Archive for Aksana

WWE SummerSlam 2012

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 20, 2012 by Grappleholic

New WWE open, which debuted on the 1,000th Raw.  Intro video for the 25th SummerSlam, which isn’t the 25th anniversary, but is billed as such because WWE doesn’t know how anniversaries work.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We are LIVE from Los Angeles!  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.

Vickie Guerrero comes out to scream at us.  I guess that means Ziggler vs. Jericho is up first.  They show clips of Ziggler winning the Money In The Bank Ladder Match last month.  Jericho comes out and they show a clip of Ziggler injuring Jericho’s ribs this past Smackdown.  Justin Roberts is a ring announcer.

Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Chris Jericho.  Jericho is sporting taped ribs from the aforementioned attack.  Ziggler runs around the ring and Jericho gives chase.  Back inside, Jericho catches him with an elbow smash and beats him up a bit.  Ziggler does a drop down and a leap frog, but Jericho catches him with a chop.  Ziggler avoids a suplex and attacks the injured ribs.  Jericho gets a reprieve by back body dropping Ziggler to the floor.  He goes for his rebound dropkick to the apron, but fails and eats the floor as Ziggler makes it back into the ring.  Ziggler continues to punish the ribs.  Vickie is obnoxious at ringside.  Ziggler hits a Rude Awakening, complete with gyrating hips, then pulls a Jericho classic on foot cover for 2.  Jericho gets whipped into the ropes, but catches Ziggler with a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler charges Jericho in the corner, eats it, and Jericho gets a brief flurry.  Ziggler charges the corner again and eats Jericho’s boot.  Jericho follows with a diving elbow smash.  Ziggler sends Jericho into the post, then hits the Fameasser for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, fails, but lands an enzuigiri for 2.  Ziggler avoids Jericho in the corner, jumps on his back, and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Jericho backs Ziggler into the corner to escape.  Ziggler kicks him in the ribs and goes up top.  Jericho cuts him off, pounds on him, and hits a top rope Frankensteiner~!  Delayed cover gets 2.  Ziggler catches Jericho out of nowhere with a swank DDT for 2.  They trade shots.  Jericho hits the bulldog and goes for the Lionsault.  Ziggler catches him in the injured ribs with raised knees, then hits the Zig Zag, but Jericho kicks out!  Jericho catches Ziggler with the Codebreaker.  Ziggler rolls to the floor.  Jericho throws Ziggler back into the ring.  Vickie grabs Jericho’s leg, allowing Ziggler to get an inside cradle for 2.  Jericho sends Ziggler into the post and locks in the Walls of Jericho.  Ziggler taps in 13:06.  Yes, Jericho won, but is this really “the big one?”  It made sense when Jericho did this angle with The Rock in 2001 and won the World title, but is the opening match of SummerSlam the same thing?  Good match, though.

Slim Jim commercial.

Los Angeles!

They show Brock Lesnar destroying Shawn Michaels on Raw last week.

Matt Striker interviews Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman.  Well, Paul does all of the talking.

Lillian Garcia is also a ring announcer.  The Spanish announcers, Carlos Cabrera and Marcelo Rodriguez, are present as well.

Daniel Bryan vs. Kane.  Kane has his dukes up, which amuses me.  Bryan kicks at the larger man’s legs.  Kane catches a kick and throws him down.  Bryan avoids an elbow and kicks him some more.  Kane punches him a bit.  Bryan backflips off the top rope, then gets slammed for 2.  Kane stomps Bryan in the corner.  Fans are chanting for Bryan.  Bryan fails at a reverse cradle and eats a big boot.  Cover gets 2 for Kane.  Bryan kicks at Kane’s knee some more.  Kane nonchalantly choke throws Bryan out of the ring.  Bryan gets back in as Kane comes out and takes him out with a tope suicide.  Back inside, Bryan hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan lands more kicks as the crowd chants “YES!”  Kane ducks a critical blow and lands a clothesline.  Kane hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Kane hits the diving lariat and goes for the chokeslam.  Bryan counters out and rolls to the apron, pulls Kane’s head over the top rope, then comes back in to eat a punch.  Bryan slaps Kane defiantly.  Kane beats the crap out of him in the corner until the referee forces a break.  Bryan takes the opportunity and goes on the offensive.  He goes for the LeBell/Yes/No Lock, fails, and settles for kicking Kane in the chest.  He gets annoyed at the “YES!” chants and goes for the diving headbutt.  Kane catches him by the throat and hits the chokeslam.  Instead of covering, he signals for the Tombstone.  Bryan counters it into an inside cradle for the pin in 8:03!  Bryan wins!  YES!  YES!  YES!  Fun little match.

Kane, pissed that lost, rampages around backstage.  Josh Matthews tries to interview him, but Kane grabs him by the throat, yells “WHERE?!  IS?!  HE?!” and throws him away, then continues his rampage.

Don’t drink and drive.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.  I think Mysterio’s costume is supposed to be Batman.  They lock up.  Miz lands a shoulder block.  Mysterio sits up and kind of stares at him.  They do a bit of wrestling that ends in Rey getting a near fall and Miz taking a quick powder.  Miz comes back in and gets to stompin’.  Rey hits a flying headscissors.  Miz throws Rey out of the ring.  Rey slides back in as Miz slides out, then dropkicks Miz through the ropes.  Miz sends Rey torso-first into the barricade.  Back inside, Miz goes to work.  Rey counters a backdrop and gets a 2 count.  Miz catches Rey with that lucha-style backbreaker that Jericho does on Rey for 2.  Miz beats on Rey some more.  Rey tries to make a comeback, but eats a clothesline, which gets a 2 count for Miz.  Miz hits his corner clothesline and goes up top, but Rey dropkicks Miz, crotching h im on the top turbuckle.  Rey hits the diving seated senton and goes for a rana, but Miz catches him with a powerbomb for 2.  Rey ducks a kick and gets a cradle for 2, then kicks Miz in the head for another 2.  Combine the two, and he got a 4 count, so he almost won under Canadian rules.  Rey hits a whirly DDT for 2.  Rey goes up top again, but gets caught.  Rey fights Miz off and hits a diving headscissors, which puts Miz into 619 position.  Rey hits the 619 and goes for the diving splash, but Miz avoids it.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Rey turns it into a cradle for 2.  Miz launches Rey into the turnbuckles, then hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the pin in 9:10.  It was okay, but I never really got into it.

Plug for the WWE iPhone/Android app.  I downloaded it.  It’s not that interesting.

Teddy Long and Eve Torres walk out of the GM’s office and talk about how quirky AJ Lee is.  They walk away and WWE Champion CM Punk walks into the office.  He complains to AJ about being in a Triple Threat Match tonight.  She just cocks her head and stares off into space, ignoring him.

Sheamus/Alberto Del Rio hype video.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio for the World Championship match.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio.  They lock up.  Del Rio backs Sheamus into the corner.  Repeat.  They tumble out of the ring together and brawl on the floor.  Back inside, Sheamus hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Sheamus hits the Finlay Roll for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge, but fails.  He ends up getting Del Rio up on his shoulders as Del Rio exposes the turnbuckle.  Sheamus counters the Minoru Special and misses the Brogue Kick.  Del Rio kicks Sheamus off the apron, then sends him knee first into the steps.  Back inside, Del Rio clamps on a rear chin lock.  Sheamus escapes and goes for another neckbreaker, but Del Rio kicks him in the knee, then in the head for 2.  They fight some more.  Del Rio is wearing black gear that looks reall weird on him for some reason.  He taunts Sheamus by doing the “Brogue!” taunt.  He teases a Brogue Kick, but Sheamus cuts him off.  Del Rio sends Sheamus’ shoulder into the post.  Sheamus tries to go up top, but gets cut off.  Del Rio hits an arm breaker (pulling the knees into the arm) off the top for 2.  There has to be a better name for that move.  Del Rio goes for his move, but Sheamus counters.  Del Rio counters the counter and hits the Minoru Special.  Sheamus powers up and slams Del Rio down.  Sheamus hits the White Noise (Schwein) for 2.  Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick, but Del Rio avoids him.  Sheamus clubbers Del Rio in the chest.  Why hasn’t the referee fixed that exposed turnbuckle?  Oh, I see.  Del Rio drops Sheamus into the exposed buckle, then hits an enzuigiri, but Sheamus kicks out!  Del Rio roughs up Ricardo just because he’s a dick.  Sheamus hits Del Rio with Ricardo’s shoe, then hits the White Noise for the pin in 11:24, even though Del Rio’s foot was on the bottom rope.  That’s actually the finish?  Okay then.  Del Rio and Ricardo bitch at the referee, and rightfully so.  This match did not click with me at all.

Plug for the National Guard, or rather, how great WWE is for supporting the National Guard.

Cole and Lawler plug Night of Champions.

On the pre-show, Triple H told referee Scott Armstrong to not DQ or count anyone out tonight in his match with Brock Lesnar.

Last week on Raw, the Prime Time Players beat up R-Truth while Kofi Kingston was in China, then Touted about it.

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (c) vs. The Prime Time Players.  Truth beats up Young to start.  O’Neil tags in and drops Truth with a boot, barks, and covers for 2.  Kofi tags in and keeps O’Neil off balance with his speed.  Kofi hits the Boom Drop and goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Young distracts him.  Heel chicanery on the outside leads to the Players getting the advantage.  Kofi plays face in peril.  Young looks like he’s trying to get Kofi in some retarded triangle choke.  It fails completely, but he continues to put a beating on Kofi.  O’Neil tags in and applies an abdominal stretch.  Kofi turns a spinning slam into a spike DDT.  Truth gets the hot tag and runs wild on Darren Young.  Truth hits a front suplex.  Cover, but O’Neil saves.  O’Neil throws Kofi out of the ring, but Kofi skins the cat, low bridges him out, and takes him out with a dive.  Truth thinks about a dive, but Young schoolboys him for 2.  Young goes for something and fails, and Truth hits the Paydirt, whatever he’s calling it this week, for the pin in 7:07.  Players are nothing without AW.  This match was pretty close to nothing, too.

Axxess clips.

Punk/Cena/Show hype video.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. John Cena vs. The Big Show.  Big Show beats up everyone to start.  Punk seems to be channeling Bret Hart with his pink gear.  Cena and Punk unite to try to suplex Show, but Show suplexes both of them at the same time.  Show wins on them some more.  Cena gets tossed out of the ring by Show and Punk makes a comeback until he stupidly goes for the Go 2 Sleep and fails.  Cena tries to give Show the Attitude Adjustment, but Punk pushes them over.  Punk covers Cena, but Show saves.  Show beats up Punk some more and throws Cena out of the ring again.  Punk avoids Show in the corner and goes for a springboard cross body, but Show catches him and hits the Final Cut.  Show signals for the KO punch, but Cena reappears and cuts him off.  Show spears Cena for 2.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb onto both opponents, but Punk avoids it and Cena takes the full brunt.  Punk breaks Show’s cover.  Show throws Punk out of the ring, then goes after Cena on the other side.  Punk tries a dive, but Show catches him and launches him into the ropes from the outside.  Awesome.  Show and Cena go at it in the ring.  Punk pulls Show’s head over the top rope, allowing Cena to hit a backdrop suplex.  LA crowd doesn’t like Cena.  Cena signals for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Punk cuts him off.  Punk hits the diving elbow drop on Show.  Cover, but Show throws him across the ring at 2.  Punk kicks Show in the head and locks in the Koji Clutch, of all things.  Show breaks out.  Punk takes a powder.  Cena hits Show with a shoulder block and locks in the STF.  Show stands and backs Cena into the corner.  Cena goes for a dive, but Show catches and slams him.  Punk drops Show with a diving lariat and hits him with 3 running knees to the corner, but Show counters the bulldog.  Cena hits Show with the diving Fameasser, but ends up on the apron.  Punk locks Show in the Koji Clutch.  Cena also applies the STF.  Show taps.  The referee calls for the bell, but there are 2 winners.  Cena and Punk argue with the referee.  Raw GM AJ Lee skips out and rules that the match must continue.  Show immediately chokeslams both me.  Cover on Cena gets 2.  Cover on Punk gets 2.  Cena ducks the KO punch and hits Show with the Attitude Adjustment.  Punk throws Cena out of the ring and pins Show in 14:28.  Very enjoyable match.  Punk celebrates.

Los Angeles!

Celebrities are here!  Including former WCW World Heavyweight Champion David Arquette and WrestleMania participant Maria Menounos (sporting a Bob Backlund shirt).

Trailer for WWE Films’ latest, The Day.

On the preshow, Antonio Cesaro beat Santino Marella for the WWE United States Championship, with help from Aksana.

Kevin Ruldolf (who?) performs the SummerSlam theme song.  People Dance like idiots.  The divas come out to dance: Tamina, Kaitlyn, Natalya, Aksana, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly, Cameron, Naomi, Layla, Rosa Mendez, and Alicia Fox.

Los Angeles.

Triple H/Lesnar hype video.

Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Triple H.  Brock immediately powers Triple H into the corner.  Hunter comes back with punches.  Brock repeats and goes for the Kimura.  Triple H counters.  Brock beats him in the corner some more and goes for it again.  He gets a standing version, but Hunter is in the ropes.  Triple H fights back and clotheslines Brock out of the ring.  Brock comes back in and beats up Triple H in the corner some more.  Hunter lands a knee lift and clotheslines Brock out of the ring again.  Lesnar looks irked.  Brock comes back in and takes off his gloves.  It’s a bare knuckle fight now!  Brock gets a double leg takedown and pummels Triple H with a few punches.  Hunter bails, selling a punch to the back of the head.  They brawl outside.  Brock gives Hunter a hammerlock slam onto the announce table.  The brawl some more back inside.  Brock delivers another hammerlock slam.  Brock continues working the arm.  Triple H counters an F-5 attempt, but Brock hits him with a BIG German suplex.  Brock stomps Triple H’s arm again.  Triple H tries to bail, gets caught, and pulls Brock against the top rope.  Hunter manages to score with a DDT.  Brock immediately goes after the arm again.  I always enjoy a hammerlock slam, and Brock is dishing them out liberally tonight.  They go outside and Lesnar sends Triple H into the post.  They wreck the Spanish announce table.  Brock actually jumps off of it and hits Triple H with a big chop.  Back in the ring, Triple H tries to fight back.  Lesnar gets an inside cradle of all things for 2.  Lesnar hits a clothesline and goes for a suplex, but Hunter counters and suplexes him.  Lesnar clotheslines the turnbuckle.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree, but fails, gets whipped into the corner, and does the Michaels flip out of the ring.  Brock takes a shot into the announce table on his stomach and starts dry heaving.  The announcers talk about his issues with diverticulitis.  Hunter goes after the midsection.  He hits some knee lifts to the stomach.  Triple H hits the spinebuster and goes for the Pedigree.  Lesnar counters and goes for the F-5.  Triple H counters and hits the Pedigree, but Lesnar kicks out.  Triple H goes for the Pedigree again, but Lesnar hits him square in the balls.  The referee, per Hunter’s request, is letting it go.  Lesnar hits the F-5, but Triple H kicks out.  Lesnar locks on the standing Kimura again.  Triple H tries to fight out, but Lesnar goes to the ground with it.  Triple H gets the ropes, but the ref isn’t enforcing the rules.  Hunter fights out of the hold.  Hunter hits the Pedigree and goes for the cover, but Lesnar gets the Kimura again.  Triple H taps in 18:45.  I’m absolutely shocked that they did the right thing and put Lesnar over.  The match was an intense brawl, but not on the level of Lesnar/Cena.  I’ll give it a thumbs slightly up.  Lesnar leaves.  Hunter refuses medical attention.  Fans chant “YOU TAPPED OUT!”, which is probably not what WWE was going for with this.  Hunter mouths “I’m sorry” and leaves to a mixture of boos and polite applause.

This show started well, dipped really low in the middle, peaked with the triple threat match, and ended okay.  I’d say the show as a whole is thumbs in the middle.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/15/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 15, 2010 by Grappleholic

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  Awesome Raw open with current starts in an old style open.  Pyro and ballyhoo!  Old school logos, sirens, etc.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers and are in old school attire.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

Mean Gene Okerlund comes out to the old school interview podium.  He introduces “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.  He starts to introduce Randy, but Bob says he’s not there yet.  Okerlund interviews Orton about his son’s chances at Survivor Series.  He says something I didn’t catch that angers the crowd.  Wade Barrett comes out and chastises him about being old and whatnot.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  Miz talks about being a dick last week and his Money In The Bank privilege.  He says he might cash in tonight and fuck up the Survivor Series main event, somehow forcing Cena to stay in Nexus forever.  John Cena appears on the screen and tells Miz that he’s not going to allow any such frivolities and challenges Miz to a match tonight.  Miz accepts.  Commercials.  This is fun, with the old school set and music and all.

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Mark Henry.  OLD SCHOOL INSET PROMOS DURING ENTRANCES!  Henry comes out to the Sexual Chocolate theme!  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Henry throws him out of the ring.  Blue ring apron, posts, and steps!  Red, white, and blue ring ropes!  Old school logos on the turnbuckle pads!  Referees wearing light blue shirts and bow ties!  This rules.  Henry beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fails to apply the sleeper hold again.  Ziggler gets crotched on the top rope and falls to the floor.  Sexual Chocolate leers at Vickie, then press slams Ziggler back into the ring.  Ziggler dropkicks Henry’s knee and puts the boots to him.  Ziggler beats up Henry.  Henry hits a powerslam, but Ziggler gets a foot on the bottom rope.  Ziggler avoids getting squashed by a big splash and hits a Fameasser for 2.  Cole called it the Zig Zag because he’s mentally retarded.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the pi… no, 2!  Amazingly, Cole didn’t call it the Fameasser.  Ziggler locks in a scissored sleeper and wins by referee stop in 4:27.  The environment made this way more fun to watch than it should have been.

The Hart Dynasty chat backstage about working through their problems.  They encounter Tony Atlas, who babbles about teaming with Rocky Johnson back in the day and rubs WD-40 onto his skin.  Hilarious.  Commercials.

Backstage, Tony Atlas is STILL rambling!  Yoshi Tatsu is listening, and feigns committing seppuku.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Smith and Slater start with a great wrestling exchange.  Gabriel throws some kicks, but Smith catches one and trips him.  Smith beats up Gabriel.  Smith hits ROLLING BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES for 2.  Slater saves.  Slater tags in.  Smith powerslams him and hits a leg drop for 2.  Smith goes for the running powerslam, but gets distracted by Gabriel.  Slater gets the advantage on Smith.  Nexus make quick tags and work Smith over.  Smith goes to tag in Kidd, but Kidd TURNS HEEL and kicks him in the head!  Gabriel hits the 450 splash on Smith for the pin in 3:05.  The Hart Dynasty has finally collapsed!

Mean Gene Okerlund interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton (w/ his dad, “Cowboy” Bob Orton Jr.).  R-Truth interrupts to tell him about how Cena is going to fuck him on Sunday.  Orton says he’s going to kick Cena in the head tonight to keep that from happening.  Commercials.

Random note: I also love the old school shirts everyone is wearing tonight.

Old school WWEShop.com plug with Mean Gene plugging old school merchandise!

Justin Roberts introduces Howard Finkel, who will be doing ring announcing for at least the next match.  He’s still awesome.  He should be doing ring announcing full time!  He introduces The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman)!  They heel on the crowd and issue an open challenge to anyone from “the new school.”  ZEKE accepts!

The Brooklyn Brawler (w/ Harvey Whippleman) vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke hits a shoulder block.  Brawler talks shit, shoves Zeke, and tries to slam him.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 50 seconds.  Awesome!

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!  Old school match graphics!  Commercials!

The 5 lesser members of The Nexus are backstage.  David Otunga says that somebody needs to deal with R-Truth.  He calls himself “leader,” which Barrett overhears.  Barrett tells Otunga that he’ll be the one facing R-Truth tonight.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Shouldn’t they use an old computer for this?  iBooker says Otunga already has a “special” match tonight, so Barrett will face R-Truth tonight.  Barrett is fine with this.  Harris says they have his back, but Barrett says he’ll handle this.  John Cena comes in to talk about whatever.  Barrett orders Harris and McGillicutty to have Cena’s back tonight.  Cena declines.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night, but it’s written OLD SCHOOL!

John Cena and The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) come out for their match.  They show Miz screwing Randy Orton in the 10-man tag last week.  Miz cuts a promo and sends Riley to fight in his stead.

John Cena vs. Alex Riley (w/ The Miz).  They lock up.  Cena hits a snap mare.  Cole babbles about not knowing what year it is.  Cena outclasses Riley some more.  Riley lands an elbow smash.  Miz decks Cena behind the referee’s back.  Riley pounds on Cena.  Cena fights back, but misses Riley in the corner and eats turnbuckle pads.  Riley beats up Cena some more.  Riley hits a move that we don’t see because the camera was focused on Miz for 2.  Retarded camera work in this match.  Cena makes his comeback.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, then locks in the STF for the win in 3:43.  It was fine.

Randy Orton runs out and brawls with Miz.  Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty jump Orton.  Orton kicks their asses.  Cena and Orton face off and brawl.  The old school referees and officials (including Tony Garea!) break them up.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker.  Ugh.  iBooker says that later tonight, Cena and Orton will be guests on Piper’s Pit!  Thank God we don’t have to suffer through another Orton/Cena match tonight.  Commercials!

The recognized symbol of excellence in sports entertainment!  They play that and the open again.  I don’t know why, and I don’t care.  It’s cool.

Cole and Lawler talk.

Howard Finkel introduces The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff!  Volkoff sings the Soviet national anthem.  In 2010.  Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out.  Kozlov wants to sing the Soviet anthem with Volkoff!  They sing!  This rules!  Santino stops them because it’s awful.  He wants to sing his own song.  He brings out THE DOCTOR OF STYLE, SLICK!  SLICK COMES OUT TO JIVE SOUL BRO!  THIS IS THE GREATEST SHOW EVER!  Sheik babbles incoherently.  I can’t believe they gave that man a live mic.  The Usos come out.  We’ve got a tag title #1 Contender match next.  In the Usos’ corner will be JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA!  Commercials.

WWE Tag Team Championship #1 Contenders Match: Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka & Tamina).  JIP.  The Usos get the heat on Santino.  Santino hits Jey with a judo throw and gator rolls him to the corner.  Kozlov tags in and hits Jey with a fall away slam.  Santino tags in and hits a slam thingy for 2.  Kozlov tags back in and beats up Jey some more.  Jimmy blind tags in and takes out Kozlov’s leg.  Jimmy hits a jumping headbutt for 2.  Jimmy hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Jimmy works a rear chin lock.  Kozlov breaks free and knocks Jimmy across the ring with a battering ram headbutt.  Jey tags in and cuts Kozlov off from making the tag.  Santino gets knocked off the apron, then distracts the referee so his partner can get double teamed.  The Usos work over Kozlov.  Jimmy tries to knock Santino off again, but Santino decks him.  Kozlov makes the hot tag to Santino, who runs wild on Jimmy.  Confusion ensues.  Actually, I think that’s Jey getting run wild upon.  Santino hits the Cobra on Jey for the pin (about 5 1/2 minutes shown).  This wasn’t any good.

Sheamus runs in, drops Kozlov and the Usos, and goes after Santino.  Santino begs off.  John Morrison appears, low bridges Sheamus out of the ring, and knocks him off the apron with an enzuigiri.  Morrison says he keeps attacking Sheamus because Sheamus is a bully who will run away when confronted.  He challenges Sheamus to fight.  Sheamus does just as Morrison said he would and leaves.

Tonight, Piper’s Pit with Cena and Orton!  Commercials!

The Survivor Series song is some crappy song by some crappy band.

David Otunga vs. Kofi Kingston.  Inset promo from Kingston!  Kingston lands some leg kicks, then grabs a side headlock.  Otunga catches a cross body and slams Kingston.  Otunga slams Kingston again.  And again.  Cover gets 2.  Otunga grabs a headlock.  Kofi fights out.  Otunga hits what Cole calls an elbow but what looked to me like a back butt for 2.  Otunga grabs a chin lock.  Kofi fights back and starts his comeback.  Double clothesline spot.  George “The Animal” Steele comes out and teases eating the turnbuckle pad.  The referee stops him, so he eats one in a different corner.  Otunga is back on his feet and his like “WTF?”  Kofi gets up and rams his head into the exposed turnbuckle, then hits the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 4:50.  Heh.

Gerald Brisco and Arn Anderson compliment John Morrison on dealing with Sheamus.  Sheamus hits Morrison with the pump kick out of nowhere and accepts his challenge for a match… at Survivor Series.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Aksana walks around backstage with the Million Dollar Championship.  “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan shows up to tell her that her mom is there.  Huh?  It’s Dusty Rhodes with a curly blond wig.  He has Kelly Kelly drop a net on her.  Goldust steals the Million Dollar belt back from her.  He returns the belt to it’s rightful owner, “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase.  Irwin R. Schyster promises to find him a good tax shelter.  Dibiase tries to give the belt back to his son, Ted Dibiase Jr., but Jr. doesn’t want it.  Cody Rhodes says “that ended far from dashing.”  Goldust and Cody walk away.  Dusty says “I raised some weird kids.”  They play Dusty’s “Common Man” theme.  Dusty, Tatanka, and Hacksaw dance. Ron Simmons sees this and says “DAMN!”  Funny stuff.

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between John Cena and Randy Orton.

R-Truth and Eve Torres are headed our way!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

“Promotional Consideration Paid For By The Following…”  R.D. Reynolds just WrestleCrapped his pants.

R-Truth (w/ Eve Torres) vs. Wade Barrett.  They brawl.  Truth flips around and hits the break dancing kick.  Truth clotheslines Barrett out of the ring and hits him with a somersault dive.  Back inside, Truth goes up top.  Barrett goes to cut him off.  Truth jumps over him, but Barrett catches Truth with a sidewalk slam.  Barrett his a suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett his a backbreaker for 2.  John Cena and Randy Orton are both show watching backstage.  Truth gets an inside cradle that we almost missed for 2.  Barrett applies a rear chin lock.  Truth makes his comeback and gets a fancy cradle for 2.  Truth hits a front suplex for 2.  Barrett avoids the scissors kick and goes for the Wasteland.  Truth counters, but gets booted in the face.  Barrett hits the Wasteland for the pin in 5:06.  It was fine.

Tonight, Cena and Orton on Piper’s Pit!  Commercials!

They play the opens again.

Cole and Lawler goof off.

Ricardo Rodriguez is here!  That’s 3 ring announcers tonight.  Tito Santana comes out to cut him off and introduces Alberto Del Rio himself!  Del Rio has Chavo Classic driving him!  Del Rio cuts a promo.  He wants the other legends to kiss his ass like Tito and Chavo.  Sergeant Slaughter comes out and cuts an awesome promo.  “Shut your hole, puke, and listen up!  There’s 2 things you don’t mess with: Legends and America!”  He challenges Del Rio to a match.  Del Rio accepts.

Alberto Del Rio vs. Sergeant Slaughter.  Del Rio beats on Slaughter.  Slaughter locks in the Cobra Clutch.  Del Rio gets a rope break and elbows Sarge in the face.  Del Rio hits a clothesline for 2.  Del Rio applies a rear chin lock.  Slaughter fights out.  Del Rio beats him up some more.  Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch again.  Del Rio backs him into the corner and breaks free, then whips Sarge into the corner and hits an enzuigiri for the pin in 1:54.  It was what it was.  Del Rio applies the cross armbreaker after the match.  MVP comes out and runs off Del Rio.

Mean Gene plugs WWE merchandise again.  Commercials.

Cole and Lawler talk.  Cole is being a dick,

WrestleMania tickets went on sale last weekend!

Mean Gene Okerlund brings out Mae Young!  She’s escorted by the Bella Twins.  Poor thing.  They show a really old black & white picture.  Mae was a babe in her day.  They show a video package on some of her exploits.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be obnoxious bitches and ruin a feel good moment.  Mae Young wants a match “with these sluts!”  She’s a feisty old gal!  “You little bitches, let’s go!”  LayCool laugh.  The bell rings.  This is a real match!  Falls count anywhere!

Handicap Falls Count Anywhere Match: Mae Young (w/ The Bella Twins) vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla.  Natalya, Gail Kim, Melina, and Eve Torres come out and beat up LayCool.  Mae slaps Layla and pins her in 54 seconds!  Awesome!  Commercials!  That was AWESOME!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Howard Finkel introduces JIM ROSS to do commentary on the next match!  YAY!  Michael Cole is not happy about this.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs. Jack Swagger.  It’s so good to hear J.R. again.  Bryan and Swagger lock up.  Awesome grappling.  Danielson counters out of the ankle lock and lands a Mirko Cro Cop head kick.  Cole needs to shut the fuck up and let J.R. talk.  More awesome grappling on the mat.  Danielson leapfrogs Swagger and  lands a dropkick for 1.  Danielson back flips over Swagger and gets booted in the face.  Commercials.  Cole needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP RUINING THE MOMENT.  Jim Ross welcomes us back to Raw as Swagger has Bryan in a hold.  Cole is BEING A FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK AND NEEDS TO FUCK OFF AND DIE.  Swagger beats up Bryan.  Swagger gator rolls Bryan out of the ring and pounds him on the apron.  I’d give my right nut for the chance to punch Michael Cole in the face right now.  Bryan low bridges Swagger out of the ring.  COLE NEEDS TO FUCK OFF.  Danielson lands a baseball slide dropkick, then hits a flying knee off the apron!  STOP CUTTING TO COLE, YOU FUCKS!  Back inside, Danielson hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Swagger.  Swagger catches his leg and goes for the ankle lock.  Bryan flips Swagger into the corner, then misses Swagger in the corner and hurts himself.  SHUT UP, COLE!  Swagger hits a Vader Bomb for 2.  Lawler finally tells Cole to “shut the hell up.”  Swagger hits another Vader Bomb.  He goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Danielson dead weights him and goes for the LeBell Lock.  Swagger counters into a backbreaker.  Danielson counters the Doctor Bomb again and lands the high kick for the pin in 10:44.  Awesome match that even Cole’s retardation couldn’t ruin.  Ted Dibiase Jr. appears and hits Bryan with the Dream Street, then poses with the United States title belt as his awful music plays.  Maryse comes out just so they can leave together.  Cole needs to fuck off and die.

Survivor Series hype.

J.R. slaps Cole with his cowboy hat!  YAY!

Orton and Cena are headed our way!  Commercials!

Promotional consideration paid for by the following!

Justin Roberts introduces the legends to the crowd: Jimmy Snuka, Bob Orton Jr., Irwin R. Schyster, Tito Santana, Sergeant Slaughter, Jim Duggan, Brooklyn Brawler, Chavo Classic, Mean Gene Okerlund, Howard Finkel, Mae Young, Gerald Brisco, Ted Dibiase, Slick, Tatanka, Tony Atlas, Arn Anderson, Ron Simmons, Dusty Rhodes, George Steele, Jim Ross, The Iron Sheik, and Nikolai Volkoff.  That’s nice!  “Hey, here’s a bunch of our agents and other guys we’ve fired a bunch of times!” -My buddy mhirn.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper comes out to do Piper’s Pit!  He cuts a promo, then introduces John Cena.  Piper bitches at Cena about disrespecting legends by possibly giving Wade Barrett the WWE Championship this Sunday.  He urges Cena to do the ring thing.  Cena replies at length about his respect for the legends.  He says he’ll call the match right down the middle.  That means he’s going to screw someone.  Wade Barrett comes out and says that’s fine, because he doesn’t need help to win, but Cena is still fired if Barrett loses.  Piper bitches Barrett out in awesome crazy old man style.  Barrett bitches at Piper, then Cena.  He forces Cena to put on a Nexus t-shirt.  Why the hell is he just now doing that?  Cena puts the shirt on, then tells Barrett he’s going to turn his face into mush on Sunday.  Barrett says Nexus will kick Cena’s ass before he can hurt Barrett.  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out, talks to Cena for a minute, then beats up Barrett.  Orton humps the mat.  Cena intervenes before Orton can hit the RKO or come or whatever he’s trying to do.  Orton RKOs Cena and goes for the PUNT OF DEATH.  Barrett cuts him off.  Cena avoids the punt and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett orders Cena to raise his hand.  Cena gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment instead.  He takes off the Nexus shirt and throws it on Barrett.  Piper raises Cena’s hand to close the show.  Why isn’t Miz cashing in right now while the getting is good?

I don’t care if most of the wrestling sucked (I say “most” because Bryan vs. Swagger was awesome), this show ruled!

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/8/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  We are TAPED from Manchester, England.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.  Michael Cole and Josh Matthews are the announcers.

John Cena is behind a Nexus podium in the ring.  He reads a scroll introducing Manchester’s own Wade Barrett.  Barrett comes out along with the rest of Nexus: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, and Husky Harris.  Barrett thanks Cena for reading the intro that he wrote for him.  He says they’re going to do a preview celebration for his title win at Survivor Series tonight, but first he has business to tend to.  They show video of the Nexus getting beaten up by Edge, Kane, and The Big Show on Smackdown last week.  Barrett bitches at Otunga for failing, then bitches at Cena for his refereeing in the Barrett & Otunga vs. Randy Orton & R-Truth match on Raw last week.  Cena starts babbling about the beginnings of his rapper gimmick.  Barrett asks what happened in the match.  Cena replies “You guys lost.”  Barrett says Cena is free or fired at the PPV.  Cena says either way, he’s going to beat up Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett orders Cena to announce him as the new WWE Champion to practice for Survivor Series.  Wouldn’t that be Justin Roberts’ job?  Cena says “Whatever.”  WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out and says he’s still WWE Champion and he’ll beat Barrett at the PPV.  Barrett says he has goons with him.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  Couldn’t they have left that thing in the states?  iBooker cancels Barrett’s preview celebration, says the match at Survivor Series can only be won by pinfall or submission (It’s not a No DQ match, it just can’t be won by DQ) and the Nexus geeks will be banned from ringside, and books Nexus vs. Team Orton with Cena as the referee for tonight.  Cena shoves the Nexus podium over, shoves Otunga over, and leaves.

Next, a stupid divas soccer something or other.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Manchester!

Divas Cup Match: Eve Torres & The Bella Twins vs. Maryse, Alicia Fox, & Tamina.  The teams are wearing different color soccer uniforms and both get booed.  Eve and Tamina lock up.  Tamina wins the lock up.  Eve fights back.  Tamina hits a Samoan drop for 2.  Maryse tags in and works over Eve.  Boringly.  Eve fights her off.  Fox and one of the Bellas tag in.  The Bella runs wild, counters a backbreaker attempt, and lands on top for 2.  The Bella gets another 2.  Clusterfuck.  Maryse gives the legal Bella a DDT.  The Bellas pull the switcheroo.  The illegal Bella gets Fox with an inside cradle for the pin in 3:09.  Terrible.

David Otunga gives the Nexus a pep talk in the locker room.  Wade Barrett comes in and tells Otunga that he won’t be in the tag match tonight, but he will face John Cena.  He orders Otunga to give it his all and says he’s going to tell Cena the same thing.  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: Last week, Natalya beat Michelle McCool after miscommunication between LayCool.

The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso.  Smith beats up Jimmy to start.  Jimmy bails.  Kidd tags in and hits one of the Usos with a DRAGONRANA SUICIDA!  Back inside, Kidd misses a springboard elbow drop.  The Usos get the heat on Kidd.  Jimmy misses a diving splash or a diving headbutt.  Jey and Smith tag in.  Smith runs wild and hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Smith hits the running powerslam.  Jimmy saves.  Smith throws him out of the ring.  Kidd misses a baseball slide and gets kicked in the face.  Smith knocks Jimmy off the apron.  Jey drops Smith with a kick and hits the Superfly splash for the pin in 3:36.  Okay little match.  Dysfunction between the Harts continues.

Tonight, Santino Marella has invited Sheamus to a tea party… Huh?

Cena vs. Otunga tonight.  Commercials.

Nest Monday, WWE goes old school!  I’m not sure what that means, but I’m mildly excited.

Matt Striker interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton.  The Miz shows up to tell him that he’s one of the members of Orton’s team tonight.

The announcers talk.

Various chatter goes on in the Nexus locker room.  David Otunga comes in.  The others are mad at him.  He wants them to help him tonight.  Gabriel is scared of doing anything without Barrett’s permission.  Otunga says they don’t need his permission.  The others are skeptical.  Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: The Goldust/Aksana wedding from last week on NXT, after which Aksana turned on Goldust.

Million Dollar Champion Goldust vs. Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse).  Goldust shines and looks awesome.  He clotheslines Dibiase out of the ring, chases him back in, and gets clotheslined.  Dibiase beats up Goldust for a bit.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker for 2.  Maryse retrieves the Million Dollar belt from the ringside belt holding geek.  Goldust makes his comeback and hits a bulldog for 2.  Goldust hits a powerslam for 2.  Aksana comes out and takes the belt from Maryse.  Dibiase Pearl Harbors Goldust.  Goldust gets a schoolboy for the pin in 3:24, then chases after his estranged bride.  I have no idea what’s going on here, and the match wasn’t much either.

Tonight, Team Orton vs. Team Barrett!  Commercials!

John Cena vs. David Otunga (w/ Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris).  Nexus come out with Otunga, then leave.  Otunga immediately bails and tries to run away.  Cena catches him on the stage, throws him into the car that’s on the stage, and brings him back in the ring.  Cena kicks Otunga’s ass.  Otunga sends Cena’s shoulder into the post to get the advantage.  Otunga beats up Cena for a while.  Cena avoids an elbow drop and makes his comeback.  Cena hits the AA, then locks in the STF for the win 3:59.  Meh.  Commercials.

David Otunga ices his boo boos backstage.  Wade Barrett lectures him about being a loser and tells him to go wrestle Edge on Smackdown.  If he doesn’t win, he’s done.

Manchester!

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov come out in British looking suits.  Santino looks JUST LIKE Mr. Fuji in that getup.  Santino talks about movies with silly British characters, then invites Sheamus out for a tea party.  Sheamus comes out and actually shakes hands with Santino.  They sit down.  Santino offers him green tea, ginger tea, or a picture of Mr. T.  Sheamus looks amused.  He calls Santino a village idiot.  Santino misunderstands, then offers him “milky” tea.  This goes on for a while.  At least the crowd is amused.  It’s like a fucking British sitcom.  They can’t remember what their issue is until Kozlov reminds them that Santino beat Sheamus.  Santino accidentally pours tea in Sheamus’ lap.  Sheamus is pissed.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker, which books Sheamus vs. Santino.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Sheamus vs. Santino Marella.  Santino takes his fancy shirt off and has his ring gear on under it.  Sheamus goes after him, but he hides in the ropes.  Santino bails.  Sheamus goes after him.  Santino bails into the crowd.  iBooker sends Cole another fucking email.  If Santino doesn’t get back into the ring, he’s suspended.  He does, and after almost 2 1/2 minutes, the first contact of the match is made.  Sheamus kicks Santino’s ass.  Santino begs off, then hits Sheamus in the balls to get DQ’d in 3:01.  Retarded shit.  Santino celebrates losing.  Sheamus kills him with the pump kick and knees him in the head a bunch.  Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge.  John Morrison makes the save and hits Sheamus with the Flying Chuck.  Is this stupid shit going to go anywhere?

John Cena watches a WrestleMania commercial on TV.  Wade Barrett sneaks up behind him and reminds him that if he doesn’t make Barrett champion at Survivor Series, he won’t experience WrestleMania again.  Yeah, we all believe that.  Commercials.

Manchester!

Stand up for WWE!  This one is actually a cool video with the second and third generation wrestlers talking about their families.

WWE Champion Randy Orton, R-Truth, WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry, & The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. Wade Barrett, WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater, Michael McGillicutty, & Husky Harris of The Nexus.  John Cena is the referee.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Danielson and Gabriel start.  Awesome!  Gabriel tries a leapfrog and gets kicked in midair.  Gabriel gets a shot in and tags in McGillicutty.  Danielson gives him an arm drag and tags in Miz.  Miz Pearl Harbors McGillicutty and works him over.  Orton tags in and continues the work.  Orton demands that Barrett tag in.  Barrett orders Slater to tag in instead.  Orton kicks his ass and tags in Truth.  Truth beats up Slater.  Truth hits his splits kick.  Gabriel saves.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Team Orton clears the ring.  David Otunga comes out.  Commercials.  Truth and Gabriel lock up.  Truth wins the lock up.  Gabriel cheap shots him coming out of the corner to get the advantage.  Truth fights back.  Gabriel flips over him and drops him with a kick for 2.  Harris tags in and beats up Truth.  Henry tags in.  FAT GUY FIGHT!  Henry slams Harris like he’s nothing and goes for a big splash.  Harris avoids getting squashed and hits a corner clothesline.  McGillicutty tags in and gets clotheslined.  Danielson tags in and blasts McGillicutty with European uppercuts and kicks.  Danielson hits a release German suplex and running dropkick to the corner for 2.  Danielson lands some more kicks.  Harris blind tags in.  Danielson goes for the LeBell Lock on McGillicutty, but Harris saves.  Harris hits a 360 short range lariat for 2.  Barrett finally tags in and gets the heat on Danielson.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett drives his knee and foot into Danielson’s spine while pulling him back by the arms.  Danielson fights out.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Nexus make quick tags and keep the heat on Danielson.  Danielson drops Slater with a kick.  Barrett tags in.  Orton gets the tag from Danielson and runs wild on Barrett.  DDT OF MURDER!  Orton humps the mat.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters and hits the 3.0 for 2.  McGillicutty saves.  Truth hits McGillicutty with a front suplex.  Gabriel drops Truth with a kick.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam on Gabriel.  Harris and Slater bundle Henry out of the ring.  Danielson hits them with a double missile dropkick.  Barrett goes for the Wasteland again.  Orton counters into 3.0 again.  And humps the mat again.  Otunga distracts Cena.  Miz and Riley attack Orton.  Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Orton.  Barrett pins Orton in 15:18.  Really good match.

The main event was really good.  The rest of the show was fucking terrible.

WWE Monday Night Raw 11/1/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 4, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion Randy Orton comes out to cut a promo.  He says if John Cena is going to screw him at Survivor Series, he wants Cena to tell him to his face.  John Cena comes out and talks about his plight.  Orton says Cena is a PHONY if he screws Orton at Survivor Series.  They bicker for a while and talk shit about Wade Barrett.  The Nexus come out.  They’re back up to 7 members: Cena, Barrett, David Otunga, Michael McGillicutty, Husky Harris, and WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater.  Barrett says Cena will raise his hand as WWE Champion at Survivor Series.  Cena and Barrett banter.  Cena says either way, at Survivor Series, he’s gonna beat the hell out of Barrett.  Orton talks some smack to Barrett as well and challenges him to come to the ring.  Barrett starts walking.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000, which books Barrett & a partner of his choice vs. Orton & a partner of his choice with Cena as the referee for TONIGHT!  Commercials!

WWE.com plug.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel & Heath Slater of The Nexus vs. The Hart Dynasty.  Slater and Kidd start.  Kidd cranks on his arm.  Smith tags in and continues the arm work.  Smith hits a long stalling suplex for 2.  Gabriel tags in and beats up Smith.  They make quick tags and work over Smith.  Kidd gets the tag and runs wild.  Kidd hits Gabriel with the spinning fisherman suplex for 2.  Slater saves.  Smith throws Slater out and beats him up.  Kidd sends Gabriel outside.  Slater pushes Smith into Gabriel.  Kidd accidentally hits Smith with a dive.  Back inside, Gabriel drops Kidd with a kick and hits the 450 splash for the pin in 3:52.  Fine little match.  This isn’t going to help the dissension between the Harts!

John Cena is sulking in the locker room.  R-Truth comes in to chat with him.  He wants to know what Cena is going to do at Survivor Series.  Cena says he doesn’t know.  Truth is annoyed.  Cena leaves.  Commercials.

Tonight’s guest star is Pee Wee Herman!

Sheamus comes out.  They show him losing in ridiculous fashion to Santino Marella last week.  Sheamus cuts a promo and challenges him to a rematch.  Santino comes out and says he went trick or treating as Sheamus and he can’t wrestle tonight because he ate too much candy.  He introduces his replacement, Vladimir Kozlov.  Kozlov says “Sheamus, you talk funny!  Now, I crush you!”

Sheamus vs. Vladimir Kozlov (w/ Santino Marella).  They lock up.  Kozlov takes Sheamus down.  Sheamus fights back and hits a reverse DDT backbreaker for 2.  Kozlov hits the double underhook headbutts and a big boot.  Cover, but Sheamus gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Sheamus hits the Polish hammer and the pump kick for the pin in 1:44.  Not a bad little >2 minute matches.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Sheamus steps on his hand.  Sheamus stalks Santino.  Santino offers him money, his credit card, and a check.  Sheamus shoves him, then goes for Razor’s Edge on the stage.  John Morrison appears and makes the save.  Santino celebrates still being alive.  Fun segment.

R-Truth tells Randy Orton that he thinks John Cena is going to fuck him.  Orton seems unsurprised.  Truth is an idiot.  Orton invites Truth to be his partner tonight.  Truth agrees.  Commercials.

Mark Henry is on the phone with Pee Wee Herman.  Except they’re standing right next to each other.  Henry is upset about Evan Bourne being out.  Herman is upset about a splinter he got recently.  Henry wants a tag team partner and a hug.  He squeezes Herman to hard.  Eve Torres, The Bella Twins, Melina, and Henry play Twister.  Herman rants about something.  Lita randomly appears and knocks over the goofs playing Twister.  The fuck?  Commercials.

WWE loves the troops!

Zack Ryder vs. Ezekiel Jackson.  Ryder goes on the attack.  Zeke mauls him.  Zeke hits a press slam.  Ryder tries to fight back.  Zeke hits the Book of Ezekiel for the pin in 42 seconds.  Yay for Zeke squashing geeks!

Tonight, Orton & R-Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee!

Pee Wee Herman is up next!  Commercials.

Pee Wee Herman comes out.  He says the secret word for tonight is “ring.”  When someone says it, a bell will go off.  The Miz and Alex Riley come out.  I’ve never been so happy to see The Miz.  Miz insults Herman.  Herman makes 1st grade comebacks.  Miz says “ring” and the bell goes off.  Riley explains the secret word.  Miz says “ring” again.  Herman mimicks both of them.  The stupidity continues.  Herman says his “cousin” is here.  Miz tells him to bring it on.  The Big Show comes out dressed as Pee Wee Herman.   Show throws Miz and Riley out of the ring.  Herman says “ring,” so the stupid bell rings again.  iBooker sends an email.  I’ve never been so happy about that.  It books Miz vs. “The Big Pee Wee.”  Show and Herman dance.  Silliness.  Just, silliness.  Commercials.

The Miz (w/ Alex Riley) vs. The Big Show.  Show beats up Miz.  Miz bails.  Miz comes back in.  Show beats him up some more.  Show squashes Miz with an elbow drop for 2.  Miz kicks at Show’s leg and punches him, trying to get him down.  He finally drops Show with a dropkick to the knees.  Cole and Riley miz in their pants over Miz getting the advantage.  Show stands up with Miz on his back, falls back, and squashes him.  Show goes for a Vader Bomb, but Miz moves to avoid certain death.  Miz covers for 1.  Show throws him off.  Miz puts the boots to Show.  Miz hits a diving axe handle smash.  Make that 2.  The third one drops Show.  Cover gets 2.  Show makes his comeback.  Show goes for the Ho Train, but Miz avoids it.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Riley gets on the apron.  Show sends Miz into him.  Miz gets a hold of the Money In The Bank briefcase and hits Show with it to get himself DQ’d in 6:49.  Not a bad little match.

Stand up for WWE!

Wade Barrett orders John Cena to clean his locker room and give him a bath after the match tonight.  That’s just weird.  Barrett leaves.  David Otunga comes in and says he’ll be the one who wins tonight because he’s more talented than everyone.  What’s Otunga’s talent?  It damn sure isn’t pro wrestling.  Commercials.

Goldust and Aksana get hitched tomorrow night on NXT!

Non-Title: Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  They lock up.  Bryan lands some kicks.  Dibiase catches Bryan with a knee lift and beats him up.  Dibiase whips Bryan hard into the corner.  “DANIEL BRYAN!” chants.  Bryan fights back, tries to go up top, and takes a bump to the floor.  Back inside, Dibiase pounds on Bryan.  Dibiase is bringing it with the intensity tonight.  Dibiase applies a rear chin lock.  Bryan gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan gets an Oklahoma roll for 2.  Bryan flips over Dibiase in the corner and hits his clothesline.  Bryan kicks the crap out of Dibiase some more.  Dibiase catches him with a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street, but Bryan counters into the LeBell Lock for the win in 3:43.  Good little TV match.  Dibiase wines to Maryse about not having his Million Dollar belt.

Orton & Truth vs. Barrett & Otunga with Cena as the referee TONIGHT!  Commercials.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to make me wish I was deaf.  They say Natalya can have another title shot at Survivor Series if she beats McCool tonight.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya hits a fireman carry into an armbar.  McCool counters into a body scissors.  Natalya escapes and drops McCool face first.  Natalya goes to the second rope and gets pulled down.  Cover gets 2.  McCool beats up Natalya.  McCool applies a body scissors for about 3 days.  Natalya escapes and fights back.  McCool hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter.  McCool bails.  Hijinks ensue until LayCool knock into each other.  McCool accidentally kicks Layla in the face.  Natalya schoolgirls McCool for the pin in 3:21.  Meh.

Somewhere in a hospital room, Vince McMahon is on a coma.  Really?  Commercials.

The “doctor” talks to a comatose Vince McMahon.  He mentions that Linda has spent $50 Million on this stupid election, which wakes Vince up from his coma.  Vince says he hates politics, but as long as things are okay in WWE… The doctor tells him Undertaker has been buried, Nexus is stronger than ever, John Cena is a member of Nexus, Paul Bearer is back, Goldust is getting married, and Pee Wee Herman has taken over Raw.  Vince says “Next thing you’re gonna tell me is Daniel Bryan is United States Champion?”  Vince gets up to go to the bathroom and says he might run for president.  He goes to the bathroom and we see he has one of Linda’s opponents’ campaign things on his ass.  Then we see Stephanie McMahon waking up and realizing THAT THE SEGMENT WE JUST SAW WAS HER DREAMING.  WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?  THIS IS TNA LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  THIS IS WCW 1999/2000 LEVELS OF FUCKING RETARDED.  WHAT THE FUCK?

Long Island.  Fucking retarded WWE.

John Cena comes out in referee garb.  The main event is next.  Commercials.

Wade Barrett & David Otunga vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton & R-Truth.  John Cena is the guest referee.  Orton and Otunga lock up.  Otunga stomps Orton in the corner.  Cena gives him the five count.  Orton beats up Otunga.  Barrett tags in and gets caught with a clothesline by Orton.  Orton beats up Barrett.  Orton gives Cena the five count in the corner.  Orton argues with him.  Barett schoolboys Orton for 2.  Orton stupidly goes to argue with Cena again.  Barrett attacks him from behind.  Otunga tags in, gets beaten up, and bails.  Orton follows and beats him up outside.  Otunga reverses Orton into the steps.  Otunga throws Orton back in and covers for 2.  Barrett tags in and beats up Orton.  Orton hits Barrett with a backdrop suplex.  Otunga and Truth tag in.  Truth runs wild on his NXT Season 1 rookie.  Truth hits his dancing kick for 2.  Barrett blind tags himself in and hits Truth with a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Truth avoids it.  Orton gets the hot tag… but Cena was distracted by Otunga!  They argue about whether or not a tag was made while Barrett and Otunga beat up Truth.  Truth continues to play face in peril.  Otunga and Truth cross body each other.  I swear, that’s the new double clothesline spot.  Barrett tags in, but Cena was distracted by Orton!  Orton hits the RKO on Otunga as Cena holds Barrett back.  Truth gets the pin on Otunga in 8:49.  Alright match.  Barrett bitches at Cena.  Cena says he called it right down the middle!  Orton holds the belt and glares at Barrett.

This show was about half decent and half stupid shit.

WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 10/29/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, weird Undertaker video package.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane and Paul Bearer are on the stage at the grave site, which they apparently moved from Minneapolis to Milwaukee.  Kane cuts yet another long promo.  The ring is all funeral’d out.  Alberto Del Rio comes out.  I’ve never been so happy to see him.  Del Rio wants a title shot.  Kane screams at him.  Del Rio drops Kane.  Rey Mysterio comes out to run off Del Rio, then gives Paul Bearer the 619.  Kane takes out Mysterio.  Edge runs out and spears Kane.  His music plays, so I guess he won the fight.

Alberto Del Rio bitches at Teddy Long in Spanish.  He wants a title shot.  Long books Del Rio vs. Edge vs. Mysterio in a #1 Contender match for TONIGHT!

Michael Cole, Todd Grisham, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tony Chimel is the ring announcer.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Ziggler takes Bryan down.  Bryan tries an armbar from the bottom, but fails.  Ziggler stomps on him, then land an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler beats up Bryan.  Dropkick gets 2.  ZIggler applies a rear chin lock.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Bryan fights out of a hold.  They trade shots.  Bryan lands some kicks, flips over Ziggler from the corner, and lands a lariat.  Bryan hits a diving chop.  Ziggler rolls out of the ring.  Insta-commercials.  Bryan catches Ziggler with another hard kick.  Ziggler avoids a dive and hits the Fameasser for 2.  Bryan gets a backslide for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper, but Bryan counters and hits a corner dropkick.  They counter suplex attempts.  Bryan suplexes Ziggler and they both fall out of the ring.  They both beat the count back in.  They trade shots from their knees and on their feet.  Ziggler boots Bryan in the face.  Bryan goes for the LeBell Lock.  Ziggler counters and catapults Bryan into the turnbuckles, then locks in the sleeper hold.  Bryan fights out, bumping the ref in the process.  Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  Vickie counts the pinfall.  The referee isn’t having that crap.  Bryan kicks Ziggler in the head for the pin (9:14 shown).  Another really good match between these two.  Vickie screams at the referee.

Tonight, Edge vs. Mysterio vs. Del Rio!

WWE.com plug.

Josh Matthews interviews Paul Bearer, who is still selling his face.  Kane comes in and looks constipated.

Stand up for WWE!

Kelly Kelly is checking herself out in the mirror.  Cody Rhodes moves in to check himself out.  They babble about whatever.  The Big Show comes in and challenges Rhodes to a match.  Rhodes says he’s a tag team wrestler.  Show says he can find a partner since people actually like him.  Show does a Drew McIntyre impersonation.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Jack Swagger (w/ The Swagger Soaring Eagle) vs. Kaval.  Swagger uses his wrestling.  Kaval uses his kicking the crap out of people.  Swagger catches a cross body and hits a World’s Strongest Slam for 2.  Swagger hits the springboard Vader Bomb for 2.  Swagger applies a bear hug.  Kaval hits a hurricanrana to escape, then hits a running knee to the corner, which gets the dead crowd to pop.  Kaval hits a flying knee to the back for 2.  Kaval lands a koppou kick, counters a German, and hits a double stomp for 2.  Kaval goes up top.  Swagger tries to cut him off, but Kaval jumps over him.  Swagger rams Kaval’s leg into the post, then hits him with an enzui lariat.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock for the win in 4:02.  Decent little match.

Divas Halloween costume contest NEXT!

WWEShop.com!

Earlier tonight, SHIT WENT DOWN between Kane, Alberto Del Rio, Rey Mysterio, and Edge.  Later tonight, triple threat match between the 3 of those dudes who aren’t Kane!

Teddy Long and Hornwsoggle are in the ring to do the divas costume contest deal.  The Bella Twins are dressed as Batman & Robin.  Alicia Fox is Cleopatra.  Kelly Kelly is Little Bo Peep.  Rosa Mendez is a leprechaun.  Melina is Spider-Woman.  Looks more like The Flash to me.  Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla are Lady Gaga and Beyonce, respectively.  Of course, it wouldn’t be WWE TV without LayCool being fucking obnoxious and me being forced to listen to McCool’s nail on a chalkboard voice.  Cowboy Hornswoggle keeps order with squirt guns.  Long announces an 8-diva tag match for RIGHT NOW.  Ugh.

Melina, Kelly Kelly, & The Bella Twins vs. Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla, Alicia Fox, & Rosa Mendez.  Batman Bella and Layla start.  Layla dances.  Batman clotheslines her.  McCool tags in.  Batman and Robin hit her with a double clothesline.  Fox tags in.  Robin takes her over and tags in Melina.  Insta-commercials.  Kelly and Rosa do some horrible, clumsy looking shit.  Kelly hits a neckbreaker.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Kelly hits the Fameasser for the pin (about 2 1/2 minutes shown).  Crap.

Edge and Rey Mysterio chat backstage.

“Dashing” Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre come out and cut a promo.  They want a tag title shot.  Aren’t they automatically entitled to one?  They name their team “The Dashing Ones.”

The Dashing Ones vs. The Big Show & Kofi Kingston.  McIntyre and Kingston trade arm locks.  McIntyre grabs a side headlock, then knocks down Kofi.  Kofi hits a monkey flip for 2.  Show tags in and beats up McIntyre.  Kofi tags in and hits a slingshot elbow drop for 2.  Rhodes tags in and beats up Kingston.  Kofi gets a cradle for 2.  The Dashing Ones get the heat on Kofi, attacking his leg in vicious ways.  Kofi knocks Drew outside.  Rhodes throws him back in.  He rolls right back out anyway.  Show gets the hot tag and destroys Rhodes.  I guess there was a tag.  McIntyre comes back in.  Show goes for the chokeslam.  Rhodes saves.  Show chokeslams Rhodes for the pin in 8:13.  Okay match.

Edge vs. Mysterio vs. Del Rio is NEXT!

The Dashing Ones argue backstage.  Aww, they just named their team and they’re breaking up?

WWE encourages kids to read!

Tony Chimel introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez.  The main event is NEXT!  FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Goldust and Aksana get hitched on NXT NEXT WEEK!

Triple Threat World Heavyweight Title #1 Contender Match: Alberto Del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Edge.  Mysterio attacks Del Rio immediately.  Del Rio drops Mysterio with a clothesline.  Edge drops Del Rio with a spin kick.  Edge puts the boots to Del Rio, then throws Mysterio out of the ring.  Rey slips back in as Edge slips out.  Mysterio hits a baseball slide dropkick.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio.  Del Rio throws Mysterio into the post.  Edge schoolboys Del Rio for 2.  Del Rio beats up Edge.  Edge lands a forearm, then clotheslines Del Rio, taking them both out of the ring.  Mysterio hits them both with a diving cross body.  Insta-commercials.  Del Rio stomps and chokes Mysterio in the corner.  Del Rio pulls Mysterio’s armpit into the post.  Cover gets 2.  Mysterio hits a drop toe hold into the middle turnbuckle, the hits a dropkick to the corner.  Mysterio kicks Edge to keep him out.  Del Rio whips Mysterio into Edge.  Edge sunset flips Del Rio as Del Rio German suplexes Mysterio.  Cool spot.  Edge gets 2 on Del Rio.  Edge sends Mysterio out of the ring and beats on Del Rio.  Del Rio pulls Edge’s head into the top rope.  Mysterio trips Del Rio, who hits his face on the apron.  Mysterio sends Edge into the steps with a headscissors.  Back inside, Mysterio hits a diving splash on Edge for 2.  Mysterio dropkicks Del Rio to keep him outside.  Mysterio goes for the 619 on Edge, but Del Rio trips him and pulls him out of the ring.  Del Rio comes in and gets flapjacked by Edge.  Cover gets 2.  Del Rio counters the Edge-O-Matic with a gorgeous German suplex hold for 2.  Edge hits a clotheslines Del Rio, then goes up top.  Mysterio crotches him and goes for a Frankensteiner.  Edge counters.  Del Rio hits the Minoru Special.  Edge hits Del Rio with a diving elbow drop for 2.  Triple clothesline spot.  Del Rio beats up Edge.  Del Rio catapults Mysterio into a seated senton on Edge.  Del Rio goes for a powerbomb, but Mysterio hits a rana and the 619.  Edge spears Mysterio off the apron and covers Del Rio for 2.  Del Rio goes for a move, but Edge turns it into the Edgecution.  Edge goes for the spear, but Rodriguez grabs his foot.  Del Rio hits Edge with the enzuigiri.  Mysterio saves with a diving leg drop and covers Del Rio for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619, but Del Rio him up on his shoulders.  Edge spears Del Rio for the pin (12:20 shown).  Really good match.  World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out, makes his pyro go off, and poses with the belt.  They’ll meet at Survivor Series for the title!

Pretty good show this week!

WWE Superstars 10/28/10

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Scott Stanford and Jerry Lawler are the first announcers.  Justin Roberts is the first ring announcer.

Mark Henry vs. Jey Uso (w/ Jimmy Uso & Tamina).  Uso grabs a side headlock.  Henry drops him with a shoulder block.  Henry beats up Uso.  Uso takes Henry’s knee out and chokes him against the rope.  Jimmy gets in a cheap shot kick behind the referee’s back.  Jey covers for 2.  Henry rallies and tosses Jey, then tries to sit on him.  Jey avoids getting squashed and lands a kick for 2.  Jey hits a diving chop for 2.  Jey hits a couple of running asses to the corner for 2.  Jey goes for a diving splash, but Henry avoids it and makes his comeback.  Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the pin in 3:31.  This was lame.

Tonight, Chris Masters takes on Tyler Reks!  That’s quite the main event.  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Tyson Kidd vs. Zack Ryder.  Kidd is flying alone since the Hart Dynasty is not getting along.  Kidd does a waist lock.  Ryder gets the ropes.  Kidd grabs a hammerlock.  Ryder elbows him in the face, then scores a shoulder block.  Ryder works the arm.  Kidd flips out and gets a front cradle for 2.  Kidd hits an arm drag into a Fujiwara armbar.  Kidd delivers a leg drop to Ryder’s arm.  Ryder tries to throw Kidd out of the ring.  Kidd skins the cat.  Ryder slides under and gets kicked.  Back inside, Kidd goes for the Sharpshooter, but fails.  Ryder front suplexes Kidd into the top rope, then knees him off the apron.  Commercials.  Ryder has Kidd in a body scissors.  Kidd bridges back for 2, then turns around into open guard and punches Ryder.  Kidd catapults Ryder into the turnbuckles.  Ryder avoids a corner splash and hits the face wash for 2.  Ryder goes for the face wash again, but Kidd avoids it and makes his comeback.  Kidd hits a spinning Fisherman suplex for 2.  Ryder hits a sit-out spinebuster for 2.  Kidd gets a springboard reverse cradle for 2.  Kidd gets a sunset flip for 2.  Ryder catches Kidd with a knee to the middle.  Kidd hits a sweet slingshot leg drop to the apron.  David Hart Smith comes out.  He and Kidd argue.  Natalya comes out to soothe things over.  Kidd goes for a springboard elbow drop, but Ryder avoids it and hits the Rough Ryder for the pin in 10:33.  Good match.  The dissension between the Hart Dynasty continues!

Tonight, Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks!

WWE wants kids to read!  Commercials!

This Tuesday on NXT, Goldust and Aksana get hitched!

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are now the announcers.  Tony Chimel is now the ring announcer.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Curt Hawkins.  They lock up.  MVP grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  MVP hits a forearm smash for 2.  Hawkins rallies and hits a lariat for 2.  Hawkins lands a head kick for 2.  Hawkins applies a rest hold.  MVP fights out and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Hawkins works over MVP.  MVP fights back and hits his shitty belly to belly throw.  MVP makes his comeback and hits the Ballin’ elbow.  Hawkins avoids the corner Yakuza kick and hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Hawkins goes up top.  MVP tries to cut him off.  Hawkins leaps over him.  MVP hits the Paydirt for the pin in 4:36.  This was lame.

Tonight, Masters vs. Reks!  Commercials!

Daniel Bryan hype video!  Awesome!

Raw Rebound.

Chris Masters comes out.  The main event is NEXT!  Commercials!

Chris Masters vs. Tyler Reks.  They lock up.  Reks beats up Masters.  Masters beats up Reks.  Masters goes for the Master Lock.  Reks bails.  Masters follows.  Reks rams his back into the post and throws him back in.  Cover gets 2.  Reks works on Masters’ back.  Masters goes for a suplex, but his back gives out.  Reks hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Masters makes his comeback.  Reks goes for another backdrop suplex, but Masters lands on top for 2.  Masters gets rolling on offense.  He goes for the Master Lock, but Reks rams him into the corner.  Reks hits his reverse fireman carry drop for the pin in 4:19.  Not a bad little match.  Not bad at all.

2 lane matches and 2 highly watchable matches on this show.  I give it a thumbs slightly up.

WWE Bragging Rights 2010

Posted in WWE with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

WWE open, PPV open.  Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 presents, for the only time this year (that is a blatant lie), Raw vs. Smackdown!  It’s Bragging Rights.  For the record, it took 2 1/2 minutes to get the first outright lie of the show.  Pyro and ballyhoo.  We’re LIVE from Minneapolis.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Tonight, Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett for the WWE Championship!  Plus, the Bragging Rights trophy is on the line!  They show the Buried Alive grave site, then something worse that being buried alive happens…

…Vickie Guerrero speaks.  She introduces her man, the Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.

Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel are the ring announcers.

Non-Title: WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. WWE United States Champion Daniel Bryan.  Big “DANIEL BRYAN!” chants.  Ziggler scores a takedown.  Bryan gets him in a heel hook.  Ziggler reaches the ropes and bails.  Ziggler takes Bryan down again and scores a 2 count.  Ziggler gets a crucifix hold for 2.  Bryan attacks Zigglers arm.  Ziggler bails and hides behind Vickie.  Bryan jumps over her and hits Ziggler with a flying knee.  Back inside, Bryan hits a running dropkick to the corner.  Ziggler tries to bail again.  Vickie screams at Bryan.  Ziggler pulls Bryan’s arm into the top rope.  Back inside, Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler chokes Bryan against the ropes, so he should be fired soon.  Cover gets 2.  Ziggler applies an arm lock.  Ziggler goes for a neckbreaker, but Bryan turns it into a backslide for 2.  Bryan gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Ziggler hits a reverse body slam for 2.  Ziggler clamps on a rear chin lock.  Bryan tries to fight out.  Ziggler throws him down and hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler applies a scissored chin lock.  Bryan fights out and charges Ziggler in the corner, but Ziggler avoids the shot and covers for 2.  Ziggler hits some elbows to the neck for 2.  Ziggler hits a quick fireman’s carry for 2.  Ziggler applies a body scissors.  Crowd chants “LET’S GO BRYAN!”  Bryan escapes with a jawbreaker.  They avoid each other in the corner.  Bryan lands a bunch of kicks and a knee to the face.  Bryan backflips over Ziggler and hits a running clothesline.  Bryan drops Ziggler again and covers for 2.  Ziggler kicks Bryan in the head.  Bryan responds in kind.  Bryan hits a springboard kick for 2.  Ziggler ducks a Buzzsaw kick and gets a schoolboy for 2.  Ziggler kicks Bryan in the face HARD for 2.  Bryan holds on to the top rope to avoids the Zig Zag and hits the Buzzsaw kick for 2.  Bryan goes up top.  Ziggler crotches him and tries to set up a superplex, but Bryan slips under Ziggler and crotches him.  Bryan goes for a backdrop suplex off the top, but Ziggler lands on top for 2.  Bryan turns it over for 2.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold, but Bryan counters.  They nail each other with cross body blocks.  Vickie screams obnoxiously.  They trade headbutts on their knees.  Bryan kicks Ziggler in the face.  Ziggler gets a schoolboy for 2.  Pinfall reversal sequence.  Fuck yeah!  Ziggler hits the Fameasser for 3, but Bryan’s foot was on the bottom rope!  Ziggler argues with the referee.  Ziggler goes for the sleeper hold.  Bryan tries to roll out and fails.  He does manage to reach the bottom rope.  Ziggler yells at Bryan.  Bryan locks in the LeBell Lock for the win in 16:16.  Fucking awesome match.  Minneapolis LOVES Daniel Bryan.  Vickie and Ziggler argue with the referee, who tells them to leave.  Crowd chants “YOU TAPPED OUT!”

The Miz and Alex Riley are watching backstage.  Miz is actually happy to see Bryan win.  Sheamus and CM Punk come in.  They argue about who should be Team Captain.  Santino Marella comes in looking for snacks and beverages.  They argue about who is taking orders.  Santino orders Sun Chips.  Sheamus says if anyone gets in his way, he’ll kick their head off.  Miz tells Punk that Team Raw is awesome.  Punk says some of them are awesome.  Riley tells Miz to get his shit together.  Miz tells Riley that the chaos means Team Raw is ready.

Minneapolis!

Soldiers are here!

WWE Tag Team Champions “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre come out to cut a promo.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  I hate how they’re doing this horseshit on PPV now.  iBooker says there is a Raw team there to challenge them to night.  Wade Barrett comes out and introduces their opponents: David Otunga and… John Cena!

WWE Tag Team Championship Match: “Dashing” Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre (c) vs. John Cena & David Otunga of The Nexus.  Otunga and Rhodes start.  Rhodes hits a drop toe hold and immediately tags in McIntyre.  The champs take turns beating on Otunga.  Otunga finally gets away and chops/tags Cena.  Cena locks up with Rhodes.  Cena gives a clean break.  Rhodes cheap shots him.  Cena hits the Fisherman suplex for 2.  Cena hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Otunga bitches at Cena for not tagging him in when hold.  Rhodes Pearl Harbors Cena.  Rhodes and McIntyre work over Cena.  Cena tries to fight back, but McIntyre hits him with a Complete Shot for 2.  Rhodes tags in and locks Cena in an arm trap camel clutch.  Cena picks up Rhodes and drops him to escape it.  Cena starts his comeback.  McIntyre tags in.  Cena continues his comeback.  He still refuses to tag in Otunga.  McIntyre goes for the Future Shock, but Cena sends him outside.  Rhodes blind tags in and goes for the Cross Rhodes.  Cena counters and locks in the STF for the win in 6:28.  Otunga celebrates with both belts like he played a part in the victory.  Cena hits him with the Attitude Adjustment and leaves with both belts.  So shouldn’t he be fired now?  Wasn’t that the deal?  The match was just there.

Knucklehead trailer.

They show Goldust stealing the Million Dollar belt from Ted Dibiase Jr. 3 weeks ago.

Josh Matthews interviews Ted Dibiase Jr. and Maryse.

Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. Million Dollar Champion Goldust (w/ Aksana).  Two observations: 1.) Dibiase’s music is fucking terrible.  2.) Holy shit, Goldust gets a match on PPV!  Dibiase beats up Goldust in the corner.  Goldust fights back.    Goldust hits a butt butt, then clotheslines Dibiase to the floor.  Goldust follows and throws Dibiase into the barricade.  Back inside, Goldust goes up top.  Dibiase nails him with a big boot, then grounds & pounds him.  Dibiase lands an elbow smash and a dropkick for 2.  Dibiase grinds his forearm into Goldust’s face.  Dibiase grabs a chin lock.  Goldust fights out.  Dibiase hits a clothesline for 2.  Dibiase hits some fist drops and a knee drop.  Goldust fights back.  Dibiase hits a backbreaker for 2.  Dibiase lands a head kick for 2.  Dibiase grabs a rear chin lock.  Goldust escapes with a backdrop suplex.  Goldust makes his comeback.  Bulldog headlock gets 2.  Goldust misses a cross body and flies out of the ring.  Goldust pulls Dibiase’s head into the top rope, then dives from the top rope.  Dibiase catches him with a dropkick for 2.  Goldust hits a powerslam for 2.  Dibiase goes for the Dream Street.  Goldust counters.  Dibiase hits a spinebuster for 2.  Goldust kind of hits Dibiase with a shoulder block, but it incapaciates both of them.  Maryse Pearl Harbors Aksana.  Aksana ends up in the ring crying.  Goldust goes to check on her.  Dibiase Pearl Harbors Goldust and hits a DDT for the pin in 7:28.  Good match.  Maryse retrieves the Million Dollar belt, but Aksana kicks her ass and takes it.  She flirts with Dibiase or something.  Goldust hits Dibiase with the spinning brainbuster.  Goldust and Aksana leave with the belt.

Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 commercial.

Unified WWE Divas Champions Michelle McCool & Layla come out to be the most obnoxious people on the planet.

Unified WWE Divas Championship Match: Layla (c) (w/ co-Unified WWE Divas Champion Michelle McCool) vs. Natalya.  They actually do some wrestling.  That’s good.  Layla is approximately 1,000,000,000,000 times better in the ring than McCool.  Natalya hits a stalling suplex for 2.  Layla kicks her out of the ring.  Layla follows.  Natalya kicks her and throws her back in.  McCool tries to attack Natalya, but gets rammed into the barricade.  Layla distracts the referee and McCool finally manages to get her cheap shot in.  Back inside, Layla hits a basement dropkick to the back for 2.  Layla applies a sweet bow & arrow type double arm lock.  Natalya turns around.  Layla scissors her.  Natalya slams Layla.  Layla kicks Natalya in the head.  Natalya hits a short clothesline for 2.  Natalya hits a butterfly suplex and some clotheslines.  Layla boots Natalya in the corner.  Natalya lands a dropkick for 2.  Natalya hits a discus lariat and goes for the Sharpshooter.  Layla gets the ropes, bails, grabs her belt, and tries to leave.  Natalya shoves McCool, then throws Layla back into the ring.  Natalya yells at McCool to stay out of it.  McCool kicks Natalya in the head.  Layla gets the pin in 4:49.  Decent little divas match.

Survivor Series commercial.

Minneapolis!

Josh Matthews is in the grave to hype the Buried Alive Match.

Undertaker/Kane hype video.

Buried Alive Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. The Undertaker.  Undertaker meets Kane in the aisle and they brawl.  Undertaker beats up Kane at ringside and in the ring.  Crowd chants “WE WANT BLOOD!”  They’re not going to get it.  They brawl in the crowd.  Back at ringside, Undertaker throws some chairs into the ring.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP~!  VINTAGE UNDERTAKER~!  Taker also throws the top piece of the announcers’ table into the ring.  Kane bails.  They brawl in the crowd again.  They brawl in the ring again.  Kane hits Taker with a chair, then chokes him with it, then hits him with it some more.  Kane hits the chokeslam.  Twice.  He carries Undertaker toward the grave site near the entryway.  Taker slips out and decks him.  They brawl in the aisle.  Alternating “BOO!” and “YAY!” as they trade punches.  Taker wins the punch off.  Taker tries to chokeslam Kane into the grave.  Kane counters, then tries to pull Undertaker into the grave.  Taker locks him in the Hell’s Gate.  Taker rolls Kane into the grave.  Taker spots Paul Bearer behind the tombstone and pushes his head into the mound of dirt.  Kane tries to put Bearer in the grave.  The Nexus (minus Cena) randomly come out and attack Taker.  He fights them and tries to chokeslam Barrett, but Slater cuts him off.  They beat Taker down.  Kane clocks him with the urn and knocks him into the grave.  Nexus start shoveling dirt onto Taker.  Kane runs them off and does his pyro.  The Caterpillar dumps dirt onto Taker to give Kane the win in 16:58.  Long brawl.  I didn’t hate it or anything.  I don’t understand the logic of Nexus helping Kane win, though.  After Kane leaves, Taker’s music plays and the old Ministry symbol appears on the tombstone.  So I guess Taker is dead.  Again.

The announcers are in shock.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Randy Orton.

It’s time for the Bragging Rights match!  This year everyone gets individual entrances, unlike last year.  Roberts introduces the Raw guys.  Chimel introduces 6 of the Smackdown guys.  Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto Del Rio.

Bragging Rights Elimination Match: Team Raw: The Miz (w/ Alex Riley), CM Punk, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, Santino Marella, R-Truth, & Sheamus vs. Team Smackdown: The Big Show (w/ Hornswoggle), Rey Mysterio Jr., Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, Kofi Kingston, Alberto Del Rio, & Edge.  Morrison and Reks start.  Reks gets the better of him briefly.  Morrison uses his fancy movements to rally and get a jackknife hold for 2.  Reks hits a shoulder block, then an elbow drop for 2.  May have been 1.  Morrison dropkicks Reks into the corner.  Morrison hits a jumping kick, then tags in Santino.  Morrison dropkicks Reks.  Santino hits his jumping headbutt for 2.  Santino goes for the Cobra, but Reks decks him.  Reks hits hits Torture Rack drop for the pin in 2:37.  Big Zeke comes in ready to fuck some blue guys up.  He slams Reks.  Reks tags in Show.  Jackson attacks, but gets beaten down and thrown around.  Mysterio tags in and hits a springboard dive for 2.  Kofi tags in.  They try to whip Zeke, but Zeke throws them away, then drops them both.  Sheamus tags in and beats up Kofi.  Kofi hits the corner rebound kick and a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi hits a clothesline and the Boom Drop.  He goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Punk intervenes.  Kofi knocks Punk off the apron, then hits the S.O.S. on Sheamus.  Sheamus reaches the bottom rope to to break the count.  Kofi hits counter punches.  Sheamus slips out and hits the Razor’s Edge for the pin at 6:52.  Mysterio comes in and tries to be abusive and elusive.  Sheamus drops him and tags in Punk.  Punk beats up Mysterio.  The crowd is actually pro-Punk.  Bizarre, considering he’s in there against Mysterio.  Punk hits a powerslam for 2.  Sheamus tags in and mauls Mysterio some more.  Sheamus hits a short clothesline for 2.  Punk tags back in.  Mysterio kicks him in the face and hits the ropes.  Del Rio tags himself in.  They argue.  Punk knocks Del Rio into Mysterio.  Del Rio kicks Punk out of the ring.  He throws Punk back in, then throws Mysterio into the barricade.  He’s your teammate!  Back inside, Del Rio covers Punk for 2.  Show yells at Del Rio.  Del Rio shrugs.  Mysterio is helped to the back.  Del Rio hits Punk with a German suplex hold for 2.  Swagger tags in and suplexes Punk.  At least he didn’t bring the stupid eagle tonight.  Swagger hits Punk with a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Swagger locks in a double arm lock.  Crowd chants for Punk again.  Punk drops Swagger with a kick and makes the tag to Morrison.  Morrison runs wild on Swagger.  Morrison hits the Flying Chuck for 2.  Swagger avoids the running knee and schoolboys Morrison for 2.  Morrison gets a sunset flip for 2.  Swagger hits an over the shoulder powerslam for 2.  Swagger goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Morrison gets his feet  up.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Morrison counters out and drops Swagger with a kick.  Morrison hits the Starship Pain for the pin in 13:08.  Reks comes in and beats up Morrison.  Morrison hits a front flip dropkick and tags in Sheamus.  Sheamus runs wild on Reks.  Reks catches him with a boot and a clothesline.  Reks knocks Morrison off the apron.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 14:31.  Show comes in and beats up Sheamus.  Sheamus takes his knee out.  Show knocks Sheamus out of the ring.  Sheamus shoves Hornswoggle.  Show beats up Sheamus on the outside.  They’re both counted out in 15:27.  It’s 5 Raw guys against 2 Smackdown guys.  Edge and R-Truth go at it.  Edge runs wild.  R-Truth break dances and lands a kick for 2.  Edge avoids the scissors kick and spears Truth for the pin in 16:42.  Morrison comes in and goes for Starship Pain.  Edge avoids it and hits the spear for the pin in 17:10.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Edge counters and hits the Edgecution.  Punk leapfrogs the spear.  Del Rio tags himself in and beats on Punk.  Del Rio goes for the Minoru Special, but Punk gets a backslide for the pin in 18:05.  Edge is all alone.  But wait!  Rey Mysterio reappears, decks Del Rio, and gets in the corner.  Edge drops Punk with an enzuigiri.  Miz tags in and stops Edge from making the tag.  Crowd chants “MIZ IS AWESOME!”  Minneapolis is very pro-Raw.  Jackson tags in and beats up Edge.  Miz tags in and locks Edge in a rear chin lock.  Miz hits the backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Punk puts the boots to Edge.  Edge avoids Punk in the corner and hits an electric chair drop.  Mysterio goes the hot tag and runs wild on Punk.  Kick to the head gets 2.  Punk rolls through a rebound cross body for 2.  Punk goes for the Go 2 Sleep.  Mysterio counters into a sunset flip for 2.  Cradle reversal sequences.  Sweet!  Mysterio hits a headscissors and the 619.  Mysterio hits the springboard splash for the pin in 24:08.  Jackson beats up Mysterio.  Mysterio kicks Jackson from the corner.  Jackson nails him with a shoulder block.  Mysterio comes back and and goes for the 619, but gets dropped.  Jackson picks Mysterio up, but Myzterio hits a DDT.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a botched springboard splash for the pin in 26:12.  Miz jumps Mysterio.  Mysterio hits a rana and goes for the 619.  Riley trips him.  Mysterio hits the 619 on Riley (who jumped in to save Miz).  Mysterio goes for the springboard splash, but Miz gets his knees up and covers Mysterio for 2.  Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Mysterio rolls out, ducks under, and makes the tag to Edge.  Edge spears Miz for the pin in 27:46.  Great match.  Smackdown wins 2 years in a Raw.  It’s weird.  Raw is clearly the A show, but Smackdown always wins the big showdowns.  Edge, Mysterio, and Hornswoggle celebrate with the trophy.

Knucklehead trailer.  Again.

John Cena sits in the locker room.

Orton/Barrett hype video, which is mostly about Barrett/Cena.

WWE Championship Match: Randy Orton (c) vs. Wade Barrett (w/ WWE Tag Team Champion John Cena).  Orton’s music starting got probably the biggest pop of the night.  I love that song too.  Intros.  Barrett takes the mic and tells Cena he’s fired if Barrett doesn’t win the match.  Orton and Barrett lock up.  Barrett wins the lock up and tries to cheap shot Orton.  Orton ducks and beats up Barrett.  Crowd chants “FIRE CENA!”  Barrett throws Cena out of the ring.  Orton and Cena stare at each other.  Orton gets back in the ring.  Barrett goes outside to look at Cena.  A sad dude just standing there in a purple shirt isn’t that interesting to look at.  Barrett beats up Orton.  Orton beats up Barrett.  Orton lands a couple of knee drops for 2.  Barrett boots Orton from the corner and stomps on him.  Barrett goes outside to yell at Cena again.  Orton decks Barrett from behind and rams his head into the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Orton grabs a chin lock.  Barrett escapes and locks Orton a sleeper hold.  Orton escapes via a backdrop suplex.  They go outside again.  Barrett reverses Orton into the steps.  Back inside, Barrett beats on Orton some more.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett works a rear chin lock.  Orton fights out.  Barrett hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  They go outside yet again.  Barrett rams Orton’s back into the side of the ring.  Back inside, Barrett locks Orton in a rear chin lock again.  Barrett goes for another pumphandle slam, but Orton slips out and fights back.  Orton lands a dropkick.  Barrett rolls to the apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Barrett counters, knocking the ref down in the process.  Seeing how referees are so fragile, he’s going to be out cold for several minutes.  Barrett orders Cena onto the apron.  Orton knocks Barrett into Cena, then hits Barrett with the 3.0.  The rest of the Nexus come out and attack Orton.  Cena comes in and attacks Nexus.  Slater gets RKO’d.  Cena throws the others out.  Barrett asks him WTF?  Cena says Barrett will lose if he gets DQ’d.  Duh.  The referee wakes up.  Barrett goes for the Wasteland.  Orton counters out and makes his comeback.  Orton hits the DDT OF MURDER and humps the mat.  Cena sneaks in and gives Barrett the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett wins by DQ in 14:34.  Cena tries to hand Orton the belt.  Orton drops him with the RKO and poses with the belt.  Barrett gets up.  Orton drops him with the RKO too, then poses some more.  Boring match that only picked up in the last couple of minutes.  I don’t like having a fuck finish close out the PPV.  They should have put the Bragging Rights match on last.

Pretty good show aside from the two boring title matches.