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TNA iMPACT! 3/24/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 26, 2011 by Grappleholic

The usual video of recent happenings… which this week is auto tuned for some damn reason.

“Do The Math”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ken Anderson and some old guy in a suit come out to the ring.  Anderson introduces the guy as Professor Shubert, a mathematician from the University of Wisconsin, Green Bay.  They have a dry erase board in the ring, which they use to do math explaining that Anderson wants his title rematch.  I have no fucking idea what’s going on.  Anderson says that the professor once told a girl with a big ass that Anderson was gay so he could bang her instead.  I’m completely fucking serious.  Anderson gives the guy the Mic Check.  Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come out.  Bischoff says Hogan sees something in Anderson, but he doesn’t.  Hogan talks about how he likes Anderson, then talks about how he’s being a dick, so he’s not getting a title shot until he earns it, because the rematch he’s already supposed to get was signed by Dixie Carter.  Man, this is convoluted.  Hogan books Anderson vs. RVD again tonight.  Anderson says RVD isn’t in his league.  Rob Van Dam comes out to retort.  Insta-commercials.

Anderson, Hogan, Bischoff, and RVD are in the ring.  RVD says “This is pro wrestling.  Someone talks smack about you, your music plays and you have to respond.”  Awesome.  They bicker.  RVD says he doesn’t know why he even signed with TNA.  Yes, he said that.  He bitches at Hogan for a while.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting comes out and says the Network told him he’s the special enforcer in the #1 Contender match.  Wonderful.

Tonight, Ric Flair challenges Fortune.

They show Bully Ray powerbombing AJ Styles off the stage last week.  Mickie vs. Tara next.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Backstage, TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne orders Tara destroy Mickie “or else.”  “Or else what?”  Tara replies.  Madison has no answer.

Mickie James vs. Tara.  Mickie beals Tara into the ring and kicks her ass.  Mickie hits a flapjack and nips up, which is oddly hot.  Tara lands a  snug looking knee to the face, then a standing moonsault, which was also oddly hot, for 2.  Mickie catches Tara with an elbow smash and goes for a rana, but Tara powerbombs her for 2.  Tara goes up top.  Mickie hits the ropes and crotches her, which is not hot.  Mickie goes for a Frankensteiner, I think, but ends up sitting in her lap.  Not sure if that was a botch or not.  Tara hits an avalance-style crab hold, which I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.  Mickie gets a rope break.  Tara goes for the Widow’s Peak, but Mickie counters into a nasty looking DDT for the pin in 3:17.  Best TNA women’s match in a LONG time, and Velvet Sky was nowhere to be seen.  I smell a correlation.  TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne comes out onstage to glare unhappily, then gives a nasty smile.

Sting and Ken Anderson encounter each other backstage.  Anderson is mad that Sting “stole” his title shot when he won the title.  Sting said the Network gave it to him.  Anderson asks for a name.  Sting says it’s simply “The Network.”

Tonight, Ric Flair challenges Fortune!  Anderson vs. RVD again.  Meh to that.

Replay of the worst segment of all time from last week, with The Pope abusing and preparing to rape Okato.  They’re so proud of this abortion, they’re showing it again.

Samoa Joe and Okato chat backstage.

Okato vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Okato lands a dropkick and goes on the attack.  Pope avoids an awkward looking missile dropkick and beats up Okato.  Pope takes off his boot and hits Okato with it, then pulls off his glove to reveal several rings.  Pope punches Okato with the rings and gets DQ’d in 2:21.  Pope coninutes to kick Okato’s ass, then decks the referee.  Samoa Joe runs off Pope.

Tonight, Flair’s challenge and RVD vs. Anderson

Sting video package.

Kurt Angle talks about his kids and the match with Jarrett at Lockdown.

Flair’s challenge is NEXT!

Rob Van Dam and Hulk Hogan chat in the office.  Hogan says RVD is his guy, which is the opposite of what he told Anderson earlier.  RVD buys it, which proves he wasn’t watching the promo, but then how did he known Anderson was talking shit about him?  Did his music play and he just ASSUMED?  WTF is wrong with this company?  Hogan leaves and RVD calls him an idiot.  He’s right in this case.

Ric Flair, Matt Hardy, and Bully Ray come out.  They cut promos.  Hardy looks ridiculous with his stupid dreadlocks and sunglasses perched on top of his head.  Bully Ray challenges Fortune to a match at Lockdown, “the four of us against the three of you.”  Does Bully have a mouse in his pocket?  Fortune: TNA X Division Champion Kazarian and TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money hit the ring and kick their asses.  The lights go funny.  Abyss appears to make the save for the heels.  ONE WEEK AFTER ABYSS WAS STRIPPED OF THE TV TITLE FOR BEING TOO INJURED TO WRESTLE. HE’S BACK AND HE’S PERFECTLY FUCKING FINE.  With the odds now safely in their favor, Immortal beat up Fortune 4 on 3.

House shows.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Abyss cuts a mine babyface promo backstage, which would be great if he wasn’t supposed to be a monster heel.

Tonight, and RVD/Anderson match I don’t fucking care about.

Mexican America come out: Hernandez, some other guy, and TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Sarita & Rosita.  They all throw out some really awkward sounding Spanish.  The new guy’s name is El Anarquia, which I don’t think makes any sense.  They roll out a Mexican flag.  The challenge Matt Morgan to a Street Fight.  Morgan and Brother Devon come out to accept the challenge.

Street Fight: Hernandez & Anarquia (w/ TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions Sarita & Rosita) vs. Matt Morgan & Brother Devon.  Morgan and Hernandez brawl outside.  Devon beats up Anarquia.  Devon hits a sidewalk slam for 2, then clotheslines Anarquia out of the ring.  Morgan and Hernandez come back in to brawl.  Morgan hits a fall away slam and the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan clotheslines Hernandez to the floor.  Sarita and Rosita talk shit to Morgan and Devon.  Sarita tances, which is pretty hot.  Velvet Sky comes out and attacks them.  Joy.  Velvet, who was stupid enough to attack 2 women, gets beaten down.  Angelina Love walks out looking like she just got a fresh botox injection.  Winter comes out and screams at her.  Angelina walks back to her.  So Winter is controlling Angelina’s mind now?  Meanwhile, Devon hits Anarquia with a shoulder block.  Morgan finally saves Velvet.  Anarquia hits Devon with an object and gets the pin in 3:40.  What a fucking mess.

Tonight, Anderson/RVD.  Ugh.

Ink Inc. vs. Scott Steiner & Crimson.  Steiner beats up Neal.  Steiner can still throw an awesome belly to belly suplex.  He does so, then hits a Steiner Line and an elbow drop, then does push ups.  Crimson tags in.  Double shoulder block.  Crimson hits a a Falcon Arrow for 2.  Crimson boots Neal out of the ring.  Moore tags in and gets his ass kicked.  Moore avoids Crimson in the corner.  Crimson catches Moore and slams him down.  Moore hits a moonsault body block, then yells at Neal for still being on the outside.  Neal dives, but Crimson catches him and hits the Red Alert for the pin in 3:03.  Total squash.  Neal shows respect to Steiner and Crimson after the match.  Moore wipes his ass with Steiner’s beer tag head dress, throws it at him, and runs away.  Steiner is pissed, and that’s damned scary.  Lots of beeped out swearing.

RVD/Anderson video package.  I’m not excited to see them have anything abysmal match.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Ken Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Sting is the special enforcer.  They trade headlocks and hammerlocks.  The mutants obnoxiously chant about being assholes.  They should chat “WE ARE RETARDS!”  RVD hits a flying kick and a standing moonsault for 2.  Anderson counters the Rolling Thunder and the monkey flip, then hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson hits an over the knee neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson grabs a chin lock.  Anderson accidentally clotheslines the ref and the ref does a 360 bump for it.  RVD superkicks Anderson.  Sting comes in to count 2.  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  RVD kicks Anderson in the face and makes his comeback.  RVD hits the split legged moonsault for 2.  Anderson bails to avoid the Rolling Thunder.  RVD hits him with a slingshot dive.  They brawl outside.  Anderson throws a chair into the ring.  Sting throws it out.  Anderson kicks RVD in the balls and gives him the Mic Check into the post.  Anderson gets in the ring and orders Sting to count.  They argue, then start fighting.  The bell rings despite nobody calling for it in 6:36.  I assume RVD wins by DQ.  Anderson and Sting brawl on the outside.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and other geeks break them up.  Insta-commercials.

They show replays of what just happened.

Rob Van Dam talks backstage.  He seems to concussed and doesn’t remember that he just had a match.  He has no idea what’s going on.  The camera man tries to explain it to him.  He still thinks he’s getting ready for a match.

Ken Anderson throws a temper tantrum backstage.

Sting says he didn’t ring the bell.  Obviously.  Nobody knows what the hell happened.  Anderson comes up to yell at him.  They start brawling again.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, and D’Lo Brown break them up.  Anderson says the Wizard of Oz rang the bell.  Seriously.  The show ends.  Thank God.

Horrible show.  Better than last week’s show, but that’s like saying HIV is better than AIDS.

TNA iMPACT! 1/27/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Crimson Sees Red”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle comes out and cuts a promo about what went on last week.  He talks about how he was supposed to retire, but now he’s back, for the fans, or so he can beat up Jeff Jarrett.  Immortal come out: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, Jeff and Karent Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, AJ Styles, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff isn’t buying this shit.  He sends the troops to kick Angle’s ass.  Storm prepares to hit Angle with a beer bottle.  Crimson appears and chases Immortal off with a baseball bat.  Flair cuts a promo on them.  Flair books Angle & Crimson vs. Jarrett, Beer Money, Kazarian, Gunner, Murphy, and Terry for tonight.

Eric Bischoff bitches at Ric Flair in the office.  Flair bitches right back, and he’s Ric Flair, so his bitching is awesome.

Tonight, Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!  Dixie Carter speaks!  Mr. Anderson vs. Matt Hardy!

Entrances for the clusterfuck women’s match.  Winter throws a fit backstage because Angelina is teaming with Velvet tonight.

Elimination Match: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne, Tara, & Sarita vs. Mickie James & The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  Everybody brawls.  The match finally starts with Tara beating up Angelina.  Angelina twists Tara’s injured arm.  Rayne tags in and gets hip tossed.  Angelina hits a World’s Strongest Slam.  Rayne goes for her finish, but Love counters.  Mickie and Sarita tag in and trade arm locks.  Velvet tags in and renews her war against Sarita.  Sarita counters a headscissors into a backbreaker.  Velvet hits a cross-armed Edge-O-Matic.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Sarita pins Velvet with a schoolgirl in 2:55.  Tara clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Mickie avoids a shot with the loaded glove.  Mickie pins Rayne in 3:47.  Sarita pins Mickie in 3:55.  Love gets Sarita with an inside cradle for 2.  Insta-commercials.  Love drops Sarita with a roundhouse kick for 2.  They make a big deal out of how Madison landed on her own glove leading to her elimination, even though she didn’t really and that doesn’t even make sense.  Velvet has been hurt backstage.  I’m sure Winter did it.  Love counters Sarita’s TKO and hits a Complete Shot Stunner deal.  Tara conks Love with the elbow brace.  Sarita covers for 2.  Tara and Sarita work over Love.  Love rallies and hits Tara with the Botox Injection for the pin (9:12 shown).  Sarita gets a reverse cradle, but Love reverses it for the pin (9:24 shown).  This was crap.  Are you surprised?

Kurt Angle is on the phone.  He tells someone that he needs them here.

Matt Hardy talks backstage.

TNA X Division Champion Kazarian has joined Tenay and Taz for commentary.  They’re doing some convoluted #1 Contender Series.

X Division #1 Contender Qualifying Three-Way Match: Amazing Red vs. Max Buck (w/ Jeremy Buck) vs. Chris Sabin.  Kazarian is pretty funny on commentary.  Brief 3-way clusterfuck.  Red and Sabin do a fast paced exchange to a stalemate.  Max attacks them.  Red gives Max a flying headscissors to send him outside.  Sabin drops Red with a clothesline for 2.  Sabin hits a dive on Max.  Back inside, Max avoids a springboard and pokes Sabin in the eye.  Max sends Red outside and works over Sabin.  Basement dropkick gets 2.  Max applies a rear chin lock.  Red comes in and hits both of them with a dropkick.  Red hits Max with a rana and a fancy whirling DDT.  Red tries to springboard, but Sabin catches him with a stalling suplex for 2.  That was cool.  Max hits Sabin with a cool wheelbarrow face plant for 2.  Red hits the Code Red on Sabin.  Jeremy distracts the referee.  Red decks him and goes up top.  Jeremy crotches him on the top rope.  Max hits a DDT OF MURDER on Red for the pin in 5:10.  Fun little spot fest.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett bitch at each other.  “He was on the phone!” Karen yells.

Still to come, Dixie Carter speaks!  Matt Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson!

Jeff Hardy is headed our way!

Velvet Sky yells at Angelina Love about how Winter attacked her.

Mr. Anderson/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff Hardy comes out to cut a promo.  He says a bunch of stupid things about how the people don’t care about him, even though he was one of the post popular babyfaces in years.  He talks shit about Anderson.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson himself comes out to retort.  He’s an asshole, he’ll keep the title, etc.

Crimson talks backstage.

They show how Crimson killed Abyss with the nail board last week.

Velvet Sky comes out and calls out Winter.  Winter comes out.  They fight, since it’s been a few weeks since we had a knockouts brawl that went way too long.  Winter gets the better of it.  Angelina Love comes out to break it up.  Velvet throws a fit.

Still to come, Hardy vs. Anderson!  Angle & Crimson vs. everybody!

The Pope is headed our way!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to cut a promo.  He says he’s going to confess.  He talks about not being able to stand your wife, or something.  His confession is that he doesn’t like Samoa Joe.  He wants a fan to confess something next week.  This is fucking stupid.

Ric Flair lectures Immortal backstage.  Eric Young is there for some reason.  Flair yells at him for being an idiot.

Dixie Carter speaks NEXT!

Video package of this whole retarded “THEY” angle.

Tenay and Taz talk to Dixie Carter on the phone.  She’s confident that the legal ruling will be in her favor.  Then they talk to Eric Bischoff.

Anderson vs. Hardy is NEXT!

Non-Title: Matt Hardy vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson.  They lock up, then brawl.  Hardy goes up top.  Anderson cuts him off and goes for a superplex.  Hardy drops down and pulls Anderson’s arm over the top rope.  Hardy viciously works Anderson’s arm.  Anderon rallies and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson goes for the Lambeau Leap, but Hardy counters and hits an F-U of all things.  Anderson counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Lambeau Leap for 2.  Hardy counters the Mic Check and hits the Side Effect for 2.  Anderson turns the cover into a crucifix hold for the pin in 4:07.  Not too bad.  Jeff Hardy appears and attacks Anderson.  The Hardys beat down Anderson.  Rob Van Dam runs in to make the save.  Jeff runs away through the crowd.

Kurt Angle tells Crimson that they won’t be alone out there.  It’s NEXT!

Handicap Match: Kurt Angle & Crimson vs. Immortal (Jeff Jarrett, TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money, TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Rob Terry, Gunner, & Murphy) (w/ Ric Flair & AJ Styles).  Jeff Jarrett was supposed to be out here, but he isn’t.  Roode beats up Crimson.  Crimson rallies and runs wild.  He’s actually pretty impressive.  Angle tags in.  Roode cuts him off and tags in Kazarian.  Angle rallies and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.  Storm tags in.  Angle gives him a belly to belly suplex, then decks everyone on the apron.  Storm hits a Lung Blower.  Flair hops around on the apron.  Angle ducks Storm’s superkick, which nails the referee.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Storm.  6 on 2 clusterfuck ensues.  Now that Angle is in trouble, Jeff Jarrett (w/ Karen Jarrett) comes out to join the match.  Angle rallies and drills Jarrett with a German suplex.  Everyone beats on Angle some more.  Jarrett hits the Stroke on Angle.  Another referee comes out to count the pin in 4:24.

Immortal continues the beatdown.  Matt Morgan tries to make the save, but he is overcome too.  The lights go out.  Sirens blare.  SCOTT STEINER appears in the ring with a lead pipe.  Immortal head for the hills.  Steiner’s ready to kick some ass.

This show was only mediocre, which is pretty good for iMPACT!

TNA iMPACT! 1/20/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 21, 2011 by Grappleholic

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett/Karen Jarrett video package.

“Dirty Laundry”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Kurt Angle arrives, walks into the building, and orders a production guy to play his music.  Angle walks out to the ring and cuts a promo.  He wants to bury the hatchet with Karen for the sake of his kids.  Jeff Jarrett’s music plays and his geeks come out.  Angle kicks their asses before they can get into the ring and screams for Jarrett to come out.  Eric Bischoff and Ric Flair come out instead.  They send out some rent-a-cops, who escort Angle out of the building.  Okay then…  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett arrive and feign disappointment that Angle has been kicked out.

Non-Title Four-Way Match: Sarita vs. Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne.  Mickie and Velvet argue over who is going to start, because this is TNA so the four-way has stupid tag rules.  They say “fuck it” and attack their respective enemies on the outside.  Mickie beats up Madison in the ring.  Sarita tags in and gets flapjacked by Mickie.  Velvet tags herself in and attacks Sarita bitch-style.  Rayne cheap shots Sky from the apron.  Sky decks her.  Sarita throws Velvet around.  Velvet hits a flying head scissors on Sarita.  Madison knocks Mickie off the apron.  Madison and Sarita try to double team Velvet, but Mickie saves.  Clusterfuck.  Velvet takes out Sarita.  Mickie gives Madison a neckbreaker and goes up top.  The referee it outside with Velvet and Sarita.  Tara appears and clocks Mickie with the elbow brace.  Sarita and Velvet come back in and conk heads.  Madison clocks Velvet with the loaded glove.  Mickie gets Madison with a reverse cradle for the pin in 4:28.  This wasn’t any good.  Madison throws a fit.

Beer Money chat backstage.  Storm does curls with beer bottles.

Tonight, Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD!

Kurt Angle is walking around backstage.  I thought the rent-a-cops escorted him out?  Commercials.

Samoa Joe talks to Kazuchika Okada, who’s been video taping Pope for him.  Poor Okada…

Ric Flair and Rob Terry come out.  Flair cuts a promo about Terry’s sexual prowess, then calls out Matt Morgan.

“The Freak” Rob Terry (w/ Ric Flair) vs. “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan.  They show Morgan beating Abyss last week, then being jumped by Flair and Terry.  Terry gets instructions from Flair.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint for the pin in 11 seconds.  Morgan goes after Flair.  Flair throws ineffective punches and chops, then begs off.  Abyss runs in and jumps Morgan.  Morgan rallies and drops him with the discus lariat.  Terry wakes up and immediately gets side slammed.  Morgan goes for Flair, but Abyss jumps him again.  Morgan rallies and takes out Abyss and Terry again.  Terry takes out Morgan’s knee.  The heels finally get the better of Morgan and beat him down.  Abyss and Terry hit a double chokeslam.

Video package of TNA stars at New Japan “Wrestle Kingdom V In Tokyo Dome.”

Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. Tommy Dreamer!  Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD!

AJ Styles gives TNA X Division Champion Kazarian a pep talk backstage.  Kazarian leaves.  Crimson appears and chokes AJ with a wire, then tells him “they’re coming” in 2 weeks.  Commercials.

Kurt Angle is still stalking around backstage.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Jay Lethal.  Lethal slingshots Kazarian into the ring and runs wild on him.  Kazarian bails.  Lethal follows and beats him up at ringside.  Back inside, Lethal hits a springboard missile dropkick for 2.  Lethal goes for the Lethal Injection, but Kazarian counters and finally mounts some offense.  Lethal hits the handspring elbow smash for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination, then goes up top and hits the diving elbow drop for 2.  Kazarian rolls to the floor.  Lethal throws Kazarian back into the ring.  Kazarian gouges his eyes.  Lethal goes for a sunset flip.  Kazarian squashes it, grabs the ropes, and gets the pin in 4:33.  Not much of a match, which is sad when you consider how good their PPV match was.

Ken Anderson, Rob Van Dam, and Tommy Dreamer chat backstage.

The Jarretts are headed our way.

Kurt Angle finds a door into the arena.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen Jarrett come to the ring.  Jeff puts over his wife.  Karen bashes Kurt Angle.  Angle sneaks into the ring and gives Jarrett a German suplex.  Kurt and Karen stare at each other.  Karen slaps him.  Jarrett hits Angle in the balls, then beats him up and leaves him laying.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Kurt Angle beats up trash cans backstage.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Jeff Hardy.  Hardy beats up Dreamer.  Dreamer avoids a drop kick and leg drops Hardy’s balls.  Dreamer clotheslines Hardy out of the ring, then hits a clothesline off the apron.  Dreamer beats up Hardy on the outside until Hardy gives him a sort of arm drag off the apron.  Hardy beats up Dreamer back inside.  Hardy hits an innovated dropkick to the balls, then clamps on a rear chin lock.  Dreamer makes his comeback.  Hardy tries to rally, but Dreamer avoids the Whisper In The Wind.  Dreamer goes for a dive, but Hardy catches him with a kick.  Dreamer counters the Twist of Hate and hits the Spiccoli Driver.  Hardy gets a foot on the rope.  Hardy gets another low blow and hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 4:21.  This wasn’t very good either.

Kurt Angle is stalking around backstage with a baseball bat.

Beer Money vs. Anderson & RVD is NEXT!  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero talks on the phone backstage.  He wants to use some guy’s computer for his illicit business dealings.  He uses his phone to call the guy, then steals his laptop when the guy walks outside to get service.

AJ Styles tries to tell Ric Flair what happened to him earlier.  Flair “ices” Styles.  Kurt Angle appears and hits Style with his bat.  Flair begs off.  Angle chokes him and tells him to make sure Jarrett comes to the ring to fight him.

Non-Title: TNA World Tag Team Champions Beer Money vs. TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  Roode and RVD brawl.  RVD does his weird leg cradle for 2.  RVD hits a standing moonsault for 2.  Roode counters a monkey flip and sets RVD on the top turnbuckle.  They horrible botch a diving schoolboy.  Anderson tags in and hits a lariat for 2.  Storm tags in and gets schooled by Anderson.  Anderson hits a spinning neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson runs into the turnbuckles, then gets clotheslined by Roode in the apron.  Roode tags in and works over Anderson.  Roode hits a knee drop for 2.  Beer Money get the heat on Anderson and work over his previously concussed head.  Anderson rallies and spikes Roode with a DDT.  Storm and RVD tag in.  RVD runs wild, back body drops an interfering Roode, and hits Storm with the flying kick.  RVD goes for Rolling Thunder, but Roode trips him.  Storm hits a Lung Blower for 2.  Beer Money go for the double suplex, but Anderson intervenes and takes Roode to the floor.  Roode sends Anderson into the steps.  RVD drops Storm with a kick and goes up top.  Roode tries to intervene, but fails.  RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash on Storm.  Jeff Hardy comes out to distract the referee.  Matt Hardy sneaks in and hits RVD the Twist of Hate.  Storm pins RVD in 8:08.  Okayish match, but still not that good.

Brian Kendrick tries to help Bully Ray with his anger management.  Ray shoves him into some lockers instead.  That dick.  Commercials.

Ric Flair and Jeff Jarrett yell at each other in the office.  Eric Bischoff tells Jarrett to “trust him” and go to the ring.

Brother Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray.  Ray comes out and challenges Devon to fight him at ringside.  Brian Kendrick comes out and throws Ray in the ring.  Devon beats up Ray.  Ray tries to use a chain, but Devon kicks his ass and takes it.  Security comes out to break it up, so of course Bubba jumps him from behind.  Bubba beats up security, scares So Cal Val, and brings in a chair.  Where the hell did Kendrick go?  Bubba sandwiches Devon’s head in the chair and whips it with his chain.  That dick!

Kurt Angle is headed our way!  Commercials!

Kurt Angle is in the ring.  Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, and Murphy come out.  Jarrett is in his ring gear for some reason, but is reluctant to fight.  He sends Gunner and Murphy instead.  Angle kicks their asses.  They finally get the advantage, so Jarrett joins in on the beatdown.  Angle rallies, throws out Gunner and Murphy, and puts Jarrett in a rear naked choke.  Karen Jarrett comes out to scream at Angle.  Immortal come out and beat down Angle.  Abyss comes out to the stage and falls down.  He has the nail board stuck in his back.  WTF?  Crimson appears and yells that “THEY’RE COMING” on February 3.  Angle takes advantage of the distraction to start kicking ass.  Angle gets Flair in the ankle lock until Immortal pull him to safety.

This show wasn’t good, but I’ve seen far worse.

TNA iMPACT! 1/13/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 2, 2011 by Grappleholic

Genesis recap.

“The One That Got Away”

Earlier today, Jeff and Karen Jarrett arrived.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

The NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson comes out to cut a promo.  He bitches about WWE for a while, then calls out Matt Morgan.  Morgan comes to the ring.  Anderson thanks him for helping him out when he needed it.  Morgan cuts a passionate promo about wanting the title, then congratulates Anderson and leaves.  Eric Bischoff comes out and bitches at Anderson.  He says that Anderson will face Jeff Hardy in a rematch on the February 3 iMPACT!, then rants about Hulk Hogan.  Jeff Hardy appears on the screen and babbles.  Rob Van Dam jumps Hardy backstage.  Matt Hardy attacks RVD.  Anderson runs to the back to make the save.  The rest of Immortal: Beer Money, Abyss, Rob Terry, Ric Flair, AJ Styles, and Kazarian jump Anderson and RVD and leave them laying.  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^ happened.

Tonight, the Hardy Brothers take on Mr. Anderson & RVD!

Jeff and Karen Jarrett chat backstage, then go into the Immortal locker room.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) vs. The Motor City Machine Guns.  The match starts with four-way insanity.  Guns clear the ring and hit Beer Money with stereo suicide dives.  Guns double team Storm briefly until Roode trips Sabin while thing where Sabin kicks the dude that Shelley has in the Muta Lock.  Beer Money get the heat on Sabin.  Sabin and Storm do a double cross body spot.  Roode and Shelley tag in.  Shelley runs wild on Beer Money.  Storm counters the Shiranui.  Shelley hits a bulldog/clothesline on Beer Money.  Shelley goes up top.  Storm cuts him off.  Shelley fights him off.  Sabin kicks Storm.  Shelley hits the Ghetto Stomp on Roode for 2.  Guns run wild some more and double team Roode.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones.  Storm pushes Sabin into Shelley to break the cover.  Storm is bleeding.  He hits the DDT OF MURDER on Sabin.  Shelley sets up Roode for a superplex.  Storm cuts him off and goes for the Eight Second Ride.  Shelley counters.  Storm hits a move that I forgot the name of.  Roode hits a diving splash on Shelley for 2.  Shelley counters the DWI.  Sabin low bridges Storm out of the ring.  Guns hit a missile dropkick/Complete Shot combo.  Storm comes back in.  Complications arise.  Shelley accidentally superkicks Sabin.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Shelley and Roode gets the pin in 7:41.  Not as good as their usual matches, but still pretty good.

They show Jeff Jarrett backstage.

Kurt Angle arrives.  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam and Ken Anderson chat backstage and look for weapons to go beat up Immortal.  RVD gets a chair.  Anderson gets a 2×4.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero comes out to talk.  He talks about whatever the angle with Samoa Joe is.  He says he forgives Joe, then shows a photo of pigs humping that he says is Joe and his wife.  He shows a video of baby pigs nursing which he says is Joe’s child.  Samoa Joe comes out and runs him out of the ring and calls him a bitch.  Joe says he doesn’t “chase bitches.”  Joe says that when he gets hold of Pope, “Joe is going to kill you.”

Rob Van Dam and Ken Anderson go into the locker room that Beer Money is in.  They close the door and much racket is made.  RVD and Anderson exit and go to look for the Hardys.

Tonight, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Also, something with Kurt Angle and the Jarretts!  Commercials!

Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and AJ Styles chat backstage about how butthurt Hogan is about Hardy losing the title.  They find the beaten up Beer Money.  Flair throws a fit.  Bischoff says “It’s on.”

Kurt Angle/Jeff Jarrett video package.

Moments ago, Jeff Jarrett talked about Kurt Angle while Karen looked at him lovingly.

Kurt Angle is also headed our way.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, Murphy, and the geeks come out.  He talks about his “MMA career,” then introduces Karen.  Kurt Angle comes out instead and runs through the geeks, then gives Gunner and Murphy German suplexes.  Jarrett acts like he’s ready to fight.  Karen comes out and yells at Kurt from the stage.  Jarrett bails.  Karen screams at Kurt in a manner that reminds me of my own ex-wife.  Karen threatens to give her side of the story and says that Kurt should dress up for it.  Huh?

Still to come, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Commercials.

Moments ago, ^^ happened.

Kurt Angle throws a fit backstage.

Highlights from Madison Rayne/Mickie James from the PPV.  It was awful.

Velvet Sky fuses at Angelina Love backstage.  Winter shows up and drags Angelina away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Match: Angelina Love & Winter (c) vs. TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara.  Angelina and/or Winter has awful new music.  Love and Rayne lock up.  Love gets some quick cradles.  Madison screams.  Love beats her up some more.  Madison distracts the referee.  Tara pulls Angelina down by the hair, then tags in.  The heels beat up Angelina while the referee struggles with Winter.  Madison tries to use the loaded glove.  Mickie James runs out, drags her out of the ring and chases her to the back.  Angelina hits Tara with a brogue kick.  Winter hits a diving lariat on Tara, then pounds on her.  Winter chokes out Tara and the referee calls for a stop in 3:04.  This sucked.

The Hardys cut a promo from behind a fence backstage.

Tonight, Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson!  Commercials.

House shows!

Non-Title: TNA World Television Champion Abyss (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Matt Morgan.  Morgan charges the ring because he’s pissed at the world.  He runs wild for a while, then Flair distracts him and Abyss gets the advantage.  Abyss gets the heat for a bit.  Flair gets in a cheap shot behind the referee’s back.  Morgan makes his comeback.  Abyss goes for the chokeslam.  Morgan fights out and hits the Carbon Footprint.  Flair grabs the referee’s leg.  Hebner gets away and counts the pin anyway in 3:20.  Kind of a fun little brawl.  Flair cheap shots Morgan.  Morgan goes for a top rope chokeslam.  Rob Terry runs out to save Flair.  Flair low blows Morgan.  Abyss, Terry, and Flair beat down Morgan and leave him laying.

Hardys vs. RVD & Anderson NEXT!  Commercials.

During the break, some dude choked Abyss backstage.  I think it’s Amazing Red’s baby brother.  He says his name is Crimson.  He says “they’re coming” on February 3.  Not this shit again.

Abyss goes into the office and tries to tell Bischoff what happened, but Bischoff is busy giving the Hardys a pep talk.  Once that’s done, Abyss tells Bischoff what Crimson said.

The main event is next for real this time!  Commercials!

TNA World Heavyweight Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam vs. The Hardys.  They brawl in the aisle and at ringside.  RVD beats up Matt in the ring to officially start the match.  Anderson is already bleeding.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  RVD and Anderson take turns beating up Matt.  Hardys cut off Anderson and get the heat on him.  RVD tags in.  Jeff scampers away and tags in Matt.  Matt hits a sleeper drop and goes for a moonsault.  RVD avoids it and goes for the split legged moonsault.  He catches Matt in the face as Jeff tries to pull Matt to safety.  RVD takes out both Hardys with a dive.  Commercials.  RVD beats up Matt some more.  RVD goes to the middle rope.  Matt takes out his leg and sends him crashing to the ground.  Cover gets 2.  Hardys get the heat on RVD.  Anderon tags in.  Stuff happens.  I zoned out.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Jeff.  Matt saves and goes for the Twist of Fate.  There’s a ref bump.  Anderson hits the Mic Check on Matt.  RVD beats up Jeff.  Beer Money run in and beat up Anderson and RVD.  Beer Money hit the catapult DDT on Anderson.  Storm superkicks RVD.  The referee is back in.  Matt gives Anderson the Twist of Hate.  Jeff hits the Swanton bomb for the pin in 13:47.  This wasn’t good.

The rest if Immortal come out and beat down Anderson and RVD.  Immortal stand tall as the show closes.

This show wasn’t really good, but it wasn’t as awful as iMPACT! sometimes is, and it at least felt like it went by quickly.

TNA Genesis 2011

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2011 by Grappleholic

PPV open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Jay Lethal (c) vs. Kazarian.  Lethal is good and pissed off and gets the jump on Kazarian early.  Kazarian tries of getting his ass kicked and bells.  Lethal hits him perfectly with a tope suicida.  Kazarian whips Lethal towards the ring.  Lethal connects with a moonsault body block off the apron.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Kazarian finally gains the advantage by sending Lethal hard into the corner.  Or so he thought.  Lethal fires back with chops and catapults Kazarian into the corner.  Lethal hits a dropkick for 2.  Lethal hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Kazarian catches Lethal with an elbow smash, then hits an Alabama Slam.  Kazarian finally has the advantage and starts to put a beating on the champion.  Kazarian hits a leg drop for 2.  Lethal lands the handspring elbow.  They get to their feet and trade punches.  Lethal lands a HARD chop, then runs and kind of bulldogs Kazarian onto the top rope.  Kazarian slingshots Lethal back in and hits an Ace Crusher for 2!  That was awesome.  Kazarian goes for the Flux Capacitor.  Lethal turns it into a sunset flip powerbomb for 2.  Lethal hits the Lethal Combination for 2.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver.  Lethal counters.  Kazarian hits a slingshot DDT for 2.  Kazarian gets annoyed that he can’t put Lethal away.  Kazarian slaps Lethal.  Lethal Hulks up and lands a bunch of chops.  Lethal hits a suplex and goes up top.  Kazarian jumps up and hits an enzuigiri to the throat.  Which technically isn’t an enzuigiri, but I digress.  Kazarian goes for the Axe Guillotine Driver off the top!  Lethal counters certain death and pushes Kazarian down into the ref.  Kazarian crotches Lethal on the top, then its the Axe Guillotine Driver for the pin in 11:37.  Immortal captures another championship!  Good match, too.  I really dug this.

Tenay and Taz hype the show.

Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and AJ Styles are in the office.  Flair tells Bischoff that Styles is injured and can’t wrestle tonight.  They bicker.  Styles cares about his kid, which pisses Bischoff off.  Styles is about sick of his shit.  He storms off.  Flair tells Bischoff to come up with something.

Mickie James/Madison Rayne hype video.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Mickie James.  Madison taunts Mickie, then hides behind the referee.  Mickie schools her and gets some quick pin attempts.  Mickie lands a dropkick.  Rayne bails to the apron.  Mickie hip tosses her back in for 2.  Mickie cranks on Rayne’s arm.  Madison walks up the ropes, so Mickie drops her.  Rayne screams, then pulls Mickie’s hair.  Mickie rallies.  Madison bails.  Madison pulls Mickie’s head across the top rope.  Cover gets 2.  Crowd chants “YOU CAN’T WRESTLE!”  Madison responds by not being able to wrestle.  Mickie hits a snapmare and a basement dropkick for 2.  Mickie goes for the Flair pin in the corner and gets 2.  Mickie hits a rana and goes up top.  Rayne cuts her off and throws her to the mat.  Rayne does typical women’s bullshit for 2.  Mickie fights out of some stupid thing.  Madison throws her down and pulls on her face.  Mickie gets a reverse cradle for 2.  Madison hits a head kick for 2.  I wish this would end.  Madison works Mickie’s hair.  I fucking hate women’s wrestling.  Madison tries to hump Mickie’s head into the mat.  Mickie turns it into a wheelbarrow drop and makes her comeback.  Mickie goes for the DDT.  Rayne escapes and hits in the ropes.  Mickie spanks her.  Madison pokes Mickie in the eye behind the ref’s back.  Mickie hits a neckbreaker and goes up top.  Mickie hits the diving Thesz press and goes for the DDT.  Tara comes out.  Mickie tries to fight her.  The ref gets between them.  Madison plays dead in the ring.  Mickie picks her up.  Madison KOs Mickie with a loaded glove for the pin in 10:29.  This was awful.  Madison and Tara celebrate the win.  I celebrate this match being over.

Christy Hemme interviews Immortal members TNA X Division Champion Kazarian, Beer Money, Ric Flair, and Eric Bischoff.  Christy asks Bischoff who will face RVD and who will replace AJ Styles.  Bischoff says Abyss will take AJ’s place, but won’t tell who RVD’s opponent is.  He guarantees that Immortal will win all of the titles tonight.

Beer Money/Motor City Machine Guns hype video.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The Motor City Machine Guns (c) vs. Beer Money.  Shelley throws his shirt at Roode.  Roode shoves him.  They stare at each other, then eventually lock up.  They do a fine little chain wrestling sequence.  They speed up and Shelley lands a dropkick for 2.  Storm tags in and gets beaten up by the Guns.  Guns double team Storm, then Roode.  Guns send Beer Money to the floor and land stereo topes suicidas.  Back inside, Storm avoids Shelley’s Ghetto Stomp.  Storm counters the Shiranui.  Roode gives Shelley an enzui lariat.  Storm covers for 2.  Beer Money cut Shelley off and get the heat on him.  Heel chicanery allows Beer Money to double to Shelley behind the referee’s back.  Shelley rallies and gives Storm the Shiranui.  Shelley goes to make the tag, but Roode pulls Sabin off the apron.  Roode tags in and keeps the heat going on Shelley.  Beer Money hit the double suplex on Shelley.  “BEER!  MONEY!”  Beer Money go for the awesome catapult DDT, but Shelley counters it and rallies!  Sabin gets the hot tag and runs wild!  Sabin ties Roode to the tree of woe and hits the hesitation dropkick.  Storm saves.  Sabin suplexes him onto Roode.  Sabin hits Roode with a diving rana.  Shelley comes off of Sabin’s shoulders to give Roode a DDT.  Sabin covers, but Storm saves.  Sabin and Storm fight outside.  Roode goes for a superplex on Shelley.  Shelley fights him off.  Sabin hits a diving lariat.  Shelley hits the Ghetto Stomp.  Sabin covers for 2.  Storm hits a Lung Blower on Storm.  Sabin kicks Storm outside.  Roode and Sabin counter each other.  Storm spits beer on Sabin’s face.  Roode hits the spinebuster for 2.  Shelley comes in against Roode, then takes out Storm with a dive.  Guns kill Roode with a double head kick and hit the Skull & Bones.  Storm pulls the referee out of the ring.  Shelley takes Storm out with another dive.  Sabin goes for a springboard DDT, but Roode counters and hits a Northern Lights suplex hold for 2.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Beer Money hit Sabin with the DWI.  SABIN KICKS OUT!  Roode argues with the referee.  They go for it again, but fail.  Sabin accidentally kicks Shelley in the face.  Roode schoolboys Sabin and grabs a handful of tights for the pin in 17:58.  REALLY freaking good match.  I loved this so much.

Christy Hemme interviews Brother Devon.

Devon/Ray hype video.

Bully Ray vs. Brother Devon.  Devon rushes the ring.  Bubba bails.  Devon goes after him.  Bubba hides behind So Cal Val again.  Devon says “fuck this” and starts kicking Bubba’s ass.  Devon kicks Bubba’s ass at ringside for a while, then they finally get in the ring to start the match.  Ray begs off and apologizes.  Ray goes for a low blow, but Devon blocks it and kicks his ass.  Devon hits a lariat for 2.  Devon hits a Thesz press and punches.  Devon slams Bubba and goes up top.  Bubba bails again.  Devon goes after him and kicks his ass some more.  They brawl in the crowd.  Why not?  It’s not like there are rules or anything.  Devon hits Bubba with a shoe.  Bubba gets the jump on Devon coming back into the ring.  Bubba gets cocky and starts beating up Devon.  Devon begs for more.  Bubba cheap shots him in the eyes.  Bubba administers a shit kicking.  Devon rallies and tries to come off the top.  Bubba catches him in midair with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Devon counters the Bubba Bomb and hits a big Ron Simmons-style spinebuster for 2.  Devon goes up top.  Bubba crotches him and hits a superplex for 2.  Bubba tries to use a chain and fails.  Devon makes his comeback and probably almost throws his back out giving Bubba a back body drop.  Devon gets hold of the chain and whips Bubba with it to cause the DQ in 8:48.  Okay brawl.  Devon keeps beating on Bubba.  Referees come out to break it up, so of course they keep fighting.  D’Lo Brown, Pat Kenney, and security geeks come out to help.  Ray gets in one more cheap shot and bails.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Jarrett.  He explains the rules of this stupid MMA match.  There’s 3 2 minute rounds and some other bullshit.

TNA World Television Championship Match: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Abyss.  Williams is selling the hand that AJ Styles injured on iMPACT recently.  Abyss tries to stop the hand.  Williams bails.  Back inside, Williams goes for a slingshot sunset flip and narrowly avoids being sat on.  Williams counters a slam, then gets a schoolboy for 2.  Abyss sends Williams’ shoulder into the post.  Abyss rams Williams’ injured hand into the post.  Abyss beats up Williams on the outside.  Back inside, Williams tries to rally and comes off the top.  Abyss tries to chokeslam him, fails, but lands a big boot.  Williams is forced to bail again.  Williams lands some blows outside.  Abyss rams the injured hand into the barricade.  Abyss picks up the belt and tries to hit Williams’ hand with it.  Williams avoids the blow, but gets beaten down anyway.  Back inside, Abyss stomps on Williams’ hand.  Abyss keeps the heat going on Williams.  Williams lands a diving European uppercut.  Williams hits Abyss with a flurry of blows and goes for a German.  Abyss grabs his hand.  Williams fights back and hits a backdrop suplex.  Williams hits a diving knee drop for 2.  Williams goes for a running knee to the corner, but Abyss catches him and chokeslams him.  Cover, but Williams grabs the bottom rope.  Abyss retrieves the nail board from under the ring to distract the referee.  AJ Styles appears and hits Williams with the title belt.  Abyss comes back in and hits the Black Hole Slam for the pin in 9:46.  Three titles for Immortal tonight.  Okay match.

Eric Bischoff and Rob Van Dam bicker backstage.  RVD says he wants Hardy tonight.  Bischoff says he has Hardy.

Rob Van Dam vs. Matt Hardy.  Well, Bischoff DID say RVD had Hardy tonight, but he didn’t say WHICH Hardy.  Matt looks like a tard with colored dreadlocks.  Hardy offers a handshake.  RVD isn’t buying it.  Hardy decks him and they brawl.  Hardy hits a sleeper drop and dances around.  RVD drops him with a kick.  RVD hits the springboard kick and some more kicks, because he really likes to kick.  RVD sends Hardy to the apron and kicks him into the guardrail.  RVD kicks Hardy to the floor again before he can get back in and lands an Asai moonsault.  Back inside, RVD hits a diving cross body for 2.  RVD counters the Twist of Fate.  Hardy kind of waist locks RVD into the corner.  Hardy hits a sloppy bulldog headlock for 2.  Hardy hits a full nelson Stroke for 2.  Hardy does the RVD thumb point.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker and goes to the middle rope.  RVD catches him coming down with a spin kick.  Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  This match is really clunky.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  RVD escapes and lands a head kick, then does his wonky leg cradle for 2.  They trade punches.  RVD makes his comeback.  RVD mows down Hardy with another spin kick.  Another kick.  Cover gets 2.  Hardy gets an inside cradle for 2.  RVD hits the diving kick, Rolling Thunder, and the Five Star Frog Splash.  Hardy’s hand is kind of under the rope, but not really.  RVD stomps on him.  The ref gets in the way.  Hardy hits the Twist of Fate for the pin in 11:50, even though RVD’s foot was clearly under the ropes.  This.  Was not good.  At all.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Jarrett/Angle hype video.

MMA Exhibition Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Kurt Angle.  Angle promises to break the neck of any of Jarrett’s geeks who might interfere.  Round 1: Jarrett plays chickenshit and tries to stay away.  Angle lies down and offers Jarrett his guard.  Jarrett challenges him to stand up.  This shit is ridiculous.  Angle goes after Jarrett, who hides in the ropes.  There are no rope breaks in MMA, morons.  Angle tires of this shit, takes Jarrett down, and applies a rear naked choke as the round ends.  Jarrett consults with his corner men, Gunner and Murphy.  Round 2: Angle challenges Jarrett to go for a takedown.  Jarrett tries and fails.  Angle goes for a Kimura, then lets go.  Angle takes Jarrett down and applies an arm triangle.  And lets go again.  Angle does a gator roll.  Jarrett gets a rope break in the MMA fight.  Angle throws Jarrett down and applies a cross armbreaker.  And lets go again.  Angle applies the ankle lock.  The round ends.  At least the rounds have been exactly 2 minutes.  Jarrett spits or vomits or something.  More encouragement from the corner geeks.  “ANGLE’S GONNA KILL YOU!” chants.  Round 3: Jarrett has greased his arms.  It gets in Angle’s eyes.  The referee throws it out 27 seconds into the third round.  I think Angle wins by DQ.  Angle is bleeding.  Jarrett continues beating him up.  Jarrett says he’s retiring and bringing his wife/Angle’s ex to the retirement party.  Well this was all stupid.

Tenay and Taz talk.  Jarrett yells at Taz for some reason.

Christy Hemme interviews TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy.

Morgan/Anderson hype video.

Tale of the Tape.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship #1 Contender Match: Matt Morgan vs. Ken Anderson.  In-ring intros and all of that jazz.  Morgan grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block.  Anderson grabs a headlock and tries a shoulder block, which has no effect on the much larger Morgan.  Morgan does a leap frog and hits a sloppy hip toss.  Anderson avoids something and gets a one count.  Morgan beats up Anderson and abuses his head a bunch.  Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint to the apron, but Anderson avoids it.  Morgan crotches himself and falls to the floor.  Morgan rams Anderson’s back into the post.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Morgan chokes Anderson with his boot, then hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Anderson avoids a charge and takes out Morgan’s knee.  Anderson works the leg and applies a half crab.  Morgan gets a rope break and tries to slap feeling back into his leg.  They brawl.  Morgan hits a chokeslam off the top rope!  Anderson kicks out!  Morgan hits some short range lariats.  Anderson counters the discus lariat and hits the Mic Check out of nowhere for 2.  They trade punches for a while.  Morgan decapitates Anderson with the Carbon Footprint for 2.  He goes for another one.  Anderson ducks and hits the Mic Check again.  Delayed cover gets 2.  Morgan counters another Mic Check attempt.  Anderson lands an elbow smash, then catches Morgan with an inside cradle for the pin in 15:24.  This wasn’t good either.

Eric Bischoff comes out with a steel chair.  He sets up the chair, then sits down and tells Anderson that he’s getting his title shot RIGHT NOW!  Hardy comes out in acid washed jeans and a jacket & tie, smoking a cigarette.  He looks a lot like Raven.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Ken Anderson.  Hardy attacks Anderson.  Twist of Hate gets 2.  Hardy argues with the referee.  Morgan is still at ringside.  That may come into play later.  Another Twist of Hate gets 2.  Hardy can’t believe this shit.  Anderson manages to throw Hardy out of the ring.  Behind the referee’s back, Morgan gives Hardy the discus lariat and throws him back into the ring.  Anderson covers for 2.  They trade punches.  Anderson gets rolling and hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson has Hardy reeling now.  Hardy hits the Whisper In The Wind.  Anderson rolls to the floor.  Hardy grabs a chair.  Mick Foley appears and takes it away from him.  Ric Flair comes out.  Security geeks hold him back.  Hardy rolls Anderson back into the ring and goes up top.  Anderson crotches him and goes for a superplex.  Hardy fights him off hits the Swanton Bomb.  Anderson kicks out again!  There is no denying him tonight!  Anderson hits the Lambeau Leap.  Hardy hits a clothesline, then calls for the cavalry.  Matt Hardy runs in.  Rob Van Dam cuts him off and they brawl to the back.  Eric Bischoff appears in the ring and tries to hit Anderson with a chair.  Anderson stops him and hits the Mic Check.  Jeff comes back in and goes for the Twist of Hate.  Anderson counters and hits the Mic Check for the pin 9:06!  New World Champion!  Okayish match.  Immortal look on unhappily as Anderson celebrates with the fugly purple belt.  Some fan with a sign gets in the ring.  Anderson announces himself as the NEW World Champion.

There were a couple of really good matches on this show and a whole lot of crap.  I’ll give it a thumbs VERY SLIGHTLY up.

TNA iMPACT! 1/6/11

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2011 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent goings on.

“Genesis… The Beginning… Or the End?”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come to the ring: Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, AJ Styles, Beer Money, Kazarian, Rob Terry, Abyss, Jeff Jarrett, Gunner, and Murphy.  Bischoff blathers about how Immortal are going to win all the titles fair and square.  He brings out the champions: TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal, TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns, and TNA World Television Champion Doug Williams.  He books them in “tune up matches” tonight: Lethal vs. Abyss, Williams vs. Terry, and the Guns vs. Styles & Kazarian.  Bischoff asks them to shake hands.  Immortal jump the champions.  Bischoff pretends to be mad at them.  Rob Van Dam comes out and makes the save.  By himself.  He’s pissed off and wants a shot at Jeff Hardy.  He wants to know who his opponent is at Genesis.  Bischoff won’t tell him.  What a dick!  RVD offers to beat it out of him.  Bischoff says Abyss will “kill” RVD.

Brother Ray cuts a promo to the camera at Brother Devon.  He wants to fight in the parking lot or something.  Commercials!

Jeff Jarrett: MMA Specialist video package.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  He’s now changed into his gear, even though he was in street clothes 4 minutes ago.  He talks about the new rules he made last week to protect him from getting his ass kicked.  There’s some Twilight queer in the crowd.  Boo Boo Stewart?  Jarrett won’t fight him because he will be taller than him one day.  They pick a guy who looks like a midget Tyler Black.  His name is Jonathan Cruz.  He signs the contract.  He’s an idiot.

MMA Exhibition: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Jonathan Cruz.  Jarrett beats up the geek and wins with the ankle lock in 45 seconds.  Jarrett refuses to break the hold.  KURT ANGLE comes in through the crowd and chases Jarrett away.  Angle signs the contract to face Jarrett at Genesis!  Jarrett says Angle swore to never wrestle in TNA again.  Angle says it’s an exhibition.  It’s ON!  Commercials!

Moments ago, ^ happened!

Non-Title: AJ Styles & Kazarian vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Guns attack, clear the ring, and hit Styles and Kazarian with a double suicide dive.  Guns double team Styles back inside.  The heels cut off Sabin and work him over.  Sabin plays face in peril, then rallies and drops Kazarian with a lariat.  Shelley and Styles tag in.  Shelley runs wild and avoids being double teamed.  He takes Kazarian out with a dive.  Back inside, Styles and Shelley do an awesome countering sequence.  Shelley hits a brainbuster.  Kazarian saves.  Shelley back body drops him to the floor.  Styles tries to hit Shelley with the belt.  Shelley ducks.  Sabin superkicks Styles.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Styles for the pin in 4:47.  Good little match.  Beer Money appear and beat down the Guns.  Eric Bischoff comes out and looks pissed off at Styles.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero bitches about how someone has been following him around with a camera.  He says he’s going to find them and demand an apology.  Yeah, kick that TNA camera man’s ass!  Commercials.

Eric Bischoff at Ric Flair bitch at AJ Styles in the office.  Bischoff tells him to get the job done this Sunday or else!

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring.  He calls out whoever is video taping him.  Samoa Joe comes out.  Is Joe a paparazzi now?  Joe spouts off some philosophical stuff about Pope being a false prophet or something.  He talks about how Pope pretends to be doing good deeds, but he’s actually a dick.  Pope defends his going to strip clubs and adopting puppies.  He warns Joe against falsely accusing him again.  This is stupid.

Mickie James & Velvet Sky are headed our way!  Commercials!

Brother Devon says he’ll go fight Ray in the parking lot tonight.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Sarita (w/ Tara) vs. Mickie James & Velvet Sky.  Velvet attacks Sarita.  Velvet tries, but everything she does looks horrible.  Velvet gets cut off via heel chicanery and plays face in peril.  This goes on for some time and is very uninteresting.  Velvet makes a comeback, but Madison cuts her off.  Mickie comes in and kicks Madison’s ass.  As the referee tries to regain control, Tara hits Velvet with the elbow brace.  Sarita pins Velvet in 4:34.  This sucked.

RVD bitches at Eric Bischoff in the office.  Bischoff says he has a match tonight.  Against another mystery opponent.  Commercials.

Non-Title: Rob Terry vs. TNA World Television Champion Douglas Williams.  Williams smoothly eludes the larger Terry.  Terry finally connects with a shoulder block that sends Williams to the floor.  AJ Styles attacks Williams to cause the DQ in 1:10.  Lame.  Styles and Terry injure Williams’ hand.

Brother Ray is going to the parking lot.  Commercials.

Brother Ray and Brother Ray are in the parking lot now.  Ray hides behind security and talks shit.  Of course, this goes on way too long.  Bubba finally attacks Devon while security is holding him back.  He warns Devon against showing up at Genesis.

Jeff Jarrett tells Eric Bischoff that he has a plan for Sunday.  Bischoff asks Jarrett to shoot RVD.  Jarrett is worried about Kurt Angle interfering.  Bischoff makes him feel better by making it No DQ.  Huh?

Non-Title: Abyss vs. TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal.  Entrances, commercials, bell.  At least they waited for me.  Lethal tries to take down Abyss and fails miserably.  Abyss tries to throw Lethal around and succeeds magnificently.  Lethal uses his speed to try to gain the upperhand.  He kicks Abyss in the leg and lands a dropkick.  Abyss tries to chokeslam him.  Lethal hits a handspring elbow.  He finally knocks Abyss down with a missile dropkick for 2.  Abyss catches Lethal with the Black Hole Slam.  Cover, but Abyss pulls Lethal up at 2.  Abyss beats on Lethal in the corner.  The ref DQs him in 3:27.  Lame.  Abyss shoves down the referee.  Continuing tonight’s trend, Kazarian comes down.  He pretends to beg Abyss to stop beating up Lethal.  He taunts Lethal, asking him to stand up.  Abyss holds Lethal up and forces him to shake Kazarian’s hand.

Up next, Mike Tenay’s sit down interview with Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson!  Commercials.

Genesis hype.

Mike Tenay’s sit down interview with Matt Morgan and Mr. Anderson.  Same ol’ shit.

RVD vs. Jeff Jarrett is NEXT!  Commercials!

No DQ Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Rob Van Dam.  To the best of my knowledge, this is the first time these two have ever wrestled.  Tenay says it’s true, which means I’m probably wrong.  Jarrett runs around in circles like a geek.  RVD and the referee both insist that some contact be made.  Jarrett throws a kick.  RVD catches it and drops Jarrett with his “kick over the kick” move and does the “Rob Van Dam” thumb point.  Jarrett pokes RVD in the eye.  RVD drops him with another kick.  RVD beats up Jarrett in the corner.  RVD hits a springboard kick and goes for the Rolling Thunder.  Jarrett bails and runs around the ring.  RVD decks Jarrett again.  Murphy trips RVD, allowing Jarrett to get the advantage.  Jarrett applies a sleeper hold.  RVD escapes and makes his comeback.  One of the geeks runs in.  RVD throws him out of the ring and brings in a chair.  Other geeks run in.  RVD kicks their asses.  Gunner and Murphy beat down RVD and hold him for Jarrett.  Jarrett tells them to let him go.  RVD drops all of them with kicks.  TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy appears and gives RVD the Twist of Hate.  Jarrett gets the pin in 5:26.  Lame and overbooked.  Jarrett and Hardy beat down RVD.  Matt Morgan runs in to make the save.  Hardy tries to hit him with a chair.  Mr. Anderson appears, grabs the chair, and accidentally hits Morgan.  Oh noes!  Was it REALLY an accident?

As crappy as this show was, they’ve done WAY worse.

TNA iMPACT! 12/23/10

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2010 by Grappleholic

Video package of recent happenings.

“All The Gold Is Worth A Fortune”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Immortal come out.  There are scales in the ring because they’re doing a stupid weigh in for the Morgan/Anderson PPV match.  Flair introduces new member Rob Terry.  Bischoff babbles.  They have “doctors” there.  Matt Morgan comes out and talks about how stupid this shit is.  He threatens to stick a boot up someone’s ass.  Mick Foley comes out and talks about concussions.  Flair bitches at Foley for causing backyard garbage wrestling to exist.  The Flair/Foley promo battle is fucking great.  Bischoff screams some retarded bile at Foley.  That is NOT great.  The Flair/Foley stuff was great.  Everything else about this was dumb.

iMPACT! open.

Tonight, AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams in an Iron Match!  Finals of the Knockouts Tag Team Title Tournament!  A retarded eight-man tag for the tag team championship!  Up next, a Double J Double M A challenge!  Commercials.

Matt Morgan and Jeff Hardy chat in the locker room.  Apparently Morgan’s rank is such that he doesn’t have to dress in a trailer.

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Jeff Jarrett comes out with Gunner, Murphy, and his other geeks.  Jarrett challenges Amazing Red.  Jarrett’s cut man puts Vaseline in Red’s eyes.

$100,000 MMA Challenge: Jeff Jarrett (w/ Gunner, Murphy, & geeks) vs. Amazing Red.  Jarrett kicks Red’s ass and submits him with an ankle lock in 49 seconds.  Jarrett helps Red up and asks he has any kids in his family that Jarrett can beat up.  Red says he’ll bring his little brother next week.

Madison Rayne and Tara are getting ready in their trailer.

Still to come, some bullshit!  Commercials.

Rob Van Dam talks to no one in particular backstage.

Four-Way Match to determine the #1 Contender for the TNA X Division Championship: Max Buck vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Robbie E. (w/ Cookie) vs. Kazarian.  TNA X Division Champion Jay Lethal comes out to do commentary.  They show Lethal winning the title back from the Shore tard last week.  It’s tag team rules.  Kazarian convinces the Bucks to start against each other.  They just pose instead.  Robbie does that gay retarded jerking off motion.  The Bucks tag him in and kick his ass.  Cookie trips Max so the Jersey Fagtard can get the advantage.  Kazarian stays on the apron except for when he comes in to make the save on every cover.  Bucks beat up Robbie some more.  The video gets weird, either through broadcasting problems or shitty camera work.  Kazarian tags in and hits the Axe Guillotine Driver on Jeremy Buck for the pin in 3:35.  Whatever.

Velvet Sky is looking in the mirror.  Sarita walks into the room.  Commercials.

During the break, Sarita and Velvet Sky brawled backstage for about 6 hours.  Sarita leaves her lying.  Angelina Love finds Velvet, who says she can’t breathe.

Eric Bischoff gives Immortal the usual lecture about belts.

Tonight, eight-man tag for the 2 man tag belts, because that’s TNA!  Next, the women have a shitty match!  Commercials.

Brian Kendrick lectures the caterers.  A woman gives him a cookie to make him go away.

TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship Tournament – Final: TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara vs. Angelina Love.  Angelina is forced to go it alone.  She schools Madison early.  It’s horrible.  Love hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Tara interferes from the apron, allowing Rayne to get the advantage.  Love gets beaten up for a while.  Winter comes out and gets in the corner.  Love makes the hot tag to her.  Winter shakes Ryane’s head around, then kicks Tara in the gut.  Winter hits a crappy spinning slam on Rayne for the pin in 4:51.  Love & Winter win the titles.  This sucked.  Love is confused, even though she gave Winter the hot tag.  Tara doesn’t know who Winter is, so she doesn’t watch this show and didn’t watch WWE for a few years while she was with the company.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is outside talking on the phone.  Eric Young and Orlando Jordan walk up.  Young is a reindeer and Orlando Jordan is dressed as gay Santa.  They give Pope money.

Iron Man Match for the TNA World Television Championship: Douglas Williams (c) vs. AJ Styles.  It’s a 15 minute Iron Man Match.  That’s stupid.  They exchange holds, which is always a good way to start.  Styles finally backs Williams into the corner and cheap shots him with an elbow to the face.  Williams rallies and hits a running knee to the corner.  Commercials.  Styles has Williams in a rear chin lock.  OF COURSE, since this is TNA, there was a fall during the break, as Styles got the pin with the Styles Clash.  Williams lands a European uppercut.  Styles bails.  After fucking about for a bit, Styles pulls Williams out of the ring and rams his head into the steps.  Styles goes into the ring and orders Hebner to count.  Williams immediately comes back in.  Styles works Williams over.  Williams goes for a sunset flip.  Styles holds onto the ropes.  Hebner kicks his hands away like a dick and an interfering referee.  Williams gets some cradles for 2 counts.  Styles lands a forearm smash.  He goes for a springboard, but Williams catches him and hits an Exploder.  Williams makes his comeback.  Styles throws Williams out of the ring.  Williams comes back in and hits the Chaos Theory for the pin in 14:45.  The time limit expires in 15:09.  They agree to 5 more minutes.  Commercials.  The fuck?  OT is JIP.  Williams hits a DDT for 2.  Styles hit the springboard forearm for 2.  Williams hits an Alabama Slam for 2.  Styles hits the Pele kick for 2.  Williams goes for a backdrop suplex off the top rope, but Styles holds on to the Christmas bow around the post.  Williams hits it anyway.  The time limit expires after about 4 minutes.  Styles challenges Williams to a match at Genesis.  Williams says no.  They argue.  Williams says he’ll do it if Styles agrees to leave Fortune if he loses.  Styles refuses.  Eric Bischoff comes out and makes the match with the aforementioned stipulation.  Williams and Styles had a very good match.  This wasn’t it, but they have had one.

Beer Money hype up their team backstage.

Up next, they’ll call Mr. Anderson on the phone!  Commercials.

House shows!

Tenay and Taz talk to Mr. Anderson via satellite.  So Anderson is in “his home in Green Bay, Wisconsin,” but they expected him to come out for a fucking weigh in earlier?  This damn company is so fucking retarded.  Fuck this fucking company.  Anderson gets mad when they ask him for paper work.

The Motor City Machine Guns and Rob Van Dam are hyped up for their match.  Matt Morgan is mad about what Anderson said.

Stupid eight-man thing is next.  Commercials.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy, Beer Money, & Abyss vs. The Motor City Machine Guns (c), Rob Van Dam, & Matt Morgan.  Entrances, commercials.  Match is JIP.  RVD lands some kicks on Storm.  Morgan and Roode tag in.  Morgan does the revolving elbows in the corner.  Roode comes off the top rope, but gets caught.  Morgan gives him a fall away slam.  Sabin tags in and kicks Roode in the gut.  Roode gets a reverse cradle, but Shelley tags in in the process.  Guns double team Roode.  Roode counters the Shiranui.  Storm pulls Shelley into the turnbuckles.  Roode hits a neckbreaker.  The heels take turns working over Shelley for a while.  Beer Money hit the double suplex and do the “BEER!”  “MONEY!” thing.  Shelley knocks down Storm.  Hardy tags in and cuts him off.  Hardy clamps on a rear chin lock.  The show ends.

This was just a meaningless, lame duck show full of TNA bullshit.

TNA Slammiversary 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling, Cross The Line!  Cool opening music video.  Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to the Palace of Auburn Hills for the 7th Anniversary of TNA!  We’re kicking things off tonight with the X Division Championship!

It’s a King of the Mountain Ladder Match.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically a reverse ladder match where you have to hang the belt up to win.  You have to win a fall by pin or submission to eligible to hang the belt, and if you get pinned or submit, you have to spend 2 minutes in the penalty box.  Simple enough, right?  Curtis Granderson from the Detroit Tigers is the special guest belt holder for this match.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Suicide (c) vs. “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Alex Shelley vs. Consequences Creed vs. IWGP Junior Heavyweight Tag Team Champion Chris Sabin.  The Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences all want to unmask Suicide, so it’s 4 on 1 to start.  Being just outside of Detroit, the crowd is very pro-Guns.  Suicide pins Lethal about 2 minutes in after nailing everyone with the ladder, so he’s eligible.  Guns and Creed triple team Suicide while Lethal waits it out in the penalty box.  Suicide either botches a monkey flip or hits a revere lung blower on Shelley for a pin, so Shelley is sent to the penalty box while Lethal is released.  Sabin throws a chair at Suicide.  Lethal hits a Lethal Combination on Suicide onto the chair.  Lethal and Sabin fight over who is going to make the cover.  All 3 guys pile up on Suicide and pin him.  Lethal was on bottom, so he is the one who is eligible.  Guns and Lethal Consequences dance, then the Guns attack them.  Guns show their usual awesome teamwork against Lethal Consequences.  Sabin is knocked to the outside, then Creed gets a pin on Shelley after the TKO.  Suicide is released as Shelley is sent back to the box.  Lethal Consequences double team Suicide.  Sabin comes back in and goes for the Cradle Shock on Suicide, but gets counter and monkey flipped onto a ladder.  Lethal holds Suicide on the outside for Creed to hit a somersault plancha.  Suicide, Lethal, and Creed fight up the aisle.  Sabin runs up the ladder to the box and hits a dive onto all 3 of them.  That was awesome.  Shelley is released and starts climbing the ladder, even though he doesn’t have the belt and isn’t eligible anyway.  Sabin lets Shelley pin him.  Shelley goes up with the belt, but Suicide hits a missile dropkick on the ladder.  Creed whips Suicide face first into the ladder.  Lethal balances on the ladder, which is set up on the turnbuckle.  Suicide front suplexes Creed onto the ladder, which slingshots Lethal into a nasty bump.  Sabin is released from the box and pins Lethal after a sick tornado DDT.  Everyone is eligible to hang the belt now.  Creed hits a move on Lethal, then Shelley hits a move on Creed.  Suicide hits a jumping DDT on Shelley.  Sabin hits the Cradle Shock on Suicide, then tries to hang the belt.  Suicide stops him.  Sabin takes him out and goes for it again, but Lethal makes it back in and backdrops him off the ladder.  Shelley hits a frog splash on Lethal, then superkicks Suicide.  Shelley lays out the ladder between the ring and the barricade.  Creed lands a kick on Shelley to send him out of the ring, then slams Suicide.  Lethal goes up top, but Sabin stops him.  Suicide dropkicks Sabin off the apron and onto the ladder.  Shelley hits a dive onto Suicide that the camera misses.  Lethal hits an elbow onto Sabin, who was still lying across the ladder.  “THIS IS AWESOME” chants.  Shelley and Creed fight on the apron.  Shelley lands a superkick, then the Shiranui on the apron.  Ouch.  Suicide and Shelley trade shots.  Shelley goes for the Shiranui off the cage, but Suicide counters and dropkicks him over the guardrail.  Suicide gets the belt and hangs up the ladder.  Crowd is booing him.  Lethal pushes the ladder over, but Suicide catches the ropes with the Captain Morgan pose and goes to the top of the box.  Shenanigans ensue and the ladder ends up being set up horizontally over the box and Lethal’s back.  Shelley sets up another ladder and goes for it, but Suicide jumps off the horizontal ladder and takes him down with a neckbreaker, then hangs the belt for the win at 23:28.  Really good match.  The lights go out and Suicide disappears.  I wish he’d disappear for good.

Tenay and West run down the rest of the card.

Lauren Brooke says Team 3D haven’t arrived back from Japan yet, then interviews Shane Douglas, followed by a Daniels/Douglas video package.  If Douglas beats Daniels, he gets Daniels’ spot on the roster.  If Douglas loses, he leaves.

“The Franchise” Shane Douglas vs. The Daniels formerly known as Christopher.  What the hell happened to Daniels’ first name anyway?  Douglas wrestles in a t-shirt.  Daniels works a headlock.  Douglas bails.  Daniels teases a dive, which Douglas avoids, but Daniels hits the split-legged moonsault.  Douglas works on Daniels’ arm.  Daniels gets a rope break and makes his comeback.  Daniels thinks BME, but Douglas stops him with a kick to the head.  They trade shots.  Douglas goes for the belly to belly, but Daniels drops him with an STO and hits the BME for the win at 8:14.  This wasn’t long enough to be offensive, thankfully.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Mick Foley.  Foley thinks Jeff Jarrett is going to help him retain the title for some reason.

Love/Tara video package.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Angelina Love (c) (w/ Velvet Sky and Madison Rayne) vs. Tara.  Tara is Victoria, for anyone who doesn’t know.  Love shows off a little bit, then Tara kicks her ass.  Love bails.  Tara teases a dive, then dropkicks her into the barricade.  The other Beautiful People attack Tara from behind, then throw her back in the ring.  Love schoolgirls her for a quick 2.  Love gets heat on her for a bit, including more interference from Sky and Rayne at ringside.  Tara makes her comeback and hits a spinning slam thing, then goes outside and slaps the shit out of Sky, then Rayne.  Tara goes back in.  Love catches her with a kick, then Sky sprays hair spray on Tara’s face.  Love hits a Flatliner (called the Lights Out) for the win at 6:53.  Not awful, but nothing special.

Lauren interviews Dr. Stevie Richards, Raven, and Daffney.  Raven cuts his usual insane, yet awesome promo, then hugs Stevie and cries.  Monster’s Ball video package.

Monster’s Ball Match: Raven & Daffney (w/ Dr. Stevie) vs. Abyss & Taylor Wilde.  The faces shine early.  Abyss press slams Daffney out of the ring and onto Raven and Stevie, then Wilde dives out onto all 3 of them.  Abyss and Raven go into the crowd.  Daffney jumps in Abyss’ back, so Wilde sandwiches her head with a trash can lid and a cookie sheet.  They all brawl in the crowd.  Wilde jumps off of some speakers or something and splashes Daffney through a table.  Abyss and Raven make it back to the ring.  Abyss pulls out the bag of tacks.  Stevie comes in and nails Abyss with a chair.  Abyss is BUSTED WIDE OPEN!  Raven hits the drop toe hold onto the chair, but Abyss gets his hands out to protect himself.  Raven breaks a Singapore cane over Abyss’ head.  Raven chokes Abyss with a cane.  Wilde makes the save with a trash can lid shot.  Daffney nails Wilde with a cookie sheet.  Raven hits Abyss a few times with a trash can, then Abyss kicks it into Raven’s face.  Abyss hits Raven with the cane.  Abyss chokeslams Raven, but they totally miss the trash can.  Stevie distracs the ref.  Abyss goes for Stevie.  Stevie holds Abyss for a trash can shot, but Abyss movies and Stevie gets nailed.  Wilde dives off of Abyss’ shoulders onto Raven.  Abyss covers, but Stevie distracts the ref again.  Abyss pours out the tacks.  Daffney tries to attack him.  Wilde throws Daffney onto the tacks and covers, but Stevie saves.  Abyss sets up a chokeslam on the tacks, but Raven hits Abyss with a chair.  DDT on the chair by Raven, but Abyss kicks out.  Raven goes for the DDT on the tacks, but Abyss counters and hits the Black Hole Slam (on the tacks) for the win at 14:09.  Good plunder match.

Borash interviews Jeff Jarrett.  Jarrett says he doesn’t want to be World Champion, but he has to take the title from Mick Foley to get his company back.

Sting/Morgan video package.

Sting vs. Matt Morgan.  If Morgan wins, he gets to join the Main Event Mafia. Sting is wearing his old red and black outfit, but with the usual white and black face paint.  That’s odd.  Morgan overpowers Sting to start and fishes out some punishment.  Sting fights back.  Tenay says Team 3D have arrived at the arena.  Morgan overpowers Sting again and gets heat on him for a while.  Sting tries to kick Morgan’s legs out from under him.  Sting manages to drop him with a missile dropkick.  Morgan avoids a Stinger Splash and hits the Carbon Footprint for 2.  Morgan goes for the Hellevator, but Sting counters.  I think he was trying for the Scorpion Death Drop, but they ended up just falling.  Sting hits it, but Morgan kicks out at 2!  Sting kicks him down and locks in the Scorpion Death Lock, but Morgan powers out.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop from the second rope for the pin at 9:01.  Much better match than I expected.

Bound For Glory is coming to Los Angeles this year!

Lauren interviews AJ Styles and Samoa Joe.  AJ says either he or Joe will win the title tonight and take the company back.  Joe says he’s going to take out Angle… or something.  I kind of spaced out there for a second.

Team 3D/Beer Money video package.  Voice over guy says “Team 3D battles Beer Money for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.”  Of course I’m serious.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: IWGP Tag Team Championship Team 3D (c) vs. Beer Money.  3D have to be jet lagged, as they defended the IWGP Tag Team Championship on a New Japan show the day before.  Storm and Devon start.  Storm gets the better of it at first, then Devon gets some stuff in.  Roode tags in.  They have a little double teaming on Devon, then Bubba tags in against Roode.  Ray connects with a straight kick to Roode’s face.  Who knew he could get his foot up that high?  Roode and Ray go at it hard with a pretty good exchange.  Devon tags in.  Double team on Roode.  Beer Money work over Devon a bit.  Ray gets the lukewarm tag and hits the Bubba Bomb on Roode for 2.  They try to set up the 3D, but Storm prevents it.  Wassup headbutt on Roode.  Devon gets the table.  Wouldn’t they be DQ’d if they used it?  Roode his a spinebuster on Ray for 2.  Tag to Storm.  Double team on Ray.  BEER!  MONEY!  The British Invasion come out.  Williams and Magnus join the commentary team while the big guy just stands there.  Ray makes a comeback and hot tags Devon.  Devon knocks Roode through a loop with a lariat and covers, but Storm saves.  Devon hits a chokeslam of all things on Roode, but Storm saves again.  Inverted 3D for 2.  West does commentary in a British accent.  3D sets up the Doomsday Device on Roode, but he counters out of it.  Storm hits a lung blower on Ray.  Storm hits a Frankensteiner off the top on Devon.  Roode follows with a frog splash, which gets 2.  Ray saves Devon from a double suplex off the top.  They finally get the Doomsday Device on Roode for 2.  Storm accidentally spits beer on Roode’s face.  3D on Roode.  The big guy (Rob Terry?) distracts the referee.  Ray hits a suicide cross body on Magnus and Terry!  Williams gets on the apron.  Devon sends him off through the table.  Beer Money hits the DWI on Devon.  Roode gets the pin at 16:56 to regain the titles.  Good match, everybody was working hard tonight.

Borash interviews Kurt Angle, who is growing out his hair and beard.  He looks odd.  Angle says it’s all about him and Joe tonight, and he’ll walk out as champion again.

King of the Mountain video package.

King of the Mountain Ladder Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Mick Foley (c) vs. TNA Legends Champion AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle.  Long entrances and introductions, including a short video package on each participant.  Angle comes out wearing a Pittsburgh Penguins jersey.  As soon as the intros are over, Joe puts on a Detroit Red Wings jersey and kicks Angle’s ass.  Even though it’s no DQ and the match hasn’t started yet, Joe is DQ’d and forced to start the match in the penalty box, while Angle is immediately eligible to hang the belt.  The bell rings.  Jarrett and Styles beat up Angle while Foley just stands on the ladder outside the ring.  Styles and Jarrett both try to pin Angle, but unsuccessfully.  Foley comes in, tries to slam Jarrett, but just falls over and lets Jarrett pin him.  The referee makes two 2 counts, and finally the 3.  The fuck?  Foley goes into the box as Joe is released.  Jarrett is now eligible to hang the belt.  Joe fights with Jarrett in the ring as Styles and Angle fight outside.  Foley apparently just wanted to rest for 2 minutes, even though he hasn’t done anything all match except for the stupid failed slam spot.  Foley is released and goes after Joe.  Joe locks Foley in the Coquina Clutch and chokes him out as the other 3 fight outside.  Joe is eligible and Foley goes back to the box.  Joe suplexes Angle onto the ladder.  Ouch.  The ladder is set up against the turnbuckle and Joe whips Jarrett into it.  Joe tries to hang the belt.  Foley is released from the box and knocks the ladder over.  Joe falls on the ladder in a very painful looking way.  That ladder is done.  Foley puts the boots to Joe.  Styles comes in and goes after him, but Foley drops him.  Foley whips Joe into the ladder, then charges, but Joe hiptosses Foley onto the ladder.  Jarrett tries to climb the destroyed ladder, thinks better of it, and throws it out of the ring at Angle.  Jarrett brings in another ladder and goes for the win, but Angle comes back in and lands a low blow.  Angle kicks Foley’s ass a bit, then gets his ass kicked by Styles.  Angle goes for a German on Styles, who lands on his feet.  Cool.  Styles goes for a tornado DDT, but Angle counters and suplexes Styles on the ladder.  Jarrett grabs the acoustic equalizer and goes for the el kabong, but Angle kicks him in the gut and locks on the ankle lock.  Jarrett grabs the guitar, gets out of the hold, and nails Angle with the erstwhile instrument.  Jarrett goes for the win.  Foley climbs up and tells Jarrett to give him the belt.  They trade punches, then Styles springboard dropkicks the ladder to send them both crashing down.  Foley and Styles end up on top of the penalty box.  Foley goes for a suplex.  AJ fights him off with headbutts and goes for his own suplex.  Foley blocks it and throws AJ into the ring with an impressive bump.  Joe locks the choke on Jarrett, but Jarrett hits a jawbreaker out of it and hits the Stroke onto the ladder.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Jarrett and covers.  Kick out, but Foley comes off the box with an elbow drop on Angle!  Foley gets the pin, so no everybody by AJ is eligible.  Foley goes to hang the belt, but AJ comes in and hits him in the back with the Legends belt.  AJ kicks Foley off the ladder.  Styles and Joe double team Foley.  AJ lands the Pele kick that sends Foley to the outside, then Joe elevates Styles out of the ring to take out Foley in an impressive suicide dive.  Styles gets a pin on Foley that the camera misses, so now everyone is eligible.  Jarrett hits Joe with the ladder.  Angle is released from the box as Foley is sent in.  Jarrett goes to hang the belt, but AJ climbs up to stop him.  Angle tries to pull Jarrett down.  They drop the belt.  Jarrett dives at Angle, but Angle drives him to the mat.  Joe and Styles fight.  Joe drops him with the big kick.  Foley is released and goes after Styles.  Foley nails him with the belt, then Joe lands his kick on Foley.  Joe goes up the ladder with the belt.  AJ grabs his boot and pulls him down and ends up with the belt around his neck.  Styles tries to climb the ladder, but Joe pulls him down.  Styles whips Joe, who dives through the ropes onto Jarrett and Foley.  Angle comes in and goes for the Angle Slam on Styles, but Styles counters into the Styles Clash.  AJ looks to have it won, but Joe comes in and powerbombs him off the ladder.  Joe goes up with the belt.  Angle climbs up the other side.  Joe hands Angle the belt!  Angle hangs the belt for the win at 22:04.  Joe and Angle hug.  Booker T, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Sharmell appear on stage to applaud Angle.  Has Joe joined the Main Event Mafia?  Oh, and I thought the match turned out pretty good too.

Pretty good show all together, one of TNA’s better PPV offerings of late.

TNA Destination X 2009 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

If the reviews are to be believed, I’m going to regret watching this show.

The show starts with a black and white video showing how horrible the economy is right now.  It switches to color to hype the main event and Ultimate X.

Mike Tenay welcome us LIVE to Orlando.  Where’s Don West?  Ah, there he is.

The Beautiful People (Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, & Madison Rayne) vs. Taylor Wilde, Roxxi, & The Governor.  Geeze, they’re still doing this phony Sarah Palin gimmick?  They try, but the match sucks.  Roxxi moves so awkwardly in the ring.  She takes the heat for a bit and makes the hot tag to Wilde, who cleans house.  The Governor hits a shitty looking dive out of the ring onto Love and Sky.  Wilde hits a German suplex on Rayne for the win at 5:04.  Bleh.

Generic blonde interviews Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley.  Jarrett is going to be the referee in the main event and Foley is going to be the enforcer.  For some reason, BRUTUS MAGNUS flashes on the screen in the middle of the interview.

Brutus Magnus then comes to the ring.  What the fuck is this shit?  He issues an open challenge.  David Penzer introduces a sailor (Jesse Neal) to be the ring announcer.  He introduces Magnus’ opponent, Eric Young.

Brutus Magnus vs. Eric Young.  Magnus looks more like a guy who should jobbing to lower midcarders on ECW.  He nails some shots, then Young fights back.  Young bounces off the ropes and Magnus botches the catch and hits a half assed powerslam or something for a near fall.  He hits a high knee and a leg drop for a near fall, then hits a powerbomb.  He goes for a splash, but Young moves.  Young hits a DVD for a near fall.  Young flips over one of the posts and goes to the other one.  Magnus tries to meet him but gets thrown down and elbow dropped.  Bridge into backslide spot gets a near fall for Young.  So forth and so on.  Magnus hits sort of a TKO off the turnbuckle for the win at 4:46.  What’s it called?  Tormentum?

Tenay and West run down the card.  Two matches in.  Why?

Sheik Abdul Bashir comes out.  He complains that he hasn’t been on a PPV all year.  He whines for a bit, then Jim Cornette comes out.  He tells Bashir he’s not on the PPV because nobody likes him.  He calls the sailor back into the ring.  The sailor sings horribly and Bashir leaves.  Complete waste of PPV time.

Jeremy Borash is in the Main Event Mafia’s locker room.  Angle complains that Foley, Jarrett, and Sting are all against him.  Booker says he has AJ Styles to deal with tonight and leaves.  Steiner says he has Samoa Joe to deal with, so Sting is Angle’s problem.  Nash tells Angle to relax.  He tells Angle the whole thing is his fault.  The audio keeps going from quiet to loud at random.

Abyss/Morgan video package.

Match of 10,000 Tacks:
Mat Morgan vs. Abyss.  During Morgan’s entrance, the newly heel Don West defends Sheik Abdul Bashir.  Because he’s a heel now.  Does anyone care?  Morgan jumps Abyss to start.  Abyss fights back but gets clotheslined to the floor.  Abyss grabs Morgan’s legs and pulls his nuts into the post.  He sets up two trays of tacks just off the stage.  Way to give away the finish.  Morgan whips Abyss into the guardrail and takes him back into the ring to beat him up.  Morgan climbs a pole (of course) and pulls down a bag of tacks.  He pours them into a small, neat pile and tries to push Abyss’ face into them.  Abyss fights back and goes for a chokeslam, but Morgan fights out.  Abyss hits a clothesline, then punishes Morgan in the corner.  Abyss climbs up another pole and retrieves another bag of tacks.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint and goes outside to get a chair.  He ends up being the one to take the bump into the chair.  He pours the other bag of tacks onto the previous pile.  Morgan counters a powerbomb attempt, but gets Black Hole Slammed.  Abyss pours a bag of broken glass on top of the pile of tacks.  Morgan bails and heads up the ramp.  Abyss gives chase and they fight on the stage.  Abyss goes for a chokeslam again, but Morgan kicks him in the balls.  Morgan lands the Carbon Footprint and sends Abyss off of the stage into the trays of tacks we talked about earlier for the win at 8:49.  Retarded match.

Booker T tells Cornette he didn’t agree to put the Legends title on the line tonight.  Cornette shows him the contract.  Sharmell tries to find a loophole, but Cornette isn’t buying it.

There’s some kind of stupid thing with guys trying to win a date with ODB.  I wanted to fast forward, but my wife won’t let me.  ODB comes out in a dress.  The finalists are Cody Deaner: a hillbilly with a mullet, Shark Boy, and Bernie Weber: an old Mexican in a suit.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  They all say why they should win, then they dance.  Mullet wins.  TNA actually wants people to pay money for this shit?  This has to be the worst PPV segment since the Gobbledy Gooker.

Generic blonde interviews Beer Money, who are very rude to her.  The audio goes screwy again.  Tonight they face Team 3D, and apparently if 3D loses, they have to leave.

Awesome Kong/Sojourner Bolt video package.  They were friends, and now they’re enemies.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Awesome Kong (c) (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. Sojourner Bolt.  Bolt botches some shit and gets clotheslined.  Kong proceeds to demolish Bolt.  Bolt tries to fight back, but is cut off every time.  Kong misses a diving splash.  Bolt rolls her up with a la magistral but fails to get the pin.  Same with a jackknife hold.  Bolt hits the ropes and Saeed grabs her leg.  Bolt kicks her away and low bridges a charging Kong.  Bolt goes for a Dragonrana, but Kong Awesome Bombs her to end this abortion at 4:18.

Tenay and West hype what’s still to come.

Joe/Steiner video package.

Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe.  Joe has a new look with retarded facepaint and looks like he’s approaching being as fat as I am.  Did he not hit the gym at all during the months he was off TV?  Joe destroys Steiner, then attacks some refs to get DQ’d at 1:29.  He beats up Steiner through the crowd and out of the arena.  Geeze, this show is bad.

Generic blonde interviews AJ Styles.

Booker/Styles video package.  Styles stole Booker’s belt and Booker called the cops.

TNA Legends Championship Match: Booker T (c) (w/ Sharmell) vs. AJ Styles.  They lock up.  AJ shoves Booker.  Hammerlock exchange sequence, then they trade chops.  Usual AJ greatness.  Booker bails and AJ hits his flying forearm off the apron.  Back inside, AJ covers for a two count.  Backbreaker for another two count.  Booker gets the advantage and goes to work on AJ.  Harlem side kick gets two.  Booker works AJ’s arm.  Don West explains how important it is to have feeling in your arms.  AJ fights back and hits a hammerlock backdrop for a near fall.  That was kinda nifty.  Booker hits his swank rollup out of the corner for the first time in ages for a near fall, then blasts AJ with a kick for another.  AJ gets a nice German suplex hold for a near fall.  AJ springboards off the ropes and they botch something.  Booker manages to spin up and goes for the scissors kick, but AJ moves and hits the Pele.  AJ follows with the Styles Clash for the victory at 9:15.  Best match on the show so far, and that’s sad.  AJ celebrates with the belt.

Cut to the parking lot.  Apparently, Samoa Joe has murdered Scott Steiner with a sword.  He tells a frightened generic blonde to tell he’s going to kill the rest of the Main Event Mafia.  Or something.

Beer Money/Team 3D video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match (Off The Wagon Challenge): Beer Money (c) vs. IWGP Tag Team Champions Team 3D.  Team 3D proudly display their IWGP gold and Bubba is wearing a New Japan ring jacket.  Awesome!  Beer Money have been doing a “get a title shot but if we pin you you’re fired” gimmick recently, and that’s what this is.  Devon beats up Roode a bit.  Bubba tags in and promptly gets taken down.  Storm tags in and acts retarded.  Storm and Bubba do the silly test of strength dance.  Devon tags in and 3D double team storm.  Roode prevents his partner from taking the WASSUP headbutt.  Match goes on.  It’s not awful, but not particularly exciting.  They do the Brokeback Mountain spot.  Bubba hits a Rock Bottom of all things on Roode, then the flip, flop, & fly on Storm.  Storm prevents Devon from making it back in the ring and Beer Money doubleteams Bubba.  Storm hits an avalanche-style Frankensteiner and Roode follows with a frog splash.  I’m serious.  Bubba hits the Bubba Bomb for a near fall.  Don West: How many people have we ever seen kick out of that?  Me: Everyone.  Devon makes it back in and they give Roode the reverse 3D for a near fall.  Storm comes in and uses a chair to cause the DQ at 9:57.  Cornette comes out and restarts the match as a No DQ match.  Devon comes from behind and gives them the double noggin knocker.  Storm takes the 3D.  Roode pulls the referee out of the ring.  He grabs Storm and leaves.  West hands Beer Money the belts and they leave.  Crowd chants BULLSHIT.  3D wins by count-out at 12:04.  Bubba complains to the announcers.

We get comments from the Ultimate X participants, then a video package.  I love Shelley openly saying he’s going to cheat any way he can.

Ultimate X Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Alex Shelley (c) vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Suicide.  Guns immediately jump Suicide as Lethal and Creed go to climb the structure.  Guns use teamwork to deal with everybody else.  Suicide comes back in and deals with them, then goes at it with Lethal.  “FALLEN ANGEL” chants.  Shelley and Lethal go at it.  Sabin goes for the belt, but Creed pulls him down.  It’s basically two guys fight, one gets knocked down, and another comes in to go at it with the other.  Sabin his a suicide (no pun intended) dive 4 1/2 minutes it.  Suicide goes for one as well, but Shelley nails him with a kick.  Creed goes for the climb, but Suicide gets him a fireman’s carry and does the Finlay roll onto the other guys outside.  Suicide climbs the cables, but Lethal knocks him down with a missile dropkick.  Lethal Consequences fight with the Guns.  Lethal gives Creed a boost up to the belt.  Sabin uses Shelley as a springboard and takes Creed down.  Tower of Doom spot in the corner, but Suicide holds on to the cables and goes for the prize.  Lethal persues and powerbombs him down.  Everybody hits a bunch of stuff.  Guns hit the Made In Detroit on Creed.  Creed hits the TKO off the second rope on Shelley.  Creed, Lethal, and Sabin all go for the belt.  They fight on the cables.  Suicide pounces and sends them all crashing, then grabs the belt and falls down for the win at 14:11.  Not as good as some other Ultimate X matches, but pretty awesome and 7,000 times better than anything else on this show.

Borash interviews Sting.

Sting/Angle video package.

Jarrett makes his entrance.  Why does a referee need a guitar?  Foley’s TNA music is awful.  Overly long entrances and videos to give it a big match feel.  It fails.  Boxing style intros, and we finally have…

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Sting (c) vs. Kurt Angle (Jeff Jarrett is the referee and Mick Foley is the enforcer).  Angle punches Sting.  Sting kicks Angle.  Angle kicks Sting.  Sting elbows Angle and clotheslines him out of the ring.  They brawl some more.  Angle takes a sweet bump on a backdrop out of the ring, lands on his feet but manages to hit his head on the guardrail.  They brawl into the crowd for about a second, then go back to the ring.  Angle suplexes Sting and gets a two count.  Jarrett’s count was fair, but Angle still glares at him).  Angle tries to catch a charging Sting for a belly-to-belly, but Sting just kind of crashes into him and they stumble.  Angle wears down Sting with a sleeper on the mat.  Sting fights out and they crossbody each other.  Sting hits a bunch of clotheslines and the Stinger Splash.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Sting armdrags him out of it and hits a powerbomb of all things for a near fall.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Sting kicks him away.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle hits a moonsault for a near fall and I wasn’t paying attention.  Dammit.  Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for a near fall.  Sting ducks a clothesline and Angle clotheslines Jarrett.  Sting locks in the Scorpion Death Lock.  Foley checks on Jarrett.  Angle taps, but nobody is paying attention.  Angle hits the Angle Slam.  Foley counts two.  Angle low blows him.  Angle tries to use a chair on Sting, but Foley takes it away from him.  Foley swings for Angle but Angle ducks and Sting takes the chair shot.  Angle half ass Angle Slams fat Foley.  He covers Sting and Jarrett counts two.  Angle spits at Jarrett and punches him.  Jarrett punches him back and Sting hits the Scorpion Death Drop for the pin at 13:51.  Angle is pissed at Jarrett, but he brought it on himself.  Sting holds up the gold as we fade to black.

The show wasn’t as horrible as Alvarez made it out to be.  Yes, the undercard WAS bad, but Booker and AJ had an okay match (only one botch stands out) and the Ultimate X was good.  The main event was a lot better than I expected.  Alvarez bitched about the heel being screwed by three guys, but if you look at the content it’s clear he did it to himself.  It wasn’t a good match, but it wasn’t awful.  Everything but the three matches I mentioned was completely worthless and had no redeeming quality.

TNA No Surrender 2008 (Repost)

Posted in TNA with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 21, 2010 by Grappleholic

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  Okay PPV intro video.

Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us LIVE to Oshawa, Ontario!  This is TNA’s first PPV outside of the United States.

Sting kicks off the show.  Huh?  Oh, he’s just out to cut a promo.  Sting says he will challenge the winner of tonight’s main event for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at Bound For Glory next month.  He talks about the younger guys not respecting the business or nothing, makes a Bret Hart reference, and warns AJ Styles and Samoa Joe that it’s Show time.

Earlier today: Christian Cage arrived at work.

Tenay and West inform us that due to Hurricane Ike, Booker T wasn’t able to make it to the show.  He was supposed to be in the Four-Way World Title match tonight.  They run down the card for the evening.  Finally time for the opener.

The Rock N Rave Infection (Lance Rock, Jimmy Rave, & Christy Hemme) vs. The Prince Justice Brotherhood (Curry Man, Super Eric, & Shark Boy).  Rave and Eric start.  Eric sends Rave out and hits the first suicide dive of the night, then throws him back in and hits a missile dropkick for a two count.  Rock and Shark Boy tag in.  Rock statys in briefly before tagging back out to Rave.  Sharky kicks his ass and tags in Curry Man.  Curry forces Rave to tag in Christy.  Funny exchange, wnen Shark and Rave come back in.  Sharky gets backdropped out of the ring, then Rock whips him into the guardrail.  Rock N Rave beat up Shark Boy until Sharky tags in Curry Man.  Curry kisses Hemme.  She likes it.  He tries pin her with a reverse cradle, but Rock breaks it.  Rock takes down Curry and Christy hits her stupid split leg drop for a near fall.  Shark hits the Chummer (Stunner) on Hemme, but Rock nails him.  Eric hits a double DVD on Rock and Rave.  Curry pins Hemme for the victory at 7:49.  Fun comedy match.

Awesome Kong/ODB video package.

Falls Count Anywhere Match: Awesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed) vs. ODB.  Saeed jumps ODB in the aisle because ODB ripped her veil off recently on iMPACT!  Kong takes ODB to the ring and beats her up, but misses a splash, which allows ODB to go on the offensive.  ODB brings in a table and sets it up in the corner.  Kong reverses the Irish whip attempt and clotheslines ODB.  They go outside and fight into the crowd.  Kong gets a near fall on the ramp, then tries to sandwich ODB against the ring post.  ODB moves and Kong lariats the post.  ODB hits a Thesz press for a near fall I think.  Back in the ring, ODB sends Kong into a chair set up in the corner and schoolgirls her for a near fall.  ODB sets up the table and tries to slam Kong.  Kong goes for the Awesome Bomb, but ODB fights out of it.  Kong stands on the middle rope and tells Saeed to bring her a chair.  ODB powerbombs Kong onto the table, which doesn’t break through.  Ouch.  Saeed pulls ODB out of the ring, but gets sent into the guardrail.  ODB gets a near fall on Kong with an inside cradle.  Kong sandwiches ODB in the corner and nails her with a backfist.  Saeed gives Kong another table, which is set up in the corner.  ODB takes a drink from her flask and sprays it in Kong’s face, but Kong still manages to give her a spinebuster through the table for the win at 10:24.  It wasn’t awful.

Generic blonde interviews Christian Cage.  He talks about wanting to be a wrestler growing up just one hour from where the PPV is tonight.  He says he’s going to win the title in front of his family and friends tonight.

Abyss & Morgan/Team 3D video package.

Team 3D vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan.  Abyss and Brother Ray start.  The storyline here is Abyss spend time in a nuthouse to curb his violent tendencies (using weapons and stuff).  Ray hits a Rock Bottom, then tags in Devon, who hammers Abyss with punches.  Abyss clotheslines him and tags in Morgan.  Team 3D tries to leave, but Abyss and Morgan case them down and they fight in the aisle and back to the ring.  3D works on Abyss’ leg to half ass build the heat until Abyss makes the lukewarm tag to Morgan, who cleans house.  Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint on Devon and covers, but Ray pulls the referee out of the ring.  Johnny Devine runs in and hits Morgan with a chair.  Devon covers, but Morgan kicks out.  3D hits the reverse 3D, but Morgan kicks out again.  They set up for the proper 3D, but Morgan clotheslines them and tags in Abyss.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment (I think that’s what it’s called) on Devine to dispose of him.  3D hits the Doomsday Device on Abyss, but Morgan breaks the cover.  Morgan fights Ray on the outside while Abyss and Devon fight in the ring.  Abyss hits a weak chokeslam for a near fall, then picks up the chair.  Before he decides to use it, Ray makes it back in and hits him from behind.  Morgan pulls him out and punches the chair into Devon’s face.  Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on Devon for the win at 11:35 to put the finishing touches on this crapfest.  Bubba low blows Abyss and nails Morgan with the chair, then 3D and Devine bail.  Morgan gets up to find Abyss holding the chair and thinks Abyss was the one who hit him.

Bashir/Williams/Creed video package.

Three-Way Match for the TNA X Division Championship: Petey Williams (c) (w/ Rhaka Khan) vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Consequences Creed.  A Canadian is defending the title in Canada and Earl Hebner is the referee.  Uh oh.  Of course we get the obligatory “YOU SCREWED BRET” chant.  Early action is fast and furious.  Creed hits the second suicide dive of the night to take out Williams and Bashir outside the ring.  They do lots of cool stuff, but most of it is too quick to call.  Williams hits his rana suicida, then Bashir takes him out with a baseball slide dropkick.  Bashir and Creed fight for a bit until Williams makes it back in and sets up a double Canadian Destroyer.  Sorry, not going to happen in this lifetime.  Creed hits a double diving leg drop on both of them.  Williams goes for the Destroyer on Creed, but gets countered.  Williams puts Bashir in the Sharpshooter to the delight of the crowd.  Bashir crawls over and covers Creed, but Williams pulls him back to the middle of the ring.  Creed hits a bulldog on Williams to break the hold.  Creed counters a Destroyer attempt with the same Beach-Break like move he did at the previous PPV.  Williams hits the Destroyer on Creed and covers.  Bashir pulls him out of the ring and sends him into the guardrail, then slips in and pins Creed to win the title at 8:16.  Good match.

Samoa Joe arrives at the building.  The World Champion can’t trouble himself to make it to work on time?

Wilde/Love video package.  The Beautiful People and Kip James make their entrance.  Every one of Kip’s gimmicks is progressively more gay than the last.  Taylor is the hometown girl.  Native champions are not doing well on this show so far.  Taylor introduces her backup for the night, Rhino.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match: Taylor Wilde (c) (w/ Rhino) vs. Angelina Love (w/ Kip James & Velvet Sky).  They trade girlie punches to start.  Traci Brooks comes out to take notes or something.  She’s the “Knockout Law.”  Sky nails Wilde with Kip’s purple makeup kit outside the ring.  They trade shots back in the ring.  Love hits a front suplex for a near fall.  Wilde gets a front cradle for a near fall.  Rhino Gores an interfering Kip James.  Sky grabs Wilde from behind and holds her so Love can nail her.  Wilde ducks and Love puts on the brakes.  Wilde dropkicks Love into Sky, then hits a Northern Lights suplex for the win at 6:23.  Lousy and boring.

Lethal/Dutt/Val video package.  Tonight they’ll have a ladder match with So Cal Val’s engagement ring hanging above the ring.  The winner gets Val.  Yeah, that’s really smart way to choose your man.

Ladder of Love Match:
Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt.  Good exchange to start, with Dutt taking a Dragon suplex and landing on his knees, then Lethal hitting a tope suicida.  Tenay says he’s just heard that Jacqueline attacked Salinas in the bathroom.  Lethal backdrops Dutt out of the ring and onto a ladder.  Lethal climbs the ladder and goes for the prize, but Dutt springboards to the ladder and drops Lethal into the ropes.  Dutt heads up the ladder, but Lethal powerbombs him.  Dutt brings in another ladder and sets it up between the ropes and the main ladder.  Lethal takes a bump into it, then Dutt hits a springboard flip.  It’s really hard to describe some of this shit.  The second ladder is now on top of the first ladder.  Lethal catapults Dutt, but completely misses the ladders.  Lethal takes the second ladder down and uses it against Dutt.  Matches like this can be really hard to call.  Sick tree of woe spot with the ladder.  They fight in the aisle.  Lethal takes a bump into a ladder set up on two chairs.  Slight “HOLY SHIT” chant.  The make it back in the ring and both set up ladders.  Dutt puts Lethal in the camel clutch ON TOP OF THE LADDERS.  Lethal fights out and sends Dutt crashing to the mat.  Lethal gets his leg caught in the ladder and Val comes in to help him.  Dutt yells at Val.  Dutt and Lethal climb opposite sides of the ladder.  Val gives Lethal a low blow, allowing Dutt to win at 13:22.  They make out after the match.  I’m sure absolutely every one saw this one coming.

Jeremy Borash interviews Kurt Angle.

Beer Money/LAX video package.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Beer Money (c) (w/ Jacqueline) vs. LAX (w/ Hector Guerrero).  Homicide wants Roode, who bails and tags in Storm.  Remember, Roode hit Homicide in the eye with a beer bottle at the previous PPV.  Hernandez tags in and hits a springboard shoulder block on Storm.  Storm hits a Lung Blower on Hernandez and covers, but Homicide makes the save.  Hernandez goes for a powerbomb on Storm, but Roode clips his knee.  Homicide eventually tags in and then tags Roode’s face with punches.  Homicide hits a DDT off the turnbuckle and covers, but Storm saves.  Roode hits a spinebuster, but Hernandez saves.  Hernandez sends Roode out and Homicide hits a suicide dive.  Hernandez climbs the ropes, but Storm spits beer in this face and powerbombs him down.  Second time tonight that spot as been used.  Homicide goes for Roode’s head with a beer bottle, but smashes it into the steps and maybe hits his hand up.  Hernandez hits a dive on everybody.  Roode and Homicide back in the ring.  Homicide goes for the Gringo Killa, but Jacqueline throws powder in his eyes.  Roode hits the Payoff on Homicide for the win at 8:44.  Not bad, but not as good as their previous PPV matches.

Styles/Trigg video package.

MMA/Amateur Wrestling Match: Frank Trigg vs. AJ Styles.  Trigg cuts a promo to piss off the crowd.  There will be three 5 minute rounds, with a 1 minute rest period between rounds.  Typical boring MMA stuff until the take a spill out of the ring.  They go back in the ring and it goes back to being a boring MMA match.  AJ locks in a cross armbreaker as the first round ends.  Crowd chants “THIS IS BULLSHIT” as the second round starts.  AJ hits an accidental low blow and the match is ruled a no contest at 7:16.  This “match” was just plain retarded.  AJ nails Trigg with a Singapore cane afte the match.

Jeremy Borash interviews the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, Samoa Joe.  He rips on Sting for not working house shows.

Joe/Booker/Christian/Angle video package.  Booker isn’t here because of the weather, so now it’s a Three-Way Match.

Three-Way Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Christian Cage vs. Kurt Angle.  Sting comes down and Joe attacks him the aisle.  AJ comes out and tries to make peace.  Sting leaves.  Joe goes to the ring so we can have the introductions and the match can start.  Christian and Joe double team Angle a bit, then go at it themselves.  Angle comes back in and hits a belly-to-belly overhead suplex to send Christian over the ropes and out of the ring.  Angle wears down Joe with a rear chin lock.  Christian makes it back in to take a belly-to-belly superplex from Angle.  Joe hits his powerslam on Angle for a two count.  Angle counters an Unprettier attempt from Chrstian into the rolling Germans.  Joe goes for the choke on Angle.  Angle tries to give him the Angle Slam, but Joe hits a German.  Joe goes for the Muscle Buster on Christian but fails.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Joe for a near fall.  Tower of doom spot in the corner.  Joe gets a two count on Christian, then Angle.  Angle tries to give Christian a German off the apron, but Christian holds on, so it just looks gay.  Angle locks in the ankle lock.  Joe schoolboys Angle for a near fall.  Angle locks Joe in the ankle lock, then puts both in it at the same time.  They flip out of it.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster on Christian and covers, but Angle grabs referee Earl Hebner’s shirt.  Hebner finally gets away and counts two.  Joe throws Christian out of the ring into Angle, then dives out onto both of them.  They make it back into the ring and Angle hits the Angle Slam on Joe.  Christian follows with a frog splash, then sends Angle out of the ring.  Christian hits the Unprettier on Joe and covers, but Angle pulls Hebner out and throws him into the guardrail.  Angle wallops Christian with a chair, then Angle Slams him out of the ring.  He clobbers Joe with the chair and locks in the ankle lock.  Jeff Jarrett comes down and blasts Angle with the guitar.  Joe hits the Muscle Buster and Jarrett puts Hebner back in the ring to count the pin at 15:29.  Joe vs. Sting next month a Bound For Glory!  Alright match.

All in all, a lackluster show with a couple of okay matches, but nothing outstanding.