Archive for Alex Shelley

TNA iMPACT! 1/13/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2011 by Grappleholic

Genesis recap.

“The One That Got Away”

Earlier today, Jeff and Karen Jarrett arrived.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson comes out to cut a promo.  He bitches about WWE for a while, then calls out Matt Morgan.  Morgan comes to the ring.  Anderson thanks him for helping him out when he needed it.  Morgan cuts a passionate promo about wanting the title, then congratulates Anderson and leaves.  Eric Bischoff comes out and bitches at Anderson.  He says that Anderson will face Jeff Hardy in a rematch on the February 3 iMPACT!, then rants about Hulk Hogan.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen and babbles.  Rob Van Dam jumps Hardy backstage.  Matt Hardy attacks RVD.  Anderson runs to the back to make the save.  The rest of Immortal: Beer Money, Abyss, Rob Terry, Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian jump Anderson and RVD and leave them laying.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Tonight, the Hardy Brothers take on Mr. Anderson & RVD!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett chat backstage, then go into the Immortal locker room.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  The match starts with four-way insanity.  Guns clear the ring and hit Beer Money with stereo suicide dives.  Guns double team Storm briefly until Roode trips Sabin while thing where Sabin kicks the dude that Shelley has in the Muta Lock.  Beer Money get the heat on Sabin.  Sabin and Storm do a double cross body spot.  Roode and Shelley tag in.  Shelley runs wild on Beer Money.  Storm counters the Shiranui.  Shelley hits a bulldog/clothesline on Beer Money.  Shelley goes up top.  Storm cuts him off.  Shelley fights him off.  Sabin kicks Storm.  Shelley hits the Ghetto Stomp on Roode for 2.  Guns run wild some more and double team Roode.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones.  Storm pushes Sabin into Shelley to break the cover.  Storm is bleeding.  He hits the DDT OF MURDER on Sabin.  Shelley sets up Roode for a superplex.  Storm cuts him off and goes for the Eight Second Ride.  Shelley counters.  Storm hits a move that I forgot the name of.  Roode hits a diving splash on Shelley for 2.  Shelley counters the DWI.  Sabin low bridges Storm out of the ring.  Guns hit a missile dropkick/Complete Shot combo.  Storm comes back in.  Complications arise.  Shelley accidentally superkicks Sabin.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Shelley and Roode gets the pin in 7:41.  Not as good as their usual matches, but still pretty good.

They show Jeff Jarrett backstage.

Kurt Angle arrives.  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam and Ken Anderson chat backstage and look for weapons to go beat up Immortal.  RVD gets a chair.  Anderson gets a 2×4.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to talk.  He talks about whatever the angle with Samoa Joe is.  He says he forgives Joe, then shows a photo of pigs humping that he says is Joe and his wife.  He shows a video of baby pigs nursing which he says is Joe’s child.  Samoa Joe comes out and runs him out of the ring and calls him a bitch.  Joe says he doesn’t “chase bitches.”  Joe says that when he gets hold of Pope, “Joe is going to kill you.”

Rob Van Dam and Ken Anderson go into the locker room that Beer Money is in.  They close the door and much racket is made.  RVD and Anderson exit and go to look for the Hardys.

Tonight, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Also, something with Kurt Angle and the Jarretts!  Commercials!

Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and AJ Styles chat backstage about how butthurt Hogan is about Hardy losing the title.  They find the beaten up Beer Money.  Flair throws a fit.  Bischoff says “It’s on.”

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett video package.

Moments ago, Jeff Jarrett talked about Kurt Angle while Karen looked at him lovingly.

Kurt Angle is also headed our way.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, Murphy, and the geeks come out.  He talks about his “MMA career,” then introduces Karen.  Kurt Angle comes out instead and runs through the geeks, then gives Gunner and Murphy German suplexes.  Jarrett acts like he’s ready to fight.  Karen comes out and yells at Kurt from the stage.  Jarrett bails.  Karen screams at Kurt in a manner that reminds me of my own ex-wife.  Karen threatens to give her side of the story and says that Kurt should dress up for it.  Huh?

Still to come, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Kurt Angle throws a fit backstage.

Highlights from Madison Rayne/Mickie James from the PPV.  It was awful.

Velvet Sky fuses at Angelina Love backstage.  Winter shows up and drags Angelina away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara.  Angelina and/or Winter has awful new music.  Love and Rayne lock up.  Love gets some quick cradles.  Madison screams.  Love beats her up some more.  Madison distracts the referee.  Tara pulls Angelina down by the hair, then tags in.  The heels beat up Angelina while the referee struggles with Winter.  Madison tries to use the loaded glove.  Mickie James runs out, drags her out of the ring and chases her to the back.  Angelina hits Tara with a brogue kick.  Winter hits a diving lariat on Tara, then pounds on her.  Winter chokes out Tara and the referee calls for a stop in 3:04.  This sucked.

The Hardys cut a promo from behind a fence backstage.

Tonight, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Commercials.

House shows!

Non-Title: TNA World Television Champion Abyss (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan charges the ring because he’s pissed at the world.  He runs wild for a while, then Flair distracts him and Abyss gets the advantage.  Abyss gets the heat for a bit.  Flair gets in a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Morgan makes his comeback.  Abyss goes for the chokeslam.  Morgan fights out and hits the Carbon Footprint.  Flair grabs the referee’s leg.  Hebner gets away and counts the pin anyway in 3:20.  Kind of a fun little brawl.  Flair cheap shots Morgan.  Morgan goes for a top rope chokeslam.  Rob Terry runs out to save Flair.  Flair low blows Morgan.  Abyss, Terry, and Flair beat down Morgan and leave him laying.

Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson NEXT!  Commercials.

During the break, some dude choked Abyss backstage.  I think it’s Amazing Red’s baby brother.  He says his name is Crimson.  He says “they’re coming” on February 3.  Not this shit again.

Abyss goes into the office and tries to tell Bischoff what happened, but Bischoff is busy giving the Hardys a pep talk.  Once that’s done, Abyss tells Bischoff what Crimson said.

The main event is next for real this time!  Commercials!

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam vs. The Hardys.  They brawl in the aisle and at ringside.  RVD beats up Matt in the ring to officially start the match.  Anderson is already bleeding.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  RVD and Anderson take turns beating up Matt.  Hardys cut off Anderson and get the heat on him.  RVD tags in.  Jeff scampers away and tags in Matt.  Matt hits a sleeper drop and goes for a moonsault.  RVD avoids it and goes for the split legged moonsault.  He catches Matt in the face as Jeff tries to pull Matt to safety.  RVD takes out both Hardys with a dive.  Commercials.  RVD beats up Matt some more.  RVD goes to the middle rope.  Matt takes out his leg and sends him crashing to the ground.  Cover gets 2.  Hardys get the heat on RVD.  Anderon tags in.  Stuff happens.  I zoned out.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Jeff.  Matt saves and goes for the Twist of Fate.  There’s a ref bump.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Matt.  RVD beats up Jeff.  Beer Money run in and beat up Anderson and RVD.  Beer Money hit the catapult DDT on Anderson.  Storm superkicks RVD.  The referee is back in.  Matt gives Anderson the Twist of Hate.  Jeff hits the Swanton bomb for the pin in 13:47.  This wasn’t good.

The rest if Immortal come out and beat down Anderson and RVD.  Immortal stand tall as the show closes.

This show wasn’t really good, but it wasn’t as awful as iMPACT! sometimes is, and it at least felt like it went by quickly.

TNA Genesis 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2011 by Grappleholic

PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal (c) vs. Kazarian.  Lethal is good and pissed off and gets the jump on Kazarian early.  Kazarian tries of getting his ass kicked and bells.  Lethal hits him perfectly with a tope suicida.  Kazarian whips Lethal towards the ring.  Lethal connects with a moonsault body block off the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kazarian finally gains the advantage by sending Lethal hard into the corner.  Or so he thought.  Lethal fires back with chops and catapults Kazarian into the corner.  Lethal hits a dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Kazarian catches Lethal with an elbow smash, then hits an Alabama Slam.  Kazarian finally has the advantage and starts to put a beating on the champion.  Kazarian hits a leg drop for 2.  Lethal lands the handspring elbow.  They get to their feet and trade punches.  Lethal lands a HARD chop, then runs and kind of bulldogs Kazarian onto the top rope.  Kazarian slingshots Lethal back in and hits an Ace Crusher for 2!  That was awesome.  Kazarian goes for the Flux Capacitor.  Lethal turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver.  Lethal counters.  Kazarian hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Kazarian gets annoyed that he can’t put Lethal away.  Kazarian slaps Lethal.  Lethal Hulks up and lands a bunch of chops.  Lethal hits a suplex and goes up top.  Kazarian jumps up and hits an enzuigiri to the throat.  Which technically isn’t an enzuigiri, but I digress.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver off the top!  Lethal counters certain death and pushes Kazarian down into the ref.  Kazarian crotches Lethal on the top, then its the Axe Guillotine Driver for the pin in 11:37.  Immortal captures another championship!  Good match, too.  I really dug this.

Tenay and Taz hype the show.

Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and AJ Styles are in the office.  Flair tells Bischoff that Styles is injured and can’t wrestle tonight.  They bicker.  Styles cares about his kid, which pisses Bischoff off.  Styles is about sick of his shit.  He storms off.  Flair tells Bischoff to come up with something.

Mickie James/Madison Rayne hype video.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James.  Madison taunts Mickie, then hides behind the referee.  Mickie schools her and gets some quick pin attempts.  Mickie lands a dropkick.  Rayne bails to the apron.  Mickie hip tosses her back in for 2.  Mickie cranks on Rayne’s arm.  Madison walks up the ropes, so Mickie drops her.  Rayne screams, then pulls Mickie’s hair.  Mickie rallies.  Madison bails.  Madison pulls Mickie’s head across the top rope.  Cover gets 2.  Crowd chants “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!”  Madison responds by not being able to wrestle.  Mickie hits a snapmare and a basement dropkick for 2.  Mickie goes for the Flair pin in the corner and gets 2.  Mickie hits a rana and goes up top.  Rayne cuts her off and throws her to the mat.  Rayne does typical women’s bullshit for 2.  Mickie fights out of some stupid thing.  Madison throws her down and pulls on her face.  Mickie gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Madison hits a head kick for 2.  I wish this would end.  Madison works Mickie’s hair.  I fucking hate women’s wrestling.  Madison tries to hump Mickie’s head into the mat.  Mickie turns it into a wheelbarrow drop and makes her comeback.  Mickie goes for the DDT.  Rayne escapes and hits in the ropes.  Mickie spanks her.  Madison pokes Mickie in the eye behind the ref’s back.  Mickie hits a neckbreaker and goes up top.  Mickie hits the diving Thesz press and goes for the DDT.  Tara comes out.  Mickie tries to fight her.  The ref gets between them.  Madison plays dead in the ring.  Mickie picks her up.  Madison KOs Mickie with a loaded glove for the pin in 10:29.  This was awful.  Madison and Tara celebrate the win.  I celebrate this match being over.

Christy Hemme interviews Immortal members TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Beer Money, Ric Flair, and Eric Bischoff.  Christy asks Bischoff who will face RVD and who will replace AJ Styles.  Bischoff says Abyss will take AJ’s place, but won’t tell who RVD’s opponent is.  He guarantees that Immortal will win all of the titles tonight.

Beer Money/Motor City Machine Guns hype video.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  Shelley throws his shirt at Roode.  Roode shoves him.  They stare at each other, then eventually lock up.  They do a fine little chain wrestling sequence.  They speed up and Shelley lands a dropkick for 2.  Storm tags in and gets beaten up by the Guns.  Guns double team Storm, then Roode.  Guns send Beer Money to the floor and land stereo topes suicidas.  Back inside, Storm avoids Shelley’s Ghetto Stomp.  Storm counters the Shiranui.  Roode gives Shelley an enzui lariat.  Storm covers for 2.  Beer Money cut Shelley off and get the heat on him.  Heel chicanery allows Beer Money to double to Shelley behind the referee’s back.  Shelley rallies and gives Storm the Shiranui.  Shelley goes to make the tag, but Roode pulls Sabin off the apron.  Roode tags in and keeps the heat going on Shelley.  Beer Money hit the double suplex on Shelley.  “BEER!  MONEY!”  Beer Money go for the awesome catapult DDT, but Shelley counters it and rallies!  Sabin gets the hot tag and runs wild!  Sabin ties Roode to the tree of woe and hits the hesitation dropkick.  Storm saves.  Sabin suplexes him onto Roode.  Sabin hits Roode with a diving rana.  Shelley comes off of Sabin’s shoulders to give Roode a DDT.  Sabin covers, but Storm saves.  Sabin and Storm fight outside.  Roode goes for a superplex on Shelley.  Shelley fights him off.  Sabin hits a diving lariat.  Shelley hits the Ghetto Stomp.  Sabin covers for 2.  Storm hits a Lung Blower on Storm.  Sabin kicks Storm outside.  Roode and Sabin counter each other.  Storm spits beer on Sabin’s face.  Roode hits the spinebuster for 2.  Shelley comes in against Roode, then takes out Storm with a dive.  Guns kill Roode with a double head kick and hit the Skull & Bones.  Storm pulls the referee out of the ring.  Shelley takes Storm out with another dive.  Sabin goes for a springboard DDT, but Roode counters and hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hit Sabin with the DWI.  SABIN KICKS OUT!  Roode argues with the referee.  They go for it again, but fail.  Sabin accidentally kicks Shelley in the face.  Roode schoolboys Sabin and grabs a handful of tights for the pin in 17:58.  REALLY freaking good match.  I loved this so much.

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Devon.

Devon/Ray hype video.

Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon.  Devon rushes the ring.  Bubba bails.  Devon goes after him.  Bubba hides behind So Cal Val again.  Devon says “fuck this” and starts kicking Bubba’s ass.  Devon kicks Bubba’s ass at ringside for a while, then they finally get in the ring to start the match.  Ray begs off and apologizes.  Ray goes for a low blow, but Devon blocks it and kicks his ass.  Devon hits a lariat for 2.  Devon hits a Thesz press and punches.  Devon slams Bubba and goes up top.  Bubba bails again.  Devon goes after him and kicks his ass some more.  They brawl in the crowd.  Why not?  It’s not like there are rules or anything.  Devon hits Bubba with a shoe.  Bubba gets the jump on Devon coming back into the ring.  Bubba gets cocky and starts beating up Devon.  Devon begs for more.  Bubba cheap shots him in the eyes.  Bubba administers a shit kicking.  Devon rallies and tries to come off the top.  Bubba catches him in midair with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Devon counters the Bubba Bomb and hits a big Ron Simmons-style spinebuster for 2.  Devon goes up top.  Bubba crotches him and hits a superplex for 2.  Bubba tries to use a chain and fails.  Devon makes his comeback and probably almost throws his back out giving Bubba a back body drop.  Devon gets hold of the chain and whips Bubba with it to cause the DQ in 8:48.  Okay brawl.  Devon keeps beating on Bubba.  Referees come out to break it up, so of course they keep fighting.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, and security geeks come out to help.  Ray gets in one more cheap shot and bails.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Jarrett.  He explains the rules of this stupid MMA match.  There’s 3 2 minute rounds and some other bullshit.

TNA World Television Championship Match: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Abyss.  Williams is selling the hand that AJ Styles injured on iMPACT recently.  Abyss tries to stop the hand.  Williams bails.  Back inside, Williams goes for a slingshot sunset flip and narrowly avoids being sat on.  Williams counters a slam, then gets a schoolboy for 2.  Abyss sends Williams’ shoulder into the post.  Abyss rams Williams’ injured hand into the post.  Abyss beats up Williams on the outside.  Back inside, Williams tries to rally and comes off the top.  Abyss tries to chokeslam him, fails, but lands a big boot.  Williams is forced to bail again.  Williams lands some blows outside.  Abyss rams the injured hand into the barricade.  Abyss picks up the belt and tries to hit Williams’ hand with it.  Williams avoids the blow, but gets beaten down anyway.  Back inside, Abyss stomps on Williams’ hand.  Abyss keeps the heat going on Williams.  Williams lands a diving European uppercut.  Williams hits Abyss with a flurry of blows and goes for a German.  Abyss grabs his hand.  Williams fights back and hits a backdrop suplex.  Williams hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Williams goes for a running knee to the corner, but Abyss catches him and chokeslams him.  Cover, but Williams grabs the bottom rope.  Abyss retrieves the nail board from under the ring to distract the referee.  AJ Styles appears and hits Williams with the title belt.  Abyss comes back in and hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 9:46.  Three titles for Immortal tonight.  Okay match.

Eric Bischoff and Rob Van Dam bicker backstage.  RVD says he wants Hardy tonight.  Bischoff says he has Hardy.

Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy.  Well, Bischoff DID say RVD had Hardy tonight, but he didn’t say WHICH Hardy.  Matt looks like a tard with colored dreadlocks.  Hardy offers a handshake.  RVD isn’t buying it.  Hardy decks him and they brawl.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop and dances around.  RVD drops him with a kick.  RVD hits the springboard kick and some more kicks, because he really likes to kick.  RVD sends Hardy to the apron and kicks him into the guardrail.  RVD kicks Hardy to the floor again before he can get back in and lands an Asai moonsault.  Back inside, RVD hits a diving cross body for 2.  RVD counters the Twist of Fate.  Hardy kind of waist locks RVD into the corner.  Hardy hits a sloppy bulldog headlock for 2.  Hardy hits a full nelson Stroke for 2.  Hardy does the RVD thumb point.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker and goes to the middle rope.  RVD catches him coming down with a spin kick.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  This match is really clunky.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  RVD escapes and lands a head kick, then does his wonky leg cradle for 2.  They trade punches.  RVD makes his comeback.  RVD mows down Hardy with another spin kick.  Another kick.  Cover gets 2.  Hardy gets an inside cradle for 2.  RVD hits the diving kick, Rolling Thunder, and the Five Star Frog Splash.  Hardy’s hand is kind of under the rope, but not really.  RVD stomps on him.  The ref gets in the way.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the pin in 11:50, even though RVD’s foot was clearly under the ropes.  This.  Was not good.  At all.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Jarrett/Angle hype video.

MMA Exhibition Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle promises to break the neck of any of Jarrett’s geeks who might interfere.  Round 1: Jarrett plays chickenshit and tries to stay away.  Angle lies down and offers Jarrett his guard.  Jarrett challenges him to stand up.  This shit is ridiculous.  Angle goes after Jarrett, who hides in the ropes.  There are no rope breaks in MMA, morons.  Angle tires of this shit, takes Jarrett down, and applies a rear naked choke as the round ends.  Jarrett consults with his corner men, Gunner and Murphy.  Round 2: Angle challenges Jarrett to go for a takedown.  Jarrett tries and fails.  Angle goes for a Kimura, then lets go.  Angle takes Jarrett down and applies an arm triangle.  And lets go again.  Angle does a gator roll.  Jarrett gets a rope break in the MMA fight.  Angle throws Jarrett down and applies a cross armbreaker.  And lets go again.  Angle applies the ankle lock.  The round ends.  At least the rounds have been exactly 2 minutes.  Jarrett spits or vomits or something.  More encouragement from the corner geeks.  “ANGLE’S GONNA KILL YOU!” chants.  Round 3: Jarrett has greased his arms.  It gets in Angle’s eyes.  The referee throws it out 27 seconds into the third round.  I think Angle wins by DQ.  Angle is bleeding.  Jarrett continues beating him up.  Jarrett says he’s retiring and bringing his wife/Angle’s ex to the retirement party.  Well this was all stupid.

Tenay and Taz talk.  Jarrett yells at Taz for some reason.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Anderson hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Matt Morgan vs. Ken Anderson.  In-ring intros and all of that jazz.  Morgan grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Anderson grabs a headlock and tries a shoulder block, which has no effect on the much larger Morgan.  Morgan does a leap frog and hits a sloppy hip toss.  Anderson avoids something and gets a one count.  Morgan beats up Anderson and abuses his head a bunch.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint to the apron, but Anderson avoids it.  Morgan crotches himself and falls to the floor.  Morgan rams Anderson’s back into the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Morgan chokes Anderson with his boot, then hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Anderson avoids a charge and takes out Morgan’s knee.  Anderson works the leg and applies a half crab.  Morgan gets a rope break and tries to slap feeling back into his leg.  They brawl.  Morgan hits a chokeslam off the top rope!  Anderson kicks out!  Morgan hits some short range lariats.  Anderson counters the discus lariat and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere for 2.  They trade punches for a while.  Morgan decapitates Anderson with the Carbon Footprint for 2.  He goes for another one.  Anderson ducks and hits the Mic Check again.  Delayed cover gets 2.  Morgan counters another Mic Check attempt.  Anderson lands an elbow smash, then catches Morgan with an inside cradle for the pin in 15:24.  This wasn’t good either.

Eric Bischoff comes out with a steel chair.  He sets up the chair, then sits down and tells Anderson that he’s getting his title shot RIGHT NOW!  Hardy comes out in acid washed jeans and a jacket & tie, smoking a cigarette.  He looks a lot like Raven.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Ken Anderson.  Hardy attacks Anderson.  Twist of Hate gets 2.  Hardy argues with the referee.  Morgan is still at ringside.  That may come into play later.  Another Twist of Hate gets 2.  Hardy can’t believe this shit.  Anderson manages to throw Hardy out of the ring.  Behind the referee’s back, Morgan gives Hardy the discus lariat and throws him back into the ring.  Anderson covers for 2.  They trade punches.  Anderson gets rolling and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson has Hardy reeling now.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind.  Anderson rolls to the floor.  Hardy grabs a chair.  Mick Foley appears and takes it away from him.  Ric Flair comes out.  Security geeks hold him back.  Hardy rolls Anderson back into the ring and goes up top.  Anderson crotches him and goes for a superplex.  Hardy fights him off hits the Swanton Bomb.  Anderson kicks out again!  There is no denying him tonight!  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy hits a clothesline, then calls for the cavalry.  Matt Hardy runs in.  Rob Van Dam cuts him off and they brawl to the back.  Eric Bischoff appears in the ring and tries to hit Anderson with a chair.  Anderson stops him and hits the Mic Check.  Jeff comes back in and goes for the Twist of Hate.  Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check for the pin 9:06!  New World Champion!  Okayish match.  Immortal look on unhappily as Anderson celebrates with the fugly purple belt.  Some fan with a sign gets in the ring.  Anderson announces himself as the NEW World Champion.

There were a couple of really good matches on this show and a whole lot of crap.  I’ll give it a thumbs VERY SLIGHTLY up.

TNA iMPACT! 1/6/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Genesis… The Beginning… Or the End?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, Rob Terry, Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers about how Immortal are going to win all the titles fair and square.  He brings out the champions: TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns, and TNA World Television Champion Doug Williams.  He books them in “tune up matches” tonight: Lethal vs. Abyss, Williams vs. Terry, and the Guns vs. Styles & Kazarian.  Bischoff asks them to shake hands.  Immortal jump the champions.  Bischoff pretends to be mad at them.  Rob Van Dam comes out and makes the save.  By himself.  He’s pissed off and wants a shot at Jeff Hardy.  He wants to know who his opponent is at Genesis.  Bischoff won’t tell him.  What a dick!  RVD offers to beat it out of him.  Bischoff says Abyss will “kill” RVD.

Brother Ray cuts a promo to the camera at Brother Devon.  He wants to fight in the parking lot or something.  Commercials!

Jeff Jarrett: MMA Specialist video package.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  He’s now changed into his gear, even though he was in street clothes 4 minutes ago.  He talks about the new rules he made last week to protect him from getting his ass kicked.  There’s some Twilight queer in the crowd.  Boo Boo Stewart?  Jarrett won’t fight him because he will be taller than him one day.  They pick a guy who looks like a midget Tyler Black.  His name is Jonathan Cruz.  He signs the contract.  He’s an idiot.

MMA Exhibition: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Jonathan Cruz.  Jarrett beats up the geek and wins with the ankle lock in 45 seconds.  Jarrett refuses to break the hold.  KURT ANGLE comes in through the crowd and chases Jarrett away.  Angle signs the contract to face Jarrett at Genesis!  Jarrett says Angle swore to never wrestle in TNA again.  Angle says it’s an exhibition.  It’s ON!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened!

Non-Title: AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Guns attack, clear the ring, and hit Styles and Kazarian with a double suicide dive.  Guns double team Styles back inside.  The heels cut off Sabin and work him over.  Sabin plays face in peril, then rallies and drops Kazarian with a lariat.  Shelley and Styles tag in.  Shelley runs wild and avoids being double teamed.  He takes Kazarian out with a dive.  Back inside, Styles and Shelley do an awesome countering sequence.  Shelley hits a brainbuster.  Kazarian saves.  Shelley back body drops him to the floor.  Styles tries to hit Shelley with the belt.  Shelley ducks.  Sabin superkicks Styles.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Styles for the pin in 4:47.  Good little match.  Beer Money appear and beat down the Guns.  Eric Bischoff comes out and looks pissed off at Styles.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero bitches about how someone has been following him around with a camera.  He says he’s going to find them and demand an apology.  Yeah, kick that TNA camera man’s ass!  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff at Ric Flair bitch at AJ Styles in the office.  Bischoff tells him to get the job done this Sunday or else!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring.  He calls out whoever is video taping him.  Samoa Joe comes out.  Is Joe a paparazzi now?  Joe spouts off some philosophical stuff about Pope being a false prophet or something.  He talks about how Pope pretends to be doing good deeds, but he’s actually a dick.  Pope defends his going to strip clubs and adopting puppies.  He warns Joe against falsely accusing him again.  This is stupid.

Mickie James & Velvet Sky are headed our way!  Commercials!

Brother Devon says he’ll go fight Ray in the parking lot tonight.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Sarita (w/ Tara) vs. Mickie James & Velvet Sky.  Velvet attacks Sarita.  Velvet tries, but everything she does looks horrible.  Velvet gets cut off via heel chicanery and plays face in peril.  This goes on for some time and is very uninteresting.  Velvet makes a comeback, but Madison cuts her off.  Mickie comes in and kicks Madison’s ass.  As the referee tries to regain control, Tara hits Velvet with the elbow brace.  Sarita pins Velvet in 4:34.  This sucked.

RVD bitches at Eric Bischoff in the office.  Bischoff says he has a match tonight.  Against another mystery opponent.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams.  Williams smoothly eludes the larger Terry.  Terry finally connects with a shoulder block that sends Williams to the floor.  AJ Styles attacks Williams to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Lame.  Styles and Terry injure Williams’ hand.

Brother Ray is going to the parking lot.  Commercials.

Brother Ray and Brother Ray are in the parking lot now.  Ray hides behind security and talks shit.  Of course, this goes on way too long.  Bubba finally attacks Devon while security is holding him back.  He warns Devon against showing up at Genesis.

Jeff Jarrett tells Eric Bischoff that he has a plan for Sunday.  Bischoff asks Jarrett to shoot RVD.  Jarrett is worried about Kurt Angle interfering.  Bischoff makes him feel better by making it No DQ.  Huh?

Non-Title: Abyss vs. TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  At least they waited for me.  Lethal tries to take down Abyss and fails miserably.  Abyss tries to throw Lethal around and succeeds magnificently.  Lethal uses his speed to try to gain the upperhand.  He kicks Abyss in the leg and lands a dropkick.  Abyss tries to chokeslam him.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow.  He finally knocks Abyss down with a missile dropkick for 2.  Abyss catches Lethal with the Black Hole Slam.  Cover, but Abyss pulls Lethal up at 2.  Abyss beats on Lethal in the corner.  The ref DQs him in 3:27.  Lame.  Abyss shoves down the referee.  Continuing tonight’s trend, Kazarian comes down.  He pretends to beg Abyss to stop beating up Lethal.  He taunts Lethal, asking him to stand up.  Abyss holds Lethal up and forces him to shake Kazarian’s hand.

Up next, Mike Tenay’s sit down interview with Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson!  Commercials.

Genesis hype.

Mike Tenay’s sit down interview with Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson.  Same ol’ shit.

RVD vs. Jeff Jarrett is NEXT!  Commercials!

No DQ Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Rob Van Dam.  To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time these two have ever wrestled.  Tenay says it’s true, which means I’m probably wrong.  Jarrett runs around in circles like a geek.  RVD and the referee both insist that some contact be made.  Jarrett throws a kick.  RVD catches it and drops Jarrett with his “kick over the kick” move and does the “Rob Van Dam” thumb point.  Jarrett pokes RVD in the eye.  RVD drops him with another kick.  RVD beats up Jarrett in the corner.  RVD hits a springboard kick and goes for the Rolling Thunder.  Jarrett bails and runs around the ring.  RVD decks Jarrett again.  Murphy trips RVD, allowing Jarrett to get the advantage.  Jarrett applies a sleeper hold.  RVD escapes and makes his comeback.  One of the geeks runs in.  RVD throws him out of the ring and brings in a chair.  Other geeks run in.  RVD kicks their asses.  Gunner and Murphy beat down RVD and hold him for Jarrett.  Jarrett tells them to let him go.  RVD drops all of them with kicks.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy appears and gives RVD the Twist of Hate.  Jarrett gets the pin in 5:26.  Lame and overbooked.  Jarrett and Hardy beat down RVD.  Matt Morgan runs in to make the save.  Hardy tries to hit him with a chair.  Mr. Anderson appears, grabs the chair, and accidentally hits Morgan.  Oh noes!  Was it REALLY an accident?

As crappy as this show was, they’ve done WAY worse.

TNA iMPACT! 12/30/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2011 by Grappleholic

The usual video package of recent happenings.

“The Con Game?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Mick Foley comes out and calls out Ken Anderson.  Anderson comes out.  They talk about visiting wounded soldiers with Miss America.  They bicker about whether or not Anderson should wrestle.  Anderson’s concussion was like 2 months ago.  I’m sure he’s fine now.  He says he’s fine and he’s been cleared.  I’m sure he has.  I wish they’d be done with this stupid story already.  Matt Morgan comes out.  Morgan accuses Anderson  of trying to con him.  I don’t get it.  They bicker.  Anderson wants to fight now.  Foley gets between them.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy comes out.  Apparently he has booking power now, because he announces that Anderson and Morgan will be on opposing sides of a tag match with mystery partners tonight.

Backstage, Eric Young is dressed as Father Time, but he thinks he’s Moses.  Orlando Jordan is Baby New Year.  Jordan still thinks they’re gay and Young still thinks they’re a tag team.  Stupid.

Tonight, Sarita vs. Velvet Sky in Strap Match!  Double J Double M A Challenge!  Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Robert Roode (w/ James Storm) vs. TNA World Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin (w/ TNA World Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley).  They lock up and trade arm locks.  That’s always a fine way to start.  Roode grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Sabin hits arm drags and wrenches Roode’s arm.  Sabin sends Roode outside and hits a cross body off the top rope to the floor.  Back inside, Sabin tries to springboard.  Roode counters him and hits a modified Samoan drop for 2.  Roode chokes Sabin with his boot.  Sabin gets a sunset flip for 2.  Roode hits a clothesline that Sabin does a 360 bump for.  Cover gets 2.  Roode applies a rear chin lock.  Sabin escapes and makes his comeback.  Sabin hits a diving rana and a springboard lariat for 2.  Roode gets a sunset flip for 2.  Sabin turns it into a Gedo Clutch like move for 2.  Sabin hits an enzuigiri.  Cover, but Storm grabs the referee’s foot.  Nothing comes of that.  Sabin goes for the springboard tornado DDT, but Roode counters and hits the spinebuster for the pin in 6:04.  Good match.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular.  He’s headed our way.

Eric Young sits on Orlando Jordan’s lap backstage.  He doesn’t understand why he’s doing it.  Shark Boy comes in and begs for TV time.  He drinks beer so he can be sit on Jordan’s lap.  Stupid shit.

Rob Van Dam comes out and bitches about Eric Bischoff.  He has a mystery opponent tonight.  He says it doesn’t matter, he’ll keep going through people until he gets Jeff Hardy.  The Shore tard is his mystery opponent.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie).  Robbie jerks off the air like a retard.  RVD does his thumb pointing gimmick and kicks the idiot in the chest.  RVD beats up the Shore tard.  RVD goes for the Rolling Thunder, but Cookie grabs his foot.  Robbie gets heat on RVD, which is absurd.  RVD rallies and hits the springboard kick and a Rolling Thunder splash.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 2:14.  At least that tard is getting jobbed out now.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen.  He says he’ll face RVD if RVD beats his chosen mystery opponent at Genesis.  I’m calling Matt Hardy.

Still to come, Anderson & ? vs. Morgan & ?!

Kazarian and some bimbos are headed our way!

Sarita talks shit about Velvet Sky to the camera.

Kazarian comes out and cuts a promo.  They show clips of the video from a few months ago where Jay Lethal visited his family.  Kazarian talks shit about them being poor.  He makes some borderline racist remarks and talks shit about Lethal’s mother.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to kick Kazarian’s ass.  Kazarian immediately whacks him with an object.  When was the last time they actually tried to promote an X Division title match?

Mick Foley is walking around backstage!

Mick Foley walks into the office to talk to Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair.  He’s still upset about Anderson’s brain and wants to know who the partners are going to be in the mystery tag match.  He says he’ll be at ringside tonight.

Strap Match: Velvet Sky vs. Sarita.  Sarita, having just cut a promo about how she was looking forward to the strap match, doesn’t want to strap up.  The referee makes her.  Sarita bails, but SHE’S TIED TO HER OPPONENT BY THE FUCKING STRAP.  Velvet pulls her back.  Sarita whips her.  They do the usual strap match bullshit.  The strap comes untied from Sarita.  The referee secures it back.  Velvet whips Sarita and chokes her with the strap.  Velvet drags Sarita around and touches 3 corners.  Sarita touches them too.  Sarita throws Velvet over and touches the last corner to win in 2:59.  This was awful.  Sarita attacks Velvet again after the match.  Angelina Love makes the save.

Back to the freak party.  Brian Kendrick has joined Young, Jordan, and Shark Boy.  Young waves a stick around like a moron.  Jordan berates him for “poking other guys with his staff.”  Everyone, even Jordan, wants women to show up.

Still to come, Double J Double M A Challenge!  The mystery partners match!

During the break, Velvet Sky threw a fit and stormed to the back.

Now, Angelina Love attacks Sarita backstage.  I guess it’s time for our weekly long, boring women’s brawl.  Winter saves Love from Sarita, even though Love started it.  Winter consoles Love.

Still to come, the mystery partners match!

2010 year in review/2011 hype video.

Double J Double M A Challenge is NEXT!

Doug Williams is in a tag match tonight, but has no partner.  That’s like a plague in TNA.  Brutus Magnus volunteers to be his partner.  The British Invasion is BACK!

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks to do the MMA thing.  Amazing Red agreed to bring his “baby brother” this week.  Red comes out alone.  Jarrett agrees to stand on his knees and give Red’s brother the first shot.  A big, jacked up, tattooed dude comes out.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red’s Baby Brother (w/ Amazing Red).  Jarrett tries to click.  That fails.  He tries again.  Big Red takes Jarrett down with a Fujiwara armbar, but Jarrett was in the ropes.  Big Red gets a knee lock.  Another rope break.  These people don’t know how MMA works.  Jarrett gets off his ass and beats up Big Red.  He goes for the ankle lock, but Big Red reverses it.  Gunner and Murphy pull Jarrett out of the ring.  Red beats up the little one.  The ref throws it out in 2:03.  Jarrett tries to use the guitar, but Amazing Red takes it from him and smashes it.  Jarrett bails and has Gunner and Murphy pretend to hold him back.  This was retarded.

Still to come, mystery partners tag match.  Next, AJ Styles & Rob Terry against the reunited British Invasion.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Eric Bischoff.  From now on, his fights will be against shorter opponents and they’ll only be exhibitions.  What’s the point of that?  They’re also just now going to start having people sign waivers.  This company is so fucking retarded.

AJ Styles & Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams & Magnus.  Styles grabs Magnus in a side headlock.  Magnus give him a hip toss, then wrenches his arm.  Styles rakes Magnus’ eyes and demands that Williams tag in.  Williams obliges.  Styles immediately tags in Terry.  Terry beats up Williams.  Styles tags in and goes for the Styles Clash, but Williams counters.  Styles immediately tags back out.  Terry beats up Williams some more.  Styles comes in to pick up the scraps again.  Williams avoids Styles in the corner and hits an Exploder.  Magnus gets the tag and runs wild on Styles.  Magnus hits a running powerslam.  Terry saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Styles sends Williams outside.  Styles hits the Chaos Theory on Magnus for the pin in 4:55.  It was okay.

Madison Rayne is DRESSED UP and headed our way.

Generation Me and Tara join the freak party backstage.  Jordan hits on Tara.  A fight breaks out.  Ugh.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out in a gown with some dudes in suits.  I predict that this segment will be pointless and horrible.  She makes So Cal Val hand her a microphone, then talks in her obnoxious, nails on a chalkboard voice.  She talks shit about Mickie James.  Mickie comes out and kicks her ass.  Madison gets her dress ripped off and tries to act like she’s self conscious about being in her underwear.

Mystery partners tag match is next!

“The  Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks to a guy about adopting pit bull puppies for poor children.  Ugh.

Mick Foley comes out to do commentary on the main event.

Ken Anderson & Brother Ray vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Devon and Anderson start.  Devon wants Ray, but Ray pussies out and drops off the apron.  Eric Bischoff comes out and sends Gunner and Murphy after Foley.  Ray jumps Devon from behind in the ring.  Anderson and Devon do some stuff.  Foley decks Gunner and Murphy and puts Mr. Socko on the little one.  End of show.  Awful shit.

TNA ends the year in typical fashion: with a fucking horrible pro wrestling show.

TNA iMPACT! 12/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent happenings.

“All The Gold Is Worth A Fortune”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come out.  There are scales in the ring because they’re doing a stupid weigh in for the Morgan/Anderson PPV match.  Flair introduces new member Rob Terry.  Bischoff babbles.  They have “doctors” there.  Matt Morgan comes out and talks about how stupid this shit is.  He threatens to stick a boot up someone’s ass.  Mick Foley comes out and talks about concussions.  Flair bitches at Foley for causing backyard garbage wrestling to exist.  The Flair/Foley promo battle is fucking great.  Bischoff screams some retarded bile at Foley.  That is NOT great.  The Flair/Foley stuff was great.  Everything else about this was dumb.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams in an Iron Match!  Finals of the Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament!  A retarded eight-man tag for the tag team championship!  Up next, a Double J Double M A challenge!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan and Jeff Hardy chat in the locker room.  Apparently Morgan’s rank is such that he doesn’t have to dress in a trailer.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  Jarrett challenges Amazing Red.  Jarrett’s cut man puts Vaseline in Red’s eyes.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red.  Jarrett kicks Red’s ass and submits him with an ankle lock in 49 seconds.  Jarrett helps Red up and asks he has any kids in his family that Jarrett can beat up.  Red says he’ll bring his little brother next week.

Madison Rayne and Tara are getting ready in their trailer.

Still to come, some bullshit!  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular backstage.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Kazarian.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to do commentary.  They show Lethal winning the title back from the Shore tard last week.  It’s tag team rules.  Kazarian convinces the Bucks to start against each other.  They just pose instead.  Robbie does that gay retarded jerking off motion.  The Bucks tag him in and kick his ass.  Cookie trips Max so the Jersey Fagtard can get the advantage.  Kazarian stays on the apron except for when he comes in to make the save on every cover.  Bucks beat up Robbie some more.  The video gets weird, either through broadcasting problems or shitty camera work.  Kazarian tags in and hits the Axe Guillotine Driver on Jeremy Buck for the pin in 3:35.  Whatever.

Velvet Sky is looking in the mirror.  Sarita walks into the room.  Commercials.

During the break, Sarita and Velvet Sky brawled backstage for about 6 hours.  Sarita leaves her lying.  Angelina Love finds Velvet, who says she can’t breathe.

Eric Bischoff gives Immortal the usual lecture about belts.

Tonight, eight-man tag for the 2 man tag belts, because that’s TNA!  Next, the women have a shitty match!  Commercials.

Brian Kendrick lectures the caterers.  A woman gives him a cookie to make him go away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Final: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Angelina Love.  Angelina is forced to go it alone.  She schools Madison early.  It’s horrible.  Love hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Tara interferes from the apron, allowing Rayne to get the advantage.  Love gets beaten up for a while.  Winter comes out and gets in the corner.  Love makes the hot tag to her.  Winter shakes Ryane’s head around, then kicks Tara in the gut.  Winter hits a crappy spinning slam on Rayne for the pin in 4:51.  Love & Winter win the titles.  This sucked.  Love is confused, even though she gave Winter the hot tag.  Tara doesn’t know who Winter is, so she doesn’t watch this show and didn’t watch WWE for a few years while she was with the company.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is outside talking on the phone.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up.  Young is a reindeer and Orlando Jordan is dressed as gay Santa.  They give Pope money.

Iron Man Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Douglas Williams (c) vs. AJ Styles.  It’s a 15 minute Iron Man Match.  That’s stupid.  They exchange holds, which is always a good way to start.  Styles finally backs Williams into the corner and cheap shots him with an elbow to the face.  Williams rallies and hits a running knee to the corner.  Commercials.  Styles has Williams in a rear chin lock.  OF COURSE, since this is TNA, there was a fall during the break, as Styles got the pin with the Styles Clash.  Williams lands a European uppercut.  Styles bails.  After fucking about for a bit, Styles pulls Williams out of the ring and rams his head into the steps.  Styles goes into the ring and orders Hebner to count.  Williams immediately comes back in.  Styles works Williams over.  Williams goes for a sunset flip.  Styles holds onto the ropes.  Hebner kicks his hands away like a dick and an interfering referee.  Williams gets some cradles for 2 counts.  Styles lands a forearm smash.  He goes for a springboard, but Williams catches him and hits an Exploder.  Williams makes his comeback.  Styles throws Williams out of the ring.  Williams comes back in and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 14:45.  The time limit expires in 15:09.  They agree to 5 more minutes.  Commercials.  The fuck?  OT is JIP.  Williams hits a DDT for 2.  Styles hit the springboard forearm for 2.  Williams hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  Williams goes for a backdrop suplex off the top rope, but Styles holds on to the Christmas bow around the post.  Williams hits it anyway.  The time limit expires after about 4 minutes.  Styles challenges Williams to a match at Genesis.  Williams says no.  They argue.  Williams says he’ll do it if Styles agrees to leave Fortune if he loses.  Styles refuses.  Eric Bischoff comes out and makes the match with the aforementioned stipulation.  Williams and Styles had a very good match.  This wasn’t it, but they have had one.

Beer Money hype up their team backstage.

Up next, they’ll call Mr. Anderson on the phone!  Commercials.

House shows!

Tenay and Taz talk to Mr. Anderson via satellite.  So Anderson is in “his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin,” but they expected him to come out for a fucking weigh in earlier?  This damn company is so fucking retarded.  Fuck this fucking company.  Anderson gets mad when they ask him for paper work.

The Motor City Machine Guns and Rob Van Dam are hyped up for their match.  Matt Morgan is mad about what Anderson said.

Stupid eight-man thing is next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, Beer Money, & Abyss vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c), Rob Van Dam, & Matt Morgan.  Entrances, commercials.  Match is JIP.  RVD lands some kicks on Storm.  Morgan and Roode tag in.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Roode comes off the top rope, but gets caught.  Morgan gives him a fall away slam.  Sabin tags in and kicks Roode in the gut.  Roode gets a reverse cradle, but Shelley tags in in the process.  Guns double team Roode.  Roode counters the Shiranui.  Storm pulls Shelley into the turnbuckles.  Roode hits a neckbreaker.  The heels take turns working over Shelley for a while.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the “BEER!”  “MONEY!” thing.  Shelley knocks down Storm.  Hardy tags in and cuts him off.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  The show ends.

This was just a meaningless, lame duck show full of TNA bullshit.

TNA Slammiversary 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  Cool opening music video.  Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to the Palace of Auburn Hills for the 7th Anniversary of TNA!  We’re kicking things off tonight with the X Division Championship!

It’s a King of the Mountain Ladder Match.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a reverse ladder match where you have to hang the belt up to win.  You have to win a fall by pin or submission to eligible to hang the belt, and if you get pinned or submit, you have to spend 2 minutes in the penalty box.  Simple enough, right?  Curtis Granderson from the Detroit Tigers is the special guest belt holder for this match.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Suicide (c) vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley vs. Consequences Creed vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  The Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences all want to unmask Suicide, so it’s 4 on 1 to start.  Being just outside of Detroit, the crowd is very pro-Guns.  Suicide pins Lethal about 2 minutes in after nailing everyone with the ladder, so he’s eligible.  Guns and Creed triple team Suicide while Lethal waits it out in the penalty box.  Suicide either botches a monkey flip or hits a revere lung blower on Shelley for a pin, so Shelley is sent to the penalty box while Lethal is released.  Sabin throws a chair at Suicide.  Lethal hits a Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair.  Lethal and Sabin fight over who is going to make the cover.  All 3 guys pile up on Suicide and pin him.  Lethal was on bottom, so he is the one who is eligible.  Guns and Lethal Consequences dance, then the Guns attack them.  Guns show their usual awesome teamwork against Lethal Consequences.  Sabin is knocked to the outside, then Creed gets a pin on Shelley after the TKO.  Suicide is released as Shelley is sent back to the box.  Lethal Consequences double team Suicide.  Sabin comes back in and goes for the Cradle Shock on Suicide, but gets counter and monkey flipped onto a ladder.  Lethal holds Suicide on the outside for Creed to hit a somersault plancha.  Suicide, Lethal, and Creed fight up the aisle.  Sabin runs up the ladder to the box and hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  That was awesome.  Shelley is released and starts climbing the ladder, even though he doesn’t have the belt and isn’t eligible anyway.  Sabin lets Shelley pin him.  Shelley goes up with the belt, but Suicide hits a missile dropkick on the ladder.  Creed whips Suicide face first into the ladder.  Lethal balances on the ladder, which is set up on the turnbuckle.  Suicide front suplexes Creed onto the ladder, which slingshots Lethal into a nasty bump.  Sabin is released from the box and pins Lethal after a sick tornado DDT.  Everyone is eligible to hang the belt now.  Creed hits a move on Lethal, then Shelley hits a move on Creed.  Suicide hits a jumping DDT on Shelley.  Sabin hits the Cradle Shock on Suicide, then tries to hang the belt.  Suicide stops him.  Sabin takes him out and goes for it again, but Lethal makes it back in and backdrops him off the ladder.  Shelley hits a frog splash on Lethal, then superkicks Suicide.  Shelley lays out the ladder between the ring and the barricade.  Creed lands a kick on Shelley to send him out of the ring, then slams Suicide.  Lethal goes up top, but Sabin stops him.  Suicide dropkicks Sabin off the apron and onto the ladder.  Shelley hits a dive onto Suicide that the camera misses.  Lethal hits an elbow onto Sabin, who was still lying across the ladder.  “THIS IS AWESOME” chants.  Shelley and Creed fight on the apron.  Shelley lands a superkick, then the Shiranui on the apron.  Ouch.  Suicide and Shelley trade shots.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui off the cage, but Suicide counters and dropkicks him over the guardrail.  Suicide gets the belt and hangs up the ladder.  Crowd is booing him.  Lethal pushes the ladder over, but Suicide catches the ropes with the Captain Morgan pose and goes to the top of the box.  Shenanigans ensue and the ladder ends up being set up horizontally over the box and Lethal’s back.  Shelley sets up another ladder and goes for it, but Suicide jumps off the horizontal ladder and takes him down with a neckbreaker, then hangs the belt for the win at 23:28.  Really good match.  The lights go out and Suicide disappears.  I wish he’d disappear for good.

Tenay and West run down the rest of the card.

Lauren Brooke says Team 3D haven’t arrived back from Japan yet, then interviews Shane Douglas, followed by a Daniels/Douglas video package.  If Douglas beats Daniels, he gets Daniels’ spot on the roster.  If Douglas loses, he leaves.

“The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. The Daniels formerly known as Christopher.  What the hell happened to Daniels’ first name anyway?  Douglas wrestles in a t-shirt.  Daniels works a headlock.  Douglas bails.  Daniels teases a dive, which Douglas avoids, but Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault.  Douglas works on Daniels’ arm.  Daniels gets a rope break and makes his comeback.  Daniels thinks BME, but Douglas stops him with a kick to the head.  They trade shots.  Douglas goes for the belly to belly, but Daniels drops him with an STO and hits the BME for the win at 8:14.  This wasn’t long enough to be offensive, thankfully.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Mick Foley.  Foley thinks Jeff Jarrett is going to help him retain the title for some reason.

Love/Tara video package.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) vs. Tara.  Tara is Victoria, for anyone who doesn’t know.  Love shows off a little bit, then Tara kicks her ass.  Love bails.  Tara teases a dive, then dropkicks her into the barricade.  The other Beautiful People attack Tara from behind, then throw her back in the ring.  Love schoolgirls her for a quick 2.  Love gets heat on her for a bit, including more interference from Sky and Rayne at ringside.  Tara makes her comeback and hits a spinning slam thing, then goes outside and slaps the shit out of Sky, then Rayne.  Tara goes back in.  Love catches her with a kick, then Sky sprays hair spray on Tara’s face.  Love hits a Flatliner (called the Lights Out) for the win at 6:53.  Not awful, but nothing special.

Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie Richards, Raven, and Daffney.  Raven cuts his usual insane, yet awesome promo, then hugs Stevie and cries.  Monster’s Ball video package.

Monster’s Ball Match: Raven & Daffney (w/ Dr. Stevie) vs. Abyss & Taylor Wilde.  The faces shine early.  Abyss press slams Daffney out of the ring and onto Raven and Stevie, then Wilde dives out onto all 3 of them.  Abyss and Raven go into the crowd.  Daffney jumps in Abyss’ back, so Wilde sandwiches her head with a trash can lid and a cookie sheet.  They all brawl in the crowd.  Wilde jumps off of some speakers or something and splashes Daffney through a table.  Abyss and Raven make it back to the ring.  Abyss pulls out the bag of tacks.  Stevie comes in and nails Abyss with a chair.  Abyss is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Raven hits the drop toe hold onto the chair, but Abyss gets his hands out to protect himself.  Raven breaks a Singapore cane over Abyss’ head.  Raven chokes Abyss with a cane.  Wilde makes the save with a trash can lid shot.  Daffney nails Wilde with a cookie sheet.  Raven hits Abyss a few times with a trash can, then Abyss kicks it into Raven’s face.  Abyss hits Raven with the cane.  Abyss chokeslams Raven, but they totally miss the trash can.  Stevie distracs the ref.  Abyss goes for Stevie.  Stevie holds Abyss for a trash can shot, but Abyss movies and Stevie gets nailed.  Wilde dives off of Abyss’ shoulders onto Raven.  Abyss covers, but Stevie distracts the ref again.  Abyss pours out the tacks.  Daffney tries to attack him.  Wilde throws Daffney onto the tacks and covers, but Stevie saves.  Abyss sets up a chokeslam on the tacks, but Raven hits Abyss with a chair.  DDT on the chair by Raven, but Abyss kicks out.  Raven goes for the DDT on the tacks, but Abyss counters and hits the Black Hole Slam (on the tacks) for the win at 14:09.  Good plunder match.

Borash interviews Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett says he doesn’t want to be World Champion, but he has to take the title from Mick Foley to get his company back.

Sting/Morgan video package.

Sting vs. Matt Morgan.  If Morgan wins, he gets to join the Main Event Mafia. Sting is wearing his old red and black outfit, but with the usual white and black face paint.  That’s odd.  Morgan overpowers Sting to start and fishes out some punishment.  Sting fights back.  Tenay says Team 3D have arrived at the arena.  Morgan overpowers Sting again and gets heat on him for a while.  Sting tries to kick Morgan’s legs out from under him.  Sting manages to drop him with a missile dropkick.  Morgan avoids a Stinger Splash and hits the Carbon Footprint for 2.  Morgan goes for the Hellevator, but Sting counters.  I think he was trying for the Scorpion Death Drop, but they ended up just falling.  Sting hits it, but Morgan kicks out at 2!  Sting kicks him down and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope for the pin at 9:01.  Much better match than I expected.

Bound For Glory is coming to Los Angeles this year!

Lauren interviews AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.  AJ says either he or Joe will win the title tonight and take the company back.  Joe says he’s going to take out Angle… or something.  I kind of spaced out there for a second.

Team 3D/Beer Money video package.  Voice over guy says “Team 3D battles Beer Money for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.”  Of course I’m serious.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: IWGP Tag Team Championship Team 3D (c) vs. Beer Money.  3D have to be jet lagged, as they defended the IWGP Tag Team Championship on a New Japan show the day before.  Storm and Devon start.  Storm gets the better of it at first, then Devon gets some stuff in.  Roode tags in.  They have a little double teaming on Devon, then Bubba tags in against Roode.  Ray connects with a straight kick to Roode’s face.  Who knew he could get his foot up that high?  Roode and Ray go at it hard with a pretty good exchange.  Devon tags in.  Double team on Roode.  Beer Money work over Devon a bit.  Ray gets the lukewarm tag and hits the Bubba Bomb on Roode for 2.  They try to set up the 3D, but Storm prevents it.  Wassup headbutt on Roode.  Devon gets the table.  Wouldn’t they be DQ’d if they used it?  Roode his a spinebuster on Ray for 2.  Tag to Storm.  Double team on Ray.  BEER!  MONEY!  The British Invasion come out.  Williams and Magnus join the commentary team while the big guy just stands there.  Ray makes a comeback and hot tags Devon.  Devon knocks Roode through a loop with a lariat and covers, but Storm saves.  Devon hits a chokeslam of all things on Roode, but Storm saves again.  Inverted 3D for 2.  West does commentary in a British accent.  3D sets up the Doomsday Device on Roode, but he counters out of it.  Storm hits a lung blower on Ray.  Storm hits a Frankensteiner off the top on Devon.  Roode follows with a frog splash, which gets 2.  Ray saves Devon from a double suplex off the top.  They finally get the Doomsday Device on Roode for 2.  Storm accidentally spits beer on Roode’s face.  3D on Roode.  The big guy (Rob Terry?) distracts the referee.  Ray hits a suicide cross body on Magnus and Terry!  Williams gets on the apron.  Devon sends him off through the table.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Devon.  Roode gets the pin at 16:56 to regain the titles.  Good match, everybody was working hard tonight.

Borash interviews Kurt Angle, who is growing out his hair and beard.  He looks odd.  Angle says it’s all about him and Joe tonight, and he’ll walk out as champion again.

King of the Mountain video package.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Mick Foley (c) vs. TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle.  Long entrances and introductions, including a short video package on each participant.  Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey.  As soon as the intros are over, Joe puts on a Detroit Red Wings jersey and kicks Angle’s ass.  Even though it’s no DQ and the match hasn’t started yet, Joe is DQ’d and forced to start the match in the penalty box, while Angle is immediately eligible to hang the belt.  The bell rings.  Jarrett and Styles beat up Angle while Foley just stands on the ladder outside the ring.  Styles and Jarrett both try to pin Angle, but unsuccessfully.  Foley comes in, tries to slam Jarrett, but just falls over and lets Jarrett pin him.  The referee makes two 2 counts, and finally the 3.  The fuck?  Foley goes into the box as Joe is released.  Jarrett is now eligible to hang the belt.  Joe fights with Jarrett in the ring as Styles and Angle fight outside.  Foley apparently just wanted to rest for 2 minutes, even though he hasn’t done anything all match except for the stupid failed slam spot.  Foley is released and goes after Joe.  Joe locks Foley in the Coquina Clutch and chokes him out as the other 3 fight outside.  Joe is eligible and Foley goes back to the box.  Joe suplexes Angle onto the ladder.  Ouch.  The ladder is set up against the turnbuckle and Joe whips Jarrett into it.  Joe tries to hang the belt.  Foley is released from the box and knocks the ladder over.  Joe falls on the ladder in a very painful looking way.  That ladder is done.  Foley puts the boots to Joe.  Styles comes in and goes after him, but Foley drops him.  Foley whips Joe into the ladder, then charges, but Joe hiptosses Foley onto the ladder.  Jarrett tries to climb the destroyed ladder, thinks better of it, and throws it out of the ring at Angle.  Jarrett brings in another ladder and goes for the win, but Angle comes back in and lands a low blow.  Angle kicks Foley’s ass a bit, then gets his ass kicked by Styles.  Angle goes for a German on Styles, who lands on his feet.  Cool.  Styles goes for a tornado DDT, but Angle counters and suplexes Styles on the ladder.  Jarrett grabs the acoustic equalizer and goes for the el kabong, but Angle kicks him in the gut and locks on the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs the guitar, gets out of the hold, and nails Angle with the erstwhile instrument.  Jarrett goes for the win.  Foley climbs up and tells Jarrett to give him the belt.  They trade punches, then Styles springboard dropkicks the ladder to send them both crashing down.  Foley and Styles end up on top of the penalty box.  Foley goes for a suplex.  AJ fights him off with headbutts and goes for his own suplex.  Foley blocks it and throws AJ into the ring with an impressive bump.  Joe locks the choke on Jarrett, but Jarrett hits a jawbreaker out of it and hits the Stroke onto the ladder.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Jarrett and covers.  Kick out, but Foley comes off the box with an elbow drop on Angle!  Foley gets the pin, so no everybody by AJ is eligible.  Foley goes to hang the belt, but AJ comes in and hits him in the back with the Legends belt.  AJ kicks Foley off the ladder.  Styles and Joe double team Foley.  AJ lands the Pele kick that sends Foley to the outside, then Joe elevates Styles out of the ring to take out Foley in an impressive suicide dive.  Styles gets a pin on Foley that the camera misses, so now everyone is eligible.  Jarrett hits Joe with the ladder.  Angle is released from the box as Foley is sent in.  Jarrett goes to hang the belt, but AJ climbs up to stop him.  Angle tries to pull Jarrett down.  They drop the belt.  Jarrett dives at Angle, but Angle drives him to the mat.  Joe and Styles fight.  Joe drops him with the big kick.  Foley is released and goes after Styles.  Foley nails him with the belt, then Joe lands his kick on Foley.  Joe goes up the ladder with the belt.  AJ grabs his boot and pulls him down and ends up with the belt around his neck.  Styles tries to climb the ladder, but Joe pulls him down.  Styles whips Joe, who dives through the ropes onto Jarrett and Foley.  Angle comes in and goes for the Angle Slam on Styles, but Styles counters into the Styles Clash.  AJ looks to have it won, but Joe comes in and powerbombs him off the ladder.  Joe goes up with the belt.  Angle climbs up the other side.  Joe hands Angle the belt!  Angle hangs the belt for the win at 22:04.  Joe and Angle hug.  Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Sharmell appear on stage to applaud Angle.  Has Joe joined the Main Event Mafia?  Oh, and I thought the match turned out pretty good too.

Pretty good show all together, one of TNA’s better PPV offerings of late.

TNA Destination X 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

If the reviews are to be believed, I’m going to regret watching this show.

The show starts with a black and white video showing how horrible the economy is right now.  It switches to color to hype the main event and Ultimate X.

Mike Tenay welcome us LIVE to Orlando.  Where’s Don West?  Ah, there he is.

The Beautiful People (Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, & Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde, Roxxi, & The Governor.  Geeze, they’re still doing this phony Sarah Palin gimmick?  They try, but the match sucks.  Roxxi moves so awkwardly in the ring.  She takes the heat for a bit and makes the hot tag to Wilde, who cleans house.  The Governor hits a shitty looking dive out of the ring onto Love and Sky.  Wilde hits a German suplex on Rayne for the win at 5:04.  Bleh.

Generic blonde interviews Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley.  Jarrett is going to be the referee in the main event and Foley is going to be the enforcer.  For some reason, BRUTUS MAGNUS flashes on the screen in the middle of the interview.

Brutus Magnus then comes to the ring.  What the fuck is this shit?  He issues an open challenge.  David Penzer introduces a sailor (Jesse Neal) to be the ring announcer.  He introduces Magnus’ opponent, Eric Young.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young.  Magnus looks more like a guy who should jobbing to lower midcarders on ECW.  He nails some shots, then Young fights back.  Young bounces off the ropes and Magnus botches the catch and hits a half assed powerslam or something for a near fall.  He hits a high knee and a leg drop for a near fall, then hits a powerbomb.  He goes for a splash, but Young moves.  Young hits a DVD for a near fall.  Young flips over one of the posts and goes to the other one.  Magnus tries to meet him but gets thrown down and elbow dropped.  Bridge into backslide spot gets a near fall for Young.  So forth and so on.  Magnus hits sort of a TKO off the turnbuckle for the win at 4:46.  What’s it called?  Tormentum?

Tenay and West run down the card.  Two matches in.  Why?

Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out.  He complains that he hasn’t been on a PPV all year.  He whines for a bit, then Jim Cornette comes out.  He tells Bashir he’s not on the PPV because nobody likes him.  He calls the sailor back into the ring.  The sailor sings horribly and Bashir leaves.  Complete waste of PPV time.

Jeremy Borash is in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room.  Angle complains that Foley, Jarrett, and Sting are all against him.  Booker says he has AJ Styles to deal with tonight and leaves.  Steiner says he has Samoa Joe to deal with, so Sting is Angle’s problem.  Nash tells Angle to relax.  He tells Angle the whole thing is his fault.  The audio keeps going from quiet to loud at random.

Abyss/Morgan video package.

Match of 10,000 Tacks:
Mat Morgan vs. Abyss.  During Morgan’s entrance, the newly heel Don West defends Sheik Abdul Bashir.  Because he’s a heel now.  Does anyone care?  Morgan jumps Abyss to start.  Abyss fights back but gets clotheslined to the floor.  Abyss grabs Morgan’s legs and pulls his nuts into the post.  He sets up two trays of tacks just off the stage.  Way to give away the finish.  Morgan whips Abyss into the guardrail and takes him back into the ring to beat him up.  Morgan climbs a pole (of course) and pulls down a bag of tacks.  He pours them into a small, neat pile and tries to push Abyss’ face into them.  Abyss fights back and goes for a chokeslam, but Morgan fights out.  Abyss hits a clothesline, then punishes Morgan in the corner.  Abyss climbs up another pole and retrieves another bag of tacks.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and goes outside to get a chair.  He ends up being the one to take the bump into the chair.  He pours the other bag of tacks onto the previous pile.  Morgan counters a powerbomb attempt, but gets Black Hole Slammed.  Abyss pours a bag of broken glass on top of the pile of tacks.  Morgan bails and heads up the ramp.  Abyss gives chase and they fight on the stage.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam again, but Morgan kicks him in the balls.  Morgan lands the Carbon Footprint and sends Abyss off of the stage into the trays of tacks we talked about earlier for the win at 8:49.  Retarded match.

Booker T tells Cornette he didn’t agree to put the Legends title on the line tonight.  Cornette shows him the contract.  Sharmell tries to find a loophole, but Cornette isn’t buying it.

There’s some kind of stupid thing with guys trying to win a date with ODB.  I wanted to fast forward, but my wife won’t let me.  ODB comes out in a dress.  The finalists are Cody Deaner: a hillbilly with a mullet, Shark Boy, and Bernie Weber: an old Mexican in a suit.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  They all say why they should win, then they dance.  Mullet wins.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  This has to be the worst PPV segment since the Gobbledy Gooker.

Generic blonde interviews Beer Money, who are very rude to her.  The audio goes screwy again.  Tonight they face Team 3D, and apparently if 3D loses, they have to leave.

Awesome Kong/Sojourner Bolt video package.  They were friends, and now they’re enemies.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (c) (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Sojourner Bolt.  Bolt botches some shit and gets clotheslined.  Kong proceeds to demolish Bolt.  Bolt tries to fight back, but is cut off every time.  Kong misses a diving splash.  Bolt rolls her up with a la magistral but fails to get the pin.  Same with a jackknife hold.  Bolt hits the ropes and Saeed grabs her leg.  Bolt kicks her away and low bridges a charging Kong.  Bolt goes for a Dragonrana, but Kong Awesome Bombs her to end this abortion at 4:18.

Tenay and West hype what’s still to come.

Joe/Steiner video package.

Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe has a new look with retarded facepaint and looks like he’s approaching being as fat as I am.  Did he not hit the gym at all during the months he was off TV?  Joe destroys Steiner, then attacks some refs to get DQ’d at 1:29.  He beats up Steiner through the crowd and out of the arena.  Geeze, this show is bad.

Generic blonde interviews AJ Styles.

Booker/Styles video package.  Styles stole Booker’s belt and Booker called the cops.

TNA Legends Championship Match: Booker T (c) (w/ Sharmell) vs. AJ Styles.  They lock up.  AJ shoves Booker.  Hammerlock exchange sequence, then they trade chops.  Usual AJ greatness.  Booker bails and AJ hits his flying forearm off the apron.  Back inside, AJ covers for a two count.  Backbreaker for another two count.  Booker gets the advantage and goes to work on AJ.  Harlem side kick gets two.  Booker works AJ’s arm.  Don West explains how important it is to have feeling in your arms.  AJ fights back and hits a hammerlock backdrop for a near fall.  That was kinda nifty.  Booker hits his swank rollup out of the corner for the first time in ages for a near fall, then blasts AJ with a kick for another.  AJ gets a nice German suplex hold for a near fall.  AJ springboards off the ropes and they botch something.  Booker manages to spin up and goes for the scissors kick, but AJ moves and hits the Pele.  AJ follows with the Styles Clash for the victory at 9:15.  Best match on the show so far, and that’s sad.  AJ celebrates with the belt.

Cut to the parking lot.  Apparently, Samoa Joe has murdered Scott Steiner with a sword.  He tells a frightened generic blonde to tell he’s going to kill the rest of the Main Event Mafia.  Or something.

Beer Money/Team 3D video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match (Off The Wagon Challenge): Beer Money (c) vs. IWGP Tag Team Champions Team 3D.  Team 3D proudly display their IWGP gold and Bubba is wearing a New Japan ring jacket.  Awesome!  Beer Money have been doing a “get a title shot but if we pin you you’re fired” gimmick recently, and that’s what this is.  Devon beats up Roode a bit.  Bubba tags in and promptly gets taken down.  Storm tags in and acts retarded.  Storm and Bubba do the silly test of strength dance.  Devon tags in and 3D double team storm.  Roode prevents his partner from taking the WASSUP headbutt.  Match goes on.  It’s not awful, but not particularly exciting.  They do the Brokeback Mountain spot.  Bubba hits a Rock Bottom of all things on Roode, then the flip, flop, & fly on Storm.  Storm prevents Devon from making it back in the ring and Beer Money doubleteams Bubba.  Storm hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and Roode follows with a frog splash.  I’m serious.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for a near fall.  Don West: How many people have we ever seen kick out of that?  Me: Everyone.  Devon makes it back in and they give Roode the reverse 3D for a near fall.  Storm comes in and uses a chair to cause the DQ at 9:57.  Cornette comes out and restarts the match as a No DQ match.  Devon comes from behind and gives them the double noggin knocker.  Storm takes the 3D.  Roode pulls the referee out of the ring.  He grabs Storm and leaves.  West hands Beer Money the belts and they leave.  Crowd chants BULLSHIT.  3D wins by count-out at 12:04.  Bubba complains to the announcers.

We get comments from the Ultimate X participants, then a video package.  I love Shelley openly saying he’s going to cheat any way he can.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Alex Shelley (c) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide.  Guns immediately jump Suicide as Lethal and Creed go to climb the structure.  Guns use teamwork to deal with everybody else.  Suicide comes back in and deals with them, then goes at it with Lethal.  “FALLEN ANGEL” chants.  Shelley and Lethal go at it.  Sabin goes for the belt, but Creed pulls him down.  It’s basically two guys fight, one gets knocked down, and another comes in to go at it with the other.  Sabin his a suicide (no pun intended) dive 4 1/2 minutes it.  Suicide goes for one as well, but Shelley nails him with a kick.  Creed goes for the climb, but Suicide gets him a fireman’s carry and does the Finlay roll onto the other guys outside.  Suicide climbs the cables, but Lethal knocks him down with a missile dropkick.  Lethal Consequences fight with the Guns.  Lethal gives Creed a boost up to the belt.  Sabin uses Shelley as a springboard and takes Creed down.  Tower of Doom spot in the corner, but Suicide holds on to the cables and goes for the prize.  Lethal persues and powerbombs him down.  Everybody hits a bunch of stuff.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Creed.  Creed hits the TKO off the second rope on Shelley.  Creed, Lethal, and Sabin all go for the belt.  They fight on the cables.  Suicide pounces and sends them all crashing, then grabs the belt and falls down for the win at 14:11.  Not as good as some other Ultimate X matches, but pretty awesome and 7,000 times better than anything else on this show.

Borash interviews Sting.

Sting/Angle video package.

Jarrett makes his entrance.  Why does a referee need a guitar?  Foley’s TNA music is awful.  Overly long entrances and videos to give it a big match feel.  It fails.  Boxing style intros, and we finally have…

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Kurt Angle (Jeff Jarrett is the referee and Mick Foley is the enforcer).  Angle punches Sting.  Sting kicks Angle.  Angle kicks Sting.  Sting elbows Angle and clotheslines him out of the ring.  They brawl some more.  Angle takes a sweet bump on a backdrop out of the ring, lands on his feet but manages to hit his head on the guardrail.  They brawl into the crowd for about a second, then go back to the ring.  Angle suplexes Sting and gets a two count.  Jarrett’s count was fair, but Angle still glares at him).  Angle tries to catch a charging Sting for a belly-to-belly, but Sting just kind of crashes into him and they stumble.  Angle wears down Sting with a sleeper on the mat.  Sting fights out and they crossbody each other.  Sting hits a bunch of clotheslines and the Stinger Splash.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Sting armdrags him out of it and hits a powerbomb of all things for a near fall.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Sting kicks him away.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits a moonsault for a near fall and I wasn’t paying attention.  Dammit.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for a near fall.  Sting ducks a clothesline and Angle clotheslines Jarrett.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Foley checks on Jarrett.  Angle taps, but nobody is paying attention.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Foley counts two.  Angle low blows him.  Angle tries to use a chair on Sting, but Foley takes it away from him.  Foley swings for Angle but Angle ducks and Sting takes the chair shot.  Angle half ass Angle Slams fat Foley.  He covers Sting and Jarrett counts two.  Angle spits at Jarrett and punches him.  Jarrett punches him back and Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin at 13:51.  Angle is pissed at Jarrett, but he brought it on himself.  Sting holds up the gold as we fade to black.

The show wasn’t as horrible as Alvarez made it out to be.  Yes, the undercard WAS bad, but Booker and AJ had an okay match (only one botch stands out) and the Ultimate X was good.  The main event was a lot better than I expected.  Alvarez bitched about the heel being screwed by three guys, but if you look at the content it’s clear he did it to himself.  It wasn’t a good match, but it wasn’t awful.  Everything but the three matches I mentioned was completely worthless and had no redeeming quality.