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WWE Royal Rumble 2011

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, cool PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Boston!  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Todd Grisham are the announcers.  Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts are the ring announcers.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero).  Edge can’t use the spear because Vickie is a bitch.  She comes out to remind us of that in her nails on a chalkboard voice.  She then chants “spear” and cackles.  She then introduces Ziggler.  Chimel gives in ring intros.  They lock up.  Edge lands some punches and puts a beating on Ziggler.  Edge hits a gut buster for 2.  Edge connects with a knee lift for 2.  Ziggler rolls to the apron.  Edge slips out, pulls him down face first onto the apron, then throws him into the barricade.  Ziggler catches Edge with a shot on the way back into the ring and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler puts a beating on Edge and applies a rear chin lock.  Afterward, Ziggler hits a diving sunset flip.  Edge rolls through and catapults him into the corner for 2.  Ziggler always takes that like a champ.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2, then reapplies the rear chin lock.  Edge takes a bump off the apron into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Back to the chin lock.  Edge fights out.  Double cross body spot.  Edge avoids a charge in the corner and Ziggler eats turnbuckle again.  Edge hits a flapjack and gets the momentum going.  Weird faceplant thing gets 2.  Ziggler hits a chin breaker for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Fameasser, but Edge turns it into a powerbomb for 2.  Edge goes up top.  Ziggler cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and hits a diving cross body.  Ziggler rolls through for 2.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Edge holds into the ropes to avoid it.  Edge locks in the Edgeucator.  Haven’t seen that one in years.  Ziggler reaches the ropes.  Ziggler avoids a charge against the ropes, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Edge drops Ziggler with a big boot.  He teases going for the spear, then realizes he can’t.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Vickie grabs the referee to stop the count.  Vickie screams at Edge and slaps him.  Ziggler almost collides with Vickie.  Edge cradles him for 2.  Vickie slaps at Edge some more.  Shouldn’t that be a DQ, referee moron?  Kelly Kelly comes out, yanks Vickie off the apron, and kicks her ass.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for 2.  Ziggler locks in the sleeper hold.  Edge manages to stand up.  They collide with the referee.  Edge hits a backpack stunner.  With Vickie and the referee dead, Edge says “fuck it” and hits the spear, then does the old Eddie Guerrero “play dead” trick.  The referee wakes up.  Edge gives a nod to his old buddy Christian and hits the Killswitch for the pin in 20:46.  Pretty decent match.

WrestleMania commercial.

Boston!

Miz/Orton hype video.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley.

WWE Championship Match: The Miz (c) (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Randy Orton.  Orton beats down Miz in the corner, then chucks him out of the ring and kicks his ass at ringside.  Back inside, Orton beats the shit out of Miz some more.  Riley interferes behind the referee’s back to allow Miz to get the advantage.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz finds his stride and gets the heat going on Orton.  Orton goes for a sleeper hold.  Miz counters and goes for a German suplex.  Orton counters and hits a backdrop suplex.  Miz lands a big boot for 2.  Miz goes up top.  Orton crotches him and hits a superplex for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton hits some clotheslines and the 3.0.  Miz rolls to the apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Miz back body drops him the floor.  Riley puts the boots to Orton behind the referee’s back.  Back inside, Miz covers for 2.  Miz hits a diving double axe handle for 2.  Miz stretches Orton’s neck with a chin lock.  On the outside, Miz catapults Orton into the post.  Orton barely beats the count back into the ring and immediately tackle punches Miz.  Orton gives Miz the Garvin Stomp and a knee drop for 2.  Orton goes for a powerbomb.  Riley distracts him.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  They counter each others’ finish.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Miz bails, grabs the belt, and tries to leave.  Orton clotheslines him and throws him back into the ring.  Cover gets 2.  Orton ducks a basement kick and schoolboys Miz for 2.  Miz bails to the apron.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  The 4 lesser members of the New Nexus come out.  The referee goes to tell them to leave.  Riley tries to attack Orton, but Orton tosses him out of the ring and onto Nexus.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton counters and hits the RKO.  CM Punk appears and gives Orton the Go 2 Sleep, then puts Miz on top of Orton.  Miz gets the pin in 19:50.  Good match.  Cole mizzes his pants again.

Elimination Chamber commercial.

Todd Grisham reads a statement from “Dashing’ Cody Rhodes.  They show Rhodes getting his face broken by Rey Mysterio 2 weeks ago on Smackdown.

A bunch of fans give their Royal Rumble picks.  One guy actually picks Santino Marella.  I LOL’d.

We’re now set for a handicap match for the Divas Championship.  The iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that it will now be a Fatal Four-Way Match.  Eve Torres comes out to join Natalya and LayCool.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Divas Championship: Natalya (c) vs. Michelle McCool vs. Layla vs. Eve Torres.  They pair off and brawl.  LayCool work together.  They actually hit a double Stroke on Eve.  I’ll keep my dirty comments to myself.  Natalya fights back and catapults Layla into McCool.  Cover on Layla, but McCool pulls her to safety.  LayCool end up face to face in the ring with both of the babyfaces down outside.  Natalya trips Layla.  Eve schoolgirls McCool.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Natalya and Eve go at it.  Layla intervenes.  Natalya puts them in a double Sharpshooter.  McCool drops Natalya with a kick.  McCool covers Eve for 2.  Eve gets an inside cradle on McCool.  Layla saves.  Layla gives Eve the Lay Out.  Eve rolls to the floor.  Natalya makes her comeback on LayCool.  Natalya hits a Michinoku Driver II on McCool.  Layla saves.  Natalya beats her up in the corner.  McCool accidentally boots Layla in the face.  Natalya schoolgirls McCool for 2, then throws her outside.  Eve throws out Natalya, then hits a moonsault press on Layla.  McCool schoolgirls Natalya at the same time, but the referee doesn’t see and counts Eve’s pin over Layla in 5:12.  Eve regains the title.  Any match with a moonsault press finish gains points with me.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ Gail Kim).  The Bella Twins interrupt to apologize for last week.  They start arguing and a catfight breaks out.  Bryan gets slapped again.

WrestleMania commercial.

Boston!

Rumble “By The Numbers” video.

Justin Roberts gives us our annual explanation of how the Royal Rumble works.  I miss Howard Finkel.

CM Punk comes out as #1.  The Corre come out and jump Punk.  The New Nexus come out to save their master.  The Nexus and The Corre brawl.  iBooker dings in at the same time I get a text message on my iPhone.  That always trips me out.  Cole calls for the officials to restore order and orders everyone but Punk to the back.  And NOW it’s Rumble time!

Royal Rumble Match: #1 is CM Punk.  #2 is WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Punk grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Punk does a drop down.  Bryan catches him with a dropkick, then lands a clothesline.  They fail to eliminate each other.  Bryan hits a missile dropkick.  Punk avoids a charge in the corner.  #3 is Justin Gabriel.  He immediately goes after Punk.  Punk sends him to the apron.  Punk and Bryan clothesline each other.  Gabriel says “fuck it” and goes for the 450 splash.  Punk avoids it.  Bryan backdrops Gabriel out of the ring to eliminate him.  #4 Zack Ryder.  He runs wild and hits face washes on Bryan and Punk.  Bryan elevates Ryder, who hits Punk with the Rough Ryder.  Bryan hip tosses Ryder out of the ring.  Bryan lands some kicks on Punk.  They fight over eliminating each other again.  #5 is William Regal!  Regal mauls some fuckers.  It’s awesome.  Regal blasts Punk with the knee trembler.  Bryan and Regal trade European uppercuts.  Punk drops Regal with a head kick.  Bryan drops Punk with a head kick, then gives Regal another head kick just to make sure he’s good and dead.  #6 is Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Dibiase runs wild briefly.  Bryan kicks Regal to death some more while Dibiase tries to eliminate Punk.  Bryan tries to eliminate Dibiase, but fails.  #7 John Morrison.  Morrison runs wild.  Flying Chuck to Punk.  C4 to Bryan.  Regal knocks Morrison off the apron.  Morrison grabs onto the barricade, walks along it, and leaps to the steps!  Dibiase eliminates Regal.  Morrison drops Regal with a kick for good measure.  His feet never touched the ground, so he’s still in the Rumble!  #8 is Yoshi Tatsu!  Yoshi brawls with Dibiase and Punk while Morrison beats up Bryan in the corner.  Morrison lands on his feet from a German suplex attempt by Bryan.  #9 Husky Harris.  He attacks everyone and guards Punk.  Punk gives Bryan a backdrop suplex.  #10 is Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo gets his moment to run wild.  He hits Two Amigos on everybody, but only manages to complete the 3 on Bryan.  Chavo hits Harris with a missile dropkick.  #11 is Mark Henry!  Somebody gone get they ass kicked!  Henry eliminates Chavo.  Yoshi tries to chop Henry to no avail.  Henry clotheslines Yoshi out of the ring.  Boo!  Punk and Harris beat down Henry.  #12 is JTG.  He gets his moment to shine.  Harris tries to eliminate Bryan.  #13 is Michael McGillicutty, so there are three New Nexus guys in now.  McGillicutty eliminates JTG.  Everybody brawls.  Harris and McGillicutty back body drop Dibiase to the floor.  #14 is Chris Masters.  He goes after Nexus, which isn’t that bright, because there are three of them.  He hits a spinebuster on McGillicutty, then gets Punk in the Master Lock and tries to eliminate him.  McGillicutty saves Punk and stomps on Masters in the corner.  #15 is David Otunga.  Four Nexus guys in.  Punk (I think) eliminates Bryan.  Boo!  Nexus eliminates Masters and Morrison.  I think I missed Dibiase getting eliminated somewhere.  Nexus team up to dump Henry.  It’s all Nexus now.  #16 is Tyler Reks.  He charges right in like an idiot.  Nexus beats him down.  Punk drops him with a head kick and eliminates him.  #17 is WWE Tag Team Champion Vladimir Kozlov.  Nexus beat him down.  Punk tosses him.  #18 is R-Truth.  Another Nexus beatdown.  Another elimination by Punk.  Why don’t these guys just wait for a few more entrants to come in so they have a fighting chance?  #19 is Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh)!  Khali beats up everybody.  Khali eliminates Harris.  Punk begs off.  Khali beats him up.  #20 is Mason Ryan.  We’re back to having four Nexus guys.  Ryan and Khali brawl.  Ryan eliminates Khali!  #21 is BOOKER T!  Big pop for Booker.  Ryan immediately jumps him.  Booker rallies and runs wild.  Ryan gets a Harlem side kick.  Otunga gets a scissors kick.  McGillicutty gets a Book End.  The epic return of the SPINAROONIE!  Punk attacks Booker.  Booker tries to eliminate him.  Ryan saves Punk and tosses Booker.  Aww.  #22 is John Cena!  Cena runs wild on Nexus.  Cena low bridges Ryan out of the ring, then clotheslines Otunga and McGillicutty to the floor.  Punk’s all alone now!  They go at it.  Cena counters the Go 2 Sleep.  They do a double clothesline spot.  #23 is… Hornswoggle.  Fucking Hornswoggle.  Punk knocks him down and goes back after Cena.  Cena eliminates Punk with the Attitude Adjustment out of the ring.  All of that build just for Super Cena to eliminate all of Nexus?  Cena and Hornswoggle are working together now.  #24 is Tyson Kidd.  Cena and Hornswoggle double team him.  Of course I’m serious.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.  He helps Horswoggle hit one as well.  Tyson is probably seriously rethinking his career choice right now.  Cena dumps Kidd.  #25 is Heath Slater.  Cena gives him shoulder blocks.  Hornswoggle gives Slater a stunner.  Cena and Hornswoggle do a double Five Knuckle Shuffle.  So a Ten Knuckle Shuffle?  Hornswoggle hits the tadpole splash.  Cena tosses Slater.  #26 is WWE Intercontinental Champion Kofi Kingston.  Cena and Kofi look up at the big WrestleMania sign, then lock up.  Kofi leapfrogs Cena and connects with an elbow.  Kofi hits corner punches.  Cena hits a clothesline.  #27 is Jack Swagger.  Swagger runs wild.  He’s not playing nice.  Swagger hits Vader Bombs on Cena and Kingston.  Swagger stalks Hornswoggle after he starts some shit.  Kofi hits Swagger with a diving cross body.  Kingston uses Hornswoggle as a springboard to hit the Boom Drop.  #28 is Sheamus!  Sheamus beats up everyone.  Hornswoggle wants to fight.  Sheamus casually shoves him down.  Hornswoggle hits Sweet Shin Music.  Sheamus tries to toss him, but is saved by Cena.  Hornswoggle goes for the tadpole splash, but Sheamus recovers and eliminates him with the brogue kick.  Thank God.  #29 is Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio runs wild and hits lots of flippy twirly moves.  He goes for the 619 on Swagger, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Kofi hits Sheamus with the Trouble In Paradise.  Mysterio sends Swagger to the apron, then eliminates him with the 619.  #30 is Wade Barrett.  Barrett beats up everyone.  #31 is Dolph Ziggler.  So he gets a title shot and a Rumble spot?  He looks sore from earlier, but he sucks it up and beats up everyone.  There are a few near eliminations.  #32 is DIESEL!  Motherfucking Diesel!  The crowd LOVES him.  Diesel runs wild in his slow, plodding way.  A fucking “DIESEL!” chant in 2011!  #33 is Drew McIntyre.  McIntyre and Sheamus beat down Diesel, who the crowd still LOVES.  Mysterio finally gets revenge for that lawn dart thing and hits Diesel with a 619.  Barrett and Diesel brawl.  Sheamus and McIntyre are working together.  #34 is Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Cole marks out.  Diesel misses a big boot, crotches himself, and gets eliminated by Barrett.  The crowd DOES NOT like that.  Cole does like it when Miz joins the commentary team.  #35 is The Big Show.  He and Diesel stare at each other in the aisle.  Show hits the ring and runs wild.  Show chokeslams Barrett, then tosses Ziggler.  #36 is Ezekiel Jackson.  Show eliminates Ziggler.  Zeke runs wild and eliminates Big Show!  Zeke kicks ass.  He and Barrett work together.  #37 is WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella.  Marella tries to beat up Zeke.  Zeke yells at him.  Sheamus drops Santino the the brogue kick.  Santino rolls under the bottom rope to the floor.  Zeke and Barrett try to eliminate Cena.  #38 is Alberto Del Rio, introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez.  He’s in no hurry to get in the ring.  #39 is Randy Orton.  He attacks Del Rio in the aisle and throws him into the steps, then into the ring.  RKOs to Del Rio, Sheamus, and Kofi.  Orton tosses Kofi, then clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Orton and Sheamus face off.  #40 is Kane.  He runs wild until he’s cut off by Big Zeke.  Kane low bridges Zeke out of the ring.  Mysterio eliminates Kane.  Barrett eliminates Mysterio.  Final four are Cena, Barrett, Del Rio, and Orton.  They pair off and brawl.  Cena and Orton beat up the heels, then face off again.  They brawl.  They counters each others’ finishes.  Barrett attacks Cena again.  Barrett beats up Orton while Del Rio beats up Cena.  Cena gives Del Rio the Attitude Adjustment.  Alex Riley comes back.  Cena decks him.  Miz sneaks in and eliminates Cena!  Cena is pissed.  Barrett and Del Rio beat down Orton.  Orton makes his comeback.  Powerslam on Barrett.  3.0 on Del Rio.  Orton humps the mat.  Orton eliminates Barrett.  Del Rio dumps Orton to win the Rumble in 1:08:42.  BUT WAIT!  SANTINO IS UP!  And he was never eliminated!  Santino hits the Cobra!  Santino dances around like a goof.  Del Rio throws him out to win the Rumble for real in 1:09:54.  Ricardo goes crazy.  Funniest Rumble finish ever!  Del Rio points at the WrestleMania sign as some pyro goes off behind it.  Ricardo keeps yelling “ALBERTO DEL RIO!”  Awesome.

Good show.  The Rumble is always good times.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/24/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our announcers LIVE from Detroit!  Tonight, Edge vs. Miz in a champion vs. champion match!  Natalya vs. Melina for the Divas Championship!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out and talks about how he hates waiting for things.  He wants his match with Miz NOW.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that the match won’t happen until later, but the computer is still pissed off at Edge, so he’s going to put Edge in some kind of thing where whoever throws Edge over the top rope gets the #40 spot in the Royal Rumble.

Over The Top Rope Challenge: World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Jack Swagger vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Tyson Kidd.  Edge spears Swagger immediately.  Kidd drops Edge with a head kick.  Edge powerslams him and tosses him out.  McIntyre drops Edge with a boot and tries to eliminate him.  Swagger saves.  Edge tosses Swagger.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock, but Edge tosses him to win it in 1:08.  This was pretty dumb and pointless.

Edge teases that he’ll beat up the laptop again.  Cole tries to protect it.  The New Nexus come out to the ring.  Punk cuts a promo about how his strength will allow him to win the Royal Rumble.  He introduces his new big guy as Mason Ryan.  Ryan says “faith.”  Punk rambles on this note for a while.  He says Nexus will make sure he wins the Rumble.  The Corre (who Punk called “that poor man’s Nexus”) come out to the ring and face off with Nexus.  Barrett says the New Nexus is the poor man’s Nexus.  Jackson says The Corre will make sure to eliminate Punk at the Rumble.  Jackson and Ryan face off.  iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces Barrett vs. Punk tonight, with the loser and his team being out of the Rumble match and John Cena as the guest referee.  Commercials!

Slam of the Week: Mark Henry throwing Sheamus over the top rope last week, then Alberto Del Rio cutting his usual promo.

John Morrison & Mark Henry vs. Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio is introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez.  Del Rio and Morrison lock up.  Del Rio stomps down Morrison in the corner.  Sheamus tags in and brawls with his rival, Morrison.  Morrison hits a headscissors and a dropkick for 2.  Sheamus lands a kick to the gut and tags Del Rio in.  Morrison connects with a shoulder block and a kick, then hits a side Russian leg sweep.  Moirrison goes for Starship Pain, but Sheamus pulls Del Rio to safety.  Commercials.  Del Rio has Morrison in a chin lock, since the heels used heel chicanery to get the advantage during the break.  Morrison plays face in peril.  Michael Tarver is watching on TV backstage.  Sheamus puts a vicious meeting on Morrison and goes for the brogue kick.  Morrison ducks it and lands an enzuigiri.  Del Rio and Henry tag in.  Henry runs wild.  Sheamus breaks Henry’s cover on Del Rio.  Henry breaks Sheamus’ head.  Sheamus drops Henry with the brogue kick.  Morrison drops Sheamus with the Flying Chuck, then hits a dive to the outside.  Del Rio gets Henry in the Minoru Special for the win in 10:05.  Good little match.

Tonight, Barrett vs. Punk!  Next, Natalya vs. Melina!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Natalya (c) vs. Melina.  They lock up.  There is screaming.  Melina tackles Natalya through the ropes and to the floor.  Back inside, Melina works Natalya’s hair.  Ugh.  Cover gets 2.  Melina applies a weird arm scissors hold.  Natalya stands up and rams Melina into the corner.  Melina kicks Natalya in the head.  Natalya hits a botched hip toss and a throw.  Melina lands a clothesline.  Melina goes for a leg drop through the legs.  Natalya catches her leg and turns it into a Sharpshooter.  Natalya bridges all the way back and gets the submission in 2:44.  I like the finish.  Reminded me of Bret/Perfect from SummerSlam ’91.  Michelle McCool and Layla come out.  Fucking ugh.  They’re fucking obnoxious.  They say they’re getting a title shot at the Rumble.  Ugh.

Tonight, Edge vs. Miz.  Commercials.

Detroit!

Highlights of Punk vs. Cena from last week.

CM Punk lectures The New Nexus about sacrifice, because they’re supposed to sacrifice their chances to win the Rumble for him.  They have questions, but Punk is unconcerned.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley interrupt.  Stupid comedy ensues, then Cena tries to get serious, then makes another lame joke.  Cena and Matthews leave.  Miz is mad that everyone thinks he’s going to lose at the Rumble.  They show the video of Miz and Riley beating down Randy Orton last week.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. World Heavyweight Champion Edge.  Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero come out to do commentary.  Ugh.  Edge avoids some kicks from Miz and beats him up.  They do a little wrestling.  Edge clotheslines Miz out of the ring.  Commercials.  Miz connects with a knee lift and targets Edge’s injured ribs.  Cover gets 2.  Edge rallies and connects with a neckbreaker.  I hate matches that focus on the fucking announcers.  Edge goes for the spear, but Miz bails.  Edge follows and they brawl outside.  Edge reverses Miz’s Irish whip into the barricade.  Back inside, Edge goes up top.  Miz cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Edge fights him off and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Edge beats up Miz.  Miz avoids Edge in the corner, then front suplexes him into the ropes.  Commercials.  Miz beats up Edge and continues working on his ribs.  Edge hits a flapjack and makes his comeback.  Edge hits his wonky face plant move for 2.  Edge avoids the running clothesline the corner and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Riley bothers Edge, so Edge goes after him.  Miz gets a distracted Edge with an inside cradle for 2.  Edge ducks a clothesline and hits a baseball slide dropkick on Riley.  Edge gives Miz the Edgecution and goes for the spear.  Ziggler trips Edge to cause the DQ in 16:39, then hits the Zig Zag.  Randy Orton runs in to make the save.  He drops Riley and Ziggler, then kicks Miz’s ass.  Orton drops Riley and Ziggler with RKOs.  Miz takes out Orton’s knee with Riley’s briefcase, then runs away.  The match was okay.

Tonight, Barrett vs. Punk!  Commercials.

Josh Matthews interviews Wade Barrett.  The rest of the Corre comes in.  Barrett says they’re all equals.  He again professes their innocence regarding what happened to Teddy Long.  He says he respects John Cena.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan & The Bella Twins vs. Ted Dibiase Jr., Maryse, & Alicia Fox.  Bryan and Dibiase lock up.  Dibiase lands a shoulder block.  Bryan leap frogs Dibiase and hits a hip toss.  Maryse tags herself in and orders Dibiase out.  One of the Bellas schools Maryse while the other flirts with Bryan.  Maryse schoolgirls the Bella for the pin in 1:01.  That was pointless.  The Bellas argue.

Barrett vs. Punk TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Detroit!

Royal Rumble hype.

The Bellas argue backstage.  There’s another Michael Tarver sighting.  They go into Daniel Bryan’s locker room and find him making out with Gail Kim.  Bryan’s a pimp!  He says they’ve been dating for 6 months, but keeping it quit.  They thought he was a virgin, but he’s a vegan.  They’re dumb and pointless, and he felt sorry for them.  A catfight breaks out.  One of the Bellas decks Bryan in the process.

New Nexus come out.  The tag titles are on the line NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

This week on Smackdown, Miz & Ziggler vs. Rated RKO!

It’s announced that Cole was an idiot before and this isn’t a tag title match.

Non-Title: Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris of The New Nexus (w/ David Otunga & Mason Ryan) vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina).  McGillicutty beats up Kozlov.  Kozlov takes him down and tags in Santino.  Santino gets a side headlock takeover.  The next thing of note that he gets is his head taken off with an enzui lariat.  Nexus get the heat on Marella.  Santino tries to make the tag, but Harris knocks Kozlov off the apron.  Santino rallies and makes his comeback on Harris.  Santino goes for the Cobra.  McGillicutty distracts him.  Harris mauls Santino with a lariat, then hits a Complete Shot for the pin in 3:49.  Well, there ya go.  Otunga gets on the mic, puts over his boys, and introduces CM Punk.

John Cena gets a referee shirt on his way to the ring.  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

CM Punk (w/ David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Husky Harris, & Mason Ryan) vs. Wade Barrett (w/ Ezekiel Jackson, Justin Gabriel, & Heath Slater).  John Cena is the referee.  Cena ejects the New Nexus and Corre before the match.  The match finally starts, then Cena shoves Punk and begs him to punch him, then slaps Barrett for good measure.  Punk beats down Barrett and throws him over the top rope to eliminate him from the Royal Rumble.  Punk yells that that’s he’ll do to Cena on Sunday.  Cena eliminates Punk from the Rumble.  Punk threatens to punch Cena.  Barrett beats up Punk.  Cena goes outside to sign autographs.  Barrett yells at him for missing a cover.  Punk attacks Barrett again.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena stops the match in 1:58.  He DQs both of them from “excessive profanity on a PG show,” so both teams are out of the Rumble.  That’s kind of funny.  iBooker dings in.  Cole reads that Cena abused his power, so everybody’s in the Rumble.  Well that’s a jip.  iBooker says Cena has to apologize, or he’s out of the Rumble.  Cena goes back to the ring, “apologizes,” and decks both of them.  The Corre and The New Nexus hit the ring, so Cena bails.  A couple of guys go after Cena and a brawl breaks out.  The locker room empties as Big Show, Santino Marella, Vladimir Kozlov, Daniel Bryan, Yoshi Tatsu, R-Truth, John Morrison, and Mark Henry come out.  Everybody brawls as the show closes.

Fun show.  Not great, but fun.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/17/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 17, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, annual Martin Luther King Jr. day video.  We are LIVE in Little Rock, Arkansas.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

John Cena comes to the ring.  They show him getting beaten up by the New Nexus 3 weeks ago.  Cena talks about said event, promises to win the Royal Rumble and go to WrestleMania, then calls out CM Punk.  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out instead.  He rants about whatever for a minute, then announces that this year’s Royal Rumble will be 40 men instead of 30.  Why is it his job to announce that?  Miz advises whoever wins the Rumble to go after the other champion instead.  Cena makes some lame jokes, then talks about the times that Miz would have lost the title to Lawler and Orton if Cole and Riley hadn’t interfered.  Then he makes more lame jokes.  He says “poopy noises” on national TV.  Yes, he said that.  They banter for a while.  Cena says that the main event at Mania will be Cena vs. Orton.  I fucking hope not.  The New Nexus come out.  Punk cuts a promo on Cena, then sends Husky Harris, Michael McGillicutty, and David Otunga to the ring.  They attack Cena.  WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov make the save.  Yes, I’m serious.  Punk decides to try different odds and all 4 of the New Nexus head to the ring.  Cole gets an e-mail from the iBooker.  iBooker bans Nexus from ringside during tonight’s Cena/Punk match on pain of not being in the Royal Rumble.

Tonight, Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton!  Commercials.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (c) (w/ Tamina) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  No entrances, but we get in ring entrances.  Santino and Jimmy go at it.  The Usos cut Santino off and get the heat on him.  Kozlov tags the tag and beats up Jey.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kozlov goes for the Iron Curtain, but Jey counters.  Santino tags in and hits the Cobra for the pin in 2:33.  This was nothing.

The New Nexus bicker amongst themselves backstage.  CM Punk comes in and smiles creepily at them, then says “faith.”

John Morrison is headed our way.  He encounters WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan and The Bella Twins.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: John Morrison vs. Sheamus from last week.

John Morrison hype video.

Non-Title: John Morrison vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins).  They lock up and do a sweet chain wrestling sequence.  That always brings joy to my heart.  Danielson does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick.  Morison is sent outside.  Bryan slides out.  They both slide back in and do the stalemate post.  Commercials.  Morrison has Danielson grounded.  That’s backwards.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep and takes too long going for the Starship Pain.  Danielson avoids it and kills him with a Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock, but fails.  Double cross body spot.  They trade strikes.  Morrison lands on his feet from a German suplex and hits a Frankensteiner.  Bryan rolls through for 2.  Cradle counter sequence.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock again.  Morrison counters and catapults him into the corner.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the running knee strike for the pin in 7:22.  Really good little match.  King Sheamus comes out and cuts a promo about how he made Morrison because Morrison had to turn up his game to deal with Sheamus.  He promises to conquer “turdy-nine” other men at the Royal Rumble.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Next, Ziggler vs. Orton!

Slam of the Week: Randy Orton & Jerry Lawler defeating The Miz & Alex Riley last week.  Commercials.

Little Rock!

Stand Up For WWE.  This bullshit again?

The Bella Twins talk about how hot John Morrison is.  Then they argue over who’s going to Bryan’s “first.”  I knew he was a virgin.  They make a bet on who AmDrag will nail first.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream in her awful voice.  She introduces Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Randy Orton.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  They lock up.  Ziggler backs Orton into the corner and cheap shots him to get the advantage.  Orton hits an Austin-style Lou Thesz press with punches.  Orton explodes out of the corner with a clothesline and starts to put a beating on Ziggler.  Orton hits the Albert decapitator thing for 2, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Ziggler rallies and dropkicks Orton’s knee for 2.  Ziggler goes to work on the knee, stomping on it and wrapping it around the ring post.  Orton rallies and beats up Ziggler some.  Ziggler lands a dropkick for 2.  They trade blows.  Orton hits the 3.0.  Orton side steps Ziggler, who crashes into the corner.  Orton makes his comeback.  Ziggler slips out of the DDT OF MURDER and takes out Orton’s knee.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Orton goes for the Angle Slam, but Ziggler slips out and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Orton manages to get a rope break.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Orton holds onto the top rope.  Orton his the RKO for the pin in 8:28.  Good match.  The Miz and Alex Riley immediately jump Orton.  Miz throws Orton into the steps, then tears up the announce table.  Lawler confronts him and decks Riley.  Miz throws Lawler over the barricade.  Orton tries to fight back.  Miz kicks his injured knee, then rams his back into the post, then they through him through a gimmicked part of the barricade.  How dastardly!  Miz creepily says his catchphrase.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Moments ago, ^^^ happened.

CM Punk lectures The New Nexus about faith.

Eve Torres and Melina have joined Cole for commentary.

Non-Title: Maryse vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  They face off.  Maryse slaps Natalya.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  Maryse gets away, then hits some weird face plant for 1.  Melina applies a chin lock.  Shit goes on.  Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter for the win in 1:39.  At least that’s over.  Maryse screams at Cole for some reason.  Eve shoves her and leaves.  Maryse screams some more.  Ted Dibiase Jr. shows up.  Maryse yells at him.  Dibiase says he’ll win the Royal Rumble.  Well that’s just silly.  He challenges anyone to an over the top rope challenge.  Commercials.

Over The Top Rope Challenge: Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Mark Henry.  Dibiase attacks.  Henry rallies and squashes him in the corner.  Dibiase lands a dropkick.  Henry throws him out of the ring for the win in 27 seconds.  Tyson Kidd, Yoshi Tatsu, and William Regal hit the ring.  Henry tosses Yoshi quickly.  Regal and Kidd beat down Henry.  They are quickly joined by Zack Ryder, Primo, David Hart Smith, Darren Young, and R-Truth.  Everybody brawls in an unsanctioned Battle Royal.  Sheamus joins the fight and eliminates everyone but Henry.  Lawler rejoins Cole on commentary.  Henry eliminates Sheamus to win a moral victory.  Alberto Del Rio comes out and cuts a promo about how it’s his destiny to win the Rumble.

Tonight, Cena vs. Punk!  Commercials.

There’s a stupid vignette with Derrick Bateman trying to sell Mark Henry’s body odor.  Yes.

Cole and Lawler bicker, then we get the awesome annual Rumble “By The Numbers” video!

Hype for the Rumble title matches.

Cole announces next week’s main event, Edge vs. The Miz in a champion vs. champion match.

John Cena gives some guy a DVD and some instructions.  He’ll face Punk NEXT!  Commercials.

CM Punk comes out with the New Nexus.  He stares at them.  They salute him, then leave.  I guess this was to show how creepy Punk is.  They show the initiations from last week.

CM Punk vs. John Cena.  They stare at each other.  Cena beats up Punk.  Punk lands a stiff kick to Punk’s shoulder, the baseball slide dropkicks him out of the ring.  Commercials.  This late in the show?  That’s weird.  Punk has Cena in a figure-four headlock.  Cena stands up.  Punk slips off and hits a DDT for 2.  Punk keeps the heat going on Cena.  Cena makes his comeback.  Punk counters out of the Attitude Adjusment and lands a dropkick for 2.  Punk hits the knee to the corner and the bulldog for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Cena counters into the STF.  Punk gets a rope break.  Double clothesline spot.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment again.  Punk gets out and lands a high kick to the head.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for 2.  Punk counters the AA again and hits a Complete Shot, then locks in a Koji Clutch like hold that is incorrectly called the Anaconda Vice.  Cena fights his way to a rope break.  Cena rolls to the apron.  Punk boots him to the floor.  Punk goes for a slingshot dive.  Cena catches him, rams him into the post, and sets him back in the ring.  Cena goes to the top rope.  Punk cuts him off and tries to set something up.  Cena headbutts Punk to the mat and hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Some big dude (Mason Ryan) appears to distract Cena.  Punk kicks Cena in the head.  Punk spears his arm wide and smiles.  Big dude gives him a boot the face, so Punk wins by DQ in 15:42.  Okay match.  Ryan gives Cena a side Rock Bottom.  Otunga, McGillicutty, and Harris come out to protect Punk.  Ryan gets down on one knee.  Punk gives him a Nexus armband.  New Nexus all raise their arms as the show ends.

Pretty good show.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/10/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 1, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Tonight, John Cena speaks!

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Tamina) come out for a title defense, but they are attacked by The Nexus!  Justin Gabriel, Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris put a beating on the champions.  The new Nexus leader CM Punk comes into direct traffic.  They dispose of the champs, then Punk cuts a promo.  He babbles about Cena and whatnot, then says that tonight he will initiate himself as the leader of the New Nexus.  But he says that first, the other members will be inducted.  McGillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a Nexus beatdown.   Otunga gives him a spinebuster.  Slater gives him the necktie.  Harris gives him the senton.  Gabriel gives him the 450 splash.  Punk gives him the Go 2 Sleep.  So I guess McGillicutty is in.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio is introduced by his personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  Truth goes on the attack.  He lands corner punches, then Del Rio powers out and kicks his ass.  Del Rio hits a lung blower for 2.  There’s fog in the arena.  Del Rio beats on Truth.  Truth hits a flying headscissors and makes his comeback.  Truth clotheslines Del Rio, sending them both to the floor.  They brawl on the floor.  Rodriguez distracts Truth by yelling “What’s up!” a lot.  Truth decks him.  Del Rio beats the count back into the ring to win it in 1:50.  I like that Del Rio’s new gimmick is winning by count-out.  Del Rio says he’ll win the Royal Rumble, then rips on Nashville and country music.  He makes Rodriguez sing “La Cucaracha.”  This was pretty dumb.

Tonight, Cena speaks!  Also, Morrison vs. Sheamus!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Miz beating the shit out of Jerry Lawler 2 weeks ago.

The announcers bicker.  The short version is that Lawler thinks Miz is a cocksucker and Cole wants to suck Miz’s cock.  The iBooker dings in.  Cole reads a declaration that puts Cole over.  Lawler calls bullshit on it.  He wants to kick Cole’s ass, but can’t because of the order the GM made a while back.  The GM dings in again and books Miz & Riley vs. Orton & Lawler for tonight.  Other than that good news, this segment was dumb.

CM Punk lectures The New Nexus backstage.  Harris is next.  His initiation is to be whipped by the other members.  It happens.  I’m disturbed.  Punk whips him more than the agreed upon 3 times, because he’s a bastard.  Commercials.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) & Tyson Kidd.  No entrances for anyone.  Bryan and Dibiase go at it.  Bryan shines.  Kidd cheap shots him on the outside.  Bryan plays face in peril.  He rallies and makes the hot tag to Henry.  Henry runs wild on Kidd.  Kidd avoids a charge in the corner.  Dibiase and Kidd hit Henry with a double dropkick.  Henry stays standing and clotheslines them, then hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Kidd for the pin in 2:44.  Fun while it lasted.

Tonight, Miz & Riley vs. Orton & Kidd!

The Big Show is headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE Slam of the Week: Jacob Novak being eliminated from NXT last week, then being bashed by his pro, Dolph Ziggler.

The Big Show comes out to cut a promo.  He says he will knock out Wade Barrett on Smackdown, then starts to talk about the Royal Rumble.  The members of the New Nexus who haven’t been abused yet come out.  Apparently Otunga’s initiation is to fight Big Show.  He stupidly slaps Show.  Show beats the shit out of him and chokeslams him and gives him the KO punch  So I guess Otunga is in.

Tonight, Cena speaks!  Next, John Morrison takes on Sheamus!  Commercials!

They show highlights of the Miz/Morrison match from last week.

John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  They lock up and do a tiny bit of chain wrestling!  The screen goes black for a second.  They start brawling.  Sheamus puts a beating on Morrison.  Morrison fights back, then eats a nasty elbow smash.  Cover gets 2.  Sheamus works over Morrison’s back.  Morrison gets a cradle for 2, then goes for a backslide.  He fails, but lands a running elbow smash and mounts his comeback.  Sheamus cuts him off, but Morrison lands a Pele kick and goes for the Starship Pain.  Sheamus pushes him off the top to the floor.  Commercials.  Sheamus works a shoulder hold.  Morrison fights out.  Sheamus hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Sheamus sets Morrison on the apron and beats on him from the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus reapplies the shoulder hold.  Morrison rallies and tries to come back again.  Sheamus ducks the Flying Chuck and charges.  Morrison low birdges him out of the ring and goes for a dive.  Sheamus catches him with a kick to the ribs.  Sheamus front suplexes Morrison onto the steps.  Back inside, Sheamus goes for the brogue kick.  Morrison falls down, so Sheamus settles for kicking him in the back.  Sheamus goes for a superplex.  Morrison drops down and pulls Sheamus’ head into the post.  Morrison hits the knee strike for the pin in 12:05.  Pretty good match.

They show tonight’s various Nexus initiations.

Backstage, CM Punk tells Heath Slater and Justin Gabriel that their initiation is to beat each other with Singapore canes.  They refuse and leave, because they don’t share Punk’s weird masochistic fetish.

The first inductee of the Hall of Fame Class of 2011 will be announced NEXT!  Commercials.

Nashville!

Jerry Lawler is in the ring to introduce the video that will announce the Hall of Famer.  It’s… Shawn Michaels!  The show a video package, then Michaels himself comes out.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to talk shit to him.  Michaels superkicks him, then dances around.  Well, it made the people happy.

Tonight, Miz & Riley vs. Orton & Lawler!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are backstage.  Riley is psyched, but Miz is all pissy that Randy Orton is more popular than him.  The picture flickers again.  They say “fait accompli” a lot, then Miz teaches catchphrase etiquette.

Michael Cole is in the ring babbling about John Cena.  CM Punk is on top of the TitanTron.  He talks for a while.  He teases that his “ultimate sacrifice” will be jumping off the Tron, then reveals that he’s wearing a harness, then laughs about how stupid everyone is.  The real stupid ones are the writers who wrote this show.  Harris, McGillicutty, and Otunga come out. Punk joins them in the ring and keeps talking.  John Cena appears on the screen and spouts of silly scripted material.  He challenges Punk to a match next week.  Punk accepts.  It’s on!

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Josh Matthews is now on commentary with Cole.

WWE Champion The Miz & Alex Riley vs. Randy Orton & Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Lawler and Riley start.  Lawler goes after Miz, so Riley jumps him from behind.  Miz tags in once Lawler is down.  Lawler starts kicking his ass, so Miz bails.  Lawler chases him and kicks his ass on the outside.  Back inside, Orton and Riley tag in.  Orton kicks Riley’s ass.  Miz tags in and Orton kicks his ass too.  Lawler tags in and blasts Miz with punches.  Miz boots Lawler in the face and pounds on him.  The referee chastises Miz for winning on Lawler.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Miz hits the running clothesline to the corner.  Commercial.  Now?  I’ve never seen a commercial this late in the show.  Lawler fights out an arm hold and brawls with Riley.  Orton gets the hot tag as Miz distracts the referee, so it doesn’t count.  Miz tags in, knocks Orton off the apron, then sets up Lawler for the Skull Crushing Finale.  Orton hits the RKO behind the referee’s back.  Lawler covers, but Riley saves.  Riley and Orton tag in.  Orton runs wild.  3.0.  DDT OF MURDER.  Orton sets up the RKO.  Miz distracts him, which angers him.  Riley tries to jump Orton, but eats the RKO.  Orton frightens Miz, then tags in Lawler.  Orton stares down Miz while Lawler hits the diving fist drop on Riley for the pin in 11:21.  There ya go.

Next week, Cena vs. Punk!

This show was fun in some ways, and stupid in others. At least I’ve finally watched it and I’m a little less behind.

WWE Superstars 1/6/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 25, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Jack Korpela and Matt Striker are the first announcers.  Tony Chimel is the first ring announcer.

JTG vs. Tyler Reks.  They lock up.  Reks takes JTG outside and beats him up.  JTG shines back inside.  Reks bails.  JTG goes for a slingshot dive.  Reks trips him.  JTG kicks him away and pounds on him at ringside.  Back inside, Reks catches JTG with a knee lift and goes to work on him.  Reks pulls JTG’s ribs into the post.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Reks works over JTG’s injured midsection.  JTG makes his comeback and dropkicks Reks into the corner.  JTG gets a reverse cradle for 2.  JTG gets a wonky cradle out of the corner for 2.  Reks cuts JTG off with another knee lift.  JTG rallies and keeps rolling.  JTG rolls Reks into the corner and hits a corner dropkick for 2.  Reks pulls JTG’s head across the top rope and hits the Burning Hammer for the pin in 6:04.  Okay little match.

Tonight, Daniel Bryan & Mark Henry vs. Tyson Kidd & Ted Dibiase Jr.~!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Chris Masters vs. Curt Hawkins.  They lock up.  Hawkins grabs a side headlock.  Masters tosses him off.  Hawkins stupidly tries it again.  Masters reverses it.  They go into the ropes.  Hawkins takes a cheap shot at Masters’ arm, then hits a suplex for 2.  Hawkins hits a backdrop suplex and kicks Masters in the back.  Cover gets 2.  Hawkins applies a rear chin lock.  Masters breaks free and hits a Samoan drop.  Masters gets rolling and goes for the Master Lock.  Hawkins sends him in to the corner and tries to climb the ropes.  Masters locks in the Master Lock for the win in 3:34.  Adequate.

NXT recap.

Tonight, Bryan & Henry vs. Kidd & Dibiase!  Commercials!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Scott Stanford and Josh Matthews are now the announcers.  Justin Roberts is now the ring announcer.

Yoshi Tatsu vs. Zack Ryder.  They lock up.  Ryder grabs a hammerlock, then breaks and acts like a tool.  Yoshi kicks him in the leg, then chops the piss out of him and punches him.  Yoshi hits some nice hip tosses and a dropkick for 2.  Ryder bails.  Yoshi hits him with a slingshot dive.  Back inside, Yoshi goes up top.  Ryder drops him across the top rope.  Yoshi takes a bump to the floor.  Ryder gets the heat with his pounding and rest holds and such.  Yoshi gets a crucifix hold for 1.  Ryder lands a forearm smash, then pushes Yoshi into the rope with his leg.  I never know how to describe that kind of stuff.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker for 2, then stretches Yoshi across his knee with a chin lock.  They trade boots.  Yoshi fires a chop, then throws Ryder into the post.  Yoshi makes his comeback.  Ryder ducks a spin kick and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Yoshi ducks the Rough Ryder and lands a perfect high kick for the pin in 4:54.  Fun little match.

Still to come, Bryan & Henry vs. Kidd & Dibiase!  Commercials.

Dolph Ziggler hype video.

Raw Rebound.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Mark Henry vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) & Tyson Kidd.  Bryan and Kidd start with a great chain wrestling sequence.  Kidd lands on his feet after being monkey flipped.  Bryan dropkicks him.  Henry and Dibiase tag in.  Dibiase slaps Henry.  That’s just stupid.  Henry kicks his ass.  Henry squashed Dibiase in the corner.  Kidd comes in.  Henry kicks his ass too.  Henry clotheslines both opponents to the floor.  Bryan tags in.  Henry press slams him out of the ring onto the opponents.  Bryan and Henry are rolling!  Commercials!  Dibiase and Kidd have gained the initiative.  They get the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Kidd do a double cross body spot.  Henry gets the hot tag and runs wild until Kidd avoids the big splash.  Dibiase tags in and works over Henry.  Kidd tags in.  Henry back body drops him.  Dibiase and Bryan tag in.  Bryan runs wild on Dibiase.  Bryan goes for a dive off the top, but Dibiase catches him with a dropkick.  Kidd tags in and goes for the Sharpshooter.  Bryan turns it into a cradle for 1.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Dibiase saves.  Henry takes Dibiase out.  Bryan lands a dropkick and goes for the LeBell Lock again.  Kidd counters and hits the spinning Fisherman buster deal for the pin in 12:44.  Very fun match.

Fun show.  The main event was really good.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/27/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 6, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Albany, New York.

John Cena comes out to talk.  They show CM Punk attacking Cena with a chair last week.  He thinks Punk is mad because Cena spilled his soda.  They show Punk attacking Cena again on Smackdown.  Cena calls Punk out.  CM Punk does indeed come out to the stage.  Punk says it’s not about the soda, it’s about how Cena kept coming back after he was fired and how he buried Wade Barrett under chairs at the PPV.  The banter.  Punk brings up how Cena ended Batista’s career and how he insults Vickie Guerrero.  Cena says Batista quit of his own accord, then makes fun of Michael Cole and himself.  Punk says Cena’s barbaric behavior will stop.  Cena says it’s not.  He challenges Punk to a match.  Punk declines because he wants to call Cena out instead of vice versa.  He says he has a surprise for Cena tonight.  He wishes everyone a happy new year.  I didn’t get into the promos, but I’m still looking forward to this program.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  The Miz vs. Jerry Lawler!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella (w/ Tamina).  Santino throws some silly kicks.  Dibiase decks him and kicks his ass.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Santino avoids a dropkick and pins Dibiase with a prawn hold in 1:03.  Santino has a Christmas gift for Tamina.  It’s the Cobra.  Dibiase and Maryse jump them from behind.  Santino and Tamina clean house and hit stereo jumping headbutts, then hit them with Cobras.  This was silly and pointless.

WWE Champion The Miz lectures Alex Riley backstage.  Riley is facing John Morrison tonight.  Morrison comes in and proposes the stipulation that if he beats Riley tonight, he gets to pick the time and stipulation for his title match, and promises to forfeit the #1 Contendership if he loses.  Miz agrees.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

John Morrison vs. Alex Riley (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  They lock up.  Morrison grabs a hammerlock and eats an elbow to the face.  They brawl a bit.  Morrison hits a backbreaker and a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Miz distracts Morrison, allowing Riley to get the advantage.  Riley gets his heat going and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Morrison fights out.  Riley hits a lousy backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a clothesline for 2.  Riley applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Morrison fights out and makes his comeback.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Miz trips him.  The referee ejects Miz.  Riley gets a schoolboy for 2.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the running knee for the pin in 4:42.  Fine little match.  Morrison tells Lawler that his title match is going to be next week in a Falls Count Anywhere Match.  Cole throws a hissy fit.

Tonight, Sheamus vs. Orton!  CM Punk vows to call out John Cena!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

WWE Champion The Miz bitches Alex Riley out backstage.

CM Punk lectures a camera man.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan chats with the Bella Twins backstage.  Tyson Kidd and Jackson Andrews come in.  Tyson says he’ll be the next United States Champion.  He’s facing Mark Henry tonight.

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  Commercials.

Josh Matthews has replaced Lawler on commentary.

Mark Henry vs. Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews).  Henry mauls Kidd.  Kidd avoids being sat on and hits a basement dropkick.  Kidd clamps on a front face lock.  Henry tosses him away and makes his comeback.  Henry goes for a corner splash, but eats boots.  Kidd comes off the top, but Henry catches him and hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 2:06.  I wasn’t expecting that.  Jackson Andrews goes face to face with Henry.  Henry gives him the World’s Strongest Slam too.  I wasn’t expecting Tyson and his big dude to be jobbed out right here.

They show Jerry Lawler pinned The Miz in the six-man tag last week after Randy Orton delivered the RKO to Miz.  Miz vs. Lawler TONIGHT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo.  He does the annoying shit where he says the same sentence 39,489 times in a row, but he does call the crowd on that stupid “WHAT?” bullshit.  Seriously, of all the good that Steve Austin contributed to the business, that almost undoes all of it.

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  They lock up.  Miz takes Lawler down and walks on his back, then prances around like a retarded fairy.  They lock up again.  Miz hits a shoulder block.  They lock up a third time.  Miz backs Lawler into the corner.  Lawler ducks the cheap shot and grabs a headlock.  Lawler lands some shoulder blocks.  Miz hides in the ropes.  Miz takes Lawler down and slaps his head.  Miz works Lawler over.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Lawler tries to fight out, but Miz throws him down.  Miz keeps beating on Lawler.  Riley trips Lawler just to be a dick.  Miz puts the boots to Lawler.  Miz tauntingl throws some half assed kicks.  Lawler tries to fight back.  Miz beats him down and taunts him.  Riley gets in his cheap shots when it is convenient.  Miz warms up for the corner clothesline.  John Morrison comes out to distract Miz.  Miz hits the corner clothesline.  Lawler avoids a second one and falls into the ropes.  Lawler avoids a shot and Miz crotches himself.  Lawler makes his comeback.  Lawler hits 3 dropkicks and covers for 2.  Miz slips out of a body slam and slams Lawler into the corner.  Lawler avoids a shot.  Miz pulls Lawler’s head across the top rope and tries to go up top.  Lawler kicks him down and Miz face plants into the steps.  Riley tries to interfere and distracts the referee.  Morrison hits Miz with the knee strike.  Lawler wins by count-out in 9:36.  This was boring.

King Sheamus admires his crown backstage.  CM Punk shows up to chat with him.  He wants Sheamus to watch whatever he does to John Cena tonight.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.  Lawler is back on commentary now.  WWE Divas Champion Natalya has joined them at the table.

Melina & Alicia Fox vs. Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Fox and Eve do some shit.  Fox gets her knees up on a standing moonsault attempt.  Cover gets 2.  Melina tags in and beats up Eve.  Eve rallies and makes the hot tag to Gail Kim.  Gail runs wild.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Melina counters Gail’s move and hits the Sunset Split for the pin in 2:30.  There ya go.  Natalya gets in the ring to discuss matters with Melina.  Melina offers a handshake, then tries to deck Natalya.  Natalya blocks it and decks Melina.  Again, there ya go.

CM Punk lectures the trainers backstage.

Tonight, CM Punk vows to call out John Cena.  Also, King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton!  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Zack Ryder.  JIP.  Bryan escapes a side headlock, but Ryder hits a shoulder block.  Bryan does a leap frog and a hip toss.  Ryder gets Bryan down and hits the face wash in the corner for 2.  Ryder hits a neckbreaker for 2.  He goes for another one, but Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win (1:11 shown).  That’s all the Bryan we get?  Lame.

Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  While he’s reading it, The Miz appears and jumps Jerry Lawler.  That dick!  Miz beats the hell out of Lawler and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.  Even Cole doesn’t condone this, and he spends every show talking about how good Miz’s cock tastes.  Josh Matthews has rejoined Cole at the table.

King Sheamus vs. Randy Orton.  They lock up.  Sheamus backs Orton into the corner.  They take turns punching each other in the corner.  Orton hits an Austin-style Lou Thesz press and punches.  Sheamus avoids a knee drop and hits a shoulder block.  Sheamus beats on Orton and and applies a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out and hits a short lariat for 2.  Orton hits a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus kicks Orton in the knee and works him over.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Sheamus counters and sends Orton to the apron.  Orton low bridges Sheamus out of the ring.  They brawl outside.  Orton takes a bump into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Commercials.  Sheamus has Orton in a neck & shoulder hold.  Orton fights out.  Sheamus hits a running powerslam for 2.  Sheamus keeps the heat going on Orton.  Orton sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post, then pulls him up in the top rope and hits a superplex for 2.  They trade punches.  Orton wins the exchange and gets rolling.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Sheamus hits the uranage backbreaker for 2.  Orton ducks the brogue kick.  Sheamus avoids the RKO and drops Orton with a blow to the head.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Orton slips out and hits the 3.0.  Orton humps the mat.  Sheamus avoids the DDT OF MURDER and goes for the slingshot shoulder block.  Orton catches him midair with the RKO for the pin in 14:26.  Good match.

John Cena is headed our way.  Commercials.

Albany!

Next week, The Miz vs. John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere Match for the WWE Championship!

John Cena comes out and rants about “CM Sucks.”  He calls out Punk.  Wasn’t the whole idea that Punk was supposed to call Cena out?  Punk’s music plays, but he doesn’t come out.  Cena says he’ll go find “CM Sucks.”  The Nexus come out, minus Barrett.  David Otunga gets in the ring as Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris stand at ringside.  Otunga says Nexus is under new management.  He offers Cena truce.  Cena doesn’t trust him at all.  Nexus start to leave, then come back and attack Cena.  Everyone gives Cena their finish.  Nexus head up the ramp.  CM Punk comes out and gives Cena the Go 2 Sleep.  He teases hitting Cena with a chair.  Instead he sits in the chair and puts on a Nexus armband.  Punk and Nexus salute each other as the show fades to black.

Okay show.  I don’t really get the point of Punk joining Nexus.

WWE Tribute To The Troops 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, comments from President Barack Obama, Tribute To The Troops intro video.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Fort Hood, Texas.  Very cool set.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Battle Royal featuring John Morrison, Mark Henry, Ezekiel Jackson, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Sheamus, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, WWE Tag Team Champion Vladimir Kozlov, WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Husky Harris, and Michael McGillicutty.  The other 10 guys surround The Nexus and kick their ass.  Nexus bails without being eliminated.  The other guys fight amongst themselves.  Masters tries to put the Master Lock on Sheamus, but fails and gets clotheslined over the top rope by the King of the Ring.  Daniel Bryan jumps on Sheamus’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Sheamus breaks free.  Several near eliminations.  Rhodes and Chavo team up to eliminate Big Zeke.  Santino hits everybody with the Cobra.  Sheamus drops him with the Polish Hammer.  Henry and Sheamus start to go at it, but Nexus come back in and jump both of them.  Nexus dump Santino, then Kozlov.  Nexus eliminate Chavo.  Rhodes tries to make friends with Nexus, but is eliminated by his NXT Season 2 rookie Husky Harris.  Bryan, Sheamus, Henry, and Morrrison face off against Nexus.  Bryan back body drops Gabriel out of the ring.  Sheamus gives Bryan the brogue kick and eliminates him.  Morrison eliminates Otunga.  Sheamus jumps Morrison from behind.  Morrison hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Harris drops Morrison with a lariat.  Slater and McGillicutty try to dump Morrison, but he rallies.  He tries to springboard, but McGillicutty knocks him to the floor to eliminate him.  Henry throws Slater out of the ring.  Henry throws out McGillicutty and Harris.  Sheamus jumps Henry from behind and attacks his knee.  Henry hulks up and makes his comeback.  Henry charges the corner and eats a boot.  Sheamus goes to the top rope.  Henry press slams him to the floor and wins the Battle Royal in 10:45.  Fun times.

Lots more still to come!

Comments from Taylor Swift.  Commercials.

The Bella Twins welcome us back to the show.

Diddy Dirty Money perform.

Still to come: John Cena!  Trace Adkins!  Sherri Shepherd!  Rey Mysterio!  Cedric the Entertainer!  Randy Orton!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Miss USA Rima Fakih does an awful job of playing guest ring announcer for the next match.

The Big Show & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger.  Ziggler takes a shot at Show, so Show kicks his ass and throws him around.  Kofi tags in and gets a 2 count on Ziggler.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and lands some corner punches and a European uppercut.  Kofi gets sent to the apron.  He tries to springboard, but Swagger pulls him down and drops his face on the apron.  Back inside, Ziggler covers for 2.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Ziggler goes for the Fameasser, but Kofi turns it into a powerbomb.  Sweet.  Show and Swagger tag in.  Show runs wild.  Ziggler charges show and gets flapjacked.  Kofi takes Ziggler out of the ring.  Show chokeslams Swagger for the pin in 4:11.  Fine for what it was.

Still to come, a divas match!  George W. Bush!  Next, Trace Adkins!  Commercials.

Comments from Kobe Bryant.

Trace Adkins performs.

Still to come, more Diddy Dirty Money!  Plus, a big six-man tag!  Commercials!

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Truth lands some hard slaps and yells “WHAT’S UP?!”  Truth does some flips and lands a side kick.  Dibiase finally manages to hot shot Truth into the top rope to get the advantage.  Dibiase lands some knee drops and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth escapes with a backdrop suplex and makes his comeback.  Maryse gets on the apron.  Eve pulls her down.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Truth counters out and hits the scissors kick for the pin in 2:58.  It was there.

Lots of entertainment still to come!  Commercials.

Santa’s Helpers Match: WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins vs. Michelle McCool, Layla, Melina, & Alicia Fox.  Fox works over one of the Bellas.  She hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Melina tags in and keeps up the heat.  Kelly and McCool tag in.  Kelly amazingly doesn’t hurt herself running wild.  Typical diva match shit.  Kelly hits her K2 thing.  Melina saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kelly gives McCool a (more proper) K2 for the pin in 3:02.  It made the people happy.

Up next, more Diddy Dirty Money!

Comments from the cast of 30 Rock.  Commercials.

Earlier today, Sherri Shepherd and Hornswoggle came out and did nothing.

Comments from former President George W. Bush.  They show troops holding his book.

Diddy Dirty Money perform again.

Up next, an arm wrestling contest between a Major General and Kane!  Commercials!

Comments from Lindsey Vonn, who won an Olympic Gold Medal in something.

Major General William Grimsley and Kane have an arm wrestling match.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out in a flak jacket, counters the chokeslam, and spears Kane.

Cedric the Entertainer performs some stand-up comedy.  Yay!  I’m a big mark for stand-up comedy.

Still to come, an all-star six-man tag!

In a pre-tape, Jimmy Fallon tells lame jokes.  The Miz body slams him.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Trace Adkins performs again.

Comments from Army Chief of Staff General George W. Casey Jr.

The all-star six man tag is NEXT!

Comments from the people from the Today Show.  Commercials.

Kelly Kelly welcomes us back to the show.

John Cena, Randy Orton, & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley), Wade Barrett, & Alberto Del Rio.  Cena beats up Miz.  Bulldog headlock gets 2.  Miz cuts him off and tags in Del Rio.  He gets his licks in and tags in Barrett.  Cena and Barrett do a double clothesline spot.  Orton tags in and beats up Barrett.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Barrett counters the RKO.  Orton decks Miz and Del Rio.  Barrett drops Orton with a big boot.  Miz tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton explodes out of the corner with a clothesline.  Mysterio tags in and runs wild on Miz.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Riley trips him and pulls him out of the ring.  Barrett tags in and rams Mysterio’s back into the side of the ring.  Commercials.  Mysterio plays face in peril.  Barrett goes for a superplex, but Mysterio fights him off and hits a diving cross body.  Cena gets the hot tag and runs wild on Del Rio.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz interferes.  Orton dives him an Angle Slam and humps the mat.  Riley pulls Miz to safety.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Barrett.  Mysterio hits a 619 on Del Rio and Barrett.  Orton RKOs Barrett as Cena gives Del Rio the Attitude Adjustment for the pin in 10:20.  Fun little match.

Closing video package.

These shows are always fun and entertaining.  The matches are very basic and the babyfaces go over.  It makes the troops happy, and that’s what matters.