Archive for Big John Studd

WWF WrestleMania V

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  The World Wrestling Federation: What the world is watching!  The Mega Powers EXPLODE at WrestleMania V!  We’re at the Trump Plaza in Atlantic City, New Jersey!  Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are the announcers.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

WWF Women’s Champion Rockin’ Robin sings the national anthem.  She’s terrible.

King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Hercules.  After pre-match shenanigans, Haku jumps Hercules from behind to get the early advantage.  Hercules slams Haku around and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Hercules suplexes Haku back into the ring and hits a couple of elbow drops.  Hercules goes after Heenan stupidly and gets beaten up by Haku on the outside.  Haku hits a couple of backbreakers for 2.  Haku bear hugs Hercules.  Hercules breaks out and Haku catches him with a chop, then chokes him against the middle rope.  Hercules hits a cross body for 2.  Hercules ducks a rebound cross body from Haku and makes his comeback.  Hercules hits a powerslam for 2.  Hercules comes off the top rope, but Haku catches him with a superkick and goes for a diving headbutt.  Hercules moves out of the way and hits a backdrop suplex hold for the pin in 6:53.  It was okay.

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews The Rockers.

The Twin Towers (w/ Slick) vs. The Rockers.  The Rockers go with the brilliant strategy of running away at first.  Michaels and Boss Man lock up.  Boss Man sets Michaels on the top rope and slaps him.  Michaels hits a missile dropkick.  Both Rockers deck Boss Man.  Michaels decks Akeem on the apron.  Akeem tags in and prances around.  Michaels does a moonwalk.  The Rockers make quick tags attacking Akeem’s arm.  Akeem tags in Boss Man.  The Towers sandwich Jannetty between them.  Towers make quick tags and Jannetty plays face in peril.  Jannetty ducks Akeem, who accidentally decks Boss Man.  Michaels gets the hot tag and runs wild on Akeem.  Rockers hit a double diving shoulder block on Akeem for 2.  Akeem NAILS Michaels with a lariat and tags in Boss Man.  Boss Man goes for a diving splash, but Michaels moves and covers for 2.  Michaels jumps on Boss Man like he’s going for a rana.  Rockers do some double teaming and hit a double missile dropkick.  Well, Jannetty hit his anyway.  Akeem saves and sends Jannetty outside.  Michaels comes off the top, but Boss Man catches him and powerbombs him.  Akeem hits a big splash on Michaels for the pin in 8:06.  Fun match.

Tony Schiavone interviews Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).

Dibiase and Virgil shake hands with Donald Trump during their entrance.

Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil) vs. Brutus Beefcake.  Dibiase shows off his Million Dollar belt.  Beefcake kicks his ass and throws him around.  Dibiase takes a walk outside, then comes back in and beats up Beefcake.  Beefcake slams Dibiase a bunch and clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dibiase comes back in and gets beaten up some more.  Virgil grabs Beefcake’s leg from the outside to let Dibiase get the advantage.  Dibiase chokes Beefcake.  Dibiase hits a diving elbow to the head for 2.  This is getting boring.  Beefcake gets an inside cradle for 2.  Double clothesline spot.  Dibiase locks in the Million Dollar Dream.  Beefcake gets a rope break.  Beefcake beats up Dibiase and locks in the sleeper hold.  Virgil gets on the apron.  Beefcake goes after him and gets decked from behind from Dibiase and sent outside.  Virgil beats up Beefcake on the outside.  Beefcake goes after him and gets jumped by Dibiase.  Both guys get counted out in 10:01.  Beefcake sends Dibiase into the post, then chases Virgil, beats him up, and puts him int he sleeper.  Dibiase tries tos ave and gets his ass kicked.  Beefcake tries to cut Dibiase’s hair, but Dibiase bails.  This sucked.

Footage from the WrestleMania brunch with Lord Alfred Hayes and the Bushwhackers.

The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Bushwhackers.  The Bushwhackers rip Jimmy Hart’s coat off and tear it up.  The Rougeaus jump them.  Rougeaus end up colliding with Hart, then they go outside and hug.  They have a match and it sucks.  Jacques accidentally knee drops Raymond.  They go outside to regroup.  Bushwhackers stomp around the ring.  Rougeaus double team one of the Bushwhackers behind the referee’s back.  Rougeaus work over whichever Rougeau is in the ring.  Bushwhackers hit the battering ram and a double stomach breaker.  One of them pins Jacques in 5:11.  This was the absolute drizzling shits.

Sean Mooney tries to talk to fans, but the Bushwhackers lick him.

Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer.  Hennig vs. Owen Hart?  I’ll have some of that!  Good wrestling to start.  Perfect slaps Blazer.  Blazer responds in kind.  Blazer hits a couple of slams, dropkicks Perfect out of the ring, and hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Blazer hits Perfect with some European uppercuts, then throws him back inside and cranks on his arm.  Blazer hits some more moves.  Man, Owen was such an athlete.  Blazer hits a backbreaker for 2.  Blazer slams Perfect and goes for a diving splash, but Perfect gets his knees up.  Perfect beats on Blazer and locks him in a camel clutch.  Blazer fights back and hits a powerslam for 2.  Blazer hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Blazer gets a crucifix hold for a close 2 count.  Perfect nails Blazer with a forearm and hits the Perfect Plex for the pin in 5:49.  Best match of the night so far.  It’s sad that both of them are dead now.

Finkel introduces Jesse Ventura to the live crowd like at several other WrestleManias.  I have no idea why.

Footage of Lord Alfred Hayes at a 5K run.  Mr. Fuji enters (in a suit and carrying his cane) to show he’s in good shape.  He finishes.  I smell chicanery.

Run-DMC do the WrestleMania Rap.  I fast forward.

They show the Demolition/Powers of Pain double turn at Survivor Series.

Mean Gene interviews the WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition.

Handicap Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship: Demolition (c) vs. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji.  Demolition’s music is dubbed over, which should be a capital offense punishable by hanging.  Demolition pummel Warlord to start.  The heels try to cut off Smash, but Barbarian gets pummeled by Demolition too.  Powers of Pain try to cut off Ax, but fail again.  Barbarian drops Ax with a big boot when he goes after Fuji to finally let the heels get some heat going.  Not that there’s any heat because this crowd is dead.  Ax plays face in peril.  Ax avoids a diving leg drop from Fuji.  Fuji tags in Warlord in time for him to cut off Ax from making the tag.  A moment later, Ax makes the hot tag to Smash anyway.  Not that it’s hot in front of this dead crowd.  Smash cleans house.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Fuji tries to throw salt at Smash, but hits Warlord.  Demolition Decapitation on Fuji.  Ax pins Fuji in 8:55.  This also sucked.

Tony Schiavone tries to interview WWF Champion Randy Savage, but Savage won’t talk to him.

After the introductions for the Dino Bravo/Ron Garvin match, Finkel introduces Jimmy Snuka for no apparent reason at the most random moment possible.  Snuka comes out to the ring, poses, and leaves.

Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) vs. Ron Garvin.  Complete shot in the dark guess here: This will suck.  Bravo jumps Garvin from behind and beats him up.  Bravo tries a powerbomb or something, but Garvin punches him down and covers for 2.  Garvin makes his comeback.  Big splash for 1.  Garvin softly pushes Bravo’s head into the top turnbuckle.  Garvin gets a jackknife hold for 2.  Garvin clamps on a sleeper hold.  Garvin goes for a piledriver, but gets backdropped, holds on, and gets a sunset flip for 2.  Bravo hits the side suplex for the pin in 3:59.  This sucked as well.  Garvin decks Bravo after the match, then gives Martin the Garvin Stomp.

The Brain Busters (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Strike Force.  Busters beat up Martin in classic awesome Busters fashion.  Martel fights back.  Strike Force send the Busters outside with a double dropkick.  Martel wrestles with Anderson, which is great stuff.  Martel gets Anderson in the crab hold, but Tully thumbs Martel in the eye immediately.  Tully and Tito tag in.  Strike Force put the Busters in stereo figure-four leglocks.  Tully has an awesome exchange with Tito.  Tito inside cradles Tully for 2 after some Busters double teaming.  Tito accidentally hits Martel with a flying forearm.  Busters work over Tito.  Anderson goes up top, but Tito throws him off Flair-style.  Tito goes to make the tag, but Martin refuses.  Martel leaves.  The Busters tear Santana apart.  Tito tries to fight back but gets cut off.  Busters hit a spiked piledriver.  Anderson pins Santana in 9:17.  Really fun little match.  I love all four of these guys.

Mean Gene interviews Rick Martel.  He says he’s tired of carrying Tito.

Gorilla and Ventura discuss Martel’s heel turn.

Finkel introduces Roddy Piper for Piper’s Pit, but Brother Love comes out instead.  He’s wearing a kilt.  He interviews… himself, playing “Rodney Piper.”  Morton Downey Jr. comes out and insults Love a bunch.  Roddy Piper comes out for real.  Piper makes fun of Love while Downey smokes a cigarette and takes his socks off and throws them out of the ring.  WTF?  This is stupid.  Downey throws cigarettes at Piper.  Brother Love finally leaves or something and Piper talks to Downey.  Piper gets annoyed at Downey blowing smoke in his face.  Piper asks Downey to light a cigarette for him, then sprays him with a fire extinguisher.  18 minutes of retarded filler to waste perfectly good PPV time.  Fuck this shit.

No Holds Barred movie trailer.  I saw that movie when I was 12 and was kind of amused by it.

Sean Mooney interviews Donald Trump at ringside.  Man, Mooney was bad here.

Ventura is mad that Hogan is making movies.  Well, his movies are all pretty terrible.

Mega Powers history video.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.

Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  Big John Studd is the special guest referee.  Andre attacks Roberts as soon as he gets in the ring and sends him into an exposed turnbuckle.  How did it get exposed?  Jake fights back and goes for the snake bag, but Andre cuts him off and puts him in a half assed sleeper or something.  Studd warns Andre about driving his ass into Roberts’ crotch in the corner.  Andre chokes Roberts a bunch.  Andre methodically (see: boring) beats up Roberts.  Roberts fights back and Andre does his “tied up in the ropes” bit.  Roberts beats up Andre.  Andre gets free and beats up Roberts some more.  Roberts fights back.  Andre chops Roberts out of the ring.  Andre keeps attacking Roberts to keep him out of the ring.  Studd and Andre argue.  Roberts gets the snake bag.  Andre and Studd shove each other.  Ted Dibiase attacks Roberts from behind and steals the snake.  Roberts follows Dibiase up the aisle, decks him, and takes the snake back.  Andre chokes Studd.  Jake throws the snake in the ring to run Andre off.  Studd DQ’s Andre to give Roberts the win in 9:40.  This was the absolute drizzling shits in a show full of shit.

Sean Mooney talks to some idiot fan in the cheap seats.

Tony Schiavone interviews Sensational Sherri, who vows to take the Women’s title back and trash talks Miss Elizabeth.

The Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation.  Honky & Valentine aren’t yet known as Rhythm & Blues.  Hart and Honky lock up.  I want to take Jimmy Hart’s megaphone and shove it up his ass.  Hart gets a reverse cradle for 2, then hits some atomic drops.  Valentine tags in and gets one too.  Hart dropkicks Valentine.  Hart tags out and slingshots Neidhart into a shoulder block on Valentine.  Hart tags back in and hits a backbreaker and goes for a diving elbow drop, but Valentine avoids it.  Honky tags in and they double team Hart behind the referee’s back.  Jimmy Hart is so fucking obnoxious.  Bret plays face in peril.  Honky hits the Shake, Rattle, & Roll on Bret.  Valentine goes for the figure-four when some kind of leg gimmick, but Bret blocks it.  Valentine cuts him off from making the tag and hits a gut buster for 2.  Bret catches Honky with a cross body for 2.  Neidhart gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Neidhart gets some near falls on Valentine, but Honky saves.  Honky tags in and gets beaten up by the Harts.  Bret hits a suplex for 2, as Valentine saves, then knocks Neidhart off the apron.  Neidhart chases Jimmy Hart around the apron.  Jimmy throws the megaphone in, but Bret catches it and hits Honky in the arm.  This somehow allows Bret to pin Honky in 7:40.  Pretty decent match besides the stupid finish.

Footage of the stupid Rick Rude/Ultimate Warrior pose down from the Royal Rumble.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: The Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Awesomely, Rude has the title belt airbrushed on his tights.  Rude knees Warrior in the belt and hurts himself.  Warrior pushes him around.  Warrior bear hugs Rude.  Rude also has Warrior’s face airbrushed on the ass of his tights.  Rude hits a missile dropkick for 1.  Warrior slams Rude a couple of times and goes back to the bear hug.  Warrior bites Rude’s head, hits a back body drop, and goes for the big splash, but Rude gets his knees up.  Rude hits a piledriver for 2.  Rude hits a chin crusher and tries to dance, but his back is hurt.  Rude hits a clothesline for 2.  Rude hits a side Russian leg sweep (Monsoon calls it a neckbreaker) for 2.  Rude pulls Warrior’s arms back.  Warrior reaches the ropes and shakes them, then breaks loose.  Warrior hits a shoulder block and a face buster.  Two face busters.  Warrior hits a backbreaker, then stumbles and drops him.  Not sure what that was supposed to be.  Warrior throws Rude around some more.  Rude avoids a Stinger Splash and goes for the Rude Awakening, but Warrior powers out and hits a clothesline.  Warrior takes Rude outside, then right back in, clotheslines him out, and tries to suplex him back in.  Heenan grabs Warrior’s feet and holds on as Rude lands on top and gets the pin in 9:42.  This was pretty bad.  Warrior hits a horribly sloppy press slam on Heenan after the match.  Poor Brain.  Poor anyone who had to work with that fuck Warrior.

Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  Brown goes on the attack immediately and beats up Duggan.  Duggan fights back, so Brown bails.  Brown gets back the apron and Duggan slingshots him back in.  Bad News headbutts Duggan and rams his head into the turnbuckle.  This only strengthens Duggan.  They fight some more.  They go to the floor.  Bad News sends Duggan into the post.  Back inside.  Duggan avoids the Ghetto Blaster and hits the tackle clothesline.  Brown bails and comes back with a chair.  Duggan grabs his 2×4.  They have a sword fight and get double DQ’d in 3:47.  Duggan hits Brown with the 2×4.  I apologize to the Bushwhackers, Rougeaus, Andre, and Jake.  THIS was the absolute fucking drizzling shits.

Mean Gene interviews The Red Rooster.  Seriously.

Bobby Heenan (w/ The Brooklyn Brawler) vs. The Red Rooster.  Heenan begs off.  Rooster rams his head into the turnbuckle.  Rooster beats up Heenan.  Heenan runs into the middle turnbuckle and Rooster gets the pin in 32 seconds.  Not the worst match on the show.  Brawler attacks Rooster after the match.  When Rooster tries to fight back, Brawler and Heenan run away.

Mean Gene interviews Miss Elizabeth.  She’ll be in a neutral corner for the main event.  She’s sad.

Tony Schiavone is in the empty locker room.

Sean Mooney is out amongst the marks.

WWF Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) vs. Hulk Hogan.  Miss Elizabeth is in a neutral corner.  Savage bails before any contact is made.  He throws a Hulkamania finger in the ring for some reason.  They finally lock up.  Hogan shoves Macho away.  Savage hides on the apron briefly, then they lock up again.  Hogan knocks Savage down with a shoulder block and Savage bails again.  They lock up again and Savage finally gets the advantage working a side headlock.  When Hogan tries to fight back, Savage bails again.  Hogan chases Savage around the ring, then hides behind Elizabeth like a dick.  Back inside, Hogan actually does a wrestling takedown and works a side headlock of his own.  Savage hits a backdrop suplex and goes for an elbow drop, but Hogan avoids it and punches him a bunch.  Hogan wrings Savage’s arm.  Savage thumbs Hogan in the eye and hits the diving double axe handle for 2.  Savage works Hogan’s arm.  Hogan escapes it by sending Savage out of the ring.  I love the way Jesse calls the faces out when they cheat and Monsoon acts like it’s okay.  Hogan drops Savage and hits a couple of elbow drops and a boot scrape.  Savage hits a clothesline for 2.  Hogan is bleeding.  Hogan rallies and hits an atomic drop.  He goes for an elbow drop, but Savage avoids it, rams him into the corner, and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Savage beats up Hogan.  Hogan rams Savage’s head into the turnbuckle and punches him a bunch, then clotheslines him in the corner.  Hogan body slams Savage out of the ring.  Liz goes to check on him, but he gets mad at her.  Savage pulls Hogan out of the ring and tries to ram him into stuff, but fails.  One side of the ring skirt has come off.  Hogan rams Savage’s face into the apron, then picks him up to ram him into the post, but Liz won’t let.  Savage rams Hogan into the post, then Liz checks on Hogan.  Make up your mind, woman!  Savage bitches at Liz and threatens her.  The referee makes her leave.  Good.  Savage hits a diving double axe handle to the floor that rams Hogan’s throat into the barricade.  Savage continues to work on the throat.  Savage slams Hogan and hits a knee drop for 2.  Savage chokes Hogan with his wrist tape, then with his hands.  Savage hits the diving elbow drop.  Hogan throws Savage off the cover and Hulks up.  Punches, big boot, and the leg drop for the pin in 17:55.  Pretty good match that somehow kind of feels like a better match than it is from a wrestling standpoint.  Great storytelling, I guess.  Hogan celebrates.  Replay of the finish.

Other than a few passable matches, this show was long and fucking horrible.

WWF Royal Rumble 1989

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, since this is the anthology version.  The World Wrestling Federation: What The World Is Watching!  Old school PPV opening video hyping the Royal Rumble.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are our announcers, LIVE from The Summit in Houston, Texas.  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.

2/3 Falls Match: Dino Bravo (w/ Frenchy Martin) & The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. The Hart Foundation & “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  It’s “International Rules,” whatever that means.  The powerhouses, Bravo and Neidhart, lock up.  They break and lock up again a couple of times, then Bravo grabs a side headlock.  Bravo shoulder blocks Neidhart to no effect.  Twice.  Neidhart ducks a clothesline and hits Bravo with ones.  They both avoid elbow drops.  Hacksaw tags in to a big pop.  Raymond Rougeau tags in to boos.  Hacksaw slams Raymond and hits a knee drop, poses, then tags in Bret.  Bret rings Raymond’s arm.  Bret leapfrogs Raymond and inside cradles him for 2.  Bret with a sunset flip for 2.  Bret with a cross body for 2.  Jacques tags in, hugs Raymond, then clubbers Bret’s back.  Hart drops Jacques with a clothesline for 2.  All six guys end up fighting in the ring.  The babyfaces clean house.  Jacques Irish whips Bret and Raymond low bridges him out of the ring.  Bravo tags in and hits the side suplex, then tags in Raymond.  Raymond pins Bret at 5:25 after a Doomsday-style Bombs Away.  The Rougeaus beat up Bret some more.  Jacques gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Bret takes his chest first hump into the turnbuckles.  Bravo tags in and covers for 2.  Bravo hits an inverted atomic drop for 2.  Raymond tags in and puts the boots to Bret.  The Rougeaus double team Bret some more.  Bravo puts Bret in a bear hug.  Crowd chants “USA!”  Bret is Canadian, morons.  Jesse totally calls them on it.  Bret fights out.  Bravo makes the tag to Raymond.  Bret gets a sunset flip for 2.  Raymond puts the boots to him some more, then locks him in a camel clutch, then transitions to pulling his hair.  Neidhart tries to save, but Raymond goes right back to the camel clutch.  Bravo tags in and beats up Bret some more.  Bravo whiffs him with a clothesline for 2, then tags in Jacques.  Jacques puts Bret in a Boston crab.  Neidhart gets the hot tag, but the ref didn’t see it!  Raymond puts Bret in an abdominal stretch.  Jacques cheats to help him get leverage while Bravo distracts the ref.  The Rougeaus take turns stretching Bret’s abdomen.  Bret manages to hit an atomic drop on one of the Rougeaus and makes the hot tag to Hacksaw.  Hacksaw runs wild on the French Canadians.  He slingshots Neidhart into a splash on Raymond then Bret does the same.  Hacksaw pins Raymond in 13:56 to even it up at 1-1.  After the rest period, Hacksaw beats up Raymond some more.  Since Hacksaw is an idiot, he gets caught in the heel corner and beaten up.  Jesse totally calls him on it.  I love Jesse.  The heels get heat on Hacksaw.  Bret gets the lukewarm tag and runs wild.  Bret hits a backbeaker on Bravo and goes up for the elbow, but a Rougeau pushes him off.  Some shenanigans happen, Hacksaw whacks Bravo with the 2×4, and Bret gets the pin in 18:42.  Really fun match.

We see Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil) drawing his Royal Rumble number.  He looks displeased.  He calls in Slick to talk to him about something.

The Bushwhackers draw their numbers.  They both get numbers they’re happy with, then swap.

The Honky Tonk Man draws his number and looks pissed.

Bad News Brown draws his number and says “It’s good news for Bad News!”

Demolition draw their numbers.  They say they’re gonna have a long night.

Jack Roberts draws his number.  He says something I couldn’t hear.

The Rockers draw and wish each other good luck.

Mean Gene Okerlund is in the ring to conduct a stupid waste of time pose down.  Rick Rude (w/ Bobby Heenan) comes out and cuts a promo.  His opponent is the Intercontinental Champion, The Ultimate Warrior.  Warrior does his usual entrance running around and shit.  What, no Warrior rant?  Heenan bitches about something.  They pose.  I fast forward.  Heenan sprays something in Warrior’s eyes, then Rude beats the shit out of him with some kind of workout bar thing.  The heels leave.  Refs and guys in suits come out to check on Warrior.  He beats them up, then runs to the back.  Whatever.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: Rockin’ Robin (c) vs. Judy Martin.  Robin’s music is hilarious.  Sherri Martel challenges the winner, then leaves.  Robin beats up Martin.  Sherri joins the commentators.  She’s terrible.  Robin dominates until Martin catches her in the gut somehow.  Martin beats Robin up for a bit.  Robin tries a cross body, but gets slammed down.  Robin works the legs a bit and puts Martin in a Boston crab.  They Martin turns it into a cradle.  Robin turns it into another cradle.  Martin fucks up an inside cradle for 2.  Robin hits an elbow drop for 2.  Martin holds onto the ropes to avoid a dropkick.  Martin tries a front suplex, but Robin lands on her feet.  Martin holds onto the ropes to avoid a reverse cradle.  Martin hits a clothesline for 2.  Martin beats up Robin some more.  Robin hits a DDT for 2, then misses an elbow drop.  Martin misses an elbow drop.  Robin tries to slam Martin, but Martin slams her for 2.  Martin gets a backslide for 2.  Robin hits a kick to the middle for 2.  Robin gets an inside cradle for 2.  Fuck.  Robin hits a diving cross body for the pin in 6:25.  This was fucking painful.  Robin’s music is still hilarious.

Sean Mooney interviews Slick, with the Twin Towers.  Mooney asks Slick about his dealing with Dibiase.  Slick feigns ignorance.  Mooney shows him the video we saw earlier.  Slick tells Mooney it’s none of his business.

Mean Gene interviews Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan.

Pre-recorded interviews with Mr. Fuji, Miss Elizabeth, and Jimmy Hart.

Jesse Ventura is sitting in a throne and talking.

King Haku (w/ Bobby Heenan) vs. Harley Race.  Race comes out and tips over Haku’s platform that his chair is carried out on, then kicks his ass.  The winner is King and gets Heenan, I think.  Race beats up Haku, then hits a suplex for 2.  Race taps him with another clothesline and knocks him out of the ring.  Haku counters Race and sends him into the post.  Haku hits Race with chops of the Mongolian and knife edged variety.  Heenan cheers whoever is on offense.  They fight in the ring some more.  Haku whips Race into the turnbuckles and Race does the Flair flip out of the ring.  Haku beats up Race some more.  Haku’s strikes are awesome.  They trade headbutts.  I don’t care if you are Harley Fucking Race, you NEVER headbutt a Samoan!  Does Tongan = Samoan?  Is it close enough?  Race hits a piledriver for 2.  Harley takes another bump out of the ring.  Haku suplexes Race back into the ring for 2.  Race avoids an elbow drop and hits a suplex for 2.  Race throws Haku out of the ring.  Race goes for a piledriver on the floor, but gets backdropped.  Haku rams Race’s back into the ring.  Race gets his piledriver on the floor.  Back inside, Race hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Race hits a clothesline and a headbutt for 2.  Haku makes his comeback.  He slams Race and goes for a diving headbutt, but Race avoids it.  Race capitalizes by… missing a diving headbutt.  Haku connects with a thrust kick for the pin in 9:02.  It was kinda good at first, then it kinda fell apart.  Haku is still King, and does in fact come with crown as illustrated.  Nobody will get that joke.

Pre-taped interviews with Brutus Beefcake, Greg Valentine, Mr. Fuji for the Powers of Pain, Big John Studd, Mr. Perfect, and WWF Champion Randy Savage.

Gorilla and Jesse talk, then Mean Gene interviews Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).

Sean Mooney interviews Bobby Heenan, The Brain Busters, and Andre the Giant.

Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan.

Howard Finkel explains the Royal Rumble Match.

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is WWF Tag Team Champion Demolition Ax!  #2 is… WWF Tag Team Champion Demolition Smash!  They say “fuck it” and start brawling.  After 2 minutes of them beating the hell out of each other, #3 is Andre the Giant (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Heenan immediately leaves because no managers are allowed at ringside.  Demolition double team Andre.  Andre conks their heads together just as #4 comes out.  It’s Mr. Perfect!  Perfect fights everybody.  Andre throws Smash out.  Ax and Perfect try to get Andre over, but no dice, so they just beat him up.  Ax and Perfect start brawling.  Perfect takes the front bump into the turnbuckles.  Andre chokes Ax, then headbutts the crap out of Perfect.  Andre beats up both of them.  #5 is Ron Garvin.  Garvin, Perfect, and Ax all try to get Andre out.  Still no dice, but Andre does his classic “get tied up in the ropes” bit.  Andre fights everybody off.  #6 is Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Valentine joins team everybody in everybody vs. Andre.  Andre throws Garvin out.  Perfect slams Ax, then helps Valentine try to beat up Andre.  Andre chokes Valentine and Perfect goes back to fighting Ax.  Ax clotheslines Perfect and goes for Andre again, but just gets choked for his trouble.  Perfect pulls Andre’s hair.  Andre chokes Perfect.  #7 is Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  He goes straight for Andre, as they’re currently feuding.  Andre chokes Roberts.  Garvin clubbers Andre from the time.  Andre is still beating the world.  #8 is “Outlaw” Ron Bass!  Andre tosses Roberts.  Bass beats up Perfect, then gets beaten up by Ax.  Andre squashes Perfect and Valentine in the corner.  Andre chokes Valentine some more.  #9 is Shawn Michaels, in his first Royal Rumble!  He goes after Bass.  Perfect eliminates Ax.  Perfect tosses Michaels, who debuts his iconic Rumble spot of skinning the cat back in.  Michaels dropkicks Perfect and almost eliminates him.  Andre chokes Bass, then bear hugs him.  Valentine takes more shots at Andre.  #10 is Bushwhacker Butch.  Jake Roberts comes back in and throws the snake in the ring.  Andre eliminates himself to avoid the snake.  Jake takes Damien and leaves.  The five guys still in the ring brawl.  #11 is the Honky Tonk Man (w/ Jimmy Hart).  Honky and Bass beat up Butch, then Perfect beats up Honky and tries to eliminate him.  Bass saves Honkey.  Some heels whip Michaels and Perfect into each other.  Honky and Valentine try to eliminate Michaels.  Michaels escapes his predicament and beats up Valentine.  Perfect tries to eliminate Honky.  #12 is Tito Santana!  Tito goes for Mr. Perfect.  Tito runs wild until Bass cuts him off.  Butch tries to eliminate Honky.  Valentine tries to eliminate Tito.  Bass and Valentine try to eliminate Michaels, but Tito saves him.  #13 is Bad News Brown.  Butch and Tito throw Honky out.  Everybody brawls.  Valentine hits an atomic drop on Michaels and almost sends him out of the ring.  #14 is Marty Jannetty.  He brawls with Bass.  The Rockers double dropkick Bass out of the Rumble.  Tito hits the flying jalapeno on Valentine, then he and Butch try to bundle Valentine out.  Valentine pokes Tito in the eye to escape.  #15 is WWF Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage!  Savage goes right after Bad News, kicking his ass before he even takes his sunglasses off.  Valentine clobbers Savage.  Everybody brawls.  It’s almost 2 AM and I’m getting sleepy.  #16 is Arn Anderson (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Savage eliminates Valentine, who had a hell of a run.  Savage and Anderson double team Michaels out of the Rumble.  Jannetty beats up Anderson.  Butch and Tito try to eliminate Perfect.  Savage tries to eliminate Bad News, who kicks the crap out of him.  Anderson stupidly goes up top.  Marty hits Arn and he crotches himself.  #17 is Tully Blanchard (w/ Bobby Heenan).  The Brain Busters double team Butch.  Bad News and Savage are still going at it.  Butch chokes Arn with his foot in the corner.  Marty beats up Tully.  Perfect and Savage fight.  Anderson hits a spinebuster on Marty!  The Brain Busters beat up Marty and struggle to dump him out.  Butch nails Arn.  Tully manages to eliminate Marty.  #18 is Hulk Hogan  Hogan immediately dumps Perfect, knocks the Busters’ heads together, and beats up Bad News.  Savage and somebody dump Tito.  #19 is Bushwhacker Luke.  Brown eliminates Butch.  Savage and Bad News brawl some more.  Hogan press slams Tully into the top rope, then fights with Luke.  Luke and Tully double team Hogan as Bad News and Arn double team Savage.  Hogan knocks Tully and Luke’s heads together, then hits Arn with a big boot.  #20 is Koko B. Ware.  Bad News tries to eliminate Savage.  Arn and Luke beat up Hogan.  Koko fights Bad News.  Arn goes up top and Hogan throws him off.  Hogan eliminates Koko, then Luke.  #21 is The Warlord (w/ Mr. Fuji).  Hogan eliminates both Brain Busters.  Warlord gets eliminated immediately by a Hogan clothesline.  Brown struggles to eliminate Savage.  Hogan dumps them both out.  Savage comes in and is like “WTF, man?”  Elizabeth comes out and tries to soothe the situation.  They finally shake hands and hug.  #22 is The Big Boss Man (w/ Slick).  He and Hogan are the only two in the ring.  They brawl.  Hogan hits the Axe Bomber and some elbow drops, then shakes Boss Man’s head.  Hogan slams Boss Man.  Boss Man comes back and kicks Hogan’s ass.  Boss Man hits a piledriver.  Hogan avoids a big splash.  #23 is Akeem (w/ Slick).  Hogan, of course, fights them both off.  He slams Akeem.  Boss Man rakes Hogan’s eyes and the Towers manage to get the advantage.  Hogan knocks their heads together and hits a backdrop suplex on Boss Man.  The Towers squash Hogan in the corner, then throw him out.  Hogan pulls Boss Man out of the ring (under the bottom rope) and kicks his ass.  Akeem goes outside to beat up Hogan.  #24 is Brutus Beefcake.  The Towers double team Beefcake.  Ever the poor sport, Hogan low bridges Boss Man out of the ring to eliminate him.  Hogan and Boss Man brawl to the back.  #25 is the Red Rooster.  He and Brutus double team Akeem.  #26 is The Barbarian (w/ Mr. Fuji).  He fights everybody.  Akeem splashes Rooster.  Barbarian beats up Beefcake.  #27 is Big John Studd.  Studd and Akeem go at it.  The other 3 guys fight too.  Brutus chokes Barbarian with the top rope.  #28 is Hercules.  Herc and Brutus double team Barbarian.  Rooster tries to get in the middle of Studd and Akeem and gets shoved down.  Herc tries to get in the middle of Studd and Akeem and gets clubbered by Studd.  #29 is Rick Martel!  Martel tries to get in the middle of Studd and Akeem and gets shoved away.  When we people learn?  Martel goes after Rooster instead.  Beefcake and Hercules work over Barbarian.  #30 is Ted Dibiase (w/ Virgil).  See, he bought #30!  Dibiase beats up Hercules and Rooster.  Virgil stays at ringside.  Gorilla and Ventura speculate that he’s allowed to stay because he’s a bodyguard instead of a manager.  Dibiase whips Rooster into the turnbuckles and he Flair flips out of the ring.  Dibiase beats up Hercules.  Hercules beats up Dibiase.  Dibiase begs off.  Hercules beats him up some more anyway.  More guys brawl.  Beefcake puts a Hercules in a sleeper.  Dibiase and Barbarian throw them both out.  Barbarian shoulder blocks Martel into an awkward bump.  Barbarian powerslams Martel and hits a diving headbutt.  Martel dodges Barbarian and dropkicks him out of the ring.  Final four are Martel, Dibiase, Studd, and Akeem.  Martel avoids getting squashed by Akeem and hits him with 2 dropkicks, then tries a cross body, but Akeem catches Martel and eliminates him.  Studd fights both Akeem and Dibiase.  Akeem and Dibiase double team Studd.  Dibiase accidentally gets sandwiched between Studd and Akeem.  Studd eliminates Akeem.  Dibiase tries to bribe Studd.  Studd kinda chokeslams Dibiase into the turnbuckles.  Dibiase tries to get some offense rolling, but Studd kicks his ass.  Studd hits a butterfly suplex, a gutwrench suplex, a clothesline, then throws Dibiase out to win it at 1:05:07.  Virgil tries to jump Studd after the match, but gets his ass kicked.  Studd throws Virgil out of the ring for good measure.  Studd wins the 1989 Royal Rumble!  The Rumble match is always fun.

Mean Gene interviews Randy Savage and Elizabeth.  Savage says everything is still cool with him and Hogan.

Gorilla and Jesse wrap things up, then we get a sideshow to close the show.

The middle part of this show sucked, but the opener was good enough and the Rumble Match is always fun.  It was an easy to watch show.  I’ll call it a fun time and be done with it.

WWF WrestleMania II (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 25, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/22/09.

On we march, with WrestleMania II!

WWE open, since this is from the Anthology.  WWF: The Recognized Worldwide Leader in Sports.  WrestleMania II: What The World Has Come To.  I should mention now that for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to have WrestleMania II from 3 locations: Uniondale, New York, Chicago (Rosemont), Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

First to New York, where Vince McMahon delivers his famous “Welcome to WrestleMania!” line.  Vince introduces his color commentator for the New York portion, Susan St. James.  I see Howard Finkel is the ring announcer for New York.  Ray Charles sings “America the Beautiful.”

Cut to Mean Gene Okerlund in Chicago for a minute.

Back in New York, some old fat guy interviews Roddy Piper (with “Cowboy” Bob Orton), who will be boxing Mr. T tonight.  Piper cuts a typically great promo, with the awesome line “If Mr. T can knock me out in this fight, I would not only quit professional boxing, I would quit professional wrestling, I would quit tiddlywinks, I would quit dating girls!”  He then turns to Orton and says “I’d stick with you, though.”

Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) vs. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff.  After the opening bell, they play pre-taped audio comments from both wrestlers.  That strikes me as dumb.  They lock up.  Orndorff gets the better of it at first.  Orndorff gets Muraco on the mat and applies an arm lock.  Susan St. James is horrible on commentary.  Muraco tries to arm drag his way out of it, but Orndorff keeps it clamped on.  Muraco finally hits a Samoan drop to escape the punishment of his arm.  They go out of the ring and brawl to a double count-out at 4:33.  Crowd chants “BULLSHIT!”  It started off good, then went downhill.

Mr. T interviews himself.  During this, Finkel finally makes the announcement that the last match was a double count-out.

WWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Randy Savage (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. George “The Animal” Steele.  A pre-taped interview during Savage’s entrance.  This show is so sloppily produced.  Susan likes Steele.  Savage bails as soon as Steele goes after him.  Savage gets back in the ring.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Repeat.  Steele finally gets hold of Savage and bites his leg.  Steele picks up Savage by the neck, chokes him, then drops him.  Steele gets distracted, looking at Elizabeth.  Savage ties him up in the ropes and puts the boots to him.  Savage with a diving crossbody for 2.  Steele throws Savage out of the ring.  Savage crawls under the ring, comes out the other side, and jumps Steele from behind.  Steele bites Savage’s arm.  Steele clubs Savage until Savage gouges his eyes.  Savage slaps Steele with a bouquet of flowers.  Steele bites him again, then hits him with the flowers.  Steele eats the turnbuckle pad.  He feeds some of the stuffing to Savage.  Savage bails.  Who can blame him?  Steele chases him around the ring.  Steele pleads with Elizabeth.  Savage comes off the top with the diving axe handle to the outside.  Back in the ring,  Savage slams Steele and hits the diving elbow, but Steele kicks out at 1.  Steele grabs Savage’s nose, then throws him into the corner.  The ref admonishes Steele.  Savage trips Steele up and gets the Flair pin in the corner at 7:08.  This sucked.  Steele eats another turnbuckle, then chases the referee to the back.

In Chicago, Mean Gene interviews two of the participants in the NFL vs. WWF Battle Royal, Bill Fralic and Big John Studd.  During this, we hear Finkel’s annoucement that Savage was the winner and still the Intercontinental Champion.  Gah.

Vince and Susan talk about snakes.

George Wells vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts.  They trade punches.  Wells with a backdrop.  Snake sends Wells to the outside and they brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Wells hits a shoulder block.  Wells whips Roberts into the corner, then takes him over with a head scissors.  Wells with a knee lift.  Wells with a powerslam for 2.  Snake gouges the eyes, then begs off and bails.  Wells follows him out and back into the ring.  Roberts gets a cheap shot with the knee lift when Wells is still coming through the ropes, then hits the DDT for the pin at 3:05.  Jake puts the snake on Wells after the match.  The match was fine for what it was.

They show an altercation between Roddy Piper and Mr. T that led to tonight’s match, which I believe took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event.

Cut to Los Angeles, where Jesse Ventura interviews the WWF Champion, Hulk Hogan.

Back to Vince and Susan, then to Finkel in the ring to introduce the celebrities for the New York main event.  The guest ring announcer is Joan Rivers.  She introduces the judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, and G. Gordon Liddy.  The special guest timekeeper is Herb.  I don’t know who any of those people are.  The referee is Jack somebody.

Boxing Match: “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton and the old fat guy) vs. Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid).  They box.  It sucks.  I’m not a boxing fan anyway, and I really hate lame, worked boxing matches in wrestling.  The first round ends.  They go to their corners.  Round 2 starts.  They box some more.  It still sucks.  I do like Piper’s plaid boxing trunks.  Round 2 ends.  Piper cheap shots T again anyway.  Orton throws a bucket of water on T to boot.  Round 3 starts.  Guess what?  They box!  T punches Piper out of the ring.  He barely makes it back in.  They’re both getting tired.  Round 3 ends.  Just end this shit already.  Piper throws his stool at Mr. T.  Round 4 starts.  They punch each other.  Piper knocks T’s mouthpiece out.  T knocks Piper’s mouthpiece out.  Piper socks the ref, then body slams Mr. T to cause the DQ at 1:17 of the 4th round.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Man, this sucked.

Now on to the Chicago portion of the show.  Gorilla Monsoon and Mean Gene hype the battle royal.  Gorilla introduces their color commentator for this portion, Cathy Lee Crosby.  Never heard of her either.  Curse my lack of knowledge of low level celebrities from before I was born.  Chet Coppock is the ring announcer for Chicago.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: The Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Velvet McIntyre.  Moolah jumps McIntyre immediately and kicks her ass.  McIntyre fires back with dropkicks and an elbow smash.  McIntyre with a body slam, then comes off the top with a big splash, but Moolah moves out of the way, then covers McIntyre for the pin at the 59 second mark.  Well that was utterly pointless.

Gorilla, Gene, and Crosby hype the battle royal again.

Flag Match: Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) vs. Corporal Kirchner.  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  The winner gets to wave his flag. Volkoff goes on the offensive early.  Kirchner fights back.  Kirchner knocks down the referee.  While he’s down, Kirchner catches Blassie’s cane and nails Volkoff with it for the pin at 1:35, so he gets to hold up Old Glory.  Match was nothing.

Mean Gene is in the ring to explain the rules for a battle royal.  The timekeeper is the “where’s the beef” lady.  The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones.

Battle Royal featuring Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, The Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, The Killer Bees of Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, The Hart Foundation of Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre the Giant.  There’s no opening bell, but everyone just starts fighting.  “Big Cat” Ernie Ladd joins Gorilla and Crosby at the announce table for whatever reason.  Ah, I guess because he was both a football player and a wrestler.  Tonga and one of the football players eliminate each other.  Holmes gets eliminated, I think by Bruno, or maybe Studd.  Brunzell gets tossed.  Perry eliminates Atlas.  A bunch of guys try to gang up on Andre.  Morales and Marvin eliminate each other.  Arcidi, Jim, and Spivey try to dump Blair, but he slips back in and helps the other guys dump Arcidi.  Sheik dumps Spivey.  Sheik dumps Jim and Blair.  Sheik and Studd dump Fralic.  Sammartino backdrops Sheik out of the ring.  Sammartino beats up Studd.  Harts beat up Perry.  Andre beats up one of the little guys, I think it’s Russ Frances.  Studd eliminates Bruno.  Perry throws the Harts over the top rope, but they both hit the apron and come back in.  Studd dumps Perry.  Perry shakes Studd’s hand, then, poor sport that he is, pulls Studd out of the ring.  It’s down to Andre, the Harts, and Frances.  Andre gets tied up in the ropes.  The Harts dump Frances, then double team Andre.  Andre big boots Hart, then rams Hart and Neidhart’s heads together.  Big boot to Neidhart sends him out of the ring.  Andre press slams Hart out of the ring and onto Neidhart to win it in about 9 minutes.

Cut to New York, where Vince and Susan talk to Roddy Piper.

Back to Chicago, where Jimbo Covert bitches about getting eliminated from behind.  Gene talks to The Iron Sheik.  “Wrestler is better than football player!”  Replays of the battle royal.

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The Dream Team (c) (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. The British Bulldogs (w/ Captain Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne).  Davey Boy Smith and Greg Valentine start.  Smith shines early.  Valentine hits a hip toss, but Davey Boy avoids an elbow drop.  Tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite kicks Valentine’s ass and snap suplexes him, then tags Davey Boy back in.  Davey Boy hits his stalling suplex for 2.  Valentine bails to take a breather.  Valentine comes back in and hammers Smith, then headbutts him in the groin.  Tag to Beefcake.  Smith with a press slam, then the tag to Dynamite.  Dynamite with an inside cradle for 2.  Tag to Smith, who hits a Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with a clubbing blow to Smith.  Valentine with a suplex for 2.  Tag to Dynamite.  He and Valentine trade blows.  Bulldogs make quick tags to work over Valentine.  Beefcake comes in to club Dynamite, and is sent out by the ref.  Dynamite with a sunset flip on Valentine for 2.  Dynamite with a backbreaker, but Beefcake pulls him off of the cover.  Dynamite continues to wear down Valentine.  Valentine drops Dynamite with a sick piledriver for 2.  He tries to hold Dynamite’s shoulders down and ends up getting kicked in the balls.  Valentine goes up top and gets thrown across the ring by Dynamite.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Smith tries to press slam Dynamite onto Valentine, but Valentine bails.  Smith tags in and hits the running powerslam on Valentine for a close 2.  Smith with another suplex for 2.  Valentine finally manages to get the advantage on Smith and tags in Beefcake, who puts a beating on Davey Boy.  Tag to Valentine, who comes off the top with another clubbing blow.  Valentine continues working over Davey and drops him with a shoulder breaker, but foolishly picks him up at 2.  Smith throws Valentine into the Bulldog’s corner, where he collides head first with Dynamite.  Smith covers Valentine to get the 3 and capture the tag titles at 12:02.  Finally, a good match!  Ozzy and Captain Lou celebrate while Davey Boy helps up the knocked loopy Dynamite at ringside.  Mean Gene talks to Ozzy and Captain Lou.  He finally manages to talk to Davey Boy.  Replay of the pretty sick finish.

That’s it for Chicago!  Back to Vince and Susan in New York to talk about what’s still to come in the Los Angeles portion of the show.

Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira will host the LA portion of the show.  Lee Marshall is the ring announcer.

Hercules Hernandez vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Hercules immediately goes on the attack.  Steamboat fires back with a karate chop and a pair of arm drags.  He attacks Hercules’ arm.  Steamboat leap frogs Herc a bunch and nails him with an elbow.  Steamboat with a suplex, then back to the arm.  Herc blasts Steamboat with a clothesline and hits him with some vicious knees.  Herc hot shots Steamboat into the ropes and beats on him some more.  Steamboat tries to fight back, but almost gets pinned.  Elvira is extremely annoying on commentary.  Herc drops Steamboat with an elbow, then drops a couple more elbows on him.  Cover gets 2.  Steamboat chops Herc.  Herc avoids another chop and drops Steamboat with a discus lariat for 2.  Herc with a press slam.  Herc with another press slam.  Herc comes off the top with a dive, but gets caught by Steamboat’s knees.  Steamboat off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 7:33.  It wasn’t bad.

Man, Adrian Adonis sure has changed since we last saw him at The Wrestling Classic.  He was a rough a tough type then… now he’s a cross dresser with bad makeup.

“Adorable” Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Uncle Elmer.  Hart sprays Elmer with perfume, so he chases Hart and Adonis out of the ring, where they hug.  Elmer attacks Adonis we gets back into the ring. No opening bell that I heard. Adonis Flair flips in the corner, then falls out of the ring.  He gets back in and Elmer knocks him out of the ring again.  Elmer rips Adonis’ dress, then knocks him into the ropes where he gets tied up.  When Adonis gets untied, he finally goes on the attack.  He takes off the remains of his dress.  Elmer with the Avalanche in the corner, then he goes for a leg drop, but Adonis avoids it.  Adonis off the top with a headbutt/splash for the pin in about 3 minutes.  This sucked.

Lord Alfred interviews Hogan.

The Funk Brothers (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog & Tito Santana.  Dory has been given the name “Hoss” for whatever reason.  Terry throws chairs in the ring.  The faces throw them out.  Dory and JYD lock up.  JYD slams both of the Funks, then they bail.  Tito and Terry tag in.  Terry throws some vicious sounding chops.  Tito clotheslines him out of the ring.  Dory jumps in and eats a couple of Tito’s dropkicks, then rolls out himself.  Tag to JYD.  He lands some punches on Terry, then rams his head into the turnbuckle repeatedly.  JYD with a headbutt for 2.  JYD throws Terry out of the ring.  I swear, the Funks have spent more time on the outside of the ring than in it during this match.  Tag to Dory.  Tag to Tito.  Tito with a flying jalapeno for 2, as Terry saves.  Dory and Tito run the ropes, but Terry catches Tito with a knee to the back.  Terry tags in and throws Tito to the floor, where Jimmy puts the boots to him.  JYD runs him off.  Funks put the boots to Tito.  JYD runs Hart off again and helps Tito back into the ring.  Terry with a suplex for 2.  He argues with referee Dave Hebner.  Tito counters another suplex attempt with one of his own.  Terry and Tito knock heads.  Tag to Dory.  Dory with the Texas suplex for 2.  Funks continue to work over Tito.  Hot tag to JYD.  JYD cleans house.  Terry chokes JYD with a rope,  JYD backdrops Terry out of the ring.  JYD kicks their asses on the outside.  JYD decks Jimmy Hart.  JYD with an inside cradle on Terry.  Dory saves.  Tito puts Dory in the figure-four.  The referee makes Tito leave the ring.  Jimmy throws Terry the megaphone.  Terry hits JYD in the head with it for the pin at 11:44.  Okay match.

They set up the cage.  It’s a special reinforced cage so King Kong Bundy won’t go through the side, the famous big blue cage.

They show what led up to Hogan/Bundy in a cage, a brutal attack by Bundy and Don Muraco on Saturday Night’s Main Event.  They show Hogan lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim and a doctor, while Gene talks to them about Hogan’s injuries.

Ventura interviews Bundy and Bobby Heenan.

Elvira, who is awful, throws it to New York with Vince and Susan, who is almost as awful.  They talk, then back to LA.

Marshall introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Tommy Lasorda.  Lasorda introduces the the guest thimekeeper, Ricky Schroder, and the guest referee, Robert Conrad.  Well, at least I know who Rick Schroder is.

Steel Cage Match for the WWF Championship: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan).  Hogan has taped ribs.  They start brawling.  Hogan chokes Bundy with his own singlet.  Elvira says this match resembles a horror movie.  I agree, but probably for different reasons.  Bundy tires of getting beat up by the walrus and attacks Hogan’s ribs.  Bundy tries to escape through the door.  Hogan stops him, so Bundy picks up Hogan and rams his back into the cage.  Bundy takes the bandage off of Hogan’s ribs and chokes him with it.  He ties Hogan to the bottom rope and tries to leave.  Hogan gets free and chokes Bundy with the tag rope.  Hogan rams Bundy head first into the cage.  Hogan beats up Bundy a bit.  Bundy is bleeding.  Hogan tries to slam Bundy, who falls on top of him.  Hogan chokes Bundy with the bandage from earlier.  Bundy fights back.  Avalanche and a big splash by Bundy.  Bundy tries to escape again.  Hogan stops him.  Hogan avoids another avalanche and slams Bundy, then hits the leg drop.  Bundy tries to stop Hogan, but Hogan kicks him off the ropes and to the floor.  Hogan escapes over the top at 10:20.  Bundy goes out through the door a moment later.  Just to show what a role model he is, Hogan throws Heenan into the cage and beats him up after the match, then celebrates.

So that’s WrestleMania II.  Man, it sucked.  The only redeeming thing is the Bulldogs’ title win over the Dream Team.

WWF WrestleMania (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

This review was originally written on 12/20/09.

That’s right, the first WrestleMania.  This is the beginning of my endeavor to watch every WWF and WCW PPV ever, possibly with ECW and TNA thrown in.  Oh, and I should mention that most of the WrestleManias I’ll be watching are from the WrestleMania anthology that WWE put out a few years ago.

Which of course means we get the WWE open.  Plain Jane opening video showing the matches on the card tonight, since this is 1985, a year and a half before yours truly was born.

Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura are on commentary.  We are LIVE from Madison Square Garden!  Howard Finkel is the ring announcer.  Mean Gene Okerlund sings the national anthem.

Lord Alfred Hayes talks about the first match.  Cut to Mean Gene’s pre-taped interviews with Tito Santana and The Executioner.

The Executioner vs. Tito Santana.  Lock up, run the ropes, then Tito hits a backdrop and a dropkick that sends The Executioner out of the ring.  They lock up again and Tito grabs a headlock.  He walks up the ropes and uses the leverage to take Executioner down.  Neat.  Executioner attacks Tito’s injured leg, as he promised he would earlier.  Tito turns an attempted leg hold into a nifty cradle for 2.  Executioner looks completely out classed.  He finally manages to backdrop Tito, then hits a bodyslam, then goes up to.  Tito recovers and throws him off, then goes for a big splash, but Executioner gets his knees up.  Executioner goes for the leg again, but Tito sends him out of the ring, then suplex/slams him back in.  Tito hits a flying forearm, then applies the figure-four leglock for the win at 4:49.  See, Tito is chasing Greg Valentine’s Intercontinental Title, so he’s putting the champ on notice by using his own hold.

Lord Alfred throws it to pre-taped interviews for the next match, with S.D. Jones and King Kong Bundy, with Jimmy Hart.

King Kong Bundy (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. S.D. Jones.  Bundy with a bear hug, then rams Jones into the corner.  Avalanche in the corner followed by a big splash for the pin in 24 seconds.  The time is announced as 9 seconds.  Their stop watch is defective.

Mean Gene is back with pre-taped interviews with Matt Borne and Ricky Steamboat.

Matt Borne vs. Ricky Steamboat.  Lock up.  Steamboat leap frogs Borne, then hits some of his karate chops.  Steamboat grabs a headlock.  Borne gets out of it.  Steamboat grabs it again.  Borne fights out and Steamboat gives him an atomic drop.  Borne hits an inverted atomic drop and gets the advantage briefly.  Steamboat hits him with more karate chops.  Steamboat with the headlock again.  Borne backs him into the corner and lands some knees to the gut, then a belly to belly suplex.  Borne lands a vertical suplex for 2.  They trade blows.  Steamboat gets the better of it and drops Borne.  Steamboat hits a backdrop suplex and a swinging neckbreaker, then a pair of knee drops for 2.  Borne comes back and gets dropped with a shoulder block.  Steamboat comes off the top with a diving crossbody for the pin at 4:38.  Good basic wrestling match.

Lord Alfred throws it to Mean Gene again, for interviews with David Sammartino (with his dad) and Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant).

Brutus Beefcake (w/ Johnny Valiant) vs. David Sammartino (w/ Bruno Sammartino).  Beefcake stalls forever.  They finally lock up.  Beefcake overpowers David, who is extremely short and stocky.  David shoves Brutus on the next lock up, then hits a drop toe hold.  Brutus with an amateur takedown.  They roll around, then Brutus bails for a moment.  More basic stuff back inside.  Brutus claws the eyes and hits a slam, but David turns it into an arm hold.  Nice.  Brutus takes David over with a side headlock.  The match quickens a bit.  Sammartino works Beefcake’s leg.  Sammartino with a spinning toe hold.  Beefcake kicks him away, but Sammartino grabs another leg hold.  Brutus takes over and gets some heat on Sammartino.  David hits a back body drop.  They trade punches.  Sammartino with a suplex for 2.  Valiant attacks David on the outside.  Bruno gets involved.  Clusterfuck ensues.  It’s a double DQ at 11:44.  The Sammartinos get rid of the heels.  Why the fuck does David Sammartino warrant more time than Tito Santana and Ricky Steamboat COMBINED?

Once again, Lord Alfred —> Mean Gene.  Gene interviews the Intercontinental Champion, Greg Valentine, and his challenger, Junkyard Dog.

WWF Intercontinental Title Match: Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (c) (w/ Jimmy Hart) vs. Junkyard Dog.  Lots of stalling early on.  Valentine drops JYD with an elbow, then misses a knee drop.  JYD headbutts him out of the ring.  The Hammer hammers JYD and attacks his leg, softening him up for the figure-four.  When he goes for it, JYD kicks him away.  JYD with some headbutts that knock the champ loopy and causes him to take Flair face flop.  Jimmy Hart distracts the referee.  JYD grabs him.  Hammer tries to nail JYD, but clocks Hart instead.  JYD beats up Valentine, but Valentine trips him up and gets the Flair pin at 6:00.  Tito Santana comes out to tell the referee that Valentine’s feet were on the ropes.  The referee continues the match.  Valentine refuses to come back in the ring, so JYD wins by count-out at 6:55, but Valentine keeps the title.

Lord Alfred, then Mean Gene for the Tag title match, as the U.S. Express of Barry Windham & Mike Rotunda defend against The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff.

Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem before the match.  Sheik chimes in with “Russia numbah one, Iran numbah one, USA hack puh!”

WWF Tag Team Championship Match: The U.S. Express (c) (w/ Captain Lou Albano) vs. The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff (w/ “Classy” Freddie Blassie).  Rotunda starts with Sheik.  Sheik gets the better of it at first, until Rotunda hits a hip toss and a dropkick, then a slam, then Windham decks him, then Rotunda takes him over with a side headlock.  Tag to Windham, who comes off the top with an elbow to Sheik’s back.  Sheik accidentally dropkicks Volkoff on the apron.  He apologizes, and tags out.  Rotunda back in.  He takes down Volkoff with a forearm for 2.  The champs make quick tags and work Volkoff’s arm.  Volkoff rams Rotunda into Sheik’s boot, then tags Sheik back in.  Sheik with a back body drop, then an elbow for 2.  Sheik with a side suplex for 2.  Rotunda hits a suplex on Sheik.  Sheik tags out to Volkoff, who prevents Rotunda from tagging out.  Rotunda with a sunset flip for 2.  Volkoff knees Rotunda in the gut, then rams him into Sheik’s boot again.  Sheik tags in and applies an abdominal stretch as Albano and Blassie argue outside.  Rotunda hip tosses his way out of it.  Tag to Volkoff.  Rotunda makes the hot tag to Windham.  Windham hits a bulldog on Volkoff and covers, but Sheik saves.  Rotunda comes in and sends Sheik out of the ring.  Sheik whacks Windham with Blassie’s cane, allowing Volkoff to get the pin at 6:55.  There you have it, the first title change in WrestleMania history.

Mean Gene interviews the new champions.

Lord Alfred, then Mean Gene to interview Big John Studd and Bobby Heenan.  Studd puts up $15,000 against Andre the Giant’s career in a slam match.

$15,000 Slam Match: Big John Studd (w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs. Andre the Giant.  Studd jumps Andre to start the match.  Andre responds by chopping him with his massive hands.  Studd bails.  When he comes back in, Andre chokes him, then punches him in the gut and knees him in the face.  Andre continues to hammer Studd.  Studd hits a knee and tries to slam him.  Nope.  Andre with a bear hug.  Studd gets out of it.  Andre with a headlock, then a punch to the face.  Andre continues to beat up Studd.  Studd tries a kick, but Andre catches his leg and punches him in the face again.  Andre throws some kicks at Studd, then slams him for the win at 5:54.  Andre starts throwing the money to the crowd.  Heenan sneaks in, steals the bag of money, and runs away.

Mean Gene interviews a victorious Andre.

Lord Alfred, then Mean Gene for the Women’s Title match.

WWF Women’s Championship Match: Leilani Kai (c) (w/ The Fabulous Moolah) vs. Wendi Richter (w/ Cyndi Lauper).  Lock up, cat fight, ridiculous bump by Kai off of a half assed chop from Richter.  Nice bit of chain wrestling as Richter works Kai’s arm.  Kai snapmares out of it and covers for a quick 2.  Kai works Richter’s arm a bit.  Kai chokes Richter.  Richter uses her legs to squeeze Kai’s middle.  Kai picks her up by the hair.  They trade blows.  Richter half asses an inside cradle for 2.  Richter starts making a comeback until Moolah grabs her and pulls her hair.  Lauper stops her.  Kai with a kick to the sternum.  Richter fights back and hits a reverse F-U type move for 2.  Kai with a backbreaker for 2.  Kai slams Richter and comes off the top with a crossbody.  Richter rolls through and gets the pin to regain the title at 6:13.  Moolah face plants trying to get into the ring.  Heh.  Richter and Lauper celebrate.

Mean Gene interviews the new champion.  Richter can’t talk for shit and Lauper’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

Finkel introduces the guest ring announcer for the main event, Billy Martin.  Martin introduces the other celebrities involved with the main event.  Liberace, the guest timekeeper, dances with four of the Rockettes.  Muhammed Ali is the special outside referee, while Pat Patterson will be the referee in the ring.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper & “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff (w/ “Cowboy” Bob Orton) vs. WWF Champion Hulk Hogan & Mr. T (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka).  Hogan and Orndorff start, but Piper requests the tag before any contact is made.  Mr. T wants Piper, so Hogan makes the tag.  They slap each other, then Piper wrestles him to the ground.  Mr. T escapes.  T picks up Piper into a Fireman’s carry, then drops him.  The heels beat up T.  Match turns into a clusterfuck for a minute until Muhammed Ali restores order.  The heels start to leave.  Hogan won’t let Patterson count them out.  They come back in and get their knoggins knocked by Hogan and Mr. T.  Hogan does a number on them and hits an atomic drop on Piper, then beats his head against the mat.  Tag to T and a double clothesline to Piper.  T slams Piper, then hip tosses Orndorff.  Another slam to Piper, headbutt to Orndorff, and a tag to Hogan.  Hogan big boots Piper ourt of the ring.  Orndorff clotheslines Hogan out of the ring.  Piper hits Hogan with a chair.  The heels work over Hogan.  Mr. T tries to save, but is restrained by Patterson.  Piper and Orndorff with a double atomic drop to Hogan.  Ali to restores order again.  Hogan, oddly, plays face in peril.  Hogan blocks a diving knee drop from Orndorff and makes the hot tag to Mr. T.  The bad guys beat up Mr. T.  Orndorff and T wrestle sloppily to the ground.  Tag to Piper, who locks Mr. T in a front facelock.  T powers out and tags Hogan, who cleans house.  Orndorff hits a backdrop suplex on Hogan.  Orton tries to run in and gets headbutted by Snuka.  Orton comes off the top rope and accidentally nails Orndorff with the cast.  Hogan gets the pin on Orndorff  to win it in 13:33.  Orndorff wakes up to find himself alone with the faces.  T tries to offer him a handshake, but Hogan is like “No.”  The babyfaces celebrate their win.

Mean Gene interviews the victors.

Gorilla and Jesse have some final comments, then the closing credits.

So that was the inaugural WrestleMania.  The WWF was certainly a very different place in 1985.  This show as the biggest thing to ever happen in wrestling at the time, but looking at it through 2009 eyes, it’s hard to see why.  A few of the matches were decent, with Steamboat/Borne being match of the night.