TNA iMPACT! 8/26/10

Video of recent happenings.

Eric Bischoff and Dixie Carter talk backstage.  Dixie is going to handle some business tonight.

Mike Tenay and Taz are the announcers.  Jeremy Borash is the ring announcer.

Dixie Carter comes out to her fucking music.  This show already sucks.  She babbles about he TNA is a cult that will not die no matter how much it needs to, then calls out Ric Flair.  Flair styles and profiles and looks as ONLY he can look on his way to the ring.  Flair hits on Dixie.  Dixie talks about whatever, then suspends Flair for 90 days.  Flair asks if Fortune is suspended too.  Dixie says no.  Flair says they’re one in the same.  The rest of Fortune come out: TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Willams, Matt Morgan, Kazarian, and Beer Money.  Flair says they’re the best.  Dixie says they were hers first, or something.  Dixie reiterates that Flair is gone for 90 days, but Fortune will continue wrestling.  Flair gets mad and wants to fight.  Some dude jumps in the ring.  Taz says he’s Dixie’s husband Surge.  Fortune beat him up.  Hulk Hogan comes out along with Kurt Angle, The Pope, Ken Anderson, and Jeff Hardy.  Hogan tells Flair to make his boys let Surge go.  Flair threatens to shove Angle’s gold medal up his ass.  Angle and Dixie help Surge to the back.  Hogan and his dudes get in the ring.  Hogan unsuspends Flair.  Well what was the fucking point of all of this bullshit then?  Hogan and Flair bicker.  Hogan books an 8-man tag between his dudes and Fortune.  Flair is pissed.  EV2.0 guys (Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, The FBI, Rhino, and Stevie Richards) come out and brawl with Fortune.  Insta-commercials.  This would have been a good segment without all of the TNA bullshit.

Moments ago, that shit I just wrote happened.

Kurt Angle talks to nobody in particular while Pope, Anderson, and Hardy stand around him.  Why do they do this stupid shit?  TNA used to actually be better about the invisible camera bullshit.

Orlando Jordan vs. Samoa Joe.  Jordan is wearing a Joe action figure as a necklace.  He does lewd things to So Cal Val with it.  Joe comes out and kicks Jordan’s ass.  Joe goes for the Choke.  Orlando hits the corner to break, then grinds on Joe.  The announcers casually mention that Fortune is Abyss’ “They.”  Jordan beats up Joe a bit, then licks the action figure.  Joe makes his comeback and kills a bitch.  Joe hits an Exploder and the Muscle Buster for the pin in 2:29.  Not a bad little TV match.  It’s good to see Joe back killing fuckers.  Jeff Jarrett comes out.  Insta-commercials.

Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe are still in the ring.  Jarrett talks about bring Joe into TNA 5 years ago.  He asks Joe to be in his corner when he faces Kevin Nash tonight in case Sting interferes.  Joe says he doesn’t choose sides.  He’s on his own team.  Joe leaves.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash.  In 2010.  Nash throws a chair into the ring, then pulls Jarrett out of the ring.  Nash whips Jarrett over the barricade, then rams him into the ring apron.  Finally inside, Nash beats up Jarrett.  Nash brings in the chair, which the referee immediately takes away.  Nash exposes a turnbuckle and goes for the Snake Eyes.  Jarrett slips back and sends Nash into it, then makes his comeback.  Jarrett his Nash with a diving punch, then dives again and gets goozled.  Jarrett fights it, but gets thrown into the exposed turnbuckle, then chokeslammed for a very close 2.  Jarrett jumps on Nash’s back and locks in a sleeper hold.  Nash backs Jarrett into the referee in the corner with the exposed turnbuckle.  Jarrett counters Snake Eyes again, then hits the Stroke, but the referee is taking a nap.  Sting comes in and attacks Jarrett with the bat.  Nash covers for the pin in 5:05.  Not a bad little match.  Sting wants to do some more damage to Jarrett.  Eric Bischoff comes out (to Hogan’s music for some reason) and rips into Sting.  Sting says he wants Hogan.  Bischoff says Hogan is busy.  Sting chokes Jarrett with the bat.  Bischoff makes Hogan out to be a big scary monster.  In 2010.  Hogan appears behind Sting and hits him with a chair, then runs Nash out of the ring with the bat.  The match was fine.  The post-match bullshit was, well, TNA bullshit.

Hulk Hogan talks to Tommy Dreamer backstage.  Hogan asks him to back off of Fortune for the night, but asks him to deal with Abyss by hacking his limbs off, apparently.  Dreamer is fine with this.

Beer Money vs. The FBI.  Jobber entrances for the FBI.  Beer Money immediately beat the fuck out of them.  The FBI get double teamed into oblivion.  It finally breaks down into a tag match.  Beer Money double team Guido more anyway.  Roode decks Luke to knock him off the apron.  Guido fights back against Roode, but fails to accomplish anything.  Guido gets an inside cradle for 2.  Guido gets away and makes the hot tag to Luke.  Roode immediately hits the spinebuster and tags in Storm.  Beer Money hit the DWI on Luke and Storm gets the pin in 2:31.  Guido tries to attack, so Storm hits him with the beer bottle.  Storm superkicks Luke to death, then cuts up Guido with the class it looks like.  Beer Money give Guido the DWI.  The FBI got squashed big time.  They must be on their way out.

Big 8-man tag TONIGHT!

The ORIGINAL Beautiful People are headed our way!

Tommy Dreamer tells what’s left of EV2.0 that Abyss needs to be taken care of.  Stevie Richards volunteers.  Seriously?  You’re gonna send STEVIE?  I love Stevie, but come on!

TNA Knockouts Champion Angelina Love and Velvet Sky come out and talk about how they’re friends again.  Madison Rayne and the biker chick come out.  Rayne threatens to sue them for using her music and the Beautiful People name, which is kind of funny because it was theirs first.  She says she’s all natural unlock those “two silicone whores.”  She babbles on about whatever PMSing bitches babble on about.  She says Velvet is her little bitch.  Velvet takes her down and all 4 get into a big brawl.  Security breaks it up.  Gunner and Murphy overdo it as usual.

The Motor City Machine Guns talk backstage, then play Rock Band.

Earlier today Magnus, Desmond Wolfe, and Chelsea went clothes shopping.  Oh, so that’s what they do now.  They’re rich now.  They must be running drugs on the side, because they’re not making any money in TNA.  Chelsea ends up with Magnus’ credit card.  Also, they’re now called London Brawling.  Awesome name.

Non-Title: Generation Me vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions The Motor City Machine Guns.  Jeremy and Sabin start.  Good stuff there as usual.  Jeremy goes for some quick pinning combinations.  Max tags in and they double team Sabin.  Shelley saves.  Shelley tags in and the Guns double team Max.  Shelley applies a half crab while stepping on Max’s face.  Sabin tags in and hits a flippy fist drop for 2.  Sabin throws Max into Shelley’s boot, then makes the tag.  Shelley goes for quick covers on Max.  Shelley holds Max in a cravat.  Max fights back.  Sabin tags in for more Guns double teaming, but Max avoids it and sends Shelley outside.  Max rolls thrown on Sabin, then makes the hot tag to Jeremy.  Jeremy runs wild and hits a springboard facebuster on Shelley for 2.  After some weird dancing with Max, Jeremy hits a sweet Asai moonsault to the Guns on the outside.  Max spears Sabin.  Bucks hit a double team splash thingy on Sabin for 2.  Lots of stuff is happening.  Bucks go for the More Bang For Your Buck, but Sabin gets his knees up.  Stuff happens.  Shelley hits the Shiranui on Jeremy.  Guns hit the neckbreaker/splash combo on Max and Sabin gets the pin in 6:03.  Good little match.

Tonight, 8-man tag!

Live event plugs.

Ric Flair yells at Hulk Hogan, who is not present to be yelled at.  I hate this bullshit.  Sting appears and chokes Sting with the bat.  He says he and Nash are have a score to settle with Flair and Fortune.

Shore… coming soon.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was that?

Tenay and Taz hype the No Surrender card.

Out in the parking garage, Stevie Richards is beating up Abyss.  Abyss beats up Stevie in return.  Abyss swings the nail board, but of course Stevie avoids it.  They brawl some more.  Abyss wins the fight.  Insta-commercials.

Rhino gets in the ring and calls out Abyss.  Abyss comes out with the nail board.  Rhino attacks Abyss and goes for the Gore, but Abyss catches him with a boot.  They brawl around the arena some more.  Rhino hits the Gore to win the fight.  Never send a Stevie to do a Rhino’s job.

AJ Styles yells at no one in particular while Fortune stands behind him.

Fortune of TNA World Television Champion AJ Styles, TNA X Division Champion Doug Williams, Kazarian, & Matt Morgan (w/ Ric Flair) vs. Kurt Angle, Jeff Hardy, “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, & Ken Anderson.  Anderson and Kazarian lock up and trade arm lock.  Kazarian slaps him and grabs a side headlock, then scores the knockdown with the shoulder block.  Anderson hits a hip toss and a body slam.  Pope and Styles tag in.  Pope gets rolling with a flying forearm and some Bionic elbows for 2.  Styles gets Pope in the Fortune corner where they beat him him.  Fortune make quick tags and work over Pope.  Morgan tags in and asks for Hardy.  Pope obliges with the tag.  Hardy tries a go behind, then gets dropped with an elbow smash.  Hardy avoids Morgan in the corner and hits some horrible punches and a dropkick.  Styles trips Hardy from the outside.  Hardy rallies, but gets derailed by Morgan.  Styles tags in and slams Hardy, then hits a big knee drop for 2.  Morgan tags back in and hits the revolving elbows in the corner.  Morgan hits a big vertical suplex for 2.  Williams tags in and beats up Hardy.  Flair trips Hardy from the outside.  Pope gets mad and distracts the referee to let Flair get in his cheap shots.  Styles provokes Anderson to continue the distract.  Back inside, Williams hits a knee drop on Hardy for 2.  Fortune go back to making the quick tags while working over Hardy.  Hardy drops Williams with a shitty clothesline.  Kazarian and Angle tag in.  Angle runs wild because he’s Kurt Angle and he’s fucking awesome.  Angle suplexes fuckers, then locks Kazarian in the ankle lock.  Styles hits Angle with the springboard forearm.  Clusterfuck ensues as everybody comes in and hits their big moves.  Pope blind tags himself in.  Angle hits the Angle Slam on Kazarian.  Pope steals Angle’s pin to win it in 8:49.  Good match.  Pope and Angle argue.  Fortune attack.  Beer Money run out to join the fight.  Storm and Styles set up a table.  Tommy Dreamer and Sabu run out to make the save.  Mick Foley comes out and beats up Flair.  Sabu throws a chair at Williams, then puts him through the table with a half assed Atomic Arabian Skull Crusher.  Do they not know any other way to end this show than in a big clusterfuck brawl?

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the show was actually pretty good.  Of course, this is TNA and you have to grade them on a curve.

One Response to “TNA iMPACT! 8/26/10”

  1. […] 8/20- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/23- WWE Monday Night Raw 8/24- WWE NXT 8/26- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 8/27- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/30- WWE Monday Night Raw 8/31- WWE NXT 9/2- WWE Superstars / […]

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