Archive for Battle Royal

WWE Monday Night Raw 2/28/11

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 9, 2011 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Josh Matthews and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Triple H comes out to the ring.  Ugh.  He talks about the Undertaker for a while.  He says the only thing he hasn’t done is end the streak.  He says “there can be only one,” so I assume he’s going to try to behead Taker with a sword at WrestleMania.  He promises to end the streak or die trying.  Sheamus comes out.  Triple H immediately decks him, throws him out of the ring, into the barricade, and beats the shit out of him.  Triple H Pedigrees Sheamus through the announce table, so I guess that concludes the whole “Sheamus put Triple H out of action for nearly a year” feud.

Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Triple H/Undertaker!  Michael Cole answers Lawler’s WrestleMania challenge!  The Rock appears via satellite!  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Sheamus is being helped out by referees.  The iBooker dings in.  Lawler finally gets his chance to read its decree, which is that Sheamus still has a match tonight.  His opponent is the returning Evan Bourne!

Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Bourne dropkicks Sheamus and puts the boots to him in the corner.  Sheamus tries to fight back, but Bourne drops him with a kick and hits the Shooting Star press for the pin in 36 seconds.  Bourne is BACK!  Michael Cole comes out.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Jerry Lawler’s challenge to Michael Cole last week.

Michael Cole calls Jerry Lawler into the ring, reminding Lawler that he’ll be fired if he gives Cole the ass whooping he so desperately needs.  He says he’ll face Lawler at WrestleMania if his trainer can be in his corner and if he gets to choose the referee.  Lawler happily agrees.  Cole spazzes out, then introduces his trainer: Jack Swagger.  Cole shoves and slaps Lawler, now that he has someone to hide behind.  Swagger locks Lawler in the ankle lock.

Tonight, The Rock via satellite!

Randy Orton is headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Stone Cold Steve Austin will be here next week!

Cole takes Lawler’s place on commentary.  Ugh.  They replay the cowardly attack on from moments ago.

Randy Orton comes out.  He says his only regret is that he didn’t kick Punk harder in the head.  He promises to snap his neck next time.  The New Nexus come out.  Punk apparently plans to murder Orton.  Nexus head to the ring.  iBooker dings in.  Cole delegates that duty to Matthews, who books Orton vs. Punk for WrestleMania.  Orton will face members of The New Nexus over the next few weeks.  The members that Orton beats will be banned from ringside.  Other Nexus members will be banned from ringside during these matches, on pain of being disbanded.

Randy Orton vs. Michael McGillicutty.  They lock up.  McGillicutty backs Orton into the corner and beats on him.  Orton retaliates in kind.  McGillicutty avoids a knee drop.  Orton clotheslines him to the floor.  Commercials.  Orton beats up McGillicutty.  McGillicutty lands a dropkick for 2.  McGillicutty beats on Orton for a bit.  Orton makes his comeback with the powerslam, the 3.0, and the DDT OF MURDER.  Orton humps the mat and hits the RKO for the pin in 7:17.  They spent more time at commercials than on the match.  Orton sets him up for the punt of doom.  Punk tells him not to.  Orton does it anyway, but it doesn’t look like he made contact.  Orton runs out through the crowd to escape retribution from the New Nexus.

Sin Cara, the former Mistico, is coming to WWE!

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley are headed our way.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: The Miz turning on John Cena and causing them to lose the WWE Tag Team Championship to The Corre last week.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz cuts a promo on John Cena and The Rock.  He says he’ll beat Cena and The Rock on the same night at WrestleMania.  John Cena comes out and makes some really stupid jokes about Miz being OCD.  Riley makes some toilet jokes.  Cena says Riley is the reason nobody takes Miz seriously, and Miz should fire him.  Miz doesn’t buy it, so Cena makes gay jokes.  Cena wants a match with Riley tonight, with Riley no longer being Miz’s bitch boy if he loses.  Miz agrees, with the stipulation that Cena has to admit Miz is the greatest superstar of all time if he loses.  iBooker dings in and Cole announcers that it’s an escape only Steel Cage Match.

Tonight, The Rock.  Commercials.

Tonight, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H!

WWE Divas Champions Eve Torres has joined the commentary team for a horrible Battle Royal.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender for the WWE Divas Championship featuring Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Natalya, Gail Kim, Tamina, Maryse, Alicia Fox, and Melina.  Natalya immediately dumps one of the Bellas.  Fox and Tamina get eliminated in quick succession.  Melina and Natalya fight on the apron.  Maryse sends them both to the floor.  Gail hits the Regal Cutter on the remaining Bella.  Maryse drops Gail, then poses and goes for the DDT.  Gail counters and throws her out.  Gail throws out the Bella while the referee is out.  The other Bella sneaks in and throws Gail out for the win in 2:03.  Bellas beat up Eve after the match.  There ya go.

Buffalo!

The Rock on video next!  Commercials.

Last week, Cena rapped on The Rock!

The Rock appears appears live via satellite in his belt room and makes fun of John Cena, then bitches about Cena rapping at him.  He talks about loving WWE.  He claims he went Hollywood to open those doors for WWE.  He goes on for a while about whatever and calls Cena a “yabba dabba bitch.”  That took long enough.

Tonight, Cena vs. Riley in a cage.  Next, Shawn Michaels speaks on Undertaker/Triple H.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Shawn Michaels talks about the Undertaker/Triple H WrestleMania match.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan comes out.  The Miz appears and jumps him in the aisle, just because he’s an asshole.  Miz beats the hell out of Bryan and gives him the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  Well, thanks for ruining the first thing on this show that got me excited.  Miz says he did that because it’s the Miz Show (and because he’s a cocksucker is implied).  The cage match is next.  Commercials.

Stone Cold!  Next week!

The Miz has joined Cole and Matthews for commentary, presumably so Cole can suck his cock during the match.

Steel Cage Match: Alex Riley vs. John Cena.  Riley immediately tries to escape.  Cena kicks his ass for a while.  Cena goes to leave the cage, but Miz runs over to hold the door closed, then slams it into Cena.  Riley beats on Cena.  Miz takes a picture of Cena’s face being ground into the cage with his phone.  He hands Riley his Blackberry and Riley hits Cena with it.  Why?  Cole is obnoxious.  Riley tries to leave the cage.  Cena grabs his leg.  Miz tries to pull Riley out the door, so they’re essentially playing tug of war.  Cena wins and locks in the STF.  Riley taps, but it’s escape only, so the referee in the cage is pretty pointless.  Cena tries to go over the top of the cage.  Miz holds him at bay with a steel chair.  Riley finally wakes up and cuts Cena off.  Commercials.  Now?  Really?  They’re 2 minutes into the overrun.  Riley hits a dropkick on Cena.  Cena avoids a second dropkick and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Riley grabs on and tries to climb out of the cage.  They fight on the top rope.  Riley sends Cena into the cage and falling to the floor.  Instead of easily escaping, Riley fucks around too long.  Cena climbs up and brings him down.  They fight on the top rope again.  Cena hits a bulldog off the top rope.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then takes a picture of Riley with Miz’s phone.  Miz tries to stop Cena from leaving the cage.  Cena uses his retard strength to open the door and wins it in 12:44.  Miz immediately hits Cena with the Skull Crushing Finale, but he’s lost his manservant.

Pretty lame show.

WWE Tribute To The Troops 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 24, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, comments from President Barack Obama, Tribute To The Troops intro video.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Fort Hood, Texas.  Very cool set.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Battle Royal featuring John Morrison, Mark Henry, Ezekiel Jackson, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Sheamus, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters, “Dashing” Cody Rhodes, WWE Tag Team Champion Vladimir Kozlov, WWE Tag Team Champion Santino Marella, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Husky Harris, and Michael McGillicutty.  The other 10 guys surround The Nexus and kick their ass.  Nexus bails without being eliminated.  The other guys fight amongst themselves.  Masters tries to put the Master Lock on Sheamus, but fails and gets clotheslined over the top rope by the King of the Ring.  Daniel Bryan jumps on Sheamus’ back and clamps on a sleeper hold.  Sheamus breaks free.  Several near eliminations.  Rhodes and Chavo team up to eliminate Big Zeke.  Santino hits everybody with the Cobra.  Sheamus drops him with the Polish Hammer.  Henry and Sheamus start to go at it, but Nexus come back in and jump both of them.  Nexus dump Santino, then Kozlov.  Nexus eliminate Chavo.  Rhodes tries to make friends with Nexus, but is eliminated by his NXT Season 2 rookie Husky Harris.  Bryan, Sheamus, Henry, and Morrrison face off against Nexus.  Bryan back body drops Gabriel out of the ring.  Sheamus gives Bryan the brogue kick and eliminates him.  Morrison eliminates Otunga.  Sheamus jumps Morrison from behind.  Morrison hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Harris drops Morrison with a lariat.  Slater and McGillicutty try to dump Morrison, but he rallies.  He tries to springboard, but McGillicutty knocks him to the floor to eliminate him.  Henry throws Slater out of the ring.  Henry throws out McGillicutty and Harris.  Sheamus jumps Henry from behind and attacks his knee.  Henry hulks up and makes his comeback.  Henry charges the corner and eats a boot.  Sheamus goes to the top rope.  Henry press slams him to the floor and wins the Battle Royal in 10:45.  Fun times.

Lots more still to come!

Comments from Taylor Swift.  Commercials.

The Bella Twins welcome us back to the show.

Diddy Dirty Money perform.

Still to come: John Cena!  Trace Adkins!  Sherri Shepherd!  Rey Mysterio!  Cedric the Entertainer!  Randy Orton!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Miss USA Rima Fakih does an awful job of playing guest ring announcer for the next match.

The Big Show & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger.  Ziggler takes a shot at Show, so Show kicks his ass and throws him around.  Kofi tags in and gets a 2 count on Ziggler.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and lands some corner punches and a European uppercut.  Kofi gets sent to the apron.  He tries to springboard, but Swagger pulls him down and drops his face on the apron.  Back inside, Ziggler covers for 2.  Ziggler applies a rear chin lock.  Ziggler goes for the Fameasser, but Kofi turns it into a powerbomb.  Sweet.  Show and Swagger tag in.  Show runs wild.  Ziggler charges show and gets flapjacked.  Kofi takes Ziggler out of the ring.  Show chokeslams Swagger for the pin in 4:11.  Fine for what it was.

Still to come, a divas match!  George W. Bush!  Next, Trace Adkins!  Commercials.

Comments from Kobe Bryant.

Trace Adkins performs.

Still to come, more Diddy Dirty Money!  Plus, a big six-man tag!  Commercials!

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Truth lands some hard slaps and yells “WHAT’S UP?!”  Truth does some flips and lands a side kick.  Dibiase finally manages to hot shot Truth into the top rope to get the advantage.  Dibiase lands some knee drops and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Truth escapes with a backdrop suplex and makes his comeback.  Maryse gets on the apron.  Eve pulls her down.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Truth counters out and hits the scissors kick for the pin in 2:58.  It was there.

Lots of entertainment still to come!  Commercials.

Santa’s Helpers Match: WWE Divas Champion Natalya, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins vs. Michelle McCool, Layla, Melina, & Alicia Fox.  Fox works over one of the Bellas.  She hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Melina tags in and keeps up the heat.  Kelly and McCool tag in.  Kelly amazingly doesn’t hurt herself running wild.  Typical diva match shit.  Kelly hits her K2 thing.  Melina saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kelly gives McCool a (more proper) K2 for the pin in 3:02.  It made the people happy.

Up next, more Diddy Dirty Money!

Comments from the cast of 30 Rock.  Commercials.

Earlier today, Sherri Shepherd and Hornswoggle came out and did nothing.

Comments from former President George W. Bush.  They show troops holding his book.

Diddy Dirty Money perform again.

Up next, an arm wrestling contest between a Major General and Kane!  Commercials!

Comments from Lindsey Vonn, who won an Olympic Gold Medal in something.

Major General William Grimsley and Kane have an arm wrestling match.  World Heavyweight Champion Edge comes out in a flak jacket, counters the chokeslam, and spears Kane.

Cedric the Entertainer performs some stand-up comedy.  Yay!  I’m a big mark for stand-up comedy.

Still to come, an all-star six-man tag!

In a pre-tape, Jimmy Fallon tells lame jokes.  The Miz body slams him.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Trace Adkins performs again.

Comments from Army Chief of Staff General George W. Casey Jr.

The all-star six man tag is NEXT!

Comments from the people from the Today Show.  Commercials.

Kelly Kelly welcomes us back to the show.

John Cena, Randy Orton, & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley), Wade Barrett, & Alberto Del Rio.  Cena beats up Miz.  Bulldog headlock gets 2.  Miz cuts him off and tags in Del Rio.  He gets his licks in and tags in Barrett.  Cena and Barrett do a double clothesline spot.  Orton tags in and beats up Barrett.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Barrett counters the RKO.  Orton decks Miz and Del Rio.  Barrett drops Orton with a big boot.  Miz tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton explodes out of the corner with a clothesline.  Mysterio tags in and runs wild on Miz.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Riley trips him and pulls him out of the ring.  Barrett tags in and rams Mysterio’s back into the side of the ring.  Commercials.  Mysterio plays face in peril.  Barrett goes for a superplex, but Mysterio fights him off and hits a diving cross body.  Cena gets the hot tag and runs wild on Del Rio.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz interferes.  Orton dives him an Angle Slam and humps the mat.  Riley pulls Miz to safety.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Barrett.  Mysterio hits a 619 on Del Rio and Barrett.  Orton RKOs Barrett as Cena gives Del Rio the Attitude Adjustment for the pin in 10:20.  Fun little match.

Closing video package.

These shows are always fun and entertaining.  The matches are very basic and the babyfaces go over.  It makes the troops happy, and that’s what matters.

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/15/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then cut to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler telling us that Mr. McMahon will be here tonight.  Replay of the Legacy beatdown and destruction of Batista’s arm last week, then Triple H’s return and yet another burial of Randy Orton.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina!  Matt Striker and Josh Matthews from ECW and Jim Ross and Todd Grisham from Smackdown are there too.  Justin Roberts introduces the first match, for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Jericho cuts his usual promo before the match.  Mysterio looks pissed.  I hope the belt doesn’t change, because I fucked up starting the timer.  Mysterio owns Jericho to start.  Mysterio crashes on the outside.  Commercials.  Jericho works over Mysterio and hits that swank spinning backbreaker drop from the PPV, then goes for the mask again.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Jericho.  Mysterio hits the flying headscissors, then the Bombs Away for 2.  Jericho gets dropkicked out of the ring, they Rey hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Jericho goes for a superplex, but Mysterio turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for a slow 2 count.  Rey goes for his flip bulldog, but Jericho squashes him and gets 2.  Rey avoids the Walls.  Jericho avoids the 619 and thinks of going for one himself.  Rey catches him with a moonsault for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and goes for the West Coast Pop.  Jericho rips the mask and NAILS the Codebreaker for 3 at about 9 minutes.  Good match, a short, compact version of their recent PPV matches.

Tonight, a Four-Way Match for the vacant WWE Championship!  Mr. McMahon is NEXT!

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  John Cena steps in and takes over the interview.  Cena reminds Orton that he and Big Show are in the Four-Way tonight too, so don’t get too focused on Triple H.

Last week: Vickie Guerrero quit as Raw GM.

Vince McMahon appears on screen.  He says he’s not going to announce a new GM, because he sold Monday Night Raw!  He’ll announce who the new owner is after the WWE Championship match.

Moments ago: What I just wrote.  Cole and Lawler are SHOCKED.

ECW Championship Match: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian.  They start.  Christian hits a swank elbow shot from the middle rope.  Dreamer fires up with punches, then face plants Christian.  Dreamer hits a reverse DDT, then NAILS Christian with a lariat for 2.  Dreamer squashes a sunset flip attempt for 2, then Christian turns the cradle over for 2.  Christian avoids the DDT.  Dreamer avoids the Killswitch and gets an inside cradle for the win at 3:24.

Tonight, CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy and Edge!  Plus, Orton vs. Triple H vs. Cena vs. Show for the WWE Championship is NEXT!

Please, don’t try this at home!

The Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly have some airheaded speculation about who bought Raw.

ANOTHER replay of the shit from last week.  Do we really need to see it again?  Pics of Batista’s surgery.  Gross.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena vs. Triple H.  Entrances, intros, and the going feuds pair off.  40 seconds in, we go to commercial.  Back, Cena and Triple H take out the heels, then go at it themselves.  Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Pedigree counter into an F-U attempt, but Show comes in and clotheslines them both.  Goes back to Cena vs. Show and HHH vs. Orton.  Orton comes in to break a Show’s cover.  Show goes for a double chokeslam on Triple H and Cena, but they suplex him.  Orton tries to put Show, but Show catches his foot, then kicks his ass.  Show dominates for a bit and tosses Orton and HHH from the ring.  Show slams Cena and hits the Vader Bomb, but Orton breaks the cover.  Show tosses Orton out of the ring again.  Show spears the shit out of Triple H for 2.  Triple H avoids the Vader Bomb.  Orton tries to RKO Show, but gets tossed away.  Pedigree to Show.  Attitude Adjustment to Triple H.  Cena covers Triple H, but gets tossed off the cover.  Attutude Adjustment to Show.  Orton brekas the cover and tosses Cean out.  Orton RKOs Show for the win at 11:14.  Lame at first, but the closing stretch was good.  Orton is champ again.  What was the fucking point of Batista winning the belt in the first place?

Mr. McMahon is headed our way!

Tomorrow night on ECW: Evan Bourne vs. Mark Henry!

Vince comes down and announces that Donald Trump is the new owner of Raw.  Trump appears on the big screen and says next week’s Raw will be commercial free, and he’ll be there to oversee it.  Vince says that he’s still in charge tonight, and there will be a 10 man battle royal to determine who will face Randy Orton for the title at The Bash.

World Title match is next!

Replay of what just happened.  Cole and Lawler discuss it.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez.  Beth comes out with Rosa, but Rosa tells her to leave.  The Divas Champion Maryse comes down to watch.  Rosa shows a lot of fire, but Mickie fights back and wins with the DDT at 2:50.  Maryse teases coming in the ring, then bails.

Goldust and Hornswoggle shoot t-shirts out to the crowd.  The Miz in anti-Cena garb, says he’s the new face of Raw, he’ll win the battle royal, speak in a British accent, etc.  He tells Goldust and Hornswoggle to leave.  Goldust tells Miz he doesn’t know how to play mind games, and makes an Ahmed Johnson reference!  Goldust tells Miz his interviews are piss break segments and that he’s a loser.  Miz retorts, then cheapshots Goldust and drops him with a DDT.  He threatens Hornswoggle with the t-shirt bazooka, then shoots him in the balls with it.  Now that’s a heel, folks.  Only a true bad guy would shoot a midget in the balls with a t-shirt gun.

World Title match is NEXT!  Wasn’t it supposed to be like 20 minutes ago?

Stills from the Hardy/Edge/Punk stuff from the PPV.

Josh Matthews interviews the World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.  Punk has “MISAWA” written on his wrist tape.  That’s a nice touch.  Matt Hardy interrupts and tells him he approves of what he did.  Punk tells Matt he’s never been World Champion.

Edge and Hardy enter for the title match.  Commercials!  Next, Donald Trump on a commercial-free Raw!

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy.  Within the first 90 seconds, Punk hits a tope suicida on Edge, then Hardy hits a dive outside onto both of them.  Punk and Jeff go at it in the ring for a minute, then Edge comes in and tosses Jeff out.  Edge sets up a superplex, but Jeff comes in and drops Edge, then tries to deliver it himself.  Edge sets up a Doomsday Device, but Hardy dodges Punk’s dropkick and gets a near fall on Edge with a victory roll.  Triple clothesline spot as we go to break.  Back from break, Punk works over Edge as Jeff is on the outside.  Jeff comes in, so Punk nails them both.  He covers them both after the corner bulldog/something to Jeff spot,  but both kick out.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Jeff, but Edge chop blocks his knee and applies the Sharpshooter.  It gets broken somehow.  Punk leapfrogs a spear and gets a sunset flip on Edge, when Hardy dropkicks Edge in to, then breaks the cover.  Jeff does some stuff and gets 2 on Punk.  Punk nails Hardy with a knee to the face.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but Edge pushes him off and tries to spear Punk.  Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Edge avoids the Go 2 Sleep and pushes Punk into Hardy.  Punk reversed the Twist of Fate into a Go 2 Sleep attempt.  Hardy escapes and leap frogs another spear, so Edge ends up spearing the shit out of Hardy.  Punk gets knocked out of the ring by Edge and injures his knee on the steps.  Officials check on Punk as Edge and Hardy hit a double cross body on each other.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind, but Punk makes it in to break the cover.  Hardy kicks the shit out of Punk’s leg.  Edge gets an inside cradle on Hardy for a close 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but Punk pulls him off the cover.  Punk sends Hardy into the ring steps and covers Edge for the win at 15:40.  Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out and tells Punk he’ll defend the title against Jeff Hardy at the Bash.

Earlier tonight: Orton wins the belt.  Later tonight: a 10 man battle royal!

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. are at ringside to do commentary on this next match.

Non-Title: The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natayla) vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon.  Colons will defend against Legacy at The Bash.  Primo and Smith start.  Primo tries to do a rana and lands on his head.  Ouch.  After a minute, Carlito tags in.  Primo hits a dive to the outside on Tyson Kidd.  Carlito hits the Backstabber on Smith, then Legacy runs in to cause the DQ at 2:23.  Legacy stands tall with their new awful music.  I was expecting a good match here, but it got cut way short.

Triple H is headed our way for the 10-man battle royal!

Replay of the Trump shit again.

Santino Marella seeks assurance from Vince that he and his “sister” will still have their jobs.  Vince tells him Trump will do whatever he wants.  Vince’s cell phone rings.  It’s Donald Trump.  Trump wants to make a big announcement after the battle royal.  Santino pisses off Vince and leaves.  Vince calls him a pervert.

Most of the entries for the battle royal come out.  Break, then they show a graphic for 2 matches for Smackdown, which Ross says is wrong.  FAIL.  The last 2 entrants come out so we can have our match.  Triple H enters to his rarely used King of Kings theme, which is awesome.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship:
Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. The Big Show vs. Triple H vs. John Cena.  Everybody brawls.  Orton comes out to watch.  Show tosses Matt for the first elimination 3 1/2 minutes in.  MVP lands the Yakuza kick on Show, then gets eliminated by him.  Show chokeslams Miz.  Everyone eliminates Show.  Miz is on the outside, but I don’t think he was eliminated.  Break.  Legacy almost dumps Triple H, but fails, thanks to Cena attacking Legacy.  Cena and Triple H ends up going at it.  Legacy stops them briefly, then the double clothesline each other.  Kofi has an impressive run against Legacy, but they eliminate him.  Regal kicks their ass, but they dump him too.  Down to Legacy, Triple H, and Cena.  Cena makes a big comeback against Legacy.  He eliminates Dibiase, then tosses Rhodes, who hangs on.  Triple H eliminates Rhodes.  Triple H Pedigrees Cena.  Legacy runs back in and beat down Triple H until the refs make them leave.  Miz sneaks back and charges them, but gets lowbridged out.  Triple H dumps Cena to win at 17:39.  Fuck, now we get to suffer another Triple H/Orton abortion.

Donald Trump appears on the screen and congratulations Triple H.  He tells him the title match won’t be at the PPV, but on next week’s commercial-free Raw in a Last Man Standing Match.  FUCK.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE, open, Raw open, and we are joined by the WWE Champion, Randy Orton!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are on commentary and we are LIVE from Louisville, Kentucky.

Orton says he was about to take out Batista last night when Ric Flair interfered and prevented it.  Actually, Orton ran like a bitch and tried everything he could to get DQ’d or counted out.  He babbles for a while, then Flair comes out to retort.  They go back and forth for a bit, then Flair tells Orton he will be defending the title against Batista in a Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules.  Orton cheap shots Flair and stomps him.  Legacy stalks their way down the ramp, but Batista charges down.  Legacy does the 3 on 1 beatdown until John Cena makes the save.  Commercial.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena, who is now perfectly fine despite the fact that he was hurt going into his match last night and took a vicious beating during said match.  Cena says he’s going for the title after Extreme Rules.  He runs into Vickie Guerrero, who makes tonight’s main event: Legacy vs. Cena & Batista.

Divas Battle Royal:
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendez vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James.  Divas Champion Maryse is at the table with Cole and Lawler.  Mickie dumps Rosa.  Beth dumps one Bella, then the other.  Mickie eliminates Jillian.  Kelly dropkicks Beth out of the ring to elimiate her.  Beth tries to pull Kelly out of the ring and distracts the referee so Maryse can spray perfume in Mickie’s face.  Kelly eliminates Mickie to win it at 2:32.

Tonight, MVP defends the U.S. title against Matt Hardy!  Also, Cena & Batista vs. Legacy!

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Santino confrontation from Judgment Day.  After Miz dropped Santino with a DDT, Chavo Guerrero ran down to frog splash a downed Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo kicks Santino’s ass and makes him look like a joke.  Santino hulks up and decks Chavo, then elbows him down and looks shocked by it.  Santino, heartened by his achievement, runs into Chavo’s feet in the corner.  Santino avoids the frog splash and picks up the win at 3:34.  Chavo tells Santino that Santina has to defend the Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie Guerrero.

Mr. Kennedy returns… soon!

Maryse speaks French to The Miz, who doesn’t understand her.  He tries to come on to her anyway, but she blows him off.  Miz says he has something in store for Cena tonight.

Todd Grisham interviews Matt Hardy.  He cost his brother, Jeff, the World Title last night as revenge for Jeff breaking his hand.

Vickie is mad at Chavo for putting her in a match.  Orton storms in and bitches at her for putting him in a cage match.  Vickie reminds him that she is the boss.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. Brian Kendrick & Goldust.  That’s a delightfully random team.  Speaking of random, exactly WHY did Goldust run out on Superstars to save Hornswoggle from Big Show?  Kendrick repeatedly berates Goldust for not doing his job properly.  Fine little match.  Primo avoids The Kendrick and hits a diving cross body for the win at 2:26.  Kendrick yells at Goldust after the match, but Hornswoggle runs in to save him.  Apparently Goldust and Hornswoggle are friends now.

The Miz is headed our way in Cena apparel.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho this Thursday on Superstars!  I’ll watch that!

The Miz comes out to Cena’s old “Basic Thuganomics” theme.  He does a stupid rap.  He challenges Cena again, then declares himself 5-0 against Cena.  Lawler comes in the ring and explains to Miz that calling someone out who doesn’t come out doesn’t give him a victory.  He evidences this by calling out Batista, then calling out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin for a handicap match.  Lawler tells Miz that if he wants to face Cena, to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Big Show comes out and says despite what Cena thinks, he’s not done with him yet.  Show announces that he’ll face Cena in a submission match at Extreme Rules (because Cena couldn’t put Show in the STF last night).  Miz insults Show and runs away.  Show shoves down Lawler, then kicks his ass just to be a dick.

Last week: MVP & Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy & William Regal after Hardy walked out on his partner.

Jim Ross is at the announce table with Cole now, since Lawler just got destroyed, which they show a replay of.

WWE United States Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  They both for the quick victory with inside cradles.  MVP has the advantage early on.  Matt attacks MVP’s leg with his cast, then continues to work on the leg.  MVP gets mad and attacks the broken arm.  That’s not very babyface-like.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick and the Playmaker to retain the title at 5:16.

Santina vs. Vickie, TONIGHT!  Or is it NEXT?

Replay from the start of the show, then Batista walks into Flair’s locker room.  Flair says he’s going to call out Orton and kick his ass next week.  Batista tells Flair he doesn’t have anything to prove.  Flair gets mad and stomps out.

Chavo tries to teach Vickie how to do a frog splash.  She says the match is off.  Santina comes in and insults her, so the match is back on.

Finlay vs. D.H. Smith tomorrow night on ECW!  I’ll watch that!

Miss WrestleMania Crown Match: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.).  Santina takes the mic and insults Vickie, then gets slapped.  Santina kisses Vickie and is sickened by it.  The match is now No DQ.  The bell rings again, even though the match started like a minute and a half ago.  Chavo beats down Santina.  They roll around and trade punches until Santina backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Santina stalks Vickie, but William Regal runs and hits an Exploder on Santina, allowing Vickie to get the pin and win the crown at 3:01.  Vickie celebrates her big victory.

Legacy is headed our way.  The main event is NEXT!

Handicap Match: Legacy vs. John Cena & Batista.  Orton and Cena start (I think… wasn’t really paying attention).  When Batista tags in, Orton bails, so Batista mauls Dibiase.  Cena and Batista clear the ring.  Commercial!  When we return, Legacy is getting heat on Batista.  Cena finally gets the hot tag and cleans house.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Cody, but doesn’t see him tag out to Orton in mid move.  Orton comes in and attacks Cena.  Now Cena plays face in peril.  Rhodes hits a nice moonsault on Cena for a near fall.  Cena finally makes the hot tag, and now it’s Batista’s turn to come in and clean house.  Big Show comes out, but Cena chases him off with a chair.  Batista is now all alone… but wait, Flair comes out!  This gives Batista the boost he needs to spear Orton for the pin at 14:46.

WWE WrestleMania XXV (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then an awesome WrestleMania opening video where various wrestlers talk what they think is the greatest WrestleMania moment of all time, then comments on the big matches tonight.

Howard Finkel welcomes us to the *sigh* 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.  I’m not even going to get into that today.  The Fink then introduces Nicole Somethingorother from the Pussycat Dolls, who sings a horrible rendition of “America The Beautiful.”

The Army National Guard presents WrestleMania!  “Shoot To Thrill” plays, fireworks, and Jim Ross welcomes us to WrestleMania.  Wow, I feel really welcome with all of these welcomes.  Justin Roberts introduces our first match, the Money In The Bank Lader Match!  Ross, Jerry Lawler, and Michael Cole are doing a three-man commentary team tonight.  Also, we finally have the long awaited return of the Spanish announce table!  Carlos and Hugo are back, baby!

Money In The Bank Ladder Match: CM Punk vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle and rocking the old school Belfast Bruiser vest thingy) vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Kane.  Christian’s entrance is the only one to get an audible pop from the huge crowd.  On TV, anyway.  According to people who were there, the crowd was way hotter live than it appeared on TV, so maybe there was some audio trouble or something.  Enough of that, on to the match!  Bell rings, everybody pairs off and brawls.  Kane and Henry go at it.  Maybe they’ll take each other to prevent them from dragging the match down.  Christian and Benjamin take them down with a ladder, then try to take out Kofi.  Kofi leapfrogs the ladder, then dropkicks it and legdrops the ladder with both the guys under it.  “Controlled frenzy” line from Cole.  The ladder gets set up and Kane and Henry climb it.  Other guys come in and take the big dudes out, then they all climb a couple of ladders.  Kane and Henry come back in and push the two ladders over, then fight each other again.  Kane knocks Henry down and throws one of the ladders out of the ring, then climbs the other.  Henry comes in and tips the ladder over to send Kane crashing.  Finlay comes in and takes out Henry, who throws the ladder out.  Finlay lands a tope suicida on Kane and Benjamin.  Christian follows with his own dive, followed by MVP, then stereo dives from Punk and Kofi.  Benjamin hits a fucking insane dive off of a tall ladder in the aisle onto the pile of guys.  “HOLY SHIT” chant.  Henry teases diving, but Henry whacks him with the stick.  Hornswoggle sets up a step ladder and Finlay helps him climb onto Henry, then dive onto the pile.  The video was skipping, so I think my DVD may have not burned properly.  Kofi does an awesome spot where he dropkicks Finlay through an open ladder.  Finlay nails him with the step ladder, then uses it to nail the other guys coming back in.  Finlay goes to make the climb, but Kofi kicks him off and climbs himself.  Henry comes in and pushes the ladder over.  The next awesome Kofi spot happens, where Henry is holding an unopened ladder vertically.  Kofi climbs it and gets caught by Henry, who transitions it into the World’s Strongest Slam on the ladder.  Henry climbs, but MVP comes and takes him down, then sets up another ladder between the set up ladder and the top rope.  Benjamin comes in and he and MVP do some crazy shit that ends with Shelton taking a powerbomb.  MVP climbs, Punk stops him.  Christian tries to stop him but gets knocked down, then gets back up on the horizontal ladder behind Punk.  They fight, then Christian hits a botched but cool Unprettier off the ladder.  MVP climbs up, but Benjamin sets up the crazy thing and runs up, then botches a sunset flip off the ladder and gets a “YOU FUCKED UP” chant.  Benjamin powerbombs MVP out of the ring onto Henry and Atlas.  Finlay and Benjamin both climb.  Shelton nails Finlay, who takes a bump on the horizontal ladder.  Christian comes in and fights with Benjamin.  Benjamin sets up the ladder that has been horizontal, so we now have two vertical ladders.  They climb, but the ladder falls over.  Benjamin spills out of the ring, but Christian catches the top rope with his foot in a cool Captain Morgan post and gets it straight again.  Punk tries to stop Christian, but gets his leg caught in the ladders.  Kane comes up and chokeslams Christian off the ladder (not as cool as it sounds).  Punk goes for the prize, but Kane goozles him.  Punk kicks Kane in the head to knock him down, then takes the briefcase of the win at 14:29.  That’s where I timed it, but my DVD did skip a bit so it probably is the 14:24 other reports have it as.  Fucking awesome match.  Kofi really shined here, but everyone had their moments.

Axxess highlights.

Kid Rock mini-concert.  He performs a medley of his songs consisting Bawitaba, some song I don’t know, Cowboy, All Summer Long, and So Hott.  During the last one, the 25 divas in the Battle Royal make their way to the ring.  The whole thing goes about 10 minutes.

Now I actually put some work into working out this clusterfuck of a match, so bear with me.

Divas Battle Royal featuring Kelly Kelly, WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Layla, Jillian Hall, Rosa Mendez, Maria, Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Eve Torres, WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Gail Kim, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Katie Lea, Sunny, Molly Holly, Jackie Gayda, Joy Giovanni, Torrie Wilson, Alicia Fox, Tiffany Terrell, Victoria, and Santino Marella (in drag).  The bell rings and they start fighting while Roberts introduces the match.  Mae Young is at ringside with Candice Michelle as the guest timekeeper.  Now this clusterfuck is impossible to call live, but from my earlier research, the order of elimination is Layla, Joy, Rosa, Alicia, Sunny, Torrie, Jackie, Maria, Gail, Jillian, Eve, Tiffany, Kelly, Molly, Maryse, Katie Lea, Natalya, Victoria, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Mickie James, Michelle McCool… then the finish is Beth going for the Glam Slam on Melina, but Santino bundles them both out to win the match at 6:10.  Pointless, but at least we got to look at a bunch of hot chicks for a few minutes.  I can say that my ridiculously jealous wife is gone.  Candice comes in the ring to present the Miss WrestleMania crown and sash to the winner.  He introduces himself as “Santina, Santino’s twin sister from Italy.”  The announcers don’t even actually acknowledge that it’s Santino.  Beth looks on, pissed.

Jericho vs. Legends hype video, a lot of which is about Mickey Rourke.  They show Rourke taking his seat in the audience.

Handicap Elimination Match: Chris Jericho vs. Ricky Steaboat, Roddy Piper, & Jimmy Snuka (w/ Ric Flair).  Piper, who looks incredibly old, insists on starting.  He spits his gum at Jericho, then proceeds to kick his ass for the first few minutes, other than an embarrasing spot early on when Piper gets his arm stuck in the ropes.  Piper throws a half assed dropkick that only connects with one leg.  Snuka tags in and looks fucking terrible.  Steamboat tags in to a big pop and looks FUCKING AWESOME.  Steamboat nails a couple of GORGEOUS arm drags, causing me to mark out for an arm drag for the first time in my life.  Steamboat works the arm a bit, then tags Snuka back in.  They do a double chop and Snuka’s doesn’t even connect.  Jericho locks Snuka in the Walls of Jericho for the submission at 3:45.  Thank God.  He refuses to break the hold until Piper and Steamboat come in and force him.  There are some incidents of the audio going out for a second.  Piper goes after Jericho again, poking him in the eyes and locking in the sleeper hold.  Jericho escapes and hits an enzuigiri for the pin at 4:45.  Steamboat hits a sweet diving crossbody for a near fall.  Steamboat and Jericho go at it, and it’s awesome.  Jericho tosses Steamboat out and decks Flair as Steamboat skins the cat back in.  Steamboat sends Jericho out of the ring and dives onto him, then sends him back in and hits the diving karate chop.  More chops, then Steamboat gets a near fall with a reverse cradle.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault, but Steamboat avoids it.  Steamboat catches Jericho with a powerslam for a near fall.  Jericho locks in the Walls, but Steamboat manages to counter out with an inside cradle for another near fall.  Jericho goes for a backdrop suplex, but Steamboat lands on his feet.  Jericho catches the Codebreaker out of nowhere for the win at 8:57.  Snuka was awful.  Piper tried, but wasn’t good.  Steamboat was the fucking man and made the match.  Flair attacks Jericho after the match, but ends up taking a backdrop and eating the Codebreaker.  Jericho challenges Rourke.  Rourke stalls forever before finally getting in the ring.  They have an impromptu amateur boxing match which ends with Rourke catching Jericho with a left hand and knocking him down.  Flair comes in and celebrates with Rourke.  Another pointless waste of time.  The post-match stuff, not the match, though the match would have been MUCH better if it was just a Jericho/Steamboat singles match.

Army National Guard commercial.

The announcers chat a bit to introduce the Hardys video package.

Extreme Rules Match: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy.  Matt talks trash, then Jeff jumps on him and kicks his ass.  Jeff pulls a WrestleMania poster from under the ring and breaks it over Matt’s head, prompting a great line from Lawler: “Well, at least Matt finally got his face on the WrestleMania poster.”  Matt catches Jeff with a chair to the legs while Jeff was attempting the Whisper in the Wind, then moments later nailed him with a shop vac.  I was amused.  Matt hits the Side Effect on the chair for a near fall.  Ouch.  Matt sets up a table on the outside.  Logic says Matt will be the one to go through that table later on.  Matt takes a bump in the steps and the ref and trainer check on him.  Matt hits him with a Singapore cane, then puts a trash can over his head and hits him with a crutch.  Jeff hits a front suplex and goes up top, but Matt avoids the Swanton bomb.  Matt hits the Twist of Fate, but Jeff kicks out at two.  Jeff hits Matt with a chair, then sets him up on that table from earlier.  Jeff sets a chair on top of Matt, then sets another table on top of the table on which Matt is laying.  Jeff goes to the top rope and dives through the table.  Told ya so.  “HOLY SHIT” chant, but I’m pretty sure the top table actually made the spot safer.  Jeff puts Matt in the ring and covers, but Matt puts his foot on the bottom rope.  Jeff brings in a ladder, then sets up a chair and hits a leg drop off of it.  He sets up two ladders and does that “jump from the shorter ladder over the taller ladder and do a leg drop” spot, but Matt moves and Jeff dies.  Matt his a Twist of Fate using an open chair, which looks SICK, for the win at 13:15.  Good plunder match, and no doubt the best match they’ve ever had against each other.

Legends of WrestleMania video game commercial.

Randy Orton is shown in his locker room with Legacy, getting ready.  At least Dibiase and Rhodes got a second of screen time.

Lillian Garcia introduces the first Intercontinental Title match at WrestleMania in 7 years.  JBL comes down, cutting a promo about how he is returning to Texas as a champion and being the only hero Texas has, or something to that effect.  Mysterio makes his entrance with an awesome Heath Ledger Joker mask and outfit.  Lillian does the introductions in-ring, then JBL nails Mysterio with a big boot, then nails him with some punches.  The referee asks Mysterio if he still wants to wrestle.  He says he does, so we have…

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: John Bradshaw Layfield (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Mysterio ducks a kick and hits an enzuigiri, a dropkick, the 619, and the diving splash for the win in 21 seconds.  Mysterio celebrates and leaves with the gold.  JBL takes the microphone and quits, which makes the crowd pop big.  He leaves, yelling at the crowd that they’ll regret him leaving.

A nice shot of the Houston skyline.  A NASCAR driver is in the crowd.

Shawn/Taker video package.

Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.  Here we go.  Awesome entrances, as Michaels descends from above, then Taker rises from the stage.  Bell rings.  Taker looks to throw punches, but Michaels ducks and lands his own blows.  Taker gets hold of Michaels and tosses him into the turnbuckle.  Michaels responds with a defiant crotch chop.  Michaels leap frogs Taker and pounces on him.  Taker finally manages to land some punches and hammers Michaels down.  Michaels answers with chops, but Taker throws him into the corner, then back body drops him.  Taker press slams Shawn and drops an elbow.  First cover of the match gets a one count.  Taker hits Old School.  Shawn chop blocks Taker to weaken his leg, then locks in the figure-four.  Taker throws some punches and manages to escape.  Taker kicks Shawn’s ass for a minute until Michaels counters a chokeslam attempt into a crossface.  Taker finally manages to get up and drop Michaels with a side slam to escape it.  They trade blows.  Michaels hits the forearm and nips up.  Michaels knocks Taker down and goes to the top for the big elbow, but Taker gets up and catches him with the goozle.  Michaels counters the chokeslam attempt and feigns a superkick.  He goes for the figure-four again, but Taker locks in the Gogoplata.  Michaels scampers around and manages to get a rope break.  Michaels avoids the apron leg drop, causing Taker to hurt his leg again.  Michaels hits a baseball slide kick, then goes for a moonsault to the outside, but Taker avoids it.  Taker gets back in the ring and goes for a suicide dive.  Michaels pulls a camera man (played by Sim Snuka) in the way and Taker ALMOST KILLS HIMSELF.  I don’t know how he managed to not break his neck.  It was a tope suicida that almost turned into a Space Flying Tiger Drop.  Taker BARELY beats the count back in the ring.  Michaels tunes up the band and goes for the superkick, but Taker catches him with a huge chokeslam for a VERY close two count.  They counter each other’s finishes until Michaels lands the superkick for the one, two… TAKER KICKS OUT!  They rest for a moment, then Michaels nips up and stands over the dead Taker.  Taker comes back to life and goozles him, then gets up and goes for the Last Ride.  Michaels counters.  Taker goes for it again and hits it big time for the one, two, hegothimnohedidn’tcomeonref!  Taker, for some reason, goes for the diving elbow drop, but crashes and burns when Michaels moves.  When everybody gets up, Taker throws Michaels over the top rope.  Michaels skins the cat… right into the Tombstone!  Taker covers for the one, two, and MICHAELS KICKS OUT!  Taker lowers the straps to reveal his chest, which has been beaten blood red.  He goes for another Tombstone, but Michaels counters with somewhat of a DDT.  Michaels hits the diving elbow drop, then NAILS the superkick for a very believable near fall.  Taker’s not done yet, though.  They make it to their feet and trade blows until Taker knocks Shawn down.  Taker goes for the Tombstone again, but Michaels counters.  Taker runs into Michaels’ boot in the corner.  Michaels goes for another moonsault, but Taker catches him and drops him with a second Tombstone and gets the pin at 30:43.  Fucking amazing epic match here, one of the best matches in WrestleMania history.

Raw Draft special commercial.

Evander Holyfield is in the crowd.  The announcers reflect on the epic match we just saw, but still have to feign interest in the matches still to come.

Edge/Cena/Show video package.

Lillian introduces Vickie Guerrero, who is wheeled down by Chavo.  At least Chavo gets a WrestleMania payday.  Edge makes his way out, then Show.  Cena’s old music hits and a bunch of Cena look-alikes come out and line the entry way.  Then the real Cena comes out.  I guess it’s the real Cena anyway.  In-ring intros, then we have…

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena tries to out-quick the other guys, but gets knocked down.  Edge tries to form an alliance with Show, but Show quickly betrays him.  Edge is disposed of, then Show beats down Cena.  Show ends up outside the ring and Cena hits his diving Fameasser to the oustide on Show.  Edge and Cena end up in the ring.  Edge hits his DDT and gets a near fall.  Show makes it back in.  Chavo pulls Cena out of the ring and gets F-U… er, has his Attitude Adjusted for his troubles.  Show does the Andre “tied up in the ropes” spot and watches Cena beat up Edge.  Vickie gets out of her wheelchair and gets on the apron.  Edge accidentally spears her for the 374th time.  Show finally gets out and beats up everyone.  Show goes for a double chokeslam, but Cena gets away, so Edge is the only one to take it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Show counters and nails his KO punch.  Show and Edge fight outside.  Edge spears Show through the guardrail.  Edge covers Cena for a two count back in the ring.  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena counters and locks in the STF.  Show makes it back up and pulls Cena out of the ring, then headbutts him.  Show goes for a Vader bomb on Edge, but Edge avoids it.  Edge and Cena unite to suplex Show, then they clothesline him out of the ring.  Edge takes a cheap shot and gets a near fall on Cena.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Show pushes him off right into a spear from Edge in a cool spot.  Edge hops on Show’s back and tries to put him down with a sleeper.  Cena shows his retard strength and lifts both of them for the Attitude Adjuster.  Edge falls of and Show takes the move.  Cena hits it on Edge, dropping him on top of Show, then covers Show for the win at 14:43.  Not a bad match, but nothing was going to follow Shawn vs. Taker.

WrestleMania XXVI is coming to Arizona!

Justin Roberts introduces the Hall of Fame Class of 2009: The Funks (Terry & Dory Jr.), Bill Watts, Howard Finkel, Koko B. Ware, The Von Erichs (represented by Kevin Von Erich), Ricky Steamboat, and Stone Cold Steve Austin.  Austin appears on the stage in his suit, then leaves.  He comes back out on his four wheeler in an Austin 3:16 shirt.  He drives down to the ring and drinks some beer, even sharing one with good ol’ J.R.  Ross puts this over as the end of the Austin era.

Backlash!  Backlash!  BACKLASH!

Lillian announces the attendance as 72,744.

Triple H/Orton history package.

Triple H is shown walking backstage.  He runs into Vince and Shane McMahon.  They exchange nods of the head.  Main event time!

WWE Championship Match: Triple H (c) vs. Randy Orton.  Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out.  Entrances and in-ring introductions here too.  Triple H kicks Orton’s ass to start and gets told off by the referee.  Orton hits the RKO out of nowhere, but is an idiot, so doesn’t cover.  Orton goes for the punt of death, but Triple H avoids it and hits the Pedigree.  He is also an idiot and doesn’t cover.  They fight outside for a moment, then back in, then back out, then back in.  Orton begs off, but Triple H hammers him anyway.  They end up outside again.  Orton reverses Triple H and whips him into the steps, then into the time keeper’s area.  Triple H makes it back in the ring to avoid being counted out, but Orton goes to work on him.  My DVD starts skipping again.  Must have been a bad burn.  It finally starts playing right again, but my timing is going to be completely screwed now.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but Orton counters with a quick jackknife hold for a near fall.  The match speeds up a bit now, with Triple H avoiding the RKO and getting a near fall with a quick schoolboy, then catching Orton with the big spinebuster.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Orton hits his 3.0 backbreaker for a near fall.  Orton catches Triple H coming off the turnbuckle with a sweet dropkick.  Triple H avoids the punt again and sends Orton outside.  Triple H teases hitting Orton with a monitor, but thinks better of it.  They tease a Pedigree through the announce table, but Orton backdrops Triple H to the other table, which doesn’t give.  Orton drops Triple H with his sick DDT off the table and they do the big count-out tease, but Triple H makes it back in.  Orton punishes him some more.  Ref bump.  Orton hits the RKO and retrieves the sledgehammer.  Triple H catches Orton coming back in and punts him.  Triple H hits Orton with the sledgehammer, hides it, and hammers Orton with punches.  The referee wakes up and makes Triple H stop throwing punches.  Triple H hits the Pedigree for the pin at 23:34 (according to Wikipedia since my timing got fucked up).  Flattest Mania finish ever, and Orton totally got jobbed.

WrestleMania highlight video.  Fin.

WWE Monday Night Raw 3/30/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

Here we are with the go home Raw for WrestleMania 25!

WWE open, then a hearse backs into the arena.  Raw open, then Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to the show.  Tonight, something with Undertaker, I wasn’t paying attention, and John Cena vs. The Big Show.

WWE Women’s Champion Melina, Mickie James, Gail Kim, Maria, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, Alicia Fox, Eve Torres, & Tiffany Terrell vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Beth Phoenix, Michelle McCool, Natalya, Jillian Hall, Katie Lea, Nikki Bella, Layla, & Rosa Mendez.  18 woman clusterfuck.  Tiffany pinned Katie Lea with an inside cradle for the win in a couple of minutes.  Santino Marella comes down in a robe.  Santino said he went to WWE President Jack Tunney and found out he was dead.  He still wants to be in the Women’s battle royal at WrestleMania.  He disrobes to reveal some kind of gay outfit and does a gay dance around the ring.  He gets kicked out of the ring and Beth and Rosa pull him away.

Orton/Triple H replay #72,000,000,001.  Tonight: Orton’s address!  Haven’t we already been to his house?  Lawler takes on Chris Jericho NEXT!

Last week: Jericho killed Ric Flair and broke his watch.

Chris Jericho vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Apparently the Jericho vs. old guys WrestleMania match is elimination or gauntlet.  Jericho has to beat all of them, but only one of them has to beat Jericho.  Jericho and Lawler lock up, then shove each other.  King hammers Jericho with punches.  Jericho gets in a cheap shot to get the advantage.  Jericho beats on King for a while.  King makes his comeback and lowers the strap so his man tits can flap freely.  Lawler blisters Jericho with punches.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win at 3:25.  Jericho prepares to beat down Lawler some more, but Lawler lands a punch and Jericho bails.  Jericho takes the microphone and says he beat Lawler so he’s not getting back in the ring.  He says he’ll beat the old guys at WrestleMania, it’s just a matter of how.

12 Rounds hype.  I don’t care, nor will I ever.  Cena takes on Big Show TONIGHT!

Hall of Fame hype.  Commercials!

Toasty Torpedo Takedown… huh?  Cena wrestled Edge a few weeks ago and Big Show interfered.

Todd Grisham interviews John Cena.  Or tries to.  Edge steps in and recommends that he and Cena unite to take out Big Show.  Cena declines.

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. talk to Cole about Randy Orton.  Rhodes has on a new Legacy t-shirt.  Orton’s WrestleMania Address tonight will CHANGE WWE FOREVER!

Some people pull a casket out of the hearse.  Shawn Michaels pops out and mouths something.  Commercial.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield.  Yeah, lots of people are going to buy WrestleMania to see the exact match they just saw on TV.  JBL cuts a promo saying he wants this match for some kind of psychological advantage or something.  Rey tries to use his speed, but JBL overwhelms him with his size.  Commercial!  Back from break, JBL continues to overwhelm Mysterio.  Mysterio takes a fall away slam and roles out of the ring.  JBL goes out and puts the boots to him.  JBL brings him back in the ring and Mysterio makes a comeback.  Bombs Away and an enzuigiri from Mysterio.  JBL avoids a 619 attempt, but Mysterio hits it on the second try and follows with the frog splash for the win at 6:45.  That means JBL is winning at WrestleMania.

Replay of the Cena’s promo from Smackdown.  He’ll face Big Show NEXT!

WrestleMania XI video.

John Cena vs. The Big Show.  I’m not paying much attention, but Show has the advantage in the early minutes.  Big Show does a baseball slide dropkick of all things as we go to commercial.  Back from break, Show has Cena in a Camel Clutch like move.  Cena counters a chokeslam and hits that weird DDT/suplex Show always takes.  Cena goes for the STF, but Show blasts him with an elbow.  Cena goes for the F-U, but his back is hurt.  Show hits the chokeslam for the clean win at 10:37.  Edge shows up and pounds on Cena.

Orton’s WrestleMania address TONIGHT!

Replay of the Undertaker/Michaels stuff from Smackdown.  Michaels leads the pall bearers our way.  Commercial.

WrestleMania Axxess video.  Looks like lots of awesome stuff to do.

Moments ago: Cena/Show.

Shawn Michaels cuts his usual promo on Undertaker in the ring.  The ring is set up to look like a funeral or something.  The lights go out and Taker appears in the ring.  Michaels has disappeared.  Taker throws all the shit in the ring around.  Michaels appears from under the casket and lands the Sweet Chin Music.  Michaels runs away, Taker is mad, same old shit.

12 Rounds hype again.

Moments ago: Michaels/Undertaker stuff.

Hall of Fame hype: The awesome Steve Austin video plays.

WrestleMania hype I think.  I wasn’t paying attention.

Dibiase and Rhodes are with security guards.

Time for another Money In The Bank preview match!  CM Punk and Kane come out.  Commercial break, then Hardy vs. Hardy hype video.  That’s stupid.  Can’t it wait until after the match?

Battle Royal: CM Punk vs. Kane vs. WWE United States Champion Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Christian vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Mark Henry (w/ Tony Atlas) vs. Finlay (w/ Hornswoggle).  Everybody fights.  Henry eliminates Finlay.  Hornswoggle distracts Henry and everyone dumps Henry out.  MVP and Benjamin fight on the apron.  Kane knocks them both to the floor to eliminate them.  Punk (I think) eliminates his former tag team parter Kofi Kingston.  Christian tries to eliminate Punk, but Punk fights back and hits his running knee in the corner.  Christian counters the bulldog and throws Punk out, but Punk holds on.  Kane throws Christian into Punk and they both go to the floor to give Kane the win at 3:38.  I think Punk hit first, if it matters.  Kane climbs the ladder and takes down the briefcase.  The build to this match has been retarded and repetitive.

Dibiase and Rhodes come with security to escort Orton to the ring.  Orton’s WrestleMania address is NEXT!

Randy Orton comes out and talks for a while.  They show Triple H turning on Orton back in 2004, Orton eliminating Triple H to win the Royal Rumble this year, and Orton’s various attacks on the McMahon family.  Orton says the IED was bullshit, which everyone knew.  He threatens the fans to shut up and listen to him talk or else.  They show the beatdown from last week.  He says he talked to Vickie Guerrero and she decreed that Triple H can lose the title by DQ or count-out and if Triple H brings a sledgehammer to the ring it’s an automatic DQ.  Orton calls for Dibiase and Rhodes to bring the security out.  He calls out Triple H because there’s an empty limo in the parking lot.  Mr. McMahon comes out instead!  Orton looks shocked.  Vince gets ready to fight.  Shane comes out next, followed by Triple H.  The McMahon men kick the shit out of Orton’s security detail, then brawl with Legacy.  Orton and Triple H end up brawling in the ring as the show fades to black.

WrestleMania 25 this Sunday on PPV!

I apologize for this review being so shitty.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/19/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open then the annual Martin Luther King Day video.

6 months ago: The set fell on Mr. McMahon.  Raw open.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler welcome us to Raw LIVE from Chicago!  Technically, Rosemont, but I’m nitpicking.  We’re kicking things off tonight with a Royal Rumble Preview: Six-man Battle Royal!

Battle Royal: Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Kane vs. Santino Marella vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes.  Priceless has had their music remixed.  It sounds awful.  There’s a brief malfunction with the lights.  Kofi and Santino go at it while Legacy goes after Kane.  Dibiase dumps Santino.  Rhodes dumps Kingston.  Kane eliminates Rhodes, then Dibiase.  No, wait, Dibiase hands on!  Kane tries to put Orton out, but Dibiase gets involved and all three go over.  Orton hangs on and prevents his feet from touching the ground at to win at 1:50.

TONIGHT: Cena and JBL sign on the dotted line for the Rumble title match.  Commercial.

Backstage, CM Punk is preparing for yet another Intercontinental Championship match with William Regal tonight.  If they don’t get a proper match this week, I’m going to be pissed.

Non-Title: WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly.  It’s quick and fairly painless, as Beth wins with the Glam Slam in 1:10.

Orton and Dibiase are chatting backstage.  Rhodes comes in and says that Manu and Sim Snuka were in Stephanie McMahon’s office, and the rumor is Stephanie is going to fire Orton tonight.

Cena/JBL Rumble hype, emphasis on Shawn Michaels.

They put over that today is Bush’s last day in office.  Still to come tonight: Mr. McMahon returns and Rey Mysterio faces Mike Knox.

Backstage, Santino informs Beth that he’s hired Rosa Mendez as their new intern.  I see a love triangle coming.

Stephanie is on the phone with her nanny when Orton comes in.  Stephanie says Orton isn’t getting fired, so he can stop sucking up.  They end up arguing.  Stephanie slaps him.  Commercial.

John Cena has a new movie coming out.  Oh dear.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match (No DQ): William Regal (c) (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  Punk is the hometown hero.  Hopefully that means he’s going over.  He also has a spot in the Royal Rumble.  Collar and elbow tie up to start.  Regal grabs a headlock.  Punk breaks away and hits a dropkick.  Punk blasts Regal with kicks.  The fight outside briefly.  Punk works Regal’s arm.  Regal makes it to the ropes as we take a commercial break.  Dammit.  Back from break, Punk has Regal in the Anaconda Vice on the ropes.  It’s No DQ, so he doesn’t have to break.  Layla forces him to break it.  Regal does that nasty “kick Punk’s head into the turnbuckle” bit he did in their match last summer.  Regal hits a drop toehold in the ring and goes for the Regal Stretch, then knees Punk in the head to try to weaken him.  Punk gets out and fires up with kicks.  Punk hits the corner knee and goes the bulldog, but Regal counters with a half-nelson suplex!  Regal blasts Punk with knees to the head.  They fight on the top rope, but Punk kicks Regal away.  Punk is FIRED UP!  He goes for a cross body off the top but Regal ducks.  Regal goes for the knee kick, but Punk dodges and NAILS the Go 2 Sleep to win the title at 9:47!  PUNK WINS!  Punk celebrates hard in front of his adoring hometown fans.

Last week: Cena and Michaels had an awesome match.  Tonight: I wasn’t paying attention, but I’m sure it was the Cena/JBL signing.

Back from commercial, Jerry Lawler is in the ring to moderate the contract signing.  JBL (w/ Michaels) comes out first.  Cena follows to a big pop.  Cena says Shawn isn’t broken, he’s still got it.  JBL talks about Shawn like he’s not even though.  Shawn finally has enough and tells JBL he despises him, but will continue to work for him to provide for his family.  They banter back and forth.  I don’t really pay attention.  It ends, of course, with JBL cheapshotting Cena.  Michaels goes to give Cena a superkick, but Cena ducks and JBL kicks Cena.  JBL lariats Cena and leaves him laying.

WWE Slam of the Week: Last week, Rey Mysterio finally fought back against Mike Knox.

Rey Mysterio vs. Mike Knox.  Rey comes out wearing one of those masks he likes to wear over his masks.  Sorry Rey, but no matter how many masks you wear, you will never match the awesomeness of Knox’s beard.  Todd Grisham tries to catch a word with Mike Knox on his way to the ring.  Knox says he doesn’t have anything against Mysterio and doesn’t have a reason for attacking him.  Well, at least they explained it.  Mysterio goes for the 619 early, but Knox catches his leg and does that slingshot move Albert used to do.  Knox attacks Mysterio in the corner and the ref calls for the DQ at 2:30.  Knox gives Rey his finish after the match.

Stephanie McMahon finds Chris Jericho in her office.  He tells her Vince said he can plead his case tonight.

Smackdown Rebound: Edge was happy Jeff Hardy wasn’t hurt in the car accident, but then Jeff’s pyro exploded!  If he had seen Ready To Rumble, he’d know to watch out for the pyro.  Jeff vs. Edge for the WWE Title this Sunday at the Rumble!

World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz are in the ring.  They want to commemorate this Royal Rumble by beating the winner of the very first Royal Rumble, Hacksaw Jim Duggan!  Cryme Tyme come out instead and say Duggan is gone on a special assignment, but they have a counter offer.  They want a title shot.  Miz & Morrison say they’re not going to give them a title shot.  Cryme Tyme say they’ll earn their shot.  We have a non-title match!

Non-Title: World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz vs. Cryme Tyme.  Shad pins Morrison with a STO-type move at 1:22.  Geeze, 3 matches tonight under 2 minutes, one under 3, and the longest was under 10.

Earlier tonight: Stephanie slapped Randy Orton.

Lawler and Cole hype the Royal Rumble Match.

Cody Rhodes is chatting with Mickie James backstage.  His brother, Goldust, steps in and gives Cody a copy of the Starrcade DVD.  Cody says he doesn’t need it.  He joined with Orton so he wouldn’t waste his talents like Goldust did.  He says when they make a Cody Rhodes DVD, he’ll send his brother and dad a copy.  I’ll buy a copy, then sprinkle some salt on the spots where hell just froze over.

A limo arrives, presumably carrying Mr. McMahon.

Tomorrow night on ECW, a fatal four-way match!

Jillian sings.  Badly.  Again.  They show the beatdown she and Beth gave Melina last week, which leads to…

Jillian Hall vs. Melina.  Santino, Rosa, and Beth come out.  Jillian and Melina botch a sidewalk slam.  Melina wins in 1:23, I think with the Code Red, but I wasn’t paying attention.  Rosa attacks Melina after the match, then Beth gives Melina the Glam Slam.

Dolph Ziggler is backstage talking to Candice Michelle.  Mr. McMahon steps in and introduces himself, but Ziggler is star struck and can’t remember his name.  Heh.

Earlier tonight: Cena/JBL/Michaels stuff.

Mr. McMahon hits the ring!  He calls out Jericho to air his grievances.  He complains about the horrible job Stephanie has done running things.  Vince calls out Stephanie to retort.  Vince tells Jericho he’s not going to reinstate him or fire Stephanie, and that he and Steph will run Raw together.  Stephanie says Jericho can have his job back if he apologizes.  Jericho initially refuses, but then does.  Not good enough, though.  Steph wants him to apologize to the fans.  On his knees.  Jericho drops to his knees and gives a half-hearted apology to the fans.  Stephanie tells Jericho she’ll see him at the Rumble, then tells him to leave.  Vince and Steph hug as Orton’s music hits.  He’s still smarting from the slap.  Orton wants Steph to apologize.  Vince says no.  Orton says he’s worth more than Stephanie.  Stephanie gets angry and Vince tells her to leave.  Vince orders Orton to apologize, or he’s fired.  Orton tells Vince he doesn’t want to do that.  Vince says “YOU’RE…,” then Orton slaps him and kicks him in the head.  Vince is dead.  Stephanie and agents, among them DEAN MALENKO!, check on him.  They put Vince in a neckbrace as the show fades to black.

WWE Monday Night Raw 1/5/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Originally posted on 1/6/09.

We start with a recap of the Michaels/JBL angle from last week.

The first live shot is Chris Jericho and Randy Orton in the ring.  Jericho whines about Michaels and JBL working together in the four-way last week.  They say they have filed formal complaints and want JBL removed from the Royal Rumble title match.  This is ricockulous.  JBL’s music hits, and Cole and Lawler finally introduce us the show LIVE from New Orleans!  Wait, Michaels is riding in the limo with JBL!  JBL tells them to shut up, because he won the title shot.  Jericho makes a valid point, saying that for months last year he tries to tell everyone that Michaels was a sellout, and it turned out he was right.  Stephanie McMahon finally comes out and upholds the referee’s decision, since Shawn actually didn’t lay down, he got knocked down.  Stephanie tells Jericho and Orton that they are both in the Rumble match.  Jericho says Shawn shouldn’t be allowed in the Rumble.  JBL agrees, and says Shawn’s only job at the Rumble is to support JBL as he goes for the title.  Stephanie books Jericho & Orton vs. Michaels & Cena for tonight.  Shawn plays the pathetic, miserable old guy remarkable well.

CM Punk vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship TONIGHT!

WWE Slam of the Week: the Diva Battle Royal and subsequent Beth/Melina brawl from last week.

Goldust & Melina vs. Santino Marella & WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix.  Melina pins Beth with a jackknife hold at 3:17.  Rosa Mendez jumps the guardrail and attacks Melina before security takes her away.  Melina jumps the guardrail and goes after her again anyway, then comes back to celebrate her win.

Todd Grisham interviews CM Punk.  Punk says he wants to add his name to the list of great Intercontinental Champions such as Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart, and Mr. Perfect.  Punk even mentions that he lost to Regal in the King of the Ring final last year, so he wants revenge for that… even though he beat Regal clean in a non-title match when he was World Champion.  Anyway, it’s next, and it’s gonna rule!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: William Regal (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  This is going to own.  Regal, being an awesome prick, uses Layla as a shield so Punk can’t dive on him.  Regal then does what he does best: beating the fuck out of someone.  Punk fights back with his usual strikes.  Punk gets Regal up for the Go 2 Sleep, but Regal grabs the ref to cause the DQ at 2:56.  FUCK.  RESTART!  Dammit, where’s… oh, there she is.  Dammit, no restart, but close: Stephanie says Punk will have a rematch, and if Regal gets DQ’d, he loses the title.  WHEN?  Dammit.  Oh well, at least they’re keeping the angle going.

JBL tells Michaels how much it will benifit him to help Jericho and Orton destroy Cena tonight.

Randy Orton tells Cody Rhodes and Sim Snuka that they passed phased one, and if they win their matches tonight, they’re in.  Manu walks up and asks for a second chance, citing, correctly, that Orton lost his match last week too.  Orton rips into him and tells him that he will never be part of the group, and that he never wanted to see his face again.

Dolph Ziggler introduces himself to Mickie James as Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston head to the ring for the Tag Team title shot.  It’s NEXT!

This Friday night on Smackdown: Triple H pissed of Vickie, so now he’s gonna get fucked up!

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Kofi Kingston.  What exactly have Mysterio & Kingston done as a team to warrant a tag title shot?  Miz & Morrison cut a promo before the match.  During Rey’s entrance, they show clips from the 10-man tag last week.  In less than a minute, the show goes to commercial.  Back from break, Miz works over Rey, but Rey makes the hot tag and Kofi cleans house.  Morrison pulls Kofi’s leg and makes him fall off the top rope, then Morrison works over Kofi’s leg.  Kofi later does a nip up rana on Morrison.  More than one person in WWE is ripping off AJ Styles!  Kofi finally hot tags Mysterio.  Mysterio hits the 619, but before he can springboard, he has to deal with Miz, and Morrison recovers to catch him coming off the top with his kick to retain the titles at 11:53.  Mike Knox destroys Mysterio after the match… again.

Michaels is getting ready in the locker room.  Cena comes in and wonders what he should expect from HBK tonight.

Buy the Edge DVD, it’s good!

Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall.  Last week, it was revealed that Orton banged Kelly and then wouldn’t return her calls.  Jillian comes out singing “When The Saints Go Marching In.”  Badly.  Because that’s her gimmick.  I can’t sing and I have big boobs.  Can I get a job with WWE?  Jillian gets heat on Kelly, Kelly makes a comeback.  Kelly goes for a victory roll, but Jillian sits on it and almost gets the pin.  Kelly hits a leg drop that was more like a Fameasser for the win at 4:22.  Jillian attacks Kelly after the match, but Kane comes out!  Kane says Kelly now knows it doesn’t feel so good being rejected.  He says next week he’s going to eviscerate Randy Orton.  Huh?

Royal Rumble hype.

More hype for Triple H facing Triple Jeopardy on Smackdown.

Oh, eviscerate means “to take out the entrails of.”

Cody Rhodes & Sim Snuka vs. Cryme Tyme.  This match started while I was consulting a dictionary.  Rhodes and Snuka have to win to stay in Orton’s group.  Good guys get heat on JTG until he makes the hot tag to Shad.  He cleans house, then JTG comes back in.  Rhodes hits the Roll of the Dice (that move Reno did in WCW… I think Test did it too) on JTG for the win at 5:52.

JBL is UP TO SOMETHING!

Tomorrow night on ECW, Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger!  Tomorrow night at night on Sci-Fi!

Plug for Kennedy’s movie.

Orton congratulates Rhodes, then tells Sim he’s out since he didn’t win the fall.

Stephanie tells Santino and Beth that Rosa Mendez is banned.  I think.  Santino says funny things.  They leave.  Jericho walks in and asks Stephanie why JBL was in her office earlier.  Jericho tells Stephanie that Vince McMahon will return to Raw in two weeks.  Stephanie looks worried.

The main event is NEXT!

Chris Jericho & Randy Orton vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena & Shawn Michaels.  Michaels cooperates with Cena a little early.  JBL comes out to watch as the show goes to commercial.  Dammit.  Back from break, Michaels gets away from Orton and tags Cena in.  Cena goes for the F-U and Michaels actually blocks Jericho from stopping it.  Orton rakes Cena’s eyes to get out, then Cena accidentally almost F-U’s Shawn.  I don’t pay attention for a minute, then Jericho is working Cena over.  Cena goes for the F-U, but Jericho counters with a DDT.  Awesome.  Cena plays face in peril.  Cena finally hits the diving Fameasser thing on Jericho.  Cena tries to tag Michaels, but Jericho tags Orton first and Orton stops Cena from making the tag.  Cena makes the tag and Shawn looks undecided about what to do.  Jericho makes the decision for him by attacking him, so Michaels has to defend himself.  Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Shawn gets his knees up.  Shawn does the slam and the diving elbow, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Turnabout is fairplay.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Michaels gets an inside cradle.  Orton breaks the cover.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Cena and goes for the RKO, but Shawn superkicks him, then superkicks Jericho for the pin at 15:55.

Todd Grisham asks JBL and Michaels’ actions.  JBL says he talked to Stephanie McMahon earlier, and next week it’s Michaels (w/ JBL) vs. Cena.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/17/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Edge comes out and cuts a promo.  They show a video recapping the WORST STORYLINE EVER between Edge, Kane, and Paul Bearer, complete with WACKY MUSIC~!  Edge wants to forget that it ever happened, and so do I, but what has been seen cannot be unseen.  Edge talks about what a dick Kane is, which somehow justifies Edge being a dick.  He’ll win the belt Sunday or whatever.

Video of The Miz on a talk show hosted by that idiot who was in that Taxi movie with Queen Latifah.

Tonight, The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio!  Commercials.

Edge talks to Teddy Long backstage.  They’re worried that Kane won’t show up for the PPV.  Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio come in and bicker about who should get a title shot.  Long adds Mysterio and Del Rio to the TLC Match at the PPV.  It’ll be a three-way or a four-way, depending on whether or not Kane shows up.

Kofi Kingston & Kaval vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Jack Swagger.  Swagger and Kaval lock up.  Swagger beats on him.  They’re in the corner, so the referee gets in the way.  Kaval goes for a handspring attack, but Swagger catches him.  Kaval lands a spin kick for 2.  Kaval ranas Swagger out of the ring.  Kofi throws Ziggler outside.  Kofi and Kaval hit stereo suicide dives.  Commercials.  Swagger cranks on Kaval’s shoulders and neck.  The heels used nefarious tactics to get the advantage during the break.  They get the heat on Kaval.  Kaval lands on on his feet from a German suplex and ALMOST makes the tag, but Swagger cuts him off, so they keep the heat going.  Swagger goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Kaval turns it into a sunset flip into a double stomp.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise.  Ziggler ducks.  Kofi hits the S.O.S.  Swagger saves.  Kaval takes Swagger to the floor.  Ziggler gets a schoolboy.  Kofi rolls through and hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 10:54.  Good little tag match.  Swagger decks Ziggler after the match.  Vickie screams at him.  I wish he’d give her the Doctor Bomb.

Jack Korpela interviews WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  He’s on Smackdown because he’s super busy.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

JTG does a segment called “Str8 Outta Brooklyn” where he just talks about random shit.

Kelly Kelly and Kaitlyn talk while Kelly does her makeup.  Drew McIntyre hits on Kelly.  Kaitlyn blows him off for her.  That was pointless.

Speaking of pointless, we get more Cody Rhodes grooming tips.  Commercials.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Masters.  Rhodes shoves Masters, then covers his face.  Masters hits him in the back, then slaps him and beats on him.  Masters hits a press slam.  Masters hits corner punches.  Rhodes hot shots him into the top rope and hits the Cross Rhodes for the pin in 1:07.  That was abrupt.

Rey Mysterio is headed our way!  Commercials.

Non-Title: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley).  They lock up.  Mysterio takes him down and goes for a sleeper.  Miz gets the ropes.  They lock up again.  Miz grabs a side head lock and hits a shoulder block.  Mysterio does the drop down, leapfrog, eat a clothesline bit.  Wait, that’s not how that usually goes, is it?  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio hits a flying headscissors, then stomps Miz in the corner and hits a running dropkick.  Mysterio goes up top.  Miz trips him.  Riley gets a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Miz hits a sliding dropkick on Mysterio against the post.  Miz applies a rear chin lock.  Mysterio gets out and eats a boot to the face.  Mysterio ducks a running kick and fights back.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Miz bails.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Riley helps Miz up, then takes Rey’s seated senton off the apron.  Miz boots Mysterio in the face.  Commercials.  Miz has Mysterio in the double arm pull into the knee thing.  Mysterio fights out.  Miz hits him with a modified uranage for 2.  Mysterio hits a spinning DDT and a rebound cross body for 2.  Miz ducks a Buzzsaw kick and sends Mysterio into the turnbuckles.  Miz hits the corner clothesline and goes up top.  Mysterio cuts him off and hits a top rope Frankensteiner!  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alex Riley gets on the apron.  Alberto Del Rio appears and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio dropkicks Del Rio through the ropes and goes for the diving splash on Miz.  Miz gets his knees up, then gets the pin 13:15.  Good match, much better than the Raw match, but with the same interference.  Del Rio attacks Mysterio.  Edge runs in for the save.  Edge and Mysterio fight off Miz and Del Rio.  Teddy Long comes out and books Miz & Del Rio vs. Edge & Mysterio for later tonight.  Damn, Mysterio and Miz just did an almost 15 minute match.  Commercials.

Smack of the Night: The Diva Battle Royal from Raw.

The Slammy Award winning and obnoxious Michelle McCool and Layla come out to be obnoxious… and Slammy Award winning.  They don’t want to do the match at the PPV.  WWE Divas Champion Natalya and Beth Phoenix bring out a gift wrapped table.  They banter.  LayCool are obnoxious some more.  Beth unwraps the table.  It has painting of LayCool as ugly witches.  They fight.  The heels escape getting put through the table… for now.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov are headed our way!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Tyler Reks.  Snatino grabs Reks in a side headlock.  Reks breaks free.  They shoulder block each other.  Neither fall, but Santino hurts himself and tags out.  Reks slams Kozlov.  Kozlov hits the battering ram headbutts.  Reks knocks him down and stomps on him.  Chavo tags himself in and hits a basement dropkick for 1.  Kozlov throws him off.  Kozlov hits a powerslam.  Santino tags in and hits Chavo with a judo throw for 2.  Chavo avoids the falling headbutt and beats on Santino.  Reks tags in and beats up Santino.  Cover gets 2.  Chavo tags in to keep the heat going.  He fails, as Santino immediately makes his comeback and makes the hot tag to Kozlov.  Chavo tries to cut him off, but Kozlov kicks his ass.  Chavo comes off the top, but Kozlov shoves him away, then pushes Reks off the apron.  Santino tags in and hits Chavo with the Cobra, followed by a schoolboy for the pin in 3:38.  Fun for what it was.

Tonight, Edge & Mysterio vs. Miz & Del Rio!  Commercials.

Ezekiel Jackson comes to Smackdown next week!  Why did they trade him to Raw in the first place then?

Raw Rebound.

TLC hype.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials!

WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) & Alberto Del Rio vs. Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz and Edge lock up.  Edge grabs a side headlock and hits a shoulder block.  Edge takes Miz down with a headlock takeover.  Miz takes over and tags in Del Rio.  Del Rio hits a body slam for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Stuff happens.  Miz tags back in.  Mysterio tags in and double teams Miz with Edge.  Cover gets 2.  Miz avoids Mysterio in the corner and Mysterio spears the post.  Miz hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Del Rio tags in and keeps the heat on his enemy.  Mysterio takes his “sliding under the ropes to the floor” bump.  Del Rio puts the boots to him on the outside.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Mysterio continues to play face in peril until he rolls through the (mandatory in every Mysterio match) sunset flip and lands a head kick on Del Rio.  Edge and Miz tag in.  Edge runs wild.  Edge goes for the spear.  Riley trips him.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Del Rio saves.  Cut the backstage, where Kane has killed people.  Mysterio hits the 619 on Del Rio.  Edge spears Miz.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out and attacks Edge.  Del Rio attacks Mysterio.  Pretty much everyone comes out to break up the fight between Kane and Edge: Kaval, Kofi Kingston, Curt Hawkins, Trent Barreta, Drew McIntyre, JTG, Chris Masters, Dolph Ziggler, Vladimir Kozlov, Chavo Guerrero Jr., Jack Swagger, and Santino Marella.  Of course, Kane and Edge fight off the roster.  Kane chokeslams Barreta.  Edge spears Kane.  Fade to black.  I was digging this match until the non-finish.

Best Smackdown in many weeks.  By that I mean it was decent instead of fucking horrible.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.