WWE Monday Night Raw 8/23/10

WWE open, “Last week on Raw…” video, Raw open.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are the announcers.  Justin Roberts is the ring announcer.

WWE Champion Sheamus comes out and talks about American children being brats.  Well, it’s true.  He calls a little girl in the front row “fella.”  Fucking awesome.  He insults more children, then bitches about Randy Orton.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000.  The crowd hates that shit.  The email says that tonight, Sheamus will sit in a throne and watch a series of matches, then pick his challenge for Night of Champions.  This is going to start RIGHT NOW!

Edge comes out.  He’ll be in action NEXT!  Wait, NEXT isn’t RIGHT NOW!  I call shenanigans.  Commercials!

Raw 900th episode celebration next week!

Edge vs. R-Truth.  They lock up.  R-Truth clotheslines Edge out of the ring, then goes for a dive.  Edge avoids it, then throws Truth into the barricade.  Back inside, Edge keeps working over Truth.  Truth starts fighting back and they immediately do a double cross body spot.  Truth flops around a bunch and hits a hip toss.  Edge hits the Edge-O-Matic, then goes for the spear.  Truth leapfrogs him and goes for the scissors kick.  Edge avoids it and hits the spear for the pin in 4:21.  Lame match.  Edge tells Sheamus that he hasn’t beaten anyone until he has beaten Edge.

Tonight, John Cena vs. The Miz!

Cody Rhodes appears on Warehouse 13 tomorrow night on SyFy!  Commercials.

Still photos from WWE’s first ever show in China.

Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. Chris Jericho.  Khali beats up Jericho and hits him with a big chop.  Khali hits either an elbow or a half assed clothesline.  Jericho avoids a leg drop and attacks Khali’s bad knee.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Khali locks in the head vise.  Jericho bails to escape, then comes back in and attacks the knee again.  Khali counters the Codebreaker and makes his comeback.  Jericho avoids a big boot in the corner and attacks the knee again.  Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for the win in 3:56.  It was fine for a Khali match.  Jericho did what he could.  Jericho says Sheamus should pick him because he was the first Undisputed Champion, he made a giant tap out, and he’s the best in the world at what he does.  Khali wakes up and decks Jericho to send him to the floor.

Last week, The Miz fucked Daniel Bryan, causing him to lose to shitty Michael Tarver.  After the match, Bryan got the shit beaten out of him by Miz, Tarver, and Alex Riley.

Josh Matthews interviews John Cena.  He promises to adjust Miz’s attitude tonight.  Commercials.

Jillian Hall is in the ring singing.  Oh dear.

WWE Divas Championship Match: Melina (c) vs. Jillian Hall.  They lock up.  Jillian lands a forearm.  Melina does the splits and a kick, then misses a knee charge at the ropes.  Jillian pulls her hair for 2.  Seriously.  Jillian stands on Melina’s back and surfs.  Melina tries a front cradle and face plants Jillian.  No clue if that was intentional.  Melina gets a hair takedown for 2.  Jillian hits a weak ass elbow, then goes for a diving leg drop.  Melina avoids it and hits the Last Call for the pin in 2:37.  This was fucking horrible.  WWE Women’s Champion Layla & Michelle McCool appear on the screen.  FUCK.  NO.  Why the fuck are these obnoxious bitches on Raw?  They see they’ll be at Raw next week.  FUCK.  They’re going to make Melina an offer she can’t refuse.  I hope it’s for the 3 of them to go away forever.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE United States Champion & Mr. Money In The Bank The Miz.  He bitches about Cena choosing Daniel Bryan over him.  Commercials.

Sheamus is back in the throne.  The six members of The Nexus come out.  Cole gets another email from the iBooker 9000.  iBooker is lifting the ban on Nexus competing for titles.  Wade Barrett tells Sheamus that their truce is over.

Cena vs. Miz is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: The Daniel Bryan/Miz stuff that they already showed a full video of earlier.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. John Cena.  Miz forgoes the lock up and kicks Cena in the gut, because that’s the way they teach kids to start a match these days.  Miz beats up Cena.  Cena hits a sidewalk slam for 2.  Cena accidentally spears the post.  Miz hits a backdrop suplex for 2.  Miz beats up Cena some more.  Cena fights back and hits the Fisherman buster for 2.  Miz goes back on the offensive.  Miz hits a big Hogan leg drop for 2.  Cena hits the Throwback and goes up top.  Miz crotches him and sends him to the floor.  Commercials.  Miz is on Cena’s back in a sleeper hold.  Cena backs Miz into the corner to escape.  Cena goes for a bulldog, but Miz throws him.  Miz boots Cena in the face for 2.  Miz hits Cena with a knee lift from the outside, then hits the bottom rope decapitator.  Cover gets 2.  Miz hits the corner clothesline for 2.  Miz goes for it again, but Cena avoids it and makes his comeback.  Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Miz counters with the reverse DDT backbreaker/neckbreaker for 2.  Cena counters the Skull Crushing Finale and locks in the STF.  Miz gets a rope break.  Miz hits a big boot for 2.  Cena tries for the Attitude Adjusment again, but Miz escapes and bails.  Daniel Bryan runs out and attacks Miz, then throws him back into the ring.  Miz wins by DQ in 13:03.  Cena gives Miz the Attitude Adjustment.  Bryan locks Miz in the LeBell Lock until referees force him to break.

Tonight, Randy Orton vs. John Morrison vs. Ted Dibiase Jr.!  Commercials.

WWE Rewind: The Divas swimsuit stupidity from 2 weeks ago, including sexual tension between Tamina and Santino Marella.

Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Marella vs. Jimmy & Jey Uso (w/ Tamina).  Jimmy acts scared of Santino before they finally lock up.  Usos beat up Santino.  Santino tries to make a comeback, but fails and gets beaten up by Jimmy some more.  Jimmy holds Santino in a front face lock.  Kozlov tries to get the crowd behind Santino.  Jimmy decks Kozlov to no effect.  Jey and Kozlov tag in.  Kozlov runs wild.  Santino clotheslines Jimmy out of the ring.  Jey kicks Santino in the gut to send him out.  Kozlov hits the Iron Curtain on Jey for the pin in 2:59.  Inoffensive comedy.  Tamina tells Jimmy not to beat up Santino after the match, then she helps him up.  Tamina blows Santino a kiss.

This Week In WWE History: “The Big Event” from August 1986 at the Exhibition Stadium in Toronto.

Orton vs. Morrison vs. Dibiase is NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion Sheamus is back in his fancy throne.

Triple Threat Match: Million Dollar Champion Ted Dibiase Jr. (w/ Maryse) vs. John Morrison vs. Randy Orton.  Entrances, then commercials, then the match starts.  At least they didn’t JIP us.  Sheamus gets up and leaves.  Maryse distracts Morrison, allowing Dibiase to cheap shot him.  Orton beats up Dibiase.  Morrison pulls Dibiase outside and hits the Flying Chuck from the apron.  Orton and Morrison lock up and go at it.  Orton grabs a chin lock.  Morrison fights out and lands a kick.  Dibiase saves and sends Morrison outside, then kicks Orton in the head for 2.  Orton and Dibiase brawl.  Morrison comes in and gets hit with a backbreaker from Dibiase for 2.  Morrison hits a jawbreaker.  Orton wakes up and powerslams both of them in quick succession.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER on Dibiase.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Orton ducks it and hits Dibiase with the DDT OF MURDER anyway.  Orton goes for the RKO, but Dibiase pushes him into a kick from Morrison.  Dibiase low bridges Morrison out of the ring and goes from Dream Street on Orton, but Orton counters.  Morrison springboards, but Orton catches him in mid-air with the RKO for the pin in 4:46.  Fine little match.  Orton RKOs Dibiase after the match for good measure.

Josh Matthews interviews WWE Champion Sheamus, who says he’s made his decision already.  He’ll announce it NEXT!  Commercials.

WWE Champion Sheamus is in the ring.  He says he’s going to defend the WWE Championship RIGHT NOW against someone who’s never had the opportunity… Zack Ryder!  Ryder says Sheamus just made a big mistake and he’ll be the next champion.  Yeah, right.

WWE Championship Match: Sheamus (c) vs. Zack Ryder.  In ring intros for this.  Heh.  Sheamus hits the pump kick for the pin in 11 seconds.

Sheamus says that now he doesn’t have to defend the title for another 30 days, so he’s taking the month off.  Wade Barrett comes out and says he’s taking his WWE Championship match at Night of Champions.  Cole gets an email from the iBooker 9000 announcing that it will be a six-pack challenge match: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett vs. Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. John Cena.  The other four guys come out to the ring as their names are announced.  All 5 of the other guys surround Barrett and kick his ass, giving him a taste of his own medicine.  Sheamus throws Barrett out of the ring, then Jericho hits Sheamus with the Codebreaker.  Edge spears Jericho.  Cena gives Edge the Attitude Adjustment.  Orton RKOs Cena.  Orton stands tall as the show closes.

Alright show this week.

One Response to “WWE Monday Night Raw 8/23/10”

  1. […] Night Raw 8/17- WWE NXT 8/19- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 8/20- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/23- WWE Monday Night Raw 8/24- WWE NXT 8/26- WWE Superstars / TNA iMPACT! 8/27- WWE Friday Night Smackdown! 8/30- WWE Monday […]

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