WWE Hell In A Cell 2010

WWE open, PPV open.  Paper Jamz presents Hell In A Cell!  Pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and Matt Striker are the announcers.  Justin Roberts and Tony Chimel are the ring announcers.

Triple Threat Submissions Count Anywhere Match for the WWE United States Championship: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. John Morrison vs. The Miz.  Miz cuts a promo on the way to the ring bitching about having sand in his vagina or whatever he’s mad about.  He says neither of the opponents would be anything without him.  They try to put each other in holds.  Miz bails.  Morrison and Bryan chase Miz around.  Morrison grabs Miz’s leg and Bryan kicks Miz in the head.  Miz is sent outside again and Morrison and Bryan wrestle.  Bryan locks Morrison in a leg lock and they roll to the floor.  Miz breaks it and rams Morrison into the side of the ring.  Miz throws Bryan into the barricade, then throws Morrison back in the ring and beats him up.  Morrison avoids Miz in the corner and locks him in the Tarantula!  Bryan breaks it with a dropkick and sends Morrison to the floor.  Bryan locks Miz in the Cattle Mutilation~!  That, unfortunately, doesn’t last long.  Bryan proceeds to kick the crap out of Miz and lock him in a leg lock.  Miz tries to reverse it and they kick each other in the head.  Morrison comes back in and hits the Starship Pain on both of them.  Miz is sent outside.  Morrison locks Bryan in a modified Haas of Pain.  Miz saves.  Morrison sends him out of the ring and takes him out with a dive!  Miz backdrops Morrison into the crowd.  Miz and Morrison fight in the crowd.  Miz locks Morrison in a Dragon sleeper against the hand rail.  Bryan shows up and breaks the hold.  Miz beats up Bryan and rams him in to stuff in the crowd.  Bryan goes for a Fujiwara armbar, but Miz avoids it.  Morrison shows up and gets sent into the barricade by Miz.  They end up brawling near the stage.  Miz rams a cart into Morrison.  Miz drops Bryan across the top of the cart and runs it into the ramp.  Morrison jumps over the cart and dropkicks Miz.  Morrison goes for a triangle choke, but Bryan breaks it.  Miz rams Bryan into the barricade, then hits Morrison with the Skull Crushing Finale on the floor.  On the stage, Miz and Bryan counter each others’ finish, then do a double clothesline spot.  Morrison climbs up the set and hits Miz and Bryan with a dive.  Morrison locks Miz in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Cole mentions Dean Malenko, which makes me happy.  Alex Riley saves and takes out Morrison.  Bryan pushes Riley off the stage into a camera man.  Bryan locks Miz in the LeBell Lock on the ramp for the win in 13:35.  Fun match.

Legendary DVD plug.  Ugh.

Orton/Sheamus hype video.

Hell In A Cell Match for the WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Sheamus.  They show Orton taking out Chris Jericho on Raw.  Yeah, just keep rubbing it in!  They lock up and push each other around, then brawl back and forth for a while.  Orton clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring.  Orton tries to ram Sheamus’ head into the cell, but Sheamus blocks it and gets back in the ring.  Orton stomps Sheamus and lands a knee drop for 2.  Sheamus hits a slingshot shoulder block for 2.  Sheamus tries to ram Orton’s head into the cell, but Orton blocks it.  They brawl  at ringside.  Sheamus reverses Orton’s whip into the cell, then drops him with a clothesline.  Sheamus throws the steps at Orton, but Orton ducks and sends Sheamus into the post.  Orton rams Sheamus into the cell a couple of times, then hits him in the head with the steps.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus blocks a suplex attempt and front suplexes Orton into the ropes, then shoulder blocks Orton off the ring into the cell.  Inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus stomps Orton in the corner.  Sheamus beats up Orton.  Sheamus lands a knee for 2.  Sheamus exposes the turnbuckle and tries to ram Orton into it, but Orton fights back.  Sheamus lands a Polish hammer to drop Orton.  Outside, Sheamus grinds Orton’s head into the cell.  Why do that shit with no blood?  Why even have a fucking Hell In A Cell match with no blood?  Sheamus front suplexes Orton into the steps.  Sheamus works Orton’s ribs.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus applies a scissored rear chin lock.  Orton fights out and hits a backdrop suplex.  Orton drops Sheamus with a dropkick, then sells his ribs.  They brawl some more.  Orton makes his comeback.  Orton hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Orton hits the 3.0 and humps the mat.  Sheamus counters the RKO and lands a knee to the ribs.  Sheamus brings the steps into the ring.  Orton counters Sheamus and powerslams him on the steps.  Ouch.  Cole calls it a scoop slam because he knows nothing about wrestling despite doing this shit for 12 years.  Cover gets 2.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on the steps, but Sheamus counters.  Orton pulls him across the top rope and hits the DDT OF MURDER from the apron to the floor.  Orton goes for the RKO, but Sheamus pushes him into the post.  Back inside, Sheamus hits the Irish Curse backbreaker on the steps, which is incredibly stupid since it doesn’t hurt Orton any more but does hurt Sheamus more.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for 2.  Sheamus finds a chair under the ring and pummels Orton with it a bunch for 2.  Orton ducks another chair shot and hits the RKO.  Sheamus rolls out of the ring.  Orton follows outside and goes for the punt, but Sheamus avoids it and drops Orton with the pump kick.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Sheamus tries to set up the Razor’s Edge off the steps, but Orton trips him.  Orton hits the RKO on the steps for the pin in 22:53.  Okay match, but it didn’t light my world on fire.  Orton climbs to the top of the cell to pose with the belt.

Bragging Rights hype.  Coming the night after a Lesnar fight on top of not mattering anyway, nobody is going to buy that PPV.

Dallas!

Josh Matthews interviews the NXT Season 3 divas: Jamie Keyes, Naomi, Maxine, AJ, Kaitlyn, & Aksana.  WHO THE FUCK CARES?  The Nexus show up and run them off.  THANK YOU!  Barrett says John Cena will have to join The Nexus tonight.  They have an “N” armband for him.

Tony Chimel introduces Ricardo Rodriguez to introduce Alberto Del Rio.  Del Rio says he wants to make his PPV debut special.  They show a picture of the chihuahua from Smackdown.  He wonders who his next opponent will be.  He trashes various Texans.  He “challenges anyone.”  Edge comes out.  He says he’s in a fight against stupidity and parts of Del Rio are stupid.  Del Rio says he’s going to hurt Edge, then winks.  Edge says the wink and the ring announcer are stupid.  Del Rio takes his coat off like he’s ready to fight.  Jack Swagger comes out, pissed off about these foreigners.  He says Edge will pay for his eagle’s medical bills.  Edge decks Swagger.  Del Rio jumps Edge from behind.  Swagger beats up Edge.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  FUCK!  THIS SHIT IS ON PPV NOW?  The iBooker wants Edge to apologize to it on Raw tomorrow night, and makes Swagger vs. Edge for RIGHT NOW!

Edge vs. Jack Swagger.  A referee comes down to start the match.  Swagger beats on Edge.  Edge fights back.  Swagger whips him into the corner.  Swagger works Edge’s leg.  Edge tries to fight back, but Swagger hits a gut buster for 2.  Swagger sets Edge on the top rope.  Edge goes for a tornado DDT, but Swagger counters and drops him with an enzui clothesline for 2.  Swagger rolls Edge around on the mat.  Edge hot shots Swagger into the ropes, then runs at him.  Swagger avoids it and covers for 2.  Swagger either tries a German suplex or butt fucks Edge on the apron.  He locks in an abdominal stretch on the ropes briefly, then slingshots into the ring and gets dropped with a boot.  Edge hits a wonky facebuster for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Edge counters and goes for the Edgecution.  Swagger counters.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic for 2.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Edge gets a rope break.  Edge backdrops Swagger to the floor, when tries to spear him off the apron.  Swagger pulls Edge to the floor and locks him in the ankle lock.  Edge sends Swagger into the steps.  Back inside, Edge goes up top.  Swagger cuts him off.  Edge headbutts Swagger down and hits a missile dropkick for 2.  Swagger sends Edge to the floor.  Edge pulls Swagger’s shoulder into the post.  Edge goes up up.  Swagger brings him down with a belly to belly throw from the top for 2.  Swagger hits a backdrop suplex, then goes for the springboard Vader Bomb.  Edge avoids it and hits the Edgecution, then goes for the spear.  Swagger counters and hits the Doctor Bomb for 2.  Swagger goes for the ankle lock.  Edge goes for an enzuigiri, but ends up getting his knee wrenched.  Swagger locks in the ankle lock.  Edge gets the ropes.  Swagger pulls him back to the middle.  Edge sends Swagger into the ropes, then hits the spear for the pin in 11:31.  Fine match.

Don’t Try This At Home!

The 4 unimportant members of the Nexus chat backstage.  They want to make sure they aren’t forced to disband tonight.  Otunga has a plan to get around the iBooker’s rule that Cena wins if any of them interfere.

Cena/Barrett video.

Nexus Disbands vs. Cena Joins Nexus: Wade Barrett vs. John Cena.  They wrestle a bit.  Cena does a leapfrog and a hip toss, then a dropkick or something for 1.  Barrett pounds on Cena.  Cena pounds on Barrett.  Cole sounds “pound & ground” because he’s a moron.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Nexus run out to distract him.  Barrett nails Cena from behind, then bitches at Nexus for coming out here.  Barrett whips Cena into the barricade.  Back inside, cover gets 2.  Barrett lands a punch for 2.  Barrett hits a backbreaker for 2.  Barrett hits a diving elbow drop for 2.  Barrett puts the boots to Cena in the corner.  Cena fights back, but runs himself into the corner.  Barrett hits a swinging neckbreaker for 2.  Barrett stretches Cena across his knee.  Cena tries to fight out, but gets dropped again.  Barrett catapults Cena into the ropes.  Cena fights back and makes his comeback.  Nexus surround the ring.  Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle.  The Big Show comes out and attacks Nexus.  He’s followed by Goldust, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, Chris Masters, Kofi Kingston, MVP, The Hart Dynasty, Evan Bourne, John Morrison, and R-Truth (I think I listed everyone).  The cavalry takes out Nexus.  Cena goes for the STF.  Barrett counters out and kicks Cena in the gut, then hits a pumphandle slam for 2.  Cena hits some sort of suplex for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Barrett counters and hits a butterfly suplex for 2.  Barrett hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Barrett goes for a diving elbow drop, but Cena avoids it.  Cena goes up top.  Barrett cuts him off and goes for a superplex, but Cena overpowers him.  Cena headbutts Barrett down and hits the diving Fameasser for 2.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment.  Barrett counters and hits the Wasteland.  CENA KICKS OUT!  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment.  BARRETT KICKS OUT!  Cena locks in the STF.  Somebody comes out of the crowd and jumps in the ring.  With the referee distracted, somebody else hits Cena with something.  Barrett gets the pin 17:50.  Really, really good match.  Nexus celebrates.  Looking back at the video, I’m pretty sure the first guy was Michael McGillicutty and the second was Husky Harris.  They do the long, drawn out thing with Cena realizing he’s fucked and walking to the back.

Paper Jamz commercial featuring The Miz.

Josh Matthews walks down a purple hallway.  Paul Bearer comes up behind him.  Matthews asks him why he’s back.  He says he has a master plan and Kane will never be his favorite son.

American Airlines Center!

Wrestlers visiting sick kids for Make A Wish!

Unified WWE Divas Championship Match: Michelle McCool (c) (w/ Unified WWE Divas Champion Layla) vs. Natalya.  Natalya takes McCool down and wrestles her.  McCool gets to the ropes and bails.  Natalya chases her and knocks Layla down.  McCool cheap shots Natalya and sends her into the barricade.  McCool works over Natalya in the ring.  Natalya gets a reverse cradle for 2.  McCool hooks in a body scissors.  Natalya makes her comeback.  Natalya hits a clothesline for 2.  Layla gets on the apron.  Natalya pulls her hair.  McCool accidentally decks Layla.  Natalya schoolgirls girl, but the retarded ref takes too long to count and it only gets 2.  McCool hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  McCool goes for the Styles Clash.  Natalya counters and locks in the Sharpshooter.  McCool counters into the heel hook.  Natalya counters back into the Sharpshooter.  Awesome.  Layla throws a shoe at Natalya to cause the DQ in 4:53.  Natalya locks Layla in the Sharpshooter.  Shit happens.  LayCool bail.  Nattie wins, but doesn’t win the belt.  Garbage.

They plug the PPV theme song.

Kane/Undertaker video.

Hell In A Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) vs. The Undertaker (w/ Paul Bearer).  Bearer wants to come into the cell, but Taker won’t let him.  Bearer says “You need me in here!”  Kane jumps Taker and they brawl outside the cell, then inside the cell at ringside.  The bell finally rings.  Taker hits Kane with a chair and rams his head into the steps.  Finally in the ring, Taker hits a couple of running clotheslines to the corner.  Taker hits Snake Eyes and the big boot, then a leg drop for 2.  Taker goes for the chokeslam, but Kane gouges his eyes.  Kane hits Taker with the chair.  They brawl at ringside again.  Taker beats up Kane until Kane reverses an Irish whip and sends Taker into the steps.  Kane attacks Taker’s leg with the chair.  Kane wedges Taker’s leg between the post and the steps and kicks the steps into it.  Kane keeps working the leg.  Taker fights back with big punches.  Taker hits the APRON LEG DROP and I pop.  Back inside, Kane goes after Taker’s leg again.  Undertaker forearms his way out of a hold and lands some punches.  They trade punches.  Taker hits the jumping clothesline.  Taker goes for Old School, but gets crotched on the top rope.  Kane hits a superplex and the diving lariat.  He goes for the cover, but Taker goes for the Hell’s Gate.  Kane bails out of the ring to escape.  Kane comes back in and they do a double knockdown spot, then both sit up and trade punches.  Taker hits Kane with his running DDT for 2.  Taker hits the chokeslam for 2.  Kane hits the chokeslam for 2.  Kane splashes Taker in the corner a bunch and does some corner punches.  Taker hits the Last Ride out of the corner for 2.  Taker goes for the Tombstone, but Kane reverses it and Tombstones Undertaker.  TAKER KICKS OUT!  Kane is cut on the back of his head.  He punches out the referee, presumably to keep him from stopping the match because that shit pisses him off as much as it does me.  They open the cell door to retrieve the KO’d referee, which allows Paul Bearer to come into the cell.  Kane very slowly chases Bearer into the ring.  Kane yells at Bearer.  Taker sits up and chokeslams Kane.  Taker rolls his eyes back and signals for the Tombstone.  Pyro and lightning go off ont he set as Taker goes for the Tombstone.  Bearer opens the urn and a light comes out, which weakens Taker.  Bearer gives Kane the urn, which I assume contains Undertaker’s power.  Kane clocks Taker with the urn, then hits the chokeslam for the pin in 21:41.  Given that I’ve come to expect and be amused by this cartoony shit, this was fun.  Also, it makes perfect sense for Bearer to turn on Taker since the last time we saw Bearer, Taker buried him in concrete.  Bearer leaves with Kane.

Other than the opener and Barrett/Cena, this show kind of sucked.

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