Archive for Al Snow

TNA Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 11, 2010 by Grappleholic

Awesome opening video with photos and voice overs from the former ECW wrestlers.

TNA Wrestling presents Hardcore Justice: The Last Stand.

Ring announcer Stephen DeAngelis introduces Taz.  Taz comes out to the stage and cuts a promo on people who criticized the original ECW.  He finishes with his catch phrase, “Beat me if you can…”  The crowd supplies the “survive if I let you!”  For some reason, the arena lighting is all blue.  I don’t recall ECW ever looking like that.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

The FBI of Guido Maritato, Tracey Smothers, & Tony Luke (w/ Sal E. Graziano) vs. Kid Kash, Simon Diamond, & Johnny Swinger.  Guido and Kash start with mat wrestling.  Crowd chants “WHERE’S MY PIZZA?”  Guido and Kash have a nice wrestling exchange, then start shoving each other.  Tony Luke (can’t call him Mamaluke) and Swinger tag in.  Tenay mentions that there are names they can’t legally say.  They have a nice exchange, then Smothers and Diamond tag in and brawl.  Smothers drops an elbow and Diamond bails.  Diamond takes the mic to cut a promo in the middle of the match.  Crowd chants “SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  Diamond says “Come in here and make me.”  Diamond blames Kash for their team not being a well oiled machine, then Diamond challenges the FBI to a dance off.  Diamond and Swing dance like mentally challenged, sexually confused men.  Crowd chants “YOU CAN’T DANCE!”  Smothers says Michael Jackson just rolled over in his grave.  The FBI dances.  Seriously?  Big Sal dancing gets a big pop.  Diamond and Swinger jump the FBI and try to take down Sal, but Sal runs through both of them with a clothesline.  Everybody brawls outside just so Kid Kash can wipe everybody out with a huge flip dive.  Luke tries a dive, but Diamond and Swinger cut him off and work him over in the ring.  Kash hits Luke with a backbreaker for 2.  Luke nails Kash with a lariat.  Kash powerslams Luke into the turnbuckles.  Neat.  Guido tags in and cleans house.  Cross body on Kash gets 2.  Guido hits a side Russian leg sweep and a basement dropkick, but Swinger saves.  Tower of Doom spot out of the corner with Luke getting the worst of it.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kash hits the Money Maker on Luke.  Guido hits the Sicilian Slice on Kash.  Diamond goes for a TKO, but Guido turns it into the Killswitch for the pin in 10:43.  Despite the dancing silliness, this was fun stuff.

Tenay and Taz talk.  Tenay says if Joey Styles was available, he would have gladly stepped aside.  Oh, how I wish Styles was available.  They announce that Jerry Lynn is injured, so Rob Van Dam will face Sabu tonight.

“Where are they now?” with Tod Gordon, Gary Wolfe, and The Blue Meanie.

AJ Styles and Angelina Love talk about their memories of ECW.

Al Snow yells at Head, making fun of the legal issues with this show.  Stevie Richards tries to calm him down.  Nova shows up.  Snow makes a Simon Dean reference.  Nova brings in a fake Blue Meanie.  They argue about using a fake guy.  Snow leaves.  Richards says he’s going to prove himself tonight.  A guy with a mini blow up doll shows up picking his nose.  He and fake Meanie pick each others’ noses.  That was retarded.

C.W. Anderson vs. 2 Cold Scorpio.  Sweet wrestling to start.  I’m always happy with that.  Scorpio offers a handshake, but Anderson spits in his hand.  They trade forearms.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Crowd chants “This is wrestling!”  Scorpio does the leapfrog, drop down, dropkick.  Scorpio sends Anderson outside and hits him with a dive.  Back inside, Scorpio hits a diving cross body for 2.  Anderson lands a superkick for 2.  Anderson works Scorpio’s arm.  Scorpio does a cool wrap around kick and lands some jabs.  Anderson ducks some kicks and lands a heavy blow that drops Scorpio cold.  Cover gets 2.  Cool cover sequence.  Anderson sends Scorpio to the apron and drops him with a forearm for 2.  Scorpio hits a rolling kick on the corner. then hits the Tumbleweed off the middle rope for 2.  Scorpio goes for a moonsault, but Anderson gets his knees up.  Anderson hits the spinebuster for 2.  Anderson hammers Scorpio.  Scorpio drops him with a kick and and hits a diving moonsault leg drop for the pin in 6:47.  Good little match.  They shake hands and make friends after the match.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Matt Morgan, and Ken Anderson talk about their memories of ECW, or as they call it, “the Philadelphia promotion.”

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam and Bill Alfonso talk backstage.  Alfonso looks old as shit and sounds drunk.  He promises to call it right down the middle tonight, then he blows that obnoxious whistle.

P.J. Polaco vs. Stevie Richards (w/ Nova & Blue Tillie).  Polaco is Justin Credible.  They lock up.  Polaco grabs a side headlock, then scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Repeat in reverse.  They trade chops.  Credible slides and hits his balls on the post.  Credible suplexes Stevie on the floor, then hits him with a slingshot splash.  Back inside, Credible hits a sit-out powerbomb for 2, then a DDT for 2.  Stevie sends Credible outside with a nasty bump.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Nova and Tillie taunt Credible.  Crowd chants “WE WANT MEANIE!”  Stevie beats up Credible back inside.  Stevie hits a sidewalk slam and a sit-out powerbomb for 2.  Credible lands a kick for 2.  Credible hits the Tombstone, but lets him up at 2.  Credible gets distracted by Nova.  Credible taunts Stevie.  Stevie lands the superkick for the pin in 6:32.  Okay little match.  Credible attacks Stevie with the Singapore cane after the match.  The lights go out.  The Sandman appears and hits Credible with the White Russian leg sweep, then canes him.

“Where are they now?” with Francine and her baby daughter.

Taz puts over Francine.  Tenay takes a moment to acknowledge those who are no longer with us, but they don’t mention any names.

Three-Way Elimination Match: Brother Runt vs. Al Snow vs. Rhino.  They all take turns locking up with each other, then we get a three-way headlock.  Rhino shoulder blocks Snow out of the ring.  Runt schoolboys Rhino for 0, then gets dropped with a clothesline.  Rhino sets up for the Gore, but Snow trips him.  Snow hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Runt.  Rhino beats up Snow, knocks him out of the ring, and beats up Runt.  Runt throws Rhino out of the ring and dives at both of them, but Rhino and Snow catch him and hit a big fall away slam on the ramp.  Back inside, Snow goes for a slingshot leg drop on Rhino, but Rhino avoids it.  Crowd chants “WE WANT HEAD!”  Snow hits the double underhook headbutts, then hits a moonsault press for 2.  They show TNA wrestlers watching backstage.  Rhino suplexes Snow, then Runt hits Snow with a diving double stomp.  Runt goes for the Acid Drop on Rhino, but Rhino tosses him across the ring.  Runt hits a headscissors.  Runt fights both Snow and Rhino.  He tries a double Acid Drop, but they throw him out of the ring.  Snow accidentally bumps the referee, then nails Rhino with Head.  Runt comes in with a chair and pulls the Eddie Guerrero trick.  Snow throws the chair down and plays dead too.  The referee is like WTF?  Heh.  While the referee disposes of the chair, Snow tries to use Head again.  Runt avoids it and hits the Acid Drop for the pin in 5:49.  Rhino immediately Gores Runt for the pin in 6:01.  Fun match.

Mick Foley is backstage reading Hulk Hogan’s new book.  He talks about the Raven/Dreamer feud.

Brutus Magnus and Chris Sabin talk about their ECW memories.

Axl Rotten & Kahoneys (Balls Mahoney) comes out.  Balls says they’re the most hardcore tag team in the business and they don’t have a match, so they issue an open challenge.  A very fat (even for him) Joel Gertner comes out with Team 3D (wearing the old school tie-dye (like Runt in the last match).  Gertner does one of his classic introductions.  Bubba calls Axl & Balls in the ring and says nobody wants to see them have a wrestling match and calls for a South Philadelphia Street Fight!

South Philadelphia Street Fight: Axl Rotten & Kahoneys vs. Team 3D (w/ Joel Gertner).  They brawl.  Bubba and Balls brawl outside while Devon and Axl actually do a tiny bit of wrestling in the ring.  They trade places, with Balls and Bubba brawling in the ring.  They keep doing a split screen so you can see both pairs of dudes fighting, which actually makes it harder to see anything.  Bubba hits Balls with one of the fan’s foam heads.  They all brawl in the crowd for a while.  They come back to the ring and bring in a bunch of weapons.  Balls cracks Bubba with a trash can lid and Bubba does a hilarious Flair flop.  Balls goes for the New Jersey Jam, but Bubba avoids it and nails him with a frying pan.  Axl comes in and beats up Bubba, then cracks him with a cookie sheet.  Axl brawls with Devon.  Bubba drops him with a boot.  Balls comes in twirling a FUCKING LIGHTSABER.  Crowd chants “USE THE FORCE!”  Fucking awesome.  Bubba gets a Lightsaber too and they have a sword fight.  Balls “stabs” Bubba and goes for his big punch, but Bubba hits him in the balls with the saber.  Bubba hits the punches and the bionic elbow.  Axl hits Bubba with a botched reverse DDT for 2.  Devon hits Axl with a reverse neckbreaker for 2.  Balls hits the Ball Breaker on Devon for 2.  Everybody squares off for a chair fight.  Balls and Axl get the better of it and get a double cover for 2.  Balls & Axl go after the referee, who hits them with a double clothesline to no avail.  3D hit Balls & Axl with chairs for 2.  3D hits the Wassup headbutt on Balls’ balls.  Bubba suggests that Devon get the table.  They set up the table, pour on some lighter fluid, and set it on fire.  3D powerbomb Balls through the table and Devon gets the pin in 11:56.  Fun comedy garbage match.  Bubba says they’re the greatest tag team in the world.  The Gangstas come out!  They brawl with 3D, then New Jack hits Gertner with a guitar.  The Gangstas, 3D, Balls, and Axl all hug and make friends.

Raven cuts a really good promo about his kayfabe history with Tommy Dreamer.

Jesse Neal and Kazarian talk about their ECW memories.

Brother Ray, Rob Van Dam, Jerry Lynn, Simon Diamond, Rhino, The Sandman, Stevie Richards, and Tommy Dreamer put over Joey Styles.

The Final Showdown: Raven vs. Tommy Dreamer.  Mick Foley is the referee.  Beulah McGillicutty is sitting in the front row next to Dixie Carter, along with her and Dreamer’s young twin daughters.  That isn’t going to end well.  Foley gives his instructions, which are “do whatever you like.”  Raven kicks Dreamer in the balls before the bell rings to get the jump on him.  Raven beats up Dreamer on the outside, giving him a side Russian leg sweep into the barricade.  Raven brings a chair into the ring and wedges it between the top and middle turnbuckles.  Dreamer reverses Raven into it.  They brawl outside some more.  Dreamer spits some kid of beverage into Raven’s face, then hits him with the can.  Dreamer sets up 2 chairs side by side and goes for a suplex, but Raven counters and hits the classic drop toe hold into the chairs.  Dreamer is bleeding.  Raven hits him with a chair an dbeats the shit out of him right in front of his kids.  Thankfully, they take the kids away.  Raven swings a chair, but hits the post.  Raven throws Dreamer into the steps.  Dreamer is a bloody mess now.  Raven does his pose to boos, then continues working Dreamer over.  Dreamer counters Raven and hits him with the drop toe hold onto the chair.  Dreamer grabs a sign from a fan that says “Tommy, use my sign” and nails Raven with it.  Dreamer rips the tape off the sign to reveal that it’s a “Dead End” road sign.  Dreamer suplexes Raven onto the sign.  Dreamer brings in a ladder.  Crowd chants “This is hardcore!”  Dreamer beats up Raven and bites his head.  Raven is a bloody mess too.  Dreamer hits the Albert decapitator on the ladder, which was propped up by the middle ropes.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Dreamer sets Raven on the top rope and stands on the ladder.  Raven knocks him down and Dreamer crotches himself on the ladder.  Raven hits something for 2.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Dreamer counters and hits the Spiccoli Driver.  Crowd chants “LOUIE!”  Dreamer puts Raven in the tree of woe and stands on his balls.  Dreamer does the “E-C-W!” taunt and dropkicks the sign into Raven’s face.  Dreamer brings in a spool of barbed wire.  Dreamer does the crossface with the barbed wire.  Ugh.  Nova and Blue Tillie run in and attack Foley and Dreamer.  Nova hits Dreamer with a Flatliner, then helps Tillie to the top rope to go for a diving splash, but Dreamer moves.  Dreamer hits a DDT/neckbreaker on Tillie and Nova.  Raven hits the DDT on Dreamer for 2.  Raven bitches at Foley and shoves him.  Foley kicks Raven’s ass and gives him the Socko claw.  The nose picking dude from earlier comes in and hits a diving leg drop on Dreamer.  Foley kicks his ass and gives him the barbed wire Socko claw.  “HOLY SHIT!” chants.  Foley takes the dude (a fake Lupus, apparently) out of the arena or something.  Raven handcuffs Dreamer.  Raven picks up a chair.  Foley says not to do it because Dreamer is helpless.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!”  Beulah runs out to try to reason with Raven.  Raven cracks Dreamer with the chair, then threatens Beulah.  Foley tries to take the chair away, but Raven low blows him and hits him with the chair.  Crowd chants “YOU’RE A PUSSY!”  Beulah hits Raven in the balls.  Dreamer hits a DDT despite being handcuffed for 2.  Really?  That’s not the finish?  Dreamer goes for it again, but Raven hits him in the knee with a chair.  Raven hits the DDT onto the chair for the pin in 17:00.  Pathetic.  Overbooked garbage wrestling for the sake of overbooked garbage wrestling.  This shit worked in 1995, but I don’t want to see it in 2010.  The bit with Dreamer’s kids was creepy and unnecessary.

Hype for this Thursday’s special iMPACT!

Jeremy Borash and So Cal Val are backstage hyping some shit.  The Gangstas show up.  New Jack tells Val “Once you go black, you get bad credit.”  Mustafa leaves with Val.  Jack says JB is his bitch now.  They leave.  WTF was that?

Taz, Al Snow, Rhino, Mick Foley, Raven, Stevie Richards, Simon Diamond, and Sandman put over Paul Heyman.

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam (w/ Bill Alfonso) vs. Sabu (w/ Bill Alfonso).  Yes, Fonzie is managing both, so he actually goes through the trouble of walking out with both.  Sabu is BALD!  When the hell did that happen?  The morons chant “THIS IS CLASSIC!” before they even lock up.  They kind of lock up, then RVD goes outside to do his thumb pointing.  Alfonso encourages Sabu to do his pointing pose in response.  Fonzie is blowing that fucking whistle.  They finally lock up properly and wrestle a bit.  Stalemate, applause.  They do their poses.  They look like they’re having fun and the morons are enjoying it.  Fonzie throws in a chair and they fight over it.  Sabu throws it into Van Dam’s face, then springboards over it to hit him on the corner.  RVD takes a bump on the chair.  Cover gets 2.  RVD bails and Sabu hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends him into the crowd.  Sabu springboards over the chair and dives onto RVD in the crowd.  I’ve forgotten how bad I always wanted to shove that fucking whistle down Fonzie’s throat.  Back in the ring, cover gets 2.  Crowd chants “YOU FUCKED UP”! for some reason.  Sabu works over RVD and locks in a camel clutch with a chair.  Ouch.  THAT FUCKING WHISTLE.  Sabu tries to springboard over the chair again, but RVD dropkicks it into him.  Sabu is bleeding from the back of the head.  RVD hits a monkey flip that was intended to be on the chair, but they miss.  RVD throws the chair at Sabu’s face for 2.  Sabu hits a lariat for 2.  They both try a springboard and hit each other.  Fonzie comes in and gives them both some water to drink.  Crowd chants “WATER BREAK!”  Re-hydrated, they both bring in tables.  They lock up at ringside, then RVD hits the Rider kick off of the apron.  RVD drops Sabu across the barricade and hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP!  I love that move.  RVD hits a slingshot leg drop to the apron using a chair.  Cover gets 2.  RVD goes up top, but Fonzie throws Sabu a chair to throw at RVD.  Sabu hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and RVD lands on the chair!  Fucking ouch.  Sabu hits the Arabian Facebuster for 2.  Crowd chants “YOU STILL GOT IT!”  Sabu locks in the camel clutch.  Sabu goes for the Triple Jump Moonsault, but RVD sends him face first into the chair.  RVD crotches Sabu on the top rope and has Fonzie hold the chair so he can hit the Van Assassinator (I guess).  RVD hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  I wish Fonzie would swallow that fucking whistle.  RVD sets up one of the tables.  Sabu throws a chair into his face.  Crowd chants “THIS IS AWESOME!”  It’s really not.  RVD hits the Rolling Thunder with a chair.  Ouch.  Cover gets 2.  RVD hits the corner dropkick with the chair for 2.  Sabu hits a tornado DDT onto a chair.  Fucking ouch.  Cover gets 2.  Sabu hits the Atomic Arabian Facebuster.  Sabu goes for the Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher through a table, but RVD avoids it.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash for the pin in 17:13.  This was the spot fest you’d expect between these two, but at least they tried hard.  The hug and make friends after the match.

All of the former ECW guys come to the ring for a beer bash.  Even Dixie has a beer in the front row.  Crowd chants “FUCK YOU VINCE!”  Dreamer thanks Tenay and Taz, Atlas Security, the fans, and Dixie.  Brother Ray carries Dixie around the ring and the morons chant “DIXIE!”  This whole fucking company has to be a vanity project for her.  Dreamer says it was one hell of a PPV.

I guess it worked as a nostalgia show.  I didn’t hate anything until the semi-main event, so I guess that’s good.  Let’s just move on with our lives now.

TNA iMPACT! 8/5/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 7, 2010 by Grappleholic

The usual video package of recent goings on.

“There’s No Place Like Home”

iMPACT! open.  They don’t play that often.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.  Tonight, Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer take on Abyss & Raven.  Taz promises surprises tonight.  That’s TNA for “letdown” and Russo for “swerve.”

Tommy Dreamer comes out and calls out Raven to explain himself.  Raven comes out to the stage.  Dreamer asks Raven why he turned on him last week.  Dreamer says his kids call Raven “Uncle Scotty.”  iMPACT! Zone mutants chant “Uncle Scotty.”  Raven is mad at Dreamer for stealing his woman.  Yes, they’re playing off a feud that started in another company 15 years ago.  Raven says Dreamer’s kids should be calling him “daddy.”  Raven says he’s going to cripple Dreamer and nail his woman.  Dreamer goes up the ramp and kicks Raven’s ass.  Abyss jumps Dreamer and tries to chokeslam him off the stage.  Rob Van Dam makes the save with a steel chair.  Raven DDTs Dreamer on the stage.  Mick Foley appears and hits Raven in the gut with a barbed wire bat.  Foley says he’s going to referee their match at Hard(core) Justice.

Tenay and Taz run down what’s on tap for TONIGHT!

The Beautiful People put the Knockouts Tag Team Championship on the line NEXT!  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: The Beautiful People of Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich (c) vs. Taylor Wilde & Hamada.  Yay, Hamada is back!  Lacey shows her ass to Wilde, so Wilde schoolgirls her for 0.  They do some shit.  Hamada tags in and does as well as she can with rocks for brains Lacey.  Lacey nails a kick for 2.  In WWE, she’d be fired for having a jiggly ass.  Velvet comes in and works over Hamada.  BPs double team Hamada.  Lacey covers for 2.  Lacey does a back flip and misses an elbow.  She misses again.  Because she’s stupid.  Hamada lands some headbutts and tags in Wilde.  Wilde hits a German suplex hold and kind of loses her bridge.  Velvet saves.  Clusterfuck ensuses.  Do si do spot.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and biker chick come out to distract every one.  BPs jump Wilde and Hamada.  Hamada and Velvet do some shit while Wilde and Lacey fight outside.  Velvet accidentally slaps the referee.  Hamada takes her outside.  Lacey and Wilde come in.  Biker chick hands Lacey a chair.  Wilde dropkicks it into her face for the pin in 4:17.  Even though this sucked, I’m glad Hamada is back, and even better, is a champion again!  Commercials.

TNA Television Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Kazarian) vs. “The Freak” Rob Terry.  Earl Hebner ejects Kazarian before the match starts.  Terry clotheslines Styles and Kazarian both to the outside, press slams Styles back inside, then chases Kazarian to the back.  Styles tries a cheap shot, but Terry destroys him.  Terry throws Styles across the ring by the neck.  Styles throws some ineffective chops, then pokes Terry in the eye and shoves Hebner.  Styles grabs Hebner, then kicks Terry in the balls and lands the Pele kick.  Styles hits the springboard 450 splash for the pin in 2:49.  Neat little face big man vs. heel little man match.  Kazarian comes back out to celebrate with Styles.

Kurt Angle talks about his quest to go through the top 10.

Jay Lethal talks about his feud with Ric Flair while eating lunch.  They meet in a Street Fight TONIGHT!

Beer Money vs. Machine Guns in an Ultimate X Match is NEXT!

Hype for next week’s SUPER iMPACT! “The Whole F’N Show.”

Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne fight backstage while security tries to hold them apart.  Velvet accidentally KTFO’s Lacey in the process and shows concern.  It’d be hilarious if the bump to the head made her smarter.

Beer Money and The Motor City Machine Guns come out and Roode and Sabin cut promos on each other.  The match is next for real this time!  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 4th – Ultimate X Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns try to climb the structure immediately, but Beer Money cut them off.  Guns get their shine anyway.  Guns send Beer Money outside and hit dives on them.  Sabin goes for the win, but Storm cuts him off.  Guns double team Storm.  Shelley holds them both on a hold while Sabin climbs.  Beer Money cut him off again, but Shelley goes for it.  Beer Money hit him with the awesome catapult into a DDT.  Beer Money argue over who is going to climb.  Storm claims he’s been drinking, so Roode tries to climb.  Guns double team Storm and cut off Roode again.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick on Beer Money in the corner.  Shelley stands on Roode’s balls en route to climbing.  Storm hits a backdrop suplex on Sabin.  Beer Money pull Shelley down and go for the DWI.  He counters them and goes for the Shiranui on Roode.  He fails, but Storm hits a lung blower on Shelley.  Beer Money hit a double suplex.  BEER!  MONEY!  Roode is bleeding.  Beer Money send Sabin outside and double team Shelley.  Shelley hits Roode with an atomic drop off the top.  Roode goes for the X, but Shelley pulls him down and SPIKES him with a DDT.  Shelley jumps over Storm and hits Roode with a Ghetto Stomp.  Shelley gouges Roode’s eyes on the top rope, then goes for the X.  Storm pulls him down and hits a whirlybird neckbreaker.  Sabin coems back and in goes for the X.  Storm tries to cut him off, but Sabin hits a Frankensteiner off the top rope.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Sabin.  Storm tries to help Roode go for the prize.  Guns cut them both off.  “THIS IS AWESOME!” chant breaks out.  Shelley hits Storm with a Shiranui on the apron.  Fucking ouch.  Storm tries to hold onto the structure and walk the cable.  Sabin meets him in the middle.  Roode falls, crotches himself on the cable, and falls to the mat.  Sabin grabs the X to win it in 9:55.  The series is tied at 2-2.  Pretty good match.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher are headed our way!  Commercials.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Bischoff talks about the card for next week’s special: Abyss vs. RVD for the World Title in a Stairway to Janice Match with Bischoff as the referee, Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in the final of the series for the Tag titles, Kurt Angle vs. AJ Styles, Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love for the Knockouts Title, Jeff Hardy’s open challenge, and Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Morgan vs. The Pope.  Kevin Nash comes out to bitch at them for whatever.  Hogan says they’re past their prime and it’s time for the young guys to shine.  If he would have had that thought 10 or 12 years ago, WCW may still be alive.  They talk about politics and whatever.  Nash quotes some movie and attacks Bichoff.  Hogan beats up Nash.  In 2010.  Nash kicks Hogan in the balls and knees him in the thigh a bunch.  Nash brings in a chair and teases powerbombing Hogan.  Bischoff tries to stop Nash, fails, but Nash decides not to anyway.  Nash prepares to hit Hogan with the chair, but Jeff Jarrett runs in and attacks Nash.  STING shows up (in Wolfpac face paint) and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash clotheslines Jarrett with the bat and Sting clobbers Hogan with the chair.  Yay!  Commercials.

House show plugs.

Christy Hemme tries to talk to Sting and Kevin Nash, but they both blow her off.

Moments ago, all of that stuff a couple of lines up happened.

Orlando Jordan comes out being freaking with a lollipop.  He tries to put it So Cal Val’s mouth, but she escapes it this week.

Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  “POPE IS PIMPIN”! chants.  Jordan sucks on his finger and tries to touch Pope with it.  Pope shoves him away.  They lock up and do some mat wrestling.  Jordan grinds on Pope int he corner.  Pope kicks his ass.  Jordan catches Pope with a punch and grounds and pounds him.  Eric Young comes out and grabs some of the fake money that falls during Pope’s entrance.  This distracts Jordan for some reason.  Pope makes his comeback and hits the Elijah Express for the pin in 3:27.  Ugh.  Just… ugh.  Matt Morgan jumps Pope and lays him out.  Mr. Anderson runs out with a steel chair to run Morgan off.  Pope and Anderson argue.  Gunner and Murphy (the security geeks from last week) come out and threaten Anderson while the Pope just leaves.

Christy Hemme interviews Ric Flair.  Flair will be suspended if any member of Fortune interferes in his match tonight, but Flair is ready to go on his own.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair.  Flair is SUITED UP! for the street fight.  Flair pokes Lethal in the eye and goes on the attack.  Flair hits Lethal in the balls and works his leg a bit.  Flair throws in some plunder.  Lethal goes under the ring, then surprises Flair with a springboard missile dropkick.  Lethal strips off Flair’s jacket and shirt and chops him.  Lethal hits a big backdrop, then hits him with a Singapore cane.  Lethal hammers Flair with chops and punches.  Flair is BUSTED WIDE OPEN and does a Flair flop.  TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams comes out for no apparent reason.  Flair gets hit with something and Flair does the flop again.  Flair gets his pants ripped to reveal ridiculous underwear.  Lethal whips Flair with his belt and throws Flair’s pants and sock to the crowd.  Flair his now in underwear, one sock, and one show.  Flair gets nailed with a trash can and does a third Flair flop.  Flair goes up top, but Lethal hits him with a metal cookie sheet and hits a superplex for 2.  Williams pulls Lethal out of the ring and gets nailed.  Lethal fucks up a diving sunset flip and pulls Flair’s drawers down.  Thankfully then pixelate Flair’s ass.  Williams nails Lethal with the belt behind the referee’s back.  Why the fuck do you need a referee distraction in a street fight?  Flair gets the pin in 6:41.  This was pretty fun.

Abyss & Raven are ready for action!  Commercials.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam, who has a hellish week ahead of him.  Jerry Lynn shows up and says he’ll be RVD’s opponent at the PPV.

Abyss & Raven vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam & Tommy Dreamer.  They brawl on the ramp before the match ever starts.  Abyss and Dreamer make it in the ring to start the match.  Dreamer hits Abyss from out of nowhere.  Dreamer suplexes RVD onto Abyss.  Raven chop blocks Dreamer’s knee.  Abyss squashes Dreamer in the corner.  It’s broken down into a tag match now.  Raven tags in and puts his snot rag in Dreamer’s face.  Raven works Dreamer’s face.  Ouch.  Abyss beats up Dreamer on the outside.  Raven covers for 2.  Abyss tags in and works over Dreamer.  Raven and RVD tag in.  RVD runs wild.  RVD kicks Abyss off the apron, then rams Raven’s head into the turnbuckle and hits the Rolling Thunder.  Abyss saves and tries to chokeslam RVD and Dreamer, but they clothesline him out of the ring.  Dreamer DDTs Raven.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Raven for the pin in 3:57.  That was a short main event, but fun while it lasted.

Abyss attacks RVD and Dreamer after the match.  Abyss chokeslams RVD, then tries to chokeslam Dreamer, but Stevie Richards makes the save.  He gets dropped, then Rhino makes the save and goes for the Gore, but Abyss drops him too.  Team 3D come out and go for the 3D, but Raven attacks them with a chair.  The lights go out and THE SANDMAN appears!  Sandman canes Raven, then canes the shit out of Abyss.  Mick Foley comes out and brings Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and Jerry Lynn with a cooler of beer.

Hardcore Justice hype video.

Hype video for next week’s special iMPACT!

This show was actually kind of fun.  I have no real complaints to make this week, so a good show by TNA standards.

TNA iMPACT! 7/29/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2010 by Grappleholic

Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Rhino, Mick Foley, Raven, and Brother Devon are in the ring.  Dreamer says they’re called EV2.0, since they can’t legally be called ECW.  Dreamer asks Devon what’s up with Brother Ray.  Devon calls Brother Ray out to the ring.  Devon wants to know of Bubba is going to be on the PPV.  Bubba turns around to leave.  Dreamer and Foley try to talk Bubba into it.  Taz encourages Bubba to get into the ring and make peace with everyone.  Bubba asks Devon if they’re going to light someone on fire.  The Impact Zone mutants actually chant “EV2.0.”  Bubba says he’s in and hugs Devon and Dreamer.  Hulk Hogan comes out.  Ugh.  Hogan puts over “the hardcore thing.”  He says he didn’t see ECW in the 90’s so he’s excited to see it now… 10 years after it mattered.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  Abyss comes out and bitches about whatever.  I think he wants Dreamer.  Hogan says Dreamer isn’t wrestling until the PPV.  Dreamer says he’ll face Abyss tonight.  Joy.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich bicker backstage.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes in offers a bitchy olive branch.  They bitch at each other.  Velvet reluctantly agrees to the truce.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Knockouts Championship #1 Contender Match: Sarita vs. Angelina Love.  They try to do some mat wrestling.  Sarita hides behind the referee and sucker punches Love.  Love gets a schoolgirl for 2.  Sarita hits a sweet drop toe hold.  Sarita beats up on Love.  Love gets a schoolgirl for nothing.  Sarita hits a clothesline and some stomps, then chokes Love.  Sarita hits a suplex for 2.  Sarita beats on Love some more and argues with the referee.  Love hits a spear and punches Sarita.  Love hits the superkick for the pin in 3:47.  They tried, but failed at not sucking.

Eric Young is backstage with Orlando Jordan being bizarre.  Yes, in that combination, Young is the one being weird.  Commercials.

They show Eric Young taking a bump to the floor and hitting his head to make him goofy recently on Xplosion.

Ink Inc. vs. Orlando Jordan & Eric Young.  Jordan  puts his gum in So Cal Val’s mouth.  Disgusting.  Young comes out with a mannequin.  Jordan beats on Neal for a while.  Moore finally makes the save.  Young wants Jordan to tag the mannequin.  Moore and tags in.  Young throws in the mannequin and it gets broken.  Ink Inc. hit the Mooregasm on Jordan and Moore gets the pin in 2:46.  This was fucking retarded.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, TNA Global Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, and Beer Money are in the ring.  Flair says he’ll face Jay Lethal in a Street Fight next week, then inducts Beer Money into Fortune.  Storm says they’ll win the Tag titles tonight.  Kazarian takes a shot at The Nexus, saying Fortune isn’t “a gang of angry rookies.”  Styles says the Global title is now the Television title.  Flair implies that they will be partying later tonight.  Kurt Angle comes out and tells Styles that he’s next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 3rd – Steel Cage Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns climb into the cage behind Beer Money and hit them with diving cross body blocks.  Guns double team Beer Money.  Roode is BUSTED WIDE OPEN, so naturally, it breaks down into a tag team match.  Storm blocks Shelley’s Shiranui and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker.  Beer Money get the heat on Shelley.  Shelley hits Roode with an avalanche-style Frankensteiner.  Sabin gets the tag and runs wild.  Sabin hits a tornado DDT on Storm, but Roode saves.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui and fails.  Roode nails Sabin with a clothesline.  Shelley Complete Shots Roode into the cage and hits a Ghetto Stomp.  Storm hits a wacky move on Shelley.  Roode powerbombs Shelley into the cage.  Storm hits a Lung Blower out of the powerbomb for 2.  Beer Money try to climb out of th ecage, but Shelley cuts them off.  Shelley hits Storm with a jawbreaker off the top rope.  Sabin hits Beer Money with a diving cross body off the top of the cage.  Guns go for their finish.  Storm accidentally hits Roode with the beer bottle.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/cross body combo on Storm and Sabin gets the pin in 8:16.  They did a lot of shit, but it wasn’t as good as their previous matches.  The series is now 2-1 Guns.

Matt Morgan comes out to Mr. Anderson’s music.  He gets mad at the mic drop guy for not dropping the mic from him.  He does a ridiculous intro for himself.  Anderson comes out and does silly shit with the mic.  Anderson gets in the ring.  Morgan taunts him and challenges Anderson to punch him.  Anderson punches Morgan in the balls and kicks his ass.  Morgan squeezes Anderson’s head, then chokes him with the microphone cord.  Jeff Hardy makes the save.  A couple of security guys come out… and help Morgan.  D’Lo Brown, Al Snow, and Pat Kenney come out to break it up and bitch at the security guards.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Christy Hemme interviews Anderson and Hardy.  Anderson says the security guards want to be wrestlers, but could only make TNA security.  Anderson challenges Morgan and security guys to a match.

Kazarian (w/ TNA Television Champion AJ Styles) vs. Rob Terry.  The referee sends Styles to the back.  Kazarian jumps Terry from behind.  Terry hits a chokeslam for the pin in 26 seconds.  Well that was pointless.

Next, Eric Bischoff makes an ANNOUNCEMENT!  Commercials.

Handicap Match: Matt Morgan, Murphy, & Gunner vs. Jeff Hardy & Ken Anderson.  Hardy and Murphy start… but Morgan tags himself in before any contact is made.  Morgan wants Anderson, so… Morgan and Anderson start.  Except that Morgan tags in Murphy before any contact is made.  Gunner tags in and he and Anderson finally lock up.  Anderson hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Murphy tags in.  Anderson schoolboys him for 2.  Hardy tags in.  They try the Poetry In Motion, but Murphy hits a clothesline.  Gunner counters the Twist of Fate.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  Anderson tags in.  Murphy does something to Anderson behind the referee’s back.  Hardy decks him.  Morgan drops off the apron and leaves… WHILE HIS TEAM HAS THE ADVANTAGE.  Anderson hits Gunner with the Mic Check.  Hardy hits Gunner with the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:04.  This retarded shit sucked.

Christy Hemme tries to interview Hulk Hogan.  She wants to know what Bitchoff’s announcement is.  Hogan’s going to a meeting in New York.  10:30 PM on a Thursday night?

Eric Bischoff and Miss Tessmacher are in the ring.  Bischoff takes 80 years to say that the August 12th Impact will have big matches.  Abyss comes out again.  Abyss says “they” want Abyss vs. RVD in some convoluted ladder match.  Bischoff agrees.  Abyss threatens him with the nail board.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam comes out to save Bischoff.  Why?  RVD dropkicks a chair into Abyss’ face.  RVD tries a dive or something, but Abyss side steps him and sends him into the post.  Brown, Snow, and Kenney come out with chairs to make the save with chairs.  Snow takes the nail board away from Abyss and… gives it to Tommy Dreamer.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Hardcore Match: Abyss vs. Tommy Dreamer.  JIP.  Dreamer hits Abyss with a trash can lid.  Abyss sends Dreamer’s crotch into the guardrail.  Abyss wedges a chair between the turnbuckles.  Dreamer hits Abyss with a trash can.  Abyss hits a sidewalk slam onto the trash can for 2.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a cookie sheet.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a Singapore cane.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam, but Dreamer fights out.  Dreamer hits a clothesline.  Dreamer hits a second clothesline for 2.  Abyss sends Dreamer into the chair wedged between the turnbuckles.  Abyss goes up top for some reason.  Dreamer crotches him and ties him to the tree of woe.  Dreamer hits Abyss in the balls with a cane, then dropkicks a trash can into his face.  Dreamer brings in a barbed wire board.  Dreamer goes for the Death Valley Driver, but can’t get Abyss up.  Abyss goes for the chokeslam but Dreamer counters.  Abyss hits Dreamer with a clothesline.  Abyss brings in the nail board.  Dreamer side steps him and gets a cradle for like 1.  Dreamer sets up the board in the corner.  Abyss punches a trash can into Dreamer’s face and chokeslams him onto the barbed wire board for the pin in 6:59.  Stupid garbage match.  Raven comes in with a chair.  Swerve.  He hits Dreamer, then DDTs him on the chair.

Fucking lousy show with fucking retarded TNA booking.

TNA iMPACT! 7/22/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Usual opening video package with recent goings on.

“Extreme Invitation”

Earlier today, Dixie Carter arrived!  Tonight she’ll explain WTF is going on!

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Tonight, Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez and Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy!  Also, Dixie Carter explains shit!  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA Global Championship Match: Rob Terry (c) vs. AJ Styles (w/ Kazarian).  Styles punches Terry in the abs and hurts his hand.  He kicks Terry’s leg, then dances around.  Terry knocks Styles down, then suffocates him in the corner with his shoulder.  Terry throws Styles across the ring.  Kazarian tries to help Styles and gets pulled into the ring.  Styles catches Terry with a kick and tries a springboard, but Terry press slams him.  Styles rocks Terry with an enzuigiri.  Terry mows Styles down with his big spin kick and covers, but Kazarian distracts the referee.  Terry argues with Kazarian.  Terry knocks Kazarian off the apron.  Styles schoolboys Terry for 2.  Terry tries to suplex Styles in from the apron, but Kazarian trips Terry and holds his legs down so Styles can get the pin in 3:05.  This wasn’t pretty.

Tenay and Taz talk.  They wonder if Mick Foley is involved with the ECW guys.  Isn’t that fairly obvious?

Madison Rayne and Sarita talk.  TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich come in to hear Rayne talk about Velvet’s ass, which despite Rayne’s claims, is excellent.  They bicker.

Dixie Carter bitches at agents, Terry Taylor, Pat Kenney, Al Snow, and D’Lo Brown.

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Rayne & Sarita.  Before the match, Earl Hebner forces Love to get the title back to Rayne since there was no proof that the biker chick was a BP.  The faces jump the heels and kick their asses.  Love spears Sarita.  Wilde tags in and gets dropped immediately by her former partner.  Sarita hits a weird backdrop suplex.  Love and Rayne tags in and do stuff poorly.  Wilde sloppily attacks Sarita again.  Ryane goes for her move, but Love hits a Flatliner for the pin in 2:24.  This sucked.  The biker chick comes out, proving that it’s not Sarita.  The 3 of them attack the faces while Velvet and Lacey come out to watch and do nothing.  Rayne orders the other Beautiful People to come with her and motorcycle chick and Sarita.  Lacey does.  Velvet is like WTF?  So am I.  This shit is retarded.  Love and Velvet look at each other.

Angle vs. Hernandez NEXT!

Earlier tonight: Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Rhino and Stevie Richards showed up.

Kurt Angle vs. Hernandez.  They lock up.  Hernandez backs Angle into the corner to show his superior power.  Angle takes Hernandez down and clamps on a front headlock.  Hernandez pushes him into a corner to break it.  Angle fires some European uppercuts, then backdrops Hernandez to the apron.  Hernandez hits a slingshot shoulder block.  Angle throws some punches, but Hernandez knocks him down again.  Hernandez locks in a Canadian backbreaker, then turns it into a drop for 2.  Angle fights back and hits his arm drag off the top rope for 2.  Angle hits the rolling Germans for 2.  Hernandez hits a Border Toss drop for 2.  Hernandez goes for it again, but Angle counters and hits the Angle Slam for 2.  Angle goes for his moonsault, but Hernandez avoids it and hits a big shoulder block.  Hernandez goes for a stalling suplex, but Angle counters it and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 6:01.  Pretty good little match.  Kevin Nash comes out.  He and Angle shake hands and hug as Angle leaves.  Nash calls out Jeff Jarrett.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett comes out to meet Kevin Nash in the ring.  Nash says Jarrett almost convinced him that Sting “left a log in the punch bowl”.  He things Jarrett did whatever Sting got blamed for.  Jarrett doesn’t know what Nash is talking about.  Neither do I.  They talk about what the fuck ever.  Nash brings up Jarrett’s daughters and tells Jarrett to juggle in his sleep.  No clue WTF is going on here.

Dixie Carter is backstage.  Kurt Angle asks her WTF is going on.  She says it’s a good thing for TNA.  Angle says he trusts her.  Why?  She’s completely fucking incompetent.

Joe vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy goes outside the slap hands with fans while Tenay and Taz talk to Eric Bischoff on the phone.  DURING THE FUCKING MATCH.  Joe kicks Hardy’s ass.  Hardy fires back with corner punches when they finish their stupid phone call.  Hardy hits a snapmare and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Joe beats up Hardy some more.  Joe hits a big kick for 2.  Hardy fights back, but Joe hits the snap powerslam for 2.  Hardy makes his comeback with weak ass clotheslines and elbows.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop for 2.  Hardy comes off the top, but Joe catches him with a Manhattan drop.  Joe hits a senton splash for 2.  Joe hits the powerbomb into the STF into a crossface.  Hardy gets a rope break.  Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate.  Joe counters and goes for the Coquina Clutch, but Hardy runs him into the corner, then hits the Whisper In The Wind.  They trade blows.  It goes to a 10:00 time limit draw.  This kinda sucked.  Joe is awesome, but everything Hardy does looks like shit anymore.  Hardy takes off his shirt and they fight some more.  Referees break them up.  Tenay calls for a rematch.  I don’t want to see it.

Jeff Jarrett complains to Dixie Carter about Kevin Nash.  She wants Jarrett’s help with whatever the fuck is going on.

Next, Matt Morgan takes on Mr. Anderson.

Matt Morgan vs. Ken Anderson.  Anderson goes for cradles immediately, which is somewhat comical considering how tall Morgan is.  Anderson grabs a side headlock.  Morgan powers him into the corner.  Morgan puts the boots to Anderson in the corner.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows.  Taz gets in his “Vintage” dig of the night.  Morgan hits a Stinger Splash and a half assed side slam for 1.  Anderson fights back.  Morgan hits a fall away slam for 2.  Morgan hits some clotheslines.  He goes for the discus lariat, but Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere for the pin in 3:25.  This sucked.  Morgan hits Anderson with the special microphone after the match.  Anderson is laid out and BUSTED WIDE OPEN!

Live events plug.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 2nd – Street Fight: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  The Guns are pissed off from last week, so they run to the ring and take the fight to Beer Money.  Everybody brawls at ringside.  Guns double team Roode on the ramp.  Sabin runs down the ramp to hit an awesome hesitation dropkick.  Shelley hits something for 2 on the outside.  Guns finally make it into the ring.  Sabin goes for a tope suicida on Roode, but gets hit in the face with a chair.  Ouch.  Roode attacks Shelley’s leg with the chair.  Beer Money beat up Shelley in the ring.  Shelley hits Roode with a Complete Shot into a chair wedged in the turnbuckles.  Storm hits something on Shelley for 2.  Sabin makes it back in and springboard dropkicks a chair into Roode’s face for 2.  Shelley goes for a dive on Storm, but Storm avoids it.  Sabin goes for the Cradle Shock on Roode, but Storm spits beer in his face.  Roode hits the spinebuster on Sabin for 2.  Beer Money set up a double team, but Shelley makes the save with a Singapore cane.  Stuff happens, then there’s a ref bump.  Sabin hits Roode with a trash can.  Sabin accidentally hits a baseball slide dropkick on the other ref.  Beer Money go for a double superplex on Shelley, but Sabin saves.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Roode, but there’s no referee.  Storm hits Shelley with a beer bottle and puts Roode on top of him.  Storm superkicks Sabin.  Roode gets the pin in Shelley in 6:43.  Good little match.  I think these two teams are incapable of having a bad match.

Team 3D talk backstage.  Devon is pro-ECW faction, Ray is anti-ECW faction.  Weird.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam.  He talks about the ECW stuff.

Tenay and Taz wonder what Dixie Carter is going to say.  How about you just get her the fuck out there to explain it?

Recap video of the whole ECW business.

Dixie is headed our way!

Dixie Carter comes out.  She actually has music and shit.  She says TNA has the best fans in the world.  That is an outright lie.  Most loyal?  Yes.  Mutant lunatics?  Yes.  I guess it depends on your idea of “best.”  She calls for the ECW guys to come out.  Dreamer, Foley, Raven, Rhino, and Richards come out.  Foley talks about Dixie cutting her first promo.  She puts them over and what the fuck ever.  Foley puts over Dreamer, then allows him to talk.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo and cries typical Dreamer tears.  Dreamer begs Dixie for another one night stand… as in a PPV, not the kind of one night stand I’d rather have with Dixie.  Dixie agrees and gives them complete control.  Crowd chants “SABU!”  Dreamer says “We’re going extreme.”  End of show.  As much as I wanted to hate this segment, it was pretty good.

The Guns/Beer Money match, Angle/Hernandez, and the final segment were good.  Besides that, this show sucked balls.

TNA iMPACT! 7/15/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 20, 2010 by Grappleholic

Victory Road highlight video.

“They’re Here?”

Pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  They announce some matches way too fast to process.  I assume Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Updated top 10 Contenders: #10 TNA Global Champion Rob Terry, #9 The Pope, #8 Kurt Angle, #7 Hernandez, #6 AJ Styles, #5 Jay Lethal, #4 Samoa Joe, #3 Mr. Anderson, #2 Jeff Hardy, #1 Abyss.  They went through that so fast I had to rewind it once.

Abyss comes out carrying some raw meat and his nail board.  He talks about RVD and “they.”  He says later tonight he’ll tell RVD about the plan when gets the final details from “them.”  He talks about his girlfriend Janice… the nail board.  He hits the meat with the nail board, then bites it.  Gross.  And probably dangerous.  Retarded segment.

Sarita and Taylor Wilde are brawling backstage.  They keep brawling for a long time.  They’re having a street fight tonight.  Commercials.

Street Fight: Sarita vs. Taylor Wilde.  Wilde and Sarita brawl into the arena.  Wilde nails Sarita with a chair.  Sarita throws water on Wilde.  Sarita hides under the ring and jumps Wilde from behind.  Sarita tears up the floor mats, which for some reason have flames on the under side.  Sarita tries to slam Wilde onto the floor, but Wilde hits a facebuster on the padded section of the floor.  Wilde throws some kicks.  Sarita tries to get into the ring, but Wilde won’t let her.  Sarita finally manages to get the apron and tries to dive off, but Wilde throws a chair at her.  Wilde throws Sarita into the post and the barricade, then dropkicks her over the barricade.  Sarita chokes Wilde with somebody’s purse strap.  The referee stops a match that never technically started and gives Sarita the win.  Stupid crap.

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Rob Van Dam walks backstage and talks about Abyss.  Commercials.

Miss Tessmacher is in the office talking on the phone.  Kevin Nash walks in looking for Bischoff and Hogan, but they’re not there.  He asks to meet here later tonight, or something.

Non-Title “I Quit” Match: Brian Kendrick vs. TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams.  Kendrick goes on the attack.  Williams fights back.  Kendrick goes for his Cobra Clutch, but fails.  Williams kicks Kendrick in the thigh and tries to make him quit.  Repeat with a clothesline and a punch.  Williams applies a camel clutch.  The ref sticks the mic in Kendrick’s face every time he takes a bump.  Kendrick fights back.  Williams nails him with elbows.  Kendrick goes for a sleeper hold, but fails.  Kendrick chokes Williams with a boot in the corner.  Williams catapults Kendrick and applies a half crab hold.  Kendrick refuses to quit.  The referee makes Williams breaks the hold because Kendrick is in the ropes.  What’s he gonna do, DQ him?  I better not give Russo any ideas.  Williams hits suplexes.  Williams slaps Kendrick with his climbing gloves from Victory Road, then puts the glove on and hits a European uppercut, which has nothing to do with the hand.  Kendrick fights back and nails a flying knee.  Kendrick lands some dropkicks, then goes for the Cobra Clutch again.  Williams counters and goes for the Chaos Theory.  Kendrick counters and locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Williams quits in 4:55.  Another pretty stupid match.  A fucking non-title I Quit Match on free TV?  Are the building to a non-gimmick match at the next PPV?

Kevin Nash comes out and chokeslams Kendrick, just to remind us that TNA is the spiritual successor to WCW.  Nash babbles about what the fuck ever, then sets up Kendrick for the powerbomb.  Jeff Jarrett comes out and tells Nash to chill the fuck out.  They talk back and forth.  Nash says “There’s a lot of people that say I’m the best worker in this business.”  A lot of people = Nash, his mom, and his wife.  Nash says he and Jarrett have problems now.  I have no desire to find out where this is going.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com!

Kevin Nash talks to the camera about Jeff Jarrett.

Non-Title Three-Way Match: Desmond Wolfe (w/ Chelsea) vs. TNA Global Champion Rob Terry vs. Samoa Joe.  They show Desmond interfering in Joe & Terry’s match vs. Stylezarian at Victory Road.  Joe and Terry are both pissed off.  Brutus Magnus (WTF is he doing here?) joins Taz and Tenay on commentary.  Terry and Joe take out Wolfe, then brawl with each other.  Joe locks Terry in an ankle hold.  Wolfe breaks it.  Wolfe does his awesome arm takedown on Joe and sends him outside.  Wolfe beats up Terry, then takes his eye off the fucking ball again to bitch at Chelsea.  Joe comes back in and Wolfe sends him out again.  Wolfe works Terry’s leg.  Joe makes it to the apron and Terry kicks Wolfe into him to knock him off again.  Terry makes his comeback on Desmond.  Terry hits his big kick.  Joe comes back in and hits a diving knee strike to drop Terry.  Joe locks Wolfe in the Coquina Clutch for the submission win in 4:17.  This was lame, which is disappointing.  Joe and Terry face off, then show respect.  Joe leaves.

Up next, The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money in a Ladder Match, the first match of a Best of Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship!  Commercials.

Ric Flair announces to the camera guy that he’s going to make an announcement tonight.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Best of 5 Series 1st – Ladder Match: Beer Money vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c).  The prize is an open contract for a match stipulation.  Beer Money jump the guns from behind.  Storm throws Sabin out of the ring, then they double team Shelley.  They go for the double suplex, but Sabin saves Shelley.  Guns hit double dropkicks to send Beer Money outside, then hit double tope suicidas to the floor.  Guns bring in a ladder.  Sabin climbs for the prize, but gets cut off.  Guns whip Roode into the ladder, then splash against him a bunch.  Sabin accidentally elbows the ladder.  Beer Money beat up Shelley, then hip toss Sabin balls-first into the ladder.  Storm climbs the ladder, but Shelley cuts him off.  Roode climbs, but Shelley cuts him off too.  Storm hits Shelley with the ladder and brings in another ladder.  Sabin dropkicks a ladder into Beer Money and Shelley stomps it into them.  Sabin tries to run up a ladder at Storm, stumbles, then knees the fuck out of Storm’s face.  Roode turns Sabin inside out with a lariat.  Roode climbs the ladder, but Shelley hits him with another ladder.  Shelley sets up a ladder bridge between the other ladder and the bottom rope.  Guns hit a double team Complete Shot/bulldog on Roode into the ladder.  Storm pulls Sabin out of the ring and cuts on Shelley on the ladder, then hits a Lung Blower.  Storm sets up Sabin for a superplex onto a ladder, but ends up tied to the tree of woe.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick, kicking the ladder into Storm’s face.  Storm hits a backbreaker on Sabin.  Shelley has bridged a ladder between the apron and the barricade.  Roode gets dropkicked onto it.  Shelley springboards on Roode into Storm, then Sabin squashes Roode on the ladder again.  Storm and Sabin fight on the ladder.  It gets knocked over, but Shelley sets it back up with Sabin still on it.  Ref bump.  Roode and Sabin fight on the ladder.  Roode takes a bump to the stage.  Sabin grabs the contract.  Storm hits Sabin in the back of the head with a beer bottle and takes the contract.  Earl Hebner sees Storm with the contract and gives it to Beer Money in 9:25.  Pretty good ladder match.

Abyss hits a watermelon with his nail board.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Taz has taken to saying “Well, here comes the Pope!” when Pope’s music hits.  Pope goes for a Codebreaker early, but fails.  Pope ducks Morgan and hits him with a flurry of strikes.  Morgan chokeslams Pope into the corner and hits the revolving elbows.  Dinoer dropkicks Morgan into 619 position and goes for that move he does there, but Morgan moves.  Pope hits a Codebreaker for the pin in 1:37.  Lame.  Morgan jumps Pope from behind and hits a fall away slam and the Carbon Footprint.  He sets up Pope for the Carbon Footprint into the post that took out Hernandez, but Ken Anderson comes out with a steel chair to make the save.  Anderson throws Pope into the ring, teasing that he wants to help Morgan beat down Pope.  Anderson kicks Morgan’s ass instead.  Anderson offers a handshake, but Pope is understandably still pissed off about Anderson putting him on the shelf for months.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich argue about Madison Rayne.  Velvet is pissed.  Lacey advocates listening to Rayne’s side of the story.

Tonight, Lethal vs. Hardy!

Madison Rayne is in the ring bitching about losing the title at Victory Road because biker chick wasn’t one of the Beautiful People.  She threatens to sue TNA if the title isn’t returned to her within 7 days.  How much could TNA be worth anyway?  A couple hundred bucks?  Velvet and Lacey come out.  Velvet bitches her out.  Madison calls Velvet a dumb blond and says that she’s a genius.  Yeah…  Madison says she doesn’t need them anymore.  Velvet threatens to kick her ass.  TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love comes out and says it’s all an act.  She says Velvet was the biker chick.  She comments on Velvet’s fake boobs.  There’s something to be said here about the pot and the kettle.  Velvet says she’s insulted.  She says she’s done and Madison is all Angelina’s.  Velvet leaves while Lacey looks on from the ramp.  Madison calls for Angelina to give her the belt back.  Angelina gets in the ring and tells her to take it.  Rayne hits her with an elbow.  Love tackles Rayne and kicks her ass.  The biker chick rides out and attacks Angelina.  Rayne DDTs Angelina on a chair and leaves with biker chick again.  Ugh.  Whatever.

Jeff Hardy talks to nobody about Jay Lethal.  Commercials.

Jay Lethal vs. Jeff Hardy.  Lethal leap frogs Hardy and tries a roll under, but Hardy hits his leg drop to the legs for 2.  Lethal hits the Jericho springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Hardy to the floor and follows with a tope suicida.  Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Stevie Richards, and Raven take their usual place in the crowd.  Lethal covers Hardy for 2.  Lethal hits a basement dropkick for 2.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind for 2.  They trade shots.  Hardy hits a clothesline and a Manhattan Drop, then a leg drop to the balls and a basement dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Hardy counters the Lethal Combination and hits the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb for the pin in 4:29.  Okay little match, but there was absolutely no reason for this match to happen, unless they just decided to pull the plug on Lethal’s push.  He should have gone over a heel instead of jobbing to Jeff Hardy in a pointless babyface match.

Abyss and his girlfriend are headed our way.  Commercials.

Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian are in the ring.  Flair says they’re the first 2 members of Fortune.  Desmond Wolfe comes out and says he deserves to be in.  Abyss comes out chases them away with the nail board.  He calls out Rob Van Dam.  Abyss tells RVD it’s time to share the plans.  Abyss babbles about “they.”  He wants to have a ladder match for the board, or something.  RVD retorts, then hits Abyss with the belt and kicks his ass.  Abyss fights back and drops RVD with a big boot.  Abyss chokeslams RVD and goes for the board.  Mick Foley comes out to the ramp.  Tommy Dreamer, Richards, Raven, and Rhino jump the guardrail and attack Abyss.  Security comes out and gets their asses kicked.  Doug Williams, Brutus Magnus, and Kazuchika Okada come out and get their asses kicked.  Same for more security.  Same for Desmond Wolfe, Brian Kendrick, D’Lo Brown, and Terry Taylor.  Pat Kenney and Al Snow come out and join the ECW guys.  Jay Lethal, Eric Young, Matt Morgan, and The Pope join the fray.  Brother Devon comes out and joins the invaders.  Jeff Jarrett comes out to try to get shit under control.  Dixie Carter is in the crowd.  More security and cops come out.  Dixie orders everyone to stop.  She says that she invited them.  Everyone is like WTF?  So am I.  End show.  Double WTF?  What the hell is going on here?

Lame, confusing show, but the Beer Money/Guns match was good.