Buckwheat.  He implies that Gabriel is gay and Sheffield is retarded, or something.  He says The Nexus is history.  Young tries to retort, but Cena reminds him that he tapped out in under a minute, calling him the weakest link.  The Nexus start to argue amongst themselves.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that shit.  iBooker says tonight, Nexus will face members of Team WWE in a series of matches, and promises “consequences” if there is any interference.  Barrett says that’s not punishment, it’s an opportunity for redemption.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”  Barrett says any Nexus member who loses tonight will be exiled from the group.  Otunga tells Barrett that that applies to him too.  Cole gets ANOTHER email from the iBooker that says The Nexus can choose which Nexus member faces which Team WWE member… except for Barrett, who will face Chris Jericho NEXT!  Great opening segment.  Cena had some really funny lines.  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho.  “Y2J!” chants.  Jericho goes on the attack.  Jericho hits a suplex.  The Nexus are watching backstage!  Jericho lands a dropkick.  Barrett goes to the apron.  Jericho knocks him off with the springboard dropkick.  Jericho brings Barrett back in and goes up top, but Barrett boots him to the floor.  Barrett rams Jericho’s back into the side of the apron, then beats him down at ringside.  Barrett whips Jericho into the corner.  He’s working Jericho’s back.  Jericho fires a chop, so he’s gonna be in trouble since he’s not Asian.  Barrett pulls Jericho’s back into his knee.  Jericho fights out and catches a charging Barrett with a boot.  Jericho hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Jericho hits some shoulder blocks and the bulldog.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Barrett counters out and goes for his move.  Jericho counters and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Barrett gets a rope break, then mows down Jericho with a big boot for 2.  Jericho avoids a backdrop suplex and lands an enzuigiri.  He goes for the Codebreaker, but Barrett counters and hits his Fireman’s carry slam for the pin in 5:22.  Fine little TV match.

Tonight, members of The Nexus vs. members of Team WWE!  Wait, how the fuck is Bret going to work a singles match?  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts introduces tonight’s guest hosts from the movie “Going The Distance,” Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, and Justin Long!  They come out and goof off, then introduce Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  Cole gets yet another email from the iBooker 9000 saying that from now on the titles will be known as the WWE Tag Team Championship.  Presenting the new belts is Bret Hart!  The new belts are fugly.  The Nexus appear on screen.  Wade Barrett says Bret’s opponent tonight will be Justin Gabriel.  Gabriel says tonight, Bret will experience the 450 splash.  Commercials.

Plug for the SummerSlam song.

Los Angeles!

Cole and Lawler talk about Daniel Bryan’s return last night.

Michael Tarver vs. Daniel Bryan.  Cole is in full Danielson hate mode.  They lock up.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chant.  Tarver lands a bunch of punches.  Bryan boots him in the face and hits a running knee for 2.  Bryan hits some shoulder stunners and a suplex for 2.  Danielson lands some kicks.  Bryan ducks under Tarver and lands a dropkick, then a missile dropkick.  Bryan nips up.  WWE United States Champion The Miz and Alex Riley run out to distract Bryan.  Tarver gets a schoolboy for the pin in 2:09.  Bryan hits a tope suicida on Miz.  Miz, Riley, and Tarver beat down Bryan.  Miz gives Bryan the Skull Crushing Finale onto the briefcase.  The match was fine while it lasted, but why the fuck does that useless piece of shit Tarver get to stay?

Gabriel vs. Hart is next.  Commercials.  Fuck.

Moments ago, The Miz fucked Daniel Bryan and everyone who watches WWE by saving that piece of shit Michael Tarver’s spot.

The Miz and Alex Riley are walking backstage.  Josh Matthews stops them to interview them.  Miz really hates Daniel Bryan.  He puts over Riley, then Riley puts himself over.

The Nexus are chatting in their locker room.  Black Cena says he wants Cena tonight.

Gabriel vs. Hart is next for real this time!  Commercials!

Cole gets YET ANOTHER FUCKING EMAIL FROM THE iBOOKER 9000!  It says that Bret won’t be wrestling tonight.  Thank God.  The iBooker doesn’t like Bret Hart.  He’ll be replaced by… Randy Orton.  Fuck.  Goodbye, Justin Gabriel.

Justin Gabriel vs. Randy Orton.  Lock up.  Orton backs Gabriel into the corner.  Gabriel escapes and throws a kick, which seems to amuse Orton.  Gabriel grabs a side headlock, then lands some more kicks.  Orton is enjoying this.  He catches Gabriel’s leg, then hits him with clotheslines.  Orton hits the powerslam, then the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes out.  Orton meets him to brawl on the floor and into the crowd.  Orton gets counted out in 2:49.  Gabriel gets the stay.  I’m relieved.  Orton realizes he lost, then drops Gabriel with the RKO.  Orton beats the shit out of Sheamus with a chair.  Orton starts to leave, then comes back and gives Sheamus an RKO.  I’m just relieved that Gabriel keeps his spot.  He’s the best member of the Nexus by far.  Commercials.

Moments ago, Orton fucked Sheamus’ shit all up!

Skip Sheffield & David Otunga vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Morrison and Otunga lock up.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and tags in Truth.  The Nexus are backstage watching Truth hit a diving leg drop for 2.  Sheffield tags in and gets beaten up by Truth.  Sheffield hits an over the shoulder powerslam, then stomps on Truth.  Otunga tags in.  Truth hits a Complete Shot and makes the tag to Morrison.  Morrison runs wild.  Sheffield makes a blind tag and kills Morrison with a clothesline, then knocks Truth off of the apron.  Sheffield hits another killer lariat on Morrison for the pin in 2:59.  This wasn’t good, but Sheffield is awesome.

Melina, Eve Torres, & Gail Kim are headed our way!  Commercials.

Last night, Michelle McCool and Layla attacked Melina after she won the Divas Championship.

WWE Divas Champion Melina, Eve Torres, & Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox, Maryse, & Jillian Hall.  Jon Lovitz is in the crowd.  Gail rams Maryse’s head into the mat.  Why do that?  You actually know how to wrestle!  Gail hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Gail ties Maryse to the tree of woe and tags in Melina, who hits Maryse with a running vagina to the corner.  Melina gets beaten up in the heel corner.  Maryse lands a kick for 2.  Fox tags in and hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Fox stretches Melina across her knee.  Melina hits a jawbreaker.  Eve and Jillian tag in.  Eve runs wild.  Eve hits a senton, but Fox saves.  Melina takes Fox out.  Gail takes Maryse out.  Eve drops Jillian and goes up top, but Jillian kind of powerbombs her down for the pin in 2:53.  Was not expecting that finish.  Jillian never wins anything.  Fox and Maryse kind of bicker.  The match was sort of okay.

Josh Matthews interviews Edge.  Heath Slater interrupts.  Slater wants Edge to take a forfeit the match.  Edge says he’s not going to forfeit a match to Wendy.  Slater decks Edge.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Some dude from True Blood is here.

Heath Slater vs. Edge.  Edge is pissed.  He kicks Slater’s ass.  Edge goes up top, but Slater cuts him off and knocks him to the floor.  Slater beats up Edge on the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Slater beats up Edge.  Edge avoids a splash in the corner and makes his comeback.  Edge-O-Matic gets 2.  Slater hits a big flapjack for 2.  You can hear some fan yell “I hate you, Heath Slater!”  Edge spears Slater in the corner.  Slater avoids a baseball slide dropkick, but Edge drops him with a big boot on the floor.  Edge goes for spear at ringside, but Slater slips back into the ring and wins by count-out in 4:31.  It was there.  Edge spears Slater after the match.  Commercials.

Los Angeles!

Justin Long talks to Great Khali backstage.  Long says Khali doesn’t do the Kiss Cam because he has a girlfriend now.  Khali speaks Khalese.  Ranjin Singh translates that Khali wants long distance relationship advice.  Singh shows a picture of Khali’s girlfriend, who is apparently very ugly.  The other 2 goobs come in and are very vocal about her ugliness.  Khali scares them away.  Khali looks at the picture and says “Yeah, she’s pretty ugly.”  The Bella Twins come in and leave with Khali.  Stupid segment.

SummerSlam Rewind is last week’s hype leading up to last night’s show.

Cena vs. Black Cena is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE Rewind: Last month, John Cena beat the fuck out of Darren Young.

Darren Young vs. John Cena.  The rest of the Nexus come out to stand on the stage.  Young goes for a schoolboy immediately, but gets 0.  Young gets a backslide for 2.  Cena wrings Young’s arm and takes him down with a side headlock.  They lock up and Young grabs a side headlock.  Cena does a drop down, leapfrog, shoulder block, then goes back to the side headlock.  Young hits a leg drop for 2.  Young hits a short range lariat for 2.  Young hits a suplex for 2.  Young hits a butt butt for 2.  Cena fights back.  Young boots him in the gut and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Young applies a rear chin lock.  Young catches Cena charging in the corner with an elbow smash, then hits an elbow drop for 2.  Young hits a leg drop for 2.  Young hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  I’m shocked that Young is getting any offense, much less dominating Cena.  Young knocks Cena out of the ring and dropkicks the steps into him.  Cena beats the count back in at 9.  Cena avoids a leg drop and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Young counters and goes for a sunset flip, but Cena counters into the STF for the win in 7:59.  The match… was there.  The Nexus surround the ring… but let Cena leave.  Young pleads his case.  Lawler calls Young “Daniel Bryan.”  Wrong dude altogether.  The Nexus beat the shit out of Young.  Barrett hits his Fireman carry slam.  Gabriel hits the 450.  The Nexus 6 stand tall.

This show… was fine as far as keeping the angle going, but none of the matches were any good and the show felt like a mess at times.

WWE SummerSlam 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 17, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, awesome PPV opening video, 7 Eleven and Slim Jim present SummerSlam!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

The PPV gets off to a very obnoxious start, as Vickie Guerrero says “EXCUSE ME!” approximately 23,000 times in a row.  I’d rather be punched in the face than have to listen to her awful voice.  Thank God Kofi Kingston’s music interrupts.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  Kofi is still pretty pissed off over the whole being fucked out of the title thing.  He clotheslines Ziggler to the floor and goes for a tope suicida, but Vickie pulls Ziggler out of the way so Kofi kills himself.  Kofi makes it back into the ring and Ziggler pounds on him.  Ziggler applies an aggressive rear chin lock.  Kofi fights out.  Ziggler chokes him against the bottom rope.  Shouldn’t he be fired for that?  Kofi fights back, but Ziggler sends his face into the middle turnbuckle for 2.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Ziggler continues beating and stretching Kofi.  Kofi avoids a corner splash and fights back.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop.  Kofi hits a rebound cross body, but Ziggler rolls through for 2.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Kofi hits a diving chop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Ziggler ducks it and clamps on the sleeper hold.  The Nexus run in and attack both of them!  It’s a no-contest in about 7 minutes.  Skip Sheffield clotheslines Ziggler out of the ring, then all 7 of them beat the fuck out of Kofi.  Darren Young and Wade Barrett hit their shitty finishers on Kofi.  Barrett says that’s just a taste of what’s in store for Team WWE tonight.  He says no matter who the 7th man is, they won’t be able to form a cohesive unit, while The Nexus is unified.  “You’re either Nexus, or you’re against us.”  The match was okay.  They could have had a really good match if they were given some time.

Backstage, Chris Jericho and Edge try to convince The Miz to be the 7th man on Team WWE.  Miz says he isn’t sure.  It’s about time to get off of your ass and make a decision, buddy!  Despite Miz’s noncommittal reply, Edge and Jericho think they have him.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Alicia Fox (c) vs. Melina.  Melina is dressed like an Indian or some shit.  Despite what idiot Cole says, Melina isn’t an all time great at anything unless it’s running the train on the locker room.  They lock up.  Fox takes Melina down with a side headlock.  Melina hits a sliding leg trip thing, then surfboards the legs and pulls Fox’s hair.  Melina beats up Fox.  Melina hits a double knee drop when Fox propped up on the middle rope.  Fox does a Thesz press, then Melina gets 2.  Not sure what happened there.  Melina jumps over a charging Fox and sells that she hurt her knee.  Fox attacks her and sends her shoulder into the post.  Fox works Melina’s arm.  Melina gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Melina screams and beats up Fox.  Melina hits that hairmare Stroke she’s been doing for the pin in 5:23.  This sucked.  Melina is awful.  Thank God it was short.  Josh Matthews gets in the ring to interview Melina.  Because this show apparently hasn’t had enough obnoxious bitches on it yet, WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool come out and be fucking obnoxious.  Melina tires of this shit and attacks them.  LayCool beat Melina down.  Alicia Fox comes back in and they kick her ass too.  McCool knees Melina in the face against the announce table.  Fucking pointless crap.

Night of Champions hype!

Los Angeles!

Trace Adkins and Marlon Wayans are in the house tonight!

They show Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off and the Straight Edge Society’s retaliatory breaking of Big Show’s hand.

Handicap Match: The Straight Edge Society (w/ Serena) vs. The Big Show.  For some reason, the trainer waits until match time to cut the cast off of Show’s hand.  Mercury and Gallows attack Show and completely fail.  Show uses the bad hand to hit Gallows with the big chop.  Show throws Gallows out of the ring and hits a choke bomb on Mercury.  Mercury tries to pull Show out of the ring like an idiot.  Show pulls Mercury back in and press slams him out of the ring onto Gallows.  Serena distracts Show so Punk can try to jump him, but Show kicks Punk’s ass.  Outside, Punk tries to stomp Show’s hand into the steps again, but fails.  Show tries to chop Punk on the steps, but Punk moves and the step gets all of it.  The Straight Edge Society triple team Show on the outside, then in the ring.  They take turns splashing Show in the corner until Show explodes and kicks their asses.  He squashes Gallows and Mercury int he corner, then hits them with a double shoulder block.  Punk comes off the top, but Show catches him by the throat.  Punk kicks his way free and avoids S Show in the corner, then hits the running knees to the corner.  Punk and Mercury hit Show with a double diving bulldog.  Mercury covers, but Show throws him off.  Punk attacks Show’s hand.  Show rallies, sends Punk outside, and hits Gallows and Mercury with a double clothesline.  Punk and Serena leave.  Show hits Gallows with the KO punch, then chokeslams Mercury on top of him and pins them both in 6:48.  It was fine for what it was.

Edge Slim Jim commercial.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane cuts  his usual creepy backstage promo with the casket.  WWE Champion Sheamus comes in.  He says the casket is too big for Rey Mysterio, but asks to borrow it to put Randy Orton in.  Kane says no.  Sheamus says he’s the real Big Red Monster.  Kane says Sheamus has guts, which he’ll spill on the floor if Sheamus ever interrupts him again.

WWE United States Champion The Miz comes out to cut a promo.  He says Team WWE have been begging him to join and saying or doing various things to suck up to him.  He talks about how big of a decision this is, then finally says yes, he will join Team WWE.  He yells at the crowd that they’re not allowed to say his catchphrase.  Great promo by Miz.  Cole mizzes in his pants.

Sheamus/Orton hype video.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner, then poses and yells.  Repeat.  Orton hammers Sheamus with punches, then stomps and kicks the crap out of him.  Cover gets 2.  They go outside and Orton rams Sheamus’ head into the table, then clotheslines him into the crowd and beats him up in the front row.  Orton realizes he’s being counted out and brings Sheamus back into the ring.  Orton delivers the Garvin Stomp.  Orton hits the bottom rope decapitator.  Sheamus rolls to the floor.  Orton follows and whips Sheamus into the barricade.  Sheamus reverses Orton into the steps.  Sheamus puts the boots to Orton back in the ring, then pounds his face in.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits a short lariat and a knee drop for 2.  Orton reverses a suplex attempt and hits one of his own.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus backdrops him to the floor.  Sheamus rams Orton into the barricade twice.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus hits the Polish Hammer for 2.  Sheamus works Orton’s shoulder.  Sheamus hits the reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Orton tries to fight back, but Sheamus drops him with another Polish Hammer.  Sheamus goes back to working Orton’s shoulder.  Orton hits a backdrop suplex.  Orton hits the 3.0 backbreaker for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton lands a European uppercut and a lariat, then hits the snap powerslam.  Orton avoids Sheamus in the corner, causing him to spear the post.  Orton hits a superplex for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton avoids the pump kick and Sheamus crotches himself on the top rope, then falls to the floor.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER, then humps the mat.  He goes for the RKO, but Sheamus kind of counters somehow for 2.  He pushed Orton away, but took the bump anyway.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton counters and goes for the RKO again.  Sheamus counters and lands the pump kick for 2.  Sheamus brings a chair into the ring.  The referee tries to take it from him.  Sheamus yanks it away and the referee falls out of the ring, then DQs Sheamus in 18:56.  Pretty decent match.  Orton ducks the post-match chair shot and kicks Sheamus square in the balls.  Orton clears off the announce table and gives Sheamus the RKO on top of the table, which doesn’t break.  Orton leaves, then the refs and trainers wake up Sheamus.  Why the fuck isn’t Miz coming out right now?  I may be wrong, but I think I hear a “We Want Miz” chant.

“Legendary” trailer.

The SummerSlam song is “Rip It Up” by Jet.

Kane/Mysterio hype video.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Kane pushes a casket to the ring and opens it to reveal that it’s empty.  Mysterio tries to be abusive and elusive.  Kane tries to pound a midget.  Mysterio lands a basement dropkick for 2.  Kane avoids the 619, boots Mysterio in the gut, and throws him out of the ring.  Mysterio slides back in to avoid Kane, then hits him with a baseball slide dropkick and a Bombs Away off of the apron.  Mysterio avoids being chokeslammed off the top by dropping down and pulling Kane’s arm across the top rope.  Mysterio goes up top again, but Kane trips him.  Kane sends Mysterio’s back into the post repeatedly.  Kane front suplexes Mysterio onto the top rope, then knocks him off of the apron with a big boot.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kane bear hugs Mysterio.  Mysterio escapes that and hits a headscissors.  He goes for the 619, but Kane nails him with a clothesline for 2.  Kane throws Mysterio outside again.  Mysterio comes back to the apron and tries to springboard, but gets booted to the floor again.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a diving battering ram-style headbutt.  Striker mentions Mysterio’s “lucha libreness.”  Kane drops Mysterio for 2.  Kane does a backbreaker hold.  Mysterio fights free.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Mysterio tries a Frankensteiner off the top rope, but Kane holds on to avoid it.  Mysterio avoids Kane’s diving lariat and hits a tilt-a-whirl reverse DDT for 2.  Mysterio hits the diving Bombs Away.  Kane goes for a powerslam, but Mysterio turns it into a tilt-a-whirl DDT for 2.  Mysterio pounds on Kane and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio comes off the top, but Kane catches him with a right hand for 2.  Kane opens the still empty casket and goes for a chokeslam.  Mysterio counters and goes for the 619.  Kane counters and puts Mysterio in the casket.  Mysterio escapes and hits a springboard dropkick.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Kane counters and goes for the chokeslam again.  Mysterio counters yet again and hits the 619.  He goes for the diving splash, but Kane gets his knees up, so Rey improvises a prawn hold for 2.  Kane drops Mysterio, then hits the chokeslam for the pin in 13:32.  Decent match with a really good finishing stretch.  Kane says Mysterio is going to pay by being in the casket forever or something.  He opens the casket and it’s still empty.  Mysterio fights back.  Kane closes the casket, then chokeslams Mysterio twice more and gives him the Tombstone Piledriver.  Kane opens the casket again.  The Undertaker is now magically in the casket!  Kane looks scared, then feigns joy and tells Taker to get Mysterio.  Mysterio is down in the corner.  Undertaker kneels down and coughs sickly into his face.  Undertaker asks Rey why he did it.  Rey professes his innocence.  Taker says “I believe you,” then grabs Rey by the throat.  Taker does the throat slash, then looks at Kane.  Taker goozles Kane while Mysterio gets the fuck out of there.  Kane goozles Undertaker, then Tombstones him!  Kane is now stronger than the Undertaker!

Smackdown to SyFy this fall!

Los Angeles!

SummerSlam Axxess footage.

The Nexus are headed our way!

Nexus/Team WWE hype video.

It’s main event time!  The Nexus make their entrance together, then Team WWE get their individual entrances: Cena, Edge, R-Truth, Jericho, Morrison, Bret, and The Miz.  Why the hell does Miz get top billing?  Wait!  Cena tells Miz that he waited too long to join the team.  They needed someone they could rely on, so they found a guy who hates Nexus as much as anyone… DANIEL BRYAN!

Elimination Match: The Nexus vs. John Cena, Edge, R-Truth, Chris Jericho, John Morrison, Bret Hart, & Daniel Bryan.  Team WWE hit the ring for a big brawl.  They clear The Nexus out of the ring before the bell even rings.  Cole immediately goes into Danielson hate mode.  The Nexus discuss matters, then Young and Danielson start.  Danielson kicks the shit out of Young.  Danielson locks in a guillotine, then turns it into a crossface!  Young submits at the 44 second mark!  Gabriel comes in and gets kicked in the guy by Danielson.  Jericho tags in and beats up Gabriel.  R-Truth tags in and does his stuff with Gabriel.  Truth hits a suplex stunner for 2.  Gabriel fights back and drops Truth with a kick, then tags in Tarver.  Tarver hits Truth with shitty punches.  Morrison tags in and shines on Tarver.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain for the pin in 3:36.  The Nexus is down 2!  They bail to regroup.  Sheffield awesome yells “I CAN FIX THIS!  I CAN FIX THIS!”  Sheffield comes in against Morrison and overpowers him.  Sheffield yells at Morrison, so Morrison slaps him.  Sheffield hits a powerslam and proceeds to destroy Morrison while Truth tries to get the crowd behind him.  Crowd chants “WE WANT BRET!”  Why?  Bret can’t do shit.  Sheffield hits a suplex for 2.  Morrison fights back.  Gabriel kicks him from the apron.  Sheffield hits the killer lariat for the pin in 7:33.  Truth comes in and takes it to Sheffield.  Sheffield kills him with the lariat for the pin in 8:00.  5 on 5 now.  Sheffield DID fix it!  Jericho comes in and takes it to Sheffield.  Sheffield press slams him and tags in Barrett.  Barrett and Otunga take turns beating up Jericho.  Jericho manages to drop Barrett with a dropkick.  Bret and Slater tag in.  Bret beats the shit out of Slater.  Bret hits a slam and an elbow drop, and inverted atomic drop and a clothesline.  Bret locks in the Sharpshooter.  Somebody throws in a chair.  Bret nails Sheffield with the chair and gets DQ’d in 12:07.  Slater made Bret look awesome there for a minute.  Jericho hits Sheffield with the Codebreaker.  Edge tags in a spears Sheffield for the pin in 13:15.  It took a lot to put Sheffield down.  He’s a beast.  Gabriel comes in and gets his ass kicked by Edge.  Edge hits a flapjack for 2.  Gabriel lands a roundhouse kick for 2.  Slater tags in and puts the boots to Edge.  Slater sends Edge outside for no reason, then brings him back in and tags in Barrett.  Barrett beats up Edge and hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett grabs a rear chin lock.  Edge drops Barrett with a spin kick.  Barrett hits a swinging neckbreaker.  Otunga tags in and goes for his spinebuster, but Edge counters into the Edgecution.  Jericho tags in and runs wild on Otunga.  Jericho hits the bulldog and the Lionsault, then locks in the Walls of Jericho for the submission in 19:17.  Jericho knocks Slater off the apron to the floor, then throws him across the announce table and back into the ring.  Jericho hits a diving elbow smash, then accidentally collides with Cena on the apron.  Slater hits his Zig Zag like move for the pin 20:07.  Edge argues with Cena, then slaps him.  Cena decides to turn the other cheek.  Slater schoolboys Edge for the pin in 20:40.  Edge knocks Cena off of the apron, then Jericho kicks Cena in the gut.  Jericho yells “STUPID STUPID!” and slaps Cena.  Cena and Danielson are left against Barrett, Slater, and Gabriel.  Cole bitches about Daniel Bryan and verbally blows Miz while The Nexus beat the shit out of Cena.  Cena tries to fight back, but Barrett kills him with a clothesline for 2.  Gabriel tags in and works Cena’s arm.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Gabriel plants him with a DDT for 2.  Cole is insufferable.  You know it’s bad when Lawler and Striker are on the same page.  Alternate “LET’S GO CENA!” and “CENA SUCKS!” chants as Cena fights back against Barrett.  Barrett plants him with a sidewalk slam.  Cena manages to suplex Barrett.  Slater tags in and cuts Cena off from making the tag.  Slater beats up Cena.  Double clothesline spot.  CENA MAKES THE HOT TAG TO DANIEL BRYAN!  Bryan runs wild and German suplex Slater, then hits a running dropkick.  Danielson kicks the crap out of Slater, then lands a lariat.  Slater bails and Danielson hits him with a tope suicida.  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkcik, then dropkicks Gabriel and Barrett off of the apron.  Slater gets a schoolboy for 1.  Danielson locks in a crossface for the submission in 29:04!  The Miz runs out and hits Danielson with the Money In The Bank briefcase!  Barrett pins Danielson in 29:35.  Fucking Miz!  Barrett and Gabriel administer a shit kicking to John Cena.  Cena makes his comeback on Gabriel.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett blind tags himself in and prevents it.  They kick Cena’s ass some more.  Barrett boots Cena out of the ring.  He and Gabriel pull up the floor mats.  Barrett DDTs Cena on the concrete floor!  Barrett sets Cena’s lifeless body up for Gabriel to hit the 450 splash.  Cena avoids it and pins Gabriel in 34:53!  Barrett goes after Cena, but Cena immediately locks him in the STF for the win in 35:21!  Awesome match, even though I don’t understand the logic of Team WWE winning.  If Gabriel had hit the 450 and pinned Cena, that would have been great.  If Barrett had immediately pounced and pinned Cena, that would have been perfect.  Superman Cena winning against all odds makes no sense if they’re serious about pushing The Nexus.  Cena stands tall to close the show.

Good show overall.  There was nothing offensive besides the usual divas garbage.