Archive for Amazing Red

TNA iMPACT! 1/27/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Crimson Sees Red”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo about what went on last week.  He talks about how he was supposed to retire, but now he’s back, for the fans, or so he can beat up Jeff Jarrett.  Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Jeff and Karent Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff isn’t buying this shit.  He sends the troops to kick Angle’s ass.  Storm prepares to hit Angle with a beer bottle.  Crimson appears and chases Immortal off with a baseball bat.  Flair cuts a promo on them.  Flair books Angle & Crimson vs. Jarrett, Beer Money, Kazarian, Gunner, Murphy, and Terry for tonight.

Eric Bischoff bitches at Ric Flair in the office.  Flair bitches right back, and he’s Ric Flair, so his bitching is awesome.

Tonight, Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!  Dixie Carter speaks!  Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Hardy!

Entrances for the clusterfuck women’s match.  Winter throws a fit backstage because Angelina is teaming with Velvet tonight.

Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  Everybody brawls.  The match finally starts with Tara beating up Angelina.  Angelina twists Tara’s injured arm.  Rayne tags in and gets hip tossed.  Angelina hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Rayne goes for her finish, but Love counters.  Mickie and Sarita tag in and trade arm locks.  Velvet tags in and renews her war against Sarita.  Sarita counters a headscissors into a backbreaker.  Velvet hits a cross-armed Edge-O-Matic.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita pins Velvet with a schoolgirl in 2:55.  Tara clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Mickie avoids a shot with the loaded glove.  Mickie pins Rayne in 3:47.  Sarita pins Mickie in 3:55.  Love gets Sarita with an inside cradle for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Love drops Sarita with a roundhouse kick for 2.  They make a big deal out of how Madison landed on her own glove leading to her elimination, even though she didn’t really and that doesn’t even make sense.  Velvet has been hurt backstage.  I’m sure Winter did it.  Love counters Sarita’s TKO and hits a Complete Shot Stunner deal.  Tara conks Love with the elbow brace.  Sarita covers for 2.  Tara and Sarita work over Love.  Love rallies and hits Tara with the Botox Injection for the pin (9:12 shown).  Sarita gets a reverse cradle, but Love reverses it for the pin (9:24 shown).  This was crap.  Are you surprised?

Kurt Angle is on the phone.  He tells someone that he needs them here.

Matt Hardy talks backstage.

TNA X Division Champion Kazarian has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  They’re doing some convoluted #1 Contender Series.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Amazing Red vs. Max Buck (w/ Jeremy Buck) vs. Chris Sabin.  Kazarian is pretty funny on commentary.  Brief 3-way clusterfuck.  Red and Sabin do a fast paced exchange to a stalemate.  Max attacks them.  Red gives Max a flying headscissors to send him outside.  Sabin drops Red with a clothesline for 2.  Sabin hits a dive on Max.  Back inside, Max avoids a springboard and pokes Sabin in the eye.  Max sends Red outside and works over Sabin.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Max applies a rear chin lock.  Red comes in and hits both of them with a dropkick.  Red hits Max with a rana and a fancy whirling DDT.  Red tries to springboard, but Sabin catches him with a stalling suplex for 2.  That was cool.  Max hits Sabin with a cool wheelbarrow face plant for 2.  Red hits the Code Red on Sabin.  Jeremy distracts the referee.  Red decks him and goes up top.  Jeremy crotches him on the top rope.  Max hits a DDT OF MURDER on Red for the pin in 5:10.  Fun little spot fest.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett bitch at each other.  “He was on the phone!” Karen yells.

Still to come, Dixie Carter speaks!  Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson!

Jeff Hardy is headed our way!

Velvet Sky yells at Angelina Love about how Winter attacked her.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff Hardy comes out to cut a promo.  He says a bunch of stupid things about how the people don’t care about him, even though he was one of the post popular babyfaces in years.  He talks shit about Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson himself comes out to retort.  He’s an asshole, he’ll keep the title, etc.

Crimson talks backstage.

They show how Crimson killed Abyss with the nail board last week.

Velvet Sky comes out and calls out Winter.  Winter comes out.  They fight, since it’s been a few weeks since we had a knockouts brawl that went way too long.  Winter gets the better of it.  Angelina Love comes out to break it up.  Velvet throws a fit.

Still to come, Hardy vs. Anderson!  Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!

The Pope is headed our way!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to cut a promo.  He says he’s going to confess.  He talks about not being able to stand your wife, or something.  His confession is that he doesn’t like Samoa Joe.  He wants a fan to confess something next week.  This is fucking stupid.

Ric Flair lectures Immortal backstage.  Eric Young is there for some reason.  Flair yells at him for being an idiot.

Dixie Carter speaks NEXT!

Video package of this whole retarded “THEY” angle.

Tenay and Taz talk to Dixie Carter on the phone.  She’s confident that the legal ruling will be in her favor.  Then they talk to Eric Bischoff.

Anderson vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Non-Title: Matt Hardy vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.  They lock up, then brawl.  Hardy goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Hardy drops down and pulls Anderson’s arm over the top rope.  Hardy viciously works Anderson’s arm.  Anderon rallies and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap, but Hardy counters and hits an F-U of all things.  Anderson counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Anderson turns the cover into a crucifix hold for the pin in 4:07.  Not too bad.  Jeff Hardy appears and attacks Anderson.  The Hardys beat down Anderson.  Rob Van Dam runs in to make the save.  Jeff runs away through the crowd.

Kurt Angle tells Crimson that they won’t be alone out there.  It’s NEXT!

Handicap Match: Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Immortal (Jeff Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy) (w/ Ric Flair & AJ Styles).  Jeff Jarrett was supposed to be out here, but he isn’t.  Roode beats up Crimson.  Crimson rallies and runs wild.  He’s actually pretty impressive.  Angle tags in.  Roode cuts him off and tags in Kazarian.  Angle rallies and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Storm tags in.  Angle gives him a belly to belly suplex, then decks everyone on the apron.  Storm hits a Lung Blower.  Flair hops around on the apron.  Angle ducks Storm’s superkick, which nails the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Storm.  6 on 2 clusterfuck ensues.  Now that Angle is in trouble, Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) comes out to join the match.  Angle rallies and drills Jarrett with a German suplex.  Everyone beats on Angle some more.  Jarrett hits the Stroke on Angle.  Another referee comes out to count the pin in 4:24.

Immortal continues the beatdown.  Matt Morgan tries to make the save, but he is overcome too.  The lights go out.  Sirens blare.  SCOTT STEINER appears in the ring with a lead pipe.  Immortal head for the hills.  Steiner’s ready to kick some ass.

This show was only mediocre, which is pretty good for iMPACT!

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TNA iMPACT! 12/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2011 by Grappleholic

The usual video package of recent happenings.

“The Con Game?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mick Foley comes out and calls out Ken Anderson.  Anderson comes out.  They talk about visiting wounded soldiers with Miss America.  They bicker about whether or not Anderson should wrestle.  Anderson’s concussion was like 2 months ago.  I’m sure he’s fine now.  He says he’s fine and he’s been cleared.  I’m sure he has.  I wish they’d be done with this stupid story already.  Matt Morgan comes out.  Morgan accuses Anderson  of trying to con him.  I don’t get it.  They bicker.  Anderson wants to fight now.  Foley gets between them.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out.  Apparently he has booking power now, because he announces that Anderson and Morgan will be on opposing sides of a tag match with mystery partners tonight.

Backstage, Eric Young is dressed as Father Time, but he thinks he’s Moses.  Orlando Jordan is Baby New Year.  Jordan still thinks they’re gay and Young still thinks they’re a tag team.  Stupid.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Velvet Sky in Strap Match!  Double J Double M A Challenge!  Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Robert Roode (w/ James Storm) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley).  They lock up and trade arm locks.  That’s always a fine way to start.  Roode grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Sabin hits arm drags and wrenches Roode’s arm.  Sabin sends Roode outside and hits a cross body off the top rope to the floor.  Back inside, Sabin tries to springboard.  Roode counters him and hits a modified Samoan drop for 2.  Roode chokes Sabin with his boot.  Sabin gets a sunset flip for 2.  Roode hits a clothesline that Sabin does a 360 bump for.  Cover gets 2.  Roode applies a rear chin lock.  Sabin escapes and makes his comeback.  Sabin hits a diving rana and a springboard lariat for 2.  Roode gets a sunset flip for 2.  Sabin turns it into a Gedo Clutch like move for 2.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri.  Cover, but Storm grabs the referee’s foot.  Nothing comes of that.  Sabin goes for the springboard tornado DDT, but Roode counters and hits the spinebuster for the pin in 6:04.  Good match.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular.  He’s headed our way.

Eric Young sits on Orlando Jordan’s lap backstage.  He doesn’t understand why he’s doing it.  Shark Boy comes in and begs for TV time.  He drinks beer so he can be sit on Jordan’s lap.  Stupid shit.

Rob Van Dam comes out and bitches about Eric Bischoff.  He has a mystery opponent tonight.  He says it doesn’t matter, he’ll keep going through people until he gets Jeff Hardy.  The Shore tard is his mystery opponent.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Robbie jerks off the air like a retard.  RVD does his thumb pointing gimmick and kicks the idiot in the chest.  RVD beats up the Shore tard.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Cookie grabs his foot.  Robbie gets heat on RVD, which is absurd.  RVD rallies and hits the springboard kick and a Rolling Thunder splash.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 2:14.  At least that tard is getting jobbed out now.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen.  He says he’ll face RVD if RVD beats his chosen mystery opponent at Genesis.  I’m calling Matt Hardy.

Still to come, Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Kazarian and some bimbos are headed our way!

Sarita talks shit about Velvet Sky to the camera.

Kazarian comes out and cuts a promo.  They show clips of the video from a few months ago where Jay Lethal visited his family.  Kazarian talks shit about them being poor.  He makes some borderline racist remarks and talks shit about Lethal’s mother.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to kick Kazarian’s ass.  Kazarian immediately whacks him with an object.  When was the last time they actually tried to promote an X Division title match?

Mick Foley is walking around backstage!

Mick Foley walks into the office to talk to Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair.  He’s still upset about Anderson’s brain and wants to know who the partners are going to be in the mystery tag match.  He says he’ll be at ringside tonight.

Strap Match: Velvet Sky vs. Sarita.  Sarita, having just cut a promo about how she was looking forward to the strap match, doesn’t want to strap up.  The referee makes her.  Sarita bails, but SHE’S TIED TO HER OPPONENT BY THE FUCKING STRAP.  Velvet pulls her back.  Sarita whips her.  They do the usual strap match bullshit.  The strap comes untied from Sarita.  The referee secures it back.  Velvet whips Sarita and chokes her with the strap.  Velvet drags Sarita around and touches 3 corners.  Sarita touches them too.  Sarita throws Velvet over and touches the last corner to win in 2:59.  This was awful.  Sarita attacks Velvet again after the match.  Angelina Love makes the save.

Back to the freak party.  Brian Kendrick has joined Young, Jordan, and Shark Boy.  Young waves a stick around like a moron.  Jordan berates him for “poking other guys with his staff.”  Everyone, even Jordan, wants women to show up.

Still to come, Double J Double M A Challenge!  The mystery partners match!

During the break, Velvet Sky threw a fit and stormed to the back.

Now, Angelina Love attacks Sarita backstage.  I guess it’s time for our weekly long, boring women’s brawl.  Winter saves Love from Sarita, even though Love started it.  Winter consoles Love.

Still to come, the mystery partners match!

2010 year in review/2011 hype video.

Double J Double M A Challenge is NEXT!

Doug Williams is in a tag match tonight, but has no partner.  That’s like a plague in TNA.  Brutus Magnus volunteers to be his partner.  The British Invasion is BACK!

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks to do the MMA thing.  Amazing Red agreed to bring his “baby brother” this week.  Red comes out alone.  Jarrett agrees to stand on his knees and give Red’s brother the first shot.  A big, jacked up, tattooed dude comes out.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red’s Baby Brother (w/ Amazing Red).  Jarrett tries to click.  That fails.  He tries again.  Big Red takes Jarrett down with a Fujiwara armbar, but Jarrett was in the ropes.  Big Red gets a knee lock.  Another rope break.  These people don’t know how MMA works.  Jarrett gets off his ass and beats up Big Red.  He goes for the ankle lock, but Big Red reverses it.  Gunner and Murphy pull Jarrett out of the ring.  Red beats up the little one.  The ref throws it out in 2:03.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Amazing Red takes it from him and smashes it.  Jarrett bails and has Gunner and Murphy pretend to hold him back.  This was retarded.

Still to come, mystery partners tag match.  Next, AJ Styles & Rob Terry against the reunited British Invasion.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Eric Bischoff.  From now on, his fights will be against shorter opponents and they’ll only be exhibitions.  What’s the point of that?  They’re also just now going to start having people sign waivers.  This company is so fucking retarded.

AJ Styles & Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams & Magnus.  Styles grabs Magnus in a side headlock.  Magnus give him a hip toss, then wrenches his arm.  Styles rakes Magnus’ eyes and demands that Williams tag in.  Williams obliges.  Styles immediately tags in Terry.  Terry beats up Williams.  Styles tags in and goes for the Styles Clash, but Williams counters.  Styles immediately tags back out.  Terry beats up Williams some more.  Styles comes in to pick up the scraps again.  Williams avoids Styles in the corner and hits an Exploder.  Magnus gets the tag and runs wild on Styles.  Magnus hits a running powerslam.  Terry saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Styles sends Williams outside.  Styles hits the Chaos Theory on Magnus for the pin in 4:55.  It was okay.

Madison Rayne is DRESSED UP and headed our way.

Generation Me and Tara join the freak party backstage.  Jordan hits on Tara.  A fight breaks out.  Ugh.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out in a gown with some dudes in suits.  I predict that this segment will be pointless and horrible.  She makes So Cal Val hand her a microphone, then talks in her obnoxious, nails on a chalkboard voice.  She talks shit about Mickie James.  Mickie comes out and kicks her ass.  Madison gets her dress ripped off and tries to act like she’s self conscious about being in her underwear.

Mystery partners tag match is next!

“The  Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks to a guy about adopting pit bull puppies for poor children.  Ugh.

Mick Foley comes out to do commentary on the main event.

Ken Anderson & Brother Ray vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Devon and Anderson start.  Devon wants Ray, but Ray pussies out and drops off the apron.  Eric Bischoff comes out and sends Gunner and Murphy after Foley.  Ray jumps Devon from behind in the ring.  Anderson and Devon do some stuff.  Foley decks Gunner and Murphy and puts Mr. Socko on the little one.  End of show.  Awful shit.

TNA ends the year in typical fashion: with a fucking horrible pro wrestling show.

TNA iMPACT! 12/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent happenings.

“All The Gold Is Worth A Fortune”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come out.  There are scales in the ring because they’re doing a stupid weigh in for the Morgan/Anderson PPV match.  Flair introduces new member Rob Terry.  Bischoff babbles.  They have “doctors” there.  Matt Morgan comes out and talks about how stupid this shit is.  He threatens to stick a boot up someone’s ass.  Mick Foley comes out and talks about concussions.  Flair bitches at Foley for causing backyard garbage wrestling to exist.  The Flair/Foley promo battle is fucking great.  Bischoff screams some retarded bile at Foley.  That is NOT great.  The Flair/Foley stuff was great.  Everything else about this was dumb.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams in an Iron Match!  Finals of the Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament!  A retarded eight-man tag for the tag team championship!  Up next, a Double J Double M A challenge!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan and Jeff Hardy chat in the locker room.  Apparently Morgan’s rank is such that he doesn’t have to dress in a trailer.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  Jarrett challenges Amazing Red.  Jarrett’s cut man puts Vaseline in Red’s eyes.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red.  Jarrett kicks Red’s ass and submits him with an ankle lock in 49 seconds.  Jarrett helps Red up and asks he has any kids in his family that Jarrett can beat up.  Red says he’ll bring his little brother next week.

Madison Rayne and Tara are getting ready in their trailer.

Still to come, some bullshit!  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular backstage.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Kazarian.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to do commentary.  They show Lethal winning the title back from the Shore tard last week.  It’s tag team rules.  Kazarian convinces the Bucks to start against each other.  They just pose instead.  Robbie does that gay retarded jerking off motion.  The Bucks tag him in and kick his ass.  Cookie trips Max so the Jersey Fagtard can get the advantage.  Kazarian stays on the apron except for when he comes in to make the save on every cover.  Bucks beat up Robbie some more.  The video gets weird, either through broadcasting problems or shitty camera work.  Kazarian tags in and hits the Axe Guillotine Driver on Jeremy Buck for the pin in 3:35.  Whatever.

Velvet Sky is looking in the mirror.  Sarita walks into the room.  Commercials.

During the break, Sarita and Velvet Sky brawled backstage for about 6 hours.  Sarita leaves her lying.  Angelina Love finds Velvet, who says she can’t breathe.

Eric Bischoff gives Immortal the usual lecture about belts.

Tonight, eight-man tag for the 2 man tag belts, because that’s TNA!  Next, the women have a shitty match!  Commercials.

Brian Kendrick lectures the caterers.  A woman gives him a cookie to make him go away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Final: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Angelina Love.  Angelina is forced to go it alone.  She schools Madison early.  It’s horrible.  Love hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Tara interferes from the apron, allowing Rayne to get the advantage.  Love gets beaten up for a while.  Winter comes out and gets in the corner.  Love makes the hot tag to her.  Winter shakes Ryane’s head around, then kicks Tara in the gut.  Winter hits a crappy spinning slam on Rayne for the pin in 4:51.  Love & Winter win the titles.  This sucked.  Love is confused, even though she gave Winter the hot tag.  Tara doesn’t know who Winter is, so she doesn’t watch this show and didn’t watch WWE for a few years while she was with the company.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is outside talking on the phone.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up.  Young is a reindeer and Orlando Jordan is dressed as gay Santa.  They give Pope money.

Iron Man Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Douglas Williams (c) vs. AJ Styles.  It’s a 15 minute Iron Man Match.  That’s stupid.  They exchange holds, which is always a good way to start.  Styles finally backs Williams into the corner and cheap shots him with an elbow to the face.  Williams rallies and hits a running knee to the corner.  Commercials.  Styles has Williams in a rear chin lock.  OF COURSE, since this is TNA, there was a fall during the break, as Styles got the pin with the Styles Clash.  Williams lands a European uppercut.  Styles bails.  After fucking about for a bit, Styles pulls Williams out of the ring and rams his head into the steps.  Styles goes into the ring and orders Hebner to count.  Williams immediately comes back in.  Styles works Williams over.  Williams goes for a sunset flip.  Styles holds onto the ropes.  Hebner kicks his hands away like a dick and an interfering referee.  Williams gets some cradles for 2 counts.  Styles lands a forearm smash.  He goes for a springboard, but Williams catches him and hits an Exploder.  Williams makes his comeback.  Styles throws Williams out of the ring.  Williams comes back in and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 14:45.  The time limit expires in 15:09.  They agree to 5 more minutes.  Commercials.  The fuck?  OT is JIP.  Williams hits a DDT for 2.  Styles hit the springboard forearm for 2.  Williams hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  Williams goes for a backdrop suplex off the top rope, but Styles holds on to the Christmas bow around the post.  Williams hits it anyway.  The time limit expires after about 4 minutes.  Styles challenges Williams to a match at Genesis.  Williams says no.  They argue.  Williams says he’ll do it if Styles agrees to leave Fortune if he loses.  Styles refuses.  Eric Bischoff comes out and makes the match with the aforementioned stipulation.  Williams and Styles had a very good match.  This wasn’t it, but they have had one.

Beer Money hype up their team backstage.

Up next, they’ll call Mr. Anderson on the phone!  Commercials.

House shows!

Tenay and Taz talk to Mr. Anderson via satellite.  So Anderson is in “his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin,” but they expected him to come out for a fucking weigh in earlier?  This damn company is so fucking retarded.  Fuck this fucking company.  Anderson gets mad when they ask him for paper work.

The Motor City Machine Guns and Rob Van Dam are hyped up for their match.  Matt Morgan is mad about what Anderson said.

Stupid eight-man thing is next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, Beer Money, & Abyss vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c), Rob Van Dam, & Matt Morgan.  Entrances, commercials.  Match is JIP.  RVD lands some kicks on Storm.  Morgan and Roode tag in.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Roode comes off the top rope, but gets caught.  Morgan gives him a fall away slam.  Sabin tags in and kicks Roode in the gut.  Roode gets a reverse cradle, but Shelley tags in in the process.  Guns double team Roode.  Roode counters the Shiranui.  Storm pulls Shelley into the turnbuckles.  Roode hits a neckbreaker.  The heels take turns working over Shelley for a while.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the “BEER!”  “MONEY!” thing.  Shelley knocks down Storm.  Hardy tags in and cuts him off.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  The show ends.

This was just a meaningless, lame duck show full of TNA bullshit.

TNA iMPACT! 12/16/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video of recent happenings.

“Head Games?”

Earlier today, Ken Anderson was backstage.  He threw a light tantrum for no apparent reason.  Matt Morgan showed up to argue with him.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Matt Morgan comes out to cut a promo about saving Mr. Anderson from getting boo boos.  Mr. Anderson comes out to retort.  They banter and doctors’ notes and Christopher Nowinski and such.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out to make fun of them.  Swearing based insults fly.  Some of it is actually funny.  Heel Hardy is fucking horrible.

Tonight, another Double J Double M A Challenge!  Knockouts Tag tournament!  Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Robbie E. (c) (w/ Cookie) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal beats up the Shore tard.  Cookie trips Lethal from the outside.  Christy Hemme comes out and kicks her ass.  She handcuffs Cookie to her.  Insta-commercials.  Lethal gets an inside cradle for 2.  Robbie hits a clothesline for 2.  Robbie hits a drop movie thingy for 2.  Cookie screams a bunch.  Hemme punches her in the gut.  Robbie beats on Lethal.  Robbie applies a rear chin lock.  Lethal fights out.  They trade punches.  Lethal hits a suplex.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination and the diving elbow drop for 2.  Cookie screams some more.  Robbie goes for the Flair pin in the corner, but the referee catches him.  Robbie goes up top.  Lethal cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Cookie tries to give Robbie the hair spray.  Hemme takes it away and sprays her with it.  Lethal hits the Lethal Injection for the pin (5:54 shown) to regain the title.  Thank God.  I hope they get rid of those Shore tards now.  Lethal kisses Christy.

Eric Bischoff and AJ Styles watch TV backstage.  Styles criticizes Robbie E. for losing the title.  Bischoff bitches at Styles for losing the TV title.  He tells Styles to get the title back.

Doug Williams talks to someone outside the building.  He encounters his old buddy Magnus.  Magnus says Chelsea is gone and Desmond will be back soon.  YAY!  Williams goes into a trailer, which apparently serves for a locker room in TNA.  AJ Styles jumps him and beats him up.  They fight into the womens’ section of the trailer and encounter Tara (in her bra) and Madison Rayne.  Styles hits Williams with a fire extinguisher.  Madison screams in her horrible voice.  Styles yells “Shut up, hooker!”  Okay, THAT was awesome.  Styles finally finishes beating the shit out of Williams.

Orlando Jordan finds Eric Young, who is wearing the World title belt they threw in the trash.  He has some bimbos with him.  Young seeks guidance from Brian Kendrick for his “first title defense.”

Tonight, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian.

Jeff Hardy talks to no one in particular.

Generation Me vs. Eric Young (w/ generic bimbos) & Orlando Jordan.  The girls are from Hooters, so Orlando Jordan comes out dressed like a Hooters girl.  Young decides the match is battle royal for his “title,” so he eliminates the referee.  The referee comes back in to start the match.  Young eliminates Generation Me and Jordan from the “battle royal.”  Generation Me jump Young, then posture for the bimbos.  Jordan comes back in and humps Max Buck.  Jeremy beats up Jordan for queering on his brother.  Bucks work over Jordan.  Jeremy goes outside to hit on the bimbos.  Max goes to straighten him out.  Young hits them both with a dive.  Back inside, Jordan tags himself in and beats up Max.  Jordan applies a neat submission hold (kind of a side Cobra Clutch) for the win in 2:50.  I have to admit, this was pretty funny.

Mickie James asks Eric Bischoff who her tag team partner is.  Bischoff says it’s Miss Tessmacher.  Really?

Madison Rayne and Tara are headed our way.

They show the Beautiful People beating Daffney & Sarita last week.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Semifinal: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Mickie James & Miss Tessmacher.  Madison wants to start with Tessmacher.  Tessmacher obliges.  She has huge… arm drags.  She hits some moves.  Madison beats her up.  Madison has on flesh colored panties under a see through skirt.  Madison works the hair, of course.  Madison does her headscissors hump move, then taunts Mickie.  Tessmacher gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Mickie gets the hot tag and runs wild.  Tara hits Mickie with her knee brace.  Madison pins Mickie in 4:31.  There you go.

Kazarian talks to no one backstage.  He runs into Rob Terry, who hasn’t been seen in months.  And he has a match tonight.  And Kazarian wants him to join Fortune.

Still to come, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian.

Some guy hands The Pope some money.

Brother Ray comes out and cuts a promo.  He says he’s going to face the biggest, baddest dude in the locker room…

Brother Ray vs. Amazing Red.  Bubba attacks Red with his large body and throws him around.  Ray beats the crap out of Red and heels it up.  Red fights back and hits a missile dropkick.  Red charges Ray in the corner and eats a big boot.  Ray hits the Bubba Bomb for the pin in 3:10.  This was kind of awesome for what it was.  Singles heel Bubba is great.  Ray tries to attack Red with a chair after the match.  Brother Devon comes out to make the save.  The cowardly Bubba runs away through the crowd.

Jeff Jarrett talks backstage.

The Pope gets in his car and leaves.  I don’t understand this angle.

The Hooters bimbos are in the front row now.

Rob Terry vs. Rob Van Dam.  RVD takes the mic before the match and talks about wanting a title shot.  They fuck around a bit, then RVD starts throwing punches.  RVD hits a drop toe hold and tries to keep Terry on the ground.  Terry catches a cross body and hits the World’s Strongest Slam.  Terry beats up RVD.  RVD hits the rebound kick.  Terry hits a spear.  Insta-commercials.  RVD takes a bump off the apron into the guardrail.  Back inside, Terry covers for 2.  Terry hits a backbreaker and a body slam for 2.  Terry applies a bear hug.  RVD fights out and kicks Terry in the head.  RVD hits a spin kick and the diving kick, then the Rolling Thunder.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin (5:01 shown).  Not a bad little match.

Tonight, Double J Double M A Challenge!

Jeff Jarrett hype video.

Tonight, Morgan & Anderson vs. Hardy & Kazarian!  Jeff Jarrett’s thing is next!

Jeff Jarrett comes out to his music, but does Kurt Angle’s entrance.  Gunner, Murphy, and a bunch of geeks come out with him.  He has a cut man now!  They do the same shit as last weekend and pick a skinny Puerto Rican named Jose Rios.  Jarrett asks who his favorite wrestler is.  He says “Mickie James!”  Jarrett pie faces him.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Jose Rios.  The kid tries to clinch.  Jarrett gives him a bunch of knee lifts and some punches, then applies a rear naked choke for the win in 52 seconds.  Yeah.

The main event is next.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy & Kazarian vs. Matt Morgan & Ken Anderson.  Hardy flips of Anderson.  They blur it out.  Hardy tags in Kazarian.  Kazarian stumbles around like a retard, which somehow is insulting to Anderson for having a concussion.  Anderson beats him up.  Kazarian lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Anderson beats him up some more.  Kazarian falls on Anderson and the bump heads.  Morgan tags in and kicks Kazarian’s ass.  Anderson is selling being concussed.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  The bad guys get the advantage via heel trickery and get the heat on Morgan.  Kazarian cheap shots Anderson and sends him outside.  Anderson comes back in to save Morgan from being double suplexed.  Kazarian sends Anderson into the ref.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap on Kazarian.  Morgan hits Kazarian with a leg drop.  Hardy beats up Anderson.  Morgan hits Hardy with the discus lariat.  Anderson goes up top.  Rob Terry comes out and pushes him off.  Anderson crotches himself on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Terry pulls Morgan’s head across the top rope.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on Morgan for the pin in 6:33.  Fine match.

At least this show wasn’t as bad as Raw was this week.

TNA iMPACT! 10/21/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Rob Van Damned!!!”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ken Anderson comes out with his arm in a sling.  He calls out Jeff Hardy.  Rob Van Dam comes out instead and tells Anderson to wait in line, because he wants Hardy.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen and cuts another retarded promo with stupid camera effects.  Eric Bischoff comes out.  He says that he’s going to explain this whole stupid angle on Reaction.  He books Anderson vs. Kazarian in an Ultimate X Match tonight, and Anderson gets a title shot of he wins.  He also books RVD & Sabu vs. Beer Money, and implies that there is someone in EV2.0 who wants to join Immortal.  At least that’s a better name than Team Hogan.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Mickie James!  Beer Money vs. RVD & Sabu!  Anderson vs. Kazarian in an Ultimate X Match!

Stupid Robbie E. and Cookie outside of the venue interview.  Commercials.

D’Lo Brown tries to calm down RVD as he barges into the EZV2.0 locker room.  He accuses Stevie Richards, Sabu, and Tommy Dreamer of being moles.  Raven says something, so RVD chokes him.  Dreamer, Richards, Sabu, Rhino, and Brown pull them apart.

Last week, TNA pissed away $15,000 bringing in some Jersey Shore bimbo that nobody’s ever heard of to get into a cat fight with Becky Bayless.  They’re so proud, they’re showing it again.  They show more of the retarded interview from earlier.  I hate this shit.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Amazing Red vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  They show that motherfucking JWoww segment AGAIN before the match.  Robbie beats up Red.  Red fights back and hits a flying headscissors.  Red lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Robbie counters a diving cross body, dances like a tard, and hits an Ace Crusher for the pin in 1:40.  Ugh.  Robbie says he wants the X Division.  Crowd chants “BORING.”  Cookie says the same fucking catchphrase she says every week.  Is this gimmick supposed to suck?  If it does, then bravo, TNA.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero cuts a promo at a strip club.  He wants to fight AJ Styles, but first he wants to watch this chick shake her ass in his face.  Commercials.

They show Mick Foley at a book signing.  Brian Kendrick asks confusing literary questions.

Fortune chat amongst themselves backstage.  Flair gets iced.  Again.  Bischoff comes in and tells them that Fortune is banned from interfering in Styles’ street fight against Pope.  If they do, Pope will win the title by DQ.  In a fucking street fight.

The Beautiful People put makeup on.  Just like they do every fucking time we see them.  Miss Tessmacher comes in and asks them to teach her how to wrestle.  Why doesn’t she ask someone who actually knows how to wrestle?  They blow her off.  Velvet and Lacey leave.  Katie Lea Burchill appears behind Angelina.  Her name is Winter now.  Velvet and Lacey come back.  Winter has disappeared.  So they’re doing the invisible person gimmick again.  Commercials.

Street Fight for the TNA World Television Championship: AJ Styles (c) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope’s money doesn’t tall down during his entrance.  Tenay and Taz blame Immortal.  They show Pope getting beaten by Fortune last week.  It appears I was mistaken.  Styles challenges Pope to fight him on the stage, so they fight on the stage and down to ringside.  Pope catapults Styles into the post.  Pope chokes Styles with his fist tape.  They make it into the ring.  Styles kicks Pope in the balls.  Styles beats up Pope.  Pope fights back.  Styles rakes his eyes.  Pope throws a punch and Styles flinches.  Pope nails him with another punch for 2.  Styles sends Pope outside.  Pope avoids a dive and hits a clothesline.  Pope takes Styles back into the ring.  Abyss appears and attacks Pope.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam.  Styles slaps Abyss on the ass, then pins Pope in 5:56.  Retarded shit.  Bischoff and Fortune come out.  Bischoff asks mad, then gives a thumbs up.  I reiterate: retarded shit.

Earlier tonight, Sarita cut a promo in what looks like a classroom.

The Pope bumps into Samoa Joe backstage.  They have words.  Pope wants them to fight together.  Joe isn’t going to fall into that trap again.  At least until next week or so.

Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair are in the office.  Bischoff was on the phone with Hogan.  He hangs up, then they watch TV.

Tenay and Taz talk.

Team 3D video.  I fast forward.

The Motor City Machine Guns throw a football around while Velvet Sky stands around.  Generation Me show up and take their football.  The Guns deck them.  Sabin doesn’t answer the annoying guy who asks if they’ll accept 3D’s challenge.

Jeff Jarrett bitches about Kurt Angle.  Joe cuts a cool promo on Jarrett.

Jeff Jarrett is headed our way!  He says he’ll apologize to Kurt Angle NEXT!  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to the ring.  Crowd chants “YOU SOLD OUT!”  He apologizes to Kurt Angle… for not beating him up more!  SWERVE~!  He goes on this his promo until Samoa Joe comes out.  Gunner and Murphy jump Joe in the aisle.  They handcuff him so Jarrett can beat the shit out of him like they did to Angle last week.  Joe locks Jarrett in the choke despite being handcuffed.  Gunner and Murphy break it.  Jarrett throws Joe off the ramp.  Tenay yells at Jarrett.  I hope this leads to Jarrett replacing the announcers.  Jarrett looks down at Joe, who fell 8 or so feet.  Commercials.

House shows!

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Beer Money vs. Rob Van Dam & Sabu.  RVD and Storm lock up.  Storm grabs a side headlock.  They counter each others’ hip toss attempts.  RVD knees Storm in the face.  Sabu tags in.  They hit the Whisper In The Wind on Storm.  RVD drops Storm with a kick.  Sabu covers for 2.  Roode tags in and brawls with Sabu.  Sabu hits the shittiest clotheslines this side of Jeff Hardy while Tenay and Taz bicker.  Beer Money get the heat on Sabu.  Sabu comes back and hits Storm with a springboard tornado DDT.  RVD and Roode tag in.  RVD wins wild.  He backdrops Sabu into a moonsault on Roode, then hits another standing moonsault for 2.  They hit a Rolling Thunder/splash combo.  Storm saves.  Sabu takes him outside.  Roode hits the spinebuster on RVD for 2.  Beer Money go for the DWI, but RVD escapes.  Storm accidentally spits beer at Roode.  RVD schoolboys him for 2.  Sabu brings in a chair and accidentally hits RVD with it.  Roode pins RVD in 5:25.  Okayish I guess.  Neither RVD or Sabu looked good here.  RVD is pissed.  Sabu tries to explain himself.  They tease fighting and lock up.  EV2.0 come out to break it up.

Earlier today, Mickie James cut a promo atop a mechanical bull.  Commercials.

Random note: Kurt Angle is featured in the Turning Point commercial despite being “gone from TNA forever.”

Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair gives Kazarian a pep talk.

Sarita vs. Mickie James.  Mickie’s new ring gear is daisy dukes, a cut off flannel shirt, and cowboy boots.  She’s still hot.  They wrestle a bit.  Mickie lands a dropkick for 2.  Sarita avoids a reverse cradle and throws Mickie down, then dances.  Mickie avoids a diving cross body and dropkicks Sarita out of the ring.  Mickie hits a baseball slide headscissors.  Sarita sends her into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sarita beats up Mickie.  Sarita does a wacky backbreaker.  Mickie turns it into a cradle for 2.  Mickie makes her comeback with sloppy strikes.  Mickie hits a rana and a diving Thesz press.  Mickie hits the spin kick for the pin in 4:19.  Meh.  Tara appears and jumps Mickie from behind.  Tara gives Mickie the Widow’s Peak.

Ken Anderson cuts a promo backstage.  Commercials.

Mickie James is annoyed by a camera man as she walks to the office, which is apparently outside the building.

Fortune jump Mr. Anderson backstage and drag him into the arena.  Well, sound stage.  They beat him up and leave.  Kazarian comes out for the match.

Ultimate X Match: Kazarian vs. Ken Anderson.  Kazarian orders the referee to ring the bell.  He goes for the X as Anderson crawls down the ramp.  Anderson makes it to the ring just in time to pull Kazarian down.  Anderson beats up Kazarian with one arm.  Kazarian takes Anderson outside.  Commercials.  Kazarian goes for the X.  Anderson swings him back and forth until he falls down.  Anderson tries to climb one arm, fails, beats up Kazarian, then gets beaten up himself.  Kazarian hits a hammerlock slam and a leg drop.  Anderson hits a jawbreaker and tries to fight back, but Kazarian pulls his head across the top rope.  Kazarian goes for the X.  Anderson pulls him down and hits the Mic Check.  Anderson brings in a ladder, which has always been illegal in Ultimate X.  Fortune come out to stop him from getting the X.  Morgan hits a sit-out powerbomb.  Morgan lifts Kazarian up on his shoulders so Kazarian can take down the X to win it in 9:43.  Lame.  Anderson attacks Fortune with a lead pipe.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy appears and hits Anderson in the back of the head with a chair.  Hardy sandwiches Anderson’s injured arm with the ladder and hits it with the chair.

Ric Flair and Eric Bischoff leave togethee.  Kurt Angle appears in front of the car with a pipe or something, throws out the driver, then busts the back glass with his pipe.  Gunner and Murphy show up and run him off.  End.

Horrible show.  Look, I understand that mentally retarded people should be given job opportunities, but have Russo work in catering and bring you coffee.  Don’t have him write your TV show.

TNA iMPACT! 9/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2010 by Grappleholic

“Last week on iMPACT!…” video.

“Eliminating The Monster”

Kurt Angle talks on the phone, allegedly to Hulk Hogan, as he’s loaded onto his hydraulic stage thingy.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Kurt Angle comes out to talk.  He say the Impact Zone misses Hogan.  Those mutants might, but I don’t.  He talks for a while and says he’ll take out Abyss tonight in a Steel Cage.  I won’t even get in to how stupid that is.  Abyss comes out through the crowd.  Angle meets him and they brawl.  They brawl moves backstage.  Abyss hits Angle with a ladder.  Angle hits Abyss with a chair.  They keep brawling.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and security geeks break it up.

Abyss attacks Kurt Angle again.  Agents and security break them up again.

Lumberjack Match: Beer Money vs. Tommy Dreamer & Rhino.  AJ Styles, Kazarian, Doug Williams, Ric Flair, and Matt Morgan from Fortune and Sabu, Stevie Richards, Raven, Mick Foley, and Brian Kendrick from EV2.0 are Lumberjacks.  Dreamer and Rhino hit the ring and brawl with Beer Money.  It breaks down into a tag match with Rhino and Roode legal.  Roode bails to avoid the Gore and Sabu throws him back in.  Storm drops Rhino with a kick from the apron.  Beer Money beat up Rhino.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the BEER!  MONEY!  pose.  Storm throws Rhino outside to get beaten up by Fortune.  EV2.0 come over and Morgan throws Rhino back into the ring.  Rhino continues to play face in peril.  Rhino hits Roode with a belly to belly suplex and makes the hot tag to Dreamer.  Dreamer runs wild.  Dreamer and Storm counter each others’ moves.  Dreamer locks Storm in a crossface.  Roode saves.  Rhino clotheslines Roode to send them both out of the ring.  All of the lumberjacks brawl.  Styles spits something in Dreamer’s face.  Storm hits Dreamer with a Lung Blower for 2.  Lumberjacks continue to brawl.  Storm tries to use the beer bottle, but Dreamer catches him and hits the Spiccoli Driver for the pin in 5:34.  Sabu hits a dive on everybody.  Typical overbooked TNA shit.  Foley calls for everyone to stop fighting and for Flair to get into the ring.  Will it happen NEXT?

Mick Foley and Ric Flair are in the ring.  They talk back and forth for a while.  Foley challenges Flair to a match next week.  Flair beats up Foley’s new book.  Ric Flair is the only man alive who can do silly bullshit like that and have it work.  They each punch themselves in the face to make themselves bleed.  The talk some more.  Foley wants a Last Man Standing Match.  Flair agrees and says he’ll kiss Foley’s ass if he loses.

Backstage, Ken Anderson bitches at Eric Bischoff because Hulk Hogan didn’t call him.  I hate this show.

Tonight, Angle vs. Abyss.  Next, Generation Me vs. Ink Inc.

The Motor City Machine Guns are walking backstage!

Bound For Glory hype.

Ink Inc. vs. Generation Me.  GenMe come out with the TNA World Tag Team title belt they stole last week.  They show a video of said theft.  Moore and Jeremy start with some nice wrestling.  Moore gets the better of the exchange and hits a stupid leg drop around the legs for 2.  Neal and Max tag in.  Ink Inc. double team Max for 2.  Neal lands a dropkick for 2.  Neal avoids a moonsault body block.  Max feigns a knee injury.  Jeremy attacks Neal from behind.  Max comes back in and puts the boots to Neal.  Bucks work over Neal.  Neal ducks a shot and Max accidentally decks Jeremy.  Moore gets the hot tag and runs wild on Max.  Moore hits a spin kick, but Jeremy saves.  Moore hits the Bucks with a double Frankensteiner!  Moore hits a springboard moonsault body block on Max for 2.  All 4 brawl.  Neal accidentally spears the post.  Max kicks Moore in the balls and schoolboys him for the pin in 4:57.  Good little tag match.  The Bucks attack Ink Inc. again after the match.  They set up Neal for the DOUBLE DDT OF MURDER, but the Motor City Machine Guns come out and run them off.

Samoa Joe talks to no one backstage.

Anderson vs. Joe NEXT!

The Motor City Machine Guns yell at Generation Me, who are not present.

Ken Anderson vs. Samoa Joe.  “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to do commentary.  Sting, and Kevin Nash come out to stand behind him.  Joe powers Anderson to the corner and beats him up.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Joe gets out of it and kicks his ass some more.  Anderson fights back.  Joe beats him up again.  Joe hits the face wash in the corner to stop me from being bored with this match for the time being.  Cover gets 2.  Anderson makes his comeback and gets 2 off of a dropkick.  Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch.  Anderson escapes via a jawbreaker, then hits the Mic Check for the pin in 4:00.  Pretty boring match.  Nash carries Sting’s bat to ringside and calls for Joe to “join us!”

During the break, security got between Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.

Kevin Nash, Sting, and The Pope are in the ring.  They talk about how they know what’s going on and how Bischoff and Hogan are dicks.  Sting was a six-man at Bound For Glory with Sting, Nash, & Pope vs. Hogan, Jarrett, & Joe.  Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff babbles for a while and says Hogan will be there next week.  Ugh.

TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair) yells at Brian Kendrick, who is not present.  He makes Flair chug a Smirnoff.  Again.

Tonight, Angle vs. Abyss in a Cage!

House shows!

They show Amazing Red beating Jay Lethal for the TNA X Division Championship last Thursday in New York City and Lethal regaining the title on Saturday in Rahway, New Jersey.

Miss Tessmacher tells Madison Rayne and Tara to behave or something.  The Beautiful People come in and bitch at them.  Tessmacher apparently has the power to fire them.  Rayne gives Tessmacher a waiver she signed that allows Tara to wrestle in TNA again.  SHE ALREADY WRESTLED A FUCKING MATCH.  YOU FUCKING MORONS.  I HATE THIS FUCKING COMPANY.  They make a 4-way match for the PPV.  I don’t care.  They all argue and leave.  Tessmacher gets a phone call and agrees to go fuck someone in 20 minutes.

TNA World Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Ric Flair & Matt Morgan) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Flair rants at the commentary table as the match starts.  They lock up.  Kendrick backs Styles into the corner, breaks, and bows.  Styles attacks Kendrick and grounds him with a side headlock.  Styles avoids a dropkick.  Kendrick avoids Styles in the corner and lands his dropkick.  Kendrick reverses a waist lock and gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Styles hits a backdrop suplex.  Morgan chokes Kendrick behind the referee’s back.  Styles covers for 2.  Styles puts the boots to Kendrick.  Kendrick makes his comeback.  Styles cuts him off with an elbow smash.  Kendrick lands a dropkick and a spinning DDT, then goes up top and dives out of the ring onto Morgan.  Styles goes for a dive, but Kendrick catches him with a kick.  Kendrick goes up top again.  Flair distracts the ref and Morgan crotches Kendrick.  Styles hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 4:24.  Fine little TV match.  These two could have a hell of a match if they were given some time.

Abyss talks to Janice about Kurt Angle, then says he wants his match with RVD at Bound For Glory to be a Monster’s Ball Match.

Congrats to Richard G., who won a free trip to Bound For Glory!  The poor bastard.

Earlier today, Rob Van Dam was outside talking to nobody.

Hype for next week’s live iMPACT!: Before The Glory.

Steel Cage Match: Abyss vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle goes on the attack and kicks Abyss’ ass.  Abyss fights back and beats up Angle.  Angle fights back and beats up Abyss.  Isn’t this exciting?  Angle picks up Janice and throws it over the top of the cage.  Insta-commercials.  Abyss mows down Angle with a big boot.  Abyss throws Angle into the cage.  Angle is BUSTED WIDE OPEN.  Abyss works the cut by pounding on Angle’s head and throwing him into the cage again.  Angle slips of off Abyss’ back and takes out his knee.  Angle hammers Abyss with punches, then hits a frog splash for 2.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Angle rolls through and goes for the ankle lock.  Abyss kicks free and chokeslams Angle for 2.  Abyss counters the Angle Slam and hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss goes for a diving splash, but Angle avoids it and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle starts to leave through the door, then changes his mind and climbs to the top of the cage.  The show ends.  During the main event.  For the 2nd time in 3 weeks.  About 9 minutes shown.

I fucking hate this company.

TNA iMPACT! 6/10/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Ugh, here we go again.

“Last week on iMPACT!..” music video.

“A Flair For The Dramatic.”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Kurt Angle returns to the ring!  Also, they’ll show “never before seen footage” of Sting’s attack on Jeff Jarrett of Sacrifice.  Probably the exact same footage they showed last week, but now it’s never been seen.

AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, Kazarian, and Beer Money come out.  Styles says that he’s in charge in Flair’s absence.  He says they’re in an 8-man tag, then does some first grade math.  He says 5 guys in a group doesn’t work, and makes reference to the Beatles, the Fantastic 4, and the Four Horsemen.  He tries to kick Kazarian out of the group.  Jay Lethal comes out, this week playing the role of Ric Flair.  He does do a great Flair impersonation.  Lethal introduces his team for the 8-man tag: Abyss and Mr. Anderson.  Styles notes that that’s only 3.  Lethal says Abyss counts as 2.  The faces rush the ring and brawl with the 5 heels.  To the shock of absolutely no one, Jeff Hardy makes the save (running in through the crowd).  Man, this show is horribly written.

Weird backstage video promo with Brian Kendrick.

Brian Kendrick vs. Homicide.  Yes, Homicide is still employed.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out to do commentary.  They lock up.  Homicide lands some punches that Kendrick sells like shotgun blasts.  Kendrick fights back.  Homicide goes for the Cop Killa, but Kendrick counters.  Homicide beats up Kendrick some more.  Homicide hits an Exploder for 2.  Homicide hits a Michinoku Driver II for 2.  Homicide continues beating up Kendrick.  Homicide unwraps his wrist tape to use.  The referee takes it away, so Homicide uses the tap from the other wrist to choke Kendrick.  Kendrick makes a comeback.  He knocks Homicide out to the ramp and ramps his head into the ramp.  Homicide empties out a toolbox from under the ring and grabs a screwdriver.  The referee takes it away.  Kendrick kicks Homicide in the face for the pin in 6:02.  Very oddly structured match.  At least Kendrick didn’t do the job right before his PPV title shot.

Ink Inc. and Team 3D are in the back.  Apparently Moore, Devon, and security are trying to hold Ray and Neal back from fighting.

Ink Inc. are in the ring.  Neal calls out Brother Ray.  Team 3D come out.  Agents (including Terry Taylor and Pat Kenney) try to keep order.  Neal accuses Bubba of laying them out and putting cards on them.  Bubba cuts a promo about how great he is and how Neal is nothing, just to show what a big prick he is.  Bubba calls more a bitch.  Moore calls Bubba a bully and a douchebag.  Well, he’s right.  Moore calls Devon Bubba’s puppet.  Devon cuts a promo on Moore, then tells Bubba to get his head straight and leave Neal alone.  Devon leaves.  Ray cheap shots Neal and runs away.

Slammiversary commercial.

They show Sting’s beat down of Jeff Jarrett from Sacrifice.  Fast forward.

Jeff Jarrett comments NEXT!

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are with Matt Morgan backstage.  Morgan wants to know who his partner is at Slammiversary.  Bischoff says he has a partner for Morgan and his tag title rematch is next.

Jeff Jarrett talks about Sting destroying him.

Matt Morgan comes out.  Hulk Hogan follows and talks about Morgan being a prick.  He introduces Morgan’s partner, the returning Hernandez.  Hernandez kicks Morgan’s ass.  Hogan joins Tenay and Taz for commentary.  Hernandez chokes Morgan with his towel.  Hogan books Hernandez vs. Morgan for Slammiversary.  Geeks come out to put Morgan on a stretcher.  Wasn’t there supposed to be a tag title match somewhere in here?  Ah, here comes The Band.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, & Eric Young (c) vs. Matt Morgan.  Young pins Morgan on the stretcher in 17 seconds.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  Sting jumps RVD from behind and chokes him out, then steals the belt.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

People check on RVD.  He realizes his belt is gone and he’s pissed.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo.  He asked his X Divison friend to wrestle him tonight, and to hold nothing back.

Kurt Angle vs. Amazing Red.  They shake hands and lock up.  Red does his stuff and Angle hangs with him.  Angle hits a belly to belly suplex and a European uppercut.  Red side steps Angle and sends him outside.  Red goes for a dive, but Angle avoids it.  Red jumps off the apron and hits a rana.  Back inside, Angle NAILS Red with a clothesline.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Red hits a DDT.  Red hits a jumping DDT for 2.  Angle hits a German suplex.  Red arm drages out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a sick rana head drop and the Red Star Press for 2.  Angle avoids the Infra Red and hits the Angle Slam for the pin in 3:44.  Fun little match.  I wish Angle would stop getting dropped on his head and shit, though.  Angle helps Red up, raises his hand, and hugs him.

Sting talks to or about the World Championship belt.  He has “Deception” written on the belt.

Slammiversary hype video.

RVD goes to look for Sting in his clubhouse, or wherever the fuck Sting hangs out up there.

AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy, Mr. Anderson, Abyss (w/ Chelsea), & Jay Lethal.  Roode and Lethal brawl to start.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow smash.  All of the faces deck Roode.  Abyss tags in.  Beer Money try to double team Abyss, but get fought off.  Anderson tags in against Storm.  Anderson and Hardy make quick tags and work over Storm’s arm.  Wolfe gets the tag and wrestles with Hardy.  Hardy hits a suplex for 2.  Styles tags in to work over Hardy.  Styles hits a knee drop for 2.  The heels isolate Hardy on their side of the ring and work him over.  Hardy reverses Wolfe into Beer Money’s boots.  Clusterfuck ensues briefly.  Hardy gets beaten up by the heels.  Double suplex by BEER!  MONEY!  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Roode hits the bottom rope decapitator thing for 2.  Lethal gets the tag, but the referee misses it and doesn’t allow it.  The heels continue beating up Hardy.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker on Styles, then drops him with a kick.  Hardy makes the hot tag to Lethal, who runs wild.  Lethal hits a move on Styles and covers, but Wolfe saves.  Everybody starts hitting signature moves.  Nigel hits the jawbreaker lariat on Abyss, then asks Chelsea for the chair she’s sitting in.  She hesitates, but Wolfe gets the chair.  Abyss punches it into his face.  Styles hits Abyss with the springboard forearm.  Lethal goes for a rana, but Styles catches him and hits the Styles Clash for the pin in 10:50.  Pretty good match.  I’m shocked they actually got some time and it wasn’t mostly commercials.

Sting isn’t in his clubhouse, he’s somewhere else.  Commercials.

RVD shows up at wherever Sting is.  Sting jumps him from behind and kicks his ass.  RVD fights back.  They brawl all over backstage and throw each other into shit.  They eventually make it to the ring.  RVD takes off Sting’s coat and the belt and continues to beat him up.  RVD wedges a chair between the top and middle turnbuckles.  They fight some more.  RVD lands a superkick.  Sting sends RVD’s head into the chair, then hits him in the back with the chair.  Sting says the belt is RVD’s until Sunday.  This whole thing was stupid.

There was some good stuff on this show, but as always, there was a bunch of crap and the writing is just fucking horrible.