TNA iMPACT! 11/18/10

Video package chronicling Jeff Hardy’s heel turn.

“Morgan Woooo’s The Nature Boy.”

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.

Ric Flair comes out to cut a promo on Matt Morgan.  Flair is a great promo but his facts are flawed.  He says Morgan complained about getting screwed at the PPV, but actually Morgan was perfectly fine with getting screwed and forgave the referee.  Flair says he’ll be the special guest referee in Morgan’s title rematch.  He calls out Morgan, so Morgan comes out to the ring.  Flair says Morgan isn’t allowed to call him “Naitch” anymore because they’re not friends anymore.  Flair calling himself “God” constantly kind of bothers me.  He says Morgan has to beat him tonight to get the title shot that he already said he’d be referee for.  Was he assuming Morgan would beat him, or is this just more TNA bullshit?  Morgan says wrestling Flair is on his bucket list.  Flair says something about fucking a female horse, I think.  Flair rambles some more.  Morgan promises to shove his boot up Flair’s ass.

Generation Me are headed our way!  Tara hits on them, then slaps them on the ass.  Commercials.

ShopTNA.com on Black Friday!  Isn’t every Friday a Black Friday for TNA when they get the Impact rating?

Tonight, Jeff Hardy vs. Raven (Raven is fired if he loses)!  Abyss has an open challenge for a Casket Match!  Ric Flair vs. Matt Morgan!

Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns, Jay Lethal, & Velvet Sky vs. TNA X Division Champion Robbie E., Generation Me, & Cookie.  It’s mentioned that Sabin and Sky are dating now.  Lethal and Max start.  Lethal wants the Shore tard, but he accepts working Max’s arm.  Shelley tags in to do a spot.  Sabin immediately tags in.  All of the faces pinball Max around.  Max gets tied to the tree of woe and Velvet stands on his balls.  Sabin hits the hesitation dropkick for 2.  Shelley warms up for a superkick, but Jeremy pulls him out of the ring.  A brawl erupts on the outside for a minute.  Cookie tags in and puts the boots to Shelley, then quickly tags in the Woo Woo guy’s retarded cousin.  The heels take turns  beating up Shelley.  Shelley nails the Shore tard with an enzuigiri.  Lethal gets the tag and runs wild.  Lethal hits the Bucks with a handspring elbow smash.  Robbie comes in and Lethal beats him up.  Cookie tries to attack Lethal.  Lethal grabs her.  Jeremy intervenes and gets hit with the Lethal Combination.  Sabin tags in and hits Jeremy with a springboard shot for 2.  Velvet calls Cookie a bitch and runs after her.  Velvet hits a flying head scissors on Max.  Everybody does stuff.  Guns go for the Skull & Bones.  Velvet attacks Cookie.  Guns hit the Skull & Bones on Jeremy.  Shelley hits a dive on Robbie.  Max sprays hair spray in Sabin’s eyes.  Jeremy schoolboys him for the pin in 5:30.  It was okay.  It turned into a clusterfuck at the end.

Jeff Jarrett is warming up backstage.  Commercials.

Generation Me talk backstage.  The Motor City Machine Guns challenge them to an Empty Arena Match on Reaction.

Jeff Jarrett talks to Gunner and Murphy, who I thought Flair fired last week.  He tells them to keep watch and not let Kurt Angle into the arena.  Jeremy Borash walks by.  Why isn’t he out there waiting to do the ring announcing?  Jarrett sends Gunner and Murphy away and bitches Borash out.  He slaps him, just because he’s a dick.  Jarrett rants and raves for a while.  He says they’re making TNA profitable.  That is a lie.

Tenay and Taz talk about what good friends Jarrett and Borash used to be.

Kurt Angle video package.  Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and some geeks come out in MMA gear.  Borash does a ridiculous introduction for this stupid MMA exhibition.  Jarrett insists that the production guys put a disclaimer for the hearing impaired on screen.  They do.  Jarrett demonstrates a cross armbreaker and leaves it on too long just to be a dick.  The crowd is shitting on this big time.  Jarrett gets the next geek in a knee bar and says “My buddy Frank Mir made Brock tap to this.”  The next move is an ankle lock.  Jarrett says it was perfect by a great former TNA Champion… Ken Shamrock.  Next is a rear naked choke.  Crowd chants “JOE’S GONNA KILL YOU!”  Jarrett says he learned it from Royce Gracie.  He does the move in a really retarded Jeff Jarrett pro wrestling sleeper hold way.  Samoa Joe comes out to put a stop to this nonsense.  He challenges Jarrett to spar with him.  Jarrett challenges Joe to beat the last 2 weeks to get a Submission Match with Jarrett.  Jarrett implores the students to “shoot on him.”  Joe taps one with a Kimura, then taps the other with an Anaconda Vice.  Jarrett now has to face Joe in a submission match.  There’s a referee and a bell, so…

Submission Match: Jeff Jarrett (w/ geeks) vs. Samoa Joe.  Jarrett throws the geeks at Joe.  Joe kills them.  Jarrett runs away.  I guess it’s a no-contest in about 20 seconds.  The geek that Joe tapped with the Anaconda Vice wants to fight Joe.  Joe kicks his ass and gives him the Muscle Buster.  This was all very stupid.

Stevie Richards, Tommy Dreamer, and Brian Kendrick give Raven a pep talk in the EV2.0 locker room.  Raven vs. Hardy is NEXT!  Commercials.

Non-Title: TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy vs. Raven.  No entrance for Raven.  Completely ridiculous, Immortal mandated introductions by Borash.  He gives Hardy a long intro and then says “introducing his opponent… Raven.”  Raven grabs a side headlock and lands a shoulder block for 2.  Hardy hits a jawbreaker.  Raven hits a drop toe hold that sends Hardy out of the ring, then Russian leg sweeps him into the barricade.  Back inside, Raven hits a diving knee bulldog thing for 2.  Raven brings in a chair, because TNA has nothing resembling rules.  He ends up being the one who takes the bump into the chair anyway.  Hardy beats up Raven on the outside.  Raven avoids the Whisper In The Wind and hits a discus lariat.  Raven hits a bulldog headlock for 2.  Raven goes for the DDT, but Hardy counters into the Twist of Hate.  Hardy hits the Swanton bomb for the pin in 2:55.  Raven is fired!  Interesting fact: Raven’s last WWE and last TNA match were both against Jeff Hardy.

Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, and Brian Kendrick come out to console the unemployed Raven.  Hulk Hogan comes out and insults Raven.  Raven wants to fight Hulk, but is held back.  Hogan fires Raven.  Poor Raven.  Commercials.

Tommy Dreamer is still in the ring.  He calls out Rhino.  Rhino comes out to defend his turn.  He says none of the EV2.0 guys cared that his contract was expired, but Bischoff did.  He picked employment over unemployment.  That’s an easy choice.  He’s mad because he was in TNA first, but RVD and Dreamer showed up to steal his thunder.  Dreamer cuts a typical Dreamer promo on him.  Crowd chants “YOU SOLD OUT!” at Rhino.  Rhino says he has to take care of his family.  So he’s a heel because he wants to take care of his family?  And Dreamer is mad about that?  What a dick Dreamer is!  Rhino attacks Dreamer’s injured wrist.  Rob Van Dam comes out to make the save.  Why didn’t he come out for the Raven deal?  Rhino gets the better of it and Gores RVD.  Argh.

Abyss is next.  Commercials.

Matt Morgan talks to no one in particular backstage.

Casket Match: Shannon Moore vs. Abyss.  Before the commercial, Abyss was pushing the casket to the ring, but now it’s just at ringside.  Did Abyss push it out to ringside during the commercial, then go back to make his ring entrance?  They show Abyss and Eric Bischoff beating up the casket that the Pope was in last week.  Moore tries to be abusive and elusive.  That works well enough for a minute, then Abyss catches him and slams him.  Abyss tries to put Moore in the casket.  Fail.  They brawl a little.  Moore avoids a charge in the corner, gets backdropped to the apron, and hits a half assed diving bulldog.  Moore tries to put Abyss in the casket.  Fail.  TNA really needs to learn that some matches don’t need to be competitive.  They brawl some more.  Moore slams Abyss’ arm in the casket, then hits an Asai moonsault.  That dude can never do a correct moonsault.  Is that intentional?  Moore gets Abyss about halfway into the casket.  Moore beats him up some more.  Abyss beats up Moore in kind.  Back inside, Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss opens the casket, which The Pope is now magically inside.  Pope attacks Abyss to cause the DQ in 5:51.  A DQ in a fucking casket match.  Fucking stupid TNA bullshit.

Angelina Love talks to no one in particular.  She takes on Mickie James in a #1 Contender match next.  Commercials.

TNA Knockouts Championship #1 Contender Match: Angelina Love vs. Mickie James.  They lock up.  Love takes James down.  They actually do a bit of wrestling.  They shake hands and lock up again.  Love grabs a side headlock and takes Mickie down with it.  Mickie escapes.  Love grabs it again, then hits a shoulder block.  They reverse hip toss attempts.  Mickie hits a monkey flip and a dropkick for 2.  They lock up again and start fighting.  Love hits a World’s (not so) Strongest Slam for 2.  Love applies a rear chin lock.  More shit happens.  They shake hands yet again.  Love throws her down for 2.  Love gets a schoolgirl out of the corner for 2.  Mickie hits a rana and a neckbreaker for 2.  Love avoids the diving Thesz press and hits a pump kick for 2.  Mickie fights back and hits her DDT for the pin in 5:43.  Meh.

Brother Ray is headed our way.  Commercials.

Angelina Love throws a temper tantrum backstage.  Winter appears to be creepy.  I think Winter is hitting on her.

Brother Ray comes out to talk about why he turned on Devon last week.  They show said betrayal.  He names a bunch of people who have fallen to the 3D.  He says Sabin kicked out because Devon was weak.  Bubba says he was the star of the team, etc., and Devon was “a guy who got my tables.”  Great line.

Flair vs. Morgan NEXT!  If Morgan wins, he gets to pick the referee for his title match.  If Flair wins, Morgan loses the shot.  This is the first mention of these stipulations, and despite it being stated earlier that Flair would be the referee in the title match.  Oh, TNA.  Commercials.

Ric Flair vs. Matt Morgan.  They lock up.  Flair pushes the much larger Morgan into the corner.  Morgan shoves Flair across the ring.  Flair kicks Morgan’s knee, then chops him in the corner.  Morgan responds in kind.  Morgan hits a big back body drop.  Fun Fact: 35 years after the plane crash, Flair still won’t take a flat back bump.  Morgan hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Flair does the Flair Chop.  There’s a ref bump.  Flair kicks Morgan in the balls.  Flair beats up Morgan.  Morgan goes for a chokeslam.  Flair pokes him in the eyes and throws him out of the ring.  Morgan rams Flair’s head into the barricade.  Flair is bleeding.  Morgan bites his head.  They brawl outside.  Back into the ring.  Flair begs off.  The show end.

TNA is much more watchable when you view it as satire.

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