WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 12/10/10

WWE open, recap of recent stupidity.  Josh Matthews, Michael Cole, and Matt Striker are the announcers.

World Heavyweight Champion Kane comes out to whine about Edge stealing his daddy.  Edge appears on the screen.  He has Paul Bearer in mortal peril as usual.  Edge wants to use Bearer for chair shot practice.  Edge hits Bearer in the back with a chair.  Kane runs to the back to find that Edge has Bearer set up for a one man conchairto.  Or so it seems.  Edge hits a fake Paul Bearer with a chair and runs away.  “Another dummy,” Kane says.  Whoever write this storyline is the dummy.  Kane sees Edge run away with the real Bearer off in the distance.  This is the worst storyline in the history of wrestling, television, literature, or anything else that has ever existed as a creative medium.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Justin Roberts is the ring announcer for some reason.

Jack Swagger vs. Kaval.  Swagger wins the lock up and beats the crap out of Kaval.  Kaval rallies and hits a running kick for 2.  Kaval ends up on Swagger’s shoulders.  Swagger throws him off, injuring his leg.  Swagger attacks the leg.  Kaval fights out of a powerbomb attempt, then sells his ankle.  Kaval ducks a charing Swagger and lands a head kick.  Kaval tries to mount a comeback.  He lands a koppou kick and gets rolling.  Kaval avoids Swagger in the corner and hits a diving knee strike for 2.  Kaval tries to go up top, but his ankle is screwed.  Swagger takes out the ankle and locks in the ankle lock for the win in 5:26.  Good little match.  Swagger cuts a promo after the match, bitching about losing to Kofi Kingston last week.  They show the aforementioned loss.  He bitches about being in the ropes when he got hit with Kofi’s finish, so they’re pretending that shit matters this week.

Tale of the tape for Hornswoggle vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Are you fucking serious?  Commercials.

WWE.com plug.

Hornswoggle (w/ Rosa Mendez) vs. The Soaring Eagle.  Rosa hands Hornswoggle a bag of bird seed.  Hornswoggl throws some around the ring.  The eagle goes for it.  Hornswoggle knocks it down, then tries to eat its leg.  Horswoggle rides the eagle, then slaps it, then runs into a big boot.  A big talon?  The eagle puts the talons to Hornswoggle.  The eagle misses the Ballin’ elbow.  Hornswoggle sits on it, then hits the tadpole splash for the pin in 2:21.  I cannot fucking believe I just reviewed that match.

Tonight, Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kane & Alberto Del Rio.  Commercials.

Backstage, Teddy Long congratulates the NEW WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov.  Santino says they are both excited to be able to appear on Smackdown.  Kozlov says “More people for me to crush.”  Santino signs “We Are The Champions.”  Kozlov waves a cigarette lighter around.  Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes in and challenges them to a match tonight.  Santino accepts.  Lots of Queen references.

Next, Dolph Ziggler defends the Intercontinental Championship against Kofi Kingston.

Kofi Kingston hype video.

Todd Grisham interviews WWE Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler.  Commercials.

Vickie Guerrero’s introduction of Ziggler is the worse thing I’ve heard since I was forced to listen to Edgard Varese’s Electronic Poem.

WWE Intercontinental Championship Match: Dolph Ziggler (c) (w/ Vickie Guerrero) vs. Kofi Kingston.  They lock up.  Kofi gets a schoolboy for 1.  Kofi gets another cradle for 2.  Ziggler beats on Kofi.  Ziggler hits the Perfect neck snap for 2.  Kofi hits a monkey flip and a dropkick, then a running elbow smash.  Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise, but Ziggler bails.  Commercials.  Ziggler has Kofi in a chin lock.  He releases it and hits a dropkick for 2.  Ziggler hits an elbow drop for 2.  Ziggler hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ziggler applies a face lock.  Kofi fights out and catapults Ziggler into the turnbuckles.  Ziggler takes that better than anyone not named Curt Hennig.  Kofi makes h is comeback.  Ziggler counts the S.O.S.  Kofi keeps rolling anyway.  Kofi hits the pendulum kick and a missile dropkick.  Vickie gets on the apron and makes an ungodly noise.  Kofi covers Ziggler for 2.  Ziggler cradles Kofi for 2.  Ziggler kicks Kofi in the chin.  They fight on the top rope.  Kofi knocks Ziggler down and hits a diving cross body for 2.  Kofi goes for a suplex, but Ziggler counters and clamps on the sleeper hold.  Ziggler throws Kofi’s shoulder into the post.  Kofi hits the Trouble In Paradise.  Jack Swagger runs in and pulls Kofi off the cover to cause the DQ in 12:43.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Referees make him break.  Okay match.  I hate fuck finishes.

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril.  He warns Kane against approaching.  Kane does anyway.  Another mannequin takes a bump off of something high through a table.  Kane is pissed.  So am I.  This is the worst shit ever.  Commercials.

Chris Masters is in the ring to do the Master Lock Challenge.  “Dashing” Cody Rhodes comes out to participate in this crap.  There’s a bell, so I guess this is supposed to be a match.

Master Lock Challenge: Chris Masters vs. “Dashing” Cody Rhodes.  Rhodes wipes the chair down before sitting in it, then tries to make Masters do his nails.  Masters slaps him and orders him into the chair.  Rhodes gets mad that his faced was touched.  Masters grabs his face.  Rhodes throws a temper tantrum and looks in his jacket mirror.  Masters locks in the Master Lock for the win in 2:43.  Stupid crap.

Tonight, Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio.  Commercials.

Non-Title: WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Drew McIntyre & Chavo Guerrero Jr.  They show Santino & Kozlov beating The Nexus for the titles on Raw when John Cena provided the distraction.  Santino hits McIntyre with an arm drag.  McIntyre decks him.  Kozlov tags in and beats up McIntyre.  The referee gets in the way to let McIntyre get the advantage.  Kozlov quickly overcomes this brief inconvenience.  Chavo pulls Kozlov’s back across the ropes, then gets the tag and hits the Eddie hilo.  Chavo beats up Kozlov.  Santino gets the tag and runs wild on McIntyre.  McIntyre cuts him off and goes for the Future Shock.  Chavo tags himself in and goes for the frog splash.  Santino avoids it and hits the Cobra for the pin in 3:09.  Alright then.  McIntyre bitches at Chavo for being a failure, then gives him the Future Shock.

Earlier tonight, we were forced to watch another skit in the worst storyline ever thought of.  They’re so proud of this awful storyline that they’re forcing us to watch it again now.  Later there’s going to be a tag match.  Commercials.

WWE bullshit fact of the night.

Raw Rebound.

TLC hype.

Michelle McCool and Layla are next.  Ugh.  Commercials.

They show the crap from Raw where LayCool attacked Natalya after her match with Melina.

Non-Title: Layla (w/ Michelle McCool) vs. WWE Divas Champion Natalya (w/ Beth Phoenix).  They actually do a really good exchange to start.  Layla is actually a damn fine lady wrestler.  Natalya hits the stalling suplex for 2.  Layla bails.  Natalya pursues and shoves McCool.  Layla gets back in the ring and dropkicks Natalya through the ropes.  Phoenix frightens McCool away from interfering.  Back inside, Natalya eats a boot to the face.  Double clothesline spot.  Layla throws a dropkick, but Natalya catches her and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool grabs her hands and gets pulled into the ring.  Phoenix pulls her out.  Layla submits in 1:59.  Better divas match than usual until it turned to the usual LayCool bullshit.

Edge & Mysterio vs. Kane & Del Rio is next.  Commercials.

Rey Mysterio and Edge come out for the main event.  Justin Roberts introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Kane doesn’t come out.  Teddy Long comes out and changes it to a handicap match.

Handicap Match: Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Alberto Del Rio.  Mysterio throws leg kicks at Del Rio, then hits a leg drop for 2.  Edge and Mysterio double team Del Rio.  Del Rio beats up Edge a bit.  Edge hits a flapjack.  Mysterio tags back in.  They hit another double team for 2.  Mysterio goes for the 619.  Del Rio bails, but gets kicked anyway.  Kane comes out.  He and Edge brawl in the aisle.  Edge runs away.  Kane chases him.  Del Rio jumps Mysterio from behind and puts the boots to him.  Del Rio hits a gut busters for 2.  Del Rio applies a body scissors.  Mysterio escapes and ends up on the apron.  Del Rio knocks him to the floor with an enzuigiri.  Del Rio beats up Mysterio on the outside.  Back inside, Del Rio goes for a superplex.  Mysterio fights him off and hits the seated senton.  Mysterio hits the flipping bulldog for 2.  Del Rio hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  Mysterio rolls through a sunset flip and hits a seated senton.  Mysterio hits the 619 and a diving splash for the pin in 7:08.  Now pay to see them in another singles match on the PPV!

Edge has Paul Bearer in mortal peril again.  Kane assumes it’s another dummy and pushes the ladders over.  It was the real Paul Bearer, who is now dead.  I pray to God that’s the end of this shit.

Horrible show.  I dread this shit more than I do Impact lately.

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