Archive for Bound For Glory

TNA iMPACT! 10/14/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2010 by Grappleholic

They show the Bound For Glory screwjob.

“They Have Arrived!!!”

Eric Bischoff chats with Dixie Carter’s lawyer.  Something about the contract Bischoff tricked Dixie into signing last week.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out.  Tenay explains for the first time ever that with the aforementioned contract, Hogan and Bischoff now have a majority share of TNA.  Except that he explained it like everyone knows it already.  The mutants are still chanting for Hogan, but they boo Bischoff.  Hogan cuts a promo.  Bischoff cuts a promo.  Sorry, I always zone out during these long, boring promos.  Bischoff explains the master plan and introduces the various pieces of the puzzle.  Abyss comes out first.  Hogan says some bizarre shit about how Abyss is immortal now.  Jeff Jarrett is next.  He blames Dixie Carter for taking over the company that he was gleefully running into the ground before Panda Energy came along and saved their asses.  Fortune come out.  Flair says they run the company.  Flair and Hogan tease that they’re going to fight, but then they hug.  SWERVE~!  Everybody in the ring hugs and makes friends.  Flair cuts a promo about how much he loves Hogan.  That’s just bizarre.  Bischoff brings out the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Jeff Hardy.  Hardy gets “YOU SOLD OUT!” chants.  Hardy says he sold in.  He blames years of being a fan favorite for his heel turn.  He talks shit about RVD, then says they’re all immortal.  Sting and Kevin Nash are shown watching backstage.  Bischoff calls them out.  Hogan asks them to join the group.  Sting and Nash get up from their chairs.  Commercials!

Dixie Carter arrives flanked by Gunner, Murphy, and her husband.

Sting and Kevin Nash come out to the ring.  All of the heels are still there.  NOW Tenay is all upset that nobody listened to Sting and Nash when he was the one talking shit about them as recently as last week.  Bischoff invites them to join the team.  Nash says the group is a perfect fit for him because he’s always been all about money, but now he’s older and wiser.  He now has compassion for the boys in the back.  This is like bizarro land.  Nash says he doesn’t want anything to do with them.  Sting says he didn’t come to TNA for this, he came because he loved TNA.  He says he’s not going to repeat history again.  The answer is no.  Sting and Nash leave.  Bischoff bitches at them.  Thus shit took 32 minutes.

Tenay and Taz talk.

The Pope ask Sting and Kevin Nash WTF?  Nash invites Pope to leave with them.  So they’re just leaving?  Pope says he’ll continue to fight the good fight by himself.  Poor Pope.  Dixie Carter shows up and asks Sting and Nash WTF?  Sting says she should have listened to them.  You can barely hear any of this.  Hogan and Bischoff show up to bother her.  Dixie slaps the shit out of Bischoff and bitches at Hogan.  Hogan says he’ll talk to her in his office.  Of course.  Ugh.  Commercials.

Hogan, Bischoff, and Dixie are in the office.  Dixie wants Hogan to tell her straight up that he screwed her out of the company.  He does.  They bicker back and forth while Bischoff cheezes in the background.  Dixie calls him a smug shit.  She tells Gunner and Murphy to take out Hogan and Bischoff.  Hogan says they work for him and orders them to get Dixie out of there.  They do.  Surge tries to help and gets KTFO’d with one punch.  Commercials.  41 minutes and no wrestling.

Some chick shows up in a BMW.

Taz and Tenay talk.  They explain that the aforementioned chick is JWoww from Jersey Shore.  What kind of name is that?

Madison Rayne comes out with a referee.  She bitches about Tara winning the title instead of her at the PPV.  She demands that Tara comes out and gives her a title match.  Tara comes out.  Madison reminds her that she let Tara come back to TNA.  Tara should punish her for such a horrible fate.  She tells Tara to “do the right thing.”

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Tara (c) vs. Madison Rayne.  Rayne orders Tara to lay down.  Tara does.  Rayne pins her to win the title in 21 seconds.  Rayne celebrates like she actually accomplished something.  Mickie James comes out to be angry about this farce.  She hits the ring.  Rayne hides behind Tara.  James and Tara fight.  James kicks Tara out of the ring.  Rayne runs away.  Mickie poses with the belt.  Stupid crap.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The Beautiful People get their makeup done.  JWoww comes in.  They all make friends.  They talk about cookies or something.  Commercials.

The Beautiful People and JWoww wonder around looking for cookies.  They find Eric Young instead.  He asks for JWoww’s autograph on his pecs, then asks if he’s a gorilla.  Orlando Jordan shows up and offers her a lollipop.  Stupid shit.

Kurt Angle comes out with no music, selling his injured ribs.  He cuts a promo about how beat up he is.  He wants to know why he got screwed.  He said he’d retire if he lost, but he didn’t actually get pinned, so he has a dilemma.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to the stage.  He says that Angle didn’t win the title like he said he would, so he should leave.  He says Angle made his life hell when he came into TNA.  I have no memory of that.  They make cryptic mention of the fact that Jarrett ended up with Angle’s ex-wife.  They banter.  Jarrett says he sold out to take Angle’s career.  Angle goes after Jarrett, but gets jumped by Gunner and Murphy.  They handcuff Angle while Jarrett stomps the shit out of him.  Angle spits on Jarrett.  Jarrett beats the shit out of him some more.  Jarrett injures Angle’s neck.  Taz comes down from the table and makes Jarrett back down.  Yes, Jarrett and two tough guys bitched down to a long retired announcer.  Commercials.

1 hour, 9 minutes in and the closest thing we’ve had to wrestling was a 21 second farce of a match.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

On Monday in Daytona Beach, Samoa Joe walked along the beach while cutting a promo on Jeff Jarrett.

An hour and 15 minutes in, we’re FINALLY going to get a match!

Abyss vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe is good and pissed off.  He kicks Abyss’ ass.  Abyss gets the jump on him when he turns to threaten the referee.  Joe easily rallies and kicks Abyss’ ass some more.  Joe lands a big kick and a senton splash.  Abyss hits a chokeslam.  Abyss goes outside to get a chair.  Joe hits him with a tope suicida into the chair.  Not sure who got the worst of that.  Abyss clocks Joe with the ring bell to get DQ’d in 2:16.  Joe is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Abyss beats on him some more back in the ring.  Rob Van Dam comes out.  Abyss retreats.  The match was nothing.  Two minutes of okay, then a fuck finish.  Joe is pissed off.

Rob Van Dam calls out Jeff Hardy.  Hardy appears on the screen and cuts a nonsensical promo.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  I’ve seen enough of him tonight for 7 lifetimes.  He books RVD vs. Mr. Anderson for tonight in a #1 Contender Match.  RVD is fine with this.  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher flirt backstage.  Bischoff bitches at her for whoring around.  Bischoff dumps her and says she has to wrestle if she wants to stay in TNA.  DAMMIT ERIC, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST FIRE HER?  Ken Anderson shows up and calls him a douchebag while cranking on his wrist.

Handicap Match: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, & Doug Williams of Fortune (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan).  It’s tag team rules.  Pope and Williams lock up.  Pope kicks his ass.  Williams lands a shoulder block.  Pope lands an elbow smash and the Dusty Rhodes elbows.  Kazarian tags in and gets back body dropped.  Pope hits a shoulder block.  Styles comes in and gets schooled too.  Pope slides out of the ring and decks Flair.  Morgan hits Pope with the Carbon Footprint.  Flair and Morgan stomp on Pope.  Back inside, Styles covers for 2.  Roode tags in and beats up Pope.  James tags in.  Ber Money hits the double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  James decks Pope.  Kazarian tags back in and hits a dropkick for 2.  Pope fights back and nails everyone on the apron.  Kazarian rakes his eyes.  Styles misses the springboard forearm and accidentally hits Kazarian with the Pele kick.  Pope schoolboys Kazarian for 2.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Pope.  Kazarian pins Pope in 3:32.  Fortune stomp on Pope some more after the match.  Whatever.

Robbie E. and Cookie are walking around backstage.  Fucking ugh.

The Beautiful People and JWoww are also backstage walking around.  Ugh again.  Commercials.

Robbie E. and Cookie come out to be obnoxious and make me want to change the channel.  But I’m a journalist, dammit!  Wait, no I’m not.  Why the fuck am I watching this shit?  They talk shit about that retarded Jersey Shore show.  The Beautiful People and JWoww come out.  Cookie talks shit and slaps JWoww.  CATFIGHT!  The BPs take out Robbie E.  I hate wrestling.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ that bullshit happened.

Recap of various shit that has happened tonight.

TNA World Heavyweight Title #1 Contender Match: Ken Anderson vs. Rob Van Dam.  Entrances, commercials, match starts.  At the top of the hour when the show is supposed to be over.  They trade punches.  RVD drops Anderson with a kick.  More slow brawling.  RVD hits the monkey flip out of the corner, then a spin kick for 2.  Anderson goes outside.  RVD hits sort of a moonsault kick off of the apron.  Impact ends.  I’m done.

Fucking awful show with practically no wrestling.  I fucking hate this company.

TNA Bound For Glory 2010

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

I have the feeling this is going to hurt.

PPV open.  TNA presents Bound For Failure Glory!  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers LIVE from Daytona Beach, Florida.  At least they’re out of the iMPACT! Zone.  Tenay and Taz hype tonight’s happenings.

Tag Lines.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  GenMe make it halfway down the ramp before their music starts playing.  We’re off to a great start here.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match:The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Generation Me.  Shelley and Max start.  Shelley works an arm lock.  Max gets him down in the corner and stomps him.  Shelley fires some chops.  Sabin hits an arm drag and a leg sweep.  Guns pinball Max back and forth.  Shelley hits a kick for 2.  There are audio/video problems.  Guns double team Max a bit.  Shelley gets a Gedo Clutch for 2.  Jeremy trips Shelley from the outside.  Max drops Shelley with a kick, then Jeremy tags in.  Shelley goes for a superkick.  Jeremy bails.  Sabin kicks him in the head from the apron.  Guns double team Max again.  Guns hit stereo tope suicidas on the Bucks.  Back inside, Shelley hits Jeremy with a diving cross body for 2.  Jeremy counters the Shiranui.  Shelley pulls Jeremy’s head across the top rope, then goes up top.  Max crotches him.  Bucks hit the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER on Shelley behind the referee’s back.  Is that illegal now?  Jeremy and Shelley trade slaps.  Jeremy hits an enzuigiri.  Sabin saves.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Max covers for 2.  The Bucks hit a wacky double team neckbreaker/backbreaker.  Jeremy applies a rear chin lock.  Jeremy goes for a superplex, but Shelley knocks him down.  Max grabs Shelley’s leg, but Shelley knocks him to the floor.  Shelley hits Jeremy with a Ghetto Stomp and makes the hot tag to Sabin.  Sabin runs wild.  Sabin ties Max to the tree of woe.  Shelley hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Sabin follows with the hesitation dropkick.  Shelley takes out Jeremy somehow.  Sabin hits Max with a diving lariat for 2.  Max goes to tag out, but Jeremy is down.  Sabin slaps Max.  Guns hit a double team drop move, but Jeremy saves.  Sabin springboards off of Shelley’s back and dropkicks Jeremy to the floor.  Shelley goes for a dive, but Jeremy avoids it and hits Sabin with the slingshot face buster.  Max hits Sabin with an inverted powerbomb for 2.  Bucks go for the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER, but Shelley prevents it.  Guns go for the Made In Detroit on Max, but Jeremy knocks Shelley to the floor.  Max hits Sabin with a sick tornado DDT.  Jeremy takes out Shelley with a dive.  Jeremy hits Sabin with a 450 splash.  Max covers, but Shelley saves.  Shelley hits the Bucks with a Complete Shot/DDT combo.  Shelley tags in and goes for a Ghetto Stomp, but Max avoids it.  Bucks double team Shelley.  Sabin hits a 360 lariat on Jeremy.  Stuff happens.  Bucks hit a double splash on Shelley for 2.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Shelley hits Max with a SPIDER GERMAN SUPLEX.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Jeremy.  Shelley pins Jeremy in 12:53.  Awesome match.  It’s very likely that this was as good as this is going to get.

Christy Hemme interviews Madison Rayne and Tara.  Rayne insults Christy Hemme a lot.  She’s in full bitchy slut mode tonight.  She says she owns Tara for life.  Tara doesn’t seem to like that.  She also tells Mickie James that she’s the Queen Bee.  That’s what she said.

Knockouts title clusterfuck hype video.

Four-Way Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: Angelina Love (c) vs. Tara vs. Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky.  Mickie James is the Special Guest Referee.  Yeah, the show is definitely going to go downhill now.  It’s tag in and out rules, so Rayne insists that the Beautiful People start against each other.  They high five and lock up.  Love do a bunch of pin attempts, then a double knockdown.  Rayne tags herself in and goes after Love.  James forces Rayne to break a foot choke in the corner.  Rayne yells at her.  Love hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Tara pulls her off the cover.  Love hits a flapjack.  Rayne tags in Tara.  Tara does a hair reverse Gory Special thing on Love.  Velvet tags in and hits a tilt a whirl headscissors on Tara for 2.  Velvetl applies an Octopus stretch, then transitions into a sunset flip.  Tara rolls through and falls on her for 2.  I think that’s what happened anyway.  Velvet hits a suplex while Rayne screams.  Velvet hits some shitty strikes on Tara, then a bulldog headlock for 2.  Rayne knees Velvet from the apron.  Love knocks her off the apron.  More shit happens.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Tara hits a tilt a whirl slam on Love.  Rayne hits a face crusher on Velvet.  Everybody hits their finishers.  Poorly.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak on Sky.  Sky counters.  They knock Rayne off the apron.  Velvet gets a reverse cradle.  Tara half ass reverses it into a reverse cradle so shitty it doesn’t even deserve to be called a cradle for the pin in 5:53.  Tara wins the title.  Fucking awful match.  Rayne bitches at Tara for winning, then shoves Mickie.  Mickie KTFO’s Rayne with a punch.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  He has drawings all over him.  He thinks he’s a father figure to Orlando Jordan.  He also things Jordan’s family disowned him because he’s bipolar.  Jordan shows up wearing a wedding dress.  With a wedding dress mask.  I fucking hate this company.

Ink Inc. vs. Eric Young & Orlando Jordan.  They show clips from the retarded iMPACT! match.  Young has a “TNA rule book.”  Young puts the referee on the apron and tries to referee the match.  He counts a 2 count or Neal over Jordan.  This stupidity distracts Neal to let Jordan cheap shot him.  Neal hits a cross body on Jordan for 2.  Moore tags in and hits Jordan with a dropkick for 2.  Young tags in.  Moore gets some pinning predicaments for 2.  Young high fives everyone, then throws Jordan in the ring.  Ink Inc. double team Jordan.  Young tries to splash Jordan in the corner, but Jordan avoids it.  Moore crotches Young on the top rope.  Neal does the same to Jordan.  Ink Inc. shakes the ropes.  Shit happens.  Jordan grinds Moore in the corner, then hits a spinebuster.  Jordan covers homosexually for 2.  Young points at his rule book.  Jordan suplexes Moore for 2.  Moore goes for a sunset flip.  Jordan grabs the ropes.  Young kicks his hands away.  Double clothesline spot.  Jordan knocks Neal off the apron.  Young goes over to the Ink Inc. corner.  Moore drops Jordan with an enzugiri.  Young gets a tag from Moore and runs wild.  On his partner.  Ink Inc. hit Jordan with their fireman carry/blockbuster finish.  Moore pins Jordan in 6:37.  Young celebrates with Ink Inc., then hugs Jordan.  I don’t even know what to say about this retarded shit.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal (c) vs. Douglas Williams.  They lock up and wrestle.  That’s never a bad way to start a match.  Unless it’s a hate filled grudge match.  This isn’t, so we’re good to go.  Williams kicks the middle rope into Lethal’s leg.  Instead of working the leg, they half a fast paced exchange.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination.  Williams rolls to the floor.  Lethal hits a dive.  Back inside, Lethal misses a springboard dropkick.  Williams hits a knee drop for 2.  Williams hits a 360 lariat for 2.  Lethal comes back and hits a back body drop.  Lethal hits some clotheslines and a dropkick.  Lethal hits a Lionsault body block for 2.  Williams hits a German suplex for 2.  Williams hits a running knee to the corner and a snap suplex for 2.  Williams hits an Exploder for 2.  Williams hits an awesome Chaos Theory for 2.  An awesome version of his finish.  For 2.  Williams hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner.  Lethal rolls through it and gets the pin in 8:15.  I did not care for this match at all.  It’s great if you like guys just doing moves, but it had no psychology at all, and I expect better from these guys.  Lethal goes into the crowd to celebrate.  Robbie E. and Cookie show up to jump him in the crowd.  Robbie throws Lethal back in the ring and hits an Ace Crusher.  Zack Ryder’s cousin says Lethal is a disgrace to New Jersey.  New Jersey is a disgrace to itself.  He promises to win the belt and deface it.  Cookie says her stupid “Jersey’s in the house, BITCHES!” catchphrase.  They have a seizure to their awful music.  I hate wrestling.

RVD/Abyss hype video.

Monster’s Ball Match: Abyss vs. Rob Van Dam.  Abyss cuts a promo before the match.  RVD immediately goes on the attack because he knows that’s the proper way to start a hate filled grudge match.  RVD hits an awesome slingshot leg drop.  It’s weird how I hate Hogan but I pop when anybody else does a leg drop.  RVD dropkicks a chair into Abyss’ face, then goes up top.  Abyss bails.  RVD hits him with a diving cross body to the floor.  RVD throws a barbed wire board into the ring.  Abyss comes back in and drops RVD with an elbow smash.  RVD hits a bulldog onto the barbed wire board.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Abyss rolls off and RVD’s back eats the barbed wire.  RVD rolls to the floor.  Abyss makes a table bridge between the apron and the guardrail.  Abyss hits RVD with a trash can.  He makes another bridge on the other side of the ring with the other barbed wire board that is conveniently present.  They fight on the apron next to the table bridge.  RVD lays Abyss on it and hits a Rolling Thunder over the top rope through the table.  Back inside, RVD hits the Van Daminator.  RVD goes up top, but Abyss throws a chair at his head.  RVD falls off the top rope through the barbed wire board bridge.  Abyss tries to harpoon RVD into the other barbed wire board.  RVD slips out and throws Abyss into it.  RVD hits the Van Terminator with the barbed wire board.  RVD goes for the Five Star Frog Splash, but Abyss avoids it.  Abyss brings in Janice.  RVD ducks the shot and throws a chair at him.  RVD HITS ABYSS WITH JANICE.  I always knew Abyss would be the idiot to get hit with that thing.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 12:59.  Okay for mindless garbage match.  Abyss says “10/10/10.  Get ready.” into the camera.  Ugh.

Nash/Sting/Jarrett/Joe etc. hype video.  Ugh.

Handicap Match: Sting, Kevin Nash, & “The Pope” D’Angelo DInero vs. Jeff Jarrett & Samoa Joe.  Joe and Pope start by trading arm locks.  Pope lands a shoulder block, then postures.  Joe gets up and kicks his ass.  Pope fights back.  Joe hits a leg lariat.  Sting tags in and attacks Jarrett on the apron.  Joe kicks Sting’s ass.  Sting his a Stinger Splash and lunges at Jarrett again.  Jarrett avoids it.  Sting goes for another Stinger Splash, but Joe catches him with an STO.  Sting bails.  Joe beats him up on the outside.  Nash hits Joe from behind to let Sting get the advantage.  Back inside, Nash tags in and beats up Joe plodding, big man style.  Pope tags in to continue the work.  Pope hits a springboard elbow drop stupid thing for 2 after fucking up the first springboard or something.  Sting tags in.  Joe hits Sting and Pope with a double clothesline.  Nash cuts Joe off from making the tag.  Joe rocks Nash with a big kick.  Jarrett reaches out for the hot tag, then drops off the apron and abandons Joe.  That bastard!  That traitor!  That Quisling!  That Benedict Arnold!  Nash says “I told you!”  Joe goes on the attack, but is overcome by the 3 on 1 situation.  Nash hits the Jackknife powerbomb for the pin in 7:41.  I’m shocked that Nash can powerbomb anyone, let alone Joe.  The match was mediocre, meaning it was better than at least half of the matches on this show so far.

Christy Hemme interviews Ken Anderson, who apologizes in advance for ending Kurt Angle’s career tonight because Angle hit him in the nuts.  “That shit hurt!” he says.

Team 3D come out.  Boo.  Bubba babbles for a while.  Boo.  Then he announces their retirement.  YAY!  They want to wrestle the Guns for the Tag titles so they can retire as champions.  Boo!  Bubba tells Devon to get the tables.  Devon says his catchphrase.  They leave.

Tenay and Taz argue about whether or not the Guns should wrestle 3D.

Fortune/EV2.0 hype video.

Christy Hemme interviews Fortune.

Lethal Lockdown Match: EV2.0 (Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Sabu, Raven, & Stevie Richards) (w/ Mick Foley) vs. Fortune (TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan) (w/ Ric Flair).  Foley and Flair brawl before the match even starts.  They’re doing the old school deal where everyone is at ringside for WarGames.  Stevie and Kazarian start the match.  They lock up, then brawl.  I never thought I’d see the day when my boy Stevie was in a featured PPV match.  Stevie hits some neckbreakers.  All of Fortune have blue trunks.  That’s kind of neat.  Kazarian goes for a diving leg drop, but Stevie avoids it and fights back.  Stevie drops Kazarian, then does a Flair strut.  Stevie hits a Complete Shot into a Koji Clutch.  Fucking awesome.  AJ Styles enters for Fortune.  He drops Stevie with a dropkick.  Styles and Kazarian use their man advantage and double team Stevie.  Tommy Dreamer enters for EV2.0 and runs wild.  Dreamer hits a cool pumphandle suplex on Styles.  Dreamer and Stevie double team Kazarian.  Stevie is selling his ankle.  He was put in a figure-four leglock while I wasn’t paying attention.  I apologize.  Stevie superplexes Kazarian as Styles powerbombs Stevie.  Dreamer gets knocked down in the process.  Robert Roode enters for Fortune.  Roode rams Dreamer’s head into the cage.  Dreamer is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Flair punches Dreamer through a camera hole.  Sabu comes in for Fortune and runs wild.  The crowd boos him.  Sabu hits Styles with a tornado DDT, then locks him in the camel clutch.  Dreamer powerslams Roode.  Dreamer locks Styles in the crossface.  Roode breaks it.  James Storm comes in for Fortune.  Beer Money hit a double back body drop on Dreamer.  2 awesome double teams in a row as one of  Beer Money hold up Richards and Styles hits a Long Blower, then Beer Money hit their catapult DDT.  More double teams.  BEER!  MONEY!  Stevie superkicks Kazarian.  Storm superkicks Stevie.  Storm rams Dreamer’s head into the cage again.  Raven enters for EV2.0.  They try to cut him off, but he manages to get  his wild running in.  Raven puts the snot rag in Kazarian’s face.  Taz makes a Moondogs reference that Tenay no sells.  Dreamer has somehow busted Roode open.  Matt Morgan comes in as the final entrant for Fortune.  Morgan powerbombs Sabu into the cage.  Sabu is bleeding too.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows on Dreamer, then drops Stevie with a boot.  Rhino comes in at the last entrant for EV2.0 and runs wild.  Rhino Gores Storm.  They lower the ceiling of weapons.  THE MATCH BEYOND BEGINS!  Foley and Flair start brawling at ringside again.  EV2.0 grab some weapons and go to work.  Raven and Morgan trade shots with trash can lids and Singapore canes.  Stevie avoids the Carbon Footprint and Morgan injures his leg on the cage door.  Stevie throws Kazarian into the door and the door opens.  Rhino starts to go out, but Stevie says he’s got this.  Kazarian and Stevie climb to the roof of the cage.  Kazarian sets up a ladder.  He tries to throw Stevie off  of the roof.  Sabu hits dive through the door onto Morgan and Storm.  Stevie sets up a table.  Kazarian hits Stevie in the balls and lays him out on the table.  Kazarian climbs the ladder.  Brian Kendrick comes out from under a sheet and knocks the ladder over.  Kendrick backdrops Kazarian through the table, then meditates or something.  Only Styles and Dreamer are still in the cage.  Styles goes up top.  Dreamer hits him with a chair, then hits the Spiccoli Driver off the top for the pin in 24:45.  I enjoyed this.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.  He dedicates the match tonight to Hulk.

Tale of the Tape.

Hardy/Angle/Anderson hype video.

Tale of the Tape.  Again.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Tournament – Final, Three-Way Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Ken Anderson vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle and Hardy both attack Anderson.  Angle gets sent outside, so Hardy beats up Anderson by himself.  Anderson hits a swinging neckbreaker, but Angle saves.  Angle beats up Anderson.  Angle hits a belly to belly overhead suplex, but Hardy saves.  Angle German suplexes Hardy and Anderson at the same time.  Pimp.  Cover on Anderson gets 2.  Angle throws him out of the ring and covers Hardy for 2.  Hardy backdrops Angle out of the ring.  Anderson comes back and beats up Hardy.  Angle trips Anderson and pulls him out of the ring.  They brawl at ringside.  Hardy hits them with a dive.  Angle beats up Hardy in the ring.  A suplex gets 2.  Hardy hits some shitty clotheslines.  Anderson comes back in and eats more shitty Hardy clotheslines.  Hardy goes up top, but Angle brings him down with a belly to belly off the top.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap on Angle.  Hardy hits Anderson with flippy kick thing, then beats up Angle in the corner.  Hardy goes for the Swanton Bomb, but Anderson moves.  Angle shoots out of the corner and covers Hardy for 2.  Dixie Carter is watching in the crowd.  Joy.  Angle superplexes Hardy as Anderson powerbombs Angle.  Because we totally didn’t just see that spot in the previous match.  Anderson covers Angle for 2, then Hardy for 2.  Anderson hits the rolling Germans on Anderson, then Hardy.  Angle locks Hardy in the ankle lock.  Anderson tries to save.  Angle locks them both in the ankle lock.  They manage to flip Angle over.  Angle goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and hits the Lambeau Leap off the top.  Anderson covers, but Hardy hits them both with a Swanton Bomb.  Hardy covers both for 2.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate on Angle.  Angle pushes him into Anderson to knock him off the apron, then hits the Angle Slam on Hardy for 2.  Angle gives Anderson a backdrop suplex off the top rope.  Hardy tries to steal the pin, but only gets 2.  Hardy hits Angle with the Whisper In The Wind, then hits Anderson with the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for 2.  Angle pulls Hardy off the cover and locks him in the ankle lock.  Hardy flips Angle forward right into Anderson’s Mic Check.  Anderson covers for 2.  They do a three-way cradle counter sequence.  Hardy and Anderson to a double clothesline spot.  Angle hits a GORGEOUS moonsault press on Hardy for 2.  Anderson and Angle counter each others’ moves.  Angle accidentally clotheslines the referee to death, then hits Anderson with a German.  He tries to roll them, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check.  Eric Bischoff comes out with a chair.  He looks poised to fuck Angle over.  Hulk Hogan comes out on crutches.  Bischoff throws the chair away.  Hogan bitches at him.  Bischoff takes one of Hogan’s crutches.  Hardy comes back in.  Angle gets up.  Hogan hands his crutch to Hardy.  Hardy breaks the crutch over Angle’s back.  THEY’RE IN CAHOOTS!  Hardy breaks the other crutch over Anderson’s back, then hits the Twist of Fate.  Bischoff drags the referee back into the ring and kicks him until he counts the pin for Hardy in 18:39.  Really good match, even with the fuck finish.  At least the crutch shots weren’t light.  Jeff Jarrett and Abyss come out to celebrate with Hardy, Hogan, and Bischoff.  I CALLED IT!  HOGAN AND BISCHOFF ARE THEM!  Rob Van Dam comes out and asks Hardy “WTF, man?”  Hardy nails RVD with the belt.

When I read the results of the show last night, I was so pissed off when I found out about this angle.  Now that I’ve seen it, I’m not going to lie… I really liked it.  I’m still not optimistic about where they’ll take the story from here, but I liked the angle.  As for the show as a whole, I’ll give it a thumbs in the middle.  There were 3 or 4 matches I enjoyed, but there was a lot crap on the show too.  Still, I really liked the main event and the closing angle.

TNA iMPACT! 9/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Eliminating The Monster”

Kurt Angle talks on the phone, allegedly to Hulk Hogan, as he’s loaded onto his hydraulic stage thingy.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Kurt Angle comes out to talk.  He say the Impact Zone misses Hogan.  Those mutants might, but I don’t.  He talks for a while and says he’ll take out Abyss tonight in a Steel Cage.  I won’t even get in to how stupid that is.  Abyss comes out through the crowd.  Angle meets him and they brawl.  They brawl moves backstage.  Abyss hits Angle with a ladder.  Angle hits Abyss with a chair.  They keep brawling.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and security geeks break it up.

Abyss attacks Kurt Angle again.  Agents and security break them up again.

Lumberjack Match: Beer Money vs. Tommy Dreamer & Rhino.  AJ Styles, Kazarian, Doug Williams, Ric Flair, and Matt Morgan from Fortune and Sabu, Stevie Richards, Raven, Mick Foley, and Brian Kendrick from EV2.0 are Lumberjacks.  Dreamer and Rhino hit the ring and brawl with Beer Money.  It breaks down into a tag match with Rhino and Roode legal.  Roode bails to avoid the Gore and Sabu throws him back in.  Storm drops Rhino with a kick from the apron.  Beer Money beat up Rhino.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the BEER!  MONEY!  pose.  Storm throws Rhino outside to get beaten up by Fortune.  EV2.0 come over and Morgan throws Rhino back into the ring.  Rhino continues to play face in peril.  Rhino hits Roode with a belly to belly suplex and makes the hot tag to Dreamer.  Dreamer runs wild.  Dreamer and Storm counter each others’ moves.  Dreamer locks Storm in a crossface.  Roode saves.  Rhino clotheslines Roode to send them both out of the ring.  All of the lumberjacks brawl.  Styles spits something in Dreamer’s face.  Storm hits Dreamer with a Lung Blower for 2.  Lumberjacks continue to brawl.  Storm tries to use the beer bottle, but Dreamer catches him and hits the Spiccoli Driver for the pin in 5:34.  Sabu hits a dive on everybody.  Typical overbooked TNA shit.  Foley calls for everyone to stop fighting and for Flair to get into the ring.  Will it happen NEXT?

Mick Foley and Ric Flair are in the ring.  They talk back and forth for a while.  Foley challenges Flair to a match next week.  Flair beats up Foley’s new book.  Ric Flair is the only man alive who can do silly bullshit like that and have it work.  They each punch themselves in the face to make themselves bleed.  The talk some more.  Foley wants a Last Man Standing Match.  Flair agrees and says he’ll kiss Foley’s ass if he loses.

Backstage, Ken Anderson bitches at Eric Bischoff because Hulk Hogan didn’t call him.  I hate this show.

Tonight, Angle vs. Abyss.  Next, Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.

The Motor City Machine Guns are walking backstage!

Bound For Glory hype.

Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me.  GenMe come out with the TNA World Tag Team title belt they stole last week.  They show a video of said theft.  Moore and Jeremy start with some nice wrestling.  Moore gets the better of the exchange and hits a stupid leg drop around the legs for 2.  Neal and Max tag in.  Ink Inc. double team Max for 2.  Neal lands a dropkick for 2.  Neal avoids a moonsault body block.  Max feigns a knee injury.  Jeremy attacks Neal from behind.  Max comes back in and puts the boots to Neal.  Bucks work over Neal.  Neal ducks a shot and Max accidentally decks Jeremy.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild on Max.  Moore hits a spin kick, but Jeremy saves.  Moore hits the Bucks with a double Frankensteiner!  Moore hits a springboard moonsault body block on Max for 2.  All 4 brawl.  Neal accidentally spears the post.  Max kicks Moore in the balls and schoolboys him for the pin in 4:57.  Good little tag match.  The Bucks attack Ink Inc. again after the match.  They set up Neal for the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER, but the Motor City Machine Guns come out and run them off.

Samoa Joe talks to no one backstage.

Anderson vs. Joe NEXT!

The Motor City Machine Guns yell at Generation Me, who are not present.

Ken Anderson vs. Samoa Joe.  “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to do commentary.  Sting, and Kevin Nash come out to stand behind him.  Joe powers Anderson to the corner and beats him up.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Joe gets out of it and kicks his ass some more.  Anderson fights back.  Joe beats him up again.  Joe hits the face wash in the corner to stop me from being bored with this match for the time being.  Cover gets 2.  Anderson makes his comeback and gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch.  Anderson escapes via a jawbreaker, then hits the Mic Check for the pin in 4:00.  Pretty boring match.  Nash carries Sting’s bat to ringside and calls for Joe to “join us!”

During the break, security got between Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.

Kevin Nash, Sting, and The Pope are in the ring.  They talk about how they know what’s going on and how Bischoff and Hogan are dicks.  Sting was a six-man at Bound For Glory with Sting, Nash, & Pope vs. Hogan, Jarrett, & Joe.  Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff babbles for a while and says Hogan will be there next week.  Ugh.

TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) yells at Brian Kendrick, who is not present.  He makes Flair chug a Smirnoff.  Again.

Tonight, Angle vs. Abyss in a Cage!

House shows!

They show Amazing Red beating Jay Lethal for the TNA X Division Championship last Thursday in New York City and Lethal regaining the title on Saturday in Rahway, New Jersey.

Miss Tessmacher tells Madison Rayne and Tara to behave or something.  The Beautiful People come in and bitch at them.  Tessmacher apparently has the power to fire them.  Rayne gives Tessmacher a waiver she signed that allows Tara to wrestle in TNA again.  SHE ALREADY WRESTLED A FUCKING MATCH.  YOU FUCKING MORONS.  I HATE THIS FUCKING COMPANY.  They make a 4-way match for the PPV.  I don’t care.  They all argue and leave.  Tessmacher gets a phone call and agrees to go fuck someone in 20 minutes.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Flair rants at the commentary table as the match starts.  They lock up.  Kendrick backs Styles into the corner, breaks, and bows.  Styles attacks Kendrick and grounds him with a side headlock.  Styles avoids a dropkick.  Kendrick avoids Styles in the corner and lands his dropkick.  Kendrick reverses a waist lock and gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Styles hits a backdrop suplex.  Morgan chokes Kendrick behind the referee’s back.  Styles covers for 2.  Styles puts the boots to Kendrick.  Kendrick makes his comeback.  Styles cuts him off with an elbow smash.  Kendrick lands a dropkick and a spinning DDT, then goes up top and dives out of the ring onto Morgan.  Styles goes for a dive, but Kendrick catches him with a kick.  Kendrick goes up top again.  Flair distracts the ref and Morgan crotches Kendrick.  Styles hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 4:24.  Fine little TV match.  These two could have a hell of a match if they were given some time.

Abyss talks to Janice about Kurt Angle, then says he wants his match with RVD at Bound For Glory to be a Monster’s Ball Match.

Congrats to Richard G., who won a free trip to Bound For Glory!  The poor bastard.

Earlier today, Rob Van Dam was outside talking to nobody.

Hype for next week’s live iMPACT!: Before The Glory.

Steel Cage Match: Abyss vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle goes on the attack and kicks Abyss’ ass.  Abyss fights back and beats up Angle.  Angle fights back and beats up Abyss.  Isn’t this exciting?  Angle picks up Janice and throws it over the top of the cage.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss mows down Angle with a big boot.  Abyss throws Angle into the cage.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN.  Abyss works the cut by pounding on Angle’s head and throwing him into the cage again.  Angle slips of off Abyss’ back and takes out his knee.  Angle hammers Abyss with punches, then hits a frog splash for 2.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Angle rolls through and goes for the ankle lock.  Abyss kicks free and chokeslams Angle for 2.  Abyss counters the Angle Slam and hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss goes for a diving splash, but Angle avoids it and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle starts to leave through the door, then changes his mind and climbs to the top of the cage.  The show ends.  During the main event.  For the 2nd time in 3 weeks.  About 9 minutes shown.

I fucking hate this company.