Archive for Batista

WWE Monday Night Raw 6/15/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then cut to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler telling us that Mr. McMahon will be here tonight.  Replay of the Legacy beatdown and destruction of Batista’s arm last week, then Triple H’s return and yet another burial of Randy Orton.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Charlotte, North Carolina!  Matt Striker and Josh Matthews from ECW and Jim Ross and Todd Grisham from Smackdown are there too.  Justin Roberts introduces the first match, for the Intercontinental Championship!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Jericho cuts his usual promo before the match.  Mysterio looks pissed.  I hope the belt doesn’t change, because I fucked up starting the timer.  Mysterio owns Jericho to start.  Mysterio crashes on the outside.  Commercials.  Jericho works over Mysterio and hits that swank spinning backbreaker drop from the PPV, then goes for the mask again.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and dropkicks Jericho.  Mysterio hits the flying headscissors, then the Bombs Away for 2.  Jericho gets dropkicked out of the ring, they Rey hits a tope suicida.  Back inside, Jericho goes for a superplex, but Mysterio turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for a slow 2 count.  Rey goes for his flip bulldog, but Jericho squashes him and gets 2.  Rey avoids the Walls.  Jericho avoids the 619 and thinks of going for one himself.  Rey catches him with a moonsault for 2.  Mysterio hits the 619 and goes for the West Coast Pop.  Jericho rips the mask and NAILS the Codebreaker for 3 at about 9 minutes.  Good match, a short, compact version of their recent PPV matches.

Tonight, a Four-Way Match for the vacant WWE Championship!  Mr. McMahon is NEXT!

Josh Matthews interviews Randy Orton.  John Cena steps in and takes over the interview.  Cena reminds Orton that he and Big Show are in the Four-Way tonight too, so don’t get too focused on Triple H.

Last week: Vickie Guerrero quit as Raw GM.

Vince McMahon appears on screen.  He says he’s not going to announce a new GM, because he sold Monday Night Raw!  He’ll announce who the new owner is after the WWE Championship match.

Moments ago: What I just wrote.  Cole and Lawler are SHOCKED.

ECW Championship Match: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian.  They start.  Christian hits a swank elbow shot from the middle rope.  Dreamer fires up with punches, then face plants Christian.  Dreamer hits a reverse DDT, then NAILS Christian with a lariat for 2.  Dreamer squashes a sunset flip attempt for 2, then Christian turns the cradle over for 2.  Christian avoids the DDT.  Dreamer avoids the Killswitch and gets an inside cradle for the win at 3:24.

Tonight, CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Jeff Hardy and Edge!  Plus, Orton vs. Triple H vs. Cena vs. Show for the WWE Championship is NEXT!

Please, don’t try this at home!

The Bella Twins and Kelly Kelly have some airheaded speculation about who bought Raw.

ANOTHER replay of the shit from last week.  Do we really need to see it again?  Pics of Batista’s surgery.  Gross.

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena vs. Triple H.  Entrances, intros, and the going feuds pair off.  40 seconds in, we go to commercial.  Back, Cena and Triple H take out the heels, then go at it themselves.  Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Triple H hits the spinebuster.  Pedigree counter into an F-U attempt, but Show comes in and clotheslines them both.  Goes back to Cena vs. Show and HHH vs. Orton.  Orton comes in to break a Show’s cover.  Show goes for a double chokeslam on Triple H and Cena, but they suplex him.  Orton tries to put Show, but Show catches his foot, then kicks his ass.  Show dominates for a bit and tosses Orton and HHH from the ring.  Show slams Cena and hits the Vader Bomb, but Orton breaks the cover.  Show tosses Orton out of the ring again.  Show spears the shit out of Triple H for 2.  Triple H avoids the Vader Bomb.  Orton tries to RKO Show, but gets tossed away.  Pedigree to Show.  Attitude Adjustment to Triple H.  Cena covers Triple H, but gets tossed off the cover.  Attutude Adjustment to Show.  Orton brekas the cover and tosses Cean out.  Orton RKOs Show for the win at 11:14.  Lame at first, but the closing stretch was good.  Orton is champ again.  What was the fucking point of Batista winning the belt in the first place?

Mr. McMahon is headed our way!

Tomorrow night on ECW: Evan Bourne vs. Mark Henry!

Vince comes down and announces that Donald Trump is the new owner of Raw.  Trump appears on the big screen and says next week’s Raw will be commercial free, and he’ll be there to oversee it.  Vince says that he’s still in charge tonight, and there will be a 10 man battle royal to determine who will face Randy Orton for the title at The Bash.

World Title match is next!

Replay of what just happened.  Cole and Lawler discuss it.

Mickie James vs. Rosa Mendez.  Beth comes out with Rosa, but Rosa tells her to leave.  The Divas Champion Maryse comes down to watch.  Rosa shows a lot of fire, but Mickie fights back and wins with the DDT at 2:50.  Maryse teases coming in the ring, then bails.

Goldust and Hornswoggle shoot t-shirts out to the crowd.  The Miz in anti-Cena garb, says he’s the new face of Raw, he’ll win the battle royal, speak in a British accent, etc.  He tells Goldust and Hornswoggle to leave.  Goldust tells Miz he doesn’t know how to play mind games, and makes an Ahmed Johnson reference!  Goldust tells Miz his interviews are piss break segments and that he’s a loser.  Miz retorts, then cheapshots Goldust and drops him with a DDT.  He threatens Hornswoggle with the t-shirt bazooka, then shoots him in the balls with it.  Now that’s a heel, folks.  Only a true bad guy would shoot a midget in the balls with a t-shirt gun.

World Title match is NEXT!  Wasn’t it supposed to be like 20 minutes ago?

Stills from the Hardy/Edge/Punk stuff from the PPV.

Josh Matthews interviews the World Heavyweight Champion, CM Punk.  Punk has “MISAWA” written on his wrist tape.  That’s a nice touch.  Matt Hardy interrupts and tells him he approves of what he did.  Punk tells Matt he’s never been World Champion.

Edge and Hardy enter for the title match.  Commercials!  Next, Donald Trump on a commercial-free Raw!

Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Edge vs. Jeff Hardy.  Within the first 90 seconds, Punk hits a tope suicida on Edge, then Hardy hits a dive outside onto both of them.  Punk and Jeff go at it in the ring for a minute, then Edge comes in and tosses Jeff out.  Edge sets up a superplex, but Jeff comes in and drops Edge, then tries to deliver it himself.  Edge sets up a Doomsday Device, but Hardy dodges Punk’s dropkick and gets a near fall on Edge with a victory roll.  Triple clothesline spot as we go to break.  Back from break, Punk works over Edge as Jeff is on the outside.  Jeff comes in, so Punk nails them both.  He covers them both after the corner bulldog/something to Jeff spot,  but both kick out.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep on Jeff, but Edge chop blocks his knee and applies the Sharpshooter.  It gets broken somehow.  Punk leapfrogs a spear and gets a sunset flip on Edge, when Hardy dropkicks Edge in to, then breaks the cover.  Jeff does some stuff and gets 2 on Punk.  Punk nails Hardy with a knee to the face.  Jeff goes up for the Swanton, but Edge pushes him off and tries to spear Punk.  Punk catches him with a powerslam for 2.  Edge avoids the Go 2 Sleep and pushes Punk into Hardy.  Punk reversed the Twist of Fate into a Go 2 Sleep attempt.  Hardy escapes and leap frogs another spear, so Edge ends up spearing the shit out of Hardy.  Punk gets knocked out of the ring by Edge and injures his knee on the steps.  Officials check on Punk as Edge and Hardy hit a double cross body on each other.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind, but Punk makes it in to break the cover.  Hardy kicks the shit out of Punk’s leg.  Edge gets an inside cradle on Hardy for a close 2.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but Punk pulls him off the cover.  Punk sends Hardy into the ring steps and covers Edge for the win at 15:40.  Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long comes out and tells Punk he’ll defend the title against Jeff Hardy at the Bash.

Earlier tonight: Orton wins the belt.  Later tonight: a 10 man battle royal!

Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase Jr. are at ringside to do commentary on this next match.

Non-Title: The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natayla) vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon.  Colons will defend against Legacy at The Bash.  Primo and Smith start.  Primo tries to do a rana and lands on his head.  Ouch.  After a minute, Carlito tags in.  Primo hits a dive to the outside on Tyson Kidd.  Carlito hits the Backstabber on Smith, then Legacy runs in to cause the DQ at 2:23.  Legacy stands tall with their new awful music.  I was expecting a good match here, but it got cut way short.

Triple H is headed our way for the 10-man battle royal!

Replay of the Trump shit again.

Santino Marella seeks assurance from Vince that he and his “sister” will still have their jobs.  Vince tells him Trump will do whatever he wants.  Vince’s cell phone rings.  It’s Donald Trump.  Trump wants to make a big announcement after the battle royal.  Santino pisses off Vince and leaves.  Vince calls him a pervert.

Most of the entries for the battle royal come out.  Break, then they show a graphic for 2 matches for Smackdown, which Ross says is wrong.  FAIL.  The last 2 entrants come out so we can have our match.  Triple H enters to his rarely used King of Kings theme, which is awesome.

Battle Royal to determine the #1 Contender to the WWE Championship:
Ted Dibiase Jr. vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Matt Hardy vs. William Regal vs. WWE United States Champion Kofi Kingston vs. The Miz vs. The Big Show vs. Triple H vs. John Cena.  Everybody brawls.  Orton comes out to watch.  Show tosses Matt for the first elimination 3 1/2 minutes in.  MVP lands the Yakuza kick on Show, then gets eliminated by him.  Show chokeslams Miz.  Everyone eliminates Show.  Miz is on the outside, but I don’t think he was eliminated.  Break.  Legacy almost dumps Triple H, but fails, thanks to Cena attacking Legacy.  Cena and Triple H ends up going at it.  Legacy stops them briefly, then the double clothesline each other.  Kofi has an impressive run against Legacy, but they eliminate him.  Regal kicks their ass, but they dump him too.  Down to Legacy, Triple H, and Cena.  Cena makes a big comeback against Legacy.  He eliminates Dibiase, then tosses Rhodes, who hangs on.  Triple H eliminates Rhodes.  Triple H Pedigrees Cena.  Legacy runs back in and beat down Triple H until the refs make them leave.  Miz sneaks back and charges them, but gets lowbridged out.  Triple H dumps Cena to win at 17:39.  Fuck, now we get to suffer another Triple H/Orton abortion.

Donald Trump appears on the screen and congratulations Triple H.  He tells him the title match won’t be at the PPV, but on next week’s commercial-free Raw in a Last Man Standing Match.  FUCK.

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WWE Extreme Rules 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, followed by the PPV intro video.  Michael Cole welcomes us to the show as Lillian Garcia introduces the first match.

Fatal Four-Way Match for WWE United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. William Regal vs. Matt Hardy vs. Montel Vontavious Porter.  Cole and Lawler are on commentary, and put over Kingston beating MVP for the title this past Monday on Raw.  Typical double team/pair off and brawl stuff early on.  Kofi is awesome.  Cole gets in his “Controlled Frenzy” for the night.  Regal beats the shit out of Kingston, which is always good stuff.  Regal sets up a butterfly suplex on Kofi.  MVP tries to turn it into a Tower of Doom spot, but they botch it.  Kofi and Regal still take the bump, though.  Hardy comes in fresh after staying outside for a bit and tries to pin everyone.  Everyone kicks out.  Matt sets up the Twist of Fate on MVP, but Kofi gets back in the action and punishes Regal and Hardy.  Regal counters the Trouble In Paradise and T-bones Kofi right into Hardy, which Kofi uses to get a near fall.  The match turns into everybody hitting big moves and covering, then someone else breaking up the cover.  Regal hits Exploders on everyone until Kingston catches him the Trouble In Paradise for the pin at 6:42.  Short, but fun and exciting match, and a good way to kick off the show.

Josh Matthews interviews The Big Show, who says John Cena can’t put him in the STF.

Jim Ross and Todd Grisham talk about the recent issues between Chris Jericho and Rey Mysterio.  Justin Roberts is in the ring to introduce the match.  He introduces Jericho, but Jericho doesn’t come out.  He’s in the merchanidise stand bitching about Mysterio’s merchanidise.  He comes down to the ring through the crowd, talking the whole way.  Mysterio comes out, so now we can have our match.  Ross says that Mysterio is the first masked Intercontinental Champion.  Kane says hello.

No Holds Barred Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship:
Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio jumps Jericho at the bell and kicks his ass all around the ringside area.  Rey hits a sweet rana off the apron and takes the match in the ring.  Jericho gets the advantage and holds it until Mysterio counters his springboard dropkick to the apron.  Rey hits a 619 around the ringpost to send Jericho off the apron and hits a diving splash on to him.  Back in the ring. Jericho avoids the 619.  Rey gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Jericho rolls it back for one of his own.  Rey rolls through a sunset flip attempt and tries a dropkick, but Jericho catches and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Rey turns it into a inside cradle, but can’t get the pin.  Jericho gets the advantage and goes for Rey’s mask.  Rey escapes, then avoids a charging Jericho, who spears the ring post and goes outside.  Rey hits a tope suicida.  Rey does his Speedy Gonzales routine back in the ring.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and does a swank spinning backbreaker for a near fall.  Rey avoids the Lionsault and hits the 619.  He goes for a diving something or other, but Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker for a very near fall.  Jericho brings a chair into the ring, but Mysterio dropkicks into his face and covers for a near fall.  Mysterio hits a leg drop with the chair for another near fall, then sets the chair up in the corner and hits a drop toehold onto it.  Mysterio uses the chair as a springboard for a Frankensteiner, but Jericho turns it into the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio nails him with the chair and goes for the 619, but Jericho manages to yank his mask off.  Mysterio desperately covers his face and allows himself to be pinned with a schoolboy in 14:40, even though anyone who watched WCW from 1999 to 2001 has seen his face.  Jericho wins the Intercontinental Title for the unprecendented 9th time.  Good match.

Randy Savage DVD available this Tuesday!

New Orleans!

Josh Matthews interviews Batista.  Actually, they show the video of Randy Orton killing Ric Flair, then Batista comments on it.  He’s going to do various nasty things to Orton tonight.

Samoan Strap Match: Umaga vs. CM Punk. They show Umaga killing Punk on Smackdown a few weeks ago.  You win here by touching all four corners in succession… secession?  You know what I mean.  Umaga whips Punk with the strap and punishes him in various other nasty ways.  How the hell do you do PBP on a Strap Match?  “He whips the other guy, he uses the strap to hold the other guy back…”  Punk fights back and goes for the Go 2 Sleep, but doesn’t get it.  They both get near falls (I.E. touching 3 turnbuckles but being prevented from touching the fourth.  Umaga goes for the diving splash, but Punk uses the strap to pull him off the top rope.   Punk touches 3 corners, hits the Go 2 Sleep, and touches the fourth for the win at 8:58.  Meh.  Strap matches are kind of a stupid gimmick.

New Orleans again!

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews are ready to announce the ECW Championship match!

Gregory Helms interviews the ECW Champion, Christian.  Christian says he’s going to miss Tommy Dreamer, because he’s not losing his title.  Dreamer comes up and says Christian will indeed be losing the title.  Jack Swagger steps in to say his bit, but Dreamer and Christian leave.  Cut to Tony Chimel who is in the ring to introduce the match.

Triple Threat Hardcore Match for the ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. Tommy Dreamer vs. Jack Swagger.  They get in-ring introductions.  They brawl a bit, then Christian and Dreamer bring the plunder in.  Dreamer utilizes the Singapore cane to great effect.  Dreamer is in his element here, and shows why he is called the Innovator of Violence.  Swagger finally gets the advantage on Dreamer and tries to superplex him into a pile of trashcans.  Christian comes in and adds a powerbomb to the equation.  I guess they had to do it since the guys in the four-way fucked up the Tower of Doom spot.  Christian ducks a crutch shot from Swagger and goes for the Killswitch.  Swagger counters and goes for the Doctor Bomb.  Dreamer nails Swagger with the crutch to break it, then bashes him with it again and hits a DDT.  Dreamer covers and gets the pin on Swagger at 9:37 to WIN THE ECW CHAMPIONSHIP!  With no Justin Credible to fuck up the moment. Tommy Dreamer finally gets to enjoy capturing the ECW Championship.  That’s my feel good markout moment of the night.

Chavo Guerrero prepare Vickie for her defense of the Miss WrestleMania crown.  Michael Cole talks about it for a bit, then throws it to Jerry Lawler, who is with the pigs.  “Santina” comes out, followed by Vickie, who says she’s making the match a Handicap Match.  A less than delighted Chavo will be her partner.

Handicap Hog Pen Match for the Miss WrestleMania Crown: Vickie Guerrero (c) & Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Santina Marella.  Vickie sends Chavo in to fight while she stays outside in her gown.  Santina and Chavo fight in the muck.  Santina throws Chavo into the pen with the hogs.  Shouldn’t the match be over?  I guess it’s pinfall only.  Santina schoolgirls Chavo for a near fall.  Chavo beats down Santina and tags in Vickie.  Santina tries to slop her, but Chavo jumps him and tries to slop him.  He misses and slops Vickie.  Santina slops Chavo, then pins Vickie for the win at 2:43 to become Miss WrestleMania again.  Gross.  -50 stars.

SummerSlam, August 23 on PPV!

Orton/Batista video package.

Chavo and Vickie walk backstage while everyone in the vicinity holds their nose.  Goldust and Hornswoggle show up to bring the comedy, then run away from the smell.  They find Edge in Vickie’s office.  Vickie tells Edge he’s on his own tonight.  Edge says he wants a divorce.  Poor Vickie.  Divorces are no fun at all, and I don’t imagine being covered in pig shit is either.

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  In-ring intros, and we’re off!  Orton tries to escape immediately, but Batista stops him and goes to work kicking his ass.  Orton avoids a charge and tries to escape again.  Rinse, repeat.  Orton counters the Batista Bomb and tries to escape again, but then decided to go for the punt instead.  Batista avoids it.  Orton avoids the Batista Bomb again.  Batista avoids the RKO.  Batista hits the Batista Bomb for the pin at 7:03.  Seriously?  That’s it?  Ah well, at least it was too short to suck.  Fun fact: this is the first time the WWE Championship has changed hands in a Steel Cage match.

Show/Cena video package.

Submission Match:
The Big Show vs. John Cena.  The whole basis of this match is that Show is too big for Cena to put in the STF.  Of course, he goes for it in the first minute and fails.  Of all the Cena/Show matches… this is one of them.  Same old shit, except with more sleeper holds.  About 10 minutes in, Cena avoids the Vader Bomb and tries to slam Show.  Show lands on top and hugs Cena, which is apparently a submission hold.  Show beats up Cena some more and locks in an abdominal stretch.  Cena counters a chokeslam attempt with a DDT and tries the STF again.  He still doesn’t get it.  Show locks in a bearhug.  Cena escapes and drops Show with a neckbreaker.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena avoids it and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  STF fails again.  Show lands the KO punch and knocks Cena out of the ring.  Show goes out and picks him him, but Cena slips off and sends Show into the ring post.  Back in the ring, Cena misses a diving leg drop, then props up one of show’s legs against the ropes and locks in a crossface.  The leg doesn’t stay.  Show submits to this half assed STF at 19:05, even though Show’s feet were under the ropes.  Fucking retarded.

Edge/Hardy video package.

Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship:
Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  In-ring intros.  There are dozens of ladders placed around the ring.  First ouch moment comes 3 minutes in when Jeff backdrops Edge out of the ring and chest first onto a ladder.  Jeff makes the first attempt to climb up to the big gold belt, but Edge stops him, then drops him painfully on the ladder.  That’s one cheap aluminum ladder ruined.  Edge brings in another and sets it in a corner.  Jeff avoids a charging Edge, who spears the ladder.  Match goes on.  Edge creatively sandwiches Jeff in the ladder and locks in a Sharpshooter.  Later, Edge takes a painful front suplex into an open ladder.  Lots of creative painful looking things in this match.  Hardy brings in a really tall ladder.  He hits the Twist of Fate, then goes up the tall ladder with the intent of diving off.  Edge moves out of the way.  The ladder falls over but Jeff grabs hold of the belt.  Edge pulls him down before Jeff can take the belt down.  Hardy hits the Whisper in the Wind off the ladder.  The carnage continues.  They take a huge bump off a ladder at ringside through another one set up on the ring apron and guardrail.  Back in the ring, Hardy climbs for the belt.  Edge climbs another ladder and tries to spear Hardy, but gets caught with a neckbreaker in mid air.  Hardy goes for the gold again.  Edge climbs up the other side and punches Hardy down.  Hardy pulls Edge’s legs through the ladder to trap him.  Edge can do nothing but look on as Hardy pulls the belt down and becomes World Heavyweight Champion at 20:06.  Pretty damn good ladder match.

But wait, it’s not over!  CM Punk comes down and cashes in the Money In The Bank contract!

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk.  Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep for the 1, 2, HARDY KICKS OUT!  Punk can’t believe it.  Hardy gets a quick inside cradle, but Punk kicks out.  Punk nails a big kick and hits the Go 2 Sleep again and pins Hardy to win the title at 1:02.  PUNK IS WORLD CHAMPION!

Pretty good show for the most part.  Punk and Dreamer winning the gold makes me happy.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/18/09 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE, open, Raw open, and we are joined by the WWE Champion, Randy Orton!  Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole are on commentary and we are LIVE from Louisville, Kentucky.

Orton says he was about to take out Batista last night when Ric Flair interfered and prevented it.  Actually, Orton ran like a bitch and tried everything he could to get DQ’d or counted out.  He babbles for a while, then Flair comes out to retort.  They go back and forth for a bit, then Flair tells Orton he will be defending the title against Batista in a Steel Cage match at Extreme Rules.  Orton cheap shots Flair and stomps him.  Legacy stalks their way down the ramp, but Batista charges down.  Legacy does the 3 on 1 beatdown until John Cena makes the save.  Commercial.

Todd Grisham interviews Cena, who is now perfectly fine despite the fact that he was hurt going into his match last night and took a vicious beating during said match.  Cena says he’s going for the title after Extreme Rules.  He runs into Vickie Guerrero, who makes tonight’s main event: Legacy vs. Cena & Batista.

Divas Battle Royal:
Kelly Kelly vs. Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella vs. Beth Phoenix vs. Rosa Mendez vs. Jillian Hall vs. Mickie James.  Divas Champion Maryse is at the table with Cole and Lawler.  Mickie dumps Rosa.  Beth dumps one Bella, then the other.  Mickie eliminates Jillian.  Kelly dropkicks Beth out of the ring to elimiate her.  Beth tries to pull Kelly out of the ring and distracts the referee so Maryse can spray perfume in Mickie’s face.  Kelly eliminates Mickie to win it at 2:32.

Tonight, MVP defends the U.S. title against Matt Hardy!  Also, Cena & Batista vs. Legacy!

WWE Rewind: The Miz/Santino confrontation from Judgment Day.  After Miz dropped Santino with a DDT, Chavo Guerrero ran down to frog splash a downed Santino.

Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.  Chavo kicks Santino’s ass and makes him look like a joke.  Santino hulks up and decks Chavo, then elbows him down and looks shocked by it.  Santino, heartened by his achievement, runs into Chavo’s feet in the corner.  Santino avoids the frog splash and picks up the win at 3:34.  Chavo tells Santino that Santina has to defend the Miss WrestleMania crown against Vickie Guerrero.

Mr. Kennedy returns… soon!

Maryse speaks French to The Miz, who doesn’t understand her.  He tries to come on to her anyway, but she blows him off.  Miz says he has something in store for Cena tonight.

Todd Grisham interviews Matt Hardy.  He cost his brother, Jeff, the World Title last night as revenge for Jeff breaking his hand.

Vickie is mad at Chavo for putting her in a match.  Orton storms in and bitches at her for putting him in a cage match.  Vickie reminds him that she is the boss.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo Colon vs. Brian Kendrick & Goldust.  That’s a delightfully random team.  Speaking of random, exactly WHY did Goldust run out on Superstars to save Hornswoggle from Big Show?  Kendrick repeatedly berates Goldust for not doing his job properly.  Fine little match.  Primo avoids The Kendrick and hits a diving cross body for the win at 2:26.  Kendrick yells at Goldust after the match, but Hornswoggle runs in to save him.  Apparently Goldust and Hornswoggle are friends now.

The Miz is headed our way in Cena apparel.

CM Punk vs. Chris Jericho this Thursday on Superstars!  I’ll watch that!

The Miz comes out to Cena’s old “Basic Thuganomics” theme.  He does a stupid rap.  He challenges Cena again, then declares himself 5-0 against Cena.  Lawler comes in the ring and explains to Miz that calling someone out who doesn’t come out doesn’t give him a victory.  He evidences this by calling out Batista, then calling out Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, and Steve Austin for a handicap match.  Lawler tells Miz that if he wants to face Cena, to talk to Vickie Guerrero.  Big Show comes out and says despite what Cena thinks, he’s not done with him yet.  Show announces that he’ll face Cena in a submission match at Extreme Rules (because Cena couldn’t put Show in the STF last night).  Miz insults Show and runs away.  Show shoves down Lawler, then kicks his ass just to be a dick.

Last week: MVP & Kofi Kingston beat Matt Hardy & William Regal after Hardy walked out on his partner.

Jim Ross is at the announce table with Cole now, since Lawler just got destroyed, which they show a replay of.

WWE United States Championship Match: Montel Vontavious Porter (c) vs. Matt Hardy.  They both for the quick victory with inside cradles.  MVP has the advantage early on.  Matt attacks MVP’s leg with his cast, then continues to work on the leg.  MVP gets mad and attacks the broken arm.  That’s not very babyface-like.  MVP hits the Yakuza kick and the Playmaker to retain the title at 5:16.

Santina vs. Vickie, TONIGHT!  Or is it NEXT?

Replay from the start of the show, then Batista walks into Flair’s locker room.  Flair says he’s going to call out Orton and kick his ass next week.  Batista tells Flair he doesn’t have anything to prove.  Flair gets mad and stomps out.

Chavo tries to teach Vickie how to do a frog splash.  She says the match is off.  Santina comes in and insults her, so the match is back on.

Finlay vs. D.H. Smith tomorrow night on ECW!  I’ll watch that!

Miss WrestleMania Crown Match: Santina Marella vs. Vickie Guerrero (w/ Chavo Guerrero Jr.).  Santina takes the mic and insults Vickie, then gets slapped.  Santina kisses Vickie and is sickened by it.  The match is now No DQ.  The bell rings again, even though the match started like a minute and a half ago.  Chavo beats down Santina.  They roll around and trade punches until Santina backdrops Chavo out of the ring.  Santina stalks Vickie, but William Regal runs and hits an Exploder on Santina, allowing Vickie to get the pin and win the crown at 3:01.  Vickie celebrates her big victory.

Legacy is headed our way.  The main event is NEXT!

Handicap Match: Legacy vs. John Cena & Batista.  Orton and Cena start (I think… wasn’t really paying attention).  When Batista tags in, Orton bails, so Batista mauls Dibiase.  Cena and Batista clear the ring.  Commercial!  When we return, Legacy is getting heat on Batista.  Cena finally gets the hot tag and cleans house.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Cody, but doesn’t see him tag out to Orton in mid move.  Orton comes in and attacks Cena.  Now Cena plays face in peril.  Rhodes hits a nice moonsault on Cena for a near fall.  Cena finally makes the hot tag, and now it’s Batista’s turn to come in and clean house.  Big Show comes out, but Cena chases him off with a chair.  Batista is now all alone… but wait, Flair comes out!  This gives Batista the boost he needs to spear Orton for the pin at 14:46.

WWE Judgment Day 2009 (Repost)

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, then a typically cool opening video for the PPV.

Pyro, then Jim Ross welcomes us LIVE to Chicago!  The first man through the curtain is Chicago’s own Mr. Money In The Bank, CM Punk!  Ross and Todd Grisham are your commentary team for this match.  They show Umaga costing Punk his chance to cash in Money In The Bank in Madison Square Garden 3 weeks ago.

CM Punk vs. Umaga.  Punk fires away at Umaga and tries to be abusive and elusive.  Crowd is VERY pro-Punk.  Umaga manages to beat down Punk a bit, but Punk continues to fire back.  Umaga applies a nerve hold.  Punk tries to fight out, but Umaga blasts him with a Samoan headbutt, which will put down anyone.  Umaga continues to punish Punk’s shoulders.  Punk takes a bump off the apron into the guardrail.  Punk tries to get a sunset flip coming back in the ring, but Umaga sits on him, then continues the beatdown.  Punk tries to slam Umaga, who lands on top and gets a near fall.  Umaga goes back to the shoulder.  Umaga goes for a long distance diving headbutt, but Punk avoids it.  It looked like Umaga would have missed it anyway, but I digress.  Punk low bridges a charging Umaga to send him to the outside, then dives out onto him.  Back inside, Punk fires away with strikes, but fails to knock Umaga down.  Punk avoids a charging Umaga in the corner and hits the diving bulldog for a two count, which Umaga throws him off of.  Punk hits the springboard lariat for a close two count.  Punk signals for the Go 2 Sleep, but can’t get Umaga up.  Umaga reverses it into a Samoan drop for a near fall.  Punk avoids the Samoan Spike and nails some kicks.  He goes for the Go 2 Sleep again, but can’t get it.  Umaga nails a superkick which sends Punk into the corner, then ass butts him.  Umaga finishes him off with the Samoan Spike for the clean pin at 11:52.  Well that sucks.  Ok match, though.

Vickie Guerrero is backstage in her office.  Chavo comes in and tells her John Cena has been cleared to wrestle.  Big Show tells her he’s going to take Cena out tonight.  Edge comes in to talk to Vickie.

Matt Striker and Josh Matthews hype up the ECW Championship match, showing how Christian beat Jack Swagger for the title at Backlash.  The rematch is NOW!

ECW Championship Match:
Christian (c) vs. Jack Swagger.  Whoa, in-ring introductions for the ECW Title match.  And hey, Tony Chimel IS still with the company.  I haven’t seen him in so long I was starting to wonder.  Swagger tries to take down Christian, who avoids it.  Christian has been awesome since his return.  Christian goes for the Killswitch early, but Swagger escapes it.  Swagger gets the advantage briefly until Christian sends him outside and hits a dive out onto him.  Swagger manages to get the advantage again and works over Christian’s back to soften him up for the Doctor Bomb.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb, but Christian gets his knees up and tries to mount a comeback.  Christian goes for a splash or a headbutt, but misses.  Swagger gets a sloppy Oklahoma roll for a two count.  Christian takes some punishment, gets an inside cradle for a near fall.  Double clothesline spot.  Christian gets to his feet and goes for a sunset flip, but Swagger traps him and gets a near fall.  Swagger counters the tornado DDT attempt, but Christian hits the reverse version.  Swagger gets a schoolboy, but the referee catches him pulling the tights.  Isn’t that grounds for a DQ in WWE now?  Swagger counters the Killswitch, Christian counters the Doctor Bomb.  Christian gets a reverse cradle and pulls the tights for the win at 9:34.  Okay match, but not nearly as good as their match at Backlash.

Edge comes out of Vickie’s dressing room and chastises Chavo for not doing anything about Santino calling Vickie a pig, then says he has to go defend his World Title.

Shelton Benjamin (w/ Charlie Haas) vs. John Morrison.  Shelton starts in a big way with an Exploder, then works over Morrison a bit.  When Morrison turns the tide, Benjamin bails.  Morrison hits an awesome Shooting Star dive to the outside.  Haas provides the distraction to let Benjamin get the advantage again.  Long resthold sequence from Benjamin.  They finally get up and moving again, then promptly knock heads and go down.  Morrison makes a comeback, then Benjamin takes him down with a backbreaker for a near fall.  Morrison fights back and nails a sweet knee kick for a near fall.  Morrison tries a springboard rana, but it turns into an awkard powerbomb into the turnbuckle.  Morrison avoids the Paydirt and hits a drop toehold in the corner.  Morrison hits a monkey flip, but Benjamin lands on his feet.  Morrison quickly deals with an interfering Haas and avoids Shelton’s Stinger Splash in the corner.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck and the Starship Pain (split-legged corkscrew moonsault) for the win at 10:09.  Okay match.  I think they could do better.

WrestleMania 25 on DVD this Tuesday!

The Miz comes out.  We finally get to hear from Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole on commentary.  The Miz implies that John Morrison is the Marty Jannetty to his Shawn Michaels, then says since he can’t challenge Cena tonight, he’s going to challenge a substitute.  He insults one of the Chicago Cubs players in the audience, then challenges him to either win a World Series or get in the ring.  Miz claims this somehow makes him 4-0 against Cena.  Santino Marella comes out and reprimands “The Fiz” for insulting a fellow Italian.  Santino compares WWE superstars to animals: Vickie Guerrero to a pig, Vladimir Kozlov to the blue eagle from Seasame Street or something, and “The Fiz” to a jackass.  Miz decks him with a cheap shot and they roll around a bit until Miz drops him with a DDT.  Funny segment.  Oh, wait.  Chavo Guerrero comes down and hits the frog splash on Santino as punishment for making fun of Vickie.

Please, don’t try this at home.

Josh Matthews interviews Chris Jericho.  He says he’ll win the Intercontinental Title tonight.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. (c) vs. Chris Jericho.  Mysterio tries to go for the 619 quick, ala WrestleMania, but Jericho bails to avoid it, then comes back in to take the fight to Mysterio.  Mysterio hits a cool legdrop on Jericho, then a minute later Jericho dropkicks Mysterio off the ring apron.  Mysterio takes a beating for a bit.  Mysterio fights back and goes for the 619 again, but Jericho counters with a sweet back body drop frop a two count.  Jericho hits an awesome spinning rack backbreaker for a near fall.  Jericho tries to take of Mysterio’s mask, which the announcers put over as the ultimate insult to a luchador.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the Bombs Away, they does his Speedy Gonzalez routine, jumping around and hitting Jericho.  Jericho goes for the Walls, but Mysterio flips out of it.  Jericho catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall.  Jericho avoids the 619 again and tries to turn a rana into the Walls of Jericho but Mysterio headscissors his way out of it.  619 attempt again, but Jericho catches Mysterio’s legs and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Mysterio suffers for a bit, but manages to turn it into an inside cradle for a near fall.  Mysterio goes for a Frankensteiner again, but Jericho powerbombs him down for a near fall.  Mysterio finally manages to hit the 619 and follows with the diving splash for the pin at 12:38.  Damn good match.

Orton/Batista video package.

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Batista.  Entrances, introductions, and the opening bell.  Orton bails immediately.  When he comes back in, they lock up and Batista grabs a headlock.  Batista knocks Orton down and he bails again.  He comes back in to get his ass kicked some more.  Orton dropkicks Batista off the apron to get the advantage and starts to work him over.  Orton beats down Batista for a while, then hits his sick DDT off the middle rope for a near fall.  Orton stalks Batista and sets up the punt of doom, but Batista wakes up and spears him.  They make it to their feet and trade shots.  Orton gets his ass kicked and bails, demanding that the referee counts him out.  Batista, of course, doesn’t allow that.  He goes out after Orton and manages to throw him back in the ring before the count of ten.  Orton bails again at the first opportunity and grabs a chair.  Batista knocks him off the ring apron before he can use it and bashes Orton’s head against the announce table, then throws him back in and hits a diving shoulder tackle for a near fall.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Orton scampers out, grabs his belt, and tries to leave.  Batista gives chase and throws him back in the ring.  Orton tries to use the belt and get DQ’d, but Batista nails the spinebuster and goes for the Batista Bomb.  Orton escapes and goes for the RKO, but Batista drops him.  Orton avoids a charging Batista, who goes shoulder-first into the ring post.  Orton goes for the RKO again, but Batista shoves him into the ref.  Orton slaps the referee to cause the DQ at 14:41.  Legacy runs in they commence to beat down Batista until RIC FLAIR comes running down to make the face.  Orton takes the Batista Bomb, then Batista and Flair fight off Dibiase and Rhodes.  Legacy bails as Batista and Flair stand tall in the ring.  Better match than I expected.

Extreme Rules, next month on PPV!

Cena/Show video package.

The Big Show vs. John Cena.  Cena is still hurt from Show chokeslamming him through a searchlight at Backlash.  Show, naturally, attacks Cena’s injured midsection with his huge fists.  Cena fights back, but is overwhelmed.  Rinse, lather, repeat.  After 10 minutes of getting massacred, Cena finally manages to make a comeback.  He drops Show and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  Show goes for the chokeslam, but Cena hits the half assed rolling DDT on Show.  Is it really more dangerous for Show to just take the proper DDT?  Cena goes for the STF, but can’t get it.  Show squashed him with a Vader Bomb, but Cena kicks out!  Show goes for another one, but Cena avoids it and goes for the STF again, but still can’t manage it.  He hits his diving Fameasser and goes for the STF again, but Show elbows him in the face until he thinks better of it.  Show hits the Alley-Oop, which he hasn’t done in years.  Cena avoids the KO punch and hits the Attitude Adjustment for the win at 14:57.  Fun match, the story worked well.  Of course in the end, Cena’s retard strength overcomes all.

Terminator: Salvation video game trailer, for whatever reason, followed by a shot of the Sears Tower.

Edge/Hardy video package.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. Jeff Hardy.  Entrances, intros, and we’re off!  Jeff shines in the opening minutes, working Edge’s arm.  I’m absolutely certain that won’t come in to play later.  Jeff sends Edge out of the ring and hits the obligatory suicide dive 3 minutes in.  Back in the ring, Jeff misses the Whisper in the Wind and allows Edge to get the advantage.  Edge spears Hardy off the ring apron, then brings him back in the ring to administer the beat down.  Jeff takes the punishment, but fights back and hits a diving cross body for a near fall.  Jeff catches Edge with an inside cradle, ala this past No Way Out, but Edge kicks out.  Jeff locks in a Sharpshooter, of all things.  Edge gets a rope break.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for a near fall.  Edge goes for a powerbomb, but Hardy counters it into a sunset flip for a near fall.  They end up on the outside, where Hardy clears the announce table and takes the protective covering off the barricade.  He tries walking across the barricade, but Edge catches him with a big spear.  Edge makes it back in and waits for the inevitable count-out victory, but Hardy makes it back in the ring before the fatal 10 count!  Jeff hits a Twist of Fate on the ropes and a springboard leg drop.  Jeff covers, but Edge gets a foot on the ropes.  Jeff hits the Whisper in the Wind for a near fall.  Edge bails, but Hardy follows him outside.  Jeff sets up the steps to use as a springboard and hits the Poetry In Motion over the barricade and into the front row.  They go back over the barricade.  Matt Hardy appears and nails Jeff with his cast!  Edge puts Jeff back in the ring and covers, but Jeff kicks out again!  Jeff avoids the spear and goes up for the Swanton Bomb, but Edge meets him hits an AVALANCHE-STYLE EDGECUTION for the pin at 19:54.  Good match.  The finish was pretty sweet.

Decent show, but not as good as Backlash last month.

WWE Monday Night Raw 12/13/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Slammy Awards open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and CM Punk are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette comes out and acts like a croaky voiced spaz.  He’s presenting the Shocker of the Year award.  The candidates are The Miz cashing in Money In The Bank to win the WWE Championship, the original Nexus attack on John Cena, Paul Bearer turning on The Undertaker, and Randy Orton kicking Chris Jericho in the head.  Nexus win.  Wade Barrett coming out to accept the award gets a way more positive reaction than David Arquette’s presence.  Barrett talks about the ultimatum Nexus gave him: to either rehire John Cena, or face mutiny from the group he created.  He said he’ll decide later tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, booking Barrett in a match right now against The Big Show.  Show takes Barrett’s Slammy!

Wade Barrett vs. The Big Show.  Barrett hides in the ropes, then bails.  Show finally gets hold of him after a minute and a half of fucking around.  He caves Barrett’s chest in with a the big chop.  Barrett pokes Show in the eye and beats on him.  Show finally collects himself and starts kicking Barrett’s ass on the outside.  Back inside, Barrett immediately bails, grabs his Slammy, and leaves.  Show wins by count-out in 3:41.  Well, there ya go.

Vote now for Superstar of the Year on WWE.com!  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Tonight, a Diva of the Year Battle Royal!

Kelly Kelly and Tyson Kidd (w/ Jackson Andrews) come out to present the Despicable Me Award.  Yes, they’re naming awards after kids’ movies now.  Kidd introduces is big dude and insults Kelly a bunch.  Kelly makes lame comebacks.  The nominees are Drew McIntyre being a dick to Teddy Long, Kane burying The Undertaker, Vince McMahon kicking Bret Hart in the balls, and CM Punk singing “Happy Birthday” to Rey Mysterio’s daughter.  CM Punk wins, and rightfully so.  Punk happily accepts his award.  He says he gets even with people that have wronged him and there’s someone backstage that he still has to get even with.

WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan (w/ The Bella Twins) & Kofi Kingston vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) & Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Entrances, then commercials, so the match is JIP.  I hate that shit.  Ziggler has Bryan grounded with a rear chin lock.  Bryan fights out.  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 2.  Dibiase tags in briefly to beat up Bryan.  Ziggler come back in and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  The heels make quick tags and keep the heat on Bryan.  Bryan and Dibiase do a double cross body spot.  Dibiase rolls out of the ring.  Kofi gets the hot tag and runs wild on Ziggler.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and the Trouble In Paradise for the pin (3:07 shown).  Why couldn’t they have given these guys some time?

Tonight, Sheamus vs. John Morrison!  Right now, Superstar of the Year voting on WWE.com!  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov come out to present the Guest Star Shining Moment of the Year Award.  They bicker, then make up.  The nominees are Mike Tyson punching out Chris Jericho, Pee Wee Herman annoying The Miz, me, and everyone else who watched, Wayne Brady getting RKO’d by Randy Orton, and William Shatner singing entrance themes.  “And the salami goes to…” Pee Wee Herman.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Herman.  Ugh.

The Nexus meet backstage and bicker.  Commercials.

Mark Henry vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Henry goes for Rhodes while he’s in the ropes putting his mirror jacket away.  What’s the point of that?  Henry messes up Rhodes’ hair and face.  Rhodes sends Henry into the turnbuckles, then beats him up.  Henry makes his comeback.  Rhodes avoids him in the corner and hits the Beautiful Disaster.  Rhodes his a diving knee drop for the pin in 2:49.  Neat finish.

Up next, the Holy %&@*#! Move of the Year.  Yes, that’s exactly what it says.  Commercials.  The theme song for this show is awful.

Jerry Lawler and Vickie Guerrero present of the Holy Symbols Move of the Year Award.  Vickie is obnoxious.  The nominees are John Morrison’s dive off the stage onto Daniel Bryan and The Miz, Kofi Kingston’s Ladder Boom Drop on Drew McIntyre, John Cena’s Attitude Adjustment to Batista off of a car through the stage, and Randy Orton’s Shooting Star RKO to Evan Bourne.  John Cena wins.  I demand a recount!  Wade Barrett comes out to take the award.  He’s come to make his decision.  He demands that Cena comes to the ring.  Cena comes in through the crowd.  The rest of the Nexus come out and surround the ring.  Barrett rehires Cena, with 2 conditions: Cena faces Barrett in a Chair Match at the PPV and he faces David Otunga tonight.  Cena happily agrees to both.  Nexus attack Cena.  Barrett hits Cena with a chair.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

The announcers go over the Slammy Awards that have been awarded so far tonight.

David Arquette is back in a sequined suit, being a croaking spaz again.  He plugs some theater he’s starting.  The nominees for WWE Universe Fan Reaction of the Year are: Weird kid reacting to John Cena joining the Nexus, loser crying when Shawn Michaels’ career ended, dumbstruck moron with his hand on his head, and the Angry Miz Girl.  Angry Miz Girl wins.  Angry Miz Girl herself comes out to accept the award.  She tries to talk, but she’s a little girl, dude!  WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz creeps it up, then steals her Slammy.  He goes to the ring with Riley and Arquette and cuts a promo.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces that both Miz and Orton will face former World Champions tonight.  Miz’s opponent is Rey Mysterio!

Non-Title: WWE Champion The Miz (w/ Alex Riley & David Arquette) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  Miz beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio ranas Miz to the floor and hits the seated senton off the apron.  Commercials.  Miz fights out of a double arm grab and hits a flying head scissors.  Miz fights the flippy bulldog and they end up botching up.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Alberto Del Rio comes out to his music to distract Mysterio.  Miz sends Mysterio face first into the ring apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Mysterio some more.  Miz goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits a rebound cross body for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a schoolboy and lands a head kick for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Del Rio gets on the apron.  Miz accidentally knocks him off.  Mysterio gets a schoolboy for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619 again.  Riley distracts the referee.  Del Rio sneaks in and trips Mysterio.  Miz gets a half assed inside cradle for the pin in 7:02.  Overbooked mess.  Mysterio chases Del Rio out of the arena.  Miz and his posse celebrate the victory.  The iBooker dings in again.  Cole announces that tonight, Randy Orton will face Alex Riley & former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette.  Arquette is the only one that is excited by this prospect.

Tonight, Diva of the Year Battle Royal.  Next, John Morrison vs. Sheamus.  Commercials.

New Orleans!

Edge comes out to present the Oh Snap!  Meltdown of the Year Award.  Who the fuck names these awards?  What happened to stuff like, I don’t know, MATCH OF THE YEAR?  Edge says he needs  a co-presenter.  CHRISTIAN comes out!  So they’re friends again?  Christian still wants to kick Alberto Del Rio’s ass, so at least they remembered his storyline.  Nominees are: Big Show tearing up Jack Swagger’s stuff (shouldn’t Swagger be the nominee?), Alberto Del Rio injuring Rey Mysterio, Edge destroying the iBooker V1, and Batista quitting.  Some of those lead me to believe that these people don’t know what a meltdown is.  Edge wins.  Edge freaks out and bitches about the iBooker.  Christian plays the iBooker email tone on his iPhone as a joke.  Edge calls Michael Cole and tool.  I’m glad to see Christian, but this was stupid.

Sheamus vs. John Morrison.  They lock up.  Sheamus beats the shit out of Morrison in the corner.  The referee breaks them up.  Morrison gets a takedown and beats on Sheamus.  THE FUCKING REFEREE GETS IN THE WAY AGAIN.  THE FUCKING RETARDED REFEREE DQ’S BOTH OF THEM AT THE 33 SECOND MARK!  THE REFEREE FUCKING DISQUALIFIED THEM FOR HAVING A FUCKING MATCH.  iBooker dings in.  Cole announces Sheamus vs. John Morrison in a #1 Contender Ladder Match at the PPV.  They fight some more.  Sheamus KO’s Morrison and throws a temper tantrum.  Sheamus hits Morrison with a ladder, then throws him out of the ring onto the ladder.  Let’s remember what’s important here: THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING!  THEY WERE IN A WRESTLING MATCH AGAINST EACH OTHER AND THEY WERE DISQUALIFIED FOR FIGHTING.

Later, Orton vs. two tards and Cena vs. another tard.  Commercials.

JTG and William Regal present the Knucklehead Moment of the Year Award.  Nominees are Big Show taking CM Punk’s mask off, Michelle McCool & Layla losing to Mae Young, Beth Phoenix eliminating Great Khali from the Royal Rumble, and Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov dancing.  LayCool win.  UGH, that means I have to hear them talk.  They’re happy about this.  Clusterfuck mess is next.  Commercials.

Divas of the Year Battle Royal featuring Michelle McCool, Layla, Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Maryse, Nikki Bella, Brie Bella, Rosa Mendez, Alicia Fox, Kaitlyn, Tamina, Gail Kim, Melina, Beth Phoenix, and WWE Divas Champion Natalya.  Everyone surrounds LayCool and beats the crap out of them.  Tamina eliminates Kaitlyn and Rosa Mendez in quick succession.  The Bella eliminate Tamina.  Eve eliminates one of the Bellas.  LayCool eliminate the other Bella.  Natalya eliminates Maryse.  Kelly tries to rana McCool out of the ring, but ends up getting eliminated herself.  Phoenix Glam Slams Melina into the top rope and eliminates her.  Phoenix eliminates Layla.  Layla throws a fit and tries to eliminate Phoenix.  McCool eliminates Phoenix thanks to the distraction.  Natalya eliminates Gail and Fox.  McCool eliminates Natalya to win it in 3:26.  Fucking ugh.  iBooker dings in YET AGAIN.  Cole announces LayCool vs. Natalya & Beth Phoenix in a Tables Match for the PPV.  I have no idea when or where Eve was eliminated.

Edge is headed our way.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind features the WORST STORYLINE EVER, the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer love triangle.

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  They lock up.  Swagger hits a belly to belly, then rolls Edge tot he ropes and stomps on him, just to make sure the referee will get in the way.  Swagger then chokes Edge against the ropes, to make sure it will get broken.  Swagger whips Edge into the corner, then pushes him towards the ropes some more.  Edge fights back.  Swagger hits a gut buster.  Eventual cover gets 2.  Swagger applies an arm hold.  Edge fights out.  Swagger boots him in the face for 2.  Edge makes his comeback.  Weird face drop thing gets 2.  Swagger hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger goes for the Vader Bomb.  Edge gets his knees up.  Swagger gets the ankle lock.  Edge gets a cradle for 2.  Edge counters the Doctor Bomb and hits the Edgecution.  Edge hits the spear for the pin in 4:45.  This wasn’t any good.  Following the awesome Edgecution with Edge’s shitty spear is most backwards finishing sequence since the Rock Bottom —> People’s Elbow.

Alex Riley whines to The Miz backstage.  David Arquette comes in being a spaz.  Riley is worried.  Miz wants to put Randy Orton through a table.  Commercials.

Amin Okar won some video game contest.

The Big Show comes out to present the Moment of the Year Award.  The nominees are John Cena being fired because of his own idiocy, Sheamus hitting Triple H from behind with a lead pipe before Triple H could profess his love for Shawn Michaels, Edge spearing Chris Jericho off the announce tables at WrestleMania, and Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Undertaker vs. Michaels wins.  We get a pre-taped acceptance speech from Michaels.

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Next, Orton vs. the Miz tard and the former WCW World Heavyweight Wrestling Champion.  The music for this show really is awful.  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley & David Arquette (w/ WWE Champion The Miz).  Orton beats up Riley.  Riley knocks down Orton and tags in Arquette.  Orton recovers, kicks him, and Arquette falls over.  Orton humps the mat.  Arquette tags out and bails.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Riley.  Riley avoids a knee drop and hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Riley hits a knee lift, then beats up Orton in the corner.  Arquette chokes Orton behind the referee’s back.  Orton breaks free and beats up Riley.  Orton hits the Angle Slam for the 2nd week in a row, then humps the mat and hits the RKO on Riley for the pin in 3:20.  Miz immediately comes in and hits Orton with the briefcase that he’s still carrying around to hit people with.  Miz and Arquette set up a table.  They go for a double suplex, but Orton blocks it and fights back.  Miz bails.  Orton powerbombs Arquette through the table.  YAY!

Tonight, Cena vs. Otunga.  Commercials.

New Orleans.

TLC hype.

Michael Cole presents the “And I Quote…” Line of the Year Award.  The nominees are Santino Marella’s tea party, Miz talking to Bret Hart, Triple H saying CM Punk looks like a crack head, John Cena calling Heath Slater “Wendy,” Edge arguing with the iBooker, The mom from Legendary wanting her son back, Kane wanting his father back, Batista bitching about duct tape, Dusty Rhodes raising weird kids, Vince McMahon deserving to screw Bret Hart, Stephanie McMahon dreaming, Chris Jericho calling Michael Cole an idiot, Titus O’Neil talking about fighting and winning, Eli Cottonwood on mustaches, Eve insulting Miz, Mike Tyson threatening Hornswoggle, Randy Orton talking about RKOing his grandmother, Edge saying “spear” a bunch, Jack Swagger’s eagle’s medical insurance, CM Punk bitching, Mae Young swearing, Michael Cole fucking up his lines, Triple H saying something, and Ron Simmons saying “DAMN!”  Man, that was a lot.  Cole announces himself as the winner.  Ugh.

Superstar of the Year is next.  Commercials.

Teddy Long comes out to present the Superstar of the Year Award.  Nominees are Edge, The Miz, Kane, John Cena, Rey Mysterio, and Randy Orton.  John Cena wins.  Cena makes his acceptance speech.  He promises to hurt Otunga tonight and “destroy” Barrett at the PPV.  Cena goes to the ring for the match.  Nexus come out.  They show the beat down from earlier tonight.  Otunga heads to the ring.  The rest of Nexus leave.

John Cena vs. David Otunga.  Cena brings Otunga into the ring and kicks his ass.  Otunga finally avoids a shot in the corner and beats on Cena a bit.  Shouldn’t he be DQ’d for that?  Otunga hits a Pounce-style elbow smash for 2.  Cena hits a drop toe hold into the STF for the win in 1:44.  Barrett comes back out the stage.  Cena brings in a chair and beats Otunga with it.

This show was a huge, horrible, miserable, steaming, stinking pile of shit.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/31/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 3, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.

Cut straight to the arena, where Edge is beating the shit out of Evan Bourne.  Bourne hits his double knees and lands some kicks.  Bourne goes for the Shooting Star press, but Edge avoids it and spears Bourne.  Edge takes the mic and cuts a promo about his Fatal 4 Way opponents.  Randy Orton comes out.  Edge bitches at him while acting all crazy.  Orton hits the RKO, then poses.

Tonight, John Cena & Randy Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus.  Also, guest host Ashton Kutcher.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Ashton Kutcher bitches to Eve Torres about Zack Ryder talking smack about him on Twitter.  He’s going to put a hit on Ryder.  The Miz comes in.  Kutcher tells him that per GM Bret Hart, Miz has a match against Daniel Bryan tonight(!!!).  Miz says he’ll beat Bryan to a bloody pulp.  Some other stupid bickering.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion R-Truth vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho points at Truth.  Truth dances.  They lock up.  Jericho grabs a side headlock.  Truth hops around and hits a hip toss.  Truth catapults Jericho out of the ring and takes him out with a dive.  Commercials.  Jericho has Truth in a rear chin lock.  Boy, that was unpredictable.  Truth fights out and schoolboys Jericho for 2.  Jericho hits an enzuigiri for 2.  Jericho beats up Truth.  Truth hits a forearm and makes his comeback.  Truth hits a flying head scissors and a big boot for 2.  Jericho hits the bulldog.  Truth avoids the Lionsault.  Jericho avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Truth counters it.  Truth botches a front suplex for 2.  Jericho pokes Truth in the eye behind the referee’s back and hits a clothesline for 2.  Truth does some more break dancing shit.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho, but Truth turns it into a cradle for the pin in 9:47.  Good match.  Jericho looks distraught.

Cena & Orton vs. Edge & Sheamus tonight.

NXT finale is tomorrow!

Last week, Batista quit and Bret Hart was introduced as the new GM.

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are in Bret’s office.  Ryder accuses Bret of being hired to take him out.  Well, he is the Hitman.  The Hart Dynasty and Natalya come in and talk about the Usos, who debuted attacking the Hart Dynasty next week.  Bret tells them to deal with it.

Santino Marella and Eve Torres come out.  They’re in a tag match next.  Eve looks a tit bit nipply tonight.

Santino Marella & WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres vs. William Regal (w/ Vladimir Kozlov) & Maryse.  Santino takes the mic before the match and tries again to talk Kozlov into teaming with him.  Santino says Eve will make love to him.  Eve quickly refutes that.  Whatever.  Maryse and Eve start.  Eve completely whiffs a dropkick.  Regal and Santino come in.  Santino fucks around.  Regal kicks his ass, which is glorious.  Regal hits an Exploder, then locks in the Regal Stretch.  Eve breaks it up.  Maryse tackles her, which distracts the ref.  Kozlov comes in and hits the Iron Curtain on Regal.  Kozlov and Maryse leave.  Santino pins Regal in 2:30.  Fun times.

Bret Hart is headed our way.

Memorial Day dedication.

Raw GM Bret Hart comes out.  He announces next week’s 3 hour Raw, with Raw and Smackdown talent, and they’re taking ideas from fans and wrestlers.  Sure they are.  Ted Dibiase Jr. and Virgil come out.  Dibiase wants to buy the GM job for the night.  Ashton Kutcher appears on the screen and proposes that next week’s Raw be Viewer’s Choice.  Bret agrees.  Vince McMahon comes out.  So much for his character being done after WrestleMania.  Dibiase and Virgil leave while Vince gets in the ring with Bret.  Vince talks to Bret for a while, then says the fans are like children.  He wishes Bret luck, then calls for cheers for himself and prances around the ring.  Stupid segment.

Zack Ryder accuses Randy Orton of being the one to take him out.  They leave.  Edge slams Orton’s locker room door into Orton’s injured shoulder.

University of Texas!

Moments ago, Edge hurt Randy Orton’s bad shoulder.

The Miz vs. Daniel Bryan.  They show the altercations between Cole and Bryan and Miz and Bryan on NXT last week.  Cole is in fine form tonight.  Danielson is in full MMA mode and it’s awesome.  Miz avoids Danielson in the corner and drops him with a lariat to the back of the head, then kicks his ass, then kicks him in the head for 2.  Miz beats on Bryan some more.  Miz hits a diving double axe handle.  Miz lands some more punches.  Danielson locks on a crossface hold.  Miz turns it into a pinning predicament.  Danielson counters into a crucifix hold for the pin in 2:07.  Cole looks dumbfounded.  Miz jumps Bryan and throws him out of the ring.  Miz tries to make Danielson apologize to Cole.  Danielson rams Miz’s face into the table, then throws him into Cole.  Fucking awesome, everything about this.  Just fucking hate filled awesomeness.

NXT finale is tomorrow!

Cole whines to Lawler.

Slam of the Week: Last Monday, the debuting Uso Brothers and Tamina jumped the Hart Dynasty and Natalya.

The Usos and Tamina are in the ring.  The introduce themselves (using the names Jay and Jimmy Uso).  They talk about their own family history, going back to the Wild Samoans.  They’re not stereotypical Samoans because they act black.  Tamina talks about the lack of respect their families get compared to the Harts.  She’s bitter that her dad, Jimmy Snuka, was in the corner in the main event at WrestleMania I.  The Hart Dynasty and Natalya come out and brawl with them.  They go for the Hart Attack on one of the Usos, but Tamina trips Kidd.  Usos lay out the Harts again and hit their splashes in triplicate.  Good segment.

Earlier tonight, Edge hurt Orton’s shoulder.  Yes, they showed it again.  WILL Orton be able to take part in the main event?

Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox come to the ring.  He demands that Kutcher reveal who the hitman is.  Jerry Lawler comes into the ring with a chair, sits down, and leaves.  Great Khali comes out.  Is Kutcher even at the arena?  They’ve only shown him on the screen.  Ryder and Fox bail.  Kutcher says Khali isn’t the hitman.  Goldust comes out.  Not him either.  Ryder begs Kutcher to tell him who it is.  Ashton says he’ll never see it coming.  Fox says she’s tired of the joke, then drops the mic.  Ryder bends over to pick it up.  Fox hits him with her scissors kick.  Stupid segment.

Edge and Sheamus chat backstage.

This Week In WWE History: Junkyard Dog.  This week is the 12th anniversary of his death.

Next week’s guest hosts are the cast of the A-Team: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, and Sharlto Copley.  The show will be Viewer’s Choice.

Entrances for the main event.  Orton is out of the match from Edge’s attack, which we see for the trillionth time tonight.  John Cena introduces his replacement partner, Evan Bourne!

Edge & Sheamus vs. WWE Champion John Cena & Evan Bourne.  Cena and Edge lock up.  Edge beats up Cena early on.  Bourne takes in and takes down Edge with a cool arm move.  Bourne hits some ranas and a spin kick.  Edge bails.  Commercials.  Cena beats up Sheamus.  Bourne tags in and hits a running taint to the corner for 2.  Edge tags in and beats up Bourne.  Sheamus tries to suplex Bourne, but gets countered.  Sheamus cuts off Bourne from making the tag and nails him with the Polish hammer for 2.  Bourne continues to play face in peril.  Bourne drops Edge and makes the hot tag to Cena.  Cena runs wild on Sheamus, who also tags in.  Cena avoids the pump kick and Bourne kicks Sheamus in the head from the apron.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then avoids a spear from Edge.  Bourne tags in and hits the Shooting Star press on Sheamus for the pin in 11:18!  Yay!  Pretty good little tag match, and it’s awesome to see Bourne get a big win.  Cena and Bourne celebrate.

Good show overall, by Raw standards.

WWE Monday Night Raw 5/24/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Cena/Batista Over The Limit highlights, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers LIVE from Toledo, Ohio!  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Batista comes to the ring, wounded and helped by referees.  He sits in a wheelchair and demands his spotlight.  He says he only said “I Quit” last night because his life was in danger.  He’s contemplating a lawsuit against John Cena, WWE, and all of the fans.  He says his injuries could keep him out for years.  Everyone cheers.  Then he says he wants a rematch.  Justin Roberts interrupts to introduces the new Raw General Manager, Bret Hart!  Hart says he’s in charge now and at Fatal 4 Way, John Cena will defend the WWE Championship against three opponents that will have to win qualifying matches tonight.  Batista says he’s hurt.  Hart says Batista’s opponent will be another hurt man, Randy Orton.  Batista says Bret can’t make him compete.  Hart says he can either take it or forfeit.  Batista says if Hart does that, he’ll quit.  Bret says Orton wins by forfeit and leaves.  Batista yells about how important he is and quits.  Crowd cheers.  Yay!  Batista leaves as the crowd sings the goodbye song.

WWE.com plug.

Moments ago, Batista quit.

Fatal 4 Way Qualifying Match: Mark Henry vs. Sheamus.  Henry overpowers Sheamus to start and throws him out of the ring.  Sheamus pulls Henry’s arm over the top rope.  Sheamus goes on the attack and works Henry’s arm.  Henry makes a comeback.  Henry hits a big splash for 2.  Sheamus goes up top.  Henry tries to press slam him, but it hurts his arm.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 4:03.  It was a match.

So far, the PPV match is Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Sheamus.

Being the new GM, Bret Hart has vacated the United States Championship.  Tonight, The Miz vs. R-Truth for the vacant title!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Tonight, Jon Lovitz’s Superstar Search.  Fuch.

Jon Lovitz talks to Mr. McMahon on the phone.  Maryse comes in.  Lovitz thinks she’s the masseuse.  He says he’s been teaching a submission move to Santino.  He speaks French to her.  She’s interested in something.  He blows her off.  She jumps at him and he flinches.  Fucking retarded segment.

Bret Hart talks to Edge, who wants a title shot.  They negotiate.  Chris Jericho comes in.  He also wants a title shot.  Bret says they’ll face John Cena in a Triple Threat Match tonight, and if one of them wins, they’re in the Fatal 4 Way.  Edge says he’s a better champion and Canadian than both Hart and Jericho.  Jericho tells Hart not to make an enemy out of him.  Whatever.

Slam of the Week: Eve Torres beat Maryse to retain the Divas Title at Over The Limit.

Maryse & Alicia Fox vs. WWE Divas Champion Eve Torres & Gail Kim.  Fox and Gail go at it.  Maryse tags in and beats up Gail.  Eve gets the hot tag and runs wild on Maryse.  Eve hits a standing moonsault.  Fox saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Fox kicks Eve and Maryse hits the DDT for the pin in 2:04.  Whatever.

Last week, Bret Hart beat The Miz for the United States Championship in a ludicrous match.  Now the title is vacant, but will be decided NEXT!

WWE United States Championship Match: R-Truth vs. The Miz.  R-Truth raps during his entrance and Miz cuts a promo during his.  Miz plays chickenshit, then cheap shots R-Truth to get the early advantage.  Truth responds with his wacky strikes and gets a front cradle for 2.  Miz bails.  Insta-commercials.  Miz beats up Truth on the outside.  Crowd chants “BORING!”  During the break, R-Truth failed a suicide dive and landed on his head.  Back in the ring, cover gets 2.  Miz beats up Truth.  Truth hits a spider German suplex for 2.  Truth makes his comeback.  Missile dropkick gets 2.  Complete Shot gets 2.  Truth hits a diving cross body, but Miz rolls through for 2.  Miz hits the reverse DDT backbreaker and goes for the neckbreaker, but Truth gets a backslide for 2.  Truth gets an inside cradle for 2.  Miz avoids the scissors kick, but Truth hits the Lie Detector for the pin (7:14 shown) to win the United States Championship!  Pretty good match.

Earlier tonight, the Batista stuff happened.

Tonight, Cena vs. Jericho vs. Edge.

Josh Matthews interviews the WWE Champion, John Cena.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Jon Lovitz comes out flanked by the Bella Twins.  They’re going to judge this stupid thing.  This guy is so fucking annoying and needs to fuck off and die, then fuck off again.  Great Khali and Ranjin Singh “sing.”  Jillian Hall comes out and Lovitz hits the buzzer before she can do anything.  Thank God for that.  He calls for the fans to show talent.  Some guy named Joe says he can pull his eye out of his face.  The guy pulls his glass eye out.  Gross.  Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. and Virgil come out.  Thank God.  Dibiase offers to buy the guy’s eyeball.  He says he can’t sell it.  Santino Marella comes out.  Marella threatens to use Lovitz’s submission hold to Virgil.  Lovitz babbles.  Marella does the Vulcan nerve pinch thing and takes out Virgil.  He tries it on Dibiase, but fails.  Dibiase hits the Dream Street.  Lovitz declares Dibiase the winner of the talent contest.  Stupidest fucking segment ever.

Cole and Lawler talk about everything that’s going on.  Earlier tonight, Sheamus beat Mark Henry.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. William Regal & Vladimir Kozlov.  Regal clobbers Kidd with an elbow.  Kozlov tags in and hits a powerslam for 2.  Kidd fights out of a Canadian backbreaker and kicks Kozlov in the head.  Smith tags in and beats up Kozlov.  Kozlov counters the running powerslam and tags in Regal.  Smith avoids the knee trembler and makes the tag.  Hart Attack.  Kidd pins Regal in 1:20.  The Uso Brothers and Tamina make their debut by jumping the Hart Dynasty, laying them out, and hitting stereo Superfly splashes.

Josh Matthews interviews the remaining NXT rookies: Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and David Otunga.  Gabriel says Slater should be eliminated.  Barrett agrees.  Slater thinks Otunga should go.  Otunga says Slater should go.

They show the greatness that was Daniel Bryan beating up Michael Cole on NXT last week.  Cole says if Daniel Bryan doesn’t apologize tomorrow night, he’s going to sue him.

Edge and Chris Jericho bicker backstage.

John Cena is headed our way!  The main event is NEXT!

Next week’s guest host is Ashton Kutcher.  He can’t be worse than the fucknut we had to endure tonight.

Triple Threat Fatal 4 Way Qualifying Match: WWE Champion John Cena vs. Edge vs. Chris Jericho.  Cena goes on the attack.  Jericho schoolboys him for 2.  Cena keeps fighting.  He clotheslines Edge out of the ring.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Cena counters and clotheslines him out of the ring too.  Insta-commercials.  Edge and Jericho beat up Cena.  Jericho sends Edge out of the ring and beats up Cena some more.  Suplex gets 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Jericho DDTs him.  Cena avoids Jericho in the corner and Jericho spears the post.  Cena makes his comeback.  He fails the Attitude Adjustment again, I think.  Edge spears Jericho.  Cena locks Edge in the STF.  Jericho puts Cena in the Walls of Jericho.  Edge breaks free.  Jericho puts Edge in the Walls of Jericho.  Cena breaks it.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Jericho.  Edge spears Cena.  Delayed cover.  Jericho breaks it and goes for the Walls again.  Edge counters and gets an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho hits Edge with an enzuigiri.  Cena clotheslines Jericho.  Cena and Edge counter each other.  Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Cena.  Edge spears Jericho for the pin (7:32 shown).  Edge qualifies for Fatal 4 Way.  Sheamus and Randy Orton come out so the Fatal 4 Way participants can all stare at each other.

Okay show overall.  A couple of things were good and some stuff was meh, but the Jon Lovitz stuff was motherfucking horrible.  They need to end the guest host shit NOW.