TNA iMPACT! 9/2/10

In the opening video, they act like putting the guys main eventing the PPV into a tag match on the last TV before the PPV is something unusual and controversial, even thought it’s happened in the build to pretty much every single PPV ever.  Fucking TNA.

“10.10.10.”  No, the title makes no sense at all.

iMPACT! open, pyro and ballyhoo.

Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, and Miss Tessmacher come out.  Hogan flaps his gums about whatever, then brings out Ken Anderson, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, Jeff Hardy, and Kurt Angle.  They’re the 4 dudes in the semifinals of the World Title tournament at the PPV this Sunday.  Bischoff talks about the CONTROVERSY of doing something that every wrestling promotion ever has done a trillion times.  Bischoff must thinks toasting bread with his breakfast is controversial too.  Abyss comes out through the crowd, scares So Cal Val, and gets in the ring.  Hogan and Abyss argue or whatever.  Abyss says “they” isn’t EV2.0 or Fortune.  He says something about 10.10.10, which is the date of Bound For Glory.  Abyss says “they” will arrive and remove Dixie Carter and exterminate everyone in the ring.  Hardy punches Abyss.  Insta-commercials.  Fucking horrible segment.

No Surrender hype video.

A video chronicling whatever the fuck is going on with Beautiful People and a biker chick.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Madison Rayne & the biker chick vs. The Beautiful People (TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love & Velvet Sky).  They all brawl at ringside.  Velvet and Angelina take out the biker chick, then surround Rayne in the ring.  She begs off, but they kick her ass.  They prepare to spank her, but the biker chick wakes up and jumps them.  The match finally starts.  Love stomps Rayne in the vag for 2.  Sky takes in and beats up Rayne.  Sky rams Rayne’s head into the mat for 2.  I hate that shit.  Love tags back in and hits the World’s Strongest Slam, then tags back out.  Love and Sky deck the biker chick, then hit a double suplex on Rayne.  Sky covers, but biker chick saves.  Love spears her and kicks her out of the ring, then stomps her on the outside.  With the referee distracted by Love doing nothing, biker chick hits Sky very lightly with the motorcycle helmet, allowing Rayne to get the pin in 2:28.  Fucking awful.  Rayne and biker chick beat up the BPs some more after the match.  Biker chick unmasks.  To the surprise of absolutely no one, it’s Tara.

Stevie Richards talks to the camera about Abyss.

Abyss video package.

Stevie Richards vs. Abyss.  Abyss comes out through the crowd again.  Richards attacks him on the outside and beats him up a bit.  Abyss catches him with a boot, then throws him in the ring to start the match.  So now, all matches must have outside brawling before the match starts.  Stevie goes on the attack and throws a superkick, but Abyss blocks it and throws him down.  Abyss avalanches Stevie in the corner.  They trade chops.  Abyss pummels Stevie with weak punches, then scares the referee.  Abyss hits a World’s Strongest Slam, then goes outside to retrieve a steel chair.  He looks annoyed because he can’t find his nail board.  The referee fucks with Abyss about the chair.  Stevie superkicks the chair into Abyss’ face for the pin in 2:21!  STEVIE WON A MATCH!  My joy is short lived, as Abyss jumps Stevie immediately afterward and kills him with the Shock Treatment.  EV2.0 and Fortune are being held apart by security backstage.  Mick Foley appears to be injured.  Back in the ring, Abyss gives Stevie the Black Hole Slam.  Abyss tries to use Janice, but Brian Kendrick runs out, hits Abyss with a baseball slide dropkick, and runs away with Stevie.  Random.

Ken Anderson talks to no one in particular about The Pope.  Pope comes in and tells Anderson that he doesn’t buy his face turn.  They have to team together tonight, but they’re not friends.  Ground breaking there, Mr. Russo.

Tonight, tag match!  Plus, Sting vs. Jeff Jarrett.

EV2.0 of Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, Sabu, and Rhino are in the ring.  Dreamer calls out Fortune.  Ric Flair, TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Kazarian, Beer Money, Matt Morgan, and TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams come out.  Styles cuts a promo about their various matches at No Surrender.  Dreamer challenges them to an 8-man tag tonight.  Fortune agree.

Jeff Jarrett tries to persuade Samoa Joe to have his back tonight.  Joe blows him off again.

Sting vs. Jarrett is NEXT!

Sting and Kevin Nash talk as they walk through the mess of the backstage area.

Jeff Jarrett talks to no one in particular about how he needs help against Sting and Nash.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Sting (w/ Kevin Nash).  They lock up.  Jarrett tries to run the ropes and gets tripped by Nash.  Sting beats up Jarrett.  Jarrett fights back.  Nash trips him again.  Jarrett bails and Nash chases him back into the ring.  That was stupid.  Jarrett makes his comeback on Sting, the bails and attacks Nash.  Jarrett tries to fight both Sting and Nash.  Sting gets the better of Jarrett and beats him up on the outside.  Sting throws Jarrett back into the ring.  Jarrett rams Sting’s head into the turnbuckles, then tries to suplex him back into the ring.  Nash trips Jarrett yet again and Sting lands on top for the pin in 3:10.  More crap.  Sting chokes Jarrett with his bat after the match.  Of course, the fearsome and terrifying 50 something year old Hulk Hogan comes out.  Samoa Joe comes in through the crowd to make the save.  He takes out Nash.  Sting tells Joe that he’s in the wrong place at the wrong time, then nothing else happens.  Stupid, stupid shit.

Tonight, Angle & Hardy vs. Anderson & Pope.

Shore!  I don’t know what the fuck it is, but it’s coming soon.  Maybe it’s “they.”

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

London Brawling and Chelsea are in the ring.  They’re the #1 Contenders for the tag titles, having beaten a bunch of people on Xplosion, which no one anywhere has ever seen.  Magnus now wears a beret and sunglasses, because the way to be a true heel is to be French.  TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns come out.  Shelley cuts an impassioned promo about how they’re not going to lose to these goons.  Sabin says the Guns are the best team in the universe and the Brits are gay.  Wolfe says they’re not poofs because the have a bird.  What now?  Magnus talks about the Guns’ pubic hair.  Shelley implies that Chelsea isn’t sexually satisfied due to her lack of facial expressions.  He propositions Chelsea.  Sabin says she’s only with them because she needs the money like any call girl.  Wolfe tells her to tell them what a stud he is.  Chelsea implies that Wolfe has a small penis, which naturally pisses  him off.  London Brawling cheap shot the Guns and beat the crap out of them.  They hit a double team move on Shelley, sort of a sidewalk slam/dropkick to the head combo.  They meet for the titles this Sunday!

Tommy Dreamer bitches to EV2.0 backstage.  The doctor says Foley can’t go tonight.  Brian Kendrick comes in and offers his services.  Dreamer tells him not to get involved.  Foley says Kendrick is out of his mind, making him the perfect replacement.  Dreamer says okay, but warns Kendrick that he doesn’t know what he’s getting into.

House show plugs.

Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle chat backstage.

Elimination Match: Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, Beer Money, & Kazarian (w/ Ric Flair, Matt Morgan, & TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams) vs. EV2.0 of Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, Sabu, & Brian Kendrick.  Rhino and Storm lock up.  Rhino scores a knockdown with a shoulder block.  Storm fails a hip toss, buts takes Rhino into the Fortune corner for a beating.  Kazarian tags in and beats up Rhino.  Rhino lands a dropkick, of all things, and makes the tag to Sabu.  Sabu cleans house and hits Kazarian with a sweet springboard DDT for 2.  Styles comes in and gets dropped by Sabu.  Williams trips Sabu from the outside.  Kazarian pins Sabu with an Oklahoma roll in 1:52.  Sabu drops Kazarian, then takes out Williams with a suicide dive.  Sabu and Williams brawl on the aisle.  Dreamer comes in and locks Kazarian in a Texas Cloverleaf.  Styles breaks it.  Kendrick tags in and runs wild on Kazarian.  Kendrick goes for a cross body, but Kazarian catches him with his knees.  Roode tags in and beats up Kendrick.  Kazarian tags back in and does a quick cradle sequence with Kendrick.  Kendrick lands a dropkick for the pin in 4:43.  Styles comes in/  Kendrick takes him down with a Thesz press and chokes him.  Repeat.  Kendrick dropkicks the referee out of the ring.  Clusterfuck brawl ensues.  Mick Foley comes out.  Insta-commercials.  Beer Money double team Dreamer.  Kendrick was DQ’d during the break.  Roode dives at Dreamer, but Dreamer catches him with a boot.  Dreamer hits a spinebuster.  Rhino and Storm tag in.  Rhino runs wild on everybody.  He blocks Storm’s superkick and hits a belly to belly suplex.  Rhino Gores Storm, but Roode saves.  Rhino hits a belly to belly on Roode, then sets up the Gore.  Abyss comes out.  Rhino brawls with him on the outside.  They brawl through the crowd.  Rhino is counted out.  Dreamer is all one against Styles and Beer Money.  Fortune make quick tags and kick the shit out of Dreamer.  Dreamer manages to drop Roode with the DDT for the pin as Styles accidentally hits Storm with the springboard forearm.  Dreamer schoolboys Storm for the pin.  Dreamer and Styles brawl.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash, but Dreamer counters and locks in a crossface.  Styles gets a rope break to save himself.  Dreamer goes for the Spiccoli Driver, but Styles counters and lands a dropkick.  Dreamer avoids a knee drop and goes for the DDT.  Styles counters and locks in the Minoru Special.  Dreamer gets a rope break to save himself.  Styles slams Dreamer and goes up top.  Dreamer cuts him off and hits a superplex.  Dreamer looks at Flair, then goes for the figure-four leglock.  Morgan tries to interfere, but Dreamer cuts him off.  Foley attacks Flair.  Styles hits Dreamer with the Pele kick for the pin (13:39 shown).  Fun match.

Angle & Hardy vs. Pope & Anderson is NEXT!

Ken Anderson & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Kurt Angle & Jeff Hardy.  Angle hits Pope with a backdrop suplex while Pope and Anderson discuss whatever tag partners who don’t get along discuss.  Angle and Hardy double team Pope, including some old school Hardy Boyz action with the Poetry In Motion.  Hardy hits a corner basement dropkick for 2.  Pope fights back against Hardy, then tags in Anderson.  Hardy hits the leg drop to the balls and the basement dropkick.  Pope comes in and gets kicked down by Hardy.  Anderson decks Hardy for 2.  Pope tags himself in and hits an enzui knee drop for 2.  Pope tags in Anderson again and Anderson slams Hardy for 2.  They’re pretending that Anderson is reluctant to fight Hardy.  Hardy fights out of a rear chin lock.  Anderson goes for the Mic Check, but Hardy blocks it and hits the Twist of Fate.  Angle and Pope tag in.  Angle runs wild with suplexes, then hits the Angle Slam on Pope.  Anderson saves.  Angle slams him too.  Hardy goes for the Whisper In The Wind, but accidentally hits Angle.  Anderson hits Angle with the Mic Check.  Pope covers Angle for the pin in 4:41.  Fine match in spite of TNA bullshit.  Anderson and Pope brawl after the match.  Pope spears Anderson through the ropes to the floor.  Angle and Hardy argue and brawl.  Security breaks up the brawls.

My brain hurt for the first hour or so, but the last 2 matches were pretty fun.

One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 9/2/10”

  1. […] 8/27- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/30- WWE Monday Night Raw 8/31- WWE NXT 9/2- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 9/3- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 9/5- TNA No Surrender 2010 9/6- WWE Monday Night Raw Possibly […]

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