WWE Monday Night Raw 1/5/09 (Repost)

Originally posted on 1/6/09.

We start with a recap of the Michaels/JBL angle from last week.

The first live shot is Chris Jericho and Randy Orton in the ring.  Jericho whines about Michaels and JBL working together in the four-way last week.  They say they have filed formal complaints and want JBL removed from the Royal Rumble title match.  This is ricockulous.  JBL’s music hits, and Cole and Lawler finally introduce us the show LIVE from New Orleans!  Wait, Michaels is riding in the limo with JBL!  JBL tells them to shut up, because he won the title shot.  Jericho makes a valid point, saying that for months last year he tries to tell everyone that Michaels was a sellout, and it turned out he was right.  Stephanie McMahon finally comes out and upholds the referee’s decision, since Shawn actually didn’t lay down, he got knocked down.  Stephanie tells Jericho and Orton that they are both in the Rumble match.  Jericho says Shawn shouldn’t be allowed in the Rumble.  JBL agrees, and says Shawn’s only job at the Rumble is to support JBL as he goes for the title.  Stephanie books Jericho & Orton vs. Michaels & Cena for tonight.  Shawn plays the pathetic, miserable old guy remarkable well.

CM Punk vs. William Regal for the Intercontinental Championship TONIGHT!

WWE Slam of the Week: the Diva Battle Royal and subsequent Beth/Melina brawl from last week.

Goldust & Melina vs. Santino Marella & WWE Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix.  Melina pins Beth with a jackknife hold at 3:17.  Rosa Mendez jumps the guardrail and attacks Melina before security takes her away.  Melina jumps the guardrail and goes after her again anyway, then comes back to celebrate her win.

Todd Grisham interviews CM Punk.  Punk says he wants to add his name to the list of great Intercontinental Champions such as Ricky Steamboat, Bret Hart, and Mr. Perfect.  Punk even mentions that he lost to Regal in the King of the Ring final last year, so he wants revenge for that… even though he beat Regal clean in a non-title match when he was World Champion.  Anyway, it’s next, and it’s gonna rule!

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: William Regal (w/ Layla) vs. CM Punk.  This is going to own.  Regal, being an awesome prick, uses Layla as a shield so Punk can’t dive on him.  Regal then does what he does best: beating the fuck out of someone.  Punk fights back with his usual strikes.  Punk gets Regal up for the Go 2 Sleep, but Regal grabs the ref to cause the DQ at 2:56.  FUCK.  RESTART!  Dammit, where’s… oh, there she is.  Dammit, no restart, but close: Stephanie says Punk will have a rematch, and if Regal gets DQ’d, he loses the title.  WHEN?  Dammit.  Oh well, at least they’re keeping the angle going.

JBL tells Michaels how much it will benifit him to help Jericho and Orton destroy Cena tonight.

Randy Orton tells Cody Rhodes and Sim Snuka that they passed phased one, and if they win their matches tonight, they’re in.  Manu walks up and asks for a second chance, citing, correctly, that Orton lost his match last week too.  Orton rips into him and tells him that he will never be part of the group, and that he never wanted to see his face again.

Dolph Ziggler introduces himself to Mickie James as Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston head to the ring for the Tag Team title shot.  It’s NEXT!

This Friday night on Smackdown: Triple H pissed of Vickie, so now he’s gonna get fucked up!

World Tag Team Championship Match: John Morrison & The Miz (c) vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. & Kofi Kingston.  What exactly have Mysterio & Kingston done as a team to warrant a tag title shot?  Miz & Morrison cut a promo before the match.  During Rey’s entrance, they show clips from the 10-man tag last week.  In less than a minute, the show goes to commercial.  Back from break, Miz works over Rey, but Rey makes the hot tag and Kofi cleans house.  Morrison pulls Kofi’s leg and makes him fall off the top rope, then Morrison works over Kofi’s leg.  Kofi later does a nip up rana on Morrison.  More than one person in WWE is ripping off AJ Styles!  Kofi finally hot tags Mysterio.  Mysterio hits the 619, but before he can springboard, he has to deal with Miz, and Morrison recovers to catch him coming off the top with his kick to retain the titles at 11:53.  Mike Knox destroys Mysterio after the match… again.

Michaels is getting ready in the locker room.  Cena comes in and wonders what he should expect from HBK tonight.

Buy the Edge DVD, it’s good!

Kelly Kelly vs. Jillian Hall.  Last week, it was revealed that Orton banged Kelly and then wouldn’t return her calls.  Jillian comes out singing “When The Saints Go Marching In.”  Badly.  Because that’s her gimmick.  I can’t sing and I have big boobs.  Can I get a job with WWE?  Jillian gets heat on Kelly, Kelly makes a comeback.  Kelly goes for a victory roll, but Jillian sits on it and almost gets the pin.  Kelly hits a leg drop that was more like a Fameasser for the win at 4:22.  Jillian attacks Kelly after the match, but Kane comes out!  Kane says Kelly now knows it doesn’t feel so good being rejected.  He says next week he’s going to eviscerate Randy Orton.  Huh?

Royal Rumble hype.

More hype for Triple H facing Triple Jeopardy on Smackdown.

Oh, eviscerate means “to take out the entrails of.”

Cody Rhodes & Sim Snuka vs. Cryme Tyme.  This match started while I was consulting a dictionary.  Rhodes and Snuka have to win to stay in Orton’s group.  Good guys get heat on JTG until he makes the hot tag to Shad.  He cleans house, then JTG comes back in.  Rhodes hits the Roll of the Dice (that move Reno did in WCW… I think Test did it too) on JTG for the win at 5:52.

JBL is UP TO SOMETHING!

Tomorrow night on ECW, Matt Hardy vs. Mark Henry and Finlay vs. Jack Swagger!  Tomorrow night at night on Sci-Fi!

Plug for Kennedy’s movie.

Orton congratulates Rhodes, then tells Sim he’s out since he didn’t win the fall.

Stephanie tells Santino and Beth that Rosa Mendez is banned.  I think.  Santino says funny things.  They leave.  Jericho walks in and asks Stephanie why JBL was in her office earlier.  Jericho tells Stephanie that Vince McMahon will return to Raw in two weeks.  Stephanie looks worried.

The main event is NEXT!

Chris Jericho & Randy Orton vs. World Heavyweight Champion John Cena & Shawn Michaels.  Michaels cooperates with Cena a little early.  JBL comes out to watch as the show goes to commercial.  Dammit.  Back from break, Michaels gets away from Orton and tags Cena in.  Cena goes for the F-U and Michaels actually blocks Jericho from stopping it.  Orton rakes Cena’s eyes to get out, then Cena accidentally almost F-U’s Shawn.  I don’t pay attention for a minute, then Jericho is working Cena over.  Cena goes for the F-U, but Jericho counters with a DDT.  Awesome.  Cena plays face in peril.  Cena finally hits the diving Fameasser thing on Jericho.  Cena tries to tag Michaels, but Jericho tags Orton first and Orton stops Cena from making the tag.  Cena makes the tag and Shawn looks undecided about what to do.  Jericho makes the decision for him by attacking him, so Michaels has to defend himself.  Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Shawn gets his knees up.  Shawn does the slam and the diving elbow, but Jericho gets his knees up.  Turnabout is fairplay.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Michaels gets an inside cradle.  Orton breaks the cover.  Orton hits the 3.0 on Cena and goes for the RKO, but Shawn superkicks him, then superkicks Jericho for the pin at 15:55.

Todd Grisham asks JBL and Michaels’ actions.  JBL says he talked to Stephanie McMahon earlier, and next week it’s Michaels (w/ JBL) vs. Cena.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 1/5/09 (Repost)”

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