WWE Monday Night Raw 3/2/09 (Repost)

WWE open, then a video highlighting the Triple H sit-down interview and his backstage horror movie chasing of Legacy last week.  Raw open.

Michael Cole welcomes us LIVE to Boston.  Tonight, Randy Orton decides which champion he’ll challenge at WrestleMania.  Jerry Lawler is in the ring.  He announces that tonight, Edge will defend the World Heavyweight Championship against John Cena.

Roddy Piper’s music hits.  There’s a little Piper’s Pit set on the stage.  The music transitions into Chris Jericho’s music, and he comes out.  He introduces a clip of the legendary Piper’s Pit where Piper hit Jimmy Snuka with a coconut.  Jericho introduces his guest, Jimmy Snuka.  Shock shock.  Jericho has a cut between his eyes.  They show highlights of various Piper/Snuka matches.  Jericho bashes Piper for working indy shows and says all the other shit he says every week.  Of course there’s the tease that Jericho is going to hit him with a coconut.  Snuka grabs the coconut and Jericho runs away.  Snuka celebrates and Jericho pushes the stage down onto him and beats him down.  Commercial.

Moments ago: Chris Jericho beat down Jimmy Snuka!

The announcers dicsuss what happened, then hype the Edge vs. Cena title match TONIGHT!

Before the first match gets underway, let me rant for a moment.  WWE IS SO FUCKING STUPID.  It is SO FUCKING ANNOYING that they keep hyping the upcoming WrestleMania as “The 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania.”  It’s NOT.  This is worse than the “IC Title Tournament” thing a few months ago.  It’s WrestleMania 25.  It’s the 25th Annual WrestleMania.  Why can’t they just say that?  Why do they go out of their way to be stupid?  Is the day you get married your first anniversary?  NO.  Is WrestleMania I the first anniversary of WrestleMania?  NO.  Shit like this is just stupid and it promotes stupidity of the people watching.

Money In The Bank Qualifying Triple Threat Match: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Mike Knox vs. Kane.  CM Punk qualified last week, beating John Morrison and The Miz in another Triple Threat Match.  Rey gets sent to the outside, then Kane and Knox knock each other down.  Commercial.  When we come back, Knox is punishing Mysterio with a backbreaker hold.  Kane pulls Mysterio out, decks him, and goes in to fight Knox.  Mysterio makes it back in and uses his speed to try to gain the advantage.  Knox kills him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a near fall.  Knox picks him up to go for another move, but Mysterio hits a neat tornado DDT.  Kane breaks the cover.  Mysterio jumps off of Knox and hits the Bombs Away on Kane.  He goes for the 619 on Knox, but Kane catches him and goes for the chokeslam.  Mysterio counters and hits the 619 and the Bombs Away, but Knox breaks the cover.  Knox his his finish on Mysterio, but Kane chokeslams him for the win at 8:45.  Kane chokeslams Mysterio for good measure.

Tonight, Orton makes his decision!

Vladimir Kozlov is backstage warming up for his match with Shawn Michaels tonight.

WrestleMania video highlighting WrestleMania XII.

Todd Grisham interviews Shawn Michaels.  He says he’ll end Kozlov’s undefeated streak tonight, and he’ll end Undertaker’s at WrestleMania.

Mickie James & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall (w/ Santino Marella & Rosa Mendez).  Women’s Champion Melina and Divas Champion Maryse join the announcers at ringside.  Beth destroys Kelly.  Jillian tags in and does the same.  Mickie gets the hot tag and hits a diving Thesz press, but Phoenix breaks the cover.  Kelly tags in and pins Jillian with a diving sunset flip at 2:38.  Rosa jumps in and attacks Kelly.  Melina tries to make the save, but Maryse drops her with a DDT outside the ring.

Another replay of the Triple H/Orton angle.  Orton comes out with Legacy, lawyers, and security.  Commercial.  Orton says he’s challenging the winner of tonight’s Cena/Edge match.  He says Triple H isn’t going to WrestleMania, he’s going to jail, because Orton is pressing assault charges.  Triple H comes out.  Long story short, Triple H convinces Orton to accept the match with him at WrestleMania.  Orton agrees with the stipulation that Triple H can’t touch him until WrestleMania unless he’s physically provoked.  Orton tries to provoke Triple H.  Triple H says that the last time they had a match, Triple H broke Orton’s collarbone.  This time, he’ll break Orton’s neck.

Tonight: Edge vs. Cena for the World Heavyweight Championship!

Next: Michaels vs. Kozlov, with the winner facing Undertaker at WrestleMania!

Last week: Michaels beat JBL, then Kozlov attacked Michaels.

Shawn Michaels vs. Vladimir Kozlov.  Last week on Smackdown, Kozlov beat The Undertaker.  Michaels is flustered early on by Kozlov’s intensity.  I don’t know if that sentence made sense.  I need to read a dictionary.  Michaels manages to lock Kozlov in the figure-four leglock, but Kozlov turns it over.  Kozlov goes for his spinebuster type move, but Michaels bails.  Commercial.  When we come back, Kozlov continues to dominate.  Shawn gets completely massacred for several minutes before countering an attempt at a top rope move from Kozlov and hitting the diving elbow drop.  He follows with the superkick for the clean pin at 10:39.  The match wasn’t awful.  Undertaker comes out to stand on the stage and give the throat slash gesture.  At least we have something on the WrestleMania card worth watching.

Who will join Steve Austin, The Funks, and Ricky Steamboat in the Hall of Fame class of 2009?  We’ll find out NEXT!

Hype for Cena’s new movie.

Bill Watts is going into the Hall of Fame!  He’ll be inducted by Jim Ross.

Todd Grisham interviews Edge.

Tomorrow night on ECW: Kane!

Last Friday on Smackdown: Cena fell victim to Big Show’s killer punch.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Edge (c) vs. John Cena.  In-ring intros for this one.  They start with a headlock sequence.  Edge charges Cena, but gets lowbridged out of the ring.  Commercial.  Back from break, Edge is wearing down Cena with a rear chinlock.  I imagine that when a match goes to commercial, the entire commercial break is just the heel holding the face in a rear chinlock.  Too bad I’ve never been to a TV taping to see if it’s true.  Cena starts his usual comeback.  Edge gets a near fall with an Oklahoma roll.  Cena gets a near fall with a schoolboy.  Edge gets a near fall with his implant DDT.  They tease an F…Attitude Adjuster off the middle rope, but Edge sends Cena crashing out of the ring.  Cena barely beats the count back in.  Cena makes his comeback.  He goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Edge locks in his leg hold.  The Edgeucator?  Is that what it’s called?  Edge goes for the spear, but Cena locks in the STF.  Edge gets a rope break and hits the spear for a near fall.  Edge brings in the title belt.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjuster, but Edge hits him with the belt to cause the DQ at 12:19.  Cena wins by DQ, Edge keeps the belt.  Edge makes it up to the stage and sits down.  Big Show comes out, followed by Vickie Guerrero.  Vickie announces that Show is the #1 Contender for WrestleMania.  Edge looks shocked, Cena looks disappointed, Show looks happy, and the crowd doesn’t care.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 3/2/09 (Repost)”

  1. […] WWE ECW 2/15- WWE No Way Out 2009 / NJPW 2/16- WWE Monday Night Raw 2/23- WWE Monday Night Raw 3/2- WWE Monday Night Raw 3/9- WWE Monday Night Raw 3/13- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 3/15- TNA Destination X 2009 3/16- WWE […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: