TNA iMPACT! 2/17/11

Recap of recent goings on.  Tonight, Rob Van Dam finally gets Jeff Hardy for the World Title!

“The Boy Is Back In Town”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Eric Bischoff, Matt Hardy, Rob Terry, Gunner, and Murphy of Immortal come out.  Bischoff introduces the NEW TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy.  Bischoff starts to blather on.  They show a PIP of Ric Flair arriving backstage.  He talks about RVD/Hardy tonight, then bitches about Flair being AWOL recently.  Flair comes out, helped into the ring by So Cal Val, and bitches at Bischoff for telling him what to do because he’s Ric Flair, dammit!  Flair leaves.

Video of Jeff and Karen Jarrett getting massages and being pretentious assholes.  It lasts way too long.  And we’ll probably get 30 of these tonight.  Commercials.

AJ Styles and Matt Hardy brawl backstage.  Gunner and Murphy jump Styles.  The rest of Fortune make the save.  Rob Terry joins in.  Scott Steiner is there too.  Al Snow, Pat Kenney, D’Lo Brown, and geeks try to break it up.

Tenay and Taz talk about Against All Odds.

Hernandez, Sarita, and Rosita make friends backstage.  I understood most of Sarita’s Spanish!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Doug Williams comes out.  Hernandez jumps him in the aisle and destroys him.

Doug Williams vs. Hernandez (w/ Sarita & Rosita).  Hernandez continues destroying Williams.  Velvet Sky runs out to attack Sarita for talking shit.  Rosita beats up Velvet.  Angelina Love makes the save.  Meanwhile, Hernandez chokes Williams with his shirt.  Hernandez hits the Border Toss which drops Williams RIGHT ON HIS FUCKING HEAD for the pin in 1:59.  What a mess.

Eric Bischoff is on the phone trying to get the network to cancel the Hardy/RVD match tonight.  He fails.  Commercials.

“The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero is in the ring with a roast pig with an apple in its mouth.  He talks for a while.  He calls the pig “Sloppy Joe” and claims to be Jesus.  Samoa Joe comes out to put a stop to this stupidity.  Okato appears on the apron and delivers a kick to Pope.  Joe kicks Pope’s ass and hits the Muscle  Buster through the buffet table.  Thank you, Joe!  Joe puts the apple in Pope’s mouth.  Hah!

Tonight, Jeff Hardy defends the World Championship against RVD!  Commercials!

Robbie E. and Cookie are obnoxious.  Kazarian kisses his wife Traci Brooks backstage before heading to the ring.  Kazarian cuts a promo about bringing back the X Division.  He challenges Robbie to send Cookie to the back and have a straight match with him.  Robbie agrees.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Kazarian (c) vs. Robbie E.  Robbie goes on the attack early.  Kazarian fires back and kicks Robbie in the head.  There’s a random horn honking sound.  Kazarian hits a springboard elbow smash for 2.  Kazarian lands a spin kick and goes for the Fade To Black.  Cookie comes back in and hits Kazarian with a giant purse to cause the DQ in 1:47.  Robbie and Cookie attack Kazarian.  Traci Brooks runs in and kicks Cookie’s ass.  Glad that crap is over.

Ric Flair visits with Fortune.  He’s playing both sides of the Immortal/Fortune game, apparently.  He ices all of them.

Styles vs. Hardy NEXT!  Commercials!

Matt Hardy vs. AJ Styles.  They brawl.  Styles throws Hardy out of the ring and hits an awesome suicide dive.  Hardy gets the advantage in a ringside brawl.  Back inside, Hardy hits the Side Effect for 2.  Ric Flair comes out.  Hardy grabs a cravat.  Hardy rakes Styles’ eyes.  Styles gets pissed off and kicks Hardy’s ass.  Hardy counters the Styles Clash.  Styles does the drop down, leap frog, dropkick.  Styles goes for the springboard forearm, but Flair turns and trips him.  Hardy hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 3:23.  Flair and Hardy beat up Styles.  Fortune run off Flair and Hardy.  The match wasn’t much of anything.

Ken Anderson is here and he’s pissed off.  Commercials.

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious in a hot tub.

Ken Anderson comes out and calls out Eric Bischoff.  Bischoff comes out.  Anderson bitches about not getting his championship rematch tonight.  Bischoff blames The Network.  Is Cyrus going to show up?  Because that would probably rule.  Anyway, they argue.  Bischoff makes Anderson the guest referee in the main event tonight, with the logic that he’ll help Hardy win to have another chance at Hardy.  Anderson agrees, then gives Bischoff the Mic Check.

Velvet Sky and Winter bicker backstage.  Winter grabs some scissors.  Angelina comes in and tells Winter to chill.  Hehe… Winter chill…

Tonight, Hardy vs. RVD.  Up next, women’s tag match.  Commercials.

House shows!

AJ Styles rants and raves about Flair backstage.  He wants Flair next week.

The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky) vs. Sarita & Rosita.  They brawl in the aisle.  They brawl in the ring.  Velvet beats up Sarita.  Love and Rosita tag in.  BP double team Rosita.  Sarita comes in and Love throws her outside.  Rosita tries to rally.  Love gives her the World’s Weakest Slam.  Sarita tags in.  Love hits a wonky move for 2.  Velvet tags in.  Sarita kicks her in the pussy, wiggles her ass, and tags out.  Sky overcomes a double team.  Rosita hits a jawbreaker.  Sarita tags in.  Sky gives her a shitty hip toss into the ring.  Sky goes for a DDT, but Rosita stops her.  Clusterfuck ensues.  Rosita trips Sky from the outside.  Sarita pins Sky with her feet on the ropes in 3:49.  This was fucking atrocious.  Velvet challenges Sarita to a match with no cheating allowed.  Sarita says Velvet is a joke, which is true, and challenges her to put her career on the line.  Sky agrees.  Please win, Sarita!

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious somewhere else.

Kurt Angle is going to where Karen and Jeff are.

Tonight, RVD vs. Hardy with Anderson as ref.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne and Tara are obnoxious backstage.  She’s issued an open challenge to anyone in the world.

Scott Steiner talks about having a pose off with Rob Terry next week.  Ugh.

Rob Van Dam/Jeff Hardy video package.

Jeff and Karen are obnoxious at dinner.  Kurt Angle shows up.  Jeff and Karen run away.  That was pointless.

Rob Van Dam talks backstage.

The main event is NEXT!  Commercials.

Tenay and Taz talk about what happened at the PPV with Bully Ray, Brother Devon, and Devon’s sons.  Bully Ray comes out to be an asshole.  Taz tells him to STFU and GTFO.  They argue.  Ray slaps Tenay in the back of the head just to be a dick.

Ken Anderson comes out and does his intro.  It’s main event time!

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Rob Van Dam.  Ken Anderson is the guest referee.  They lock up.  RVD goes into karate mode, then into judo mode.  Hardy hides in the ropes.  RVD drops him crotch-first into the ropes and hits the flying kick.  RVD front suplexes Hardy into the guardrail and hits the MOTHERFUCKING GUARDRAIL LEG DROP~!  Commercials.  RVD hits a slingshot leg drop to the apron, then another one back into the ring for 2.  RVD hits a front slam and goes for the split legged moonsault, but Hardy gets his knees up.  Hardy dropkicks Hardy into the post and out of the ring.  Back inside, Hardy hits a front suplex for 2.  Hardy applies a rear chin lock.  RVD avoids the Whisper In The Wind and hits a standing moonsault.  RVD makes his comeback and hits the Rolling Thunder for 2.  RVD hits his swank leg roll cradle for 2, then kicks Hardy in the face.  RVD goes up top.  Hardy pushes him off into the barricade.  Back inside, Hardy hits the Swanton Bomb for the… RVD kicks out!  Hardy and Anderson argue.  RVD hits a chin crusher and spin kick, then the Five Star Frog Splash.  Hardy gets his foot on the bottom rope.  Hardy accidentally bumps into Anderson.  Anderson glares at him.  Hardy kicks RVD in the balls where Anderson can’t see it, then hits the Twist of Hate for the pin in 12:12.  Pretty good match.  Anderson raises Hardy’s hand, then gives him the Mic Check.  RVD and Anderson argue.  Anderson gives RVD the Mic Check too.

Aside from a decent main event, this show was fucking atrocious.  After a run of watchable shows, this was pretty much back to business as usual for iMPACT!

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One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 2/17/11”

  1. […] Night Smackdown! 2/13- TNA Against All Odds 2011 2/14- WWE Monday Night Raw 2/17- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 2/18- WWE Friday Night […]

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